VALUE PARENTING - STUDY MATERIAL

Workshop on Value Parenting Sheela Sridhar Sathya Sai School, Lagos, Nigeria

Welcome to

Value Parenting Workshop April 23rd, 2016

A way to happier and holier future generation


The End of Education is Character


1.0 OBJECTIVES OF THE WORKSHOP 6

1.1 VALUE PARENTING 6 1.2 IMPORTANCE OF HUMAN BIRTH 6 1.3 ROLE OF MOTHERS IN PARENTING 6 1.4 DUTIES OF THE FATHER BY SATHYA SAI BABA 7 1.5 UNDERSTANDING PARENTING 7 1.6 THE NEED FOR VALUE PARENTING 7 1.7 HOLISTIC APPROACH TO PARENTING 8

2.0 PRINCIPLE OF LOVE WITH APHORISMS 9

3.0 VALUE PYRAMID 9

3.1 CONSTANT INTEGRATED AWARENESS 10

4.0 HARMONY HOUSE OF HUMAN VALUES 11

4.1 HOUSE VS HOME 11 4.2 HOME IS VERILY HEAVEN ON EARTH 12

5.0 COMMON ISSUES OF CHILDREN 12

5.1 MEALTIMES AND HEALTHY CHOICE OF FOOD 12 5.2 TOILET TEACHING 13 5.3 BED TIME AND SLEEP ISSUES 13 5.4 COMMUNICATION ISSUES 14 5.4.1 TANTRUMS AND WHINING 14 5.4.2 BACK TALK CORRECTIONS 15

6.0 VALUES INCULCATION 15

6.1 RESPECT 15 6.2 TOLERANCE 15 6.3 HONESTY 16 6.4 OBEDIENCE 17 6.5 SILENCE 18 7.0 EDUCATION ISSUES 18 7.1 CHOOSING RIGHT SCHOOL 18 7.2 PUNCTUALITY AND REGULARITY TO SCHOOL 19 7.3 ACADEMIC MOTIVATION 19


8.0 CHILD DEVELOPMENT DUTIES 20

8.1 PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT 20 8.2 LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT 20 8.2.1 TALK OFTEN 20 8.2.2 READ FOR YOUR KIDS 21 8.2.3 NARRATE STORIES 21 8.2.4 FIELD TRIPS 21 8.2.5 PRAISE MECHANISM 21 8.3 EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT 21 8.4 INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT 22 8.5 SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT 22

9.0 PARENTAL SCAFFOLDING 23

9.1 MOTIVATIONAL SCAFFOLDING 23 9.2 THREE PRINCIPLES IN SCAFFOLDING 23 9.2.1 MODEL THE ACT 24 9.2.2 BE PATIENT 24 9.2.3 PROVIDE ONLY THE ESSENTIAL 24

10.0 INCULCATING DISCIPLINE 24

10.1 NEED FOR DISCIPLINE 24 10.2 TWO TYPES OF DISCIPLINE 25 10.2.1 ACTIVE DISCIPLINE 25 10.2.2 PASSIVE DISCIPLINE 25 10.3 CONSCIENCE REDEFINED AS DISCIPLINE 25 10.4 TEACHING THE CONSEQUENCES 26 10.4.1 CREATIVITY IN TEACHING CONSEQUENCE 26 10.4.2 CONNECT THE DOTS 26 10.4.3 POWERFUL PARENTING TOOL 26 10.5 DEALING WITH INDISCIPLINE 27 10.6 AVOIDANCE OF WASTE 27 10.6.1 LEARNING ‘WASTE’ ACRONYM 28 • WEALTH 28 • AQUA 28 • SUBSTANCE 28 • TIME 28 • ENERGY 29


11.0 OTHER ISSUES 30

11.1 PERSONAL SAFETY 30 11.2 TELEVISION 30 11.3 USE OF INTERNET 31

12.0 SPIRITUAL ISSUES 32

12.1 THREE NOBLE PRINCIPLES 32 12.1.1 LOVE FOR GOD 32 12.1.2 FEAR OF SIN 32 12.1.3 MORALITY IN SOCIETY 33

13.0 UNDERSTANDING CONSCIENCE 33

13.1 FOLLOW THE MASTER 33 13.2 CAPACITIES OF HEART 33 13.2.1 TO BELIEVE 34 13.2.2 TO CHOOSE 34 13.2.3 TO FEEL 34 13.3 TEACHING TECHNIQUE OF CONSULTATION OF THE HEART 34 13.3.1 FOR INFANTS - PARENTS ACT AS CONSCIENCE 34 13.3.2 FOR ADOLESCENTS - EASY BRAKE MECHANISM 35 13.3.3 FOR YOUNG ADULTS - AS WE SOW SO WE REAP 35 13.3.4 WATCH OUR HEART IN THE ACRONYM WAY 36 13.3.5 HEART – THE ABODE OF GOD 36

14.0 CONCLUSION 37

14.1 IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD 37


1.0 OBJECTIVES OF THE WORKSHOP 1.1 VALUE PARENTING Parents are to be fully aware of their children’s developmental needs and must endeavor to make a commitment to implement the five core universal human values –Love, Truth, Peace, Right Conduct, and Non-Violence in their daily life.

In this workshop, parents are encouraged to explore such core universal values. We create an opportunity for transformation that unfolds naturally in us. Such transformed parents can be a good example to their children.

Good parenting helps build good nation. A child must grow up as a responsible, loving and caring citizen so that the people of the nation should hail such a well grown child and praise as who is the fortunate, noble mother who had borne such a wonderful grown-up.

Value Parenting is identifying the inherent values in parents and guiding children to inculcate the same in them.

1.2 IMPORTANCE OF HUMAN BIRTH Of all the creations of God, human birth is the special ‘crown jewel’. Humans are verily the images of God. Mankind has taken the first place in His creations as man can realize the self with his discrimination power. Man needs to elicit divinity latent in him through the practice of universal human values. Of the various creations of God, human alone is bestowed with conscience. Hence humans have the responsibility to uphold the divine qualities such as love, peace, and truth that are inherent in man and act as true images of God.

The essence of Human Values (HV) is the practice of 3HV – Head Value, Heart Value and Hand Value. What does it mean? It means, the hands must perform tasks of the ideas emerging from the head only in consultation with the heart.

1.3 ROLE OF MOTHERS IN PARENTING Parenting begins with the belief that motherhood is the most precious gift of God. Mothers are the makers of a nation's fortune or misfortune. The children should grow completely under the care and nurture by the mother for the first five years of life.

Two basic lessons of fear of sin and fondness for virtue must compulsorily be made understood to children by mothers. The lessons should begin with teaching children the power of discrimination which is of two types – fundamental and individual. A course of action that is beneficial to all and harmful to none is the fundamental discrimination. Actions that develop the foundation of self-confidence within the walls of self-satisfaction is where the individual discrimination can be built. Thus by distinguishing between the right and the wrong the wrong gets rejected and the right is chosen. Such a choice determines the power of discrimination. As the mother, so the sweetness of culture and so the progress of the nation.

A sincere and robust value parenting is to be carried out with ‘THE PROMPTING MESSAGE’,


first "Be", second "Do", and third "Tell". Value Parenting is a way to happier and holier future generation. It is of great benefit to have the school and home working on the universal human values at the same time. And that can happen only in Sathya Sai School!!!

If mothers take care of the homes on right lines they will be protecting the nation ………….. Sathya Sai Baba

1.4 DUTIES OF THE FATHER – TEACHINGS OF SATHYA SAI BABA • The father has to uphold the ideals of justice and truth and promote them by his

actions and live in accordance with that high status • Heads of family have to adhere to the schedule of rites and worship prescribed for

them • Fathers have to supervise the behavior and conduct of all members of the household • Hold all your property and wealth in trust for the Lord who gave them to you. • Even your family, you must treat as a sacred trust, as persons given to you by the Lord

to love, foster and guide • Elevate your attachment into worship, and make it an instrument to spiritual progress • Fathers who allow their children to go astray are not real fathers at all. The heart of

the father who fosters the child and develops his personality is sweet. The father symbolizes protection

1.5 UNDERSTANDING PARENTING Parents are primarily responsible for molding children’s character. One of the character development trainings lies in developing good thinking, good speech, and good actions. Children must be taught to see the good and see no evil, to speak the good and speak no evil, to hear the good and hear no evil, to do the good and do no evil.

Parenting must strengthen family communication and build stronger relationship in a loving way. Family values and beliefs must be well clarified to children by explaining the consequences of failing to conduct in accordance with family beliefs.

1.6 THE NEED FOR VALUE PARENTING Children’s education includes parents too. This is because Parents are children’s first and foremost teachers, and character molding of children is the primary responsibility of parents, followed by teachers.

What does good value mean? As parents how do we communicate to our children such values? How can parents help children develop good values? The answer is only one for all the above questions - by parents reconnecting with the values learnt from the culture and tradition while young, actualize such good values and develop skills and techniques to incorporate them in child rearing practices.

Renew efforts to educate children about the five core human values – Love, Peace, Truth, Right Conduct and Non-violence, and prime task of parenting is to bring out such universal


values taught to children especially at Sathya Sai School. Parenting is more enjoyable when a positive parent-child relationship is established.

One important factor – parents’ behavior at home within the family conveys more than words to our children. Bringing out the latent core human values inherent in parents would help shape the character of their children.

