The Pulse 9.32 » Aug. 9-15, 2012

Aug. 9-15, 2012

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Vol. 9 • No. 32

THE BOWL mud ruN • ELECTiONs ArTs fusEBOx fOOd THE rAW & THE CHEAP

fridAY EVENiNGCOmiNG dOWNkris krisTOffErsON—siNGEr, sONGWriTEr,AmEriCAN OriGiNAL

iNTELLECTuAL HuBuTC’s THErEsA LiEdTkA sEEs NEW LiBrArY As A muLTimEdiA iNTELLECTuAL HuB fOr THE uNiVErsiTY • BY riCHArd WiNHAm

2 • The Pulse • AUG. 9-15, 2012 • chaTTanoogaPulse.com

Books. Lots of books. And more.We buy, sell and trade.

Used Books, CDs, Movies, & More

7734 Lee Highway • McKayBooks.comMonday-Saturday 9am-10pm • Sunday 11am-7pm

Customer Appreciation Day • Friday, Aug. 10 • 1-5pmFree Giveaways • Food • Drinks • Trivia

chaTTanoogaPulse.com • AUG. 9-15, 2012 • The Pulse • 3

EDITORIALPublisher Zachary cooperCreative Director Bill RamseyContributors Rich Bailey • Rob Brezsnychuck crowder • John DeVore • Janis hashematt Jones • chris Kelly • D.e. langleymike mcJunkin • David morton • Patrick nolandernie Paik • cole Rose • alex TeachRichard WinhamCartoonists max cannon • Richard RiceTom TomorrowPhotography Jason Dunn • Josh langInterns Katie Johnston • Junnie Kwon

ADVERTISINGAdvertising Director mike BaskinAccount Executive Rick leavell

CONTACT Phone 423.265.9494 Fax 423.266.2335Email [email protected]@chattanoogapulse.comGot a stamp? 1305 carter st. • chattanooga, Tn 37402

ThE FINE PRINT The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is dis-tributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics con-centrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the pub-lishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. © 2012 Brewer media

BREWER MEDIA GROUPPresident Jim Brewer II

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HIGHLIGHTSTHE PULSE • AuG. 9-15, 2012 • vol. 9 • no. 32

ThERESA LIEDTKA: 21st CENTURY LIBRARIAN• The dean of UTC’s Lupton Library leads the university’s transition to its new $48 million library, which she calls an intellectual hub. And yes—there will be books. » 6 By Richard Winham

COVER STORY

On the cover: Kris Kristofferson by marina chavez/new West RecordsThis page: Theresa Liedtka by Jason Dunn/The Pulse

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this saturday at greenway farms in Hixson, brown slime will be the fabric of choice for outerwear. Habitat for Human-ity of Greater Chattanooga Area will host its third Chattanooga Mud Run, a five-kilometer, military-style obstacle course slung with slippery, earthy goodness.

This year, 425 teams of five each do-nated $200 to compete for the 2012 Team Champion title. Donations will go toward the organization’s home-building program, which has built 232 Chatta-nooga homes since its inception in 1986. The winners will take the crown from last year’s victorious all-male team, RRL 1, who finished the course in about 28 minutes. The team took full advantage

of bragging rights, stating, “We’d like to thank the little people we ran over to win this.”

Although only two years old, the Mud Run has become Habitat Chattanooga’s largest fundraiser. The idea for the Mud Run was inspired by the local community.

“We basically just asked around town some of the sporting clubs what they would like to see for an event, because we wanted something original that wasn’t done before,” said Dawn Hjelseth, Habi-tat’s local volunteer coordinator.

Last year’s donations amounted to more than $90,000, which Habitat hopes to exceed this year with more participants than ever before.

The run is not only a test of athleti-cism, but also business savvy, wit and creativity, so those who lack athletic agil-ity shouldn’t feel slighted. Sizeable prizes are promised for teams who can generate the most sponsors, think up the best team

name and don the most captivating cos-tume. Take this chance to let your sarto-rial flag fly, because the website allows the shed of traditional garb: “Athletic clothes recommended, but NOT required.”

Afterwards on site, runners will have a place to relax and share team pride at the after party featuring live performances from Gerle Haggard and the Power Play-ers Show Band. Non-alcoholic drinks will be provided for all, with alcoholic drinks reserved for those 21 and over.

Hjelseth promises more obstacles and more mud this year, but the bottom line of sloshing through obstacles alongside friends, family and business colleagues is uniting Chattanoogans for a good cause.

“It’s about building community rela-tions and getting the whole community involved in different ways with Habitat,” she said.

The Chattanooga Mud Run will take place Saturday, Aug. 11, at Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Road. The first team starts at 9 a.m., though start times vary. Registration is now full, but dona-tions are welcome at teamgiving.net. For questions, contact Dawn Hjelseth at (423) 756-0507.

—Junnie Kwon

TALK OF ThE NOOGChATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • FACEBOOK/chaTTanoogaPulsesenD leTTeRs To: [email protected]

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the chattanooga film society and Mise En Scenesters’ Summer Film Se-ries continues with its third installment, the documentary “Reel Old School,” pro-duced by local filmmakers John Cotton and Brady Effler. The film will be shown at 6:30 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 13, at the downtown YMCA, located at 301 W. Sixth St. The screening is free.

“Reel Old School” investigates the transition in the music-recording world from analog to digital. The documentary features interviews with well-know mu-sicians and engineers such as Steve Al-bini (The Pixies, Nirvana, Shellac, Bush), Chris Walla (Death Cab for Cutie) and Bil VornDick (Bob Dylan, Alison Krauss), among many other independent artists and engineers. —Staff


3rd District CandidatesThe Mighty 3rd

Chuck FleischmannRepublican incumbent

General Election: Nov. 6, 2012

It comes as no surprise, really, that 3rd District voters have almost assured chuck Fleischmann a second term in congress. They flirted with Weston Wamp and danced with scottie mayfield, but in the end, they took the chuck-Bot home from the dance. more surprising is Dr. mary headrick’s win over Bill Taylor in the Democratic primary. With little or no advertising, headrick vault-ed over competitor Taylor by an almost two-to-one margin, surprising even herself.

nevertheless, headrick will lose. early voting results showed an overwhelming number of Republican voters casting their votes, a presence that continued into aug. 2. not since 1995 has a Democrat repre-sented the 3rd District, after which Zach Wamp began his long reign. While the party produces thoughtful candidates who stand head and shoulders above their Republican counterparts—something the Times-side editorial writers of the TFP noted before the election—like Democrats statewide, they lack funding and fundamental support of the largely conservative Tennessee Valley. Perhaps then it’s no wonder the TFP men-tioned headrick’s victory only in the last sentence of its Fleischmann victory story on the front page of Friday’s paper.

as for the also-rans, Young Weston (full of dimples and swagger, but little substance) and milkman mayfield (as an invisible can-didate as we’ve ever seen, who needed a milk carton that read: “have you seen my campaign?”), the TFP rightly noted that popularity and name recognition is not necessarily a plus in modern campaigns. That strategy is likely not lost on chuck, nor is it on his party’s presumptive nominee for president. The message is extraordinarily clear: “You don’t have to like me,” these Re-publicans seem to say (even as the candi-dates themselves struggle to wonder why).elections on all levels these days seem to be built on fear—a tactic the Republicans have mastered and continue to wield suc-cessfully.

