Volume 8 Number 3, PDF - personaltransformation.com · ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER 45 Healing Fear...

A U T U M N 1 9 9 9

ContentsVOLUME 8 • NUMBER 3

37Healing Your Rift

with GodAn Interview with Paul Sibcy

MELISSA WEST

41Risking It All To

Really LiveRisk as a teacher

ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER

45Healing FearLearning from fearMELODY BEATTIE

48Fear, Courage and

Sage-ingAn Interview withRabbi Zalman M.

Schachter-ShalomiMARY NURRIESTEARNS

53Finding Inner

Peace By Not DoingLearn the art of stopping

and calmingTHICH NHAT HANH

55Fear, Courageand Awakening

An Interview withPir Vilayat Inayat KhanMARY NURRIESTEARNS

58Fear: The Voice

in Our HeadsFear is the root of many

problemsPETER RUSSELL

80Seasons of Life

Rhythms in life are naturalCHOGYAM TRUNGPA

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION • AUTUMN 1999

4From the Publisher

Staying on the path

6Contributors

Feature contributors

7From the Editor

What really matters

8From our ReadersLetters from our readers

11Compassion in Action

Have the Courage to Reach OutMICHALE GABRIEL

AND MELISSA WEST

13Ask the Experts

Transformation questionsanswered by leaders in the field

SUKIE MILLER, RON ROTH,

ELIZABETH HARPER NEELD

AND MARSHA SINETAR

15Transformations

Two stories of transformationALIA KAZAN AND

BETH ADAMS CAMERON

21Readers On

Oneness With NatureDANIEL CARON, DALTON

ROBERTS AND BEV ROSEN

24Pathways to Wholeness

Dare to Live ARNAND DESJARDINS

26Conscious Healing

Learning to Love Your BodyPAULA M. REEVES PH.D.

30From the HeartLove, the Greater God

RICHARD MOSS M.D.

34Transformational

PracticesAttitudes for Achieving

Inner PeaceDONALD WALTERS

62Briefly Noted

Reviews on interestingtransformational books

A U T U M N 1 9 9 9

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors tolive the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success

unexpected in common hours.—Henry David Thoreau

COVER: TONY STONE/ART BREWER

CONTENTS PAGE: TONY STONE/JACK DYKINGA

ABOVE: TONY STONE/DAVID MUENCH

AUTUMN 1999 • PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

Several weeks ago, I celebrateda rare afternoon away fromwork by attending a movie

matinee. I had read reviews, heardinterviews, and seen advertisingtouting the new movie. Although Ihad some doubts about the movie’smerits, my curiosity grew inresponse to weeks of mass mediahype and I developed an expectation

to see a wonderful movie. As I sat in the theater I realized that alongwith my doubts, I had put aside my intuition and let myself beseduced by the advertising. The movie was very disappointing.

Bright individuals work endless hours coming up with ingenuousmarketing strategies to convince us that certain products will bringus happiness. The brilliant marketers sell us on the notion that ourdeepest yearnings and desires can be bought. We are seduced intobelieving that a new car, a dream house, or a trip to France is theanswer to our hearts’ desires. While this marketing may be good forthe corporate world’s bottom line, it can derail an individual’s questfor true fulfillment.

Not that there is anything wrong with material comforts. A pleas-ing home can be nurturing and travel can introduce us to differentcultures and ways of relating to the world. But to define who we areby what we own or to seek life’s meaning in the material world is mis-guided. The world’s religions have been teaching this point for thou-sands of years, yet our society still struggles with it.

How do we stay on our path when societal forces encourage us todrop our quest for a life deeply lived and pursue a life of little mean-ing? It’s by being grounded in our essence or inner self. One way ofdoing so is to learn to listen to what has been called the still smallvoice within, the voice that knows the true way. By learning to listento our still small voice, our lives become guided and we are able todiscern the true from the false, the nurturing from the waste of time.

Being seduced by the advertising and going to a disappointingmovie reminds me how easy it is for me not to listen to the still smallvoice, and to be swept away from the nurturing. Instead of a valuable,rewarding experience that contributed to my growth and transfor-mation, my afternoon was a waste of time—except as a wake-up callto listen.

Welcome to PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION magazine. I hope thisissue reminds you to listen deeply.

Rick NurrieStearnsPublisher

TransformationPUBLISHER AND PRESIDENT

Rick NurrieStearns

EDITOR

Mary NurrieStearns

ASSOCIATE EDITOR

Melissa West

ASSISTANT EDITOR

Jan Nierling

ADVERTISING SALES

Bob Burkitt

DESIGN & PRODUCTION

Rick NurrieStearns

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Rebecca Pool

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Personal Transformation/Lotus, Journal for PersonalTransformation (ISSN 1094-9917) is published fivetimes a year (January, April, June, September, Novem-ber) by Lotus Publishing, Inc., 8210 East 71 Street#503, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74133-2948. (918)250-1445.Copyright 1999 by Lotus Publishing, Inc. All rightsreserved. No part of this publication may be reproducedor transmitted in any form or by any means, electronicor mechanical, including photocopying, recording, orby any information storage retrieval systems withoutwritten permission of Lotus Publishing Inc. Lotus Pub-lishing Inc. assumes no liability for any material pub-lished herein. All statements are the responsibility of theauthors. Personal Transformation is the registered trademark ofLotus Publishing Inc. Annual Subscription Rates are:U.S. $19.95; Canada and Mexico $24.95; Other coun-tries $29.95. Single copies $5.95; Canada $6.95. Busi-ness office, Lotus Publishing Inc., Muskogee Ok. Peri-odicals postage paid at Muskogee Oklahoma and atadditional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send addresschanges to Personal Transformation, 8210 East 71Street #503, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74133-2948.

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PersonalPublisher’s Note


RABBI ZALMAN M.SCHACHTER-SHALOMI

was for 20 years the Pro-fessor of Religion andHead of the Departmentof Near Eastern andJudaic Studies at theUniversity of Manitoba,Canada. In 1975 hebecame Professor ofReligion in Jewish Mysticism and Psy-chology of Religion at Temple Universi-ty in Philadelphia where is he currentlyProfessor Emeritus. Zalman Schachterhas also been a congregational rabbi, aHebrew school principal, a Hillel Foun-dation director, and a resource consultantand spiritual guide for individuals and forJewish communities throughout Northand South America, Europe and Israel.

PAUL SIBCY is the author of “HealingYour Rift with God, A Guide to Spiritu-al Renewal and Ultimate Healing,” and aco-founder of Integrated Heal-ing Arts, a holistic health clinicin Palo Alto, Calif., where hecounsels and teaches classes inmeditation and self-develop-ment. He is also a co-founderof Pathways to Self-Healing, anot-for-profit spiritual commu-nity offering classes and pro-grams for God-realization. Helives in San Francisco.

PETER RUSSELL earneddegrees in theoretical physicsand psychology and a master’sdegree in computer science, both atthe University of Cambridge, Eng-land. He later went to India wherehe explored meditation and Easternphilosophy. Russell, a futurist, wasone of the first to introduce per-sonal development programs tocorporations in the 1970s. Hisbooks include “The Global Brain,”

“The Upanishads,” and “The CreativeManager.”

PIR VILAYAT INAYAT KHAN is theeldest son and spiritual successor to Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan, who foundedthe Sufi Order in the West in 1910. Pir

Vilayat studied psychol-ogy and philosophy atthe University of Parisand did post-graduatework at Oxford Univer-sity. He became head ofthe Sufi Order in 1956.He lives in Paris and theUnited States.

ORIAH MOUNTAIN

DREAMER, author of“The Invitation,” leads

workshops, ceremonies and retreatsthroughout the United States andCanada.

MELODY BEATTIE is the best-selling author of “Codependent NoMore,” “The Language of LettingGo,” “Journey to the Heart,” “StopBeing Mean to Yourself,” “BeyondCodependency,” and other titles. She

lives in southern California.THICH NHAT HANH is a

Vietnamese Buddhist monk,poet, peacemaker, andauthor. He is the founder ofVan Hanh Buddhist Uni-versity in Saigon and hastaught at Columbia Univer-sity and the Sorbonne. Heserved as chair of the Bud-dhist Delegation to theVietnam War and was nom-

inated by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,for the Nobel Peace Prize. His 35 booksinclude “Living Buddha Living Christ,”“Old Path White Clouds,” and “BeingPeace.” He lives in France, where heheads the monastic community known asPlum Village.

RABBI ZALMAN M. SCHACHTER-SHALOMI

TransformationContributorsPersonal

THICH NHAT HANH

ORIAH M. DREAMER

PAUL SIBCY

PIR VILAYAT KHAN

PETER RUSSELL


“What matters most?” and “Doesmy life reflect that which ismost important?” are two

questions that lead to transformation when theyare contemplated and then acted upon. Somehow,no matter what the contents of this magazine are,it brings us face to face with these questions.

I know that PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION impactsme, but how it does is always a surprise. Whileworking with this issue, particularly the materialabout courage and oneness with nature, I foundmyself wanting to be with my German shepherdmore. Stargirl walked up our lane and into ourlives eight years ago as a starving dog. She fol-lowed me around and found her way into myheart. Although she is still a good-looking dog,genetics and malnutrition have eroded her hipsand for the past two years she has had to havedaily pain medication. To the amazement of herveterinarian and myself, her mood is generallyhappy and her spirit sweet and gentle.

She takes daily excursions, although painfulflare-ups limit her outings. During those timeswhen she lays and moans, I wonder if she is readyto pass on from this life. The vet says, “Not yet,she will let you know when” and I know he isright.

The lessons she teaches me are many. She gives me courage. If she can be optimistic

about life, even when it is painful, I can also. Weneed mentors in our life to help sustain us throughrough times, and we never know when one willappear in our driveway. We just have to stay opento the possibility. Courage mentors show us theway; they teach the way of the open heart—the joyof companionship and the pain of compassion.

Stargirl helps keep my heart open to love, eventhough I occasionally groan when her medicalexpenses pinch our purse or when I selfishly wishthe inevitable would hurry up, just to ease myache. Those moments reveal to me ways in whichI could close my heart to what is truly important.Better to acknowledge and love even thoseresponses and keep moving toward courage.

She teaches me about limitation and helpless-

ness. Although I dowhat I can to keepher comfortable,her life is not in myhands. That’swhere couragecomes in again. Allwe can ever do iswhat we can, lettingour actions be guided by what matters most, neverknowing what lies ahead.

Stargirl reminds me how temporary life is andhow each day matters. Stephen Levine said, “Theacknowledgment of impermanence holds within itthe key to life itself.” I never know if the nextpainful episode will result in her final trip to thevet’s office. She doesn’t fret though, she just takeswhat comes and enjoys what she can. The obviousuncertainty of her health insures that I don’t takeher for granted, and every hug feels special. Theeffect spills into other relationships, often makingthose hugs more dear as well.

She helps me to know how precious the gift oflife is and that the way life is lived makes it pre-cious. I don’t know how she approaches death. Idon’t know if dogs confront death in a soul-searching way. I know that watching her physicaldeterioration causes me to examine death andlife—what gives me a sense of meaning, what Ivalue.

The impact this issue has on you will be forth-coming. You will discover words that touch you;how and when they work on you is as yetunknown. In some way, you will feel somethingand learn something that draws you closer to theheart of the matter of your life.

Blessings along the way.

Mary NurrieStearnsEditor

Editor’s Note


E N R I C H I N G

Thank you for your continuedcommitment to producing a high-quality magazine that providesstimulating and inspiring resourcesfor our spiritual journeys.

Having subscribed to your mag-azine almost from the beginning,and having followed your strugglesto continue publication, I trulyappreciate the two of you and oth-ers—unknown to me—who havefelt called, and are gifted for thisform of service. For several yearsbefore I discovered LOTUS/PERSON-AL TRANSFORMATION, I subscribedto other periodicals seeking thetype and quality of publication youprovide. I would like to share withyou some of the ways PERSONAL

TRANSFORMATION has enriched mylife and the lives of friends and fam-ily.

This morning as I read Mary’sinterview with Basil Pennington, Ithought of my Christian roots.

Human words and interpretationsare not always the same, and I haddifficulty accepting the religion ofmy childhood. However, my questfor Truth has taught me to see andappreciate the core truths that lie atthe heart of that religion and themany others that we are exposed toin your magazine. And so, we thankyou for your gift to your readers ofa broad perspective.

At 59, I am the elder member ofa three-generation household.Recently, during a vacation withfamily and friends, I read excerptsfrom Mary’s interview with WayneMuller, “A Time of Sacred Rest,”during a time of group meditation.It seemed the perfect reminder atthe beginning of our vacation.

I welcome the opportunity toshare your magazine with inter-generational friends. A year ago Igave a subscription to one friendfor her 65th birthday. At Christ-mas, I gave a subscription to a 17-year-old friend. Mary’s interview,several years ago, with JudithOrloff had come to mind when thisfriend experienced psychic dreams.Reading Dr. Orloff s book, “Sec-ond Sight,” was life transformingfor this multi-talented young per-son. I believe it brought both herand her parents a sense of easeabout what had initially been astartling experience.

And so, you see, we use andappreciate the work you do. Whilewe recognize that it involves strug-gle, we trust that it also brings youjoy. As you support us, we also seek

Letters From Readersm

READERS ON…DO YOU WANT TO SHARE yourinsights and reflections with otherPERSONAL TRANSFORMATION read-ers? We want to know about yourtransformative experiences—whatyou learned, how you changed andhow these aspects of transformationaffected you and the way you relateto life. Send us a 400-500 wordessay on one of the followingaspects of transformation.

RELATIONSHIP AS TEACHER—HEALER, being with a loved onethrough crisis or death, an inspiringrole model, or mentor, etc. DueSeptember 13, 1999.

FORGIVENESS—being forgiven byanother, forgiving someone, theprocess of forgiving yourself, etc.Due November 5, 1999.

Send manuscript, your address, anddaytime phone number. Essayschosen for print will receive twofree gift subscriptions. (Please note:Manuscripts will be edited andcannot be returned.)

LETTERS —EDITOR

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

8210 EAST 71 STREET #503TULSA OKLAHOMA 74133-2948

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WEB ADDRESS —personaltransformation.com

P L E A S E T U R N T O P A G E 6 6


Michale Gabriel’s life changed one night lastsummer. Gabriel, a professional storyteller,attended a colleague’s presentation about

her trip to Iraq. Gabriel, appalled at the slides of suf-fering caused by disease, starvation, and total infra-structure collapse stemming from the Gulf War sanc-tions, felt a strong bodily sensation, as if the Iraqi chil-dren were calling her to come.

Gabriel knew that going to Iraq placed her in muchgreater physical and legal danger than any of her previ-ous citizen diplomacy trips. However, she was moreconcerned about whether she could witness the suffer-ing in Iraq. “I kept asking myself, ‘Is my heart going tobe able to take this?’ I had never seen children dyingneedlessly from malnutrition or lack of medication. Iknew, though, that I had to go. My commitment for thelast thirty years has been to advocate for the rights ofchildren to tell their stories and have meaningful lives,and here were children who were not being allowed todo that.”

Knowing she was committing felonious civil disobe-dience by traveling to a country embargoed by theUnited States, Gabriel left last fall for Iraq with aChicago-based nonviolent activist group called Voicesin the Wilderness, suitcases stuffed with medical sup-plies, clothing, and toys, crayons, and paper for thechildren.

Toxic smells assaulted Gabriel when she arrived in

Baghdad. Serious pollution of the Tigris and Euphratesrivers, thick smog from cars gone unrepaired for nineyears, and raw sewage flowing in streets where childrenplayed shocked her. Gabriel spent the next two weekstouring hospitals, dispensing supplies, and going frombed to bed listening to people’s stories with the aid ofan interpreter. “One mother I talked to had such suf-fering on her face, sitting beside the bed of her fouryear old. The child was hooked up to an IV, getting acancer treatment. The mother told me that when thisbag was gone she was taking her child home to diebecause she had no means for procuring more plateletson the black market. Her family had already sold every-thing they owned to get the child this far.”

Gabriel felt helpless to change the misery aroundher, but hoped that by being present and bearing wit-ness to the children’s suffering, and carrying the storiesback to America, she could bring some degree of heal-ing to the wards of brokenhearted people. “As a story-teller, I know the power of stories. We are all stories inprocess, touching each other’s lives and becoming partof their stories as a result. My own prayer was, ‘Let mebe present for these people in such a way as to becomepart of their stories.’ Not me personally, but me sym-bolically, because I know I represented other Ameri-cans in this. I wanted Iraqis to know that all Americansaren’t oblivious to their incredible suffering.”

The language barrier, she found, was really no bar-

Have theCourage toReach OutM I C H A L E G A B R I E L

B Y M E L I S S A W E S T

Compassion in ActionMICHALE GABRIEL WITH YOUNG IRAQI GIRL

rier at all; much of the communica-tion was nonverbal. In a maternityand pediatric hospital in Baghdadwith 100 sheetless beds and 300patients, Gabriel spent time with amother who had just been told herseven-month-old fetus was deadfrom malnourishment. “I didn’tknow what else to do, so I just heldher in my arms. When I began tostroke her face she told me in Ara-bic, ‘When you touch me like that,you make the pain go away.’ I knowshe will never forget this child thatshe’s lost. All I can pray is thatsomehow in the midst of all thatgrief and devastation, she willremember that it was an Americanwoman who held and caressedher.”

Gabriel assisted in the birth of achild in another hospital. As sheheld the newborn baby, Hebe—“gift” in Arabic—she thought,“This baby invites us all to ask deepquestions: Do we realize that ouractions have worldwide implica-tions? Do we know that if wediminish anyone in the world inany way, we are also diminishingourselves?” She realized it didn’tmatter whether the child was fromBaghdad or Littleton, Colorado;what was important was that chil-dren feel connected to thosearound them. “We are so discon-nected, disconnected within our-selves and disconnected with thosearound us. I realized I was in Iraqto build connections, bridgesbetween each other, through sto-ries as a tool of transformation andhealing.”

“A child back in America oncesaid that if there were no stories,there would be no world, becausethe world is made up of stories. It isour ability to speak our stories anddeeply hear others’ that allows us tocreate the common bonds between

us. When we skim through life anddon’t take the time to deeply listento each other, we feel disorientedand lost. If we choose to look at theworld as a human family, and thereis one part of our family we’re notlistening to, what is that doing notonly to them, but to us as well?”

The time spent in Iraq deeplyaffected Gabriel’s spirituality. “Ithink God views us all as one; we’reall part of creation. Going to Iraqwas like claiming a part of myself.The gift of story is a God-givengift. When I tell stories, or listen tothem, I feel this incredible connec-tion with spirit. I am so grateful forthe gift of being able to touch oth-ers’ hearts through storytelling, andto help people reconnect with theirown heart by telling their stories,and being deeply listened to. I keptthinking about Mother Teresa andhow she saw Christ in every person.I could look at these children andthink, you are making a sacrifice tohelp us wake up. I promised themin my heart that I would wake upfor having been with them.”

Gabriel found that returning tothe United States was, in someways, far more difficult than beingin Iraq. “Even now, when I’m look-ing at well-fed children in a store orat a park I just start crying, remem-bering the starving children in Iraq.The Iraqis are a noble and gener-ous people, and I sat in livingrooms of little hovels with broken-down sofas as they served me tea. Itbreaks my heart to remember thelaughter and smiles of those chil-dren and those brave mothers. Itwas such a reminder to me that itisn’t what we have materially, it’swhat we have spiritually, and I wit-nessed the presence of spirit sostrongly through those people.

“I’ve had to recognize that griefis part of life; it deepens us and



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Understanding SiblingDeathMy sister unexpectedly died a few yearsago. My acute grief has subsided but Istill wonder about what happened to her.Sometimes I sense her and feel a con-nection, as if she is still here. Other, olderfamily members have died and I don’texperience them, except in my memoryand in my heart. I don’t know what tomake of this. How can I understand this?

SUKIE MILLER: I am sorry to hearabout your sister’s death and not sur-prised that she may still be “with you.”With the exception of the loss of a child,the loss of a sibling is a most difficultdeath from which to heal. That your sis-ter’s death was a sudden one, sadly,compounds the difficulty. According toother cultures and esoteric lore, thenature of your sister’s death makes it anespecially confusing time for her as wellas for you. Your wondering is wellfounded. First some information andthen some advice:

The death of a contemporary, unlikethe death of a parent, uncle, aunt, orgrandparent, is in no way expected. It isthe natural order of life that other mem-bers of our original family will die beforeus. But not a sibling. We aren’t preparedfor the loss of a brother or sister.

Again, different from the case withother family members’ deaths, the deathof a contemporary evokes our own mor-tality. We are shaken by such a deathlike none other and we are affected bysuch a death as a mirror of ourselves andwhat is to come.

If we add to these facts the sudden-ness of your sister’s death, then you areup against not only your grief, your ownmortality, and your lack of preparedness

ASKTHE

EXPERTSLLEEAADDEERRSS IINN TTHHEE TTRRAANNSSFFOORRMMAATT IIOONNAALL FF IIEELLDD AANNSSWWEERR YYOOUURR QQUUEESSTT IIOONNSS

ADVICE ON HOW TOCHOOSE BETWEEN JOBAND A YEARNING FORFULFILLMENT.

DESCRIBES THE MANYFORMS PRAYERCAN TAKE.

Sukie Miller Ph.D.,founded and directsthe Institute for the

Study of the After-death, which con-ducts research on

what may happen tous after we die.

SEND YOUR QUESTIONS TO:ASK THE EXPERTS

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

8210 EAST 71 SUITE 503TULSA OK 74133

Rev. Ron Roth, Ph.D.teaches modern mysticismand healing through prayerto people of all faiths, andconducts seminars, work-

shops, and spiritualhealing retreats.

Marsha Sinetar, Ph.D.is an educator, corporateadviser, and best-sellingauthor who lives in the

Pacific Northwest.

Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D.teaches spiritual seminarsand retreats and is the lay

director of Women’s RetreatMinistry at a church in

Houston, Texas.

EXPLAINS THE STRONG CONNECTION FELTEVEN AFTER A SIBLING DIES.

SURVIVING THOSESPIRITUAL “DRYSPELLS.”

for such a death, but also what isbelieved to be her experience aswell. You are right when you sayyou don’t know what to make ofthis. It is different from otherdeaths you have experienced.

According to lore, a suddendeath is a most difficult death forthe person who has died. They toohave had no time to prepare. Theytoo were not expecting the event. Itis believed that those who suffersudden death “hang around” thosepeople and places familiar to themin their lives longer than otherswho die. They are said to do thisbecause they are both gettingaccustomed to the fact that theyare, in fact, dead, and because theyare a little lost and not sure whereto go. I think this lore may accountfor your sensing her. The experi-ence, as you wisely delineate, is dif-ferent than remembering.

