The Waggoneer

WaggoneerThe January 2014

We’re InTURKEY

THE WAGGONEER ISSUE 101

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JANUARY 2014

MERHABA

& belated seasons greetings from the land of the foul! It’s been one hell

of a year and a lot hashappened. We are so glad that you’re here, now

let’s look at the past 365 days in the life of the Waggoner clan with a

few surprise guests and all of their wacky antics.


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JANUARY 2014

REVIEWa year

in

RANDOM THOUGHT

Wow, is 2013 already over? It seems like only yesterday everyone was freaking out about the whole Y2K thing and now here we are, in our fancy flying cars playing with our virtual pets. Every year seems to go by exponentially faster than the year before and by my calculations next year will be full of honey badgers trying to steal our last loafs of wonder bread. Speaking of bread, foreign people seem to have some weird fascination with Wonder Bread. That’s right, Wonder Bread. It turns out that the dusty bouncing ball adorned hunk of flour with way too much sugar is being bank rolled by foreign bazar shoppers, weird world right?

So at the start of the year, Robert was feeling stagnant. Too much fun in the sun is what he says but it’s more like raging sunburns and sand in his nethers. He started seeking out a new place to call “temporary home”. He checked the overseas job listings for his career field and sure enough, one was available in Turkey. He called his wife and told her about the opportunity, explaining that if he were to apply he would most likely get the position. She laughed and tossed her long blonde hair, “there’s no way that would actually happen” she said to her chisled husband. Two days later, their adventure began. Medical clerances were sought, passports were applied for, jobs were quit, farewells were said. All in all it was a very busy and oddly emotional year for Robert and his underlings.

Now, it turns out that moving overseas is extremely disruptive and all consuming. So seeing as Turkey has been the biggest event of the year, we are going to look at each Waggoner and see what the move prep and the move itself has done to their lives.

Ash spent most of her year, as she has the last 4 years, toiling away for the minions of hell. She was working so hard that when it came time to move to Turkey she just up and

Tabs seems like a good kid, I don’t spend a heck of a lot of t ime with her but Ashley insists she’s fun. She’s doing alright though and has reportedly made 10 new friends here. She is also fluent in Japanese, which is cool but completely useless. However, I asked her to translate the rest of her section into her new language. Here it is: ching chong ching chong ching chong, chingy chingy ching chong (if like me, you don’t speak the nese of jap then copy this into Google translate to find out what it says).

ASH

TAB

Car cries a lot, like, it’s hard to sleep through it. We finally made him start wearing a muzzle as we were finding it difficult to get in our afternoon drinkypoo with all that racket. Now, before you call child services, we’re joking. Carlin is great and he is adjusting well to life as a Turkish baby. Whenever we venture out Car is the center of everyone’s attention. His blonde hair and incredibly pale skin make him a prime target for cheek pinching... and he loves it.

What can I say about Robert that hasn’t already been said? Olympian, Dyonisis, God, you choose the descriptor and at one time or another it’s been placed adoringly at his godlike feet. Now, I know you’re thinking to yourself “Robert, you’re writing about yourself in the 3rd person while flattering yourself. Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” And the answer dear reader is, no. When we arrived at Incirlik we learned that Robert will be the new NCOIC of production for AFN after he completes ALS (Airmen leadership school) in February, no doubt with an arm full of awards and a chest full of medals.

Our faithful family pooch has had a long journey. While we were in transition from Tampa to Texas he stayed with our fabulious neighbors on MacDill. Then he made the 1,800 mile drive to Texas with Rob where he is now bunking with a few new roomates. He is currently having a ball playing with his new girlfriend Moose, and digging holes for Rambo and Jager to escape from the backyard. He’s also expertly shedding all over the Reeves’ household. We miss him (and his hair) dearly and can’t wait to see him again soon.


