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The Three Languages of Appreciations

Gilbert Brenson-Lazan May 8, 2013

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Today’s Speaker

Gilbert Brenson-Lazan Founding Partner

Amauta International, LLC

Assisting with chat questions: Jamie Maloney, 4Good

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Sam Frank, Synthesis Partnership

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THE THREE

LANGUAGES OF

APPRECIATION

GILBERT BRENSON LAZAN

8

IN YOUR HEAD…

…there is a

computer and a

caveman, each

with a desire to

direct you and

interact with

others.

9

EACH ONE OFFERS RESOURCES

• Offers Logic

• Global Vision

• Impartiality

• Organization

• Analysis

• Objectivity

• Efficiency

• Predictability

WE NEED BOTH SETS:

• Offers Emotion

• Intuition

• Affection

• Passion

• Synthesis

• Warmth

• Efficacy

• Spontaneity

10

EACH ONE NEEDS SUPPORT…

• Needs Emotion

• Intuition

• Affection

• Passion

• Synthesis

• Warmth

• Efficacy

• Spontaneity

• Needs Logic

• Global Vision

• Impartiality

• Organization

• Analysis

• Objectivity

• Efficiency

• Predictability

…THAT ONLY THE OTHER CAN GIVE IT:

11

LEADERSHIP MUST SATISFY…

…BOTH PERSONAL AND

ORGANIZATIONAL NEEDS.

12

A LEARNING EXERCISE

12

You will now see the ten most important personal needs

your direct reports feel and try to satisfy through work.

Which three, in your opinion,

are the most important?

13

TEN HUMAN NEEDS SATISFIED AT WORK

*KOVACH, 2011

13

What direct reports need

Good salary

Job Security

Promotion

Good working

conditions Respectful Correction

Appreciat

ion for being and

doing

Empathy support for

personal challenges

Feeling part of the

process and team

Interesting and

challenging work

Company Reliability

14

KOVACH STUDIES (Rev. 2011)

1) An interesting and challenging job

2) Recognition/appreciation of who I am and what I do

3) Feeling part of the process and team

4) Feel job security

5) A good comparative salary

6) Promotions in the company

7) Good working conditions

8) Business reliability and honesty

9) Receive respectful correction

10) Support for my challenges and personal problems

15

AFFIRMATION AND APPRECIATION

How much should we recognize and affirm our people and how much

should we correct their work? What is the ideal ratio?

People need to feel appreciated for them to fell good about

their work…and need to receive constructive feedback in

order to do well in their work.

16

8X1

Research (Losada & Heaphy, 2004) have related

quantity and quality of recognition with individual

and team productivity.

These studies show that the most productive

people receive eight affirmative signs of recognition

(greetings, thanks, praises, etc.) for every time they

receive a correction.

AFIRMACIÓN CORRECCIÓN

17

PRODUCTIVITY

OPTIMAL PRODUCTIVITY – 8:1

MEDIUM

PRODUCTIVITY

4:1

MEDIUM

PRODUCTIVITY

12:1

LOW

PRODUCTIVITY

<1:1

LOW

PRODUCTIVITY

>16:1

18

THE APPRECIATIVE MINDSET

Focuses much more on the positive aspects: strengths, successes, future potential and abundance…than in the negative aspects: weaknesses, failures, past errors and deficiencies.

THE RESULT IS A 57% PRODUCTIVITY INCREASE (Blanchard, 2012)

19

APPRECIATION LANGUAGES

1.Active Perception

2.Linguistic Affirmation

1.Servant Leadership

THERE ARE DIFFERENT LANGUAGES

TO AFFIRM AND TO

EXPRESS APPRECIATION

20

1. ACTIVE PERCEPTION

21

WHICH IS THE DARKEST SQUARE

ARE YOU SURE?

22

HERIBERTO’S MULE

BUYS A MULE WORTH $1000 ON THE OPEN MARKET, FOR

ONLY $500,

SELLS IT TO HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR $600,

BUYS IT BACK FOR $700 IN ORDER TO…

…RESELL IT TO A GRINGO FOR $800.

HOW MUCH

DID HE

MAKE OR LOSE?

23

HOW DO WE ACTIVELY PERCEIVE?

EARS HEAR AND EYES SEE

WHAT THE MIND WANTS

TO HEAR AND SEE

Pay attention

.

Show you are paying attention

Ask about unclear meanings

Paraphrase & track what you hear

Postpone judgment without interrupting

Respond properly

24

LISTEN

EARS

EYES

ATTENTION &

CONCENTRATION

HEART:

EMOTIONS

25

2. AFFIRMATION

26

THE RIGHT TOUCH

PHYSICAL CONTACT MUST BE APPROPRIATE NOT ONLY FOR YOU

BUT FOR THE OTHER PERSON AS WELL

The most primary and impacting communication, the

right touch, continues being one of the most important.

