THE

TESTICLE

FAIRY

by Phantomimic

All rights reserved © RAGG

Now isn't that an eye-catching title for a story? Aren't you curious?

Aren't you asking yourself what the heck is a "testicle fairy" and

what could possibly be written about it? Yes, I thought that would

be the case too, but that is not why I chose this particular title for

this bizarre story. Believe me I did not come up with this title just

to "hook" you into reading it. In fact it was my wife that came up

with the whole concept of a "testicle fairy", but I am getting ahead

of myself. Dear reader, there are two things you must know about

this story. The first thing you have to know is that it is a horror

story.

By now you are getting the gist of it, right? If it is a horror story

there is bound to be fright and blood and death and guts and so

forth and probably some kind of a…….monster. At this point I can

imagine you thinking, "Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me

that…oh, please! Come on, really? "Testicle fairy" Give me a

break! Isn't that just a plain silly and immature name for a

monster? And what will this monster do? Are you really going

to....will it....oh boy, that is low and cheap and just plain dumb!"

Yes, yes, I hear you, and believe me I also know that something

with the ludicrous name of "testicle fairy" will never be able to

compete for your fear as effectively as all the Draculas,

Frankensteins, Grendels and other great monsters that are out there

immortalized in word and song.

But you see, that is not my intention. The second thing that you

must know is that, unfortunately I assure you, I did not "dream up"

this story, although I am publishing it as if that were the case. This

is the only way I can get it published and have others know about

it. You see, the events narrated here actually happened in real life.

Unlike most horror stories this one is true.

At this point dear reader, if I have not lost you already, you may be

saying to yourself something along the lines of, "This gimmick is

the oldest trick in the book. I have seen it all before, etc." I have to

admit that I agree with you and if it were me reading this story I

would most likely quit reading right here thinking that there are

other stories more fit for sensible people to read. However, I must

tell my story in remembrance of Sam and also for the sake of all of

you out there. I need to do my part and gain a measure of closure

for my conscience. So for those few of you that are still with me,

here it goes.

It all started on a Sunday when Sam and I, and our wives, were

returning from a trip to the bowling alley. Sam was driving, I was

seated next to him, Sam's wife Sarah was seated in the back seat

just behind him, and my wife Liz was seated next to her (behind

me). We had had a good time and we were in high spirits chatting

and telling jokes or remembering stories about the good old days.

However we, the "guys" I mean, were trying to get home in time

for the big football game and truth be told Sam was driving a little

recklessly swerving in and out of traffic while passing one car after

another. This behavior elicited vigorous protests from our female

companions who promptly started a psychoanalysis session as to

why men are such lousy drivers.

Sarah ventured that the main problem was that, unlike other

animals, men have no horns, tusks, antlers or plumage that we can

show off, therefore the only way in which we can demonstrate to

our fellow males how "macho" we are is by driving like maniacs.

The two ladies started laughing over this notion and begun to add

additional details. Liz ventured that maybe the degree to which a

man was a reckless driver was somehow proportional to the length

of a certain organ but Sarah quickly stated that she knew for a fact

that that theory was wrong.

Sam immediately wailed, "Hey, wait a minute!" as the women

were giggling themselves silly, and I boldly joined the fray stating

that I knew for a fact that my friend Sam, when it came to those

matters, was definitely not in the shallow end of the gene pool, so

to speak; wrong thing to say.

Sarah shot back, "And how do you know?" after which Liz added,

"Is there something I need to know about you and Sam?" In vain I

tried to explain over their laughter the realities of men bathing and

dressing in the same premises after sporting activities. At this point

we had started our climb towards Sand Bucket Hill. I clearly

remember this because the large white water tower at the foot of

the hill had made its appearance and caught my attention as it

usually does when I drive by there. It was here that my wife came

up with the idea.

Now before I tell you what happened next, you have to understand

that this was a perfectly harmless joke conceived in the spur of the

moment. My wife is very creative (she writes children's books) and

she comes up with these wild ideas all the time. Much in the same

way that a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat she can create entire

scenarios and characters out of thin air.

My wife said, "Wait, I know why men are such reckless drivers;

it's because of the testicle fairy!"

Everyone in the car stopped talking, and regarded her with puzzled

looks, Liz took advantage of the lull to elaborate.

She said, "You see, in their heart of hearts men know that there is

this evil fairy that visits them at night with a pair of scissors, and if

they have not accumulated enough points driving recklessly during

the day, she cuts them off!" This she said imitating the cutting

action of scissors with her fingers.

We all laughed at this notion but I then pointed out to Liz that Sam

had nothing to fear from this fairy because he had been the proud

recipient of two speeding tickets in the last month.

