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THENGAMERCHRISTMA

SLECTURE

THESCIENCEOF

SUPERMARIOGALAXY

Prepareforfestiveeducation!

he Royal Institution is a fine British establishment

that aims to bring science to the masses, and its

famous for its annual Christmas lectures. Every

year since 1825, noted scientists, mathematicians,

astronomers and other top thinkers of the age have

presented Big Ideas to the public in an entertaining festive

manner. In this spirit, NGamer has collared one of the top

science-men of our age Professor Paul Murdin to discussthe astrophysical properties ofSuper Mario Galaxy.

Professor Murdin is a senior fellow at the Institute

Of Astronomy, Cambridge, which means he knows

quite possiblyeverything about space. Hes even

written loads of books about the universe, including a

swanky new one called Secrets Of The Universe: How

We Discovered The Cosmos. With access to this kind of

brainpower, then, weve attempted to find out just

how scientifically accurate Marios deep space Wiiadventures really are

T

ProfessorPaulMurdin:He

knowsmoreabout spacethan

youdoaboutanything.Words:A

lexDale.B

ackgroundimagesNASA.

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GEOMETRIC MESS?Super Mario Galaxy 2boasts lots of planets thatdeviate from the traditional spherical shape weve

come to accept as standard. There are loop-de-loops, discs and even cubes. Er, is this possible? Is

there such a thing as a square planet?

PAUL SAYS:Planets tend to be spherical, or close to it (the

Earth is actually slightly flattened at the two poles)because of the equal gravitational pull on all sides.However, if the planets are small enough under

1,000 kilometres in size it is possible for them tosettle into a regular potato shape, with one longaxis and two short axes. The other variable that

can alter its shape is if it has a quick rotation at acertain speed, it would flatten the planet into the

shape of a compact disc. A cubic planet wouldquickly become spheroidal.

BUTT-STOMPINGDuring boss battles, Mario demonstrates the

ability to knock a reasonable-sized asteroid out oforbit with a single butt-stomp. Our hypothesis: if

everyone on Earth travelled to the same place andorchestrated a synchronised butt-stomp, we could

send the planet spiralling into the Sun. Are weright? Were right, arent we?

PAUL SAYS:No, youre wrong. Earth is a self-contained

system if the above happened, then its true thatthe Earth would receive a kick, but so would the

people doing the butt-stomping. It would equal outand everything would continue as normal. To

knock the Earth out of orbit, youd have to leave

the planet and apply a butt-stomp from outside.

AIR FORTRESSLets talk propellers. They work a treat in space, orat least thats the law of the universe according to

Bowsers air fortress fleet. Are propellerspaceships the future of intergalactic travel?

PAUL SAYS:No. The function of a propeller is to cut throughair or water at an angle to shove the craft in theopposite direction. Therefore, for it to work, itactually needs to be insomething. In space, a

propeller is just a toy.

SWEET SWEETGALAXY

NGamer, fat with cake as we are, have oftenfantasised about living on the Sweet Sweet Galaxy,

which is comprised entirely of cake and cookies.But what would happen if we launched a giant cake

into space, with a view to colonising it later?

PAUL SAYS:Nothing much. It would go stale almost

immediately as the water would evaporate. Sonext time you visit the Sweet Sweet Galaxy, have agood think about the condition of the food items

Marios walking on.

TIME DIFFERENCEWhat effect would space travel have on Mario

compared to his twin brother Luigi, who spendsmuch of his time sitting at home weeping whileMario embarks on his cosmic adventures? CouldMarios love of space travel explain why he never

seems to age?

PAUL SAYS:What youre describing here is the twin paradox.When youre moving fast in space, clocks run slow this includes your biological clock. Mario may set

off on his adventure the same age as Luigi, butwhen he returns hed find that Luigi would haveaged much more than Mario has. Luigi would be

an old man.

BUOY BASEGALAXY

At one point in the first game, you encounter anorb made of water. Is such a planet possible?

