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Copyright©1999byMatthewKellyRevisedcopyright©2004byBeaconPublishingAllrightsreserved,includingtherightofreproductioninwholeorinpartinanyform.

FirstFiresideEdition2004

FIRESIDEandcolophonareregisteredtrademarksofSimon&Schuster,Inc.

DesignedbyJanPisciotta

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataKelly,Matthew.Therhythmoflife:livingeverydaywithpassionandpurpose/MatthewKelly.

p.cm.1.Christianlife—Catholicauthors.I.Title.

BX2350.3.K4532004158.1—dc222004050068ISBN-10:0-7432-7351-6

ISBN-13:978-0-7432-7351-0

VisitusontheWorldWideWeb:http://www.SimonSays.com

Contents

PartOneWhatDoYouWantFromLife?

EverythingisaChoice

DoYouReallyKnowWhatYouWant?

TheHappinessParadox

TooBusyDoingWhat?

QuietDesperation

TheFiveQuestions

TheMeaningofLife

SevenDreams

ANewPerspective

LivePassionately

PartTwoFindingYourGenius

TheGentleVoiceWithin

UnderstandingOurLegitimateNeeds

BeyondOurWants

HarnessingthePowerofOurNeedsandDesires

EverybodyIsaGenius

PartThree

The-Best-Version-of-Yourself

OverwhelmedbyExperts

ChoosingHappiness

TheEnemyofExcellence:Minimalism

AreYouFree?

FollowYourStar

CelebratingYourUniqueSelf

PartFourDiscoveringTheRhythmofLife

WhyAreWeAllSoBusy?

WhatCanCreationTeachUsAboutOurselves?

Priorities

Timing

PartFiveIt’sAllAboutEnergy

OurMostValuableResource

CreatingtheRhythm

TheThreeInstruments

Sleep:TheFoundationofEnergy

TheFirstInstrument

TheSacredHour

TheSecondInstrument

TheSeventhDay

TheThirdInstrument

TheArtofSlowingDown

PartSixTheWayofExcellence

AChildhoodLesson

WhatIsSuccesstoYou?

WhyAreTheySuccessfulatEverything?

1.TheKnowledgePrinciple

2.TheDreamPrinciple

3.TheVisionPrinciple

4.TheLifePrinciple

5.TheThoughtPrinciple

6.TheDedicationPrinciple

7.TheBeliefPrinciple

8.ThePeoplePrinciple

9.TheCommunicationPrinciple

10.TheFinalPrinciple

TheTenPrinciplesofExcellence

PartSevenLivingtheLifeYouWereBorntoLive

EnjoytheJourney

BetheDifferenceThatMakestheDifference

Leaders,Critics,Dreamers,andtheFuture

HowDoYouPerceivetheWorld?

CanYouHeartheMusic?

TheMeasureofYourLifeWillBetheMeasureofYourCourage

LetYourLightShine!

DONOTLETYOURLIFEBELIKEASHOOTINGSTAR,

WHICHLIGHTSUPTHESKYFORONLYABRIEFMOMENT.

LETYOURLIFEBELIKETHESUN,

WHICHALWAYSBURNSBRIGHTLYINTHEHEAVENS,

BRINGINGLIGHTANDWARMTHTOALLTHOSEONEARTH.

LETYOURLIGHTSHINE!

PartOne

WhatDoYouWantFromLife?

EverythingisaChoice

Everythingisachoice.

Thisislife’sgreatesttruthanditshardestlesson.Itisagreattruthbecauseitremindsusofourpower.Notpoweroverothers,buttheoftenuntappedpowertobeourselvesandtolivethelifewehaveimagined.

Itisahardlesson,becauseitcausesustorealizethatwehavechosenthelifewearelivingrightnow.Itisperhapsfrighteningforustothinkthatwehavechosentoliveourlifeexactlyasitistoday.Frighteningbecausewemaynotlikewhatwefindwhenwelookatourlivestoday.Butitisalsoliberating,becausewecannowbegintochoosewhatwewillfindwhenwelookatourlifeinthetomorrowsthatlieunlivedbeforeus.

Whatwillyouseewhenyoulookatyourlifetenyearsfromnow?Whatwillyouchoose?

Lifeischoices.

Youhavechosentolivethisday.Youhavechosentoreadthisbook.Youhavechosentoliveinacertaincity.Youhavechosentobelievecertainideas.Youhavechosenthepeopleyoucallfriends.

Youchoosethefoodyoueat,theclothesyouwear,andthethoughtsyouthink.Youchoosetobecalmorrestless,youchoosetofeelappreciativeorungrateful.

Loveisachoice.Angerisachoice.Fearisachoice.Courageisachoice.

Youchoose.

Sometimeswechoosethe-best-version-of-ourselves,

andsometimeswechoosea-second-rate-version-of-ourselves.

Everythingisachoice,andourchoicesechothroughoutourlives…andintohistory…andonandonintoeternity.

Mostpeopleneverfullyacceptthistruth.Theyspendtheirlivesarguingfortheirweaknesses,complainingabouttheirlotinlife,orblamingotherpeoplefortheirweaknessesandtheirlotinlife.

Youmayarguethatyouareforcedtoliveinacertaincityordriveacertaincar,butitisnottrue.Andifitis,itistrueonlytemporarilyandbecauseofachoiceyouhavemadeinthepast.

Wechoose,andindoingso,wedesignourlives.

Somemaysaythatwedonotchooseourcircumstances.You’dbesurprised.Wehavemuchmorepoweroverthecircumstancesofourlivesthanmostmenandwomenwouldeveradmit.Andevenifcircumstancesarethrustuponus,wechoosehowwerespondtothosecircumstances.

Othersmayarguethattheydidnotchoosethecountrytheywereborninortheparentstheywerebornto.Howdoweknowwedidn’tchoosethesethings?Weareallendowedwithfreewill.Didwenothavethisfreewillbeforewewereborn?Perhapsonedaywewillrealizethatwehavechosenmuchmorethanwehaveevenimagined.

Ihopethatdayistoday.

Forthedayweacceptthatwehavechosentochooseourchoicesisthedaywecastofftheshacklesofvictimhoodandaresetfreetopursuetheliveswewereborntolive.

Learntomasterthemomentofdecisionandyouwilllivealifeuncommon.

DoYouReallyKnowWhatYouWant?

SeveralyearsagoIfoundmyselfstandingbeforeaclassofhighschoolseniorsinCapeMay,ontheJerseyshore,intheUnitedStates.Ihadbeeninvitedtospeaktothemaboutlifebeyondhighschoolgraduation,butIfoundmyselfmoreinterestedinwhattheymighthavetosaythaninwhattheirteachersthoughttheyneededtohear.

Ibeganbyaskingthemhowlongitwouldbeuntiltheygraduated.Inaburstofexcitementandenergy,theyrepliedinunison,“Elevendays.”

WhatIreallywantedwastoenterintotheunboundedterritoriesofthehopesanddreamstheseyoungmenandwomenheldabouttheirfuture.Therewereeighty-fourstudentsbeforemethatmorning,representativesofthefuture.Iwascurious.Iwantedtoknowwhattheyyearnedfor.Iwantedtobeinvitedintotheirheartsandminds.

Iinvitedmyselfbyasking,“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”

Forafewmomentstherewassilence.Then,astheyrealizedthatmyquestionwasnotrhetorical,ayoungmancalledout,“Iwanttoberich.”Iaskedhimwhyhewantedtoberich.“SoIcandowhateverIwant,”washisreply.Iaskedhimhowmuchwasenough.“Amilliondollars,”hesaid,andIrememberwonderinghowmanypeoplethinkthatamilliondollarswillchangetheirlives.

ThenIraisedthequestionagain.

Ayoungwomansaidshewantedtobeadoctor.Iaskedherwhy.“SothatIcanhelppeople,relievesuffering,andmakealotofmoney,”shereplied.Iwishedherwellandhopedshewouldbeabletokeepherreasonsinthatorderastheyearspassed.

Iaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”

Ayoungmantowardthebackcalledout,“Iwantabeautifulwife.”Hisfriendsgiggled,andIaskedhimifhehadbeensuccessfulinlocatingoneyet.Hesaidthathehadn’t,andIsympathizedwithhim,explainingthatIhadnot,either.

ThenIaskedhimifheknewwhathewaslookingforinawoman.Hesaidhedid.SoIexplainedthatthebestwaytoattractthatkindofpersonwastobecomethatkindofperson.

Iaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”

Thistimeayoungmanwithafirmandconfidentvoicesaid,“Thepresident.IwanttobethepresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica.”

Ithenproceededtoaskhimhowheintendedtoachievethisgoal.Heunfoldedformeandhisfellowstudentsaplanthatincludedundergraduatestudiesininternationalbusinessandpoliticalscience,followedbylawschool,localpoliticalcampaigninvolvement,anumberofsummerinternshipsonCapitolHill,atimeintheUnitedStatesArmy,andanarrayofcommunityservice.

ItwasclearthatthisdreamhadnotenteredhisheadduringthisbrainstormingsessionthatIhadforceduponthesehighschoolseniors.Hiswasn’tapipedreamorthevaindreamingwedowhilewesleep;rather,itwasthedreamingthatwedointhedaylighthours,whichgivesbirthtopurposefullivingandformsourfuture.PerhapsonedayhewillbecomethefirstAfricanAmericanpresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica!

Iwishedhimwellinhisendeavors.Themoodhadchanged.Theyoungmindsbeforemehadbeendraggeddeeperintothissessionofdreammakingbytherealizationthatoneoftheirpeershadalreadyspentalotoftimethinkingaboutthisveryquestion.SoIaskeditagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”

“Happiness—Iwanttobehappy,”ayoungmansaid.

“Howwillyoufindorachievethishappiness?”Iasked.Hedidn’tknow.Iaskedhimifhecoulddescribeit,buthecouldn’t.Iassuredhimthathisdesireforhappinesswasnaturalandnormalandthatwewouldtalkaboutitlaterinourdiscussion—butthatcomesalittlelaterinthisbook.

AgainIposedthequestion:“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”

Ayoungwomansaid,“Amantosharemylifewith.”Iaskedher,asIhadaskedtheyoungmanearlier,ifshehadsucceededinlocatingone.Shewasn’tshy,andshevolleyedbysaying,“HowwillIknowwhenIfindhim?HowwillIknowheistheone?”

“Waitforthemanwhomakesyouwanttobeabetterperson,amanwhoinspiresyoubecauseheisalwaysstrivingtobetterhimself.

“It’snotabouthowhelooks,orhowhelooksatyou.Notthatthesethingsarenotconsiderations.It’snotaboutgifts.Alltoooftengiftsareonlyexcusesandapologiesfornotgivingtheonlytruegift—ourselves.Whenyouarewonderingifhereallyistheoneforyou,considerthisoneidea:Youdeservetobecherished.Cherished!Notjustloved.Cherished!”

Weheldeyecontactforamomentortwo,hereyesbegantowellwithtears,andIknewsheunderstood.

Now,theroomwasfilledwithaprofoundsilenceasIaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”

Afterafewmomentsofthatsilenceacrowdexudeswhenitisalmostexhaustedofinput,ayoungladysaid,“Iwanttotravel.”

Iencouragedhertotravelasearlyinheradultlifeaspossible,explainingthat“travelopensourmindstodifferentcultures,philosophies,andworldviews.Travelopensourheartstothepeopleofforeignlandsandtheirdifferenttraditionsandcreeds.Traveldissolvesthestainsofprejudicethatinfectourheartsandsocieties.Moneyspentontravelismoneywellspentonaneducationthatyouwillneverreceivefromabookorinaclassroom.”

Now,Iaskedthequestiononemoretime:“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”Butthecrowdwasquiet,andexhausted,andstill.

Iwassurprised.Iwasdisappointed.Ifeltanachewithinme.

Inlessthantwentyminutes,eighty-fourhighschoolseniorshadbecomeexhaustedoftheirhopes,dreams,plans,andambitionsforthefuture.Ifthatwasnotcompletelytrue,thenwhatevertheyhadfailedtosharewaseithernotworth

sharingortheylackedtheconfidencetoshareit.Sevenstudentshadbeenabletosummarizethedreamsofalleighty-four.WasIstillinthelandofinfinitedreamsandopportunities?Iwondered.

IfIhadaskedthemtotellmewhatwaswrongwiththeeducationsystem,ourdiscussionmighthavelastedforhours.IfIhadaskedthemabouttheirfavoritesportinghighlight,ortelevisionsitcom,thediscussionmighthavelastedallday.Havewebecomemoreinterestedinspectatorsportsandtelevisionsitcomsthaninourownfuture?

Itconstantlyamazesmethatmenandwomenwandertheearthmarvelingatthehighestmountains,thedeepestoceans,thewhitestsands,themostexoticislands,themostintriguingbirdsoftheairandfishofthesea—andallthetimeneverstoptomarvelatthemselvesandrealizetheirinfinitepotentialashumanbeings.

Morepeoplehaveaccesstoeducationtodaythaneverbefore.ButIcannothelpbutfeelthatthemoderneducationalexperienceisnotpreparingusadequatelytoattendtherichbanquetoflife.Certainlytheyoungpeopleoftodayhavemasteredtheuseoftechnologyandarecapableofsolvingcomplexscientificandmathematicalproblems,butwhoandwhatdotheseserveiftheycannotthinkforthemselves?Iftheyhavenounderstandingofthemeaningandpurposeoftheirownlives?Iftheydonotknowwhotheyareasindividuals?

Thatimpromptuquestion—“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”—hasbecomearegularpartofmydialoguewithfriends,colleagues,lovedones,andstrangersonplanes.Iaskitasatooltohelpmetounderstandothers,andIaskittofurtherunderstandmyself.

Forthemostpart,theanswerspeopletendtogivearevagueandgeneral,notatallthoughtout.Mostpeopleseemsurprisedbythequestion.Ihavebeenaccusedofbeingtoodeeponanumberofoccasions,andonlyveryrarelydoessomeonesay,“Iwantthesethings…,forthesereasons…,andthisishowIintendtoachievethem….”Withoutexception,thesearethepeoplewhoarelivinglifepassionatelyandenthusiastically.Theyveryrarelycomplain,theydon’ttalknegativelyaboutothers,andyouneverhearthemrefertohappinessassomefutureeventlinkedtoretirement,marriage,apromotion,orsome

unexpectedwindfallofmoney.

So,whatdotheyhavethatmostpeopledon’t?Theyknowwhattheywant.Doyouknowwhatyouwant?

Mostpeoplecantellyouexactlywhattheydon’twant,butveryfewhavethesameclarityaboutwhattheydowant.

Ifyoudon’tknowwhatyouwantfromlife,everythingwillappeareitherasanobstacleorasaburden.Butoneofthegreatlessonsofhistoryisthatthewholeworldgetsoutofthewayforpeoplewhoknowwhattheywantorwheretheyaregoing.Beassured,ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,youarelost.

Donotsay,“Iamtooold.”

Don’tsay,“I’mtooyoung.”

TigerWoodswasthreeyearsoldwhenheshot48fornineholesonhishometowngolfcourseinCypress,California.

JulieAndrewswaseightyearsoldwhenshemasteredanastoundingfour-octavesingingrange.

Mozartwaseightyearsoldwhenhewrotehisfirstsymphony.

CharlesDickenswastwelveyearsoldwhenhequitschooltoworkinafactory,pastinglabelsonbottlesofshoepolish,becausehisfatherhadbeenimprisonedfordebt.

AnneFrankwasthirteenyearsoldwhenshebeganherdiary.

RalphWaldoEmersonwasfourteenyearsoldwhenheenrolledatHarvard.

PaulMcCartneywasfifteenyearsoldwhenJohnLennoninvitedhimtojoinaband.

BillGateswasnineteenyearsoldwhenhecofoundedMicrosoft.

PlatowastwentyyearsoldwhenhebecameastudentofSocrates.

JoeDiMaggiowastwenty-sixyearsoldwhenhehitsafelyinfifty-six

consecutivegames.

HenryDavidThoreauwastwenty-sevenyearsoldwhenhemovedtotheshoreofWaldenPond,builtahouse,plantedagarden,andbeganatwo-yearexperimentinsimplicityandself-reliance.

RalphLaurenwastwenty-nineyearsoldwhenhecreatedPolo.

WilliamShakespearewasthirty-oneyearsoldwhenhewroteRomeoandJuliet.

BillGateswasthirty-oneyearsoldwhenhebecameabillionaire.

ThomasJeffersonwasthirty-threeyearsoldwhenhewrotetheDeclarationofIndependence.

CocoChanelwasthirty-eightyearsoldwhensheintroducedherperfumeChanelNo.5.

MotherTeresawasfortyyearsoldwhenshefoundedtheMissionariesofCharity.

JackNicklauswasforty-sixyearsoldwhenheshot65inthefinalround,and30onthebacknine,towintheMasters.

HenryFordwasfiftyyearsoldwhenhestartedhisfirstmanufacturingassemblyline.

RayKrocwasafifty-two-year-oldmilkshakemachinesalesmanwhenheboughtoutMacandDickMcDonaldandofficiallystartedMcDonald’s.

PabloPicassowasfifty-fiveyearsoldwhenhepaintedGuernica.

DomPérignonwassixtyyearsoldwhenhefirstproducedchampagne.

OscarHammersteinIIwassixty-fouryearsoldwhenhewrotethelyricsforTheSoundofMusic.

WinstonChurchillwassixty-fiveyearsoldwhenhebecameBritain’sprimeminister.

NelsonMandelawasseventy-oneyearsoldwhenhewasreleasedfromaSouthAfricanprison.FouryearslaterhewaselectedpresidentofSouthAfrica.

Michelangelowasseventy-twoyearsoldwhenhedesignedthedomeofSt.Peter’sBasilicainRome.

AugusteRodinwasseventy-sixyearsoldwhenhefinallymarriedRoseBeuret,whomhemetwhenhewastwenty-three.

BenjaminFranklinwasseventy-nineyearsoldwhenheinventedbifocaleyeglasses.

FrankLloydWrightwasninety-oneyearsoldwhenhecompletedhisworkontheGuggenheimMuseum.

DimitrionYordanidiswasninety-eightyearsoldwhenheranamarathoninsevenhoursandthirty-threeminutes,inAthens,Greece.

IchijirouArayawasonehundredyearsoldwhenheclimbedMountFuji.

Whetheryouaresixteenorsixty,therestofyourlifeisaheadofyou.Youcannotchangeonemomentofyourpast,butyoucanchangeyourwholefuture.Nowisyourtime.

Whatdoyouwantfromlife?Whatareyourdreams?

Thinkaboutit.Stopreading.Ponderit.Writeyouranswersdown.Makealist.

Putthisbookasidenow—andbeforeyoureadon,spendfiveminutesorfivehoursansweringthequestionforyourself.Whatdoyouwantfromlife?

Maybeyouhavealreadythoughtlongandhardaboutthisquestionbuthaveneverwrittenitdown.Ontheotherhand,ifyouhavenevertakentimetoseriouslyaddressthequestion,don’tpretendthatyouhave.Takethetime.Thinkitover.Writeitdown.

Therearenorightorwronganswers.Writequickly.Don’tthinktoomuch.

Don’tanalyzeoredityourselfasyoumakeyourlist.Writeeverythingdown,eventheonesyoufeelarefoolish.Youranswersdon’thavetobedefinitive.Theywillchangeovertime.That’sokay.Infact,someofthemwillprobablychangebythetimeyoufinishthisbook.Butitisstillimportanttowritethemdownnow.Itwillhelpyouasyoureadthroughtherestofthisbookandasyouventurethroughtherestofyourlife.Sowriteyourlist,andwhenyouaredone,dateit.

Startanewnotebook.IhavewhatIliketocallmydream-book.It’saregularjournalwithblankpages,andIfillthosepageswithmyhopesanddreamsandwordsandideasthatinspireme.

Eachdayinmyquiettime,Iflickthroughthepagesofmydream-bookandIseethingsIhadwrittenthree,four,fiveyearsago,thingsthatseemedimpossibleatthetime.Todaytheyseeminsignificant,becauseIhavegrown,achievedthosedreams,andmovedon.InowalsorealizethatotherthingsIthoughtIwantedarenotasimportanttomeasIimaginedtheywere.

Evenifyouwriteyourlistnow,putitawayanddon’tlookatitforayear.Whenyoudotakethatlistoutoneyearfromnow,youwillbeamazedbytheself-revelationitwillaffordyou.

Stopreading.Putthebookdown.WhatyouareabouttowriteonthatpaperisinfinitelymoreimportantthananythingelseIhavetosayinthisbook.

TheHappinessParadox

Whateveryouwroteonyourlist,chancesarethosearethethings,places,people,andexperiencesthatyoubelievewillmakeyouhappy.Youmayobject,sayingthatyouhavewrittensomeofthethingsonyourlistbecauseyouknowthatbydoingthem,youwillmakesomeoneelsehappy.Butbymakingthemhappy,youwillalsoshareinthathappiness.EvenifyouwroteonyourlistthatyouwantedworldpeaceandtofeedthestarvingpeopleofAfricaandwrotethosethingsforcompletelyaltruisticreasons…theirattainmentwillalsobringyougreathappiness.

Thethingsyouputonyourlistrepresenthappinesstoyou.

Everybodywantstobehappy.Youwanttobehappy,andIwanttobehappy.Thehumanpersonhasanaturalthirstforhappiness,andwedothethingswedobecausewebelievetheywillmakeushappy.

Fromtimetotime,peopledostupidthings.Wemaylookatthemandscratchourheads.Wemaywonder,“Whywouldanybodyeverdosomethingsostupid?”or,“Don’ttheyknowthatisgoingtomakethemmiserable?”Butbeassured,thereasonpeopledostupidthingsisbecausetheymistakenlybelievethosestupidthingswillmakethemhappy.

Peopledonotwakeupinthemorningandaskthemselves,“HowcanImakemyselfmiserabletoday?”

Thehumanheartisonaquestforhappiness.Wegivethishappinessdifferentnamesandmasks,andweliveourlivesinsearchofit.

Thisisthegreatmodernparadox:Weknowthethingsthatmakeushappy;wejustdon’tdothem.

Therearefouraspectstothehumanperson:physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.

Physically,whenyouexerciseregularly,sleepregularly,eattherightsortsoffoods,andbalanceyourdiet,howdoyoufeel?Youfeelfantastic.Youfeelmorefullyalive.You’rehealthier,happier,andyouhavearicher,moreabundantexperienceoflife.

Emotionally,whenyougivefocusandprioritytoyourrelationships,whathappens?Youswitchthefocusoffyourselfandontoothers.Asyoudo,yourabilitytoloveincreases…andasyourabilitytoloveincreases,yourabilitytobelovedincreases.Youbecomemoreawareofyourself,developamorebalancedviewoflife,andexperienceadeepersenseoffulfillment.You’rehealthier.You’rehappier.

Intellectually,whenyoutaketenorfifteenminutesadaytoreadagoodbook,whathappens?Yourvisionofyourselfexpands;yourvisionoftheworldexpands.Youbecomemorefocused,morealert,andmorevibrant.Clarityreplacesconfusion.Youfeelmorefullyalive,andyouarehappier.

Finally,spiritually,whenyoutakeafewmomentseachdaytostepintotheclassroomofsilenceandreconnectwithyourselfandwithyourGod,whathappens?Thegentlevoicewithingrowsstronger,andyoudevelopadeepersenseofpeace,purpose,anddirection.You’rehealthier,you’rehappier,andyouhavearicherexperienceoflife.

Physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually,weknowthethingsthatinfuseourliveswithpassionandenthusiasm.Weknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Wejustdon’tdothem.

Itdoesn’tmakesense,doesit?

Ontheonehand,weallwanttobehappy.Ontheotherhand,weallknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Butwedon’tdothosethings.Why?Simple.Wearetoobusy.Toobusydoingwhat?Toobusytryingtobehappy.

Thisistheparadoxofhappinessthathasbewitchedourage.

TooBusyDoingWhat?

Physically—wedon’texerciseregularlybecausewe’retoobusy.Wedon’teattherighttypesoffood,becausetheytaketoolongtoprepare,it’stooeasytogothroughthedrive-through,andwe’retoobusy.

Wedon’tsleepregularly,becausetherearestillonlytwenty-fourhoursinaday.Wefeelasthoughourliveshaveamomentumoftheirown,thattheywouldgoonwithorwithoutus.Ourlistofthethingswehavetodojustgetslongerandlonger.Weneverfeelthatwegetcaughtup;wejustgetmoreandmorebehindeveryday.Seriously,whenwasthelasttimeyousatdown,tookadeepbreath,andsaidtoyourself,“I’mcaughtupnow!”Sowerusharoundlateatnightdoingfifty-fivelittlethingsbeforewegotobedandrobbingourselvesoftheprecioussleepthatrebuildsandrejuvenatesus.Why?Wearetoobusy.

Emotionally—mostofusknowthatthehappiestpeopleontheplanetarethosewhoarefocusedintheirpersonalrelationships.Relationshipsthriveunderonecondition:carefreetimelessness.Dowegiftourrelationshipswithcarefreetimelessness?Ofcoursewedon’t.Weshovethemintotenminuteshereandfifteenminutesthere.Wegivethemtheworsttime,whenwearemosttiredandleastemotionallyavailable.Why?Wearetoobusy.

Intellectually—wedon’teventakethosetenorfifteenminuteseachdaytoreadgoodbooksthatchallengeustochange,togrow,andtobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Why?Wedon’thavetime.Wearetoobusy.

Spiritually—mostpeopleveryrarelystepintotheclassroomofsilencetoreconnectwiththemselvesandtheirGod.Why?Weareafraidofwhatwemightdiscoveraboutourselvesandaboutourlives.Weareafraidwemightbechallengedtochange.Andwearetoobusy.

Itbegsthequestion,doesn’tit?Whatarewealltoobusydoing?

Forthemostpart,wearetoobusydoingjustabouteverything,thatmeansjustaboutnothing,tojustaboutnobody,justaboutanywhere…andwillmeanevenlesstoanyoneahundredyearsfromnow!

QuietDesperation

Ahundredandfiftyyearsago,HenryDavidThoreauleftConcord,Massachusetts,becausehebelievedithadbecometoonoisy,toodistracting,andtoobusy.HewentofftoWaldenPondtoreconnectwithhimselfandwithnature.Ittookhimonlysevenpagesinhiswritingsandreflectionstoconclude,“Mostmenleadlivesofquietdesperation.”

Duringmyshortlife,Ihavehadtheprivilegeoftravelinginmorethanfiftycountries,andIhaveseennothingtomakemebelievethatThoreauwouldchangehismindtoday.Mostpeoplearenotthriving;mostpeoplearejustsurviving,justgettingby,justhangingon.Itis,infact,arareandpleasantsurprisetofindsomeonewhoistrulythriving.

AfriendrecentlydrewmyattentiontoaTimemagazinearticledevotedtothequestion“Whyiseverythinggettingbetter?”Thearticle’sauthorusedeconomicsashissolemeasureandreasonforlifegettingbetter.Hisonlyexaminationofourliveswaseconomic.Wearericher.Wehavemoredisposableincome.Wehavemorechoicesatthegrocerystore.Wehavemoreinourretirementaccounts.Wehavemorecars,andwecanturnthemintotheleasingagenteverythreeyearsandgetnewones.

Iseverythinggettingbetter?It’sagoodquestion,butonethatneedstobeassessedalittlemoreseriouslythansolelyfromtheperspectiveoftheeconomicindexofhappiness.

Allowmetoofferjustafewbriefthoughtsforyourconsideration.

WeprescribemoremedicationfordepressioninAmericatodaythanforanyotherillness.

Thesuiciderateamongteensandyoungadultshasincreasedby5,000

percentinthelastfiftyyears.Ifthemassiveincreasesinsuicideamongtheyoungergenerationsofanycivilizationarenotasignthatallisnotwell,nothingis.

Finally,itisbecomingmoreandmoreapparentthatsuicideisdirectlyproportionaltowealth.Whatdoesthatmean?Studiesrevealthatthemoremoneyyouhave,themorelikelyyouaretotakeyourownlife.PeterKreeftcapturedthealarmingrealityinarecentarticleofhisown:“Thericheryouare,thericheryourfamilyis,andthericheryourcountryis,themorelikelyitisthatyouwillfindlifesogoodthatyouwillchoosetoblowyourbrainsout.”Economicsisclearlynotagoodmeasureofhappiness.

Yes,wehavemorematerialpossessionsthaneverbefore,buttodirectlyconcludethat“lifeisgettingbetter”simplybecauseofeconomicprosperityrequiresanaïvetéandnarrow-mindednessofmonumentalproportions.

Ifyouscratchjustbelowthesurfaceoftheeconomicsuccessofourage,therearesomeverydisturbingsigns.Inanageofunprecedentedprosperity,therearemillionswhofeelthatsomethingismissingintheirlives.

What’stheproblem?Whatismissing?Whatisitthatweneedthatwedon’thave?Howdowegetit?

Anumberoftrendsareemerginginourmodernculturethataretelltalesignsthatallisnotwellintheheartsandmindsofthepeople.Depressionandsuicideratesnearingepidemiclevelsarecertainlyamongthem.Butanotheremergingtrendworthyofourconsiderationisourmoderninabilitytosustainrelationships.

Morethanoneineverytwomarriagesendsindivorceorseparation.Weareallfamiliarwiththestatistic,buthavewestoppedtoseriouslyconsiderwhy?Haveyounoticedthatfewerandfewerpeoplearegettingmarried?Itisafactthatismaskedbytheenormousnumberofpeoplegettingremarried.Areyounoticingmoreandmoreyoungpeopledespairingabouttheirpartner’sinability,hesitancy,orunwillingnesstocommittomarriage?

Ontopofallthis,considerthattheaveragemanorwomanisnowlikelytochangejobsfivetimesmorefrequentlythanhisorherworkinggrandparents.Isitjustthatthecorporateworldhaschanged?Ordoesitalsosaysomethingaboutus?

Finally,onthesimplest,mostpractical,everydaylevel,considerhowmanypeoplemakeresolutionstodiet,exercise,orjustspendmoretimewiththeirfamiliesandfailcompletely.Ourinabilitytolivetheresolutionswemakeisanotherindicator.Indicatorofwhat?

Thereisacrisisofcommitmentinoursociety.Peopleseemunwillingtomakecommitmentsor,oncemade,unabletofulfillthem.Butwhereistheconnectionbetweenthe“crisisofcommitment”andthesuicide,depression,andquietdesperationofourage?

Asgreatasthiscrisisofcommitmentmayseem,itissecondarytoamorefundamentalproblem.Mostpeoplesincerelywanttofulfilltheircommitments.Peopledon’tgetmarriedtogetdivorced.Peopledon’tfailtokeepresolutionsbecausetheywanttofail.Thecrisisofcommitmentistheresultofafarmoreseriouscrisisofpurpose.

Agreatpurposelessnesshasdescendeduponmoderncivilizations.Peopleatlargehavelostanysenseofthemeaningandpurposeoflife;andwithoutanunderstandingofourownpurpose,therecanbenotruecommitment.Whetherthatcommitmentistomarriage,family,study,work,God,relationships,orthesimpleresolutionsofourlives,itwillbealmostimpossibletofulfillwithoutaclearandpracticalunderstandingofourpurpose.Commitmentandpurposegohandinhand.

Commitmentisthelogicalandnaturalresponsethatfollowsfromanunderstandingofourpurpose.

Everythinginourlivesiseitherpursuedorrejectedaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelpus,andothers,fulfillwhatweperceiveasourpurpose.

Someonewhomakesmoneyhisgoalinlifeacceptsorrejectseverythingaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelphimachievethatgoal.

Someonewhomakespleasurethegoalofherlifeacceptsorrejectseverythingaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelpherachievehergoal.

Intheabsenceofagenuineunderstandingofthemeaningandpurposeofourlives,wesubstituteitwithshallowandsuperficialmeaning.Thehumanpersoncannotlivewithoutmeaningandpurpose.

Whyisdepressionsodramaticallyontherise?Icannotimagineanythingmoredepressingthannothavinganysenseofthemeaningandpurposeofyourownlife.

Whydosomanyyoungpeopleimmersethemselvesinvideogames,alcohol,promiscuoussex,deafeninglyloudmusic,anddrugs?Isitpossiblethattheyusethesethingstodistractthemselvesfromthefrighteningrealityoffacingalifewithoutmeaningandpurpose?Orisitthattheyusethesethingsinavainandfutileattempttofillthevoidofmeaninglessnesswithinthem?

Whydosomanypeoplegetsocaughtupintheirworkthattheydon’thavetimeforanythingelse,eventhepeopletheylove?Isitperhapsthatachievementintheirworkistheonlythingthatgivesthemeventhevaguestsenseofpurposeintheirlives?Orthatbecausetheyconsciously,orsubconsciously,believethattheirworkistheirpurpose,theycompletelycommittothatpurposeandrefusetoletanythingcomebetweenthemandthefulfillmentofwhattheyhaveerroneouslyperceivedastheirpurpose?

Iamamazedhowmanywomenseekmyadviceinregardtoahusbandwhohasnotimefororinterestinanythingbuthiswork.Theproblemisthathedoesn’tseehiswifeandchildreninrelationtohispurpose.Heperceiveshispurposeassuccessandachievementinhiswork.Theonlyplacehiswifeandchildrenhaveinthisschemeisthatthefinancialfruitsofhisworkallowhimtoprovideforhisfamily.

Whyarepeoplehavingfewerandfewerchildren?Tooofteninourmodernculture,childrenareperceivedas“nicetohave”ifyou’vegotthetimeandthemoneyandarepreparedtosuspend,ormaybeevensacrifice,yourcareer.Youngcouplestodayperceivetheblessingofchildrennotinrelationtotheirtruepurpose,butratherinrelationtotheir“quasipurpose”offinancialindependence.

Forthemostpart,peopletodayperceivetheirpurposeinrelationtosuccessintheworkplaceandfinancialindependence.Theresultiswhatwewitnessbeforeusinourworldtodayandwhatwetoooftenallowourselvestobeapartof—apanickedfrenzyofpeoplerushingaround,workingtoomuch,workingtoohard,workingtoooften,inordertosplashmoneyaroundtheglobaleconomy,bypayingthemortgageonthehousethattheyreallycan’tafford;wearingthe

clothesthatareinordinatelyoverpricedbecausetheyhavesomedesignerlabelonthem;drivingthecarthatinthirty-sixmonthstheywillsurrendertotheleasingagentforanothernewone;givinglessandlesstimetothepeopletheyloveandcareabout;neglectingtheirrealandlegitimateneeds;tryingtoignorethequietdissatisfactionthattheysensedeepwithinthemselves;anddistractingthemselveswitheverymannerofnoise,pleasure,andentertainmentfromthefactthatagreatmeaninglessnesshasdescendedupontheirlives.

Theremustbemoretolife.

TheFiveQuestions

Forthousandsofyears,menandwomenofeveryage,race,andculturehavesoughttounderstandthemeaningoflife.Thepeopleofourowntimearenodifferent.

Throughouthistory,scientistsandphilosophers,theologiansandartists,politiciansandsocialactivists,monksandsages,andmenandwomenfromallwalksoflifehavediscussedanddebatedmanyquestionsinthequesttodiscoverthemeaningoflife.Andwhiletheirdiscussionshavebeenmanyandvaried,tomymindallofhumanity’ssearchingforknowledgeandanswerscanbearrangedunderfiveheadings,eachofthemaquestion.

Thesearethefivequestionsthathumanityhasbeenaskingconsciouslyandsubconsciouslyeversincehumanlifefirstexisted.

Althoughwemaybeunabletoarticulatethem,youandIareconstantlyaskingthesequestions.Whetherweareawareofitornot,ourwholeexistenceisasearchingtoanswerthesefivequestions.Weseektheanswerstothesequestionsdirectlyandindirectlyeverydayofourlives.Andhowweanswerthesequestionsdeterminestheshape,form,anddirectionthatourlivestakeon.

Thesearethefivequestionsthathumanitylongstoanswer:

1.WhoamI?

2.WheredidIcomefrom?

3.WhatamIherefor?

4.HowdoIdoit?

5.WhereamIgoing?

Allreligioustextsarecentereduponandseektoilluminethefivequestions—includingthesacredwritingsofIsrael,theChristianscriptures,andtheBhagavadGita.ThefivequestionsalsoformthemajorthemesinthewritingsofConfuciusandLao-tzu,HomerandEuripides,SophoclesandShakespeare,PlatoandAristotle,DostoyevskyandAldousHuxley,ErnestHemingway,C.S.Lewis,andHenryDavidThoreau.Theyarethequestionsthattestifytohumanity’sage-oldsearchforthemeaningandpurposeoflife.Theyarethequestionsthathungryheartsplaceatthecenteroftheirlives.

Thesecondquestion,“WheredidIcomefrom?”introducesustotheideasofcreationandlife.Withinthefifthquestion,“WhereamIgoing?,”webecomeintimatewiththerealitiesoftime,death,andeternity.Mostreligioustraditionsanswerthesecondandthelastquestionwith“God,”buttheideasthatthesequestionsunveilarecomplex.Andthoughnowisnotthetime,andthisparticularbookisnottheplace,thesecondandthefifthquestionsdeserveseriousstudyandthoughtintheirownright.

Questionsthreeandfour,“WhatamIherefor?”and“HowdoIdoit?,”givebirthtothemysteriesoflove,joy,misery,happiness,suffering,fulfillment,discontent,and,especially,theneverceasingstrugglewewitnessandexperiencebetweengoodandevil.Weliveoureverydaylivesintherealmsofquestionsthreeandfour.Andowingtotheirpracticalimplications,weusuallybecomefascinatedandpreoccupiedwiththesequestions.Butinordertoanswerthesequestions,“WhatamIherefor?”and“HowdoIdoit?,”itisimperativethatwegiveseriousthoughtandreflectiontoquestionone:“WhoamI?”

Philosophically,thismayallbeverysound.Practically,however,theprocessofansweringthesefivequestionsandconformingourlivestotheanswerswefindisverydifficult.

Eachofusseekstoanswerthesequestionsinourownway.Experienceisanexcellent,thoughsometimesbrutal,teacher.Yetatthesametime,itisonlytheignoranceofyouththatbelievesexperienceistheonlyteacher.Aswegrowwiser,werealizethatlifeistooshorttolearnallofitslessonsfrompersonalexperience,andwediscoverthatotherpeople,places,andtimesarealltoowillingtopassonthehard-earnedwisdomoftheirexperiences.

Butwhereshouldwebegin?

Ithasbeenmyexperiencethatnothingchangesaperson’slifemorethanthediscoveryofonesolitarytruth:Thereismeaningandpurposetolife.Morespecifically:Thereisameaningandpurposetoyourlife.

TheMeaningofLife

Ourmoderncultureproclaimswithallitsforce:Whatyoudoandwhatyouhavearethemostimportantthings.Thisisalie.Itisadeceptionthathasledwholegenerationsdownthewell-troddenpathtowardlivesofquietdesperation.Butitisaliethatisreinforcedwithsuchregularitythatwehavegrowntobelieveit,atleastsubconsciously,andhaveshapedourlivesaroundit.

Twoofthemostcommontoolsofsocialjudgmentaretheassessmentofwhatmakeandmodelofcaryoudriveandthequestion“Whatdoyoudo?”

Thewholefocusofourcultureisondoingandhaving.Igetontheplane,andnineoutoftentimes,thepersonnexttomewillaskme,“Whatdoyoudo?”Weaskyoungchildren,“Whatareyougoingtodowhenyougrowup?”andseniorsinhighschool,“Whatareyougoingtodoincollege?”andcollegegraduates,“Whatareyougoingtodonowthatyouhavefinishedyourstudies?”Weliveinatask-orientedculture.Butthistask-orientedapproachcompletelyignoresourneedtoconnecttheactivitiesofourdailyliveswithouressentialpurpose.

Doingandhavingarenatural,normal,andnecessaryaspectsofourdailylives;thechallengeistodoandhaveinaccordwithouressentialpurpose.

Inthistask-orientedculture,oneoftherealdangersistoslipintoanepisodicmodeofliving.WhatImeanis,thehappeningsofourday-to-daylivescanbecomeepisodic,oneafteranother,liketheepisodesofasoapopera.Inasoapopera,thereisalwayssomethinghappening,butnothingeverreallyhappens.Ineveryepisodethereisdrama—activitytakesplace,wordsaremuttered,butnothingreallyhappens.Peopleabusingoneanother,peopleusingoneanother,peopletalkingaboutoneanother,peopleplottingandscheming,butnothingmeaningfuleverhappens.Theirlivesarefilledwithsuperficialities,andtheyareconstantlyrestlessandmiserable.Thereisnotheme,nothread—justanother

entertainingepisode.

Whenthedaysandweeksofourlivesbecomelikethis,wegrowdepressed,disillusioned,andmiserablyunhappy.Thereasonisthatwithoutaclearsenseofthepurposeandmeaningofourlives,theemptinessisoverwhelming.Wetrytofillthevoidwithpleasureandpossessions,buttheemptinessisunaffectedbysuchtrivialities.Therearemomentsofpleasure,buttheyarebriefinalongsuccessionoftwenty-four-hourdays.

PabloPicassowaswalkingdownthestreetinParisonedaywhenawomanrecognizedandapproachedhim.Afterintroducingherselfandpraisinghiswork,sheaskedhimifhewouldconsiderdrawingherportraitandofferedtopayhimforthepiece.

Picassoagreedandsatthewomandownthereandthenonthesideofthestreet,broughtoutasketchbookandpencil,andbegantodrawthewoman.Asmallcrowdofspectatorsgatheredveryquickly,butinonlyahandfulofminutesPicassohadfinishedthedrawing.Ashehandedittothewoman,hesaid,“Thatwillbefivethousandfrancs.”Surprisedattheprice,thewomanobjected,saying,“ButMr.Picasso,ittookyouonlyafewminutes.”Picassosmiledandreplied,“No,mydearwoman,youaremistaken,ittookmeawholelifetime.”

Theindividualexperiencesofourlivescannotbeseparatedfromthewhole.Lifeisnotaseriesofseparateepisodes.Alloflife’sexperiencesthusfarhaveplayedapartinthepersonyouarerightnow.Thecommonreactiontothisstatementistorecallsomenegativeorabusiveeventinourpastanduseitasanexcuseforthepersonwearetoday.Suchadoptionofvictimhoodisoneofthemostdestructivespiritsatworkinthehumanpsycheinthesemoderntimes.

Victimhooddeniesthegreattruththatlifeischoices.

ThepointIamreallytryingtomakehereisthatwearenotacompositeofeverythingthathaseverhappenedtous,butratherwhathappensinourlivesisalmostalwaysaresultofthosethingswehabituallythinkandthosethingswe

habituallydo.Lifeisthefruitofdiscipline,orlackofit.Weareourhabits.Forexample,youcannotseparateTigerWoods’sphenomenalperformanceandrecord-crushingvictoryatthe1997Mastersfromthetwentyyearsofhislifepriortothatevent.HispracticesessionsfifteenyearsearlierattheageofsixwereasmuchapartofthatMastersvictoryashisfinalapproachshottotheeighteenthgreen.

Everydisciplinedefforthasitsownmultiplereward.

Artisticallyandprofessionally,PabloPicassohadaprofoundunderstandingofthevalueofcompoundingeffortandexperience.Hisprofessionallifehadthemeandthread,directionandpurpose—andwasheldtogetherasonewhole.Hispersonallifelackedthatwisdom.Fromlovertoloverhepassed,fromwifetowife,fromfriendtofriend—alwaysmovingon,eventuallydesertingeventhosewholovedhim.Intheend,heabandonedallthosewhowereclosetohim.Picasso’spersonallifewasplaguedbythisepisodicqualitywehavejustdiscussed.Hewasunableorunwillingtoapplythetruthhehaddiscoveredprofessionallytotheotherareasofhislife.

Lifeisthegatheringoftruth.Anytruthwediscovermustnotbeallowedtoremainisolatedinoneareaofourlives,andcertainlymustnotbeallowedtoremainmerelyinourminds.Rather,anytruthliferevealstousmustfilterintoeveryaspectofourlives,likebloodtothecellsofthebody.Lifeisone.Truthshouldbelived.

Whatwedointhespanofourlivesmaybringusfinancialrewards,status,fame,power,andunimaginablepossessions,butlastinghappinessandfulfillmentarenottheby-productsofdoingandhaving.

Thetruthisastartlingcontrasttothepresentculture’scredo.

Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.

Themeaningandpurposeoflifeisforyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Iamoftenamusedathowscaredsomepeoplearetowonder,orask,whatGodmightwantforthemorfromthem.TheyimaginethatGodmightwantthemtobecomeamissionaryinsomeobscure,poverty-strickencountryorthatGodmightwantthemtobecomeamonk…oranun…orthatGodalwayswantsthemtodotheonethingtheydon’twanttodo.

WhatisGod’sdreamforyou?Doyoueverwonder?Letmetellyou.

Godwantsyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Goddoesn’twanttocontrolyou,orstifleyou,ormanipulateyou,orforceyoutodoanythingyoudon’twanttodo.Quitetheopposite,infact.Godwillletyoudowhateveryouwanttodo,wheneveryouwanttodoit,withwhomeveryouwanttodoit,andasoftenasyouwanttodoit.WhenwasthelasttimeGodstoppedyoufromdoinganything?

ButifwecanfindthecouragewithinoursometimestimidheartstoturntoGodandask,“God,whatisyourdreamformeandmylife?”Godwillwhisperinreply,“Beallyoucanbe.Becomethe-best-version-of-yourself.”

Ouressentialpurposeistobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Oncewediscoveritandplacethispurposeatthecenterofourlives,everythingbeginstomakessense.Untilwediscoverouressentialpurpose,nothingmakessense,andwewanderaroundaimlessly,slowlybeingnumbedintolivesofquietdesperation.

Itisthequesttoimproveourselves,tobeallwearecapableofbeing,totestourlimits,andtogrowsteadilytowardthe-best-version-of-ourselvesthatbringsmeaningtoourlives.

Ifwereturnforamomenttoourearlierdiscussionofhappiness,wealsodiscoverthatouryearningforhappinessisintimatelylinkedtoouressentialpurpose.Ineachofthefourareas—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—wediscussedcertainactivitiesthatbringushappiness.Whydowegetadeepsenseoffulfillmentandhappinessfromthoseactivities?Becausetheyhelpusfulfillouressentialpurpose.Theactivitiesthathelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesalsofillourliveswithsustainablehappiness.

Thereispurposeandmeaningtolife.Youwereborntobecomethe-best-version-ofyourself.InthewordsofRobertLouisSteven-son,“Tobewhatweare,andtobecomewhatwearecapableofbecoming,istheonlyendoflife.”Inpart3ofthisbook,wewilldiscusshowyouplacethistruthatthecenterofyourlifebyusingitasacompassinyourdecisionmaking.

Embracethisonesolitarytruth—youwereborntobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself—anditwillchangeyourlifemorethananythingyouhaveeverlearned.

SevenDreams

FormanyyearsIhavebeenpracticingtheexercisewedidtogetheralittleearlier—the“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”exercise.ThefirstseveraltimesImademyownlist,allIwantedwasmoreofthethingsoftheworld.ThenIdiscoveredmyessentialpurpose,andeverythingchanged.

Istartedaskingmyself,“Whichofthethingsonmylistaregoingtohelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself?”ThegoodnewswasthatIdidhavesomethingsonmylistthatweregoingtohelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself.Ialsohadalotofthingsthatwereindifferenttomyessentialpurpose.ThebadnewswasthatIhadsomethingsonmylistthatweredirectlyorindirectlygoingtocauseme,orencourageme,tobecomea-lesser-version-of-myself.Ibeganassessingthethingsonmylistinrelationtomyessentialpurpose.

Likesomanypeople,IhaveoftenbelievedthatifIcouldchangemysurroundings—things,places,andpeople—thenIwouldbehappier.Discoveringmyessentialpurposehascausedmetorealizethathappinessisaninside-outjob.Alltoooften,whatisgoingonaroundusisonlyareflectionofwhatisgoingonwithinus.

Inmyownlife,Ihavebecomeintimatelyawareofthistruthinanumberofways.Oneexampleismyhome.Iamafairlytidyperson,butIhavenoticedthatwhenIamconfusedontheinside,Istoptidyinguparoundthehouse.Ileavethingslyingaround,andbeforelongtheplaceisamess.Ihavealsonoticedthatoncetheconfusionwithinissolved,thequestionanswered,ortheissueresolved,almostimmediatelyIstarttidyingupmyhouse,office,andcar.

WhenIamfocusedonbecomingthe-best-version-of-myself,Iamdeeplyhappy.Itisthepursuitofouressentialpurposealonethatsatisfies.

Whenyouknowyouarestrivingtobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,

thataloneisenoughtosustainyouinhappiness.Whenyoudon’thavethat,allthepleasureandpossessionsyoucansummonfromtheworldcannotsustainhappinessinthedepthsofyourheart.

Wespendourlivesintheserviceofourdesires.Sometimesthosedesiresaregoodandtheirpursuitistoourbenefit.Atothertimesourdesiresareselfishandself-destructive.Ifthereispurposeandmeaningtoourlives,thenthehighestlevelsoflivingmustbelinkedtodiscoveringthatmeaningandfulfillingthatpurpose.Itstandstoreason,then,thatthereshouldbearelationshipbetweenthepurposeandmeaningoflifeandourdreams.

Earlier,Iaskedyoutostopandconsiderwhatyouwantedfromlifeandtowritethosethingsdown.Asyouprogressthroughthisbook,Iwouldlikeyoutoremainopentorevisingandchanging,addingandeliminating,someofwhatyouhadpreviouslywritten.

Myowndreamlistisconstantlybeingrevised.Mydream-bookisfilledwithpagesandpagesofdreams…everythingfromcountriesI’dliketovisit,booksI’dliketowrite,andthequalitiesI’dlikemysoul-matetohave,tolivingbythebeach,drivingasweetlittleconvertible,cyclingdownHaleakalaatsunrise,andvirtuesI’dliketodevelopinmyowncharacter.Andwhilemanyoftheseareexcitingtopursue,Ihavedonetheexerciseenoughtimestoknowthatthemostimportantdreamsinmydream-bookaretheonesthathelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself.

So,eventhoughIamconstantlydreamingnewdreams,Ihavelearnedtodreamwithmyessentialpurposeatthecenterofmylife.Withthatinmind,Ihavedevelopedsevencoredreamsthathelpmestayfocusedonmyessentialpurpose.

Thesearemydreams.Ibelievethatthepursuitofthesedreamswillleadustopeace,happiness,success,satisfaction,service,wholeness,andholiness.

Theyaremydreams,buttheyarealsomydreamsforyou.

TheFirstDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouhavecompletecontroloveryourmentalandphysicalfacultiesandthatyouareslaveneitherto

food,nordrink,noranyothersubstance.Idreamthatyouwillbefree,thatyouwillhavefreedominthetruestsenseoftheword—thestrengthofcharactertodowhatisrightineachsituation.

TheSecondDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouareabletodiscernthepeople,activities,andpossessionsthataremostimportanttoyou.

Andthatyouareabletogiveeachofthemtheirtimeandplaceaccordingtotheirappropriatepriority.

TheThirdDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouhavethecourage,determination,firmness,andpersistencetoperformthetasksthatyouchoose,decide,andresolvetoperform.Thatyouperformthemwithacommitmenttoexcellenceandattentionto

detail.

TheFourthDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoudiscoverauniquetalentthatleadsyoutodedicatetheprofessionalaspectofyourlifetosomework

youcanbepassionateabout.Idreamthatyoumayenjoytherareprivilegeofspendingyourdaysinmeaningfulwork.Thatyouserveyourneighbor,yourfamily,andyourcommunityinthisoccupationand

thatbyit,youareabletoprovideforyourtemporalneeds.

TheFifthDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyougrowinwealthineverysenseoftheword,thatyouareneverinneed,andthatwhateveryour

wealthis,youshareitwithallyoucan.

TheSixthDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoufindtruelove.Someoneyoucancherish.Someonewhomakesyouwanttobeabetterperson.Asoul-matewhocanchallengeyouandloveyou.Acompanionwhocanwalkwithyou,knowyou,share

yourjoy,perceiveyourpainandheartache,andcomfortyouinyourdisappointments.

TheSeventhDream

Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoudiscoveradeepandabidinginteriorpeace.Thepeacethatcomesfromknowingthatwhoyouare,

whereyouare,andwhatyoudoisessentiallygoodandmakessense;thatyouarecontributingtothehappinessofothers;andthatyouareprogressingtowardbecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

ANewPerspective

Atdifferenttimesinourlives,weallneedanewperspective.

Inthelate1960s,therewasayoungmanwhohadadreamofbecomingafamousmusician.Heknewexactlywhathewanted,sohelefthighschoolandbegantoplayhismusicwhereverpeoplewouldlisten.Butasahighschooldropoutandwithlittleexperience,hefounditdifficulttogetworkasamusician.

Beforetoolonghefoundhimselfplayinginsmall,dirtyclubsandbars.Sharinghisgiftwithahandfulofdrunksnightafternightbecameadiscouraginghabit.Thiswasnothisdream.HehaddreamedofplayingtoselloutshowsacrossAmericaandaroundtheworld.Hehaddreamedofseeinghisnameinlights,ofwalkingdownthestreetandbeingstoppedforautographs,ofhavinghisalbumsineverymusicstore.Heevendreamedonedayhewouldplaytoapackedbaseballstadium—anabsurdthoughtinthelate1960s.

Hehadstumbledupondifficulttimes.Financiallyhewasbroke,professionallyhewasfailing,andhisonlyjoyinlifewasthesupportofhisgirlfriend.TheyhadsolittlemoneythattheywouldsleepinLaundromatstosavetheexpenseofahotel.Butonedayshegotsickofbeingconstantlyontheroad.Thisgypsylifestylewasnotherdream,either.Shehaddreamedofbeingmarriedtoafamousmusicianbutwasunawareofthehardworkittakestogettothetop.Itwasnotthelifeshehadimagined,soshelefthim.

Withhisonlyjoyinlifegone,hedecidedtocommitsuicide.Thatnighttheyoungmusicianmadeahalfheartedattempttoendhislifebydrinkingabottleoffurniturepolishandabottleofvodka.Thenextday,verysick,hecheckedhimselfintoamentalinstitution.

Lessthanthreeweekslater,hecheckedhimselfout.Hewasanewman.Hewasrefreshed,enthusiastic,andexcitedaboutlife.Hewascured.Theyhadnot

givenhimanymedication,norwasitanythingthedoctorsornurseshadsaidtohim.Theotherpatientshadcuredhim.

Theyremindedhimofhowfortunateandgiftedhewas,andtheyhadshownhimhowmuchmorelifecouldbe.Hewasgivenanewperspectiveonlife.

Thatday,thatsameyoungmanleftthementalinstitutionabsolutelyresolvedtopursuehisdreamofbecomingafamedmusician.Hewasdeterminedtotravelandworkanddowhateverwasnecessarytoachievehisdream.

Threeyearslater,hewroteasongcalled“PianoMan,”andtodayalmosteverypersonontheplanethasheardofBillyJoel.Andyes,onJune22and23in1990,BillyJoelplayedtoselloutcrowdsofninetythousandpeopleatYankeeStadium.

Weallneedastartlingnewperspectiveatleastonceinourlives.BillyJoel’sexperienceinthementalinstitutiongavehimthatnewperspective.Itismyhopethatthisbookwillgiveyouthatnewperspective,too.

Ihavealwayshadarealpassionformusic,andIhavealwaysenjoyedBillyJoel’smusic.OnanumberofoccasionsIhavehadtheopportunitytoseehimperformliveandhaveneverfoundthatexperiencetobeanythinglessthaninspiring.Itisraretofindmusicalgeniusmixedwithsuchpoeticthoughtfulness.

Myfavoritelyricofhisisfromasongentitled“ScenesfromanItalianRestaurant.”ThesongtellsthestoryofBrendaandEddie,twohighschoolstudentswhoweretheenvyofalltheirpeers.Theywerethatpopularcouple,thekingandqueenoftheprom,thecouplewholookedandseemedperfecttogether.TheversedescribesBrendaandEddiedrivingaroundwiththecartopdownandtheradioon,hangingoutatthediner,atthetopoftheirworld.ThenBillyJoeldropsinmyfavoriteline,whichsayssomuchaboutadolescence.Withithealsodefinesthemajorbarrierthatpreventsmostofusfromachievinggreaterthingsin,andwith,ourlives.Hewrites,“Weneverknewwecouldwantmorethanthatoutoflife…”

Thereismore.

Inallofourlivesthereisagreatdangerinbelievingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwehaveisallthatthereis.

Thereismore.DoyouknowwhatitisliketowalkthroughthestreetsofParisinthepouringrainwithoutaworryintheworld,enjoyingeverylastdropofrainthatfallsonyourface?DoyouknowwhatitisliketoseeTheNutcrackerperformedattheSydneyOperaHouseandsitsoclosethatyoucanseethebeadsofsweatonthedancers’foreheads?

DoyouknowwhatitisliketodancewithnomusiconabeachontheislandofCretewithsomeoneyoulovemorethanyoueverimaginedyoucouldlove?DoyouknowwhatitisliketofeelsoguidedthatitisasthoughGodhasHisveryhandonyourshoulderandiswhisperinginyourear?DoyouknowwhatitisliketostandintheSistineChapelandlookupinaweatMichelangelo’sgreatestwork,listeningtothosearoundyouspeakinfifteendifferentlanguages,breathingmoredeeplythanyoueverhave,andsmellingthemustyairofoneofthemostrenownedplacesofworshipandartistictreasuresintheworld?Doyouknow…thereismore?

Youcannotlivewithoutdreams.Dreamsfosterhope,andhopeisoneoftheforcesbywhichmenandwomenlive.

Todreamistheeasiestthingintheworld.Therearenolimitationstodreaming.Butaswegrowweexperiencepain,failure,criticism,anddisappointment,andwegraduallylimitourdreams.Weseektoliveinthecomfortzone.Thereisnosuchthing.Itismuchmoredifficulttotrytoliveinacomfortzonethanitistofollowourdreams,becausethecomfortzoneisonlyanillusion,butourdreamsarereal.Willyouspendtherestofyourlifechasinganillusionorfollowingyourdreams?

