Tuesday 18 November 2014 22:35I know that it is late and that really I should go to sleep as I will regret this in the morning, but I also know that if I dont do something soon Im going to drive myself crazy.These past few weeks (3 to be exact) Ive begun to feel further and further away from God, Ive had doubts and have generally have just felt pretty miserable. I know that Ive not exactly helped myself as I havent been reading my bible, Ive deliberately isolated myself (at times opting not to go to church/worship group) and instead of running into the arms of my heavenly Father Ive found my own fix (and yes I do mean exactly what you think I mean). Something, well I say something but I know its more God and Him not giving up on me, made me force myself to go to church on Sunday as I recognised that I needed to be around other Christians and to be in a place where I could focus on God. The one week when I could have done with hearing a proper sermon I got a talk about this is our vision, this is what is going to happen, this is how were going to try and meet the needs of all these new people who were trying to get in to church. WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS. Ok so I know that is being selfish and Ive not exactly done anything to help the matter but the real kick in the teeth so to speak was that in the childrens slot Mark spoke about coming to church and being encouraged by others etc. I left that service feeling worse than I did when I came in. I suppose I should have spoken to someone about how I felt instead of leaving as soon as I could at the end, but the whole thing was a shambles and I didnt feel there was the space to talk so I went home.

Right Im going to turn in as its just gone 11pm and I need to be up for work tomorrow. Ill try and finish this tomorrow sometime.