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Transcript of The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
1/16
Everyones favorite
inter-dimensional, ethe-
real oating head will ad-
dress the departing senior
class on graduation day.
According to university
spokesman Greg Gatlin, Zor-
VOLUME 71, NUMBER 17 WWW.SUFFOLKJOURNAL.NET March 30, 2011
nsideournalth
e
News"Vieira loses powers, leavescity in hands of new hero'pg. 3
Opinion"Times are tough for Tomfrom MySpace" pg. 6
Arts &Entertainment"Faculty member goes'Gaga' " pg. 5
Sports"Sheen to join Indians;promises lots of 'winning'"pg. 7
THE AWARD-WINNING STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF
SUFFOLK UNIVERSITY BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS
Suolks Presidential
Search Commiee namedGeorge Feeny, a well known
professor from Pennbrook
University in Philadelphia, as
David Sargents successor as
the universitys president, ac-
cording to an email sent to the
Suolk community yesterday.
We are pleased to an-
nounce that George Feeny, a
beloved educator truly devot-
ed to his students, will mark
the beginning of a new chap-
ter at Suolk, Acting Presi-
dent and Provost Barry Brownis reported to have said.
Feeny began his ca-
reer as an English teach-
er at John Adams High
School in Philadelphia, and
then principal in 1994. In
1998, he became an Eng-
lish Professor at Pennbrook.
Over the years, Feeny has
grown notable for his meth-
ods of becoming personally
involved with his students
lives, to help them
make achievements
both academically andpersonally. I think
its important to un-
derstand and nurture
my students and I rel-
ish the opportunity
to do that at Suolk,
said Feeny in an inter-
view with the Journal.
Chants of FEEN-
AY! FEE-HEE-HEE
FEENAY, echoed
from the Common
and could be heard
for miles as studentsgathered to celebrate
the announcement.
Psychology profes-
sor Cory Mahews is
a former student and
neighbor of Feeny. He
was my sixth grade
English teacher, then he was
my high school principal, then
he was my college professor,
and now hes coming to Suf-
folk, said Mahews scratch-
ing his head. Come to think
of it, thats kind of weird.
Junior Sco Zalatoris,
America's favorite principal is here
Power Rangers mentor toaddress graduating class
don of Eltar, a wise sage and
mentor to the Power Rangers,
agreed to deliver the com-
mencement speech to the
Class of 2011. Its really a
deep honor to have Zordon
impart his vast wisdom upon
our graduates, said Gatlin.
Zordon, who has led
see SARGENT page 2
see ZORDON page 2
Farkas Bulkmeier
Eugene Skullovich
Journal Staff
Stuart Minkus
Journal Staff
That being said, the one at
hand, Harry Poer, seemed
to have a strong hold on him.
A lile too strong, maybe.
An unknown Suolk
student was able to take a
snapshot of Sargent at the
midnight premiere of Harry
Poer and the Deathly Hallows:
Part 1 at the AMC Theatre on
Tremont Street in November.
In the photo, Sargent is seen
in an uncanny representation
of the character Dumbledore,holding a magic wand and
whispering incantations to the
screen. This was on November
19- less than three weeks aer
Sargents abrupt resignation.
He was being pulled in
another direction. He started
to talk in a British accent, and
requesting something called
Since the end of October,
when the abrupt resignation
of Suolks long-standing
president of 21 years, David
Sargent, sent shockwaves
throughout campus, stu-
dents have been eager for a
crucial answer to the most
important question: why?
On Friday, the thirst was
quenched. The Oce of theProvost, aer the viral release
of a photograph showing Sar-
gent donning a long robe, a sil-
ver beard and a magic wand in
hand, decided to come clean.
David Sargent is appar-
ently not immune to cultural
trends- even those of a young-
er generation, said Acting
president and provost Barry
Brown, acting President.
the student representative
on the presidential search
commiee, said
choosing Feeny,
who was voted inunanimously, was
an easy decision.
As a student
here at Suolk,
Feeny just put me at
ease, he said. He
seems so warm and
neighborly. I can
just imagine walk-
ing into my back-
yard and geing
life advice from
him as hes tend-
ing to his garden.Among the
other candidates
was Richard Beld-
ing, principal of
Bayside High
School in Los An-
geles, who visited
Suolk in 2009 and was titled
Americas favorite principal.
We chose Feeny because
aer interviewing both can-
didates, the commiee de-
termined that Mr. Feeny is
actually Americas favorite
principal, said Zalatoris.When Feeny was hired,
he was oered $3 million
including salary and bo-
nuses, but he opted to take
a pay cut and redistribute
the money to the students.
That money could be bet-
ter used to help students bale
the outrageous costs of college
tuition, said Feeny, who add-
ed that he will make it a prior-
ity to be visible on campus and
maintain an open door policy.
I believe connecting withthe students is the most impor-
tant part of my job, he said.
Nothing we do here means
anything unless its in the
best interest of the students,
so I welcome any feedback
from the Suolk community.
George Feeny steps in as university president
Sargent, Dumbledore?Cynthia Fig NewtonJournal Staff
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
2/16
PAGE 2 March 30, 2011
For more inormation about NSSE, visit http://nsse.iub.edu
This year, Sufolk is participating in
the National Survey of Student
Satisfaction (NSSE), a survey
about the experiences o college
students, and we want your
opinion! We will use our results as
a guide to help us make changes
in policies, curriculum, and
resources.
Tell us your opinions!In March, many reshmen and seniors
will be sent an important invitation to
participate in the survey.
Your feedback is important, soplease respond!I you miss the invitation, watch or a
ollow-up email or letter!
Whatdo you
think?You couldWIN
aniPAD!!Complete the survey
and you will be enteredinto a drawing or a
32GB iPad!
10 $25 gift cards orlocal restaurants will
also be awarded!Questions: Email Megan Daley
Sargent spotting
buerbeer. He ordered
magic sets and jellybeans.
Some higher power was
calling to him, and his timehere was through. The si-
ren song, however, was
something that none of us
expected, said Brown.
As the photograph made
its rounds throughout the
student body, students be-
gan to connect previous
strange occurrences that
made their way onto Suf-
folks campus weeks earlier.
On a certain Monday
morning in early October,
dozens of snowy owls were
released in Sargent Hall with
no explanation. They perched
themselves onto the banisters,
amidst the happy confusion of
the students, while John Wil-
liams conductions swirled
through the loudspeakers.
Where are we, on a Harry
Poer set? joked one student.
The next morning, the
words Dumbledores Army
were etched into the marble
pavilion on the Boston Com-
mon. Later on in the aer-
noon, a completely random
sum of $2.8 million was
given to Suolks quidditch
team, as an anonymous gi.
Yes, these instances are
connected to each other, aswell as Sargent, said Brown.
While the average demo-
graphic of a Harry Pothead
is of a much younger genera-
tion, this seemingly obsessive
fandom at the hands of a Pres-
ident is something that stu-
dents, and administration, are
le to digest in their own way.
I am asking those of you
who are drawing Dark Marks
throughout the campus to
please stop, said Brown.
That goes for the Mud-
blood grati as well. What
does that even mean any-
way? And whats a Hagrid?
For now, things have
calmed down. Brown is now
the universitys headmas-
ter and none of the stair-
cases are moving. Portraits
on the walls are not com-
ing to life, and there are no
three-headed dogs hidden
behind closed doors. Suolk
University is now, for the
time being, full of muggles.
many teams of young war-
riors over the millennia, will
speak about the inner hero in
all of us and how with cour-
age, integrity and teamwork,
anyone can save the world
from the forces of evil, accord-
ing to Zordons spokesman
and trusted assistant Alpha 5.
I cant believe Zordon
is speaking at my gradua-
tion, said senior T.J. John-
son. Ever since I was a kid I
wanted to be a Power Rang-
er, and this is the guy that
was there from the begin-
ning and taught the Power
Rangers! This is the guy who
gave the ultimate sacrice
to rid the universe of evil.
Zordon led the ght
against evil 10,000 years ago
before he was trapped in a
time warp by Rita Repulsa,
who was later trapped in a
space dumpster with her min-
ions. Repulsa returned and
aacked the City of Angel
Grove, Calif., in 1993, lead-
ing Zordon to recruit a team
of teenagers with aitude.
In 1997, the wizard Lar-
igot of the planet Liaria,
freed Zordon from his time
warp and sent him back to
his home world, Eltar. Zor-
don was captured months
later by the Grand Monarch
of Evil, Dark Specter, who be-
gan to drain Zordons power.
During the great galactic
bale of 1998, Zordon instruct-
ed the red ranger to shaer his
energy tube, unleashing his
good energy across the uni-
verse and eradicating all evil,
and killing him in the process.
Zordon was recently
brought back to life through
eorts of Alpha and Billy
Cranston, and revealed him-
self as the original blue ranger.
Using an inter-dimen-
sional particle detector, I was
able to locate Zordons energy
particles spread throughout
the universe, collect them,
and rematerialize them, in-
side a new energy tube,
said Cranston, who rebuilt
the Command Center in
the deserts of Angel Grove.
For Zordon to speak
at graduation, Suolk will
have to build an energy
tube at Westin Copley Place,
where the graduation will
be held. The project is esti-
mated at nearly $ 2.8 trillion,
but the university declined
to comment on the cost.
2.8 trillion is ridicu-
lous, said SGA senator and
former Suolk GOP Presi-
dent Karl Homan. Suf-
folk has spent far less money
on great commencement
speakers, like Gary Busey
and Billy D. Williams!
Rumors are circulating
that the true purpose of Zor-
dons visit is to observe and
select a new team of Power
Rangers to ght evil. John-
son said he hopes the rumors
are true. T.J. Johnson, Red
Ranger. Has a nice ring to it.
Zordon denied the ru-
mors in an interview with
the Journal through the Com-
mand Centers viewing globe.