She replied, "No, no, if you get caught it does not count, and look

Sam has received the first warning" and she pointed to a small odd

shaped rash that Sam had in his arm.

"This is the first warning of the testicle fairy, you get 3 more, a

total of 4 and the day after the fourth one, if you still have not met

your quota, she marks you a fifth time and snip, snip, snip and off

they go!"

Even more laughter now, "What has your wife been drinking?"

asked Sam. "Women should not talk about issues that are so

sensitive to us guys," I said.

But Liz here got vindictive and shot out into one of her creative

rants employing a sadistic voice, "Yes, she appears late at night

making odd scraping sounds while flapping her bat-like wings. An

ancient fire burns in her lidless eyes giving an incandescent

crimson glow to her hairless wrinkled skin. Through her veins

flows cursed green blood. She is small but she is as strong as a

hundred men. Her shrill screams beckon the wrath of hell upon

those poor male souls that dare not to drive recklessly enough and

at the end of her bony right hand she brandishes the ghastly

instrument with which she performs her evil deeds!"

"Oooohhhh," I cried in feigned panic while waving my hands

while Sarah was laughing so hard she was almost crying. It was at

this moment that we reached the top of Sand Bucket Hill and then

it happened.

It was Liz who noticed that Sam performed several strange back

and forth jerking movements with his head and right away started

calling his name even as Sarah and I continued laughing. "Sam,

Sam, Sam, are you all right, Sam?"

As I looked in Sam's direction his body fell forward and his head

sideways towards me, his eyes were white. While Sarah started

catching on and asking what was happening it dawned on me that

not only had Sam stopped driving altogether but that we had gone

over the top of the hill and now were heading down, gaining speed

and approaching a curve.

I immediately pushed Sam sideways and grabbed hold of the

wheel. I managed to get the car (which thankfully was automatic)

in a lower gear and slowed it enough to take the curve without

keeling over. Sarah had transitioned from nervous questioning to

screaming, "Oh my God." over and over while Liz just sat frozen

silent next to her. I managed to switch my leg over to the driver's

side of the car and squirming past the collapsed hulk of Sam I

stepped on the brake. The car skidded for a moment but then

stopped and I put on the hand brake and the flashers. The next

priority was Sam, what had happened to him?

With the help of Sarah and Liz I managed to get Sam out of the car

and to the curb of the road but as we got there he regained

consciousness and looked around confused. We started asking

whether he was OK and inquiring what had happened. After a few

minutes of rest Sam said that he had felt a huge pressure build up

inside his head and then he felt it was released all of sudden.

Apparently this occurred very fast several times making him

convulse and then it all went black. After some time we got back in

the car and I drove the rest of the way with Sam seated next to

Sarah in the back seat where he fell asleep.

That afternoon Liz and I baby-sat their kids while Sarah took Sam

to the hospital, which was no big deal because we live in the same

neighborhood and our house is a short walking distance from

theirs. Although the exams came out negative, the doctor

recommended that Sam should not drive for several days. This was

not a problem as Sam and I work in the same business. I work in

human resources, Sam works in accounting and we often carpool

anyway. The next day, Monday, when I took Sam to work he tried

to pretend that everything was fine but I could clearly tell he

looked worried and also seemed very tired. Sarah had told Liz that

Sam woke up late at night and then had trouble going back to

sleep. After an uneventful day I drove Sam back and we each went

to our respective homes.

It was on Tuesday that things started getting creepy. That morning

Sam showed up early at my house and asked to talk to me in

private. We went out to the porch while Liz was waking up our

kids and feeding them breakfast. Sam was very distraught and

confided to me that he thought he was losing his mind. He told me

that on Sunday late at night he had heard noises around the house

and thought he saw something outside the living room window. He

was concerned it was a burglar so he took his gun and investigated

but found nothing, not even footprints. However, on Monday night

he was awakened again by these noises and he told me that he did

see something outside but by the time he got his gun, it was gone. I

asked what he had seen.

He said, "Rick, this is stupid, this is silly, I think I'm going nuts,

but you are my best friend, we share everything and you have to

hear me out."

Sam at this point placed his forehead in his hands, he seemed on

the verge of having a nervous breakdown. He continued, "Rick

remember that shit your wife said about the testicle fairy?"

At this utterance I just stood there wide-eyed regarding him with

amazement and then I started laughing.

"Ah shit Sam, isn't it too early in the morning for one of your

practical jokes? Is this your way of getting back at me for what

Liz..." here Sam interrupted me.

"Please shut up and listen to me, I am not joking!"

There was anger on Sam's face and he appeared very anxious.

He said, "Look, there is something I have to show you," and he

pulled up his sleeve. "Remember this rash I had?" he said.

Sure enough, the oddly shaped rash spot on his shoulder was still

there but below there were two identical ones, a total of three. I

looked at him incredulously and didn't quite know what to say.

