Upgrade Your Life, Increase Your Income

Upgrade Your Life, Increase Your Income Jennifer Barthe Page: 1

Visit Jennifer's blog at www.themoneywoman.com.


© 2010 by Jennifer Barthe

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Disclaimer: All information contained in this publication reflects the personal views of theauthor, at the time of publication. I am not a licensed financial professional and am merely

offering my advice based upon personal experience.



For My Sister and Brothers

May you always enjoy the best that life has to offer, you're worth it.



Table of Contents

Introduction........................................................................................................................5

Putting Others First............................................................................................................7

Low Expectations.............................................................................................................31

Nobility in Poverty...........................................................................................................51

Working Just to Pay the Bills...........................................................................................63

Being Desperate for Money.............................................................................................80

Being Jealous of Others....................................................................................................95

Negative Environmental Influences ..............................................................................100



Introduction

There are tons of personal finance books on the market, including a couple on my

bookshelf. But I've had trouble finding more than few that cover the emotionalroadblocks people face when trying to increase their income. Most of the books

I've found on Amazon and in bookstores cover topics such as how to invest in the

stock market, how to make a killing in real estate, save money, start your ownbusiness, get out of debt, and how negotiate a raise.

However, none of these book seemed useful to me because for years I sufferedfrom low self-esteem. The more of these books I read, the harder it became for

me to make positive changes in my life. I always felt like something was missing.

So I abandoned my books and started to focus on becoming a better and strongerperson instead.

Once I was able to see myself as worthy of the best in life, my financial situationstarted to improve with relative ease. It was almost impossible for me to earn

more money when I didn't think I was worth it. Healing my damaged self-

image helped me make tremendous amounts of progress. It was thecrucial missing ingredient I was looking for.

A lot us grew up in environments that weren't very loving or encouraging. As aresult we've spent most of our adult lives settling for less. We put other people's

needs before our own. We work in jobs we hate because we don't think we can do

better. We make paltry sums of money and pretend that we're satisfied. But howhappy are we really? What's the pleasure in scraping by and always trying to

make ends meet? Do the ends ever meet?

If you're tired of settling for less and are ready to make real changes in your life,

then I dedicate this book to you. Once you learn how to upgrade your life, your

income will naturally increase.

xoxo,

Jennifer



The 7 Habits That Block Money

1. Putting Others First

2. Low Expectations

3. Nobility in Cheapness

4. Working Just to Pay the Bills

5. Being Desperate for Money

6. Being Jealous of Others

7. Negative Environmental Influences



chapter one

Putting Others First

The more you give to others at your expense the less you haveleft over for yourself.

We learned how become and remain invisible as small children. We had to be

quiet while walking down the hall in school. We were expected to sit still during

long and boring religious services.

We heard the following phrases repeated to us on a daily basis:

• Children should be seen and not heard

• Be a good girl and do what you're told

• Man up, don't be a Mamma's boy!

• Behave while you're in public



• Don't talk in class, raise your hand instead

• Who do you think you are? Be quiet, you're just a kid

• Why do you always seem to mess things up? You're getting on my nerves

• When you get older you'll understand where I'm coming from. I'm doingthis for your own good!

• Stop it or you'll get into trouble. Don't make me mad!

• Don't complain, you're lucky to have what you have. Some children have

less and can't complain

Because of social conditioning we have trouble asserting ourselves as adults. Our

parents, though they meant well, taught us to unconsciously believe we arepowerless. As adults we live our lives as if it's more important to please others

than ourselves.

As grown-ups we are still acting like little scared children, afraid of messing up

and not being liked by our authority figures. When you show up late for work,

nervous that your boss will come down hard on you, how does it make you feel?Are you afraid of getting in trouble and don't want to upset the boss?

When your children complain, if you have children, and they try to make you feelguilty every time you don't give them what they want, do you give into their

desires because you don't want them to hate you? Are you afraid of being

rejected?

When someone mistreats you, even if they're a family member, do you refuse to

speak up because you don't the other person feel uncomfortable?

