The Pulse 11.26 » June 26, 2014

The PulseCHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE JUNE 26, 2014

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HEALTHYCHOICES,HEALTHYWALLETSHOW TO EAT RIGHT WITHOUT BREAKING THE BANK

2 • The Pulse • JUNE 26-JUly 2, 2014 • chaTTanoogaPulse.com

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WELCOMES STUDENTS OF ALL STYLES AND LEVELS!FEATURING NASHVILLE GUITAR INSTRUCTOR NIC ALEXANDER

“I teach students how to make progressthrough the inspiration of melody.”

Free group guitar clinic • Free Skype back-up tutorials included with all lesson packages

Intermediate studies on techniques:Sweeping Arpeggios Tapping • String SkippingTravis Picking Alternate and Economy Picking

Speed Picking • Seasoned Blues Riffs and BendingTechniques • Power chords and Amplifier settingsACOUSTIC GUITAR TRAINING FOR ALL LEVELS

Come get signed up at my North Shore Studio and let us pass along to you the lifelong gift of making music!

Advanced technicians welcome

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lessonrating.comi can also come to your location!

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chaTTanoogaPulse.com • JUNE 26-JUly 2, 2014 • The Pulse • 3

brewer media groupPublisher & President Jim Brewer II

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ContributorsDavid Traver adolphus • Rob Brezsny

John DeVore • mike Dobbs • Janis hashematt Jones • Brian King • marc T. michael mike mcJunkin • Tony mraz • ernie Paik

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VoicesDAVID ADOlPHUS: What happened to the great American family cars?

AlEX TEACH: Officer Alex devotes some time to cop-style FAQs

FeaturesMUSIC: Man Forever willl push percussion limits at Sluggo’s

RECORD REVIEWS: July welcomes a wealth of new music for your ears

SCREEN: Broadway’s tale of the Four Seasons doesn’t translate to film

SPIRITS WITHIN: Sugarland Moonshine and FIFA: Gooooaaaal!

MIXOlOGy: The bitters truth

DIVERSIONS

FREE WIll ASTROlOGy

JONESIN' CROSSWORD

HappeningsBEGINNINGS: Millennials demand change with their dollars

lIVE MUSIC CAlENDAR

ENTERTAINMENT CAlENDAR

JUNE

201426 Contents

A NEW

CHIEF IN TOWN

next Week in The pulse

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EATHow to eat (and cook) healthy without spending a fortune

By Mike McJunkin

THe FiNe priNT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is distributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. contents copyright © 2014 by Brewer media. all rights reserved.

By Tony Mraz

BOUNDARY-LESS CREATIVITYDavid Ruiz is muralist, photographer and entrepreneur

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 26

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products from companies with similar values to their own. This remarkable new consumer trend is waving a warning flag at business lead-ers. Along with anxieties about the bottom line, CEOs must now worry about their political ideals and how they fashion (and follow) their business ethics.

A perfect example of “Spend Shift-ers” in action occurred in 2012 when Dan Cathy, chief op-erating officer

of the popular chicken sandwich food chain Chick-fil-A, declared his opposition to same-sex marriage. Reports soon surfaced that the company had donated millions of dollars to nu-merous anti-LGBT organizations.

This led to outrage among gay rights support-ers, and America became a divided nation over the chicken sandwich with waffle fries. Many pro-gay rights activists (and Millennials over-whelmingly support gay rights issues) vowed to never eat at the fast-food restaurant again, while those on the other side of the fence went to the restaurant in droves.

A Chick-fil-A “Appreciation Day” was sched-uled for August 1 of that year, and the company witnessed record-breaking sales—at the same time that thousands of Americans stood outside Chick-fil-A stores across the country and pro-tested the company’s stance against gay rights.

After years of being surrounded by contro-versy, Cathy recently told USA Today that he “cares about all people,” and that he will now “leave it to the politicians and others to discuss social issues.”

As Millennials focus their consumer atten-tion on what values and ideals companies hold,

they also care about the compa-nies’ social responsibilities. Ac-cording to a survey of more than 1,200 adults, conducted by Cone Communications, Millennials were found to be the generation most focused on a corporation’s social responsibility when decid-ing what to purchase.

The survey found that nearly 89 percent of Americans would purchase a product from a com-pany associated with a good cause if there wasn’t an increase in price or a decrease in qual-ity. This percentage increased by nearly 23 points from the same survey Cone Communica-tion carried out in 1993—a time where Millennials had yet to enter the adult population with their purchasing power.

A recent Brookings Institute paper noted: “As Millennials become an increasingly large share of the adult population and gather more and more wealth, the generation’s size and unity of belief will cause seismic shifts in the nation’s financial sector, shaking it to its very foundations and leading to major changes in the nation’s board rooms.

“As Millennials become CEOs, or determine the fate of those who are, they will change the purpose and priorities of compa-nies in order to bring their strate-gies into alignment with the gen-eration’s values and beliefs.”

NewS • ViewS • raNTS • raVeSupdaTeS » chaTTanoogaPulse.com FaCebook/chaTTanoogaPulse

EMAIl loVe leTTeRs, aDVIce & TRash TalK To [email protected]

Watch Out, Wall StreetB

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“Spend Shifter” Millennials demand change with their dollars

CEOs must now worry about their political ideals and how they fashion (and follow) their business ethics.”

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ViewsCHRISTOPHERARMSTRONG

The beginning of a new consumer era is near.

Baby boomers are starting retirement and Generation X’ers have begun to inch ever-so-closely to the faint light at the end of the career tunnel. The dawn of the Millennials entering the working world is upon us, and with this emer-gence of a new generation comes a fresh perspective on the hierarchy of impor-tance.

A recent survey of 2,300 Millennials conducted by Young & Rubicam found that the majority of young Americans now consider themselves a “Spend Shifter.” A “Spend Shifter” is identi-fied as someone who purposefully buys


IN T

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This week's cover story is by long-time food writer and professional chef Mike

McJunkin, a native Chatta-noogan who has gained con-siderable experience with food through his obsessive habit of eating several times each and every day. Along the way

he has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants, and singlehandedly increased Chat-tanooga’s meat consumption statistics for three consecutive years. He can tell you what balut tastes like, what it’s like to eat pork blood boat noodles on the streets of Thailand and how to cure bacon in a loft apartment. He is also quite active on Facebook at face-book.com/SushiAndBiscuits

Mike McJunkinAutomo-tive affici-ando David Travercovers all things automotive for us, both

with his monthly "Air Bag" column and with his annual Automotive Issue cover story. David is a freelance automo-tive researcher who recently quit his full-time job writing

about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. David oc-casionally contributes to Road & Track and often to roadan-dtrack.com and elsewhere. He is also the founder of The Road Home, a nonprofit benefitting post-9/11 veterans. He wel-comes the inevitable and prob-ably richly deserved kvetching about Air Bag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

David Traver Adolphus

EdiToonby Rick Baldwin

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Chattanooga, there was an alternative newspaper called The Pulse. Every year, in order to showcase talented writers, The Pulse announced a contest, challeng-ing Chattanoogans to take a chisel to the evil writer’s block, and write a short story of 500 words or fewer.