Earth is safe from the forces
of evil for the time being, he
said. Im just coming because
I truly believe in the power of
young people to change the
world. If circumstances ever
do arise where I need to as-
semble a new teammay
the power protect them.
from SARGENT page 1from ZORDON page 1
Zordon of Eltar honored to speak
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PAGE 3 March 30, 2011PAGE 3
Vieira loses powers, leaves city in hands of new hero
Suolk SGA President
Mitch Vieira was alleg-edly debunked last year as
a masked vigilante, who
fought to bring justice to
Temple Street and the rest of
the Beacon Hill area. Alas,
the areas potential hero may
have met the end of his career
with a recently broken leg.
It ruined my night-life
career, thats for sure, said
Vieira aer returning to the
university from the injury.
Finally admiing to his mid-
night masked adventures,Vieira continued, I know
my facial hair is what held
the magic powers, but how
can a guy keep the street
clean when he cant walk
around? Sadly, its impos-
sible. My crime-ghting ca-
reer has met an abrupt end.
Although Vieira has
stopped patrolling the streets
at night, it doesnt mean
that crime can run free yet
again. Vieira hinted to a fu-
ture vigilante who very wellmay already be in action.
I made sure to leave the
job in good hands, Vieira
said with
a smile.
I cant
divulge
m u c h ,
but lets
j u s t
say the
s t r e e t s
will stay
c l e a n .Someone with even stron-
ger powers than I can
keep up with it all.
Unfortunately, Vieira re-
fused to give the Journal any-
thing more than that regarding
his successor. Not completely
in the dark, however, some
students, faculty and locals
have mentioned someone
making quite the ruckus
around the neighborhood.
I swear I saw some-
one running on the rooopsthe other night, said local
George Turner. I was walk-
ing my dog and someone tried
to steal my wallet. But before
I turned around to face my at-
tacker, the thief was knocked
out cold by a rock with a fact
about the Democratic party
on it. I was perplexed but
appreciated the saving
Other sightings around
campus of a new masked
avenger circulated quickly
with Vieiras public resigna-
tion to the crime ghting life.
I saw him in the streets
once. He had curly hair andglasses that he wore over his
mask, said freshman Tom
Thompson. Honestly, he
could be
anyone.
T h e
vigilante
thwarted
a recent
r o b b e r y
of the Te-
d e s c h i s
at the end
of TempleStreet just two weeks ago. The
robber was questioned, but
refused to talk. The only thing
the suspect had to show was
his jacket, which had the ini-
tials D. M. cut into the back.
Authorities are still working
out who the avenger could be.
I dont know what this
guy is thinking or doing, but
he seems to be doing a good
job, said Ocer Paul Paul-
son of the Suolk Police.
But even with this newcrime ghter patrolling
the nights, is the area safe
without the retired Vieira?
Vieira seems to think so.
I wouldnt retire unless I
thought things were going to
be okay, responded Vieira.
Ive had my fun and served
my time. I remember when
I got into this business. Past
SGA president Brian LeFort
had been wrongly frozen in
carbonite I had to do some-
thing. But now, someoneelse is stepping up. Its kind
of nice to be able to relax.
Although Vieiras re-
tirement is sudden, so are
the resumed duties by a
new vigilante. The Journal,
along with the rest of the
public, can only watch for
the new recruit and wait.
Although Christine
ODonnells loss in her run for
Senate in 2010 was a harsh one,
the crazed Republican hasnt
completely gone o the grid.
Suolks new Paranor-
mal Club has recently
decided to endorse
ODonnell, but not in
the area of politics.
Christines su-
preme interest in
witchcra really in-
trigued us, said Dr.
Raymond Stantz, a
member of the Para-
normal Club. We
gured she would re-
ally be in tune with
what happens af-
ter death. What bet-
ter way to study the
paranormal than to
work with someone
who has truly experi-
enced all of it before?The club has been
interested in inves-
tigating allegedly haunted
parts of Boston as well as
exploring the world beyond
the living. With the addi-
tion of ODonnell to the
team, the club says they are
excited to see more results.
Obviously we were
skeptical at rst, said
Paranormal club endorses Christine O'DonnellStantz when asked about
ODonnells legitimacy.
Even I thought she was a
show-boater on television.
It seemed like a joke. But we
did some serious veing be-
fore endorsing her and decid-
ed it was denitely worth it.
Looking back through
her old records, the Para-
normal Club discovered
that ODonnell had been ly-
ing when she said that she
never joined a coven. In fact,
she had and was respected
for her heavy involvement.
I was blown away by how
intense she really was with
her witchcra, said Stantz.
I was even more blown
away by how well she hid it.
Aer speaking with mul-
tiple members of the organi-
zation, the general consensus
was the ODonnell would
help contact spirits of the un-
dead and convince them to
appear in front of an audience.
ODonnell was contacted
for interview, but declined
to comment on the situation.
The Journal was only given
her voicemail, which relayed
You have reached Christine
ODonnell, full time prac-
ticing witch, please leave
a message aer the beep.
Stantz said that he spoke
with ODonnell person-
ally and that she signed a
contract stating she would
help the organization.
We think she may
still be trying to avoid
the public recognition
of witchcra. Her old
interview with Bill
Maher really screwed
things up with her
political life. I can
see why shed want
to keep a lid on her
powers, said mem-
ber Dr. Egon Spengler.
When Stantz was
confronted about
ODonnells scrutiny
for embezzlement
charges regarding the
last three years of cam-
paigns, he laughed
and waved the issue
o. ODonnell isntbeing paid with mon-
ey, so she cant really
steal anything from us besides
our time. Were compensating
Christine with Runic scrolls
we received from a local
pawnshop. Im denitely not
concerned about her past. Im
really just hoping this is a step
into a new future for her.
"I know my facial hair iswhat held the magic powers,but how can a guy keep thestreet clean when he can't
walk around?"
Colin Batty
Chief Executor of Awesome
Dr. Peter Venkman
Journal Staff
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
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PAGE 4 March 30, 2011
Sacri f ic in g Ra mmyKane Abel
Journal Staff
On Wednesday, March
23 around 8 p.m., Boston
Police were called out to an
apartment located on Pra
Street in the Boston neighbor-
hood of Allston in response
to an open-container com-
plaint received. When they
entered the doors, accord-
ing to the report, the ocers
heard smashing in a back-
room, complimented by Dios
Holy Diver being blasted in
unison on every speaker in
the apartment. When they
reached the back room, they
found former Suolk Uni-
versity mascot Rammy the
Ram, who was recently re-
placed by a much younger
Ram. According to police,
Rammy was unresponsive
and seemed to be in a drug-
induced haze. The apart-
ment smelled like cannabis
smoke and furniture was scat-
tered throughout the rooms.
Last semester, Rammy
received word that he was to
be put into forced-retirement
as the school had found a
much more nimble successor.
Since then, he was evicted
from his Beacon Hill apart-
ment because he couldnt
pay rent. Moving to
one of the most notoriously
rowdy streets in Allston, it
seemed as if his life was start-
ing on a downward spiral.
It all began in 2009, when
I was captured by a group of
terrorists based at Emerson
College, said Rammy, refer-
encing an incident two years
ago which le him trauma-
tized. The terrorist group,
known as the Tightpants
Underground, was no threat
to security, and has since
stopped all activity. However,
their sole pur- pose at
that point
maruana, which many of
the students at the Univer-
sity seemed to use to calm
their nerves. It worked
wonders for me, and pret-
ty soon I was recovering.
But his recovery was
too late. Within the rst few
weeks of last semester, the
school not only announced
a new logo, but they an-
nounced his replacement.
I hated it. I had to move
o u t to the trashiest
neighborhood
in the city, and
I soon fell into
the maelstrom
of drugs in the
same way that
actors past their prime
have, Rammy said. Thats
actually how I met Charlie,
through my cocaine dealer.
C h a r -
lie Sheen,
w h o s
personal
life has
hit the
s p o t -
light in
recent weeks, had been seen
leaving Rammys house many
times by neighbor Danny
Tanner. Tanner, who changed
his name in honor of the great
TV dad, commented that he
rst noticed Sheen around
Valentines Day. I was just
like, isnt that the guy who re-
placed Marty McFly on Fam-
ily Ties? said Tanner. Nev-
ertheless, things like this just
prove why I hate Allston.
Rammy has now been
given the choice of either
jailtime for possession of
controlled substances, or a
month-long trip to rehab.
I chose rehab because
Ive made it my mission to get
back on top. I hear that theres
a middle school out in Mon-
tana thats been looking for
a new Rammascot, and I
think Im just
their guy,
Rammy said.
The life
of sex and
drugs may
be over for
Rammy, but
we here at the
Journal hope
that one day
hell be able
to once againRock-and-roll on the court.
Photo by Yesit Issugar
The inside story of Suffolk's former mascot, replaced and self-sabotaged
was to shake up Suolks mas-cot, and they suc-
ceeded. Rammy
started to aend
happy hour at
the Red Hat
almost every
day, which
seemed like a
good move to
his fans who
also frequent
the bar. With-
in two years,
Rammy wasbut a shadow of the once
spirited mascot Ridgeways
gymnasium once knew.
I guess you could say
that I changed from school
spirit to alcoholic spirits,
R a m m y said. Aer
t h a t sha ke up,
I also
started
to in-
ves t
i n
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
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PAGE 5 March 30, 2011
Over the years there has
been much speculation as to
who Banksy really is. The illu-
sive street artist is famous for
his anonymity, and although
many people have claimed to
know who he is, it isnt un-
til just recently that his true
identity has been revealed.
Thanks to a Brit who was
once part of Banksys close
inner circle and was willing
to be paid o in exchange
for answers, all the details of
the famous grati artist have
been exposed. Born in Bristol,
England in 1974, Roy Banks
is the son of Daniel and Me-
linda Banks and has been un-
covered to be the true Banksy.
Youngest of 3 siblings, Roy
grew up in a middle class
family, his father a carpen-
ter and his mother a nurse.
Banksy is 6 tall with dark
brown hair, slim build and
has taoos on both his arms.
Roy, who grew up during the
Bristol Underground Scene,
began doing grati art in
the early nineties as a teen-
ager. Aer aending college
at the University of Bristol
and graduating with a de-
gree in which he majored in
Art History and minored in
Politics, Roy began to focus
on his street art, which slowly
started to gain popularity and
recognition. He soon start-
ed to go by the street name
Banksy, as a modication of
his last name, to stay under
the radar from authorities.