I had been off of third shifts for a while now, just long enough to get back to a normal sleep sched-ule, and apparently long enough to have forgot-ten something I took for granted after the fourth, fifth, or ninth year on midnight shift: seeing the sun at the end of the day, the final underscoring of how backwards our job was as compared to most.

Such a fan of this event was I that on some nights I would ease my patrol car down a boat ramp just north of the Chicka-mauga Dam right down to the water’s edge so my view would contain as few man-made structures as possible. Seeing the sun creep above a ridge across from me while the temperature differences in the lake water and the air above it created a fine smoky mist was as close to a primordial view as I was going to get on this salary, so I always treasured it. God help the drunk that stumbled into me on these mornings while I attended my church. It never hap-pened, but I considered the “if’s” of that potential-ly innocent transgression more than once.

I get why primitive man and bicyclists considered our sun a deity; it really does seem to be alive dur-ing those moments that a trick of the light refracting through our atmosphere

allows it to seem 10 times larger than normal, yet still (reasonably) safe to stare at directly. It’s like a magnanimous gesture on its part, allowing eye contact for a few seconds before it resumes its su-preme position above our heads in silence, like a passive parent whose pa-tience you dare not try. Then, after those few min-utes have passed, so does the feeling of awe and it’s just back to looking for your shades and making sure the aluminum foil on your bedroom window isn’t compromised so you can up your chances of a few hours of sleep before the normal world again demands your presence.

But why all this discus-sion about the plasma ball in the sky? Heh. I actually had to stop myself to ask, but the answer is simple.

Cops have lots of unan-swered questions, unfin-ished stories to deal with that stay tucked away in the recesses of their minds (those that still have them). The ones that have the attention span of a hamster do quite well, but those of us with a tenden-

cy to intensely scrutinize things (OK, “obsess”), well … I can’t speak for all, but I think I am drawn to the sunrise because it word-lessly provides a tool that they never tell you about in the academy: perspec-tive.

You see, that same sun has risen and set count-less times over this rapidly shrinking world of ours. It has cast its light over wastelands of ice millen-nia before there was an at-mosphere to speak of, over giant reptiles and primi-tive humanoids wearing clothes made from animal skins, and for quite some time, over nothing at all. And one day, its light won’t be shining on us, either, despite our sense of self-importance as a spe-cies. We’re all temporary. And therefore so are our concerns.

Those problems, those unanswered questions, they all fade when framed up against the proverbial big picture. And some-times, that’s all you need. (Well, that and a cigar.)

Take it from an expert: Perspective is mandatory training in the game of life.

Third Watch from the SunOn the Beat ALEx TEACh

Alex Teach is a full-time police officer of near-ly 20 years experience. The opinions expressed are his own. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alex.teach.

it was something i hadn’t seen in ages: an unimpeded view of the sunrise. In a simple sense, it always reminded me of brightly lit watercolors seeping with subtlety across a gauzy-purplish palette that, at some magical moment I always seemed to miss, was suddenly brought to life. And in the seconds that I was just starting to process that thought—boom!—there’s the deep-orange sun climbing with deceptive speed into the sky, making all the accomplishments in the history of mankind pale in comparison (with the obvious exception of the coronation of Barack Obama; I’m no racist, pal).

Mary HeadrickDemocratic challenger


THE NEW $48 miLLiON uTC LiBrArY WiLL BE A muLTimEdiA

‘iNTELLECTuAL HuB’sAYs LuPTON LiBrArY dEAN THErEsA LiEdTkA. BuT sHE’s NOT fOrGETTiNG THE BOOks.

While she’s talking, Liedtka, dean of UTC’s Lupton Library, sits on the lip of her chair in a way that suggests that she might at any moment leap up and rocket around the room. The most exciting change she’s dealing with at the moment, of course, is the 180,000-square-foot, five-story library being built on the campus at a cost of $48 million. An imposing edifice that’s already beginning to dominate the skyline, it will be the center of the university when it opens in the fall of 2013. Liedtka, the cre-ative engine behind the project, sees it as an “intellectual hub for the university”—a gathering place, writing and teaching cen-ter, and multimedia lab where the only limitation will be students’ imaginations.

“It’s really going to re-shape our campus in a way that brings a focus to the academic and intellectual side,” she said. “We’ve done so many good things on this campus—The

BY riCHArd WiNHAm • PHOTO BY JASON DUNN

“Had I been a librar-ian 20 or 30 years ago, I’d have been bored,” Theresa Liedtka said in a recent interview. “But now, change is a constant. We’re always looking for new ways to work with folks. It’s fun.”

‘iNTELLECTuAL HuB’‘iNTELLECTuAL HuB’


Arc [the new athletic center] and the pool—and I’m like, ‘Yeah, let’s get some new academic space.’”

Yet what’s most striking about the new library is how little space it will actu-ally devote to the “intellectual and aca-demic”—at least in the traditional sense of these words. Less than 10 percent of its 180,000 square feet will contain the standard stuff of libraries—books, pe-riodicals and magazines. Whereas the current library was designed for books, Liedtka explained, the new one is “de-signed for people.” Rather than simply a storehouse of information languishing on endless rows of shelves, she sees the 21st-century library as a catalyst for cre-ativity—“a vibrant, alive place.” She envi-sions it as a campus community hangout similar to UTC’s University Center, with a Starbucks on the third floor and spaces where loud voices and noisy enthusiasm are not hushed into submission.

Among the major innovations of the new library is what Liedtka calls Studio 305, a state-of-the-art multimedia lab on the third floor. Designed with today’s visually literate and digitally savvy gen-eration in mind, “It’ll be a space where students can get together and go beyond working on Word, Excel or Power Point,” Liedtka said. “They’ll have the opportu-nity to really use technology in new and innovative ways. We’re going to have 3-D printers, every kind of scan/converter, a green screen room, and an audio booth where students can record themselves. We don’t offer any of that right now.” And adjacent to Studio 305 will be a new gig lab that draws on the hyper-speed, digital processing now available in the city.

For Liedtka, the project is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to re-invent the library, a goal she shares with Corinne Hill, the new director of the Chattanooga Public Library (Liedtka served on the committee that hired Hill). Like Hill, Liedtka considers the traditional library outmoded. And also like Hill, she’s more than willing to shake up an institution that has seen very little change in over a century. The advent of digital technology has forced libraries across the country to adjust to rapid change as they renegotiate their role in the community.