But as the weather warmed up, time for Chattanoogans to submit their best work began to run out. The deadline to email submissions (it was an advanced kingdom) was set for Friday, June 27.

The staff at The Pulse wanted to en-courage their readers!

“Everyone’s got a story,” they said. “A word limit seems tricky but the

subject matter is endless!” A panel of expert judges waited in an-

ticipation. Stories had come in, but they

couldn’t read them until the deadline ar-rived. They knew choosing the top sub-missions would be difficult, but publish-ing the best stories in the July 17 issue of The Pulse would be worth it.

Not only would the winners get their story printed, but The Pulse was also offering cool winnings from places throughout the kingdom.

So into the lists, valiant wordsmiths! Email your story to [email protected] and live happily ever after—or live forever in the Land of Lost Opportunity.

— Madeline Chambliss

And the Moral of the Pulse Short Short Story is...S/he who hesitates won’t be in the contest

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If you, like me, love cars and have young children, then unless you’re seriously wealthy you’ve got a problem, because you have nothing to drive. I spent some time over the winter driving a new Chrysler Town & Country Limited, and I admired it hugely.

It was well thought out and did everything I asked of it. It was extremely pleasant to oper-ate, and in many respects the ideal vehicle to transport a batch of children—aside from the $42,000 sticker and hideous new front end.

I also have an extremely good microwave oven at home. Every time I use that, I think about how competently it does its job. But just as I can’t imagine tak-ing the T&C out for a weekend drive on the backroads, I don’t ever find myself microwaving things for fun.

American sedans—remem-ber sedans?—were once large enough that no one thought twice about putting three kids in the back seat and a week’s worth of luggage in the trunk and taking off for vacation. A Dodge Polara or Chevrolet Bis-

cayne was less a car than a sort of modern covered wagon, a slow-moving home that drifted across the country at a pace dictated by the interval between the World’s Largest Ball of String and the next A&W Root Beer shop.

For those for whom that wasn’t enough, there were sev-en- and nine-passenger Country Sedan wagons, in which when

you got tired of the kids fight-ing, you could banish them to rear-facing seats far enough away that noth-ing they threw (or threw up,

because wow, was it bouncy and full of fumes back there) would end up in the front.

And even though Ford would install a 370hp, 429 Cobra Jet with a Shaker hood in a To-rino Squire wagon, that was the equivalent of a Cadillac CTS-V or E63 Mercedes wagon, rare and very expensive—and when you get right down to it, not ac-tually all that useful.

So to transport my family to-day, we’re in a Subaru Legacy wagon, which I liked for its sort of Japanese cool (Bruce Willis did the home market ads for two

decades) and with a five-speed, sporting pretensions. But it isn’t aging well, and I really need to replace it.

Only I can’t. Not only isn’t that model made any longer, there’s barely anything like it. As far as I know, the sole remaining people-movers sold in the USA with a manual transmission are the Subaru Forester, Hyundai Elantra GT, and Mazda5. And all of those share a problem with my current car: They’re not very big and more than anything else, that’s the main difference be-tween the family truckster era and today. It was an era, too, and I can actually put a date on the moment that time went away. It was August 2011.

Summer of 2011 is when the last Ford Crown Victoria was built. In many ways, the Crown Vic was the last holdover of an era that began in the early ’50s, a body-on-frame, rear-wheel drive, V-8 sedan. Writing it out like that brings home just how much of an anachronism it was, but it doesn’t convey how supremely well it did its job.

Tested in countless millions of miles of taxi and police duty, the Crown Vic’s Panther plat-form was rock solid and good for 300,000 trouble-free miles; even with 237hp you still saw mid-to-high 20s on the highway (bet-ter than my Subaru); and most importantly, it had room for an actual family, with car seats and playpens and all.

To get a big sedan today, you have to go way, way up the food chain, and out of America to a BMW 7-series or Mercedes S-class, both of which start north of $80,000. I’ve driven plenty of Chevy Impalas and they’re adequate, but they’re not big; same with a Ford Taurus, which I really like as a car but not to put my kids in, every day. And quality from the Big Three is, frankly, horrifying. When I say the Crown Vic was trouble-free, I mean they just didn’t break, ever.

So why not drive an SUV like everyone else? I like trucks and I’ve owned plenty; and I think the Jeep Wrangler is an Ameri-can icon. But from a driving point of view, SUVs don’t get the job done. I like sitting close to the road, and I like my cars to handle like cars. SUVs, even today’s good ones, make compro-mises I don’t like.

That’s why I’ve spent the last six months trying to convince my wife she’s not going to age 25 years the minute she sits down in a Crown Vic or worse, the nearly identical Mercury Grand Mar-quis. If I’m an anachronism for wanting a comfortable car that fits my family and makes me feel like a king every time I drive it, I can live with that.

And if you have an 85-year-old relative with a sweet Crown Vic they only drove on Sundays and waxed twice a month...well, you know how to reach me.

Lament for the Lost Sedan

“I like sitting close to the road, and I like my cars to handle like cars. SUVs, even today’s good ones, make compromises I don’t like.”

What happened to the great American family cars?

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

Air Bag

DAVID TRAVER ADOLPHUS

State of the Arts ‘14 is coming...Don’t miss out on the largest issue of the year.The movers. The shakers. The decision makers.Call (423) 265-9494 to find out how to reach them.

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“If you’re not able to invest fistfuls of dollars into a healthier diet, then you have to invest something else—time. More specifically, time in the kitchen.”

By Mike McJunkin

MAKE THE AqUAINTANCE Of YOUR KITCHEN AppLIANCES ANd YOUR HEALTH (ANd WALLET) WILL THANK YOU

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. IT’S STILL TRUE.

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“I can’t afford to eat healthy.”Eating is an investment. You are in-

vesting your money, time and energy into a task that you hope will provide a return of satisfaction, nutrition and fuel for your body. When a person claims they “can’t afford to eat healthy,” they are at best misinformed and at worst, dangerously negligent. They either think they do not have enough money to eat healthy or they believe it is not worth the money they assume it re-quires. They are mistaken on both counts.