I mumbled something like "Sam, what are you trying

to...what....I....are you telling me that....."

Sam interrupted me, "Rick, I thought I saw something on Sunday

night. I was not sure, but I am sure as hell of what I saw Monday

night. It was looking at me through the living room window, it was

just like your wife described it scissors and all!"

I could not believe it. This was my friend Sam, the same Sam that

had been in a war as part of the army's demolition unit, the same

Sam that would go out hunting, and fishing with me. He stood 6

feet tall, weighed 200 plus pounds and had a reputation for taking

"no shit from no one".

After a few minutes I managed to calm him down with comments

along the line of, "Please listen to yourself." and "You are an

adult." I suggested that what he had been hearing and seeing was

just a by product of his "fainting spell" so to speak, and the rash

was, of course, just some creeping inflammation of sorts. I had him

promise that he would go to the doctor that afternoon after work,

and while we were at the office I made sure that he dialed the

doctor's office and made an appointment. When we finished work I

personally took him there. After hearing Sam out the doctor was as

perplexed as me but just as I expected the he speculated that a

mixture of Sam's fainting spell plus his mind becoming fixated on

my wife's story was responsible for what Sam was experiencing

and he prescribed some sleeping pills plus an ointment for the rash

in his shoulder as well as recommending further tests. I then took

Sam home and told Sarah to make sure that he took his pills before

going to sleep.

That night as Liz and I were going to bed we got a frantic call from

Sarah, apparently someone had broken into their house. I left Liz

with the kids, ran over to Sam's house and saw a police car at the

entrance.

As I entered the house the police were leaving and one of the

officers was saying, "We'll keep a watch on the house ma'am."

Sam was lying in the living room sofa trying to stay awake and Liz

was very nervous. A small section of the large living room glass

door to the porch was missing but it was not shattered, it had been

cleanly cut as with a diamond cutter. I wanted to ask some

questions but the immediate priority was the kids who were now

wide awake. I helped Sam back to his bed while Sarah took the

kids to their bedroom.

Sam was in a daze but as soon as we were outside the hearing

range of the kids he said, "It came back again tonight Rick, Sarah

saw it."

I said, "Sam, for heavens sake your house was broken into, that's

all."

As I laid Sam on the bed he said, "Look at my shoulder." I did, he

had four of those oddly shaped rashes, one next to the other. I

asked whether he had put on the ointment the doctor prescribed but

he had fallen asleep.

I called Liz to say that I would be late and helped Sarah with the

kids. I am their "Uncle" Rick and they like me a lot. Afterwards

while I placed a piece wood over the missing section of the glass

door, and moved a shelf in front of it, Sarah told me what she had

told the police. Sam had taken his pills and they had gone to sleep.

However, later in the night Sarah was woken up by a noise in their

bedroom and she saw that there was someone next to Sam's side of

the bed. When she screamed it immediately darted out of the room.

Sarah rushed to the children's bedroom and Sam woke himself up

enough to make his way around the house holding a baseball bat

but found nothing except the opening in the glass of the living

room door. They then called the police to report the incident. I

asked Sarah if she had seen the intruder. She was uncomfortable

with this question but then told me that both she and Sam had

agreed to tell the police that in the darkness of the bedroom they

could not see well.

Sarah started sobbing, "Oh, Rick, you may think I am crazy but we

had the nightlight on in the hallway so I could see well enough in

the twilight. It was like a bald old dwarf and its eyes seemed to

glow red. When it left the room I saw that it had something bulging

out of its back, it looked like wings that had been folded."

Wednesday morning I learned that Sam had decided to take the

day off. As Liz works at home I told her that whenever she took a

break she should visit Sarah and Sam and check how they were.

Liz called me later on in the morning, she sounded alarmed and

almost at the point of crying. She told me that she had gone to their

house and Sam and Sarah had asked her to sit down in their living

room and talk to them about the testicle fairy. Liz could not believe

it, she was aghast but Sam and Sarah were dead serious and

pressed her. Sam asked her how it could be killed. Liz just replied

that she had concocted that story, that it was not true that she didn't

know but Sam and Sarah got aggressive with her. At one point she

wanted to leave and Sam blocked the door while Sarah screamed at

her that she was the one that created it, that that thing was now

trying to kill Sam and that she was not leaving until she told them

how to get rid of it. Liz lost it and started screaming back at them

that they were nuts. After some back and forth during which Sam

tried to grab her by the arm they let her go but she felt pretty

shaken.

I was furious and at the end of work I went directly to Sam's home.