Despite its radical redefinition of the concept of a library, the new UTC build-ing will still look—and at least on one floor still feel—very much like a tradi-tional campus library. After years of com-plaints from students about being unable to focus amid noisy computer keyboards, Liedtka—along with the 40-person com-mittee assembled to provide input on the library’s design—included quiet spaces designed strictly for study. The top floor

of the new library will be “a beautiful old space, much more traditional than the other spaces. Think New York Public Li-brary Reading Room,” she said, smiling.

And, of course, bound books will still inhabit a central place in the new library. Despite the fact that UTC spends 80 per-cent of its library budget on online re-search materials, it buys 4,000 to 5,000 books each year, according to Liedtka. Students and faculty who served on the library input committee were adamant that they should have access to books in print. Students were happy accessing movies and journals digitally, but even the most digitally competent preferred print to screen when writing papers or studying for exams.

While the new library will offer plen-ty of bound books and shuttered, quiet spaces, much of it will feature wide-open spaces with laptops and PCs rather than classic library stacks.

“We’re going from 40 PCs on our first floor to 120,” Liedtka said. “On the second floor, we’re going from 10 group study rooms to 40. We’re building three prac-tice presentation rooms where students can go into the room and record them-selves whether they’re giving a speech or singing a song. And they’ll be able to send themselves the tape and assess their performance. We’re trying to create new learning spaces unlike anything we have now.”

The university has wanted to build a new library since the late 1980s. The current library, built in 1974, was de-signed for a student population of less than 5,000. Today, with enrollments at 10,000 and projected to grow to 15,000 within the next 10 years, the university clearly needs a structure that not only takes advantage of the digital revolu-tion, but includes a climate-controlled area to house the its signature collec-tion of over 7,500 rare books (including first editions of Charles Dickens, Mark Twain and William Faulkner, as well as the first English dictionary compiled by Samuel Johnson in the mid 18th cen-tury). In addition to rare books, the col-lection—currently stored in “every closet imaginable,” according to Liedtka—in-cludes extensive materials on local and Civil War history. Chattanooga’s History Center has already requested storage in the new library for some of its most valu-able materials.

In the end, a university is only as good as its library. With Liedtka, a charismatic figure with athletic grace and bound-less energy, at the helm, UTC’s library not only has the potential to expand the boundaries of teaching and learning at UTC, but elevate its standing statewide.


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MUSIC

All American Summer featuring the Dana Rogers and Amber Fults• An acoustic breeze on the terrace.6:30 p.m. • hunter museum • 10 Bluff View(423) 267-0968 • huntermuseum.org

EVENT

“Sherlock holmes:The Final Challenge” • Super sleuth battles his arch-nemesis.8 p.m. • Barking legs Theater • 1307 Dodds ave. • (423) 624-5347 • barkinglegs.org

FRI08.10

SAT08.11

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NIGhTFALLhAYES CARLL »AMBER FULTS & ThEAMBIVALENT LOVERSFRI 08.10 • 7 p.m. miller Plaza

RIVERFRONT NIGhTSGRANT FARMSPOONFUL JAMESSAT 08.11 • 7 p.m. 21st century Waterfront

Mud Run 2012

MUSIC

Kris Kristofferson• Legendary singer-songwriter. See Page 11.7:30 p.m. • Tivoli Theatre • 709 Broad st. (423) 757-5050 • chattanoogaonstage.com

EVENT

Michael Malone • Stand-up comedy.9:39 p.m. • Vaudeville café • 138 market st. (423) 517-1839 • funnydinner.com

MUSIC

Unknown hinson• Creepy, campy undead hillbilly rocker returns to Chattanooga to stalk the stage.9 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews221 market st. • rhythm-brews.com

EVENT

Fusebox Art+Word• Poetry and art featuring Bruce Covey and Meg Ronan. See Page 15.7 p.m. • Front gallery • 1800 Rossville ave.(423) 280-0531

Hundreds of teams will gather at Greenway Farms in Hixson on Saturday, Aug. 11, to compete in the Chattanooga Mud Run benefitting Habitat for Humanity. The first team starts at 9 a.m. Registration is now full, but donations are welcome at teamgiving.net. For more information, visit chattanoogamudrun.com.

THU08.09

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Sat, Aug 18 • 7:15 PMvs. Suns

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But even that directive re-quires justification these days, at least for those born after 1980. Before we get to those songs, let’s consider this iconic American’s eclectic resume, a life worthy of a movie itself.

The son of career Army of-ficer born in the Texas border town of Brownsville, Kristof-ferson first gained notoriety as an all-around sports star at Pomona College in Califor-nia before graduating sum-ma cum laude with a degree in literature. Kristofferson went on to become a Rhodes Scholar, and it was in England while dreaming of a career as a novelist that he first began penning songs..

After graduating in 1960, and with the Vietnam war percolating, Kristofferson joined the Army under pres-sure from his family, where he became both a helicopter pilot and Ranger. After serving in West Germany, Kristofferson returned to states and taught English at West Point.

But the music bug had bit-ten Kristofferson before his

European tour had expired and after serving his time, he left the Army to pursue his songwriting career in Nashville. Times were tough at first. Kristofferson swept floors at Columbia Records while watching a parade of stars filter through the stu-dios, including Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan. But Kristof-ferson’s muse wasn’t far be-hind. In between later stints flying offshore oil workers to rigs off the coast of Loui-siana, Kristofferson wrote what would become two of his signature songs—“Help Me Make it Through the Night” and “Me and Bobby McGee”—made famous by Cash and Ja-nis Joplin, respectively.

The hits continued—”Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down,” ”For The Good

Times,” “Why Me,” “Loving Her Was Easier,” among oth-ers—and by the time the first album of his own achieved critical and commercial suc-cess (1971’s The Silver Tonged Devil), Kristofferson was al-ready making waves as an ac-tor. Perhaps best-known for

his role in Barbra Streisand’s remake of “A Star is Born”—a role Streisand offered to El-vis Presley that his manager, Col. Tom Parker, famously turned down—for which he won a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor, Kristofferson has become a familiar figure on screen since, appearing in dozens of films.

By the 1980s, Kristofferson had come full circle, writing and performing his own songs and becoming one quarter of the first country supergroup, The Highwayman, along-side Cash, Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. His score for Nelson’s film, “The Song-writer,” was nominated for an Academy Award, while his solo career introduced Krist-offerson’s political side and he continued to record success-

fully with The Highwaymen and on his own.

Since then, he has been honored with almost every industry songwriting and hall on fame award and collected dozens of gold and platinum records. Never content to rest of these laurels, Kristoffer-son has for the past 20 years been recording his songs on his own schedule, most re-cently spare albums that fea-ture Kristofferson’s signature growl and fleet guitar playing.