IwillneverforgetaquestionIonceheardRobertSchullerposeinaninterviewwithLarryKing.Theywerediscussingtheeffectsofthefearoffailureonourdecision-makingprocess,andSchullerofferedthisquestionasaguide:“Whatwouldyouattemptifyouknewyoucouldnotfail?”

Donotbeafraidtodream.Perhapsyourfearisoffailure.Thereisnoshameintryingtoattemptmightythingsandfailing.Theshameisinfailingtoattemptthosethings.Michelangelo,thegreatRenaissanceartistandpoet,knewthevalue,power,andneedfordreamswhenhewrote,“Thegreaterdangerformost

ofusisnotthatouraimistoohighandwemissit,butthatitistoolowandwereachit.”

Ourdreamsareaself-revelation.

TellmewhatyourdreamsareandIwilltellyouwhattypeofpersonyouare.Defineyourdreamsclearlyandpreciselyandyouwillknowforyourselfwhattypeofpersonyouare.Ifyoudonotlikewhatyoudiscover,remember,youcreatedyourdreams,andinsodoing,youformedthepersonyouaretoday.Ifyoudon’tlikewhoyouareandthelifeyouareliving,itmayseemlikebadnewstohearthatyouhavecreatedthepersonyouaretodayandthelifeyouareliving.Thegoodnewsis,youcanre-createyourdreamsandbecomeanewcreation.

Don’tletthehustleandbustleoflifedragyoudown.Don’tallowtheday-to-daydrudgeryoflifedistractyoufromyouressentialpurpose—becomingthe-best-version-of-yourself!Taketimetodream.Imaginewhatyouarecapableof,andlivethatlife.

LetusliveeverydayinthecounselofThoreau:“Goconfidentlyinthedirectionofyourdreams!Livethelifeyou’veimagined.”

LivePassionately

WhenIwastwelveyearsold,Iusedtosingintheschoolchoir,andoftenwewouldsingatfunerals.WhetherornotIknewthepersonwhohaddied,funeralshavealwayshadadeepimpactonmylife.EverytimeIgotoafuneral,orhearthatsomeoneIknowhasdied,Ialwaysbecomemoredeterminednottowastemylife,nottotakelifeforgranted.

EverynowandthenIliketotakeawalkinacemetery.Eachtombstonetellsastory.Someofthepeoplewerelaidtorestlastyear,othersahundredyearsago.Someofthemlivedforninety-fiveyears,othersfortwenty-fiveyears.ButIcanhearallofthemcallingouttomeinunison,sharingwithmeamessage:“Lifeisshort.Donotwasteyourlife.Livelifepassionately.”

Somewheredeepwithinyouthereisadesiretodedicateyourselftobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Ihopeyoufeelthatdesirestirringwithinyou.Fosterthatdesire.Nurturethatdesire.Adopthabitsthathelpyourekindlethatdesire.Otherwiseyourlifeisindangerofbecominganutterwaste.

Youwillbecomelikeacandleinthewind,avictimofcircumstance,andeverytimethewindstopsblowingyouwillwishyouhadplacedyouressentialpurposeatthecenterofyourlife.Butthewindsoflifewillblowoncemore,changingdirectionanddistractingyouagainfromwhatisreallyimportant.Youwillgetcaughtupintheepisodiccycleofthemodernworld,andyourlifewillbearnosignsofcontinuityorconsistency.Youwillachievethings,nodoubt,andyouwillhavethings,butyouwillberestlessandanxious.Thesensethattheremustbemorewillhauntyoucontinually,thefeelingthatsomethingismissingwilllingerontheedgeofeverythingyoudo.Andmanyyearsfromnow,inthedimlightofyourdistantmemory,youwillrememberthedreamsyouignoredandabandoned.Youwillfeelapainthatcannotbeeasedorconsoled.Regretoverthingsdonecanbeeasedovertime.Regretoverthingsleftunsaidandundoneisinconsolable.

Nowisyourtime.Youhaveonelife,anditisshort.Useitpowerfully.Celebrateitasapreciousgift.Don’tallowfeartoparalyzeyou.AsGoethewrote,“Beboldandmightyforceswillcometoyouraid.”

ItzhakPerlmanisoneofthefinestviolinistsalivetoday.Severalyearsago,PerlmanagreedtoattendacharityreceptionafteroneofhisconcertsinVienna.TicketsforthechampagnereceptionweresoldfortheequivalentoffivehundredAmericandollarsperguest.

Atthereception,whiletheguestsmingled,ItzhakPerlmanstoodinaroped-offareaflankedbysecurityguards.Onebyonetheguestswereledintotheroped-offareaandintroducedtoPerlman.Asonemanenteredtheroped-offarea,hestretchedouthishand,shookhandswiththeviolinist,andsaid,“Mr.Perlman,youwerephenomenaltonight.Absolutelyamazing.”Perlmansmiledandthankedthemangraciouslyforthecompliment.Themancontinued,“AllmylifeIhavehadagreatloveoftheviolin,andIhaveheardeverygreatlivingviolinist,butIhaveneverheardanyoneplaytheviolinasbrilliantlyasyoudidtonight.”Perlmansmiledagainbutsaidnothing,andthemancontinued,“Youknow,Mr.Perlman,Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletoplaytheviolinlikeyoudidtonight.”

Perlmansmiledoncemoreandsaid,“Ihave.”

Thatisthedifference.Whilesomeofusaresittingaroundlettingthesandinthehourglassoflifeempty,thinking,Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletodothat,or,Ihopethathappenstomeoneday,peoplelikeItzhakPerlmanaregettingthejobdone.Theyaregivingtheirwholelivestothemagnificentandmeaningfulpursuitoftheirdreams.

Ihavenoticedthatallmenandwomenhavedreams.Ihavenoticedthatsomepeopleachievetheirdreams,andforotherstheyseemalwaysoutofreach.Whyisthis?DoesGodhavefavorites?Idon’tthinkso.Thereasonisthatsomepeopledreamandwaitfortheirdreamstocometrue.Theirsisavaintypeofdreaming.Theylookatothers,whomtheyconsiderfortunateorlucky,andtheythink,Ihopethathappenstomeoneday!Otherpeoplelistentothemovementsoftheirheartsanddreamtheirdreamsbylisteningtothegentlevoicewithin.Theycommitthemselvestoexcellence,andarmedwiththeirdreamsasa

blueprintfortheirlives,theygooutontothestageoflifechasingtheirrainbow,livinglifepassionately.AidedbyamysteriousandmiraculouspowerthatIcandescribeonlyasthegraceofGod,theymaketheirdreamscometrue.

Lifeistooshorttobelivedhalfheartedlyandfartooshorttoloseyourselfintheday-to-daydrudgeryandthehustleandbustle.Dedicateyourselftothethingsthatdeserveyourdedication.

Lifeisshort,andyouaredeadanawfullylongtime.Livelifepassionately.

PartTwo

FindingYourGenius

TheGentleVoiceWithin

Thereisagentlevoicewithineachofus.

Whenwearechildren,wehearthisvoicewithgreatclarityandwelivebywhatwehear.Soweareimmenselyhappy.

Aswegrowolder,webecomeawareofalltheothervoicesthatsurroundus—thevoicesofparents,siblings,friends,critics,television,strangers,andexperts.

Alltheseothervoiceshavethestrengthandconfidenceofexperience,sowebecomefascinatedwiththem.Andasweenterintothisfascinationwithalltheseothervoices,theybegintodistractusfromthegentlevoicewithin.

Aswebegintolistentoalltheseothervoices,webegintodoubt,question,andignorethegentlevoicewithin.Andgradually,theonetruevoicewithineachofusgrowsfainterandfainter.

Finally,whenthegentlevoicewithinushasbecomesofaintthatwecanhardlyhearitanymoreinthemidstofourdailyactivity,wearetoldthatwehavegrownup,thatweareadults,andthatwearenowreadyforlife.

Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.

Thegentlevoicewithinisyourtruestguide.Ithasabsolutelynoself-interest.Thatiswhatsetsitapartfromeveryothervoiceinyourlife.Thegentlevoicewithinyouisinterestedinonlyonething,helpingyoubecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Whetheryoucallityour“conscience”orgiveitsomeothername,weallhavethisgentlevoicewithinus.Itisourtrueself,directingustowardouressentialpurpose.Itisthe-best-version-of-ourselvestalkingtous.

Takeamomenttothinkaboutit.Whenwasthelasttimeyouobeyedthatgentlevoicewithinyouanditmadeyoumiserable?Whenwasthelasttimethegentlevoicewithinledyoutobecomea-lesser-version-of-yourself?Itmayleadyoutothepainofdisciplineandself-sacrifice,butalwaysinthequesttohelpyouembracemorefullythe-best-version-of-yourself.

Itisonlywhenweignorethegentlevoicewithinthatwefindourselvesinplacesofmiseryandquietdesperation.

Whatwemustdoaboveallelseistolearnonceagaintolistentothegentlevoicewithinus.Onlythenwillwehavethepeacethatweallseek,butthatonlyararefeweverfind.

UnderstandingOurLegitimateNeeds

MyfirstcollegeexperiencewasasamarketingmajorinAustralia.Iwillneverforgetmyfirstlecture.Itremainsindeliblyengraveduponmymemory.

Theprofessorwalkedintotheauditorium,placedhisnotesonthepodium,andbegan,“Marketingisaboutcreatingneedsinconsumers.It’saboutcreatingadesireinpeoplethatinturnmakesthemfeelthattheyneedyourproductorservice.It’saboutmakingpeoplefeeltheyneedthingseveniftheydon’t.”Heputitinsuchcrudetermsandwithastraightface.Butworsethanthat,thepeoplearoundmedidn’tevenseemtobataneyelid.Iwasstunned.Iwasamazed.Ilookedaroundthelecturehall,whichheldsixhundredpeopleandwasfullbeyondcapacity.Everyonewaswritingdownwhattheprofessorhadjustsaid—drinkingfromthewellofwisdombeforethem.

Myfatherhadgivenmemyfirsteducationinbusinessmanyyearsearlier.Dadhadalwaystaughtmethatthesecrettogoodandprosperousbusinesswastoprovideagood(orservice)thatsatisfiedarealhumanneed.Ifitwasarepetitiveneed,somuchthebetter.

Withalltheirseduction,deceit,andpsychobabble,themodernmarketingindustryhasdoneamarvelousjobofredefiningtheconceptofneed.

Youmayneedshoes,butyoucertainlydon’tneeda$350pairofrunningshoeswithacertainbrandlabelonthem.Youmayneedacar,butyouprobablydon’tneeda$120,000turbo-chargedEuropeanconvertible.Iamnotsayingthatweshouldn’thavethesethings.Ilikenicethingsasmuchasthenextperson.AllIamsayingis,let’snotconfusethemwithneeds.

Now,thesemaybeextremeexamplesdependingontheperson,butinallofourlivestherehasbeenagreatblurringofthelinebetweenneedsandwants.We

dohaverealandlegitimateneeds,buttheyalmostneverhaveanythingtodowithconsumergoods.

Ourlegitimateneedsarebestunderstoodinrelationtoeachofthefouraspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Theseneedsexistnotonlyinthesedifferentareas,butalsoondifferentlevels.

Therearesomethingsweneedsimplytosurvive.Wecalltheseprimaryneeds,andthiscategoryincludesthefundamentalsthatarenecessarytosustainhumanlife.Examplesofprimaryneedswouldbefoodtoeat,watertodrink,andairtobreathe.Withouttheseprimarylegitimateneeds,ourliveswouldveryquicklybebroughttoagrindinghalt.Ourprimaryneedsarefundamentaltoourexistence.Weneedthemjusttosurvive.

Butthisbookisnotaboutsurviving,andneitherislife.Thisbookisaboutthriving,aboutbecomingthe-best-versions-of-ourselves.

Oursecondaryneedsarenotcriticaltooursurvival.Wecansurvivewithoutthemforyearsinmanycases.Buttheyareessentialifwearegoingtothriveinany(orall)ofthefouraspectsofourlives.Whenoursecondaryneedsarebeingfulfilled,webegintoblossomandbloomashumanbeings.Thesatisfactionofoursecondaryneedsallowsustoachieveandmaintainoptimumhealthandwell-being.Amongthemwouldbeneedssuchasregularexercise,abalanceddiet,andhealthyrelationships.

Everydayweattendtoourprimaryneeds—thosethingsnecessarymerelytosustainourexistence.Inmanycaseswedothiswithouteventhinkingaboutit.Youdon’thavetoremindyourselftobreathe,youjustbreathe.Youhavemadeahabitofbreathing.Youdoitnowbyinstinct.Similarly,youeatanddrinkseveraltimesaday.Youprobablydon’thavetothinktoomuchaboutit.Eatinganddrinkinghavealsobecomeahabitforyou.Youareinthehabitofsurviving.Youtakecareofyourprimaryneeds,becauseyouhaveto.

Ontheotherhand,weoftenneglectoursecondaryneeds,eitherbecausewearetoobusyortoolazyorwesimplydon’tconsiderthemurgent.

Thequestionis,areyousatisfiedbeinginthehabitofsurviving,orareyou

readytogetintothehabitofthriving?

Foramoment,thinkabouteachofthefourareas:physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Whichareyouthrivinginandwhichareyoujustsurvivingin?

Oursecondaryneedsarethekeytothriving.Theymaynotseemurgentinlightofthe105thingsyouhaveonyourto-dolisttoday,buttheyareprobablymoreimportantthananythingonthatlist.

Thefirststepinourquesttobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesistodefineourlegitimateneeds.Thesecondstepistocreatealifestylethatfulfillsthoselegitimateneeds.

Weallhavelegitimateneeds.Thefulfillmentoftheseneedsisoneoftheverypracticalwayswecanlearntoembraceouressentialpurpose.Ifwearewiseenoughtoseektheircounsel,ourlegitimateneedswilladviseuswhatisnecessarytomaintainhealthofbody,heart,mind,andspirit.

PhysicalNeeds

Ourphysicalbodyisthevehiclethroughwhichweexperiencelife.Ourbodiesarebothveryfragileandextremelyresilient.Ourlegitimateneedsaremostbasicallyunderstoodinrelationtoourphysicalwell-being,becauseourprimaryneedsexistinthephysicalrealm.

Ifyoudon’thavefoodtoeat,youwilldie.Ifyoudon’thavewatertodrink,youwilldie.Youmaynotdietodayortomorrow,butyouwillbeforetoolong,andasadirectresultofnoteatinganddrinking.Eatinganddrinkingareprimaryandurgentneeds.Wehaveanevenmoreurgentneedforoxygen.Ifyoudon’thaveairtobreathe,youwilldiealmostinstantly.Otherprimaryneedsincludesleepandshelter(toagreaterorlesserextent,dependingonyourenvironmentanditsclimate).

Beyondourprimaryphysicalneeds,wealsohaveanumberofsecondaryphysicalneeds.Ourprimaryneedsarethoseweneedsimplytosurvive.Oursecondaryneedsarethoseweneedtothrive.

Ifwearetothrivephysically,wehavetobringthesesecondaryneedsinto

focusinourdailylives.Nothingtunesthebodylikeregularexerciseandabalanceddiet.Whenweworkoutandfuelourbodieswiththerighttypesoffood,wehavemoreenergy,andwearestronger,healthier,andhappier.

Tooofteninourculture,foodisseenasourceofentertainmentorcomfort,insteadofasasourceofenergy.Letmeaskyousomething.Ifyouownedamillion-dollarracehorse,wouldyouletiteatatMcDonald’s?Ofcourseyouwouldn’t.Ifyouhadamillion-dollarracehorse,youwouldcontrolthathorse’sdietsothatitwasinabsolutepeakcondition.Iguessthequestionbecomes,howmuchdoyouvalueyourownbody?Mostpeoplewaituntiltheygetcancerorhaveaheartattackbeforetheyrememberthattheyhavebodies.

Lastyearwespentmorethan$30billionondietproducts.Howmanydietshaveyoubeenon?Howmanydietshavepeopleyouknowbeenon?Iamamazedathowmuchpeopletalkaboutdiets—howthisoneworksandthatonedoesn’t.

Let’shavealittlebitoftruth.Mostofusdonotneedanyotherdietthanalittlebitofdiscipline.Theaveragepersonknowsthethingsthataregoodforhimorher,andthethingsthatarenot.Allweneedisthedisciplinetochoosethefoodsthatfuelourbodiesandgiveusenergy,strength,health,andhappiness.

Butwedon’twantdiscipline.No,wewantsomeonetostandinfrontofusontelevisionandtellusthatwecaneatwhateverwewant,wheneverwewant,andasmuchaswewant.Aslongaswetakethislittlepill…ordothisspecialworkoutfortwentyminutestwiceaweek…

Ourbodiesaregloriouscreationsandshouldbehonoredandrespected.

Regularexercise,abalanceddiet,andregularsleeparethreeoftheeasiestwaystoincreaseourpassion,energy,andenthusiasmforlife.Theyareamongoursimplestlegitimateneedsandcontributemassivelytothewell-beingofthewholeperson.Physicalwell-beingisthefoundationuponwhichwebuildourlives.Unlessweattendtoourlegitimateneedsinrelationtothephysicalaspectofourbeing,ourcapacityinallotherareasofourlifewillbereduced.

EmotionalNeeds

Intheemotionalrealm,itcanbemuchmoredifficulttopinpointourlegitimate

needs,becausetheyarenotnecessaryforourimmediatesurvival.Itisnottoocommontoreadinthenewspaperaboutsomeonedyingofemotionalstarvation.Ouremotionalneedsareinmanywayssubtler,butcertainlynolessimportantifwearetothrive.

Emotionalstarvation,whilenotlifethreatening,doeshavesomesymptoms.Forsomeofus,emotionalstarvationcanleadtoradicalmoodswings,forotherstogenerallethargy,forothersyet,toanger,bitterness,andresentment.Theheartsuffersandthebodycriesout.Mostofall,emotionalstarvationleadstodistortionsinourcharacterandpreventsusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.

ThisiscertainlyoneoftheareasIhaveneglectedfromtimetotime.

Inthefallof1997,afterfouryearsontheroadandmorethanonemillionmilestraveled,Itookathree-monthbreakfromspeakingandtraveling.IspentthattimeinAustria,justnorthofVienna,inanoldmonasterythatwasnowbeingusedasacollegecampus.

InAustria,IquicklyrealizedthatIhadbeenseverelyneglectingtheemotionalaspectofmylife.Overthepreviousfouryears,Ihadisolatedmyself.DuringthistimeIwasnowlivingintheUnitedStates,andmyfamilyandchildhoodfriendswereallinAustralia,tenthousandmilesawayfromthisnewlifethatmostlykeptmeinthenorthernhemisphere.Ontopofallthat,Ihadbecomeincreasinglyskepticalaboutpeople’smotivesforbefriendingmeinthisnewtimeofmylife.Thiswasaninsecuritythatwasbornoutofsomebitterexperiences.Besides,Iwasrarelyinacityformorethanaday,whichisn’tthemostconducivelifestyleforformingormaintainingfriendships.

ApartfromtheEuropeanstudents,thereweremorethanahundredAmericanstudentsoncampus,enjoyingwhattheycalledtheir“Europeanexperience.”Everyweekend,assoonasclasseswereovertheywouldgo—toPoland,Italy,France,Belgium,Holland,Germany,Greece,Ireland,andanynumberofotherdestinationsinEurope.TheywouldtravelallnightontrainsforbarelyaglimpseofthesegreatEuropeancountries.Eachweekastheweekenddrewnear,youcouldsensetheirpassionfortravelsurging.

MostoftheAmericanstudentswenttoAustriajustforthechancetotravel.Thestudieswereameanstoanend.Itseemedstrange.Ihadgonethereto

escapetravel.Ihadnointerestwhatsoeverintraveling.IwashappierthanIhadbeeninalongtimejuststayingaroundtheoldmonasteryonweekends.Onoccasion,though,IwouldtakethetrainintoViennaonaSaturdayafternoon,sitinoneofthesquares,drinkhotchocolate,andread.

Butafewweeksintothesemester,afriendIhadmetacoupleofyearsearlieratcollegeintheUnitedStatesaskedmetojoinhimonatriptoSwitzerland.StuartwasfromCanada,andhehadauniquesenseofhumorandanenormousappetiteandpropensityforfun.Ihesitatedathisinvitation—notbecauseofhim,butbecauseIhadlooselyresolvedthatIwouldn’ttravelduringthesethreemonths.“Comeon.We’llhaveagreattime,wecanstaywithsomefriendsofmine,wewon’ttravelwithacrowd,itwilljustbeyouandme,andwe’llbebackbySundaynight,”hepressed.Irelented.Itwasoneofthebestdecisionsofmylife.

WhenclasseswereoveronFridayafternoon,wehitchedaridetothelocaltrainstationandwentintoVienna.FromtherewetooktheovernighttraintoGeneva.Wejusttalked,toldstories,atesomebreadandcheese,dranksomewine,andtradedsongsonourWalkmans.Thenextdaywehadlunchonthelake,wanderedforhoursthroughtheoldcityofGeneva,andthenhaddinnerwithhisfriendAlexandherfamily.

Itwasthestrangestsensation—acceptancefreeofexpectation.Ifeltlikeanynormaltwenty-four-year-olddiscoveringEurope.IhadbeentoEuropemorethanthirty-fivetimes,butneverlikethis.Forforty-eighthoursIwascompletelyintoxicatedwithnormality.Itwasrefreshing.Exhilarating.Comforting.MyrelationshipwithStuartrosetoacompletelynewlevel,andhetaughtmeagainthegreatvalueoffriendship.Iwasremindedthatweekendoftheage-oldlessonthatnomanisanislanduntohimself.Wearesocialbeings—andrelationshipbringsoutthebestinus.

Formostpeople,theirlegitimateemotionalneedsincludespendingtimewithfamily,friends,aspouse,aboyfriendorgirlfriend,colleaguesatwork,andperhapsaspiritualdirectorormentor.

Spendingtimewiththesepeoplehelpsustodevelopasenseofself,teachesustoparticipateinthefulfillmentofotherpeople’sneeds,andremindsusofour

deepconnectionwiththehumanfamily.

Oneofourmostdominantemotionalneedsisourneedforacceptance.Weallneedtofeelwebelong.Inthefaceofrejection,wemayputonabravefaceandpretendthatwecansurvivewithoutacceptance.Andthatistrue;wecansurvivewithoutthenurturingacceptanceprovides.Butwecannotthrivewithoutit.

Weallhaveagreatneedtofeelaccepted.Itisoneoftheforcesthatdriveshumanbehavior.Ourneedtobeacceptedispowerful,anditisastoundingwhatmostpeoplewilldotogainsomesortofacceptanceorsenseofbelonging.

Peerpressuretakesfulladvantageofthisneedtobeaccepted.Undertheinfluenceofpeerpressure,peopledothingsthattheywouldnotdoiftheywerealone(andinmanycaseswouldprefernottodo),simplybecausetheydonotwanttobeexcludedfromacertainsocialcircle.Thereisperhapsnogreaterexampleofourneedtobelong,ourneedtofeelaccepted.

Weseekthissenseofbelonginginhundredsofdifferentwaysatwork,atschool,withinourfamily,inthecontextofourintimaterelationships,andbyjoiningclubs,churches,andcommittees.Someofthewayswetrytohavethisneedmetarehealthyandhelpustopursueouressentialpurpose.Othersarenothealthyandcanpreventusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.

IhavealwaysbeenfascinatedwithhowmanydifferentchurchesthereareinAmericaandthecriteriapeopleusetochooseachurch.ForseveralyearsIhavebeenaskingpeople,andIamamazedhowsimilartheirresponsesare.Mostofthemsaysomethinglike“FromtheminuteIwalkedintherefiveyearsago,Ijustfeltsowelcome”or“IjustfeellikeIbelongthere.”

Wehaveagreatneedtobeaccepted.Weneedtobelong.

Withthisinmind,itiseasytounderstandwhysomanypeoplejoingangsandcults.Fromtimetotime,youmayhearastoryaboutagangoracult,andthoseofuswholiveinarelativelysecludedworldmaywonderwhyanyonewouldgetinvolvedinthesethings.Simple.Justlikeyouandme,peoplewhojoingangsandcultshavealegitimateneedforacceptanceandasenseofbelonging.Theyjustdon’thavetheoptionsyouandIhave.

Youngpeoplewhogrowupinaninner-cityenvironmentjoingangsbecause

theyseeitastheirbestoption.Thegangprovidesasenseofbelonging,thefeelingofacceptance,andallowsthemtofeelthattheyarenotaloneinwhatmustbeafrighteningworld.Thegangtriestofilltheemotionalneedsthatafamilyshouldbesatisfying.Butinmanycases,theparents(orparent)arecaughtupindrugs,alcohol,andcrime.Or,inperhapsthebest-casescenario,theyaredoingalltheycantopaythebillsandkeepfoodonthetable.Peopledon’tjoingangsbecausetheyseeagreatfutureinit.Theyseethemasawaytosurvive.Peoplejoingangsbecauseitgivesthemsomewheretobelong.

Peoplejoincultsforthesamereason.Weallhaveaneedtobelong,aneedforacceptance.Acultisjustamoresophisticatedformofagang.

Ourneedsarepowerful.Inmanycases,iftheyarenotfulfilledinhealthyways,theywillseektheirownsatisfactioninself-destructiveways.

Thenextofourlegitimateemotionalneedsisourneedfordynamicfriendship.Whilewecertainlyneedacceptance,wealsohaveaneedtobeencouragedandchallengedtochangeandgrow.Onceyoubecomededicatedtobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself,thepeopleyouwillmostenjoyspendingtimewitharenotthosewhoagreewithyouineverythingyousayandtellyouthatyoushouldbealittleeasieronyourself…andhavethatsecondsliceofcheesecake!Ifyouarededicatedtoyouressentialpurpose,thepeopleyouwillwanttosurroundyourselfwitharepeoplewhoinspireandchallengeyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Thetruthaboutfriendshipisthis:Welearnmorefromourfriendsthanweeverwillfrombooks.Soonerorlater,ourstandardscometorestwiththestandardsofourfriends.Nothinginfluencesusmorethanourpeergroup.Thepeopleyousurroundyourselfwithtellmesomethingaboutwhoyouareorsomethingaboutwhoyouwillshortlybecome.

Ifyouhangoutwithagroupofpeoplewhowantonlytowatchtelevision,drinkbeer,eatpizza,andplayvideogames…chancesareyouwilladopttheirlifestyle.Ontheotherhand,ifyousurroundyourselfwithagroupofpeoplewhoworkoutatthegymfourtimesaweekandfilltheirweekendswithoutdooractivities…chancesareyouwilladopttheirlifestyle.

Ifyouhangoutwithpeoplewhoarealwaysgoingtothedrive-throughforburgers,fries,andsodas…guesswhat?Butifyousurroundyourselfwithpeople

whoareinterestedinlookingandfeelinghealthy…youguessedit,youwillbecomemoreinterestedinyourownhealthandwell-being.

Thepeoplewesurroundourselveswitheitherraiseorlowerourstandards.Theyeitherhelpustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesorencourageustobecomelesserversionsofourselves.Webecomelikeourfriends.Nomanbecomesgreatonhisown.Nowomanbecomesgreatonherown.Thepeoplearoundthemhelptomakethemgreat.

Weallneedpeopleinourliveswhoraiseourstandards,remindusofouressentialpurpose,andchallengeustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Ourgreatestemotionalneedisforintimacy.Beyondtheprimaryneedsforfood,water,sleep,andairtobreathe,intimacyisthegreatestneedofthehumanperson.

Lifeisaself-revelation.Lifeexpandsindirectproportiontoourabilitytorevealourselvestoothersandtotheworldaroundus.Yetmostpeoplespendmostoftheirliveshidingtheirtrueselvesandpretendingtheyaresomebodythattheyarenot.

Wewantintimacy.Weneedintimacy.Butweareafraid.Wearedesperatelyafraidthatifpeoplereallyknewwhoweareandwhatwearecapableof,theywouldrejectus.Asaresult,ourfearofrejection(drivenbyourneedforacceptance)andourneedforintimacyareconstantlyatoddswitheachother.

Wemustaskourselvesthesequestions:“Doweprovideanonjudgmentalenvironmentforotherstorevealthemselvestous?”“Doweaffirmthosewelovebycomplimentingthemandexpressinggratitude,notonlyforwhattheydo,butforwhotheyare?”“Whenothersmakemistakes,arewequicktojudgeandridicule,ordoweacknowledgeitasalearningexperienceandpartoftheirjourney?”“Arewewillingtotakethefirststepandmakeourselvesvulnerablebybeginningtorevealourtrueselvestoothers?”

Createanenvironmentwherepeoplefeelsafetobethemselvesandrevealthemselves,andtogetheryouwilldrinkfromthespringsofintimacy.

Allrelationshipscanbemeasuredbyourabilitytoshareourselveswithothers.Wemustpressbeyondtheclichésofourcommonconversationandthefactsofourdailylives.Ifwearetorevealourselvesandenjoyintimacy,wemustlearntoshareanddiscussouropinions,ourhopesanddreams,ourdeepestfeelings,ourlegitimateneeds,andourfears,faults,andfailures.Themoretwopeopleareabletoshareandacceptwithoutjudgment,themoreintimacytheywillenjoy.

Intimacyismeasuredbyself-revelation.Themoreyoushareyourselfwithothers(andviceversa),themoreintimacyyouwillhave.Themoreyouhideyourselffromothers(andviceversa),theshalloweryourrelationshipswillbe.Ifyouareunwillingorunabletoshareyourself,youmustresignyourselftolow-levelrelationships.

Nothingsatisfiesthehumanpersonlikeintimacy.

Weliveintheageofcommunication.Thecommunicationsrevolutionhasbeendrivingtheworldeconomyfordecades,andourlifestylesareconstantlyadjustingtothelatestadvances.Yetthecommunicationsrevolutionclearlyhasnotincreasedourabilityorwillingnesstocommunicateonameaningfullevel.

Thereasonweneglectmostofourlegitimateneedsisthattheyrequireourrarestresources:timeandenergy.Relationshipsarenodifferent.

Relationshipsthriveunderonecondition:carefreetimelessness.Qualitytimeisnowthediscreditedfantasyofanagethatwantedmoreofeverythingexceptthethingsthatreallymattered.Youcannotschedulequalitytimewithyourspouseorwithyourchildren.Ifyouwanttwentyminutesofqualitytimewithsomeoneyoulove,schedulethreeorfourhourswithhimorheroneafternoon,andchancesare,somewhereinthemiddleofthatthreeorfourhoursyouwillhaveyourtwentyminutesofqualitytime.

WhenIwassixteen,IhadafriendbackhomeinSydney.Fromtimetotimehewouldcallmeandsay,“Let’swastesometimetogetheronedaythisweek.”Thatwashisline,andwhatawonderfullessonthatonelinetaughtme.Weusedtogooutandhavecoffeeordinner.Wewouldjusttalk,andlaugh,andsharestories.Sometimeswewouldevenshareapassagefromabookoneofuswas

reading.Werewewastingourtime?No,ofcoursenot.Thosetimeswesharedwereanythingbutawasteoftime.

Inourbusyworld,thereisatendencyforustotrytocontainourrelationshipsinlittleboxesonourschedules.Toooftenthetimewedosetasideforrelationshipsisontheperimetersofouralreadybusylives,soweapproachourrelationshipswithouttheenergytheydemandinordertobefruitfulandfulfilling.

Relationshipsdon’tthriveunderthepressuresofourmodern-dayschedules.Alloflife’simportantrelationshipsthriveundertheconditionofcarefreetimelessness.Learntowastetimewiththepeopleyoulove.

IntellectualNeeds

Ideasshapeourlives.Ideasshapehistory.Weallhaveaneedforaconstantflowofideasthatinspireus,challengeus,illumineourminds,teachusaboutourselvesandourworld,showuswhatispossible,andencourageustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Weneedadietofthemindjustasmuchasweneedadietofthebody.Theideaswefeedourmindtodaytendtoformourlivestomorrow.

Thinkofitinthisway:Webecomethestorieswelistento.Itdoesn’tmatterifwegetthosestoriesfrommovies,music,television,newspapers,magazines,politicians,friends,orbooks—thestorieswelistentoformourlives.

Ifyouwanttounderstandanyperiodinhistory,simplyasktwoquestions:“Whowerethestorytellers?”and“Whatstoryweretheytelling?”

WinstonChurchill,FrancisofAssisi,Charlemagne,Napoleon,CharlieChaplin,AdolfHitler,BobDylan,MotherTeresa,MahatmaGandhi,AbrahamLincoln,MarilynMonroe,NelsonMandela,andJesuseachtoldastory.

Ifyouwanttoknowhowyournationwillbedifferenttomorrowfromthewayitwasyesterday,findouthowthestoriesyournationislisteningtoaredifferentfromthestoriesofyesterday.Ifyoudiscoverthatthestorieswearelisteningtohavelessmeaning,containmoreviolence,and,ratherthaninspireusandraiseourstandards,appealmoreandmoretothelowestcommon

denominator,youcanbesurethatinthefutureourliveswillhavelessmeaning,containmoreviolence,andbemorefocusedonthelowestcommondenominator.

Webecomethestorieswelistento.Butperhapsthemoreimportantquestionis,whatstoriesdoyoulistento?Whatstoriesareformingyourlife?

Ourintellectualneedsareneverurgent,soitiseasytooverlookthem.Whenwasthelasttimeyousaidtoyourself,“Iurgentlyneedtoreadagoodbooktoday”?Itdoesn’thappen.Why?Forone,ourintellectualneedsarenotprimaryneeds.Ifweneglectthem,wewon’tdie.Butmentalvitalityleadstophysical,emotional,andspiritualvitality.Everythinginourlivesbeginsasathought.

Thereasonpeopleneglecttheirintellectualdevelopmentisthattheyassociatebooksandlearningwithschoolandwork.Mostpeoplehaveverylittleleisuretime,andtheydon’twanttospendthattimedoingwhattheyperceiveas“work.”Oneofthegreattragediesofmoderneducationsystemsisthattheyarefailingtoinstillaloveoflearning.Alltoooften,learningisseenonlyasameanstoanend.Itisnecessarytopassanexam,orgetadegree,orgainapromotion.Learning,likesomanyotheraspectsofmodernliving,hasbeenviolentlydisconnectedfromouressentialpurpose.

Somemayarguethatintellectuallywearemoreadvancedthaneverbefore.Thisiscertainlytrue,butthenatureofourknowledgehasbecomeincreasinglymorespecialized.Thetrendisforourprofessionalknowledge,andinmanycasestraining,tobecomemoreandmorespecific.Anarrowerbaseofknowledgenecessarilycreatesanarrowerworldview.

Addtoallthesefactorsthefactthatmostpeoplefeelexhaustedbytheintellectualdemandsbeingmadeuponthemintheworkplace,anditiseasytounderstandwhyalargeproportionofpeopleliketodumpthemselvesinfrontofthetelevisionforhourseacheveningafterwork.

Whenwetakeallofthisintoaccount,itiseasytounderstandwhymostpeopleneglecttheirlegitimateneedforpersonalintellectualstimulation.

Atthesametime,toneglectourphenomenalabilitiestothink,reason,

decide,imagine,anddreamistoenormouslylimitourpotential.

Weallhaveintellectualneeds.Ourintellectualneedsmayvarysignificantlyfrompersontoperson,andwhilemanyareinvolvedinintellectuallyengagingoccupations,weallneedothertypesofintellectualstimulation.Infact,thegreaterourprofessionalintellectualstimulation,thegreaterneedwehaveforotherformsofintellectualnourishmenttocreateabalance.Besides,itishighlyunlikelythatourprofessionalintellectualeffortssuitourindividualneedsateachtimeandplaceinlife’sjourney.

Inthecategoryofpersonalintellectualstimulation,wecouldreadmagazinesaboutfashion,gardening,sports,finance,music,oranyotherareaofinterest.Wewillbeentertained,butitisunlikelythatwewillbechallengedtoraiseourstandardsandbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Toreallystretchourselves,wemustdelveintothewisdomwritings.Selectionscouldincludeavarietyofphilosophicaltexts,thewritingsofcountlessspiritualleaderspastandpresent,andthescriptures.Itisinthesewritingsthattheintellectcomesface-to-facewiththemostprofoundquestionsandtruthsabouttheworld,creation,God,humanity,andourindividualjourneys.Wisdomwritingsconstantlyholdbeforeusavisionofthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Thesewritingsseeknottoentertainus,buttorevealtouswhoweareandwhywearehere.Thewisdomwritingsgentlycallusoutofourcomfortzonesandchallengeustoimprove,develop,grow,andlivelifetothefullest.

Ourintellectualneedsaremanyandvaried.Mostofushaveaneedforaprofessionalintellectualfocus.Weallneeddifferentformsofentertainingintellectualstimulation.Butwemustchallengeourselvestomovebeyondtheseintellectualcomfortzonesandtoembracewritingsthatchallengeustoponderthedeeperquestions,truths,andmysteriesofourexistence.AsMarkTwainwrote,“Themanwhodoesnotreadgoodbookshasnoadvantageoverthemanwhocannotreadthem.”

Bookschangeourlives.Ibelievethatwithmywholeheart.Iliketoaskpeoplewhatwasthegreatestperiodoftransformationintheirlife.Theytellmeitwasfiveyearsagoorsevenyearsago,theytellmeitwaswhentheygotcancerorlosttheirjob,theytellmeitwasinthetowntheygrewupinorinacitywheretheydidn’tknowanyone.“Whatwereyoureadingatthattimeofgreattransformation?”Iliketoaskthemnext.Nineoutoftentimes,theireyeswilllightup,andthey’llsay,“Iwasreading———andthatbookchangedmylife.”

IntheroomwhereIwriteinmyhome,Ihavemorethanathousandbooks.Butonthetopshelfofoneofthebookcases,ateyelevel,Ihavethirty-sevenbooks.Eachofthosebookshashadanenormousimpactonmylife.IcantellyouwhereIboughtthem,whatcityoftheworldIwasinwhenIreadthem,andwhatthecircumstancesandsituationsofmylifewereatthetime.Therearebooksaboutphilosophy,theology,psychology,business,andhistory.Therearesomeincrediblenovelsandbiographies,andthereonthatshelfyouwillfindsomeofthegreatestspiritualandinspirationalclassicsofalltime.ItisinasensemyownGreatBookscollection.

Fromtimetotime,whenIbecomediscouraged,confused,lonely,fearful,orsimplybegintodoubtmylife,andmyself,Igotothatbookshelf.Iglancealongthatrowofbooks,andoneofthosebookscallsouttome.Itakeitfromtheshelfandrediscovertheinspirationthatfirstearneditaplaceonthetopshelf.

Ourbodiesneedregularexerciseandabalanceddiet,andsodoourminds.Youhavealegitimateneedtonourishyourmind.Ifyouchoosetherightdietofthemind,yourlifewillbedirectedbyideasofexcellenceandgreatness.Ifyouallowthemediaandsecularculturetoselectyourintellectualdiet,yourlifewillbeformedbydistractionandmediocrity.

Bookschangeourlives.BeginyourownGreatBookscollection.Choosebooksthatwillhelpyoutoachieveyouressentialpurposeandbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.Makedailyreadingoneofthedefininghabitsofyourlife.

SpiritualNeeds

Onlyhereintheareaofspiritualitydowecometounderstandmostfullyourotherlegitimateneeds—physical,emotional,andintellectual—andgaintheinsighttolivealifethatenriches,upholds,andprotectsourwell-beingineachoftheseareas.

Ourspiritualneedshaveatendencytochangeastheseasonsofourliveschange.Eachofushasauniquespiritualjourney.Indifferentstagesofthejourney,wehavedifferentneeds.Andyet,therearesomeneedsthatareunchangingandnecessaryinallseasonsofourlives—silence,solitude,andsimplicity.Thewayweseektoexperiencethesehabitsofthesoulmaychange,butallthesame,theyremainessentialtoourspiritualdietifwearetofind

lastingjoyinthischangingworld.

Thenoiseoftheworldispreventingusfromhearingthegentlevoicewithinthatalwayscounselsustoembracethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Wewillbegintohearthisvoiceagainonlywhenwemakeahabitofwithdrawingfromthenoiseoftheworldandimmersingourselvesinsilence.Weneedn’tspendhoursinsilenceeachday,butnothingbringsprioritytoourdayslikeaperiodofsilenceeachmorning.

Everydaylifeposesquestions.Weallhaveaneedtosearchourheartsforanswerstothosequestions.Everydaywearefacedwithamyriadofchoicesandopportunities.Weneedtimeawayfromalltheothervoicestodiscernwhichofthesechoicesandopportunitieswillenableustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesandwhicharemerelydistractions.Ithasbeenmyexperiencethattheseexercisesareperformedmosteffectivelyalone,intheprecioussolitudeoftheclassroomofsilence.

Itisalsoinsilenceandsolitudethatlife’spreeminentchallengeisproposedtous.BrotherSilenceandSisterSolitudeunveilthepersonwearetodaywithallourstrengthsandweaknesses,buttheyalsoremindusofthebetterpersonweknowwecanbe.

Inthesilence,weseeatonetimethepersonwearenowandthepersonwearecapableofbecoming.Inseeingthesetwovisionsatonetime,weareautomaticallychallengedtochangeandgrowandbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Itispreciselyforthisreasonthatwefillourliveswithnoise,todistractourselvesfromthechallengetochange.

Commitmenttothepurposeofbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselvesisthesingularkeytolivinglifemeaningfullyandpassionately.

Silencehasbeenagreatfriendtotheextraordinarymenandwomenofeveryage.Manyoflife’sgreatlessonscanbelearnedonlyintheclassroomofsilence,especiallythosethatteachusaboutourindividualtalentsandhowwecanusethemtofulfillourdestiny.

Forcenturiesandmillennia,thewisepeopleofeverycultureunderthesunhavesoughtthecounselofsilence.Pythagoras,theGreekphilosopherandmathematician(ca.580–500B.C.),wrote:“Learntobesilent.Letyourquietmindlistenandabsorb.”Writingabouttheimportanceofsilenceandsolitude,Blaise

Pascal,theseventeenth-centuryFrenchphilosopher,scientist,mathematician,andwriter,wrote:“Allofman’smiseriesderivefromnotbeingabletositquietlyinaroomalone.”FranzKafka,theCzech-Jewishnovelist,philosopher,andpoet,wrote:“Youneednotleaveyourroom.Remainsittingatyourtableandlisten.Youneednotevenlisten,simplywait.Youneednotevenwait,justlearntobecomequiet,andstillandsolitary.Theworldwillfreelyofferitselftoyoutobeunmasked.Ithasnochoice;itwillrollinecstasyatyourfeet.”

Learntobequiet.Learntobestill.Theseareamongthemostvaluablelessonsinourjourney.

Wecomenowtothespiritualneedofsimplicity.Simplicityisoneofthegoverningprinciplesoftheuniverse,yetwitheverypassingcenturyhumanitylookstogreatercomplexitytosolveitsproblemsandimproveitslife.

Whoamongusneedsalittlemorecomplexityintheirlives?Noneofus!Whatourlivesdesperatelyneedistheliberationofsimplicity.

Ifwelearnonceagaintolistentothegentlevoicewithin,wewillhearitcounselingusmanytimesadaytosimplifyourlives.Whenthevoicesoftheworldproposethemultiplecomplexitiesofmodernliving,thegentlevoicewithinwillwhisper:Whycomplicateyourlife?Overtimewewilllearntoturnourbacksonamultitudeofopportunitiesinordertopreservethepeaceinourheartsthatisbornfromtheblessedsimplicitythattheworlddespises.

Simplify.Simplify.Simplifyyourlifeandyouwillfindtheinnerpeacethatthepoetsandsaintsofeveryagehavecovetedmorethananypossession.

Silence.Solitude.Simplicity.Threegreatfriends!Theymaybethesubtlestofourlegitimateneeds,butwhentheyarehonoredourspiritssoartounimaginableheights,andweareleftonlytowonderhoworwhyweeverfollowedthepromptingsofallthejeeringvoicesofthisworld.

Whenweattendtoourlegitimatespiritualneeds,everythingelseseemstofallintoperspective.Onlythenareweabletoletgoofthepast,waitpatientlyforthefuture,andlivewithanintensepassionforlifeinthejoyofthehereandnow.Wefeelhealthy.Wefeelmorefullyalive.Ourlivesfillwithvitality,and

lifebecomesanexcitingadventureinsteadoftheday-to-daydrudgeryofcountingtheminutesaway.

Thefulfillmentofourlegitimatespiritualneedsleadsustoplaceouressentialpurposeatthecenterofourdailylives.Whensilence,solitude,andsimplicitybecomeapartofthefabricofourlives,wearemuchlessinclinedtoneglectourotherlegitimateneeds.Onlywiththefocus,perspective,andvitalitythatarebornfromthespiritualdisciplineswillweeverlearntotransformeachmomentandexperienceofourlivesintoopportunitiestobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Spiritualitybringsclarity,direction,continuity,andintegritytoourlives.

Youalreadyhaveeverythingwithinyouthatyouneedtomakethejourney.Youmustsimplybegintohonorthetruthyoualreadypossess.

Weallhaveneeds.Weneedairtobreathe,watertodrink,andfoodtoeat.Weneedtoloveandbeloved.Weneedtoacceptandappreciateothersandtobeacceptedandappreciatedbyothers.Weneedtolearn,tochange,andtogrow.Weneedtorememberwhowetrulyareandwhatmattersmost.Weneed.

Thisisourcommonbondashumanbeings.Wearenotasstrongaswethinkweare.Wearefragile.Wearenotasindependentaswepretendtobe.Adayiscomingwhenwewillrealizethatindependenceisamyth.Weareinterdependent.Weneedoneanother,andonlywithandforoneanothercanwelive.Weareoneinourneed.Wearebeingsofneed.

Ourhealthandhappinessareintimatelyconnected.Ourlegitimateneedsarethesecretlanguagethatunitesthetwo.Whenweacknowledgeourlegitimateneedsandbaseourlifestyledecisionsuponthem,wenecessarilylivehealthierandhappierlives.

Lifeshouldbearichandrewardingexperience.Ourlivesshouldbefilledwithmomentsofwonderandinspiration.Lifeisanexpressionofabundanceandshouldbelivedpassionately.

Knowyourneeds.

BeyondOurWants

Thereasonmostofusneglectourlegitimateneedsisthatwearetoobusypursuingourillegitimatewants.Weignoreourlegitimateneedsbecauseweerroneouslybelievethatifwegetenoughofourillegitimatewants,itwon’tmatterthatwearenottakingcareofourlegitimateneeds.Thisisafallacyofmonumentalproportions,becauseyounevercangetenoughofwhatyoudon’treallyneed.

That’sright.Younevercangetenoughofwhatyoudon’treallyneed.

Fulfillmentcomesnotfromhavingmoreandmoreofeverythingforeverintooblivion.Fulfillmentcomesfromhavingwhatyouneed.Thewholeworldischasingillegitimatewantswithrecklessabandon.Weuseallofourtime,effort,andenergyinthepursuitofourillegitimatewants,hypnotizedbytheliethatourillegitimatewantsarethekeytoourhappiness.

Atthesametime,thegentlevoicewithinusisconstantlycallingouttous,tryingtoencourageusnottoignorethewisdomwealreadypossess.

Wemustlearntomovebeyondoursuperficialwantsandbegintodiscoverourdeepestdesires.

Thedifferencebetweenourwantsandourdeepestdesiresismeaning.Adesireisawantwithmeaning.Ourdeepestdesiresarethingswewantbecauseweknowtheywillhelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Theproblemis,weareallsobusywantingthatwehaveforgottenwhywewantwhateveritiswewant.Wehavedisconnectedourwantsfromourreasonforwantingthem.

Forthousandsofyearsinmyths,legends,stories,fairytales,andparables,thehearthasbeendefinedastheplacefromwhichourdesiresemergeandtheplacewhereourfeelingsreside.Ourheartsareasindividualanduniqueasourfingerprints.Icannotpresumetoknoworunderstandthemovementsofyourheart,noryoumine,buteachofusmustseektodiscoverandknowthemovementsofourownhearts.

Whatweareabouttodiscoveristhatourneedsanddesiresaredivinelyandprovidentiallylinked.Ifwecangetbeyondourshallowandsuperficialwants,wediscoverthatourdeepestdesiresareforthethingswelegitimatelyneed.Beneaththemultitudeofwantsthatplaguethesurfaceofourhearts,wedesiregoodthingsforgoodreasons.Thesearethedeepestdesiresofourhearts.Theyaregoodbecauseinthemwehopetobetterourselves,theworldinwhichwelive,andothers.Theyarethedeepestdesiresofourheartsbecausetheirfulfillmentleadsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves,andeverybeingyearnstobecomeallitiscapableofbeing.

Wewoulddowelltolearntolistentothesedeepestdesiresofourhearts,andweshouldfollowthemwherevertheyleadusregardlessofthecostorsacrificeinvolved.

Ourfulfillmentandhappiness,ourwholenessandholiness,dependuponuslivingoutofthedeepestdesiresofourhearts.Ourdeepestdesiresaredirectlylinkedtoourlegitimateneeds.Thecarefulpairingofourdeepestdesiresandlegitimateneedsleadstothefulfillmentofthehumanperson—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Theresultisalifeofunimaginedbalanceandharmony,peaceandprosperity.

PhysicalDesires

Manyofourphysicaldesiresfallintothecategoryofwants.Everydaywehavedozensofphysicalwantsthathavenomeaningbeyondtheattainmentofpleasure.Now,beassured,Ienjoypleasureasmuchasthenextperson.Ourculturehasinmanywayspromotedpleasureastheultimateendinlifeorasthesupremegood.Butpleasureisnottheultimateendinlife.Wedon’tfindourmeaningandpurposeinpleasure.Themodernworldproposespleasureastheroadtohappiness.Butwhereveryoufindmenandwomenwhoascribetothehedonisticviewthatpleasureistobesoughtforitsownsakeateveryavailable

moment,youfindpeoplewhoareovercomewithlaziness,lustfulness,andgluttony.Theyarenotfreeorhappy.Theyareenslavedbyathousanddifferentaddictions,andtheendproducedbytheirphilosophyisnotpleasure,butdespair.

Ourdeepestphysicaldesiresareforthethingsweneed.

Eachdayataroundlunchtime,forexample,Ihaveadesireforsixchocolatedoughnuts.Itisadesire,butashallowone.It’sawant,adesirewithoutmeaning.IfIlistentothegentlevoicewithinme,itwillremindmethatIhaveadeeperdesiretolookandfeelhealthy.

Thefirstdesireforthesixdoughnutsarisesinresponsetomylegitimateneedforfood.Butthebestwaytorespondtothatlegitimateneedforfoodisnotbydevouringhalfadozenchocolatedoughnuts.Thebestwayformetorespondtomylegitimateneedforphysicalsustenanceisbyenjoyingahealthy,balanced,andsatisfyingmeal.

Theshallowdesirehasonlyonethinginmind,theinstantgratificationofpleasure.Oursuperficialwantsarenotevenabletotakeintoconsiderationthefuturepainthatapresentpleasuremaycauseus.

Thedeeperdesireoftheheart—thedesiretobehealthyandphysicallyfit—takesintoaccountthewholepersonandviewsthesituationwithouressentialpurposeinmind.

Theonlywaytosaynotothesixdoughnutsistohaveadeeperyes.Theonlywaytosaynotoanythingistohaveadeeperyes.

Inthiscase,thedeeperyesisforphysicalfitness,health,andwell-being.Butifyouarenotintouchwithyourdeeperyeses,youwillspendyourwholelifelivingouttheshallowandsuperficialdesiresofyourheart.

Whatwetruly“need”wedeeplydesire,butnotattheshallowlevelsofourhearts.

EmotionalDesires

Peoplewillgotoextraordinarylengthsattemptingtofulfilltheiremotionaldesires.Intheemotionalrealm,tohaveaneedanddesirefulfilledtoday,wehad

tostartpreparingforthatmonthsoryearsago.It’sanideathatmanystruggletocometogripswithinasocietywhereinstantgratificationisn’tfastenough.

Physically,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestdesireisforhealthandwell-being,allyouhavetodoisstartexercisingandadoptabalanceddiet.Intellectually,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestdesireisforgreaterwisdomaboutyourselfandyourpurposeinlife,allyouhavetodoissetsometimeasideandbegintoreadandstudythewisdomwritings.Spiritually,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestneedisforsimplicity,allyouhavetodoishaveaspring-cleaningsessionandgetridofalltheexcessmaterialpossessionsthatclutteryourwardrobe,garage,andbasementandlearntosaynotosomeofthemanythingsthatdistractyoufromyouressentialpurpose.

Eachofthesewilldeliverarelativelyimmediatesatisfactionofyourdesireandfulfillmentofyourneed.Butifyoudiscovertodaythatemotionallyyourdeepestdesireisforintimacy,unlessyouhavepreviouslyinvestedinthisareaofyourlife,itcouldtakeweeks,months,andevenyearsbeforeyoubegintoseethefulfillmentofyourneedandthesatisfactionofyourdesire.

Itisintheemotionalrealmthatweareremindedmorethaneverthatwearenotindependent.Weareinterdependent.Werelyononeanotherforthefulfillmentofourlegitimateneedsandthesatisfactionofourdeepestdesire.Lifeisnotsimplyabouttheselfishpursuitofthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Rather,themorewecontributetohelpingothersbecomethe-best-version-of-themselves,themoreprogresswemakeintheattainmentofouressentialpurpose.

WhileIhopesomedaytowriteanentirebookaboutintimacyandthepowerofrelationshipsthatarefocusedonthemutualfulfillmentofourlegitimateneeds,thisisnotthatbook.

Whatwediscoveraswemovethrougheachofthefouraspectsofthehumanpersonisthatthereisastrongconnectionbetweenourneedsandourdeepestdesires.Whenwearetrulyintouchwithourselvesatthedeepestlevels,wediscoverthatwedeeplydesirewhatweneedforoptimumhealth,happiness,efficiency,andeffectiveness.

Theproblemisthatoureverydaylivesdistractusfromourdeepestdesires.

Wegetbusyandtired,andfatiguemakescowardsofusall.Oncefatiguesetsin,weseekinstantgratificationandbegintooperatefromourshallowwantsagain.

Acommonexampleintheemotionalrealmisourdesiretosharecertainexperiencesofourliveswithothers.Whengoodthingshappentous,wewanttosharethemwithsomeoneelse.Thesharingmagnifiesthejoythesegoodeventshavebroughttoourlife.Conversely,whensomethingbadhappenstous,wealsowanttoshareitwithsomeoneelse.Thesharingdiminishestheanguishandheartache.

Let’susetheexampleofabaddaytoexpandalittle.Everyonehasabaddayfromtimetotime,andwhenwedomostofusneedtotalkthroughitwithsomebodyelse.Butwhomyouchoosetoopenuptoisofparamountimportance.

Youmayunloadonanuncooperativesalesclerkbysaying,“Youknow,Ihavehadareallylousyday,andIdon’tneedyoutotreatmeinthatway.”Youwillfulfillyourdesiretoexpressyourfeelings,butyourneedtobeheard,loved,accepted,andunderstoodwillgounfulfilled.

Yourdesiretoexpressyourfeelingsisonlyatinyaspectofyourdeeperneedtobeheard,loved,accepted,andunderstood.Thisdeeperneedwillbemetandfulfilledonlyifyouareabletoexpressyourfeelingstotherightpersonintherightsetting.

Ifyouareamotherandwifeandyou’vehadaterribleday,youmaybetemptedtosaytoyourmisbehavingchildren,“Listen,kids,I’vehadaterribleday,andIdon’tneedyoutobemisbehaving.”Youwillhavefulfilledyourdesiretoexpresshowyoufeel,butthedeeperneedthatthisdesirerepresentswillremainunfulfilled.

Intimewecometounderstandthatwhenwefeelaneedtoexpressourselves,itiscriticalthatwechoosetherightperson.Thesalesclerkdoesn’tknowyousufficientlyandprobablydoesn’tcare,andyourchildrenaretooyoungtorespondappropriately.

Thefactthatyouhadalousydaymaybeasmallissueforyou,butthebiggertheissue,themoreimportantitisforustoopenuptotherightperson.Ifweshareourfeelingswiththewrongperson,itisunlikelythatpersonwillhonorandrespectourfeelingsinthewaythatisappropriateandnecessary.Choosethewrongpersonandthemostlikelyoutcomeisthatwecomeawayfeeling

frustratedandviolatedratherthancomfortedandunderstood.

Weallhaveaneedforatrustrelationship,apersoninourliveswecantalktoaboutanything—arelationshipwithapersonwhowillhonorourfeelingsandreverenceourstrugglewiththecircumstancesofourlives;someonewhowilllistenwithouttryingtofix,change,ormoveus;apersonwhoisabletositwithusinourpainanddancewithusinourjoy;apersonintunewithhim-orherselfenoughtospeakwithcompassion,encouragement,andhonesty.

Weallhaveaneedforsuchaperson,buttheyarealltooraretofind.

Forsomepeople,thispersonisaspouse;forothers,itisaclosefriendoraspiritualguide.Forothers,thispersonisGod,andtheiremotionalneedanddesireinthisareaismetthroughtheirspirituality.Formostpeople,itisamixtureoftheirrelationshipwithGodandoneortwospecialhumanfriendships.

Intheearlierstagesofourlives,wemaypassthroughmanyoftheserelationships—classmates,membersofsportingteams,relatives,afamilydoctor,anolderfamilyfriend,girlfriendsandboyfriends,teachers,apriest,pastor,orrabbi,andmaybeevenamentororacoach.

Oneofourrealchallengesemotionallyisthatwhenwemostneedthesepeople,theyareveryrarelyjustaroundthecornerwaitingforouremotionalneedanddesiretocoincide.

Experiencehastaughtmethatweexpressourselvestoolittleandwecanexpressourselvestoomuch.Itiseasytosharetoomuchwiththewrongpersonandtoolittlewiththerightperson.