Sam was not there and their kids had been sent to their

grandmother's house. Sarah tried to apologize and begged my

understanding but I was not sympathetic. I told her that her

family's fantasies had gotten way out of hand and that in my

opinion they were sick and needed a shrink. Sarah broke down and

started crying while protesting that I had not been there and had

not seen what she had seen, what Sam had seen. I asked her where

Sam was and she composed herself for a minute and told me that

he had had an idea to "deal with the ....situation". I said that that

was very good but that on the meantime they should refrain from

calling or in any way contacting my wife or my kids as I would

otherwise call the police. As I left Sarah shut the door but I heard

her begin to sob again on the other side as I left.

I saw Sam again on Monday. He had changed, he looked again like

the old Sam that I knew. He came over to my desk and apologized

for what had happened, which he blamed on all the stress from his

fainting spell and its aftershocks, so to speak, and his house getting

broken into and so forth. I accepted his apologies and we talked for

a little while. I asked him about the rash. He showed me his

shoulder and I saw that only one of the oddly shaped rash marks

remained.

"See, the ointment is working" I said.

Sam looked at me in a funny way but agreed, "Yes, yes it is," he

said.

We ended the conversation by agreeing to have a picnic for the two

families on the weekend, probably Saturday. I offered to take Sam

to work tomorrow but he said that now he was driving again.

Tuesday Sam did not show up for work. Sarah called later in the

day and told Sam's supervisor that her husband had had a car

accident while returning home from work on Monday. He had

been taken to the hospital because he had a gash in his head but

otherwise he had suffered no serious injury and would not be back

to work until next week. That day I called Sarah to ask about Sam

but she was evasive and just said that he was all right but needed to

rest and requested we not visit him.

Wednesday Sam, as expected, did not show up for work either but

something unsettling happened. I went out to lunch with other

people in our human resources team. As we walked into the

restaurant I noticed an old acquaintance of mine, Roger, leaving

the fast food place next door. Roger is a policeman, he had gone to

high school with me and Sam. We used to be close before the

demands of our professions separated us. After some catching up

Roger looked around and in a hushed voice asked me about Sam

and whether he was "OK". I didn't quite understand what he meant

and just gave him a generic answer. He said that he was not

supposed to tell me this but then he revealed that he had caught

Sam speeding Monday morning and had been forced to give him a

ticket, and so had a fellow officer friend of his on Sunday. He also

knew that Sam was involved in a crash later on Monday, and that

his driving license was going to be revoked. I was shocked and just

mumbled a little about Sam maybe having these problems as a

result of his fainting spell and his house getting broken into. I

debated later on in the day whether to go to Sam's house but Liz

convinced me to just stay home.

Thursday Sam didn't go to work either and after work I went

directly to their house. Sam answered the door but refused to let

me in. Sarah had left to take the kids to her mother's house. He

looked pale and tired, had a bandage on his head and was wearing

an undershirt. On his shoulder I saw 4 of the oddly shaped rashes.

"Sam, what the hell is going on with you?"

With a smile on his face he just answered, "What is the point in

telling you, you would never believe me."

I said, "Sam, listen to me you need to get some help, you need..."

Sam interrupted me while waving his hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Rick, it's useless. You are slowing me down and I have work to

do, please just promise me one thing."

I felt powerless, this was my best friend but something had taken

hold of his head and refused to let go.

"What," I said.

Sam spoke softly, "Please take care of Sarah and the kids...if

something happens to me. Keep an eye on them, OK?"

I was dumbfounded, "For heaven's sake Sam, what the hell are you

talking about?"

"Rick please, just promise." Sam asked pleadingly.

I was getting mad, "Sam you know I will take care of them, of

course I promise, but nothing is going to happen to you, you will

not....."

Sam waved at me and said, "Thanks, bye." and then closed the

door. I stood at the doorstep trying to get him to open the door

again but he would not answer.

That night as Liz was putting the kids to bed upstairs Sarah

knocked on our door; she was hysterical. Sobbing uncontrollably

she begged for our help while repeating over and over that there

was not much time. I let her in and sat her in the couch of the

living room. She said that Sam had shoved her out of the house

because he was going to face it alone.

"Face what?" I asked.

Sarah screamed angrily, "Face what? Face what? How can you ask

that? Face the fucking testicle fairy God damn it! That thing your

wife brought into this world! Oh my God, oh my God, that thing is

going to cut off my husband's balls tonight and nobody believes

me, nobody cares!"

Sarah collapsed weeping on the floor in a fetal position wrapping

her head with her hands.

I can't even begin to describe the strange emotions that I felt then.

Part of me was so amused at the sheer stupidity of this ludicrous

statement that it just wanted to burst out laughing. Another part of

me was so embarrassed by how this grown up person and her

husband could seriously sink so low into believing this silliness

that it just wanted to kick her out of the house. Yet another part of

me was concerned that I had let a raving lunatic into our home and

was seriously considering restraining her and calling the police.