Never an anachronism, Kristofferson the Country Star continues to embody the music’s deep truths while es-chewing it’s tilt toward Hat Acts and songs with little more depth than the beer bot-tles many revolve around.

“That’s one of the blessings of being a songwriter,” Krist-offerson explained in an in-terview last year while on tour with Merle Haggard. “You can use your experience for some-thing more than feeling sorry for yourself or heading to the bar. You can make sense out of your experience. You can put that experience into words that other people can identify with. And you don’t even have to try to do that. If you sing it the right way or arrange it, it will make that connection. If you’re honest and good at it, it’s a wonderful way to make sense of your experience.”

—Bill Ramsey

Kris Kristofferson7:30 p.m. Friday, aug. 10Tivoli Theatre709 Broad st.(423) 642-TIXschattanoogaonstage.com

Friday Evenin’ Comin’ Downwhen we first announced kris kristofferson’s show on Friday at the Tivoli Theatre back in late May on The Pulse’s Facebook page, one wag responded: “... and his last hit was when?” While it’s certainly true that the Tivoli stage often hosts performers past their prime (as does its cousin, the Memorial Auditorium), Kristof-ferson—even at 76—is not among them. While he may be among the most graying (yet has always been silver-haired) stars to grace the or-nate theatre, Kristofferson needs no “last hit” to estab-lish himself as a one of the finest songwriters of the last century. It is rather more in-cumbent on any music fan to see this legend at work—and a show that should be savored as a rare treat.

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ThU 08.09All American Summer fearuing Dana Rogers and Amber Fults6:30 p.m. hunter museum of american art, 10 Bluff View ave. (423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgGrant Farm, Spoonful James7 p.m. Riverfront nights at Riverfront Park, 201 chestnut st. riverfrontnights.comCrass Mammoth, Waters Bros., Dick, Maria Smith8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Stone Iris9 p.m. The honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192thehonestpint.comSol Driven Train, The Frazier Band9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

Spoonful James10:30 p.m. mellow mushroom, 205 Broad st.(423) 266-5564

FRI 08.10hayes Carll, Amber Fults & The Ambivalent Lovers7 p.m. nightfall, River city stage at miller Plaza, 850 market st. nightfallchattanooga.comSoul Mechanic7 p.m. Top of the Dock, 5600 lake Resort Terr. topofthedock.netKris Kristofferson7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad st. (423) 642-TIXs chattanoogaonstage.comBluegrass Night7:30 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.com6 String Suga Daddy8:00 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Dr., Ringgold,

ga. (706) 965-2065ringgoldacoustic.comNim Nims, Amber Fults & The Ambivalent Lovers8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Priscilla & Lil Ricky8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the chattanoogan hotel), 1201 Broad st. (423) 756-3400chattanooganhotel.comMark “Porkchop” holder9 p.m. The office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Same As It Ever Was: A Talking heads Tribute9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comStereotype10 p.m. Raw, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919Scenic City Soul Revue10 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533

skyzoochattanooga.comBlack Cat Moon10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road(423) 499-9878budssportsbar.com

SAT 08.11Rick Rushing10 a.m. Incline Railway, 3917 st. elmo ave. (423) 821-4224ridetheincline.com.New Binkley Bros.noon. Rock city, 1400 Patten Roadlookout mtn., ga. seerockcity.comPaul Belcher Gospel Concert6:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad st. (423) 642-TIXs chattanoogaonstage.comMANIFEST7 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comSoul Mechanic8 p.m. Top of the Dock, 5600 lake Resort Terr. topofthedock.netBlue John8 p.m. charles and myrtle’s coffeehouse, 105 mcBrien Road(423) 892-4960christunity.org/eventsSarah Jane8 p.m. acoustic café, 61 RBc Dr., Ringgold, ga. (706) 965-2065ringgoldacoustic.comBass Sermon featuring Deep Machine8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Priscilla & Lil Ricky8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the chattanoogan hotel), 1201 Broad st. (423) 756-3400chattanooganhotel.comPower Players Show Band9 p.m. skyZoo, 5709 lee hwy. (423) 468-4533skyzoochattanooga.comAmber Fults

Chattanooga Live MUSIC CALENDAR

UNKNOWN hINSON• The hillbilly zombie was last seen in these parts stalking the stage at The Honest Pint. The undead rocker returns for a show at Rhythm & Brews.SAT 08.11 • 9 p.m. • Rhythm & Brews 221 market st. • rhythm-brews.com

Wednesday • August 82 1/2 Bears • Blackout of 1819

Blake MorrisonThursday • August 9

Crass Mammoth • Waters BrothersDick • Maria Smith

Friday • August 10Nim Nims

Amber Fults & the Ambivalent LoversSaturday • August 11

Bass Sermon featuringDeep Machine

Sunday • August 12COPE • Matthew Wally

Tuesday • August 14Glossary • Endelouz

Wednesday • August 15Wayne “The Train” Hancock

The BohannonsThursday • August 16AFRO • Great Barrier Reefs

COMING: 8/16: LEAVING MISS BLUE 8/17: JORDANHALLQUIST & THE OUTFIT 8/17: RUBIK’S GROOVE

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA AUG

10FRI.9pSAME AS IT EVER WAS

A Tribute to the Talking Heads

11SAT.9pUNKNOWN HINSON

Hillbilly Undead Honky-Tonker

13MON.9pANDREW DUHON

Jagged stories told in smooth folk blues

14WED.9:30pANGIE ARAPO

From “Cry” to Stairway to Freebird”

9THU.9pSOL DRIVEN TRAIN

with THE FRAZIER BAND


9 p.m. The office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191Unknown hinson9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.comJordan hallquist10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 chestnut st. (423) 266-4240tboneschattanooga.comStereotype10 p.m. Raw, 409 market st. (423) 756-1919Black Cat Moon10 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road(423) 499-9878budssportsbar.com

SUN 08.12Danimal Pinson10 a.m. urban spoon, 207 Frazier ave. (423) 710-3252Live United, The Vibe Dials11 p.m. chattanooga market, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. chattanoogamarket.comWhiskey Bizness4 p.m. charlie’s sports Bar and grill, 4021 hixson Pike. (423) 825-4811COPE, Matthew Wally8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

MON 08.13Old Tyme Players8 p.m. market street Tavern, 809 market st.(423) 634-0260marketstreettavern.comAndrew Duhon9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

TUE 08.14Glossary, Endelouz8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400

WED 08.15Southside Casual Classics7:30 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comWayne “The Train” hancock, The Bohannons8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400JK and the Lost Boyz with The Wa-ters Brothers9 p.m. The honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192thehonestpint.comJimmy Suiter9 p.m. Bud’s sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Road(423) 499-9878budssportsbar.comAngie Aparo9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 market st. rhythm-brews.com