Used sincerely, spontaneously and culturally

appropriate, these gestures may be powerful

appreciation communicators.

A pat on the

back to

congratulate

A long

handshake

A fraternal

celebration

hug

A hand on

the

shoulder

27

AFFIRMING & CORRECTING

Unconditionally Affirmative

“You’re very …”

♥

Conditionally Affirmative

“You’re doing well…”

Unconditionally Corrective

“You are a

%X$&*!”

Conditionally

Corrective

“You can do

better…”

BEING AND DOING

POSITIVE

AND

NEGATIVE

28

THE “WARM FUZZY”

REMEMBER THAT A “WARM FUZZY” IS ONLY EFFECTIVE

WHEN SINCERE, TIMELY AND SPECIFIC.

The maximum positive psychological impact is the result of

recognizing what is done (positive specific behavior),

combined with one of being (underlying personal quality),

in a timely, sincere and frequent way.

Colloquially, we call these affirmations:

“WARM FUZZIES”

“Ana, you are a very professional Assistant.

I appreciate your dedication to prepare my

monthly reports accurately and on time”

“Mario, you inspire everyone with your

enthusiasm and passion in your conversations with supervisors. You are an

excellent leader!”

29

APPRECIATIVE QUESTIONS

”Changing the approach towards appreciation allows us leaders to form networks of

conversations based on new emerging possibilities and not just correcting past errors.”

(Brown & Isaacs, 1996)

• Considering all your achievements this past year, what

are you most proud of?

• What did you do especially well to achievement it?

• What special quality of yours made it possible?

• What do you most want to do even better in next year’s

performance?

• Which of your talents or qualities will facilitate this?

30

IMMEDIATE REINFORCEMENT

Nodding

with your

head

Smiling

“Of

Course! “Very

Well!”

MINI-INTERVENTIONS OF

APPROVAL OR APPRECIATION

“And….?

31

NON-MANDATORY OPTION

Stories about other

people that have been

successful in similar

situations

The Case

of Others

Personal errors and

lessons learned

In other work or

professional situations

Personal

Experience

Stories or parallel

situations in other life

areas

Metaphors

Resort to past success

stories and positive

traditions in the

organization

Organiza-tional

Legends

OPTIONALITY IS

THE COMMON

DENOMINATOR

ADVICE & DIRECT ORDERS ARE USUALLY NOT AS EFFECTIVE AS:

Personal

Errors

32

3. SERVANT LEADERSHIP

33

EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE

“Gratitude gives meaning to our past, brings peace to our present and creates a vision for our future.”

- Melody Beattie

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues, but is also the mother of the rest.” - Cicero

Gratitude ….is a fundamental act of regenerating meaning and of reconciling us with our past, present and future existence.”

- Dr. Rafael Echeverría

♥

34

PERSONALIZED GIFT

The spontaneous giving or a small, thoughtful gift is

especially appreciated and has a great positive impact:

Something

to have

with your

coffee

A magazine

or

interesting

book

THE MONETARY VALUE IS INSIGNIFICANT;

THE EMOTIONAL VALUE IS EVERYTHING

A travel

souvenir

A DVD the

person

likes

Tickets

for an

event

35

HELPFUL INITIATIVE

Another way of showing appreciation is assuming the initiative of

being helpful during the conversation:

• Offer counterpart something to drink and/or eat

• Phone to offer going to your direct report’s office when needing to

speak

• Ask for permission before “helping”, “advising” or giving feedback

• Stay a while to accompany or support direct reports that stay

overtime to complete urgent work

36

SHOW VULNERABILITY

• THEY ASK FOR FEEDBACK sincerely and accept it well

• SHARE THEIR FEELINGS even those not “convenient”

for their image

• THEY RECOGNIZE THEIR ERRORS both publically and

privately

• THEY EXCUSE THEMSELVES OR ASK FORGIVENESS

after recognizing their error

• THEY ASK FOR HELP when needed or convenient

VULNERABILITY IS THE ABILITY AND DISPOSITION TO

RECOGNIZE AND SHARE OUR IMPERFECTIONS….

THAT WHICH MAKES US HUMAN.

Successful leaders show their when:

37

EXERCISE IN PAIRS

OUR VULNERABILITY

• How much do I show my vulnerability in my day-to-

day work?

• What within me impedes me from doing so?

• How can I start sharing my vulnerability and

encourage others to do so?

• What will be the outcome of doing so?

Thanks for your participation.

Gilbert Brenson Lazan

http://amauta-international.com

E-mail: amauta@me.com

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