How much does it actually cost to eat healthy? Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health conducted an

analysis of 27 studies from 10 higher-income countries comparing the costs of healthy vs. not-so-healthy diets. The study found that healthier foods, like fruits, veggies and fish are indeed more expensive than unhealthy, food-like products such as processed meals, snacks and refined grains. This is primarily be-cause current food policies support these inexpensive but high volume production foods, and favor processed and easily manufactured foods that provide more profits for the food industry.

Researchers found that the added cost of replacing the less expensive, less healthy foods with fresher and more nutritious ones came to only $1.50 more

he constant media drumbeat encouraging us to eat more vegetables, less processed foods and to cut back on sugar has gone from trendy movement to part of the current cultural zeitgeist in just a few short years. It’s hard to argue that a steady stream of Chef Boyardee, Rice-A-Roni, and Taco Bell is better for you than a balanced, healthy diet full of fresh fruits, vegetables, grains and responsibly raised meats.

Yet, it is widely believed that a healthy diet is a luxury only to be enjoyed by those with plenty of disposable income and an unnatural affection for tofu and quinoa. But is this true? Is eating healthy really more expensive than eating junk?

T


per day. Yes, you read that right. $1.50 a day. That’s less than you paid for that last, ill-advised beer last night; less than the cost of two Mumford & Sons down-loads; and cheaper than the Cheetos and Diet Coke you get from the breakroom vending machine because you are getting “hangry.”

Several years ago, I decided it was time for me to eat a healthier diet. I immedi-ately noticed how much bigger the price tags for vegetables, fruits and fresh meats were compared to the prepared, pre-packaged foods I had grown accustomed to eating. That is—until I started actually doing the math. I quickly realized that many times, I could make a healthy meal for even less than the not-so healthy ones.

For example, burgers, fries and drinks for a family of four at McDonalds ring in at roughly $22. (900 calories, 37 grams of fat, 123 grams of carbs and 23 grams of protein per person). An entire roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, bread and nice tall glasses of whole milk for a family of four costs about $15 (934 calo-ries, 39 grams of fat, only 80 grams of carbs and a whopping 67 grams of protein per person).

The secret for eating healthy on a budget is found in where you invest your resources. If you’re not able to invest fist-fuls of dollars into a healthier diet, then you have to invest something else—time. More specifically, time in the kitchen. Today, the average American spends 27 minutes a day on food preparation; that’s less than half the time we spent cooking in the 1960s. And what many people call “cooking” today would barely be recog-nized by our great-grandparents.

I’m sorry to rain on your parade, but mixing up a batch of Hamburger Helper or heating up a package of frozen chicken tenders and a can of green beans is not

cooking. It’s reheating food you have trusted a corpo-ration to prepare for you; corporations who have a well-documented history of going heavy on sugars, fats and salt—three tastes our taste buds naturally love, but that also happen to be dirt cheap for manufacturers to add, and that happen to do an excel-lent job of masking the short-comings of processed food.

In 2003, a group of Har-vard economists found a link be-tween the decline in time Ameri-cans spend preparing food at home to the increase in obesity rates. The French fry, for example, didn’t become the most popular “veg-etable” in America until manufacturers relieved us of the “chore” of peeling, cutting and cooking potatoes ourselves.

The study demon-strated that as the time spent on food preparation fell, calorie consumption climbed and that there is an inverse correlation between obesity rates and how much time is spent on food preparation.

In other words, the more time you spend preparing food at home, the less likely you are to be obese and more likely to have a healthy diet.


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“But I can’t cook.” Too often, when I share the fact

that my “secret” for healthy eating on the cheap is to cook your own food, the reaction is a defeated look followed by the statement, “But I can’t cook.” You don’t have to be a gourmet cook to eat healthy; you simply need to do what humans have done for mil-lennia.

Cooking is symbolic of how we distinguish ourselves from the animals, a metaphor for how we trans-formed nature into culture. Cook-ing provided our primate forebears with a more energy-dense and easy-to-digest diet, allowing our brains to grow bigger.

Free from the task of gathering large quantities of raw food and spending hours chewing it, humans could devote more time and energy to other purposes—like creating a culture.

If our primal ancestors can figure out how to cook a meal over an open fire, anyone with access to resources such as the modern stove, the Internet and an advanced, problem-solving brain can manage to cook some veggies and a piece of fish or chicken.

Start by do-ing a little Net research. Do a search for healthy reci-pes using an ingredient you like, find one that sounds good and jump right in.

With the In-ternet at your

fingertips, you can quickly learn mysterious cooking techniques like “boil,” “mix,” and “braise.” You-Tube has hundreds of instructional videos on every cooking technique imaginable. Just remember, if a mouth-breathing Neanderthal like Guy Fieri can do it—anyone can do it.

One final piece of the puzzle is how to buy healthy ingredients

“The bottom line on how to have a healthy diet on a tight budget is simple:

Make an investment into the thing you do every

day that most dramatically affects your health—

cooking your own food.”


to take home and cook. There is no secret life hack to finding good deals. Ask your friends about where they shop, “like” market and farm Facebook pages to watch for spe-cials and buy fruits and vegetables when they’re in season to get the best deal (and the most flavor).

Take advantage of ethnic mar-kets for “specialty” ingredients (they aren’t specialty ingredients to them, they’re just food) and get to know the farmers at the local farm-ers markets. They’re really friendly, sometimes will give great deals to

regulars and are a wealth of knowl-edge about the food they grow and how to prepare it.

The bottom line on how to have a healthy diet on a tight budget is simple: Make an investment into the thing you do every day that most dramatically affects your health—cooking your own food.

As one of our culture’s foremost food writers and thinkers, Michael Polland, has said, “Here’s my diet plan: Cook it yourself. That’s it. Eat anything you want—just as long as you’re willing to cook it yourself.”

Note on food costs and availability: There are thousands of people right here in Chattanooga that go to bed hungry every night because they do not make enough money to feed themselves and their families. Many of the programs meant to help people in need have been hobbled by lack of funding, mismanagement or overwhelming need. For those with serious needs, and the many living in “food deserts”, a Pulse article of tips on how to more effectively shop is of little use. Please donate your time, money or whatever resources you can to organizations that help the hungry in Chattanooga, such as the Chattanooga Area Food Bank.

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The film apes some of these pieces of the stage show, but only halfheartedly, with-out committing to the performance aspects needed to tell the story.