Whenlifethrowsusacurveball,ourinstinctistoreactbypickingupthephoneandcallingfiveofourfriendstovent.Wealmostinvariablyregretthisasthedustsettles.Ourfirstresponseshouldbetotakethesituationandourfeelingsaboutthesituationtotheclassroomofsilence.SharingasituationwithGodinprayercanofteneaseoursadnessandanxiety.IhaveneverknownanyonewhofeltviolatedafterpouringhisorherheartouttoGod.

Wehavealegitimateneedandadeepdesiretosharethetriumphsandtrials

ofourlives.Wealsohaveadesireandaneedtobeontheotherendofatrustrelationship.Asissooftenthecaseintheemotionalrealm,ourneedsanddesirescomplementtheneedsanddesiresofthosewithwhomwearemakingthisjourney.

Themorewedelveintothedepthsofourhearts,themorewediscoverthatwehavealegitimateneedandadeepdesiretobethepersonpeoplecantalktoaboutanything,withoutfeelingjudgedorpitied.Weyearntobeapersonwhowillhonorotherpeople’sfeelingsandreverencetheirstrugglewiththeeverchangingcircumstancesoftheirlives.Welongtobethatsomeonewhocanlistenwithouttryingtofix,change,ormovetheotherperson;apersonwhoisabletositwithanotherinhispainanddancewithhiminhisjoy;apersonintunewithherselfenoughtospeakwithcompassion,encouragement,andhonesty.

Ouremotionalneedsanddesiresarevastandvaried.Itisoneareaofourlivesthatwemustapproachcautiouslyandthatrequirespatience.Instantgratificationhasnoplaceintheemotionalrealm.Thefruitsoftheemotionalworldarereservedonlyforthosewillingtoparticipateselflessly.

IntellectualDesires

Whenwegettoobusyandtootired,wetendtolosetouchwithourintellectualdesiresveryquickly.ButallowyourselfseverallazySundayafternoonsinarow,unencumberedbytechnologicalstimulation,andyouwillfindyourselfthinking,I’vealwayswantedtolearnhowtoplaythepianoortheguitar,or,Wouldn’titbeneattolearnSpanishandthentakeatriptoSpain….Iwouldlovetomasterthegameofchess….I’vealwayswantedtounderstandhowthebodytransformsfoodintoenergy….PerhapsIshouldreadalittlemorehistoryorresearchmyfamilytree….MaybeatthistimeinmylifeIshouldkeepajournal….

Leisureignitesourintellectualdesires;fatiguebanishesthem.

Wearebornwithintellectualdesire.Youmayhavelosttouchwithit,butyouhaveit.Overtheyears,youmayhaveburieditoritmayhavebecomedistortedbysomechildhoodexperience,butintellectualdesireisnaturalandabundantinusall.

Intellectualdesireisbestunderstoodintheexampleofachild.Childrenhaveacuriositythatbringsanaturalsenseofwondertotheirlives.Whatarechildrenalwaysasking?Why?Theyarenaturallycurious.Fromthemomenttheycanthinkandspeaklogically,onequestiondominatestheirinnerdialogue(thoughts)andtheirouterdialogue(conversations).Internallyandexternally,theyareconstantlyasking,Why?Theyarenaturallycurious,eagertounderstand,andtheyyearnforknowledge.

Intellectualdesireisoneofthegreatsignsofhumanvitality.Areyouthrivingorareyoujustsurviving?

Ifyouarenotintunewithyourintellectualdesire,whathappened?Maybewhenyouwereachildyourparentsusedtoyellatyouwhenyouaskedquestions.Perhapsyoualwayswantedtolearntoplaythepiano,butyourfriendstoldyouitwasonlyforsissies.Thesimplestthingscancauseustoshrinkbackandburyourselves.Youaskedaquestioninclassasachild,alltheotherchildrenlaughed,andtheembarrassmentburiedthatnaturaldesire.

Lifedoesn’tspareanyofusfromtheseandotherbitter—sometimesbrutal—experiences.Still,wehavetogetbackupandmoveon.Inthiscase,thatmeansrediscoveringourintellectualdesires.Leisurebringsclaritytothemind.Allowyourselftimetorest,relax,andberejuvenated,andasyoudo,yourintellectualdesireswillonceagainbegintoemerge.

Oneofthegreatestproofsofourintellectualdesireisthenumberofbookswebuy.Visitabookstoreforanhourandtellmehowmanybooksyoubuyorwouldhavelikedtobuy.Maybeyoudon’tbuybooksanymorebecauseyouhaveboughtsomanythatyouhaveneverread.Mostofuskeepbuyingthemandpilingthemup.Why?Ourintellectualneedsaresogreatandourcorrespondingintellectualyearningsaresostrongthatwehopeonedaywewillstarttoliveinalignmentwithourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires.

Feedyourmind.

SpiritualDesires

Ourexplorationofthevarioustypesofdesiresbringsusfinallytoourspiritualdesires.Theyliehiddenfromsuperficialityandfrivolityinthedeepestrecesses

ofthehumanheart.Ourspiritualdesiresinsomewaysarethesubtlestofall,yettheyrevealthegreatestofourlegitimateneeds.

Perceivingandrespondingtoourspiritualdesiresisthemostessentialaspectofpersonaldevelopment.Theyearningsofthesensescallouttouswithunerringconsistencyanddrawattentiontotheneedsandwantsofourbodies,butourspiritualdesireslieatthebottomofthedeep,stillwatersofourbeing.

Thedeepestdesireofourheartsisnottodosomethingortohavesomething,butratherforpeace.Weyearnendlesslyforpeace.Wealllongforthepeaceofknowingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwearedoingisessentiallygood.Weneedtoknowthatwearecontributingtothehappinessofothersandthat,howeverslowly,weareprogressingtowardbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Thisistheprescriptionforpeace.

Theneedsthatcorrespondwithourdesireforpeacearesilence,simplicity,andsolitude.

Doyoueverfeelyoujustneedalittletimetoyourself?Doyoufindyourselfquestioningthewayyouarelivingyourlife?Doyouhavequestionsaboutwhatisbestforyounow?Doyoufeeloverloadedoroverwhelmed?

Allofthesearesignsthatyouneedalittlesilence,solitude,andsimplicity.Thesefeelingsandquestionsareourspiritualdesirestryingdesperatelytobeheard.

Dependingonoursituationinlife,someofthesewillbeeasiertomeetthanothers.Amotherwithyoungchildrenmayfinditverydifficulttofindsilence,solitude,andsimplicity.Wemustrememberthatwearenottalkingabouttheconstantsilence,solitude,andsimplicityofamonk.Whatweneedanddesirearesmallpocketsofsilenceandsolitudeandageneralstructureofsimplicity.

Itisalsocriticallyimportantthatwetreasurethetimewedohavetobealone.Ifwerespondtoourneedforsolitudebygoingshoppingbyourselves,ourneedforsolitudemaybepartiallysatisfied,butthedistractionsofmusic,otherpeople,andthehostofdesiresthatwillarisefrom“themallexperience”willpreventusfromdrinkingfromthewellofsolitude.

Inordertoachievethesoul-searchingthatwedesireandlegitimatelyneed,itisimportanttofindaquietplacetobealone.Onlyinthatsilenceandsolitude

areweabletorememberthatwealreadyknowthethingsthatwillbringuslastinghappiness.

Itwouldbelovelyifoursoulsgrowledeverytimetheywerehungrythewayourstomachsdo.Buttheydon’t.Thevoiceofthehungrysoulisconfusion,questions,andageneralsenseofbeingoverwhelmed.

HarnessingthePowerofOurNeeds

andDesires

Oncewelearntounderstandthelanguageofourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires,wecanbegintoharnesstheirpowerinoureverydaylivestoincreaseourenergy,vitality,andloveforlife.

Ifwemakeapointofobservingourselvesindifferentsituations,littlebylittle,wewillbecomemoreawareofthepeople,places,andactivitiesthatinvigorateusandthosethatdrainourenergyanddestroyourpassionforlife.

Ourdesireforfood,exercise,sleep,relationship,study,andquiettimesofprayerandreflectionareallresponsestoourlegitimateneedsforthepeople,places,andactivitiesthatworktogethertomakeuswhole.Ourdeepestdesiresleadustothesatisfactionofourlegitimateneeds,whichinturnproduceshealthandharmonywithinus.Allthisispartofthedivineengineeringsetinmotionwithinyoutoassistyouinthefulfillmentofyouressentialpurpose.

Ourdesiresandneedsareverycloselylinked.Wedesiredeeplybecauseweneeddeeply.Thecarefulmatchingofourdeepestdesiresandourlegitimateneedsrequiresanddemandscarefuldiscernment.Yourhealthandyourhappinessdependalmostentirelyonthedevelopmentofthisability.

Thereisaprofoundandprovidentialconnectionbetweenourneedsandourdesires.Toignoreourneedsanddesires,andtheirrelationshiptoeachother,istoignoreourveryself.Yourbody,heart,mind,andspiritallyearnforyoutobehealthyineverysenseoftheword.Theycollaboratewithoneendinmind,thatyoumaybecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

EverybodyIsaGenius

AlbertEinsteinwrote,“Everybodyisagenius.Butifyoujudgeafishbyitsabilitytoclimbatree,itwillliveitswholelifebelievingthatitisstupid.”ThequestionIhaveforyouatthispartofourjourneytogetheris,“Whatisyourgenius?”

Yousee,Ibelievethatweareallcapableofdoingonethingbetterthananyotherpersonaliveatthistimeinhistory.Whatisyouronething?

Iknowwhatyoumaybethinking.Youmaybethinkingquietlytoyourselfthatyoudon’thaveagenius.YoumaybetemptedtodoubttheideaandthinkthatIamtalkingonlyabouttheextraordinarypeople.No.Everybodyisagenius;whatisyourgenius?

Whoaretheextraordinarypeople,anyway?Aretheytheonlyoneswhopossessgenius?Surelywecannotcountonlythosewhoachieveworldacclaimandsuccess.

Ifgeniusbelongsonlytothosewhoinventthingsthatchangethewholecourseofhumanhistory,createmasterpiecesthatdrawcrowdstoartgalleriesforcenturies,imaginesymphoniesthatliveoninourheartsforever,orbecomegreatpresidentsofgreatnationsorgreatCEOsofgreatcorporations—ifwecountonlypeoplewhosetworldrecordsandwingoldmedals,peoplewhocaptureourimaginationsandraiseourspiritsplayingMajorLeagueBaseballorBasketball,thosewhowinOscarsandGrammyAwards,andpeoplewhoreceiveenormouspublicattentionforgoingtoheroiclengthstoservehumanity—thenwhatistobecomeoftherestofus?ArewetomarchoffquietlyandjoinThoreau’smassesandsimplyleadourlivesofquietdesperation?

Ithinknot.

Letmeexplainfromanotherpointofview.

MymotherlivesinAustralia,andprobablynobodywilleverwriteabookaboutmymother.Shedoesn’tliveintherightsuburbontherightstreet,shedoesn’tdriveanexpensivecar,andshedidn’tgototherightcollege.Mymotherdoesn’tmakealotofmoney,shedoesn’thavealotofmoney,shedoesn’twearexpensiveclotheswithfancylabelsonthem,shedoesn’tvacationinalltherightplaceseveryyear,andshehasn’thadajoboutsideofthehomesinceshegavebirthtomyoldestbrother.

Mymotherhasn’tinventedanythingthatwillchangethewholecourseofhumanhistory,sheisnotthecreatorofartisticormusicalmasterpieces,andshehasnot,andisnotlikelyto,becomethegreatpresidentofagreatnationorcorporation.Mumdoesn’thaveanyworldrecords,goldmedals,Oscars,orGrammyAwards,andshecangotothesupermarketwithoutbeingbotheredbythepaparazzi.

Byalltheworld’sstandards,mymotherisacompletefailure.Butletmeassureyou,mymotherisanabsolutegenius.

Irememberasachildcominghomefromschool.Everyafternoonatthree-thirtymysevenbrothersandIwoulddescenduponthefamilyhomelikesomesortofinvasion.Someofushadexperiencedtriumph,andsomeofushadexperiencedtragedy.Mymotherwasabletoinstantaneouslyconsolethetragedyandcelebratethetriumph.

Asoneofeightchildren,IneverfeltasthoughIwerebeingtreatedasjustpartofthecrowd.Bothmymotherandmyfatherhadaphenomenalabilitytodrawthebestoutofeachofmybrothersandme.

No.Therewillbenobooksaboutmymother.AndasIsaid,ifjudgedbyalltheworld’sstandards,sheisacompletefailure.Butyouknowwhat?Mymothercouldnotcarelesswhattheworldthinks.Mostpeopledon’tknowherwellenoughtocomplimentherorcriticizeher.Andsheknowsthat.Mymothercouldnotcarelesswhatjustaboutanybodythinks.Doyouknowwhy?Becausemymotherknowswhosheis,andsheknowswhysheishere.Shehasnoillusionsabouttryingtobesomeonesheisnot.Mymotherhasdiscoveredhergenius,pursuedhergenius,exercisedhergenius,andcelebratedhergenius.AndifyouandIcangeteventhetiniesttasteofthatpeace—thepeacethatcomesfrom

knowingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwearedoingmakessenseregardlessoftheoutcomeorotherpeople’sopinions—thenwehavediscoveredourgenius.

Havewesimplybeenjudgingourselvesbyallthewrongcriteria?

“Everybodyisagenius.Butifyoujudgeafishbyitsabilitytoclimbatree,itwillliveitswholelifebelievingthatitisstupid.”

Whatisyourgenius?Weareallcapableofdoingonethingbetterthananyotherpersonaliveatthistimeinhistory.Whatisyouronething?

Youronethingmaybetoloveyourspouse,raiseyourchildren,orbeakindergartenteacher.Youronethingmaybetoinventsomethingthatchangesthewholecourseofhumanhistoryortobecomethepresidentofagreatnation.Itdoesn’tmattersomuchwhatformyourgeniustakesasitdoesthatyouembraceandcelebrateit.

Howwillyouknowwhenyoudiscoveryourgenius?Therearetwosigns:joyandafeelingoftimelessness.WhenIspeakandwhenIwrite,thehourspasswithoutnotice.Thisisnotwork,itispassion.Isitalwayslikethat?No,ofcoursenot.Therearetimeswhentosqueezeasinglecoherentparagraphfrommymindtakeshoursandhours.ButwhenIexperiencethejoyandthetimelessnessofsharingtheseideas,IknowthatIwasborntosharetheseideasasafishwascreatedtoswimorabirdtofly.ItissimplyapartofwhoIam.

Itispossiblethatyouturnedyourbackonyourgeniusyearsago.Manypeoplecastasidetheirgeniusbecauseitisnotspectacularenoughorbecausetheirfamilyandfriendswantedsomethingdifferentforthem.Alltoooftengeniusisabandonedbecauseitdoesn’tmakeusenoughmoney.

Wehaveseentheconnectionbetweenourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires;ouruniquetalentsholdthemissingkey.Itisperhapsnotpossibletofulfillallourneedsanddesires,anditisnotpossibletocompletelydevelopandexerciseallourtalents.Thechallengeforeachofusistocreatealifestylethatwillallowourneeds,desires,andtalentstoliveinharmony.Thisdynamiccollaborationisthekeytolivinglifetothefullestandbecomingthe-best-

version-of-ourselves.

TheThreeCircles

Inordertoquicklyandeasilyunderstandthethreecircles,imagineyouwereabletocreateawayoflife(alifestyleinthetruestsenseoftheword)thatwouldperfectlyalignwiththefollowingcriteria.

First,youspendyourdaysandweeksdoingthethingsforwhichyouhaveaparticulargeneticabilityorGod-giventalent.Whenyouapplyyourselftotheseactivities,youexperienceagreatsenseofjoyandtherarefeelingoftimelessness.Youaresoconnectedwithyourselfandyourdaysthatyoufeelyouwereborntodothethingsyouaredoingandlivethelifeyouareliving.Ineveryway,yousenseyouarebecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

Second,yourphysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualneedsareeachbeingattendedto.Youareimmersedinawayoflifethatperfectlybalancesthefouraspectsofthehumanperson.Ratherthanneglectingoneormoreoftheseareasfordaysorweeks,eachdayyouallocatetimeandenergytoeachofthefourareasoffulfillment.

Third,youarefullofpassionforlife.Youarepassionateaboutwhatyouaredoingbecauseyouabsolutelylovewhoitiscausingyoutobecome.Youlovegettingoutofbedinthemorningtowatchthesunriseandgreetanewday.Youwantfornothingotherthantobeallyouarecapableofbeing,andyouconsideranythingthatdistractsyoufromthatpurposeasawasteoftime,energy,andlife.

Thequestionis,whoorwhatoccupiestheplacecreatedbytheintersectionofthethreecircles?Youguessedit.The-best-version-of-yourself.Themoreyouallowthisonesimple,crystallineconcepttoguideyourlifechoices,themoreyouwilldrivetowardthezonecreatedbytheintersectionofthethreecircles.

Learntoliveinthatplaceandyouwilllivealifeuncommon.

Atdifferenttimesinourlives,wemayhaveanintenseexperienceofone,sometimeseventwo,ofthecirclesinthewayIhavedescribedthem.Fewpeopleinournoisy,busy,distractedworldeverexperienceallthree.Andevenwhenwedoexperienceoneofthecirclesinanextraordinaryway,weareoftenunabletosustaintheexperiencebecauseoftheimbalanceofourlives.

Thethreecirclesaretheblueprintofthegeniusthatlieswithinyou.

Gettoknowyourlegitimateneeds,yourdeepestdesires,andyouruniquetalents.TheyarethecluesthatGodhasplacedwithinyoutohelpyoudiscoveryourdestinyandbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Alittlelaterwewilldiscusswhatismissinginourlivesandhowwebegintobuildalifethatallowsthethreecirclestopowerfullyintersectinourdailylives.Butnowitistimetoturnourattentiontounderstandingthechoiceswemakeandwhywemakethem.

PartThree

The-Best-Version-of-Yourself

OverwhelmedbyExperts

Oneofthecharacteristicsofourageisanexcessofexperts.Everyoneisanexpert,itseems.Everydaywearebombardedwithopinionsfromtheseexperts,andtheseopinionshaveawayofweavingtheirwayintoourlivesandphilosophies.

Takenewsandcurrentaffairsprogramsasanexample.Theyhaveahabitofpresentingexpertswhospeakaboutthewayyourfavoritefoodsaremanufactured,thewayyouinvest,howtoraiseyourchildren,thelateststatisticsfromamedicalstudy,andaplethoraofothertopicsthathaveanimpactonyoureverydaylife.

Theystartbyrunningadvertisementsforthisnewsitemeveryfifteenminutesforthewholeday,notonlyontheirowntelevisionstation,butalsoonregionalradiostations.Thewordingoftheadvertisementsinvariablypullsyouinbytriggeringafearthatcausesyoutoquestionwhatyouareeating,howyouareexercising,theassetallocationofyour401(k)plan,howyouareraisingyourchildren,whetherornotyouhavetherighthealthcareplan…andsoon.

Theproblemwiththeflowofthistypeofexpertinformationisthatitispresentedinarapidstaccatoform,withverylittledetail,isusuallytheresultofsomeverynarrowstudy,andisneverfollowedup.If,twoweekslater,theexpertisproventobeblatantlywrong,theydon’tbringyouanotherstoryapologizingforfeedingyoumisinformation.Theydon’tevenstandcorrected.Theyjustmoveontothenextstorythatcancreateafearinyougreatenoughtogetyoutotuneinatsixo’clock.

Thisisjustoneofthewaysexpertinformationisbeingmanipulatedtocreateratingsandultimatelytomakemoney.Allthetime,theseexpertopinionsaremassivelyaffectingtheeverydaylivesofmillionsofpeople.Expertopinionsareoneofthepowerfulvoicesthatcauseustodoubtthegentlevoicewithinus.

WhenwasthelasttimeyousawanyoneonCNNwhowasn’tanexpert?

Weareallowingtoomanyexpertsintoourlives.TheyarebattingusaroundlikeaPing-Pongball,andinmostcasestheydon’tseektoeducateandliberateus.Rather,theywanttomakeusdependentonthem.Inmoreandmoreareasofourlivesweknowlessandlessandhavebecomeincreasinglydependentonexperts.

Inanagewhereeveryoneisanexpert,ourbaseofknowledgeisbecomingnarrowerandnarrower(sowecanbeexpertsinafield),butsoisourbaseofcommonsense.Asthenumberofexpertsinourlivesincreases,ourabilitytoreasonandmakehealthydecisionsforourselvesseemstodiminish.

Don’tsurrenderyourlifetotheexperts.Theyarenevergoingtocareasmuchaboutyourhealth,yourrelationships,yourchildren,youreducation,yourmoney,andyourlifeasyoudo.Andtheyveryrarelyconsiderthewholepicture,themanyaspectsofyourlife.

Eachofusmustlearntomakedecisionsconsistentwiththeguidingprinciplesthatemergefromaclearandcohesiveunderstandingofouressentialpurpose:tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

WhenIwasachild,Ineverwonderedwhatwastherightorthewrongthingtodo.Ijustknew.Somethingwithinmetoldme.Itseemsthatmostpeoplecanrelatetoasimilarexperienceatsometimeintheirlives.Aschildren,weknowdeepwithinourselveshowweshouldactincertainsituations.Wedon’talwaysactthatway,butweknow.Themostcommonnamewegivethatgentlevoicewithinusisconscience.

Thereisalottobesaidforaclearconscience.Theideadoesn’tgetmuchairtimethesedays,butthereisatremendoustranquillitybornfromknowingthatyouaredoingtherightthingfortherightreasons.

Aswegrowolder,weseemtolosethisgiftofknowingwhichisthebetterwaytoact.Somewherealongtheway,mostofusseemtobeconditionedtodistrustourselves.Westoplisteningtothevoiceofconscienceandbegintoseekouttheopinionsofthemanyothervoicesthatdistractusfromthevoicewithin.

Asaresult,oneoftherealdilemmasthatpeoplefaceeverydayistheinabilitytolookatagivensituationanddecidewhichisthebestwaytoact.

Whenmostpeoplearefacedwithafinancialdecision,theyconsultaparent,friend,colleague,book,financialadviser,orcombinationofthese.Mostpeople,whenfacedwithapersonalormoraldecision,consulttheirspouse,pastor,priest,minister,friends,orthescriptures.Inallofthese,however,thereisnoconstant.Differentopinionsanddifferentinterpretationsleavemanypeoplemorebewilderedthantheyweretobeginwith.Buteachofus,finally,aftergatheringasmuchinformationasisavailable,orasmuchaswechoosetoaccept,isforcedtomakeadecisionandtoact—understandingthateventomakenodecisionistoact.

Betweenthegatheringofinformation,theseekingofopinions,andtheactionsofourlives,anotherprocesstakesplace:decisionmaking.Decisionscannotbemadeinavacuum;theyaremadeinspaceandtime.Tomakeaneffectivedecision,wemusthavesomegoaltowardwhichwearemoving.Ifnot,wefindourselvesdecidingbecause“UncleFranksaiditwastherightthingtodo”or“ReverendGeorgetoldmeitwasbestthisway.”

Insomecasestheseadvisersmayverywellberight,butinotherstheymaynotbe.Thepointis,rather,thatweshouldnotmakeourselvesbeholdentoexpertsinourlives.Wemustseektounderstandnotonlywhatisright,wrong,good,orbest—butalsowhycertainthingsarerightorwrong.Thisdoesnotmeanthatwedonotseektheinputfromadvisersandexperts.Itdoesmeanthatweassesswhattheysayagainstthebackdropofouressentialpurposeandinlightofthegoalwearemovingtoward.Itisalsocriticalthatweunderstandtheeffectsandconsequencesofouractions.

Theseabilitiesarenoteasytoacquire.Howistheordinarypersontoknow?Uponwhatcriteriaarewetobasethedecisionsandactionsofourlives?

Beforewemakeadecision,particularlyalargeone(orbeforewegiveadvicetoassistsomeoneelseinmakingadecision),itiswiseforeachofustotaketimeintheclassroomofsilencetolistentothegentlevoicewithin.Silenceandsolitudegiveaperspectivetothesituationsofourlivesthatcouldnotbegainedbyathousandhoursofconversationorathousandpagesofbooks.

Yetthisthoughtfulreflectionalsocannottakeplaceinavacuum.Itmust

takeplaceinrelationtothespaceandtimeofoureverydaylivesbyconsideringthematterathandinlightofourhopesanddreams,andwithouressentialpurposeeverbeforeus.

Ifyoudonotknowwhereyouaregoing,youwillnevergetthere.

Ourabilitytodiscernanyquestionoropportunityinourlivesdependsprimarilyonourunderstandingofwhereweareandwherewewishtogoand,moreimportant,ourunderstandingofwhoweareandwhowewishtobecome.

Mostpeopledon’tknowwhattheywant.Mostpeopledon’tknowwhotheyare.Mostpeopledon’tknowwhotheyarecapableofbecoming.

Thesearethreeverylargestatements.Aretheytrue?Youdecide.Inanydepth,beyondalittlemoremoney,anewcar,andthevacationofalifetime,doyouknowalotofpeoplewhoreallyknowwhattheywantfromlife?Doyouknowalotofpeoplewhoknowwhattheywantforthemselves?Howmanypeopledoyouknowwhoareintimatelyawareofandintunewiththeirlegitimateneeds?Doyouknowmanypeoplewhoareconnectedtothedeeperdesiresoftheirhearts?Wouldyousaymostpeopleknowwhattheirgeniusisandareusingitasaguidingprincipleintheirlives?Finally,doyouthinkmanypeoplehaveaclearvisionofwhatthe-best-version-of-themselveslookslike?

Thesearetremendousdisabilities.Whenwedon’tknowwhoweare,whatwewant,orwherewearegoingandwhy,weareverysusceptibletobecomingpawnsinotherpeople’sschemes.

Knowingwhoweare(strengths,weaknesses,needs,talents,anddesires)andwhatweareherefor(tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves)istheknowledgethatliberatesusfromthemodernenslavementofalifeofmeaninglessnessandgivesourlivesbacktousoncemore.

Millionsofpeoplehavelosttheirlives,andtheydon’tevenknowit.

Inalmosteverymomentoftheday,wefindourselvesbeingconfrontedwithquestionsandopportunities.Ourlivesareaconstantflowofdecisions.WhatwillIeat?WhatwillIwear?WherewillIgo?WhomwillIgowith?WhatwillI

do?WhatwillIbuy?WherewillIlive?Lifeisalwaysaskingusquestions.Oftentheyseemsmallandinsignificant,butintruththeycansignificantlyimpactourlives.

Wehaveoptions.Icouldwatchtelevisionforanhoureverydayorexerciseforanhoureveryday.IcouldeatMcDonald’severydayforlunchorIcanhavesoupandasalad.Wechoosebetweenvariousoptionsahundredtimesaday,andourchoicesimpactourhealth,happiness,well-being,anddestiny.

Inhisclassicpoem“TheRoadNotTaken,”RobertFrostdescribescomingtoaforkintheroadandhavingtochoosebetweenthetwopathsthatliebeforehim.Thepoemcloseswithoneofthemostfamouslinesofmodernliterature:“Itooktheonelesstraveledby,andthathasmadeallthedifference.”

Toooftenthepoemisinterpretedasbeingaboutonemonumentalmoment,oneenormousdecision,thatdeterminestheoutcomeofaperson’swholelife.Itisasif,oncethisonedecisionismade,alliswell,andtherestoftheroadissmoothandslopesgentlydownhill.

Thepoemisnotaboutonemomentinaperson’slife.Itisabouteverymomentofourlives.Wefindourselvesconstantlyatacrossroads.Nosoonerdowemakeonedecisionandtakethreeorfourstepsdowneitherpaththanwecomeupontworoadsdiverginginayellowwood…again!

Theforkintheroadisconstantlyappearinginourlives.

Theabilitytochoosecomesfromasenseofpurpose.Leadersarechargedwiththeresponsibilityofmakingdecisions,becausetheyaboveallothersaresupposedtounderstandthepurposeofthepeopleororganizationtheylead.Directioncomesfromanunderstandingofwhereyouaregoing.Ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,youarelost.

Whenwehaveasenseofourpurpose,thedecisionsofourdailylivescanbeeasilyassessedwiththatpurposeinmind.Directionemergesinourlivesbybringingourdecisionsbeforethealtarofouressentialpurpose.

Ifyoumakegreatdecisions,youwillliveagreatlife.Inmyownlife,IhavefoundthatthefollowingmodelhasbeenveryusefulinbringingclaritytothedecisionsIneedtomakeeverydayandoftenunderenormouspressure.Whenproperlyunderstood,thismodelservesasacompasstohelpusdiscernthe

opportunitiesthatcrossourpaths.Itisasimplebutfaithfuldecision-makingtoolthathasservedmewellandthatIhopewillalsobecomeatrustedfriendofyours.

Lifecannotbeconfinedtoamodel.Lifeshouldneverbereducedtoamodel.Butveryoften,modelsgiveusvisualstartingpointsthatbringgreatclaritytoouruniquesituations.

Thismodelmakesallowancefor,andcanbeadaptedto,theindividualpersonandanyparticularsituation.

Isetthismodelbeforeyouasastartingpointfordiscerningquestions,decisions,andopportunitiesinyourlife.Morethanthis,itbridgesthegapbetweenknowledgeofactsthatarerightandwrongandthemuchsuperiorknowledgeofwhyacertainactionisright,wrong,good,orbest.Thisisoneofthemajordistinctionsthatorganizedreligionhasfailedtocommunicate,tolargerorlesserextents,sincethebeginningoftime.

Mostpeopleneedtoknownotonlyifacertainactisright,wrong,good,orbest,butalsowhyacertainactionisright,wrong,good,orbest.Ifyoucantakepeopleonestepfurtherandshowthemhowacertainactionwillhelporhinderthemfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-themselves,mostpeoplewillthenatleastbefilledwithadesiretodowhatisgood,true,noble,andright.Eveniftheyareunabletoconvertthatdesireintoaction,youhaveatleastgiventhemavisionthatwilllivewiththemalways.Thismodelhelpsbridgethatgap.

Embracethismodel.Callittomindduringthedaywhenyouarefacedwithadecision,andyouwillseethatitdeliverswithunerringconsistencyastartlingclarity.

Thismodelhasbecomeapowerfulpracticaltoolinmyjourney,andIprayitservesyouaswellasithasservedme.

ThediagrambelowrepresentswhatisunderstoodintheChristiantraditionas“thepathofsalvation,”or“thejourneyofthesoul.”Atthisverymoment,weareallatpointA.

PointArepresentsyou(ormeoranyindividualperson)rightnow—hereandtoday—withallyourstrengthsandweaknesses,faults,failings,flaws,defects,talents,abilities,andpotential.

TheJourneyoftheSoul

PointBrepresentsyou(ormeoranyone)asthepersonyouwerecreatedtobe—perfectly.Ifyoucloseyoureyesforafewmomentsandimaginethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbeinanyareaofyourlife,andthenmultiplythatvisiontoincludethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbeineveryareaofyourlife,thatisthepersonyouhavebecomewhenyoureachpointB—the-best-version-of-yourself.

AteverypointalongthepathclosertopointB,wemorefullyrecognize,appreciate,anduseourtalentsandabilitiesandaremorededicatedtoourdevelopment—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.AteachpointalongthepathtowardpointB,thereisamoreharmoniousrelationshipamongourneeds,desires,andtalents.Throughthisprocessoftransformation,webegintoreachouroncehiddenpotential.AtpointB,throughthedualprocessofself-discoveryanddiscoveryofGod,wehaveovercomeourfearsandtransformedourfaultsandfailingsintovirtues.

Areyoudedicatedtoyourdevelopmentphysically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually?

Dedicateyourselfaboveallelsetobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Itisthebestthingyoucandoforyourspouse,yourchildren,yourfriends,yourcolleagues,youremployees,youremployer,yourchurch,yournation,thehumanfamily,andyourself.Thebestthingyoucandoistobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,becauseitisdoingwithapurpose.

Embraceyouressentialpurpose.Celebrateyourbestself.

AsyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointB,youbegintoallowtheDivineSpirittoemergefromwithin.WitheverystepclosertopointByouallowtheDivineSpirittoguideyouinallyourdecisionsandactions.

WhenyoureachpointByouhavereachedperfection,notinaroboticsense,butinthesensethatyouhavebecomeperfectlythepersonyouwerecreatedtobe.ThejourneyhastaughtyoutoalignyourspiritwiththeDivineSpiritineverything,whichbringsyoutremendouspeace,happiness,fulfillment,andafocusthatisaweinspiringtoallthosewhocrossyourpath.

Thejourneymakesyou“whole”onceagain.Hereistheessenceoftheancienttermholiness—everyelementofyourbeingisnowworkingtogetherinbalanceandharmony.Here,thepowerofthefourfundamentalaspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—havebeenharnessedandarebeingusedtoleadyoutowardperfection.

Ateverypointalongthepath,thereisamoreintimaterelationshipamongourneeds,desires,andtalents.EverymajorworldreligionholdsthatthemeaningandpurposeofourlivesashumanbeingsistogiveglorytoGod.TheEgyptianmonkAthanasiuswrote,“ThegloryofGodistheperfectionofthecreature.”ThereisnobetterwaytohonorlifeandGodthantostrivetobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Dedicateyourselftothisjourney—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.

Usethissimplemodeltoguideyou.Itwillrevealtoyouyouressentialpurpose.Itwillhelpyoutobecomefullyawareofyourlegitimateneeds.Itwillteachyoutoperfecttheartofmeetingyourneedsthroughthedailyeventsofyourlife.Asyoudedicateyourselftothejourneyandprogressalongthepath,youwillbegintohavelessinterestinanythingthatdoesnothelpyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Onlythenwillyouhavethefreedomofthesevendreams—whenyouarefinallyfreeineverysituationtoabandonthe-lesser-version-of-yourselfandchooseyourbestself.Itisafreedomveryfewmenorwomenpossess.

ChoosingHappiness

Happinessisnotsuccess.Happinessisnotpleasure.Happinessisnotfun.

Toomanypeopleequatehappinesswithsuccess,physicalpleasure,andfun.Thesearethemythsthatdistractusfrompursuingtruehappiness.

Happinessisnotsuccess.Whatlevelofsuccessdoyouimaginewillmakeyouhappy?Ipromiseyou,thehappinessbornfromtheachievementofthatsuccesswouldbeveryshort-lived.Onceyouhaveclimbedthatmountain,youwillcastyourgazetothepeakofanother,highermountain.Ihavemetenoughsuccessfulpeopletoknowthatsuccesscannotbeequatedwithhappiness.Someofthemaretremendouslyhappy,othersaredesperatelymiserable.Itseemsthatthosewhowerehappybeforetheybecamesuccessfularestillhappy,andtheirsuccesshasperhapsincreasedtheirhappiness.Butthosewhowerenothappybeforetheirsuccessarestillnothappy,andinsomecasestheyareunhappierthaneverbefore.

Successcontributestoourhappinessonlyinasmuchasithelpsusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Happinessisnotphysicalpleasure.Whatphysicalpleasurecanbesustained?Howlongcanyouenjoythepleasureoffoodbeforeitturnstopain?Howlongcanthepleasureofsexualintimacybesustained?Howlongcanyouindulgeinthepleasureofalcoholordrugsbeforethehighturnsintoalow?Physicalpleasureisfleetingandwhendetachedfromouressentialpurposeleavesemptinessasitsaftermath.

Physicalpleasurecreateslastinghappinessinourlivesonlywhenithelpsusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Happinessisnotfun.Mostpeoplebelievethatthemorefunexperiencesthey

have,thehappiertheywillbe.Childrenaretheperfectexample.Itisinconceivableforthemthathappinessissomethingotherthanfun.Believingthatthemorefunwehave,thehappierwewillbe,wealsotendtochoosefriendswethinkwillcontributetothefunfactor.Howimportantisfuntoyourconceptionofhappiness?

Closeyoureyesforamomentandimagineascenefilledwithhappypeople.

Mostpeopleconjureanimageofpeoplelaughing,eating,drinking,orpartying.Veryfewpeopleconjureapictureofawomansittingquietlyonherporchswing,enjoyingagreatbook;amanjustasquietlyenjoyinghisvegetablegarden;acouplemarriedforthirty-fiveyearswalkinghandinhand;orayoungcoupleraisingtheirchildren.

Ourconceptionofhappinessisoftenfatallyflawedbythebeliefthatfunequalshappiness.Don’tgetmewrong;I’mnotsuggestingyoushouldspendyourlifeavoidingfun.Funisanimportantpartofahealthyandhappylife.Butfunforfun’ssakerarelyleadstoanytypeoflastinghappiness.Thechallengeistolearntohavefundoingthethingsthatmattermost.

Funincreasesourhappinesswhenitisinfusedintothoseactivitiesthathelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Yourabilitytoexperiencehappinesswillbelimitedonlybyyourabilitytograspthemeaningandpurposeofyourlife.

Ineverydecision,wechoosehappinessormisery.Whenwechoosetobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselveswechoosehappiness,andwhenwechoosebydefaulttobecomea-second-rate-version-of-ourselveswechoosemisery.

Thereisonlyonequestion:Willwhatyouareabouttodohelpyoubecomethe-best-version-of-yourself?Iftheanswertothatquestionis“Yes,”doitwithouthesitation.

Thejourneyofthesoulisdifficult.Lifeisdifficult.Itisthosewhoimaginethatlifeiseasyorshouldbeeasywhoenduptheunhappiest.Itisthefrictionoflife,

thechallengesoflife,theebbandflowoftheunexpected,thatallworktogethertohelpusfulfillouressentialpurposeanddestiny.

Alongtheway,therearemanybarriersandobstaclestobeovercome.Inthediagramonpage95,thesymbol!representstheobstaclesthatconfrontusalongtheway—disappointment,failure,loss,fear,addiction,discouragement,fatigue,anger,hatred,laziness,andthestrugglebetweengoodandevil.

Everythinginourlivesshouldbeseeninrelationtothispathandembracedorrejectedaccordingly.Itmayseemsimple.Itmayseemoversimplified.Geniusistheabilitytocapturecomplexitywithasimplevision.Simplicityisthekeytoperfection.Embracethissimplevisionanditwillhelpyouunveilandcelebrateyourgenius.

Theshape,form,andcontentofourlivesaredeterminedbyourdecisions.Someofourdecisionsaresmall,whileothersarelarge.Yettosomeextent,eachdecisionimpactsnotonlywhatwedo,butalsowhowebecome.

Lifecomesdowntoaseriesofchoicesanddecisions.Wefindourselvesconstantlyatacrossroads.

Thereareathousandpossiblepaths.Youmustdecidewhichpathisbestforyou.Itisnotadecisionthatyoumustmaketoday.Takethetimenecessarytobecomefamiliarwithyourlegitimateneeds,deepestdesires,andtalents.Starttomakethesmalldecisionsofyourday-to-daylifeinalignmentwithyouressentialpurpose.Byhonoringthemeaningandpurposeofyourlifeinthesmallthings,youwilldiscoverthatthelargerquestionsloominginyourlifebecomeclearerandclearer.

Happinesseludesallthosewhoseekitforitsownsake.Truehappinessistheby-productofthejourney.

Inourearlierexaminationofthehappinessparadox,weexploredeachofthefouraspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—andtheactivitiesineachofthoseareasthatcausedustoexperiencehappiness.

Whatdoallthethingsthatcauseustoexperienceatrueandlastinghappinesshaveincommon?Theyallassistusinourquesttofulfillthepurposeofourlives.Theyareallactivitiesthathelpusalongthepathtowardthe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Whenyoueatwellandexerciseregularly,howdoyoufeel?Youfeelmorefullyalive.Youfeelhealthier.Youhavemoreenergy.Youfeelfantastic.Whatishappeningtomakeyoufeelthatway?Notjusttheactivityofeatingwellandexercising,butactivitywithmeaning.Activityempoweredbypurpose.Whenyouareeatingwellandexercisingregularly,physicallyyouarebecominga-better-version-of-yourself.YouaremovingalongthepathfrompointAtowardpointB.

Whenyoufallinlove,orwhenyougiveprioritytoyourexistingrelationshipsbyinvestingsomecarefreetimelessnessinthem,howdoyoufeel?Amazing,energized,inspired,moved,capableofanything.Whatishappeningtomakeyoufeelthatway?YouhaveengagedyouressentialpurposeandaremovingfrompointAtowardpointB.Youaremakingthejourney.Yourabilitytoloveisincreasing,andyourabilitytobelovedisincreasing.Yourheartisexpandingitscapacities.Youbegintothinkofanotherpersonbeforeyourself.Emotionally,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

Whenyoureadagreatbookanddiscoverdynamicideasandancienttruths,howdoyoufeel?Morementallyvital,morevibrant,morealert.Why?Yourmindisexpanding.Intellectually,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.

Whenyouhaveaspiritualencounterorexperience,howdoyoufeel?Asthoughthewholeworldcouldfallapartanditwouldn’tmatter.Why?Yourspiritisexpandingandyouarebeginningtoseethingswithproperperspectiveandpriority.Spiritually,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.

Thisjourneyislife.

Happinessismerelyaby-productofthejourney.

Dedicateyourselftothejourney.Developastrong,uncompromisingcommitmenttobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Makethedecisionsof

yourlifewiththatpurposeandgoalinmind.

Taketimeeachdaytovisualizethatpersonyouarecapableofbecoming.Ifyoucannotvisualizethebetterpersonyouwishtobecome,youcannotbecomethatbetterperson.Themorespecificyourvisualization,thefasterandmoreeffectivelyyouwillbetransformedintothatbetterversionofyourself.Visualizeparticularwaysofactingincertainsituations.Imagineasituationwithaparticularpersonwhereyouarenormallyimpatient.Visualizetheperfectwaytorespondtothatperson,overandoveragainintheemptymomentsoftheday,andbeforetoolongyouwillbegintorespondtothatpersoninthewayyouhaveimagined.

Allgreatchangeisfirstanideainourminds.Thefirstexpressionofeverygreatachievementinhistoryhasbeeninthewonderoftheimagination.Visualizethechangesyouwishtoachieve.

Ifyoudonot,youwillnot.

Philosophersholdthatthebeingofsomethingchangeableconsistsnotonlyofwhatitis,butalsoofwhatitstillcanbe—thatis,itspotential.So,inthephilosophicalsenseofbeing,asapersonyouconsistnotonlyofwhoyouarenow,butalsoofwhoyouarecapableofbecomingatanymomentinthefuture.Itisthevisionofthepotentialwithinusthatleadsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Recognizeyourpotential.Youalreadyhaveeverythingwithinyouthatyouneedtomakethisjourney.

Lifeischoices.Choosethe-best-version-of-yourselfineachmoment.

Choosehappiness.

TheEnemyofExcellence:Minimalism

Veryoftenouroldhabitsgetinthewayand,toacertainextent,canpreventusfromchoosinghappiness.Thesehabitsmaymanifestaseatingtoomuch,drinkingtoomuch,watchingtelevisioninsteadofexercising,hangingoutwiththewrongcrowd,oranynumberofbehaviorsthatcauseustobecomea-lesser-version-of-ourselves.Buttheyallbeginashabitsofthemind.Ifwewantourlivestochange,wemustfirstexamineandalterourmindhabits.

Oneofthegreatestobstaclesinthemodernpsychetoachievingourdreams,becomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves,andembracingourdestinyisminimalism.Consciouslyorsubconsciously,theminimalistisalwaysasking,“WhatistheleastIcando?”Minimalismisamind-set,ahabitofthemindthatcanaffectanyareaofourlives.

Thelitanyoftheminimalistisneverending.

WhatistheleastIcandoandstillkeepmyjob?WhatistheleastIcandoandstillgetreasonablegradesinschool?WhatistheleastIcandoandstayphysicallyfit?WhatistheleastIcandoandraisemychildren?WhatistheleastIcandoandkeepmyspousefromnaggingme?WhatistheleastIcandoandstillgettoheaven?

Theminimalistwantsthefruitofacertaintoilbutdoesnotwanttotoil.

Minimalismbreedsmediocrity.Itisthedestroyerofpassion.Minimalismisoneofthegreatestcharacterdiseasesofourtime.Itistheenemyofexcellenceandacanceronsociety.Theproblemis,culturallyweencourageminimalism.

Oureducationsystemsfoster,encourage,andrewardthisattitude.Thefinalexamisthemaintestofwhatastudenthasorhasnotlearned.Thisallows,ifnot

encourages,studentstocramknowledgeintotheirmindsforanexam,knowledgetheywillalmostimmediatelyforgetoncetheexamhasended.Ifyoupass,youmoveon;ifyoufail,youmustrepeattheprocess.Attheendofthecourse,youreceiveapieceofpaper—thereward.

ThewordeducationcomesfromtheLatinwordeducare,whichmeans“todrawout.”Wedonotteachourchildrentheloveoflearning.Wedonotholdknowledgebeforethemasapowerfultoolforpersonaldevelopment.

Wedon’tproducebroadlyeducated,well-roundedleadersfortomorrow.Weteachmoreandmoreaboutlessandless.Wedon’tdrawouttheindividual.Weimposeupontheindividual—systemsandstructures.Wedon’treverenceindividuality,wedon’ttreasureit,westifleitandtrytostampitout.Wedon’teducate,weformulate.Weabandontheindividualinhisorherownneedanduniquenessand“impose”thesameuponall.

Weprovideaneducationinspecialization.Weproduceclonesforthemodernworld.Wethrowpeopleintoamold,whichwecallaneducationsystem,toformcogsfortheglobaleconomicwheel,allthetimedanglingthegoldencarrotbeforethemasincentiveandreason.

Truthbetold,ourmoderneducationsystemscrushtheveryspirittheyclaimtoinstill.

WeneedtoreturntotheancientGreekidealofeducatingthewholepersonandcrownthatidealwithourmodernunderstandingofspirituality,aswestrivetonurtureeveryaspectofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.

Minimalismisbornfromalackofpassionforthethingswedo.Whereveryoufindpeopledoingthingsthattheyarenotpassionateabout,youwillfindminimalism.

Ourlegalsystemsandourmoderninterpretationoflawareanotherprimeexample.Today,peopletendtointerpretthelawsuchthattheyconsiderwhatevertheycangetawaywithasrightandwhatevertheycannotgetawaywithaswrong(inmanycasesperhapsnotevenwrong—just“againstthelaw,”orinconvenient).

Speedingisaprimeexample.Thespeedlimitisfifty-fivemilesperhour,but

youknowthatthepolicewillnotstopyouunlessyouaredoingmorethansixty-fourmilesperhour.

Thelawobligesusonlytotheminimum.Theproblemisthatobligingpeopleonlytotheminimumbreedsminimalism.Andonceinoursystem,thisdiseasedmind-setcreepsintootherareasofourlives,takesagriponourcharacter,andsignificantlyaffectsourworkandourrelationships.

Theeffectsofminimalismaremany.Minimalismeatsawayatthecharacterofaperson,andthereforesociety,justasadiseaseeatsawayatthebodyonecellatatime.Theminimalistsuffersfromdreadfullylowself-esteem.Hislowself-esteemisnottheresultoffailure,buttheconsequenceofnoteventrying.Theminimalistdoesn’tstrivetoexcel;hestrivestosurvive.Theminimalistforgetsthatittakesjustasmuchenergytoavoidexcellenceasitdoestoachieveexcellence.Apersongrippedbythemind-setofminimalismbecomesveryself-seekingandcontributeslittletothecommongoodofhiscommunityorsociety.Theminimalistquicklybecomesunfulfilledandmiserable,butwithnoplantochange,hegoeson,minimally,doingwhathehasalwaysdoneandspreadingthedissatisfactionandmiserythathehascreatedforhimselftoeveryonehemeets.Theminimalistjustgoesthroughthemotions.Heisaprisonerandvictimoftheday-to-daydrudgerythatstiflesthegreatnessofthehumanspirit.

Thetruthisthatweprobablyallsufferfromminimalisminoneformoranother.Tolargerandlesserextents,weareallminimalistsindifferentareasofourlives.Itisgoodthatweareabletorecognizethis,becauseminimalismislikeacancer:itspreads.Thegoodnewsis,thereisacureforminimalism.

Ineveryagetherehasbeenagroupofpeoplewhohaveescapedthisdiseasedmind-setandrisenaboveminimalism.Thesepeoplearesuccessfulinmanydifferentwalksoflife.Theyareachievers.Theygotthejobdone.Theyareleaders,heroes,legends,champions,andsaints.Theydidn’taskthemselves,“WhatistheleastIcando?”andthenproceedtoleaddispassionate,boringlivesofmiseryanddissatisfaction.Rather,theyaskedthemselves,“WhatisthemostIcando?”Withthevisioninspiredbythisquestion,theythensetouttodothemosttheycould.Notmerelyactivity,butactivitydrivenbyadeepsenseofpurpose.Theydidthemosttheycouldtothebestoftheirabilitiesinasinglelifetime.

Whenwelookattheirlives,wefindmenandwomenwhohada

commitmenttoexcellence.Theyknewhowtodream,andtheywerenotafraidtodreamthebigdreams.Theywerefilledwithcourage,andthatcouragewasbornfromknowingwhotheywereandwhytheywerehere.Therewasboldnessandbrillianceinthewaytheylivedtheirlives.Aswelookonasspectators,wearecontinuallyamazedbythepassion,enthusiasm,energy,andexcitementtheyfilledtheirliveswith.Theirachievementsaresomanythattheycanonlybesummarized.Andthegreatnessoftheseachievementswillneverbefullyknowntous—orthem—fortheeffectsoftheirvisionandgoodnesscontinuetoimpactthelivesofpeopleeveryday.

Donotask,“WhatistheleastIcando?”;rather,ineverysituation,askyourself,“WhatisthemostIcando?”Ifyouarewilling,thisonequestionwillintroduceyoutoyourbetterselfandchangeyourlifeforever.

Somewhererightnow,someoneistrainingforthenextOlympicgames.CanyouimagineanOlympicathleteaskingherself,“WhatistheleastIcandoandstillwinthegoldmedal?”Championsdon’ttakeshortcuts.Championsgiveeverythingtheyhavetotraining,preparation,andcompetition.Thatiswhatmakesthemchampions.Onthedayofcompetition,thedaythatreallycounts,everyshortcuttakenintrainingcomestohaunttheathlete.

Yourcharacterisyourdestiny.Buildingcharacterisataskonlyforthebraveanddedicated.Therearenoshortcutswhenitcomestobuildingcharacter.Ifyouwishtocureminimalisminyourownlife,todevelopacompletecommitmenttoexcellenceandanabsoluterejectionofmediocrity,thequestionyouneedtostartaskingyourselfis,“WhatisthemostIcando?”

Givethisquestionapermanentplaceinyourinnerdialogue,andyouwillbewellonthewaytoachievingyourdreamsandbecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

AreYouFree?

Historyhastaughtusthattheonethingmenandwomenofeveryplaceandtimehavealwaysbeenwillingtofightfor,andindeeddiefor,isfreedom.Freedomisthecornerstoneofallgreatnations.Freedomisthepinnacleofspirituality.Andfreedomisthemostbasicandessentialhumanright.

Whileatthistimeinhistorythereappearstobenomilitarythreattoourfreedom,Ibelieveitiscruciallyimportantforustoreassesswhatmakesusfree.

Whatisfreedom?Whatdoesitmeantobefree?ThisisoneofmyfavoritetopicswhenIspeakinhighschools.Ibeginbyposingthequestiontothestudents,andoneinevitablyreplies,“Freedomiswhenyoucandowhateveryouwant,whereveryouwant,wheneveryouwant,withoutyourparentsorteacherstellingyoutodootherwise.”

Consciouslyorsubconsciously,thisishowmostpeopleviewtheconceptoffreedomintheworldtoday.Freedomisviewedasthepower,thestrength,ormerelytheconveniencetochoose.Thisnotionisfalse.

Freedomisnotsimplythecircumstancesthatallowyoutodowhateveryouwant.Freedomisnotonlytheopportunitytochoose.Freedomisthestrengthofcharactertochooseandtodowhatisright.Withthatinmind,oursisnotanageoffreedom,butanageofslavery.Itissubtle,butitisreal.Thefoundationoffreedomisnotpowerorchoice.Freedomisupheldnotbymenandwomeningovernment,butbypeoplewhogovernthemselves.

Self-disciplineisthefoundationoffreedom.Thisself-discipline,thismasteryofself,isacquiredonlybythepracticeofself-denialandisacquiredalwaysfromwithin.Disciplinecanneverbeimposeduponaperson;itmustemergefromwithinaperson.Self-disciplineisthefoundationofgreatness,achievement,success,heroism,leadership,sanctity,andvibrantandflourishing

communitiesandnations.Thereisnolibertywherethereisnoself-discipline.

Speakinginaninterviewaboutdiscipline,JulieAndrewscommented,“Somepeopleregarddisciplineasachore.Forme,itisakindoforderthatsetsmefreetofly.”

Ifyouexaminethelivesofmenandwomenwhohaveachievedlittleornothingwiththeirlives,peoplewhoaremiserable,mean,anddispassionate,youwilldiscoverthatitwasnototherpeoplewhodestroyedtheirlives.Destructionalwayscomesfromwithin.Itistrueforanation,anditistrueforpeople.

In1838,withapropheticvoice,AbrahamLincolnsaid,“Atwhatpointistheapproachofdangertobeexpected?Ianswer,ifiteverreachus,itmustspringupamongstus.Itcannotcomefromabroad.Ifdestructionbeourlot,weourselvesmustbeitsauthorandfinisher.Asanationoffreemen,wemustlivethroughalltimes,ordiebysuicide.”

OnanotheroccasionLincolnsaid,“Ourdefenseisinthepreservationofthespiritwhichprizeslibertyastheheritageofallmen,inalllands,everywhere.Destroythisspirit,andyouhaveplantedtheseedsofdespotismaroundyourowndoors.”Inthelaterpartofthetwentiethcentury,we“plantedtheseedsofdespotism”aroundourowndoorswithonecreed,message,andmotto:“Ifitfeelsgood,doit.”

Inadayandagewherethereislittlerealthreatofourfreedombeingattackedbyforeignforces,wehavebecomeslaves.Thethreatisnotforeign,butlocal.Internal.Wehavebecomeourownworstenemies.Thepeopleofthesemoderntimeshavebecomeslavestoalcohol,drugs,food,pornography,gambling,sex,violence,shopping…Ourslaveryistheresultofacomplexofaddictionsthatweoftenrefusetoacknowledgeorchallenge.Theseaddictionsattackandtakeovernotonlyourbodies,butalsoourminds,hearts,spirits,andcheckbooks.

Addictionistheenemyofself-discipline.Addictionistheenemyoffreedom.Addictionrobsusofself-discipline,freedom,andindeedourverydignity.

Duringthelastfiveyears,Ihavehadtheopportunitytotravelallovertheworldandtoexperiencedozensofdifferentcultures.ButmyfascinationlieswiththeUnitedStates.IamcontinuallyamazedasIwitnesstheinfluencethat

Americaexercisesculturally,economically,politically,andsociallyinalmosteverynation.

ThefoundationofthisnationwecallAmericaisthesimpleyetpracticallycomplexnotionof“libertyforall.”Freedom!

Neverwasanationfoundedonidealsandprinciplesaspureasthosethefoundingfatherslaiddownforthisgreatnation.Theyenvisionedalandwheremenandwomencouldlivetogetherinharmonyandpeace.Theyimaginedaprosperousland,onewherethepeoplewouldhelpandencourageoneanothertoleadgoodlivesinserviceofthecommongood.Alandwherepeoplewouldratherhelpyouupthanpullyoudown,alandwheremenandwomencouldpursuetheirdreams.Theyhadinmindanationgovernedbymenandwomenfromallwalksoflife,withdifferentviews,butdedicatedtotheircommonpurposeofaffirmingthehighestvaluesofthehumanspirit.Hastheirvisionbeenrealized?Hastheirdreambeenforgotten?

Mottoesandphilosophiessuchas“Ifitfeelsgood,doit”and“Toeachhisown”aredestroyingthefoundingfathers’visionandrobbingusofourfreedom.Suchphilosophiesleadustohaveonemorebeeroronemoreshot—becauseitfeelsgood.Theseattitudesleadustocheatonourwives,evenifitisherbestfriend—becauseitfeelsgood.Then,beforeyouknowit,childrenstartwalkingintoclassroomsandshootingtheirteachersandclassmates—becauseitfeelsgood.Afterawhile,ourchildrenarehungryandhaveholesintheirshoes—becausethethrillofgamblingfeelsgood.Anditgoeson,andon,andon,reachingintoeverycornerofourlivesandoursociety.

Wherediditallstart?Wheredidwegetlost?Whatwentwrong?Howdowemakeitright?Thefoundationofgreatnationsisfreedom.Thefoundationoffreedomisnotstrength,butcharacter.Thefoundationofcharacterisdiscipline.

ThemoraldecayofourmodernWesternculturebeganwhenweputasideself-discipline,whenwestoppedexpectingitofourselves,andwhenwefailedthetestsoffriendship,parenthood,andleadershipandstoppedexpectingitofthepeoplearoundus.

Ourlivesandtimesareplaguedandcharacterizedbyinnumerableaddictions.Weareaddicted,andinasmuchasweareaddicted,weareslaves.

Thehumanspirithasextraordinaryabilitiesandwascreatedtosoar.Thereis

nothingmoredevastatingthanthestiflingofthehumanspirit.Addictionstakeagriponusfromwithin.Theysuckthestrengthfromourwillandrenderususelessinanyworthwhilecause.Peoplewhoareenslavedbyaddictionhaveaweakwill.Theirmindisplaguedbydoubts,fears,andallmannerofnegativethoughts.Theyhavenoself-controlandarenotcapableoftakingtheinitiative.Thosewhoareparalyzedbyaddictionfollowsheepishlywherevertheflockleads.Andtheywilldoanythingtoavoidtakingagood,long,hardlookatthemselves.

