Three Questions › wp-content › ... · The Mess Management Manual . . . “All scripture is...
Transcript of Three Questions › wp-content › ... · The Mess Management Manual . . . “All scripture is...
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Three Questions . . .
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W E L C O M E !
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“Managing Messy Me”
Bill J. Baker, Ph.D.
Licensed Professional Counselor
(Biblical Principles and Practices for Successful Self-management)
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“Managing Messy Me”
Principles and Practices for
Successful Self-management
Dr. Bill Baker
Licensed Professional Counselor
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Relevance of Material
Group #1: People who experience loss
Group #2: People who help Group #1
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Can life get
messy?
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Life can be messy!
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Life can get really
messy!
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Messmakingcan be a creative
challenge!
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Special Focus
“Living with Loss:
Surviving the Holidays”
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Special Focus
“Living with Loss:
Surviving the Holidays”
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Adulthood: Personal Messes
-- Harmful habits? -- Addictions?
-- Self-abuse? -- Self-neglect?
Personal Messes: Legal, Moral, Ethical?
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Adulthood: Relationship Messes
-- My Friends? -- My Family?
-- My Co-workers? -- My Neighbors?
-- My Creator?
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Special Focus
“Living with Loss:
Surviving the Holidays”
Am I a mess magnet?
Who is responsible?
What can I do?
My Questions . . .
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Special Focus
“Living with Loss:
Surviving the Holidays”
“I am amessmaker.”
My Problem . . .
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The Question to Explore . . .
“How Do I Manage Messy Me?”
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The Mess Management Manual . . .
“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
(II Tim. 3:16-17)
(1 of 2)
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The Mess Management Manual . . .
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”
(II Pet. 1:3)
(2 of 2)
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Biblical Self-management
1. Practicing stewardship – I Cor. 4:2
2. Protecting the temple – I Cor. 6:19-20
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Successful Self-management
Biblical Principles Best Practices
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Part One: “Living with Loss”
“Why do I hurt?” “How do I heal?”
Two Questions to Consider for Our Survival!
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“Managing Messy Me”
Part One . . .
“Thoughts: Managing My Mind”
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“Best Wishes for a Safe Journey!”
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My Mind – Divine Design
(DNA: Design – No Accident!)
Thoughts – Cognitions
(Beliefs . . . Values . . . Imaginations)
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Biblical Principle . . .
“The effective self-management of my mind requires healthy and wholesome thinking.”
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The Unmanaged Mind
No effort to manage . . . “Go with the flow”
Thought impairment . . . “Unable to think”
We continue with our mistakes, messes, and misery.
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The Unmanaged Mind
“In his pride the wicked do not seek him. In all his thoughts there is no room for God.”
(Psa. 10:4)
“Futile” (Eph. 4:17) and “Earthly” (Phil. 3:19)
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The Mismanaged Mind
We make efforts but we are not effective.
We struggle with standards and strategies.
We continue with our mistakes, messes, and misery.
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The Managed Mind
• The Question . . .
“How can I manage my mind effectively?”
The Answer . . .
Principles & Practices
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The Management Manual . . . Biblical Principles
“ . . . to stimulate you to wholesome thinking”
(II Pet. 3:1)
(1 of 5)
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The Management Manual . . . Biblical Principles
“ . . . transformed by the renewing of your minds”
(Rom. 12:1-2)
(2 of 5)
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The Management Manual . . . Biblical Principles
“ . . . think on these things” (Phil. 4:8)
(3 of 5)
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The Management Manual . . . Biblical Principles
“ . . . taking every thought captive”
(II Cor. 10:5)
(4 of 5)
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The Management Manual . . . Biblical Principles
“ Set your mind on things above . . .”
(Col. 3:1-4)
(5 of 5)
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The Question Jesus Asked
“What do you think?” Mt. 17:25
Mt. 18:12
Mt. 21:28
Mt. 22:42
Mt. 26:66
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Managing My Mind: Effective Practices
•Sleep
•Exercise
•Nutrition
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Managing My Mind: Effective Practices
•Tool #1: The Mental Gatekeeper
•Tool #2: The Three Column Tool
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Managing My Mind: The Mental Gatekeeper
• Functions of gatekeepers• Protect the facility
• Serve the facility
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The Mental Gatekeeper• Fulfil basic function
(To protect and serve)
• Discern whether true or false
(“True” equals “reality”)
Trained . . . Alert . . . Assertive!
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
1. All-or-nothing Thinking:
We see things in black-or-white categories.