1.7 HOLISTIC APPROACH TO PARENTING Instill in the minds of the young, the value of prayer, and loving service to others. The homes have to be the first schools. Children should not see parents worried, helpless, discontented, and distressed. Put up a brave face with faith in God and move on with the day to day challenges of life.

Parents must share their efforts in the expansion and steady manifestation of God consciousness latent in the child. Unity in diversity is divine, while diversity in unity is demonic. Tolerance to all religion and embracing oneness by understanding that there is only one religion and that is the religion of love is the secret of unity in multiplicity.

Mothers must do household work as worship of the Lord. It is preferable that the mother does the main cooking, taking minimal help from others if required. More than the taste, what matters is the food their children eat is prepared by loving hands and served affectionately.

Nannies and domestic help are undoubtedly industrious and sincere. We can take their assistance, but, without forgetting to give the essential fertilizer for the children’s growth - that is ‘Parental Love’.

Parents should not quarrel before children and not exhibit hatred towards any other member of the family. Remember, when parents exchange words, children exchange blows.

Parents to some extent are influenced by the holistic education provided by Sathya Sai School to their children. Such a kind of value based education add interest in rearing children at home as parents also become value conscious.

Holistic approach in parenting develops positive attitude for children and simultaneously pupils who have been given right knowledge of human values at school build right personality of children.


2.0 PRINCIPLE OF LOVE WITH APHORISMS

3.0 VALUE PYRAMID

God is LOVE

Love in Feeling is

PEACE

Love in Understan

ding is NON-

VIOLENCE

Love in Thought is

TRUTH

Love in Action is

RIGHT CONDUCT

GOOD DESTINY

GOOD CHARACTER

GOOD ACTION

GOOD THOUGHTS


3.1 CONSTANT INTEGRATED AWARENESS

Man’s nature is ever unchanging – constant; Man is pure awareness – bliss; and Man is always connected to the creator – totally integrated to God. This is what Constant Integrated Awareness is (CIA). Becoming ever conscious of the omnipresent God within and be a part of CIA. The unchanging and the eternal principle that is in man at all times and under all circumstances is called the constant integrated awareness (CIA). This CIA is present all over our body. In fact this CIA is the all-pervasive divinity that exists in all the three periods of time – past, present and future and that divine principle is nothing less than love. God is love and man is an image of God. This is the awareness that must be kept constant. Love is the essential life principal of man.

Sathya Sai Baba explains the CIA as that which is seen, heard and experienced outside is nothing but the reflection, resound and reaction of the inner being. God has no distinctions or differences. He has no master above Him. If man wants to visualize God, he will see Him only in the form of a human being far superior to him in all respects. So, man should know the nature of a human being to begin with. Divinity is inherent in man and to connect to the source from which he arose, he must constantly be aware that the same divine principle prevails in every other human he meets in life.


4.0 HARMONY HOUSE OF HUMAN VALUES

4.1 HOUSE VS HOME

POINT HOME1. A place made of personalities, that truly feel,

belong to and happy to live in.

2. A perfect dwelling place of the heart of the humans

3. Is never an abandoned empty place, instead it is filled with people who add love, security and more meaning to life

4. It carries a personal connection, heart to heart, with full of emotions, memories, love and care

5. We say feel at home, welcome home, Nursing home, etc. carrying sentiments of good feelings

6. A home whereas is a place that you always own and belongs to you.

POINT HOUSE1. A physical structure made of concrete and

bricks where we stay, eat and sleep, as a dwelling place

2. A structure where the physical body relaxes and benefits, serving as a shelter, protecting against heat and cold

3. A permanent structure where it can be practically empty with none occupied

4. It is neutral as a structure, a mere accommodation, nothing personal

5. We rent a house, we don’t rent a home. This means house attaches no sentiments of love

6. A house may not be owned by you or belong to you as your own property


4.2 HOME IS VERILY HEAVEN ON EARTH The home is the basic social institution everywhere in the world. When the home improves, the whole world will be better. A home where the members of the family are leading their lives in keeping with noble ideals, where they together sing the glory of the Lord's name and spend their time in performing good deeds, where the values of truth, peace and love reign supreme, where regular study of holy books are undertaken, where the senses are under control, and where there is equal love and respect for all creation prompted by the knowledge of basic unity of all creation, such a home is verily heaven on earth. See that the atmosphere of the home is free from hatred, pride, slander and greed; see that love is the flywheel of the home, that faith in God is the bedrock on which relations between members are built……………………Sathya Sai Baba

5.0 COMMON ISSUES OF CHILDREN 5.1 MEALTIMES AND HEALTHY CHOICE OF FOOD

Parentsshouldhaveaneatingscheduleforchildrenaswellasforthemselves.Atleastonceadayallmembersofthefamilymustenjoyamealtogether.Ithelpsinraisinghealthykidswhoarewell-adjustedinfoodhabits.Eatingtogethercanleadtomoreinterest ineatingnutritionrichfoodandbelessfussyinchoiceoffood.Youngchildrenlovetomimictheirparents.Attempttodemonstratehealthyeatinghabitsforyourselvesasrolemodelparents.Aschildrengrowuptheytendtoeatmorefunfoodswiththeirfriends.Itisofgreatimportancetoensurethatchildrenintheirtweensandteenseatahealthysupperoreveningmealwiththeirfamilies.Suchchildrenwouldbelessobesebesidesstayinghealthy.Includemorevegetable,freshsaladsandfruitsinsteadofhighcalorieoroilyfoodindailydiet.Asfaraspossiblefeedchildrenwithfreshlycookedfood.Frozenfoodandfoodthatremainsintherefrigeratorformorethantwodaysmaynotbehealthy.Donotletyourchildrengotobedimmediatelyaftermeals.Itaffectsthedigestionprocess.Asparents, ifweeatunhealthyanduntimely food itwouldhavean impactonourchildren’seatinghabits. Parentsmust also takenote to restrict labeling food as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Suchrestrictedfoodlabeledbadwouldoutofcuriositybetriedbychildrenandoftentemptedtoeatmorewiththeirfriendsorathomewhenparentsareaway.Junk foods like chips, roasted peanuts, biscuits, candies etc. are high in calorie and less innutrition.Moreover,suchfoodsmaynotbestomach-fillingifeatenduringprimetimeoflunch.


Whilesomeofourpupilseathealthyfoodduringlunchbreakothersoftenrelyonlightsnackinginsteadofasquaremeal.Childrenmustbeawarethatjunkfoodsareacceptableifeatenasmallportion,onceinawhilebutnotonadailybasis.Ensurethatanoptimumquantityofrightfood,rich in protein, carbohydrate, iron, vitamins and otherminerals is packed in lunch boxes tochildrenforschoolduringlunchbreakinsteadofmerelyfewbiscuitsandsweetenedjuicepacketsasroutinelunch.Insufficientfoodwouldmakechildrenfeelhungryandtheywillnotbeabletoconcentrate inacademics. Ingeneral,adviseyourkids toeatmoderatelyandnotovereatorundereat.Itisgoodtodrinkwater15minutesbeforeeatingand15minutesaftereatingbutnotwhileeating.Importantly,weknowthatahealthymindisahealthybody.Inordertoexperiencesuchahealthymind andbody, onemust not talk, get angry, or arguewhile eating. It is also good to avoidwatchingtelevisionwhileeating.Anattemptismadetoexplainindetailthereasonsthereofinlater topics as television visuals of certain programswould disturb themind leading to poorintakequantity,dissatisfactorymealsandsometimespoordigestion.

5.2 TOILET TEACHING

Ifyouhaveakidinthenurserylevel,informtheschoolifyourchildunderstandsandfollowsbasicdirectionswhilegoingtotoilet.

• Doesyourchildtellyouthroughwords,facialexpressionsorposturewhens/heneedstousethebathroom?Ifnot,ensurethatyouseriouslybeginoneforthwith

• Isyourchildtrainedtoweartheunderpantsorneedshelp?Theschoolmustbeinformedsothatthecaretakerunderstandsthechild’sdependency

• Trainyourlittlekidtositonandrisefromapottyathomebyhimself/herself.Thiswillhelpourcaretakerstohandleeasilyinschooltoiletcommode

• Avoidbeltsthatcanhinderquickundressing.Stitchtrousers/skirtsinsuchawaythathelpquickandeasyunbuttoningandbuttoning.

• Makeyourchildunderstandtocooperatewiththescheduledtimeoftoiletingduringschoolhours

5.3 BED TIME AND SLEEP ISSUES

Everyparentmusthaveawell-definedsleepschedulefromtoddlerstotweensandteens.Iflittlekidsdonotsleepwell,thefollowingdayatschoolwouldbeverychallengingfortheteachers.