I hope this helps you understandthe differences between your expe-riences of those you love who havedied.

Now for some advice and this is,if you will, “two-way” advice.

First, are you ready for your sis-ter to move on? If you are, then Iwould suggest the following:

Find a quiet and peaceful place.Find a quiet and peaceful time.Speak to your sister. You may wantto hold a recent photo of her orimagine her in your mind. Call hername and when you “sense her” or“feel connected” to her, explain toher that she has died and how shehas died.

Tell her that it has been a fewyears since she died and that it istime now for her to make her jour-ney. Tell her that it is said that peo-ple who love her and who are alsodead are waiting to greet her andshow her the way. Tell her she willbe fine and that it is said that the

journey is an interesting one.If there is unfinished business

between you and your sister,resolve it with her in your imagina-tion. Take time to say goodbye toher, especially if you had no oppor-tunity to do this when she died.Then, direct your sister to head forthe light that is there and tell herthat the light will guide her.

If, after you do this, you contin-ue to sense her, just visualize herand remind her to “go for thelight.” It is said that this will helpher find her way.

If you are not ready for your sis-ter to move on, find out why. Pro-longing these feelings is not helpfulfor either of you.

Thank you for writing andthank you for allowing me toanswer your important question.

A Spiritual “Dry Spell”I continue with my daily prayer andmeditation time, even though myinner life feels arid. For the past fewmonths, I can find no peace or spiri-tual connection, whereas my spiritu-al practice usually centers and nour-ishes me. I go about my daily busi-ness, but something is missing and Idon’t know what it is. There havebeen no changes in my life, whichuntil now, seems fulfilling. Anyadvice?

ELIZABETH

HARPER

NEELD:One of the firstimages I thinkabout when Ihear that ques-

tion is my grandfather, who was afarmer in middle Georgia. When Iwas a little girl, I spent much of thesummer there. I would help him setout potato eyes, sweet potato slips,gather the corn from the cornfields,and check the progress of the cot-

ton as it was growing. I would thinkabout the long growing season,after the seeds were put in theground or the slip was put in theground or the potato eye was plant-ed. It looked as if nothing was hap-pening, particularly when the seedswere underground and we couldn’tsee any growth. And yet, the exactright thing was happening duringthat period.

I believe out of my own experi-ence that in those arid periods, inthose times when it is dry and weexperience no movement and noconnection with the sacred that wehave felt in the past, the right thingis happening. It’s happening inter-nally, at a very deep level. Whenthat period—whether it’s an innergrowth period, a transformationperiod, a reshaping of some of ourinner life—ends, then we enter thenext phase, just as my grandfather’splants entered the next phase andthere would be visible growth. Thisled to the harvest, and the greatbaked sweet potato that we wouldslather butter on, or the Irish pota-toes my grandmother would whipup to make potatoes and gravy. Aswith the seeds we planted in thesoil, we don’t know what is hap-pening during some of the growthtimes, yet what is happening is pos-itive and appropriate for our ownindividual lives, our own growth,our own transformation, our owndevelopment.

I believe everyone who dedicatesherself or himself to a spiritualpractice has these “dry spells.” I’venever met anybody yet who doesnot go through these arid periodsat some point in their journey.

A second thing I think of inregards to these dry periods alsorelates to my grandfather’s farm. Ithink of how, even decades ago,long before we knew as much as we


Ask The Experts

know now about crop rotation andletting the field rest, my grandfa-ther knew instinctively to let a fieldlie fallow during a planting cycle,or sometimes, for two or threeyears. I can remember asking him,“Grandpa, why don’t you havesomething planted over here? Youdid last year when I was here.” Andhe would say, “The land is resting.”We know now how important it isto rotate the crops and feed thesoil, so I also think about that inrelation to the times that we don’tfeel anything, the times when wearen’t stimulated to sparkling newgrowth, and we feel disconnected.It helps me to think that perhapsthis is a fallow time in my spirit, aresting time, even though I don’tfeel restful internally.

Another way to think about thisis that it is very pensive to measurethe impact of our daily spiritualpractice by feeling or by externalhappenings or by a feeling of flowor a feeling of being in sync. Ofcourse, those are luscious timeswhen we feel that, but no matterhow dedicated we are to a spiritualpractice, we don’t always experi-ence that.

I’ve been committed to a dailyspiritual practice since 1980, and ittruly has had ebbs and flows, timesthat were like a wonderful springrain and times of dryness that werelike a drought. I’ve learned over theyears that the inner work is beingdone no matter how I experiencethings externally or how I experi-ence things emotionally. The valueof this daily spiritual practice, thisquiet time and prayer, is there andis building, no matter what myexperience of my external life or myemotional life might be. The way Iknow that for myself is that steadily,over the years, there has been acontinuing increase in my having a

sense of certainty that no matterwhat happened to me in life, Iwould be sustained. We all have sadthings that happen, tragedies, hor-rifying things, things we don’t liketo have happen. One of the long-term outcomes of my daily spiritu-al practice—through the ebbs andthe flows, the ups and the downs,the feeling good about it and thenot feeling good, the feeling con-nected and the not feeling connect-ed—has been and continues to bean increased certainty that I will beguided, sustained, encouraged, andgiven wisdom on how to deal withwhatever came my way in life.

Confused About Prayer I’m confused. I read that true prayeris resting in silence, being with God,waiting for the word of God; howev-er, I come from a tradition that peti-tions God for healing, protection, andwisdom. Am I imposing my ego anddesires on God’s will when I petitionGod for help? How should I pray?

RON ROTH:Basically, mydiscovery is thatprayer is not amatter of doingas much as it’s amatter of being.

For example, in some specific situ-ation, if there is a real need to peti-tion, then petition. But if you feelthat in this moment of consciouscommunion with God, you’d liketo just express your gratitude, thenexpress gratitude. This is more amatter of heart than words. It’s amatter of talking, listening, andsometimes just being receptive andopen to the divine grace that fillsthe universe. Prayer is about beingopen. It’s about being receptive tothe light energy of God, which islove. To be filled with God, I haveto first empty myself, and I can


begin to catch the wisdom of God,the counsel of God, the health, theprovision of God, all that’s neededin life. My intuition starts to openup. Pray whatever you’re feeling atthe moment. It’s not the form thatmatters. It’s the feelings of theheart, that conscious connectionwith the divine.

It is sometimes difficult to knowif petitionary prayer is an expres-sion of selfish desire. I tell peoplethat if you don’t get an answer, it’sprobably ego. Now, that may seemflippant, but there are times whenyou just don’t know. If it’s comingfrom the person’s heart—you don’thave money and need to eat—thenit’s not ego, that’s coming from theheart. It’s not praying for moneyjust to be rich. I go back to theancient sacred languages of San-skrit and Aramaic. The word forprayer in Aramaic, slotcha, actuallymeans setting a trap. What thatmeans is setting your mind like atrap to catch the thoughts of God.In Sanskrit, the word is pal-al, andit means to see yourself as won-drously made. This is the essenceof true prayer. If you’re truly pray-ing, moving through these forms ofprayer, you begin to feel an energyrising that’s enhancing your self-esteem, you’re beginning to seeyourself as worthy in the eyes ofGod. For most people, their diffi-culty with prayer comes becausethey don’t feel God is going toanswer because they’re not worthy,perhaps because they’ve donesomething wrong in the past.

The intent of prayer is to have aconscious connection with thedivine, the energy of God, the spir-it of God, the love of God, that notonly fills the whole universe, but isat the center of every individual’sbeing. It is to make that consciousconnection so that as you

encounter obstacles and traumas inlife, you have a tool to combat thefears, anxieties, and worries thatconfront everyone, even the holiestperson on earth.

There are many methods ofprayer. Prayer can take variousforms; with Catholics, it might berosary beads; with Hindus, it mightbe mala (phonetic) beads; somemay say the names of God outloud, or chant it or whisper it; somemay read sacred writings. Prayercan be vocalization, or as simple astaking a deep breath and bringingan affirmation to mind, “I ambreathing in the love of God, I ambreathing out the fear.” Or, “I ambreathing in divine health, I ambreathing out sickness.” Many reli-gions emphasize the meditativeaspect of prayer because that’swhen you have to shut up and lis-ten, and that’s where the guidancecomes. Finally, there is the prayerof service, epitomized by the prayerof Saint Francis, “Make me a chan-nel of your peace.”

I Don’t Love My JobMy employer, a large corporation,provides ample income and benefitsthat provide well for my family. Myfamily is my top priority, yet my job isunfulfilling. My heart yearns to be aneducator with inner city youth, butthe money is not there. Seems that Ihave to choose between two priori-ties, my family and my career. Whatdo you advise?

MARSHA

SINETAR: Asyou mull overyour bestoptions, hereare some con-siderations to

add to your stew of thoughts: First, there’s a hidden blessing

in being faced with a dilemma such


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Ask The Experts


High up here in my oak tree. Strong. Solid. Sounlike me at this time… so small and frail…here in my sacred place I am nestled in giant

branches. Held… like I am never held by anyone. Highabove them all, I am safe, without a care in the world…except perhaps I wish mom and I saw eye-to-eye moreoften. But here I am with my reverie. Free to dreamand plan the life that lies ahead… the children I’ll have,and how happy I’ll be, and of course how healthy.

Twenty years fly by like the pages of a book turn-ing… all the plans, schemes, hopes, dreams… loves andlosses… I am happy with my life and have found joy

and creativity working in theater with disabled adults,and music therapy for children. But I have no childrenof my own.

Then things change. A lump in the breast, but I’monly 32! And I’m a vegetarian, and I meditate, and pray!

Two men in white coats enter the ward, looking atthe ceiling. Wringing hands. Shuffling feet.

“I, er, don’t know how to say this.”“It’s okay,” I tell him, “I think I know what you’re

trying to say” (always ready to comfort others.) “Am Igoing to die?” (My heart is pounding but I don’t flinch.)

Silence.

Hoping to Live,Preparing to Die

A L I A K A Z A N

Readers Transformations

ALIA KAZAN IN THE PARK

T O S U B M I T Y O U R S T O RY S E E PA G E 78

“It’s a tumor,” says the otherman. A lump rises in my throat,thoughts compete for space in myhead.

Tumor…? I don’t know thismeans cancer!

The night before surgery Idream. I fall over a cliff into a rag-ing river fearful… but I am sweptto safety.

“Well, I would plan three to sixmonths at a time,” he speaks blunt-ly. “There are cells in the blood-stream.”

“Cells?” (Aren’t there meant tobe cells there?)

Agonizing silence. They turn ontheir heels and leave. I think aboutyesterday. An eternity passes. I feelnumb. A nurse arrives. She looksyoung. Embarrassed. She takes myhand and I collapse into tears.Tears of self pity, tears for everyloss I’ve ever known. I fear thatothers may treat me differently, ortiptoe around me.

I’m told I have a two percentchance of living three more yearswithout treatment. Perhaps fiveyears with it! It’s too late for any-thing but chemotherapy.

Of course I ask, “Why me?” Anda thousand other questions… I hearof miracle cures and think, wellwhy not me?

I decide that cancer happened toa particular “me,” so I’ll simplychange that “me” and it won’t beappropriate any more. Naivete,

perhaps, but the doctors could offerlittle optimism….

The days that follow are a blur.Domenic, my new partner, is calm.He’s my anchor. He’s only twenty-six. He doesn’t let me see that he’sterrified! His dad died of lung can-cer a few years ago.

Would he still love me if I lost abreast? Other stresses were toomuch for a new relationship any-way, but our friendship continuesto deepen.

Twelve long years pass... years ofsolitude and contemplation, thentimes of torment and pain. Days ofstillness… nights of terror… untilthe breath was leaving my body andlife slowed down enough for me toappreciate the simple turn of a leaf.

Do I still have cancer? Yes. Eachnew tumor stealing the future,finally robbing me of both breasts.Active in the bones now for sevenyears, betraying the part of me thatstill wants to be in control. Somany questions without answers.So much gratitude for each newday.

I live my life like a prayer, learn-ing to let go of trivial concerns...each pain-free day a bonus. Focus-ing on quality, rather than quanti-ty. One day at a time. I refusedchemotherapy. Maybe it could havehelped. Really, life has become aprocess of learning to trust my owndecisions. Making choices frominstinct, not out of fear. Honoring

the “me” that is spirit, the part thedoctors rarely address.

Now I endeavor to say “Yes.”To remain open… listening to mybody’s signals, moment tomoment… trusting in God’s plan,the unfolding of my destiny. Find-ing the faith and courage to contin-ue to live with uncertainty. Asking“What really matters?”

I believe that a significant factorin my increased well-being and theunexpected long term survivalcould be attributed to several“transformational conferences” Ihave attended run by RichardMoss, MD. The energy generatedin large groups of people cannot beunderestimated when this is gath-ered and focused in sacred atten-tion.

Gradually I have learned to seemyself as far more than simply aphysical body with a named set ofmedical symptoms. To be able tosee oneself as larger than a struc-ture limited by a very bounded anddefined self-perception can be themost important tool in self-trans-formation.

Although I have not healed bod-ily, I can say that the degree ofhealing in my heart, relationships,and life in general has been farmore than I could have imaginedpossible.

To me, a life well-livedembraces and accepts the gifts andchallenges that life brings. I can


I live my life like a prayer, learning to let go of trivial concerns…each pain-free day a bonus. Focusing on quality, rather than

quantity. One day at a time. I refused chemotherapy. Maybe itcould have helped. Really, life has become a process of learning

to trust my own decisions. Making choices from instinct,not out of fear. Honoring the “me” that is spirit,

the part the doctors rarely address.

choose to live with dignity. Trulylive, not just endure, rather thanhanding over responsibility for mydecisions to family and doctors andbecoming “the victim.”

Having cancer allows me theprivilege to sit with others duringtheir time of transition… able torelate to their suffering and helpthem feel less alone. Sufferingteaches compassion, and while Ihope to live, I prepare to die! Forwhat is death but a process of let-ting go? One which we all facesooner or later.

My mother too has had cancerfor many years—a form ofleukemia. She’s a survivor like me.One of us might die soon. It couldbe me—her only daughter. I’vebeen in a Palliative Care Unit forover five months now… strangehow this illness can heal thewounds of our past. Like sistersnow, we’re on the same journey. Ina dream we look out of a huge win-dow onto a shining sea whichstretches to the horizon. A proces-sion of boats sails toward the sun-set. The masts and sails are black.Now I pray for a little more time,so that I may be there for her whenher time comes. Perhaps then shewill become the little girl and I themother. I know I will speak to herthe words that are left. The wordsthat come from the place in me thatholds the potential for the spirit ofthe oak….

In my heart I feel a tinyacorn gradually beginning to

awaken slowly, steadilyas the light starts to reach it!

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: A couple ofweeks before we went to press with thisissue, we learned that Alia had died.

TheJoy ofAnger

B E T H A D A M S

C A M E R O N

Sometimes I blow up. Lasttime it happened because weran out of ketchup. I teach

second grade and I make lists, but Ihadn’t written ketchup on the list.I reacted to my family’s criticism.“Both of you could have noticedand written ‘ketchup’ on the list,” Isaid accusingly. They sent me hos-tility and we settled down to eatmustard-pickle-lettuce burgers.

“Are you a little stressed?” myhusband ventured after four min-utes of silence. “Maybe you need aretreat.”

I stomped to the hall, checkedthe Spiritual Renewal Center flyeron the bulletin board and shouted,“There’s one called Dealing withAnger (as Anthony de Mello SawIt), but you two are the ones whoneed that.” I still resented theirbehavior. I listened to them mut-tering, returned to the kitchen andlet them talk me into spending theweekend at my favorite place.

On Friday evening, I drove toAlbuquerque’s south valley andchecked into a cozy single room.From my window I watched BlackAngus calves lazily grazing besidetheir mothers, while a pig rootedunder a sprawling Cottonwood atthe farm adjoining the dormitory.

Guinea hens keened their beckon-ing calls and a little girl in a pinkdress pumped on a squeaky swing.As shafts of evening sun filteredthrough the doorway, I feltwrapped in peace and forgot I wascapable of fits of rage.

I wandered across the meadowto the lecture hall. Sister Amada,one of four sisters who operate thecenter, warmly welcomed me.They pray for the retreatants dur-ing the week, and I felt the effect.Sister Amada explained that every-thing offered for the weekend wasoptional and we’d know what weneeded to attend. If we neededsleep, we’d sleep. A large lady inher seventies sat next to me. Shewore a flowered T-shirt and jeans.“If your mother isn’t living, this isthe closest thing to her, if not bet-ter,” she whispered.

We introduced ourselves andtold what we hoped to get out ofthe weekend, and Brother Joe, thepresenter, took notes. One personappeared truly angry. She onlyrevealed her first name, Ellie, andpulled her chair closest to the doorwhere she sat with folded arms.

Brother Joe presented a methodbased on self-awareness. Questionswere freely asked and his answers


were honest and simple. I realizedthat the process of seeing the pri-mary feeling that originated beforemy anger would involve a personalsearch. The means was throughjournaling. Already I’d let go ofsome baggage and was preparing toview my irrational reactions, as inthe ketchup incident, with honesty.

We walked to the tiny stonechapel for prayer. Evening blendedinto night while we sat in candle-light under the vigas and listened toNative American flute and relatedreadings. Ellie was the first to leave.

Energized by the challenge ofthe weekend, I raced to the dormi-tory where coffee, tea, and snackswere provided. I’d much rather talkabout the method than have toapply it. Like the cartoon showingtwo doors. The first door is labeled“Heaven” and the second “Talksabout Heaven.” No one is lined upbehind the first door, but there’s along line behind the second. Sevenof us talked for an hour before Itook a night walk around the com-pound. I gazed at the nearly fullmoon and fell under the Center’shypnotic spell. My resentmentspaled while I watched clouds driftacross the sky.

I woke gently to the sounds ofclassical guitar. On the lawn, Mark,who drove eighty miles to attendthis retreat, sat cross-legged andstrummed. I quickly dressed andnoticed a note had been tuckedunder my door. “Call home.”Grabbing coffee before morningprayer, I met Ellie and brieflytalked. Her face reddened whiledescribing three harassment suitsshe’d filed. She believed in revengeand intended to get a lawyer andreturn to court. Nervously shuf-fling from foot to foot, I avoidedlooking directly in her eyes, afraidI’d intimidate her. Her agitation

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The Teachings of ManateesThe morning was cold and still, not what you

would expect for Florida weather. Pelicansskimmed above the tranquil river, eyeing schools ofMullet and Jacks. The rising sun reflected beams oflight dancing across the water, magnifying the steamdrifting off the surface to meet the chilly morning air.

I come here every year to introduce college stu-dents to endangered West Indian manatees and alsoto learn something about manatee play and thestrength found in their gentleness. Over the past tenyears, the trips have become less of an introductionand more of a peaceful pilgrimage for me, althoughevery trip feels as if it were my first.

We gather our snorkeling gear, disposable water-proof cameras, and towels into the small Johnboat andproceed at a snail’s pace down the river toward themanatee refuge. Anchoring in the soft river bottom,we all look at each other in silence as if to ask, “Who’sgoing to be the brave one to jump in first?” As usual,it’s me: not out of bravery but more from the excite-ment. The chilly river water gushes down the back ofmy wet suit as every muscle in my body tenses. A fewkicks of my fins and I am off. Soon everyone is in,experiencing a baptism by cold water.

We lazily swim over to the refuge buoys, a roped-off safe zone to keep people and boats away from themanatees. This is where manatees know they are safe,

Readers On

Oneness With Naturem

somehow understanding that peo-ple cannot follow them into thearea. We float at the edge of therefuge, inviting any and all mana-tees to come out and play with us.

The students are surprised whenan infant manatee curiouslyapproaches us. The baby is not yet askilled swimmer. The mother man-atee is not far away as the babymoves slowly toward us. When theinfant knows it is safe, it swims upto my mask, displaying the white ofits eye. It then looks me over, peer-ing into me with brownish bluepupils signaling that it understandsmy intention to play. Within amoment, we slowly exchange touch.It reaches to me with a waving flip-per, my hand outstretched, yearn-ing for contact. The baby circles meand, in a gesture of trust, rolls ontoits back as I scratch its gray, coursebelly. The baby then quietly swimsto the students, who react withequal delight, enthusiasm, andrespect at this gift of connection.

Several pops and whistlesemanate from the mother manateeand the baby quickly swims to herand back into the refuge. All of uslook at each other as if to questionthe reality of what just took place.A moment later, the infant dartsback to the students, recognizingnewfound friends like a child justmoving into a new neighborhood.

We spend hours floating in theriver, patiently watching for a man-atee’s invitation to play. On somedays, the invitation does not come.We are left simply watching andwaiting, guests in the home ofanother. On these days we oftenwitness other visitors to the mana-tee sanctuary who do not under-stand the importance of patience,waiting and play. In one instance aman from another boat approachesa sleeping manatee, points his

expensive underwater camera in itsface and takes a picture as the flashfires. The manatee slowly rises thenswims away. The diver has his pic-ture but at the cost of losing a pre-cious connection with the manatee.

Manatees truly are “graciouscreatures,” as a friend of mine onceput it. But what if they were not sopeaceful? What would happen ifmanatees attacked or injured peo-ple? Would we be so quick to reachout to them then? Is it their peace-ful nature that seems to draw us tothem, admire them and so desper-ately want to touch them?

Swimming out by the riverrefuge, I pause and stand in thechest-deep water. A baby swims upto me and, with an uncoordinatedswipe of its flipper, hits me in theshin, sending a shooting pain upmy leg. I groan. Sometimes, playinvolves little aches and pains.There is always the possibility ofgetting hurt or rejected whenreaching out to another in play.When this occurs, you learn to notdwell on the experience and simplycontinue playing, with those bothsmaller than you and those tentimes your size.

Minutes later, again standing inthe shallows, I am approached by alarge adolescent manatee. He is amale, over eight feet long, weigh-ing nearly one thousand pounds.Both of his flippers reach out to meas he grabs my thigh and begins toroll. The instinct that calls me topull free quickly gives way to trust,and I relax my leg. He pulls me offmy feet and rolls over me as I rollunderneath him. Laughter streamsout of my snorkel as he lets go ofmy leg, swims around me oncemore, and then disappears into theriver depths. I feel privileged to bea participant in his playful frolic.Later that day, one of the students




One day, as I was answering a question on thesubject of death, the following words came tome: “You are not afraid of death, you are

afraid of life.” Thinking over that response, I realizedhow true it was. Our fear of death is all the greaterwhen we have not dared to live. In fact, if you stop fear-ing life, you can no longer fear death because you willhave discovered within yourself what life really is. (Notyour own life, but the unique and universal life thatnourishes us.) And it becomes obvious that such life isindependent of birth and death.