But there was the part of me that saw the wife of an old friend who

believed him to be in danger for whatever reason and just wanted

my help. This was the part that won over the others, but narrowly.

While Sarah lay collapsed crying on the floor I turned around and

climbed halfway up the stairs to intercept Liz who was coming

down to see what all the screaming was about. I feared that if

Sarah saw her she may get violent as she seemed to blame her for

whatever was happening, so I asked her to please stay upstairs with

the kids. She was furious that I had let Sarah into the house and did

not want to leave me but somehow I managed to convince her to

go back. When I returned to the living room Sarah had seated

herself but again started her rant about me helping her and Sam.

I said, "Sarah, please tell me what has been happening. I promise I

wont interrupt you. I promise I won't say anything. Just tell me."

Sarah in between sobs but in a hurried fashion explained that last

Wednesday Sam had figured out that the testicle fairy would not

harm him if he went out and drove his car recklessly. That is what

my wife had said, and it had worked. The thing had not shown up

at night that day and Sam did not get a fifth rash mark. Sam did the

same thing on Thursday and one of his rash marks disappeared.

After Friday, and Saturday his rash marks were down to one. She

said they hoped his marks would go away but then Sam was caught

speeding on Sunday, and Monday morning, and then he crashed

the car on Monday afternoon. She said that my wife had said that if

you get caught it does not count. So the thing had returned on

Monday and Tuesday nights at the hospital room where Sam had

spent the night. He came back from the hospital on Wednesday and

that night they had seen it again.

Sarah here was raving. She described how the thing had sneered at

Sam from outside the living room window making a high-pitched

noise and had opened and closed her scissors at him several times

taunting him before leaving. She said Sam now had four rash

marks on his shoulder and that meant the thing would be coming

after him today. She told me that Sam had bought ammunition for

his rifle and his handgun and a bunch of other stuff to booby-trap

the house. She thought that she would be there to face it with him

but he had pushed her out of the house, bolted the door from inside

and told her to stay away.

When I heard this last part I immediately knew what I had to do.

Whether what she was saying was true or not was no longer

relevant. The important thing is that Sam believed it and that he

had locked himself in their house apparently planning to use his

guns. I quickly went upstairs and told Liz that Sam was in danger

and that she should call the police. I didn't tell her about the guns

but I told her to tell them that somebody was trying to break into

their house. Then I went downstairs and for a moment considered

leaving Sarah behind but I decided against that because I did not

want her near Liz or the kids. Without telling Liz both Sarah and I

left for Sarah's house.

It was a clear night, the moon shone very bright in the sky, and

there was a cool breeze, all eerily peaceful. Sam's house lay in

darkness in the distance. It was a large house, the oldest in the

neighborhood, which Sam and his wife had inherited from Sam's

late parents. As we got to their place a patrol car pulled up to the

entrance. We intercepted the police, a woman and a man, and

Sarah told them that that was her house, that there was an intruder

inside and that her husband had stayed behind to face him (on the

way I told her to talk to the police about an "intruder"). As we

raced to the entrance and started knocking at the door yelling

Sam's name the gunshots started.

The police pulled out their weapons and crouched. Inside there was

a big commotion and Sam could be heard screaming out words that

we could not understand between shots but we also heard some

strange shrill sounds. The officers tried to open the door but it was

bolted from the inside. One of them then kicked at one of the

windows but when it did not break yelled to get back and then shot

at it. The window collapsed, the officer kicked at the broken glass

on the sides and climbed inside followed by the other one who

yelled at us to stay outside. As soon as the second officer had

disappeared behind the window frame I quickly dashed into the

house behind her, and Sarah followed me.

Inside all hell seemed to have broken loose. The sound of gunshots

reverberated throughout the house mixed with the sound of

smashing glass and assorted falling objects. The officers made

their way to the living room with us following behind. The room

was in darkness but they were using their flashlights. It was chaos,

the windows were smashed, most of the furniture was upturned

and there were remnants of a net of some type all over the place.

The walls had gunshot holes and there were strange green

splotches on several places. This we just saw for a brief instant

because we realized that the gunshots and the commotion

continued upstairs. As the officers started climbing the stairs a

huge explosion made them retreat and we were showered with

debris. Looking upstairs we noticed that moonlight now

illuminated the inside of the house and we realized that a hole had

been blown in the roof.

During a moment of silence we saw the flicker of a flashlight and

we heard Sam's voice yell, "I caught you, mother fucker!"

One of the officers yelled, "This is the police, stop shooting and

come down the stairs with your hands up."

I yelled, "Sam are you alright?" and Sarah also screamed his name.