Before becoming wide-
ly known in England and
around the world, Banksy
took a design job at the House
of Commons in Parliament to
make a living, while continu-
ing to do grati art on the
side. His art took a turn for
the beer when he became
aware of how much easier it
was to use stenciling instead
of freehand in his work. His
work that started popping up
all over southern England.
Roy soon quit his job and
began doing street art full-
time, leaving his birth name
behind and becoming more
secretive about his true iden-
tity. He began doing his art
solely at night and hiding his
Meestur Braynewash
Journal Staff
staffSOUNDS
Bruce Willis
"The Return of Bruno"
This is a real album.
-Ethan Long
The Beatles
"Penny Lane"
Why would anyone ever
wear a Mac in the pouring
rain? Very strange.
-Steve Jobs
Various Artists
"The Big Chill Soundtrack"
Makes me feel like the goodold days, huntin' bears and
taking neighborhood strolls
to Russia.
-Sarah Palin
Michael Buble
"Let it Snow!"
I love snow!
-Charlie Sheen
Ba nksy revea ls tr ue identit y
Take a guess at who was
spoed decked out in Gaga
gear at Lady
Gagas concert
on March 8 at
the TD Gar-den. If you
guessed John
Silveria, then
you guessed
right! The as-
sistant dean
of students at
Suolk was
found amongst
thousands of
screaming fans,
but nobody
screamed loud-
er than Silveria,who was even-
tually escorted
out of the show
for shouting
too loudly
and dress-
ing too risqu
for fourth grade girls to
handle, a la Gaga style.
I was just trying to make
face to remain unidentied
while becoming secluded,
only known to a few people
inside his personal circle.
Banksys parents and siblings
continued to be in touch with
him, although they were un-
der the impression that he
was still a successful designer.
For close to a decade now,
no one has spoken a word
as to Banksys true identity,
except for the fact that hes
British and wishes to remain
anonymous. Although many
reports have come out claim-
ing who he really is, those
who supposedly work for
him or deal with the public
aspects of his career have al-
ways denied it. Banksy has
somehow always eluded re-
porters and ocials around
the world, even through
his latest project, a lm he
made called Exit Through the
Gi Shop, which was nomi-
nated this year for an Acad-
emy Award. Throughout the
lm, he is only shown on
camera with his face blurred
out and voice distorted.
Banksys street art com-bines the use of social com-
mentary and political activ-
ism with satire on modern
pop culture and dark hu-
mor. His inspiration comes
from the strong relation-
ship between music and art
in the Bristol Underground
scene and the education he
received on art and politics
when he aended university.
Some of his famous
pieces include the image of
a Guantanamo prisoner at
Disneyland in California, the
sculpture of the murdered
telephone booth, numerous
rat stencils, and the notable
drawings on the barrier of the
West Bank. He has also been
known for replacing famous
works in some of the most
prestigious museums with
his own work without being
noticed for days at a time.
Although Banksy will no
doubt go into hiding or be-
gin denying this identity af-
ter reports start to reveal his
true identity, the insider as-
sures people that this is ulti-
mately who he really is and
plans to provide documented
information and photos to
prove it in the coming days.
Facult y member goes 'Gaga'Lucious Merriweather Corpone
Journal Staff
it hot, showing them what I
got, Silveria said upon be-
ing kicked out of the con-
cert. I had my poker face
on for a while, but then Lady
Gaga came on the stage and
I began to weep hysteri-
cally. I just couldnt help it.
Silveria compared the in-
cident to a bad romance,
claiming that he received
the ugly from the TD Gar-
den security team. Security
begged to dier, stating that
Silveria was not only scream-
ing and dressed scandal-
ously, but also would not
stop taking pictures which
was forbidden at the show.
Its like the guy thought
he was paparazzi; just dis-
turbing said
Barney Stub-
ble, who works
security andcame down
on Silveria
for his actions
and apparel.
Regardless of
the trouble
he got into,
Silveria said
that he has
only one re-
gret about the
entire night:
My big-
gest disap-pointment was
that I couldnt
just dance da
da doo-doo-
mmm, con-
cluded Sil-
veria. I just
wish I could shut my play-
boy mouth, oh oh oh-oh.
Photo by Charlie Sheen
-
8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
6/16
PAGE 6 March 30, 2011
Sta f f Editor ia lLorem ipsum dolor sit
amet, consectetur adipiscing
elit. Proin pretium odio ac
elit adipiscing volutpat.
Maecenas ut dictum magna.
Praesent et quam vel nisl
consequat tincidunt. The
Journal sta is awesome.
Maecenas gravida dapibus
bibendum. Sed nulla ipsum,
gravida et sollicitudin vitae,
adipiscing congue nisl. Ev-
eryone should be proud
of us. Nunc gravida turpis
sit amet felis iaculis viverra.Donec justo turpis, blandit id
iaculis nec, ultrices vel nisl.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet,
consectetur adipiscing elit.
Fusce vel eros lorem, at pel-
lentesque est. Did I men-
tion we won second place
at the ACP conference in
L.A.? Maecenas venenatis
metus ac erat egestas non
euismod mauris luctus. Prae-
sent et ante eros, nec posuere
lorem. Donec fermentum,
lorem vel volutpat tristique,
lectus dui tristique metus, ut
poritor nisl lectus in diam.
What a clever group! Nul-
lam in justo ut libero tempor
molestie. Ut sodales mais
purus, sed vestibulum arcu
bibendum sit amet. Fusce
euismod ante at elit interdum
ac ultrices neque vehicula.
Sed ac dolor nibh, sit amet
pellentesque orci. The New
York Times should hire
all of us. Aliquam quis plac-erat odio. Suspendisse sed
odio a nibh venenatis ullam-
corper quis sit amet lorem.
Nam tempor enim in leo
egestas ornare. We work
hard for no pay to bring
you news each week! Sed
vel nulla eget ligula sem-
per volutpat. Duis eu lacinia
diam. Aenean congue, augue
id vehicula iaculis, nisi lig-
ula ultrices massa, feugiat
egestas justo velit a lectus.
Vestibulum nulla diam, dic-
tum sed egestas vel, semper
sed neque. Fusce scelerisque
diam vitae neque commodo
eleifend. I pity the fool who
doesn't regularly read The
Suolk Journal.Curabitur
congue lacus id ipsum phare-
tra pellentesque. Nulla porta
magna nec risus consequat ac
commodo erat suscipit. Class
aptent taciti sociosqu ad lito-
ra torquent per conubia nos-
tra, per inceptos himenaeos.Seriously, how funny is
this issue? Integer a libero
metus. Nulla condimentum
sapien vel lectus congue vitae
ultrices urna condimentum.
Morbi arcu dolor, sodales
molestie pulvinar at, lacin-
ia non orci. Happy April
Fool's folks! Pellentesque
egestas, nibh ac ullamcorper
posuere, mi nisl sodales elit,
ut auctor arcu tellus ut orci.
In a sad turn of events,
Tom from Myspace.com has
lost all of his friends, and
I cannot even fathom how
this happened! The Myspace
founder who has forced
every member of the site to
be his friend has been un-
friended by every single per-
son in the community in an
uprising that is comparable to
that of Libya.
A massive Internet pro-
test erupted earlier this week,
as many members of the
Myspace community decided
that enough was enough. Who
is this guy to just decide that
he is friends with millions of
people? He was friends with
everybody even eighth
grade kids which is quite
creepy if you ask me. In fact,
I think Tom might even be a
pedophile. And pedophilia is
not cool unless you're John
Wayne Gacy because clown
costumes are totally rad.
In an eort to nd new
comrades who don't hate him
for forcing friendship upon
them, Tom has joined the
Facebook network under the
alias Mark Suckerburger. He
has yet to receive a friend, the
poor soul! So far, "Mark Suck-
erburger" aka "Tom the Mo-
ron" has made friend requeststo everybody and their moth-
er literally, because moms
dig Facebook these days.
Nobody knows what the
future holds for Tom or pro-
spective friendships, which is
somewhat unfortunate. I say
somewhat because Tom used
the same prole photo from
his Myspace for Facebook,
and anyone can recognize
that photo. I'm a recluse and
even I know it. What a jerk.
Times are tough for
Tom from MyspaceLucious Merriweather CornponeJournal Staff
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
7/16
PAGE 7 March 30, 2011
Sports briefsFavre speaks on family values
Bre Favre may be done playing quarterback in the
NFL, but hes not shy when it comes to grabbing head-
lines. According to multiple sources, Favre and his beau-
tiful wife, Deanna, made a surprise appearance at a rec-
ognition ceremony for retired players in New York City
over the weekend. Favre even got a chance to speak to the
crowd at one point, and waxed poetic about his strong
marriage, impressive nal season with Minnesota, and
charitable work he has planned for the future. For many,
Favres nal season on the big stage was the perfect end-
ing to a remarkable career. Although many in the Wiscon-
sin area would have preferred him to play his nal games
as a member of the Green Bay Packers, you would be hard
pressed to nd a Cheese Head who isnt happy for him
and his family, who seem to be the picture of tranquility.
Tebow spotted at brothel in Florida
What happened to Tim Tebow? The Broncos quarter-
back, who just nished an impressive rookie season with
the team, is now fully entrenched in a very ugly, unseem-
ly controversy. Tebow, according to multiple sources, was
spoed outside of a brothel last Saturday night in Mi-
ami, Florida, stumbling toward his car with at least two
women in tow. When probed by a few reporters who had
seen him leaving the building, Tebow yelled and pushed
them away. This comes as a surprise to many who have
followed him during his college days in Florida. Tebow
has always been known as a religious man, and spoke
openly about his belief in saving himself for marriage.
Heat 'Big Three' cheered in New York
The Big Three of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and
Chris Bosh have not only found success on their home court
in their rst season together with the Heat, but o of it as
well. Its not oen you go to another teams domain and hear
chants of Go Heat! and LeBron for MVP, but thats ex-
actly what was emanating from the Madison Square Garden
crowd last week. For a collection of people oen associated
with derisive chants and hostile environments, it was a shock
to many to hear them embrace this new collection of stars.
