To Build Trust on Your Team, Start By Embracing Vulnerability as a Strength

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/build-trust-your-team-start-embracing-vulnerability-strength-bryant/

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To Build Trust on Your Team, Start ByEmbracing Vulnerability as a Strength

Many senior executives struggle with the notions of vulnerability and transparency with theirteams. How much should they share about themselves? Tom Chen, a veteran executive andmy colleague at Merryck & Co., a senior leadership development and executive mentoringfirm, shared some smart insights on how to build high-performing teams.Q. What are the most common themes that come up when youʼre working with seniorexecutives?A. They are extremely successful, very results-oriented, very bright and they alwaysaccomplish their goals. What theyʼre missing is the people side. They tend not to be assensitive and empathetic toward people. Theyʼre so focused on getting results but they leavepeople behind. Many of them think of people as disposable – if their people are not happy,they can leave, and theyʼll get better people.Q. How do you coach them to be better at that?

Adam BryantManaging Director at Merryc…

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To Build Trust on Your Team, Start By Embracing Vulnerability as a Strength

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/build-trust-your-team-start-embracing-vulnerability-strength-bryant/

A. I put them in the shoes of the people they lead and think about how theyʼre making themfeel. I also ask them to think about the cost of turnover. If you bring in a new person and haveto spend time to get them to be productive, what does that cost you compared to motivatingthe person you have who s̓ pretty good? Would that give you better results?When I tie the conversation back to results, they get a sense of what their behavior means,because getting good people is very difficult. It takes a long time, and quite often they forgetabout the cost of transition and turnover.Q. Other common themes?A. Time management and prioritization. It s̓ not just about what s̓ important; it s̓ also the abilityto say no. Many executives have difficulty saying no because the perception is that if you sayno, youʼre not a good executive. So they keep saying yes and they get bogged down. You haveto prioritize what s̓ important. The other stuff may sound good, but youʼve just got to say nobecause you donʼt have the time.Q. What are the patterns youʼve seen in the culture of companies? What are themomentum killers?A. Lip service. Companies may say that they want to have a much better culture, and theymake a big deal to everyone about emphasizing certain behaviors. For example, the companymay say that it wants an inclusive culture, so they set up programs and build awareness, andyet the leadership teams donʼt behave that way themselves.Some executives may also try to model those behaviors and yet they get pushback from theirboss because the boss doesnʼt really care. Pretty soon, it s̓ understood throughout theorganization that all the talk is just lip service. The most important thing is that it needs to bemodeled from the very top.Q. Youʼve done mentoring work in a lot of different capacities. What do see as a key skill?A. Listening is the most difficult part, and there is power in silence. You have to learn to holdthe silent space, and you have to watch people s̓ body language. You have to see what theyʼrefeeling and you have to look at the whole being. Iʼm an ontological coach. That means I coachin terms of both logic and emotion. That can open up a whole new area of exploration.Q. What is your best advice to leaders on how to get their teams to act like real teams?A. There has to be a foundation of trust. If people donʼt trust each other, then it s̓ not a team,because why should they say anything constructive to each other? Theyʼre not going to saywhat they think, whether it s̓ right or wrong. Theyʼre not going to confront each other, becausein those situations of conflict, theyʼre going to avoid addressing it because theyʼll wonder, whyshould I risk that?Q. And how do you establish trust?A. They need to understand themselves and their vulnerability. In order to build trust, I need tostart disclosing things about myself in a small way. It s̓ like when you meet a stranger. How doyou build the friendship? You build the friendship by slowly disclosing things about yourself,and then the other person reciprocates.

But in revealing vulnerability, you donʼt know how people are going to react. So the corequestion when I work with executives is, “Is vulnerability a strength or a weakness?” A lot ofexecutives think that vulnerability is a weakness, and they behave accordingly.With one executive who told me that he thinks vulnerability is a weakness, I said to him, canyou accept that youʼre human? He said yes, of course. So as a human, are you perfect? No, hesaid.So you need to accept that about yourself, and you need to accept that about others in anappropriate way. That, along with empathy, is really about getting them to become more self-aware and see the benefits of that approach. But it s̓ a very slow process.