Third Place Winner Andre Sobel Award 2011
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Transcript of Third Place Winner Andre Sobel Award 2011
Strong
You Are
Third Place Winner2011
Andre Sobel
Award
Micah Moskoff
Micah has now been in remission for 5 years and is going strong. She was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in November 2003 at the age of 11 and completed her treatment in July 2006.
She currently attends Elmira College in New York and is actively involved with the tennis team, the Gold Key Society and Ultimate Frisbee. She is also the senator for Hillel. She plans to focus on Human Services and Psychology and is looking towards a career in which she is able to help people. After her long battle, her entire outlook on life has changed. The uncontrollable fear, anger and determination to beat out her disease brought her so many blessings in the end. The amazing people she met through treatment, the support of her family and friends and the lessons she learned through this process makes her goal, which is to experience as much as she can.
The inspiration for her essay came from her love of writing and being able to express herself as differently and uniquely as possible. She expressed her emotions through various fonts and styles of writing to convey her sense of fear, anger and the difficult journey she went through. Micah plans on using the award funding to support her dreams of traveling and saving for her future goals in life.
About
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, take a moment...Breathe...Let's be honest, Micah, that's never worked for you.
In all honesty, whoever came up with screaming at the top of one's lungs was genius.
Because though it does not solve anything, it is liberating. And everyone needs, or at least
wants, to feel free as opposed to feeling trapped.
You see, the truth is, I'm not sure how to start my story this time. I've written about it time
after time, I've talked about day after day, and God knows I've thought about it more than I can
ever let on. I guess, today, I just feel...LOST.
Here are the facts:
1. I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia back on November 1,
2003 at eleven years old.
2. I spent almost three years fighting something I was told I could originally
beat in a little under two years.
3. My treatment consisted of chemotherapy, radiation, and lots of television,
mainly FRIENDS and reality TV.
4. I finished treatment on July 25, 2006.
5. I will be officially cancer free this summer because I will have reached my
five-‐year mark.
Now, that was the easy part, but let's be honest: the in-‐between, you know, the real make-‐
you-‐want-‐to-‐throw-‐pillows-‐out-‐the-‐window or the emotional-‐pain-‐that-‐is-‐so-‐overwhelming-‐
Essay
you-‐think-‐your-‐heart-‐might-‐stop-‐even-‐for-‐a-‐second truth is so much greater and harder to
tell...because it just is.
I know I'm rambling, I know. But like I said, the breathing never helps, so I have to express
myself in a way that even puzzles me.
The bottom line is that no one ever tells you the real truth, the in-‐between-‐the-‐lines truth:
there is so much that you couldn't change if you wanted to, and for better or worse,
relationships made every difference in this horrifying and yet, strangely poetic journey.
When I was sick, it was like I was glass. I could easily break and people had to treat me with
care. And they did. My mom, dad, and two-‐year older brother became so much to me. They
were my shelter, or I guess in this metaphor I'm attempting to create, a table for me to rest on.
(DOES THAT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE?) Anyway, something held us together and therefore, I
held together. Like I said, I was fragile and there were times when I did break. But they always
managed to piece me back together. I love them. I do.
Of course, I had some incredible friends, too. Keep in mind, they were all young, like me.
Innocent, not even at the age of puberty yet. But they called me, hugged me, protected me,
laughed with me. Maybe they didn't understand, even I didn't understand. Not sure if I do to
this day. But the few that stayed by me...Well, thank you. And I won't be letting them out of
my life anytime soon.
Then, there were others. Those who didn't know how to cope with my illness or how to react
to me.
Once, upon a time, there was a young girl with long brown hair, a goofy smile, and a naive
sense about her. She was good at basketball and softball, made ridiculous jokes, and felt on
top of the world.
GONE.
Something happened along the way to me:
She became bald, sick, tired, she spent most of her time sleeping, soon she became reserved
and lost. The end.
So, in some ways, it was my fault too. I didn't reach out as much as I should have. I didn't
know how. In order to understand, just imagine, standing in place while the world is speeding
past you at the speed of light. They move on with their life but you are just...STILL.
I learned from this that some relationships change forever. And for anyone, especially an
eleven-‐twelve-‐year old girl, it's never easy. How do you fix it? How do you change it? See,
there it is again: change. Then you realize, maybe, as much as it hurts for them to go, maybe
they were there in your life when you needed them and gone when you were ready to move
on.
Unfortunately, there are times when relationships are not enough. I met several people
throughout my journey who were plagued with similar life-‐threatening illnesses. They didn't
make it. With that, came survivor's guilt. Nothing is as painful as questioning why you
remained alive while the person you cared about, who had a similar journey, was taken away.
At the end of the day, all someone ever looks for, is to have someone to hold onto, even for a
little while. And when someone is sick, all they look for is someone to give them a sense of
belonging, but more than anything, people look for...HOPE. Because, no they don't get what
you're going through, not one hundred percent. And they can drive you crazy. Or they leave
your life, maybe even leave the world. But when you're fighting something that makes you
question everything, and makes you feel lost as anything else, all it takes is just knowing that
even if you feel alone, there are others in the world who want to be lost and alone with you.
I'm not sure if this is even on point. I feel a little lost myself nowadays. What I'm trying to
say is that sometimes, all we need is to know that despite the obstacles, despite the burden of
the unknown, all we need to do is to find our way back. We need to hold on tight with each
other, close our eyes, and imagine deep within us the inner child that keeps us holding onto the
possibility of letting go and learning to find the wonders of freefalling!