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JANUARY 2014

CAR

BEAR

ROB


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JANUARY 2014

BREAKlets take a

T T HA AB I

U UJ

E

T

L

A

G

Q P

J

F

S

A

B

W

R C

H

E

E

E

S

A

A

S

H

R

R R

O

B

B Z

E

Q

Z

X E

S

EAR

I

E

LI

A F N

N

K

H

D

F A

S

G

M M

M

N

A

N

U

K

E

Y

C O F F E E

TABITHA · TURKEY · JETLAG · BEAR · COFFEEASH · ROBBIE · CARLIN · CHEESE · AFN

TRIVIA TIME1. What is the capitol of Maryland?

2. How many licks does it take to get to the middle of a tootsie pop?

3. What classic 80’s movie does the phrase “Are you serious Clark?” derrive from?

4. Who in the Waggoner household over uses this phrase?

5. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Solve

the

puzzle

, answ

er

the qu

estion

s,

win a

prize!


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JANUARY 2014

TURKEY TROTsthe

A line the size of Moun Killamanjaro awaied us. housands of deploying service members were waiing o check in a the very same couner we were. It was like being in cinemarks bahroom afer a riple feaure showing of wiligh. hey have 400 salls, bu only wo are open and no one is going anywhere anyime soon. Luckily for us, a very nice man ook us o an expedied family line where we discovered the nex, and slighly more serious, horn in our ass. Rober was no given all of the appropriae paperwork o leave the counry. A super vial se of NAO orders was lef ou of his package and we were, once again, sranded and pissed. We corralled the kids in the corner of he lobby and fed hem insane amouns of gummy bears o insure he peace was kep while Rober worked with the couner folk o ry and procure hose orders from ampa a 8:30 in he evening, which was no small ask. FINALLY, afer 3 hours and 20 minues before our fligh, we go he orders and we were on our way Ramsien, Germany.

he fligh was grea, boh kids passed ou as soon as we ook off and we followed shorly afer. 8 hours of plane sleep balle laer, we were in Germany where I was significanly colder han i was in ampa or Balimore. We only had 45 minues unil our next fligh lef so we used

We arrived a he ampa airpor afer a grueling wo day drive from exas. We immediaely proceeded o he Souhwes Airlines icke couner where the rip from hell snagged for he firs ime. We were informed of a problem wih he reservaion and so I proceeded o spend 2 hours rying o solve he confusion from a bench a he airpor. 45 minues from ake off, we were finally on our way ickes in hand. Afer a 5 hour fligh o Balimore we waied one hour for our baggage only o hen head all he way across he airport o he inernaional ravel area where we ran ino he nex issue.


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JANUARY 2014

some of our downime o visi wih he Elder-Waggoners who had driven in from Sade, Germany o see us. Well, I say us bu i was mosly he kids. I’s ok hough, we know he drill. Hugs were exchanged, picures were aken, children were spoiled. I was a super condensed family reunion bu somehow we made i ou with WAY more suff han we came wih (hanks Grandma!). We ran back hrough cusoms o make our fligh and we barely made he original ime cu off we were given. Phew! ha was close! Bu wai, wha’s ha? We are going o si here for 2 more hours while someone resocks he oile paper on he plane! Ok, ha sounds grea. I was cold, he kids were saring o ge a lile resless and we were so hungry. Jus abou he ime we worked up he nerve o wander off in search of food hey sared boarding he plane. Of course, why no. We sepped back ono our plane and jus 2

shor hours laer, we ook off for urkey. he kids passed ou again, whaever sedaive hey use in airline food, we need o buy i in bulk.

He final lap seemed soooooooooooooooo much longer han he ohers, even hough i was supposedly shorer. We ouched down a 8:30 urkey ime and after geing hrough cusoms, we were finally inroduced o he crew from AFN and were on our way o he Inn we would spend he nex wo weeks waiing for a house. Our temporary housing was... intersting. Luckily we weren’t there very long. We LOVE it. Everyone come and visit us very very soon. We’re still waiting on our household goods and our car but we’ve gotten use to walking everywhere and the kids have stopped complaining as much so it’s really a win, we think.

THE END


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JANUARY 2014

adorable

6 1

Aren’t they

TABITHA & CARLIN


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JANUARY 2014

MOMENTSBig

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