Westerners commonly consider life to be the oppo-site of death, but Orientals consider birth to be theopposite of death. For them, life expresses itselfthrough a movement of perpetual change: an uninter-rupted play of death and birth. Many spiritual pathsshare this conviction. My own “guru,” Swami Prajnan-pad, gave simple examples to illustrate this: the birth ofthe child is the death of the baby; the birth of the ado-lescent is the death of the child.

Daring to live means daring to die at each moment.But it also means daring to be born—daring to passthrough important stages in life where the person youused to be dies, in order to make room for someone witha new view of the world (assuming that there are vari-ous levels before the ultimate level of Awakening). It isa case of being more and more aware that each momentyou are born and you die… you die and you are reborn.

To put it simply, daring to live also means no longerhaving the slightest fear of what we feel. I am sure thatmany of you agree with me, especially those who havebegun to discover what lies within their own uncon-scious. You are afraid of what you bear inside becauseyou cannot fully count on yourself; you know fromexperience that you tend to get yourself into situationswhich you end up bitterly regretting. But you are alsoafraid of what you carry inside because each of you, asa child, has experienced situations where the way youexpressed yourself was brutally contradicted. Your joyof living, high spirits or fervor led to catastrophe whenyou found yourself being severely reprimanded forsomething you had been so happily doing.

Perhaps through therapy you had the chance to re-experience how bewildered you were to see your par-ents overcome with anger, when you had been havingso much fun cutting up the best curtains in the housewith a big pair of scissors. I once used the shoes ofeveryone in my family for boats in the bathtub. My par-ents didn’t have much money at the time and thereweren’t very many shoes in the closet, but there wereenough for me to float. Although that sounds quiteharmless, it was an incident I re-experienced with trag-ic intensity between my mother’s despair, my father’sseverity, and my own shattered happiness. I couldn’tunderstand why something that had been such fun hadupset my mother so much. She was convinced that allthe shoes in the house were completely ruined.

It often turns out that something which was a smallincident in the eyes of the parents was actually a terri-ble event in the eyes of the child we once were. A fearof what we are capable of very quickly takes hold of us.From then on, unless our parents are particularly care-ful, we ourselves start to smother our own life force.We start repressing our vital impulses. Then, as bothpsychology and self-observation show us, our discoveryof the sexual world often takes place in an atmosphereof uneasiness, misunderstanding, and a certain guilt thataccompanies childish masturbation. The urges which

Pathways to Wholeness

Dareto Live A R N A N D D E S J A R D I N S

arise in us during adolescence,which cannot always be satisfied aswe would wish, leave us troubledand lost. We no longer completelyaccept the very powerful life forceor libido within us. Hence, in aworld of increasingly free moralstandards, where there are enor-mous possibilities for self-expres-sion and many opportunities totravel, the majority of you nolonger dare to live fully. And onceyou no longer completely assumethe life force within you, you beginto fear death. But the fear of deathis an illusion; do not be bothered bythe fear of dying. What is reallyimportant is to free yourself fromthe fear to live.

There are two faces to this fearof living: one is the fear of what isinside us; the other is the fear ofconcrete situations and of the con-sequences they can bring about.Very quickly, our fear of livingturns into a fear of suffering. Wefeel that it is better to live less, so asto suffer less. Look inside yourself;see what is there; ask yourself if thisis how you feel. Private interviewsand group meetings with those whocome here to our center haveshown me how true this is. You areafraid to live because to live meansto take the risk of suffering. Thisfear is rooted in past experience,which showed you that the moreyou lived, the more unhappy youbecame. Not only because yourenthusiasm may have led you to putshoes into the bathtub but becausewhen you fell in love at the age ofeighteen, you ended up suffering somuch. Consequently, a certain deci-sion tends to surge up inside—sometimes unconsciously, some-times quite consciously—I don’twant to suffer like that any more.”Now that is a very fine decision tomake… but it leads to another one



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Most of us yearn for an in-depth intimate rela-tionship. Deep within each of us there is anundeniable longing to love and be loved.

Scientists tell us this longing is inscribed in our DNA.We are, they say, social beings destined to seek com-munity and relationship. Then why is it that all toooften we turn a deaf ear and an indifferent heart towarda love relationship that is as close as breath and equallyas life sustaining? Daily each and every one of us isbeing courted by a profoundly wise and protectivelover. That lover is your body. Your body is not onlycommunicative but you can learn to listen and under-stand the messages. Daily, awake or sleeping, yourbody’s intelligence is speaking to you, coaxing you, urg-ing you to listen to the cellular wisdom that has beenlovingly guiding you since your conception. Momentby moment you are being led and taught in a myriad ofways through the somatic language of your matter—byyour symptoms, your embodied intuitions, your gutinstinct, your heart’s yearning, your belly full or yourcold chill, how intimately you are relating to others,and they, to you. Now on the cusp of a new millenni-um, filled with the anticipation of change and promise,we speak of soul, seek to be more soulful, retreat inorder to awaken soul, while forgetting that our body issoul’s finest emissary, capable of speaking more elo-quently and honestly of soul’s presence than any poet,teacher or scientist dare. To be consciously embodied

begins with learning to love the state you are in, to loveyour body as deeply and respectfully as you wish to beloved, and to listen intuitively to each lesson this rela-tionship offers.

Our brain does not govern who we are or what webecome. There is an older and much wiser energydirecting life and life’s purposes known as the essentialself, as the soul. Every cell in your body responds ener-getically to your relationship to your soul. If you wishto summon this precious ally take a moment andreflect upon your body’s version of soul talk, yourembodied intuition. These are the wise and bone hon-est on-going communiques you receive constantlyfrom your viscera, your spontaneous movements, yourinexplicable yet instinctual urges, and your symptoms.Body intuition is always metaphoric but never obscure.Embodied intuition gives us a clear assessment of thetrue state of our being. For example, take a momentand turn your attention toward the part of your bodyyou most dislike. It may be a minor flaw or it may be acentral feature. Now listen to what your body has toteach you about your relationship to yourself. Allowyourself to feel the indifference or intensity of feelingyou have for this rejected part of your body. Intensifythe feeling and then pretend you are nothing but thispart of yourself. Become your heavy thighs or youraging chin or your sagging stomach. Feel the qualityof this energy, the way your posture changes, your atti-tude toward yourself and even life shifts. This is a gate-way to knowing your true nature more intimately thanyou have ever dared.

All that we yearn to be or suspect we are capable ofgets hidden away, disguised by the limitations and self-criticism we imagine this terrible flaw represents.Unconsciously we ask the rejected part of our body tocarry the illusion that we are less than we are truly capa-ble of being. If you will ask yourself how your life mightchange if you love this part of your body instead, if youlisten to what it can teach you, your life will change. All

ConsciousHealingLearning

to LoveYourBodyP A U L A M . R E E V E S

the energy invested in this charadewill be freed for you to use inbehalf of self-love and self-confi-dence. Then, every time you findyourself thinking the old thoughts,assuming the old attitudes aboutyour flaw, accept this as an invita-tion to embodied love—a signalfrom your essential self that you areusing this diversion to avoid yourdestiny. Respect the reminder tolove yourself and step into life, notaway from it.

Discovering that what youthought was a weakness is really anunexplored spiritual strength isprofoundly freeing. There is anintuitive wisdom expressed by ourbody that is by its very existencehealing because it turns us towardour truth. Listening to the rejectedpart of your body can be baffling atfirst. The insights and messagesyou receive come unbidden andoften defy logical explanation. Yetyou will feel the truth of eachinsight in your bones. The samething will occur when you listen towhat a symptom can teach you, ora spontaneous movement, or evena hunch.

In my book, “Women’s Intu-ition: Unlocking the Wisdom ofthe Body,” I give many examples ofthis. Evangeline hated her heavythighs and large belly. Her sense ofdespair each time she looked in themirror cast a pall over each day.Then Evangeline agreed to becomenothing but this hated energy andlet the energy move her as shereflected upon how she felt. Whatshe discovered turned her lifearound. Embedded deep within herunconscious was her shame abouther Polish ancestry. When shetalked to her belly she learned shewas overeating to avoid this pain. Itwas only with the tough work oflearning to love her belly and

thighs that she began to appreciatethe strength of her thighs and howthey contribute to the fine athleteshe has become. Today she speaksreverently about all the years shespent trying so hard to deny whoshe truly is and how much it meansto her to love the body that ances-try has given her. What would itmean to you to believe, reallybelieve, that your body expressesthe wisdom hidden in your dreams,harbors your deepest desires andholds sacred your most profoundyearnings always?

Who am I, really?, we ask. Whatis this life all about? Often, sup-pressed tears or an aching heartaccompany the questions. Yourbody, your matter, which cannotlie, is constantly re-enacting theauthentic undisguised conditions ofyour yearning to know your essen-tial self. Your soul directs youtoward answers and a deepening ofconsciousness about your personalrelationship to the truths of yourbeing. Stand perfectly still, goinward and ask, What truly mattersmost to me? For you see, when youdo not ask this of yourself then thatwhich matters most to youbecomes the matter with you. Sogo ahead. Ask. Dare to listen toyour answer. Learn to trust the wis-dom and the rippling intuitionsfrom your body. Fall in love withyour own sweet matter. Resacralizeyour body, have a love affair withyour soul.•

Paula Reeves, Ph.D., is a workshopleader in the fields of psychology andpsychoneuroimmunology, the study ofthe biochemical relationship betweenthe mind and the body. She also is atherapist in private practice. She hasgiven presentations to, among others,the Institute of TranspersonalPsychology and the National Institutefor the Clinical Application ofBehavioral Medicine.

Mary M. HarrisAUTHOR • COUNSELOR • SPEAKER

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Fear is a universal human phenomena; one weexperience in mind, heart, and body. Fear in themind takes the form of doubt: doubt of your

capacity to meet the needs of a situation, doubt aboutwhat to put your trust in, and so forth. At the level ofthe heart, fear takes the form of anger and leads to with-drawal from relationships. We all experience self-pro-tective anger. We express it passively, by withholdinglove and by ignoring the needs of others; and actively,through aggression, attack, and judgment of ourselvesand others. The most universally-accepted notion offear is fear at the level of the body, which has to do withfear of death, suffering, and pain. Basically, it’s the sensethat your are not in control of your body, that yourbody has betrayed you. There’s also an element of fearin the aging process for many people, not only the lossof physical vitality, but the loss of mental capacity. Thefear of dementia is great in our culture. Fear at the levelof the body takes the form of dread. Dread is a paralyz-ing sense that the feeling will overwhelm you, that thisfeeling will dissolve your sense of self.

Fear is the deepest of our emotions, the most funda-mental of our emotions. It’s the most important emo-tion for us to consciously engage because it has so muchpower to rob us of our humanity: to make us cruel, todehumanize us, to disengage us from a sense of partic-ipation with life. When fear takes hold of us at a deeplevel, we feel completely separated and isolated.

Although understanding fear intellectually helps usto approach fear, to truly understand fear, you have toface fear daily. Not just stand against it, but become itsdisciple and let it teach you about who you really are.That’s where courage comes in. You have to relatedirectly with fear.

Many years ago, to tell an anecdote from my life, Imade a decision to enter a room in my house, to prayceaselessly, and to engage fear in every way that I couldremember it, think of it, or anticipate it. I did this med-itation for the better part of three days and at the end ofit, I stepped out on my porch at my house, and sudden-ly, I had a vision of fear. I realized that fear is one of thegreatest of all the gods. Fear is a god you can neverdefeat if you attempt to fight fear on fear’s level. So, Ilooked at fear and got down on my knees. I put myforehead to the deck floor, and I bowed before fear, likeyou bow before a great master, and I said, “Fear, youare a great god, I know that I can never defeat you, butI know that there is another god that is greater towhom I give myself.” While I didn’t truly understandthe implications of what I was doing or what it wouldmean, I did understand in some way that the principleof love was a greater god.

At that point, though I hadn’t fully integrated theunderstanding, I made the decision to become intimatewith fear, to look at fear directly, because in a lovinguniverse, fear is just another relationship—anotherplace to know. Of course, fear is, at times, an over-whelmingly difficult emotion, but it is not somethingthat has to divide you from yourself, from a sense ofyour own deepest I am. To evolve in consciousness isto less and less be a victim of fear. At that point, I wasonly beginning to develop some mastery, but I hadreceived an understanding of love as the foundationprinciple of our universe, not so much as human senti-ment, but of connection and relationship between allthings. Love is a greater god than fear, and therefore, ifone stands with love, one can turn toward fear. In a lov-ing universe, the principle that guides everything is

From the Heart

Love, theGreaterGodR I C H A R D M O S S

Relationships. In a universe inwhich fear is the principal god, weseek to avoid fear by sedating ordiminishing ourselves. We close offrelationships to things that fright-en or disturb us deeply, butinevitably, they catch up to us tosome extent. In a loving universe,we meet fear when fear is there.We don’t go looking to conquerfear. I never presume I’m going todefeat fear, I just presume relation-ship, I turn toward fear. I openmyself, I become alert, I sense howfear is arising in my body, in theactivity of my mind. I try to relaxinto the fear. At times, it feels big-ger than my center, but my centeris bigger than the fear, because thecenter abides in the place I calllove, the place where the universeis one great interconnected intelli-gence. Fear wants us to believe thatwe are separate, exclusively privatepsychic entities, but this is only apartial truth. We are also and pri-marily an expression of that vastwholeness.

When we are afraid, our fearsseem so concrete and we believethat this frightened person is whowe really are. In contrast, when wereach out to take the hand of love,the movement toward our real selfseems much less concrete. That is amovement in faith. There isn’t anyobvious evidence until, as faithgrows, fear becomes less a control-ling force in our lives and joybecomes a more natural force inour lives. When you reach towardthis deeper mystery called love orwholeness or source or Self, as theroot from which all experienceemerges, the movement can’t bemeasured scientifically. It’s onlyrational in the sense that the conse-quences of not having that relation-ship is to live continuously as thevictim of fear, and therefore, to


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always run from fear toward someimagined security or some imag-ined happiness.

Even while holding the hand oflove, willpower is at times neededto deal with fear. I saw StevenSpielberg’s film “Saving PrivateRyan” and the recreation of thestorming of the Normandy beach-es. I thought about these mentraining for weeks, with bravado,building up this collective sense ofwill and determination, givingmeaning to the sacrifice that theywere going to make. But imaginebeing on those boats traveling indarkness, then getting onto thelanding craft and coming towardthose beaches. There’s no way toescape fear in a situation like that.The courage to face those feelingstakes willpower. It takes the abilityto break the cycle of victimhood, ofhelplessness. It takes the capacity tosay, “Maybe I will die, I have nopower to stop that, I’ve surrenderedto my choice to be here, to facewhat I have to face without theknowledge that I will be successfulor that I will survive.”

That kind of willpower comesfrom our sense of meaning. Realcourage comes from a sense of par-ticipating in something larger thanmyself. Will is generated by realiz-ing that I’m not alone, I, with oth-ers, stand for human rights, or I,with others, stand up to fightagainst injustice. It comes from ourdeepest instincts about what istruth; that relationship and connec-tion is truer than the domination orthe diminishing of others. It comesfrom answering the questions, whoam I? what am I? why am I here inthis world? The fundamental act ofa free person is the ability to askthese kind of questions, to medi-tate, to make self-inquiry. Spiritualscriptures teach about compassion,


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Arestful heart is essential to peace of mind. Merelyto affirm restfulness, however, is like affirming

fullness in a milk pail riddled with holes. We must takepractical steps to achieve restfulness.

The yoga teachings list ten attitudes for achievingpeace of mind. Five of them are proscriptive; the otherfive, prescriptive: the “don’ts,” or yamas as they arecalled in Sanskrit, and the “do’s,” or niyamas, of thespiritual path. The importance of these attitudes is thatthey prevent our energy from “leaking” out. This theyaccomplish first by plugging the holes in the pail, andnext by helping us to accumulate the “milk” of innerpeace.

The fact that these attitudes number ten invitescomparison with the Ten Commandments of Moses.There is, however, a difference. For the yamas andniyamas are not commandments so much as recom-mendations. Their emphasis is not on what you willsuffer if you break them, but on what your benefits willbe from following them. They are directions of devel-opment. One can continue to perfect them indefinitely,until one attains spiritual perfection.

THE YAMAS

AHIMSA

The first rule of yama (control) was popularized byMahatma Gandhi. It is ahimsa (non-violence). The rea-son for this negative emphasis (it could have been trans-lated as “benevolence”) is that once a person succeeds

in banishing from his heart the impulse to strike out atothers, or to hurt them in any way (including seekingpersonal benefit at their expense), benevolence standsself-revealed as a natural quality of the heart.

The desire to hurt another living being in any way—or even to harm our environment, which too, in varyingdegrees, is alive and conscious—alienates us from oursoul-reality, and affirms the delusion of ego.

The important thing in all the attitudes of yama andniyama is not so much what we do outwardly, as ourinner attitudes of the heart. It is not possible to liveharmlessly, for example, in this world of relativities.Some harm is done, inevitably, by merely living. Everyouting in the car inadvertently causes the death ofnumerous insects. Nature herself decrees the survivalof life by the death of other life. It is a tiger’s nature tokill: Can its method of survival, then, be considered sin-ful? Murder is a sin for human beings for the primaryreason that it degrades us, at our level of evolution, tokill other human beings.

Of course, there are times, such as in a defensivewar, where killing is necessary. In every case, the essen-tial rule of ahimsa, and that which removes it from rel-ativity’s uncertainties, is that the spiritual seeker main-tain at all times a non-violent attitude.

By wishing harm to no living creature, even if itbecomes necessary to kill it, we find welling up withinourselves a consciousness of relaxed acceptance of oth-ers and of life, no matter how we ourselves are treated.When we perfect the quality of non-violence, hostilityceases in our presence.

TRUTHFULNESS

There is in this quality a subtle as well as a grossapplication. For fact and truth are not always synony-mous. A statement may be factual without bearing anyrelationship to higher truths. A person in the hospital,for example, may look quite as ill as he feels, but if youtell him, “You look terrible!” your statement might

Transformational Practices

Attitudes forAchievingInner PeaceD O N A L D W A L T E R S

actually worsen his condition. If,on the other hand, visualizing himin good health, you declare withdeep conviction, “You look great!”your words may invigorate or evenheal him.

Here is a guideline to practicingtruthfulness. Bear in mind that thetruth is always beneficial, but that astatement of fact may be eitherbeneficial or harmful. If there is achance that a statement will doharm, it must not be considered atruth in the highest sense. If youcannot speak sincerely without therisk of inflicting harm, the bestalternative is to remain silent.

Perfection in truthfulness devel-ops mental power to such an extentthat one’s mere word becomesbinding on objective events. Onehas merely to declare a thing so forit actually to become so.

NON-AVARICE

“Avarice” is not really the motjuste, implying as it does a desire forworldly gain (money, usually, orsomething of monetary value). Theyama of non-avarice implies some-thing much deeper.

What the spiritual seeker mustrenounce is the desire for anythingthat he does not acquire by merit.The implication is that if he doesmerit it, he needn’t fear that hewon’t attract it. Even if he mustwork hard to attract it, he shouldremain relaxed as to the outcome,leaving the results wholly in God’shands. “What comes of itself, let itcome” is his motto. This is a pre-scription for peace of mind evenduring intense activity.

Things are not often achievedeffortlessly. The attitude of non-avarice, then, is not to stop striving,but even in the process of strivingto renounce attachment to theresults.

The quality of non-avarice,developed to perfection, generatesa subtle magnetism that enables aperson to attract things to himselfeffortlessly. He is never anxious,then, that his needs, whatever theymay be, won’t be supplied. Theywill be, infallibly.

NON-ACCEPTANCE

A natural corollary to the yamaof non-avarice is non-acceptance,which when brought to perfection,bestows the power to rememberone’s past incarnations. To accom-plish this, we must withdraw ourconsciousness and energy from thebody and enter a state of supercon-sciousness. It is only when the soulis not identified with its presentbody that it remembers its previousidentities.

Non-acceptance, then, pairsnaturally with non-avarice. Non-avarice signifies non-attachment towhat is not our own; non-accep-tance signifies non-attachment towhat we would normally considerto be our own. The point is thatnothing, truly, belongs to us.Everything—our bodies, ouractions, our very thoughts—is theLord’s.

BRAHMACHARYA

The last yama is brahma-charya—self-control, or, more lit-erally, “flowing with Brahma (theSupreme Spirit).” Usually, thisteaching is applied to the practiceof sexual abstinence. It has also,however, a broader application. Forbrahmacharya means control ofevery natural appetite, of whichsexual desire is the strongest butnot the only one.

The ideal behind this teaching isto live identified with the Spirit,realizing ourselves as the soul livingthrough the body, and no longer as


the ego centered in body-con-sciousness. We should live in sucha way as to master our appetites,and not allow ourselves to be mas-tered by them. The importantthing is to achieve self-control, firstby moderation, directing ourefforts only gradually toward per-fect self-control.

The power that comes throughperfect control of all our naturalappetites is an accession of bound-less energy. For our energy and,indeed, all that we can express ofcreativity and enthusiasm flow themore strongly, the more we cantap the wellsprings of life withinourselves.

THE NIYAMAS

The niyamas, or “do’s,” arecleanliness, contentment, austerity,introspection (self-study, or self-awareness), and devotion to theSupreme Lord. Interestingly, thereis a complementary relationshipbetween the five niyamas and theiropposite yamas. Contentment, forexample, is complemented by non-avarice. Introspection (self-study)has a natural correlation to non-acceptance. Austerity ties in withbrahmacharya; cleanliness, withahimsa; and devotion to theSupreme Lord with truthfulness.

CLEANLINESS

Cleanliness applies to purity ofthe heart far more than to bodilycleanliness, though of course itincludes the latter. It pairs naturallywith ahimsa (non-violence), foronly by renouncing the desire to doviolence in any way to others do wedevelop that sweet innocence whichis the surest sign of a heart inward-ly pure and at peace. From cleanli-ness arises a disinterest in one’s ownbody, and a loss of the need for con-tact with others. The need for


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Cleaning a cow-fouled spring taught PaulSibcy, author of “Healing Your Rift withGod: A Guide to Spiritual Renewal and Ulti-

mate Healing,” about the spiritual life. As a youth,every hot August Paul had to dig out the spring on hisfamily’s farm, “wrangling out rocks and shovelingmud from the spring’s mouth so that clear watersprang forth again, forming a cool and inviting, rock-fringed pool from which (the cows) could drink theirfill.”

Sibcy, who grew up to co-found a holistic healthclinic, resented having to dig out the spring. He hatedthe cows for destroying their own paradise by wal-lowing in the spring and trudging through it on theway out to pasture.