Sam screamed back, "Rick, Sarah, get the hell away from here, I

don't know if...." he paused and then screamed, "Oh shit'!

We heard a scream and something darted flying across the upstairs

towards the hallway where Sam's voice seemed to come from. A

gunshot stopped it in midair as bits and pieces were blown off the

thing. I thought it looked like a gargoyle. It was flapping its wings

and screaming. More gunshots impacted the thing but it kept flying

and disappeared down the hallway. I heard one of the officers say,

"What the hell was that?" and then they both went up the stairs

with their guns and flashlights pointing forward, and we followed

behind.

The commotion, gunshots, and screams continued down the

hallway to the right but there was a huge hole in the floor that

made it impossible to go there. On the other side of the hole a fire

had begun to burn. We heard sounds like wood smashing and more

gunshots. There were more of those high pitched screams, and I

heard Sam scream something back. We just stood there frozen as

we heard the gunshots shift from the right towards our left. Sarah

said, "He is out in the balcony. It runs outside the back of the

house. You can reach him from that room." and she pointed to a

door halfway down the hallway to the left. As the officers took a

step in that direction another huge explosion rocked the whole

house. The officers, startled, stopped in their tracks, and Sarah

screamed, "Go help my husband kill that thing."

They looked at her, looked at each other and started approaching

the room with us still following behind. Then the gunshots and the

screams began again.

The officers paused briefly in response to the renewed commotion.

After a moment, they started approaching the door again but it

opened abruptly and Sam dressed in his hunting gear came through

and slammed the door behind him. He was covered in dust and

blood and was carrying his rifle with a flashlight attached to it. He

also had a handgun, what appeared to be several clips of ammo,

and his vest pockets had odd bulges. The officers immediately

pointed their weapons and flashlights his way and I don't know by

what miracle they did not fire on him right away.

One of the officers yelled for him to freeze and drop his weapons.

Sarah and I screamed at the officers not to shoot him. On the other

side of the door we could hear high pitched screams mixed with

many other noises. It was like a whirlwind of metal, glass and

wood being banged against the walls.

Sam fell to the ground and yelled, "Take cover!" We all did and

felt another explosion behind the door, which bulged out and

cracked but held in its place. We were showered by plaster and

debris from the roof and one of the roof beans came down and

almost hit the woman officer.

"What the fuck is going on here?" the male officer screamed

angrily. Sam was reloading and said, "No time to explain, it is

coming through the door, I can't stop it so I am going to take it

down with me!"

Sarah yelled, "Sam, no!" but he had already started retreating down

the corridor and yelled, "Rick get Sarah out, all of you get out, if

you stay here you will die."

The officers were confused. Not knowing quite what to do, they

kept pointing their weapons and flashlights at Sam, and Sarah

alternated between screaming, "Sam!" and "Don't kill my

husband!" Then we heard a shriek and scraping-like sounds

quickly approaching from the other side of the door.

Sam quickened his pace and yelled, "Get away from the door!"

The officers had the good sense to retreat a few steps and then the

door exploded outwards in pieces as a figure crossed the threshold

and hovered in the air flapping its wings as the flashlights of the

officers beamed on it.

The creature was just like my wife had described her in her joke; I

even saw the scissors at the end of its hand. However, it was

covered in dust and had bits and pieces of metal and wood sticking

out of its body plus what appeared to be remnants of a fishing net

dangling about it. The thing also was seriously injured. It had

wounds all over its body from which a green liquid seemed to

ooze. It had two large holes in its chest, one of which seemed to go

straight through to its back. Parts of its skin were charred and it

seemed to be missing a foot. However, in the few seconds it stood

there flapping its wings hovering over us I realized that its wounds

were rapidly healing. Its foot was growing back, its skin was being

replaced, and fragments of wood and metal were being pushed out

of its body and falling to the floor. It was regenerating!

The officers got over their initial amazement, and cursing started

firing their guns at the thing. The creature's body jerked at the

impacts but remained airborne, soon the officers ran out of bullets

and their guns began clicking. The thing uttered an ear-piercing

high-pitched sound and made as if to attack us when another

gunshot shook its body.

From the other side of the hallway Sam screamed, "Want my balls,

motherfucker, come and get them!"

The creature turned around and darted towards Sam. Sam pumped

two more shots into the thing, screamed at us, "Get out!" and

disappeared into a room at the end of the hallway shutting the door

behind him.

The creature reached the end of the hallway and started slamming

its way through the door. What Sam had said earlier finally

reached the decision-making centers of my brain and I understood

what we had to do.

I yelled to Sarah and the officers, "We have to leave!" grabbed

Sarah and started dragging her to the stairs. Sarah resisted and

continued screaming Sam's name but I asked the officers to help

me. As we went down the stairs we heard again more screams,

gunshots, and the same sort of noises we had heard before, as

though a huge wild animal had fallen into a trap made up of a

thousand metal and wooden pieces.

