“To Share or Not to Share”: How much should college applicants

share in their essays and applications?

Rebecca Joseph, Cal State LA and Get Me To CollegeSylvia Juarez-Magana, Juarez Consulting Inc. Lauren Popkowski, Oaks Christian

Share Learn Connect Los Angeles, March 2015

How Important Are the Essays?

Grades

Rigor of Coursework, School

Test Scores

Activities-Sustained consistency, development, leadership, and initiative

Special skills, talents, awards, community service and passions

Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor

Additional Information

Essays –Importance Ranges From Considerable to Moderate To None.

RJ

*NACAC Annual Survey

College Admissions Writing = Opportunity

Show unique stories that make applicants jump off the page

Master the highest ranked non-academic aspect of the application

Demonstrate what they can offer to college campuses

Realize the package of essays counts…not just one

Share applicants unique voices

Express who they really are

Challenge stereotypes

Reflect on their growth and development, including accomplishments and service

Seek to understand what the admission officers are looking for

LP

Successful Admissions Writing Includes:

Introspection ~ Self reflection allows for depth in writing

Complex Thinking ~ Identify & showcase multi-dimensions

Simplicity~ Addressing the prompt; no tangents

Coherence ~ Arrangement of qualities with examples

Style and Tone (personal) ~ Be true to oneself; “voice”

Syntax and Format (maturity) ~ Multiple drafts are a must

RJ

Understanding the Purpose…University of California Prompts• All applicants must respond to two essay prompts — the general prompt

and either the freshman or transfer prompt, depending on your status.

• Responses to your two prompts must be a maximum of 1,000 words total (allocate at least 250 words for one response).

• Provide views from two different aspects of your life or background ~ illustrates how well rounded you are.

The Prompts

• 1. Freshman applicant prompt

• Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. (Influence and Impact)

• 2. Prompt for all applicants

• Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? (The Facts with Examples) RJ

Understand the Essays…The Common Application:

One mandatory long prompt

Writing Supplements—depend on each college

The Prompts

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Private College Specific Applications

Other Systems (Universal Application, etc.) LP

Try To Avoid…• …emphasizing “strength of character.”

• …sounding “perfect.”

• …forgetting your passions, curiosity and inspirations.

• …contrived transitions that don’t connect.

• …narratives that do not engage the reader.

• …repeating what is already mentioned in other parts of the application/repeating the same story.

• …dull openings that quickly lose interest.

• …using quotes that don’t connect or add anything to the essay.

• …forgetting/ignoring the prompt or question being asked.

• …the expected.

• …writing what you think admission officers want to read.

• …too much written in the passive voice.

• …writing too generally about too many things.

• …slang or relaxed language.

Source: “Writing the Common Application Essay and What to Avoid” by Jeannie Borin,

College Connections, LLC

LP

Inappropriate Reveals

• Readers are not interested in essays with “shock value.”

• “…too many kids attach such a crazy degree of importance to getting into the most selective schools that they do stagey, desperate, disturbing things to stand out. The essay portion of their applications can be an especially jolting illustration of that.”

• Examples: urinating on self, referencing their genitalia, self-proclaimed Casanova, vulgar language, symbols instead of words.

Source: Naked Confessions of the College-Bound: Oversharing in Admissions Essays op ed

by Frank Bruni. The New York Times.

RJ

To Share or Not to Share

Sensitive Topics: A Balancing Act

• Rehab

• Eating Disorders

• Arrests

• Abuse

• Violence

• Sexuality

• Wildcard

RJ

Example

• How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society? (250 word limit)

I wish my mom would let me keep a massage chair in my room.

Every summer since I was a kid, my grandpa and I would receive massages together. Having also previously been a trained masseuse, he would attempt to counsel me in the art, hoping to pass on his skills to me. Sometimes, I would practice massaging my parents; more often, I’d practice on myself.

Not to sing my own praise, but I’ve always preferred the massages I gave myself to any that I’ve paid for. There was always a spot on my shin that they skipped over, that one pressure point on my back which would make me squirm. In massaging myself, I've found my sweet spots: those points that when rubbed, produce a heavenly feeling, inducing a relaxing, euphoric trance.

I dreamt of engineering some machine that could repeatedly target those sweet spots. I tried many touted massage chairs, but every one that I sat in was mechanical, lifeless, and could in no way compare to my own massages or even to the ones I received.

With my engineering degree, I seek to design a massage chair that will provide a much more pleasurable experience, customizable to fit each person's distinct sweet spots. I hope that my chairs are so soothing that they spur every past happy memory. Every time I get a perfect massage, I sure remember the joyous times I've spent with my grandpa.

After all, engineering should strive to improve people’s lives.

LP

Essay Workshops

Create a boot camp for your students – even if just for a day!

Work on writing one to two core essays

Drafts, drafts, and more drafts (the average essay takes at least four drafts to have a clear message)

Free-writing

Brainstorming

Organization

Be willing to include unique stories and pivotal messages or a unique take on student interests

LP

Individual Consulting

• Drafting

• Visualizing

• What Did You Do Last Summer

RJJ and LP

What Did You Do Last Summer?

• Stories

• Connections to leadership and initiative

• Connections to passions

• Connections to what they offer campuses

RJ

Red Flags

Final Thoughts

Students need to remember that they:

Can create amazing essays and control this process

Cannot use essays to get into unrealistic college choices

Have just a few minutes to grab the attention of an essay reader.

Need weeks, not days, to write effective college essays.

Cannot manufacture essays; essays convey truth, unique stories, and writing skills.

Can tell their stories like no one else.

Need not mention anything they are not ready to discuss.

RJ, LP, SJ

Thank You

• Rebecca Joseph, rjoseph@calstatela.edu; getmetocollege@gmail.com

• Sylvia Juarez-Magana, Juarez Consulting Inc. sjuarez@myway.com

• Lauren Poplowski, lpopkowski@OaksChristian.org