Even Spike Lee, the most celebrated Knicks fan in the world
and known rabble-rouser (see: Reggie Miller, circa 94), was
seen laughing and joking good-naturedly with LeBron. We
can only hope the nd a way to cheer for their own team.
Sheen joins Cleveland Indians;promises lots of 'winning'
Although the dust is
still seling on his recent
departure from Two and a
Half Men, Charlie Sheen
has now found himself a
new job: as starting pitcher
for the Cleveland Indians.
This city has needed a
superstar of my caliber ever
since Lebron [James] le
town, said
Sheen in a
recent inter-
view withthe Journal.
What bet-
ter way to
replace a
king than
with a Vati-
can assassin.
P l a y -
ing in the
big leagues
is one thing
Sheen said he
would love to
do someday,and what bet-
ter time than
the present.
The self-pro-
claimed war-
lock is a noted fan of baseball
and was one of the top play-
ers on his high school team in
Santa Monica, California. The
actor played shortstop and
was arguably the teams top
pitcher during his four years
at Santa Monica High School.
Not only will I be theIndians best pitcher, but I
can be the No. 1 pitcher,
Willy Hayes
Journal Staff
said Sheen. If [Head Coach]
Manny Acta wants, I can
pitch every game. For anymortal that would be a ridicu-
lous statement, but Adonis
DNA is more than capable
of handling the work load.
This move has been
criticized by many in Major
League Baseball as a simple
gimmick to increase stadium
revenue, with New York Yan-
kees co-owner Hank Stein-
brenner calling the signing
A ridiculous aempt to try
and make people waste their
time watching a talentless ball
club in a rundown stadium.
In his exclusive in-
terview with the Journal,
Sheen explained his rea-
soning for returning tobaseball aer so many
years away from the sport.
I was watching Major
League the other night with
the goddesses, and it got methinking about dusting o the
old No. 99 jersey one more
time, he said. When you
have the god-given talent to
throw 150 mph fastballs, then
itd be a waste not to bring
your skills to a team in need
like the Cleveland Indians.
With veteran Fausto Car-
mona returning to his usual
spot as
the second
starter in
the rota-tion and
y o u n g
h u r l e r s
like Mitch
T a l b o t
and Justin
Masterson
now en-
t r e n c h e d
in a rota-
tion that
now in-
cludes a
veteran inw i n n i n g
like Sheen,
the Indi-
ans hope
to im-
prove upon their disappoint-
ing campaign last season.
This move is one that Cleve-
land management hopes will
increase aendance at Pro-
gressive Field, hoping to im-
prove upon their abysmal sta-
dium revenue over the past
few years. If nothing else itwill be one hell of a spectacle.
Photo courtesy of the Angela George/Wikicommons
Report: Rams to battle Mighty Ducks in upcoming Disney ClassicWolf Stansson
Journal Staff
Gordon Bombay and the
District 5 Mighty Ducks
will be making a guest ap-
pearance in Boston next
week. No, theyre not coming
to sign autographs or drop
the puck for the local Bruins.Instead, Bombays rambunc-
tious group of underdogs
will be taking on the Suolk
Rams in the opening round
of the Disney Classic. The
game will be held at Walter
Brown Arena, and tickets are
expected to sell out within
minutes of going on sale.
The Ducks will be go-
ing with their usual starting
lineup, minus one big-bodied
goalie: Greg Goldberg. Ac-
cording to reports Goldberg
got into a minor scue with
rising star, Julie The Cat
Ganey, at practice the other
day. Bombay, who has han-
dled this eclectic assortment
of players with great aplomb
over the years, has stated thatGoldberg may have to sit
out the entire game. It is not
known how much this change
will aect the morale of the
team, seeing as Goldberg was
the teams original goalie.
Weve also been told to
keep an eye on the teams two
stars: Charlie Conway and
Adam Banks. Sources have
conrmed to the Journal that
the two have not been geing
along, and that Conway is
still upset with the way Banks
handled the situation at the
Goodwill Games in Min-
nesota. Most people know
that Conway, upon hearing
that Banks was healthy and
cleared to play in the cham-
pionship game against Ice-land, removed himself from
the roster so Banks could
rejoin the team. This self-
less act cemented Conway
as the face of the Ducks,
but Banks haughty person-
ality has driven a wedge
between the two of them.
On the ice, the Ducks
seem to present a multitude
of match up problems for the
Rams. Aside from Banks and
Conway, Bombay has at his
disposal an array of talented
goal scorers. The speedy Luis
Mendoza is a classic mis-
match for the Rams defen-
semen, who are known for
their physical, in-your-face
style of play. Suolk players
have already said they willnot be afraid to play physi-
cal with him and Ken Wu,
who are known for avoiding
contact. Russ Tyler and his
famed knuckle puck will be
a source of concern as well,
seeing as he can score from
almost anywhere on the ice.
Bombay, known for his
vitriolic distaste for the me-
dia, had a few funny mo-
ments when he spoke with the
Boston contingent on Mon-
day. One reporter even joked
about the bars in downtown
Boston, and if he was going
to be taking a cab around the
city. (Bombay vehemently ex-
plained his prior drunk driv-
ing case is a thing of the past,
and that he no longer drinks.)The coach wouldnt di-
vulge any plans he has for
aacking Suolks potent
defense (he laughed when
asked if the ying V would
be dusted o for the game),
but one thing is for sure:
This team usually nds a
way to win tough games. Af-
ter all, ducks do y together.
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
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PAGE 8 March 30, 2011
Celtics to play at Ridgeway Gym this Sunday
Exciting news has sur-
faced on the Suolk Univer-
sity campus, as the Celtics
will indeed be playing their
next home game against the
Detroit Pistons this Sunday in
the Suolk Ridgeway Gym-
nasium. A problem with the
TD Garden parquet oor and
the downtown location of
the gym prompted the pow-
ers that be to work in con-junction with the university.
The Celtics assured a
press gathering recently the
problem would be resolved
aer Sunday, but they do
have many concerns about
playing at Suolk. To be-
gin with, many Celtics play-
ers are concerned about
using the Ridgeway eleva-
tors, which are notoriously
known for not working.
I hope I dont get stuck
in an elevator, said one Celt-ics player. I heard one per-
son got trapped in there and
didnt get out for a few days.
Celtics Coach Doc Riv-
er is warning all players
to take the stairs down to
the gymnasium, so players
dont get trapped on the el-
evator and miss the game.
Rick Pitino
Journal Staff
We did hear various re-
ports of the Ridgeway eleva-
tors always being trapped and
then never geing repaired, so
we will be advising all play-
ers to take the stairs down to
the gymnasium, said Rivers.
Another issue the Celtics
are concerned about is locker
room space. Ridgeways lock-
er room is a very conned
area, and there are also not
enough showers for players to
use aer the game. Therefore,
students living in the nearbyMiller Hall are encouraged
to let players use their room
for showering and changing.
Students and players
would still have to abide
by all resident life poli-
cies, including signing in
only two guests at a time.
The Ridgeway basketball
court, located four oors be-
low street level, is used by
visiting NBA teams for pre-
game practice when they are
in town playing the Celt-ics. Many NBA players and
coaches have complained
about using the gym, includ-
ing Michael Jordan, who once
complained that the gym was
cramped and poorly lit.
Because of the negative
comments received in the
past by former star athletes,
Suolk installed a state of the
art lighting system that will
address any concerns of the
players not being able to see.
Approximately three percentof next year's tuition increase
has been allocated to this im-
provement, and we can all
agree that this was the most
wise and justiable upgrade.
Since there is very limit-
ed seating in Ridgeway, only
season ticket holders will be
allowed to aend Sundays
game, which will still be start-
ing at 6 p.m. People who had
individual tickets to the event
got their money refunded and
the Celtics also generouslygave them each a coupon for
a medium French fry at Mc-
Donalds and season tickets
Suolks mens and womens
basketball games next year.
Chairs and desks from
Ridgeways classrooms will
also be moved down to the
gym to accommodate more
Suffolk Quidditch team qualifies for World CupRita Skeeter
Journal Staff
The Suolk University
Quidditch team has some-
how managed to qualify for
the Quidditch World Cup.
The Snidgets beat their rivals
from Emerson College on Sat-
urday night in front of a sold
out crowd on the Boston Com-
mons to advance to the pres-
tigious event. Team captain
Jenn Losco explained this is
huge, and the rest of the team
immediately responded backwith: Thats what she said."
For all you non-Harry
Poer experts out there,
Quidditch is a sport played
on broomsticks while oppos-
ing players use three types
of balls to score points for
their respective team. The
three dierent types of balls
in play are the quae, vari-
ous bludgers, and, of course,
the elusive golden snitch.
The positions that the playersplay are chaser, beat-
er, keeper, and seek-
er . Whichever
seeker catches the
golden snitch rst
scores 150 points for
their team and es-
sentially wins the
game for them. Ul-
timately, its a whole
lot of nonsense.
The game against
Emerson was basical-
ly the sport of Quid-ditch at its nest,
as the Snidgets dis-
played some of their
best broomwork in
keeping Emerson at
bay. Losco was deter-
mined to nd the snitch, and
spoed it ying around about
20 minutes in. She soared
over on her Firebolt (all
broomsticks were donated to
Suolk by the estate of Albus
Dumbledore) and managed to
snag the snitch. The team im-
mediately ew into a raucous
celebration, and dumped a
jug of buerbeer onto coach
Ronald Weasley Jr.s head.
This is denitely the best
moment in the prestigious his-
tory of the Suolk Snidgets,
Weasley said emphatically.
The team celebrated their
victory inside the Great Hall
with a feast, complete with
live music and a magic show
cosponsored by the SuolkUniversity Paranormal Club,
and SUMA (Suolk Univer-
sity Muggles Association).
