VOLUME 4, ISSUE 1 JANUARY - MARCH 2017 (FIRST QUARTER)

Chapter leaders: David and Terry Kaniaupio

David: (808)222-6556 Terry: (808)222-2729

Email: kaniaupiotcf@gmail.com

Treasurer: Jeanne Martin

Newsletter Editor: David Kaniaupio

Website: www.compassionatefriendshawaii.org

HONOLULU CHAPTER MONTHLY MEETING

Meeting Place: Pagoda Tower Penthouse

Address: 1525 Rycroft St

City: Honolulu, Hawaii 96814

Meeting time: First Saturday of every month 10:00 – 11:30 AM

Parking: Validated Parking Garage at Ross’s on Kanunu St

UPCOMING EVENTS

No Events At The Moment

REGIONAL COORDINATOR

Regional Coordinator: David Kaniaupio

Phone Number: (808)222-6556

Email: kaniaupiotcf@gmail.com

NATIONAL OFFICE

The Compassionate Friends

PO Box 3696

Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696

(877) 969-0010

nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org

www.compassionatefriends.org

Choosing Life “It will never be the same. Never.” As a bereaved parent, you

have often heard or said these words to express grief’s profound feelings of sorrow and disorientation. Your life has suddenly taken an unexpected course that appears both uncharted and endless. Bewildered, you vainly search for pathways back to your former life, until you confront the reality that there is no way back. Your child is dead forever. It is then that you may say, “…never the same.”

This is the aspect of grief that Simon Stephens calls “The Valley of the Shadow.” It is that very long time between the death of your child and your reinvestment in life. Between. It is not supposed to be a permanent resting place. Although some people do take up residence in the valley, it is a transition from the death of your child to life with renewed purpose.

The key to this transition is yourself. You must choose between life and the valley. You and only you can decide. And you must make that decision again and again, each day.

Giving in to the hopelessness of the valley is tempting. Choosing to move on toward life requires a great deal of work. You must struggle with the pain of grief in order to resolve it. It is a daily struggle full of tears, anger, guilt and self-doubt, but it is the only alternative to surrendering yourself to the valley.

Little by little you choose to move on. Little by little you progress toward the other side of the valley. It takes a very long time, far longer than your friends or relatives suspected. Far longer than you had believed – even prayed – that it would be. When one day you find yourself able to do more than choose merely to live but also how to live, you will know you are leaving the valley of the shadow. There will still be more work to do, more struggle and choosing. The valley, however, stretches behind rather than in front of you.

When you have resolved your grief by reinvesting in life, you will be able to realize that nothing is ever “the same.” Life is change. We would not have it be otherwise, for that is the valley of the shadow. Change has the promise of beginning and the excitement of discovery.

Life is never the same. Life is change. Choose life!

Marcia F. Alig TCF, Mercer Area Chapter, New Jersey

1

“When one

person is

missing, the

whole world

seems

empty.”

Forever Young

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Peace and comfort to all as we welcome the New Year - 2017.

Thank you all who volunteered and attended the Honolulu Chapter of The

Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting held at La Pietra School for Girls.

I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who attended. It was truly a success

The National Compassionate Friends website had a make-over with a new look and

the “Closed Facebook Groups” are now titled “Private Facebook Groups”. They can

be found by scrolling down and clicking on the “Get Support” button in the box

“Online Communities”, “View Groups” or under the top tab “Find Support”, “Online

Communities”, “Private Facebook Groups”.

We would like to include writings from parents in our chapter to be included in our

quarterly newsletter. If you are a creative writer and would like to share your child in

our newsletter with a poem or short story. Please submit it to us and we would love to

include it in our newsletter. Last quarter we had some beautiful stories to include in

our newsletter.

THE GRIEF TOOLBOX

When it comes to dealing with grief, it can be a challenge to find the resources we

need to educate ourselves and our loved ones on what is happening and how to best

keep going forward.

Having been down this road, we want to give back. We want to reach out to those who

are earlier on this road.

We cannot make your pain go away, nor can we provide answers for you. What we

can do is help you to find the tools that you need to work through your grief journey.

Thus, was born The Grief Toolbox. The Grief Toolbox is an ambitious project. Its goal

is to be an all-encompassing place for grief tools: a singular area where a person can

find all the resources they need to help them with that grief that neither time nor

money can solve.

We here at the Grief Toolbox understand that needs change as we go from the raw

encompassing pain of the first year to the stark reality of the second year, and then to

the growth and reinventing ourselves of the middle years to the acceptance and

blessing that now coexists with the pain and love that will always be a part of our life.