Quitetheoppositeisapersonwhoisfree.Thefreemanorwomanisquietlyconfidentandpeaceful.Awareofbothhisstrengthsandweaknesses,heseeksself-analysistoimprovehimself.Sheisawomanofintegrity,andherwordisbetterthanasignedcontract.Hismindisconstantlyfilledwithgratitude,appreciation,andallmannerofpositivethoughts.Sheisaleaderwhoispreparedtotaketheinitiative.Heisamanofcharacter,self-control,andfirmwill.Shelivesbybringinghappinesstootherpeople’slives.Hehasbeenanaddictofonethingoranother—perhapsmanyaddictionshaveplaguedhislife—buthehasovercomethemandnowguardscarefullyagainstnewaddictions.

Areyoufree?

Ilovechocolate.It’sjustoneofthosethingsthatIhavetowatchinmylife,otherwiseIcangetcarriedaway.

DuringthemonthsIspentinAustriain1997,IwassharingaroomwithafineyoungmanfromSlovakianamedJuraj.Oneafternoon,Iwasrestingafteranoverwhelmingmorningofclasseswhenhecameunexpectedlythroughthedoor.Iwaslyingonmybed,readingToKillaMockingbirdandeatingasmallhalf-poundbarofchocolate.

Ithinkhehadnoticedtheemptychocolatewrappersaroundtheroomintheweeksbeforethatday,andhelookedatmeandsaid,“Ithinkyoueattoomuchchocolate.”Ihumoredhimandadmittedthathewasprobablyright.Butthenhesaidtome,“Areyoufreefromit?”Ilookedathimasiftosay,“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Relax.It’sjustchocolate.”Hesawthatthoughtcrossmymind,andheaskedagain,“Really,areyoufreefromit?”Notwaitingforananswer,hethenpickedupabookfromhisdeskandwentbacktohisclass.

Iimmediatelybegantothinkaboutit.Icouldn’tanswerthequestion.Ididn’t

knowifIwasfreefromchocolate.Ithadbecomesucharegularpartofmylife,Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeIwentformorethanacoupleofdayswithoutchocolate.SoIdecidedtoanswerthatquestionintheonlywayIknewhow.Idecidedthatbeginningthenextday,Iwouldnoteatanychocolateforonemonth.

Thenitbegan.Theexcuses,thecryingoutofthebody,thosetormentingurgesofthefleshdemandingtobesatisfied.IlastedaboutsixtyhoursbeforeIfoundmyselfdevouringasmallhalf-poundbarofchocolate.

ThenextdayIresolvedtotryagain.Itriedandfailed.Triedandfailed.ThreetimesIfailed.OnlyonmyfourthattemptdidIsucceed.OnmyfourthattemptIwasabletogiveupchocolateformorethanthreemonths.Itwasthen,andonlythen,thatIknewIwasfreefromchocolate.Iknewitwasmyservantandnotmymaster.

Idiscoveredthatchocolatehadbecomeapartofmyeverydaylife.InsomewaysIhadevenbeguntolivemylifearoundit.Nowitisanoccasionaljoyinmylife,andIenjoyitmorethanIeverdidwhenIwaseatingapoundatatimeaspartofmyeverydayroutine.Itasteitnow.Itsoundssilly,butbackwhenIwaseatingchocolateconstantly,Idon’tremembertastingitbeyondthefirstbite.

Thoseofyouwhohaveexperiencedandovercomeanaddictionwillnoticetheclassicsymptomsinmythinkingandbehavior.

Ifyouthinkyouareaddictedtosomething,thereisonlyonewaytofindout.Theysaytwenty-eightdaysisthecriticalperiodforbreakingaddictions.Theonlywaytoknowifyouarefreeistosayno.Giveitup.Ifyoucan,youarenotaddicted.Ifyoucannotgowithoutit,whateveritisforyou,thenthereisagoodchanceyouareaddicted.

AldousHuxleyobserved,“Addictionisanincreasingdesireforanactwhichgiveslessandlesssatisfaction.”

Weallhaveaddictions.Somearemuchmoreseriousthananaddictiontochocolate,buttheeffectisthesame.Addictionsweakenthewill,whichinturnweakensourcharacter,whichweakensourabilitytoachieveandsucceedinanyareaofourlives,andultimatelyweakensourabilitytochoosethe-best-version-of-ourselvesinthemomentsofourdays.Everyareaoflifeisweakenedbyaddiction.MahatmaGandhioncewrote,“Mancannotdorightinonedepartment

oflifewhilstheisoccupiedindoingwronginanotherdepartment.Lifeisoneindivisiblewhole.”

Howdoweacquiretheseaddictions?Addictionissimplytheresultoftakingthepathofleastresistance.Toooftenwelivebythemottoes“Ifitfeelsgood,doit!”and“WhatistheleastIcando?”Indoingso,webegintoformcertainhabits.Informingthesehabits,webecomeaddictedtocertainpatternsofbehaviorthatareultimatelyself-destructive.

Wearecreaturesofhabit.Itissimplythewaywearemade.

Theimportantthingisthatoncewehaverecognizedthistruthaboutourselves,weshouldbegintousethisself-knowledgetoouradvantage.Thepowerofhabitscanbeharnessedtohelpustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves,orthepowerofhabitscanbeusedtohelpusbecomea-second-rate-version-of-ourselves.It’sthesamepower,buthowweapplyittoourlivescanberadicallydifferent.

Ifachildlearnstoquiteverytimeheisunsuccessful,hischaracterwillneverbearthejewelofperseveranceandhewillformtheself-destructivehabitofquitting.Ifaperson’scharacterisscarredbythistrait,whatwillheachieveinlife?Nothing.

Ontheotherhand,ifayounggirllearnstobepatientwithherlittlebrother,eventhoughheisslowerandclumsier,shewillquicklydeveloptheempoweringhabitofpatience.Whenthisgirlbecomesawomanandcomesupagainstobstaclesinherlife,herpreexistinghabitualresponsewillbepatientperseverance.Ifaperson’scharacterismarkedwiththistrait,whatwillsheachieveinlife?Greatthings.Weareindeedcreaturesofhabit.Andyes…wechooseourhabits.

Addictionsareacquiredbypracticingacertaintypeofbehavioroftenandexcessively.Characterisacquiredbypracticingcertaintypesofbehavioroftenandexcessively.

Webreakaddictionsinthesamewayweformthem.Anaddictionisapatternofbehavior.Itisnotenoughmerelytogiveupacertaintypeofself-

destructivebehavior.Thatsimplydoesnotwork.Wemustcrowdthemout.Intheplaceoftheself-destructivehabit,wemustplantaself-empoweringhabit.

Addictionsstifleourpersonaldevelopment.Theypreventusfromchanging,growing,andbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Deepwithinyouthereisaverystrongdesiretobecomeyourbestself,andlivingoutofthatdesireisthekey.Desireisagreatmotivator.Ifyoucanseehowovercomingtheaddictionwillgiveyouaricher,fullerlife,andconstantlyremindyourselfofthisfact,yourdesireforaricher,fullerlifewillbecomegreaterthanyourdesirefortheaddictivebehavior.

Asalways,wemustlivewiththepathinmind.ThejourneyfrompointAtopointBshowsusclearlythatanyaddictionwehaveinourlivesisgoingtobecomeanobstaclethatwillkeepusfromfulfillingouressentialpurpose.

Onceweareconvincedthatouraddictionsaregoingtostopusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves,weneedastrategy.Therehasbeennostrategyforovercomingaddictionsmoresuccessfulthanthe12-stepprogramofAlcoholicsAnonymous.Althoughitisnotaguidetoovercomingandrecoveringfromalltypesofaddictions,itgivesusanideaofthetypeofstrategyneededtoovercomeanyaddictioninourlives.TheprogramwasdevelopedbytwoalcoholicsintheUnitedStatesandisunquestionablythemostsuccessfulapproachfortreatingaddictionsinhistory.Theprogrambegansimplyasthestoryofthesetwomenandtheirstruggletoovercometheiraddictiontoalcohol.Beyondthat,theypinpointedthewaystheydeceivedthemselvesandothersandformulatedtwelvestepstohelpotheralcoholicsrecognizeandovercometheirself-destructivedependencyonalcohol.Itisanexampleofhowpowerfulourstoriescanbe,toourselvesandtoothers.ThestoryofAAhasempoweredmillionsofmenandwomentowresttheirlivesbackfromthehauntingpowersofaddiction.

Theprogramiscenteredonthefollowingtwelvesteps,butitisdependentupontherecoveringalcoholicswhocontinuetosharetheirownstorieseverydayinthousandsofcitiesaroundtheworld.

StepOne

Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcohol—thatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.

StepTwo

CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.

StepThree

MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGod,asweunderstoodHim.

StepFour

Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.

StepFive

AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.

StepSix

WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.

StepSeven

HumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.

StepEight

Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.

StepNine

Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.

StepTen

Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.

StepEleven

SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythatout.

StepTwelve

Havinghadaspiritualawakeningasaresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoalcoholics,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.

Addictionisnotconfinedtoareassuchasalcohol,drugs,andgambling.Thetruthis,weallhaveaddictions.Someofouraddictionsarelargeandseriousproblems;othersaresmallandmoreminorissues.Butwhatevertheaddiction,theeffectisthesame.ThegreatSpanishmysticandmonkJohnoftheCrosswrote:“Whetherabirdisheldbyachainorathread,stillitcannotfly.”

Addictionsdrainusofourwillpowerandtendtomakecowardsofus.Somepeopleareaddictedtohavingtheremotecontrolintheirhandwhentheyarewatchingtelevision.Takeitfromthem,andtheirreactionwillhaveaddictionwrittenalloverit.Somepeoplecannotsurvive,theythink,withoutcoffeefirstthinginthemorning.Othersareaddictedtohavingeverythingintheirhouse,office,andcarexactlyintherightplaceandperfectlytidy.Othersareaddictedtocigarettes.Thepointis,weallhaveaddictions.Weallhavehabitsthatenslaveus.Thereareareasinourlivesthathavebecomeoutofcontrol.Areasinourliveswhereexternalrealitiesorillusionsdeterminehowweactorwhatwedo.Weallhaveareasofourliveswherewearenotmastersofourselves.

Inthebeginning,weformourhabits.Afterawhile,theybegintoformus.Ifwedonotconquerourbadhabits,soonerorlatertheyconquerus.Whatareasofyourlifehavebecomeoutofcontrol?Fromtimetotime,weallhavetowrestlewithdifferentthings.Whatareyouwrestlingwith?Youhadbettergetridofit,oritisgoingtogetridofyou.Thatistheverynatureofaddiction.Youarenotwrestlingforacanofbeerorapieceofchocolate;youarewrestlingforyourveryself.

Itwouldbeconvenientifwecouldisolateouraddictionstooneareaofour

lives,buttheywillnotbecontained.Borninourminds,addictionsspreadthroughourmindstoeveryareaofourlives.Theydepriveusofourwell-beingandrobusofourpersonalfreedom.Addictionsareaseriousdrainonourefficiencyandeffectiveness.Theycloudourjudgment,causeustolosesightofouressentialpurpose,andholdusbackfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Alltruespiritualityseekstofreeusfromanytypeofslaverythatpreventsusfrommovingalongthepathandbecomingamorelovingandlovableperson.Avaluableexercisetomakearegularpartofourprayer,reflection,andself-analysisistoseekoutandidentifyareasofaddictionandslaveryinourlives.Theywillnotgoawaysimplybyignoringthem.Everydaytheywillbecomemorepowerfuluntilweconfrontthem.

Nothingcomparestothefreedomofbeingabletochoosethe-best-version-of-yourselfinthemomentsoftheday.Iwantthatfreedominallthings.Itisaliberationthatnobodycanevertakefromyou.Itisthefreedomtochoosewhatisgood,true,noble,beautiful,andright.IfindmyselfagreeingwithCharlesDickenswhenhewrote,“Ionlyasktobefree.Thebutterfliesarefree.”

FollowYourStar

IhavealwaysbeenfascinatedwiththestoryintheBibleabouttheMagifollowingthestar.ForyearsIhavespenthoursreadingandreflectinguponthisstory,becauseIbelieveitteachesusalotaboutwhatmakescertainpeoplesuccessful.

Itisfirstofallimportanttoacknowledgethatitwasnotthechiefpriests,oreventhehighpriestofthatyear,whorecognizedthesignsthataccompaniedthecomingofJesus.Itwas,rather,thethreesimpleMagi.Thestarroseintheeast,andtheyfixedtheirgazeuponthestarandfolloweditwithunwaveringpersistence.

OneChristmasacoupleofyearsback,IwasdrivingpastachurchontheEastCoastofAmericaandoutsidewasoneofthosemessageboards.Itread,“WisemenstillseekJesustoday.”Thatsimplemessagehadanimpactonmeandrenewedmyinterestinthestory.Myreflectionleadsmetoaskthesequestions:“WhatwasthedifferencebetweentheMagiandeverybodyelseontheplanetatthetimethatJesusmadehisentranceintotheworld?”“Whatwasthedifferencebetweenthethreewisemenandthechiefpriests?”

Whensomeonesharesaremarkableinsightorararepieceofknowledge,youwillsometimeshearpeoplesay,“Oh,isn’tshewise!”Yetthereisanenormousdifferencebetweenknowledgeandwisdom.Thechiefpriestshadknowledge.TheykneweverythingtherewastoknowaboutthecomingMessiah.TheycouldhaverecitedeverypassagefromtheirsacredscripturesthatrelatedtothecomingoftheMessiah,includingtheplaceofhisbirth.TheMagididn’thaveanywherenearasmuchknowledgeasthechiefpriestsdidregardingthecomingoftheChrist,butwhattheydidknowtheylivedby.Thereinlaythekeytowisdom,andthatiswhywecalltheMagi“thewisemen”andthechiefpriests“thechiefpriests.”

Wisdomisnottheamassingofknowledge.Wisdomistruthlived.

TheBibledoesn’ttellushowoldtheMagiwere.Norarewetoldhowlongtheyhadbeenfollowingthestar.Infact,contrarytopopularopinion,thescripturesdonotevenstatethattherewerethreeofthem.Weallhaveastartofollowinourlives.Someofusfollowitfromaveryyoungage,andotherstakeafewyearstorecognizethestarintheskyoftheirlives.Andyet,onethingiscertain:Ittakestimetodeveloptheunderstandingandawarenessnecessarytorecognizeyourstarwhenitrises.TheMagihadprobablybeenwaitingandpreparingformanyyears.

Thefirstlessoninfindingandfollowingyourownstarispatience.Manypeoplelosetheirchanceatgreatnessbychasingafterthefirststarthatrises.Weshouldwaitandpreparepatientlyforourstartorise.Itwillnotriseearly.Itwillnotriselate.Itwillriseinthefullnessoftime—atthemostappropriatemoment.Youneednotworrythatyouwillnotbeready.Itwillnotriseuntilyouare.Youneednotfearthatyouwillmissitorfailtorecognizeit.Itislookingforyouevenmorethanyouarelookingforit.Itwillhelpyoutofulfillthepurposeofyourexistence,andyourwholelifeisleadingyoutowardit.

Asyouwaitforyourstartorise,thereismuchpreparationtobedone.Dreamscometruewhenopportunityandpreparationmeet.Nowisyourtimetoprepare.Donotsay,“Iamtooold.”Donotsay,“Iamtooyoung.”Nowisyourtimetoprepare.Youarewhereyouarerightnowforareason,readingwhatyouarereadingrightnowforareason.

Duringthistimeofpreparation,youmustsearchyourheartandbecomeintimatelyawareofyourlegitimateneeds,yourdeepestdesires,andyourtalents.Whenyourstardoesrise,youwillknowitisyourstarbecauseyouwillhaveaburningdesiretofollowthatstar—notonawhim,butthroughcarefulconsideration.Infollowingthatstar,youwillputyourtalentstousefortheserviceofothersandforyourownfulfillmentandsatisfaction.Thisemploymentofyourtalentswillleadtothefulfillmentofallyourlegitimateneeds—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—andhelpotherstofulfilltheirlegitimateneeds.Followyourstaranditwillleadyoutothe-best-version-of-yourself.

Sincemyteenageyears,Ihavebeenfascinatedwithfamousandextraordinarypeople—greatachieversinallwalksoflife.Ilovetowatchthembeinginterviewed.Ilovetowatchfootageoftheirday-to-daylives.Onethingthathasalwaysstruckme,andIdonotconsideritintheslightestwaytobecoincidental,isthatgreatmenandwomenalwaysbelievedthattheyweredestinedtobegreat.Fromthisdayon,begintofosterabeliefthatyouwerebornforareason,andalthoughyoumaynothaveyetdiscoveredthespecificsofthatreason,youarebeingpreparedtofulfillitineverymoment.

Ingeneralterms,youknowthatyouressentialpurposeistogrow,change,develop,andbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.Thedetailsaresimplythat,thedetails.Itisthisprocessofgrowththatmakeslifeinteresting,exciting,rewarding,andfulfilling.Dedicationtothisprocessofgrowthisgreatness.Greatnessshouldneverbeconfusedwithfame,fortune,status,orpower.Theseareonlypassingillusions.Greatnessistobecomemorefullyyourselfwitheachpassingday.

Achanceforgreatnessawaitsyou—yourownchanceatgreatness—anditwillinvolvetheuniqueandprovidentialblendofyourneeds,talents,anddesires.Thepursuitofyourchanceatgreatnesswillrevealyoutoyourfamily,friends,colleagues,spouse,children,andeveryonewhocrossesyourpath.Itistheattuningofyourpersonality.Lifeisarevelationofself.Lifeisanunfoldingstory.Yourlifeisyourstory.Lifeisagifttoyouandforyou—andyet,inaparadoxicalbutcomplementaryway,itisalsoyourchancetoserveyourneighbor,totouchandenrichthelivesofothers,andtomakeadifferenceinthissometimeswearyworld.ThisisthemysteryofGod—toleadyoutowardyourperfectionandfulfillment,whileatthesametimeusingyourjourneytoleadotherstowardtheirperfectionandfulfillment.

Wemusteachlearntotrustthatwearehereforareasonandthat,nodoubtwhetherweareawareofitornot,thingsareunfoldingjustastheyshouldbe.Therightcircumstanceswillemerge.Iprefertothinkofthemasopportunities.Therightopportunitieswillemerge.Themostunexpectedcircumstancesoftenhatchopportunitiesthatenableustofollowourstar.Thecircumstancesofourlivesperfectlyandprovidentiallyprepareustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.CharlieChaplinisagreatexample.

CharlieChaplin

CharlieChaplinwasborntoaverypoorfamilyinLondonin1889.WhileCharliewasstillachildhisfatherlefthismother,whichonlyexaggeratedtheirpoverty.Mrs.Chaplincouldn’tfindwork,couldn’tpaytherent,andcouldn’taffordfueltoheattheirsmallapartment,andmostnightsCharlieandhisbrotheratefish-headsoup—nothingbuttheheadsoffishinwarmwaterwithalittlebread.Miserablecircumstances,I’msureyou’dagree.Butfromthatmiserywasbornoneofthegreatesttalentshumanityhaseverknown.

Chaplindevelopedhishumorandcomedytoriseabovethedepressingcircumstancesofhischildhood.Heputtogetheralltypesofactstomakehismotherandbrotherlaugh.Helaterrecalledwantingtomakethemlaughsomuchthattheywouldforgethowdesperatelyhungrytheywere.

By1918,CharlieChaplinwastwenty-nineyearsoldandindisputablythemostfamousmanintheworld.HecontinuedtowriteanddirectuntilhisdeathinVevey,Switzerland,onChristmasDayin1977.Overalifetimehewroteanddirectedeighty-onefilms,foundedhisownstudiosinCalifornia,andmademorepeoplelaughthananyoneelseinhistory.CharlieChaplinisalegend.Hispathwasnotaneasyone,buthefollowedhisstar.Thecircumstancesofhischildhoodpreparedhimtorecognizethestarwhenitrose,andriseitdid.

Followingyourstarisaboutdiscoveringwhoyouareandwhatyouarecapableof.Followingyourstarisaboutlearningtobeyourself.Youmustbepreparedtodaretobedifferentinaworldwhereuniformityissafeandrewarded.Searchyourself.Discoversomethingdeepwithinthatisyoursandnooneelse’s.

Uncoveryouruniqueness.Yourchanceatgreatnessisintrinsicallylinkedtobeingyourself.Becomeachampionofselfhoodandyouwillmeetwithunimaginedsuccess.

Everyoneisgoodatsomething.Weallhavetalentsandabilitiesthatareuniqueanddifferent.Thesegiftsarethekeytogreathappinessinourlivesandonoccasionareleadingindicatorsinthesearchtodiscoverourvocationormissioninlife.Butfirstwemustseekoutthesegiftsandtalents.Sooftenpeople

saytome,“ButIamnotgoodatanything.”ThisIcannotbelieve.Icanbelieve,however,thatapersonhasnotyetfoundthatoneareainwhichheorshehasaspecialgift.

Frustrationandthesenseoffailuretendtofollowuswhereverwegountilwefindourownareainwhichtowork,ourowngifttodevelop,ourownniche,ourgenius.Don’tdespair.Havealittlefaith.Itcantakesometime,buttheactivesearchbringsasenseoffulfillmentintheinterim.Itisonlywhenwegiveupthesearch,believingthatwewillneverfindthatspecialtalentorthatwesimplydonotpossessone,thatfrustrationanddepressiontakeholdofus.

Holdfirm.Thesearchisnoble.Avoidingthesearchiscowardice.Sometimeswethinkwehavefoundthatspecialtalentandwhatwehavefoundisonlyastepping-stone.

Tenyearsago,IwasstudyingatuniversityinAustraliatowardadegreeinbusinesswithamajorinmarketing.IthoughtIhadfoundmygift.Iwaswrong.Itwasjustastepping-stone.Mytruegift,Inowbelieve,ismyspeakingandmywriting.WasthetimeIspentstudyingbusinessawasteoftime?Absolutelynot.IcanclearlyseethehandofGodinthatpartofmylife.Inmanyindirectways,GodwaspreparingmethenforwhatIamdoingnow.InthefutureImaydiscoverthatthisisjustanotherstepping-stonetosomethingelse,somewhereelse.

GeorgeWashingtonwasfirstasurveyor.Formanyyears,NormanVincentPealewasanewspaperman.GarthBrookswasn’talwaysamusician.Peterwasfirstafisherman,Matthewataxcollector.Stingwasfirstaschoolteacher.HarrisonFordwasacarpenter.BeforeSomersetMaughambeganwriting,hegraduatedfrommedicalschool.JohnDenverworkedforaninsurancecompanybeforeembarkingonhisjourneytobecomeaninternationallyacclaimedentertainerandsongwriter.

Asyouseekoutyourdominanttalent,yourgenius,itisimportanttorememberthateveryonewasn’tborntobeinthespotlight.Herearetwoofthiscentury’sgreatestexamples.

BrianWho?

HaveyoueverheardofBrianEpstein?HaveyoueverheardoftheBeatles?

AtlunchtimeonNovember9,1961,BrianEpsteinwalkedintoadark,crowded,smokyclubinhishometownofLiverpool,England.TheclubwascalledtheCavern,andEpsteinhadgonetheretohearalocalgroup,fouryoungmenwhocalledthemselvestheBeatles.

Atthattime,BrianEpsteinmanagedandoperatedasmallrecordstore,whichhisfatherowned.HiscuriositywaspiquedwheninonedaysixpeoplecameinaskingforarecordbytheBeatles.Whenhetriedtoordertherecord,Epsteindiscoveredthatnosuchrecordexisted.ThisiswhatdrewhimtotheCavern.

Twoweekslater,EpsteinofferedtomanagetheBeatles.Heconfessedtothemthathehadnoexperience,butthathetrulybelievedtheyhadwhatittooktobe“thenextbigthing.”TheBeatlesagreedtoletEpsteinmanagethemdespitehislackofexperience.JohnLennonlaterrecalled,“Wehadnothingtolose,wehadalreadybeenturneddownbyeverymajorrecordinglabelinthecountry.Brianwasenthusiasticaboutourmusicandaboutourfuture.Allwewantedtodowasplaymusic.Wehadeverythingtogainandnothingtolose.”

Forthenextsevenmonths,BrianEpsteinwentknockingondoorsinLondon,playingthedemotapeforeveryrecordingcompanyhecouldgettolisten.Theyallsaidthesamethings:“Theseboyswillnevermakeit”or“Itjustwon’twork”or“Theirsoundisjusttoodifferent.”Epstein’sreplytoeachofthemwasthesame:“TheseboysaregoingtobebiggerthanElvis.”Therecordexecutivesjustlaughedathim.Atthetime,thiswasanaltogetherabsurdclaim.Elviswasatthepeakofhispopularity,andaBritishgrouphadn’tmadeitbiginAmericaforyears.

Itwasn’tuntilJune1962thatEpsteinfinallybrokethrough.TheBeatlesrecordedtheirfirstsessionatEMIstudiosinLondon—twosongs,“LoveMeDo”and“P.S.ILoveYou.”

TheBeatles’sfirstBritishrecordwasreleasedonSeptember11,1962,andenteredthechartsforty-eighthourslateratnumberforty-nine.Itpeakedaftertwoweeksatnumberseventeen,andtheBeatleshadtheirfirsttoptwentyhitwith“PleasePleaseMe.”

Thedoorwasopen,andwithintwelvemonthstheyhadarecordsuccession

ofBritishnumberonehits.FromtheretheytookEuropebystorm,andinnotimewordspreadtoAsia,America,andAustraliaasanticipationoftheirworldtourbegantobuild.

TheBeatlescametotheUnitedStatesforthefirsttimeonFebruary7,1964,andalthoughbythattimetheyhadreachedacertainleveloffameinEurope,nothingcouldhavepreparedthemforwhatwasabouttohappen.WhenthosefouryoungmensteppedofftheplaneonthatearlyFebruarymorning,thereweretenthousandscreamingfansatNewYork’sJohnF.KennedyAirporttomeetthem.Whethertheywereawareofitornot,theirliveschangedforeverthatday.

ByMayofthatsameyear,theBeatleshadbecomeaworldwidephenomenon,likenothinganyofuswilleverseeagain.Andyes,theyhadbecomebiggerthanElvis.

Theabsurdhadbecomeareality.Whentheirfifthrecord,“Can’tBuyMeLove,”wasreleasedinAmerica,itwentimmediatelyintothenumberonepositiononthecharts,toppingfiveotherBeatles’srecordsthatwereoccupyingthefirstfiveplacesonthecharts.AreweeveragainlikelytoseeagroupoccupythefirstsixplacesonaBillboardchart?

WhowasBrianEpstein?Hewasthemanofinsight,passion,courage,vision,integrity,fortitude,andmarketinggenius—thefriend,manager,unitingforce,andtirelessworkerwhomadetheBeatlestheworldwidephenomenonthattheywereandthehistoricallegendsthattheywillalwaysremain.

BrianEpsteinbelievedthatthosefouryoungmenhadsomethingincrediblyuniqueandspecial,andbecauseofhisbelieftheworldcametoknowtheBeatles.

Perhapsyourtalentistohelpothersfindandsharetheirtalents.

TheIMGStory

Today,sportsagents,endorsements,andsportsmanagementareallabigthing,butitwasn’talwaysso.Infact,fortyyearsagotheydidn’tevenexist.Whatchangedtobringaboutthiswholecultureofsportingcelebrities,sportsagents,andincredibleendorsements?Letmetellyou,allofthisistheresultofonemanfollowinghispersonalstar.

In1960,MarkMcCormackwasareasonablysuccessfulmarketingexecutiveinCleveland.InNovemberofthatsameyear,hesawayoungmanplaygolfinawayhehadneverseenanyoneplay.Itwasn’tjusthisswing,anditwasn’tjustthewayhestrucktheball,itwaseverything.Andnottheleastofitwasthisyoungman’spersonality.McCormacklookedintothisyounggolfer’seyesandhesawthepotentialforgreatness.

Onthatday,MarkMcCormacksawawayhecouldhelpthisyounggolfer,andatthesametimehesawhisownstarrising.Hehadavision.Nomorethanadream.Hesawsomethingthatwasnotyet,butthatcouldbe.SomepeoplesaidMcCormack’svisionwasimpossible.McCormacksaiditwasinevitable.Heapproachedtheyounggolferandinquiredastowhetherornothehadamanager.Thegolfertoldhimthatnosuchpersonexistedinhislife,andMcCormackofferedtofillthegap.

Fillinggapshasmademorepeoplesuccessfulandwealthythananythingelse.Youcouldcallitfreakluckormerechance,butIprefertothinkofitaspreparationmeetingopportunity.

Theyounggolfer’snamewasArnoldPalmer.HebecameMarkMcCormack’sfirstclient.Thatday,theconceptandorganizationnowknownasInternationalManagementGroup,orIMG,wasfounded.IMG’sfirstthreeclientswereArnoldPalmer,GaryPlayer,andJackNicklaus.Thesethreegolfersbegantowineverythinginsightandintimebecamethefamous“BigThree.”

Today,IMGhasofficesinsixtycountries,morethantwothousandemployees,andaclientlistthatincludesPeteSampras,JoeMontana,WayneGretzky,supermodelsNikiTaylorandTyraBanks,FormulaOnedriverMichaelSchumacher,ItzhakPerlman,MichaelJohnson,AndreAgassi,NickFaldo,andmorethanone-thirdofthetopthirtygolfersintheworld.

Forthirtyconsecutiveyears,IMG’sfirstclient,ArnoldPalmer,wasthehighest-grossingathleteintheworldintermsofincomefromendorsements.Onlyin1991,atagesixty-four,washesurpassedbyMichaelJordan.ArnoldPalmerstillrankedseconduntilthelate1990s,whenTigerWoodsovertookhim.

Itallbeganwithonemanfollowinghisstar.

Ittakesalittletimesometimestofindthatoneabilityandtalentthatmakesyouunique.Don’tgiveupyoursearch.

Wemusteachfollowourownstarinourownwayatourowntime.Ithelpsmetoreadthestoriesofothergreatmenandwomen.Itisthestoriesoftheleaders,heroes,legends,champions,andsaintsthattaughtmetowaitpatientlyformystarandcontinuetoteachmetopursueitwithunrelentingdedication.

Ifyouhaveheardmespeak,youknowofmygreatloveforstories.Thereissomethingverypowerfulaboutstories—eachlistenerhearssomethingdifferentaccordingtohisorherownplaceonthejourney.

Storieshelpusdiscoverwhoweareandwhowecanbe.Storiesareimportant.Topoisonaperson,poisonthestoriesyoutellhim.Todemoralizeaperson,tellherdemoralizingstories.Youwillalwaysbeasconfidentandhealthyasthestoriesyouread,listento,andtellyourself.Webecomethestorieswelistento,read,andtell.Thatisthepowerofastory.

ConradHilton,founderoftheHiltonHotelempire,usedtotellthisstory.

AverypoorGreekmanonceappliedforajobasajanitorinabankinAthens.“Canyouwrite?”demandedthediscriminatingheadofemployment.

“Onlymyname,”saidthefellow.

Hedidn’tgetthejob—soheborrowedthemoneyrequiredtotravelsteeragetotheUnitedStatesandfollowedhisdreamstothe“landofopportunity.”

Manyyearslater,animportantGreekbusinessmanheldapressconferenceinhisbeautifulWallStreetoffices.Attheconclusion,anenterprisingreportersaid,“Onedayyoushouldwriteyourmemoirs.”

Thegentlemansmiled.“Impossible,”hesaid.“Icannotwrite.”

Thereporterwasastounded.“Justthink,”heremarked,“howmuchfurtheryouwouldhavegoneifyoucouldwrite.”

TheGreekshookhisheadandsaid,“IfIcouldwrite,I’dbeajanitor.”

Followyourstar.Waitforittorise,andwhileyouarewaiting,prepareyourself.Becomeintimatelyfamiliarwithyourneeds,talents,anddesires.Remember,circumstances,whethertheyappeartobegoodorbad,areopportunities.Whenyouseeastarriseonthehorizonofyourlife,andyouarefilledwithaburningdesiretofollowit,andyouperceivethatbyfollowingityouwilluseyourtalentsandfulfillyourlegitimateneeds—followit.

Onceyoubegintofollowit,letnothingdistractyoufromit.

Everyleader,hero,legend,champion,andsaintinhistoryhasfollowedhisorherpersonalstar;bydoingso,thesepeoplegraspedtheirchanceatgreatness—andleftthosearoundthemaweinspiredandamazed.

CelebratingYourUniqueSelf

Thereisonlyoneyou.Itmaysoundalittleabsurd,butitistrue.Mostpeoplespendtheirwholelivesrunningawayfromthemselvesorhidingthemselvesfromothers.Ibelievethatlifeshouldbeaprocessofself-revelation.Aswelive,werevealourselvestothepeopleweloveandtothepeoplewhocrossourpathaswemakeourjourney.Wecanputupbarriersandputonmasks,orwecanletpeopleseeusaswereallyare.

Whatconcernsusaboutthelatteristhatothersmightseeourfaults.Inourconcern,weforgetthatweallhavefaults.Thepeoplewhoareabletoloveandadmireushavefaultsandflaws.Thepeoplewhocriticizeandexpressangerandhatredtowardushaveflawsandfailings.Ashumanbeings,oneofourcommonbondsisourbrokenness.Itisagreatwisdomtobeabletoseeyourselfinotherpeople.Itisthisinsightthatempowersustoloveeveryone,everywhere,atalltimes,andinallcircumstances.

Weallwanttobelovedandaccepted.Thedangerthatemergesfromthisdesireisthatwemayfallintothetrapofdoingorsayingthingsjusttopleaseothers.Eachtimewewalkthispath,weabandonaportionofourself.Thereisapartofeachofusthatisweakandcanbebought.Thereisalsoapartofeachofusthatisstrongandcannotbeboughtatanyprice.Ignoretheformerandnurturethelatter.Butmostofall,befriendthatpartofyouthatcannotbeboughtatanyprice,becauseitwilltellyouwhoyouare.

Intruth,nobodyislovedbyeverybody.Eventhegreatestmenandwomeninhistoryhavecritics.Evenpeoplewhohavededicatedthemselvesandtheirlivesselflesslytoassistothershavecriticsanddetractors.Youarenodifferent.Somepeoplearegoingtolikeyou,somepeoplearegoingtoloveyou,somepeoplearenotgoingtolikeyouatall,andsomepeoplemayevendespiseyou.Youmightaswellbeyourself.Thatway,atleastyouwillknowthatthepeoplewholikeyou,likeyouforwhoyoutrulyare.

Thegreatmenandwomenofeveryagethatwehavespokenofandwillspeakoffurtherthroughoutthisbook—thelegendsandsaintswhofillourhistorybooks,theheroesandchampionswhofillourheartsandmindswithinspiration—alllistenedtotheinnervoicesofneed,talent,anddesire.

Theirgreatnesswasnottheresultofluckorfreakchance.Theywerenotsingledoutatthebeginningoftimetobespecialorfavored.Theylaidthefoundationofcharacterandlistenedtotheseinnervoices.Thenwithpassion,belief,commitment,courage,andperseverance,theyfollowedtheirstar.

Theirlivesrevealthesecretsoflove,success,achievement,heroism,leadership,andholiness.Itwouldbeamistaketoimitatewhatoneofthesemenandwomendidwithhisorherlife.Itwouldbeamistakenottoimitatethewaytheylivedtheirlives.Thedifferencemayseemsubtle,butitisgreat.Thespiritbywhichtheylivedshouldbeimitated,butyouhaveyourownpathtowalkandyourownstartofollow.ImagineifBeethovenhadtriedtobeanotherMozartorifPicassohadtriedtobeanotherMichelangelo.Whatbeautyandwonderwillyoudenytheworldifyouabandonyourself?

Thissectionhasbeenanexerciseindiscoveringwhatpossibilitiesexistforyouandmeasindividuals.Everyhappinessinlifecomesfromdiscoveringwhoyouareasauniqueindividualandbeingtruetoyourownself.

ThefollowingisabriefpassagefromthediaryofDagHammarskjöld:

“Ateverymomentyouchooseyourself.Butdoyouchooseyourself?BodyandsoulcontainathousandpossibilitiesoutofwhichyoucanbuildmanyI’s.Butinonlyoneofthemisthereacongruenceoftheelectorandtheelected.Onlyone—whichyouwillneverfinduntilyouhaveexcludedallthosesuperficialandfleetingpossibilitiesofbeinganddoingwithwhichyoutoy,outofcuriosityorwonderorgreed,andwhichhinderyoufromcastinganchorintheexperienceofthemysteryoflife,andtheconsciousnessofthetalententrustedtoyouwhichisyourI.”

Whoareyou?Inmanydifferentways,peopletrytodiscoverwhotheytrulyare

asindividuals.Somegooffintothemountains,sometraveltodistantlands,othersgotomonasteriesandconvents,somewalkupanddownthebeachearlyeachmorning,andstillothersseektodiscoverthemselvesthroughwritingormusic.Ihaveevenheardpeopleuse“findingthemselves”asanexcuseforleavingtheirhusbandorwife.

Youmaytryanypathyouwish.Youmaytrytofindyourselfinathousanddifferentways,butinawonderfullyprofoundandmysteriousway,itisonlythroughself-donation—givingourselvestoothers—thatwediscoverourtrueself.

Thereisnogreatergiftthanthesinceregiftofself.Itistheessenceofrelationshipandlife.ItisnotsomethingthatIcompletelyunderstand,norisitsomethingIcanclearlyanddefinitivelyexplain.ButatthetimesinmylifewhenIhavebeenabletosummonthestrengthofcharacterittakestogiveofmytime,energy,andresourcestomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives—Ihaveexperiencedanunquenchablesenseoffulfillmentandhappiness.

Thereismoretolifethangetting,grabbing,having,andreceiving.Lifeisasmuchaboutgivingasitisaboutreceiving.Learntogivetheonegiftthatyouwereborntogive—yourself.Themeaningoflifeismysteriouslyrevealedinthisact.Thereisnofasterwaytohappenuponthepurposeofyourlifethantoembracelife’sdailyopportunitiestoservethosearoundyou.

Lifeisanadventureofself-discovery.Ihopethisbookisthebeginningofajourneythatlastsyourwholelifetime.Youaredifferent.Notbetterorworse,justdifferent.Youareuniqueandspecial.Youareawonderandamarvel.Beallyoucanbe.Beyourself.

Ineverymoment,chooseyourbestself.Ifyoudo,youwillbechoosinghappinessforyouandforallthoseyoutouchinthislife.Youarethebestgiftyoucangivetoyourselfandtotheworld.

Celebratetheonelifeyouhavebybecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

PartFour

DiscoveringTheRhythmofLife

WhyAreWeAllSoBusy?

Bynow,youareperhapswonderingwhatcausessomeonetositdownandwriteabooklikethisatsuchayoungage.

Thisbookisbaseduponpersonalcrisis.Myown.Itissaidthatacrisisbringsoutthebestinpeople.Theysayifitdoesn’tkillyou,itmakesyouabetterperson.

Itdidn’tkillme.

Imustconfess,Iamanythingbutcomfortablewritingaboutmyself.IthinkIfearbeingperceivedaspridefulorself-important.InmyotherwritingsIhavetriedtoavoiditwhereverpossible,butmanyofmyfriendsandcolleagueshaveoftencommented,“YouneedtogivethereadermoreofMatthewKelly.”Inthiscase,theonlywaytoavoidwritingaboutmyselfwouldbenottowrite—andatthesametime,IfeelImustwriteaboutthesethings.Alittlebetwixt,IsensethatIamwritingasmuchformyselfasIamforyou.

IgrewupinSydney,Australia,withmybrothers:Mark,Simon,Andrew,Brett,Nathan,Bernard,andHamish.Havingsevenbrothersmeantbunkbeds,hand-me-downclothes,andneveradullmoment.ApartfromthefactthatIhadsevenbrothers,untilIwasnineteenIlivedwhatIthinkcouldbedescribedasafairlynormallife.

Fornineteenyears,Ihadbeenfloatingalongjustfine.ThroughouthighschoolIhadgatheredahandfulofclosefriends,thrivedonthesportingfield,datedsomewonderfulgirls,heldanafternoonjobatadrugstoredeliveringpackagestotheelderly,andhadevengrowntoquiteenjoymystudies.Ihadalsofallenfortheclassicmodernlie—lifeisaboutsuccess,andsuccessisthefastcar,thebighouse,theimportantjob,andlotsofmoney.Believingthat,Iwasincollegestudyingtowardadegreeinmarketing,preparingformyascenttothe

upperrealmsofthecorporateworld.Itwasatthistimethatextraordinarythingsbegantotakeplaceforme.

Allofasudden,Ibegantothinkaboutlife—anddeath,greed,fear,love,God,society,suffering,forgiveness,history,andparticularlywhetherornotIwasputhereforanyrealpurpose.Ourliveschangewhenwestopmerelyreplyingtoquestionsandbegintoaskthem.Istartedaskingquestions.

Innotimeatall,lifestartedrespondingtomyquestions.Andasmyreflectionsgrewdeeper,InoticedthatIwasbeginningtoapproacheveryoneandeverythinginmylifedifferently.Iwasdiscoveringasenseofthemiraculousintheeveryday.ItwasasifIhadfoundsomecovetedtreasureorsecret.Ifeltafirewithinme—anintensepassionforlifeand,atthesametime,anunshakablepeace.

Ontheoutside,littlehadchanged.Ontheinside,Iwasdevelopinganexcitingnewawareness.

Laterthatsameyear,anopportunityemergedformetogiveatalktoasmallgroupofpeopleatahomeinCastleHill,asuburbofSydney.Itwasn’tsomethingthatIfeltparticularlycomfortablewith,butIhadarealdesiretosharesomeoftheideasthatmysoul-searchinghadgivenbirthtoduringtheprecedingmonths.

AlthoughIwasunawareofitatthetime,speakingtoahandfulofpeopleonOctober8,1993,wastobecomeaverysignificantevent.Itwasoneofthoseeventsthatcauseourlivestocompletelychangedirection.

ThefollowingweekIfoundmyselfgivingfourtalks,theweekafterthat,six—anditwasthenthatlifeinvitedmedownunimaginablepaths.

Idiscoveredmygift,andmylifechanged.

BetweenOctober1993andAugust1997,Igavealmostsevenhundredtalksandseminarsinforty-onecountriestoaudiencesthattotaledover750,000people.Iwastwenty-fouryearsold,hadpublishedfourbooksinsixlanguages,hadaconstantbarrageofinvitationstospeakallovertheworld,wasappearingregularlyontelevisionandradioprograms,andreceivedmorethanonehundredlettersaweekfromreadersandlisteners.Publishingcompanieswereclamoringovermybooks;Ihadjustreceivedmyfirstseriousoffertodomyownradio

show;andIwasbeingcourtedbytwotelevisionnetworks.Iwasconstantlymeetingthemostextraordinarypeople,andeveryopportunitywasbeinglaidbeforeme.

Ithadallhappenedsoquickly.

Ontheoutside,everythingseemedfine.Ontheinside,Iwasdeeplytroubled.Iwasn’tasignofcontradiction;Iwasawalkingcontradiction.TheauthenticlifeIaspiredto,andwroteandspokeaboutsopassionately,hadbeenlostsomewherealongtheway.

OneTuesdaymorningearlyinAugust1997,Iwokeatabouteleveno’clock.Ihadsleptthroughthealarmandwasliterallyunabletodragmyselfoutofbed.Itwasnotthefirsttime.Infact,formonthsIhadbeensleepingforten,twelve,sometimesfourteenhoursaday.Iwascompletelyexhausted.

Irolledoverandsleptuntilaboutfouro’clockthatafternoon.

WhenIfinallydidgetoutofbed,Icalledthedoctor,andoverthenextseveraldaysIwentthroughthephysical,emotional,andmentalanguishofmedicaltests.IwasthentoldthattherewasnothingwrongwithmeotherthanthefactthatIwassufferingfromchroniclevelsoffatigueandexhaustion.

Ithadbeencomingforsometime.Ihadseenitcomingandignoredit.IsupposeIdidn’twanttoadmitsomethingwaswrong.Iwasindenial.

Mylifewasacompletemess.Nothingwasright.AlthoughIwasstillconstantlyhoppingfromcontinenttocontinent,IwasnowbasedinAmerica.Everythingseemedtobotherme,andconfusionandchaosweretheonlyregularfeelingsIcouldexpress.Ifeltoverwhelmed.Everythingimportanttomewasslippingaway,andthepeopleIlovedweretheverypeopleIwasdisappointingandhurting.Ihadneverfeltmorealone.Iwasmiserable.Ihadlostmyroots.

Mydietwasatrocious,IcouldcountononehandthenumberoftimesIhadexercisedinthepastsixmonths,andmysleepingpatternwasappalling.

PhysicallyIwasexhausted.EmotionallyIwasconfusedandhurting.

IntellectuallyIhadlostmybearings.AndspirituallyIwasasdryastheSaharadesert.

Thewellwasempty.

Mylifestylehadcaughtupwithme.Iwastooyoungtofeelthisold.Ihadfallenvictimtomyownmisplacedpriorities.Iwasforcedtoadmitthatthegeneralday-to-daystructureofmylifewasfatallyflawed.

Ihadlosttherhythmoflife.

Mydoctorsuggestedabreakfromspeaking,writing,andtraveling.Hesatmedowninhisofficeandgavemealongspeech,explainingthathefeltIshouldtakeatleastthreemonthsoff.Impossible,Ithought.

Atthetime,myschedulewasbeingbookedtwelvemonthsinadvance,myfourthbookhadjustbeenreleased,andaverylargefallspeakingtourhadlongbeenplanned.

Iexplainedthistothedoctor,whotoldme,withnohesitationandthegreatestease,thatIwasafool.“Ifyoudon’ttaketimetorecovernow,youcoulddevelopproblemsthatwilllastalifetime,”hesaid.Andhecontinued,“Matthew,youareonlytwenty-four,andyoucangoonspeakingandwritingforfiftyyears,butyouneedtotakecareofyourself.Andrightnow,thatmeanstakingthreemonthsoff.”

Thatwasaturningpointinmylife.Amomentofsalvation.Inthatmoment,assistedbysomemysteriousgrace,Igotoffthemerry-go-roundthatwasmylife.

Twoweekslater,inthefallof1997,ItookthreemonthsawayfrommyspeakingscheduleandwenttoEuropetostudy.Ispentthattimeinwhatwasonceamonastery,inthesmallvillageofGaming,Austria.Myexperiencetherebecameoneofreflection,refreshment,andrenewal.

IntheclassroomIwasstudyingGermanandmedievalhistory.Outsidetheclassroom,Iwaslearningalotaboutmyself.Butmyexhaustionandpaincontinuedtohauntme,andIbegantowonderwhethertheintensepassionforlifethathademergedfouryearsearlierwouldeverreturn.Isupposethat’swhatmakesacrisisacrisis,thefactthatyoudon’tknowwhenitwillend,whattheoutcomewillbe,orevenifitwillend.

Asthedaysandweekspassed,myreflectionsledmetotakeagood,long,hardlookatmylifestyle,theworldinwhichwelive,andmyself.ItwasthenthatImadesomediscoveriessoimportantthattheyhavechangedmyapproachtolifeforever—truthsIhadoverlookedmywholelife.

Thefirstofthesediscoverieswasmylegitimateneed.ItdawnedonmethatIamahumanbeing—notamachinethatwritesbooksandgivestalks—andthatIhavesomebasicbutlegitimateneeds.Thisisnotselfish,asIhadpreviouslybelieved.It’slife.Someofmylegitimateneedsareassimpleasoxygentobreatheandwatertodrink.Othersareascomplexasmyneedtoloveandbeloved.

ExaminingthevariousdifficultiesandheartachesIwasexperiencingledmetoseethatthese“legitimateneeds”fallintofourcategories—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Ialsocametorealizethatwhentheseneedsaresatisfied,Iamnecessarilyahealthierandhappierperson.

Inthisrealization,Iwasnowface-to-facewithalltheflawsinmylifestyleofthepreviousfouryears.Manyofmylegitimateneedshadbeenalmostcompletelyneglected.Ihadfallenintoacommontrap.Mylifehadgatheredamomentumofitsown.Iwasjustbeingcarriedalong.Mylegitimateneedshadneverbeenconsideredinthecreationofthatlifestyle.Myschedulingwasneverdonewithmylegitimateneedsinmind.Howcoulditbe?Iwasn’tevenconsciouslyawarethatIhadlegitimateneeds.

Delvingintomypast,IdiscoveredthatthetimesIhadexperiencedasenseofpeace,joy,andfulfillment—andstillachievedandexcelled—weretimeswhenIhadacertainconsistencyandrhythmtomylife.TheywerethetimeswhenIhadbeenattentivetomylegitimateneeds—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Atthosetimes,allthemajorelementsofmybeingwereworkingtogetherinharmonyandmovingtowardacommongoal.

AsIlookedbackoverthefour-yearperiod,IcouldseethatgraduallyIhadallowedthehustleandbustleoftheworldtodistractme,toaffectme,todisorientme.IthadallhappenedsosubtlythatIcouldnotevenpinpointthetimewhenthisdemisehadbegun.

WhatsurprisedmethemostwasthecauseofthepersonalcrisisIwasthenexperiencing.Itwasnotbadthingsthathadledmetothislonelyplaceofbrokenness—but,rather,goodthings.Goodopportunitiesweredestroyingme.Ialwaysconsideredaninvitationtospeaktoagroupofpeopleassomethinggood.Objectively,ofcourse,itwas.ButrecallingonedaywhenIhadtraveledfromNewOrleanstoSanFranciscotoClevelandinthesameday,Ilearnedthattoomanygoodopportunitiescanbecomeadangeroussituation…evenwhentheyareopportunitiestodogood.Especiallywhentheyareopportunitiestodogood.

Goodopportunitiesareveryhardtorefuse.Ialsocametorealizethatjustbecausesomethingisgooddoesn’tmeanitisgoodforyouorrightforyou.

ForfouryearsIhadbecomeincreasinglybusierdoing“goodthings.”Somuchsothattheyhadbecomebadforme.Theyhadwornmedowntothepointofexhaustion,andmyscheduleprovidednoopportunityformetorecover.Ihadadoptedalifestylethatdidn’tmakeallowanceformylegitimateneeds.Myexhaustionledtoconfusion,myconfusiontofrustration,myfrustrationtopoordecisions,mypoordecisionstochaos,andthischaostodisappointment.

IdiscoveredthatIwasgoingtohavetolearntosayno—eventogoodopportunities,eventoopportunitiestodogood.

DuringmytimeinAustria,eachafternoonwhenmyclasseswerefinishedIwouldtakeawalk.OftenIwouldgodowntothestoreinthemiddleofthevillagetobuysomechocolate.NothingcomparestoEuropeanchocolate.Justbeyondtheboundariesofthemonasterywasasmallpark.Inthemiddleoftheparkstoodoneverytall,strongtree.

EachdayIwouldlookatthistreeandnoticethatdespiteitsimperfectformsandcrookedbranches,ithadaperfectionofitsown.

Onenighttherewasafiercestorm.FortwohoursIlayawakeinmybed

watchingthelightningflashacrosstheskyandfeelingthethundercrash.ThenextdaywhenIwentwalking,therewasdebriseverywhere.Thetreesaroundthemonasteryhadlostlotsofleaves,hugebrancheshadbeentornfromothers,andsomehadevenbeenuprootedandpulledfromtheground.Butinthemiddleofthepark,eventhoughitstoodalone,thegreattreestillstoodtall,virtuallyunaffectedbythestorm.Ithadlostsomeleaves,butnomajorlimbs,andthestormcertainlyhadn’tuprootedit.

Ilearnedmanylessonsfromthattree.

Atreewithstrongrootsgrowsstrong.Atreewithstrongrootsbearsmuchfruit.Atreewithstrongrootsbearsgoodfruit.Atreewithstrongrootscanweatheranystorm.Ifatreeisuprootedandreplantedoften,itwillnotbeabletosinkitsrootsdeepintotheearthandthereforewillnotgrowstrongorbefruitful.

Allofthisistruenotonlyforatree,butalsoforaperson.

Thetreehelpedmetoseethatmyphysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualrootswereneitherstrongnordeep.

Thecrisisdidn’tlastforever,andtherewasnocomplexsolutiontotheproblemsIhadbeenexperiencing.Quitetheopposite,itwasthesimplethingsthatrestoredmetohealth.

Asthedaysandweekspassed,Idedicatedmyselftobecomingmoreandmoreattentivetomylegitimateneeds.AsIdid,mywitheredrootsbegantogrowandIcouldfeelthemstretchingoutandsinkingthemselvesintotherich,moistearthoflife.Ibegantoeatregularly,tosleepregularly,toexerciseandprayregularly,tostudyregularly,andIstartedtomaketimeforrestandrelaxationonaregularbasis.

ThenonedayIheardmyselflaughagain.Reallylaugh,andIdon’tthinkIhadlaughedlikethatinalongtime.Therestlessnessandexhaustionhaddissipated.Thedissatisfactionanddepressionhadlifted,andIwasonceagainfeelingpeaceful,happy,energized,excited,andpassionateaboutlife.

Istartedwakinguptoanoldfamiliarfeelingandtothoughtslike,“It’sgood

tobealive.”WhenIlookedinthemirror,somethingseemeddifferent.Peoplebegantocomment,“Youarelookingreallygreat!”or,“Youseemsohappythesedays!”Thecolorwasbackinmyface,andthesparklehadreturnedtomyeyes.Thesimplestactsbegantobringmethemostintensesatisfaction.Lifewasgood.

Thereinthemountains,acoupleofhoursoutsideofVienna,Irediscoveredtherhythmoflife.

WhenIreturnedfromAustria,InoticedthatthedifficultiesIhadexperiencedoverthepreviousfouryearswerenotuniquetomylifeorsituation.Infact,Idiscoveredthatveryfewpeoplearenotsufferingfromidenticalorsimilarlifestyleproblems.

Theworldisfullofmenandwomenwhoworktoomuch,sleeptoolittle,hardlyeverexercise,eatpoorly,andarealwaysstrugglingorfailingtofindadequatetimetospendwiththeirfamilies.Weareinaperpetualhurry—constantlyrushingfromoneactivitytoanother,withlittleunderstandingofwhereallthisactivityisleadingus.

Modernparentsfindthemselvesinaperpetualrush—hurryingfromworktoschooltodaycaretobaseballtohockeytoballettothedoctortothesupermarkettothemalltochurch…Evencollegestudents—livingalifeofleisure,inthetruestsenseoftheword—arealwayscomplainingabouthowbusytheyareandthestressandpressuretheyareunder.

Theworldhasgoneandgotitselfinanawfulrush,towhosebenefitIdonotknow.Wearetoobusyforourowngood.Weneedtoslowdown.Ourlifestylesaredestroyingus.

Theworstpartis,wearerushingeastinsearchofasunset.

Weknowthistruth,butwedon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.Moreandmoredemandsaremadeuponuseveryday.Wefeelasthoughourliveshaveamomentumoftheirown.Thismomentumcontinuestocarryusforwardatanalarmingpace…buttowhere?…towhatend?

Isallthisactivitythatcluttersourliveshelpingus,orisithurtingus?

Wehavemoremoneyandmorechoices,butlesstime.Lesstimetodothethingsthatnurturewell-beingandlesstimetospendwiththepeoplewhoinvigorateus.

Whatwehavegainedisclear.Butwhathavewelost?Areweawareoftherealcost?Haveweevenbeguntomeasuretherealcost?

Youcannotmeasurethecostofeverythingindollarsandcents.

AsIreflectontheworldinwhichwelive,itisn’tanywonderthatIfellsoblindlyintothetrapsIdid.

Weliveinaworldobsessedwithnoise,speed,andactivity.Weliveinanageplaguedbygreed,lust,andviolenceandparalyzedbyfear.Theclimateofourageisseductive.Theeffectsaresogradualthatwehardlynoticethemfromdaytoday,butovertimetheyaredramatic,evendevastating.

Weliveinatroubledtime,inmanywaysanageofconfusionandcrisis.Notonlyinapersonalsense,butalsofromasocialandculturalperspective.Itismybeliefthatanyadequatesolutionstothechallengesthatfaceusintheworldtodaymustbebothaccessibleandapplicabletoeveryone,everywhere,regardlessofage,color,creed,orculture.Furthermore,thepracticalityofthesesolutionsmustimpactandbedeeplyintertwinedwithpeople’sday-todayliving.

Myexperienceandreflectionleadmetobelievethatoneofourgreatestchallengesinthemodernworldislifestyle.Intoday’shecticworld,weoftenpushourselvestothelimit—sometimesforgettingthatourbodies,hearts,minds,andspiritsallneedtimetorefocusandrecharge.Strivingforabalancedlifestyle—onethatenablesustomaintainanaturalstate—willensureoptimumhealthandwell-being.

Weneedanewwayofliving.Weneedanewwayoflife.Ourlifestylesareself-destructive.Weneedawayoflivingthatbringsoutthebestinus.Weneedawayoflifethathonorsourlegitimateneeds.Weneedalifestylethathelpsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Therhythmoflifeisapassporttoachievingthisbalance.

Therhythmoflifeisawayoflife.Itisalifestylethatintegratesallofourlegitimateneeds—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.

Therhythmoflifeistheperfectcombinationofrest,activity,andpace;itennoblesustobecometheuniqueindividualswewerecreatedtobe,enablesustoexcelinallwedo,andempowersuswithacertainclarityofmindandpeaceofheart.

Therhythmoflifeistheantidoteforourbusyage.

Ibelievelifeshouldbelivedpassionatelyandthattheday-todaydrudgerythatstiflesthegreatnessofthehumanspiritshouldbeavoidedatallcosts.Idonotdespisesimpledailytasks,butIbelievetheirplaceisinbuildingusup,notintearingusdown.

Asweventureintothisnewmillennium,thechallengelifepresentstousallistodevelopabalancebetweenactivityandthought.But,particularly,tofillourliveswithactionthatspringsforthfromcontemplationandanunderstandingofouressentialpurpose.

Lookattheworld.Lookatyourself.Lookatyourlifestyle.Ponderthesethings.Ourchaoticworldandcomplexlivesarecryingoutforalittleorderandsimplicity.