(“If I’m not perfect then I’m a total failure.”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
2. Overgeneralization:
We see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
(“Everything in my life is bad; there’s no use to try.”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
3. Mental Filter:
We dwell on a single negative event excessively so that
our whole world appears darkened and hopeless.
(“This is so bad I can’t think about anything else.”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
4. Disqualifying the Positive:
We reject positive experiences because for some reason they don’t count. Thus, we maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by the realities of life.
(“I cannot accept your compliment; I don’t deserve it.”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
5. Jumping to Conclusions:
We make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts to support our conclusion.
Two Types: Mind-reading and Fortune-telling
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
5. Jumping to Conclusions:
a. Mind-reading . . .
We conclude arbitrarily that someone is reacting
to us negatively, and we do not try to check it out.
(“I saw that look. I know that he is criticizing me.”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
5. Jumping to Conclusions:
b. Fortune-telling . . .
We predict that an event will be negative, and we
accept the prediction as an already-established fact.
(“I will mess up the interview. So, forget that job!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
6. Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization:
We exaggerate an event so that it becomes over-whelming, or we shrink the event so that it means nothing to us.
(“That loss would be horrible; I won’t survive!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
7. Emotional Reasoning:
We use an emotion as proof of a negative reality.
(“I’m feeling unloved; therefore, no one loves me!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
8. Should Statements:
We think with human “should” or “should not”
statements; in doing so we generate unhealthy guilt,
frustration, and anger.
(“I should always make an ‘A’ on every test I take!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
9. Labeling and Mislabeling:
We attach negative labels to ourselves when we
make mistakes or fail at something.
(“I forgot my speech. I’m such a loser!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
10: Personalization:
We believe that we are the cause of a negative
event for which we are not responsible.
(“That tornado – it was all my fault!”)
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Training my Mental Gatekeeper(Recognizing the Enemy)
Cognitive Distortions – “Stinking Thinking”
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
--Adapted from: Burns, David D. Feeling Good:
The New Mood Therapy, pp. 49-50.
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #1:
“I don’t want to go to
work today. Besides, if I
go I know that bad things
will happen because
they always do. I bet I
get fired today. Then my
life will be over.”
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #1:
“I don’t want to go to
work today. Besides, if
I go I know that bad
things will happen
because they always
do. I bet I get fired
today. Then my life
will be over.”
Fortune Telling
Over-generalization
Fortune Telling
Catastrophizing
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #1:
“I don’t want to go to
work today. Besides, if I
go I know that bad
things will happen
because they always do.
I bet I get fired today.
Then my life will be
over.”
Fortune Telling
Over-generalization
Fortune Telling
Catastrophizing
“I don’t want to go to work today. I’m afraid that something bad will happen. I could even get fired. However, that’s not likely because I have a good work record. Even if I were to lose my job I will survive and be okay. So, I choose to go to work and have a good day.”
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #2:
“He just complimented me
but I can’t accept it. I don’t
deserve it because I’m
always messing up. I guess I
should be perfect. I feel so
rejected. I’m totally alone.
I’m such a loser. ”
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #2:
“He just complimented me
but I can’t accept it. I don’t
deserve it because I’m always
messing up. I guess I should
be perfect. I feel so rejected.
I’m totally alone. I’m such a
loser. ”
Disqualifying the positive
Over-generalization
Should Statement
Emotional Reasoning
Labeling
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Scenario #2:
“He just complimented me
but I can’t accept it. I don’t
deserve it because I’m
always messing up. I guess
I should be perfect. I feel
so rejected. I’m totally
alone. I’m such a loser. ”
Disqualifying the positive
Over-generalization
Should Statement
Emotional Reasoning
Labeling
“I choose to accept his compliment even though I still mess up at times. I cannot be perfect but I’ll keep trying to improve. I am feeling rejected but I know that some people do accept and support me. I’m thankful that I am not alone in life. My life is often hard but I’m on a good track.”
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Managing My Mind: The Three-Column Tool
Unhealthy Thinking
Cognitive Distortion
HealthyThinking
Revision Notes:
(1) True!
(2) Realistic!
(3) Believable!
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Four Steps for Healthier Thinking
•1. Listen to your self-talk.
•2. Discern the distortions (lies).
•3. Revise the distortions (lies) into truth.
•4. Practice your skills.
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My Goal: Wholesome/Healthy Thinking
“When I was a child . . . I thought like a child . . . but when I became a man I put away childish things.”
(I Cor. 13:11 NIV)
“Stop thinking like children . . . but in your thinking be adults.”
(I Cor. 14:20 NIV)
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The Next Session . . .
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Thoughts: Managing My Mind
•Best wishes in your travels along the Self-management Highway!
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The End of Session #1