“Jersey Boys” the film seems to have more in common with biopics like “Ray” or “Walk the Line.” How-ever, with one exception, the film doesn’t develop any of the characters into fully realized people. By trying to mimic the stage show while mak-ing a serious drama about the group, the film does neither approach jus-tice, making “Jersey Boys” overlong and mostly empty.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the film (save for the musical numbers which are too few and far between), is the background of the boys in the Four Seasons. Without the music, three of the members would have likely ended up dead or in jail due to mob-related activities. The audience learns about the small-

time criminal careers of Tommy DeVito (Vincent Piazza) and Nick Massi (Michael Lomenda), the guitar and bass player of the Four Seasons, respec-

tively. The pair occasionally bring little Frankie Castellucio (Broadway star John Lloyd Young) along on their extra-legal activities, but are careful to protect him from any real danger. He has to be home by 11, after all.

The beginning of the film, when the boys are learning who they are and rising into the role of musical legends, contains genuinely engag-ing bits of storytelling. This is most-ly due to it being part of Tommy’s story, the only one that jumps off the screen with life.

Vincent Piazza has the longest act-ing resume of any of the main actors, and his natural abilities make his character outshine the other three. (His few episodes on “The Sopra-nos” clearly prepared him well for

When Beetles Ruled The WorldRevisit the beginning of the other Beetlemania

The Museum Center at Five Points concludes their monthlong "Movies In The Courtyard" with another family-friendly classic.

"The Love Bug" tells the tale of a lov-able Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own. A rather emotionally unstable mind, at that. The Beetle, known affec-tionately as "Herbie" teams up with a down-on-his-luck race car driver and they find themselves on the bumpy and hilarious road to success and ro-mance.

The film, one in a very successful series of live-action kid comedies pro-duced by Walt Disney Studios in the '60s and '70s, starred Disney stalwart

Dean Jones, along with Michele Lee and the legendary Buddy Hackett.

Amusingly, the film won a Golden Screen award in Germany in 1970.

Bring your family, friends, blan-kets, lawn chairs, and snacks to enjoy the movie in the museum's outdoor Courtyard. The movie will begin a dusk (around 7:30 p.m.)

Museum Movie Nights: “The Love Bug”7:30 p.m.Museum Center at 5ive Points200 Inman Street East. (423) 339-5745museumcenter.org

ScreenJOHN DEVORE

FILM

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Wise Guys, Great Music Can’t Save “Jersey Boys”

JERSEY BOYS” IS A FILM WITHOUT AN IDENTITY. IT doesn’t know what it wants to be. The stage version, a jukebox

musical featuring the songs of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, is immensely popular and well received, features 34 musical perfor-mances, a careful and well-planned plot structure, and a fourth-wall-breaking storytelling device that reveals the contradictions between the way the band members remember the events of their youth.

Broadway’s tale of the Four Seasons doesn’t translate to film musical magic

✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴

Transformers: Age of ExtinctionAn automobile mechanic and his daughter make a discovery that brings down the Au-tobots and Decepticons—and a paranoid government official—on them. You were expecting Shakespeare?Director: Michael BayStars: Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Stanley Tucci

Begin AgainA chance encounter between a disgraced music-business executive and a young sing-er-songwriter new to Manhattan turns into a promising collaboration between the two talents.Director: John CarneyStars: Keira Knightley, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine, Hailee Steinfeld

“


this role.) Michael Lomada and Erich Bergan are bland by comparison, John Lloyd Young is only interesting when singing—he has almost no personality at all when not “on stage”.

The problem here is that the adap-tation did not translate well to film as a medium. Clint Eastwood is an odd choice as the director of a musical, so much so that I had to look to make sure that it wasn’t some other Clint East-wood. Eastwood is one of the better di-rectors of the last 20 years—“Unforgiven” and “Million Dol-lar Baby” are under-stated and beautiful films. However, his style isn’t going to enhance an adaptation of a Broadway musical.

Broadway requires excess. Someone like Baz Luhrman might have been a better choice. It isn’t that there couldn’t have been a good film version of “Jer-sey Boys.” It seems these filmmakers made strange choices in the beginning of the process, and then tried to fix them in post. It’s as if Eastwood had his own vision of the film and someone came in and told him that musicals usually have bright colors and dancing.

“Jersey Boys” needed to be either a musical or a biopic. The drawback to doing a straight biopic is that at a certain point, all of these stories begin to sound the same. Pop stars follow the same tra-jectory and face many of the same is-sues: drugs, money, parties, infidelity. It’s all been done before. The music is the difference.

I have to say that music included in the film is spectacu-lar. John Lloyd Young has pipes to rival young Frankie Valli and watching him on screen made me want to see him perform live. I can tell by the musical numbers that the live show must be vibrant and pow-

erful—there’s nothing like watching choreographed early rock and roll. This is the popular music that dominated the 1960s before the Beatles made every-thing so much more serious.

The sequences in the film highlight just how rock and roll changed the world. If only the filmmakers had known what was important in the story, it might have been something worth watching. As it is, “Jersey Boys” takes too long to get to a point that has been made more ef-fectively in better movies.

“It’s as if Eastwood had his own vision of the film and someone came in and told him that musicals usually

have bright colorsand dancing.”


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Aural Alchemy at Barking legsThe Leaky Sockets experimental music fest returns for year two in July

In its second year, the Leaky Sockets festival aims to “gather some of the best local and regional experimental acts in one place,” to “help this aspect of the Chatta-nooga music scene to continue to grow,” according to organizer Jerry Reed.

“I hope anyone who comes, es-pecially someone not familiar, re-alizes that Chattanooga has a lot to offer musically outside of the typical bar rock scene,” said Reed. “That there are sincere people here that are making sounds that fall outside of what most people think about when they think about Chattanooga music.”

One reason Reed is drawn to ex-perimental music is because “it’s more about feeling than proficien-cy” and that it offers “true freedom of sound and expression.”

Visiting artists will include a pair of acts from Asheville, N.C.—solo

venture Divine Circles featuring violinist Meghan Mulhearn and “aural alchemist” Elisa Faires—and three outfits from northeast Ten-nessee: the audio/visual brain-washing machine Compulsion Analysis, the sonic assault of Ka-ontrol Kontraos and the abrasive, meditative sound art of Lubber.

Local artists will include Baby Magic, Color Graphics Array, Earth Builder, Millipede, Subconscious Colours, Torschlusspanik and Rick Weaver.

“We’re not trying to make Chat-tanooga weird, because it already was,” said Reed.