• Trainchildrennottosleepimmediatelyafterdinner• Earlytobed,earlytorisewouldalwaysbewise• Adoptinggoodsleephabitsbykids,goingaroundeachmemberofthefamilytosaygood


night,shortbedtimeprayerbeforegoingtobedandmembersreciprocatingaffectionatelywithahugwouldcreateahappyfamilyatmosphere

• Donot letchildrenwatchmoviesor televisionprograms late in thenightespeciallywhenschoolisworkinginfullthefollowingday

• Noisyvisualsarousinganxietymustnotbewatchedbychildrenbeforegoingtobed• Keepawareoffactorsresponsiblefordisturbedsleepofyourchildren,especiallywhenyou

findyourkidawakeinthemiddleofthenight• Listeningtogoodmusicsoothingfortheearsandthemindbeforegoingtobedhelpsinduce

sleep

5.4 COMMUNICATION ISSUES

Themomentweunderstandthatourchildrenwishtoconveysomethingtous,wemustfirstputdowntheworkathandandoffertolistentothem.Ihavemadeanattempt,tolistafewbasicprinciplesthatwouldresultineffectivecommunicationwithourchildren

• Bestcommunicationbetweenparentandchildoccursonlywhenpeoplewhoaremeanttobeincludedaretojoinorelseconversationsmustbeheldinprivacy

• Preparetobeanactivelistener.Listenpolitelyandcarefully,allowingspaceforthechildtocommunicatemaximum

• Limitthe ‘whys’andexpandthe ‘whats’–whathappenedmakesmoresensetokeepthecommunicationopenthanwhyithappened

• Confront the child in a responsiblemanner, only if youhave strong information that youbelieveiscorrect

• Wehavetoliterallygetdowntothechild’slevelwhilewemaintainadulttalking• Everysorrysaidbythekid,mustbeacknowledgedwithathankyou• Wheneverchildrenadmittheirmistakes,wemustthankthemprofuselyandappreciatethem

as a brave kid for speaking the truth. This would go a long way in strengtheningcommunication

5.4.1 TANTRUMS AND WHINING

Tantrumsisanuncontrolledbehaviorofangerandfrustrationexhibitedbyveryyoungchildren.Whiningisalong,loudcrywithadamancy.Thisiscommonintoddlers.Kidswhothrowtantrumsandwhinemustbedealtwithpolitelybutfirmly.Whenwefindourkidadamant on something unwanted, we should not waste energy in controlling a negativebehavior.Therightwayistopaylittleattentiontothebadbehavior.Wemustkeepcalmandignorethenegativebehavior.Whentheyfindthatthereisnoaudiencetolistentothem,theywillslowlycalmdown,correctthebehaviorandstartbehavingnormally.


5.4.2 BACK TALK CORRECTIONS

Godisagreatarchitect.Hehasdesignedthetongue,theorganofspeechandtasteinsuchawaythatitisguardedby32(soldiers)teeth,perfectlyalignedsothatwelearntouseitcarefully.Sinceitisapowerfulsenseorganofspeech,Godhasplaceditwellinside.Whenweutterwords,thesoundofeachwordthatenterstheearshasvariedmeaningsthatmaysooththemindorharmtheheart.It issaidthatthewoundcausedbyfirecouldhealfast,whilethewoundcausedbyharshwordsalwaysleaveascar.Donotletchildrentalkexcessively,andtalkloudly.Inorderthatchildren’s speech is well controlled, parents must be a role model in their speech. If backansweringparentsandelders is leftuncorrected,childrenwouldgrowupwithdisrespectandarrogance.Whenchildrendonotlistentoourrequest,asparents,wemustalsonotlistentotheirrequests.Wejustneedtobeamirrorreflectingtheirbehavior.Soon,theywouldcorrectastheywouldbemissingourcontinuousengagementwiththem.Teachchildrentolistenfirst,thenunderstandandthenreply.Theyshouldpracticespeakingsoftandlow.Parentstooneedtopracticespeakingsoftly.Itisimportantthatparentsdonotshoutandfightinfrontoftheirchildren.Wemustbeworthyofemulationbyourchildren.Evenifyoucannotobligespeakobligingly–SathyaSaiBaba

6.0 VALUES INCULCATION 6.1 RESPECT

Respect is a good feelingof one self, is also a deep admiration for someone that others arevaluable too. Parentsmust bring the value of children respecting elders in themanner like,MotheristhefirstlivingGod,FatherthenextandtheTeacheratschoolisthethirdwhomchildrenhavetolove,respectandobey.Respectisalsoanadmirationforthingsthatareunique,andvaluable. Parentsneedtoteachchildren to respect various assets both at home and at school such as desks, tables, chairs,computersetc.inordertounderstanditsworthiness.Respectisanartoflisteningtoothersandobeyingthem.Introducethesmallbuthandyword‘Respect’toyourkidsanduseitasoftenaspossiblewithdifferentcontext.Itcanhelpbringincontrolledbehaviorandgoodcooperation.

6.2 TOLERANCE

Tolerance is an attitude to endure something without reacting adversely. Tolerance is


understandingandrespectingofthebeautyindifferences.Toleranceismutualrespectthroughmutualunderstanding.Tolerancebuildslove,understandingand peace.When children are tolerant and learn to respect differences, they promote non-violence.Childrenmustbeencouragedtolistentoconstructivecriticismsbeitfromfriends,orparentsorteachers.Whileteachingtolerancetochildren,parentsmustensurethattheyexhibittheverytolerancethattheyexpectfromtheirkids.‘Idon’thavetime’isprohibitedingoodparentinghomes.Awarenessofthewrongbehaviorofourchildren,andbearinginmindtocorrectthewrongbehaviorpatientlyisahealthypracticeofdemonstratingtolerance.Somechildrenareshorttemperedandexhibitlesspatience.Theytendtosendamessagethateitheritismywayornoway.Suchchildrenmustbehandledinadifferentplayway,funwaykindofinteractionthatwouldmaketherelationshipcloser.Suchwisehandlingofkidsbyparentsincreasesthechild'sself-esteemandself-confidence.Ifwearehandlinggrownupadolescentkids,itisnoteasytocorrecttheminstantly.Drawingtheattentionofagrownupkidispossibleonlythroughahealthyconversation.Insteadofsaying,‘Thisisbad,youarewrong’wecanmodifyittomean,‘Thismaynotbegoodandrightforourfamily’.Suchusageofproperwordswouldmakeadifference,strengthenthebondbetweentheparentandthechildresultinginthegrowthoffeelingsoflove.Wealsogiveamessagetoourchildrenthatwevaluethemmorewhentheylistenandrespectfamilybeliefs.Somelessonsinhumanvaluescouldhelpchildrenrealizetheneedtostaywithintolerancelevel.

6.3 HONESTY

Sincethepresentdaychildrenareexposedtoharmfulinfluencesofthesociety,itisverydifficulttomakechildrenunderstandandbelievevaluesliketruth,integrity,honestyetc.Itisgoodtobefirmonhonestywithourkids,butifwewantourchildtocometouswiththetruthoradmittoitwhenasked,wemustkeepinmindthattherealpurposeofgoodparentingistomakeourselvesapproachabletoourchildren.Oftenourpunitivemethodorharshlanguagetocorrectdishonesty inourchildren,causeskidsto liemore.Neverbrandchildrenas liars. Itdemandsalotofpsychologicalattentionwhilewedealwithhonesty.Forexample–Ifaparentcomestoknowfromschoolthathiskiddidnotfollowacademicintegrityintheexaminationandonyourinterrogation,yourchildcompletelydenies.Howtocorrectthechild?

• Begin the conversation saying that you trust your child asmuchas your child trusts you.


Sometimesitistoohumiliatingtobehonestforanyone• Wemustnotbegintheinterrogationwithwhydidyoucopy?Theanswerwouldonlybe-No,

Ididn’tandblameanother.Thewhysmustbereplacedwithwhats• Insteadaskwhathappened?Byaskingwhat,atthefirstplacewehavecreatedtimeandspace

andgivenhopethatwearereadytolistentothestory• Makechildrencomfortabletoanswerinterrogations.Findoutthereasonthatcompelledyour

childtogetintodishonestyandnotfollowingacademicethics• Lackofpreparation, lackofconfidence,and lackofunderstandingthetopicwouldbethe

mainreasons• Trytositwithyourchildandplanhowitcanbeovercome.Finallyadvisethattemptations

arealwaysgreatbutwemustbecarefulandnotyieldtoit

Ittakesalotofcourageatanyagetospeakthetruth.Ifwewantourchildrentobehonestandtruthful,wemustensurethatwefirstlycreateasafeatmospheretohearthem.Secondly,parentsmust offer to pardon, forget and forgive themistake andmove onwith the assurance thatchildren too must act responsibly in future. Thirdly we must appreciate children and thankchildren forunderstanding to follow family values in the future. Lastly, parentsmustbe rolemodelsinpracticinghonesty.

6.4 OBEDIENCE

Mostyoungchildrenthrowtantrumsandofferresistancewhenwewantthemtostaywithinboundaries.Itisgoodtounderstandthevalueandimportanceofobediencerightfromanearlyage.Childrenmaynotbematuredenoughtoconcludethatrulebooksarefortheirowngood.Twoimportantthingstobenotedforsuccessfulpracticeofobedienceinchildren.

• Reinforcethesetrules–remainconsistent

Childrenobserveourbehavioralpattern.Ifwehavevagariesofmindandshortmemoryoftherulesweset,thenweareintroubleinitsstrictenforcement.Buildapositiveenergyandtreatthechildwhoisattemptingtothrowtantrumswithpatience.Bepolitebutfirminwhatyouwantfromyourchild. If youare firm, childrenwillquicklyguess thatyouarenotgoing toyield totantrums.Theywouldhavenochoicebutacceptobedience.

