TIMD-IEF Part 10
Transcript of TIMD-IEF Part 10
© IEF 1© IEF 1
Causes & Resolution
of Conflict
Causes & Resolution
of Conflict
© 2002 International Educational FoundationIEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only
if it has not been altered from the original.
© IEF 2© IEF 2
Harmony — What People Desire
Harmony — What People Desire
© IEF 3© IEF 3
Conflict Within the IndividualConflict Within the Individual
Stress Anger Self-
hatred Addiction
Stress Anger Self-
hatred Addiction
© IEF 4© IEF 4
Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict
Marital tension Family strife Disputes with
friends & neighbors
Conflict at work or school
Marital tension Family strife Disputes with
friends & neighbors
Conflict at work or school
© IEF 5© IEF 5
Social ConflictSocial Conflict
Legal disputes
Ethnic tension Abuse of
power War
Legal disputes
Ethnic tension Abuse of
power War
© IEF 6© IEF 6© IEF 6© IEF 6
© IEF 7© IEF 7
RespondingResponding
GivingGiving
Subject
Role
Subject
Role
Object RoleObject Role
Giving precedes receiving Requires subject & object
roles
Giving precedes receiving Requires subject & object
roles
Principle of InteractionPrinciple of Interaction
© IEF 8© IEF 8
Conflict Begins Within the Individual
Conflict Begins Within the Individual
SelfishnessSelfishnessUnselfishnessUnselfishness
© IEF 9© IEF 9
Object Role
Object Role
Subject RoleSubject Role
Higher
Purpose
Higher
Purpose
Harmonious InteractionCenters on a Higher Purpose
Harmonious InteractionCenters on a Higher Purpose
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UnselfishnessUnselfishness
Living for OthersLiving for Others
Self-controlSelf-controlServiceService
Fair-mindedness
Fair-mindednessGenerosityGenerosity
ForgivenessForgiveness
HumilityHumility
Basis of GoodnessBasis of Goodness
© IEF 11© IEF 11
SelfishnessSelfishness
Living Only for OneselfLiving Only for Oneself
LustLustExploitationExploitation
PrejudicePrejudice
GreedGreedVengeanceVengeance
ArroganceArrogance
Basis of EvilBasis of Evil
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Four Position Basefor Interaction
Four Position Basefor Interaction
Object Role
Object Role
Subject RoleSubject Role
Higher
Purpose
Higher
Purpose
New Developm
ent
New Developm
ent
CenterCenter
InteractionInteraction
OutcomeOutcome
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Members pursue
self-interest over the welfare of family Infidelity Money issues Sibling rivalry Careerism
Members pursue
self-interest over the welfare of family Infidelity Money issues Sibling rivalry Careerism
Family ConflictFamily Conflict
© IEF 14© IEF 14
Social ConflictSocial Conflict
Groups and nations pursue self-interest over the greater good Abuse of power Ethnic tensions Legal disputes War
Groups and nations pursue self-interest over the greater good Abuse of power Ethnic tensions Legal disputes War
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Ancestral distortions of love are passed on Parents’ limitations lead
to the child’s psychological difficulties
Dysfunctional family traditions continue from generation to generation
Ancestral distortions of love are passed on Parents’ limitations lead
to the child’s psychological difficulties
Dysfunctional family traditions continue from generation to generation
Ancestral Sources of Family Conflict
Ancestral Sources of Family Conflict
Alcoholism Spousal abuse
Alcoholism Spousal abuse
Infidelity Gambling
Infidelity Gambling
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Sources of National ConflictSources of National Conflict
National crimes burden future generations
Ethnic resentments
National crimes burden future generations
Ethnic resentments
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“We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity.”
“We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity.” Martin Luther King, Jr.Martin Luther King, Jr.
© IEF 18© IEF 18
Individual Choice — Resolve or Repeat Past Conflicts
Individual Choice — Resolve or Repeat Past Conflicts
PastPast
FutureFuture
Each person passes on either the problem or the solution
Each person passes on either the problem or the solution
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Does Fighting Resolve Conflict?Does Fighting Resolve Conflict?
