Think Before You Say
Transcript of Think Before You Say
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Think Before We Speak
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Quotes
• "Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted
wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed a man of
understanding.“
• "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than tospeak out and remove all doubt." ~~Abraham
Lincoln: February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865
• “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever
harmed his stomach.” Sir Winston Churchill
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How to Think Before Speaking
1. Observe yourself: Take note ofthe circumstances when whatyou say is not what you, uponreflection, would have wantedto say. Does it happen mostly
with one particular person or aparticular group of people or just groups in general? Is it mostoften in arguments or debates?Is it when you’re "on the spot"and pressed to supply
information? Try to find apattern. It might be helpful tostart a journal of events so youcan compare these at yourleisure.
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How to Think Before Speaking
2. Recognize your situation: After
you determine what circumstances
might be most likely to produce this
unwanted effect, try to be very
observant about when those
conditions appear to be manifesting.
The more skilled you become at
recognizing this, the better you will
be at changing your approach.
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How to Think Before Speaking
3. Observe the conversation. Now
that you know you’re in one of
"those" situations, the goal is for you
to process information. Often when
we respond in a less than
appropriate way, it’s because we
didn’t fully comprehend what was
being said. This is the time to sit back
and listen to what’s going on around
you. Don’t start focusing on what
you’re going to say; just absorb. Yourmind will process this information in
the background.
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How to Think Before Speaking
4. Observe the people: Who is
speaking and how do they
communicate? Some people are very
literal and some people use
examples. Some people use a lot
of facial expression and body
language to augment their
conversation, whereas others rely on
complex verbiage. How people
convey information is a very good
indicator of how they best absorbinformation.
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How to Think Before Speaking
5. Formulate responses: Not just
one, but consider your options.
There are many different ways to say
things. and your goal here is to find
the best way to convey what you
want to say in a way that has a
positive impact. Communication is
primarily a function of the recipient
so you have to communicate based
on the listener.
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How to Think Before Speaking
6. Consider the information: Is what
you want to say Effective, Necessary,
Accurate, Timely, and Appropriate
(ENATA)? If you are just responding
because other people are talking,
then it’s possible your
communication doesn’t fit
the ENATA model. If not, then sit
back and continue to listen. You want
what you say to have impact, not just
make noise.
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How to Think Before Speaking
7. Gauge the reaction: Is the
information you’re going to present
formulated in a way to make a
positive impact? Creating a negative
atmosphere will guarantee failure in
communications. You want people to
understand that you are contributing
rather than detracting. It only takes
once to ruin your ability to
communicate during that time.
Identify how the listeners will react.
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How to Think Before Speaking
7. Be thoughtful about your
tone: How you say it is, in many
ways, as important as what you say.
Tone of voice can convey enthusiasm
and sincerity, or it can rebuff and
show sarcasm, and as most people
have experienced, what we say can
be taken in the wrong way. The most
likely reason is that the tone of voice,
what was said, body and facial
language, as well as content, werenot all thoughtfully combined to
integrate with the listener’s most
effective method of communication.
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How to Think Before Speaking
1. Observe yourself: Take note ofthe circumstances when whatyou say is not what you, uponreflection, would have wantedto say. Does it happen mostly
with one particular person or aparticular group of people or just groups in general? Is it mostoften in arguments or debates?Is it when you’re "on the spot"and pressed to supply
information? Try to find apattern. It might be helpful tostart a journal of events so youcan compare these at yourleisure.
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How to Think Before Speaking
9. Communicate: You now know
what you’ll say, why it’s ENATA, how
you’ll say it and the most likely
reaction. Wait for an appropriate
break in the conversation and speak.
It’s usually best not to interrupt,
although there are occasions when
that will work best. When to
interrupt is beyond the scope of this
document.
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How to Think Before Speaking
10. Repeat Step 1: While you’re
talking, consider what you’re saying
and keep a close watch on the
reactions as they emerge. After the
conversation is over, review the
whole process again in your mind
and note what you might have done
differently and why. This is an
ongoing process. Over time, you will
refine and improve – you will
become a better communicator andpeople will accept your responses
with a more open mind.
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Tips
• Make sure your comments are relevant and appropriate to the conversation. Don’t stray from
the topic – stay focused.
• To remind yourself to think before saying something, pinch yourself on the finger or
somewhere discreet (gently, but just enough to get yourself on track). If you develop a
routine for answering a question, you will be less likely to say the first thing that comes to
mind.
• This will take time – it should become a part of your life. As you get better, you will be
regarded as someone whose opinion is valued.
• When you say something you shouldn't have, and if it was something hurtful, make a point to
apologize. Either immediately, or in private; however is most appropriate.
• Wait 5 or 10 seconds before responding. This gives you time to formulate a): whether a
response is required, and b): an appropriate and thoughtful response.
• When you say something you shouldn't have, fix it in your mind to avoid that specific
situation in the future.
• Before entering a room think about the people involved in the situation and the possible
questions you might be asked. Decide how you will respond and what points you want to
make before entering the room.
• Resting your chin on the back of your hand (as illustrated above) is a body language that can
convey thoughtfulness. Be aware of the surroundings, though, as it can also convey boredom.
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Warnings
• Saying these many times will make your listener tired of hearing the same thing.
• Strictly avoid "flame speak." Insults or inappropriate personal references of anykind are frequently used on the Internet for effect, but in conversation theoutcome is quite different; you will lose respect and you are guaranteed a negativeresult. Remember - this is about thinking before you speak.
•
Avoid overuse of common phrases. Examples are 'the bottom line is'.• If you do not know what you’re talking about, do not try to be convincing. It’s okay
to express an opinion, but make sure people know you’re speculating.
• Absolutes are rarely accurate. Using terms like always or never provides anopening for argument. "Often," "frequently," "occasionally," "infrequently" and"rarely" are good substitutes. Keep in mind: "It's never always perfect," and always
remember to never use always and never.• If people aren't actually addressing you, they may not want your opinion. Try to
tone down how much you force yourself into conversations.