• Rewardobedience

Wheneverkidsobeyfamilyrules,itisgoodtorewardthem.Thisdoesnotmeantopunishthemwhiletheydisobey.Whenasetruleisnotfollowedbychildren,wemusthandlethemwithloveand care and provide one more chance to obey.Wemust offer to motivate them to obeyinstructionsandrewardincasesofrespectingandobeyingfamilyvalues.


6.5 SILENCE Most children shout and speak loudly, some children talk non-stop creating a very noisy atmosphere where ever they are. Parents have to look into such disturbing behavior of their children and correct them at an early age. Children’s noisy behavior at home would prove to be uninviting at school. Teachers also would be facing lot of difficulties in counseling such children whose parents have not attempted a counseling session for them. At home children must be taught by their parents that

• Silence in place of unwanted talk would save children from squabbles and control frittering thoughts

• Unnecessary talk would take away friendship • Silence would sharpen memory power, increase concentration and also promote

silence in others too • Every day few minutes of silence at home by parents can gradually develop practicing

silence by children too • Help and guide your children to set tone as low as possible • Soft speech is silver, but silence is golden

7.0 EDUCATION ISSUES 7.1 CHOOSING RIGHT SCHOOL

Findingagreatfitwithintheneighborhoodschoolsisanimportanttaskinparenting.Allschoolsmaybegoodbutonlyfewschoolswouldbefitforyourkidstogetinto.Childrencanlearnbetterwithrightkindofteachers,peers,andlearningenvironment.Identifysuchakindofschoolthatworksalongwithyoutoshapeyourchildren’scharacter.SathyaSaiSchool,Lagos,issurelyonesuch.Besides vicinity, budgetary provision and affordability matter importantly. What your childwishestolearn,howthechildlearns,socialatmosphere,thekindofassociation,andtheextra-curricularactivityofferedinschoolsalsoactascompellingchoicesthatdeterminetheselectionofrightschools.Onceparentshaveselectedtherightschool,fewfactorsthatdetermineiftheirchoiceisrightornotdependson

• Yourchild’seagernesstogotoschool• Signsornosignsofstress• Wellenergizedandhappylookingfromschoolornot• Improvedsocialbehaviorduetogoodacquaintances• Whetheryourchildsays‘schoolisboring’,or‘schoolisfun’

Parents,withmaturityandresponsibilityhavetofindschoolsthatarefunctioningbyupholdingmoral values, adhering to the laws of the land and no profiteeringmotives. Importantly thequalityoflearningenvironment,qualifiedteachers,andreasonablefeestructure.


7.2 PUNCTUALITY AND REGULARITY TO SCHOOL

When children attend schools regularly and punctually, it will contribute to their academicsuccess.SathyaSaiSchool,Lagos,maintainsafairlygoodattendancerateduringpeaklearningsessions. Parents extending holiday sessions after the resumption of school without primereasonswouldbeanunhealthypractice.SuchextendedholidaysnotonlyaffecttheacademicperformanceofchildrenbutwouldalsobeagreatlossofproductivehoursforschoolssuchasSathyaSaiSchool,Lagos,whichhasaspecificmissiontoachieveinacademicsandco-curricularactivities.Motivatechildrentogotoschoolregularlyandontime.Schoolsfacesomechallengesof latecomersandfrequentabsenteeism.Parentshavetohelpchildrentogetstartedtoschoolontimebyaclearunderstandingbetweentheparentandthekidtomanagetimeagainstthevarioushousehold chores and ensure cooperation from childrenwith timely completion ofmorningactivities.Praisechildrenforpromptnessandonceinawhilerewardthemwithtoffeesorsmallgiftsiftheyrespondtogoodschoolgoinghabits.Droppingoutofschoolduetorelocationmaybeagenuinereason.Ifchildrenenjoytheschoolotherwise,parentsmustfindwaystoenabletheirchildrencontinueintheschoolthattheyenjoymorethananybodyelse.

7.3 ACADEMIC MOTIVATION

When itcomestoacademicsuccess,goodparentingcountsmorethangoodschools.Parentsprovidingemotionalsupport,settingappropriateexpectations,monitoringacademicprogress,communicatingwithschoolpersonnel,understandingstudyskills,helpingwithhomework,areafewareasofacademicmotivation.Sometimesitbecomestheresponsibilityoftheschooltohelpparentstobecomemoreinvolvedin their child’s academic development. Schools can keep parents informed of the academicprogressoftheirchildren,bysharingappreciationsalsothanmerecomplaintsthroughphonecalls,andhonestdiscussiononopendayschedules.Parentswithoutgivingexcusesmuststrivetobepresentatschoolonprogressreportcarddayattheendofeachtermexaminationinordertosupportschoolwhichbelievesthatparentsareapartoftheirchildren’sacademiccommitmentatschool.Parentscannotbetotallyexcludedfromclassroomactivitiesoftheirchildren.Effectiveeducationofachild isapartnershipbetweenthechild,parentandtheteacher.Thecooperationof theparentiscertainlyrequiredtoachieveacademicexcellenceofthepupilsatschool.Parentsmustencourage their children to complete primary education in full and not deprive them of anopportunityandright tobasiceducation. Inorder toreachsecondaryeducation fast,parents


mustnotoverlookthechild’sstresstocopewithhigherleveleducation.Underagewouldaddpressure on the child’s academic progress and hinder the steady but gradual cognitivedevelopmentofthechild.Weareconfidentthattheparentcommunitywouldunderstandthedifficulties of parents granting double promotion to their children and instead follow therecommendationoftheschoolandensurecooperationtolettheirchildrencompletetheprimarycourseinfull.

8.0 CHILD DEVELOPMENT DUTIES 8.1 PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT Parents, must primarily understand the basic principles of child-health. When health fails,childrenbecomedespondentandevendesperate.Whenhealthprevails,vitalitypervadesbothmindandbody.Parentingbeginswiththebeliefthatahealthybodyishealthymind.Itiseasytonurturehealthy,well-nourishedchildren,providedparentsarerolemodelsinmaintaininggoodhealth,andfollowinggoodeatinghabits.Thoughnutritiousfoodplaysamajorroleinthephysicaldevelopmentofchildren,itdoesnotstopwithit.Childrenmustexerciseforatleast15minutesaday,playphysicalgamesbyrunningandsweating.Itisgoodthatchildrenwalktoschooliftheirhousesarenottoofarfromschool.Childobesityisamajorconcerntomanyparents.Inmoderntimes,notonlyjunkfoodbutlackofsports, prolonged sitting and watching television, playing on screen games with no physicalactivityaffectthephysicaldevelopmentofchildren.Wemustensurethattheyplaybothatschoolandathome.Gamesalsoteachchildrengoodvaluesliketeamspiritandcollaboration.Sometimesitisgoodtoengagechildreninsmall,safehouseholdchores.Involvethemincleaningupthehouseduringweek-ends.Taketheirhelptosettableformeals,smallshoppingnearbytobuy basic items etc. this kind of physical activity will help them in their healthy physicaldevelopment.Asresponsibleparentsdonotdrinkorsmokeinfrontofyourchildren.Suchhabitswhencaughtwronglybyyourchildreninyoungage,wouldbenotonlydetrimentaltotheirphysicalhealthbutwouldalsoaffecttheirmentalgrowth.8.2 LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT Therearesometechniquestobefollowedwhileyouarehavingtoddlersandyoungkidsathomeregardingdevelopinggoodspeechbythem.8.2.1 TALK OFTEN Whilebathing,dressing,feedingorcomfortingyourkids,keeptalkingtothem.Thiswillhelpthemdeveloptheircognitiveskillalsobesideslanguageskill.


Forexample-a. Whenyouhelpthemwashtheirface,showthepartsofthefaceandrepeatthenamesagain

andagain.b. Whilefeeding,teachthoseactionslikeopenthemouth,closethemouth,bite,chew,sip,and

washhandsetc.Usingsuchtechniquewouldhelpinseekingtheirquickcooperationandalsohelpthemlearnwordsofdifferentsoundsandmeanings.

c. Usageofthreemagicorgolden,wordslike‘Thankyou’,‘Sorry’,‘Please’wouldgoalongwayinnotonlyspeechlearningbutingoodup-bringingwithrightmannerisms.

Importantly,while concentrating on language development, right fromearly age, completelydiscouragechildrenfromshoutingandwhining.8.2.2 READ FOR YOUR KIDS Essentially reading for our kids contribute a lot in speech development. Colorful bookswithpicturesandsmallwords,wouldattractchildrentolistentoourreading.Forolderchildren,readouttheircurriculumbooks,magazinesornewspapers.Readingisaverygoodhabitthoughitisverymuchdeclininginthepresenttechnologyera.Atleast15minutesadaymustbespentbyparentsreadingforkidsandinturn,theyreadingforyou.8.2.3 NARRATE STORIES Beforegoingtobed,everynight,wecantellstorieswithoutdirectreading.Makechildrenrepeatsomeofyourwordswithactions.Ensurethatthestoryisofyourchild’sageandinterestandalwayshasahappy,funnyending.8.2.4 FIELD TRIPS Whenyouaccompanyyourkidstoplaceslikezoo,museumorevenabeach,introducenewtermsthatyouexperienceinthatnewatmosphereandteachyourkidtolearnsuchnewwords.Suchanexperiencewouldenhancethelanguagelearningabilityofchildren.8.2.5 PRAISE MECHANISM Whenaparticularwordismispronouncedbychildren,weshouldkeeprepeatingthecorrectedword.Foreveryeffort takentocorrect themispronunciation, lavishlypraiseandapplaudthechild.Asignofhappinessandconfidenceofhavinglearntthedifficultwordwouldbepronouncedonthechild’sface.8.3 EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT Thecomplexityofparentingiswellunderstoodasithasadirect,potentialimpactonchildren’semotionaldevelopment.Ifwetrulycareforthewelfareofourkids,asparents,wemustbuildalovingatmosphereathome.Agoodrelationshipdevoidoffighting,arguingandabusingbetweenparentsplaysabigrole intheemotionalareaofchildren. Ifparentsrespectoneanother,thechildgrowsinanatmosphereofnotonlygoodcarebutfeelsecured.Wekeeptellingourkidsthatwelovethem,butitisimportanttomakethemfeelthepresenceofsuchalove.


