Volume 9, Issue 3
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Transcript of Volume 9, Issue 3
Vol. 9, Issue 3 October 22, 2010 (CAPS LOCK DAY)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
(Lame pun, we know.)
Carney… Linkletter… Garfunkel...
2
Quote of the Week
Leditors to the Editor Dear Ramdiculous,
I can't find my sandals. Also,
I woke up in Clovis yesterday
with a kidney missing, did you
do that?
-Dell Hoverton
*****
Dear Ramdiculous,
Your weekly rag is nothing
but boring and pretentious
crap. So please print this letter
to validate my claim.
-J.B. Fix
*****
Dear Ramdiculous,
Train A, traveling 70 miles
per hour (mph), leaves West-
burg heading toward Eastford,
260 miles away. At the same
time Train B, traveling 60 mph,
leaves Eastford heading toward
Westburg. When do the two
trains meet? How far from each
city do they meet?
-Your high school math
teacher
Teacher—How on earth did you get this address? I’m offi-cially scared now. -Top Ed.
Dear Ramdiculous,
Do not be alarmed by our
presence. We just want to
ask your readers to answer
two questions honestly:
1.) What color are your
sister's toenails? Be specific.
2.) Whatever happened to
Alicia Silverstone?
Thank you for answering.
And don't mind the intru-
sive probing device around
your nether regions; that's
perfectly normal.
-Grand Overlord
Svn2qxxyp 12, Tertiary Ad-
junct to Vega Theta
*****
Dear Ramdiculous,
YOU have my sandals. Or
perhaps Mark does. One of
you.
-Dell Hoverton
*****
Dearest Ramdiculous,
I love you SO much. I
want you to be my hot
girlfriend. I already
bought you a swimsuit to
wear to the lake; I know
all your measurements by
heart. Come over to my
apartment later, I left you a
spare key. And please love
me the way I love you, or we
might die.
-Aldo Kelrast
*****
Dear Ramdiculous,
Okay, SERIOUSLY, where
is my kidney? I'm not kid-
ding, my skin's starting to
turn yellow. I'd walk to the
hospital, but I seem to be
missing my sandals.
-Dell Hoverton
Dell—Okay, fine, we sold your kidney for publishing money. Do you realize how difficult it is to print this paper every other week? And your sandals are your own problem. -Top Ed.
*****
Have a leditor for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at [email protected], or message him through our Facebook page. Good luck.
Vol. 9, Issue 3 Something to read in class today
R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite blood type via our email, [email protected], or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. And why exactly are you reading this fine print, anyway?
Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons
Homeboy of the world Seth Chomout
Artists and writers The Ramdiculous Goons
Should I try to do some more 25 or 6 to 4
“Teacher, I don’t wanna do this for home-work!” -Some guy I knew in junior high back in 1999
3
the incredible question
Ram of the Week: Isabel Ventura Meet Isabel Ventura. She’s cool. When we contacted her to be Ram of the Week for this week, we asked her
what she’d like us to mention about her. She responded that she works in residential programs as a P.A. She’s done it
for two years. She also wants people to attend their programs. So you’d better do it. I mean it. You had better attend these programs, be-
cause if you don’t, then YOU WILL FACE THE FULL WRATH OF THE RAMDICULOUS PAGE. And I’m being totally serious. Isabel is way too nice for her hard work to go unnoticed, so you’d better attend those programs. Just sayin’.
Want to be our Ram of the Week? Message us @ facebook.com/ramdiculous. Pictured: An awesome P.A.
4
Doing Some Art and Stuff By Thomas Nast
Today
In the park
With the trees
And the sky
I paint things.
Tomorrow
In the hallway
In the building
On the campus
I sing.
Right now
In the lab
On the library
At a quarter to five
I write some artsy prose
To make deadline. :-P
Poetry Time.
Write or draw for us! Contact us at:
[email protected] (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,
you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)
Snakes with jetpacks attack Ram Band; battle ensues per wind section began marching around in circles while their section leader shouted orders at them. By this time, the snakes were di-rectly above the stadium and were shooting fireballs into the crowd.
As chaos erupted within the mass of people, the saxo-phones stood around and com-plained about various things such as how hot the uniforms were, how nostalgia isn't what it used to be, and that the spe-cifics as to how magnets func-tion seem to be elusive.
Meanwhile, the trombones moved into a defensive forma-tion and fired flak rockets from their instruments into the sky. This was the first re-motely effective strategy, and should be noted in case of fu-ture flying-reptile attacks.
The percussion sections became jealous of the trom-bones and did some spinny things with their drumsticks, but then quickly realized that they're really not as cool as the rest of the band.
After the trombones had exhausted their ammunition, the tubas decided to get to-gether and form a giant robot to fend off the remaining aerial scale-bearers.
In doing so, however, the entire stadium was de-stroyed and the snakes de-cided to just go back home. At this time, the total cost of damages to the stadium are unreported, but we can all rest easy knowing that the Ram Band is here to protect our campus, even if that means destroying it in the process.
By Joseph L. Haydn
Who’s This? Text us your
answer! (562) RAMDIC-7 (562) 726-3427
Last week’s answer: Lord Zedd (Caleb Rodriguez got it right)
Dan
te R
esid
entia
l By
Bry
ce J.
Par
sons
During the Ram Band's halftime show at last Satur-day's football game, the sta-dium was unanticipatedly attacked by a swarm of jet-pack-wielding snakes. The snake's numbers were re-ported to be approximately nine-thousand or more. The band promptly took defen-sive measures against the flying reptiles.
The trumpets were the first to react as they pointed their instruments into the sky and bombarded the snakes with the highest notes that they could make. Unfortunately, this did ab-solutely nothing and the snakes continued to slither-fly toward the stadium.