Mostpeoplestumblethroughlifebelievingthatonedaytheywillfindthepaceoflifeandvarietyofactivitythatwillcreatetherhythmoflifethatisconducivetooptimumhealth,happiness,efficiency,andcontentment.Theywillnot.Therhythmoflifemustbedesiredandcreated.

Wemakeathousandlifestylechoiceseveryday.Thosedecisionseithercreateordestroythenaturalrhythmoflife.

Lifeisnotahundred-meterdash;it’samarathon.

Thereismoretolifethanincreasingthespeed.Fasterisn’talwaysbetter,biggerisn’talwaysbetter,louderisn’talwaysbetter.Moreisn’talwaysthesolution.Lifeisnotacompetitiontoseewhocancollectthemostexpensivetoys.Thebestthingsinlifearenotthings—andsometimeslessismore.

Findyourrhythm…andyouwillfloodyourlifewithpassion,creativity,andenergy.

WhatCanCreationTeachUsAboutOurselves?

Thereisanaturalrhythmtolife.Everyelementofcreationhasitsownuniquerhythm.Theseasonshavetheircycles—thedarkness,death,andcoldofwintergivewaytothewarmth,joy,andnewlifeofspringtime.Theuniversefindsrhythmthroughtime.Thedarknessgivesbirthtothelightofanewdayasthesunrisesintheeast,andthen,attheendofeachday,thesunsetsurrendersustorest.Thewavescrashonthebeachesandthetidesriseandfall,attunedtoarhythm.Thewholeprocessofgrowth,development,andfruitionofplants—photosynthesis—iscenteredonarhythm.Ourheartsbeattoarhythm,pumpingourverylifebloodaroundourbodies.Andparticularly,rhythmisthekeytothepowerfulroleawoman’sbodyplaysinreproduction.Therhythmbringsforthlife.Creationisorderedbyrhythm.Rhythmisimportant.

Alltheelementsofnaturewerecreatedinharmony.AsIponderthemysteriousrealitiesofnature,theyremindmeofagreateroverallplan.Icanthenappreciatetheharmoniousworkingsoftheuniverseasonewhole,despitetheapparentchaos.Ifindcomfortintherhythmandharmonyofnature.Innature,despiteitscomplexityandvastness,thereisrhythm,andtherhythmcreatesharmony.

Ifwecandiscovertherhythmofourownlives,thatrhythmwillinturncreateaharmonyandbalancethatwillgivebirthtoadeepandabidingpeace.Anditisthatpeace,thefruitofharmony,thatallowsthehighestlevelsofeffectiveandabundantliving.

Perhapsyouhaveheardofthekingofancienttimeswho,soinflatedwithpride,thoughthecouldholdbackthetidesimplybycommandingittodoso.Afterall,thetideswerepartof“hiskingdom”andthereforesubjecttohisrule.Lateonenight,thekinggaveordersforhisthronetobeplacedatthewater’sedgeduringlowtide.Earlythenextmorning,thekingwenttothebeachandsat

onhisthrone.Justbeforesunrise,thepeopleofhiskingdombegantocrowdthebeach.Asthesuncameup,sodidthetide.Thekingcommandedthetidetorecede,buthiscommandwasignored.Notwillingtohavehisreputationdamaged,thekingdrownedcommandingthetidetorecede.

Youcannotholdbackthetide.Naturehasanunmatchedstrengthandpersistence.Wisdomisharnessingthestrengthofourownbetternaturebyworkingwithit.Wedothisbydiscoveringandadoptingtherhythmoflife.Ifonlywecoulddevelopanunderstandingofournatureashumanbeingsandharnessthepowerofthatnaturebyworkingwithitsstrength.Itisthenthatunimaginableachievementswouldberecognizedinourlives.

Whatgreatlessonscannatureteachusaboutourselves?Naturewhispersmessagestouseachandeveryday:“Greatthingsareachievedlittlebylittle.Discovertherhythmoflifeandalignyourlifewiththisrhythm.Themoreyoudo,themoreyouwillenjoypeaceandprosperity.”

Thetruthofthismessageisdisplayedallaroundusinthousandsofwayseveryday.Thewavesrollontotheshore,washingagainsttherocks,anderosionoccurs.Youdonotseeitwiththefirstwaveorwiththesecondorthird,butovertheyearsyourealizethatslowlyandsteadilythewavesarewearingtherockdown.Whowouldthinkofwaterasstrongerthanrock?Persistencehasstrength.

Therhythmoflifeisapowerfulthing.

ThecreationnarrativesfromtheJudeo-Christianscripturesoffersomeprofoundinsightsasweseektounderstandourplaceincreation.Thereisordertoallofcreation.Despitetheconstantchange,thereisorderandconsistency.Everythingwascreatedinharmony.ThisorderandharmonyareinsomewayareflectionofGod’spersonalqualities.CreationisamessagefromGod.Creationisanaturalrevelation.Ineveryinstance,God’sworkrevealssomethingofGod,andineveryrevelationthereisalessonforhumanity.

TwoofthevaluableinsightswegainaswereadtheaccountofcreationinGenesisaretherhythmGodintendedforourlivesandourplaceincreation:

OnthefirstdayGodcreatedlight.Heseparatedthelightfromthedarkness

andcalledthelightdayandthedarknessnight.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.

OntheseconddayGodmadeavaulttodividethewatersofheavenfromthewatersofearth.

OnthethirddayHecreatedthedrylandandfilleditwithtreesandplants,andalltypesofvegetation.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.

OnthefourthdayHeplacedlightsintheheavens“todividedayfromnight”andto“indicatefestivals,days,andyears.”ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.

OnthefifthdayHefilledtheseaandtheairwithalltypesofcreatures.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.

OnthesixthdayGodcreatedtheanimalsoftheearth,theman,andthewoman.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.

“Thustheheavensandtheearthwerefinished,andalltheirmultitude.AndontheseventhdayGodfinishedtheworkthatHehaddone,andHerestedontheseventhdayfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.SoGodblessedtheseventhdayandhallowedit,becauseonitGodrestedfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.”

Onebyone,eachdayofcreationrevealsanotherlevelofhumanity’sdependenceontheotherelementsofnature.Wearedependentonthesunforlightandenergy.Wearedependentonwater.Wearedependentontreesforfreshair,onplantsandvegetationforfoodandnourishment.

Humanityisdependentontheotherelementsofnature.ItmakessensethatGodcreatedusdependentonthem,sothatwewouldnotabuseanddestroythem.PerhapstheideainthemindofGodwas,ifweweredependentontheotherelementsofnature,wewouldrespectandliveinharmonywiththem.

FromthisnarrativeofcreationIwishtodrawattentiontotwothemes:ourdependencyontheotherelementsofnatureandtheinstitutionofrestasadivinepastime.

TheactionsofGodsooftenarearesponsetotheneedsofhumanity.Onthe

seventhdayGodrested.Goddidnotneedtorest.Hedid,however,foreseeourneedforrest.Andinforeseeingourneedforrest,heestablishedtheSabbath,theseventhday,asaholyday—tobesetasideforrestandrenewal.

BycreatingtheSabbath,bysettingthistimeapart,Godprovidedanothertooltorestoreandmaintainrhythminourlives—therhythmthatrestoresthebalance,harmony,andpeaceintendedforus.

Inpart5wewilldiscussindetailtheseventhdayasaninstrumentforcreatingandmaintainingtherhythmoflife.

Therhythmoflifeleadsustoadeeperunderstandingofourselvesandourplaceandroleinnature,empoweringustoharnessourownnaturalenergies.

Priorities

Oneofthestrangeandfalseideasthatarepropagatedinthemodernworldisthatanimportantandsuccessfulpersonisalwaysbusy.Anotherofthosestrangeideasisthatmaterialsuccessisthemeasureofgreatness.Manypeoplejudgeothers,andarejudgedthemselves,byhowbusytheyareandhowmuchmoneytheyearn.Theresultisthatmanyrusharoundinafrenzy,dressedindesignerlabelclothes,tryingtogivetheappearancethattheyarebusyandearningalotofmoney—afterall,thesearethesignsofsuccess!

Thecostofsuchalifestyleisthelossofthenecessaryconsistencyandrhythminourlives.Thecostofthistypeofsuccessisoftenthelossorfailuretofindone’sveryself—ourtruestanddeepestdesires,talents,dreams,needs,andthenecessarypursuitofthese.Sadly,withourfocusfixedsofirmlyontheseother,lessimportant,almostinconsequentialthings,manyofusarecompletelyunawareofwhatwehavelostoraremissing.

Weneedtodedicateourselvestoourdevelopmentasaperson—body,heart,mind,andsoul.Thereisnothingmoreimportantinlife.Iknowit,youknowit,butweletthethingswedogetintheway.Wegetcarriedawaywithdoing.Webecomehumandoings.Lifeisaboutbeingandbecoming.Wemustremindourselvescontinuallythatthereisnothingmoreimportantthanourdevelopmentashumanbeings.

IusedtothinkIwasbusy,butthenImetoneortwopeoplewhowerereallybusy.ThethingIlearnedfromthesepeoplewhotrulydidhaveanenormousamountofworkandresponsibilityisthattheyhaveorder.Theyhavearhythm.Theyknowtheirprioritiesandresistsacrificingtheirhealth—physically,emotionally,intellectually,orspiritually—merelyforacoupleofhours’extraworkorafewmoredollars.

Rhythmandordercreateharmonyandefficiency.

Wedo,ofcourse,liveinatimethatismarkedbytremendoustechnologicaladvancement.Everytime-savingdeviceisavailabletous,andstillnoonehastime.

Eachmorningmyassistantpresentsmewithalistofthingsthathethinksshouldbeattendedtothatday.Thelistincludesphonecallstobemade,letterstobewritten,meetingstoattend,andmytravelschedule.OntopofthosethingsIneedtosettimeaparttopray,write,exercise,andstayintouchwithfamilyandfriends.EverydayIgothroughthelistandsaytosomething,“Iwon’thavetimetodothattoday.”Initself,thatisfine.Nobodycandoeverything.WhatiscriticaliswhatIdecidetoexcludeandwhyIdecidetoexcludeit.

Whenwasthelasttimeyousaid,“Idon’thavetime!”eithertoanideainyourmindortoaperson?Whatwasitthatyoudidn’thavetimetodo?Formostpeopleitissomethinglikespendingtimewiththefamilyortakingthetimetolookupanoldfriendandmakesurethatlifeisnottreatinghertooharshly.Forothersitisexerciseorthatextratimeittakestoeatproperly.Andatonepointoranother,forallofus,itisprayer.YetifGodappearedtoyourightnowinavisionandtoldyouthatthreeweeksfromtodayyouwouldbemakingthejourneyfromthislifetothenext,wouldyourushbacktoworktomakeyourmillions?Wouldyourushouttothemalltomakesureyouhadtherightclothestodiein?No.Mostofuswouldspendtimewithfamilyandfriendsand,insomeway,trytoprepareourselvesforthatjourneytothenextlife.

Wedonotknowhowlongourlivesonthisearthwilllast.Somethingsaremoreimportantthanothers.Prayer,reflection,meditation,andalifewithrhythmremindusofthistruthandhelpustoremainfocusedonthethingsthatarereallyimportant.

InmylifeIhavefoundmanythings.AsaboyIoncefoundabeautifulsoccerballintheparkjustdowntheroadfromourhomeinSydney.WhenIarrivedhomewiththeball,mymotherinquiredastowhereithadcomefrom.ItoldherIhadfoundit.Sheasked,“Wheredidyoufindit?”andItoldher,“Downatthepark.”Thenshesaidtome,“Diditoccurtoyouthatsomeonemightcomebackforit,orthatthepersonwhohaslostitisverysadrightnow?”Shepausedand

thencontinued,“Howwouldyoufeelifthatwasyoursoccerballandyouhadlostit?”

Isatinabiggreenarmchairinthecornerofthediningroomwiththeballgraspedtomychestwhileafewminutesofthatdeadlysilencepassed—thesilencethatevenasachildyouknowmeansyouhavedonesomethingnotaltogetherright.Mymotherkeptaboutherbusinessinthekitchen,preparingdinner,andthen,knowingshehadgivenmejustenoughtimetothinkaboutthesituation,said,“Ithinkyoushouldtaketheballbacktotheparknowandleaveitwhereyoufoundit.”

AfterthatIfoundotherthings.OnedayIfoundawatch,andatacarnivalonceIfound$50.ButIhaveneverfoundtime.Itjustneverhappens.Sometimespeopleaskus,“Whenareyougoingtodothis?”or,“Whenareyougoingtodothat?”Ihavediscoveredthatwhenmyreplytothesequestionsis,“WhenIfindtime!”Ineverdothosethings.Ineverfindthattime.EvenasachildIlearnedquicklythatfromthemomentwearebornintothislifeandplacedonthisplanet,thereismoretodothancaneverbedone,moretoseethancaneverbeseen,andifsomethingisimportant,wemustmaketime.

Wemustdecidewhatisreallyimportant,reallynecessary,makeitapriority,andmaketime.Otherwisethesirencalloftheworldwillalwayskeepusbusyanddistractedfromwhatreallyisimportant.Whatreallycounts?

ThereisashortprayerthatIliketouseoftenduringtheday,particularlyduringbusytimes:“God,helpmetoseethatsofewthingsarereallyimportantandtoatleasttakecareofthesefirst.”

Ourprioritiesshouldnotbebasedonamaterialgoal.Rather,weshoulduseourtimeandourtalentstodevelopourwholeperson.Ourowndevelopmentshouldbeourtoppriority.Whenwearefullyalive,ineveryway,strivingtowardperfection,weexperiencetheprofoundjoyoflife.

Findingtherhythmoflifeislargelyaboutreassessingourprioritiesandreallocatingourresourcesandenergiesaccordingtothosenewpriorities.Theresultisthewholeperson,apersonfullyalive,strivingtogrow,develop,andperfectthevariousaspectsofourcharacter.

Onceuponatimetherewasaninvestmentbanker.HelivedinNewYorkCity,wasphenomenallysuccessful,andmadeatonofmoney.Buthislifewasbusy,noisy,andverystressful.

So,onceayear,hewouldleavethecityandgodowntoasmallcoastalvillageinMexico.Fortwoweekshewouldrest,relax,andallowhimselftoberejuvenated.

Onedayhewasstandingonthepierjustbeforelunch,lookingouttosea,whenhenoticedasmallfishingboatcomingintodock.Hethoughtthiswasalittlestrange,becausemostofthefishermenusedtostayoutlateintotheafternoonsotheycouldcatchasmanyfishaspossible,beforecominginandpreparingthefishformarket.

Curiosityovercamehim.Sohewalkedovertowherethefishingboatwasabouttodock.Lookingintotheboat,hesawjustonefishermanandseverallargeyellowfintuna.

“Howlongdidittakeyoutocatchthosefish?’hesaidtothefisherman.

“Notverylong,”thefishermanrepliedwithasmile.

“Istheresomethingwrongwithyourboat?”theAmericanasked.

“Oh,no,”thefishermansaid.“InthirteenyearsIhaveneverhadaproblemwiththeboat.”

TheAmericanwasalittleperplexed,soheaskedthefisherman,“Whydon’tyoustayouttherelongerandcatchmorefish?”

Thefishermansmiledagainandsaid,“Ihaveplentyformyfamily’simmediateneeds.Someofthefishwecaneat,andtheotherswecansellortradefortheotherthingsweneed.”

“Butit’snotevenlunchtime.Whatdoyoudowiththerestofyourtime?”

“Inthemorning,”thefishermanexplained,“Iliketosleeplate.WhenIwakeIfishalittle,mostlyjustforthepleasureoffishing.IntheafternoonIplaywithmychildrenandtakesiestawithmywife.IntheeveningsIhavedinnerwithmyfamily.Andthen,whenmychildrenaresleeping,Istrollintothevillage,whereI

sipwineandplayguitarwithmyamigos.”

TheAmericanscoffedandsaid,“I’maHarvardMBAandIcanhelpyou.”

Thefishermanwasalittleskeptical,butnonethelessheobligedandasked,“How?”

“Youshouldfishlongereveryday,”theAmericancounseled,“lateintotheafternoon.Thiswayyouwillcatchmorefish,makemoremoney,andyoucanbuyabiggerboat.Withthebiggerboatyouwillcatchevenmorefish,makeevenmoremoney,andthenyoucanbuyanotherboatandhireanothermantoworkthesecondboat.”

“Butwhatthen?”thefishermaninquired.

“Oh,wearejustgettingstarted,”theAmericanvolleyed.“Withtwoboatsyou’llcatchevenmorefishandmakeevenmoremoney,andbeforeyouknowit,you’llhaveawholefleetofboatsandeverymaninthevillagelookingforworkwillcometoyou.”

“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanasked.

“Beforetoolong,youcancutoutthemiddleman,sellyourfishdirecttothecannery,andmakemoremoney.Asyourfleetofboatscontinuestoexpand,youcanbuildyourowncannery.Andbeforeyouknowit,you’llbeabletoleavethissmallcoastalvillage,movetoMexicoCity,andmanageyourexpandingenterprise.”

“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanpersisted.

“Wellthen,youcanbegintoshipyourfishtodifferentpartsoftheworld.DownintoAsiaandAustraliaandupintoNorthAmerica.Andasdemandgrowsforyourfish,youcanleaveMexicoCity,movetoLosAngeles,openadistributionplantthere,andbegintoshipyourfishtoEuropeandeverycorneroftheglobe.”

“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanaskedagain.

TheAmericancontinued,“Bythenyourbusinesswillbeoneofthegreatventuresoftheindustry.YoucanmovetoNewYorkCityandmanageyour

empirefromtheepicenterofthebusinessworld.”

“Howlongwillallthistake?”thefishermanasked.

“Twenty-five,maybethirtyyears,”thebankerexplained.

“ButwhatwillIdothen?”thefishermanasked.

TheAmerican’seyeslituplikeaChristmastree.“That’sthebestpart,”hesaid.“Whenthetimeisjustright,youcangodowntoWallStreet,listyourbusinessasapubliccompany,offeranIPO,andmakemillionsandmillionsofdollars.”

“Millions?”thefishermanasked.

“Moremoneythanyoueverdreamedyoucouldearnintenlifetimes,”theAmericanexplained.

“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanasked.

TheAmericandidn’tknowwhattosay.Hehadreachedhisclimax.Hewasstumped.Butthenathoughtcrossedhismindandtriggeredanidea,andheturnedoncemoretothefishermanandspoke.

“Wellthen,youcouldmovetoasmallcoastalvillage….Youcouldsleeplate….Youcouldfishjustforthepleasureoffishing….Intheafternoonsyoucouldtakesiestawithyourwife….Intheeveningsyoucouldhavedinnerwithyourfamily…andthenyoucouldstrollintothevillageandsipwineandplayguitarwithyouramigos….”

Timing

Oneofmygreatchildhoodloveswasgolf,andalthoughIdonotgetmanyopportunitiestoplaythesedays,whatIlearnedonthegolfcoursethroughmymidteenageyearshashadalastingimpactonmylife.Thatknowledgeseemsconstantlytohavenewapplications.

Golfisalotlikelife.Ifyouareagolfer,youmayknowwhatImean.Ifyouarenotagolfer,youmayjustwanttopassmeoffasanotherobsessedsportingfanatic.Butletmeexplain.

Youcanneverhaveaperfectroundofgolf.Thereisalwaysthatshotthatyoucouldhavehitalittlefartheroralittlestraighter.Thesecrettosuccessfulgolfistempo,timing,andrhythm.

Whenashotdoesn’tgoexactlyasyouwanteditto,youmustcontrolthedisappointmentandfrustration.Otherwiseitwillaffectyournextshot.Thefrustrationwillleadyoutotenseupandwanttohittheballalittleharder,soyouwillswingalittlefaster—andyourrhythmisgone.

Swingingfasterdoesn’tmaketheballgofarther.

Similarly,whenyouhitagreatshotyoumustcontroltheexhilaration.Otherwiseintheexcitementyoumaywalkalittlefaster,whichwillmakeyourheartbeatalittlefaster,whichwillaffectthetimingofyourswing—andagain,yourrhythmisgone.

Someevenings,asIreflectonthedaythathasjustpassed,IrealizethatIhavespentthewholedayinarush.IlookatwhatIachievedintheday,andoftenIcometotherealizationthatIreallydidn’tneedtorush.Alltherushingdidn’thelp.

AsmallexampleofthisaremyroutinetripstoPittsburghInternationalAirport.Inthespaceoftheyear,Iaveragemorethanonetripaweektotheairport.FrommyhomeinsoutheasternOhiototheairportisthirty-twomiles.IfIdriveatthespeedlimit,whichisfifty-fivemilesperhour,itwilltakemethirty-fiveminutes.IfIdriveatseventymilesperhour,Iriskgettingaticket,subjectmyselftotheanxietycausedbythepossibilityofbeingpulledover,exposemyselfandmypassengerstothedangerofhavinganaccident—andarriveattheairportintwenty-eightminutes.ImaginetheanxietyIhavebeenpreparedtocausemyselfforthesakeofarrivingsevenminutesearlier!

Iftherhythmisgoingtobesacrificedinacertainsituation,makesureitisadecisionthatyoumakeandnotonethatisforceduponyou.

Inthisworldthatisalwaysracing,wemustlearntoslowdown.Wemustlearntocreateapaceforourselves.Weshouldlearntotakecontrolof—andmaintain—therhythmofourownlives.Ihavealwaysenjoyedwalking.Tome,itisatimetothinkaboutwhateverishappeninginmylife.Recently,Ihavebeentryingtowalklikeamanwhodoesn’thaveaworryorcareintheworld.IbeginwalkingasIhaveforyearsnow,normallyquitequickly,withthoughtschasingthroughmymindoneaftertheother.Aseachissuearises,IfocusonitanddecidewhetherornotIhavedoneeverythingwithinmypowerregardingthematter.IfIdiscoverthatIhave,Isurrenderthesituation.IfIdecidethatIhavenotdoneeverythingthatIshould,Iresolvetodosoandthensurrenderthesituation.Ithenmoveontothenextissueanddothesamewithallthemajorissuesinmylifethatday.

AsthetimeIspendwalkingpasses,Ifeeltheburdenofthesevariousissuesliftingfrommyshoulders,andIfindmyselfslowingdowntoanice,steady,peacefulpace.Ibeginwalkingtoarhythm.InthatrhythmIfindapeacefulheart,quietmind,andrestfulspirit.

Learntowalklikeapersonwhodoesn’thaveacareintheworld.

Whenweareintouchwiththerhythmoflife,weareabletothinkaboutourlivesaswelivethem,ratherthanasanafterthoughtorregret.Itisgoodforthesoultolivelifereflectively.

Oftenonagolfcourse,asinlife,youfindyourselfinplacesandsituationsyouwouldrathernotbein.Inbothgolfandlife,youjusthavetoworkyourway

outofthemasbestyoucan.Golfisathinkinggame—it’snotaboutstrengthorstamina.Manypeoplehavethetalenttohitgreatshots—buttodoitconsistentlyandoftenrequiresacertainmentalfortitudeandapsychologicalstrengthandfocus.Tobesuccessfulinthegameofgolf,youmustbeathinker.Nobodycanfocushisorhermindforfivehourscontinually.Theartofgolfistobeabletofocusyourmindontheshotandrelaxyourmindbetweenshots.Thesameistrueoflife.Manypeoplearegiftedextraordinarily;veryfewusetheirgiftstotheupperlimits.

Upper-limitachievementisthefruitofdisciplined,selective,concentratedfocus.

Alifelivedreflectivelyisalifelivedeffectively.

Slowdowntofindtherhythmoflife.Maintaintherhythminyourlifeandenjoytheharmonyitproduces.Onceyoudiscoverthatpeacedeepwithinyou,protectitatallcosts.Forthispeacealoneishappiness,fulfillment,contentment,pleasure,andasuresignthatyouareevolvingintoagloriousbeing.Reflectioncreatesdirectionandinnerpeace.Therhythmoflifeallowsustomaintainthatinnerpeaceevenamidtheturmoiloftheworld.

IbelievethatGodisourFather.IbelieveHehaswonderfulplansforHischildren.Throughouthistory,nosoonerhaveourneedsarisenthanHehasrespondedtothem.Fromthebeginning,allHecreatedHecreatedinharmonyandwithorder.SincethenHisgiftshavebeensuchthattheyhelpandencourageustoreestablishandmaintainthisorderinourlives.God’sgiftsgiverhythmtoourlives.Itisthisrhythm,therhythmoflife,thatbindsheavenandearth,manandnature,thehumanandtheDivinetogetherinharmony,fulfillingthewordssooftenuttered:“Yourwillbedoneonearthasitisinheaven.”

Doyoubelieveinthebigbangtheory?Theideathatallthebeauty,wonder,andcomplexityofnaturethatsurroundsyou,andiswithinyou,isalltheresultofanunintelligibleexplosioncausedbyarandommixtureofchemicals?No?NordoI.Thenwhydoweapplythistheorytoourlives?

Perhaps,ontheotherhand,youbelievethatGodcreatedtheworld,andtheuniverse,andindeedallthings,andthatHecreatedtheminanorderlyfashion

withharmonyandrhythm.Whydon’tweapplythistruthtoourlives?

Letusbegintolivewhatwebelieve.Letusdiscovertherhythmoflife.

PartFive

It’sAllAboutEnergy

OurMostValuableResource

Wedon’tneedmoretime;weneedmoreenergy.

Let’sfaceit!Therearetwenty-fourhoursinaday.Nobodygetsmore,andnobodygetsless.Itdoesn’tmatterhowmuchmoneyyouhave,whoyourfatheris,orhowwellyoucankickafootball.Twenty-fourhoursisallyouget.Itisprobablytheonlywaytheequalitywespeaksomuchaboutactuallyexists.

Thedifferentiatingfactorisenergy.

Energyisourmostvaluableresource,nottime.

Fortoolongwehavebeensubscribingtomyths.Stressisbad.Downtimeisawasteoftime.Moneydrivesperformance.Thesearebutafew.

Stressisn’tbad.Stressallthetimeisbad.Downtimeisn’tawasteoftime.Toomuchdowntimeisawasteoflife.Moneydoesn’tdriveperformance.Passionandpurposedriveperformance.

Energyiscreatedbyasenseofpurposeandalifestylethatintegratesourlegitimateneeds,ourdeepestdesires,andourtalents.

Ourpurposeistobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Therhythmoflifeisthewayoflifethatbringsourneeds,desires,andtalentsintoharmonywitheachother.Theresult:passionandenergy.

Lifeisthespendingandreplenishingofenergy.

Whatlevelisyourenergyat?

Thefirstlevel:depressed,exhausted,burned-out,anddefeated.

Thesecondlevel:angry,fearful,anxious,defensive,andresentful.

Thethirdlevel:mellowandserene.

Thefourthlevel:confident,joyful,enthusiastic,andinvigorated.

Youcan’tgetmoretime,butyoucanhavemoreenergy.Itistimetounleashtheenergyfactorinyourlife.

How?Withthreesimplebutpowerfulinstruments.

CreatingtheRhythm

Evennow,severalyearsbeyondmystrugglewithchronicfatigue,itisstilladailychallengetomaintaintherhythminmyownlife.SomedaysIrisetothechallenge,andwhenIdoIfeelmorefullyaliveandIamabetterperson.OnotherdaysIfallintothesameoldtraps.ItisthenthatIbecometiredandfrustrated.WhenIdo,Itrytolearnfrommyshortcomingsinordertoavoidsimilarpitfallsinthefuture.

Eachofusmustfindourownrhythm,therhythmthatallowsustothrive.

Findingtherhythminourlivesisdifficult.Tocreatetherhythmoflife,wemustfirstconfirminourheartsandmindsthattherhythmisdesirable.Oncewedesiretherhythm,wewillusethedailyactivitiesofourlivestosatisfythatdesire.Desireisthegreatestmotivator.

Therhythmoflifeensuresourhealthandwell-being—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually—bycreatingalifestylethatfulfillsourlegitimateneedsineachofthesefourareas.

Therhythmoflifemaximizesourefficiencyandeffectivenessineverythingwedo.

Therhythmoflifelaysthenaturalfoundationforustoachieveourgreatestdreamsandachievementsbeyondwhatwehaveevendaredtodream.

Therhythmoflifeleadstothesatisfactionofthedeepestdesiresofourhearts,whichisthefulfillmentofthewillofGod.Thefruitsofthisalonearepeace,joy,happiness,anincreasedabilitytolove,andanincreasedabilitytobeloved.

Therhythmoflifeisdesirable.

Ourlivesareamaterialexpressionofourdesires.Desireistheseedlingfromwhicheverythinginourlivesisborn—goodandbad,enrichinganddestructive.

Ifyoucanteachyourself,conditionyourself,todesirethosethingsthataregoodforyou,thereisnothingyoucannotachieveorbecome.

Desireisoneofthegreatestforcesatworkwithinthehumanbeing.

Howdoweconditionourselvestodesirethethingsthatarebestforus?Wedesirethethingsweponder.Wedesirethethingsweseeeveryday.

Televisionisaperfectexample.Thecombinedaudiovisualstimulusimpactsuspowerfully.Werespondtotheon-screenimageswithdesire.Whathappenswhenyouseesomethingyoulikeontelevision?Youwantit.Inherbook,TheOverspentAmerican,JulietSchordescribesasurveysheconductedin1998.Ms.Schor’sresearchrevealedthatforeveryhouroftelevisionwatchedweekly,theconsumer’sspendingroseby$208ayear.

Wedesirethethingsweponder,thethingsweholdinourmind,andassuchtelevisionisaformofpondering.Televisiondrivesconsumeraspirations,notjustthroughthecommercials,butthroughthestylishclothingwornbyactorsandtheaffluentsettingsofmanyoftheshows.

Greatsportingchampionsponderanddesirevictory.Greatentrepreneursponderanddesirefinancialwealth.GreatsaintsponderanddesireintimacywithGod.

Ifyoubegintoponderthethingsthataregoodforyou,youwillbegintodesirethem.Ifyoubegintodesirethem,youwillsoonbegintoattainthem.

TheThreeInstruments

IwishtosharewithyouthethreeinstrumentsthatallowedmetoescapeandrecoverfromthatdifficultperiodinmylifewhenIwassoexhausted,overwhelmed,depressed,andconfused.

MyexperienceinAustrialedmetoanchormylifeinthesethreesimpleinstruments.Thefirstinstrumentinvolvesregularsleep.Thesecondinstrumentdealswithregularprayerandreflection.Thethirdinstrumentdelvesintotheancienttraditionoftheseventhdayasadayofrest,reflection,andrenewal.

Thesethreeinstrumentsimpacttheveryphilosophicalfoundationofourliveswhileatthesametimetheyarerootedinourday-to-dayactivities.Theyarenotrulesandregulations.Theydonotrobusofourindividuality,butratherhelpustodiscoverwhowetrulyareandencourageustobecomechampionsofselfhood.

Theinstrumentsshinethelightofwisdomintothedeepplacesofourhearts,minds,bodies,andspirits,revealingtousallofourstrengthsandweaknesses.Theyencourageustolookatthedifferentareasofourlivesandtoexaminedifferentaspectsofourselves—toobservethewayswerespondtocertainevents,activities,people,andcircumstances.

Fromthiswegaintheself-knowledgewehavespokensomuchabout.Withthisknowledgeweareinapositiontounderstandouruniquelegitimateneedsineachofthefourareas—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.

Thethreeinstrumentsthereforelaythefoundationfortheseneedstobemet.Theresultisamancompletelyinharmonywithhisself,awomancompletelyinharmonywithherself.Thisharmonyproducedbytherhythmoflifeincreasesoureffectivenessinourwork;makesusmorepresentinourrelationships;andempowersuswithaspiritualpresenceandfocus—allofwhichgivesbirthtothat

deepandabidingpeace,aninexpressiblejoyandsatisfaction,andasenseoffulfillmentthatburnswithinus,ignitinganexcitementandpassionforlife.

Sleep:TheFoundationofEnergy

Youraimsandaspirationsmayresideintheupperrealmsoftheintellectuallife.Yourdreamsandgoalsmaydwellhigherthanthehighestpeaksofthisworldinthespiritualrealm.Butnomatterhowhigh,noble,andspiritualyouraspirationsmaybe,youmustbuildthemonnaturalfoundations.Inthehumanbeing,thatfoundationconsistsfirstofphysicalwell-being.

Haveyoueverbeenunemployed?Haveyoueverlivedwithsomeonewhowasunemployed?Whathappens?Whatchanges?Mostpeoplesufferfromanacuteblowtotheirself-esteem,whichproducesdepressioninoneformoranother.Aclassicsymptomofthisdepressionisthatwhentheydon’thavetogetoutofbed—theydon’t.Oftenwhenpeoplelosetheirjob,theytendtoslipintothehabitofsleepingin.Afterawhile,theyshaveonlyeverysecondday,theneverythirdday.Whentheydogetoutofbed,theygodowntothelocalstoretogetthenewspaperandlookforavailablepositions.Butbythetimetheycallaboutthejobs,itisearlyafternoon—maybelateafternoon—andthepositionsarealreadyfilled.Beforeyouknowit,theyshaveonlywhentheyhaveajobinterview,whichisalmostnever,becausetheydon’tgetoutofbedearlyenoughtomakethecallsintime.

Theyfallintoarhythmoflife,acertainrhythmthatgrabsholdofthemandtakesthemforaride.Wecallthatride“aviciouscycle.”Wheredoesittakethem?Nowhere.

Thisrhythmoflifedoesnotenergizethemorbringoutthebestinthem;rather,itdrainsthemoftheirenergyandpreventsthemfromachievinganythingworthwhile.Thisrhythmoflifethathaskidnappedthemdoesnotsupportthefulfillmentoftheirlegitimateneedsphysically,emotionally,intellectually,orspiritually.Thisrhythmoflifetheyhaveadoptedisself-destructive.

Thatviciouscycleexistsinonewayoranotherinthelivesofeachandeveryoneofus.Wegetcaughtupincertainpatternsofbehaviorthatareself-destructive,arhythmoflifethatdoesnotattendtoourlegitimateneeds,alifestylethatdoesnotenrichandfulfillus.

Isyourlifestyledestroyingyou?

Howdoweescapetheseviciouscycles?Littlebylittle.Smallvictoriesarethekey.Ifyoudecidetobecomeamarathonrunner,youdon’tgooutandtrytorunamarathonstraightaway.Youstartbyrunningonemileaday,thentwo,three,five,andseven.Overtimeyoubuildyourselfup,andasyoustrengthenanddevelop,youextendthedistances.Manyvictoriesarewonbeforeamarathonrunner’sfirstrace.

Canyoudoonehundredsit-ups?Ifyouarenotinthehabitofdoingsit-upsregularly,youprobablythinkitisimpossibletodoonehundredsit-upsconsecutivelyrightnow.Butifyoustarttodaybydoingtwentyeachdayforaweek,thenthirtyadayforaweek,andsoon,beforetoolongyouwillbeabletodoahundredsit-ups—andtheimpossiblewillhavebeenmadepossible.Thatisthegreatnessofthehumanspirit—makingtheunknownknown,makingtheimpossiblepossible.Smallvictories,oneuponanother,arethemakingofeverygreatchampion.

Thesesmallvictoriesbuildstrengthandconfidence.Thevictoryovertwentysit-upsbuildsstrength,courage,andconfidencetoachievethevictoryofdoingthirtysit-upsthefollowingweek.If,ontheotherhand,youtriedtodoonehundredsit-upseveryday,thefirstdayyoumightstopaftereighteen,theseconddayaftertwenty-one,thethirddayaftertwenty-five,thefourthdayaftertwenty-six.Afteraweek,mostpeoplewouldbecomesodiscouragedfromfailingoverandoveragain,theywouldquit.

Setgoalsthatstretchyoubutdonotbreakyou.

Inthewaythatthesesmallvictoriesbuildstrength,confidence,andcourageinathletes,theycandothesameforusineveryareaofourlives,whetherinourprofessionalwork,ourrelationships,orourspiritualpractices.

Alargepartofsuccessinanythingisvictory.Successismostlyaboutvictoryoverourselves.Thehabitualandrepetitiousachievementofsuchvictoriesproducesthequalityofself-disciplineinaperson’scharacter.Thisself-disciplineisthefoundingidealofallgreatnationsandreligionsinhistory.Itisthefoundingfatheroffreedomandthefoundationofthenation,culture,anddreamwecallAmerica.

Ifyougiveyourbodyachoice,itwillalwaystaketheeasywayout.Yourbodylies.Ittellsyouitcannotwhenitcan.

HowdidMichaelJohnsonbecomethefastestmanintheworld?Byrunningwhenhefeltlikerunning?No.MichaelJohnsontellshisbodywhatitisandisnotallowedtofeelandwhenitisandisnotallowedtofeelthosethings.Hissuccesscomesfromhismasteryofhisbody.Hishigherfaculties—intellect,will,spirit—reignoverhislowerfaculties—bodilyinstincts.Eachtimehisbodysays,“Ican’t,”hepushesitalittlefurther.Thebodyhasanaturalcapacitytoincreaseitsstrengthandabilities.Theheart,mind,andspiritareallequippedwiththesamenaturalcapacity.

DoAndreAgassiandSerenaWilliamshittennisballsonlywhentheyfeellikeit?DidBillGatesachievewhathehasbysleepinginuntiloneo’clockintheafternoon?DoesEmmittSmithshowuptopracticeonlywhenheisinthemoodforit?DidAbrahamLincolndoonlythethingshefeltlikedoing?DoyouthinkMotherTeresaalwaysfeltliketakingcareofthepoorestofthepoor?

Onethingiscertain.Ifyoudoonlywhatyoufeellikedoing,yourlifewillbemiserableandyouwillbeafailure.

Victoryoverselfleadstoeverincreasinglevelsofachievementinanyfield.Ourfirstopportunityforvictoryeachdayiswhenthealarmclockgoesoffanditistimetogetoutofbed.Thisisthefirstvictoryoftheday.Mostpeoplewhentheywakeupwouldprefertolieinbedalittlelonger.Thebodycriesout,“Justtenmoreminutes.”

Whoisthemaster?Yourlowerfaculties—bodilyinstincts—oryourhigherfaculties—intellect,will,spirit?Doyoudowhatyourbodytellsyoutodo,ordoesyourbodydowhatyoutellittodo?

Ifyourdreams,goals,andpurposearenotenoughtoinspireyoutowanttogetoutofbedinthemorning,thenyouneedtore-thinkyourdreams,goals,andpurpose.

Getoutofbed.Graspthedayfromthefirstmoment.Achievethatfirstvictory.Lookatitasavictory.Affirmitasavictory.Victoryencouragesthehumanspirittosoarhigher.Smallvictoriesarethementorsofgreatervictories.Thehumanspiritrespondstovictory.Victoryelevatesthehumanspirit.Wemustlearntofindvictoryineverything,evenindefeat.

TheFirstInstrument

Thefirstinstrumentforcreatingtherhythmoflifeissleep:thefoundationofenergy.Itsoundsdeceptivelysimple.Inpart2,webeganourinvestigationoflegitimatephysicalneedwithabriefdiscussionofourneedforfood.Ifwedonoteat,wewilldie.Wehavealegitimateneedtoeatandtodrink.Ourlegitimateneedsarethoseactivitiesandthingsthatarenecessaryforsurvivalandallowustomaximizeourhealthandwell-being.Theseneedsareanintendedpartofthedivineplan.Sleepisalsooneofourlegitimatephysicalneeds.Ifyoudonotsleep,overtimeyouwillbecomedelusional,andfinally,overanextendedperiodoftime,sleepdeprivationwillleadtoinsanity.Ifyouwereforcedtostayawakelongenough,youwoulddie.

Overthepasttwentyyears,thestudyofsleephasgrownconsiderablyinpopularity.Thesestudieshavesoughttodiscoverwhenweshouldsleep,forhowlongweshouldsleep,whereweshouldsleep,andhowweshouldsleep—inordertomaintainoptimumhealthandwell-being.

Toapplythefirstinstrumenttoourlives,wemustfirstaskthesequestionsofourselves:“WhendoIsleep?”“ForhowlongdoIsleep?”“WheredoIsleep?”“HowdoIsleep?”Butfirst,wemustaskthequestionphilosophers,scientists,andchildrenhavebeenaskingsincethedawnofhumanhistory:“Why?”

“Whydowesleep?”Thecommonanswertothisquestionis,“Wesleepbecausewehavetosleep.”Thisistrue.Wemustsleep.Sleepisessentialforsurvival.However,thisansweronlydisplaysanattitudetowardsleep.Itdoesnotanswerthequestion.

Wesleeptoberenewed.Sleeprefreshesus.Sleepenergizesus.Oursleepbringsrest,renewal,andenergynotonlytoourbodies,butalsotoourhearts,minds,andspirits.Sleephealsusfromthestressesofdailylife.Whenweviewitfromthisverypositiveperspective,andconsciouslyapproachitwiththese

thingsinmind,wemaximizetheeffectsofsleep.

Consciouslivingmaximizestheenrichmentofeveryactivityandexperienceinourlives.Consciouslivingsimplymeansknowingwhatyouaredoingwhileyouaredoingit.

Whenweapproachsleepassomethingwemustdo,orasaburdenandlimitation,wereducetherefreshing,renewing,andenergizingeffectssleephasuponourbodies,hearts,minds,andspirits.

Forafewmomentsnow,pauseandreflectuponyourattitudetowardsleep.Youwillgainverylittlefromthisdiscussionunlessyoutakethisimportantstepandarethereforeabletoaskyourselftheotherquestions:“When,where,andhowdoIsleep?”Manyofuswillnotbeabletoanswertheserightaway.Todoso,wemustseekthisveryimportantself-knowledge.

Themostimportantissueregardingsleepiswhenyousleep.Whydosomanypeoplefeeltheydon’tgetenoughsleep?Peopleofalldifferentsleepinghabitsseemtowantmore.Theissuehereisnotthequantityofoursleep,butratherthequalityofoursleep.

Youmaythinksleepissleep.Yetnumerousstudieshaverevealedthatpeoplewhosleepatthesametimeeverynightareconsiderablyhealthierthanthosewhodonot.Theyareaffectedbycommoncoldslessthanone-thirdasmanytimesaspeoplewhodonotsleepatregularhours.Theincidenceofdepressionisalsosignificantlylowerwithpeoplewhosleepatregularhours.

Toimplementthefirstinstrumentinourlives,tobeabletogetoutofbedrefreshedandenergizedinthemorning,somepreparationmustbedone.Onceagain,thispreparationinvolvesself-knowledge.Ifyouknowyouneedtogetoutofbedatsevena.m.inordertogetreadyforyourdayinacalmandpeacefulmanner,andifyoualsoknowthatifyoudon’tgetsevenhoursofsleep,youbecomegrouchyandmiserable,thenbefairtoyourself.Bekindtoyourself,anduseyourself-knowledge.Itispowerfultolivebywhatyouknowaboutyourself.Makesurethatbymidnightyouareinbed,despitewhatproblemsemerge—schedules,stresses,socialsituations,andpoorhabits.Oftenthesearewhathinderourabilitytogetthesleepweneed.

Forexample,tobeinbedandasleepatmidnighteverynight,youwillcertainlyfindyourselfleavingsomesocialeventsearly.Thequestionis,forthesakeofacoupleofextrahoursataparty,areyoupreparedtothrowyourlifeintochaos?

Yes,thereareexceptions.No,youdonothavetobeinbedeverynightbymidnightfortherestofyourlife.Butinourlivestheexceptionhasbecometherule.Thereisnoconsistencytooursleepingpatterns,andthatiscostingusdearly.

Youmayneedonlysixhoursofsleep,andyoumaydecideyourtimeisfromelevenp.m.untilfivea.m.Oryoumayneedeighthoursofsleepandmaydecidetosleepfromtenp.m.tosixa.m.Eachpersonmustdecidehowmuchsleepoptimizeshisorherenergy.Onlyyoucandecidewhatarethebesthoursforyoutosleep.

Sleepshouldbeusedoffensively,notdefensively.

Manyofushavebeenfalselyledtobelievethatsleepisanexpendableelementandthatitcanbeuseddefensively.Sleepbuildsusup.Sleepisoneoftheindispensablenaturalelementsofourlives.Sleepisoneofourlegitimateneeds.Sleepisintendedtomakeusstronger,morevibrant,moreproductive,moreloving,andmorealertindividuals.Sleepisimportantandshouldbegivenpriority.

Ourmodernworldworksagainstthisinsomanyways.Forinstance,agreatnumberofpeopleupholdlackofsleepasasourceofpride.Somepeoplebelievethatexcessivededicationtowakinghoursoverrulesthenecessityforrestandregularsleep.Theyconvincethemselvesthattobesuccessfulintheirchosenfieldtheymustsacrificesleepandrest—theyevenbelievethistobeheroic.Theseideasareparticularlycommoninbusiness.Perhapstheyneedtoreturntothebusinessschooltextbooks,reconsidertheconceptof“long-termresidualeffect,”andponderitinrelationtotheirownlives.

Wehavenogreaterevidenceoftheimportanceofsleepthaninthehabitsofthosewhoarehighlysuccessful.RecentlyIhadtheopportunitytomeetOlympianAlbertoSalazarafteroneofmytalksinOregon.Hehadapresence,thepresenceofachampion,acertainstrength,andyetaprofoundhumility.

DoyousupposewhenAlbertoSalazarwonthegoldmedalforthemarathon

atthe1992Olympicgames,hecreditedhissuccesstosleepinglessthanalloftheotherathletesinhisfield?No,Salazartrainedharder,restedmoreeffectively,wasmoreattunedtohisdietaryneeds,wasmoreintouchwithhisdesiretowin—andhasbeenleavingpartiesearlyforyearsbecauseheknowshehastogetupearlythenextmorningtotrain.Ifhedoesn’ttrainwell,hewon’tcompetewell.

Thetruthis,peoplearewalkingaroundhalf-asleepallthetime.Everyday,peopleareexhausted.Theyarefatigued.Fatiguehasbecomeapatterninourlives.Thisisasadtestamenttohowlittleweobserve,know,andrespectourselves.

Whenwasthelasttimeyouwokeupandfeltrenewed,refreshed,andexcitedtogetintoyourday?ThatiswhatIwantyoutoexperience—notoccasionally,buteveryday.

Ontheotherhand,doyourememberthelasttimeyouhadtogetupearlyafteralatenight?Howdidyoufeel?Didyousaytoyourself,“IwishIdidn’thavetogetoutofbedthismorning”?Orperhaps,“Iamnevergoingtostayoutlateagainonaworknight”?Howwasyourday?Wereyouapictureofenergy?Didyouenjoytheday?Wereyouefficient?Effective?Happy?

Therealquestionis,willyouletithappenagain?Eachofusshouldknowhowmuchsleepwerequireinordertofunctionatmaximumefficiency—beitsix,seven,oreighthours.Whenwillwebegintousethisvaluableinformationtoourownadvantage?

Inthiseraoflust,welustevenafterknowledge.Foolishlywebelievethatwisdomistheamassingofknowledge.Wewanttoknowmore,butwedonotwanttolivewhatwealreadyknow.

Thefirststepistosleepatthesametimeeverynight.Inordertoattuneourselvestotherhythmoflife,wemustadoptaregularpatternofsleep—goingtobedatthesametimeandgettingupatthesametime.Itreallyisquitesimple,yetonoccasionswhenIhavesharedthisideawithpeople,theyhavelookedatmeasifIwereaskingtheimpossible.Itisperhapsatestamenttohowcomplexandclutteredourliveshavebecome.Itisperhapsatestamenttohowoutofcontrolourlivesare.Begintotakecontrolofyourlife—adoptaregularsleeping

schedule.

ThisisthemostbasicwayIknowtocreatetherhythmoflife,anditistheessenceofthefirstinstrument.Itbringsaconsistencytothegeneralstructureandorganizationofourlives.Intheareaofphysicalwell-being,itisthefirststeptowardmaximizingourenergyandthereforethefirststeptowardincreasingoureffectivenessineverythingwedo.

Ihaveseenitworkinmyownlife,andIhaveseenitworkinthelivesofothers.Ifyougotobedandgetupatthesametimeeveryday,weekdaysandweekends,inlessthantendaysyouwillfeellikeadifferentperson.Newenergy,newenthusiasm,newpassionforlife.

Itwillbeachallenge.Itwillbedifficultattimes.Itwillcost.Itissimplyamatterofpriorities.Thisregularsleepingschedulewillempoweryoutogiveyourbesttoeverythingyoudoeveryday.Youwillnolongerfindyourselfsaying,“Ijustwanttogetthroughtodayandgethometobed!”Thatisnowaytolive.Everydayshouldbesavored.Beingrestedisnotjustaboutbeingawake—it’saboutbeingabletodevoteyourselfcompletelytowhateverisbeforeyouineverysinglemomentoftheday.Itisaboutlivinglifetothefullest.

Itisalsoimportantthatyougiveconsiderationtohowlongyousleep.Thesecretwithsleepisthesamewisdomthatappliestojustabouteverythingthataffectsthebody—guardagainstextremes.Toolittlesleepisnotgoodforus,andtoomuchsleepisnotgoodforus.Ifwesleeptoolittle,wewakeupfatigued;andifwesleeptoomuch,wewakeupfatigued.Testdifferentsleepingtimesforseveraldays.Growtoknowyourselfandwhatamountofsleepallowsyoutofunctionmosteffectively.

Considerationshouldalsobegiventowhereyousleepandtheenvironmentyousleepin.Onceagain,trydifferentthingsandgettoknowyourself.Ifitistoohotortoocold,howdoesthataffecttheeffectivenessofyoursleep?

Howyousleepcanalsomakearadicaldifference—whetherit’sonyourstomach,onyourside,oronyourback.Observeyourself.Knowyourself.Usetheknowledgeyougainaboutyourselftoliveahappier,healthier,fullerlife.

WhenIwaseighteenandfirstincollegeunderthespellofthe“modernlie,”Iusedtobelievethateatingandsleepingwereawasteoftime.TwentyminuteswastheabsolutemaximumIwoulddedicatetosittingattableforameal,and

mostlyIateontherun.Whenitcametosleep—two,three,fourhoursanight,andsomenightsIwouldnotgotobedatall.Overthepasttenyears,Ihavelearnedalotaboutmyself,andIknownowthatwithoutsevenhoursofsleepeachnight,Iamnogoodtoanyone.

Itistimewebegantoseesleepnotasalimitationorburden,butasagift.Embracethisgift.Treasurethegift.Cherishthegift.Enjoythegift.Usethegiftofsleeptoitsmaximumadvantage.Usesleeptobegintocreatetherhythmoflife.

TheSacredHour

Imageorlight,thatisthequestion.Wetendtospendourlivesdedicatedtotheimage,tothematerial.Theimagerepresentsthebody.Thelightrepresentsthespirit.

Doyouidentifymorewithyourbodyorwithyourspirit?ThehighestlevelsoflivingareexperiencedwhenwehaveanabsolutedisregardforthebodybeyondourbasicneedsandacompleteadherencetothepromptingsoftheDivineSpiritwithinus.Itisthenthatweformouridentityfromthespiritwithin,whenweletthesweetlightwithinusshine.

Mostofus,however,arededicatedtothebody,totheimage.Weseeandvalueourselvesnotintermsofthespirit,butinrelationtothebody.Wefindouridentitythroughthebody.Weform,andliveby,animagemadeupofphysicalandsensoryperception.

Doyoufindyouridentitythroughyourbodyorthroughyourspirit?Areyoudedicatedtotheimageortothelight?Theimageisanillusion.Thelightistruth.

Apersonwhoiscompletelydedicatedtothelightiscapableofanything.

Prayershiftsourdedicationfromtheimagetothelight.

Weliveinanagethatisobsessedandpreoccupiedwiththematerial.Weliveinatimedominatedbygreedandlust.Weliveintheeraofperpetualnoiseandmotion,anageobsessedwithspeed.Thesearethecharacteristicsofourtimes.Thesearethetrends,mind-sets,andstructuresthatdistractandpreventusfromdiscoveringtherhythmoflife.Yetthisistheworldwemustlivein.

Iwanttoliveinpeace.Thisismysinglegreatestdesire.Perhapsitsoundssimplistic,butwhenIhavethispeaceIamhappyandinlovewithlife.Withoutthispeace,lifeisadrudgery.Ihaveexperiencedthispeace.Itisreal.Itisthemostintensepleasurelifehastooffer.Itheightensthesensitivityofallthesensesandincreasestheintensityofalloflife’sotherpleasures.Itisbothcalmandexhilarating.Itcouldbelikenedtotakingajourneytothedeepestplacesandthehighestplacesallatonce.Itisacontradictionandyetperfectlyinbalance.Itisthefruitofanintimateharmonyamongthephysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualelementsofthehumanperson.

Peaceisnottheabsenceofpainorpressure.Norisittheabsenceofactivity.Peaceisnotlyingonabeachwithoutaworryintheworld.Peaceisnotbornbydoingnothing.

ThispeaceIspeakofisacertaintyinmyheartandmindthatIamusingmylifeforaworthypurpose—thateachdayIamabletolovemorethanthedaybefore,thatIambecomingabetterpersoneachday,thatinmyownwayIamtouchingandimprovingthelivesofothers.ItismaintainedwiththeconvictionthatthewayIamspendingtheenergiesofmylifemakessense.

Afewmonthsago,IspentacoupleofdayswithaverywealthygentlemaninEurope,afriendofafriend.ThismanhasmoremoneythanyouandIcouldphysicallycountinalifetime.Allhislifehehasworkedveryhard,andhisachievementsinbusinessareadmirable.Onemorningatbreakfast,itwasjustthetwoofusandhebegantospeak.“Thereissomethingdifferentaboutyou,Matthew.Idon’tknowwhatitis,butitisspecialandrare.Youmakemeponderlife.”Isaidnothing,andhesaidnothingforseveralminutes.Thenhecontinued,“Iwilltellyouthisbecauseyouareyoungandperhapsitwillbeofsomeusetoyou.Iamaverywealthyman.Ihavemorehousesthantenfamiliescouldlivein,moreboatsandcarsthanIcouldeveruse,moremoneythanIcouldeverspend.EverywhereIgoIamtreatedlikeroyalty…but,Ihavenopeace.Peace…andthefunnythingis,IwouldgiveeverythingIhave,thethingsIhavespentmywholelifebuilding,forjustalittlepeace.AsalittleboyIhadit,butnowasanoldman,Ihavenopeace.”Themostoverwhelmingsorrowandpityforthismanwelledupinsideme,andIwonderedhowmanyothersfeltthisway.Icouldn’thelpbutthinktomyself,It’snota“funnything,”it’satragedy.

Astimegoesby,whatIdiscovermostaboutpeopleisthatwewanttoliveinpeace.

Thisiswhyinatimewhensomanypeopleareturningtheirbacksonprayer,Iamtryingtoembraceprayerwithmywholebeing.Prayergivesmethatpeace.Prayerteachesmetousemylifeforaworthypurpose.Prayerrevealsthatpurpose.PrayerwarnsmewhenIwanderfromthenarrowpath.Prayerincreasesmyabilitytoloveandmyabilitytobeloved.Prayerfillsmewithhope,andthathopeisnottheconvictionthateverythingwillturnoutwell,butratherthecertaintythatthewayIamspendingmylifemakessenseregardlessofhowitturnsout.Prayerallowsmetolivemylifeinpeace.

Ifyoulookintotheeyesofthepeopleyoumeettoday,youwillseecloudsandstorms,fearanddoubt,confusionandworry,anxietyandrestlessness.Butveryrarely,inthisdayandagethathasturneditsbackonprayer,doyoulookintoaperson’seyesandseethecalm,still,peacefulwatersofacrystal-clearlake.

Prayerisessential.Prayercutsthroughandclarifies.Prayerremindsusofwhatisreallyimportant.Prayerawakensourawarenesstoourlegitimateneeds.Prayeristhegreatfriendwhointroducesustoourselves.PrayeristhegreatmediatorthatintroducesustoGod.Prayeristhefaithfulfriendwhopointsoutwhoweareandwhowearecapableofbeing.Prayerrevealsthedeepestdesiresofourheartsandpointsoutthepaththatwasordainedforusfromthebeginningoftime.Prayerwhispersthosegoldenwords“Thatisyourstar,gonowandfollowit.”Prayergiftsuswithpurposeanddirection,andpeaceinthatdirection.Prayerisajourneyandadestination.Prayerisachancetobecomeintimatelyfamiliarwiththebetterpersonweknowwecanbe—andthatfamiliarityisthebeginningofwisdom.Prayerhelps.Prayerisimportant.Prayerisneeded.Weneedprayer.Prayerdoesn’tneedus,andGoddoesn’tneedprayer.Prayerdoesn’thelpGod,ithelpsus.Itisn’tsomethingwemustdo,itissomethingweshoulddo.IpraybecauseIcannothelpit.Ipraybecauseineverymomenttheneedflowsoutofme.IpraybecauseIamabetterpersonwhenIdo.

Pray.

TheSecondInstrument

ThesecondinstrumentIusedtorediscovertherhythmoflifeIcall“thesacredhour.”Essentiallyitconsistsofanhourofprayerandreflection,butnotnecessarilyinthewayyoumaycurrentlyconceiveanhourofprayertobe.Ifyouarenotinthehabitofpraying,theideaofprayingforanhourmayseemfrighteningorevenimpossible.Beopen.Openyourheartandyourmindtoanewunderstandingofprayer.

ThepurposeofprayeristohelpyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointBandtobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,whichindeedisthepurposeoflife.Thecommonmistakeistothinkofprayeraseasy.Iassureyou,prayeristhemostdifficultthingintheworldtodo.Inprayerwefindourselvesstandingontheedgeofadeep,darkabyss—theworldoftheDivine,Infinite,andEternal.Inprayerwecomeface-to-facewithourselvesandface-to-facewithGod,andatdifferenttimesbothoftheseencounterscanbeveryfrightening.Prayerisdifficult.Butthosewholearntomasterprayercometomasterthemselves,andthosewhocometomasterthemselvesbecometheinstrumentsoftremendousgoodandareabletomastereveryotherhumanactivity.