—Ernie Paik

Leaky Sockets 2014July 5, 7 p.m., $8. Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347barkinglegs.org

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Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

honest music local and regional shows

Thu, June 26Sat, June 28

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Chattanooga All Stars of Hip Hop [$5]Rigoletto, SharkWeek, Gold Plated Gold [$5]

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pmFree Live Music every Sunday evening starting at 7pm

Fascinating Not-Rhythm

THE NYC-BASED PERCUSSION PROJECT MAN Forever, created by Oneida drummer Kid

Millions—real name: John Colpitts—found initial momentum in 2010 after Colpitts witnessed a concert of Lou Reed’s infamous noise album Metal Machine Music performed by an acoustic chamber ensemble and wanted to make a drum-only version.

Man Forever willl push percussion limits at Sluggo’s North

By using a multitude of thickly lay-ered tuned drums, Col-pitts, with a rotating cast of collaborators, harnesses the power of sound waves crash-ing together through origi-nal compositions that have intense payoffs. Colpitts has also worked with the Japa-nese group Boredoms, Spiri-tualized, William Basinski and novelist Rick Moody.

Colpitts answered some questions via email for The

Pulse in ad-vance of the June 26 Man Forever con-cert at Slug-go’s North.

The Pulse: You’ve re-ferred to your compositions as experiments. What prem-ises formed the basis for the tracks on your new album Ry-onen with So Percussion?

John Colpitts: The two full-length records that came before this new one are all based around arrhythmic per-cussion. They were ways to

play the drums without a focus on rhythm and to see what kind of aleatoric rhythms emerged from that. For this project I wanted to bring in a drum set and work on a number of pieces that had a distinct and powerful pulse.

So that’s where I started. I cre-ated a number of pieces around this idea and the two that made the record were the best suited for So Percussion. I also wanted to incorporate vocals into the mix; I wanted to have the drum-mers singing and harmonizing.

TP: How strict are your live performances? How much room is there for improvisation?

JC: For the other drummers it’s pretty strict, but there’s sup-posed to be a build from the start to the end: a gradual build.

It’s not really improvisation, but there’s some flexibility. I started this project initially because I was sick of personal expression driving rock and jazz music. There was something imperson-al about the first two Man For-ever albums—I liked that. Now it’s more personal; I was ready to go into that world a bit.

TP: Does the venue itself shape a Man Forever show?

JC: I think definitely, yes. I’ve played in the Metropolitan Mu-seum of Art and in punk houses. I think there’s more GIVE to a punk house space. It’s small-er—you can expend more en-ergy and have it absorbed into the structure—whereas concert halls want to resonate, and it can cause restraint on stage. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It just

will drive the performance in a certain way. Clarity vs. abandon: there are pluses to both things.

TP: What do you want audi-ences to get from a performance?

JC: I want the audience to leave feeling energized, and perhaps there was room made in their minds for their own thoughts. Not even about my music—who cares?—but maybe some strands of ideas would meet there. They could get ideas, inspiration...and energy.

Man ForeverWith Buffalo Princess, monomath and White gregg June 26, 10 p.m., $7Sluggo’s North501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224

MusicERNIE PAIK


thursday6.26 All American Summer Series: Prophets and Kings6 p.m.Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff Viewhuntermuseum.orgMocha Brownstone Bank6 p.m.Mocha Music Lounge511 Broad St.mochajazz.netLive Jazz6 p.m.The Meeting Place 1278 Market St.stjohnsrestaurant.comLive Bluegrass6:30 p.m.Whole Foods Market301 Manufacturers Rd.(423) 702-73002nd Quarter Songwriter Shootout Winners Competition7 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comChattanooga Unplugged: Steadfast Soul, Ryan Oyer9 p.m.Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comOpen Mic with Hap Henninger9 p.m.The Office901 Carter St. (inside City Café)(423) 634-9191Chattanooga All Stars of Hip-Hop9 p.m.The Honest Pint

35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.comThis Frontier Needs Heroes, Jetsome the Noose10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.comMan Forever, Buffalo Princess, Monomath, White Gregg10 p.m.Sluggos North501 Cherokee Blvd.(423) 752-5224

friday6.27 Matt’s Friday Jam5:30 p.m.Julie Darling Donuts121 Frazier Ave.(423) 591-3737Power Player Band6 p.m.Mocha Music Lounge

511 Broad St.mochajazz.netSeth Walker, Remembering January7 p.m.Miller Plaza850 Market St.nightfallchattanooga.comDavid Wilcox7 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comDo Ya Hear We Festival 20147 p.m.Sluggo’s North501 Cherokee Blvd.bit.ly/doyahearweMatt Fox8 p.m.Pasha Coffee House 3914 St. Elmo Ave.pashacoffeehouse.comAustin Nickels Band 8 p.m.Sky Zoo5709 Lee Hwy.

chattazooga.comLogan Murrell8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comAmanda Rose9 p.m.The Office901 Carter St. (inside City Café)(423) 634-9191Ten Bartram 9:30 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comBlackcat Moon10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar5751 Brainerd Rd.budssportsbar.comSkymatic, Dioptrics10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

saturday6.28 Magic & Music at the InclineNoonIncline Railway3917 St. Elmo Ave.ridetheincline.comRed Bank Monthly Music in the Park6:30 p.m.Red Bank City Park 3820 Dayton Blvd.(423) 876-9458Milele Roots6:30 p.m.Georgia Winery 6469 Battlefield Pkwy., Ringgold, Ga.georgiawines.com

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Pulse Pick:Joshua Powell Joshua and his folk band borrowed their brand from a 1903 silent Western and have crafted their sound in that sure-footed Americana tradition ever since.

Joshua PowellWith Bad ScoutSaturday, June 287 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.com

LIVE MUSIC

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Joshua Powell, Bad Scout7 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comDo Ya Hear We Festival 20147 p.m.Sluggo’s North501 Cherokee Blvd.bit.ly/doyahearweTrent Williams and Friends7 p.m.Mocha Music Lounge511 Broad St.mochajazz.netBill & Eli Parris8 p.m.Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse105 McBrien Rd.christunity.orgRagdoll8 p.m.Sky Zoo5709 Lee Hwy.chattazooga.comLogan Murrell8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comLocal Summer Showcase: Rigolleto, Gold Plated Gold, Sharkweek9 p.m.The Honest Pint35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.comPower Players10 p.m.Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St.sugarschattanooga.comRemembering January10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd.budssportsbar.com

The Other Brothers10 p.m.The Office901 Carter St. (inside City Café)(423) 634-9191Canopy, Factory10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd., jjsbohemia.comSoCro, Kindora10 p.m.Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.rhythm-brews.com

sunday6.29 Jessica Campbell12:30 p.m.Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.comJoelle Maddyson2 p.m.Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.comHealing Hearts3 p.m.Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comDo Ya Hear We Festival 20147 p.m.Ziggy’s607 Cherokee Blvd.bit.ly/doyahearweMolly Maguires7 p.m.The Honest Pint35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.comBlind Draw9 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar

