Top Reasons Why You Should Date Me

Carey Martell

Thesis.● We have corresponding sexual orientations.

● I am mildly to extremely attracted to you.

● I am mildly to extremely attractive.

● Let's do this.

My Appealing Characteristics

Example of a Dude(I am also a Dude)

● This is Henry Cavill, star of the new Superman movie.

● He is more attractive than I am.

● But are you ever going to date Henry Cavill? Let's get real.

● Henry Cavill is not really Superman, he is just an actor. That means he is a really good liar. Do you want to date a liar?

● I, on the other hand, spent five years in the US. Army as an infantryman. I am a hand-to-hand combat expert trained to storm machine gun nests and a certified combat life-saver versed in first-aid techniques used in war zones.

● If aliens invade the Earth, Henry Cavill is not going to save you. I will.

Dating a Guy Who Will Save You from Aliens Statistics

● Remember what I said about Henry Cavill? Now it's a graph.

Definition of a "date"

date (a noun)1. A meeting at an agreed time and place, typically between two people, where the guy treats the

lady like a princess, allows her to order whatever she wants and always picks up the tab with a smile.

Synonyms:meeting - rendezvous - tryst - assignation

Other Facts About Me1. Single2. No children.3. Never married.4. Terrific with animals.5. Extensive dating experience.6. Not afraid of freaky looking spiders.7. Inventor of the greatest cheeseburger in the world.

Long Term ProspectsI am 30 years old, but I have the "young" gene.

This is me at 29.

This was me at 21.Conclusion: I do not age. I will be young forever. My children will inherit this trait.

PS: I'm also immune to zombie bites.

Pros and Cons

PROS CONS

Making out with me will rock your socks off. We might end up hating each other.

I'm super clever and witty. How are you going to respond to a fucking powerpoint presentation??

It would be awkward if you rejected my powerpoint.

It would be awkward if you rejected my powerpoint with another powerpoint.

This could potentially be a hilarious story to tell the kids, or at least your friends.

There is no con here. Pro outweighs any con!

Conclusion

● Dating me could be the best decision you ever make. ● Especially if aliens or zombies attack you.● What else are you going to do this weekend?