Decades later, Sibcy remembered “spring clean-ing” as a powerful metaphor for his life’s calling as aholistic counselor and meditation teacher. “We

humans have a clear, pure spring in the center of ourbeings, a spring of spirit that is our reason for beinghere,” he writes in “Healing Your Rift with God.”“We somehow lose it and befoul it just as those cowsdid, mindlessly in pursuit of our dailycommerce...Taught from infancy that we mustaccomplish, earn, and ‘become somebody,’ we areessentially herded away from our inner spirit, whichseems to have no place in life. We become ‘somebody’and lose our souls.”

Sibcy writes from hard-won experience. Describ-ing himself as a “creature in pain who kept moving,”he bottomed out one lonely winter in Ogden, Utah.A profound spiritual awakening there changed his lifeand livelihood, leading Sibcy to devote himself toclearing his own inner spring and helping others dothe same. “Little did I suspect as a boy that I would becleaning out that spring for the rest of my life, eter-

Healing Your Riftwith God

A N I N T E R V I E W W I T H P A U L S I B C Y

B Y M E L I S S A W E S T

nally helping myself and others to roll away thestones from this pure fount of life so we might drinkagain the waters of our soul and be restored.”

Sibcy has found in his work over the years thatall of us, faithful seekers or otherwise, have somearea of confusion, hurt, or denial around our rela-tionship with God which keeps us from full expres-sion of our spirituality. This wound, or “rift withGod,” is the focus of “Healing Your Rift with God.”

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION caught up with Paulat his home California, where he is also a co-founder of Pathways to Self-Healing, a non-profitspiritual community offering classes and programsfor God-realization, and an adjunct faculty memberat the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION: Paul, what do youmean by a rift with God?

PAUL SIBCY: A rift is that illusion of not beingconnected with the Self, not feeling a connectionwith the universe. That’s where our pain and suf-fering come from: when my mind gets busy tryingto save me or fix me. All of that dissolves when Icome back to myself and my connection with theEarth and the spirit of life.

TRANSFORMATION: What if someone said, “Idon’t believe in God in the first place, so what isthere to heal?”

SIBCY: They don’t have to believe in G-O-D;that’s not important at all. What is important isbeing in sync with life and spirit. I’ve known veryspiritual people who don’t believe in God. Many ofus think of God as the big daddy in the sky who’stracking good and bad, a punishing, vicious child-hood god. Well, I don’t believe in that god, either.

TRANSFORMATION: How would you describe thegod you do believe in?

SIBCY: I call it life itself, that which lives andmoves and breathes through me. It is this organic,unfolding unity of all being that is God. By quietingthe mind and relaxing into the body, we find bothourselves and God, the consciousness and intelli-gence that’s beneath all existence.

TRANSFORMATION: What causes a rift with God,this intelligence beneath all existence?

SIBCY: In my own spiritual recovery, and inworking with others, I found five types of spiritualwounds that call for healing: recovery from religion,recovery from rebellion against religion, recovery

from God-betrayal, recovery from scientific mate-rialism, and recovery from nothingness.

The first group includes churchgoers who arevery spiritual in nature, but have been wounded byreligion. These people have been taught that theyare unforgiven by a harsh god; they are wrackedwith guilt and shame, and yet still earnestly believe.I find that a real spiritual rift.

The second group, who are recovering fromrebellion against religion, were taught in youthabout the big punishing daddy in the sky. Theythen feel so unredeemable that they rebel againstGod. If we feel that God is who we are, then we’reobviously in rebellion against ourselves, and thenthe old adage that a house divided against itself can-not stand becomes very true.

Then there are those recovering from Godbetrayal. A child’s consciousness is so clear, when itperceives mommy and daddy or anybody else, it isperceiving God. If something happens that teachesa child that the universe isn’t friendly, then theyfind themselves feeling betrayed by God. For exam-ple, someone I know was molested by a teacher infirst grade. She feels really betrayed by God. Itdoesn’t have to be that dramatic; it can be just nothaving your prayers answered or losing your dog.

Many of us are recovering from scientific mate-rialism. Our educational institutions are all based onscientific materialism. The more we’re educated inthat, the less we have a connection with the divine.Recovering from scientific materialism involveslearning that scientific methodology as developedin the last couple of centuries is a wonderful tool fordealing with the material world, but next to uselessin dealing with God.

And finally, recovering from nothingness. Weare so conditioned in our marketing culture to pro-ject our desires outward into the external world.We are constantly bombarded by advertising thatsays you have to conform to a certain standard tobe okay. We have the problem of nothingnessbecause there are no higher values in the culture.It’s only what’s cool and fun, the values of materi-alism and popularity.

TRANSFORMATION: If a reader recognized them-selves in one of these descriptions, how might theystart recovery?

SIBCY: Become aware of how your rift feels in


your body, when it came and what purpose it servesin your life. Then do all you can to become friendswith that part of you; learn to be lovingly gentlewith it. We have to arrest the tendency to changeit. This seems contradictory, I know; we were allreared to “fix” ourselves, to “get better.” But “fix-ing” doesn’t work; the minute we try to fix the rift,we are simply reinforcing our belief that we are notokay just as we are. In spirit—the only reality thatreally matters—we are perfect manifestations of theone light. There is no problem with us. That’s thegreat mystery of spiritual healing: as a child on thefarm I was occasionally called upon to midwife thebirth of a baby calf. I soon learned that pulling andprodding only hindered the birth. The real work inbirthing is done by nature. All I could really do wasrelax and reassure the mother, and facilitate inwhatever way I could. Love was the main ingredi-ent, I have come to believe.

So I recommend that you treat yourself the wayI learned to treat those cows and calves—with love,awareness, and the confidence that you’ll knowwhat to do when the time is right to heal your riftand have your own birth.

TRANSFORMATION: I’m reminded of your mottoat your holistic health center, Integrated HealingArts: “All healing is self-healing.”

SIBCY: The highest healing is when people beginthe process of healing themselves, stepping out ofwhat I call the magic fix phase, hoping we can getfixed immediately. It’s the wounds that cannot beeasily healed that bring us into ourselves. By work-ing with that wound as a koan or a mystical phrasethat we don’t quite understand, whether it’s a bodysymptom or an emotional symptom, it begins tooffer up treasures.

Whenever we find ourselves with pain thatwon’t go away by all the means we try, then webegin this journey inward to ourselves, and fromour center we find our interconnectedness with allof life. From that interconnectedness we begin todiscover our real relationship with God, and findthe healing that comes with that.

TRANSFORMATION: What are some of the com-mon obstacles to healing the rift with God?

SIBCY: The most common is trying to be “good.”I used to teach writing and literature, and the firstquestion students asked me was, “What do you

want?” I would answer, “I want you to learn how tothink.” They didn’t like my response. They wanteda formula for pleasing me so they could get an A.

It’s the same problem that we have on the spiri-tual path. We try to follow the rules and be self-righteously good, which is just another form of sep-aration from the divine. We’re not authenticallyengaging myself in the process; we’re really tryingto strike a deal. We’re trying to do what we’ve beentaught in our culture, to find out what the teacherwants, and give it to them. That isn’t an education,nor is it healing a rift with God.

Another obstacle is “spiritual bypass,” trying tofind the fastest way to fix ourselves. There’s a ZenBuddhist story about the American asking the Zenmaster how long it will take to become enlightenedand being told seven years or so. The Americansays, “I am a university graduate, I’m very good atthis, I can work day and night.” The master replies,“Okay. For you, 50 years.” We want to get therefast by bypassing our problems and difficult feel-ings.

One of the most important obstacles is surren-der: really letting go and trusting. All of us aretrained to be responsible: hold down this job, makethis amount of money, pay the insurance policies,plan for retirement, all of which takes our attentionout into the world and away from ourselves. On aspiritual path, sooner or later, we have to have faithand trust that if we let go, that we’re going to betaken care of. That’s scary, because we have beentrained in scientific materialism to think that thebrain is our only friend and guide. As long as werely totally on our own brain we do not surrender,or encounter the fruits of surrender.

TRANSFORMATION: What are the fruits of sur-render?

SIBCY: Well, I’ll speak from my own experience.I go through this every day because my mind getsreally busy trying to control my life. Then I have tolet go. When I release the fear I feel joy and a senseof adventure, of being carried benevolently alongmy path of life to my best and highest good. Ourego puts its faith in things rather than God and says,“I’m feeling insecure. Hmmm, let me add up mybank statements and look at my projections for thenext 30 years and see if my insurance is paid up.Phew, now I’m okay.” And, of course, we’re not


okay in that way: somebody close to us suddenlydies, we get sick, or the company we’ve put our faithin goes down the tubes. When we let go of tryingto control our lives, a deep sense of security arises,the sense of being a rightful person on a rightfulpath, that there’s a power greater than ourselvesthat’s guiding us and loving us.

That’s what I call healing the rift. I do that justabout every day. That’s my spiritual practice,becoming aware of how I’m not surrendered, andletting go.

TRANSFORMATION: What you seem to be say-ing, both in this interview and in Healing YourRift with God, is that the rift with God goes handin hand with rifts with our deeper, core selves. Isthis so?

SIBCY: Yes. I don’t see how it could be otherwise,because my experience of life is we can’t be separatefrom the whole. So, in short, any disconnection Ihave with my own heart and soul disconnects mefrom the whole. Any separation, anywhere, is sepa-ration from God.

TRANSFORMATION: And working from that, itmeans that whenever we reconnect with our deep-est selves, we are also reconnecting with spirit andvice versa.

SIBCY: Yes. I find that when I’m suffering, if I canfeel my wound and go into it deeply enough, then Igo through it and reconnect with spirit. The otherway I deal with my suffering is to just go directly tospirit, and when I reconnect with spirit in the bigtent, then I find that when I turn back to my woundor hurt, it now has a larger context, and I have a dif-ferent way of looking at it. The hurt may still bethere, but I’m not all hurt; there’s a bigger place.

TRANSFORMATION: Given that healing the riftwith God is a life-long journey, I’m curious whatthe growing edge is in your own healing process.

SIBCY: I’m still learning how to be a single personin all senses of the word after being divorced forthree years. I’ve been partnered with a woman dur-ing most of my “spiritually awake” life. Before mydivorce I had no practical experience about the dif-ferent spiritual doors available when one is single.In this three years I’ve experienced spiritual growthI couldn’t have had in relationship. There was a wayin partnership that I couldn’t help but depend onthat other person and their love. Now I have todepend on God, and so much of the love that wentto a partner now goes to God. And so much of thelove from God comes directly to me, rather than

going through retail, as I like to say.TRANSFORMATION: You’re getting it wholesale!

Direct from the manufacturer!SIBCY: Exactly! It’s like going wholesale rather

than retail for love and connection. Before, no mat-ter how intense my spiritual practice, I relied on mypartner for many of the love needs that I must nowshare with God. I had no idea how wonderful andeuphoric that can be! And how painful, sorrowful,and lonely as well. I have found this new love expe-rience with God very intense, much more so thanwhen I was partnered. No one who has truly sur-rendered to God has any choice but to follow God’swill, and that is where I am working on the rift justnow: total, absolute surrender. My own father’s sui-cide gave me a wound in terms of not trusting orhaving faith that people will be there, so being alonein this time in my life is really the cutting edge, Iguess, and it’s wonderful.

TRANSFORMATION: Looking back over yourwhole journey, Paul, what’s the most importantthing you’ve learned?

SIBCY: That I’m loved. When you’re “in” love,you’re in God, and God is within you. Once youknow that you don’t have to earn love or your placein the world, then all you really need to do is yourjob: What am I here for? It’s a process I go througha lot, turning my life over to God first thing in themorning and saying, “Well, God, this is your life,so what would you like to do with it today?” There’sa surrender and a peace because I know that theanswer can only come from deep within myself. Ifthere’s something in me that says, “Oh, I can’t dothat,” or I’m scared, then I know that I’ve got a riftto work with. So just knowing that I’m loved is themost important thing.

TRANSFORMATION: What, in closing, would youmost like to say to the readers of PERSONAL TRANS-FORMATION?

SIBCY: Begin the journey where you are, wherev-er you are suffering. Look into your own life, andbegin investigating that suffering. Let your suffer-ing lead you to wholeness. Not by giving in to thesuffering and losing yourself in it, but treating it likea koan: what’s this about? what’s the cause of thissuffering? And follow it, follow the path that leadsyou toward healing. Remember that you are lovedand you’re one with the whole; it is only illusionthat we’re separate and isolated. Just follow thatpath to healing. That’s what my heart says.•



Tell me about the times you have played thefool, risking it all to follow the flame ofdesire. I can ask and listen without judgment,

for I too have been the fool.I fell in love with a man who looked like everything

I had ever imagined I wanted: tall with thick, dark hairand soft, brown, intelligent eyes, his open face andmuscled body shining with strong, gentle masculinity.And how he made me laugh, at a time when I desper-ately needed the laughter. My days were filled withsitting at the bedside of a friend who was in a coma onthe brink of death, and he filled my nights with tenderlovemaking, wrapping his arms around me when Iawoke crying out and reaching to pull my friend back

from the precipice in my dreams. All my usual cau-tions about how fast and how far to open my heart andmy life to any man evaporated in the heat of desirethat reached for him, both hands open, whispering,“Live.” I held nothing back. I risked it all. I let myselflove and be loved, deeply.

And eight months later I stood with empty arms,an ache like a shard of glass in the center of my chest,my bank account depleted, my pride shattered. I wasthe fool.

The hard part of feeling the fool is a little differentfor each of us. How would you finish the sentence“The worst thing anyone could say about me is…”?For me, the worst thing anyone could say is that I

Risking it All to Really LiveO R I A H M O U N T A I N D R E A M E R

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool,

for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

TSI

/JE

RR

YG

AY

have been stupid, easily duped, not savvy enough orquick enough to see things clearly. And I was: stupidenough to give him money, to talk of marriage andhaving more children, to let him move into myhome close to my sons. It makes me cringe to admitit. It doesn’t matter how it happened or why I did-n’t see the warning signs. The end, even though itwas I who declared it, left me numb. But I was stillhere, breathing, though embarrassed and exposed. Ihad shown the depth of my hunger. I was revealedto the world as a woman of deep, untidy passionsthat could override my usual ability to be an astutejudge of character and to make carefully thought-out decisions. I was the fool.

And I would do it all again.I would not trade one moment of the loving for

the assurance of a predictable outcome or protec-tion of my pride. For I learned to discern betweenheat and the warmth of real intimacy, betweenpower and passion, between intensity and love. Idiscovered the wholeness of my longing for amate—the need for a friend, brother, and partnerwhere I had sought only a lover.

I learned that being the fool will not kill me.Why, then, do we fear it so much?

Sitting on the subway one afternoon, I hearsomeone weeping and wailing softly, “Help me.Won’t someone please help me?” It takes me amoment to locate the source of the sound—a tallwoman leaning against one of the doors, tearsstreaming down her face. Everyone else on the trainsits staring straight ahead. I approach the woman,lay my hand gently on her arm, and ask if there isanything I can do. Later, when I have gotten her theassistance she needs, fellow passengers crowdaround me on the platform asking questions, anx-ious to know if she will be okay. I am surprised. Itisn’t that they didn’t care. They were afraid—afraidof getting involved in something they could notcontrol, something unpredictable that might callattention to or embarrass them. What if the womanhad started screaming at me, or lashed out in someway when I had offered help? What if she had need-ed instant medical attention I could not provide, orsomeone to take her home and stay with her?

On this particular day I was not afraid. I was will-ing to do what I could, knowing what my limits

were. My desire to respond to the world around me,to simply do what I am able to do with what is rightin front of me, was, for a moment, larger than myfear of making a mistake, of being the fool. Oftenthis is not the case.

I don’t want to know how old you are. Your agetells me how long you have lasted but not what youhave made of the precious time you have beengiven. Lasting, enduring, is not enough. Tell me ofthe times you have taken a risk, and how you greetyour fear. Do you bully or shame, cajole or arguereasonably, or simply seek numbness in overworkor alcohol or the chaos of emotional drama?

Fear is part of being alive. Sometimes, when weare in a dangerous situation, fear can be life-pre-serving. It is a natural response to the anticipationof pain and comes from the realization that if welive and love fully, we will feel the losses that areinevitably part of the constant cycle of change.There is a New Age workshop ad that offers amoney-back promise to eliminate all fear in yourlife forever. I asked someone who had attended theworkshop if you really could get a refund if you toldthe facilitators that you had experienced fear afterthe seminar. She told me that the participants hadbeen warned that they might experience the “illu-sion of fear” after they took the course, but that itcould not be real fear.

I do not think denial of fear will give us freedomfrom it.

Sitting in the marriage counselor’s office withmy husband, I clasp my hands together and squeezehard. I have told him I am leaving. He sits, shoul-ders rounded as if by a great weight, silently beg-ging me to stay. The counselor asks if I would bewilling to postpone my decision to leave for threemonths. In the silence that follows, each momentstretches to infinity, every sense is sharpened. I cansmell the leather of the sofa and my own sweat, hearthe three of us breathing and the clock ticking soft-ly on the table. I see my mouth open, lips dry, andhear the single syllable leave my mouth and echoaround the room, bouncing off an emptiness insidemy chest. This is what fear is like. “No.”

Something inside me explodes in a great silencethat eats all sound as the word settles over us likeash after the fire of devastation. What surprises me


most in the moments that follow is that the worldcontinues. We are still there, in the room, the wallsstanding, the sound of the traffic beginning to driftback through the terrible silence, the next breathbeing taken in the undeniable pull of life continu-ing. I have less than a thousand dollars. I need a job,an apartment, and good, affordable day care, and Ineed it all fast. The unknown yawns before me. Iknow only that I am leaving, that I will not leave mysons, nor will I take them away from their father. Ido not know if the aloneness will be bearable, if Iwill fall flat on my face.

But the longing is larger than the fear, the desiremore fierce than the pain. My second husband is agood man; we did not have a bad life. It was simplynot my life. I had to leave the life I had built and goforward to meet the life for which I longed.

Each time I follow my deepest desires, fear isthere wringing her hands, cautioning me with herlitanies of what-ifs. I do not try to counter with rea-sonable arguments about acceptable risks. I nolonger try to shame myself into action with admon-ishments to stop being the wimp, nor do I pretendto be unafraid. I simply move in the direction I havechosen to go, taking care to do the things I knowwill help me keep the fear at a level that allows meto continue to feel it and yet still keep moving. I putmyself to bed early, eat well, sit with friends, takelong walks by the lake. I have learned that doingthings the hardest way provides no currency to betraded for greater future rewards.

Several years ago I ran a women’s retreat whereeach woman was given an opportunity, in ceremo-ny, to surrender seven things she held as preciousin her life, seven ways of seeing herself or beingseen by others.

The intent of this ceremony was not to devaluethose things we treasure. Many of the things sur-rendered have value: being a good mother, a lovingfriend, a diligent worker, a talented artist. But oftenwe have inherited someone else’s view of who weare or should be. And sometimes, although we mayourselves hold these values, their dominance in ourlives in a particular form does not allow us to liveout other aspects of what we love and who we are.The deepest desires of the soul are rarely concernedwith the practical details of mortgage payments,pension plans, prior commitments, past honors, orothers’ opinions.

Minutes before this ceremony, one woman askedme if I could reassure her that she would not leaveher marriage if she chose to surrender her attach-ment to material wealth and to being seen as thegood and patient wife. “No,” I told her. “There isno such guarantee. If there were, there would be nopoint to doing the ceremony. I cannot tell you inadvance what your choice will be, whether you willlook at your husband and your marriage and knowthat it is a place you truly want to be. Your attach-ment to money and being the good wife may be allthat’s keeping you there.”

The other women in the room sat uneasily in thesilence. “Then why do this at all?” another womanasked. “Why would we risk the unknown changesthat this knowledge could bring into our lives?”

I paused and considered it for myself. “For free-dom,” I said. “I risk it for the freedom, to see whatis true, what I really want in the deepest part ofmyself. I can make whatever choices I want in mylife, and I will live with the consequences of thosechoices. But if I want to live a life close to mydeepest desires, I have to risk knowing who I real-


The hard part of feeling the fool is a little different for eachof us. How would you finish the sentence “The worst thinganyone could say about me is…”? For me, the worst thinganyone could say is that I have been stupid, easily duped,not savvy enough or quick enough to see things clearly.

And I was: stupid enough to give him money…

ly am and have always been. Knowing this, then Ican choose.”

You could taste the fear in the room.The truth is that some days I feel I am ready for

freedom and other days I am so tired I don’t wantthe responsibility it brings into my life. I want a restfrom choosing, from trying to increase my ability tochoose wisely. And then, in a moment of grace, I amgiven a certainty: if I never did one more medita-tion, ceremony, workshop, therapy session, course,or cleansing diet, never attended one more meetingor participated in one more community cause, neverwrote another line… it would be okay. It wouldtruly be okay. For a moment, as I fully feel this rev-elation, I am free to move toward what I love.

Years ago, a student with chronic fatigue syn-drome told me, “I am afraid that if I stop, if I slowdown and rest, I’ll never amount to anything.”

I smiled. “What if I told you that everything youare ever going to amount to, you are right now?”

I knew what she feared. I have done it a thousandtimes—confused work with accomplishment, fre-netic activity with movement, growth, and learning.We are afraid that we will not be enough. All of ourdeepest desires are our soul’s way of calling us backto simply being all of who we are.

Sometimes, when I see others follow theirdesires, I am surprised to find myself not onlyunsupportive but angry, threatened. If I have con-vinced myself that lack of money and the needs ofthose dependent upon me are the reasons why Icannot risk doing work that is more consistent withmy soul’s desires, the woman or man who makessuch a change and finds ways to meet obligationssimilar to mine, without financial resources beyondmine, challenges my certainty that I have no choice.Ironically, I find myself, at moments, clinging to abelief in my own powerlessness, a belief that will letme off the hook of responding to my soul’s desire.Those who chose a different response threaten the

seamlessness of my self-deception.Desire seeks to push the edge in the places where

we have drawn a line in the sand that says, “This iswhere I will not go, this is what I will not risk.” Andwhat is easy for one may be hard for another.Wherever we have drawn the line, the risk of cross-ing it feels very real. We risk failing to fulfill ourdesires, being exposed for our deepest yearnings.We risk mistaking one desire for another, only toarrive at fulfillment held in the arms of disappoint-ment. Certain that we ache for time apart, we maywalk away from another only to find our yearningunmet in aloneness. Reaching for the other withwhom we can share life, we may plunge into a rela-tionship that brings us face-to-face with a lonelinesswe have never known in solitude. To move towardour desire we have to allow ourselves to be the fool,the one who does not know, who starts again andagain at the beginning.

We are not offered guarantees. What we areoffered is knowledge of life and ourselves, and if weare awake, glimpses of the wisdom held in the storyour life is telling the world.