Grief, in our opinion, falls into two categories: grief that can be solved with time or

money, and grief that cannot be solved. If you leave your favorite coat on a plane, with

time and money you can replace it and the grief will slowly fade. However, with the

loss of a loved one - whether a spouse, a parent, a child or a sibling - no time and no

amount of money will make this grief go away.

The Grief Toolbox website is: http://thegrieftoolbox.com/

LOVING LISTENERS: DAVID KANIAUPIO (808)222-6556

TERRY KANIAUPIO (808)222-2729

Honolulu Chapter

2

The Honolulu Chapter of The Compassionate Friends operates solely on donations: monetary gifts in any

amount are deeply appreciated. If you would like to donate to the Honolulu chapter, please contact our

Treasurer to ensure your gift is used locally.

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED FOREVER LOVED, MISSED, REMEMBERED

JANUARY

Our Children Born in January

Anais Atherton, Jan 1980 - Jul 2016

Kellee Jones Briggs, Jan 1978 - Nov 2013

Kaelyn Cullender, Jan 2009 - May 2010

Carter Horlback, Jan 2012 - Oct 2016

Mina Piilani Hornor, Jan 2009 - Jul 2016

Michael Kalani Hulama Jr, Jan 1974 - Mar 2003

Jeremy Lapitan, Jan 1990 - Feb 2013

Gerald “Jerry” Alan Massie, Jan 1966 - Dec 2015

Peter Nelson, Jan 1964 - Nov 2013

Troy Ozama, Jan 1965 - Feb 2006

Mitch Poissonnet, Jan 1963 - Dec 2014

Darius Ikaika Puni-Mau, Jan 1991 - Apr 2013

Adrenia Olena Cadiz Robinson, Jan 2012 - Dec 2013

Shane Paul Quirk Stowell, Jan 1982 - Mar 2016

Our Children Who Left Us in January

Lea Bussell, Nov 1992 - Jan 2014

Gregory Gareth Gaines, Dec 1984 - Jan 2002

Nainoa Kealiihokuhelelani Hoe, Aug 1977 - Jan 2005

Errol Lewis Hughes, Mar 1963 - Jan 2006

Abby Kubik, Mar 1995 - Jan 2013

Buddy Kaehukakahiaka Luke, Mar 1984 - Jan 2015

Laurie McNeil, Jul 1960 - Jan 1994

Heather Haunani Akiko Nahina, Dec 1977 - Jan 1992

Steven M. Oshiro, Jun 1963 - Jan 2000

Linden Jordan Radona Quintal, Apr 1996 - Jan 2015

Jerrod Richardson, Mar 1991 - Jan 2010

Grant Young, Feb 1983 - Jan 2002

Honolulu Chapter

Kellee Jones Briggs

Linden Jordan Radona Quintal

Darius “Ikaika” Puni Mau

Heather Haunani Akiko Nahina

Mitch Poissonnet

3

Nainoa Kealiihokuhelelani Hoe

Shane Paul Quirk Stowell

4

Adrenia Olena Cadiz Robinson

Gerald “Jerry” Alan Massie

Lea Bussell

Anais Atherton

Gregory Gareth Gaines

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED FOREVER LOVED, MISSED, REMEMBERED