Suolk acting headmaster
Sir Barry Brown also echoed
Weasleys excitement, calling
the Snidgets world cup berth
Unfreakingbelievable." The
Snidgets also received a large
monetary sum as a reward
for making the World Cup,
a reward that Brown said he
will take care of and put
to good use." Brown thenimmediately got into his
solid gold BMW and drove
o into the Boston night.
The Snidgets rst round
game will be on April 12
against Huepu. No word
yet on the status of Huepu
star, Cedric Diggory. His sta-
tus will have a huge impact
on the outcome out the match.
Photo courtesy of the Omar9od/Wikicommons
seating for spectators. To
enhance season ticket hold-
ers experience at the game,
some of Sodexos high qual-
ity food will be served.Rammy the Mascot will
be cheering on the Celt-
ics, alongside Lucky, who
is the Celtics cheerleader.
Hopefully playing at Suf-
folk will bring the Celt-
ics some luck and get them
the much-needed victory.
Photo courtesy of Ryan Boyle
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
9/16
PAGE8March30,2011
BaseballteamhaskeeperinAssistantCoach
AlexHall
JournalStaff
Theweatherischang-
ing,Aprilisapproaching,
andthatcouldonlymean
twothings:springand
baseballarenallyhere.
TheSuolkUniversity
baseballteamstartedthe
earlyportionoftheseason
witharecordof7-6.Moreimportantly,manyplay-
ersseemtohaveimproved
theirgamefromlastseason.
Oneofthereasonsforthis
growthamongtheplayers,
especiallythepitchingsta,
isduetothehardworkof
AssistantCoach,Anthony
DelPrete.Hehasputmany
hoursintoworkingwiththe
Ramspitchers,anditseems
likeitisbeginningtopayo.
CoachDelPreteisa
formerpitcherforSuolk,havingplayedfortheteam
duringhistimeattheuni-
versitybeforegraduatingin
2004.Sincethen,DelPrete
hasspenthispost-college
yearsplayingwithseveral
dierentbaseballclubs,in-
cludingastintwiththeMel-
villeBravesinAustralia.
PlayinginAustralia
wasagoodexperience,but
thebaseballovertherewasa
lotdierentthanbaseballin
America,[especially]onhowpeopletreatedthegame,
DelPretesaidofhistimeas
aMelvilleBrave.MostoftheteamsweremadeupofAus-
tralianplayerswhowerein
thefarmsystemsof[Major
LeagueBaseball]teamsplay-
ingwinterballorguyswho
justlikeplayingthesport.
Althoughhistimewith
theBraveswouldproveto
beaninterestingexperience,
itwasnothismostmemo-
rable.DelPreteexplained
thathisfavoriteteamtobea
memberofsincehistimeat
SuolkwastheEvansvilleOt-
tersoftheFrontierLeague.
Wewontheleague
championshipin2006,anditwasthesecondseasonI
wasoutthere,hesaid.We
endedupplayingsome-
thinglike104gamesin110
daysduringthatseason.
DelPretewouldeven-
tuallyreturntoBostonand
hisalmamaterandgainhis
currenttitlewiththeteam,
specializinginworkingwith
theteamspitchingsta.
AerInishedplaying,
coachingiswhatIwantedtodo
tostayinvolvedinthegame.
Thisseason,thecoach
hasseentherewardsofa
hardoseasonprogram.Now,theRamsareotoan
impressivestartandwill
looktosustainthatsuccess
throughoutthelongseason.
Wevegotalotofdepth
oensively,bothinourlineup
andothebench,saidDel
Prete.Sofarthisseason
wevedoneagoodjobbat-
tlinginouratbats,working
highpitchcountsandforcing
pitchersintohierscounts.
TheSuolkalumnusalso
explainedthathefeelsthat
theteamhasanimpressive
pitchingstaontheroster,
onethatcancontinuetoim-
provethroughouttheyear.
Wehaveapreydeep
stathisyearleadbySenior
AlexTorres.JuniorTimBe-
langerandSophomoreMa
Slineyhavebeenaddedcom-
plimentstoourrotationand
JuniorBrianSvenssonand
SeniorCharlesKilgorehave
doneanicejoboutofthebull-
pensofarthisseason,hesaid.Weareonlygoingtogo
asfarasourpitchingtakesus
anditsimportanttheseguys
comereadytogoeveryday.
TheRamsaregoingto
needtheirpitchingstato
beontopoftheirgameatthe
beginningofAprilwhenthe
teamhasitsrsttasteofcon-
ferenceplayagainstthelikesof
RivierandEmersonCollege.
Oneofourgoalsisto
nishasoneofthetoptwo
teamsintheGNACstand-ingssoweavoidthatplay-in
gameintherstroundofthe
leagueplayos,thecoach
explained.Nextweekend
willbeabigweekendforus
togetoontherightfootand
showwereoneoftheteams
tobeatwithintheGNAC.
Withapitchingstatu-
toredbysomeonethecali-
berofDelPrete,andahigh
scoringoensetoboot,the
Ramslookprimedtoaccom-
plishtheirgoalofreachingthetopoftheirconference.
PhotocourtesyoftheSuffolkAhtleticsdept.
Themen'sbaseballteamhasstartedtheseason7-6,andwilllooktocontinuetheirimpressivestartagainstupcomingconferenceoponentsRivierandEmerson.
DelPretelookingtomakeimprovementsasyeargoeson
Freshman,sophomoreearnweeklyGNAChonors
Themensbaseballteam
madetheirannualtriptoWin-
terHaven,Florida,tokicko
thenewseasononMarch11,
andintheprocesswonveof
theirrsteightgames.Withtheirimpressiverstweek
ofgamesalsocamesome
accoladesfromtheGreat
NortheastAthleticConfer-
ence.FreshmanDevanJones
wasnamedGNACRookie
oftheWeekforhismon-
strouseight-gamestretchto
startthe2011campaign.The
rookieinelderhit.382dur-
ingtheteamssoutherntrip,
leadingtheteamwithve
extrabasehits.IntheRams'
MattWest
JournalStaff
PhotocourtesyoftheSuffolkAhtleticsdept.
Jones(left)andSliney(right)haveplayedextremelywellintheearlyportionoftheseasonfortheRams,andwilllooktosustainthatthroughouttheseason.
11-7victoryoverCurryCol-
legeonMarch17Joneshitthe
go-aheadgrandslaminthe
sixthinning.Healsodrovein
eightrunsandtotaled13hits.
Inaddition,sophomore
MaSlineywasnamedto
theGNACWeeklyHonor
Roll.Sliney,ale-handedpitcherfortheRams,picked
upawinandasaveduring
theteamsopeningstretch
ofgames.DuringtheRams
13-7winoverStevensInsti-
tuteonMarch13hepitched
veinningswhilegivingup
threeruns.IntheCurrywin
hecameoutofthebullpento
recordhisrstcareersave.
Theteamopensupan
importantstretchofgames
againstconferenceopponents
onApril2.Havingplayed
alltheirgamesagainstnon-
conferenceteamssofar,their
8-5recordisveryrespectable.
Withthatsaid,theteamsup-
comingfourgamesintwo
daysagainstRivierandEm-
ersonwillcertainlygivethe
teamabeerideaofwhere
theystandintheGNAC.
Withtheseasonstretchingall
thewayuntilMay8,theteam
hasplentyoftimetocreate
anidentityforitself.Nowis
thetimetowintheimportant
games,andgetaleguponthe
restoftheteamsintheirvery
toughconference.Regardless,
theteamhastobehappywith
theearlyreturns,andwilllook
toexpandonthatsuccess.
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
10/16
PAGE7March30,2011
TeamstandingsSoftball
(GNAC)
1.Emerson4-0
2.Simmons4-0
3.PineManor2-0
4.Rivier3-1
5.Emmanuel1-1
6.St.Joseph(Conn.)2-2
7.Norwich2-2
8.Lasell2-2
9.Johnson&Wales(RI)1-3
10.Suolk1-3
11.St.Joseph's(Me.)0-212.MountIda0-2
13.AlbertusMagnus0-4
Men'sTennis (GNAC)
1.Suolk1-0
2.AlbertusMagnus0-0
3.Johnson&Wales(RI)0-0
4.Emerson0-0
5.Norwich1-0
6.AnnaMaria0-3
Men'sbaseball
Overall
1.Lasell9-5
2.Suolk7-6
3.St.Joseph's(Me.)6-7
4.Johnson&Wales(RI)7-9
5.Emerson5-10
6.AlbertusMagnus3-9
7.Norwich0-7
8.Rivier0-7
Men'sbaseballMarch30atBrandeis,3p.m.
March31vs.BridgewaterSt.,3:30p.m.
April2atRivier(doubleheader),TBA
April3atRivier(doubleheader),3p.m,5p.m.
April5atMIT,3:30p.m.
Women'ssoftballMarch30atBecker(doubleheader)
3p.m.,5p.m.
April1atAlbertusMagnus(double
header),5p.m.,7p.m.
April2vs.Johnson&Wales(RI),
(doubleheader),12p.m.,2p.m. Men'stennisApril2atEmerson,1p.m.
April5atRhodeIslandCol.,3:30p.m.
Men'stenniskickoff2011season
Themenstennisteam
comesintothe2011sea-
sonwithveryhighexpec-
tations.Justlastseasonthe
teamwent11-0,winning
theGNAChandily.Hav-
ingnotlostasinglematch
lastseason,onewouldex-
pecttheteamscondence
leveltobeextremelyhigh.
Inaddition,theywere
onceagaintabbedasthepre-
seasonfavorites,andbegantheirseasononMarch26with
a9-0victoryoverNorwich
University.JuniorChrisStal-
eyputthenishingtouches
onthewinwitha7-6tiebreak
victoryinthesecondsingles
slotfortheteam.JuniorJohn
SamanderandfreshmanHu-
bertCrombackearnedtwo
victoriesinsinglesplay,with
seniorJustinAyouandsoph-
omoreDachuanZhuearn-
ingtheothertwovictories.