When I turn my face away from my longingbecause of my fear of being the fool, I must work tocover the cracks in my resolve, to abandon the heatof my desire. But my soul is too aligned with life togive up. Late at night when I am too weary to pushaway the longing, she comes looking for me, beg-ging me to simply be with her and my fear of her. Ican hear her, a small, insistent voice asking me toremember that desire lived brings the ecstasy offalling more deeply in love with my own life everyday. And in the moment of this remembering, norisk seems too great.•

From “The Invitation,” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.Copyright 1999 by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.Printed by arrangement with permissionHarperSanFrancisco.


We are not offered guarantees. What we are offered isknowledge of life and ourselves, and if we are awake,

glimpses of the wisdom held in the story ourlife is telling the world.


Inever comprehended the amount of fear embed-ded in me until I truly began experiencing myfeelings.

There are two kinds of fear. One is the impacted,hidden fear that keeps us locked away, unable to fullyexperience our lives because we are so entrenched inthe fear we don’t see it or feel it. We may call the feel-ing apathy, not caring, laziness, not being interestedin something, not liking something, not liking our-selves, hating life, having disdain for something, notunderstanding it, not needing it, being removed fromit. All these names allow us to hide behind our fears.We make fear a safe refuge that isn’t really safe.

There’s another kind of fear that strikes our con-sciousness like an attack from a bat out of hell. It’s thesweaty palms, hyperventilating, heart-palpitating,mind-twisting, emotion contorting, I can’t feel my body,I don’t know who I am, I don’t have a feeling, there is no

path, I have no purpose, I’ve been abandoned, dear God, Iwish I could call a spiritual and emotional 911 emergencynumber but my throat is so choked I couldn’t talk anywaykind of fear.

The world feels like it’s closing in on you. And itis. But it’s the world that you’ve created in your mind.

My friend Kyle calls it anxietying. When I tell himthat’s not a word, he just shrugs his shoulders andsays, “It is now.”

Whether you call it a panic attack, dread, anxiety,fear, terror, free-floating anxiety, PTSD (post-trau-matic stress disorder), or borderline hysteria,whether it’s fear of the known or fear of the name-less and unknown, whether it’s the unconscious,embedded, implanted, unfelt kind of fear or the kindthat hits so hard and fast you can’t help but know it’sthere, this remedy is to help you feel, release, andheal fear so you can move on with your life—and

Healing FearM E L O D Y B E A T T I E

TSI

/BE

TSI

EV

AN

DE

RM

EE

R

move on joyfully.Fear comes seemingly from out of the blue and

disrupts the whole of your life. You can’t think,can’t feel, can’t find the next step, and can’t connectwith your soul and heart. It disrupts the flow, gets inthe way, makes you feel crazy and disconnectedfrom yourself, from God, and from the worldaround you. Answers seem just out of reach. Theyall feel wrong anyway, because all you can feel isyour fear.

Give fear a name. Give it a face. Honor its pres-ence by allowing yourself to feel and acknowledge itfor what it is—fear. Let it do its job. Let it teach yousomething about yourself, life, or your beliefs.Maybe it’s not your fear. Maybe you’ve picked it upfrom someone close to you—now or in the past—who was frightened, anxious, and afraid, and you’vetaken on their beliefs. Identify and feel your fear,then let it fade out of your field and into the ethers.

Let yourself clear from your fear.Acknowledging and feeling your anxiety and fear

means half the battle is won.Feel yourself beginning to come back into bal-

ance the minute you recognize what’s going on.That’s the start of healing fear. You are now only afew short steps from being back on track, in align-ment, and living, acting, working, loving, thinking,and feeling from your heart.

Fear blocks our connection to the world aroundus and to the magical, mysterious universe in whichwe live. That block is an illusion. See! It’s alreadybeginning to dissipate. The block wasn’t real.

Neither was your fear.It’s only a feeling, a tiny burst of relatively

hideous energy that passes through our center. Theproblem is, we feed it from our minds and make itso big it consumes us.

“Sometimes I think fear isn’t my enemy. I’m myenemy,” says one woman. “Something happens, ordoesn’t happen, that wasn’t in the plan in my headI had for my life. I grab onto this event like a dog

with a bone, and I’m off to the races. My mindstarts racing, my heart starts racing, my blood pres-sure rises. I take a bit of a feeling or a minor event,and I create a full-blown tragedy.

“‘Oh, my God,’ I tell myself. ‘I’m never going toget this done. God has abandoned me. I’m entirelyon the wrong track. I’m going to fail. This is goingto happen, then the next thing will happen. Mywhole life is a house of cards, and it’s all going tofall down on itself and me and then what? Publicflogging? At least.’”

We take a whiff of fear and create a full-blowntornado of negativity, dread, and sometimes horror.

“I know it’s important to feel and embrace myfear and panic,” says another woman. “I’m having alot of trouble with anxiety in my life right now. ButI have to be careful not to hide behind it, use it as anexcuse to be unique or to prevent me from beingpresent for other people or myself. I need toembrace my terror and anxiety, but not relish andsavor it.”

What about all the things that exist to which fearis a legitimate reaction? The tragedies, the failures,the heartbreaks, and those things that can gowrong? What about when fear is a legitimateresponse trying to make us flee a harmful situation?

You’ll know. The answer’s in your heart. But youwon’t know what to do next until you honor andacknowledge your fear.

Let me tell you a little story. My dear friend Vir-ginia is an Aikido master. And she holds a black beltin judo. She has whirled with the dervishes in India,trained under gurus, and gone many places oursociety said a woman couldn’t go. Now in her latesixties, she is suffering from heart problems and theremnants of two strokes. Limited by her physicalcondition, she only occasionally rolls around on themats at the dojo. But her practice of the spiritualside of Aikido is strong, healthy, and vibrant.

One day, when I was driving her around helpingher accomplish her errands, she asked what she


Ignoring our fears is like ignoring weeds. They grow untilthey gain control of the area they’re overtaking. Whetherour anxiety and panic is connected to finances, love, work,

ourselves, or our safety, feeling and facingour fear is what helps it go away.

could do for me in return. I told her I learned some-thing important each time I was with her, and thatwas enough. She insisted that she wanted to givesomething back to me.

At that time, I was struggling to make sense outof what I should do about a particular living situa-tion and a relationship. I was in the dark, discon-nected from my truth. I felt foggy, confused, aban-doned, and afraid.

“Pray for me,” I said to Virginia. “Pray that Godwill be with me in the situations I’m going through.That’s what you can do for me. It’s what I needfrom you.”

“Oh, my dear one,” she responded. “I’ll pray forGod to surround you with light and protection andtruth. I’ll pray that you be protected from darkness,evil, and fear. But I don’t have to pray for God tobe with you, because God already is with you wher-ever you go. I’ll pray that you know and rememberthat you’re safe and protected wherever you are.”

We’re safe wherever we go—even when we wan-der into the heart of our fears.

Sometimes, our fear is trying to tell us some-thing. Don’t go there, it says, you’ll find a problemthat’s unnecessary for you to experience. You don’tneed it. Stay away.

There’s a layer of fear wrapped around each newexperience. Sometimes the fear is thick and deep,but I can’t see, feel, or recognize it as fear. Instead, Itry to move into the experience, but I can’t. It’sbecause I’m filled with fear. I’m trying to movethrough a wall, but the wall is really inside me. Feel-ing and releasing our fears on a regular basis—some-times before taking each step—is how we move for-ward and into the next dimension in our lives.

Sometimes our fears are bogeymen we’ve creat-ed in our minds. The message is to breathe deeply,take shaky steps, walk through our fear and anxiety,and do it anyway. Sometimes we create more anxi-ety for ourselves by not facing our fears. Webecome afraid to look at the truth—whether it’s thetruth about how much money we’ve got in ourcheckbook, the truth about when our bills are due,or a truth about what’s really going on in a signifi-cant relationship or on the job. We’re afraid tolook. We hide our head in the sand. Anxiety mountsbecause we’re ignoring the truth or the task that’spulling at us. And the fears just build.

Sometimes what we call anxiety is just a particu-lar event or task in life pulling on us, telling us itwants some attention.

Sometimes the fear isn’t even ours. We’veabsorbed it from someone else—a parent, a child,or a friend. Fear is contagious. Even if the fear we’refeeling isn’t ours, we still need to acknowledge andrelease it.

The solution is simple. Face, feel, and heal fear.“I don’t want to feel fear. I hate it,” says onewoman. “I want to feel peaceful.”

A sense of peace built upon a foundation of fearisn’t peace. Denying our feelings isn’t the route tojoy. When we try to maintain peace by denying fear,we may walk around with an underlying sense offree-floating anxiety. When you feel your waythrough fear, the peace you find at the end will bereal.

Opening to your feelings means opening to andfeeling all your feelings, including the one we callfear. It’s only a place we visit. We don’t have to livethere, don’t have to make it home, don’t have to staythere all that long.

“What’s the best all-around antidote for fear?”I asked Lucinda Bassett, the author of “FromPanic to Power.” She looked thoughtful, thenanswered this way:

“There’s really no quick remedy for curing fear.Most people have spent a lifetime gathering, col-lecting, and storing up anxiety, panic, and fear. Ifthere’s one thing I would tell anyone, anywhere,who was immersed in anxiety, panic, or fear, itwould be this: know you’re creating it in your ownmind.”

Feel your fear, then let it go. Breathe deeply.Walk around. Gather and hold a few objects thathelp you feel safe: a picture, a blanket, a treasurethat reminds you of how safe and loved you are.Read a few verses from the Bible or the holy bookthat speaks to your soul. Remind yourself of whatyou know is true. You don’t have to frantically begand plead for God to be with you. If you’re there,God is, too.

Ignoring our fears is like ignoring weeds. Theygrow until they gain control of the area they’reovertaking. Whether our anxiety and panic is con-nected to finances, love, work, ourselves, or oursafety, feeling and facing our fear is what helps it goaway.•

From “Finding Your Way Home, A Soul SurvivalKit,” by Melody Beattie. Copyright 1998 by MelodyLynn Beattie. Printed by arrangement withHarperSanFrancisco.



Many of our readers are in the August andSeptember of life. October is approachingas signs of aging are visible, older relatives

are dying and thoughts are turning to old age. There-fore, for this issue’s theme of courage, fear, and theunknown, we wanted to interview someone who couldtalk about the theme from a spiritual perspective andalso as it relates to aging. Zalman M. Schachter-Shalomi, a 75-year-old rabbi, was a wonderful choicefor the task. He is World Wisdom Chairman atNaropa Institute and President of Spiritual ElderingInstitute. He is the co-author of “From Age-ing toSage-ing” and a sage in his own right. His wisdomand spirituality shine throughout the interview as doeshis ease with the subject matter. I spoke with Rabbiby phone at his home in Boulder, Colorado, while hegazed out his window enjoying the wildlife.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION: Let’s start by dis-cussing what fear is.

RABBI ZALMAN SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: In Hebrew,there are three words that deal with the attitude/emo-

tion that fear is. They are Yir’ah (Yeer-ah), Aymah (A-mah), and Pachad (Pah-had). Let me begin withPachad, because that’s the simplest one. Pachad is thefear of danger. This fear warns us to “watch out, thesharp thing is coming.” Like in Edgar Allen Poe’s“The Pit and the Pendulum,” Pachad is when some-thing sharp descends on you and it gets worse andworse. We know to expect that we will be cut and weknow exactly what will hurt us. Pachad is felt as terrorand panic.

The second word, Aymah, translates into anxietyor angst. We know something is impending; what itis, we don’t know. Where it comes from, we don’tknow. It is dark and it descends on you. You feel lostin it and know that you’re totally vulnerable to some-thing that could even cost you your life.

The third is a fear that is not really fear. Yir’ah isthe sense that you are being seen, being scrutinized.Every nook and cranny of your personality is open forinspection. Yir’ah is what we experience in our rela-tionship with God. Many people would like to have

Fear, Courage & Sage-ingA N I N T E R V I E W W I T H

R A B B I Z A L M A N M . S C H A C H T E R - S H A L O M I

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only that sweet, nurturing relationship with God,but there is also the great awe of being seen fromall sides. It is both reassuring and threatening. Thereassurance comes from knowing God is here. Thethreat comes from knowing God is here. Psalm 23reads, “Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.”The rod is that with which God hits you; in otherwords, the pangs of your conscience. If you’re seendoing something that you shouldn’t be doing, thenyou feel the rod of God, the rod of reproof. Thystaff is a lot more like the crutch, the support. I getcomfort out of that and, at the same time, I have thefeeling that I’m not the boss of this universe.

Now, let me talk about brain physiology. Theearliest brain part that we have, we inherited fromthe reptiles. The reptilian brain says, “Watch out,your turf is being invaded, your food is being takenfrom you, your female is going to be taken fromyou.” This is a survival mechanism that we all expe-rience. It cuts into our awareness even before wecan discern what is happening because the reptilianbrain is the fastest neural connection. Next we havethe limbic brain that we share with all mammals.This is where we feel the excitement and pleasurefrom rhythm and doing things in groups. On top ofthat we have the neocortex. The cortex is slowerstill, cutting in after the lymbic has cut in. About 85percent of the brain capacity hasn’t yet been for-matted. This is where intuition resides. Hopefullywe will format and make accessible more of that forour use. In our response pattern, fear cuts in first.The staff at the Heart Math Institute in BoulderCreek, California, teach people to do a “freezeframe.” When you get into terror, when the reptil-ian brain overtakes you, sink your consciousnessdeeper into a level of awareness that has to do withheart, which is much wiser than the place where weare immediately into fight or flight.

Let’s go back to what we learned from Jewishtradition. In dealing with fear, the most often used

response is denial, “I don’t want not to know what’sthreatening me.” Most of the time, we want to playpossum and ignore that which threatens us. Imag-ine, though, if you know exactly what the threat isand, nevertheless, you don’t flinch. That’s wherecourage is situated. Otherwise, it’s foolhardiness.Courage comes from that simultaneous awarenessthat you don’t want to fool yourself, you don’t wantto have illusions about things, and at the same time,you look it straight in the face. How does it workthat one shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by that?

In prayer and in meditation, a sense comes to us,beyond ego, that has to do with us being, everymoment, created by God. Scientifically speaking,there are 1,800 cycles per second that we go in andout of existence. So while I feel myself as a person,underneath, once I deeply understand that I am acreature and that God created me, then my ego canbecome transparent to that. Most of the time ego isopaque to that. It creates an opacity between meand the Creator, so I think that I am me, and that Iam totally independent. Once I see that “under-neath are the everlasting arms,” what is the worstthing that can happen to me? One of our Hasidicmasters says, in Yiddish, “So what if you die?” I’mnot saying not to get palpitations when threatened,or not to freak, but with some discipline, and this iswhere courage comes in, to be able to say, “This ishappening to me, but not outside of divine aware-ness.” That’s the kind of courage that people hadwalking the last few meters into the gas chambers.

TRANSFORMATION: Say more about courage.Give us a working definition.

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Courage is when you feelthat the right action or the thing that you are aboutto do is more important than the lack of safety youfeel in the presence of the threat. Example: KingDavid, who had the power of life and death over hissubjects, did something he shouldn’t have, he tookBath Sheba, the wife of another man. God said to


Elders are wisdom-keepers. What we downloaded in ouryouth as education, we have to upload into the

civilizational pool when we are older, except that we don’tupload it as information, we upload it as wisdom.

Nathan, the prophet, “You’ve got to confront himabout that.” Can you imagine, standing in front ofsomebody who has the power of life and death,knowing that crossing him could bring about theloss of your life? Nevertheless, you have to tell whatyou have to tell. You have to witness what you haveto witness. Therein lies courage.

If someone is in danger of life and you can’tguarantee that you will be able to save that person,if you don’t do what you can about it, you will notbe able to face that moment of transparency whenyou are being seen through and through. Peoplespeak of this as the judgment of God, as if God wascoming to put them down. I don’t think that’s whatthe experience is like. The experience comes out ofthe greater sense of deep truth that emerges whenbeing in the presence of God; all excuses look likesham. It’s not that there is a vindictive God, but inthe face of that truth, how could I not admit it?

TRANSFORMATION: Is it more about admitting,and experiencing what happens while admitting,than being damned?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Yes. Sometimes it comesaccompanied with a great compassion that says, “Iknow what you’ve done and it’s such a pity that youhad to descend to that level.”

TRANSFORMATION: One of the outcomes ofcourage is right action…

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: In right action, I don’thave the sense that I’m doing it, I have the sensethat I am making myself available, that it is beingdone through me. In other words, the right action isthere already, all I can do is serve it.

TRANSFORMATION: Is there some force that ener-gizes us when we give ourselves to the righteous-ness of a cause?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Many people are dis-turbed by having to deal with the word God. Noother word has been used to clobber people as hardas the word God. When some people hear the wordGod, they cringe. People are afraid of prayer inpublic schools because bibles and God are used tocoerce people, instead of letting the word of Godand of truth and justice present themselves to othersin such a way that they, with the autonomy of theirspirit, encounter it. Just now, you were looking forthe right kind of word because you didn’t want to

use the word God. When I speak about God, Idon’t mean omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent,those things that great philosophers talk about,because I don’t know what they mean, except asideas. I do know when I am in the flow of the will ofthe spirit of gaia; when I behave like a natural,healthy cell of the planet, there is a release of endor-phins that gives a sense of deep happiness, a senseof rightness—I’m right where I have to be. WhenI’m in the zippity-doo-dah place, all through mybody, my cells are totally transparent to that happi-ness. When I have a sense that I’m right with God,I mean, basically, that I’m right with the spirit of theplanet.

TRANSFORMATION: What about will-power?Where does will-power come into play in dealingwith fear?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Most of the time wemake will-power something that is connected withbeing tight-assed. We say, “Use your will-power.Have intestinal fortitude.”

We talk about it as if we’re constipated. I think ofthat as won’t-power rather than will-power. I liketo think of will-power in the sense of the runner in“Chariots of Fire.” When he runs, he doesn’t runwith grimness, he soars. I think will-power is whenwe are in the flow. When we choose betweenoptions and have to invoke will-power to followthrough, we are made smaller. When we align withthe larger good, not because someone else wants usto do it, but in the fabric of this moment the rightway is to go in this direction, we get filled withenergy and we don’t feel like martyrs invoking will-power. Most of the time, people think of will-poweras if it comes from the past, from the back, likewhen you pinch a frog to jump. I have a feeling thatthe best stuff comes from the future, it attracts us. Ihave a sense of the great vision of the peaceablekingdom, the way the planet ought to be, in exu-berant ecstasy. When we hook onto that vision, weaccess its energy. It pulls us in and the vision is whatbecomes.

TRANSFORMATION: Will-power seems connectedto integrity.

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: People who push conser-vative family values say, “Where’s your integrity?”often implying that your integrity doesn’t meet their


integrity. Let’s talk about integrity in the sense ofparts of our being giving agreement. There aremany parts of us that rarely get a chance to speak.Most of the time, we censor them. Integrity is whenall parts of me give permission. To use a metaphor:You can’t have an orgasm unless every part of thebody agrees. You get the sense of integrity there—somatic integrity. I have a sense of integrity, forinstance, when I don’t betray promises I make topeople after all the people involved have had a say inmy decision.

TRANSFORMATION: What’s the relationshipbetween integrity and courage?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Even though there aremoments in which some parts seem to overwhelmthe totality, you stand with integrity to all yourpromises, not selling out loyalty to people furtheraway from the scene in order to get the momentarybenefit of alleviating the stress of the threat of themoment. When you come back later and examineyour conscience, you ask, “Did I betray any of myloyalties, any of my commitments?” And if theanswer is, “thank God, no,” that’s integrity. Theendorphins release at that point and there is a feel-ing of satisfaction. Martyrs are described as experi-encing ecstasy in their last moments because theydidn’t betray.

Pictures of Joan of Arc, the French maid ofOrleans, show a sense of her looking beyond themoment with ecstasy. Knowing that God is withher, she doesn’t feel abandoned in her ordeal.

TRANSFORMATION: How important is communi-ty in sustaining courage and integrity?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: The notion that we arebounded by our skin and that everything inside ourskin is independent of others is an illusion the egoprojects. We have to realize that we are not bound-ed by skin.

For instance, there are moments in our conver-sation that I feel a deep kinship with you, and in thissharing, we create a community. Communitas—together, we are one. When the “we” feeling grows,there is an expansion, an enlargement, what we callmagnanimous, great soulness, “magna anima.”

TRANSFORMATION: When we are communingand when we are in union with the whole of theparts, we access the same life flow that courage

rides in, in a sense.SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: That’s right. When we

have separate words, we are reductionist, pullingapart. When the wholeness principle is at work,community, courage, integrity are dimensions ofthat totality.

TRANSFORMATION: We’ve discussed courage,integrity and community. Within this context, let’stalk about the role of elders.

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Ah, yes. Where do theelders fit in? If we have done our genetic job by pro-ducing another generation and helping them grow,by the time our offspring are on their own and weare 50 or 55, we should be able to die, like thesalmon who dies right after it spawns. What keepsus alive? Elders are wisdom-keepers. What wedownloaded in our youth as education, we have toupload into the civilizational pool when we areolder, except that we don’t upload it as information,we upload it as wisdom. A human lifetime distillsthrough experience the information received inyouth and gives it back to the world as wisdom.Information tells me what I might be able to do, butwhy I should do anything, wisdom has to teach me.At present, we don’t have the natural transfer ofwisdom there used to be when three or four gener-ations lived in one household.

Grandparents and grandchildren are naturalallies. Children can take family values from grand-parents much easier than from parents, againstwhom they have to rebel. The natural role forelders is passing on wisdom to the next generation.

On the other hand, as we get older, an increasingdegree of diminishment happens. Eyes don’t see sowell, ears don’t hear so well, and the zest for livingis gone. Moreover, the signs of approaching deathcan be repressed no more. I’m 75 years old. Peoplewho are my colleagues are dying. I know that mynumber is going to be up sooner or later. Mycourage is going to be in the way I look at that basicfact of my mortality. I had an operation two yearsago and while on the gurney being rolled into theoperating room, I wasn’t coming to terms with mymortality, I was coming to terms with dying, whichhas a much more visceral feeling. If elders don’taccess a place of courage and if they can’t give con-sent to the way in which they die, depression sets


in. Elders say, “I don’t want to, I don’t want to, Idon’t want to,” and before long, they become shriv-eled “I don’t want to” balls. Many people beingwarehoused until they die are in that position.That’s the reason this work of spiritual eldering isimportant to me, and why we are building sage-ingcenters all over.

TRANSFORMATION: Give a definition of spiritu-al eldering.

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Old is what happens toyou. Eldering is what you participate in conscious-ly and willingly. Spiritual means beyond sensory,beyond affect, beyond reason. Spiritual goes intothe deep place of intuition, the place of right action.It’s not only that it has to be and I can’t help it, it isright that it should be so. There’s a phrase used inthe old Roman mass, “Dignum et ustum est.” Thisis where the dignity is and this is where the right-ness of it is. The physical organism is only one partof our total organism. We have an energy organismbigger than our physical organism. Our heart, oraffect organism, and our mental organism spans theplanet. Our spiritual organism is so vast that it goesbeyond the solar system. Our physical organismdropping off doesn’t mean that the other organismsdie. When people become aware of their non-phys-ical organisms, then more and more, they take upresidence, not so much in the world of sensation,but in the world of love, mind, and spirit that aremuch larger than the physical.