Ifparentsexchangewords,childrenwouldexchangeblows……….SathyaSaiBaba.8.4 INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT Parents are the first teachers of their children. Education plays an important role in theintellectualdevelopmentofchildren.Parents must be 100% aware of the formidable commitment and responsibility they havetowardstheintellectualdevelopmentoftheirchildren.Parentsmustunderstandthateducationisnotformereliving,notformoney,it isforlife.Whenthechildisfitandreadytoentertheformaleducationsystem,parentssadlymistakethatitisentirelytheresponsibilityofschoolstodevelopthechildren intellectually.Education isagood investmentandeventhoughschool isprimarilyresponsibletoshapetheintellectualcapabilities,parentsmustalsotakeresponsibilityofengagingathomehoursof follow-upssuchashomework, reviewingclasswork,andotherschoolactivities.8.5 SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT Noparentcanworkonthespiritualdevelopmentof theirkidsasaseparatedevelopment, inisolation. Spiritual development is interwoven in physical, emotional and intellectualdevelopmentsofchildren.Spiritualityisawayoflifethatistobetaughtbyparentstotheirkids.Itisveryessentialtobuildthecharacterofchildrenasitultimatelyshapestheirdestiny.SathyaSaiBabahasemphasizedthat‘TheEndofEducationisCharacter’whichisproudlythemottoofourSathyaSchoolatLagos.Healsosaysthat,Educationwithoutcharacter,sciencewithout humanity, commerce without morality, politics without principles, and religionwithout love are not only useless but positively dangerous. We need the support andcooperationofourparentcommunitytohelpuspracticeourschoolmottowithourlovingpupils.Goodbehaviorathome,will inturnensuregoodbehavioratschoolalso.Whenanunwantedbehaviortakesrootathome,itmustbecorrectedatoncesothatitdoesnotgettransplantedatschool. Only morality-based and discipline-based parenting can bring out the spiritualdevelopmentoftheirchildren.Theonuslieswiththeparentswhohavetopracticevaluesbasedparentingathome.Itisequallytheresponsibilityoftheschooltocontinuetoupholdgoodtraitsexhibitedbychildrenofsuchgoodparentingbackground.Parentsmuststrivetopracticeindailylife,afewsimpleteachingsofSathyaSaiBaba• Changeofworkisrest• Pleasureisanintervalbetweenpain• Speaknoevilspeakgood• RevereMotherandFatherasGod• Dogoodandhavegoodinreturn• LoveAllServeAll• HelpEverHurtNever


• ThefivecoreUniversalHumanValuesofLove,Peace,Truth,RightConductandNon-violence

Parentsmust guide children to practice the basic values right from very young age.Makingrighteousnessawayoflifeiswhatspiritualdevelopmentisallabout.Parentshaveagreaterresponsibilityinthespiritualdevelopmentofchildren.Wehavetoexplaintochildrenfromtenderagethesignificanceof‘thoughts’,itsfunctioning,itsinter-relationanditsconsequences.Themotives,thefeelings,andtheattitudes,allbeginfromtheseedsofthoughtssownbyus.Thoughtspromptourdaytodaylifeandhaveagreatimpactinshapingourcharacter.Goodfortuneisalwaystheresultofgoodhabitsandpositivethoughts.Sincethoughtisthetruebasisoffortune,itisobviousthatonemustcultivategoodandpositivethoughts,ifoneislookingforagoodfortune……..SathyaSaiBaba

9.0 PARENTAL SCAFFOLDING 9.1 MOTIVATIONAL SCAFFOLDING Scaffoldingisasimpletechnique,instructionalbynature,designedtopromoteadeeperleveloflearning.Scaffoldingisthesupportgivenbyparentsandteacherstochildrenduringthelearningprocesswiththeintentionofhelpingthemachievetheirlearninggoalsquicklyandeasily.Thesupportsmayincludeproviding

a. Resourcesb. Guidancec. Modelingd. Advisinge. Storytelling,andf. Demonstrations

Thesesupportsaregraduallyremovedoncechildrenbegintodeveloplearningstrategiesontheirown. Scaffoldingmethod of support helps children tomaster a task or a concept and givesconfidencetopromotetheirowncognitivelearningskills.9.2 THREE PRINCIPLES IN SCAFFOLDING Therearethreebasicprinciplesinscaffolding

Good Thoughts

Good Actions

Good Habits

Good Character

Good Destiny


9.2.1 MODEL THE ACT Parentswhoaretryingtoteachtheirchildrenaskillshouldmodelitthemselvesandalsouttertosaysomethingastheyactitout.Example-Teachingchildrentoreadtimeonaclock,tyingshoelaceetc.Astepbystepdemonstrationfollowedbygivingcluesandhintstorememberthetask,helpschildrenunderstandthemethodeasily.Inasituationwherechildrenhavetohelpthemselves,theexplanationsasanchorpointswouldserveasguidancetocompletethetasksuccessfully.9.2.2 BE PATIENT Parentswhoscaffoldshouldnotoffertohelptheminutetheyseetheirchildstruggling.Waitpatientlyandcalmlybygivingallowanceoftimetosolvetheproblemontheirownortoatleastidentifytheblocker.Onlywhenthechildasksforhelp,theparentmuststepin.9.2.3 PROVIDE ONLY THE ESSENTIAL Whenweprovideassistance,weshouldonlygivewhatisnecessary,whatthechildisdirelyinneedofsothatthechildcangettothenextstep.Spoonfeedingorhoveringaroundkidswouldturntobedetrimentaltodevelopment.Actasasimpleboostersothatchildrencancrossonehurdlewithourhelp,atthesametimetrytherestbythemselvesuntilthenexthurdlecomesupandtheyneedourhelp.

10.0 INCULCATING DISCIPLINE 10.1 NEED FOR DISCIPLINE

Disciplineisanintensivetraininggiventobringorderlinesstoobeycertainrules,confinetolimits,andsetcodeofbehavior.Itisindeedatoughlovebyparentstochildren.Whyisdisciplineaveryimportantaspectofgoodparenting?Childrenarenot able todiscernby themselveswhat is good for themandwhat isnot. Theystruggle todiscriminate.Right fromanearlyage,asparents ifwewiselyestablish some firmguidelines,setlimitsandrulesofconduct,childrendevelopafeelingofbeingsecured,protectedand sheltered from theunknown.Sometimes,parentsgrosslymistake that stringentattitudetowards children is detrimental to their upbringing. The truth is, it is only within a well-establishedframework,thatchildrengainself-confidenceandtheabilitytohandlesituations.Bylearningtotrusttheirparents’judgmentandassessment,childrenwouldstartlearningtotrusttheirown.Alackoffirmrulesandover-indulgenceleadstoaspoilt,pampered,demandingchild,whowouldlateron,certainlystruggletohandlelife.


10.2 TWO TYPES OF DISCIPLINE

WecanbroadlydividethedisciplinaryactivitiesintoActiveDisciplineandPassiveDiscipline

10.2.1 Active Discipline

Physicalactivitiesthatinvolvedoingsomethingoneselflikelaundryhandling,cleaning,studying,writingetc.comeunderactivediscipline.Forexample-

• Parents after returning home fromwork can ensure that their kids keep their schoolaccessoriessuchasbag,shoes,uniformetc.inrightplacesandcertainlynotscatterthem.It is essential to understand thatwemust not physically contribute help for our kidsinsteadteachthemtodoandcheckthattheydoiteveninyourabsence

• Insistchildrentoset-upandprepareschoolactivitiessuchashomework,arrangingschoolbagwiththerightbooksaspertimetable,keepinginorderthestationeryrequirementlikepen,pencil,eraser,etc.Introductionofsuchactivedisciplinecouldgoalongwayinhelpingtheschoolalso

10.2.2 Passive Discipline

Restrictionofactivitiesandsayingnomoreof itbyclearlydefining theboundariesespeciallyrelatedwithentertainmentandtimepassactivitiesisPassiveDiscipline.Forexample

a. Limitneighborhoodtimepass.b. Don’tletyourchildrenroamaroundinthestreets.Thisisaverybadhabitleadingto

childrenassociatingthemselveswiththosewhomaynotsuityourfamily.c. Restrict time in respect of watching television, on screen activities like internet,

Facebook,videogamesetc.d. Limittimeoverphonewithfriends.e. Controleatinghabitsandgoingoutoften.