Toaugmentagreatopen-ingwinfortheteam,the
GNACannouncedthattwo
Ramsearnedweeklycon-
ferencehonors.Staleywas
MattWest
JournalStaff
namedGNACPlayerofthe
Week,aerwinninghissin-glesanddoublesmatchesin
theopeningmatch.Cromback
alsoreceivedrecognition,
havingbeennamedGNAC
RookieoftheWeek.The
freshmanalsowonhissingles
anddoublesmatchesinthe
teamswinoverNorwich.
Ultimately,thisisaveter-
an-ladenteam(sevenofthe
teams15membersareupper
classmen)thatwillbecom-
petinginatoughconference.
Lastseason,theteamwentunimpededthroughtheregu-
larseasonandintothetitle
game.Winningall11oftheir
matchesisnoeasyfeat,and
lastseasonshouldberemem-
beredasoneoftheteams
best.However,withafresh
slateofgamescomesanew
challenge.Iftherstgameis
anyindication,thisteamap-
pearsprimedtomakeanoth-
errunattheGNACcrown,
andmakethenextsteptothe
NCAAtournament,wheretheycouldcompeteagainst
thebestintheentirecountry.
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
11/16
PAGE6March30,2011
MBTAproposes"Red-BlueConnector"tolinkblueandredlinesatCharles/MGH
BOWDOINSTATION,
laststopontheBlueLinein-
boundonlyifyourerid-
ingonaweekdaybetween
5:15a.m.and6:30p.m.,that
is,andifyoucatchitbeforetheproposedBlueLineex-
tensiontotheRedLineat
Charles/MGHStation:aproj-
ectdubbedtheRed-Blue
Connector.Ibelievethisex-
tensionshouldbeplacedasa
prioritytotheMBTAsother
serviceextensionproposals.
TheRed-BlueConnec-
tor,whichwouldconnectthe
onlytworapidtransitlinesin
theMBTAwhichdonotmeet,
isaprojectwhichtheMBTA
islegallymandatedtocom-
pleteasenvironmentalmiti-
gationtotheinfamousBig
Dig.However,suchaproj-
ectdoescomeatacost,and
thatcostisBowdoinStation.
BowdoinStationislocat-
edinBowdoinSquare,where
Cambridge,Bowdoin,and
NewSudburyStreetsmeet,
about1,000feetfromGovern-
mentCenter,andjusta950-footwalkfromtheSawyer
BusinessSchoolmakingit
theshortestwalktothebuild-
ingfromanyotherstationen-
tranceinthesystem.Thepro-
posedconnectorwouldmake
aconnectiontotheRedLine
atCharles/MGH,about2,000
feettothewest.Everyday,
passengerstrytondaway
tobridgethis2,000-footgap.
Anestimated10,000pas-
sengersperdaywhowould
usetheconnectorarecur-
rentlyusingtheOrangeand
Greenlinestogetbetween
theRedandBluelines.This
putsagreatdealofstresson
thesystembetweenthefour
downtowntransferstations,
andreducescapacityoverall,
especiallyinthesechoking
points.Ontopofthis,there
areafewdedicatedpassen-
gerswhoactuallymakethetrektoCharles/MGHStation
andMassachusesGeneral
HospitalfromBowdoinon
footeverycommute.Forthose
withamonthlypass,making
theconnectionbyfootmere-
lymeanslostcalories,but
foranyoneelse,itcertainly
meanslostdollars.Inaddi-
tiontotheconvenienceand
increasedsystemcapacity,the
Red-BlueConnectorisexpect-
edtoconvert1,500vehicle
tripstotransittrips,reducing
autoemissionsintheregion.
Theexpectedreduction
ofemissionsresultingfrom
theRed-BlueConnectoristhe
reasonforthisproject,and
otherMBTAprojects,being
legallymandatedinturnfor
BigDigfunds.AertheMBTA
satontheprojectformore
thanadecade,acourtrul-
ingin2006nallyforcedtheMBTAtobegintheplanning
processfortheproject.Since
2007,numerousstudieshave
beenunderwaytodetermine
thebestmethodtolayoutthe
newtracks.Todaythereare
threeprimaryalternativeson
thetable;thosealternatives
areNoBuild,Alterna-
tive1,andAlternative2.
NoBuildinvolvesuti-
lizationofallexistinginfra-
structure,includingabout500
feetoftailtrackswestofBow-
doinStation.Thenewtunnel
wouldbeginwherethesetail
tracksleaveo,andthenpro-
ceedunderCambridgeStreet
toCharles/MGHStation.
AlthoughBowdoinwould
bepreservedfornowunder
suchanalternative,thesharp
curvesfollowingBowdoin
createagreatdealofwearon
thetrainsandthatmeans
moremaintenanceandhigher
long-termcosts.Itshouldalso
benotedthatcurrentlyonly
fourofeachtrainssixcars
canpickuppassengersonthe
eastboundplatform,which
certainlycarriesconcernsre-
latedtofutureoperations.
Alternative1isthepre-
ferredalternativebytheMas-
sachusesExecutiveOceof
Transportation(MassEOT)
andwouldmeanthecom-
pleteclosureanddemolition
ofBowdoinStation,withno
plansforreplacementorre-
location.Althoughthesta-
tiondoesfacelowridership,
muchofthismaybecontrib-
utedtoitslimitedhours,poor
location,andcloseproximity
toGovernmentCenterSta-
tion.Alternative1wouldac-
tuallybeaverypoorchoice,
andmeanslessservicefor
thoseinorcommutingto
theWestEnd,BeaconHill,
GovernmentCenter,andour
veryownSuolkUniversity.
Alternative2,although
morelikelythanNoBuild,
stillfacesastiarmfromthe
MassEOT.Thisalternative
callsfortherelocationofBow-
doinStation,approximately
500feetwestofthecurrent
station,andatthecenter
pointbetweenGovernment
CenterandCharles/MGHsta-tions.Consideringthewalk-
ingdistancebetweenthetwo
aforementionedstationsis
3,000feetcomparedto2,300
feetfromGovernmentCen-
tertoStateStreettoAquar-
iumthestationisclearly
justiedandwellneeded.
Theresidents,business-
es,andcommutersofthearea
woulddirectlybenetfrom
thisplacementwhichlands
roughlybetweenStaniford,
TempleandHancockstreets
evenmoresothanthecurrent
location.Theservicetothe
SuolkCAScampuswould
undoubtedlyimprovewhile
stillbeingthecloseststa-
tiontotheSawyerBusiness
School,albeitthenequaled
byGovernmentCenter.At
nearlyanygiventimedur-
ingBowdoinsoperations,
oneislikelytondaSuolk
studentexitingorwaitingfor
atrain.Bowdoinisagemto
thearea,andshouldcertainly
notbelost,especiallywith-
outthegreatsupportitsure-
lydeserves.TheRed-Blue
Connectorisaprojectwhich
mustgoforward,butnotat
theexpenseofourstation.
Alternative2isthebest
option,andintheeventthat
itpasses,thecurrentBow-
doinStationshouldremainas
aplaceforstoringBlueLine
trainsovernightorfortaking
disabledtrainsotheline.
Alternative1isdetrimental
tothesystemandtheneigh-
borhood,withtheelimina-
tionofalreadyexistingin-
frastructurewhichIndto
stillbeusefulasthesystem
changesshape.IndthatAl-
ternative2wouldbestsatisfy
theneedsofthecityaswell
astheMBTAscommuters.
AugustBlake
JournalContributor
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8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
12/16
PAGE5March30,2011
Onceinabluemoon,a
bandcomesaroundthatis
diculttoclassify.Thegenre
escapesthemindwhenlis-
teningtothem,butyetits
sonicallyandaesthetically
pleasing.EntertheLoveLan-
guage.Betweentheirmixof
folk-ishfeel,alongwithpop
andasprinklingofambient,
themusicalgroupisstamped
withthelabelIndierock.
Withlo-recordingsand
soothinglayersofinstru-
mentsandmassdelayand
reverb,theLoveLanguage,
outofRaleigh,NorthCaro-
lina,oodedT.T.theBears
withmusiconMarch8.
ThebandrockedCentral
SquareinCambridge,bring-
ingquiteastagepresence
withthem.Openingwiththe
trackBlueAngel,thegroup
builtuptheintroductionwith
ameldingofnoiseandde-
laybeforebreakingintothe
track.Fromthereonout,the
audienceknewwhatkindof
performancetheywereinfor.
Playingwithheadlining
bandTelekinesis!,theLove
LanguagebroughttheirA-
gamebothperformance-wise
aswellasmusically.Theper-
formance
wasnear
identi-
caltotheir
recorded
tracks,ex-
ceptwitha
fewplanned
alterca-
tionsmade.
They
played
amixof
songsfrom
theirrst,
self-titled
albumand
theirnewer
albumLi-
braries.TrackslikeHeartto
Tell,TwoRabbits,This
BloodisOurOwnand
Pedalsallgotthecrowd
cheeringasthesmallvenue
waslledwithmelodies.
Whatisperhapsthemost
interestingaboutthebands
musicalityistheiruseofped-
alsandeects.Betweenthe
guitarist,BJBurtons,useof
reverbandfuzz,andthekey-
boardist,MissyThangs,sus-
tainednotes,themusicblends
intooneentitythatbecomes
thesong.Allofitseemsa
lileunorthodoxforwhat
theLoveLanguagecreates.
Inaninterviewwith
MergeRecords,thebandsla-
belcompany,StuartMcLamb,
thevocalist/lyricistandback
upguitaristsaid,TheLove
Languagewasneverintended
tobeaband.Thosesongswere
neverintendedtobeforany-
oneexceptmyex-girlfriend.
Thatwasmyoutlet,andat
onepoint,itcaughtre.
Withsongsaboutheart
breakandhiingboom,
thelyricscreateaninterest-
ingcontrasttosomeofthe
moreupbeatmelodiesused.
Lalita/Don'tyouhate
thesekisses?/Iknowthat
we'renotin/Butwe'rein
lovewitheveryonethatis/
We'retalking/Tinyconversa-
tions/Likethey'reharmless/
Butyouknowthatain'twhat
yousellsangMcLamb
totheaudienceastheband
playedtheirtrackLalita.