Fighting can be necessary For self-defense To defend the weak
Fighting does not resolve conflict Defeating an enemy does
not answer his grievances or end his hatred
The defeated are temptedto seek revenge
Fighting can be necessary For self-defense To defend the weak
Fighting does not resolve conflict Defeating an enemy does
not answer his grievances or end his hatred
The defeated are temptedto seek revenge
© IEF 20© IEF 20
Settlements Alone Do Not Resolve Conflicts
Settlements Alone Do Not Resolve Conflicts
Genuine reconciliation is needed Deep hostility must be
resolved
Genuine reconciliation is needed Deep hostility must be
resolved
© IEF 21© IEF 21
Elements of Conflict ResolutionElements of Conflict Resolution
UnselfishnessUnselfishness
SelfishnessSelfishness
RightRight
WrongWrong
Loving Relationship
Loving Relationship
Broken Relationship
Broken Relationship
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Indemnity conditions - Efforts to reverse the process by which the original harmony was lost
Indemnity conditions - Efforts to reverse the process by which the original harmony was lost
Basis for Conflict ResolutionBasis for Conflict Resolution
LostLostRestoredRestored
State of
Conflict
State of
Conflict
State of
Harmony
State of
Harmony
© IEF 23© IEF 23
Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently What could be done better
next time Decide to take responsibi
lity for one‘s contribution to the conflict
Plan how to make amends
Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently What could be done better
next time Decide to take responsibi
lity for one‘s contribution to the conflict
Plan how to make amends
Step1 — Reflection & ReorientationStep1 — Reflection & Reorientation
UnselfishnessUnselfishness
SelfishnessSelfishness
© IEF 24© IEF 24
Reverse whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated
Make restitution to repair damage done
Be open to receive restitution
Correct injustice
Reverse whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated
Make restitution to repair damage done
Be open to receive restitution
Correct injustice
Step 2 — Reversal & RestitutionStep 2 — Reversal & Restitution
RightRight
WrongWrong
© IEF 25© IEF 25
Step 3 — Reconciliation & Renewal
Step 3 — Reconciliation & Renewal
Give up claim to retaliation
Forgive and be open to receive forgiveness
Resolve to help the other change
Foster good will
Give up claim to retaliation
Forgive and be open to receive forgiveness
Resolve to help the other change
Foster good will
Loving Relationship
Loving Relationship
Broken Relationship
Broken Relationship
© IEF 26© IEF 26
Restorational Conflict Resolution
Restorational Conflict Resolution
Step 1.Reflection & Reorientation
Step 2.Reversal & Restitution
Step3.Reconciliation & renewal
Step 1.Reflection & Reorientation
Step 2.Reversal & Restitution
Step3.Reconciliation & renewal
© IEF 27© IEF 27
Responsibilities of Offender & Offended
Responsibilities of Offender & Offended
Offender Admit wrong Make
restitution Continue
until forgiven
Offender Admit wrong Make
restitution Continue
until forgiven
Offended Consider
own faults Accept
restitution Forgive
Offended Consider
own faults Accept
restitution Forgive
One person may stand in both roles
One person may stand in both roles
© IEF 28© IEF 28
Conflict Resolution in SchoolsConflict Resolution in Schools
Opportunity for character growth
More effective within a general character education effort
Opportunity for character growth
More effective within a general character education effort
© IEF 29© IEF 29
Give Students ChoicesGive Students Choices
Challenge students to analyze and suggest solutions to conflict
Expand students’ repertoire of responses to provocation
Challenge students to analyze and suggest solutions to conflict
Expand students’ repertoire of responses to provocation
© IEF 30© IEF 30
Coach in Communication SkillsCoach in Communication Skills
Help students restate conflicts in terms of their feelings instead of blaming and accusing
Have both sides articulate the other’s viewpoint
Help students restate conflicts in terms of their feelings instead of blaming and accusing
Have both sides articulate the other’s viewpoint
© IEF 31© IEF 31
Foster Respect & Empathy to Reduce Conflict
Foster Respect & Empathy to Reduce Conflict
Set an example of respectful handling of disputes
Teach that demeaning words and attitudes can do more damage than hitting someone
Set an example of respectful handling of disputes
Teach that demeaning words and attitudes can do more damage than hitting someone
© IEF 32© IEF 32
Use class meetings as forums to deal with disagreements
Use role-playing to explore options
and adopt others’ perspectives
Use class meetings as forums to deal with disagreements
Use role-playing to explore options
and adopt others’ perspectives
Employ Group DynamicsEmploy Group Dynamics
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Encourage students to resolve conflicts themselves
Use peer mediation Teacher serves as
mediator
Encourage students to resolve conflicts themselves
Use peer mediation Teacher serves as
mediator
Classroom Conflict Resolution OptionsClassroom Conflict Resolution Options
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Family StrifeFamily Strife
© IEF 35© IEF 35
Family Members Can Seem Like Worst Enemies
Family Members Can Seem Like Worst Enemies Closeness increases
trust and expectations Opportunity for greater
hurt and betrayal Can be hardest to forgive
May feel permanently trapped Temptation to divorce,
cheat or emotionally withdraw
Closeness increases trust and expectations Opportunity for greater
hurt and betrayal Can be hardest to forgive
May feel permanently trapped Temptation to divorce,
cheat or emotionally withdraw
© IEF 36© IEF 36
© IEF 37© IEF 37
Who Becomes the Peacemaker?Who Becomes the Peacemaker?