PAUL SAYS:To an extent it is. Many comets are almost

entirely comprised of ice. You couldnt have an orbof water though, due to the low atmosphericpressure in space. H

2O would be either solid or

vapour, regardless of the temperature.

LAUNCH STARSMario can travel between planets in seconds, justby holding his arms aloft and shouting Woo-hoo!.

Assuming the distance between these worlds iscomparable to, say, that between Earth and Mars,

what effect would travelling like this at thisvelocity have on the plumbers physique?

PAUL SAYS:The first problem of many is that Mario would be

travelling at around the speed of light. Weretalking something out of Star Trek here; hed

definitely be going into hyperdrive. But one thingStar Trek never tries to explain is how youd survivethis level of acceleration. It would squash Mario likea pancake. Assuming he lived through this ordeal,theres the matter of re-entry. Theres a terrificlevel of kinetic energy to deal with hed melt.

KEEP ROLLINGEvery so often, for reasons best left to him, Mariodecides to hop aboard a giant ball and roll his wayaround a galaxy no bigger than a Morrisons store.

High-impact collisions are not so much a possibilityas they are a way of life. Is he at risk of launchinghimself into orbit with such reckless behaviour?

PAUL SAYS:On a smaller planet, absolutely. In fact, if he was

on a planet that had a circumference small enough,a simple jump would be enough to surpass the

planets escape velocity that is to say, the pointwhere, if you bounce off, you dont come back.

SHIVERBURNGALAXY

One of our favourite galaxies is Shiverburn Galaxy.Here, piping hot molten worlds freeze at the dropof a hat. If such a world were to exist, what wouldbe the side-effects of such a sudden and dramatic

change of climate? Could we go skating on it?

PAUL SAYS:The planet would resemble a lava field, but writlarge. The drastic change in temperature would

cause the planet to crack up there would be hugechasms and deep ravines everywhere. It would

make it a very difficult world to move around on.

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TOTHEKUIPERBELT

ANDBEYOND!WhilewehadProf

essorMurdinonthephone,wetho

ughtwedpickhisbrains

aboutthenextMarioGalaxygame

.Okay,sowedontknowanymore

aboutit

thanyoudo,butwewerewondering

whetherNintendomightlookclose

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homefortheirinspirationnexttime

.Sojusthowsuitablearetheplane

tsofour

ownhumbleSolarSystemassettin

gsforsomeMariogaming?

VENUSMOST LIKE: DUSTY DUNE GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Thanks to its incredibly dense atmosphere, Venusis the most unpleasant planet in our Solar System.

As a result of an extreme greenhouse effect itslargely a desert planet, refreshed only by periodic

volcanic activity and sulphuric rain, neither ofwhich youd like. This potentially makes Venus anideal breeding ground for classic Mario baddies

such as Dry Bones, Fire Snakes, Pokeys and ThoseLittle Question Mark Blocks With Legs. You know

the ones we mean.

PAUL SAYS:By far the biggest threat to visitors of Venus isthe sulphuric acid rain. Russian probes that have

landed on the surface have lasted a matter ofminutes before their brains and other sensitive bits

have dissolved completely.

EARTHMOST LIKE: STARSHINE BEACH

GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Its a total nightmare. Lets just move on.

MERCURYMOST LIKE: SHIVERBURN GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:As the closest planet to the Sun, Mercury boasts

some extreme temperatures high enough to meltlead on the side facing the Sun (Paul told us that),

but in contrast, the dark side is incredibly cold, dueto Mercurys lack of atmosphere (he told us that,too). Our idea: between the two extremes, theremust be a habitable middle ground. It could makefor a good push-scrolling level: stay in the safety

zone, or fry/freeze (delete as applicable).

PAUL SAYS:While its true that theres an area of gradation,commonly known as the twilight zone, venture alittle bit outside the sweet middle-ground and the

surface temperature will be incredibly hot orterribly cold, and furthermore, youd be at extreme

risk of irritation due to the lack of atmosphere.

I wouldnt recommend it.

