Types of parenting styles - Four

The type of discipline you use can have a dramatic effect on your child’s development. Your discipline strategies can have a big impact on the type of relationship you have with your child. The various approaches to discipline can even influence a child’s mood and temperament into adulthood.

Researchers have discovered four types of parenting styles. These different styles are dependent on what the parent feels the child needs from them. As a result, each parenting style uses a different approach to discipline

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting is where parents establish the rules and expect that children will follow them without exception. Children have little to no involvement in problem-solving challenges or obstacles. Instead, parents expect that children will follow all of the rules all the time.

If children challenge the rules or ask why, they are usually told, “Because I said so.” Children are not usually given the reasons for the rules and there is little room for any negotiation. Authoritarian parents may use punishments instead of consequences.

Authoritarian Parenting

Although children who grow up with authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time, they may develop self-esteem problems. Sometimes children become hostile or aggressive as they may focus more on being angry at their parents for the punishment rather than learning how to make decisions and solve-problems

Signs that you are an Authoritarian Parent

• You have little patience for misbehaviour:

Authoritarian parents don’t want to waste energy explaining why something isn’t a good choice and they're not likely to spend much time discussing feelings. Instead, when a child breaks the rules, they’re more likely to remind him that he should “know better" without any room for discussion.

• You try hard to control your child’s behaviour:

Rather than teach children to control themselves, authoritarian parents exert their control. Kids have fewer choices and fewer opportunities to practice self-discipline. The focus is on obeying the rules, with little room for creativity.

Signs that you are an Authoritarian Parent

• You try to shame your child into behaving:Authoritarian parents are very critical. They may say things like, “You aren't a good listener,” or, "How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?" They aren’t concerned about building or preserving a child's self-esteem. In fact, they often think that shaming a child is one of the best ways to motivate him to behave better next time.

• You don’t hesitate to use corporal punishment:Spanking is used liberally in authoritarian households. Parents may use other forms of corporal punishment - such as making a child do push-ups or assigning manual labor - as a consequence for misbehaviour.

Signs that you are an Authoritarian Parent

• You don’t believe in ‘exceptions to the rule’:You won’t catch an authoritarian parent negotiating. Their children certain don't get any type of vote and it's made clear that the household rules aren't up for discussion. Parents often leave little room for any “gray area.”

• You’d rather use punishments than positive reinforcement:Most authoritarian parents don’t believe in rewarding kids for good behaviour. They think that kids should behave well and don’t need to be praised or rewarded simply for following the rules. But as soon as a rule is broken, a consequence is swiftly handed out.

Signs that you are an Authoritarian Parent

• You value discipline over fun:Authoritarian parents are more likely to be nagging or yelling rather than playing with their kids. They tend to want kids to behave in an orderly fashion and they expect them to “be seen and not heard” most of the time. • You have a lot of rules:While permissive parents have few rules, authoritarian parents thrive on having rules about everything. In addition to household rules about safety or morality, there are often unwritten rules about how to do things "right.” Authoritarian parents often micromanage their children. They may hover while their children do their homework or complete their chores to make sure that everything is done in the manner they want.

Signs that you are an Authoritarian Parent

• You don’t trust your child to make good decisions:Authoritarian parents have interesting expectations of their children. Although they have high expectations, they don’t allow for enough freedom for kids to show that they can be trusted. They’re quick to enforce their demands and prevent children from making mistakes and facing natural consequences.

• You often say, “Because I said so!”Authoritarian parents don’t waste time explaining the underlying reasons why certain rules need to be followed or why they’ve set certain limits. Instead, they’re famous for saying, “Because I said so!” They expect that to be the end of the discussion and don’t invite a child to weigh in with his opinion about why he disagrees or why he thinks the rules are unfair.

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parents also have rules that children are expected to follow, however, they allow some exceptions to the rule. They often tell children the reasons for the rules and they are more willing to consider a child’s feelings when setting limits.