More mature and selfless one among those in conflict
One who takes responsibility to resolve the conflict
Initiates efforts of reconciliation
More mature and selfless one among those in conflict
One who takes responsibility to resolve the conflict
Initiates efforts of reconciliation
© IEF 38© IEF 38
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Create a safe context for communication Select time, place and
strategy wisely
Focus on changing oneself, not the spouse Take responsibility for
one’s own contribution to the problem
Create a safe context for communication Select time, place and
strategy wisely
Focus on changing oneself, not the spouse Take responsibility for
one’s own contribution to the problem
© IEF 39© IEF 39
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Depersonalize the issues Experiences prior to
marriage and gender differences can be the source of many clashes
Practice acceptance of what cannot be changed
Depersonalize the issues Experiences prior to
marriage and gender differences can be the source of many clashes
Practice acceptance of what cannot be changed
© IEF 40© IEF 40
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Suggestions for Marital Conflict Resolution
Find gratitude for one’s spouse As the other
parent of one’s child
As a source of personal growth
Seek an elder’s viewpoint or mediation
Find gratitude for one’s spouse As the other
parent of one’s child
As a source of personal growth
Seek an elder’s viewpoint or mediation
© IEF 41© IEF 41
Mediation — Support for Conflict Resolution
Mediation — Support for Conflict Resolution
Involves neutral and trusted helper outside the conflict
Aids both sides to find a basis for constructive interaction
Mediator is only a facilitator Burden of reconciliation
remains with both conflicting sides
Involves neutral and trusted helper outside the conflict
Aids both sides to find a basis for constructive interaction
Mediator is only a facilitator Burden of reconciliation
remains with both conflicting sides
© IEF 42© IEF 42
Attitude of MediatorAttitude of Mediator
Concern for both sides Affirms the value of both
sides Gains trust from both
sides that each is being treated fairly
Aims for a win-win outcome
Guides both sides beyond blame and accusation
Concern for both sides Affirms the value of both
sides Gains trust from both
sides that each is being treated fairly
Aims for a win-win outcome
Guides both sides beyond blame and accusation
© IEF 43© IEF 43
Mediation Skills — Towards the Offender
Mediation Skills — Towards the Offender
Help the offender accept responsibility
Encourage admission of wrong
Help the offender accept the challenge of restitution
Avoid labeling and blaming Praise and offer a second
chance
Help the offender accept responsibility
Encourage admission of wrong
Help the offender accept the challenge of restitution
Avoid labeling and blaming Praise and offer a second
chance
© IEF 44© IEF 44
Mediation Skills — Towards the Offended
Mediation Skills — Towards the Offended
Help the offended forgive and release grudges
Help the offended recognize own faults
Help the offended to accept an apology
Foster harmony and friendship with the offender
Help the offended forgive and release grudges
Help the offended recognize own faults
Help the offended to accept an apology
Foster harmony and friendship with the offender
© IEF 45© IEF 45© IEF 45© IEF 45
© IEF 46© IEF 46
Frees up time and energy to create and progress Ends the waste of
resources involved in defense and aggression
Heals and liberates the individual
Frees up time and energy to create and progress Ends the waste of
resources involved in defense and aggression
Heals and liberates the individual
Value of Resolving Conflict
Value of Resolving Conflict