When asked to work during the week-end, despite the fact that you're really tired,

do you agree anyway to the extra hours? Do you think about “needing” the extramoney? Are you trying hard not rock the boat at work?

The more we give to others, the less we have for ourselves. It's almost impossibleto get out of debt or save extra cash when other people are in control of your life.



How do we give ourselves away financially?

• Paying bills before setting money aside for our savings. At the end of the

month we have nothing saved for our future

• Using what we do save to pay bills. We prevent ourselves from creating asafety net and nest egg

• Spending tons of money on self-help products and not taking action after

reading them. We hope, wish, and pray for change. Nothing happens andwe continue to pump more money into the pockets of authors and

bookstores

• Always looking for a get-rich-quick solution to raise short-term cash. In the

end, we either lose money on dubious schemes or end up having to payhigh-interests rates on borrowed money used to “get us through the storm”

• Lending people money over and over again, knowing we won't get paid

back. We would rather say Yes to these folks than be honest with them

• Buying cheap things because we don't think we deserve better. We settlefor what we think we can have and not for what we truly want

• Working in jobs that pay little and leave us resentful. We're thankful to have

something we loathe than nothing at all

• Wanting to be liked by others. Not being our true selves. We support thesepeople financially instead of cutting them off. We don't want to hurt their

feelings

What About Your Life?

How much longer can you give, give, and give without getting anything in return?When you've run out of money and are dead tired? And when you do get fed up

and complain, who pays attention to you? How much longer can you live like this?

It's not fair, is it?



Why Do You Treat Yourself This Way?

You're scared to speak up. You're not used to feeling important so you act likeyou aren't. It's subtle.

Unconsciously, when we think we aren't important, we take into account theneeds of others before our own. We want to be loving and caring. But when it

comes to getting our needs met, forget about it. And while we might tell

ourselves that we do matter, repeating I love myself affirmations while looking inthe mirror, our actions paint a different picture. What we say does not always

equal the truth about how we really feel.

How often have you heard yourself say these phrases?

• I have to keep this job, even if I don't like it because I need the money to

pay bills. I can't ruin my credit, lose my home, etc...

What you're really saying:

It's more important that I pay bills, which means I care more about others

than myself. I don't deserve to do what I love and be able to meet

my obligations with ease. If I earned more doing what I love, thenthese bills would not even be an issue.

• I have to stay in this neighborhood, I've been here my whole life. I don't

really like this area, in fact I hate it, but my family lives around the cornerand I can't leave them. It would break their heart.


I'd rather make my family comfortable than myself. I can't disappoint

the people I love by doing what I really want to do.

• I have to buy what's on sale when I shop for food because I can't afford to

eat what I really want. Besides, I'm proud of the fact that I can spend $100 and get almost $200 worth of value. I'm doing well.




I think it's more important to feed myself cheap crap because Idon't think my health is all that important. I'm not worth eating the

organic and healthy alternatives.

• If I save 10% of my income, it's going to be really hard to make ends

meet. I need 100% of my money in order to keep afloat.

What we're really saying:

It's more important that I take care of everyone but myself.

• This company just overcharged me, but since it's such a small amount, I'm

not going to say anything. I'd rather complain to my friends about the poor

service. Besides, they never give people refunds, it would be a waste of mytime.


I'm afraid to defend myself. I think it's more important to let someone

take advantage of me than let them know how I expect to betreated.

We may believe that letting things go here and there or eating what's always on

sale isn't harmless, but in the long-run, these actions prevent us from upgrading

our lives and increasing our income. Once we get used to going without or havingless than what we deserve, it will be very difficult for us to see ourselves as

deserving the best.

While we may think we “need” the money and that life is hard, that simply isn't

true. The less we expect to have, the less we'll get. We'll talk more about

expectation later, but let's discuss why feelings of scarcity and deprivation keepus stuck in situations we desperately want to escape.



Limiting Beliefs

A limiting belief is any belief that tells us why we can't have or do something. It's

the little voice in our heads that warns us to play it safe and don't ask questions

because others will think we're stupid.

A couple of examples of limiting beliefs.

Limiting Belief: I have to keep this job, even if I don't like it, because I need

the money.