Inmylife,IbelievethateverythinggoodcomesfromknowingandlivinginthewillofGod.IbelievethatIwascreatedforapurpose.Ibelievethatthereisaplanforeachofus—adivineblueprint—amission.Thatplanperfectlyintertwinesourtalents,ourlegitimateneeds,andourdeepestdesires—tobringaboutthisperfectharmonyamongbody,heart,mind,andspirit.Infollowingthatplan,Ibelievewefindpeaceandprosperity,freedomandfulfillment.

Wemay,ofcourse,rejectthisplan,thisblueprint,thismission.Andthereliesthemysteryoffreedomandlove.

ThewillofGodistheperfectionofthecreature.ThewillofGodisthatyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointB.Eachstepalongthatpathformsan

allegianceandbondwiththewillofGod.Itisinthisjourneythatwediscoverthegloryoflife.ItisinprayerthatwediscoverthegloryofGod.AnditisbylivingwhatwediscoverinprayerthatwebecomethegloryofGod.ThewillofGodisthatyoubecomethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe,the-best-version-of-yourself.Youruniquepersonality,talents,needs,anddesiresarewhatmakeyourjourneydifferentfrommine.Alloftheseareunveiledintheclassroomofsilence.

Prayeristhegreatclassroomofsilence.Duringmytravelsoverthepasttenyears,Ihavecontinuallyheardpeoplewhisper,“Howdidhebecomesowiseatsuchayoungage?”Wisdomisnotamassofaccumulatedknowledge.Wisdomisthoselittlepiecesofknowledgethathavethepowertochangeourlives.Wisdomistruthlived.Wisdomisthefruitofareflectiveheart.Wisdomisthefruitofsilence.

WhenIwasnineteen,Godtouchedmylifeinaverypowerfulway.Itwasatthattime,leadinguptowhenIfirstbeganspeaking,thatIbegantoprayseriously—andthatIfeltGodinvitingmeintotheclassroomofsilence.ForalmostsixmonthseverydayIwouldsitaloneinsilence,ponderingandreflectinguponmylife,theworld,God,andthescripturesforthree,four,five,sometimessixhoursatatime.

Youcanlearnmoreinanhourofsilencethanyoucaninayearfrombooks.

Noiseisthemouthpieceoftheworld.SilenceisthemouthpieceofGod.ItisintheclassroomofsilencethatGodbestowsHisinfinitewisdomonmenandwomen.

Weliveinanoisyworld.Peoplewakeuptoclockradios,listentothenewswhiletheyshower,watchtelevisionwhiletheyeatbreakfast,getintothecarandlistentothemorningshowsonthewaytowork,listentomusicalldayovertheintercom,talkincessantlyonthephonebetweenanynumberofmeetings…Weneedabreakfromthenoise.

Everythinggreatinhistoryhasarisenfromsilence…evengreatnoise.BeethovenandMozartclosedthemselvesofffromtheworldandinhabitedsilentroomsfordaysatatimeinordertohearthingsthatnooneelsecouldhear—

soundssogloriousthattheythemselveswouldneverhearinthemidstoftheworld,andyetsoundsthattheworldwouldneverknowifBeethovenandMozarthadnotbefriendedsilence.

USATodayconductedasurveylastyearinwhichpeoplewereaskedtonamethetenthingstheyfearedthemost.Themostfearedwasdeath,andthenflying.Afterflying…silence—followedcloselybypublicspeaking,dogs,snakes,andspiders.Whydowefearsilence?Whydoweavoidsilence?

Silenceintroducesustoourselves—forbetterandforworse.Silenceconvicts,suggests,andchallenges—yes.Butsilencealsoconsoles,heals,comforts,clearsthemind,andgivescouragetothewearyheart.Peaceisthefruitofsilence.

Whydowefearandavoidsilence?Thetruthis,mostpeoplebelievethateverythingwithinthemisworthlessandembarrassing.Thatiswhyweliveinaworldterrifiedofsilenceandfullofpeoplededicatedtoimitatingotherpeopleinsteadofdevelopingtheuniqueindividualthattheyarethemselves.

Befriendsilence.Iamnotsuggestingthatyouspendfour,five,sixhoursadayinsilence.Dropbyachurchduringthedaywhenitisemptyandquiet.Findaquietcornerandacomfortablechairathome.Leavetheradiooffinthecaronthewaytowork.Haveatelevision-freeeveningonceaweek.Tryit.Itworks.

IclosemyeyessothatImayseethingsthatIcouldneverseewithmyeyesopen,thingsthatwouldnevercometobeifIdidnotclosemyeyes.Ientertheclassroomofsilencetolisten,andthereIhearthingsIwouldneverhearinthisnoisyworld,themurmuringsofmyheartandsoulthatleadmetomyfuture.

Whatareyoupreparedtodotosignificantlyincreasethelevelofpeace,happiness,andfulfillmentinyourlife?Howfarareyoupreparedtogo?Howmuchareyoupreparedtogive?Areyoupreparedtogiveonehouraday?

Iwouldliketoencourageyoutosetasideonehouraday.Thistimebecomesanotherlandmarkinourdayandhelpsustorestoreandmaintaintherhythmoflife.It’sdifficulttosetasideonehouraday,Iknow,butI’mgoingtotrytoconvinceyouthatitisworthmakingtheeffortandinitialsacrifice.

ForthisonehourIwantyoutopray.Idonotwantyoutogointoyourchurchandmindlesslyrepeatprayersthatyouweretaughtasachilduntilyoueitherfallasleeporareboredoutofyourbrain.Iwouldlikeyoutodiscoverthejoyofprayer.Iwantthistimetobeajoyforyou.

Ifprayerweresomethingyoulovedandlongedfor,youwouldhavenodifficultyspendingonehouradayinprayer.Thesecrettoprayerisdiscoveringdynamicwaystomakeitsomethingyouloveandlongfor,somethingyouknowandarecomfortablewith.

Prayerislikeagreatlove.Whenyoustartdatingthesilencecanbeawkward,butasyougrowtoknoweachotheryoucansitinsilenceforhoursandjustbeingwitheachotherisagreatcomfort.Whenyouaredatingyoudon’tgotothesamerestauranteverytimeandeatthesamefoodandhavethesameconversation.Varietybringsvitalitytorelationship.Loveiscreative.Justaswemustbecreativeinthewayswespendtimewiththosewelove,wemustbecreativeinthewayswespendtimewithourselvesandwithGod.

Overtimeallrelationshipsdevelopcertainritualsandstaples,buttheseremainvibrantonlywhentheyaresurroundedbydynamicvariety.Thesameistrueinourprayerlife.Ourspiritualdietmayconsistofcertainritualsandstaples,butthereisaconstantneedfordynamicvariety.

Whatismissinginyourlife?

Whateveritis,thefirststeptofindingitorregainingitistimeforyou.Mostpeopledon’thavefifteenminutes’timeforthemselveseachday.

Oneofthefirstthingsweestablishedinpart1wasthatweknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Wejustdon’tdothem.Why?Weforget.Wegetdistracted.Weneedthistimeforourselvestoremember.Rememberwhat?Timetorememberwhatmattersmost.

Givethishourtoyourselfeachdayasagift.Makeitahabitinyourlife,aritualinyourday.Giveitpriorityoverallthelittlethingsthatdistractyouanddrainyou.Disciplineyourselftodoit.Everydisciplinedefforthasitsownmultiplerewards.

Therearehundredsofwaystopray,andintimeyouwilldiscoverwhichwaysworkbestforyou.Somearemoreactive,andsomearemorepassive.Someformsofprayerdrawuponnothingbutthemurmuringsofourhearts,andothersdrawuponthescripturesandotherinspirationalwritings.Somedayswepraybestinaquietchurch,andotherdayswepraybestwalkingasunnybeach.

Myintentionhereismerelytosharesomeideaswithyou,toconstructacollagefromsomeofmypersonalexperiencesofprayerinthehopethattheymaybehelpfulandinsightfultoyou.

Sometimesmyheartistormentedbyrestlessnessandanxiety.Sometimesmymindisdistractedbyahundredlittleproblems.Sometimesmyspiritisburdened,andIfeeltheweightoftheworlduponmyshoulders.

ItisoftenatthesetimesthatIfindmyselfwanderingintoachurchandsittingquietlyinthepresenceofGod.

Prayerallowsmetoputintowordsexactlywhatistroublingme.Isitinaquietplace,closemyeyes,andinagentlementaldialogueItellGodwhatisonmyheartandmind.Iexplainwhatisbotheringme.Iexplainthesituation.ItellhimhowIfeelandwhyIfeelthatway.WhenIamfinishedIsitthereinsilenceandlisten.Usually,bythetimeIamfinishedexplaining,IknowwhatitisIneedtodo.

Mostofusknowwhatweshouldandneedtodo.Butthatknowledgegetsburiedbeneaththemessagesoftheworldandtheopinionsoffamilyandfriends.Sometimeswejustneedsomeonetotalktoorsomeonetolistentous.Howoftendowebegintotalktosomeoneaboutaproblemandbeforewearefinishedexplainingthesituationtothatperson,weseethingsmuchmoreclearlyinourownmind,andweknowwhatweshoulddo?Godisthegreatlistener.

SomedaysIamsodistractedbythehappeningsofthedaythatIamsimplyunabletoconcentrateenoughtoengageinthisdialogue.OnthosedaysIliketousesomereadingmaterialtobringmeintofocus,tohelpmeconcentrate.

IamfascinatedwiththelifeofJesus—aleaderwhoforhimselfwantednothing,whichinitselfisagreatsignofsincerityandhonesty.Iamfascinated

withtheGospels,whichtellusofhislifeandteachings.Theyaresosimpleandyetdeeplyprofoundandpotent.VeryoftenIusethelifeofJesusintheGospelsduringthissacredhour.Slowly,deliberately,reflectively,Ireadoverashortpassage.Once,twice,threetimes—tryingtodelveintoandextractsomeofthemysteryandwisdom.

Readingcanbeaverypowerfultooltobringusintofocusduringprayer.Readslowly,savorthewords,ponderwhattheymeantoyouinyourparticularcircumstances.Therearehundredsofbooksthatwouldserveasgoodcompanionsforthesacredhour.

OnotherdayswhenIfindmyselfenteringthesacredhourrestlessandanxious,Iusethemeditationoftheredrose,whichIhavespokenofsoofteninmytalksandseminars.

Ibeginbysittinginaquietplace,sittingcomfortably,sittingstill,andclosingmyeyes.Then,inmymind’seye,Ienvisionbeforemeasingleredrose.IntheMiddleAges,thesingleredrosewasasymbolofChrist.IfyoutravelthroughEurope,youwilloftenfindthisimageinthestained-glasswindowsofthegreatcathedrals.Youwillalsofinditwasusedtodecoratemanyofthemanuscriptsofthatperiod.ForyouitcouldbeanyimagethatleadsyoutofocusyourattentiononGodandtheperfectionyouseek.

Withmyattentionnowfocusedontherose,Islowlyallowallotherthoughtstoflowoutofmymind.Distractionsareinevitable.WhenIrealizethatathoughtorideahasreenteredmymind,assoonasIamawarethatIhavebeentakenhostagebyadistraction,Ifreemymindonceagainbyreturningtothesingleredroseinmymind’seye.

Overafewminutes,mymindisabletostillandmyheartandsoulbegintoheighteninawareness.IfindmyselfinthepresenceofGod.Somedaysmywholetimeofprayercanconsistofthisexerciseofstillnessandfocus.Itisoneofmyfavoritewaystospendmytimeonplanes.OnmostdaysIusethismeditationforafewminutestobeginmyprayerbeforemovingontooneoftheotherformsofprayerwehavediscussed.

Wemustlearntoturnfromtheouterlifeofnoiseandconfusiontowardthe

innerlifeofsilenceandserenity.

OneoftheclassiccounselsfromtheBibleis,“BestillandknowthatIamGod.”Thestillnessisimportant.Inthisstillnessweareabletocontemplatethethingsofthespirit.Thestillnessfreesusfromthelimitationsofthebodyandsetsthespiritfreetosoar.Thespiritwithinusisfearless.Thespiritwithinusdoesnotdoubt,itknows.

Inthestillnessweformaconnectionwiththespiritwithin.Throughthispractice,overtime,wecometoperceiveourselvesasaspiritualbeinghavingaphysicalexperience,ratherthanjustaphysicalbeing.

Indiscussingtherosemeditation,ImentionedthatIwouldsitstill.WhenIsaystill,Imeancompletelystill.Nomovementwhatsoever,notevenafractionofaninch.TheonlymovementisthegentlerisingofmychestasIbreathe.

Situpstraight,butnotforced.Erect,butrelaxed.Placebothfeetflatontheground,spacedcomfortablyapart.Restyourhandsinyourlap.Andnow,sitstill.Completelystill.

Letmewarnyou,ifyoutrytopracticethismethodofprayer,therearesomecommontraps.Withinthirtysecondsofmakingyourselfcomfortableandresolvingtobestill,yourbodywillobjectandinformyouthatitisuncomfortable.Thirtysecondsagoyouwerereasonablycomfortable.Amorecomfortablepositionisonlyanillusion.Ifyoumovetofindamorecomfortableposition,youwillspendyourentiretimeofprayershiftingandmoving—approximatelyeverythirtyseconds—andonceagainthebodywillhavetriumphed.

Ifyouareabletoignorethetemptationtosearchforthepositionthatisperfectlycomfortable,youwillovercomethefirstobstacle,informthebodywhoismaster,andmovetoadeeperlevel.

Yournexthurdlewillcomewithintwominutes.Youwillhaveanitch.Perhapsonyourhand,yourneck,yournose,orjustunderyoureye.

Yourbodywillbeckonyoutoscratchtheitch.Todosoyouwillhaveto

move,whichwillbreakthedominanceofmindandspiritoverbody.Don’t.Acknowledgetheitchandaskyourself:Isitbearable?Willitkillmetoignoreit?Ofcourseitisbearable,anditcertainlywillnotkillyou.Staystill.Ignoreit.Onceyouresolvenottorespondtothecallofthebody,theitchwillincreaseinintensityforafewmoments.Then,asyourresolvenottorespondbuilds,theitchwillfade.Throughoutthis,youwillbeprogressingtonewlevelsofstillness,silence,solitude—allleadingyoutoonenesswiththespiritwithin.

Anotherdangeristhataswebecomesilentandstill,ourmindsclear.Thecalmproducesclarityofthought.Youwillberemindedofthingsyouhadforgotten,thingsyouneedtodo.Allofthesearetemptationstostop.

Forme,IfindthatassoonasIcomeintothestillnessandsilence,thiscalmproducesalltypesofwritingideas.Mytemptationistostopprayingandtowrite.ButIfindthatifIignorethoseinitialtemptations,Iamledtoevendeeperideaslaterinmyprayer.

Thesetemptationswillreemergeoccasionally—itches,discomfort,distractions,thetemptationtostop,toscratch,thetemptationtoshuffleintoamorecomfortableposition.Itellmyselfitwon’tkillme,andIignoreit.Itirritatesforafewmoments,sometimesminutes,butthenitgoesaway,andwiththatvictorywearetakentoevenhigherplacesofcontemplation.

ItisinthoseplacesthatIhaveexperiencedthemostgloriousmomentsofmylife.Theexperiencecannotbedescribed,butifyouareabletotasteitforamoment,justonce,youwilllongandyearnforiteveryday—andthenprayerwillbecomeyourpassionandpleasure.Youwillgototheclassroomofsilenceeverydayforpeaceandguidance,todiscoverwhoyouare,andtosummonthestrengthtobetruetoyourself.OnlythenwillthewordsIhaveplacedonthepagesofthisbooktakeontheirfullmeaningforyouandyourlife.Youwillrereadtheselinesanddiscoverlayeruponlayerofmeaning.

Youareabouttodiscoverhowdifficultitistositstill.Ifyoupersevere,youwilldiscovertheunfathomablepowerofstillnessandsilence.Onlyinthisstate,Ibelieve,canwecometotrulyknowthedeepestneedsanddesiresofourbeing.

Prayerisacontraction.Inprayerwecloseourselvesofffromtheworld,frompeople,places,andpossessions,weabandontheseductionofnoise,andcloseoureyes.Butfromthiscontractionisbornthemostremarkable

expansions,andweareempoweredbytheDivineSpirittoseethingsbeforeunseen,tohearthingsbeforeunheard,andtobecomeanunimaginedcreation.

Prayerisacontractionthatproducesanexpansion.

BestillandknowthatIamGod.

BestillandknowthatIam.

Bestillandknow.

Bestill.

Be.

TherearedayswhenIliketospendthesacredhourtakingalongwalkinaquietplace.Iliketowalkslowly,makingsurenottolosemybreath.Iliketotrytowalklikeamanwhohasn’tacareintheworld,asIdescribedinpart4.

Itisamazingthedifferencethewayyoubreathecanmake.Forexample,ifyouareinapressuresituation,oryouarefrustrated,howareyoubreathing?Heavilyandquickly—shortbreaths.Now,concentrateonyourbreathing.Breatheslowlyanddeeply.Withinminutesyourwholedemeanorcanbechangedandcontrolled.

Anotherexample:Yougetintotheshowerandthewaterturnsfreezingcold.Youarestunned.Yourreactionistogasp,takinginshortbreathsofair.Breathedeeplyandyouwillbeabletotoleratethecoldwater.

Howyoubreatheduringprayerisimportant.Whenyoufirstbeginyourprayer,payattentiontoyourbreathing.Breatheslowlyanddeeply.Thiswillhelpyoutocalmdown,relax,andsurrendertothepeacefulnessofprayer.

Weeliminatestressandinviterelaxationbyreturningourfocustothebasicsoflife.Thereisnothingmorefundamentalthanbreathing.Breathe.Don’tforgettobreathe.Thewayyoubreathecanchangeyourstatemorequicklythananyothercontrollablephysiologicalaspectofthehumanperson.

Onotherdays,particularlywhenIamvisitingmyfamilyandfriendsinAustralia,Iliketospendmysacredhoursittingonaquietbeach,listeningtothewavesrollinandout.Therhythmofthewaveshasacalming,soothingquality.ThereisasacredconnectionbetweenGodandnature.Itismysterious,butreal.

WhenIwasachild,myparentsoftentookmybrothersandmetothebeach.Wewouldswimandbuildsandcastles.WeusedtogotoManlyBeach.IalwaysgotherewhenIreturntoSydney.Thereissomethingpowerfulandwonderfulabouttheplacesofourchildhood.Inamysticalwaytheyremindusofwhoweoncewere,whichbringsintofocuswhowearenow.Theyremindusofourstory.Everyonehasone,andourownstoryisanindispensabletoolinthejourneytogrowandchange.IliketovisitManlyBeach,toeatinrestaurantsIateinonspecialoccasions,towalkonthesoccerfieldsIonceplayedon.

Visittheplacesofyourchildhood.Thatwouldbeasacredhourwellspent.

PrayerisatimetoshareourjoysandtroubleswithGod,butitissomuchmorethanjustthat.Prayerisatimetodreamandvisualize.

ThereisonethingmygolfcoachtoldmethatIhaveneverforgotten.Heusedtosay,“Ifyoucannotseetheshot,youcannothittheshot.Standbehindtheball.Lookattheballandthenlookatthehole.Visualizetheshotyouwanttohit.Seeitflyingthroughtheairandlandingwhereyouwantittoland.Ifyoucan’tseetheshot,youcan’thittheshot.”

Itistrueforjustabouteverything.VanGoghwasabletostandbeforeanemptycanvas,unlockhisimagination,andseesomethingthatwasn’tthere.ThomasEdisonwasabletoseethingsthatdidn’tevenexist—yet.MartinLutherKingJr.wasabletoseesomethingthatwasn’tbeforehimbutthatheknewshouldbe.

VanGoghoncewrote,“ThethinghasalreadytakenforminmymindbeforeIstartit.Thefirstattemptsareabsolutelyunbearable.IsaythisbecauseIwantyoutoknowthatifyouseesomethingworthwhileinwhatIamdoing,itisnotbyaccidentbutbecauseofrealdirectionandpurpose.”

Thefirstattemptsatprayerarealsooftenunbearable.

Thisprincipleofvisualizationisalsotrueforourmostimportantworkinthislife.Ifyoucannotseethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe,youcannotbethatbetterperson.Prayeristheplaceandtimetovisualizethewaysinwhichyoucanbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.PrayerisanopportunitytojoinyourheartandmindtotheheartandmindofGodandtovisualizeeverythingyoudream,hope,andwishtoachieveandeverythingyoulongtobe.Hereliesthepowerofprayer.Makenomistake,prayerunleashestheunfathomablepotentialofthehumanspirit—thepowertovisualizeandengageunrealizedpotential.

Wouldthesameideaworkforayoungmanwhowantedtobecomethegreatestbasketballplayerinhistory?MichaelJordanoncesaid,“IvisualizedwhereIwantedtobe,whatkindofplayerIwantedtobecome.IknewexactlywhereIwantedtogo,andIfocusedongettingthere.”

ItisalsobyprayerthatGodempowersustoovercomefaults,addictions,andvices.Forexample,supposethereissomeonewhoreallyannoysyouatschooloratwork.Overandoverthesamesituationarises,andyoubecomefrustrated,annoyed,evenangered.Thatonesituation,andotherslikeit,candestroyyourpeaceforawholeday,evenfordaysatatime.

Donotletthatpersonrobyouofyourpeace.Imaginethesituation.Visualizeitasithashappenedbefore.Now,imaginetheperfectwaytorespondinthatsituationinordertoremaincalmandpeaceful.Howlongdoesittaketovisualizethatresponse?Tenseconds.Intheemptymomentsoftheday,betweentasks,whileyouarewalkingfromoneplacetoanother,imaginethatsituation.Visualizeitoverandoveragain.Visualizeyourresponse,yourperfectresponse,overandoveragain.Imagineyourselfremainingcalmandpeacefulinthatsituation.Visualizeyourselfrespondingtothatsituationperfectlytwentytimesaday.Itwillcostyoulessthanthreeandahalfminutesoftwenty-fourhours,andwithintwoweeksIpromiseyouwillberespondinginexactlythesamewayyouhavevisualized.

Thoughtdeterminesaction.Donotletyourwholelifebeareactiontothethingsthathappenaroundyoueachday.Letyourlifebeanaction.

Thesacredhourisatimeofrenewalandrefreshment.Itisatimeofspiritualnourishment.Itisatimetoslowdownandremindourselvesofwhatisreallyimportant.Thesacredhourisanopportunitytobringfocusanddirectiontoourlives.Atimetodreamandvisualize.Yetourprayershouldnotbeconfinedtothisonehoureachday.

Attheendofmysacredhoureachday,Ifeelpeaceful.IfeelconfidentIcanhandletheeventsandsituationsthatarebeforeme.Butafterfiveminutesbackintothehustleandbustleofdailylife,itissoeasytolosethatpeaceandfocus.

Itrytosustaintheeffectofthesacredhourbyusingasimpleandancientspiritualtechnique.Irepeattomyselfasimplephraseorwordoverandoveragain,hundredsoftimesthroughouttheday.Thistechniqueisknownasamantraandhasbeenusedforcenturiesinseveraldifferentreligioustraditions.ThephraseIliketouseisthefirstlineofaprayerattributedtoFrancisofAssisi:“Lord,makemeaninstrumentofyourpeace.”

Throughoutthedayinthoseemptymomentsbetweentasks,inthoseminutesdrivingfromoneplacetoanother,attimesoffrustration,pressure,anger,disappointment—Irepeatthisphraseoverandoveragain.Slowly.Thoughtfully.Iallowittoreachdowntothedepthsofmybeing.

Afterawhileitbecomessecondnaturetorespondtocertainsituationsinternallyfirstbeforerespondingexternally.Toreflectratherthanspeakorshout.

Tryit.

Findyourownphrase.Aquote,aword,asentencethathasthepowertobringeverythingbackintoperspectiveforyou.Youwilldiscoverthattherearesomanygapsintheday,emptymomentsthatcanbeusedtorefocusyourselfonwhatisreallyimportant.Themantrahasbeenavaluabletoolforgreatspiritualleadersforhundredsofyears.Successfulpeopleremindthemselvesoftheirgoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday.Whetheryouseektobeasuccessfulfootballplayerorsuccessfulinthespirituallife,thesameprincipleapplies.Themantraisatoolthatwillhelpyoutostayfocused—tokeepyourheartandmindfixedonyourgoalineverymomentofeveryday.

Sometimeslifeshakesusupalittle.Webecomedisoriented,overwhelmed,consumedbytheday-to-dayhappeningsofourlives.Britain’sRoyalNavyhasapracticeknownasthe“all-still.”Whensomethinggoeswrongonaship,particularlyasubmarine,thecaptainannouncesanall-still.Forthreeminutesnooneisallowedtomoveorspeak.Ourlivesareanexpressionofwhatiswithinus.Lifeisanoverflowoftheheart.Ifwithinyouareconfused,frustrated,andexhausted,youractionswilltellthesamestory.

Threeminutesofsilenceandstillnesscanhaveanexponentialeffectinthemiddleofaturbulentsituation.InmyownlifeIhavefoundthatbetweenmeetings,phonecalls,orinthemiddleofagroupproject,anall-stillcanmakeallthedifference.Itisanopportunitytocatchmybreathandputthingsinperspective.

Prayercontributestothehealthandwell-beingofthewholeperson.Studiesinthelatterpartofthetwentiethcenturyrevealthatpeoplewhoprayrecoverfasterfromseriousillnessesandarelesslikelytosufferfromdepressionormentalillness.Wearehumanbeings—adelicatecompositionofbodyandsoul,linkedcarefullybythewillandtheintellect.Maximumhealthandwell-beingcanbereachedonlywhenweattendtoeachoftheelementsofourbeing.Ignoringthespiritualcomponentofourbeingnecessarilyreducesourhealth,effectiveness,well-being,andefficiency.

CarlJung,oneofthiscentury’smostdistinguishedpsychiatrists,inhisbookModernManinSearchofaSoul,wrote,“Duringthepastthirtyyears,peoplefromallcivilizedcountriesoftheearthhaveconsultedme.Ihavetreatedmanyhundredsofpatients.Amongallmypatientsinthesecondhalfoflife—thatistosay,overthirty-five—therehasnotbeenonewhoseprobleminthelastresortwasnotthatoffindingareligiousoutlookonlife.Itissafetosaythateveryoneofthemfellillbecausehehadlostthatwhichthelivingreligionsofeveryagehavegiventotheirfollowers,andnoneofthemhasbeenreallyhealedwhodidnotregainhisreligiousoutlook.”

Isitmerelyacoincidencethat,inthisagemarkedbyitsrejectionofreligionandspirituality,theincidenceofdepressionandmentalillnesshasescalatedso

dramatically?

Unfortunately,weliveinanagewhenmattersofthespiritareneglectedand,insomeways,lookeddownupon.Faithisaliberatingforce.Religionisaliberatingforce.Spiritualityisaliberatingforce.Itisnaturalforhumanbeingstopray:wearenaturallyspiritualbeings.Weliveinamaterialworld,butwearenotsolelymaterial.

Ifyoureadeverybookeverwrittenonbaseball,wouldthatmakeyouthegreatestbaseballplayerever?Youlearntorideabicycleonlybyridingabicycle,toplayfootballbyplayingfootball,tocookbycooking.Youbecomeagreatbaseballplayeronlybyplayingbaseball.Prayerisalotlikelove.Wearebornwithanaturalabilityandcapacitytolove.Thisabilitytolovedevelopswhenweexerciseit.Welearntolovebyloving.Theonlywaytolearntoprayistopray.Books,teachers,guides,mentors,rolemodels,andcoachesallhelptoperfectourabilities,butthereisnosubstitutefortheactualpractice—whetheritisbaseball,cooking,football,love,orprayer.

AsIwritethesewordsaboutprayer,thewordsofHenryDavidThoreauechoinmymind:“IwenttothewoodsbecauseIwantedtolivedeliberately….Iwantedtolivedeepandsuckoutallthemarrowoflife…toputtoroutallthatwasnotlife…andnot,whenIcametodie,discoverthatIhadnotlived….”

IgotothewoodsofprayereachdaybecauseIwanttolivelifedeliberately.IpraybecauseIwanttolivelifedeeplyandsuckoutallthemarrowoflife!Igotoprayertoputtoroutallthatisnotlife,toseparatethosethingsthatareimportantfromthosethatareoflittleornoconsequence.Igotothewoodsofprayer,becauseIdonotwanttocometodieanddiscoverthatIhavenotlived.

Gotothewoodsofprayer.Gototheclassroomofsilence.Fromtheseplacesyouwillemergecapableoflivinglifetothefullest—attunedandempoweredtolivelifedeliberately.

InDecember1993,ItraveledtoIrelandforthefirsttime.ForalmostamonthI

gavetalksacrossthecountrytosmallgroupsandlargegroups.ItwasmyfirstinternationalspeakingtripandmyfirstChristmasawayfromhome.IwastwentyyearsoldandhadneverseenawhiteChristmas.IspentthatChristmasinIrelandwithamanwhohassincebecomeoneofmydearestfriends.Wesatbythefireandtoldstories,andthestoriesignitedafirewithinus.Webothhaveapassionforstoriesandstorytelling.ThisisoneofthestorieshetoldmethatChristmas:

Therewasonceatroubadour.Wearetoldhewasastartlinglyhandsomeman,withbeautifuloliveskinandravenblackhair,witheyesasgreenasriverreeds,withlongthicklashes.Hewasveryhandsomeineveryway,fullofthetoneandsinewofyouth.Hisfamily,richandrespected,dressedhiminthefinestthreadsandvelvets,andhispopularityamongtheladieswasunmatched.Hehadeverything,didn’thavetoworkforaliving,andhadahostofcomradeswholovedandadoredhim.

Hewentasabravesoldiertowarwiththeblessingsofthewholetown.Wheninbattle,hewaslaughingwithhisfriendsasheengagedtheenemy,lookingonitasasortofgame.Infact,hewassoself-confidentinthemiddleofdangerthathewasknockedfromhishorseandwhileunconsciouswasdraggedbyhisfoot,whichwascaughtinthestirrup.Whenhecameto,itwasnight.Hewasnearasmallpoolofwaterinaclearing,thehorsewasgrazing,andhisfootwasstillcaught.Hewasonhisbackandlookingupintothesky.Itwasoneofthoseveryblacknights,withnomoonbutafewverybrightstars.Everywheretherewassilence.Hegazedupatoneofthestars,andhiswholelifeanditsmeaningpassedbeforehimforassessment.

Hefellunconsciousagain,andthefeverragedinhisbodyforweeks.Eventuallyhereturnedtohisfamily,andtheykeptvigilbyhisbedside,astheyfelteachhourmightbehislast.Manyvisitorscametoseehim—priests,bishops,thetownmayor,evenacardinal.

Atlast,onemorning,thoseriverreed–greeneyesopeneduptothesoundofabirdonthewindowsinging.Allhewantedtodowasholdthebirdcloserandlistentoitssong.Weakashewas,hegotoutofbedandtriedtocatchthebird,butitfledfromhim,offthewindowsillandontotheroofoppositehisroom.Atthatmomentherememberedthemidnightsky,andthelastthingherememberedwaslookingupatthatbrightstarwhilehislifeflashedbeforehim.

Thisyoungmanwassolovedandreveredbyhisfamilyandallthetownspeoplethatshortlyafterwardtheygavehimagreatpartytocelebratehisreturntohealth.Fromfarandwide,allthefamily’sfriendstraveledtojointhecelebration,buthewaschanged.Allthethingsheusedtodowithhisfriendshefoundhecouldnolongerenjoy,andallthedazzlingclotheshisparentsputonhimhehadnointerestin.Allhecouldthinkaboutwasthatnightskyandthebrightstar.Andwhentheywouldcatchhiminthisreverieandaskhimwhathewassopreoccupiedwith,andhewouldtellthem,they’dshoveanotherbrewinfrontofhimandsay,“You’llgetoverit.”

Everydayhecouldnotwaittogetoutofthecityintothecountryside,intothefieldsofflowers.Onedayhelayonthegroundandputhisfingersandtoesintothemoistearthofthemeadow,andhestayedtherewithhisfaceinthegroundthewholeafternoon.Anotherdayhefoundastonethatwasmarbledinglitteringdust,andhestaredatitallday.Thiswasaverydifferentpersonfromthehappy-go-luckywarriorwhohadsetoutforbattleashortwhilebefore.

Hespentallhisdaysinthecountryside,andhisparentsknewtheywerelosinghim,thatwonderfulsononwhomtheydependedtocarryonthefamily,totakeoverthefamilybusinesses,andperhapsonedaytobecomegovernoroftheprovince.Hesmiledatthemandhelovedthem,butlittlebylittletheywerelosinghim.

ThenonedayherealizedhowmuchhelovedGod.TheGodwhodidnotsayanythinginthedarkmidnightskybutwasthere,theGodwhowasinthebirdthatsangasongtohisawakening,andinthemoistandgoodearththatallowedhimjusttoliethere,andinthepoppiesthatdazzledhiseyeswithblazingscarletcolorsandthehummingofbeesandtheiridescenceofbutterflywings.HerealizedthatthisGodhelovedwastheunseengiftallaroundhim.Hisparentsthoughthehadgoneoffthedeependandthrewendlesspartiestotrytogethimtosnapoutofit.Theyevensenthimtotalktothepriests,whoonlyshooktheirheads.

Finally,onedayatagreatparty,whenhewasdressedinthemostdazzlingclotheshisparentscouldprocureforhim,hestrippeddownnakedinfrontofalltheassembly,minister,priests,family,women,friends,goatsandsheep,thesky,theearth,thevillage.Notthathewasanexhibitionist;no,itwasasignthathedidn’tbelongtothislifeanymore,andheranfromthecitywithasonginhishearttofindsomeclothofthefieldtocoverhisbody.Therewasasonginhis

heartandagentlespiritthatwasbornofthefever.Laterhewouldfindanoldplaceandbegintobuilditupwithstones,throughfreezingwinterrains.HisworshiptothegloryofGodwasthekingdomoftheearth.

Thegreatestcontributionthatthemidnightskymadetohimwasnottheimageforwhichhehadlivedsolong,butthetruebeautywithinmanandwoman.Thefeverburnedawaytheimagesothathecouldseewhathehadneverseenbefore.Heturnedthepageandchanged.Hisparentscouldnolongerseeinhimthecamaraderietheylackedinthemselves.Thewomencouldnolongerseeinhimtheneedforaloverthattheylackedintheirownlives.Hechanged,andtheycouldn’tseeinhimanymorewhattheywerethemselves.Theywouldhavetogrowtofindinhimwhatwasinthemselvesallalong.

Whatwasnowlookingoutfromthosegreeneyeswasnottheimage,butthemagnificentlighthehadbecome.Hewouldwalkinthefields,andthebirdsandtheanimalswouldgotohim.Onceagreatmountainlioncameandlayathisfeet.

Whydidhecallthesethingsbrothersandsisters?Becausetheywere.Awildanimalwillnotliedownbesideapersondevotedtotheimage,becausetheimageisthestagnationofregressiveenergy,copulation,pain,fear,doubt,andpower.Butalionwillliedownpeacefullyatthefeetofagreatlightandfindaonenesswithit,becausethelightthatitseesandsensesisthelifeforceofitsverybeing.

ThismanlivedtherestofhislifebeingagloryofGod,aglorytotheGodwhohademergedinhim.Hesangofthegloryoflifeandtriedtoeducatepeople,notindoctrine,butinthesimplicityofknowledge.HelivednohypocrisiesbutwasdevotedonlytoGod.Hebecamehatedanddespised,becausehetriedtoshineinthedarknesswhileotherpeopleguardedthelightswitch.

Thisisatruestory.ThedashingyoungmanwasFrancisofAssisi.

Thereisnogreaterforcetolivebythanfaith.Prayergivesusvision,courage,strength,andendurance.Prayerdissolvesourprejudices,banishesournarrow-mindedness,andmeltsawayourjudgmentaltendenciesbyexpandingourhearts,

minds,andspirits.

WepraytoGodonourknees—butwealsoprayinpeace,joy,love,andlaughter.

Lifeisaprayer.

Perhapsnowwouldbeagoodtimetotakeacoupleofminutestopray.ThisistherestoftheprayerFranciswroteinthetwelfthcentury.BorninAssisiinItaly,hewasthefounderoftheFranciscanOrderofFriars.Hehadaprofoundloveofnatureandapproachedalllivingbeings,creatures,andentitiesasbrothersandsisters.Hisprayerisasprofoundandpowerfultodayasithaseverbeen.

Lord,makemeaninstrumentofyourpeace.

Wherethereishatred,letmesowlove.

Wherethereisinjury,letmesowpardon;

wherethereisdoubt,letmesowfaith;

wherethereisdespair,letmesowhope;

wherethereisdarkness,letmesowlight;

andwherethereissadness,letmesowjoy.

DivineMaster,grantthatImaynotsomuchseek

tobeconsoledastoconsole;

tobeunderstoodastounderstand;

tobelovedastolove;

foritisingivingthatwereceive,

itisinpardoningthatwearepardoned,

anditisindyingthatweareborntoeternallife.

TheSeventhDay

Wouldn’titbenicetohaveonedayaweekjusttorest,reflect,andberenewed?Wouldyoubehappier,healthier,maybeevenabetterperson?Whatisstoppingyou?Ibelievethathonoringtheseventhdaymakessenseevenforanatheist.

Therhythmoflifeisfoundedonancienttradition,eternalmysteries,modernknowledge,andcommonsense.

TheseventhdayhasitsrootsintheJudeo-Christianscripturesandtradition.Asdiscussedinpart4,inthebookofGenesisweread,“OntheseventhdayGodrestedfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.”WhydidGodrestontheseventhday?WasGodtired?Ofcoursenot.Goddidnotneedtorest,butHeforesawour“need”forrest.Inforeseeingourneedforrest,Godestablishedtheseventhdayasaholydaytobesetasideforrestandrenewal.

GoddidnotcreatetheSabbathforHissake.GodcreatedtheSabbathforoursake.TheSabbathdoesn’thelpGod,ithelpsus.

Byinstitutingtheseventhdayasadayofrestandrenewal,bysettingthistimeaside,Godprovidedanotherinstrumenttorestoreandmaintainrhythminourlives—therhythmoflifethatgivesbirthtopeace,harmony,effectiveliving,andoptimumhealthandwell-being.

TheThirdInstrument

Thefirstandsecondinstrumentshelpustoestablishtherhythmoflifedaybyday.Thethirdinstrument—theseventhday—helpsustoanchorourweeksintherhythmoflife.Here,wewilldiscusstheseventhdayasatimeofrestandrenewal,andasaninstrumentincreatingandmaintainingarhythminourlivesthatenablesustoachieveandmaintainourmaximumcapacityineveryareaofourlives.

Theseventhdayisanancienttraditionfoundedandbasedonourmosthumanneeds.ItisaJewishtraditionandaChristiantradition.Otherreligioustraditionsalsohonoronedayoftheweekasadayofworshipandrest.Inthisagethathasnotbeenkindtotradition,Ibelievethereisagreatneedtoembracethiswonderful,life-givingtraditionoftheseventhday.

ThetraditionoftheSabbathemergedfromourlegitimateneedashumanbeingsforrest.Theseventhdaytraditionupholds,protects,andensuresourlegitimateneedforrestandrelaxation,forachangeofpace,fortimewithfamilyandfriends,fortimetoturntowardthetranscendental,andfortimetorenewourconnectionwithGod.Itisatraditionasrelevanttodayasitwasfivethousandyearsago.

Themodernconceptionofliferespectsonlyaction.Tobespendingyourtimeinaworthwhilemanner,youmustbedoingorachievingsomething.Thecrudestandmostbasicmeasureofthisattitudeismoneymaking.Thismind-setaffectseventhewaywespendourrecreationtime.Peoplearesocaughtupinthisobsessionwithactionandactivity,theyfeeltheymustbedoingsomething

constantly.Prayerisaninneractivity.Whenyouprayyoutakeontheappearanceofdoingnothing.Andbecausethefruits,benefits,andrewardsofprayerareinternal,youappeartobeachievingnothing.Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.

Noteverypersonwiththeireyesclosedisasleep,andnoteverypersonwiththeireyesopencansee.

Ourpolitical,social,andculturalmovementsdonotupholdthejourneyfrompointAtopointB.Thephilosophicalfoundationofthelifestylescelebratedbythemodernmediascreamsout,“Lifeisaboutwhatyouhaveandwhatyoudo.”Pleasure,possessions,andpowerarethethreepillarsofthisphilosophy.Theemphasisisonhavinganddoingratherthanonbecoming.Thetruthis,whatyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.

Thethirdinstrumentinvitesustosetasideonedayeachweektorelaxandrefocus,toremindourselvesoftheprioritiesofourlives.Onedayaweektoturnourbackstothewind,todustthedirtfromourfeetandoursouls,todriftanddream,andtoopenourselvestopeace,tranquillity,leisure,andsimpleappreciationoflife.Becreative.Therearethousandsofwaystospendtheseventhday.Broadenyourhorizons.

Readoneofthosebooksyouhavebeenmeaningtoreadforyears.

Spendtimewithyourfamily.

Takeanafternoonnap.

Paintapicture.

Readpoetry.

Writeapoem.

Makesomememories.

Speakyourlove.

Playcatchwithyourson.

Getalittleexercise.

Spendtimewithyourfriends.

Eatabowlofchocolateicecream.

Gotochurch.

Visitsomeonewhoislonely.

Startajournal.

Findthetime.

Justsitandlistentomusic…ifyoucanplay,play.

Getamassage.

Giveamassage.

Gofishing.

Plantagarden.

Spendtimewithchildren.Dostoyevsky,thefamedRussiannovelist,wrote,“Thesoulishealedbybeingwithchildren.”

Lieonabeachandsoakupthesunandwatchtheclouds.

Seekoutaforgottenfriend.

Talkbythefire.

Run.

Speakyourloveagain.

Watchamovietogether.

Sleepunderthestars.

Laughalittle.

Laughalittlemore.

Gotoaplay.

Apologizeforalwaysbeingsobusy.

Visitamuseumoranartgallery.

Listen.

Gobackandreadthenovelsyoustudiedinyourlastyearofhighschool.

Danceslowly,arminarm.

Swim.

Gettobedearly.

Visitwithsolitude.

Befriendsilence.

Ponderthethoughtsofpoets,philosophers,sages,seers,andsaints.

Goforapicnic.

Getagroupoffriendstogetherforagameoftouchfootball.

Takeuponeofyourgrandmother’shobbies.

Keepapromise.

Walkinthepark.

Gatherupallofthosephotosyouhavelyingaroundandputtogetheranalbum.

Watchasunset.

Listentotherain.

Writealoveletter.

Bakesomecookies.

Callyourmother…

Thesetypesofactivitiesrenewus,refreshus,bringrhythmtoourlives,leadustowardmaximumhealth,liberateourheartsandminds,andremindusofwhoweareandwhatisreallyimportant.

Filltheseventhdaywithenrichingexperiencesthatbringnewmeaninganddepthtoyourlife.Stepbackandgetagoodlookatlife,andthenimmerseyourselfmorefullyinit.

Agoodstartingpointwouldbetotrytodoatleastoneactivityineachofthefourareasoflegitimateneed—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—ontheseventhday.

Everythinghappensaccordingtotheseasons.Natureisbasedoncertaincycles.Thesecyclesaretheuntappedpowerofourlives.Ifafarmerplantstheseedinthewinter,willhehaveacropinthespring?No,hewillhavewastedhistime,effort,energy,andseed.Itisknowledgeofthecycles,seasons,andrhythmsofnaturethatmakesafarmersuccessful.

Today,itiscommonknowledgeandpracticethatarestedfieldyieldsaplentifulcrop.Iwonder,thefirsttimeafarmerdecidedtoletafieldrestforayear,didhisneighborsandfriendssay,“Oh,that’sacleveridea”?Absolutelynot.Theylaughedathim,madefunofhim,talkedabouthimbehindhisback,andthoughthewascrazy.Thenextyear,whenhebroughtinhiscropfromthatfield,hehadthelastlaugh.Thefollowingyear,whentherewerethreeorfourfieldsresting,hesmiledtohimselfwithagentlesenseofquietsatisfaction.Tenyearslater,wheneveryfarmerinthedistrictwasusingtherestingfieldmethod,

hehadbecomealegend.

Thecyclesofnatureholdtheuntappedpowerofourlives,too.Asyoubegintodiscoverthosecyclesandlivebythem,yourfriendswillthinkyouarecrazyforleavingthepartyearly,orforpassingup“anirresistibleopportunity”atwork,orforchangingthewayyouspendyourSunday.Butovertheweeks,months,andyearsahead,asyoubringtheharvestofyourlifetobeweighed,theywillsoonseethatyourwayisbetter.Theywillturntoit.Theytoowillbegintoseektherhythmoflife.

Thequestionbecomes:Areyoupreparedtogiveyourhealthandhappinesspriorityoveryourbankbalanceandyourtoycollection?Therhythmoflifeshouldbeapriorityinourlives.Theseventhdayasadayofrestisaverypowerfultoolincreatingandmaintainingtherhythmoflife.AcknowledgethewisdombehindtheSabbathtradition.Usethisday.Acceptthisgift.Allowthisdayofresttoregulateyourweek,toprovideamacrorhythmforyourlife.

Doyoueverfeelthatyoujustneedadayoff?Adaytorelax,tobewithfamilyandfriends,todonothingatall,adaytotakeiteasy?

Embracetheseventhday.Allowyourselftoberenewedandrefreshed.Forthousandsofyears,wisemenandwomenofeveryculturehavebeentappingthepoweroftheSabbath,inoneformoranother,tomaintainrhythmintheirlives.Fromthisrestandreflectionoftheseventhday,weemergewithakeensenseofwhatourprioritiesareandreturntoourworkandtotheworldrootedonceagaininourlifeprinciples.

ThereoncelivedamanwhosenamewasJude.HewasanapostleofJesusChristandwasrenownedthroughouttheregionasawiseanddeeplyspiritualman.Peopletraveledgreatdistances,venturingacrossforeignlands,toseekhisadviceandhealing.

OnedayJudewasrelaxingoutsidehishutwhenahuntercameby.ThehunterwassurprisedtoseeJuderelaxingandrebuffedhimforloafing.Itwasnot

thehunter’sideaofwhataholymanshouldbedoing.

Juderecognizedthesethoughtsrunningthroughthehunter’smindandalsonoticedthatthemancarriedabowforhunting.“Whatisyouroccupation,sir?”Judeasked.

“Iamahunter,”themanreplied.

“Verygood,”Judesaid.“Bendyourbowandshootanarrow.”Themandidso.“Benditagainandshootanotherarrow,”saidJude.

Thehunterdidso,againandagain.Finallyhecomplained,“Father,ifIkeepmybowalwaysstretched,itwillbreak.”

“Verygood,mychild,”Judereplied.“Soitiswithmeandallpeople.Ifwepushourselvesbeyondmeasure,wewillbreak.Itisgoodandrightfromtimetotimetorelaxandre-createourselves.”

Ifyoudon’tbreakfromthetensionsofdailyliving,theywillbreakyou.

Whatismusicmadeof?Yes,rhythm,ofcourse.Whatelse?Yes,notes.Whenyouwritemusic,doyouwriteonlynotes?No.Inmusictherestsareasimportantasthenotes.Greatmusiciansknowthepowerofrest.Ifyoulistentoagreatpublicspeaker,youwilldiscoverthatthewaythatpersonpausesisaspowerfulasthewordsheorshespeaks.Itistruealsoinlife.Therestsareasimportantastheactivity.Thesilenceisasimportantasthenoise.Therestmakestheactivitymorepowerfulandefficient.Thesilencemakesthenoisemoremeaningful.

WaltWhitmanoncewrote,“Iloafandinvitemysoul.”Loafingopenstheheartandmindtoallowpeaceandtranquillitytoflowin.Weallneedatimetorelaxandlistentothevoicewithin,thevoicethatrevealsthetruththatmakesusfree.

Leisureincreasestherichnessoflife.Thewisemaketimetoloaf.Inthismodernageobsessedwithnoiseandmovement,weseemincapableofrelaxing.Takeiteasy.

LetusconcludeourdiscussionwithareflectionfromLeonardodaVinci.BorninItalyin1452,Leonardowasapainter,sculptor,architect,musician,engineer,mathematician,andscientist.LeonardodaVinciwasunquestionablyoneofthegreatestintellectsinhumanhistory.

Everynowandthengoaway,

havealittlerelaxation,

forwhenyoucomebacktoyourworkyourjudgmentwillbesurer;sincetoremainconstantlyatworkwillcauseyoutolosepowerofjudgment…

Gosomedistanceaway

becausetheworkappearssmallerandmoreofitcanbetakeninataglance,andalackofharmonyorproportionismorereadilyseen.

TheArtofSlowingDown

Thereisanarttoslowingdown.Inourbusyworlditisnoteasytomasterthisart,butitisnecessary.Ourliveshaveahabitofgatheringamomentumoftheirown,plungingforward,withorwithoutourconsent.Learntoslowdownandaccesslife.Takeyourfootofftheacceleratorandlookaboutandwithin.

Slowdown.Breathedeeply.Reflectdeeply.Praydeeply.Livedeeply.Otherwiseyouwillspendyourlifefeelinglikeabulldozerchasingbutterfliesorasparrowinahurricane.

PartSix

TheWayofExcellence

AChildhoodLesson

Idon’tknowwhereitcamefrom,orwhyIdevelopedit,butforaslongasIcanrememberithasbeenapartofme.Ihavealwaysbeenfascinatedwithfamousandsuccessfulpeople.

WhenIwasachild,Ioftendreamedofbeingasportschampion.SoIlookedtomysportingheroes—soccerchampionPele,golfinggreatGregNorman,andcricketlegendDonBradman—andIsaidtomyself,“Ihopethathappenstomeoneday.”

AsIgrewolder,myfascinationwithfamouspeopleexpandedtoincludemenandwomenfromallwalksoflife—moviestars,entrepreneurs,politicians,religiousleaders,musicians,andartists.Ibegantoreadaboutthemandwatchmoviesanddocumentariesabouttheirlivesandwork.Istudiedtheirliveswithaninsatiablecuriosity.

Lookingbacknow,IrealizeIwassearchingforclues.Iwantedtoknowthesecretsoftheirsuccess.Whatmakesachampionachampion?

Overtime,Ibegantoseehowtheirsuccesswasachieved.Whetheritwastomake$100million,tobecomeaworld-classfootballplayer,toraiseawonderfulfamily,tobecomeagreatpoliticalleader,tobeaninspirationalartistorauthor,ortolivealifeofheroicholiness—Idiscoveredthatforthemostpartallofthesepeoplepossessedabasicsetofqualities.Theirsuccesswasn’tjustgoodluck.Ibegantoseeapatternemerge.Regardlessoftheirfield,eachofthemappliedasetofprinciplestotheirindividualsituation,whichproducedphenomenalresults.

Thereisapattern.Itiswhatleaders,legends,heroes,greatachievers,champions,andsaintsdotoexcelintheirgivenfield.Thisisthewayofexcellence,fromstarttofinish.LetmetellyouabouthowIbelievetheyachieve

it.

Thefirstthingtheydoisworkoutwheretheyare—pointA—andwhotheyare—self-knowledge.Theytakeagood,long,hardlookatthemselves.Theyestablishtheirneeds,talents,anddesires.Theydefineandlisttheirstrengthsandweaknesses.Theydefinewhotheyareandwheretheyare.Theywriteitdown.

Theverynextthingtheydoisworkoutwheretheywanttogo—pointB.Theycallthatthedream,theirgoalorambition.Theydefineitprecisely,andtheywriteitdown.Theydreamwithoutlimits.

Nowthattheyknowwheretheyareandwhotheyare—pointA—andwheretheywanttogo—pointB—theyestablishwhichpathwilltakethemtherethequickest.Theyhaveavision.Theypulltogetheraplan.Itmaybeanimperfectplan,butitisaplannonetheless.

Thosewhofailtoplancanplantofail.

Thenextthingtheydoisbegintoworktheplan.Theywalkthepath.Theymoveinthedirectionoftheirdreams.Andastheywalkthatpath,theyallowalloftheiractionstobeguidedbyalifeprinciplethatsummarizesinonesentencetheirpurposeandambition.

Everymorningwhentheywakeup,thefirstthingtheydoisremindthemselvesoftheirgoal.Everynightbeforetheygotobed,thelastthingtheydoisremindthemselvesoftheirgoal.Theyremindthemselvesofthatgoalineverywakingmoment,ofeveryhour,ofeverysingleday.Theyneverletthatgoaloutoftheirsight.Theyharnessthepowerofcommonthought.

Theydonotletanythinggetbetweenthemandtheirgoal.Theyarededicatedtotheirpathandplan.Theywalkthepathwithunrelentingenergy.Theybegintousealltheirtime,effort,andenergyinpursuitoftheirgoal.

Ifsomethingdoescomebetweenthemandtheirgoal,theyconsideritanobstacle,andtheyfindawaytogooverit,underit,aroundit,orthroughit.Guardiansofthethresholdtrytoholdthemback,delaythem,discouragethem,andpersuadethemtowalkotherpaths.Buttheyresistdistraction.Theybelieveintheirpathandplan.

Theyrealizetheycannotdoitalone.Theytaketimetoloveandbeloved.

Theycherishpeople—realizingthatnothingworthwhilecanbeachievedwithouttheloveandhelpofothers.

Theyareinfectious.Everythingtheydoandsaycommunicatesthepassionandvisionoftheirdream.Theymastercommunication.Whotheyare,whattheydo,andhowtheydoitconveysapowerfulmessage.

Theyexperiencedifficultiesandheartache,buttheypushon,alwayskeepingsightoftheirgoal.Theymeetandbecomeintimatewithrealpainanddeepsuffering,buttheyresistthetemptationtobecomebitterandjaded.Theyfall,buttheygetbackup.Theyfallagain,buttheygetbackupagain.Theyfalloverandover,buteverytimetheydotheygetbackup.Theypersevere,andtheypersevere,andtheypersevere.Theynevergiveup.

Intimetheyreachtheirgoal.Theygrasptheirdream.Theyachievetheirambition.Itisnotluck.Itisnotfreakchance.Success,achievement,excellence,andgreatnessarenotaccidents.TheyarenotjustgiftsfromGodforafavoredfew.Theyarethefruitofdiscipline.Theyaretheresultofawell-implementedplan.

Whenwewitnesssuccessandachievementinotherpeople’slives,thetemptationistobelittleit.Wemaysaytoourselves,“Well,tobeaMajorLeagueBaseballplayerisnotthemostnoblegoal,”or,“Toberichandfamous,that’snotthemostnoblegoal.”Thequestionbecomes:Doweevenhaveagoal?DoweevenhaveapointBinourlives?OrarewejustwanderingaroundincirclesatpointA,enslavingourselvestoalltypesofself-destructivebehaviorandsayingtoourselves,“Ihopethathappenstomeoneday,”or,“Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletodothat”?

Take,forexample,ItzhakPerlman,whomwediscussedearlier.Doyouthinkheeversaidtohimself,“WhatistheleastIcandoandstillbecomethefinestviolinistintheworld?”

HearingItzhakPerlmanplaytheviolinismorethanamusicalexperience—itisashatteringeclipse—asymphonyofsensoryandspiritualdelight.ItzhakPerlmandoessomethingmuchmorethanplaytheviolinbrilliantly.Howdoyousupposehecametobesogifted?

EverymorningItzhakPerlmanwakesupatfive-fifteen.Heshowers,hasalightbreakfast,andbeginshismorningpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Hehaslunch,readsforawhile,exercises,andthenbeginshisafternoonpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Intheevening,hehasdinnerandrelaxeswithhisfamily.ThisisItzhakPerlman’sscheduleeverysingledayoftheyear,exceptforconcertdays.

Onthedayofaconcert,hewakesupatfive-fifteen,showers,hasbreakfast,andbeginshismorningpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Hehaslunch,readsforawhile,exercises,andtakesanapforninetyminutes.Whenhewakes,hegetsdressedandgoestotheconcertvenue.Theretheyperformasoundcheckandhaveabriefrehearsal.Forty-fiveminutesbeforetheconcert,Mr.Perlmanisfoundaloneinhisdressingroom.Twosecurityguardsareplacedoutsidethelockeddoorwithexplicitinstructionstoletnooneinunderanycircumstances.

Whatdoyouthinkhedoes?

Heprays.ItzhakPerlmanprays.HowdoyouthinkItzhakchoosestoprayatthistime?Doyouthinkhesays,“God,willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”Thiscouldbe,butitisnotthetypeofpetitionthatleavesItzhakwonderingifGodwillanswerhisprayer.WhenItzhakPerlmansaystoGod,“Willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”hedoesnotdoubtforonesinglemomentthatGodwillanswerhisprayer.

Why?BecauseItzhakPerlmanplaystheviolinbrilliantlyforninehoursaday,everysingleday,dayinanddayout,inanemptyroom,fornobodybuthisGod.ItzhakPerlmanupholdshispartofthedeal.Passion.Dedication.Belief.SowhenItzhakPerlmansays,“God,willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”heknowswithabsolutecertitudethatGodwillanswerhisprayer.

IsthattheendofPerlman’sprayer?

Absolutelynot.Sohowdoeshespendtheotherforty-fourminutesofprayer?ItzhakPerlmanthenvisualizeswhathewantstotakeplaceattheconcertthatnight—howhewantstoharnesshisbrilliantperformance.Doyouthinkhemerelytellshimself,“I’llgoouttothemiddleofthestage,playtheviolin,thepeoplewillallstandupandclap,andthenwewillallgohome”?Absolutelynot.