TRANSFORMATION: Which kinds of fear are metduring the work of sage-ing?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: There is anxiety overunlived life, there is anxiety over bad karma weleave behind. There is real fear of a slow and painfuldemise.

TRANSFORMATION: What role does courage playin the making of a sage?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Without the courage tolook the Angel of Death in the eye, one lacks a levelof perception that makes for sage-ing.

TRANSFORMATION: Talk about the process ofbecoming a sage.

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: We have models in ourculture of what to do when we are children, youth,and middle aged. We don’t have models of elderingin the youth culture in America, with the exceptionof Native Americans, who still have a sense of elder-

ing. Unfortunately, they’re not featured in themedia. One wonderful model for aging was JessicaTandy in “Fried Green Tomatoes.” She portrayedTowanda. “My Tuesdays with Morey,” a wonder-ful book on the best-seller list, shows how a goodcaring teacher continues to teach in his dying. Eliz-abeth Kubler Ross was a great pioneer and deservesmuch honor for what she taught us. This is the kindof wisdom that elders produce for our civilization,but its value isn’t recognized yet. If you open thepages of “Modern Maturity,” you see teenagerswith gray hair enjoying what they couldn’t, and did-n’t have the money for, when they were younger.Culturally, we have to make room for elders.

I call the work to become an elder the work ofOctober. Eldering calls for a lot of contemplativeinner work; straightening out the kinks of past sit-uations, examining conscience, straightening uppast relationships, and so on. I took a retreat andon each day of the retreat, I meditated on one ofmy children, and wrote him or her a letter. WhenI finished with the retreat I sent the letters out.The letters said what I felt was the meaning thatthese children had for me and how much I lovethem. Shortly afterward, I received calls from themasking if I was okay. They figured I was on my wayout. I wasn’t. I just wanted to be in touch withthem, and for them to enjoy what I had writtenwhile I was alive.

Then comes the work of November, which iswhere Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter are. They are giv-ing back to the planet. We are sending young peo-ple to Kosovo as peacekeepers. I would rather havea corps of elders to talk with the Serb and Albaniangrandparents who have lost grandchildren; sittogether and try to figure out better ways of livingtogether peacefully. An elder corps of people whohave done the sage-ing work could be of such helplocally and internationally. Many Middle East prob-lems would be solved if an elder corps sat with thePalestinians and the Israeli people who have lostchildren and grandchildren. In this way, we wouldbe able to overcome the dinosaur response of theyounger people who have not been seasoned withwisdom.

Elders would be the intercultural, internationalglue for humanitarian solutions. Madeline Albright,God bless her for the work she does—I don’t know




Buddhist meditation has two aspects—shamathaand vipashyana. We tend to stress the impor-tance of vipashyana (“looking deeply”) because

it can bring us insight and liberate us from sufferingand afflictions. But the practice of shamatha (“stop-ping”) is fundamental. If we cannot stop, we cannothave insight.

There is a story in Zen circles about a man and ahorse. The horse is galloping quickly, and it appearsthat the man on the horse is going somewhere impor-tant. Another man, standing alongside the road,shouts, “Where are you going?” and the first manreplies, “I don’t know! Ask the horse!” This is also ourstory. We are riding a horse, we don’t know where weare going, and we can’t stop. The horse is our habitenergy pulling us along, and we are powerless. We arealways running, and it has become a habit. We strug-gle all the time, even during our sleep. We are at war

within ourselves, and we can easily start a war withothers.

We have to learn the art of stopping—stopping ourthinking, our habit energies, our forgetfulness, thestrong emotions that rule us. When an emotion rush-es through us like a storm, we have no peace. We turnon the TV and then we turn it off. We pick up a bookand then we put it down. How can we stop this stateof agitation? How can we stop our fear, despair,anger, and craving? We can stop by practicing mind-ful breathing, mindful walking, mindful smiling, anddeep looking in order to understand. When we aremindful, touching deeply the present moment, thefruits are always understanding, acceptance, love, andthe desire to relieve suffering and bring joy.

But our habit energies are often stronger than ourvolition. We say and do things we don’t want to andafterwards we regret it. We make ourselves and others

Finding Inner PeaceBy Not Doing

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suffer, and we bring about a lot of damage. We mayvow not to do it again, but we do it again. Why?Because our habit energies (vashana) push us.

We need the energy of mindfulness to recognizeand be present with our habit energy in order tostop this course of destruction. With mindfulness,we have the capacity to recognize the habit energyevery time it manifests. “Hello, my habit energy, Iknow you are there!” If we just smile to it, it willlose much of its strength. Mindfulness is the energythat allows us to recognize our habit energy andprevent it from dominating us.

Forgetfulness is the opposite. We drink a cup oftea, but we do not know we are drinking a cup oftea. We sit with the person we love, but we don’tknow that she is there. We walk, but we are notreally walking. We are someplace else, thinkingabout the past or the future. The horse of our habitenergy is carrying us along, and we are its captive.We need to stop our horse and reclaim our liberty.We need to shine the light of mindfulness on every-thing we do, so the darkness of forgetfulness willdisappear. The first function of meditation—shamatha—is to stop.

The second function of shamatha is calming.When we have a strong emotion, we know it can bedangerous to act, but we don’t have the strength orclarity to refrain. We have to learn the art ofbreathing in and out, stopping our activities, andcalming our emotions. We have to learn to becomesolid and stable like an oak tree, and not be blownfrom side to side by the storm. The Buddha taughtmany techniques to help us calm our body andmind and look deeply at them. They can be sum-marized in five stages:

RECOGNITION—If we are angry, we say, “I knowthat anger is in me.”

ACCEPTANCE—When we are angry, we do notdeny it. We accept what is present.

EMBRACING—We hold our anger in our twoarms like a mother holding her crying baby. Ourmindfulness embraces our emotion, and this alonecan calm our anger and ourselves.

LOOKING DEEPLY—When we are calm enough,we can look deeply to understand what hasbrought this anger to be, what is causing our

baby’s discomfort.INSIGHT—The fruit of looking deeply is under-

standing the many causes and conditions, primaryand secondary, that have brought about our anger,that are causing our baby to cry. Perhaps our baby ishungry. Perhaps his diaper pin is piercing his skin.Our anger was triggered when our friend spoke tous meanly, and suddenly we remember that he wasnot at his best today because his father is dying. Wereflect like this until we have some insights intowhat has caused our suffering. With insight, weknow what to do and what not to do to change thesituation.

After calming, the third function of shamatha isresting. Suppose someone standing alongside a riverthrows a pebble in the air and it falls down into theriver. The pebble allows itself to sink slowly andreach the riverbed without any effort. Once thepebble is at the bottom, it continues to rest, allow-ing the water to pass by. When we practice sittingmeditation, we can allow ourselves to rest just likethat pebble. We can allow ourselves to sink natu-rally into the position of sitting—resting, withouteffort. We have to learn the art of resting, allowingour body and mind to rest. If we have wounds inour body or our mind, we have to rest so they canheal themselves.

Calming allows us to rest, and resting is a pre-condition for healing. When animals in the forestget wounded, they find a place to lie down, andthey rest completely for many days. They don’tthink about food or anything else. They just rest,and they get the healing they need. When wehumans get sick, we just worry! We look for doc-tors and medicine, but we don’t stop. Even whenwe go to the beach or the mountains for a vacation,we don’t rest, and we come back more tired thanbefore. We have to learn to rest. Lying down is notthe only position for resting. During sitting orwalking meditation, we can rest very well. Medita-tion does not have to be hard labor. Just allow yourbody and mind to rest like an animal in the forest.Don’t struggle. There is no need to attain any-thing. I am writing a book, but I am not struggling.I am resting also. Please read in a joyful, yet restfulway. The Buddha said, “My Dharma is the practice




Fear, Courage & Awakening A N I N T E R V I E W W I T H P I R V I L A Y A T I N A Y A T K H A N

B Y M A R Y N U R R I E S T E A R N S

Essential to our investigation of fear, courage,and the unknown is an exploration of spiritualawakening. The respected Pir Vilayat Inayat

Khan agreed to discuss this topic for us. He is theeldest son and spiritual successor to Pir-o-MurshidInayat Khan, who founded the Sufi Order in the Westin 1910. He became head of the Sufi Order in 1956.His latest book, “Awakening: A Sufi Experience,” is alively and practical resource for self-transformationdrawing on the principals of Sufism. This book, fromthe wisdom of an 83-year-old Sufi master, definesawakening and offers a clear map for the journey.

The following quote from his book sets the stagefor spiritual work and shows the connection betweenfear, courage, and awakening. “Conscious evolution ishumankind’s final frontier, the ultimate freedomsought by humanity since the dawn of time. The chal-lenge seems to be one of overcoming the fear of theunexplored territory that lies ahead, and finding thecourage and optimism to illuminate the spiritualdimension hidden within our nature.”

We asked him to contribute his insights on fearand courage and how they relate to awakening. Toaccommodate his busy travel schedule, we e-mailed alist of questions to him at his home in France, and heresponded via e-mail. Following is a thought-provok-ing discussion that will shine light on your path.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION: What is fear andhow are we to relate to fear that best serves ourawakening?

PIR VILAYAT: Fear is basically inbuilt in our genet-ic programming and serves as an alarm system to pre-serve us from venturing into life-threatening situa-tions, or from taking unwise risks. The instinct of self-preservation can equally operate in the fear of allspecies facing the inevitability of the affliction of deathor disease. This is where the realization fostered byviews in the realms of religion or spirituality may averthemselves to be helpful. Placing unquestioned faithin a religious dogma or doctrine, belief in divine com-passion, or lending oneself over to the feared passageover the threshold lured by the promise of resurrec-

tion, will provide one with a sometimes question-able consolation. Although having grown out of theseed-bed of religion, spirituality offers actual prac-tices to prepare oneself for death. “The TibetanBook of the Dead” is an example of a process pre-scribed by contemplatives. The meditations of theSufis provide guidelines to ensure the passage overthe threshold, from life to life after life.

TRANSFORMATION: How do you describecourage?

PIR VILAYAT: Courage is taking a calculated riskwhich is difficult to evaluate, accepting the possibil-ity of failure—and even the punishment of death—because one estimates that what one values is defi-nitely worth taking that risk.

TRANSFORMATION: How do we recognizecourage?

PIR VILAYAT: You find courage mostly amongstpeople who have a very strong dedication to valuesthat they place above personal needs.

TRANSFORMATION: How are we to relate tocourage that best serves our awakening?

PIR VILAYAT: Traditionally, in esoteric schoolsone pursues awakening, culminating in illumina-tion, which is defined as a new way of looking atthings—highlighting meaningfulness that is notobvious in the commonplace. Whereas there is aknowledge that is acquired by doing, (rather thanassuming that one needs to know before doing) socourage is in the realm of doing, and in the courseof doing one discovers a meaningfulness that onehad not seen before. In this courageous action isinherent an act of faith, and it is the intuition of thismeaningfulness that triggered off the action thatsparks one’s faith.

TRANSFORMATION: What do you mean by“awakening?”

PIR VILAYAT: Awakening is shifting the focus ofone’s consciousness from the commonplace per-spective to a more encompassing and meaningfulgrasp of what is enacted in life. It requires down-playing one perspective and highlighting anotherperspective that is either more encompassing (cos-mic), or more internal (implied), and is of the natureof an archetype rather than an exemplar (transcen-dent). Also, it is opening one’s horizon to anoverview where we see the way of the programming

of the universe is actuated in the existential state.TRANSFORMATION: How does awakening relate

to conscious evolution?PIR VILAYAT: As my father, Pir-o-Murshid Inay-

at Khan says, every atom, every plant, matter ingeneral, every being is in the process of awakeningand carries within itself a nostalgia to emerge out ofthe confines of the perspective of its limited con-sciousness. If you look at evolution, it is clear thatconsciousness awakens in the course of time, some-times in a quantum leap.

For example, Schroedinger showed in inorganicmatter the components of matter are rather likewallpaper, where there’s a lot of repetitiveness.Whereas in organic matter, items—for examplemolecules—are diversified from each other, andtherefore offer the possibility of cooperating bycompleting each other. This therefore enlists amore sophisticated infrastructure for the awakeningof consciousness.

TRANSFORMATION: What’s the connectionbetween awakening and conscious evolution.

PIR VILAYAT: This is the key question uponwhich I am very sensitive. I think it is preposterousto claim to be co-creators with God. The way I putit is that the whole purpose of the existential stateis that the originating will of the Universe (I use theword Universe instead of God) is enriched by beingdiversified, (rather than fragmented) so there is adelegation of onus for the programming to eachfragment of the totality. Consequently, the Uni-verse gains a richness, which though latent couldnot have been actuated if it were not for the dele-gation of the total will of the Universe (within lim-its). The drawback is that from the time one grantsa measure of freedom of incentive, to people forexample, they can go as far as deciding things in away that goes counter to their original assignment.This is obvious in our world. The advantage can beillustrated in variations on a theme in music wherecomposers not only bring out latent potentialitieswithin a theme, but even enrich a theme.

TRANSFORMATION: Discuss overcoming fear ofthe unexplored territory as it relates to courage.

PIR VILAYAT: I quote a saying of the mathemati-cian/physicist, Euler, “The pull of the future isstronger than the push of the past.” Conditioning


is the most basic feature of the programming of theUniverse, consequently we are conditioned, andultimately we incur the constraint of our condition-ing to a very large extent in our body functions, ourthinking, our emotions, our intentions, and so on.

The objective of spirituality is to contrive toovercome conditioning as much as possible, whichmeans finding a measure of freedom in our behav-ior, and thinking, and emoting, and incentive.This is particularly applied in our creativity, forcreativity sparks our enthusiasm; it opens up per-spectives we hadn’t seen before, and points to howthings would be if they would be as they could be,thus relieving us from the constraint of sclerosedsituations, or thinking that has gelled into thecommonplace. Our projections of how thingscould be is a feature of our freedom from condi-tioning, and is the power that has moved evolutionin the course of time, and carries with it an emo-tion of enthusiasm and confidence. It is clear howvery different this way of thinking is from the out-dated Darwinian concept, according to which thefuture is determined by the past. These are thenew perspectives in science, some pioneered byDr. Prigogyne, which gives a place in science forthe non-determined.

TRANSFORMATION: Share with us yourthoughts on Divine point of view.

PIR VILAYAT: I consider what we commonly callthe personal point of view and the Divine point ofview as the two poles of our own thinking. Thisresults from not envisioning God as other in our-selves. Paradoxically, one pole of our being is per-sonal and the other is impersonal, one might call itthe point of view of the Universe. One learns howto shift one’s consciousness into the vantage pointof another person. Eventually, as St. Francis said,instead of thinking that one is looking at the cos-

mos, one realizes that the cosmos is looking at one.This regards the cosmic dimension of conscious-ness. In the transcendent dimension, we may envi-sion the universe as a total being, endowed withintelligence, consciousness, intention, emotion,bodyness. We have the possibility of shifting ourconsciousness into the vantage point of the Uni-verse in infinite regress, that is, we can never reachit totally. I am paraphrasing the teachings of theSufis, very adequately articulated by Ibn ‘Arabi, interms which may be appropriate for the spiritual-ity for the millennium. I am also asking somequestions:

Do you think that, the universe is a total beingendowed with intelligence, consciousness, etc.?

Do you think that therefore, the universe is con-scious of itself?

Could you define the cosmos as the body of thistotal being?

Do you think that the cosmos contributes towardthe knowledge that it has of itself?

Do you think that whatever is our knowledge ofthe programming of the universe contributestowards the knowledge that the Universe has of itsown programming?

Since our grasp of the meaningfulness of the uni-verse is diversified in the vantage points of differentpeople, does this diversity add to the knowledgethat the Universe has of itself, because—by the factof proliferation of the One into the many—eachfragment of the One is interacting with each otherfragment, and therefore the knowledge accrues bythe knowledge it has of itself?

Last: Would you accept then that our individualway of thinking, incentive, and will exercises animpact on the overall programming of the Uni-verse, and therefore we are participating in that pro-gramming?



Awakening is shifting the focus of one’s consciousness fromthe commonplace perspective to a more encompassing and

meaningful grasp of what is enacted in life. It requiresdownplaying one perspective and highlighting another

perspective that is either more encompassing…


Looking to the material world for the satisfac-tion of our inner needs is the source of muchfear. We fear any changes in our circum-

stances that suggest the world may not be the way wethink it ought to be for us to be at peace.

We may fear losing our jobs because of the loss ofincome and the possibility that our lives may not be socomfortable. We may fear failure for the disapprovalit might bring or for the loss of self-esteem. We mayfear having nothing to do because we might get bored.We may fear telling the truth because others might notlike us for it. We fear the unknown for the dangers itmay contain. We fear uncertainty, not knowingwhether or not we will find what we are after.

Here lies a sad irony. In the final analysis, what weare all after is a more satisfying state of mind. Wewant to be happy, at peace within ourselves. Our fearsstem from the possibility that the future may bring usgreater suffering rather than happiness. Yet the very

nature of fear makes us more anxious in the present.And a mind that is anxious cannot, by definition, be amind that is at peace.

Our concern to avoid suffering in the future keepsus suffering in the present. We have lost the verything we seek.

SELF-TALK

Many of our fears are not so strong that we wouldlabel them fears. They may just be concerns, little nig-gling feelings we have about the way things mightturn out. They may not even be conscious concerns;in many cases they surface only in our dreams, in con-versation with a friend, or after a couple of drinks.

Nevertheless, however intense or mild they maybe, they fill our minds with thoughts. This is our self-talk, the mental chatter we carry on with ourselves.This is the voice inside our heads that comments,often critically, on everything we do. It thinks, “I did

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that well; people will approve of me.” Or it admon-ishes us, saying, “If only that had not happened, ifonly I had said it differently, things would haveturned out better.”

It is the voice that speculates on the future. Itthinks, “What if such-and-such were to happen?Would it be good for me?” Or, “What if I buy this?Will it make my life more comfortable?” Or,“Should I make that phone call… just in case?”

It wonders what other people are thinking andhow they will react. It wonders what might happento the economy, to housing prices, to our partner,to our lifestyle, to our image, to our car. It worries:“Have I made the right decision?” “Will I haveenough money?” “Will I be able to cope?”

This is the voice of fear.The voice in our heads believes its function is to

guide us toward greater happiness. But it is thevoice of the ego-mind, the part of us that believesthat only through what happens to us in the worldaround us can we be at peace within. And since theworld around us seldom brings any lasting satisfac-tion, the ego-mind is always finding possibilities tofear, new reasons to be anxious.

This is not to imply that we should not thinkabout the future and should not make plans. Ourability to look ahead and gauge the outcome ofour actions is one of our most valuable assets.What we do not need is to fill our minds withworry over what may or may not happen. This isnot the most constructive use of our imaginationor our intelligence.

NOT NOW

Besides giving rise to much unnecessary fear, thismental chatter keeps us trapped in time. For as long

as we are listening to our internal dialogue, ourattention is caught in the past or the future. If halfour attention is taken up with the voice in our head,that half is not available for experiencing things asthey are, in the present. We don’t notice what isgoing on around us. We don’t hear the sounds ofbirds, the wind, the creaking trees; we don’t per-ceive the mood of our spouse. We don’t notice ouremotions, or the way our body feels. We are, ineffect, only half-conscious.

We have lost the present moment. Lost the now.

SAVING TIME

Similar fears underlie our concern for savingtime. We fear that we will not have time to do all thethings we think we must do if we are to be content.

So we try to do everything as quickly and effi-ciently as possible, reducing “unproductive” timessuch as traveling and shopping to a minimum. Then,we tell ourselves, we will have more time to spend—to spend, that is, on chasing after fulfillment. Timeto experience the world in new ways. Time toexplore new interests. Time to earn more money—and buy more of the things we think we need.

Little wonder, then, that time is so often equat-ed with money. We apply the same materialistmindset to both. We tell ourselves that the moretime we have at our disposal, the greater will be ouropportunities to find more happiness. But again weare looking to the future, to the surplus time we willcreate. Again we miss the enjoyment of the presentmoment.

FEAR OF EACH OTHER

Fear also plays havoc with our relationships:• We fear that our partners may cease to like us.


Yet, much as we may resist change, we cannot prevent it. Ifthe patterns of the past hold up (and there is every reason

to expect that they will), change is going to come faster andfaster. We will need to become more flexible, more free in

ourselves, to accept change. To do this, we must learn to letgo of our many unnecessary fears.

• We fear that they will not understand us.• We fear being criticized and judged.• We fear that others will react in ways wedo not like.• We fear rejection.• We fear that people will not listen.• We fear that they will not be there when we needthem.• We fear that they will prevent us from doing whatwe want.• We fear that if they knew what we were really likeinside, they would not want to be with us.• We fear that they might threaten our sense ofidentity.And how do we react?• We may not express how we really feel.• We may not tell the truth.• We may manipulate others into behaving in theway we want. • We may think them wrong, blaming them for ourfears.• We may be more concerned with proving that weare right than with hearing their point of view.• We may attack them in various subtle, or not-so-subtle, ways, looking for ways to make them fear us.• We may not listen fully. (As soon as we hearsomething that goes against a cherished belief, thevoice in our head tells us where they are wrong andhow we should respond—and as long as we are lis-tening to our own self-talk, we are not really listen-ing to them.)

Then we wonder why our relationships can be sofull of tensions and problems.

Nor is it just our intimate relationships that suf-fer. We find things to fear in our friends, our neigh-bors, our coworkers, and our bosses. We even findthings to fear in people we have never met, or maymeet once and never again. Will they make me lookfoolish? Will I be respected and valued? Will theyimpose on me? Will they ignore me?

Fear also disturbs our relationships with peoplefar away, in other countries. We are afraid of dif-ferent political systems. We are alarmed by othernations’ economic power. We are frightened bytheir instability. We dread their military might.

Then, as if there were not sufficient fear in the

world, we try to diminish our own fear by causingthem to fear us. And so the vicious circle grows.

RESISTING CHANGE

Not only is fear the root of many of our prob-lems, it also leads us to resist the changes that wouldhelp solve our existing problems. Change canthreaten our careers, threaten our relationships,threaten our positions, threaten our sense of con-trol, threaten our feelings of security, or threatenour freedom. If this is the way we see change, thenit is quite natural for us to resist it. We resist newtechnologies, new working practices, new customs,new ways of thinking. We resist changes to ourplans, changes in our circumstances, and changes inour lifestyles.