Althoughalilesad,the
bandspresencedenitely
wasnt.Betweenthebass-
ist,NickSanborn,stepping
upontheampandgroov-
ingwiththedrummer,Jor-
danMcLamb,whowasus-
ingamaracaforadrumstick
andthepowerfulvocalsof
McLamb,thestagewasalive.
Thereissomethingabout
theclassic,simplefeeltothe
LoveLanguagesmusicthat
makesitsoeasytolistento
andsoaccessible.Thelyrics
arerelatableandthechords
arebasic,butthecombina-
tionofinstruments,voices
andlayersofsoundturnthe
bandsmusicintosomething
muchmore.Thegroupisbe-
yondtalentedanditdenitely
showedonthesmall,wooden
stageatT.T.theBears.The
seingwascramped,butin-
timateandthemusicwasall
thatmaered.Itwascaptivat-
ing,somethingthatcouldnt
beshuto,butyoudont
wanttoshutoanyway.In
theend,itcomesdownto
this:Whatsthepointofbe-
ingfreethesedaysinlove?
PhotobyEthanLong
Willweeverlearntoswim? DerekAndersonJournalStaff
-
8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
13/16
PAGE4March30,2011
Thisweekend,theThe-
atreDepartmentwillputon
CarTalk:TheMusical,which
isguaranteedtobelots
oflaughsandagood
time.Anoriginalplay
wrienanddirected
byWesleySavick,the
showalsofeaturesan
originalmusicalscorebyMichaelWartofsky.
BasedooftheNPR
radioshowCarTalk,the
musicalcentersaround
RustyFenders,abald-
ingloserwhos93KIA
isgivinghimtroubles.
However,hemeetsMia-
taC.LaChassis,whotakes
himtotheEmeraldGarage
wherehendstheWizard
ofCahs.Fromhismid-life
crisis,toShielathewom-
anHybrid,tondinglove,andcarrepairs,thisshowis
suretobeawinner.
TheNPRprogramCar
Talk,whichthemusicalwas
ultimatelyinspiredby,fea-
tureshilariousautomechan-
icsandbrothersTomand
RayMagliozzi,whogivead-
vicetovariouscarowners
byprovidingadiagnosisfor
theirDodges,Fords,etc.The
musicalhasthesameself-
deprecatinghumorinmind,accordingtoAssistantDirec-
torRyanBegan,aseniorat
SuolkUniversity.Therewill
bedreamsequencesfeatur-
ingextravagantballetpieces
andwise-crackhumorby
recordingsofRayandTom,
dealingwitheveryonescar
problems.Theshowdeals
withissuessuchasagingand
learningtovaluewhathas
alwaysbeenrightinfrontofyou.Theyreallywanted
tondsomethingthatwas
strictlyBoston,saidBegan.
However,therealenter-
tainmentcomesfromthemu-
sic,whichcoverseverything
fromshowtunestotheblues,
withanaddeddoseofquirki-
ness.Therewillevenbe
parodiesofother,clas-
sicBroadwaymusicals,
suchasAnnie,Cats,and
theSoundofMusic.There
arealotofbigspectacular
thingshappening.Mostlypeoplewilljustlaughand
haveagoodtime,saidNael
Nacer,aSuolkAlumniwho
willbestarringintheshow.
Nacerdescribedcoming
backtoactintheshowasa
greatexperience,especially
withthenewadditionofthe
ModernTheatre.Theyve
doneagreatjobatkeeping
upthespiritoftheoldthe-
atre.Youcantellyouarein
agreattheatre.However,
theydidencountersomeob-stacles,suchasworkingon
thesets,thatscommonfor
anyonedealingwithanew
location.Therearesome
challengesbecausewhenyou
aredoingsomethingthatis
brandnew,therearegoing
tobechanges,saidNacer.
Thismusicalwillbedif-
ferentfromthedepartments
pastproductionsbecauseof
itsupbeatnature.Therewill
beplentyofhumorousdia-
logue,aswellasacharming
Broadwayvibe.FansoftheNPRradioshowwillenjoy
watchingitbroughttolife
onthestage.Itsverylight-
heartedandhumorous,said
Began,Itsalotoflaughs.
Themusicalissettopre-
miereatthenewModernThe-
atrefromMarch31through
April3withshowingsat2
and8p.m.Peoplewillbeable
topurchaseticketsatmodern-
theatre.comorbrownpaper-
tickets.com.Pricesare$10.00
fortheSuolkCommunityand$25.00forthepublic.
Meetyourfriendly
neighborhoodcomicbook
expertswithWeGotIssues,
anew,hard-hiingcriticalwebshowinwhichSuolk
UniversityseniorPaulDavis
Lyons,andhisteamofside-
kicksusetheirverbalsuper
powerstountangletheissues
ofrace,gender,sex,andvio-
lenceintheworldofcomics.
Inaneorttoghtthe
stigmasthatHollywood
blockbustershaveinstilled
inmainstreamcomicbook
knowledge,Lyonscre-
atedWeGotIssues,anon-
linetalkshowconcerningcomicbookorientedtopics.
Readingintotheshow
likeacomicbookseries,its
protagonististallandthin,
frequentlyseeninacharcoal
leatherjacketandwithdirty
blondespikedhair.Avery
approachable,slightlyquirky
character,Lyonsmakesa
dynamicleadingman,with
theeloquenceandthedrive
touncoverdebatabletopics
inanygivengraphicnovel.
Iamabigbelieverthat
comicbooksareaformof
communicationthatneedsto
beexamined,saidLyons.I
thinkhowthesecharactersthinkandliveisdenitelya
reectionofourtimeandour
politicalviewsandsociety.
Thecharismatichostof
WeGotIssues,concievedthe
showonawhimaerspend-
ingeveryWednesdaynight
atComicopia,acomicbook
storeonCommonwealth
Avenue.Hisweeklytrip
broughttogetheradynamic
groupofpeople,conversa-
tionallydrivenbythewrit-
ingandillustrationincomics.
Itwaslikeanepisodeof
Cheers.Wewerealljusthang-
ingoutatthestoretalking
aboutwhatwasgoingonin
comics.Lyonssaid.Ijust
suddenlysaid,Youknow
what,thiscouldbeareally
kick-assshow.AsfarasI
knew,noonewasreallydis-
cussingthesekindsofissues.
WeGotIssuesanalyzes
recentcomicissues,making
referencetooldereditions
andthehistoricalrepresen-
tationsofthecharacters.
ThoughLyonsschoiceof
commentatorsvarywitheach
episode,thehighenergyand
constantowofconversa-
tionalwayskeepstheshow
movingatasteadypace.
Themostintriguingas-
pectofWeGotIssuesisthe
commentaryfromitstwofe-
maleguests,AngelaOutlaw
andMaggieCurtis.Break-
ingthroughthestereotypeof
comicbookshavingamale
dominatedfanbase,Outlaw
andCurtisprovidestrongand
validinsightsintothegender
rolesincomicbookcharacters.
Itsnotoenthatyou
haveabunchofchickstalk-
ingaboutcomics,saidMag-
gieCurtis,anemployeeat
Comicopia.Ithinkwhat
weredoingisunique,having
awebshowaboutcomics.Its
newtotheBostonarea,espe-
ciallywithwomeninvolved.
Theyprovidequick-wit-
tedcriticismonhowwomen,
inbothAmericanandInter-
nationalgraphicnovels,have
beenportrayedinwritingand
illustrationovertheyears.
Ilovecomics.Igrew
upwiththemand,asa
woman,Ithinkitsimpor-
tantbecausethisissucha
maledominatedindustry,
notedAngelaOutlaw,afel-
lowemployeeatComicopia.
IfIeverhaveanopportu-
nitytotalkaboutit,Iwill.
Inoneoftheearlierepi-
sodes,theshowinvitedlocal
artistDirkTiedetotalkabout
hiswebbasedparanormal
graphicnovel,ParadigmShi.
InOctober2010,Lyons
traveledtoNewYorkCitys
annualNewYorkComic
Con,whereLyonswalked
aroundtointerviewsome
ofthecomicbookindustrys
mostacclaimedcontributors.
TheseincludedDavidFinch,
AdamHughesandDwight
JonZimmerman,whotalked
abouttheireortsinDCand
Marvel,andprovidedraw
insightintothebusiness.
AccordingtoLy-
ons,theshowsworksas
abridgebetweencomic
bookartistseverywhere.
Wehavethebalanceof
localartiststryingtogetat-
tention,andthenwehave
theseartistswhohaveal-readygoenaention[in
theindustry],hesaid.
Sofar,therehavebeen
sevenepisodeslmedinStu-
dio73onTremontSt.,anda
seriesofinterviewswithwrit-
ers,artistsandillustrators
inthecomicbookindustry,
bothlocallyandnation-wide.
Allofthiscanbeviewedon
theshowsYouTubechannel,
username:wegotcomicissues.
Savingtheworldone
roundtableatatime,Ly-
onshassuccessfullycon-
ductedafastmovingcomic
booktalk-showthatisboth
informativeandentertain-
ing.Usingamulti-media
approachinreachingoutto
hisviewers,theprotagonist
wontsleepuntilhismission
isknown:thereisacomic
bookoutthereforeveryone.
AplaybasedonTomandRayChelseaSzmania
JournalStaff
JeanaSullivan
JournalStaff
Andyouthoughtyouhadissues
-
8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
14/16
PAGE3March30,2011 PAGE3
-
8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
15/16
TheStudentGovern-
mentAssociationrecently
announcedthenextE-Board
fortheupcomingyearat
theirweeklymeeting,Thurs-
day,March10,butnotwith-
outsomeshockingnews.
SeniorNickDiZoglio
wrotealeertotheSGAstat-
inghisresignationfromhis
positionasvicepresident.
SGAPresidentMitchVieira
readhisleerofresignation
atthemeeting,whichstated:
DearStudentGov-
ernmentAssociation,
MikeMurdockoncestat-
edleadersmakedecisionsto
createthefuturestheydesire.