Regular GigsThURSDAYS

Jimmy harris7 p.m. The Palms at hamilton, 6925 shallowford Road(423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.comOpen Mic7 p.m. The camp house, 1427 Williams st. (423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comOpen Mic with Mark holder9 p.m. The office, 901 carter st. (423) 634-9191

FRIDAYSJimmy harris7 p.m. The Palms at hamil-ton, 6925 shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com

SATURDAYS

Johnny Cash Tribute Band5 p.m. chattanooga choo choo Victorian lounge, 1400 market st. (423) 266-5000www.choochoo.comJimmy harris7 p.m. The Palms at hamil-ton, 6925 shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.comTaylor & Company8 p.m. VFW Post 4848, 1491 Riverside Dr. (MONDAYSIrish Sessions Music8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996

TUESDAYSSugar’s Star Karaoke Contest8 p.m. sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad st. (423) 508-8956sugarsribs.com.Charley Yates & Thom Cavin9:45 p.m. 3rd Deck Burger Bar, 201 Riverfront Pkwy, (423) 266-4488

WEDNESDAYSOpen Mic Comedy7 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 e. mlK Blvd. (423) 266-1400Ben Friberg Trio7:30 p.m. market street Tavern, 809 market st.(423) 634-0260marketstreettavern.comPrime Cut Trio8 p.m. The Palms at hamilton, 6925 shallowford Road (423) 499-5055 thepalmsathamilton.com

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse.com. Send live music listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

Facebook.com/theofficechatt

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!Stop by & check out our daily specials!

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Thursday, Aug. 9: 9pmOpen Mic

with Mark HolderFriday, Aug. 10: 9pm

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Saturday, Aug. 11: 9pmAmber Fults

Tuesday, Aug. 14: 7pmServer Appreciation Night

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ACE

In her first encounter with the D.C. poetry community, she says, “I was watching Rod Smith do Flarf poetics with a theramin, some kind of lightbox and a pro-jection screen.”

Flarf is a Google-generated po-etic form in which a writer starts by entering random words into a search engine and using the ab-breviated page descriptions that are returned as raw material.

“Something happened to me,” Lenahan says. “I got angry and I felt like that wasn’t poetry. It didn’t feel mythic, lyric, larger than life, introspective.”

Before long, though, she de-veloped a taste for performance poetics, including Flarf, as a way for poets to grow beyond precon-ceived notions of what they can do with their art.

“Flarf is an authentic way of saying this is what our culture produces,” she says, “this is the language of our world right now, then assembling and manipulat-

ing it, maybe adding to it, sub-tracting from it, lineating it, doing other things with form.”

After a few months in Chatta-nooga, she hadn’t found the kind of readings she had come to thrive on in D.C. “My quality of life is so correlated with how many read-ings I get to go to in a week,” she says. “I wasn’t sure I could be a writer here.”

So Lenahan began the Fusebox Art+Word series of monthly read-ings held in art galleries. “What I am interested in doing is bringing together writers who are more traditional and formal with writ-ers who are exploring notions of creative writing,” Lenahan says.

Lenahan has held four readings since May, all at the Front Gallery, hosted by artists Jan Chenowith and Roger Halligan, and paired with openings of new exhibits. Even with no outside funding and no budget to pay her readers, she has been able to attract many of the performance poets that in-spire her, as well as showcasing some less flamboyant Chattanoo-ga writers of fiction and poetry.

The series started with a bang in May with poet Matt Hart. “His readings are explosive, really ex-citing performance poetics,” Le-nahan says. “He yells his poems, his entire body rocks. Everyone has the same story with him. The

first time they saw Matt Hart read, they were like, ‘I didn’t know you could do that with poetry.’”

Hart came to Chattanooga on his own dime, and his May reading led directly to one of Lenahan’s two August readers, Atlanta poet Bruce Covey, a con-ceptual poet who sometimes uses games of chance to generate his material. Covey also runs a read-ing series in Atlanta funded by Emory University. Now he is one of Lenahan’s Aug. 11 readers and she is hoping that with future funding the two series might be able to collaborate in flying writ-ers in from greater distances. At the Aug. 11 event, Covey will read along with poet Meg Ronan.

“Meg writes some Flarf, and I recently saw her do a tarot card reading as a poem,” Lenahan says. “She researched the background of each card in the deck, wrote one line of poetry that responded to that card and taped it to the card. She shuffled the cards, in-vited audience members to select cards, and she read them.”

On Sept. 22, poetry and fic-tion writer Stuart Dischell from Greensboro, N.C., will read in a call-and-response format with Chattanooga poet Richard Jack-son.

In October, poet Abraham Smith will appear. “Abe Smith de-

livers his poems as if they are ser-mons,” Lenahan says. “He works himself up into this really agitat-ed emotional state, and his voice is really musical. He’s all over place, his whole body is moving, he’s sweating and shaking and trembling. He doesn’t put it on. He works himself up into a state so he can deliver his poetry off of the page and into the air.

“That’s what I want people to start thinking of when they think of my reading series. People think they’re going to have to sit there and watch someone reading in a monotone. And that is not at all what contemporary writing is about. If it were I wouldn’t be a part of it.”

A question about the sing-song reading style of some poets elic-its a strong reaction. “We call that ‘Poet Voice,’” she says. Lena-han describes it as “self-satisfied, lofty, full of fluctuations, raising of voice and falling at end of the line, deliberate pregnant pauses. Fusebox is attempting to negate notions of the Poet Voice. Most people think of Poet Voice when they thing of reading, but we don’t privilege the Poet Voice.”

Fusebox Art+Word7 p.m. • saturday, aug. 11Front gallery 1800 Rossville ave.

Poetry, From Flarf to FuseboxBy Rich Bailey

it all started with flarf. after moving to chattanooga from Washington, D.C., in 2011 for a teaching job at UTC, poet Aubrey Lenahan created the monthly Fusebox reading series earlier this year because she missed not just the profusion of literary readings she was used to in D.C., but the avant-garde writing and performance styles.