We left the house and I saw that more patrol cars were arriving,

some of the people in the neighborhood had also shown up and

were standing a distance away or behind nearby trees. As we

rushed past the officers emerging from the new patrol cars I yelled,

"Get back! Everyone get back! There are explosives in that house!"

The officers coming with us also repeated my warning.

We could still hear gunshots. Through the very large window of

the upstairs room on the left side of the house we could see flashes

of light after each detonation coming from a source of light on the

right of the window, but then the flashes ceased. For a moment

everything was still until a figure seemed to cross through the air

from left to right the expanse of the window zeroing on the source

of light on the right. It was then that a large burst of radiance

blinded us.

The shock wave of the explosion knocked all of us to the ground as

the left side of the house was blown to smithereens. We felt an

intense heat and covered our faces as further explosions followed

the first. The flying debris injured many officers and bystanders.

Sarah and I ended with shards of glass and splinters of wood in our

skin but thankfully our eyes were spared.

A full minute passed as we all helped each other back on our feet

while still taking glances at the flames that now consumed what

was left of the house. Sarah was sobbing uncontrollably and sirens

wailed in the distance. I heard a voice call my name, it was Liz

who had left the kids with a neighbor and had come over. I began

to answer Liz's questions when somebody screamed. We al turned

towards the house. There was something moving among the

flames.

With collective gasps and cries of, "Oh my God!" and, "What is

that?" an all too familiar winged figure slowly emerged above the

fire and continued to climb higher. Someone next to me screamed,

"You didn't get him! You didn't get him, did you bitch, did you?"

Sarah bolted past me running towards the house.

"Sarah!" I yelled, but two officers caught and restrained her before

she got too close.

"You failed, you failed miserably, you didn't get him!" Sarah

yelled with a mixture of anger and defiance, "Go to hell bitch! Go

back to where you came from!"

The creature was now bobbing some 30 feet above the flames. It

raised one of its arms brandishing its scissors while uttering a loud

shrill scream that made us all cringe, then did an about-face and it

disappeared flying into the darkness behind the burning ruins.

And that is it. We were treated for our injuries, we made our

statement of the event, and so did the two officers that were inside

with us, and other witnesses who saw the creature at the end. As

the country was preoccupied with other matters the occurrence

never received more than a few lines in the major news outlets and

was pretty much hush hushed by the authorities. It was explained

away as an accident; a gas leak while an individual was defending

his house with firearms against an intruder. For some bizarre

reason none of the pictures or videos the neighbors took showed

the creature. Some of the details of the occurrence were leaked to

the sensationalist media but the whole thing died down in a week

or two.

Sarah and her kids moved in with her mother and sold the land on

which her former home had stood. It has been difficult for me to

fulfill my promise to Sam as Sarah will have nothing to do with me

or Liz even after we tried to apologize for not believing them;

Sarah still suspects that Liz had something to do with the

appearance of the creature. However, I try to keep track of them

through an acquaintance of mine that lives near them. So far they

seem to be doing well, or as well as can be expected.

As to Sam, he was a man till the end (yes I realize this has more

one than one meaning). He knew that he was alone. He knew that

no one would believe him or help him, so he decided to face the

creature on his own terms. Sam had extensive knowledge of

explosives and knew what materials he needed to build them and

where to buy them. I learned through my cop friend Roger that

some remnants of charred bones were found among the ruins and

they were given to Sam's family. If there was a funeral it was never

announced and we were never invited.

The story should end here but I refuse to do that without proposing

some speculations that may give some meaning to this twisted tale.

In the introduction to this story I clearly stated that, as far as

monsters are concerned, the testicle fairy falls short on many

counts. Perhaps the most important is that we have come expect a

certain set of motivations behind the purpose of monsters.

Vampires want your blood, the living dead and other assorted

creatures want your flesh. The seeking of nourishment to survive is

a central principle of life even if the human species happens to be

the food on the table. Another strong motivation is taking back

what has been stolen from you or revenge upon those that did: the

Leprechaun wants its gold back, and the mummy casts its curse on

those who steal the artifacts. Revenge is a central theme of human

history. There is also the good old-fashioned quest for power and

what you are willing to do for that. Many of the greatest monsters

of all time sought this, and quite a number of them were perfectly

normal-looking people with no horns, tails or pointed teeth. And

the list goes on, living forever (Dorian Grey and his portrait),

creating life (Frankenstein), mating (monster of the black lagoon)

etc, etc, etc.