Authoritative parents tend to use consequences instead of punishments. They also use more positive consequences to reinforce good behaviors and may be more willing than authoritarian parents to use reward systems and praise.

Authoritative Parenting

Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful. They are often good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own. They often grow up to be responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents don't offer much discipline. They tend to be lenient and may only step in when there is a serious problem. There may be few consequences for misbehaviour because parents have an attitude of "kids will be kids.“

Permissive parents may take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They may encourage their children to talk with them about their problems but may not discourage a lot of bad behaviours Kids who grow up with permissive parents tend to struggle academically. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they will likely not appreciate authority and rules. They often have low self-esteem and may report a lot of sadness.

Signs that you’re a Permissive Parent

• You don’t put your child on any type of schedule:Permissive parents give kids control over their time. Kids often pick their own nap times - which may happen to occur whenever they fall asleep - and they may eat whenever they feel hungry. Permissive parents don't want their children confined by a rigid schedule that dictates bedtime, bath time and meal time.

• Your child’s day lacks structure:Permissive parents don’t “overschedule” their children and they don’t force kids to participate in certain activities. They aren’t likely to set strict limits on screen time, for example, and they aren’t likely to worry about how much exercise their kids are getting. Instead, they let their kids take the lead on how to spend their time.

Signs that you’re a Permissive Parent

• You emphasize the importance of your child “being a kid.”

Whether their children are jumping on the furniture, or they're racing down the grocery store aisles, permissive parents are likely to say, “Let them be kids.” They tend to have little expectation of mature behavior and have a high tolerance for misbehavior and silly outbursts.

• You value your child's freedom over responsibility:Permissive parents don’t give their children many chores or extra responsibilities. Instead, they’re more likely to allow their children the freedom to have fun, explore their environment, and make choices about what they want to do.

Signs that you’re a Permissive Parent

• You have very few – if any – real rules:Permissive parents aren’t likely to have a list of household rules hanging on the wall. They don't usually claim to have many steadfast rules and they prefer a more relaxed environment

• You wait for your child to ask for help:Permissive parents certainly don’t hover over their children. they don't want to insert help when it's not needed and they aren't interested in micromanaging a child's activities. Instead, they believe if their children need – or want – assistance, they’ll ask.

Signs that you’re a Permissive Parent• You seek your child’s opinion on major decisions:

Permissive parents tend to ask questions like, “What do you think we should do about this note your teacher sent home about your behavior today?” They may invite their children to weigh in on major family decisions as well by asking questions such as, “Do you want to move a different house?” They may avoid making changes when their children object and they may go to great lengths to ensure their children don’t experience discomfort.

• You bribe your child:Permissive parents tend to bribe their children to behave. Unlike rewards - that are given after good behaviour - bribes are given up front with the child promising to behave later. Permissive parents are often overindulgent.

Signs that you’re a Permissive Parent

• You rarely give out consequences:Permissive parents feel bad giving out negative consequences and punishments. They rarely take away privileges and they’re likely to give in when children protest or throw temper tantrums. when they do try to set limits, they often don't follow through with enforcing them if their children don't comply.

• You’d rather be your child’s friend rather than an authority figure:Permissive parents don’t really want to be in charge and don’t want to be viewed as mean. They are happy to be seen as a friend rather than the boss. During the teen years, they’re often viewed as “the cool parents” because they may be very tolerant of teenage misbehaviour and may even collude with teens to help them break certain rules.

Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parents tend to be neglectful. They often do not meet their children’s basic needs and may expect children to raise themselves. Sometimes this is due to a parent’s mental health issues or substance abuse problems. They may also lack knowledge about parenting and child development or may feel overwhelmed by life’s other problems.

Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing. There tends to be few, if any, rules or expectations. Children may not receive any nurturing or guidance and they lack the much need parental attention.When parents are uninvolved, children tend to lack self-esteem and they perform poorly academically. They also exhibit frequent behaviour problems and rank low in happiness.