ARTS • CULTURE • ENTERTAINMENT

Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192thehonestpint.com * Facebook.com/thehonestpint

honest music local and regional showsWed, Aug 8

Thu, Aug 9

Wed, Aug 15

9pm

9pm

9pm

Marbin with Telemonster and Drew Kyle ($3)

Stone Iris ($3)

JK and the Lost Boyz with The Waters Brothers ($3)

Special ShowsAndy D! • $7 • Sun, Aug 5

Labor Day Weekend Blowout with Strung Like A Horse • $5 • Sun, Sept 2Free Irish Music • Sundays at 7pm

Aug 19: Molly Maguires • Aug 30: Olta 10pm

Aubrey Lenahan created Fuse-box Art+Word series in May, bringing traditional and non-traditional writers together in conjuction with art openings. Photo by stuart Dischell


ThU 08.09Street Food Thursdays11 a.m. motor court at Warehouse Row, 1110 market st. warehouserow.netBirds of Prey11 a.m. Rock city, 1400 Patten Roadlookout mtn., ga. (706) 820-2531seerockcity.com/birdsAll-American Summer featuring Dana Rogers and Amber Fults6 p.m. hunter museum of american art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944huntermuseum.org“Mystery of the TV Talk Show”7 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com“Sherlock holmes: The Final Adventure”8 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org

FRI 08.10Fresh on Fridays11 a.m. miller Plaza, 850 market st. (423) 265-3700rivercitycompany.comNightfall: hayes Carll, Amber Fults & The Ambivalent Lovers7 p.m. miller Plaza, 850 market st. (423) 265-0771nightfallchattanooga.comKris Kristofferson 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad st. (423) 757-5050chattanoogaonstage.comTim Statum8 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“Sherlock holmes: The Final Adventure”8 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347

barkinglegs.orgMichael Malone9:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.comLate Night hoops!10 p.m. howard high school, 2500 s. market st. (423) 643-6055chattanoogahasfun.com

SAT 08.11Chattanooga Mud Run9 a.m. greenway Farms, 5051 gann store Road(423) 756-0507chattanoogamudrun.comPaul Belcher Gospel Concert6:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre,

709 Broad st.(432) 757-5050chattanoogaonstage.comDowntown Kayak Tour9 a.m. outdoor chattanooga, 200 River st. (423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comRiver Market10 a.m. Tennessee aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad st. (423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comFusebox Art+Word7 p.m. Front gallery, 1800 Rossville ave.(423) 280-0531rogerhalligan.comSummer Music Weekends: New Binkley Brothersnoon. Rock city,

1400 Patten Roadlookout mtn., ga. (706) 820-2531seerockcity.comGeorgia Winery Luau Open housenoon. georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy.Ringgold, ga. (706) 937-WInegeorgiawines.comTim Statum7:30 & 10 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“Sherlock holmes: The Final Adventure”8 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave.

Arts Entertainment&

“ShERLOCK hOLMES: ThE FINAL ADVENTURE”ThU 08.09-12 • The legendary sleuth battles his arch-nemesis. See website for times and details.Barking legs Theater • 1307 Dodds ave. • (423) 624-5347 • barkinglegs.org

CALENDAR


(423) 624-5347barkinglegs.orgLate Night hoops!10 p.m. howard high school, 2500 s. market st. (423) 643-6055chattanoogahasfun.comMichael Malone10:30 p.m. Vaudeville café, 138 market st. (423) 517-1839funnydinner.com

SUN 08.12Downtown Kayak Tour9 a.m. outdoor chattanooga, 200 River st. (423) 643-6888outdoorchat-tanooga.comChattanooga Market: Five-Star Food Fight11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 carter st. (423) 402-9960chattanoogamarket.comSummer Music Weekends: New Binkley Brothersnoon. Rock city, 1400 Patten Roadlookout mtn., ga. (706) 820-2531seerockcity.comYoga for Kids with Lynn Grabowski1 p.m. The Blue sun, coolidge Park, 199 River st. (423) 322-9615the-blue-sun.comNature Drawing for Teens & Adults2 p.m. The Blue sun, coolidge Park (423) 322-9615the-blue-sun.com“Sherlock holmes: The Final Adventure”2 p.m. Barking legs Theater, 1307 Dodds ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.orgBooker T. Scruggs CD Release Concert5 p.m. Bethlehem-Wiley church, 504 lookout st. (423) 266-3623bookertscruggs.com

Open Mic Night6 p.m. The Blue sun, coolidge Park, 199 River st. (423) 322-9615the-blue-sun.comTim Statum8 p.m. The comedy catch, 3224 Brainerd Road(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

MON 08.13Chattanooga Film Society and Mise En Scenesters Summer Film Series: “Reel Old School:”6:30 p.m. Downtown Ymca,301 W. 6th st.Rug hooking for Beginners6 p.m. crook to hook Wool studio, 174 n. crest Road (423) 622-3322Music Monday: Jesse Slowinski & Derek Scotts7 p.m. Pasha coffee & Tea, 3914 st. elmo ave. (423) 475-5482pashacoffeehouse.com

TUE 08.14Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m. aT&T Field, 201 Power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

WED 08.15Main Street Farmer’s Market4 p.m. 325 e. main st. mainstfarmers-market.comChattanooga Night Market5 p.m. Ross’s land-ing, chestnut street & Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogamarket.comChattanooga Lookouts vs. Jacksonville Suns7:15 p.m. aT&T Field, 201 Power alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

Map these locations at chattanoogapulse.com. Send calendar listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected].

rYPAC’s Annual

Signature SocialAug. 18, 2012

7-11 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall901 Lindsay Street

Enjoy a distinctly Chattanooga Southern night with local

flavors, great music and great company!

Advance Tickets(Through Aug. 11)

Members: $25 Non-Members: $35After Aug. 11: $40

Register atwww.ypchattanooga.org

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rREDEFINE YOUR WEEKEND.REDEFINE YOUR PROPERTY.

REDEFINE YOUR IMAGE.CALL US TODAY OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE

TO START IMPROVING YOUR HOME

423.667.2662REDEFININGLANDSCAPES.COM

GREEN IS OUR BUSINESS.WE RECYCLE.

KRIS KRISTOFFERSONFRI 08.10 • The 76-year-old singer-songrwriter makes a rare Chattanooga appearance.Tivoli Theare • 709 Broad st. • (423) 757-5050chattanoogaonstage.com


One fateful day, how-ever, I was robbed of the pleasure of enjoying these briny bivalves for many years to come due to an oyster wardrobe mal-function. In the process of transporting one of these fried morsels from plate to mouth, the breading slipped off like a cheap prom dress and I was face to face with what looked like something I had seen a chain smoker cough up on the sidewalk. My 8-year-old mind was so traumatized by that visu-al assault I spent the next 10 years foolishly turning away these gifts from the sea.

Through my twenties and thirties, I grew to tol-erate oysters. On the rare occasion I was offered one it almost always came as a challenge that I would take on in the manliest of fashion—with copious amounts of horseradish, cocktail sauce, lemon and a very quick gulp as to minimize any oyster to tongue contact.

Then something magi-cal happened. Maybe it was the development of my aging taste buds, the quality of the oysters on this particular night, or perhaps the hypnotic gaze and soothing décolletage of my brunette dining companion, but one night at a beachside seafood shack I fell in love with

raw oysters. With just a squirt of lemon and a splash of hot sauce, these tender beauties tasted like a sweet bite of the sea and I was completely hooked.

But being an oyster lov-er in Chattanooga is like having a Thai ladyboy fetish in North Georgia. So when I saw that Easy Bistro & Bar sells gulf oysters for 25 cents each on Thursdays, I rounded up a couple dozen fel-low oyster lovers and we descended on the place like a plague of hungry locusts. Easy Bistro is a somewhat upscale dining restaurant located down-town in the building that once housed the world’s first Coca-Cola bottling plant. The menu reflects their urban, fine dining setting with items like duck confit, black truffle risotto, and Coquilles St. Jacques, but we were there for the oysters and the oysters were there for us.