Duetomydecisions,along
toobligationsandpriorities
outsidetheSGAthatneedmy
absoluteaention,eective
asoftodayat12noonIwill
beresigningasvicepresident
oftheSGA.Fortherestofmy
life,Iwillregretthisdecision
andthefactorsbehindit.I
thankyouforthededication
andcontinuedsupport.Best
ofluckwiththeremainderofthesemester,andcongratula-
tionstonextyearsboard.
DiZogliowasnotatthe
meeting,butshedsomelight
onthesituationinaninterview.
Thisallgotinvolved
somehowinSuolk.Itwasnt
aSuolkmaer,itwasa
personalmaer,reiterated
DiZoglio.Ifeltobligated
resign.Imverydisappoint-
edthatIwasdodgedbymy
PAGE2March30,2011
Strangeandseemingly
frightening,theU.S.Envi-
ronmentalProtectionAgency(EPA)recentlyidentiedmin-
isculeamountsofradiation
inrainwaterin12states,one
ofwhichisMassachuses.
Detailedlteranalyses
from12RadiationNetwork
(RadNet)airmonitorloca-
tionsthroughoutthecoun-
tryfoundthattheradioac-
tiveisotopeswereconsistent
withthatoftheFukushima
nuclearplantoccurrence
inJapan,buttheEPAisas-
suringAmericancitizensthattheyneednotworry
aboutanysafetythreats.
Accordingtothestate
website,Mass.gov,There
isnohealthimpacttostate
drinkingwatersupplies
asaresultofthesend-
ings,andstateandfederal
healthocialsemphasized
thattherearenoanticipat-
edpublichealthconcerns.
Mass.govalsonotedthatanyI-131concentrations
foundinrainwatersamples
aremuchhigherthanany-
thingdetectedinalakeor
pond,mainlybecauseany-
thingfallingwithprecipita-
tionwouldbesignicantlydi-
lutedonceinthesurfacebody
ofwater.lic
RainlinkedtoJapan JennOrrJournalStafftionandstandard-
izehowwehandlestu-
dentcomplaints.
Executivereliabil-
itytothestudentbodyis somethingthatRobaina
isdeterminedtoenhance.
Itensuresthatmembers
areactuallyservingthestu-
dentswhoelectedthem,he
said.Unfortunately,weve
seensomegreatpiecesof
legislationfallthroughthe
cracksaerbeingpassed,
suchastheSGAFreedomof
InformationAct.Itcalledfor
therecordingandpublishing
ofourmeetingsonline,which
wehaveyettodo.Thisisjustoneexampleofwhatneedsto
beenforced,butitsoneofthe
rstonesIwanttocorrect.
Robainasalsohopes
toaddressstudent-
plaintsandcomments,as
Changesfornewsemester fromSGApage1
Newartmajor,illustration
TheNewEnglandSchool
ofArtandDesign(NESAD)atSuolkhasdecidedtojoinoth-
erartschoolsinBostonbyof-
feringanewillustrationmajor.
Wecreatedourmajor
inresponsetoademandfor
peoplewantingtostudyil-
lustration,saysNichole
Vatcher,assistantdirector
ofacademicandinstruc-
tionalservicesatNESAD.
Themajor,scheduled
tostartthisfall,isanap-
proved124-creditBachelor
ofFineArtsprogram,anditwillreceivefullaccreditation
onceNESADhasgraduated
someonefromtheprogram.
Thecurriculumforthe
majorwillberolledoutac-
cordingtothegradelevelof
incomingfreshmen,meaning
juniorlevelclassesforthepro-
gramwillnotbeoereduntil
thosefreshmenarejuniors.
Theboomlineis,any-
onewantinganillustration
majoriswelcometodoso,but
theywontbeabletogradu-atefromtheprogramun-
tilspringof2015,shesaid.
Butshedoesntwantthisto
discourageanybodywhois
interestedinachangeofma-
jor,sayingthatshewould
bemorethanhappytoas-
sistanystudentwhowishes
togooverthepossibility.
Theillustrationmajor
coversthebasicsofdesign,
andthenpuingthatknowl-
GiannaCarchia
JournalStaff
edgetopracticeforoccupa-
tionalsuccess.Thosestudy-
ingillustrationatNESAD
maycontinuetocareerslike
graphicnovelists,animatorsorchildrensbookauthors.
Mainlyitsforstudents
whoarethinkingabout
graphicdesign,thinking
aboutnearts,andnotnd-
ingagoodtineitheroneof
thoseprograms,saidVatch-
er.Illustrationiskindof
themiddlegroundbetween
thosetwoeldsbecauseitin-
corporatesdesignandmore
traditionalstudiopractices.
Vatcherhighlightedthat,
apartfromotherformsofart,illustrationisaboutusingvi-
sualsasnarrativesratherthan
visualsasastatementabout
yourideas,asinnearts.
Shebelievesthisallowsstu-
dentstoassimilatetheirart
workintothebusinessworld.
Forillustration,itsde-
nitelyforsomeonewhostill
wantstoremainartisticand
independentwiththeirart-
istry,butalsowhowantsto
getagigsomewhereand
thenmakessomemoneyattheendoftheday,shesaid.
Themajorwillprogress
likemostoftheartmajors
atNESAD.Vatchersaidaf-
terthebasicsarecovered,
studentswillbegintotake
moreintricateollustration
classes.Studentswillbe-
ginbylearningtodoev-
erythingbyhand,andwill
thenmoveontocomputers.
Theprogramwillin-
cludealotoftheneartde-
partmentsguredrawing
classes,shesaid.Someex-
trapaintingclasseswillbe
requiredforIllustrationma-jors,aswellassomegraphic
designtypographycourse
work,likehand-leering
typeandthingslikethat.
DanielaWong-Chiulli,a
Suolkalumnusandcurrent
graphicdesignprofessorat
NESAD,willbeoneoftheil-
lustratorsteachingtheclasses
requiredforthenewmajor.
Vatchersaiditisrequired
ofthestatobeillustrators
themselves.Sheisexcitedto
pullfromBostonswiderangeofprofessionalstoteach
variouselectivesandthe
coursesrelatedtobusiness.
Vatcherforeseesahighde-
greeofinterestintheprogram
forthecomingyear.Shedoes
recruitingforherdepartment
atNESAD,andgainedearly
insightbyaskingstudents
whattheirinterestwouldbe
inanIllustrationmajor.She
saidtheyalreadyhaveapile
ofapplicationsfornextyears
incomingfreshman,andthatcurrentstudentshave
beenbuzzingaboutaswitch.
Werendingalotof
studentsfeelitsreallyexcit-
ingtobepartofourinaugu-
ralclassofIllustrationma-
jors,saidVatcher.Weve
beensellingitanddoinga
goodjobsowellseewhat
numberscomeoutinthe
fall,butwereveryoptimis-
ticthatitwillbesuccessful.
SGAVPDiZoglioresignsDerekAnderson
JournalStaff
fellowE-Boardmembers.
DiZogliodidnot,how-
ever,knowthathisres-ignationleerwouldbe
readtotheentireSGA.
Recently,Iwasnotnoti-
edthattheleerwasgoing
tobesharedtoday.Iasked
overandoverandoverandI
wasignored,saidDiZoglio.
Fouryearsofdedicationto
theorganizationandfour
yearsofcountlesshours
IwasveryupsetandImac-
tuallyveryhurtbywhathas
happened.Thetruthisthere
ismoretruthtotheliesthatweretold.Iwontgetinto
detail,buttherewerealot
ofliestold.Thetruthwasnt
outthereandIdidntget
achancetotellthetruth.
ToreplaceDiZoglios
vacancyattheSGAmeet-
ing,thedecisionwasmade
tohaveTomasRobaina,the
SGAvicepresident-elect,to
takeoverthepositionforthe
remainderofthesemester.
PhotocourtesyofNickDiZoglio
wellastheirfollow-up.
Inthepast,wevenever
communicatedthisbacktothe
studentsbutIplantochange
that.Assoonaswehear
something,theywilltoo.
SophomoreSamienta
Pierre-VilwaselectedSGA
secretary.Pierre-Vil,inter-
estedinthepromotionof
SGAawareness,hasplanned
toaendvariousSuolk
clubmeetingsandevents
inordertoexhibitthein-
volvementoftheExecutive
Board.Thisreliabilityand
presenceissomethingthat
isimperativeinhergoals.
FreshmanConnorFinley,
inanunchallengedrace,waselectedasTreasurer.Fin-
ley,19,ofDurham,CT,isa
publicrelationsmajorwith
aminorinpoliticalscience.
Finleysgoalsinvolvenot
onlythecompetentmanage-
mentofstudentfunds,but
theabilitytobeapersonthat
thestudentbodyfeelscom-
fortabletoapproachforhelp.
Myhopesfortheposition
istotakecareofthestudents
money,spenditverywisely
andbesuretofundthings
thatbenetthestudents,
Finleysaid.Peoplecancount
onmetobearoundwhenever
theyneedme.Imhonoredto
beontheE-boardofSGAand
Iwantstudentstoknowthat
TurmoilconsumesLibya
RyanPowell,JournalContributorContinueonline
-
8/7/2019 The Suffolk Journal- April Fools 2011
16/16
VOLUME71,NUMBER17WWW.SUFFOLKJOURNAL.NETMarch30,2011
nside
ournalth
e
News"SGAVPDiZoglioresigns'pg.2
Opinion"MBTAproposes'Red-BlueConnector'"pg.6
Arts&Entertainment"Andyouthoughtyouhadissues"pg.4
Sports"BaseballteamhaskeeperinAssistantCoach"pg.8
THEAWARD-WINNINGSTUDENTNEWSPAPEROF
SUFFOLKUNIVERSITYBOSTON,MASSACHUSETTS
OnMarch11,Suolk
proudlypresenteditsnew-ly-electedStudentGovern-
mentAssociation(SGA)for
the2011-2012schoolyear,
aerextensivecampaigning
anddebatebyallcandidates.
Theelectionforpresident
cametoaheadwithMegan
Caronbeatingoutherfel-
lowjuniorScoZalatoris
with267votesoverhis16