5751 Brainerd Rd.budssportsbar.com

monday6.30 Lobo Marino, Birds with Fleas7 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comWendell Matthews Acoustic7 p.m.North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave.(423) 266-9466Old School 7 p.m.J & J Restaurant and Lounge2208 Glass St.(423) 622-3579Nathan Farrow6 p.m.Lake Winnepesaukah1730 Lakeview Dr., Rossville, Ga.lakewinnie.comLindsey Stirling, AJR9 p.m.Track 291400 Market St.track29.com

tuesday7.1 Chattanooga Music Club Patriotic Organ Concert7 p.m.Memorial Auditorium399 McCallie Ave.chattanoogaonstage.comLaura Thurston, Katrina Barclay7 p.m.The Camp House 1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.com

Tim Starnes & Davey Smith7 p.m.Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St.sugarschattanooga.comUptown Big Band Swing Party8 p.m.Rhythm & Brews 221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comOpen Mic with Mike McDade8 p.m.Tremont Tavern1203 Hixson Piketremonttavern.com

wednesday7.2 Brandon McGuiness5 p.m.Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.com Dan Sheffield7:30 p.m.Sugar’s Downtown 507 Broad St.sugarschattanooga.comOpen Mic with Ryan Oyer8 p.m.The Honest Pint35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.com Mdahts, KidDead, Brandon Brairs10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

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Lindsey Stirling

Join us on Facebook

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm$1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts,

$2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

901 Carter St(Inside City Cafe)423-634-9191

Thursday, June 26: 9pmOpen Mic

with Hap HenningerFriday, June 27: 9pm

Amanda RoseSaturday, June 28: 10pm

The Other BrothersTuesday, July 1: 7pm

Server/Hotel Appreciation Night$5 Pitchers ● $2 Wells ● $1.50 Domestics

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Map these locations on chattanoogapulse.com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]


Record Reviews

Hot Summer, Hot MusicJuly welcomes a wealth of new music to tantalize your ears

The long hot days of Sum-mer are upon us, and with the season comes a bevy of new releases from artists both well-known and looking to make their break into the mainstream. Check out these new discs (or downloads) and crank it up.

Every Time I DieFrom Parts Unknown(Epitaph)

Buffalo's magnificently brutal metallic punk ensem-ble Every Time I Die pres-ent From Parts Unknown.

The 2014 album was pro-duced by hard music legend Kurt Ballou, guitarist of Con-verge, who has helmed re-cent buzz albums from Kvel-ertak, Nails, and High On Fire, and offers an unrelent-ing onslaught of ingeniously composed and furiously ex-ecuted cathartic hardcore.

This is the band's highly anticipated follow up to 2012 s raging masterwork Ex Lives.

From the syncopated cha-os of the opening salvo "The Great Secret" to the melodic mosh of "Old Light" as close as ETID have ever come to a radio-friendly unit shifter From Parts Unknown sees Every Time I Die pushing the limits of their own sound.

OOIOOGamel(Thrill Jockey)

OOIOO, led by Yoshimi P-We of the Boredoms, has always cultivated its own in-tense musical language that is 100 percent OOIOO.

Four years of work went into to making Galmel, their bold new album inspired by ancient Javanese style of gamelan, which has recently attracted attention for its healing powers.

The introduction of this traditional form transformed the group into a super tribe, one-stepping the road be-tween the past and the fu-ture.

Their focus is not to rep-licate these ancient styles, but to incorporate them into their consistently inventive, constantly shifting musical frameworks.

Old Crow Medicine ShowRemedy(ATO Records)

Old Crow Medicine Show got their start busking on street corners in New York state and up through Canada, winning audiences along the way with their boundless en-ergy and spirit.

They eventually found themselves in Boone, North Carolina where they caught the attention of folk icon Doc Watson while playing in front of a pharmacy.

Fifteen years into their career, Remedy may well be Old Crow Medicine Show's finest album to date. It re-unites them with producer Ted Hutt, who also directed traffic on Carry Me Back.

BeverlyCareers(ATO Records)

Beverly presents debut album Careers. Gorilla vs Bear debuted the first sin-gle "Honey Do," and cited a "re-sparking [of] our love of infectious, sweetly buzzing pop melodies, heavenly girl-group harmonies."

Frequent collaborators Drew Citron and Frankie Rose spent a lot of last year on the road together. They

wrote on the road and re-corded at home in between. Careers is the result of their time together.

YesHeaven & Earth(ATO Records)

Heaven & Earth is the first Yes album featuring new singer Jon Davison, who has been fronting legendary Chattanooga-based prog rock band Glass Hammer for sev-eral years.

Along with bassist Chris Squire, guitarist Steve Howe, drummer Alan White, and keyboardist Geoff Downes, the current version of the band follow on the heels of their successful and ac-claimed 2011 release, Fly From Here.

The new album was pro-duced by Roy Thomas Baker, who has worked with Queen, The Who, The Roll-ing Stones, David Bowie, The Cars, Foreigner, Jour-ney, Cheap Trick, and many more bands in an illustrious career.

No fewer than 18 musi-cians have been a part of the band's line-up, which over the years have achieved worldwide success with their progressive, art, and sym-phonic style of rock music.

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While everyone is glued to the TV dur-ing the next couple of weeks, with unblink-ing eyes aimed to-ward Brazil, watch-ing the flash of bright fluorescent cleats streak across

the glossy green turf of grossly expensive

new stadiums, the In-ternet is all a-flutter with searches for exotic South American treats. Concoctions such as Coxinhas and Forofa, Feijoada and Vatapa, Bauru and Quidim with Pavé and Re-queijau are being whipped up in kitch-ens across America like characters from

a Dr. Seuss recipe book. To go alongside those are beverages like Caipirinha and

Batida, Alua and Porradinha that are sure to impress even those eager to catch a glimpse of Ipanema crawling with thong-wearing tour-ists during the commercials. That’s great and all, because it’s really a lot of fun to take in the strange and wonderful culture of Rio de Janeiro from the comfort of a living room 4,859 miles away.

But anyone that’s actually been to Rio usu-ally comes away with one thought: “It could use a fresh coat of paint.” This is very much

like the barn that houses the soon-to-be-famous Sugarland Distillery in Gatlinburg, TN.

(Ha! Ha! And you thought that a Segue was just a two-wheeled scooter! Gotcha!)

Nestled deep in the Smoky Mountains (and in the heart of the airbrushed muscle-T indus-trial complex) is the latest of the new genera-tion of legalized moonshine stills. This bur-geoning art form is explod-ing all over the liquor scene like Bo and Luke Duke’s hot-rod arrowheads.