The taste of a chilled raw oyster is like a mouthful of ocean air. The tiny bit of seawater lingering in the shell (re-ferred to as the “liquor”) is a natural complement to the distinctive flavor of the oyster itself. They’re

light, but substantial; briny but not fishy. I rec-ommend going comman-do and eating them with just a splash of lemon, but there’s no shame in adding a dab of horserad-ish, cocktail sauce or hot sauce, either.

Like sushi, eating raw oysters has an element of ritual that is part of the satisfaction of the expe-rience. First, detach the oyster from the shell and make sure it’s completely detached by moving it around slightly in its shell. Raise the shell to your lips with the thinnest edge of the shell facing outward (to make it easier to slurp the oyster), tilt your head back and suck the oyster and the juice into your mouth, chew briefly, and swallow. I will now pause to give you the opportu-nity to make your favor-ite “That’s what she said” joke.

I fully understand that oysters are not for every-one. But if you get that tingly feeling as your oys-ter craving rises, you can rest easy knowing that Chattanooga has places like Easy Bistro to help you get your bivalve on.

Sushi Biscuits MIKE MCJUNKIN &

Mike McJunkin cooks better than you and eats quite a lot of very strange food. Visit his Facebook page (Sushi and Biscuits) for updates and recipes.

The Raw & The Cheapone of my favorite childhood memories is of running to the dinner table and seeing it scattered with huge oval serving platters stacked high with freshly fried crappie, piles of golf ball-sized hush puppies and bowlfuls of deep red Creole sauce with curvaceous shrimp bodies bobbing flirtatiously as if they knew they were my favorite. On extra special occasions there would be a plate of fried oysters for my father and, like any young man not yet old enough to have his first pube emerge, I liked whatever my father liked—this was especially true for fried oysters.

“He was a bold man who first ate an oyster.”

—Jonathan Swift

Free ContemporaryOrgan ConcertSaturday• August 11• 7pm

Hosted by Pilgrim Congregational Church

400 Glenwood at 3rd Street423.698.5682

pilgrim-church.comcontact church to reserve childcare

Premier Contemporary Organist Brad Bryan

playing Big Band, Pop, Country & Gospel

Liberal • Progressive • Inclusive • Protestant Church


Comix

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Free Will Astrology ROB BREzSNY

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): When Tchaikovsky wrote the musical score for his famous “1812 Over-ture,” it included 16 cannon shots. Literally. These blasts weren’t supposed to be made by, say, a sledgehammer pounded against a wooden mallet, but rather by the detonation of an actual can-non. Tchaikovsky was going way out of the box, calling on a source of sound no other composer had ever done. In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you to be inspired by his example, Leo. In your own chosen field, mess with the rules about how to play in your chosen field.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “And if nothing is repeated in the same way,” says poet Antonio Porchia, “all things are last things.” That’s a good principle to adapt for your own purposes, Virgo. A few weeks from now, I bet you’ll be enmeshed in an orgy of novelty, creating yourself from scratch and exploring experiences you’ve never heard of before. But in the meantime, as you bring this cycle to a close, be equally inventive about how you finish things off. Don’t imitate the approach you used in tying up loose ends in the past. Don’t put stale, boring kar-ma to rest in stale, boring ways.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): All of us feel bad sometimes—sad, dis-couraged, helpless, unloved, and all the rest. It’s a natural part of being human, but I am not predict-ing you will go through a phase like that anytime soon. The coming week will be an excellent time to come up with effective strategies for what to do in the future when you go through a rough period. For example, instead of wallow-ing in self-pity or berating yourself for your weakness, maybe you can resolve, next time, to amble aimlessly out in nature, dance to cathartic music for three hours, or go to the gym and smack around a punching bag.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When a domesticated weasel cap-tures some treasure or beats out a competitor for food, it performs a celebratory dance that’s referred to as the “weasel war dance.” During this triumphant display, it might hiss, arch its back, fluff out its tail, and hop around madly. I en-courage you to come up with your own private version of this ritual, Scorpio. It can be more dignified if you like, but whatever you choose, do it after every accomplishment, no matter how small: buying gro-ceries, arriving at an appointment on time, getting a good new idea,

or any other success.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One out of every four of us is afraid that we have missed our calling—that we have misread our soul’s code and failed to identify the labor of love that would pro-vide our ultimate fuel for living. If you’re among this deprived group, I have good news: The next six weeks will be an excellent time to fix the problem—to leave the niche where you don’t belong and go off to create a new power spot. And if you are among the 75 percent of us who are confident you’ve found your vocation, the next six weeks will be prime time to boost your efforts to a higher level.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can take this as a metaphor if you like, but I’m getting a psychic impression that you will soon be drawing on the energy of one of your past lives. Will it be a 13th-century Chinese lute player or a kitchen maid from 15th-century France? Will you be high on the vitality you had when you were a Yoruba priest living in West Africa 300 years ago? I invite you to play with fantasies like these, even if you don’t believe they’re literally true. You might be surprised at the boost you get from imagining yourself alive in a different body and historical era.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Italian mattress company Sogniflex has created a bed with features designed to facilitate love-making. It has straps and handles, plus a trench that helps you get better traction. You might consider buying one for yourself. The astrological omens suggest it’s time to play with more inten-sity in the intimate clinches. You could also try these things: 1. Upgrade your licking and sucking skills. 2. Cultivate your ability to listen receptively. 3. Deepen your sincere appreciation for what’s beautiful about anyone you’re at-tracted to. 4. Make yourself even more lovable than you already are.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My $10-an-hour counsel only re-quires a few seconds to deliver. Here it is: “Never try to be some-one you’re not. Discover what you were made for, and do it with all of your passionate intensity.” On the other hand, Pisces, my $100-a-minute wisdom is more compli-cated, subtle, and hard to impart in less than an hour of storytelling. Here’s a hint of it: There are times when you can get interesting and even brilliant results by experi-menting with being something

you’re not. Going against the flow of your instinctual urges and cus-tomary tendencies might tweak you in just the right way.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Apol-lo astronaut Russell Schweickart had a vision of loveliness while flying through outer space in his lunar module. “One of the most beautiful sights is a urine dump at sunset,” he testified. He said it resembles a “spray of sparklers,” as 10 million little ice crystals shoot out into the void at high ve-locity. As you feed your quest for a lusty life, Aries, I urge you to be as quirky and resourceful as Sch-weickart. Come up with your own definitions about what’s gorgeous and revelatory. Take epiphanies any way you can get them.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): At the heart of this horoscope is a quote from Maya Angelou and its counsel will be essential to your success in the coming weeks. “I’ve learned that people will for-get what you said,” said Angelou, “people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Can you see how valuable this principle might be for you, Taurus? If you hope to get what you desire, you should turn your empathy on full blast. If you want to get the love you think you deserve, be a master at mak-ing people feel good in your pres-ence.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The coming week will be prime time to celebrate your eccentricities and cultivate your idiosyncrasies. Do you like ketchup on your bananas? Do you have a tendency to break out in raucous laughter when people brag about themselves? I really think you should make note of all the qualities that make you odd or unique, and express those qualities with extra intensity. That may grate on some people, true, but it should have a potent healing effect on you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here are my questions: Will you thrust your foot across that imagi-nary line, or will you back away from it, scouting around for an escape route? Or will you shuffle on back to your comfort zone and caress your perfect daydreams? Personally, Cancerian, I’m hop-ing you will elect to do what’s a bit unsettling. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. If you make a bold move, make sure you’re not angling to please or im-press me. Do it as a way to express your respect for yourself—or don’t do it.

