Verbal Judo for Officials! - NFHS · Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School...

Verbal Judo for Officials!

Chad Collins, General Counsel

Kentucky High School Athletic Association

Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School Athletic Association

What is Verbal Judo?

• The Japanese word JUDO• JU = gentle

• DO = way

• In Physical Judo, you use of the energy of others and redirect that energy to subdue or incapacitate.• It is self defense!

• Simply put, “The Gentle Art of Persuasion”


What Verbal Judo is not!

• It is not Verbal Karate!

• License to take or give verbal abuse

• License to disregard playing rules and or regulations

• We look to praise without manipulation; speak with escalating; and criticize without devaluing


Who am I?

• Soccer Official

• Administrator

• USSF Certified Coach

• Father / Husband / Son / Brother


Who are you?


Why is any of that important?

• We all where many different hats (some never come off) and recognizing that is the first step to better communication.

• These skills are applicable to all these roles, but we will focus on officiating.

• 3 overarching goals of Verbal Judo:• Safety;

• Enhance Professionalism; and

• Increase proficiency…performance level.


Who is an official?


What is your most dangerous tool or weapon?

• For cops, it is not gun or a club, but a…

• And this will prevent us from achieving our real goal of voluntary compliance.


What is your most valuable tool or weapon?

• In one word….

• “To win a hundred victories in 100 battles is not the highest skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.”


The importance of Acknowledgment

• I appreciate that

• Yes sir

• I got it

• This begins to establish and illustrate empathy


Know your audience…

• Cultural Differences• Sioux

• No eye contact but for blood family or those being measured for the kill

• Americans

• Out of my face and out of my space

• Eye Contact

• Middle east

• If your not inside their personal space this is disrespectful

• Loud!


Know your audience…

• Cultural differences aside, people generally fit into 3 categories:

• Nice People

• Difficult People (WHY?)

• Wimps


11 Things You Never Say to Anyone

1. “Come here!”2. “You wouldn’t understand.”3. “Because those are the rules.”4. “Its none of your business.”5. “What do you want me to do

about it?”6. “Calm down.”

7. “What's your problem?”8. “You never…You always…”9. “I’m not going to say this again.”10.“I’m doing this for your own

good.”11.“Why don’t you be reasonable?”



• Come here = Go away!

• You wouldn’t understand = your stupid

• Its none of your business = I have lost control here

• What do you want me to do about it? = I have lost control here



• Calm Down is a form of criticism

• What’s your problem? = I am never the problem

• You never…You always… (generalizations)



• I’m not going to say this again

• I’m doing this for your own good (pointless)

• Be reasonable = you are unreasonable


Verbal Abuse

• The greatest abuse today is

• …verbal abuse


Single most powerful word in the English language…

• Empathy

• Not Sympathy


Single most powerful word in the English language…

• The key to success is staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering…

empathy.


The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret

• Samurai state of mind = mushin= still center

• Closest English word is disinterested


The Greatest Speech You Will Ever Live To Regret

• 2 Principles for dealing with difficult people (taking abuse):

• Let the person say what he or she wants as long as they do what you say

• Focus on behavior, not attitude!

• Always look for win-win.


5 Tools to gain Voluntary Compliance

LEAPS


Tool # 1

•Listening


Tool #2

•Empathy


Tool # 3

•Asking


Tool # 4

•Paraphrasing


14 Benefits of Paraphrasing:

1. Set the hook;

2. Taken control;

3. Check for understanding;

4. Allows correction;

5. Makes a better listener;

6. Create empathy (other);

7. Gained attention;

8. Overcomes sonic intention;

9. Opportunity to clarify (other);

10.Prevents metaphrasing;

11.Allows for reverse paraphrasing;

12.Allows you to clarify;

13.Encourages fair play;

14.Allows you to focus (real issue).


Tool # 5

•Summarizing


Judo v. Karate

• If Judo is the gentle way…

• Caution – Too aggressive and burns bridges


The 5 Phases of Voluntary Compliance

1. Ask

2. Set Context

3. Present Options

4. Confirm

5. Act


3 Great Communication Arts

1. Representation (contact)

2. Translation

3. Mediation (options)


Why is this so difficult? (taking verbal abuse)

• You can learn to take more verbal abuse if you begin to see yourself as a professional who treats others with dignity and respect.

• You are dealing with 6 people…


Consider

• Avoid the inner voice

• Value of Personalization

• Never underestimate the power of praise


The Power of Praise

• Be specific

• Be aware of surroundings

• If necessary, criticize first, then praise. Why?


This is no place for ANGER!

• Never mix emotion and punishment.

• Caution…Verbal abuse


Take Aways….

Spirit of the law versus letter of the law…

3 overarching goals of Verbal Judo…

5 Tools to gain voluntary compliance

Most important tool…


Additional Resources…

• Verbal Judo, The Gentle Art of Persuasion, George J. Thompson

• Getting to Yes, William l. Ury

• Your sports playing rules!


Questions…

• Thank You!

Verbal Judo for Officials! - NFHS · Verbal Judo for Officials Chad Collins, Kentucky High School...

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