Sugarland is housed in a building made from four recycled East Tennessee barns, dating from the pre-Civil War era, that still carry their original red, white and blue paints to prove you can’t get any more ‘Merican than this.

The Sugarland Distillery’s ’shine gets its origin from Tennessee white corn ground on premises in a stone burr mill and then com-bined with pure cane sugar cooked up in a cop-per pot still. The leftovers from the previous batch are passed on to the next generation of mash. So, each jar is an heirloom recipe which ensures consistency and originality for every sip.

Their main original recipe comes in the re-quired Mason jar-type container, with a label that names it “Silver Cloud”. Although the name derives from the stills that were hidden in the hills of Appalachia, one can deduce it’s the Rolls-Royce of the distillery’s line. Its taste has been described as a combination of fresh corn and cotton. I’m not sure what fresh cotton actually tastes like, so, I’ll just agree and tell

you that it’s very smooth and a little sweet—until the 100-proof afterburner kicks in and thrusts your throat straight into involuntarily spouting the word, “Wow!” I’m guessing this is one of the reasons our ancestors were said to be “hearty men back in those days”.

The folks up at Sugarland have also teamed with Discovery Channel’s “Moonshiners” per-sonality Jim Tom Hedrick to create what they call “Unaged Rye”. This is one of Jim Tom’s recipes. Now, rye has a more peppery flavor that is closer in taste to a Canadian blend or what you might get in an Old Fashioned or a Man-

hattan. However, Jim Tom’s has a bit more of a punch…the kind from a fist and not the kind from a bowl. And like Jim Tom likes to say, “Golly, that’s good.”

The fellas up in the ’burg are busy indeed, expanding

the envelope of the old copper still as we all know it by adding some twists on the original idea of moonshine. Not to be tied by tradition entirely, they’ve come up with flavors like “Ap-palachian Apple Pie”, “Blockader’s Blackber-ry”, “Butterscotch Gold” and “Old Fashioned Lemonade”. All of these are guaranteed to liven up conversations in polite company and satisfy the “Eeuw, moonshine” person inevita-bly lurking around every rumpus room.

Sugerland Distillery’s bottled lightning is becoming more available in the area. There’s even a helpful list on their website with the lo-cations. All of this is good to know because it makes getting ready for the next FIFA match a heck of a lot easier, and chances are your once-every-four-years friends won’t know the differ-ence between a Caju Amigo and Shinola any-way. And this stuff has enough zoot that it will make all of Cristiano Ronaldo’s haircuts look even more hilarious than they already are.

Sugarland and FIFA: Gooooaaaal!Our man on the barstool tells you how to get your ’Shine on

Spirits Within

MIKE DOBBS

ATHENS DISTRIBUTING COMPANYWINE AND SPIRIT WHOLESALERS

Locally owned since 1961

Visit our website: Athensdistributing.comFollow us on Facebook

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Athens Distributing recommends Sugarlands Shine


A Feast of Science Fiction litLibertyCon returns with a stellar lineup of guests

This weekend marks the return of one of the longest-running literary sci-ence fiction conventions in the region with the 27th hosting of the LibertyCon convention.

The literary gathering kicks off Friday afternoon at the Chattanooga Choo Choo, featuring noted authors Jody Lynn Nye, John Ringo, David Drake and Sarah Hoyt, among several dozen oth-ers scheduled to appear.

Special guests include National Geo-graphic Channel’s “Rocket City Red-necks” star Dr. Travis Taylor, artists Kurt Miller and David Cherry, and even a true-blue rocket scientist, NASA’s own Les Johnson.

“Between attendees and profession-als, we will have almost 700 people,” said convention organizer Brandy

Spraker. Among the many activities and events over the weekend, noted highlights include panel discussions on everything from the messiest ways to kill zombies to how to protect the planet from asteroid armageddon.

Other highlights inludes The Atlanta Radio Theater Company live radio-style presentation of Thomas E. Fuller’s “The Adventures of Dash Cardigan”, a Mad Scientist Roundtable, and a full dealers room and art show to find that perfect must-have item or piece of art.

LibertyCon 27$50 entire weekendChattanooga Choo Choo400 Market St.(423) 266-5000libertycon.org

Arts

The Pulse: How did you start do-ing murals?

David Ruiz: Mary Margaret LaVoie and I started Paperwork (PPRWRK) back in 2011. We went to New York for a couple of months to study art, and then to Austin, Texas. During that time, the 10x10 Showcase was going on in Chattanooga. We were looking at it on the computer and were like, “When we get back into town in 2012, we’re just going to go nuts, we’re go-ing to put up a bunch of stuff.”

We decided to call the people who threw 10x10 to make sure that we wouldn’t work where they planned on having something, so we weren’t rude to any artists. They offered us a stipend to put up murals, and we said, “Of course, we’ll happily do that.” We did 13 pieces for that project, and it kind of grew from there.

In March of 2013, I got the grant for Tour De Noog, which was an art-guided bicycle tour of downtown. We put up 23 murals of local musicians stretching from North Chattanooga all the way to the Southside. It was meant to promote fitness and artwork, and you could enjoy it with your fami-

The dogs are barking and angry looking, but the cat is real chill. It really fits all of their personalities very well, and we have agreed that it should be titled ‘Don’t Panic’.”

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Boundary-less Creativity

UNTIL A FEW YEARS AGO, CHATTANOOGANS HAD TO go to a city like New York or Atlanta to see anything like David

Ruiz’s art. He has refined a method for quickly and efficiently apply-ing images to surfaces, and he uses it to create iconic murals.

He’s also a skilled photographer, and can often be found around town with his camera. His pictures are source material for the murals, which have quickly become a vital part of Chattanooga’s scenery. Da-vid was kind enough to answer a few questions about his work.

David Ruiz is muralist, photographer and entrepreneur extraordinaire

SAT6.28doNkeY TaLeS

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”A "modern dress" staging of the classic Shakespeare comedy by some of the city's brightests talents. Thou wilwt laugh, verily.7:30 p.m.Ripple Theater3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242facebook.com/shakespearechattanooga

SUN6.29SuNdaY FuNdaY

Blueberry FestivalFresh-picked, in a pie, jelly & jam, sweet salsa, bushes to plant, lotions & candles and more, it's all things blueberry at the Chattanooga Market for the Blueberry Festival.11 a.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496chattanoogamarket.com

FRI6.27arT waLkiNg

Southside StrollTake a leisurely walk up and down Main Street on the Southside and visit with some great galleries, restaurants and cool little retail businesses. A great way to spend a nice Friday evening out and about.5 p.m.110 E. Main St.facebook.com/southsidestroll


ly and friends without spend-ing a penny.