Seeing the trumpet's brave display of fortitude, the up-
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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State. Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here. We are here for
YOU!
If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us. Via email [email protected], via phone
(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights.
ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the
Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at [email protected]
Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-
fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-
lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no
organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.
The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page
Top Ten Artworks of the world
10.) Birth of Venus
9.) American Gothic
8.) Nighthawks
7.) L.H.O.O.Q.
6.) Led Zeppelin II
5.) The dollar bill eye
4.) That sunflower one
3.) Mona Lisa
2.) Action Comics #1
1.) Lady Gaga
Motherly Advice: Insults, Shakespeare style By Mary Martin
To insult or not to insult,
that is the question. If you are
wanting to sling some arrows
out there at your worst ene-
mies, hit ‘em with some of the
best insults ever written cour-
tesy of William Shakespeare
himself. Yes, the old Bard had
a knack for humiliation.
Girls are you mad at that
favorite boyfriend? Try this
out on him from Love’s La-bour’s Lost, “His intellect is
not replenished, he is only an
animal, only sensible in the
duller parts.” If you want to
ditch the wretch, you might
prefer this one from Hamlet, “Out, you green-sickness car-
rion! Out, you baggage! You
tallow face!” That ought to get
him.
“Bloody, bawdy, villain!
Remorseless, treacherous,
lecherous, kindless villain!
– Hamlet; “You are not
worth the dust which
blows in your face.” – King Lear, or “Such is thy auda-
cious wickedness, thy
lewd, pestiferous and dis-
sentious pranks, as very
infants prattle of thy
pride.” – Henry VI, Part I. And now good offenders
of dignity, “I am damned in
hell for swearing to gentle-
men my friends, you were
good soldiers and tall fel-
lows…” – The Merry Wives of Windsor.
Guys, I know you get mad
at the ladies too, so here are a
couple for you to try. As spo-
ken in Titus Andronicus, “That kiss is comfortless as
frozen water to a starved
snake.” Oh! You really want
to get to her, tell her friends
something like this from
Much Ado About Nothing, “Being no other but as she is, I
do not like her.”
Having issues with your
boss? Use this little ditty from
Troilus and Cressida, “The
plague of Greece upon thee,
thou mongrel beef-witted
lord!” Or how about this piece
from Richard III, “Thou elvish
-mark’d, abortive, rooting
hog.” To really get under his
skin, use his mother, as in this
lovely remark from Henry VI, Part II, “ Thy mother took into
her blameful bed some stern
untutor’d churl…whose fruit
thou art…” Your boss will
never know what just hit him.
And finally for that
friend whom you just love
to hate try out some of
the se l audable quips :
Laconic Trope of the Day
Mike Nelson Destroyer of Worlds
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
“The bumbling goofball causes collateral
damage (or planetary destruction) with-
out even thinking things through… or
having a good reason... hell, it was
probably just an accident.”
Ramdiculous Observances
Saturday, Oct. 23: iPod Day (An obsolete holiday
next year)
Sunday, Oct. 24: Mother-in-Law Day (Poor you.)
Monday, Oct. 25:
Sourest Day (Immediately following Mother-in-Law Day.)
Tuesday, Oct. 26:
Time Travel Day (When this baby hits 88...you’re gonna see some
serious $#!%.)
Wednesday, Oct. 27: Cranky Co-Workers Day
(No comment.)
Thursday, Oct. 28: National Chocolates Day (Because of the forthcoming Sunday, natch.)
Friday, Oct. 29:
Internet Day (Beware the memes!)
Saturday, Oct. 30: Haunted Refrigerator Night
(Leading up to...)
Sunday, Oct. 31:
HALLOWEEN
Hereafter
1:15 4:15 7:30 10:30
Jackass 3 in 2D 1:00 3:30 6:00 8:30
11:00
Paranormal Activity 2 2:00 3:15 4:30 5:45 7:00
8:15 9:30 10:45
Red 1:10 3:00 4:10 6:15 7:50
9:15 10:55
Alpha and Omega
2:05 4:35
Easy A 7:05 9:35
Secretariat
1:05 4:05 7:45 10:50
The Social Network 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:20
My Soul to Take
1:30 4:50 7:35 10:35
Movie Times from present day
The Breakfast Club (1985) By Walter M. Waffles
I first saw this movie on
AMC when I was a teenager,
and I couldn’t believe how
accurately it portrayed my
brooding teenage angst.
Who didn’t have angst as a
teenager? I know I certainly
did. Man oh man.
Really, I could have easily
been classified as an “emo”
kid, even though I didn’t
really dress in black and wear
80s eye shadow or any of that business.
No, I had oodles of brooding
angst. Like the time I was go-
ing to ask Christie Emerson to
the senior prom, but she spat a
loogie in my face. That was a
bit of a downer for me.
Or how about when I
leaned in for my first kiss with
Jen McDoodle, and her lip
ring got caught in my braces?
The ER doctors laughed at us,
man! Jen ended up doing three
years in therapy, and every
time she sees me she has panic
attacks.
So yeah, that’s what The Breakfast Club means to me.
Walter M. Waffles is the Ram-diculous Page’s movie critic. He forgot to take his medica-tion this morning. Uh oh.
Visit the Apple
App store or the
Android Market to
download the
new Ramdiculous
mobile app!
6
Formula for doing some really neato artwork Step 1.) Buy some paintbrushes, paint, and canvas. Step 2.) Put paint on the canvas with the brush. Step 3.) Do it randomly and invent a new art style. Step 4.) ??? Step 5.) PROFIT!
xkcd By Randall Munroe
xkcd.com