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URANUS &NEPTUNEMOST LIKE: CLOUDY COURT

GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Little is known about these two Ice Giants, so

weve lumped them in together. Neptune is hometo some of the fiercest winds in the Solar System,which should ensure that Cloud Mario has a whale

of a time.

PAUL SAYS:Youd never need a weather forecast if you visitedeither of these planets its always the same: cold.To be honest, if youre going to visit any of the Gas

Planets, the best places to go, with premiumtourist potential, are the satellites around them.

Orange sunsets viewed through the volcanic

eruptions on Io are great sights.

PLUTOMOST LIKE: ANY GALAXY THATS

REMOTELY SLIPPY-SLIDEY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:A tiny, desolate ice world which used to be a planet,

until space probes discovered loads of othersimilar-sized objects in the Kuiper Belt, an asteroid

belt-like region located beyond Neptunes orbit.Faced with the possibility of having to recognise

umpteen new planets, the InternationalAstronomical Union instead revoked Plutos

planet licence in 2006. But that doesnt meanthat Ice Mario couldnt get his skate on around

Plutos smooth surface does it?

PAUL SAYS:We dont know much about Pluto at present, as

its yet to be visited by a space probe. The NewHorizons spacecraft will approach Pluto and its

moon Charon in 2015, so well know if itll make agood level then, but until that happens Pluto

remains shrouded in mystery. Im not impatient tovisit a body thats colder than a holiday cottage at

altitude in Scotland in January.

MARSMOST LIKE: SWEET SWEETGALAXY SPIN-DIG GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Er, dont ask us. Weve only just found out that

Mars doesnt have a soft nougat centre coated incaramel. Who knew? So most of our ideas didntget off the drawing board, but how about this,

right off the top of our heads: theyre always goingon about drilling through Mars crust for traces ofrunning water, right? Well, who better for the taskthan Mario and his sometime companion, Mr Huge

Dont-Mess-With-Me Drill?

PAUL SAYS:Mars doesnt have a magnetic field, which leaves

it atmospherically challenged, so anyone who visitsis at risk of exposure to solar radiation. Marios

dungarees and cap wouldnt cut it. If I were to go toMars, Id feel more secure in an astronaut suit.

JUPITERMOST LIKE: SUPERMASSIVE

GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Big. Mostly gas. Its famous for its Big Red Spot, apersistent anticyclonic storm bigger than Earth.Sounds like the sort of place Mario would love tocircumnavigate on a sycamore seed, doesnt it?

PAUL SAYS:Jupiters atmosphere is incredibly dense. Unless

you had a parachute Mario would freefall into thetreacle-like core, where hed be encased like an

insect in amber. Even if he did have a parachute, hischest would cave in under the terrible pressure. Asfor the Big Red Spot, its high winds and gales wouldcause Mario to spin round uncontrollably. And hed

be doing so in the smelliest place in the SolarSystem. Hydrogen sulphide and carbon compound

gases mean it smells worse than a cowshed.

SATURNMOST LIKE: SPACE JUNK GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Also big and gaseous, so it retains the crush-related properties of Jupiter. But what about

Saturns famous ring system? That sounds a bitmore feasible. Scatter a few ground-up satellites

around the shop and voila instant Mario level!

PAUL SAYS:It would be like being in a pinball machine. Ring

systems such as Saturns, which have been formedby a satellite which ventured too close to the

planet and crumbled under the pressure, only lastfor a comparatively short period of time becausethe bits are constantly colliding with each other.

TITANMOST LIKE: BOO MOON GALAXY

GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES:Its a moon! Weve included Saturns hanger-on

here because its by far the most remarkable of theknown satellites in the Solar System, as it boasts afully developed atmosphere and is the only placethat we know of (other than the Earth) to havesurface liquid. And where theres surface liquid,

theres penguins, Gringills and Koopa shells. Yes?

PAUL SAYS:Titans lakes are comprised of liquid methane andethane. Theyre deadly, cold and much denser than

water. It would be like swimming in the Red Sea youd only be able to float around near the surface.

And youd need to wear an insulated wet suit.

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