I used to work for a paycheck because I thought I didn't have a choice. I didn't

always like what I did for a living, but it didn't matter because my rent was due

on the 1st of the month. For the majority of my twenties, I felt trapped anddesperate for a career change. Whenever I thought about quitting and doing

something else with my life, I let fear of the unknown keep me stuck. I always

played it safe and constantly complained about my life to my friends.

I let fear keep me from becoming truly happy.

After a while, I got tired of selling my soul for a dollar, especially as I could barely

pay my bills with what I was making, so I quit. Then I started working for myself

and was doing OK, until the economy tanked. Despite the fact that I knew somepeople who were doing well in the down economy, I bought into the negative

hype and closed down my business.

Then I left town and got another job. But this time around, I promised myself I'd

do something that inspired me. So I kept my promise to myself and found a great

job that I really liked. And though the pay wasn't as much as I made in my oldjob, the new job inspired me to start another business. That job was a stepping

stone to something better. And with my new business, slowly but surely, I started

making more money and now I'm doing fine. And while I'm not rich, I am veryhappy. I love what I do.

I'm glad I decided not to stay in the bad job situation, even though it was easierto stay put than leave.



Most folks don't want to take the risk of leaving bad job situations because the

possibility of failure is too painful. They would rather stay comfortable than investtheir future.

They think they need the money, but that's simply not true. Yes, we all have tohave money to pay bills and keep a roof over our heads, but we don't need it at

any cost! Plenty of homeless people live without earning money and depend on

handouts. And while that's probably not the way most of us would like to live, it'sstill an option that proves earning money by doing what you loathe is not

necessary for survival.

Do We Really Need Anything?

• Do we need to have dessert after dinner? No, but it's nice to have it. We

want dessert.

• Do we need a new pair of shoes every month? No, but if we love to shop it'sfun. We want to buy shoes.

• Do we need to talk on the phone with a loved one? No, but it's something

we enjoy, unless our loved one is a pain in the ass. Then we want to runaway!

Do we really need to earn money from a job that we hate in order to pay our

bills? No. We chose to do work we don't enjoy because it's convenient. It'seasier to continue to work in a bad situation, than leave and find

something better. We want to be comfortable and are afraid of being

unemployed.

I know some people may still be thinking, No you don't understand my situation!

I really do need this job. I have nothing else, I'm stuck for life.

Well, I have bills too but I don't disrespect my time and energy in order to pay

them. When a person chooses to show up for something that's not healthy, suchas a toxic depleting job, It's their choice to live that way.

It's easier and way more comfortable to stay, with the promise of a paycheck thatbarely covers the bills, than risk leaving.



But what really happens when we leave terrible situations with the intention of

finding something better? We move on with our lives and eventually get

what we want. Yes, there might be a couple of delays in the process. Maybe wemight experience a set back, but in the end, things work out for the best. They

always do.

When it comes to jobs, I'm not saying that it's easy to find a new one. But it's

better to move forward and let go of what's not working than stay still. Yes, I

know it's scary to let go. It might take a couple of weeks to find a new job. Forsome folks it may even take months.

We don't need any old job and the paycheck it offers in order survive. If youreally believe that you do need something, anything, then it's your choice to

accept less than the best.

Getting Out of the Situation

So how do you get out of a bad job situation? How do you figure out what to dowith your life? Can you do what you love and make enough money to be

comfortable?

Find a really quiet place, sit down, and be honest yourself. Think about why

you've been avoiding the truth. This is not an easy thing to do and since you can't

solve this problem in one day, don't assume your life will magically changeovernight. Write down your thoughts on paper or in a word processing program to

keep a record.

How you feel about your present career? Maybe you like your career field but not

your job. Or maybe you're in the wrong career all together and want to do

something else. Write it down. What would your dream career look like? Do youthink it's possible for you to enter your dream career field? Do you need to go

back to school or get more training?

When you start to write down your thoughts, make sure you're in a private place

where you won't be disturbed. If you live with others, ask them to give you

space. If they don't respect your request, then demand time alone. If you haveissues setting boundaries with others, then it will hard getting your work done.


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