Hevisualizesexactlywhathewantstoachieve;hevisualizesmuchmore,becauseItzhakPerlmandoesn’tjustplaytheviolinbrilliantly.Hereachesintotheverydepthsofpeople.Hegraspsaholdoftheirsoulsandliftsthemupashighashecan.ItzhakPerlmanmakespeoplecry,andtheydon’tknowwhytheyarecrying.Hemakespeoplefeelandhearthingstheyhaveneverfeltorheardbefore—thingsthatcannotbeputintowordsbutmustbewitnessedandexperiencedtobeunderstoodandbelieved.Heshareshisexcitementandpassionforlifethroughhismusic,fillinghisaudiencewithaninexpressiblejoy.Heenergizespeople.Heinspirespeople.Hemovespeople.Hemotivatespeople.Hetouchespeople.Hechangespeople.Inhisownway,hemakesadifferenceinpeople’slives.Andhavingraiseduptheirsouls,hesendsthemhome,knowingthathehasinstilledinthemanexcitementandpassionforlifethatisalmostuncontainable.

Momentsofgenius.Theinexpressibleexpressed.

Thatiswhathevisualizesinhisprayer.YouwouldbemistakentothinkthatItzhakPerlmanaspiresjusttoplaytheviolin.

Laterthatnight,ItzhakPerlmanliesinbedathishotel,andjustbeforehegoestosleep,agentlesmilecomesacrosshisface.Heisfilledwiththequietsatisfactionofknowingthatallaroundthatcitytherearemenandwomentossingandturningintheirbedsbecausetheycannotgettosleep.Theycannotsleepbecausetheirliveshavebeenchanged.

ItzhakPerlmanhasfoundawaytotouchotherpeople’slives,toraiseothersup,tosharehispassionforlife.Heknowsthatthereisnogreatersatisfactionandfulfillmentthantomakeadifferenceinanotherperson’slife—andthatiswhatitisallabout.

Sitinadarkroom,turnupthevolume,andlistentothethemefromthemovieSchindler’sList.Itisthefirstsongonthesoundtrack,andyouwillknowthatitisnotbychancethatItzhakPerlmanhasachievedexcellence,success,andgreatness.

WhatIsSuccesstoYou?

Ifyouaskmostpeoplewhattheywantfromlife,asIhavetakentodoinginrecentyears,youwilldiscoverthattheywanttoachievesuccess.Somepeoplewanttobesuccessfulintheworkplaceandothersonthesportingfield.Somewanttobesuccessfulparentsandotherswanttobesuccessfulatlivingtheirbeliefsorthepracticeoftheirspirituality.Butifyouaskallthesepeopletodefinesuccess,youwillendupwithasmanydifferentanswersastherearepeople.

TheOxfordDictionarydefinessuccessas“theaccomplishmentofanaim;favorableoutcome;or,theattainmentofwealth,fame,orposition.”

Ifthisiswhatsuccessis,please,pleasetellmethereismoretolifethansuccess.Ortellmethatsuccessissomethingelse,somethingmore.

“Thereisonlyonesuccess—tobeabletospendyourlifeinyourownway,”wasChristopherMorley’sobservation.MarkTwaincounseled,“Thesecretofsuccessistomakeyourvocationyourvacation.”RalphWaldoEmerson’sdefinitionofsuccessisperhapsthemostfamed.Hewrote,“Tolaughoftenandmuch;towintherespectofintelligentpeopleandtheaffectionofchildren;toearntheappreciationofhonestcriticsandendurethebetrayaloffalsefriends;toappreciatebeauty,tofindthebestinothers;toleavetheworldabitbetter,whetherbyahealthychild,agardenpatch,oraredeemedsocialcondition;toknowevenonelifehasbreathedeasierbecauseyouhavelived.Thisistohavesucceeded.”

Isupposeeachofusmustultimatelydefinesuccessforhim-orherself.

Therhythmoflifeisafoundationforsuccess.Oncewelaythisfoundationinourlives,everythingweturnourhandstowillbesuccessful,becausewewillknowwhattoturnourhandsto.Butmoreimportant,wewillfindahappiness

thatisrare,true,andlasting.

Asachild,Idiscoveredthatthekeytosuccessinanyfieldisnotasecret.Therearenosecretstosuccess.Gimmicksandquickfixesdonotleadapersontosuccess.Neitherdofast-talking,emptyphilosophies.Successinanyfield—business,sport,politics,music,art,orspirituality—dependsuponadeepandprofoundunderstandingofwhoyouareandwhatyourneeds,talents,anddesiresare.

Thekeytosuccessischaracter.Thekeytoyoursuccessisyourcharacter.Andwhilethefoundationofcharacterisself-discipline,theessenceofcharacterispersonality.Youruniquepersonalityholdsthesecretstoyoursuccess.

Ibelievethegreatestsuccessistobeconstantlygrowing,changing,developing,andevolvingintothebetterpersonIknowIcanbe.Inanyactivitythatassistsyouinthis“becoming,”youwillfindsuccess.Why?Inthelongrunyouwon’tbesuccessfulatsomethingyoudon’tenjoydoing.Enjoymentisanindispensableingredientforsuccess.Wearesuccessfulatthethingsweenjoy,theendeavorswelove,thelaborsweareexcitedandpassionateabout.Itiseasytobepassionateaboutthethingsthatchallengeustobecomethebetterpersonweknowwecanbe.

Beforetoolongwebecomebored,dissatisfied,anddiscontentwithanyactivitythatcannotbeemployedasatoolintheprocessofgrowthanddevelopment.

Successistheintimateandharmoniousrelationshipamongneed,desire,andtalent.Whenthesethreeareunderstoodandpursuedinbalance,theresultisextraordinary.

Mozarthadagreattalent,buthealsohadaburningdesiretomakemusicandagreatneed,asdoweall,totouchotherpeople’slives.Thedelicateblendofthesethree—need,desire,andtalent—producedaresultthatleavesusawestruck,eventoday,morethantwohundredyearsafterhisdeath.

Doyourememberinschoolwhenyouwouldwriteanessay?Youwouldbeginbywritingaroughdraft,andthenyouwouldwriteamorepolished

versionofyourpiece.Perhapsyouwouldevenwriteathird,fourth,orfifthdraftbeforewritingafinaldrafttohandintoyourteacher.

Mozartnevermadecopiesofhismusic.Mozartneverwrotearoughdraft.Nocopies.Nodrafts.Nopractices.Nocorrections.Justafinalmanuscript.Justthebrillianceyouhearinhismusiconpaperthefirsttimehewroteitdown.That,myfriends,isextraordinary.Itisgreatness.Itisaphenomenalblendofneed,desire,andtalent.Itisanunfathomablemixtureofgenius,legend,heroism,passion,andprophecy.ItisnothinglessthantheDivineshiningthroughahumanbeing.

Helivedonlythirty-sixyears.Inthatbrieflifetime,Mozartcomposedsixfirst-rateoperas,twenty-onepianoconcertos,twenty-fourstringquartets,seventeenmasses,assortedchambermusic,andothersoloconcertos.And,ofcourse,forty-onesymphonies.

Chance?Luck?Idon’tthinkso.Passion.Discipline.Perseverance.Commitment.

Creatingtherhythmisaboutsettingthestageforyourneeds,desires,andtalentstoemerge,tobeunderstood,andtobefulfilled.Therhythmoflifeallowsustoknow,understand,andpursueeachofthese—need,desire,andtalent.Theresultissuccess,yes—butanelevatedsuccessofwhichmostpeopleoftheworlddonotknow—thekindofsuccessthatbringswithitfulfillment,satisfaction,happiness,health,adeepandabidingpeace,andtheunalterablerewardofbecoming“the-best-version-of-yourself.”

Wedesiresuccess,fulfillment,happiness,andtobecomebetterpeople,butwetormentourselves.Wedothisbyfailingtofindtheappropriaterelationshipamongneed,desire,andtalent.Werushoffinpursuitof“success!”Manymenandwomenfindsometypeof“success”—theymakeextraordinaryamountsofmoneyorrisetounimaginablelevelsoffame,buttheydonotfindhappinessorfulfillmentinthatsuccess.Whynot?

Thesepeopledon’tunderstandtheirneeds,theyhavelittleunderstandingoftheirtalents,nordotheyseekouttheirtruestanddeepestdesires.Theresultisdiscord,unhappiness,anddissatisfaction.Thegreatjuxtapositionoftheirso-

calledsuccessandtheirpersonaldissatisfactionisconfusing,evenhorrifying.

Successistobecomewhoyoutrulyare.

Apoetmustwritepoetry,anartistmustpaint,amusicianmustmakemusic,alovermustlove,anathletemustrun.Whenapoetwritespoetry,shesubconsciouslybutdelicatelycreatesthelinkamongherneed,herdesire,andhertalent.Theresult,orby-product,ofthisgreatmixtureofneed,desire,andtalentispeace,joy,andadeepsenseofsatisfactionandfulfillment.Forthepoetnottowritepoetrywouldbeinsanity.Forthepoetnottowritepoetrywouldquiteliterallyproduceinsanity.

Webecomemadbyattemptingtobeotherthanwhowetrulyare.

Wecannotbehappytryingtobesomeoneelse,howevergoodorgreatthatpersonmaybe.Wewillneverfindhappinessandfulfillmentfollowingsomeoneelse’sdream,howevergreatornobletheirdreammaybe.

Truesuccessliesinseekingtodiscoverwhoyoutrulyareindividuallyanduniquely;findingyourownspecialgift,talent,orability;anddevelopingthatgiftforthebenefitofall.Suchsuccessenrichestheindividualineveryway.Thistypeofsuccessenrichessociety.

Successisnotjustanachievement,itisacontribution.

WhyAreTheySuccessfulatEverything?

Haveyouevernoticedthatsuccessfulpeopleseemtobeabletodoeverythingwell?Thisisnotbecauseofsomefreakchance,butbecauseofthefoundationuponwhichtheybuildtheirlives.Thefoundationoftheirlivesisastrongcommitmenttopersonaldevelopment—tostrugglingtobecomethebetterpersontheyknowtheycanbeineveryareaoftheirlives—whichinturntransformstheirfamily,relationships,community,country,andworld.Trulysuccessfulpeoplehavecharacter.Partofthatcharacterisanunwaveringcommitmenttoexcellence.Theyknowtheartofdiscipline.Successfulpeoplejusthavebetterhabitsthantherest.Youareyourhabits.

Successfulpeopleareinthehabitofbeingdisciplined.Undisciplinedpeopleareinthehabitofbeingunsuccessful.

Somepeoplewakeupeachmorningandjuststaggerthroughtheday.Somepeoplewakeuptobesuccessful.

Whetheritissuccessinthebusinessworld,successinthespirituallife,orsuccessonthesportingfield,theprinciplesarethesame.Theapplicationoftheseprinciplestoanyperson’slifenecessarilybreedscharacterand,inturn—success,fulfillment,andhappiness.

Don’tbeadoperson,beabeperson.Youarenotahumandoing,youareahumanbeing.

YoumaydecidetorejectthevisionoflifeIamlayingbeforeyouinthisbook.That’sokay.Butregardlessofwhatyouchoosetoseekfromlife,whichrainbowyouchoosetochase,therewillbedifficulttimesthatwillputyoutothetest,and

youwillneedcourageandperseverancetoachieveyourgoalsanddreams.

Whatisitthatsetsmenandwomenofgreatachievementapartfromtherestofhumanity?WhatdoMahatmaGandhi,MartinLutherKingJr.,JohnF.Kennedy,WarrenBuffett,AlbertEinstein,JohnQuincyAdams,RonaldReagan,CharlieChaplin,MichaelJordan,LeonardodaVinci,Beethoven,MotherTeresa,andBillyGrahamallhaveincommon?Whatempowersthemtotouchandaffectsomanypeople’slives?Whatallowsthemtograspsuccessandreachlevelsofachievementthatformostpeoplearesimplyunfathomable?

Passion.Theyarepassionateaboutwhattheydo.Belief.Theybelieveinwhattheydo.Commitment.Theyarecommittedtowhattheydo.Courage.Inthefaceofsituationswhereotherpeoplewouldloseheart,theytakeheart.Perseverance.Throughthediscouragementoffailure,rejection,andcriticism,theypersevereandkeepatit,alwaysstayingfocusedontheirgoalanddream.

Passion,belief,commitment,courage,andperseverance.

Andsoitwillbewithyourlife.Therewillbetoughtimes—thereareforeveryone.Therewillbetimesoffearandtrembling.Therewillbetimesofdiscouragementanddisillusionment.Havecourage,smile,keepyourchinup,laughoften,bekindtoyourself,stayfocused,begraciousandappreciative,thinkhappythoughts,andcarryonregardless.

1.TheKnowledgePrinciple

RalphWaldoEmersononcewrote,“Whatliesbehindusandwhatliesbeforeusaresmallmatterscomparedwithwhatlieswithinus.”Shakespearecounseled,“Tothineownselfbetrue.”Socratesadvised,“Knowthyself.”

Lastingsuccess,fulfillment,andhappinessdependonself-knowledge.Thereisnogreaterpracticalwisdomthanknowledgeofself.Theknowledgeprincipleis,simply,“Knowyourself.”

Inourearlierdiscussions,wehaveaskedourselvesthesequestions:Whataremydreams?Whataremylegitimateneeds?Whataremydesires?Whataremytalents?Whatistherelationshipamongmyneeds,desires,andtalents?WhoamI?AmIevolvingintoabetterpersoneachday?Whataremyaddictions?WhichpathshouldItake?WhatstaramIfollowing?

Allofthesequestionsweredesignedtochallengeustoseektoknowourselvesalittlemore.Fromthisknowledgeofourselves,weareabletocreateandmaintainalifestylethatintimatelylinksourdreams,hopes,needs,desires,andtalents—whileatthesametimeleadingustochange,grow,develop,andbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.

Wisepeopleknowthemselvesandlivefromthatknowledge.IfIknowthattobehealthyandhappyIneedsevenhoursofsleepeachnight,andIsleepforonlyfive,Iamafool.Iamworsethantheignorantpersonwhocannotmaketheconnectionbetweenhislackofsleepandhispoorhealthandunhappiness.Ipossesstheknowledgebutdonotuseit.

ThereisaJapaneseproverbthatspeaksofthethreemostvaluablepossessionsinthislife.Thethirdisthesword,becauseitempowersyoutodefendyourselfandthoseyoulovefromintrudersandtyrants.Thesecondisthegem,becauseitempowersyoutobuyandtradeforthesatisfactionofyour

temporalneeds.ButtheJapanesebelievethemostvaluablepossessionisthemirror,becauseitempowersyoutoknowyourself.

Greatmenandwomenknowthemselves.Theyknowtheirstrengths,theirweaknesses,theirfaultsandfailings,theirflawsanddefects,theirtalentsandabilities,theirneedsanddesires,theirhopesanddreams,theirpotentialandpurpose.Fromthesepiecesofknowledgetheyweavealifeofbeautyandsplendor.“Knowyourself”isacharacterprincipleoflegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints.

Fearholdsusback.Werefusetolookinthemirror,notalwaysphysically,butemotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Ihavehearditsaidthatanalcoholiccannotlookhim-orherselfintheeyeswhenlookinginthemirror.Wearescaredofwhatwewillfind.Sowethinkandtalkonlyofourgoodqualitiesandachievements,butindoingso,weshunsomeoflife’smostrewardingandfulfillinglessons.Ifonlywewouldtakeagoodlookateachofthemajorareasofourbeingeachday,wewoulddiscoverourdreams,hopes,needs,desires,talents,andpotential.Ifonlyweknewwhatweneeded,wewouldbeverywiseindeed.Butsooftenwerefusetolookatanythingbutourstrengthsanddesires.Weaknessandneedaremuchmorevaluablecompanionsandteachers.

Eachdayduringyoursacredhour,takethetimetomakeadailypersonalassessment.Askyourselfthedifficultquestions.Trytodiscoverwhatmakesyoufeelgoodaboutyourselfandwhatmakesyouhappy—notmomentarypleasures,butthetruepleasuresoflife,whichtastebetterandbetteraseachdaypasses.

Thethingsofthisworldcompeteforourallegiance.Tobetruetoyourself,youmustformanallegiancewiththethingsofthisworldonlyinasmuchastheyleadyoutowardyourcompletion,fulfillment,andperfection—pointB—tobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

Toknowone’sselfisaconstantandcontinualprocess.Observeyourself.Beaware.Watchyourselfinthemomentsoftheday.Listentoyourself.Noticehowyouactorreactincertainsituations.

Thefullnessoflifecomesfromknowingyourself—needs,desires,talents,strengths,weaknesses,limitations,andpotential—andlivingfromthewisdomofthisknowledge.

PerhapsyouarefamiliarwithLeonardodaVinci’sfamouspaintingTheLastSupper.LeonardowaslivinginMilanatthetimehepaintedit,andwhenhecommittedhimselftothatparticularcomposition,hedecidedhewantedtoapproachitinauniqueway.Hewantedtofindthirteenmentopose,oneforeachofthedisciplesandoneasJesus.HewantedeachofhismodelstolookexactlyasheenvisionedJesusandeachofthedisciplestohavelooked.Andsohissearchforthesemenbegan.

Onedaywhilehewassittinginchurch,thevoicesofthechoirweresoangelicthatheturnedaroundandlookedupintothechoirloft.Ashedid,hisgazefellupononeyoungmaninthechoir.HeperfectlymatchedhowLeonardohadvisualizedJesustolook.AfterchurchLeonardoapproachedtheyoungman,explainedhisproject,andinquiredastowhetherhewouldbeinterestedinposingforthepainting.Theyoungmanagreed,andthefollowingweekhespentfourdaysposingforLeonardoinhisstudioinMilan.

Leonardo’ssearchcontinued,andhequicklyfoundsomeonetoposeasPeter,Simon,andMatthew.WithinelevenmonthshehadfoundandpaintedallthepersonsinthesceneexceptforJudas.

LeonardocouldnotfindhisJudas.Helookedeverywhere.HewouldwalkthroughthestreetsofMilan,somedaysforendlesshours,searchingthenamelessfacesinthecrowdsforamanwhoembodiedhowheenvisionedJudastohavelooked.ElevenyearspassedinhissearchforJudaswhenhefinallyrealizedhehadbeenlookingforhisJudasinthewrongplaces.

Leonardothought,IfIamtofindamanwhohasthequalitiesandappearanceofJudas,Imustlookwheresuchmenaregathered.Withthatinmind,LeonardowenttotheprisonsinandaroundMilan,searchingforamanwithpainandangerinhiseyes,withharshimpatienceonhisface,withthescarsofprideandbitternessonhischeeks,andwiththemarksofbrokennessinhisfeatures—amanwholookedtohimlikeJudas.

Aftermanydaysandmanyprisons,hecameacrossthatman.Heexplainedtothemanwhathewasdoingandaskedhimifhewouldbewillingtoposeforthepainting.Theprisoneragreed,andLeonardomadearrangementsforhimtobebroughttohisstudioinMilanunderguard.

Thefollowingweekhewasbroughttothestudio,andLeonardobeganthe

finalstageofhiswork.Ashepainted,Leonardonoticedthattheprisonerwasgrowingmorerestlessanddistressed,evenbythehour.Leonardoobservedthatthemanwouldlookathim,andthenatthepainting,andeverytimeheseemedtobefilledwithacertainremorsefulsadness.

Bythemiddleofthesecondday,Leonardowassodisturbedbywhathewaswitnessinginhismodelthathestoppedworkandsaidtohim,“Istheresomethingwrong?Doyounotlikemywork?”Theprisonersaidnothing,andLeonardoinquiredoncemore,saying,“Youseemveryupset,andifIamcausingyoupaininanyway,perhapsweshouldstop.”Themanlookedatthemasterpainterandthenatthepaintingonemoretime.Ashisgazefellawayfromthepainting,heloweredhishead,liftedhishandstohisface,andbegantoweepinconsolably.

Afterseveralminutes,Leonardowasfinallyabletosettlehimdown.“Whatisit?”heasked.

Theprisonerlookedexpectantlyintotheartist’seyesandsaid,“Doyounotrecognizeme,master?”

Inconfusion,Leonardoreplied,“No,havewemetbefore?”

“Ohyes,”theprisonerexplained.“ElevenyearsagoIposedforyou,forthissamepainting,asthepersonofJesus.”

IneachofusthereisaJudasandaJesus.OurliveshereonearthareanincompleteworkunlesswecandiscovertheJudasandtheJesuswithinus.Wemustcometoknowourstrengthsandourweaknesses.ItisoftenveryeasytofindtheJesuswithinus.Toooftenweshrinkfromthetaskofexaminingourfaults.Yetitisonlybyknowingtheflawsanddefectsofourcharacterthatwecanbegintoworktoovercomethem.

Ourweaknessesarethekeystoourricher,moreabundantfuture.Ourstrengthsarealreadybearingthefruittheycan.Ourweaknessesaretheunfarmedlandsofourcharacter.Pulltheweedsfromthatland,tillthesoil,plantsomeseeds,andwewillyieldagreatharvest.

Mostpeopledon’twanttoknowabouttheirweaknesses.Thisisaclassicsignofmediocrity.Whiletherestofusarestandingaroundarguingforourweaknesses,tryingtoconvincepeoplethatourlackofcharacterisourcharacter,theheroes,leaders,legends,champions,andsaintswhofillthehistorybookswentlookingfortheirweaknesses.Theydidn’thidetheirweaknesses,andtheydidn’thidefromthem.Theywokeearlyeachmorningandwentouttofacethem,becausetheyknewtheirweaknesseswerethekeystotheirricher,moreabundantfuture.

Ifyouwantyourfuturetobebiggerthanyourpast,starttotransformyourweaknessesintostrengths.

AreyoupreparedtofacetheJudasinyou?

WhenGodwascreatingtheuniverse,someoftheangelswerediscussingwhereeachofthemfeltGodshouldhidethetruth.Oneangelsaid,“IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthattheverysummitofthehighestmountain.”Thenextproclaimed,“IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthattheverydepthsoftheocean.”Anothersaid,“No,IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthonthefartheststar.”

Godoverheardtheangelsandspokeup,saying,“Iwillhidethetruthinnoneoftheseplaces.Iwillhidethetruthintheverydepthsofeverymanandeverywoman’sheart.Thisway,thosewhosearchhumblyandsincerelywillfinditveryeasily,andthosewhodonotwillhavetosearchthewholeuniversebeforetheydo.”

Knowthyself;knowyourstrengthsandweaknesses;yourrelationtotheuniverse;yourpotentialities;yourspiritualheritage;youraimsandpurposes;takestockofthyself.

—SOCRATES

2.TheDreamPrinciple

Life,inasense,isalongsuccessionofchoicesanddecisions.Howdoyoumakeyourdecisions?Onwhatdoyoubaseyourdecisions?Doyouhaveaprocessthatyoutrustandusefaithfully?

Inasimilarsense,lifeismadeupofhopesanddreams.Youdreamthedreamsandyoumakethedecisions.Fromaninfinitenumberofpossibilitiesyoumustdecidehowtospendyourlife.Theformyourlifetakesdependsonthedecisionsyoumake.

Whatisdifferentaboutthewaylegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsmakedecisions?Whatistheirdecision-makingprocess?

Theyallowthemselvestodream.Theyimagineperfectcircumstances.Theyplacenolimitationsupontheirdecision-makingprocess.Theyask:Whatwouldbebest?WhatisthewillofGod?IfIcoulddoanything,whatwouldIdo?

Mostpeoplebasetheirdecisionsonthelimitedresourcesavailabletothematthepresentmoment.Forexample,Ralphisaseniorinhighschoolandwantstogotocollege.Thefirstquestionheaskshimselfis,“WhatcollegescanIafford?”Aftergatheringthatdata,hethenmakesadecisionbasedontheoptionsheperceivestobeavailabletohim.

Legends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsaskthemselves,“Whichcollegewouldbemostsuitedtomyneeds?Whichcollegewillmosthelpmegrowandbecomethe-best-version-of-myself?Whichcollegewillmostassistmeinthepursuitofmydreams?”Andbeforetheymakedecisions,theyemploythedreamprinciple—theydreamwithoutlimit.Theyremovethemselvesfromspaceandtime.Theyremovealllimitationfromtheinitialstageoftheirdecisionprocess.IftheydiscoverthatthebestcollegeforthemisYale,andthatYalecosts$20,000ayearmorethantheycanafford,theydon’tthrowoutthebest

option,theyfindawaytogetthemoney.Iftheyhaveonlya3.4grade-pointaverageandtogetintoYaletheyneeda3.7,theydon’tabandonthebestoptionandtheirdream.Theyfindaway.Theygotoanothercollegeforayearandincreasetheirgrade-pointaverage.

Thegreatpeopleofhistoryremovealllimitationfromtheirdreams,andoncetheyestablishtheirdream,theyseekitwithunrelentingenergy.

Donotdreamlikeabankmanager.Abankmanagertellsyouonlywhatyoucanaffordbasedonyourrealizedpotential.Thegreaterpartofallofusisourunrealizedpotential.Itistrue—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Donotlettheguardiansofthethresholdpreventyoufrommovingonandgraspingyourdreams.Donotlettheemotional,intellectual,andspiritualbankmanagersdiscourageyoufrombecomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.

Tryalsonottoallowyourdreamsanddecisionstobeformed,affected,orguidedbyfear,anger,hatred,greed,orlust.Ittakescouragetodream,becausemostofushaveanawfulfearoffailure.Ourfearoffailureconfinesustothedimgraytwilightoflife.Weallowphraseslike“WhatifIfail?”and“Ican’tdoit”toinfectourinnerdialogue.

Thehumanspiritthrivesonvictory,growth,change,anddevelopment—andalloftheseinvolvemakingtheimpossiblepossible.EleanorRooseveltwrote,“Youmustdothingsyoucannotdo.Itstrengthenscharacter,buildscourageandstrength,confidenceandbelief.”

Columbus,Einstein,Edison,Rachmaninoff,HenryFord,theWrightBrothers—thedreamersofthedreams—madetheunknownknown,theimpossiblepossible.

Dreamwithoutlimits.

OnmydeskathomewhereIwrite,IhaveaphotographofmyselfwhenIwassevenyearsold.Itisalwaysamusingtowatchhowdifferentpeoplereacttothephotooncetheydiscoveritisnotmylittlebrotherornephew,butme.Someperhapsthinkmevainandegotistical.Somewonder,andothersask,“Why?”

Myseventhyearwasveryspecial.Itwastheyearthatsetthestagefortherestofmylife.ItwastheyearthatIlearnedlife’sfirstlesson.ItwastheyearIlearnedtolovelife.Ifyouhaveheardmespeak,youhaveperhapsheardmetellthisstory.Ifyouhavereadsomeofmyotherwritings,youhaveperhapsreaditinoneformoranother.IbegyourindulgenceasItellitoncemore.

Firstgradewasthebestandtheworsttwoyearsofmylife.Ididn’tseemtohaveanyfriends,andthoseIthoughtweremyfriendsseemedalwaystobemakingfunofme.Oneday,oneofthecoolkidscalledme“ugly,”andthatseemedtostickasanickname.Apartfromallthis,Ihadoneotherproblemthatwasseriouslytroublingme.

Weekafterweekinfirstgrade,IremembercomingtotheschoolgateonFridayafternoonsandfindingthreeorfourofmybrothersstandingaroundwaitingformymother.Theywerealwaysveryhappyandexcited,becauseonceagaintheschoolweekwasoverandtheweekendhadbegun.ButweekafterweekonFridayafternoon,Ifoundmyselfcomingtotheschoolgatesad.

IcanstillrecalloneFridayafternooninparticular.Theschoolbellrang,andeveryonerushedoutofclassandrantowardthegates.Igatheredmythingstogetherslowly,packedmyschoolbag,tidiedmydesk,andthendraggedmybagslowlytowardtheschoolgate,whereIfoundfourofmybrothers.Onceagaintheywereveryhappyandexcitedbecausetheweekendhadcomearound.ThatFridayafternoonIwasparticularlysad.

Iremembermymothercomingtopickusup.Weallwalkeddownthestreettowhereshehadparkedthecar,andaswegotcloseshetookourbagsfromusandputthemintheback.Onebyonewegotintothecar,andasIclimbedinIburstintotears.Ihadbeenholdingthetearsbackallafternoon,andIcouldn’tholdthembackanylonger.Mybrotherslookedatme,wonderingwhathadhappened,andwhenmymothersawmecrying,shesaid,“What’swrong?”

InfirstgradeonFridayafternoons,wehadourspellingtest.BetweensobsIexplainedtomymotherthatIhadfailedmyspellingtestagain.Ialwaysfailed.Icouldn’tspell.Thatdaymymothertookmehomeandheldmeinherarmsandsaid,“Everythingisgoingtobeallright.Wewillpracticeyourspellingandyouwillgetbetter.”

Thenmymothersaidtome,“Howmanydidyougetinyourspellingtest

today?”

Isaid,“Sixoutoftwenty.”

Mymumsaid,“That’sfine.Ifyougetsevennextweek,onFridayafternoonIwilltakeyoustraightfromschoolandbuyyouabigbarofchocolate.”

ThenextFridayIgotseven,andIgotmybarofchocolate.Inthefollowingweeks—eight,nine,ten…andmorechocolate.Twelve,fourteen,sixteen,andstillmorechocolate.Eighteen,nineteen,twenty…andevenmorechocolate.UntilfinallyIhaddevelopedaloveforchocolate…butIcouldspell.

Icouldspell.Ihadmadetheimpossiblepossible.IhadclimbedmyMountEverest,Ihadwalkedonthemoon,IhadwonmyOlympicgoldmedal.

Forme,attheageofseven,Ibelievedmychancesoflearningtospellwerelessthanmostpeople’schancesofclimbingMountEverestorwalkingonthemoon.Itjustseemedimpossible.Itwastoobig,andIwastoosmall.ButonthatdaywhenIfirstscoredtwentyoutoftwentyonmyspellingtest,IrealizedIhadachievedtheimpossible.Iwasn’tawareofitatthetime,butmylifechangedforeverthatday,andasthedaysandweekspassed,IdevelopedadeepbeliefthatIwascapableofanything.Ihadachievedtheimpossible,andimpossiblehadbeendeletedfrommyvocabulary.

Ibegantodreamwithoutlimits.

ThefollowingyearIrepeatedfirstgrade,madewonderfulfriends,continuedtodowellinspelling,andbegantoreallyenjoylife.Thejourneycontinues.Thatphotositsonmydesktoremindmeoffirstgrade,toremindmethatIamcapableofeventhethingsthatseemimpossible.

Itisthroughthemasteryofsmalldisciplinesthatwebecomecapableofgreaterthingsand,indeed,anything.

3.TheVisionPrinciple

Thevisionprinciplecannotbeputinwordsanybetterthanmygolfcoachusedtosayit:“Ifyoucan’tseetheshot,youcan’thittheshot.”

Ifthereissomethingyouwishtodoorbecomeinyourlifetime,createaplanfortheaccomplishmentofthatdream.Donotwaitaroundfoolishlybelievingthatonedaybysomecosmicwaveofeventseverythingwillbeperfectandyouraspirationswillachievethemselves.Theywon’t.

Godhasendowedusallinsomanydifferentways.Engageyourtalentsandabilities.

Goalsandplansbringoutthemostinthehumanspirit.

Leaders,legends,heroes,champions,andsaintsareinthehabitofconstantlyplanningandsettinggoals.Theyneverentertaintheillusionthattherewillbenoproblems.Whenproblemsandchallengesemerge,theyassessthemanddefinethemclearlyandprecisely.Thentheycreateaplantoovercomeoralleviatetheproblems,thuscreatingconfidenceandreducingfear.

Ifyouhaveaproblem,faceit.Ifyoudon’t,youempowertheproblemandparalyzeyourselfwithfear.

Ouressentialpurpose—tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves—providesanoverallvision,buteachareaofourlivesneedsaspecificvision.

Haveavision.

4.TheLifePrinciple

Asateenager,andsince,observingthelivesoflegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints,Idiscoveredthatjustabouteverysingleoneofthemhas,orhad,whatIcallalifeprinciple.Alifeprincipleisonesentence,phrase,orideathatsumsupthefocusofaperson’slife.

Intheearly1980s,therewasapopularfilmtitledWallStreet.ItwasthestoryofGordonGecko,thebiggesttraderonWallStreet.Themovierevealsatrailofgreed,lust,lying,cheating,using,andinsidertrading.Gecko’slifeprinciplewas“Greedisgood.”

Intheearlierpartofthiscentury,ayoungwomanfromaverywealthyfamilylefthometojoinaconventtolivealifeofpoverty,chastity,andobedience.Butbeforetoolong,shebegantohearavoicewithinhercallinghertosomethingmore.Within,shefeltanunquenchableconcernforthepoorandsufferingoftheworld.Itbegansimplyasadesire.Ahealthydesire.Anobledesire.Adesiretohelpthepoor.Thisyoungwomanfeltaneedtoserveherneighbor.Shehadatalentsimplytoloveandupholdthedignityofthepoor.

In1997MotherTeresadied,leavingbehindalegacyofloveandserviceinalmosteverycountryaroundtheworld.Sheisaniconofcompassioninourage.MotherTeresa’slifeprinciplewas“TolivealifeofservicetoGodandneighborbycaringforthepoorestofthepoor.”

MotherTeresa’slifeprincipleconstantlychallengedhertobeabetterperson.Herlifeprincipleledhertofulfillherlegitimateneeds.Shediscoveredarhythmtolife,livedinaccordwiththatrhythm,anddevelopedintoanextraordinaryhumanbeing.

DidGordonGecko’slifeprincipleleadhimtobeabetterperson?

ThepeopleofagestocomemayfinditdifficulttobelievethatonesuchasMotherTeresaeverwalkedtheearthinfleshandblood.Shewasahero,ateacher,awarrior,aprophet,asaint,achampion,aqueen—andatremendoussuccessinherfield.MotherTeresaisalegend.Everythingshedidhelpedhertobecomethe-best-version-of-herself.

Thelivesofsuccessfulpeoplehavedirection.Theydonotreacttotheday-to-dayhappenings;rather,eachoftheirlivesisaconsciousaction,movingtowardaspecificallydefinedgoal,directedbyacarefullyconsideredphilosophy,whichissummarizedbyasingleprinciple—alifeprinciple.

Theirlifeprinciplebringsthemintofocus,keepsthemfocused,andprotectsthemfrombecomingdistracted.

Everyday,hundredsofoptionsexistforustoexpendourtime,effort,andenergy.Dozensofopportunitiesemergeintheday-todayhappeningsofourlivesthatdistractusfromwhatisreallyimportant.Successfulpeopledonotallowthesedistractionstotakeagripontheirlives.Ineachmomentofdecisionthroughouttheday,theycarefullyconsidertheopportunitybeforetheminrelationtotheirlifeprinciple.Theyconstantlyaskthemselves,“Willthishelpmeachievemygoal?”“WillthishelpmealongthepathtowardpointB?”Theyusetheirlifeprincipleastheirguideornavigator.Itbecomestheguidingprincipleoftheirlivesandtheanchoroftheirdreams.

Thewholeworldwillgetoutofthewayforsomeonewhoknowswhathewantsandwhereheisgoing.

AsIexplainedearlier,untilIwasnineteen,mygoalandambitionwassimplytoexcelinthebusinessworld,tomakealotofmoney,andtoenjoythethingsofthisworld.Butatnineteen,Godtouchedmylifeinaspecialway,openingmyeyes.ItwasatthattimethatIbegantoreallyreflectonlifeandtheworldinwhichwelive.ItwasatthattimethatIfirstbegantoreallyprayandmeditate.

Today,mylifeprincipleisthis:“Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.”Thisideabringsmetofocusonchange,growth,anddevelopment.Itchallengesmetodedicatemyeffortsandenergiestothoseactivitiesthatwillhelpmetobecomethe-best-version-of-

myself.Whenanopportunityemergesinmylife,Icanweighitsworthsimplybythisoneidea,thislifeprinciple,byaskingmyselfthesequestions:“Willthisopportunityhelpmetochange,develop,andgrow?”“WillIbecomeabetterpersonthroughthepursuitofthisopportunity?”“Willthisopportunityhelpmetofulfillmylegitimateneeds?”“IfIacceptthisopportunity,willIbefollowingmystar?”

Withoutthedirectionandguidancethatalifeprinciplebringstoourlives,wearelikeshipsheadedforshipwreck.Withoutafoundationalprinciple,wefindourselvesinthedarkandconfusingabyssofdecidingbasedupon“whatwefeellike”atanygivenmoment.Ourfeelingsaretransitoryandalwayschanging.Ifwemakeourdecisionsbaseduponourever-changingfeelings,ourliveswillhavenotheme,norhythm,nocontinuity,andnoconsistency.Wewilllosethethreadofourlives,wewillloseourownpersonalstory,andwewillbecomeinsane.Quiteliterally.

Weshoulddevelopthehabitofviewingourcurrentlifequestionsinrelationtoalifeprinciple.

Ourlifeprinciplebecomesthetoolforbringingfocustoourday.Itispractical,itiseffective,andthemorewestayfocusedonthisprinciple,themoreweareabletoattendtoourlegitimatephysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualneeds.Themoreweattendtotheselegitimateneeds,themoreweareenergized.Thisenergymaximizesourcapacityineachareaofourlives.Byplanningourdaysaccordingtoourlegitimateneeds,withtheguidanceanddirectionofthislifeprinciple,weknowwearedoingasmuchaswecanwithoutsacrificingtherhythm—andthereisacertainpeaceandliberationthatcomesfromthatknowing.

Alloftheseworktogethertocreateandformtherhythmoflife.Therhythmannihilatesrestlessnessbygivingbirthtobalance,harmony,andpeace.Itisaboutknowingourlimitsandneverexceedingthem—forourowngood.Itbeginsbyhavingagoal,afocus,afoundation,alifeprinciple.

Takeablanksheetofregularletter-sizepaperandasksomeonetoholditforyou,horizontally,bythelongends.Now,trytopunchaholeinit.Youcan’tdoit,canyou?

Okay!Nowthistime,takethesamepieceofpaperandasktheotherperson

toholditexactlythesameway,butinsteadoftryingtopunchaholethroughitwithyourfist,pokeaholethroughthesheetofpaperwithyourindexfinger.Whathappens?Yourfingergoesstraightthrough,yes?Focus.Focusachievesresultsinourlives.Thatiswhyweneedalifeprinciple.Itbringsfocustoourlives.

Crystallizeyourpurpose.Workoutwhatyourlifeprincipleisgoingtobe.Writeitdowninyourownwords.Adoptsomeoneelse’sifitseemsappropriate.Usemineifitworksforyou.Butwriteitdown,stickitonthewallnexttoyourbed,writeitinyourplanner,putitonthedashofyourcar,tapeittoyourwardrobedoor,putitonyourdesk,yourscreensaver,wherevernecessary.Putacopyofyourlifeprincipleeverywhere,untilitbecomessuchaconstantandhabitualpartofyourdailythoughtpatternsandprocessesthatyounolongerneedthevisualstimulation.

Remindyourselfofyourgoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday—that’swhatsuccessfulpeopledo.Theydreamthedream,definethedream,continuallyvisualizethedream—andtheyachievethedream.

Thenliveit.Allowyourlifeprincipletobecomethefoundationofallactivityinyourlife.Letitbecomeyourguideandadviserintimesofdecision,letitbecomeyourcomforterandassuranceintimesoffearanddoubt.Allowittoaffecteverydecisionandactionofyourday.Allowittobecomeyourlifeprinciple—thefoundationofallyouare,allyoudo,allyouhave,andofallyouarebecoming.

Onceyouhavedecideduponyourlifeprincipleyoucantestitbyaskingthesequestions:“Doesmylifeprinciplebuildmeupandmakememorefullyandperfectlymyself?”“Doesmylifeprincipleenrich,ennoble,andempowerme?”“WillithelpmetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”

Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.

5.TheThoughtPrinciple

Inmylateteenageyears,asIbegantoreflectonsomeoftheideasIamnowsharingwithyou,Isearchedforpracticalwaystocentermylifestyleonmylifeprinciple.Thisquestionbecamemytouch-stone:“WhatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”

ThefirstthingIdidwaswritethisquestiondownonablankpieceofpaperandstickitonthewallnexttomybed.IdidthisbecauseIwantedthatquestiontobethefirstthingIsaweachday.IwantedittobethefirstthingIsaweachdaybecauseIwantedittobecomethethemeofmyday.

Haveyoueverwokenupwithasonginyourhead?Whathappens?Eventhoughyoudon’tlikethesong,youcan’tgetitoutofyourhead.Youfindyourselfhummingthesongallday.Youhatethesong,yetyoudiscoveryouknowallthewordstothesong.

Thereissomethingverypowerfulaboutthesefirstmomentsoftheday.Idon’tknowexactlywhy,butIknowtheyarepowerful.Thewisethingtodowouldbetoharnessthepowerofthatmoment.ThatiswhyIstuckthatquestionnexttomybed.

ThenIwroteitdownagain—“WhatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”—andIstuckitonthemirrorinmybathroom.Iwroteitdownagainandstuckitonmyclosetdoor,onmydesk,onmyplanner,onthedashofmycar,onmyfridge…Iputiteverywhere.Why?Iwantedtoberemindedofmygoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday.Why?Thatishowthelegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsachievedalltheydid.

Idon’thavethosepiecesofpapereverywhereanymore,Ijustautomaticallythinkofthatquestion—“Whatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetter

personIknowIcanbe?”—3,972timeseveryday.Ithasbecomeahabit.

Humanthoughtiscreative.Whatyouthink,becomes.Whatyouallowtooccupyyourmindformstherealityofyourlifeandaffectsthewholeworldforgenerationstocome.Thoughtdeterminesaction.Beforetoolong,youwillbelivingoutwhathasalreadyhappenedinyourmind.Goodorbad,everythinghappensinyourmindbeforeithappensinreality.Ifyoucancontrolwhathappensinyourmind,youcancontroleveryactionofyourlife.

Abasketballplayerstepsuptothefree-throwline.Thescoresaretied,thereisonesecondleftontheclock,itis3–3intheseries,theNBAchampionshipisatstake,andhehasoneshot.Ifheimagineshimselfmissingtheshot,whatwillhedo?Ofcourse,hewillmisstheshot.Thoughtdeterminesaction.Ifheimagineshimselfmakingtheshotfifteentimesandmissingitnineteentimes,whatwillhedo?Hewillmiss.Theactionsofourlivesaredeterminedbyourlast,mostdominantthought.

Yourfutureisforgedandyouractionsdeterminedbyyourmostdominantthoughts.

JackNicklausdidn’tthinkonlyoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatgolfer—itwashismostdominantthoughtforyears.CalRipkenJr.doesn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatbaseballplayer—itishismostdominantthought.Shakespearedidn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatwriter—itwashismostdominantthought.Michelangelodidn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatpainter—itwashismostdominantthought.FrancisofAssisididn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutthewonderofGodandHiscreation—itwashismostdominantthought.

Whatisyourmostdominantthought?Theanswertothatquestionwilltellyoualotaboutwhoyouareandwhatyouaredoingwithyourlife.Thethoughtprincipleis“Thoughtdeterminesaction.”

It’safunnythingaboutlife;

ifyourefusetoacceptanythingbutthebest,

youveryoftengetit.—SOMERSETMAUGHAM

6.TheDedicationPrinciple

Haveyouevergivenyourbest,yourall,toanything?Whatdoyouthinkwouldhappenifyoudid?

Lovedoesn’tcountthecost.TigerWoodslovesgolf.MichaelJordanlovesbasketball.MahatmaGandhilovedthepeopleofIndia.Beethovenlovedmusic.Michelangelolovedtopaint.Thelegends,heroes,leaders,champions,andsaintswhofillourhistorybookslovedwhattheydid.Peopleofthiscaliberdedicatetheirwholebeingtotheirpursuits.

Whatareyouwillingtodedicateyourselftocompletely?Whatareyouwillingtothrowyourwholeenergyinto?Whatareyouwillingtopursuewholeheartedly?

Dedicateyourselftobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Ineverythingyoudo,rememberyouressentialpurpose.Vieweverythinginrelationtobecomingyourbestself.Everythingmakessenseagainstthebackdropofthepurposeofourlives.Everythingfindsmeaninginrelationtoouressentialpurpose.

Loveyourselfbybecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.

Dedicateyourselftochoosingthe-best-version-of-yourselfineverychoiceyoumake.I’veneverknownanyonemoreinlovewithlifethanthosewhoarededicatedtobeingalltheycanbe.

Thisisthededicationprinciple:“Inordertolovewhatyoudo,youmustdowhatyoulove.”

7.TheBeliefPrinciple

Welivebyfaith.Whetherweareabletorecognizeitornot,thisisauniversaltruth.Somepeoplesaythattheydon’tbelieveinanything,buttheybelieveintheirbeliefthattheydon’tbelieveinanything.

Withoutfaithwewouldbedriventothedepthsofdespair.

Inmanyways,ourfaithissohabitualthatweareunawareofit.Everydayyougetintoyourcaranddrivedownthestreet.Youhavefaiththattheothercarswillstayontheirsideoftheroad.Itisn’tanactoffaiththatyouremindyourselfofeverytimeyougetintoyourcar.Butwithoutthatfaithyouwouldbedrivenmadbytheanxietythattheothercarsweregoingtobreachtheirboundaryandcomecrashingintoyou.

Beyondourbeliefinideasandotherpeopleisourbeliefinourselves.Someofusbelievethatweareworthyoflove,andothersbelievethattheyarenot.Inbothcases,ourbeliefslimitorcreateourexperienceoflife.Somepeoplebelievethattheyareworthyofotherpeople’stimeandattention,andothersdonot.Bothbelieve.Theyjusthavedifferentbeliefs.Andinbothcases,thebeliefdeterminesthereality.

Youarehereforsomereason.Youhavebeenborntoliveonelife.Outoftheinfinitepossiblelivesyoucouldconstructoutoftheopportunitiesthatwillpresentthemselvestoyou,youmustchooseyouronelife.

Youhavebeencreatedforsomespecificwork.Nobodyelsehasbeenentrustedwithyourroleinhumanhistory.Ifyoudonotplayyourpart,youpartwillgounplayed.

Fosterthebeliefthatyouwerebornforareason…andwitheverypassingdayyouwillbegintoseethereasonunfoldingbeforeyoureyes.

Godandtheuniverseareconspiringtobringyouintouchwithallthecircumstancesnecessarytodiscoverandcelebrateyourgenius.Allyouhavetodoisprepareyourselfandcooperatebychoosingthe-best-version-of-yourselfinthemomentsofeachday.

ThiswasAlbertEinstein’sreflection:“Therearetwowaystolivelife.Oneisasthoughnothingisamiracle.Theotherisasthougheverythingisamiracle.”

Thechoiceisyours.

Thisisthebeliefprinciple:“Youwerecreatedforapurpose,andeverythinghappensforareason.”

Benotafraidoflife.

Believethatlifeisworthliving,

andyourbeliefwillhelpcreatethefact.WILLIAMJAMES

8.ThePeoplePrinciple

Ibelieveoneofthegreatestproblemsinrelationshipstodayiscausedbyasimplemodernfallacy.Inourage,understandingisposedasthefoundationofrelationship.Itisnot.Thefoundationofrelationshipisacceptance.

Itisagreatwisdomtoacceptpeoplewheretheyareonthejourney.Acceptanceisthewelcomingopenarmsofrelationship.

Thepeopleprincipleis,“Peopledeservetobecherished.”

Inordertocherishpeople,wemustlookbeyondourpersonalpreferences,prejudices,andjudgmentalinclinationstodiscoverandreverencethewonderandmarveloftheindividual.

Itishelpfultorememberthatweareallatdifferentpointsalongthepath.Ourabilitytoloveandcherishpeopleincreasesinfinitelyaswelearntoacceptpeopleforwhotheyareandwheretheyareontheirownjourney.Somepeopleareatplacesweourselveshavebeenbefore,othersareinplaceswehavenotyetbeen.Itisajourney—trustthatthesameGodwhoismovingyoutowardyourpurposeanddreamsismovingthemtowardtheirs.Evenwhenyoucannotunderstandpeople,acceptthem,cherishthem.

Alongtheway,youwillmeetmanypeople.Someofthemyouwillhelp,assist,advise.Otherswillhelp,assist,andadviseyou.Ithasbeenmyexperiencethatwhenyouthinkyouaretheretohelpsomeoneelse,chancesaretheyarereallytheretohelpyou.Ourstudentsmakethebestteachers.

Withoutthehelpofothers,youwillnevermakethejourney.Itissimplypartofthedivineplanthatwemakethisjourneytogether.

ItisafunnythingIhaveobservedaboutlife—mistakesarealmostalways

andinevitablyone’sownresponsibility,butone’ssuccesses,triumphs,andworthwhileachievementsarerarelyaccomplishedwithoutthehelpofothers.

Thegreatestbarriertolovingpeople,tocherishingpeople,andtoacceptingpeopleisourinabilitytoseeourselvesinthem.Takeacloserlook.Weareone.Toseeourselvesinothersandothersinourselves—thatiswisdom.

Myfatheralwaystoldmethatthekeytosuccessinbusinessispersonalrelationships.Mymotheralwaystoldmethatthekeytoarichandrewardingpersonallifeispersonalrelationships.Ihavediscoveredthatthekeytoanabundantspirituallifeispersonalrelationship.

Lifeisrelationship.

Howareyourelating?Howareyourrelationships?

Peopleareagift.Eachpersonwhocrossesthroughyourlifeisachancetolove,achancetoreallylive.Cherishpeople.

9.TheCommunicationPrinciple

Thecommunicationprincipleis,“Beclear,concise,open,andhonest.”

Communicationisanart.Ihaveseensomegreatcommunicatorsatwork.ThesearesomeofthelessonsIhavelearned:Letotherstalk.

Avoidarguments.

Don’tcomplain.

Givehonestandsincerecompliments.

Bemorereadytocomplimentthantocriticize.

Inviteinput.

Makeapointtorememberpeople’snames;itismusictotheirears.

Neverbeafraidtoseekadvice.

Nevercriticizesomeoneinfrontofotherpeople.

Beawareofotherpeople’sdesires.

Findjoyandpleasurethroughtakinganinterestinpeople.

Talkaboutyourselfonlyifasked.

Smile—itiscontagiousandopenspeople’shearts.

Learntolisten.

Rememberpeople’sbirthdaysandanniversaries—itshowsyoucare.

Encouragepeopletoshareaboutthemselves.

Engagepeoplewheretheyare—talkinrelationtotheirinterests.

Helpotherpeopletodiscovertheiruniqueness,tofeelspecialandimportant,withoutpatronizingthem.

Respectotherpeople’sopinions.

Admitwhenyouarewrong.

Bekindandfriendlytoeverypersonyoumeet.

Askquestionspeoplerespondtopositively.

Encourageotherpeopleintheirdreams—particularlychildren.

Trytoseeitfromtheotherperson’spointofview.

Holdupideals.

Challengepeoplegently.

Talkaboutyourownfailures.

Appealtohighermotives.

Alwayslookforyourselfinothersandothersinyourself—itaffirmstheonenessofthehumanfamily.

Affirmthehighestvaluesofthehumanspirit.

Neverpassupanopportunitytospeakakindwordofappreciation.Thereare6billionpeopleontheplanet,and5.9billonofthemgotobedeverynightstarvingforonehonestwordofappreciation.

10.TheFinalPrinciple

Itisalongjourney.Somemakeit,andothersfallbythewayside.Wealllovethebeautyofthediamond,butweforgetthetimeandpressureittooktomakeit.Alongthewaywebecomediscouraged.Itseemstoohard.Itisn’t.Itseemsimpossible.Itisn’t.

Therewillbesetbacksandfailures.Winnersareinspiredbyfailure.Losersareafraidofanddiscouragedbyfailure.Inthewakeoffailure,winnerswanttodomore,tobemore,todoabetterjobnexttime.Whenfacedwithfailure,losersbecomeoverwhelmedbythefearofgreaterfailure.Theyallowthatfeartosmotherthemandintheprocessachievewhattheywantedtoavoid—agreaterfailure.Thegreatestfailureistonottry.

Therearealwaysplentyofreasonstogiveup.Thinkofreasonsnottogiveup,tostaystrong,tostayfocused,andtopersevere.

Onceyousetyourselfatsomething,keepyoureyeonyourgoalandemploythefinalprinciple:“Nevergiveup!”

IfthereeverwasataleofAmericanleadershipandperseverance,itisthatofAbrahamLincoln.Lincolnwasbornintopovertyin1809.

Throughouthislifehecontinuallyfacedsetbacksanddefeats.Hetwicefailedinbusiness,losteightelections,andsufferedanervousbreakdown.

Defeatandfailurewereoftenbeckoninghim,invitinghimtoquit,butherefusedthatinvitation,andhisstoryisoneofextraordinaryperseverance.Thisisasketchofhislife:

In1816,Lincoln’sfamilywasforcedoutoftheirhome,andhehadtogotoworktosupportthem.

In1818,hismotherdied.

In1831,hefailedinbusiness.

In1832,heranfortheIllinoisHouseofRepresentativesandlost.

In1832,helosthisjob.Laterthatsameyear,hedecidedhewantedtogotolawschool,buthisapplicationwasrejected.

In1833,Lincolnborrowedsomemoneyfromafriendtobeginabusiness,butbytheendoftheyearhewasbankrupt.Hespentthenextseventeenyearspayingoffthatdebt.

In1834,heranforstatelegislatureagainandlost.

In1835,Lincolnwasengagedtobemarried,buthisfiancéediedanditbrokehisheart.In1836,Lincolnsufferedatotalnervousbreakdownandwasconfinedtohisbedforsixmonths.

In1838,hesoughttobecomeSpeakerofthestatelegislatureandwasdefeated.

In1840,hesoughttobecomeelectorandwasdefeated.

In1843,heranforCongressandlost.

In1846,heranforCongressagain;thistimehewonandfinallymadehiswaytoWashington.

In1848,LincolnranforreelectiontoCongressandlost.

In1849,hesoughtthejoboflandofficerbutwasrejected.

In1854,heranforSenateoftheUnitedStatesandlost.

In1856,hesoughtthevicepresidentialnominationathisparty’snationalconvention.Hegotfewerthanonehundredvotesandlost.

In1858,heranfortheUnitedStatesSenateagainandlostagain.

Then,in1860,Lincolndecidedtorunforpresident….

Imean,basedonwhat?

Histrackrecord?

HewonandwentontobecomeoneofthegreatestpresidentsinthehistoryoftheUnitedStatesandoneofthefinestmodelsofleadershipinmoderntimes.Inaspeech,Lincolnsaid,“Thepathwaswornandslippery.Myfootslippedfromunderme,knockingtheotheroutoftheway,butIrecoveredandsaidtomyself,‘It’saslipandnotafall.’”

I’vemissedmorethanninethousandshotsinmycareer,I’velostmorethanthreehundredgames,andtwenty-sixtimesI’vebeentrustedtotakethegame-winningshotandmissed.ThroughoutmylifeandcareerI’vefailed,andfailed,andfailedagain.Andthat’swhyIsucceed.

—MICHAELJORDAN

TheTenPrinciplesofExcellence

Tenprinciples.DoMichaelJordan,JackNicklaus,andCalRipkenJr.employtheseprinciples?Yes,absolutely.DidShakespeare,Beethoven,andMichelangeloemploytheseprinciples?Yes,withoutadoubt.DidFrancisofAssisiandMotherTeresaemploytheseprinciples?Yes,unquestionably.Didtheirsuccessmanifestindifferentways?Certainly.Weretheirachievementseachuniqueanddifferent?Theywere.Buttheprinciplesthatwefindatthecoreoftheirsuccessarethesame.

PartSeven

LivingtheLifeYouWereBorn

toLive

EnjoytheJourney

Oneofourgreatestfailingsashumanbeingsisourinabilitytobepresentinourownlives.Itmaysoundabsurd,butitistrue.Letmeexplain.Howoftendoyoufindyourselfinthecompanyofaperson,eveninthemiddleofaconversationwithaperson,yetarethinkingaboutotherpeopleandplaces?Often,wearedistractedbythepastandthefuture.Thosedistractionsrobusofourlives.Thepastishistory.Thefutureisamirage.Thepastwasthepresent.Thefuturewillbethepresent.Theonlyrealityisnow.

Theotherwaythisfailingmanifestsitselfisinourtendencytoputoffimportantmatters.Wetellourselves,“WhenIgetthatpromotion,Iwillspendmoretimewithmywifeandchildren,”or,“Iwillexercisenextweek,whenIhavethisprojectoutoftheway.”Eachactivityhasitsownpriorityandplaceinourlives,whetheritiswork,prayer,leisure,exercise,orfriendship.Therhythmoflifehelpsustogiveeachactivityitsownplace—everyday—andimmersesusintheabundantlife.

OverandoverIhavewatchedinterviewersaskfamousandsuccessfulpeople,“Whatwouldyouchangeifyoucoulddoitallagain?”Somanyofthemreplybysayingtheywouldenjoytheirrisetofameandsuccessalittlemoreiftheyhadanotherchance.Butyouneverhearthemsay,“Iwouldworkharderandspendlesstimewithmyfamilyandfriends.”JustlastyearIsawaninterviewwithBillyGraham.Theinterviewconcentratedmostlyontheworksandachievementsofhislife,buttowardtheendtheinterviewerasked,“Whatwouldyoudodifferentlyifyouhadtodoitagain?”

ThechangethatcameoverBillyGraham’sfeaturesIhaveneverseenbefore.TheinterviewerhadaskedoneofthosequestionsthatIsupposeallinterviewersdreamofasking.Aquestionthatinvitesthehostandhisaudienceintothedeepestrecessesoftheguest’sheart.Itwasasthoughaveilhadbeentornaway.TheexpressiononGraham’sfacewasoneofknowing,anditlingeredtherefora

longmoment.Hepaused,nottothinkhowtoanswer,buttopullhimselftogether.Itwasobvioushehadaskedhimselfthesamequestionbefore.Helookeddown,swallowed,thenlookedbackupagainandsaid,“Iwouldspendmoretimewithmyfamily.”

Lifeisajourney.Enjoythejourney.Whetheryouaresettingouttobecomealegend,ahero,achampion,astar,aleader,orasaint—enjoythejourney.Ifyoudonotenjoylife,youwillbenogoodtoanybody.Thedestination,thevictory,theachievement—theselastonlyamoment,andthentheyfadelikethemorningdewfromthegrassintolittlemorethanpleasantmemories.

Successisnotadestination—itisajourney.