Tragically, we also resist the very changes thatwe most need to make if we are to survive. We resistgiving up our cars, reducing our energy consump-tion, saving water, recycling our waste, and doingwithout some of the luxuries to which many of ushave become accustomed. Stuck with our materialaddictions, we anticipate that in one way or anoth-er, the inconveniences of such changes will cause ussome discomfort.

The same pattern underlies our resistance tochange on a global level. This is why farmers con-tinue to degrade the soil, why corporations contin-ue to buy hardwood from the rain forest, whyindustries continue to pollute the air and water.

This is why the world continues to spend $750billion per year on armaments rather than on food,sanitation, housing, and education. Someone, some-where, believes the change would not be in theirown best interest.

Yet much as we may resist change, we cannotprevent it. If the patterns of the past hold up (andthere is every reason to expect that they will),change is going to come faster and faster. We willneed to become more flexible, more free in our-selves, to accept change. To do this, we must learnto let go of our many unnecessary fears.•

From “Waking Up in Time, Finding Inner Peace inTimes of Accelerating Change,” by Peter Russell.Copyright 1998 by Peter Russell. Printed withpermission from Origin Press.



BrieflyNotedEmpowering your Soul throughMeditation, by Rajinder Singh.Element Books, Inc., 1999, 180pages.

Rajinder Singh offers readers aguidebook for those interested inexploring the power, the energy,the riches, and the limitless poten-tial of the soul.Singh’s bookguides readers inusing the soul’spower and energyto enrich andtransform theirown lives. Whilethe soul’s power is immense, it canbe clouded by the mind, the envi-ronment, and the physical senses.

Singh’s book offers techniquesfor removing blockages and tap-ping the qualities of an empoweredsoul: unlimited wisdom, fearless-ness, immortality, unconditionallove, bliss, and connectedness.

Once tapped, Singh contends,those riches can enhance all aspectsof life, from personal relationshipsto physical, mental, and emotionalhealth, to work, spiritual growth,and the attainment of life’s goals.Such transformation can help bringpeace into each of our lives andthereby contribute to a morepeaceful world.

The Heart of the Mind, How toExperience God without Belief, byJane Katra, Ph.D., and RussellTarg. New World Library, 1999,195 pages.

Healer and scientist team up todescribe and expand the realm ofmystical experience, and to pro-

claim that God—minus the dogma,ritual or religious belief—is alwaysavailable if we will simply calm ourminds of internal chatter and openour hearts. The authors focus ontwo specific areas—science andspirituality—applying scientificobservation to the realms of spirit,and offer musings on issues of faith.

The book considers ancientwisdom teachings as well as mod-ern scientific exploration of para-psychological phenomena. In doingso, the authors offer spirituality asthe new scientific frontier, joiningtwo traditions that have long beenlocked in separate quarters. Thegoal is the same: an expanded,more unified world, one greatTruth, an underlying oneness, spir-it, and love. The two roads, theauthors say, lead to the same place,regardless of what we call it: God,satori, unity consciousness.

Against the Pollution of the I:Selected Writings, by JacquesLusseyran. Parabola Books, 1999,180 pages.

For those unfamiliar with him,Jacques Lusseyran was a French-man blinded at ageeight who went onto lead a resistancemovement duringthe Nazi occupa-tion of Paris. Hespent more than ayear in Buchen-wald and later, against great odds,became a professor and lecturer.

This book is a compilation of sixlittle-known essays filled with theinner light that Lusseyran foundafter losing his sight. It was thislight—this universal source of faithand hope—that sustained him inBuchenwald. Lusseyran felt andpasses on to readers the notion thatour disabilities, whatever they are,

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also can be our gifts; our obstaclesare our opportunities.

Three of the essays in this bookare about being blind in a seeingsociety. His blindness, he writes,made him pay more attention,enabling him to discover the divin-ity of the world. In this book, heoffers us a way to access our ownlight-filled inner self to help ustransform our lives.

Pilgrim Souls: A Collection ofSpiritual Autobiographies, Editedby Amy Mandelker and ElizabethPowers Touchstone Publications544 pages

For those who live out the storyof the inner life as a spiritual quest,it is illuminating toread words fromthose who havegone before us andwho have askedmany of the ques-tions we ask. “Pil-grim Souls: AnAnthology of Spiritual Autobiogra-phies” is an intellectually stimulat-ing and inspiring anthology thatbrings together fifty-eight writerswhose search for truth and under-standing has spanned over two mil-lennia and several continents.Although separated culturally, his-torically, and linguistically, they areunited by their efforts to respond toSocrates’ challenge to “know thy-self.”

Spiritual autobiographies focuson events and experiences thatshape the inner person in relation-ship to God. There are four majortypes of spiritual quests and per-sonal histories in “Pilgrim Souls”wanderers and seekers, pilgrimsand missionaries, mystics andvisionaries, and philosophers andscholars. The writers within thesesections are as diverse as they are

inspired. The major works ofWestern spiritual autobiographyare included in Pilgrim Souls aswell a works written from an out-sider's perspective, such as Jewish,colonial, and slave narratives.

Halfway Up the Mountain, TheError of Premature Claims toEnlightenment, by MarianaCaplan. Hohm Press, 1999, 568pages.

Ancient “secret” sacred texts areavailable with click of a mouse onthe World Wide Web. “Spiritual”teachers—fromcharlatans to theshallow to the truemasters—hawktheir wares in amultitude of spiri-tuality journalsand magazines.Spiritual teachershave become celebrities showingup on talk shows and celebrities aretaking on the role of spiritualteachers.

The result of all this is distor-tion, confusion, fraud, and lack ofeducation—conditions that plaguecontemporary spirituality in theWest in the 1990s. In interviewswith more than 30 spiritual mas-ters, lifelong spiritual practitionersand esteemed scholars and psychol-ogists, as well as research from thewritings of dozens of other spiritu-al masters, ancient and contempo-rary, Mariana Caplan examines thepath of enlightenment and the pit-falls, dead ends, and precipiceswhere seekers can become lost inself-deception, or lead others intodeception and corruption.

Caplan says those asked to par-ticipate in the book were selected inpart based on their integrity anddedication of their lives wholly tothe Truth. Among them: Andrew




Cohen, Joan Halifax, Robert Svo-boda, Lee Lozowick, Arnaud Des-jardins, Christina Grof, JakushoKwong Roshi, Claudio Naranjo,Judith Leif, Rabbi ZalmanSchachter-Shalomi, LlewellynVaughan-Lee, Reginald Ray,Danan Henry Roshi, Charles Tart,and others.

Of course, if you ask some of theformer followers and students of anumber of these experts Caplan haschosen, they might argue that thespiritual teachers Caplan selectedare only “halfway up the mountain”themselves. Perhaps this gives thema bit of authority and perspectiveon the subject.

Essential Spirituality, Exercisesfrom the World’s Religions toCultivate Kindness, Love, Joy,Peace, Vision, Wisdom and Gen-erosity, by Roger Walsh, M.D.,Ph.D. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.,1999, 302 pages.

Psychiatrist, philosopher, andformer long-timeskeptic RogerWalsh examinesthe seven practiceshe says are com-mon to theworld’s major reli-gions: Judaism,Christianity, Islam, Hinduism,Buddhism, Taoism, and Confu-cianism.

The practices he discovered,based on twenty-five years ofresearch, study, and spiritual prac-tice, include: discovering the soul’strue desire, cultivating emotionalwisdom, living ethically, focusingthe mind, recognizing the sacred,developing wisdom, and embracinggenerosity. Each involves an exam-ination of self, beliefs, and values.

These practices, he says, helpseekers to achieve a higher level of

consciousness and to develop theself-awareness that is part of a spir-itual existence. The author takes apractical approach to spiritualdevelopment: his book offers wis-dom from great spiritual leadersand philosophers, as well as exercis-es that will help readers apply eachof the practices to their daily liveswhile exploring other opportunitiesfor growth and self-development.

Essential spirituality acts as aguidebook on how to live morewisely and love more fully as youcontinue on your spiritual journey.

Everything Belongs, The Gift ofContemplative Prayer, by RichardRohr. The Crossroad PublishingCompany, 1999, 155 pages.

Retreat leader Richard Rohrtakes readers on a personal retreat,

but this is onethey can experi-ence in the com-fort of their ownhomes. Rohr’sbook is writtenfor those whohunger for adeeper prayer life

but don’t know what contempla-tion is or how to let it happen.

Rohr uses parables, koans, andpersonal experiences to lead read-ers beyond the techniques of prayerto a place that offers the gift of con-templation; the place where, hesays, we see the world in God clear-ly, and know that everythingbelongs.

The book is written to helpreaders pray better and see life dif-ferently. It offers readers an oppor-tunity to unlearn old ways of look-ing at the world and can help themsee it freshly with the eyes of faith.The book focuses on makingprayer the centerpiece of life, andilluminates what prayer can do andundo in our lives.•



to support you by holding a lovingspace for you to receive theresources, the personal vitality, andthe renewal you need. Your serviceis valuable and valued!—MarilynBranscum, Centreville, Virginia

H E A R T E N I N G

I recently had the pleasure ofreading the Spring 1999 issue ofPERSONAL TRANSFORMATION. I lovedthe thoughtful articles with theirtheme of humility—something werarely hear about these days. It’sheartening to discover that even inthis largely deteriorating worldthere are those striving to increaseunderstanding and move everupward.—Ellen Dickstein, GrantsPass, Oregon.

T O L I E O R N O T

Thank you for yet another van-tage point in the “From theExperts” column on whether wemust always tell the truth, or if it’sokay to tell a little white lie nowand then. I’ve struggled with thisdilemma and can see both points.My co-workers and I used to listento radio talk show host Dr. LauraSchlessinger, who seems to followMr. Millman’s philosophy and hasoften said that telling the truth isnot always the best path to follow.We’ve had numerous debates anddiscussions about this, and I appre-ciated another view on the topic. Ihave long felt that I could overlooka lot of human foibles, but I had todraw the line at lying because oncesomeone has lied to me, I can nolonger trust them, and a relation-ship cannot grow without trust.Mr. Millman’s take on the issue tipsthe balance. The key to “acceptablelying” seems to be judiciousness.Of course, therein lies the danger.

Mr. Millman was right when henoted that the bigger question is:Do we lie to ourselves? Again,enough food for thought to over-flow a dinner plate! Thank you!—Sally Brown, Baltimore, Maryland.

A D A Y O F R E S T

Amazing. I never knew a day ofrest could be such hard work. Iguess that proves just how neededit is. I’ve been thinking about a“day of rest” for a while, and afterreading Wayne Mullers’s com-ments in your magazine, I decidedit was time to act. So as of recently,Sunday is a day of rest at our house.We do no laundry, no groceryshopping, no lawnmowing, no pro-jects, no anything that is seen as achore. Some Sundays, that’s beenquite an adjustment—and a chal-lenge—because there are a dozenthings that “need to be done.” Butwe’re looking forward to discover-ing what life has to offer if we justtake a moment and stop.—PatrickRichards, Salt Lake City, Utah.

W O R K & B L E S S I N G

A friend visited recently andwhile she was at my house, pickedup my PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

Summer 1999 issue. She’s beengoing through some difficultieswith the man she is involved withand when she came to the Vissells’article on relationships, I couldn’tget her to put down the magazine!She finished the article before sheleft, then called a week later andasked if I could fax her a copy of itso she could share it with herboyfriend and another girlfriend. Idid that, and one better: I boughther a subscription as a belatedbirthday present. I’m sure she willcome to treasure the magazine asmuch as I do! By the way, the Vis-sells are a refreshing example ofcommitment in a seemingly

uncommitted society. Thanks forsharing their story, and their wis-dom.—Jamie Alexander, Hollywood,Florida.

V A L U A B L E L E S S O N

Bravo to Elizabeth Chinment, inthe “Compassion in Action” featurein the Summer 1999 issue for try-ing to make a difference in heryoung students’ lives. Teachershave their hands full these days,and their efforts often go unrecog-nized. She won’t keep all of themout of trouble, but if she helps justone through the challenges ofyouth, she can call her career a suc-cess.—Susie Williams, Columbus,Ohio.

S I G N M E U P

Enclosed is payment for a two-year subscription to PERSONAL

TRANSFORMATION. For some timenow I have been reading and great-ly appreciating a friend’s recycledcopies of your magazine. I havebeen impressed with the quality ofeach article, and often grateful toreceive something I need on myjourney. So I want to support youeconomically too. Thanks!—NancyLeone, Orchard Park, New York•

Letters From ReadersContinued from page 8

NEXT ISSUE READERS ON:

RELATIONSHIP AS TEACHER—HEALER, being with a loved onethrough crisis or death, aninspiring role model, or mentor,etc. Due September 13, 1999.

FORGIVENESS—being forgivenby another, forgiving someone,the process of forgivingyourself, etc. Due November5, 1999.

To contribute, please see Let-ters to the Editor on

page 8 for information.

tells me that she witnessed theexperience, reminding me that itreally was not a dream, that it actu-ally did happen.

In my play experiences withabused children, adults, and ani-mals, there are few play momentsas powerful as those shared withmanatees, animals that can reachup to fourteen feet in length andweigh two thousand pounds. Theyoffer even the most cautious stu-dent lessons in trust, graciousnessand gentleness. Their teachingsremind me that I am always abeginner and perpetually connect-ed to all of life. I simply need totrust with an open heart and extendmy hand in an invitation to play.

One student, in writing aboutthe experience afterward, said itbest: “What a wonderful example,what a fantastic lesson we could alllearn from them! For years all thathumans have done is hurt thesebeautiful creatures, yet they repayus with patience, gentleness, andquiet. It was so humbling.”

And each year, when I return tovisit my manatee friends in the coldriver waters of western Florida, thelessons remain a humbling experi-ence.—Daniel Caron, Wheeling,West Virginia. Please see editor’s noteat end of this feature.

Long JohnCardinal

One of my mother’s greatestgifts to me was a love for bird-

watching. My greatest experiencein bird-watching was meeting LongJohn Cardinal.

One day after I had filled all thefeeders and was enjoying the birdscoming in to dine, I saw a maleCardinal frantically trying to cling

to a feeder. I got out my binocularsand discovered he only had one leg.

Seeing his dilemma, I placedseeds all along the 2x4 top of mypatio fence. He quickly found themand went right down the fencemowing them down. Clearly, hewas very hungry.

Next morning I looked out andhe was waiting in a pine tree nearthe fence for me to bring his break-fast. Twice each day I placed hisseeds atop that fence and twice aday he waited for me in that samepine tree.

Cardinals are among the moreskittish birds. They seldom come inclose to a house or come in at allwhen humans are present. I guessLong John hadn’t read his CardinalBehavior Manual because from thestart he would come in and starteating while I was still on the patiofilling all the feeders.

Knowing the Cardinal lifespan isonly eight years, I began to worrythat he might die alone in thewoods behind my place. Thethought that he would fail to showup one morning filled me with dis-tress. I had bonded with him and ifsomething happened to him, Iwanted to know it.

So I told him how I felt. Manytimes. After placing his seeds atopthe fence, I would talk to him as Ifilled the other feeders. Somethinglike, “Listen, Pal. If the books areright, you have three years at mostto be with me. I don’t know howold you were when you came herebut you’ve been with me manyyears now.

“Please do me a favor, LongJohn. If you know you’re going todie, come here and die on my patioso I won’t be left wondering whathappened to you.”

I told him I loved him and howmuch I had enjoyed having him in

my life and what it would mean tome to know what happened to himat the end of his earthly journey. Itold him I would like to give him adecent burial like any other mem-ber of my family.

One rainy morning I went outto place his seeds on the fence. Itwas too foggy to see the pine treewhere he always waited but when Igot to the fence, I looked down atmy feet and there he was.

I took one feather for my medi-tation area and buried him in therain under his pine tree. With tearsrunning down my face, I said a littleprayer of gratitude for the pleasureof our five-year companionship.

Some might think this a flukebut I had an inner witness all alongthat we were communicating. Itwill never be possible for me toquestion that we have a spiritualconnection with any being welove.—Dalton Roberts, Chattanooga,Tennessee.

Gardening isan Act of LoveWith no goal, no plan, or

thought in my mind, Ienter the contentment of ordinarygarden work as a time to cultivateinner peace. I let my reverence fornature guide me to and from areasthat require attention. Soon, I amsuspended in the freedom of “at-one-ment” and beyond all thought,time, and space. The gardeningactivity and I become one. I am thegarden, the gardener, and the gar-dened. A brief taste of the mysticalis revealed as I well up with grati-tude. Frequently, I am stirred byhushing breezes, and as my gazelifts to the radiant dance of swirlingleaves above me, I become part ofthe interplay of nature’s presence.


Readers On NatureContinued from page 22


Suddenly, the ordinary becomes anextraordinary glimpse of unity andharmony and my world is full andwhole.

Whenever I need a change inmy routine, when I need to pray,when I want to honor my self in away only the solitude of gardeningcreates, I enter the solace ofnature’s beauty. As I move about inthe comfort of my gardens, I aminfused with life. I am a vessel fill-ing infinitely. I am the flowers, thetrees, the sun, the sky, the earth. Iam what simply is. When I pick upmy gardening tools and step out-side, I am moved by the music ofthe birds, the sun’s rippling shad-ows on the gardens, and the coolbreezes at the pond’s edge. I’m in“the kingdom of heaven” I used tothink was “up there.”

As I migrated the complex pathsthat appeared before me over manyyears, I began to see that the hard-er I tried to make things fit andwork, the less anything worked atall. When I discovered how tocommunicate with nature andunderstood that life is nature inaction, my own authentic naturebegan to grow on its own terms, nolonger forced to fit others’ expecta-tions. I began to thrive when Iweeded my garden regularly.

I often survey “my kingdom,”breathe in the light of my land-scape, and stand in reverence tolife’s deeper meaning that showsup. In the act of love that garden-ing is about, I am in love, and as Istand on the living earth beneathmy feet, I feel privileged to be here,knowing that nature’s comfortingcompanionship is only a few stepsaway, welcoming me.—Bev Rosen,via e-mail.

Editor’s note: Daniel Caron, directorof Wellness and Drug Education atWheeling Jesuit University recentlystarted an organization, that focuses

on helping people be gentle withanimals so that they will be gentlewith each other. Anyone interested inswimming with the manatees maycall Mr. Caron at: (304)547-1332,or e-mail him at:[email protected].

NEXT ISSUE READERS ON:

RELATIONSHIP AS TEACHER—HEALER, being with a loved onethrough crisis or death, aninspiring role model, or mentor,etc. Due Sept. 13.

FORGIVENESS—being forgivenby another, forgiving someone,the process of forgivingyourself, etc. Due Nov 5.

To contribute, please see Let-ters to the Editor on page 8.


opens us. I would not have given upthe witnessing and all the grief thatwent with it for anything becausethere’s more depth to my under-standing of life. I feel more vulner-able, more open. Now that much ofthe grief has worked its waythrough me, I’m asking, ‘Okay,God, now what? What do you wantfrom me? How can I serve?’”

The first thing she would tellpeople who see suffering, but don’tknow where to start serving, is topray. “Each of us has within us ourown story to unfold. Seek spirit inprayer and meditation, and ask,‘What can I do? Guide me.’ Fromthat place, we will be shown. Takea look around your family and yourcommunity and ask where you canbe of service right there. Then, ona global scale, look around and seehow things affect you. Write to ourlegislators, our decision-makers,and let them know your heartfeltthoughts. There is great power intelling our stories. Call five friendsand say, ‘I just heard about this andI want to tell you about what isgoing on. Let’s create a time ofprayer together.’ There is greatpower in people holding an inten-tion for a better world. Out of that,if you get ideas of what to do, stepout and do them.

“We also need to pay attentionto the stereotyping we do of otherswe perceive as different, becomingmore aware of how the media por-trays others. Any time we think ofArabs, what do we think of? Ter-rorists. When we stereotype any-one, we are saying yes to a terribleseparateness which, to me, is a pro-found spiritual issue. Paying atten-tion, and creating connection, isour deepest, most responsible workon the planet.” Gabriel spent oneevening in Iraq listening to an

artist’s story of devastation and loss.They talked about his journey andhow tremendous obstacles changepeople. Gabriel asked him if therewas anything that he would consid-er a blessing out of his experience.

“He had to think about that forquite a while,” Gabriel recalls, “butfinally answered. ‘You know, beforethe Gulf War and the sanctionsstarted,’ he told me, ‘I pretty muchlived for myself and my own needsand concerns, like most of the peo-ple I knew. When we first experi-enced losing power and not gettingfood, everyone hoarded what theyhad for themselves. We discovered,though, that we were not going tobe able to survive that way; wecould only survive the deepeninghardships by taking care of eachother. So, you would keep somefigs from your fig tree for yourselfand your family, but you wouldshare the rest with neighbors, andthey would share what they hadwith you. What has happened tome is that now I cannot go to bedat night without having done some-thing for someone else. A day doesnot go by that I do not look foropportunities to give to someoneelse. That was not said about mebefore this suffering started.’”

Gabriel says of her life now backin the United States, “I can’t let aday go by that I don’t fully seeanother human being and acknowl-edge their presence, whether it’s ahomeless person that I can looksquare in the face and greet as partof my family, or the checker in thegrocery store line. I’m realizingthat the most important thing inmy life now is to reach out and cre-ate connections with others. Whenyou see all the pain in the worldtoday, it’s because we stopped tak-ing time for each other. It tookgoing to Iraq to see on a global

scale how important it is that wejust have the courage to reach outto one another.”•

Michale Gabriel is a speaker,storytelling performer for adults andchildren, adjunct instructor ofstorytelling, author, and recordingartist. She founded the StorytellingResidency Program at Children’sHospital in Seattle, Wash., and theU.S./U.S.S.R. Story BannerExchange. Her Young Storytellers forPeace, U.S./U.S.S.R. ExchangeProgram, was featured on PBS. Shehas won several awards for her workwith children. She may bereached via e-mail at:[email protected]

A SAMPLING OF NON-PROFIT

ORGANIZATIONS FOR

COMPASSIONATE ACTION

Voices in the WildernessE-mail: [email protected]

Washington Physicians forSocial ResponsibilityE-mail: [email protected]

Center for Victims of Torture(612)626-1400 Minneapolis, MNE-mail: [email protected]

Doctors Without Borders(212)679-6800 New York, NY (310)277-2793 Los Angeles, CAE-mail: [email protected]

Building People to People TiesGlobal Exchange (415)255-7296 San Francisco, CA E-mail: [email protected]

The Global Fund for Women(650)853-8305 Palo Alto, E-mail:[email protected]

Human Rights Watch(212)290-4700 New YorkE-mail: [email protected](213)680-9906 CaliforniaE-mail: [email protected]

Oxfam AmericaSeeks solutions to hunger, poverty

A Way of ServiceContinued from page 12

and social injustice in poor com-munities around the world. OxfamAmerica supports the self-helpefforts of poor and marginalizedpeople striving to better their lives. (800)77-OXFAM, (617)482-1211E-mail: [email protected]

Grassroots InternationalWorks for social change, providingfinancial and material support forcommunity-led development andconducting educational and advo-cacy work in the U.S. on issues ofconcern to our partners. (617)524-1400 Boston, MAE-mail: [email protected]

Student Peace Action Network, Promote global nuclear disarma-ment, and ending the internationalarms trade.(212)750-5795 New York, NYE-mail: [email protected]: www.webcom.com/peaceact

Amnesty International (212)807-8400 New York, NY(202)544-0200 Washington, D.C.