FEBRUARY

Our Children Born in February

Walter J. Agno, Feb 1987 - Nov 2007

Inde Elgersma, Feb 2015 - Jul 2016

Keokalani Snyder Elizares, Feb 1976 - Aug 1998

Danielle Fletcher, Feb 1997 - Jun 2016

Mark Patrick Goldberg, Feb 1984 - Dec 2013

David Higginbotham, Feb 1992 - Jul 2000

Jennifer Jacobi, Feb 1972 - Oct 2005

Melanie Mimi Makaipo, Feb 1982 - Mar 2012

Ameliya Ridgeway, Feb 2015 - Jun 2015

Kaikupa'aokalani Seto, Feb 1985 - Aug 2004

Scott Yutake Shimizu, Feb 1963 - Feb 2007

Michelle Shusterich, Feb 1977 - Jul 1998

Benjamin Madigan Snavely, Feb 1982 - Nov 2015

Aaron Carter Steffens, Feb 1974 - Jun 2010

Grant Young, Feb 1983 - Jan 2002

Al Zaharis, Feb 1964 - Oct 1991

Our Children Who Left Us in February

Andy Agnostinelli, Apr 1979 - Feb 1992

Elizabeth Cook Allen, Sep 1967 - Feb 2013

Angela Lace Apostadiro, Nov 1992 - Feb 2010

Jeffrey Kanaiaupuni Carvalho, Oct 1980 - Feb 2004

Hailee Jade Nicole Chaves, Mar 2015 - Feb 2016

Quintin Cho, May 1994 - Feb 2016

Joshua Esubio DeGuzman, - Feb 1996

Jenny Naba Fagan, Mar 1980 - Feb 2014

Noel Christopher Lagat, Jun 1989 - Feb 2009

Jeremy Lapitan, Jan 1990 - Feb 2013

Ryan Joseph Martin, Oct 1980 - Feb 2014

Michael Anthony Moriarty, Dec 1992 - Feb 2010

Wiley Muir, Oct 2013 - Feb 2014

Kalen Nakasato, Sep 1975 - Feb 2003

Troy Ozama, Jan 1965 - Feb 2006

Ramona Shapiro, Nov 1985 - Feb 2008

Scott Yutaka Shimizu, Feb 1963 - Feb 2007

Jason Wegger, Jul 1972 - Feb 2006

Honolulu Chapter

Benjamin Madigan Snavely

Mark Patrick Goldberg

Ryan Joseph Martin

Jennifer Jacobi

5

Jenny Naba Fagan

Aaron Carter Steffens

Ramona Shapiro

“People say you don’t

know what you got

until it’s gone. Truth is

you knew what you

had, you just never

thought you would

lose it.”

6

Quintin Cho

OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED FOREVER LOVED, MISSED, REMEMBERED

MARCH

Our Children Born in March

Michael Andrew Bignami, Mar 1988 - Jul 2013

Hailee Jade Nicole Chaves, Mar 2015 - Feb 2016

Cameron W. Deal, Mar 1969 - Jul 1996

Jenny Naba Fagan, Mar 1980 - Feb 2014

Mark Gatanis, Mar 1967 - Apr 2013

Jameelah Guanstein, Mar 1955 - Mar 2011

Nicole Keonemelani Hookeno Elliot, Mar 1980 - Apr

2009

Errol Lewis Hughes, Mar 1963 - Jan 2006

Hinaaiinameleonalani

Keahewelomakalehuaikauaokapo Johnson-Ahia, Mar 2012 - Oct 2014

Donovan Keliiaa, Mar 1981 - Dec 2014

Destiny King, Mar 2002 - May 2008

Abby Kubik, Mar 1995 - Jan 2013

Buddy Kaehukakahiaka Luke, Mar 1984 - Jan 2015

Alex Mambo, Mar 1970 - Jun 2011

Aaron Miller Moylan, Mar 1979 - Mar 1999

Jolene Morizono, Mar 1980 - Jul 2009

Kourtnee Otsuka, Mar 1990 - Jun 2016

Victoria Pojas, Mar 1987 - Jul 2005

Nina Ricci, Mar 1981 - Dec 2010

Jerrod Richardson, Mar 1991 - Jan 2010

Kapena Lou Kalanikaioka'ie'ei Smith, Mar 1980 -

Sep 2003

Peter Solieau, Mar 1959 - Sep 1993

Marc Joseph Spitzzeri, Mar 1967 - Mar 2008

Benjamin U.F. Stevens, Mar 1985 - Oct 2009

Our Children Who Left Us in March

Anthony "Tony" Almeida, Jun 1989 - Mar 2014

Amanda Beaty, Sep 1994 - Mar 2016

Brody David Black, Apr 1998 - Mar 2002

Augusto Camara, Sep 1978 - Mar 2006

James Brennan Cohen, May 1966 - Mar 2009

Daniel John Collette, May 1991 - Mar 2016

Danielle Reiko Cox-Kaluhiwa, May 1979 - Mar 1996

Shawn C. Carvalho, Oct 1979 - Mar 1996

Anthony James Edrada, Aug 1993 - Mar 2007

Jameelah Guanstein, Mar 1955 - Mar 2011

Michael Kalani Hulama Jr, Jan 1974 - Mar 2003

Emilia Hung, Sep 1988 - Mar 2013

Melanie Mimi Makaipo, Feb 1982 - Mar 2012

TeeJay Meier, Oct 1977 - Mar 1999

Peter Miller, Jun 1973 - Mar 2006

Aaron Miller Moylan, Mar 1979 - Mar 1999

Jon Keith Nobles, Oct 1973 - Mar 1998

Eric Bradford Rohlfing, May 1961 - Feb 1986

Shannon Shea Smith, Apr 1976 - Mar 1997

Marc Joseph Spitzzeri, Mar 1967 - Mar 2008

Shane Paul Quirk Stowell, Jan 1982 - Mar 2016

Kevin Wolfley, Aug 1964 - Mar 2008

Kecia M. U. Wong, Jul 1982 - Mar 2002

Honolulu Chapter

Donovan Keliiaa

Peter Miller

7

Kourtnee Otsuka

Danielle Reiko Cox-Kaluhiwa

TeeJay Meier

Jameelah Guanstein

Alex Mambo

Mark Gatanis

Hinaaiinameleonalani

Keahiwelomakalehuaikauaokapo

Johnson-Ahia

Shane Paul Quirk Stowell

8

Jenny Naba Fagan

Anthony “Tony” Almeida

The hardest part of losing someone, isn’t having to say goodbye,

but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the

void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go!