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STATE OF THE ARTSAUG. 23 • 2012


Jonesin’ Crossword

ACROSS1. Princess’s problem4. “SNL” alum Horatio8. Exploded14. Patent holder, often: abbr.15. Song from Sarah McLachlan’s “Surfacing”16. Holmes’s former partner17. Gun gp.18. HINT FOR SOUNDALIKE #120. TV android with a pet cat22. Former Heat star, familiarly23. 1966 Michael Caine role24. Visibly shocked26. Tony-winning one-man play of 198927. CCLI doubled28. Go back to the book30. “Can ___ least sit down?”32. Gps. like CARE and Amnesty International, to the UN35. HINT FOR SOUNDALIKE #238. Where, in Latin41. End of most

university web sites42. Victory run, maybe43. Pull a waterskier44. HINT FOR SOUNDALIKE #348. Lemony Snicket villain49. Reno and Holder, for short50. Unlike wax fruit54. Gunky stuff56. “This ___ test...”58. ___ Wrap59. Bronze medalist’s place61. Amt. on a food package63. Guy with a “Jaywalking” segment64. HINT FOR SOUNDALIKE #467. Soccer’s Freddy68. Spanish chant69. Sitcom that featured Andy Kaufman70. Go droopy71. Steal cattle72. Doctors who check out head colds, for short73. With 1-across, phonetic representation of the four soundalikes

DOwN1. Odist with a type of ode named for him2. Make royally angry3. James Cameron movie that outgrossed his own “Titanic”4. Gullible guy5. Fusses6. Not, in German7. CNN host Fareed8. 1/100th div.9. “Whether good ___...”10. Doing some knitting, maybe11. Many a Three Stooges melee12. Morales of “La Bamba”13. 2000s Bengals running back Dorsey19. With even distribution21. On the ocean25. Group of experts29. “___ ever wonder...”31. Swap cards33. Ear-related prefix34. U-turn from NNE36. Urban crime37. Tablets that don’t dissolve in water38. Common

tabloid subject39. ___ Harbour, Fla.40. Dreams up45. “Can’t quite recall...”46. Washington, e.g.47. Outdated verb used with phones51. Chicken piece52. Martin who played Bela Lugosi in “Ed Wood”53. “I give!”55. Former “Access Hollywood” host Nancy57. Phrase for the slightly miffed and disappointed59. “The Avengers” character60. One way to watch old shows62. Send a quick message65. Riddle-me-___ (old kids’ rhyme)66. Member of the fam

MATT JONES

Jonesin’ Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For an-swers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0584.

“What’s That Sound?”—you tell me.


It’s not just the voters who are the problem. The issue starts with the can-didates. Most are power-hungry wanna-be’s who were likely beaten up for their lunch money a little too often on the play-ground. We have a few of those around here. Some are so gung-ho about being elected that they blindly vote party poli-tics without question. I think if the Pachyderm Club asked its members to jump off the Walnut Street Bridge, Chuck Fleischmann would be the first one to show off his jack knife.

The problem is that candidates who would be good for the job don’t want the job. For suc-cessful businessmen and great thinkers, the pay sucks, the hours are long and the criticism is bitter and frequent. We are very lucky in our region to have a pretty good track record of elected officials. Kinsey and Corker were awesome mayors (the latter current-ly a great senator) who re-ally didn’t need the hassle of the job to pay their bills. They did it for the good of the city. To me, those are true public servants. Scot-tie Mayfield is that sort of guy it seems, and I know Andy Berke is.

As far as voter intelli-gence goes, first I blame Walmart. As if we weren’t lazy enough, Americans need go no further than the closest “has it all” to

get literally everything we need to live—from Q-tips and Pop Tarts to guns and oil changes. Despite the company’s strong-arm vendor tactics, including wholesale price demands that lead to substandard versions of the original products we trust—and the fact their low prices literally choke out locally owned competition—most are too lazy to think outside of the big box.

The average American is also too lazy to see the “forest” (true party politics that actually affect their taxes and ability to earn a decent living) for the “trees” (emotion-fueled morality issues such as guns, God and gays). It always amazes me to see a lower-income Republican fiercely support their can-didate based on the fact that they’ll be able to keep their handgun and never see two queers get hitched when that same politi-cian’s agenda also includes taking away a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body and elimi-nating government pro-grams that improve that voter’s quality of life.

It’s ignorance like this that really boiled my blood

on “Chick-fil-A Appre-ciation Day.” Concocted purely as a business tactic to offset lost sales since chain’s president offered his views on same-sex marriage, this day leveled the scope (so to speak) on those who vote with their brains and those who vote with their Bible.

All day long I had to endure Facebook pic-tures of people—including Fleischmann—holding up their lunch and making comments about how they support the sale of chicken sandwiches (riddled with hormones, preservatives and loads of chemicals) just because they person-ally believe in Adam & Eve and not Adam & Steve.

I realize that Chick-fil-A’s moral stance and business practices don’t necessarily have anything to do with politics (right), but it was a little ironic that Chick-fil-A Apprecia-tion Day happened the day before Republican prima-ries in five states, includ-ing Tennessee. To me, taking a stance on moral, political and social issues as a company is just plain bad business. Then again whether or not you par-ticipated yesterday, I bet you—like me—are crav-ing Chick-fil-A just about now. Just don’t drink the Kool-Aid.

Playing Political Chickentoday i shed a tear for the integrity of our nation. seems that most of us are so stupid that we vote for our elected officials based on their morality and “opinions” of our Constitution rather than their ability for ob-jective thinking, reasoning and accountability. And with this election year sucking a little more from our already too shallow gene pool, Canada is look-ing a little more like the promised land.

Life in the Noog ChUCK CROWDER

Chuck Crowder is a lo-cal writer and general man about town. His opinions are his own.

The Pulse 9.32 » Aug. 9-15, 2012

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Transcript of The Pulse 9.32 » Aug. 9-15, 2012