Parentsthushaveadirectresponsibilitytoteachchildrentheconsequencesduetoindisciplineandcreatingawarenessofthedownsideoflifesothattheyarenotdrawnintosuchsituation.

10.3 CONSCIENCE REDEFINED AS DISCIPLINE

Even Nature has limits. When Nature goes out of limits there is devastation like floods,earthquake,volcaniceruptionetc.Similarly, thehumanbodytoremainhealthyandbalancedneedstomaintainabodytemperatureof98.60For370C.Atemperaturemoreorlessoftheregulatedtemperatureisdetrimentaltohealth.Here,wecandrawananalogybetweenconscienceanddiscipline.Justasconsciencetellsustostoptheonethatisnotrightandgoodforus,disciplineasawelllaidcodeofconductwarnsandcautionswhenoutoflimits.Disciplineisahealthyexercisethatneedstobepracticedatallages.


Itguidesustobewithinlimitsfailingwhichweneedtofacetheconsequence.Justasconsciencewhenlistenedto,elevatesmankind,sotooinyoungchildren,disciplinewhenfollowedmakesthemmore responsible when they grow up. Discipline should be carefully introduced in abalancedwaysuchthatparentsstrengthenopportunitytoenforceitthanallowittoturnintoawastefuldisruptionbychildren.

10.4 TEACHING THE CONSEQUENCES

“It wasn’t me”, is a natural daily phrase of every kid be it at school or at home. Childrenmisunderstandthatnoteverybodymakesmistakes.Hencetheyaretooquicktofindanescaperouteonlytoavoiddisapprovalandpunishment.HereatSathyaSaiSchool,weareproudtosaythatweneithermaintainapunishmentbooknorwecaneour lovingpupils.Butwedomakeefforts toteachthemtobeaccountable for theiractionsandunderstandtheconsequencesofbadbehavior.Athomealso,parentsmuststrivetoreplacepunishmentwiththewordnegativeconsequenceanditsimpactinlife.

10.4.1 CREATIVITY IN TEACHING CONSEQUENCE

Discipliningourchildrentakeswisdom,consistency,andempathy.Itisgoodtohaveasenseofhumor,awholelotoflove,andagoodsupplyofpatience.Aboveallweneedtomixinalittlecreativity.Wemust begin to teach children the identification of, ‘Cause-Effect’, and ‘Action-Consequence’bycitingreallifeexamplesinplaywayusingconnectthedots.Thisisinteresting,easytounderstand,effectivetopractice.

10.4.2 CONNECT THE DOTS

• Hardwork->AGrade->GoodUniversity->GoodJob• Violentbehavior->Badremarks->Nofriends• Talkative->Lossofenergy->Lackofconcentration->Pooracademics

Speak to your childrenandask them to thinkof a causeandeffect situation for theirbetterunderstandingofreallifesituations.Learningconsequencesinthiswaywouldactasateacherbyitself.

10.4.3 POWERFUL PARENTING TOOL

Whenourchildrenbreakaruleorfailtoactresponsibly,wecanimplementaconsequenceorallowthenaturaloutcomeof theirbehavior to takeeffect.Over time,consequencesactasateacher,helpingkidstolearnhowthingsoperateintherealworld.Consultchildrenwhenyouplantosetgoals.Setalittlehigher,stringentboundaryforyourownselfasaparentjusttoinspireandmotivateyourchildtoobeythesetrules.Thiswouldresultinenhancedmutualrespectfor


eachother.Forexample:

• SetadisciplineforyourselfofonlyoneandahalfhourtelevisionforyouonSundaysbuttwohoursforyourkids.Ifyoufailtofollowtherule,asparents,youwillhavetopunishyourselfofzerotelevisionthefollowingday

• Twominutesbedtimeprayerforyourkidsandfiveminutesbedtimeforparentswouldbespirituallyhealthyforthefamily

Doinggooddeeds,onewillneverreapbadresults.Youcannotexpectsweetmangoeswhenyousowneemseeds.Ifyouwantmangoes,youhavetosowtheseedsofmango.Youmustsowwhatyouwanttoreap.…….SathyaSaiBaba

10.5 DEALING WITH INDISCIPLINE

Importantly,parentsneedtounderstandthatthereisnoshort-cutindiscipliningourchildren.Failing to explain appropriate consequences and withdrawing children from facing theimplementationofsetconsequencesifnotpunishmentsorquicklybailingoutkidsfromawrongdoing,orshieldingthemfromtheslightestdiscomfortisnotonlydetrimentaltoparentingbutinreality,wouldonlybesettingupanenvironmentoffrustrationandfailureforourchildrenlaterinlife.Ifwegenuinely loveourchildren,withoutshieldingthemfromdiscomfortofhavingbrokenahome disciplinary code, we need to implement an ‘Action-Consequence’ connection dot byplacinga‘correctioncan’or‘jobjar’inourhomes.Wemustwriteinsmallslipsofpaperslike,washingthedishesduringplaytime,noextrahourtelevision duringweek-ends etc. and put them in a jar and let our kid pick one. Sometimessurprisingly the slip must say, you are excused this time, or promise not to repeat, etc.Accordinglywemustusepositiveconsequenceslipsandnegativeconsequenceslipstorewardornottorewarddependingontheageandextentofbreakingrulebook.

10.6 AVOIDANCE OF WASTE

Childrenshouldbetaughttoactasresponsiblecitizensoftheircountryinutilizingthevariousnaturalresourcesthataremadeavailabletothemeasilyandothermaterialresourcesprovidedtothembytheirparentsbyconstantguidance.


10.6.1 LEARNING ‘WASTE’ ACRONYM

DONOTWASTEWEALTH–moneyDONOTWASTEAQUA–waterDONOTWASTESUBSTANCES-food,paper,clothes,etc.DONOTWASTETIMEDONOTWASTEENERGY–mental,muscular,electrical,fuel

• WEALTH

• Teachchildrenhomeeconomics–Apennysavedispennyearned• Avoidbuyingthingswhichareactuallynotnecessary• Trainchildrentobudgetthepocketexpensesgiventothemandaccountforitsothatas

parentsyouwouldbeawareofwhatwasboughtoutofthemoneygiventothemandcheckareasofmisspending.

• AQUA

Littledropsofwatermakeamightyocean.Everydropofwaterleakingfromatapinoneday,approximatelyamountsto200litersofwaterlost.

• Educatechildrentokeeptapsclosedbetweengapsofbrushing,washingandbathing• Teachchildrentotakeonlytherequiredquantityofwaterwhiledrinking.Letthemnot

haveawrongnotionthatwateriseasilyavailablefreelyandhencecouldbewasted• Wateriselixiroflife.ItisGod’sproperty.Everyoneisentitledtoit

• SUBSTANCE

• Thepoorfarmersworkhardandprovideuswithalltheingredientsforfood.Caremustbetakentoservetherightquantityontheplatesothatexcessfoodisnotwasted

• Wastageoffoodbecauseofmisjudgingthequantityrequirementleadstostarvationbysomeduetoscarcityandnon-availability,overeatingbysomeleadstoobesitythatisaserioushealthissue.Hencemoderationinfoodhabitsisessential.

• FoodisGod.Donotwastefood.Wishfulwastewoefulwant

• TIME

Timeistheyardstickoflife.Teachingchildrentimemanagementisanimportanttaskforparents.Timemanagementforchildrenissomethingthatparentsneedtobeonthesamepagewiththeirkids. Good time management skill will help children to succeed in their householdresponsibilities,studies,andjobsuccess


• Explaintochildrenthattimeismorevaluablethanmoney.Unliketime,moneycanbeearned or recovered,whereas, time cannot be earned or got back – Time lost is lostforever.

• Gift your child an attractive alarm clock themoment s/he is ready to read time andunderstandstosetalarmtime.Rightfromearlyageifyourchildistrainedinthiswaytomanagetimeitwillbeinterestingforthemtorelatetimeandactivity.Inthemoderndayparentscanteachchildrentosetreminderfunctioninsmartphones.Sucharesponsibilitygiventochildrencanensurethemtocometoschoolontimeandbepunctual

• Olderchildrenshouldlearntobudgettimewhiledoingschoolhomeworkbybreakinguptheworkintosmallerportionssothatweekendsarenotstressful.Timeislikebank.Savesmallandwithdrawforrelaxationlater

• Whilehasteiswasteandurgencyistyrannical,nonetheless,procrastinationisthethiefof time.Theremaybe24hours inadaybutwedonotknowhowmuchof it canbesqueezed and used constructively is the reality. Present time is the best time. Helpchildrenrealizethisatanearlyage

• Amisconceptionoftimeisthatchildrenoftendonotcaretoknowhowtimeistobespentqualitatively.Theybelieveinidlingortotallywastingwhentheyhavenothingtodo.

Changeofworkisrest.Timewasteislifewaste…..SathyaSaiBaba

• ENERGY

HereareafewteachingsofSathyaSaiBabaonconservingenergy.Thesearesimpleandeasytofollow

• PhysicalandMuscularenergyo Donotfallintothehabitofshouting,talkinglongandloudasitiswasteofenergy

leadingtoreducedmemorypowero Itisabadhabittoshoutanddrawattentiontoapersonfar,insteadgonearthe

personorbeckontohim/hertoapproachyou.o When one gets weak due to lack of physical energy resulting in anger and

impatience• ElectricalEnergy

o Switchoffelectricalapplianceswhennotinuse.Makesincereattemptstokeepthelightsandfansswitchedoffwhenthereisnooneusingtheroom.SimilarlydonotkeeptheTVswitchedonwhenyouarenotwatching

Thuswastingtheaboveresourcessuchasmoney,water,food,energywouldamounttoveiledviolence.