Anotherofmyfavoritesongwriters,JamesTaylor,oncewrote,“Thesecretoflifeisenjoyingthepassingoftime.”Thejoyisnotinthedestination;thejoyisinthejourney.Ifyoucannotfindpeaceinthejourney,youwillnotfindpeaceinthedestination.Ourpassion,enthusiasm,andexcitementshouldbeforthejourney.Don’tputoffimportantthingsusingadestination,oranachievement,asanexcuse.Takeiteasy.Slowandsteady.Letthingshavetheirplace.

Bepresentinyourownlife.Itisanamazingandraregift.Whenyoumeetapersonwhohasthisgift,thereisnomistakingit.Peoplewhoarepresenttotheirownliveshavethisstrikingabilitytofocusonwhoandwhatisbeforethem.Theygivethepeopleandthemattersathandtheircompleteandundividedattention.Whenyoustandbeforesuchapersoninconversation,heisabletomakeyoufeelasifnooneelseexists.Itisjustyouandhim.Thenoisearoundyou,thepeoplearoundyou,eveninrushhouronMadisonAvenue,donottakeevenabreathofhisattentionfromyouandtheconversation.Forthosefewmoments,itisasifnothingelseexists.Forthosefewmoments,youarehislife.Togivehisattentiontoanythingelsewouldbetomisssomethingofhisownlife.Oftenwedo.

RobertHastingssumsitupperfectlyinhisstory“TheStation.”Letmeshareitwithyou:

Tuckedawayinoursubconsciousisanidyllicvision.Wesee

ourselvesonalongtripthatspansthecontinent.Wearetravelingbytrain.Outthewindowswedrinkinthepassingscenesofcarsonnearbyhighways,orchildrenwavingatacrossing,orcattlegrazingonadistanthillside,orsmokepouringfromapowerplant,orrowuponrowofcornandwheat,offlatlandsandvalleys,ormountainsandrollinghillsides,orcityskylinesandvillagehalls.

Butuppermostinourmindsisthefinaldestination.Onacertaindayatacertainhourwewillpullintothestation.Bandswillbeplayingandflagswaving.Oncewegettheresomanywonderfuldreamswillcometrueandthepiecesofourliveswillfittogetherlikeacompletedjigsawpuzzle.Howrestlesslywepacetheaisles,damningtheminutesforloitering—waiting,waiting,waitingforthestation.

“Whenwereachthestation,thatwillbeit!”wecry.“WhenIam18.”“WhenIbuymynew450SLMercedes-Benz!”“WhenIputthelastkidthroughcollege.”“WhenIgetapromotion.”“WhenIreachtheageofretirement,Ishalllivehappilyeverafter!”

Soonerorlaterwemustrealizethereisnostation,nooneplacetoarriveatonceandforall.Thetruejoyoflifeisthetrip.Thestationisonlyanillusion.Itconstantlyoutdistancesus.

“Relishthemoment”isagoodmotto.EspeciallywhencoupledwithPsalm118:24:“ThisisthedaywhichtheLordhasmade;letusrejoiceandbegladinit.”Itisn’ttheburdensoftodaythatdrivemenmad.Itistheregretsoveryesterdayandthefearoftomorrow.Regretandfeararetwinthieveswhorobusoftoday.

Sostoppacingtheaislesandcountingthemiles.Instead,climbmoremountains,eatmoreicecream,gobarefootmoreoften,swimmorerivers,watchmoresunsets,laughmore,andcryless.Lifemustbelivedaswegoalong.Thestationwillcomesoonenough.

BetheDifferenceThatMakestheDifference

Whatdoallgreatmenandwomeninhistoryhaveincommon?Whatraisesapersonbeyondsuccess,achievement,andexcellencetotherealmofgreatness?Greatnessisattainedbeyondthepursuitofourownfulfillment.Truegreatnessisachievedbymakingadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Whatmovesapersonfromsuccesstosignificance?Makingadifferenceinthelivesofotherpeople.

Historyisfullofexamplesofgreatmenandwomen,butwemustbecarefulnottoconfusegreatnesswithfameorfortune.Fameandfortuneareexternalqualitiesofaperson’slife.Greatnessisaninternalqualityofaperson’scharacter,whichemergesinhisorheractions.

SomeexamplesthatreadilycometomindarepeoplelikeGandhi,HelenKeller,MartinLutherKing,MotherTeresa,andJesus.Butmostofthepeoplewhohavedevelopedandmasteredthisgreatnessofwhichwespeakarenotpublicfiguresorcelebrities.Theyaremothersandfathers,teachersanddoctors,preachers,rabbis,ministers,priests…Theyarepeoplefromallwalksoflifewhoturntheirtalents,efforts,andenergiestowardtheupliftingofotherpeople.Theymakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Whenyoumeetsuchaperson,youseeacertaincalminhereyesandsheseemstobeunusuallyhappy.Sheisquietlyconfidentandoccupiedwithaserenesatisfaction.

Thereisnogreatersatisfactionthanlayingyourheadonthepillowatnightandknowingyouhavetouchedanotherperson’slife,madehisburdenlighter,taughthersomeinfinitewisdom,madehimlaugh,allowedhertocryonyourshoulder,lenthimanunderstandingear…madeadifference.

OneofmyfavoritechildhoodmovieswasWillyWonkaandtheChocolateFactory.ItisthestoryofMr.Wonka,themostsuccessfulandfamouscandymakerintheworld,andhissearchtofindsomeonetocontinuehisworkwhenheisgone.Wonkaplacesfivegoldenticketsrandomlyinsidecandybarsandannouncesacontest.Eachpersonwhofindsagoldenticketwillwinaone-daytouroftheWonkaChocolateFactory—whichnoonehasbeeninsidefortwentyyears—andalifetimesupplyofchocolate.

Charlie,thechildofasinglemotherinEngland,dreams,wishes,prays,andhopesthathewillfindoneofthefivegoldentickets.Buthisfamilyisdesperatelypoor,andhehasnomoneytobuychocolatebars.Onedayonhiswayhomefromschool,Charliefindssomemoneyinthestreet,buystwoWonkabars,andfindsthefifthandfinalgoldenticket.

Thenextday,Charlieandfourotherchildrenfromaroundtheworld,eachwithacompanionofhisorherchoice,enterintothemysteriousandmagicalworldoftheWonkaChocolateFactory.CharlieaskshisgrandpaJoetogowithhim,andtheysetoffonanadventuretoliveoutCharlie’swildestdream.

Theotherfourgoldenticketwinnersarefatallyflawedwithlargedosesofselfishness,andonebyonetheyfindthemselvesleavingthetourofthefactoryprematurely.ButCharlieisgentle,kind,andthoughtful.

Wonkatakesthemfromonewonderfulexhibitiontoanother,showingthemallthewondersofhiscandy-makinggeniusandimagination.BeforelongitisjustCharlie,GrandpaJoe,andWonkaleftonthetour—butastheycomeoutoftheWonka-VisionStudio,Mr.Wonka’stoneandmoodchangedramatically.HebidsCharlieandhisgrandfatherfarewellandasksthemtoshowthemselvesout.Andwiththat,Wonkadisappearsintohisoffice.

Standingattheofficedoor,CharlielooksatGrandpaJoe.Dumbfounded,hesays,“Whathappened?Didwedosomethingwrong?”

“Idon’tknow,butI’mgonnafindout,”GrandpaJoerepliesashestormsintoWonka’soffice.

Mr.Wonka’sofficeisjustasmagicalasanyotherroominthefactory.Everythingisinhalves—halfadesk,halfaclock,halfapicture,halfastatue,halfamirror…GrandpaJoesaystoWonka,whoissittingathisdesk,writingaletter,“Whataboutthechocolate?ThelifetimesupplyofchocolateforCharlie!”

“Hedoesn’tgetany,”Wonkarepliesspitefully.

Mr.WonkaappearstobecomequiteangryandbeginstoexplainwhyitisthatCharliegetsnochocolate.HegoestothefilingcabinetandtakesouthalfaphotocopyofthecontractCharlieandtheotherchildrenhadsignedatthebeginningofthetourandhalfamagnifyingglass.WonkayellsatGrandpaJoe,explainingthatbecausetheydrankfizzyliftingdrinkstheyhadviolatedthecontractandthatCharliewasnolongereligibleforthelifetimesupplyofchocolate.“You’reacrook,acheat,aswindler,”accusesGrandpaJoeasheturnstoleave.

Thisiswheretheplotthickens.InCharlie’spocketisoneEverlastingGobstopper,whichWonkahadgivenhimduringthetour.ItistheveryGobstopperthatWonka’srival,Mr.Slugworth,hadaskedCharlietogetforhiminexchangeformoremoneythanhecouldearnintenlifetimes.

Astheyleavetheoffice,GrandpaJoesaystoCharlie,“IfSlugworthwantsanEverlastingGobstopper,that’sjustwhathe’llget.”

Withthat,Charliestops,takesGrandpaJoe’shandoffhisarm,turnsaround,andwalksbackintotheoffice,whereWonkaisstillsittingathisdesk,writing.Fromhispocket,CharlietakestheEverlastingGobstopperandsays,“Mr.Wonka!”asheplacesitonthedesk.Withoutanotherword,heturnsaroundandbeginstowalkslowlyfromtheoffice.

Wonkadoesn’tlookup,andhedoesn’tlookattheEverlastingGobstopper.Hedoesn’thaveto.Heknowswithoutlooking.HejustreachesacrossthedeskandgraspstheGobstopperandwhispersgently,“Andsoshinesagooddeedinawearyworld.”

Withgreatexcitement,Wonkaswingsaround,callsCharlieback,andexplainsthatitwasatesttoseeifhewouldbetrayhispromisenevertoshowtheEverlastingGobstoppertoanyone—andthatCharliehaspassed,andwon,andthatnowheisgoingtogiveCharliethechocolatefactory.

IcannotdescribetoyouthejoyIfeltasachildeachtimeCharlietooktheEverlastingGobstopperfromhispocketandplaceditonthedesk.IfeelthesamejoyeventodaywhenIwatchthemovie.Itisintense.It’sexhilarating.Hisinnocence,Isuppose,hishonesty,hissincerityandintegrity—allsymbolsofhopeforawearyworld.

“Andsoshinesagooddeedinawearyworld.”Thisiswhatourworldneeds.Itiswhatweneed.Itiswhatmakestheworldajoytolivein.Itiswhatfillsuswithatangiblesenseofourownworthandwealth.

Oureveryactionisanopportunitytocarrythetorchofhopetoanoftenwearyworld.Eachdayisfilledwithendlesspossibilitiestomakeadifference.Itdoesn’ttakemuch,foritreallyisawearyworldforsomanypeople.Itisaworldfullofpeopledesperatelyhungryforsincerity,honesty,andgoodness.Mostofthemaremenandwomenjustlikeyouandme.Theydon’thavethepowertochangetheworldsingle-handedly,sotheythinkchangemustbesomeoneelse’sresponsibility.Thetruthis,noonehasthepowertochangetheworldsingle-handedly,buteachofushasthepowertomakeadifference.

Ideaschangetheworld.Goodideaschangeitforthebetter.Badideaschangeitfortheworse.Menandwomensharetheirideasthroughtheirwordsandactions.Whatideasareyousharingwiththeworld?

Charliesharedtheideathathonesty,integrity,andgoodnessaremoreimportanttoaperson’shappinessthanmoney.Asachild,IwatchedthatmovieandIwantedtobelikeCharlie.Inmychildhood,Ididn’tunderstanditasIdonow.Thatdidn’tmatter.Iknewthathisdeedwasgoodandtrue,andIwantedtobelikeCharlie,andthatwasenough.Throughhisaction,Charliesharedhisidea—andideasarecontagious.

Ideaschangetheworldoftodayandformtheworldoftomorrow.

Makeadifference.Itisnotthathard.Makeahabitofmakinganotherperson’sday.Everyday.

Haveyoueverreceivedanunexpectedletter?Ilovetoreceiveletters,andIamfortunatetoreceivemany,everyday,frompeopleallaroundtheworld.TheycomefromfamilyandclosefriendsandalsofrompeopleIhavenevermet.It’sawonderfulfeelingtoreceiveanunexpectedletter—theexcitementteeteringonimpatienceasyouopentheenvelope.Yetformostpeopleitisararejoy.

Doyourememberthelasttimeyoureceivedanunexpectedletter?Itwasawonderfulexperience,wasn’tit?Doyourememberthefeeling?Diditmake

yourday?

Writeone.Writeanunexpectedlettertoday.Writealettertoanoldfriendwhomyouhaven’tseeninyearsortosomeoneyoulovewhomyouhaven’twrittentoinawhile.Itisn’tthathard;itdoesn’ttakethatmuch.Writeashortnoteonasmallpieceofpaper,putitinanenvelope,addresstheenvelope,andtakeitdowntoyourpostoffice.Itwillcostyouthepriceofapostagestampandfiveminutesofyourtimetomakesomeone’sday.

Orwhenwasthelasttimeyouboughtsomeoneaboxofchocolatesorabunchofflowers?Notbecauseit’ssomeone’sbirthdayoranniversaryorforanyreasonotherthantobrightenuphisorherday.Whenwasthelasttimeyoubakedsomeonesomechocolate-chipcookies?

Whenwasthelasttimeyousatdownthepeopleyouloveandtoldthemofyourloveforthem?It’sbesttoexpressitinyouractions,butitdoesn’thurttosayit.Perhapsyouaremarried.Whenwasthelasttimeyoutoldyourspousehowmuchheorshemeanstoyou?Whenwasthelasttimeyousatyourhusbandorwifedownandsaid,“Youknow,forme,youaresun,rain,fire,ice,NewYork,L.A.,andeverytownalongtheway”?Itdoesn’ttakethatmuch,butitmakesadifference.

Whisper,“Iloveyou,”inyoursleepingchild’sear.

Thesethingsmayseemsimpleandexternal,buttheyreflectamuchdeeperqualityinaperson.Spiritually,westrivetobepatientbecauseGodispatient,weseektobekindbecauseGodiskind,wetrytobehumbleandgentlebecausetheyarethewaysofGod,weseektoloveandbelovedbecauseGodislove.

Yetaboveeverythingelse,beyondeverythingelse,beforeeverythingelse,aftereverythingelse,andduringeverythingelse—Godisagiver.Godalwaysgives.Henevertakes.Heonlygives.Alwaysgiving.GivingisGod’slifeandexistence.ForGod,givingistheperpetualmotionofHisbeing.Thatiswhytogiveaboxofchocolatesorabunchofflowers,ortotaketimetowritealetter,isanactofgreatness.ItisanactofgreatnessbecauseitisanactthatemergesfromtheheartandmindofGod.Ifallouractionscouldbeperformedwiththisdisposition,wewouldbelivinglifetothefullest.

Ipromiseyouwithabsolutecertitudethatthereisnofaster,surerwaytoshareinthelife,thepower,andtheinfinitejoyofGodthantogive.

Giveofyourtime,giveofyourtalents,andgiveofyourresourcestomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Itisthewayofgreatness.ThisisthewayofGod.Itisthewayoflegends,heroes,stars,champions,leaders,andsaints.Ihopeandpraythatitbecomesyourway,andmine.

Asachild,myfatherusedtotellme,“Whateveryougivetoanotherwillreturntoyoutentimes.”Lifehastaughtmethat,likesomanythingsmyfathersaidtome,itisawiseandtruestatement.AnothersayingIrecallfrommychildhoodis“Yougetwhatyougive.”Whenyourefusetogive,holdingontightlytoeverythingyouhave,youliveintherealmoflackandlimitation.Whenyougive,youperformasignificantandvitalattitudechange.Bygiving,youexpressabundance—andwhatyouexpressinthought,word,andactionwillbecometherealityofyourlife.Here,veiledmysteriouslybytheactofgiving,wediscovertheabundantlife.

Whenyougivetoassistinsomeoneelse’sneed,youlearnveryquicklythatthesatisfactionofgivingisgreaterthanthesatisfactionofhaving.

Astimegoesby,yourealizethatmanyofthethingsyouoncethoughtyouneeded,youdon’treallyneed.Withthisrealizationofyourownabundance,youareabletogivemore.HaveyounoticedthatalthoughGodisalwaysgiving,Heisneverwithout?Godisnotlackorlimitation—Godisabundance.ForGod,givingislikebreathing—letitbecomesoforyouandforme,andourliveswillbefullofexcitement,passion,satisfaction,contentment,andfulfillment.

Otherwisewewillbecomelikethemonkeywhorealizedonedaythathismasterhadleftthelidoffthepeanutjar.Themonkeywaitedforhismastertoleavethehouseforhisafternoonwalk.Whenthemasterleft,themonkeyjumpedontothetablewherethejarwas,onlytorealizethatthejarwasonlyhalf-fullandtootallforhimtoreachthepeanuts.Themonkeyknockedoverthejar,butnoneofthepeanutsfellout.Sohereachedintothejarandgrabbedalargehandfulofpeanuts,andhiseyeslitup.Butashewenttotakehishandoutofthejar,herealizedhishandwouldn’tfitthroughthemouthofthejarwhileitwasfullofpeanuts.Themonkeylookedatthepeanutsandpulledharderandharder,tonoavail.Hecouldseethepeanuts,holdthepeanuts,buthecouldn’tenjoythem.Torture.

Whenthemasterreturned,themonkeywasstillonthetable,clenchingthehandfulofpeanuts,refusingtoletgo.Foolishmonkey.

Findingourplaceintheworld,findingourplaceinourlocalcommunity,andmakingadifferenceinourownwayallgivemeaning,purpose,andadeep,deepsenseoffulfillmenttoourlives.Wemustnotonlyfinditforourselves,buthelpeveryindividualtofindthesame.

Theenemiesofmakingadifferencearedoubt,fear,discouragement,andselfishness.Somepeoplenevertrytomakeadifferencebecausetheydoubttheycan.Somepeoplefeartotryincasetheyfail.Somepeoplestarttomakeadifferencebutcomparethegoodtheyaredoingwithalltheeviltheycanimagineintheworldandbecomedisabledbydiscouragement.Somepeoplearesoabsorbedinthemselvesthattheyneverthinkofanyone’sneedsbuttheirown.

Ontheotherhand,somepeopletrustthattheywereputhereonthisearthtomakeadifferenceinsomeway,largeorsmall.Thosesamepeopleknowthefearoffailureasmuchasanyone,buttheyfacethatfear,immersethemselvesinthatemotion,andmoveforwardbravely.Theyfightoffdiscouragementbykeepingthingsinperspective.Whenthingsgettough,theytakelifejustonedayatatime.Whenthingsgetreallytough,theytakelifeonehouratatime.Andwhenthingsgetunbearablydifficult—theytakeheart,holdfirm,andtakelifemomentbymoment.Onebyone.Littlebylittle.Theyarenotstrangerstodoubt,fear,discouragement,orselfishdesires,buttheyfindafocusintheirlivesandcommittothatfocus.

Bynowyouareawareofmygreatloveforstories.Parables,fables,andstoriesarethemosteffectiveandpowerfulwaytoconveyanyideaormessage.HereisastorythatIwouldlikeyoutorecallwhendoubt,fear,discouragement,andselfishdesiresattempttostealyouawayfromyourlife’sworkofmakingadifference.

Onceuponatime,therewasayoungboywholivedjustnearabeach.Everyafternoontheboywouldwalkalongthebeach.

Onedayashewaswalking,henoticedthatasthetidehadgoneoutithadleftmanystarfishstrandedonthebeach.Herealizedthatifthestarfishwereleft

there,theywoulddiebeforethewaterreturned.Soashewalkedalongthebeach,onebyonehepickedupthestarfishandthrewthembackintothewater.Hecouldn’tpickthemallupbecausethereweretoomany,buttheoneshecouldpickuphedid.

Fromthatdayon,theboywouldspendhisafternoonswalkingalongthebeachthrowingthestarfishbackintothewater.Thenonedayastheboywaswalking,anoldmancamewalkingintheotherdirection.Theoldmansawwhattheyoungboywasdoingandcriedout,“Whatareyoudoing,boy?You’llnevermakeadifference.Whydon’tyoujustenjoyyourwalk?”Theboyignoredtheoldmanandcontinuedtopickupthestarfish,onebyone,andtothrowthembackintothewater.Butastheoldmangotcloser,hecamerightuptotheboyandsaid,“Whatareyoudoing?Whatareyoudoing,boy?You’llnevermakeadifference.Whydon’tyoujustenjoyyourwalk?”

Theboyjuststoodthereandsaidnothing.Thentheoldmangrabbedtheyoungboybythearm,turnedhimaround,andmadehimfacedownthebeach.Astheyoungboyandtheoldmanlookeddownthebeach,theycouldseethatthereweremany,manystarfish.Theoldmansaid,“Look,boy,there’shundredsofthem,there’sthousandsofthem.Lookhowmanyyouhavemissed.You’llnevermakeadifference.Forgetaboutthem.Justenjoyyourwalk.”

Justthen,theyoungboybentdownandreachedintothesandonemoretimeandpickeduponemorestarfish.Andstandingup,hethrewthestarfishasfarashecouldintotheocean.Then,lookingdeepintotheoldman’seyes,hesaid,“Imadeadifferenceforthatone.”

FourSimpleSteps

Therearefoursimplestepsthatwillempoweryoutomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slivesandleadyoualongthepathofgreatness.

StepOne

Whenyouwakeuptomorrowmorning,remindyourselfofyourgoal,yourpointB,youressentialpurpose—tobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.

StepTwo

Thenextstepistoaskyourself,“WhosedaycanImaketoday?”

StepThree

Nowaskyourself,“HowcanImakethatperson’sday?”

StepFour

Whenyouhavemadethesefirstthreesteps,showerandhavebreakfast,butthen,justbeforeracingintotheday,takeafewminutestoplan,reflect,andpray.Findaquietplace,andinthatsilencevisualizehowyouwouldlikeyourdaytounfold.Makeplanstofulfillyourlegitimateneedsphysically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Takeamomenttobecomeawareof,andtoappreciate,allyouhaveandallyouare,andthenyouwillbereadyfortheday.

Ifyoufaithfullycommityourselftothissimplefour-stepplanofactionforthenexttendays,yourlifewillbegintobefilledwiththefruitsoftherhythmoflife—peace,joy,anincreasedabilitytolove,anincreasedabilitytobeloved,ararehappinessandsatisfaction,aprofoundsenseoffulfillment,andthelove,excitement,andpassionforlifethataretheessenceofGod,theessenceofthehumanbeing,andtheintendedessenceofthehumanexperience.

Youwillthenfindyourselfonthevergeofgreatness.Youwillhavediscoveredthepowerofmakingadifference,andlifewillissueyouthechallengetocontinuallyandconsistentlyengagethatpowerinyourdailylife.

Afterawhile,youlearnthatit’sbettertowriteanunexpectedletterthantositaroundwaitingforthepostmantodeliverone.Soonerorlater,youdiscoverthatitisbettertohelpsomeoneplantagardenthantowaitforsomeonetobringyouflowers.Letitbesoonerforyou.

Thetemptationistosay,“Iamjustoneperson;whatcanonepersondo?”Lookatwhatothermenandwomenhavedoneinjustonelifetime:BillyGraham,MotherTeresa,Beethoven,Michelangelo,FrankLloydWright,AlbertEinstein,MichaelJordan,StevenSpielberg,BillGates,AbrahamLincoln.Theytoocouldhaveusedthesameexcuse,“Iamonlyoneperson.”Theydidn’t.Rather,theydedicatedthemselvestothepassionatepursuitoftheirdreams.

TheodoreRooseveltoffersusastartingpoint:“Dowhatyoucan,withwhatyouhave,whereyouare.”FrancisofAssisiofferedthisadvicetohisbrothers:“Firstdowhatisnecessary,thenwhatispossible,andbeforelongyouwillbedoingtheimpossible.”

Thegoodwedoisneverlost;itneverdies.Inotherpeople,inotherplaces,inothertimes—thegoodwedolivesonforever.

Bethedifferencethatmakesthedifference!

Leaders,Critics,Dreamers,andtheFuture

Wearelivingduringaveryinterestingperiodofhistory,atimeoftransition.Transitionperiodsarethemostimportant,yetyourarelyreadabouttheminhistorybooks,becauseit’sdifficulttojudgeexactlywhentheybeginandwhentheyend.Theyliesubtlysandwichedbetweenotherperiodsinhistory.Wearelivinginsuchatransitionperiodnow,buttounderstandthistimeinwhichwelive,andparticularlythistransition,wemustfirsttrytounderstandwhatisoneithersideofthistransition.

Therealityisthatourcivilizationisindecline.Therearefivesignsthatemergeinadecliningcivilization.Thesesignscanbefoundinthedeclineofalmosteverycivilizationinrecordedhistory.Theytakedifferentformsdependingonthecultureofthepeopleofthetimeandthetechnologicaladvancementoftheage,butultimatelythesamedevastatingresultisachieved.

Thesearethefivesignsofadecliningcivilization:adramaticincreaseinsexualpromiscuity;thepoliticalundermininganddisintegrationoffamilyvalues;theculturaldestructionofthefamilyunit;thekillingoftheinnocent;andaradicalincreaseinnonwar-fareviolence.Thesesignshaveplayedamajorroleinthedeclineandcollapseofeverycivilizationinrecordedhistory.Somuchsothatoncethesesignshaveemergedtosomelevelofgeneraloccurrenceandacceptance,nocivilizationhasbeenabletoprolongitsexistenceforlongerthanonehundredyears.

Inourownculture,thesesignsgainedinitialprominenceduringandafterWorldWarI.TheywerecompoundedandspreadevenmorewidelybytheeffectsandconsequencesofWorldWarII,andbytheendofthe1960s,theywererampant.Attheturnofthemillennium,theyhaveallbutbeengenerallyacceptedasvalidviewsandformsofbehavior.Therefore,usingadateevenaslateasthe1960sasthelandmarkforthegeneralemergenceofthesesigns,our

civilizationisleftwithonlysixtyyears.Thisisnotaprediction,itisnotaprophecy,itisarealitysetinthepast.Itisalessonwehavecontinuallyfailedtolearnfromhistory.Andsixtyyearsisashorttimeforoneperson,nevermindacivilization.

Whencurrentgenerationsignorethepast,theydestinethemselvestorelivethemistakesandmiseriesofeveryage.

Weliveinacriticaltimeinhistory.Thefutureofhumanityandtheworldisindangerunlessradicalchangeisadopted.Thischangemustfocusprimarilynotontheexternalrealitiesoftheworld,butontheinteriormysteriesofourbeing.Godisnotgoingtodestroyhumanity,norisGodgoingtobringtheworldtoanend.But,collectivelyandprogressively,wehaveinvolvedourselvesinacomplexprocessofself-destructionandsohaveendangeredtheworldandallcreation.Thisprocessofself-destructiongathersitsforceandmomentumintheideologythatanythingandeverythingcanbeexploitedandconsumedforprofitandourownsatisfaction.Theresultisdisorder.Thedisorderbeginswithmisplacedprioritiesinourheartsandleadstodisordersocially,politically,culturally,economically,environmentally,andspiritually.Thisproduceschaosanddestruction—gradualatfirst,butescalating.

Whatdoesallthismean?Istheworldgoingtoend?No.Ishumanitygoingtobewipedoutcompletely?No.Wearepassingfromonetimetoanother.Onecivilizationisdying,andanotherwillemerge.Weareinatransition.

Tounderstandthisalittlemore,weshouldturntoourhistorybookstolearnanotherlesson.Thereis,Ibelieve,aremarkableparallelbetweenthetimeinwhichweliveandthelateryearsoftheRomanEmpire.TheRomanEmpirewasgreat.Itwasmighty.Itwaspowerful.AndthepeopleofthattimebelievedthattheRomanEmpirewouldcontinuerulingandconqueringandenjoyingthefruitsofrulingandconqueringforever.Therecameatime,however,whensomeofthepeoplebegantorealizethattheRomanEmpire,evenasgreatandaspowerfulasitwas,wouldnotlastforever.Thesagesandtheseersofthateraperceivedthattheempirewasindeclineandthatbeforetoolongitwouldgivewaytosomethingnew.

Averysimilarprogressionnowwaitsonthedoorstepofhumanhistory.The“modernWesternempire”hasreachedthatpoint.Ithasachieveditspinnacle.Itmaylingerthereatthetopmomentarily,butnotforlong.Today’sclimatemakes

Nero’sRomelookliketheMadHatter’steaparty.Thepeopleofourage,justlikethepeopleoftheRomanEmpire,believethatthemodernWesternempirewillcontinuerulingandconqueringforever,andthatforeverwewillgoonenjoyingthefruitsofourrulingandconquering.Likemostthings,itcannotlastforeverandsoonwillbegintofallaway,makingwayforsomethingnew.

HistoryalsoteachesusthattheRomanEmpiregavewaytoawonderfulperiodinhistory—theMiddleAges.Culturally,socially,politically,economically,andspiritually,theMiddleAgeswereavibrantandvitaltimeofgrowth,discovery,andprogress.IamnotsuggestingthatwegobacktotheMiddleAges.Iamsuggestingthatontheothersideofthiscurrenttransitionispotentiallyatimeunmatchedbyanyotherinhistory.

Thereisonequestionthatthepeopleofanyagearealwaysasking,whetherconsciouslyorsubconsciously:“Whatwillthefuturehold?”

Thetwentiethcenturyhasbeenmarkedbytremendousadvancementinthematerialandscientificrealms.Sixhundredyearspassedbetweentheinventionoftheplowandtheinventionoftheautomobile.Ittookonlysixtyyearsfromtheinventionoftheautomobiletothespaceage.Thissinglefactalonehelpsustounderstandtheconfusionthathasalsomarkedthetwentiethcentury.Thisrapidchangehaschallengedpeopletoreassesstheirviewofreality.Theresultshavenotalwaysbeenpositiveorprogressive.Perhapsbecauseofthisrapidchangealone,andtheassociatedconfusion,wenowfindourselvespreparingtobecatapultedintoanewperiodinhistory.

Thetwenty-firstcenturywillbemarkednotbyrapidincreasesintechnology,butbydramaticandradicalincreasesinpeople’sawarenessofthetranscendental,agrowingunderstandingofthevitalrolespiritualityplaysinourexistence,andtheimportanceoftendingtoallofhumanity’slegitimateneeds.

Towhom,then,doesthefuturebelong?Ifwelookcloselyatothertransitionperiodsinhistory,twogroupsofpeopleemergeverystrongly.Thefirstarewhatweknowascritics—peoplewhocriticize.Criticsexistinanyperiod,ofcourse,butinatimeoftransitiontheymultiplyfasterthanever.Whatdotheycriticize?Theycriticizetheold,theycriticizethenew,theycriticizethechange,theycriticizethechangeforbeingtoofast,andtheycriticizethechangeforbeingtooslow.Theycriticizeeverythingandanything.Acriticisneverhardtofind.Thequestionsweshouldconsiderare,“Whendidagroupofcriticseverusherina

newmovementinhistory?”Never.“Whenwillagroupofcriticseverusherinanewmovementinhistory?”Never.

Sotowhomdoesthefuturebelong?

Thesecondgroupofpeoplethatatransitionraisesisleaders.Theyaremenandwomenofvision,courage,persistence,confidence,generosity,conscience,integrity,creativity,enthusiasm,character,andvirtue.Theyhavetheextraordinaryabilitytoignorethechaos,confusion,troubles,anddifficultiesthatsurroundthemandtoremainfocusedonthetaskathand.Theyhavetheawe-inspiringandprofoundabilitytopiercethroughtimeintothefutureandenvisionhowtheywish,think,orbelieve,thefutureshouldbe.Thentheyreturntothehereandnowandworktirelesslytomaketheirvisionareality.Theyareabletosharetheirvisionandmustersupportfromothersforthatvision.Theyareextraordinarycommunicatorsbothinwordanddeed,andtheirmerepresenceenergizesandinspirespeople.Againstallodds,doubts,andcriticismstheyareabletotrust,follow,nurture,andsharethegoodnesswithinthem.

Thefuturebelongstopeoplesuchasthese.Theyareleaders.Yourarelyhearthemcriticizinganythingoranyone,becausetheyaretoobusygettingthejobdone,usheringinanewmovementinhistory.

Theysaythedarkesthourisrightbeforethedawn.Butthedarkesthourgivesbirthtothegreatestchildrenoflight.Fromthedarkhoursofhistoryarebornlegends,heroes,champions,prophets,sages,leaders,stars,greatteachers,andsaints.

Thefuturewillbewhatwemakeofit.Leadershipisnotaneliteclass.Itisaroleeachofusisborninto.Itisapositionofinfluence.Granted,somepeopleexertmoreinfluencethanothers,butallofusexertsome,andbyourinfluence,people’slivesaretouched.Peoplehearwhatyousay,andtheylisten,andtheyareaffected.Peoplewatchhowyoulive,andtheylearn,andtheyareinfluenced.

Bealeader.Donotbeafraid.Donotinternalizetheproclamationsandcriticismsofthe“timidsouls”andself-appointedkingsofnonexistentkingdoms.Whenyouspeaktoyourself,letyourinteriordialoguebeconfident,optimistic,andvisionary.Daretolivethelifemostpeopleonlyfantasizeabout!Donotbeadestroyerofdreams,beadreamerofdreams.Alongtheway,thinkoftenofAlbertEinstein’swords:“Greatspiritshavealwaysencounteredviolent

oppositionfrommediocreminds.”

Lifeisnotapopularitycontest.

Thosewhowishtobefreefromcriticisminevitablyendupdoingnothingworthwhile.Iamoftencriticized.ItisnotsomethingIwilleverbecomeaccustomedto,anditdrainstremendousenergyfrommeifIamnotcareful.Inthefaceofcriticism,Iliketospendmysacredhourcarefullyreflectingonthefollowingtwoquotes.

IdotheverybestIknowhow—thebestIcan;andImeantokeepdoingsountiltheend.Iftheendbringsmeoutallright,whatissaidagainstmewon’tamounttoanything.Iftheendbringsmeoutwrong,tenangelsswearingIwasrightwouldmakenodifference.

—ABRAHAMLINCOLN

Itisnotthecriticthatcounts;northemanwhopointsouthowthestrongmanstumbled;norwherethedoerofdeedscouldhavedonethembetter.Thecreditbelongstothemanwhoisactuallyinthearena;whosefaceismarredbydustandsweatandblood;whostrivesvaliantly;whoerrs,andcomesshortagainandagain,becausethereisnoeffortwithouterrorandshortcomings,whodoesactuallytrytodothedeed;whoknowsthegreatenthusiasm,thegreatdevotion,andspendshimselfinaworthycause;…who,atworst,ifhefails,atleastfailswhiledaringgreatly….

Farbetteritistodaremightythings,towinglorioustriumphseventhoughcheckeredbyfailure,thantorankamongthosetimidsoulswhoneitherenjoynorsuffermuch,becausetheyliveinthegraytwilightthatknowsneithervictorynordefeat.

—THEODOREROOSEVELT

Anysocietyorcommunityatanytimeinhistoryneedsleadership.Ourageisnodifferentandperhapsmoreinneedthananyotherage.Theneedisforauthenticleadership—inourfamilies,inourcommunities,inthebusinessworld,onthesportingfield,intheareasoftheartsandculture,inpolitics,andinourchurches.

Onethingiscertain.Inalandwheretherearenomusicians;inalandwheretherearenostorytellers,teachers,andpoets;inalandwheretherearenomenandwomenofvisionandleadership;inalandwheretherearenolegends,saints,

andchampions;inalandwheretherearenodreamers—thepeopleofthatlandwillmostcertainlyperish.ButyouandI,wearethemusicmakers;wearethestorytellers,teachers,andpoets;wearethemenandwomenofvisionandleadership;wearethelegends,thesaints,andthechampions;andwearethedreamersofthedreams.

HowDoYouPerceivetheWorld?

Howdoyouseetheworld?Whatisyourperceptionoftheworld?Thegreatdangerisforustofallintothetrapofbelievingthatthewholeworldislikethecitywelivein.Thetemptationistofallintothesubconsciouslethargyofthinkingthatthewholeworldislikethestreetweliveon.

Mostpeoplethinktheyhavegotaprettygoodgriponreality,afairlybroadview,butsometimesourviewofrealitycanbecomedistorted.Howdoyouperceivetheworld?

Yousee…ifwereducedtheworld’spopulationtoonehundredpeople,proportionally…

Fifty-sevenofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldbefromAsia.Twenty-onewouldbefromEurope,fourteenfromNorthandSouthAmerica,andeightfromAfrica.

Fifty-onewouldbewomen,andforty-ninewouldbemen.

Sixty-eightofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldnotbeabletoreadandwrite.

Sixofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldownandcontrolmorethan50percentoftheworld’swealth.AllofthosesixpeoplewouldbeU.S.citizens.ThreeofthosesixpeoplewouldliveonthenorthshoreofLongIsland…onthesamestreet.

ThirtywouldbeChristian,seventywouldbenon-Christian.

Oneofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldbejustabouttodie,onewouldhavebeenjustborn,andonlyoneofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldhavebeentocollege.

Howdoyouperceivetheworld?Maybeinyourworldeveryonegoestocollege,butonplanetEarthonlyoneoutofeveryonehundredpeoplegoestocollege.

FiftypercentofAmericanchildrenliveseparatedfromtheirbiologicalfathers.

One-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromlackofbread.One-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromlackofjustice.Andone-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromovereating.

Whatisyourviewoftheworld?Howdoyouperceivetheworld?

ThisisthewayIseeit.Lifecomesdowntotwosimplerealities.Peopleweremadetobeloved,andthingsweremadetobeused.Yourproblems,myproblems,andindeedalltheworld’sproblemscomefromourmisunderstandingofthesetwosimpleprinciples.Yousee…welovethingsandweusepeople.

Itwouldnotbetoomuchtodedicateone’swholelifetothereversalofthesesimplerealities.

Loveisourgreatestdesire—toloveandbeloved.Weknowhowtolove,becauseweknowhowwewishtobeloved.Itisthecentralpreceptandprincipleofeverymajorreligion.Itistheanswertoeveryquestion.Itisthesolutiontoeveryproblem.

Theanswerisnevertoloveless.Theanswerisalwaystolovemore.

Thequestionis,“Whatdowelove?”

Youcanchoosenottolovetherightthings,butyoucannotchoosenottolove.Wealllove—wecannothelpbutlove,forthatiswhatwewerecreatedfor.Loveiswhatgivesmeaningtoourlives.Loveisthedirectionofourlives.Whatyouloveandwhatcaptivatesyourimaginationdetermineshowyouliveyourlife.Loveisourgreatestdesire,ourgreatestneed,ourgreatesttalent,andourgreatestyearning.Loveisouridentity.Untilwelove,wenevertrulyknowwhoweare.Loveisnatural,original,andspontaneous.Loveispower.

Ifyoucouldonlyloveenough,youcouldbethemostpowerfulpersonintheworld.

Weholdbackthatinfinitepowertolovebecausewhenitisreleased—althoughitachievesallthegoodintheworld—italsomakesusvulnerableandushersinthepossibilityofsuffering.Wewasteopportunitiestolove.

Tolovedeeply,youmustletgoofthoseillusionsofperfection,thatpretenseofbeingcompletelyincontrol,andopenyourselftothatmysteriousgift,pleasure,power,andgracewecalllove.Thatsurrenderandopennesscreatesaradicalvulnerability.Loveistostepbeyondthecomfortzone.

Mymotherhasalwaysenjoyedhergarden,butsheparticularlylovesgrowingorchids.MumhasgrowntheminourbackyardeversinceIwasachild.WhenmybrothersandIwereyounger,weusedtoplayalotofsoccerandcricketinthebackyard.OneofuswasalwayscrawlingtowardthekitchentoconfesstheaccidentalassassinationofoneofMum’sorchids.

Ioverheardaconversationonenightbetweenmymotherandfather.Mymotherwasventingthatwewerekillingallherorchids.Myfatherlistened,andalittletimepassedbeforehesaidcalmly,“Well,onedaytheywon’tbeheretoplayintheyardandbreaktheorchids.Whenthatdaycomeswewillwishtheywere,solet’smovetheplants.”

Thepeopleyoulovewillnotalwaysbenearyou.Lovethem.Seizetheopportunity.

Themostwonderfulthingaboutloveisthatitishighlycontagious.Lovedemandsaresponse.Lovedeterminestheresponse.Lovebegetslove.Here’sasimpleexample.Ifyou’rewalkingdownthestreetandyousmileatsomeonecomingintheoppositedirection,whathappens?Usuallyhesmilesback.Butintheeventhedoesnotsmileback,andthenextdayyouseehimagainandsmileagain,thenwhathappens?Eventuallyhesmilesback.Lovedemandsaresponse.Yourlovesetsoffareaction,arippleeffect.Lovebegetslove.

TeilharddeChardinwrote,“Thedaywillcomewhen,afterharnessingspace,thewinds,thetidesandgravitation,weshallharnessforGodtheenergiesoflove.And,onthatday,forthesecondtimeinthehistoryoftheworld,manwillhavediscoveredfire.”

Ifyouhaveboughtintothemoderndefinitionofsuccess—“gettingwhatyouwantoutoflife”—youhaveprobablyalienatedyourselffromthemostimportantrealityandtruthoflife.Loveisafreegift.

Wesacrificeloveforso-calledprogress.Wesacrificeloveforso-calledsuccess.Wesacrificeloveforso-calledmoreimportantthings—nosuchthingsexist.

TellmewhatyouloveandIwilltellyouwhoyouare.Whatyoufallinlovewithdetermineseverything.

Ourdesiretoloveandbelovedneverrests.Thoughwemaysleep,ourdesiretoloveneverdoes.Itisasconstantasourverybreathing—andasnecessary.Ourtrueidentityisdeeplyintertwinedwiththisdesireandabilitytolove.

Wecannotlivewithoutlove.Withoutlovethereisnojoy,excitement,passion,orsatisfactioninlife.Youcannotlivewithoutloveforyourself.YoucannotlivewithoutloveforyourGod.Youcannotlivewithoutloveforyourneighbor.Youcantry,butyouwillendupbitterandmiserable.Andthatbitternessandmiserywillkillyouintheend.Youwillappeartobealive,butintruthyouwillbedying.Youcannotlivewithoutlove.

Loveorperish;thereisnootherchoice.

CanYouHeartheMusic?

Forme,oneofthegreatestjoysinthisworldismusic.Canyouimagineaworldwithoutmusic?Whataweary,wearyworlditwouldbewithoutmusic.Musicisexpressiveofeveryhumanfeelingandemotion,butitmostaptlyexpressesjoyandlove.Whatholdsmusictogether?Rhythm.

Whatholdsourlivestogether?Rhythm.Isyourworldaworldwithoutmusic?Isyourlifeasongwithoutrhythm?

Restsandpausesareasimportantingreatmusicasthenotesthemselves.Restsandpausesareasimportantingreatlivesasactivity.

Itisnaturalforustowantabetterworldforourchildrentogrowupin.Wemustrecognizethatachievinggreatchangeforthecommongoodtakesalongtime.Thoseworkingforgoodarenotinahurry.Theyarepatient,andbecausetheyarepatient,theyarewise.Theydoalltheycantobringonthisgoodwithoutlosingtherhythmoflifethemselves.Theyneversacrificetherhythm.

Youmustfindtherhythm,yourrhythm.Therhythmthatconnectsyouwiththerestofcreationinharmonyandpeace.TherhythmthatmosteffectivelyallowsthegraceofGodtoworkwithinyourlife.Therhythmthatallowsyoutofindthatsacredbalancethatgivesyoustrength,courage,andconfidencetobeyourself.Therhythmthatleadsyoualongthepathofgrowthandperfection.Therhythmoflifethatunveilsandfulfillsyourlegitimateneeds.

Therhythmoflifeisapowerfulthing.

Inthebeginningofpart5,Isuggestedthatanyadequatesolutionstotheproblemsandchallengesthatfaceusintheworldtodaymustbebothaccessibleandapplicabletoeveryone,everywhere,regardlessofage,color,creed,orculture—andtheirpracticalitymustimpactandbedeeplyintertwinedwithpeople’sday-to-dayliving.Ibelievetherhythmoflifeofferssuchasolution.

Letmeissueonewarning.Therhythmoflifemaybethesolutiontomanyoftheworld’sproblems,butinthisdayandage—inaworldobsessedwithspeed,noise,greed,lust,andactivity—therhythmoflifeisaradical,countercultural,revolutionaryact.

IfyoudecidetowalkthepathIhavedescribedinthisbook,noteveryonewillunderstand.Someofyourfamilyandfriendswillridiculeyou,theywillaccuseyouofbeingadreamer,andtheywilltellyouthatyouarecrazy.

Thepeoplewhocannothearthemusicthinkthatthepeoplewhoaredancingarecrazy.

Don’tletthatbotheryou.Andevenifitdoesbotheryou,don’tletitdiscourageordistractyoufromwalkingthepath.Iftheyunderstoodthepath,theywouldbeonit.Someofthemarebitterbecauseonceintheiryouththeytriedtowalkthispathandgaveup,andnowintheiroldagetheybelieveitistoolateforthemtoseekthatpathagain.Thispathisnotforeveryone.Everyonecanchooseandwalkthispath,butveryfewactuallyhavethestrength,courage,discipline,andperseverancetodowhatittakestowalkit.Thatiswhatsetsthemapart.Thatiswhatmakesthemlegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints.

Rhythmornorhythm,lifeisn’talwayseasy.SometimesIfindmyselfdeliriouslyhappy.Ihavehadmanymountaintopexperiences,butlifeisn’talwayslivedonthemountaintopsoftheworld.Sometimeswefindourselvesinthevalleysoffearanddoubtorintheabyssofsufferingandloneliness.Atthosetimesitiseasytobecomediscouraged,toabandontheway,toletthecriticsgetyoudown.Atthosetimes,travelinyourmindtoasmallorphanageinCalcutta,andonawallthereyouwillfindthesewords:Peopleareunreasonable,illogical,andself-

centered.LOVETHEMANYWAY.

Ifyoudogood,peoplewillaccuseyouofselfish,ulteriormotives.DOGOODANYWAY.

Ifyouaresuccessful,youwinfalsefriendsandtrueenemies.SUCCEEDANYWAY.

Thegoodyoudowillbeforgottentomorrow.DOGOODANYWAY.

Honestyandfranknessmakeyouvulnerable.BEHONESTANDFRANKANYWAY.

Bigpeoplewithevenbiggerideaswillbeshotdownbysmallpeoplewithevensmallerminds.THINKBIGANYWAY.

Peoplefavorunderdogs,butfollowonlytopdogs.BETHEUNDERDOGANYWAY.

Whatyouspentyearsbuildingmaybedestroyedovernight.BUILDANYWAY.

Peoplereallyneedhelpbutmayattackyouifyouhelpthem.HELPTHEMANYWAY.

Givetheworldthebestyouhaveandyou’llgetkickedintheteeth.GIVETHEWORLDTHEBESTYOU’VE

GOTANYWAY.

TheMeasureofYourLifeWillBetheMeasureofYourCourage

Everythinginliferequirescourage.Whetheritisplayingfootballorcoachingfootball;crossingtheroomtoaskagirloutonadateorrekindlingalovethathasgrowncold;startinganewbusiness,battlingapotentiallyfataldisease,gettingmarried,strugglingtoovercomeanaddiction,orcominghumblybeforeyourGodinprayer—lifetakescourage.

Courageisessentialtothehumanexperience.Courageanimatesus,bringsustolife,andmakeseverythingelsepossible.Yetcourageistherarestqualityinahumanperson.

Themostdominantemotiontodayinourmodernsocietyisfear.Weareafraid.Afraidoflosingthethingswehaveworkedhardtobuy,afraidofrejectionandfailure,afraidofcertainpartsoftown,afraidofcertaintypesofpeople,afraidofcriticism,afraidofsufferingandheartache,afraidofchange,afraidtotellpeoplehowwereallyfeel…Weareafraidofsomanythings.Weareevenafraidtobeourselves.

Someofthesefearsweareconsciouslyawareof,whileothersexistsubconsciously.Butthesefearscanplayaverylargeroleindirectingtheactionsandactivitiesofourlives.Fearhasatendencytoimprisonus.Fearstopsmorepeoplefromdoingsomethingwiththeirlivesthanlackofability,contacts,resources,oranyothersinglevariable.Fearparalyzesthehumanspirit.

Courageisnottheabsenceoffear,buttheacquiredabilitytomovebeyondfear.Eachdaywemustpassthroughthejunglesofdoubtandcrossthevalleyoffear.Foritisonlythenthatwecanliveinthehighplaces—onthepeaksofcourage.

Takeamomenttowanderthroughthepagesofhistory—yourfamily’shistory,yournation’shistory,humanhistory—andextractfromthosepagesthemenandwomenyoumostadmire.Whatwouldtheybewithoutcourage?Nothingworthwhileinhistoryhasbeenachievedwithoutcourage.Courageisthefatherofeverygreatmomentandmovementinhistory.

Ihavefeltthechillingwindsoffearandself-doubtrushagainstmyskin.Ihavediscoveredthatcourageislearningtorecognizeandmasterthatsinglemoment.Thatmomentisaprelude—apreludetocourageorapreludetofear.Somuchcanbeaccomplishedinonemomentofcourage.Andsomuchcanbelosttoonemomentoffear.

Nooneisbornwithcourage.Itisanacquiredvirtue.Youlearntorideabicyclebyridingabicycle.Youlearntodancebydancing.Youlearntoplayfootballbyplayingfootball.Courageisacquiredbypracticingcourage.Andlikemostqualitiesofcharacter,whenpracticedourcouragebecomesstrongerandmorereadilyaccessiblewitheverypassingday.

Haveyoueverbeenawakenedinthemorningbythealarmclockinthemiddleofawonderfuldream?Whathappens?Youtrytogobacktosleep.Maybeyoucanandmaybeyoucan’tgetbacktosleep,butwhatdoesn’thappen?Thedreamdoesn’treturn.Lifeisthatdream.

Ifyouknewyouweregoingtodieoneyearfromtoday,whatwouldyoudowiththenextyearofyourlife?Dothosethings.Gohometonightandmakealist.Thensetaboutmakingthosethingshappen.Revisitthatlisteveryday,checkonyourprogress,andrenewyourresolution.Usethewordsinthisbookeachdaytoinspireyoutomakethemhappen.Becauselifeisshortandyouaredeadanawfullongtime.Livelifepassionately.Laughoften,lovealways,cultivatesoul,don’tbeafraidtodreamthebigdreams,andembraceyourGod.

Ourworldischangingsoquickly.Itcanbealittlefrighteningattimes.Itiseasytobecomesobusyworryingaboutthefuturethatweforgettoliveourdreams.Thereissomethingwonderfulaboutadream.Itisnottheachievementofthedreamthatmattersmost,butratherthepursuitofthosedreamsthatarebornfromdeepwithinus.Thepursuitofthedreamislife;itdoessomethingmysterioustous,fillsuswithhope,passion,andenthusiasm,andexpandsour

capacitiesasahumanpersonineveryway.

Sowhatarewewaitingfor?Wegetonlyoneshotatlife.Isn’tittimeforalittlesoul-searching?Visitaquietchurchinthemiddleoftheday.Takeawalkinthepark.Turnoffthetelevisionandtalktoyourchildren.Openthepaperandlookforthejobyou’vealwayswanted.Keepapromise.Tellyourmumyouloveher.RestoreanoldFord.Makefriendswithyourneighbors.Sayyesinsteadofmaybe.Watchasunset.Writeyourspousealoveletter.Flyakite.Saysorry.Askthatgirloutonadate.Tryafoodyou’venevertastedbefore.MakepeacewithGod.

Donotwasteyourlife,becauselifeisthere—allyouhavetodoisreachoutandembraceit.Anythingispossible.Whateveryourdreamis,makeithappen.Havecourage.Starttoday.Youwillbeamazedwhatlifewillgiveyouinreturnforalittlebitofcourage.

Courageisachoice.

Becertainofonething:Themeasureofyourlifewillbethemeasureofyourcourage.

LetYourLightShine!

Intheprocessofwritingthisbook,IhavereturnedtoAustriaonacoupleofoccasions.IhavereturnedtoGamingandtotheformermonasterywhereIdiscoveredlifeanew.NowIhavesharedwithyou,asIpromisedmyselfIwould,whatIdiscoveredinthemountainsacoupleofhoursoutsideofVienna—therhythmoflife.

Whatiscontainedinthesepageshasthepowertochangeyourlife.Iknow,becausetheseideashavechangedmylifeandcontinuetoenrichmylifeeveryday.

Iknowawomanwhohascarriedherpassportaroundwithherforthirty-fouryears.Shehasneverusedit,butshenevergoesanywherewithoutittuckedsafelyawayinsideherhandbag.

Thirty-fouryearsagoshehadanopportunitytotakeatrip,butformanyreasonsatthelastminuteshedecidednotto.Sheneverwilltakethattrip,andshewillalwaysregretnothavingtakenitwhenshehadthechance.

Youareholdingapassportinyourhandsrightnow,withvalidvisastohigherlevelsofconsciousnessandmoreabundantliving.Iknowitisavalidpassport—Ihaveuseditmyself.Butitisnotenoughjusttohaveapassport.Youmustmakethejourney.Beconfident.Donotbeafraid.Havecourage.Takeitonestepatatime.Makethejourney.

Alifewellinvestedhasfewregrets.Alifelivedrichlyhasfewapologiestomake.Findtherhythmoflife.

Ifyouhavecomethisfar,youhaveobviouslyfoundsomevalueintheideasthat

fillthesepages.Don’tsetthisbookdownnowonashelftogatherdust.Startagain.Keepitneartoyou.Whenyoucometotheendforasecondtime,startagain.Readfivepagesadayperpetually.Makeitalifelongcompanion.Itistheonlywayfortheideastotakerootinourpractical,everydaylives.

Ihavetriedtofillthesepageswithideasthatwecanreadoverandoveragain,eachtimerevealinganewlayerofmeaning.Theyareideasthatresonatedeeperwithinuseachtimewereadthem—andevendeeperagainwhenwetakethetimetoreflectonthemslowlyandquietly.

Astheideasinthisbookbegintochangeyourlife—asyoubegintoexperiencethepoweroftherhythmoflife—sharethisbook.Giveacopytoafriendasagift.Suggestittoyourfamily.Helpothersdiscovertherhythmoflife.

RarelydoesadaygobywhenIdon’tthinkofmyhighschoolmotto:“Luceatluxvestra.”ItisLatin,takenfromthefifthchapterofMatthew’sgospel,andmeans“Letyourlightshine.”

Thelegends,heroes,leaders,champions,andsaintswehavespokenofthroughoutthisbook,andwhofillthepagesofourhistorybooks,arejustsymbolsofthegoodnessandgreatnesswithinusall.

Donotletyourlifebelikeashootingstarthatlightsuptheskyforonlyabriefmoment.

Letyourlifebelikethesun,whichalwaysburnsbrightlyintheheavens,bringinglightandwarmthtoallthoseonearth.

Livethelifeyouwereborntolive!

Letyourlightshine!

WhetheryoureceivedTheRhythmofLifeasagift,borroweditfromafriend,orpurchasedityourself,we’regladyoureadit.WethinkyouwillagreethatMatthewKellyisamostrefreshingvoice,andwehopeyouwillsharethisbook

andhisthoughtswithyourfamilyandfriends.

Ifyouareinterestedinwritingtotheauthor,wishtoreceivehisfreenewsletter,TheBeacon,wouldlikeinformationabouthisspeakingengagements,orwouldliketoinvitehimtospeakataneventyouarehosting,pleaseaddressallcorrespondenceto:

TheMatthewKellyFoundation2330KemperLane

Cincinnati,OH45206UnitedStatesofAmerica

Phone:1-513-221-7700Fax:1-513-221-7710

e-mail:info@matthewkelly.orgwww.matthewkelly.org

Acknowledgments

Bookshavealifeoftheirown.Theydoofcoursestartasanauthor’sdream,butbythetimetheyreachtheshelfinabookstoresomanypeoplehavemadeunimaginablecontributionsinordertotransformtheauthor’sdreamintoareality.

Iwouldliketothank…

MeghanMcLaughlin,TomDierker,andMimiCiterellaforhelpingmetorefinetheoriginalmanuscript…

JoeDureposforconvincingmethatitwastimetosharethisworkwithalargeraudience…

CarolineSuttonforopeningmymindtonewpossibilitiesandhelpingmesculptthisneweditionintosomuchmorethanIpreviouslyenvisioned…

TheSimon&Schusterteam…ChrisLloreda,TrishTodd,LisaSciambra,MarciaBurch,SonaVogel,JanPisciotta,TheaTullman,DebbieModel,MarkGompertz,MikeRotondo,andChristinaDuffy…fortheirenergyandenthusiasm…andforthinkingoutsideoftheboxonthisone…

MystaffatTheMatthewKellyFoundation,whoworktirelesslyintheirefforttofurthermyquesttosharethismessage,whichistransformingsomanypeople’slives.

Thepeoplewhohaveboughtmultiplecopiesandpassedthemonasgiftstopeoplewhowereoutsidemycircle…Thanksforinvitingmeintoyourcircleofinfluence…

Iammoregratefultoeachofyouthanyouwilleverknow.Yournameandphoto

arenotonthecover,butinaveryrealwaythisisyourbook.

MostofallIhopethatworkingonthisbookhasfilledyouwithadeepsenseofsatisfaction…andthatwheneveryouseesomeonereadingacopy…orpassthroughabookstoreandseeacopyontheshelf…youwillfeelawarmglowwithinyou…

AbouttheAuthor

MatthewKellywasborninSydney,Australia,andbeganspeakingandwritingin1993.Overthepasttenyearsmorethantwomillionpeopleinfiftycountrieshaveattendedhistalksandseminars.Againstthebackdropofhistraveltofiftycountries,millionsmorehavebeentouchedbyhiswritingsandappearancesonradioandtelevisionprograms.

Inthewakeofdevotingthepastdecadeofhislifetohisinternationalspeakingschedule,Kellyhasalsogainedacclaimasanauthor.Collectivelyhisninetitleshavebeenpublishedinsevenlanguagesandhavesoldmorethan750,000copies.