The relational dynamics of agency – Wounded phases of the self

The 3rd Qualitative Research on Mental Health Conference “ The disabled self: theoretical and empirical approaches to stigma and recovery”August 25th – August 27th 2010

Kaisa Ketokivi Ph.D. , Researcher, part-time lecturer Department of Social Studies, sociologyUniversity of Helsinki, Finlandkaisa.ketokivi@helsinki.fi

Background of the presentation

My sociological dissertation published by University of Helsinki:

Ketokivi, Kaisa (2010) ”The Relational Self, the Social Bond and the Dynamics of

Personal Relationships. A Sociological Analysis” Sociology Research Reports No.

263.

Interest in the ways in which people are connected to others: who are ”close

or otherwise important” to them and how (I call these personal relationships)

Strong link between social theory and research, focus on two core questions

in the social theory: the self and the social bond that are analysed as

relational dynamics in the context of personal relationships

Viewing the self as embedded in unwanted circumstances of suffering rather

than ”disabled”

Research materials

1) In-depth narrative interviews80 interviews with 37 people, 24 women, 13 menDifferences in levels of education, age, occupation and life situation; all identify as heterosexual and live in urban or suburban areas in southern FinlandFocus on phases of change, especially disruptive events and experiecesPart of the sample are patients at an outpatient psychiatric clinic due to crises of life (as opposed to long-term mental illness)

2) Systematic mapping of all “close or otherwise important”

relationships 37 configurations of personal relationships (questionnaires and relational “maps”)Information about each relationship: formation, context, frequency of contact, emotional closeness and the nature of relationshipInformation about the people involved (age, gender, occupation, education, geographic location)

Dialectical analysis of both levels of “relational reality” (Mische 2010)

Analysis of ’relational realities’ of people

Effort to look beyond the static notion of the self as a bounded

(and able) individual via analysing the phases of self in which s/he

is wounded opens up a dynamic and relational view to the self

that is not fully ”able” nor ”disabled”, but has phases of

dependence and independence, but is always interdependent Analysed phases take place after e.g. loss of spouse, divorce and

other family disruption, falling ill, illness of a family member,

infertility, exhaustion and inability to work. Wounded phases of the self analysed are not seen as ”mental

problems” or illness, but as disruptive life events and changes that

could happen to anyone.

Relational dynamics of agency1) Constitutive interdepency on others

On the loss of spouse:

“It [losing her husband] is so across-the-board. You have, like, built your whole life around this one person... there is nothing. (.) I started having these thoughts, like "there's no purpose going on“ (woman, 44, widowed a year ago, 2 school-aged children)

“Well, yeah, it was, like, the first year [after losing his wife] was really cloudy... It was so... you just fall to pieces. I am still trying to pick up the pieces… It is ” (man, 42, widowed three years ago, 3 children)

“I felt like there was just the outside left… I was in such a state I don’t even know if I existed or not” (woman, 41, left by her husband, 2 small children)

”...in divorce you lose your whole future really” (woman, 59, reflecting about her divorce 15 years earlier)

Turning to others to find sense in life:

“God I have children, being in this situation… It's not like you really even need to think about what purpose your life has, because it is there, right next to you. …I've spoken with people who don't have children, like one friend, who said that every single weekend for two years she’s thinking about how there is no sense in her going on, no reason to live” (woman, 44, widowed a year ago, 2 school-aged children)

Both the sense of self and her/his action are directed from and at others

2) Being maintained or assisted by others

“…as soon as I called [after finding her husband dead], my friend was here to help me and... She made sure I took vitamin C tablets, well, you know, took care that I remembered to drink water and all of that... And then when my Dad was here, he made sure that my son got to school okay …and all of the practical things...” Widow, 44

Kaisa: ”what did you need the most?”

… “First I needed their presence, the fact that they were there, because I felt like if I would start to act strange that there is someone who is sane, supportive and standing on their own feet who can take care of things…

and my parents came to rescue me financially... They were offering their help right away, I wouldn’t have managed without it”

”My wife can, kind of, well, she isn't overbearing, she just... she just has a plan to keep me moving and active, and she is patient in carrying out.”

(man, 57, diagnosed with depression and having difficulty getting up from bed)

In acutely wounded phases agency is dependent on others

and the self falls on the “safety net” that substitutes or

assists her or his actions. Maintenance took most often

place in the family setting, but also among trusted friends

3) Rebuilding the self in relation to others

“It has been like, the key, the key factor in making it for me, the peer group of other widowers, definitely. I can just go there (and really lay all of my feelings on the table, talk about them freely. And that has been nice that now I don't need to explain about how I feel, because everyone there knows immediately how I feel.”

(man, 42, widowed three years ago, 3 children)

Empowering experience is based on sharing the wound with others (cf. Frank 1995)

[Do you have any sense, like, on any level, that he (her deceased husband) is still with you somehow?] Yes, ((laughs)) yeah, afterwords, a lot of us feel it... those of us who have lost someone. I think it is often real, his presence. (woman, 44, widowed a year ago, 2 school-aged children)

Empowerment that enhances the reclaiming of one’s own feelings and agency involves getting validation for the self from others and internalizing a common “front” to defend experiences that might seem “odd” from an unwounded viewpoint

‘Empowering others’ are typically not family, they are sometimes already existing friends, but typically people who share the same, “peers”, or therapists to whom one can “pour everything out” (woman, 42, left by her husband)

4) Others’ role in suppressing or misguiding agency

‘They don’t understand it, that’s the thing. People take their distance, they don’t understand what it is to go through an illness like this.’

(man, 57, diagnosed with depression, talking about the stigma)

In order to be active in the social world one has to act as if not wounded or stagnated (cf. The empowering common front building or internal“us” to defend the self)

‘I’m sure that we became engaged because of my mother’scomment once about how people should be engaged before they start

living together. It had stayed in my subconscious.’(woman, 38, reflects about her first marriage that she felt was a mistake

from the beginning)

Conclusion: The relational self

Empirical analysis of interdependency between the self and

others shows it would be more accurate to view selves as

interdependent rather than through dichotomies such as

independent/dependent or able/disabled

Capability to act resides not within bounded selves, but to a

significant extent is interdependent on others and ”webs of

belonging” that especially in wounded phases are constitutive to

the self

Alternative viewpoint both to the frameworks of mental

health and social theory

The analysis suggests that not all experiences treated in the mental

health framework are reasonable to see through the dichotomy of

healthy/ill. Rather there are more or less able or wounded

(”disabled”) phases of self to be incorporated to the ”ordinary” Social theory tends to understand the self either as individual or as

socially constructed, but I suggest we should pay more attention to

the ’tricky middle ground’ (Calhoun 2008), embeddedness of

selves in particular relational settings Analysing phases in which people’s lives are in motion the self and

agency appear as embedded and dynamic rather than static

should be considered both in research and in theory generation