11.0 OTHER ISSUES 11.1 PERSONAL SAFETY

Childrenaretheassetsofanation. It isgoodtoescortchildrentoandfromschoolforsafetyreasons.Asveryresponsible,caringandlovingparents,teachthemtheskillstobesafewhentheyareawayfromtheirhomes.Thefirststepinprovidingsafetytoourchildrenbeginswithmakingourhomeaplaceoftrust,fulfillingthesafetyneedsofchildren.Let your children be aware of the contact person at home, telephone number, and houseaddress. Besidesphysicalprotection,childrenmustcertainlybetaughttoprotectthemselvesfrombullying,teasingandhurtfulwordswhicharerampantinschoolsandoutsideingeneral.HerewetakepridetoinformourparentsthatSathyaSaiSchoolclearlymonitorsandcautionspupils not to get into hurtful speech and abusive, provoking language. Such pupils are alsocounseledanddealtwithaccordinglytofacetheschoollaws,rulesandregulations.Parentshaveto provide enough supervision and get maximum information indirectly from children tounderstandtheiractivitieswhiletheyareawayfromhome.Roadsafety,personalbodysafety,safety against abduction and exploitation must be thoroughly explained in simple languagewithoutcreatingpanicinthembygivingconfidencetobealertandprotectthemagainstsuchhazards.

11.2 TELEVISION

Thesensethatmakesusmosthumanisoureyesight.Approximately60%ofthebrainisusedtoprocessvision.Eyescouldbringpositiveattentionorcouldcausenegativedistraction.Thereforeitisimportanttoseenoevil;seeonlywhatisgood,hearnoevil;hearonlywhatisgood.Wheneverweseesomethingorhearanyinformation,wemustanalyzeifitisarightinformationthatcouldhelpbringtransformationinus.Everyeffortmustbetakentoconvertsuchinformationintousefulaction.Presentdaytelevisionmostlytelecastnon-educativeprograms,moviesthatarenotmeantforchildrenastheycontainviolentscenes.Suchvisualizationswhenwatchedbychildrenwithoutparentalmonitoring,arousewrongthoughtsandinducethechildtocopyandexperimentsuchviolentscenes.Purityoffoodnotonlymeanshygiene.Purityinthefoodtakencomeswithsacredfeelingsandunpollutedenvironment.Apersonwatching televisionandeating foodwith visualsdepictinghatred, anger, and ill feelings ingests such similar feelings into the food that is eaten and


consumed by the body polluting the food with such similar qualities. When such food isconsumedthepersonwhoconsumesabsorbssuchqualitiesinhim.Hencerightfoodbutinthewrongmannerofeatingismoredetrimentaltothemindthanthebody.Thisisbecauseamicroportionofthefoodnutrientsmixeswiththeblood,whichinturnreachesthebrainandcausesstimulithatcanstrengthenorpollutethemindaccordingly.Nottowatchtelevisionwhileeatingornottoeatwhilewatchingtelevisionmustbestrictlypracticed.Thismustbeemphasizedinallhomesbyparentsandtheymustbeexemplarsinpracticingthisgoodprinciple.

• TelevisionvsBookreadingReading a book enhances the imagination and creativity of the child. Hearing good music,discourse,etc.soothesthemind.Howevergraphicvisualizationasdepictedintelevisionhasacombinedeffectofseeing,readingandhearingwhicharepowerfulsensesofperception.Habitual watching on television, especially cartoons leads to disinterest in studies amongchildren.Theygetgluedtotelevisionsetandbecomeaddictedtoit.Earlycorrectionsareneededtosuchaddicts.That iswhyBabacalls televisionas tele-vishamwhichmeans tele-poison.Headviceschildrentowatchonlyprogramsthataddvalueandmeaningtoeducation.Forchannelsthattelecastmeaninglessprogramsatelevisionsetisaptlyanidiotbox!Parentsshouldhoweverencouragetheirchildrentowatchgoodprogramsthatpropagatevalues,inculcategoodbehavior,enhancetheirknowledge,andbuildcharacter.Donotwatchtelevisionwhileeating…….SathyaSaiBaba

11.3 USE OF INTERNET Internet isoneof thecheapest, theeasiestandthemostpowerful toolsofeducation ifusedcarefullyandwithapositiveapproach.Howeverinternetcanprovetobecompletelydangerousifsurfingofthenetisdonebychildrenwithoutparentalguidanceandmonitoring.Helpchildrentounderstandthateverythingisboundbytimeinlifeandtheymustnotbecurioustolearnbeyondhis/herphysicalageandmentalage.Theymustbepatientenoughtolearntherightthingsatrighttime.Forchildrenwhomisuseinternet,theymustbemadetounderstandthatINNERNETISMOREIMPORTANTTHANINTERNETThismeansthereisaninnernet(conscience)thatmustbeconsulted.Whenchildrenget intousingsocialmedialiketheFacebook,theymustcarefullyexchangemessagesandpicturesthatmaynothurtothersandberesponsibleinpostingtheirstatusupdate.


Technologyhasitsprosandcons.Justaschildrenareexpectedtoimbibegoodvaluesintheirparentswhodidnotbelongtotechnologyera,parentstoomustattempttoembracetechnologyinordertoguideandsupportchildrenofitsusage.Thoughts

12.0 SPIRITUAL ISSUES 12.1 THREE NOBLE PRINCIPLES

BrotherhoodofmanandFatherhoodofGod,leadtomoralityinsociety.Threenobleprinciplesinlife-LoveforGod,FearofsinandMoralityinsocietyaretobetaughtbyparentstochildrenfromearlyage.

12.1.1 LOVE FOR GOD

AdoptandPractice‘LoveforGod,FearofSin,andMoralityinSociety’isthemessagefromSathyaSaiBaba,thefounderofSathyaSaiSchoolsacrosstheworld.The real purpose of these noble principles lies in beingGod centric. The awareness to keepchildren close toGod in all typesof situationswill develop ‘Love forGod’which is themostfundamentalrequirementrightfromchildhood.SuchloveforGodmustalsobeintense.WhereeverthereisloveforGod,there,societywillbeunited.Fearofsinisanaturalpreciousqualityofhumanbeings.Thus,thefearofsinarisesonlywhentherelationshipwithGodisoneoflove.

12.1.2 FEAR OF SIN

Themindisresponsibleforbothmeritandsin.ItisgoodtodirectthemindtowardsGodthantowardsthesenses.Ifweputthesensestogooduse,weearnmerit,ifweputittomisuse,wewillincursin.Tongueisoneofthemostvitalsenseorgans.Inlifewemaynotbeabletoobligeandhelpall,atalltimes,butevenifwecannotobligewecanalwaysspeakobligingly.Kindobligingwordswillnotletusincursinevenifwedonotoblige.Butwhenwehowlatapersonwhocomeswithanobligationwithharshwordsweincurasin,notbecause,ofnotobligingbutduetonotspeakingobligingly. It is important tounderstand thenuancesbetweenmistakeand sin.Whenwedosomethingwronginadvertentlyandapologize,itdoesnotnecessarilyturnintoasin.Whereas,when we knowinglymake amistake, do not regret for it and dare to repeat it, due to thepromptings of ego or envy, it does happen to turn into a sin and we risk nemesis of it byconductingunrighteous.Sin is theresultofunbridledegoand itsassociatedsix innerenemiesofmannamely,desire,


anger,greed,lust,pride,andenvy.Itisonlylackoffearofsinthatisresponsibleforthelackofmoralityinsociety.Fearofsincouldbedevelopedbydiscriminatingbetweentherightandthewrong.Whenweareafraidtocommitawrongdoing,andthereforepreventfromdoingit,wetakemorally correct standsonall issues relating to the society.Also,we should thinkof theconsequencesofwrongactsandrefrainfromseeingevil,speakingevilandhearingevilorelsetheeffectsofsuchwrongactscanboomerangonuslaterifnotimmediately.Werisknemesis,payingretributionifwedonotfeartocommitsin.

12.1.3 MORALITY IN SOCIETY

Moralityisthebehaviorofthecommunity;itisthenormslaidbythesociety.Henceitconstitutescivilization.Eveninachangingsocietyethicsremaineternalanditconstitutesculture.Wemustpracticemoralityeven insmallestacts.Whenwedisturbpeople in thesociety,webecomeanuisancetothesocietyduetolackinginmoralresponsibility.ParentsmustlovinglybegintosowtheseedsofsocialpeacetotheirchildrensothatitwouldonedaygrownintoahugetreeofUniversalPeace.Thusthethreeprinciplesoflife-LoveforGod,FearofSinandMoralityinSocietyarelikethethree blades of fan. It is only when the three blades rotate together simultaneously weexperiencerefreshingair.