Soulful LivingThe Process of Personal Transformation

SOULFUL LIVING includes the most inspirational articles from overeight years of PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION magazine. Authors includean all-star cast of experts in personal and spiritual growth. Theirwritings will invigorate your spirit and move you into a life of activespirituality. They will inspire you toward conscious healing and morecompassionate living, toward a life of deeper meaning—a life filledwith joy, love, and inner peace.

The book advances through the levels of personal and spiritualgrowth, beginning with a focus on “Learning to Live” and moving onto “Opening to Love,” “Healing the Body,” “Soulful Healing,” “OurSacred Story,” “The Liberation of Age,” “The Final Transition,”“The Process of Transformation,” “Practicing Transformation,” and“Acting Soulfully in the World.”

Transform your life with “Soulful Living.” $14.95 paper.

Available in bookstores or Call 800-775-6887 Available September 1999

In Search of CompassionEvery day, in communities and cities around the world, people are giv-

ing of themselves to help make a better life for others. Too often, their efforts go unnoticed.

We celebrate these lives of service by telling their stories in eachissue of PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION.

Help us applaud those who are dedicating themselves to helping oth-ers by submitting their names for consideration for a Compassion in

Action story, our feature on service to others.Call, fax or e-mail us with the name of someone you know who should

be recognized for their service to others. Include a brief synopsis ofhow they are helping others, and how we can contact that person.

Also include your name and phone number. Help us celebrate those who give so generously of their time and tal-

ents, whose lives truly reflect Compassion in Action.

Call: (800)775-6887 Fax: (918)250-0496

E-mail: [email protected]

Celebrating Lives in Service to Others

increased with the storytelling.Silently I predicted this retreatcouldn’t fix her problems. Fearfulof her anger, I suggested we walk tochapel.

We were led in a guided medi-tation followed by “AmazingGrace” and then breakfast servedby cheerful volunteers. I learnedabout two books by de Mello andborrowed one of them. Wheneverpeople with similar interests gath-er, they help each other, shareinformation and exchange ideas. Ithrive on this synergy.

I called home and vented overthe phone when my son askedwhere the house keys were.Whoops! Lost it again. Breathingdeeply, I told him, even though heshould have looked before calling.

We laughed a lot during the lec-tures. We also journaled. I experi-enced one “a ha” moment when Irecognized defensiveness provokedmy anger. I journaled about feelingaccused and wishing to let that feel-ing go.

“What do you mean by that?”Ellie challenged several times,obviously uncomfortable withteachers. But Brother Joe, a formerprincipal, author, and psychothera-pist, wasn’t an ordinary teacher. Hepoked fun at human nature, sharedcartoons, and told us we’d all diewith our anger as well as all ourother feelings. “The task is not tolet it own you. It’s to be free to act,not to react,” he said.

After lunch I walked along theditch. I noticed a twisted trail leftby a snake scooting across the hot,white sand into the bushes. A road-runner allowed me to get just closeenough to see him, then flew to afence post. Returning to the Cen-ter, I passed horses, orderly gar-

dens, and llamas in the pasturesbordering the ditch.

After a swim, a very practicalguided journaling lecture, and din-ner, I sat with new acquaintancesand watched the sinking sun.Something palpable had takenplace. Our chairs that peppered thelawn Friday evening were nowclustered together. We were nolonger individuals looking foranswers only for ourselves, cloister-ing in our rooms and strugglingalone with our raging demons.We’d become a group willing tolisten and share with each other.Anger and all our other negativeattributes didn’t carry such a sting.

I called home and learned I’ddriven over a bolt and my husbandhad to change the tire. He wasn’tpleased. This was my third flat in

five months. “I’m sorry to causeextra work,” I responded. But I did-n’t feel blamed.

At evening prayer, I sat acrossfrom Ellie and listened to evocativemusic. Sister Margaret Maryexplained a Membres symbol thatrepresented going to the center ofoneself. We were invited to writesomething about ourselves we’dlike healed and place it in a dish atthe altar. Ellie didn’t participate. Iwas afraid she might stand up andchallenge Sister’s service. Instead,at the last minute, she grabbed apencil and scribbled for a longtime. She took her paper to thedish and let it slide from her hand.I lowered my head, pretending notto notice. As the papers burned andmusic filled the chapel, her shoul-ders heaved. She was the last toleave.

Sunday, our last morningtogether, I awoke early, feelingreally rested. On the lawn,retreatants were reading, meditat-ing, doing Tai Chi, doing yoga, ortalking quietly. I felt blanketed inthe belief that everything was trulyokay, and even if the worst misfor-tune imaginable happened thismorning, it would still be okay.The Dominican Sisters encourageparticipants to engage in the prac-tices that help them grow spiritual-ly. They create an atmosphere freefrom the noise and clutter of ordi-nary life, and they also offer privatespiritual direction sessions. Sothey’re really more than a mother,although my friend was partiallycorrect, because they do nurtureand attend to their guests, but theydo it with unconditional acceptanceand love—a standard most mothershold for themselves but cannotattain.

I changed the sheets and blessedthe room for the next guest. When


TransformationsContinued from page 20 We were no longer

individuals lookingfor answers only forourselves,cloistering in ourrooms andstruggling alonewith our ragingdemons. We’dbecome a groupwilling to listen andshare with eachother. Anger and allour other negativeattributes didn’tcarry such a sting.

as this. Existential questions forceus to re-examine what we trulyvalue. The call for conscious choic-es wakes us up to the consequencesof what we choose. You’veacknowledged that there’s a lot rid-ing on your decision to stay orleave the corporate environment.

Second, by your own admission,you’ve already begun to set yourhouse of diverse priorities in ordersince you say, “My family is my toppriority.” That’s helpful. That tid-bit of data clarifies a fuzzy issue, butI’m not sure an all-or-nothingchoice is warranted yet. Moreabout that in a second.

Third, perhaps most critical toyour sorting-out process: Feelingtorn in two by a conflict is not allnegative. It’s somehow purifyingnot to know—not knowing offersus a high mode of being fromwhich to reflect on things. It maybe the Zen Buddhists who suggestthat the “don’t know” mind is free-ing—unattached, not rooted in thisor that. In our Western tradition,when we don’t know what to do we“cast our cares” in prayer: we turnthe matter over to God who then,according to a divine timetable,handles the matter. This isn’t aspassive as one might imagine.Strong faith that answers will comeplays a mighty role in our solutions.Here’s where all-or-nothing think-ing needs to be observed.

I tend to avoid either/or think-ing—if I make such choices at all,it’s at a snail’s pace. I prefer not topolarize my thinking—not to fixateon one way as the “good” way andanother as the unfulfilling. Sooften, deeper insight reveals a mid-dle ground, a blended path, thatleads to something tremendous—better than we ever dreamed of.

Here’s more of what I mean as itrelates to your inquiry:

Perhaps your corporation has aPublic Affairs program whereinemployees are volunteered to cer-tain inner city projects. In my cor-porate development practice, someyears ago an old, long-time corpo-rate client (a Fortune 500-typefirm) “donated” a few days of mytime to a huge not-for-profit outfit.Most companies budget fundsannually to support the UnitedWay, the Boy Scouts, the GirlScouts and other non-profit agen-cies. They use those monies to“loan” out executives or give schol-arships or whatever. If it won’tendanger how you’re perceived byyour management—that is, if itwon’t make you seem disloyal, dis-interested in your career, the cor-porate vision and so on (and onlyyou can figure that out)—considerinvestigating the existence of suchprograms.

To become an educator of anysort requires credentials, practiceteaching and other professionalpreparations. Perhaps you canmake a time-line with the input andhelp of your family so that, for thenext few years, as you ready your-self for the career you want—savingmoney, fulfilling educationalrequirements—you fulfill familyobligations.

No “expert” can tell you pre-cisely what to do: For one thing, no“expert” knows your heart (in thiscase, you don’t mention your age,your educational background, theage of your children, whether yourspouse works, etc.) and no “expert”will have to live with the conse-quences of your ultimate decision.Sometimes we look to others toadvise us because it sort of takes theheat off of us. However, each indi-vidual is responsible. Sorting


I carried my trash to the bin, Itripped and almost fell. For a splitsecond I had a choice to beannoyed or shake it off. I know myusual reaction would have beenanger. Fortunately the weekend ofjournaling brought positive results.

Ellie and I met at the coffeecounter. She was smiling and sanga good morning. This wasn’t thesame person I’d met two days ago.“I don’t know if it will ever comeback, but for now, it’s gone,” shelaughed. I smiled, telling her Iwouldn’t stamp my feet like Rum-plestiltskin and spew rage becausemy son asks where the keys areeither. And when I occasionallyslip, at least I’ll be forced to exam-ine what happened so it won’trecur. Together we walked to thecherry tree and listened whileMark played guitar before morn-ing prayer.

The Dominican Sisters host a varietyof retreats during the year. Topicsrange from Tai Chi, Holistic, AdultChildren, and Enneagram toMystics, Centering Prayer, andSilence and Fasting. Forinformation, call (505) 877-4211 orcheck their website atwww.christdesert.org/dominican/retreat_info.html•

Ask The ExpertsContinued from page 16

Tell aboutYour

TransformationIn each issue, we present stories

from people who have transformedtheir lives.

Do you experience inner peaceand joy? Is your life fulfilled withloving relationships? Are youdirected by your wisdom and aspi-rations? We want to present yourinspiring story. We want to tellour readers how you changed yourlife. For information, please seepage 78.


through the subtle shadings of thisissue could be one of your life’smost growthful processes. Forexample, consider taking a spiritualretreat, or several. (A long week-end? Vacation time?) Use stillness,meditation, and other purifyingdisciplines to ponder your inquiry.In deep, silent meditation, you cancontemplate the matter, remainingtotally open to your “small stillvoice.” Our tugs-of-war are teach-ing. If we can rid our mind of ourpreset models of how we imaginelife ought to be, our “teacher” willshow us what to do. For that les-son, we have to stay open—receive—our finest, spiritualinsights.

Further research is in order:Who do you know that’s made asimilar transition and done it suc-cessfully? Might you get some tipsfrom them? If you have a spiritualdirector, now’s the time to enter adialogue with him or her. Howabout journal work? (Read Pro-goff’s “Journal Workshop,” if youhaven’t already.) How aboutarranging a few sessions with atrusted, competent counselor tochew over the downside and theupside of either route?

We all know what free advice isworth. Nonetheless, here’s mine:Your commitment to your familycame first. Honor that first. Thinkof your “top priority”—your familyobligations—as a course in school,like law school or medical school.You’ll eventually graduate. What-ever you decide, I say, keep yourday job while you pray, ponder, andfine-tune your intuitive antennaefor life’s answer. Remember thewords of the prophet Isaiah,“Thine ears shall hear a wordbehind thee, saying, ‘This is theway, walk ye in it.’” (Is. 30:21)

We’ve each got to be pretty stilland grounded to hear that guidingword. Much success to you as youlisten inwardly and as you choose.

SUKIE MILLER, Ph.D., is a ther-apist, educator, author, and formermember of the Board of the C.G.Jung Institute of San Francisco andan early director of Esalen Insti-tute. She founded the Institute forthe Study of the Afterdeath, aninternational research center forthe development of cross-culturalinformation on what may happento us after we die.

MARSHA SINETAR is an educa-tor, corporate adviser, and best-selling author who lives in thePacific Northwest.

ELIZABETH HARPER NEELD isan independent scholar and corpo-rate consultant to Fortune 500companies in the field of changemanagement. She teaches spiritualseminars and retreats, and is the laydirector of the Women’s RetreatMinistry. She lives in Austin,Texas.

RON ROTH is a spiritual intu-itive, teacher, and author. Heserved as a Roman Catholic priestfor 25 years before founding Cele-brating Life Institutes in Peru, Illi-nois, where he lives. He nowteaches modern mysticism andhealing through prayer to peopleof all faiths, and conducts semi-nars, workshops and retreatsworldwide.•


Ask The ExpertsContinued from page 73 against fear.

Community is essential togrowing courage and meeting fear.To remember that the legacy ofyour life has to do with how muchGod you make in your heart, youhave to assert and demonstrateyour faith within your communi-ty. Such sharing creates a collec-tive energy which is far greaterthan the energy any individual canmuster alone. Now, if you over-identify with community, then ina certain sense, communitybecomes a shelter from fear. If youbelong to a religious group or cultthat feels itself elite, that discour-ages respectful relationship to allother people, then such a commu-nity becomes a form of protectionor defense, a mutual comfort orga-nization. Those are communitiesof fear. They are not communitiesof love, and definitely not commu-nities of spirit.

Communities of love intrinsi-cally go beyond human relation-ships. They are communities thatrelate to the earth, that are con-cerned for the welfare of futuregenerations of human beings andall other creatures. They are com-munities in which personal self-interest is constantly balanced witha compassion for the good of thewhole.•

Richard Moss, M.D. After a shortgeneral practice, he experienced life-changing realizations that led him tohis true calling: the exploration ofspiritual awakening and itsintegration into daily life. His booksinclude “The I That Is We,” “TheBlack Butterfly,” and “The SecondMiracle.” For over twenty years,Richard has worked with groups,helping people throughout the worldto transform their lives. He lives inOakhurst, California with his wifeand children.

the temporary nature of our lives,and the legacy that we can leave bygrowing more God in our hearts.Becoming more capable of loveand more capable of intimacy inrelationships is the sign of realfreedom. From that place in our-selves, we draw the will to stand

Love the Greater GodContinued from page 33

how she, at her age, is able to trav-el and be of sane mind meeting allof those people—but at the sametime, her thinking is still in thatreptilian mode, which is a pity.Look at how much NATO hasinvested in saving face. Elders don’tfeel that way.

TRANSFORMATION: What’s thework of December?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Decem-ber is an entirely different phase.Most people are so afraid of deaththat we have created an industryabout saving life at any cost, whichis a good policy for the emergencyroom. When someone is broughtin from an accident, we want to doanything that we can to save life.But an elderly person who has got-ten the friend of pneumonia tocome, one of the easiest ways ofdying, is pumped full of antibiotics,and his life is saved, as it were. Thenext time, dying is more painful. Sodon’t “prolong life.” In reality, itprolongs dying. What I call theDecember place is preparing oursolitude with God.

TRANSFORMATION: You just cel-ebrated your 75th birthday. Youwrote the book “From Age-ing toSage-ing” in 1993, six years ago.In the years since, how has yourunderstanding of sage-ing deep-ened?

SCHACHTER-SHALOMI: Before Iwrote the book, I got the glimpseof the possibility of sage-ing, andafter that glimpse, there was min-ing of that idea. Then came apply-ing that idea, teaching seminarsand so on. Now, a large number ofpeople have trained to bring thiswork to people in the world, andthere are sage-ing centers spring-ing up. I have a feeling that I’vedone that job and I’m planning toconclude the service part, the

November phase, in another fewyears, and then it’s going to betime to work on my own inner wayof releasing myself from this life. Iexperience great joy to see that anidea in which I served as a conduitis beginning to take root. I havegiven the mantle of leadership tosome wonderful people because Idon’t believe that people shoulddie in the saddle. I look at thePope, dragging himself aroundwhen his body barely carries him.It isn’t fitting for him to retire, butI wish it were so that he couldenjoy the last years of his life, look-ing over his work and spendingtime as a contemplative.•


Sage-ingContinued from page 52

TRANSFORMATION: Does doingso take courage or give courage?

PIR VILAYAT: Both.TRANSFORMATION: Does doing

so have an impact on fear?PIR VILAYAT: Yes, because fear

is based on a concern about beingin the hands of unknown destiny,whereas if we know we have influ-ence upon our destiny we are nomore totally delivered into thecryptic, and possibly capricious,will of fate.

TRANSFORMATION: It elimi-nates the “What if…”

PIR VILAYAT: We are grapplingwith what we think are our prob-lems, rather than dealing withwhat is at stake in our problems.The question “What if?” thenapplies to “What if my interpreta-tion of my problems is wrong, andI have been acting in consequenceof this assumption, and entertain-ing fear that things might turn outto be unfavorable to my wellbeing?” Frequently people worryabout the hazard of something thatnever happened. To prepare forthe hazard is justifiable, but the

Pir VilayatContinued from page 57

of nonpractice.” Practice in a waythat does not tire you out, butgives your body, emotions, andconsciousness a chance to rest.Our body and mind have thecapacity to heal themselves if weallow them to rest.

Stopping, calming, and restingare preconditions for healing. If wecannot stop, the course of ourdestruction will just continue. Theworld needs healing. Individuals,communities, and nations needhealing.•

From “The Heart of the Buddha’sTeaching, Transforming Sufferinginto Peace, Joy, and Liberation,” byThich Nhat Hanh. Copyright 1998by Thich Nhat Hanh. Printed withpermission from Parallax Press.

Thich Nhat HanhContinued from page 54

fear of hazard can be counter-pro-ductive. There are cases wherepeople have been afraid of a situa-tion, and when it occurred foundthat they were able to cope with it,it even found their self-confidencestrengthened. Sometimes the situ-ation averred itself to be the bestthing that could have happened tothem. If that which one was afraidof could never happen—whetheror not that reduces fear—does notseem to be dealing with the issue.The issue is to be able to find inoneself the ability to deal with achallenge and thereby gain self-confidence, and even come toappreciate the value of challengesfor the unfoldment of one’s poten-tial. Jung once said, “If you do notmeet your shadow it will come toyou recurrently in the form of yourfate.” This is not always true, butdoes give us some clues about whythings happen the way they do inour lives.•

human contact arises from a con-sciousness of separateness from oth-ers. Mental acceptance of separate-ness is, in its own way, an act of vio-lence, for it offends against the real-ization of life’s underlying unity.With perfection in non-violence weachieve that absolute inner puritywhich is recommended by the niya-ma of cleanliness.

CONTENTMENT

Contentment is not smugness,but an attitude that one should holdcourageously in the face of thegreatest vicissitudes. The positiveaspect of non-avarice, and the wayto perfect oneself in this quality, isto live with an attitude of content-ment regardless of any circum-stance.

AUSTERITY

Austerity is not the performanceof outward penances, but an atti-tude of dis-involvement with out-wardness. Austerity is the naturalcorollary to brahmacharya (self-control), for it means an attitude oftaking energy that was formerlydirected outwardly, and rechannel-ing it with ever increasing fervorinto the spiritual search.

INTROSPECTION

Introspection (self-study, or self-awareness) would seem to bedirected more obviously inward,but it implies much more than self-analysis. For self-analysis keeps themind tied to the ego, whereas whatis meant, primarily, is to hold themind up for guidance by the silentwhispers of intuition.

Non-acceptance, its counter-part, means not accepting thethought that we own anything. Ithas as its positive aspect the con-templation of what we are, ratherthan what we are not. Since all theyama-niyamas refer more to men-tal qualities than to outer practices,

swadhyaya has a deeper meaningthan intellectual self-analysis. It is areference, rather, to ever deeperself-awareness—a process thattranscends mental introspectionand requires us to see ourselves andeverything around us in relation tothe higher, divine Self. “Dwellalways,” it tells us, “in the con-sciousness of the Self within.”

DEVOTION

Devotion to the Supreme Lord,finally, is a reference to devotionthat is directed inward, not scat-tered outwardly in religious cere-monies and rituals. It pairs withtruthfulness for perfect truthfulnessmeans facing unconditionally thatthere is only one reality in existence:God. Outside of Him (or Her), wehave no existence. To give up thetemptation to put off that momentwhen we must face the ultimatetruth about ourselves—this funda-mental and utter self-honesty per-mits of only one conclusion,summed up in the final niyama:“Devotion to the Supreme Lord.”

The yama-niyamas are essentialfor anyone who would find peace ofmind. Be restful in your heart, evenas you work to perfect yourself inright spiritual attitudes. Only byinner restfulness during outeractivity will you achieve thatsupreme restfulness which liesbeyond all activity.•

Donald Walters is an author,lecturer, and composer, and isrespected as a teacher of meditationand higher consciousness. Walters isauthor of more than sixty books on avariety of topics, from leadership, toeducation. A few of these titles include“The Path,” “Affirmations for Self-Healing,” and “Education for Life.”His most recent book,“Superconsciousness, A Guide toMeditation,” which this article wasadapted from, was published byWarner. Superconsciousness will bere-released in the coming monthsfrom Crystal Clarity Publishers.


which is totally false, “so I willnever love again” or “so I will neverput myself into dangerous situa-tions again.” The fact is you mustrealize that if you commit yourselfto the path of knowledge, if youwant to gradually pierce the secretof suffering, it is essential to takethe risk of living and of suffering.

Your childhood vitality and per-haps even your exuberance oftenbrought about rebuke. You heardstatements like, “You shouldn’t dothat!” or “How dare you do that!”And so this vitality or exuberancebecame associated with value judg-ments. Spiritual teachings alsoseem to greatly condemn the rich-ness of life; they recommendasceticism, austerity, renouncingthe world, going into monasteriesor hermits’ caves and to top it alloff, “death to oneself” or “thedeath of the ego.” I personally wasquite surprised to see an austereman like Swami Prajnanpad insistso strongly on the importance ofdaring to live, laying oneself openand rolling with the punches. It didnot seem to go along with myunderstanding of Hindu spirituali-ty. Yet there is a real risk here, onethat I barely escaped on numerousoccasions. It consists in trying tocamouflage one’s fear of livingbehind noble but untrue words.And so you fight against a feelingof suffocation in relation to yourdesire to lead a vast and full life,one rich in experience. We run therisk of deluding ourselves by turn-ing our spiritual ideals into anexcuse for our fear to live.•

Arnand Desjardins, formerly a wellknown film-maker, is an eminentFrench spiritual teacher, widelyrespected in his own country as theauthor of numerous books onspiritual life.

Dare To LiveContinued from page 25

PracticesContinued from page 36


T here are seasons in life in the same way as there are seasons in nature. There are times

to cultivate and create, when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and

ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and

expanding. And there are times of fruition, when things come to an end. They have reached their

climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally, of course, there are times that

are cold and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant

dream. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night,

bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are. If you realize that each

phase of your life is a natural occurrence, then you need not be swayed, pushed up and down by the

changes in circumstance and mood that life brings.

Seasons of LifeC H Ö G Y A M T R U N G P A

TSI

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