Voices of Parents, Grandparents, and Siblings

In Honor of Lt. Nainoa Kealiihokuhelelani Hoe

I immensely enjoyed attending the Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting event on Sunday

December 11, 2016. My father and I had traveled to Hawaii to visit a special cousin of mine.

Our visit coincided with the one-year anniversary of my brother Jerry Massie’s memorial

service, and by "chance", also happened to be the same time as the Compassionate Friends

Candle Lighting event held in Honolulu.

During my brother's memorial service in December 2015 my special cousin had sent fresh

Hawaii Leis for our immediate family to wear during the service. It was while wearing this

Hawaii Lei that I received a text from my colleagues that were attending a Company Christmas

meeting congratulating me on winning a trip to Hawaii. Amazing.

While not your typical tourist thing to do, both my father and I agreed that we would like to

attend the Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting event. I was pleasantly surprised during the

event to see a photograph of Lt. Nainoa Hoe. 1LT Hoe was an outstanding young officer serving

with 1-25 Stryker Brigade Combat Team in Northern Iraq that we had lost to a sniper's bullet

I met Nainoa's father Alan Hoe during our 1-25 Stryker Brigade Reunion held at Joint Base

Lewis McChord in 2013. During the Reunion myself and others on the Committee were honored

to be presented with beautiful Hawaii Leis in remembrance of the Soldiers we lost. The Hoe

family has an incredible legacy of service.

Thank you! Our friends and family will never be forgotten.

Dan Massie, Jerry’s Brother

Puyallup, Washington

Editor’s Note: The Honolulu Advertiser printed an article recognizing Lt. Nainoa

Kealiihokuhelelani Hoe. The title of the article was “Warrior Spirit Lives”. It was posted on

January 31, 2008. Below is a link to the article.

http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2008/Jan/31/ln/hawaii801310347.html

Honolulu Chapter

9

Nainoa Kealiihokuhelelani Hoe

Gifts of Love

10

Dominic Ilacad

In Honor and Loving memory

of his niece, Princess Zuna Ilacad

Yadao

Clara Makaipo

In Honor and Loving memory

of her daughter, Melanie Mimi

Makaipo

Pearl Stewart

Mahalo for being our Guest Speaker

at the Candle Lighting Ceremony in

Honor and Loving memory of her

grandson, Kaeden Benjamin

Kaimiloa Ah Mook Sang Stewart

Mike and Bonnie Town

In Honor and Loving memory

of their granddaughter, Mina

Pulani Horner and son-in- law,

Mark Horner

A Big Mahalo to Karen Cho, Sherrie Coronas, Bonnie Madigan, Jim Massie, Dan Massie, Lorna

Oyasato Nagaishi and Roger Alcaria for all they did to make our Candle Lighting Ceremony a special

event in honor of all our children, grandchildren and siblings.

Jeanne Martin

In Honor and Loving memory

of her son, Ryan Joseph

Linda Yoneshige

Mahalo for providing the

Christmas ornaments for the

Candle Lighting Ceremony in

Honor and Loving memory

of her daughter, Heather

Haunani Akiko Nahina

Majorie and Darrell Mattos

In Honor and Loving memory

of their son, Dwayne George

Mattos

Honolulu Chapter

Kaiser Permanente’s

Finance Department

Mahalo to the employees for

their donation to our local

Chapter

Laura Ritter

Mahalo for our opening

reflections at the Candle

Lighting Ceremony

Fjdfc © 2017 Honolulu Chapter All Rights Reserved

The Compassionate Friends Credo

We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach

out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope.

The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different

causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just

as your hope becomes my hope.

We come together from all walks of life, from many different

circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races,

creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are

far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so

intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope.

Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength,

while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with

guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But

whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends,

it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the

children who have died.

We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we

are committed to building a future together. We reach out to each other

in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the

peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to

grieve as well as to grow.

We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. ©2007

The Mission of The Compassionate Friends

When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The

Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the

death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving

family.

The TCF Mission Statement

The Mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief

following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

***Please Consider Helping***

I have found through my own experiences that helping others through their

grief journey has strengthened my own journey. The memories of my son

are positively reinforced as other bereaved parents share their stories and

memories. We Need Not Walk Alone. That simple phrase resonates

throughout my journey. There are other aspects to The Compassionate

Friends that need help. If you have a talent – web design, writing, creativity,

organizing, and greeters and would like to help others – please let us know.

Honolulu Chapter

11