13.0 UNDERSTANDING CONSCIENCE 13.1 FOLLOW THE MASTER Weareallawareofthephysicallocationoftheheartintheleftsideofthehumanbodywithitsfunctiontopumpbloodtothevitalorgansofthebody.Weareequallyawareofanonphysicalaspectofourlifecalled‘conscience’.Heartistheseatofconscienceandconscienceistheseatofthesoul.Wealsoknowthattheheartistheorganthatkeepsthebodyandsoultogether.Infactmanyofusmaynotbeawareofoneofthemostadmirableaspectsoftheheartwhichisindeedthe power of discrimination than the mind. The heart is the place where our ability todiscriminatelies,contrarytothegeneralthinkingthatsuchpowerofdiscriminationliesinthehead.Itisthecapabilityofthehearttoanalyzewhichthoughtsarerightandwhicharewrong.HeartisthereforeaddressedastheMaster.FollowtheMaster……..SathyaSaiBaba

13.2 CAPACITIES OF HEART

Hearthasseveralcapacities,whichweallknowbutseldomunderstood.Beyonditsfunctioninits cardio vascular system, in the spiritual context, we have a good reference ofmeaningfulcapacitiesoftheheartintheBible.Theheartisshowntohavethreecapacitiesnamely.


13.2.1 TO BELIEVE

As true humans we have to believe the message the heart sends to us. Mistakenly, notunderstanding the nature of the heart, we go bywhat themind tells and ignore the heart.Childrenfromyoungagemustbetaughttobelieveand listentotheheart–aplacewhereasilent,deepermessagearises.

13.2.2 TO CHOOSE

Hearthasthenaturalabilitytochoose.Letusnotbecompelledtoacceptwhatthemindthinks,whichissometimesnotarightchoice.Whereasheart’schoicecanbereliedupon100%asitwillultimatelyyieldgoodresults.

13.2.3 TO FEEL

Asaresultofthenatureofbeliefandchoicebytheheart,itispackedwithemotionsandfeelings.Itistheheartthatfeelsthepainsowesay‘HeavyHeart’withoutunderstandingthefullmeaning.Materialhappinessisatemporarystateofthemindwhereastruejoyisthelastingfeeloftheheart.

13.3 TEACHING TECHNIQUE OF CONSULTATION OF THE HEART Wedonotneedagreateducationtolearntheprocessofconsultingtheheart.Allthatweneedisasocietywithaheartfilledwithholinesscalled‘Character’whichisbornoutofharmonyofthought,wordanddeed. Theprocessofconsultation isnot thesameforall theagegroups.Whenweknowtheprocessisverydifficultevenforadults,howcouldweachievethesameininfants, young children, adolescents and adults? We have attempted to answer the sameaccordingtotheagegroups. 13.3.1 FOR INFANTS - PARENTS ACT AS CONSCIENCE For infants and young children, it is their parents who have to play the role of the child’sconscience.Fromthetimechildrenarebornandtill theymature,parentsshouldactas theirconscience.Mostparentsarenotawareofthisgreatroletheyhavetoplay.Parentingisthereforenotjustaresponsibilityofchildup-bringingbutalsoassumingagreatermoralresponsibilityonbehalfoftheirchildren.Thismeanswemustbereadytofacetheconsequencesifweoverlookthemistakesofourkids.Weneedtoshieldourchildrenwithourconsciencetilltheygrowuptobeself-dependentandstartjudgingontheirown.Anexample–Ifasixmonthsoldbabyiscryinginapublicplaceofworshipthemothershouldnot


thinkthatherbabyistoosmalltounderstandthats/heshouldnotcryandsoshecanletthebabycry.Instead,sheshouldlistentoherconsciencethatquicklyguideshertotakethebabyoutandleavetheplacesothatothersarenotdisturbed.13.3.2 FOR ADOLESCENTS - EASY BRAKE MECHANISM Aslongasthechildisaninfanttheparentscouldshieldtheconscienceofthechildwhichisstilldevelopingwiththeirconscience.Oncethechildreachesadolescentstagethechildshouldbetaughttousehisorherconscience.Ifachildmakesamistakeoutofignorancethenteachthechildnottorepeatitandasparentsverifythatthechildhasovercomesuchbadbehavior.Alsoifthechildrepeatsthemistakedonotoverlookandpamperthechildbutteachthechildthatwemustsetlimitsandstopthebadbehavior.To make adolescent children understand the need for consulting the conscience, the brakemechanisminvehiclesistobecomparedwith.Theconscienceislikeabrakethattellsustostop,thinkandact.Itistheconsciencemechanismthatcontrolsthebehavior.Askthechildwoulds/heeverenjoyaride inacarwithoutabrake?Orwouldyouasaparent letyourchildgo inacarthathasnobrake?Askthechildwhatwouldbetheconsequenceofsucharide?Teachthechildthatacarwithoutabrakewillcollide,andcausemoredamage.Similarly,alifewithoutlisteningtotheconsciencewouldbedisastrous.Adolescencewouldcertainlyhelpthechild understand and reasonwith such explanation. In all the above exercises, parentsmustunfailinglybeconsciousabiding. 13.3.3 FOR YOUNG ADULTS - AS WE SOW SO WE REAP Whenwechoosesomething,wejustdonotonlychoosethatsomethingbutalsounknowinglychoosetheconsequencethatisinseparablyfollowingourchoice.Action,inaction,anddecision-makingresultinconsequencesthatareeithergoodorbadandthattheyhaveanimpacteitherimmediatelyorsometimeslater.Likeinagameofchessacompellingmentalexerciseincomplexdecision-makingneedsdevelopingtheskilloffarsightedness.Adultchildrenmustbeguidedwiththe ability to perceive the likely consequences of their actions and the discipline to proceedaccordinglysincebadactions, invariably result inbadconsequences,whilegoodactionsyieldgoodresults.Parentsalwayshopethebestfortheirchildren.Theyalsoknowthatactionsofthechildrenanditsconsequencesareinterrelatedandaffectthemasmuchastheyaffecttheirkids.Itisthewishandprayerofeveryparentthattheirchildmakesrightchoices.Inordertoenablethechildmakeright choices they should always guide their childrenwith the habit of consulting the heart.Introducethewordconscienceasadailyreminder.


13.3.4 WATCH OUR HEART IN THE ACRONYM WAY

W-WatchourWords

A-WatchourActions T-WatchourThoughts

C-WatchourCharacter

H-WatchourHeart

• Whyisitthatwearecarelessinconsultingourheart?Weareofteninahurry,inhasteandcarelesslyneglecttoconsultourconscience.Sometimeswedeliberately avoid listening to the heart to escape from the discomforts of following theconscience.

• Whyisitthatsometimeswerefusetolistentoourconscience?Heart always speaks the truth. Outside influence, peer pressure, aping other’s habits, andembracingartificiallifearecontributingfactorsforneglectingourconscience.

• Whataretheconsequencesofnotlisteningtotheheart?Manyatimeswebegintolistentothemultiplevoicesintheheadthanthesingleinnervoicefromtheheart.Webegintoseediversity inunitywhich isdemonic.Misery,restlessnessandunhappinessareallthedirectconsequencesofnotlisteningtotheheart.

• Whataretheeffectsofgettingtheapprovaloftheheart?Whenwebegintolistentoourheart,weachieveunityofthought,wordanddeed.Weareinharmonywithdiversityandwebegintobeatruehumanbeing.Ifheartwinsoverourmind,wearesuretoseeunityindiversityresultinginharmony,peaceandlove.

• Isthereanysimplewaytounderstandandfollowtheheart?Yes, there is one good and unfailing way: Adhering to the spiritual path. Amid, daily lifedistractions,constantremembranceofGodcanhelpuscherishandpreservetheheartvalue.TeachchildrentheABCDEFGoflife–AlwaysBeCheerfulDonotEverForgetGod

• Whatisthesecretofhappinessbyfollowingtheheart?Childrenoftenmistakethatdoingwhattheylikeissuretokeepthemhappy.Whereastherealsecretofhappinessistodowhatisrightandbeconscienceabiding.Happinessliesnotindoingwhatonelikesbutinlikingwhatonehastodo……………SathyaSaiBaba. 13.3.5 HEART – THE ABODE OF GOD Wehavelearntvariousfeatures,qualitiesandeffectsofconsultingornotconsultingtheheart.Oneimportantfeatureoftheheartisthat–HeartistheabodeofGod.Itistheresidingplaceofthedivinity.Let us all develop the habit of consulting the heart prior to every one of our action since


conscienceisnoneotherthanAlmighty.Divinityisinherentineveryhumanbeing.Self-realizationisthekeytosalvation………..SathyaSaiBaba

14.0 CONCLUSION 14.1 IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD ThereisafamousAfricansayingthatittakesavillagetoraiseachild.For a child to growup into a responsible, healthy adult, theentire village communityhas tocontributetheirroleinhelpbuildachild’sconfidence.Achilddoesnotnecessarilygrowupinjustonehome.Itisacollectiveresponsibilityofthecommunityinrearingallchildrenastheyaretherisinggenerationandfuturecitizensoftheircountry.Thoughwemayhavea longway to go,with effortsand by divine gracewemay realize thevaluesofparentinginthepropersenseasexplainedinthisworkshopsoastobecomeworthyparentssinceparentingisagiftbytheDivine.Beginlikealampathome,carrythelightoutside,becomeastreetlightservingasanexampleandguidingothers.Emulatethepolestarwhichisalightuntotheworld………..SathyaSaiBaba

VALUE PARENTING - STUDY MATERIAL

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