These are all very ancient (and human) motivations that give

purpose to actions. A monster may be wicked, evil, blasphemous,

immoral and what not, but what it does is coherent, logical, even

reasonable. If someone tells you that there is a monster out there

doing these things a small part of you will at least accept that it is

believable because, IF there were a monster out there, then this is

what it would be doing. Now consider the testicle fairy and what it

does: it cuts off the testicles of men who have not driven recklessly

enough.

It just doesn't make sense and many questions come to mind. Why

on earth would any monster want to do that? Cruelty? A sadistic

delight at inflicting pain? Exploiting the ancient fear of castration?

Maybe, but why in this strange context? Why would a monster

base its modus operandi on requiring its victims to violate human

traffic laws? What did it do before the invention of cars, or scissors

for that matter? I think this is what makes the testicle fairy such a

hard sell as a monster. It is not believable, it sounds like a joke.

But this, I believe, is precisely the key to understanding the testicle

fairy. It was a joke, it was a joke told by my wife and her

description of the thing and what it did was one hundred per cent

accurate (and in case you wondered, yes, the testicle fairy was a

"she", it was female). There is just no way that all this could have

been a coincidence.

I believe that my wife's joke was somehow brought to life in the

real world at the moment she told it. In case you are also

wondering, yes I believe Sam was its first victim or intended

victim, after all how many cases of castration occur in this country

each year among good drivers? But I also believe that Sam had

something to do with the creation of this creature. Remember the

fainting spell and how it left him exhausted? I believe that it was

Sam (and not my wife) who actually created the testicle fairy at

that particular moment. Now, how could that have possibly

happened?

In our age of technological wonders and scientific achievements it

is pretty much believed, and some would say it has been proven,

that thoughts are nothing more than patterns of electric activity

generated by our brains. Thoughts cannot leave our brain and

materialize in the physical world and when we die our thoughts die

with us. Indeed that may be the case now but is there the

possibility that things may have been different in our past?

Bits and pieces of oral history, and legends from ancient people

hint at a past where the line dividing the world of thoughts from

the real world was not as clear-cut as it is today. In these tales there

are hints that certain people, perhaps people with a very particular

brain structure, were able to give form to their thoughts through

complex rituals carried out in places specially built to amplify and

focus their thoughts. Nowadays the knowledge of how to do this

has been lost and the places have been destroyed or lie in ruins.

But maybe some people still exist, a few among millions, that still

have some vestige left of this "ability", and maybe some of the

ruins of these places still retain some of their ancient functionality.

At this point there are two facts I must present.

The first is that a year before our fateful drive, the area on the

western side of Sand Bucket Hill next to the road we followed, was

in the local news. Some strange ruins were discovered there and an

archeology group promptly begun an excavation. After some

artifacts found on the site were dated a controversy erupted that

still goes on today but has not been widely publicized. The origin

of the ruins was calculated to date back over forty thousands years,

making them older than any of the previously dated ruins in North

America.

The second fact is that the Monday after our weekend drive an act

of "vandalism" at the site was reported by the local newspapers. It

seems that the remnants of a vault at the center of the site had been

demolished during the weekend. Curiously the slabs of stone had

been spread out in a circular fashion as though something had

exploded out of it. The article mentioned that fortunately the

archeologists had taken detailed pictures of the vault and were able

to reconstruct it again.

So I ask myself, could the Sand Bucket site have been one of those

ancient places where thoughts were turned into matter? If so, could

it still have retained after all these tens of thousands of years a

significant capacity to channel and focus thoughts? Could it be that

Sam was one of those very rare persons that unknowingly still

possessed the "ability"? If so, could it be that my wife with her

joke made something go "click" inside his brain? Could it be that

the mental activity that originated in Sam's brain fell in sync with

the geometries of the Sand Bucket site giving flesh and blood to a

thought, and bringing into this world a monster that operates

according to a most absurd set of premises?

I believe this is the case. In the carefully planned and executed

rituals performed at this site tens of thousands of years ago

probably the creator retained control over his creation. But Sam

did not have any control over or knowledge of what he was doing.

The "birth" of the testicle fairy was probably the consequence of

performing some "key" steps, what would amount to a crude and

hurried form of the ritual.

Impossible? Fantastic? Yes, but given the above premises and facts

I believe it did happen, and now we are stuck with one more

monster in this world.

Anyway, enough speculation, whether you believe me or not those

are my ideas and that is my way of trying to explain the

unexplainable.

Now is time for me to go but first I must apologize for what I still

need to do. Like I said at the beginning, this story is true and I am

just publishing it as a horror story because that is the only way I

can get it published. However, being this a horror story and much

to my regret I assure you, I am forced to address my male readers

and end it in a certain way. So here it goes, I must ask you the

following question:

How is your driving? Snip, snip, snip.........

Image of the testicle fairy by Phantomimic.

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