It was a great success, and also generated a lot of ac-claim for musicians. I can’t play music to save my life, but I can promote it!

TP: Do you also help to promote musicians with your website?

DR: Yes. The website is called 423BR.com. It stands for 423 Brag-ging Rights, which is the name for my music photos. We also have 423PK.com, which is a local music database. An EPK is an electronic press kit, so a 423PK is essentially a Chattanooga press kit.

The musicians are all local and have played at least twice in the past six months. We have over 180 submissions, with 90 profiles up cur-rently and about 90 more to build, so we are roughly halfway there.

It keeps on growing. We are do-ing fundraisers to keep this service affordable for the musicians we rep-resent.

TP: What inspires you to start tak-ing pictures?

DR: Music! The camera almost doesn’t touch my hand unless there’s

someone playing live music. As soon as that happens, I’m engulfed in the finger work of the keyboardist, or the head bobbin’ of the drummer, or the person standing at the front of the crowd, in the middle of a dance floor just wailing and enjoying life.

That’s what I like; the live mu-sic scene. Thinking about what I can contribute to it has inspired my street art.

TP: What murals are you currently working on?

DR: I’m working on the McCallie Walls Mural Project, which is orga-nized by Kevin Bate. He got a grant to get it started, and has since gotten additional funding to keep it going. Kendrick Hardcastle and I just fin-ished our mural for Phase 2 of the project; it’s got my dog Meat and my brother Joel’s dog Doc Brown on it, as well as Kendrick’s cat Travis.

The dogs are barking and angry looking, but the cat is real chill. It re-ally fits all of their person-alities very well, and we have agreed that it should be titled “Don’t Panic”. The final product mea-sures 10x13 feet.

TP: What process do you use for your murals?

DR: We make our wheat paste with flour and salt water from a gen-eralized recipe. We use that to glue the paper to the wall. We print the images on 11x17 pieces of paper and tile them. This minimizes the crack-ing that occurs from weathering be-cause the smaller pieces of paper have more give, like a sidewalk.

It’s all biodegradable and we can remove it with a pressure washer. There is a science to figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I think I will probably always use paper in some form. Whether it’s painted or not, I’m going to use paper to get there!

Find out more about David’s work online: causeway.org/cause/view/the-worlds-first-drive-through-galler y, 423br.com, and 423pk.com

(l to r) David Ruiz with Meat, Joel Ruiz with Doc Brown, Michael Ruiz with Hank. Contributed photo.

“We also have 423PK.com, which is a local music database. An EPK is an electronic press kit,

so a 423PK is essentially a Chattanooga press kit.”

Thu, June 26 • 7:15 PMvs. Pensacola Blue Wahoos

Beer Tasting SeriesFri, June 27 • 7:15 PM

vs. Pensacola Blue WahoosAgriculture Night & Fireworks!Sat, June 28 • 7:15 PM

vs. Pensacola Blue WahoosMyron Noodleman

Sun, June 29 • 5:15 PMvs. Birmingham Barons

Mon, June 30 • 7:15 PMvs. Birmingham Barons

Kids Eat Free Monday

HOME GAMES


thursday6.26 Jerry Seinfeld 7 p.m.Tivoli Theatre709 Broad St. chattanoogaonstage.comG.R. Goodwin and Friends 7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.comMuseum Movie Nights: “The Love Bug”7:30 p.m.Museum Center at 5ive Points200 Inman Street East. (423) 339-5745museumcenter.org

friday6.27 LibertyCon 273 p.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market Stlibertycon.orgFiber Art Fridays at Eastgate Library 3 p.m.Eastgate Public Library5705 Marlin Rd. (423) 855-2689chatlibrary.orgSouthside Stroll5 p.m.110 E. Main St.facebook.com/southsidestrollFlying Colors 5 p.m.St. Paul’s Episcopal Church 305 W. 7th St. stpaulschatt.org“Willy Wonka, Jr.” 7 p.m.Robert Kirk Walker Community Theatre399 McCallie Ave.

(423) 642-8497chattanoogaonstage.comShakespeare Summer Series: “Macbeth”7:30 p.m.Baylor School171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505baylorschool.orgJames Gregory 7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”7:30 p.m.Ripple Theater3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242facebook.com/shakespearechattanooga“Xanadu”8 p.m.Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comNomadic Tapestry: “Lumani

Dance Theatre and Wasted Wine”8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347nomadictapestry.com Movies in the Park at Dark8 p.m.Heritage Park1428 Jenkins Rd. (423) 425-6311

saturday6.28 Hiwassee Wildlife Refuge Touring Kayak Adventure8 a.m.Greenway Farm5051 Gann Store Rd.(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comDowntown Kayak Adventures9:30 a.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St(423) 643-6888

outdoorchattanooga.comLibertyCon 2710 a.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market Stlibertycon.org Highland Park Commons Market10 a.m.1918 Union Ave.hpcommonsmarket.comCommunity Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144blueridgearts.netSaturday Morning Handicrafts 10:30 a.m.Northgate Public Library278 Northgate Mall Dr. (423) 870-0635chattlibrary.orgEncaustic Artist Demonstration11 a.m.River Gallery400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033river-gallery.comMan Xpo11 a.m.First Tennessee Pavilion1826 Reggie White Blvd. (423) 266-4041timesfreepressevent.comArtful Yoga1:30 p.m.Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff View Ave.(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgChattanooa Roller Girls vs. Derby City Roller Girls 7 p.m.Chattanooga Convention Center 1150 Carter St.(423) 756-0001chattanoogarollergirls.comJames Gregory 7 p.m.

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Pulse Pick:Goodwin & friendsCome out and enjoy some of this area's funniest young comedians, featuring G.R. Goodwin, Willie B, Mark Gladden, and Marcus Shadrick.

G.R. Goodwin and Friends Thursday, 7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

for more info call 706.820.2531

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The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”7:30 p.m.Ripple Theater3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 600-9242facebook.com/shakespearechattanoogaShakespeare Summer Series: “Macbeth”7:30 p.m.Baylor School171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505baylorschool.org“Xanadu”8 p.m.Chattanooga Theatre Centre 400 River St. (423) 267-8534theatrecentre.com

sunday6.29 2014 Waterfront Triathalon7:30 a.m.Rowing Center, Chattanooga Waterfrontchattanoogatrackclub.orgRapid Learning Kayak Program Instructional Whitewater Trip9 a.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comDowntown Kayak Adventures9:30 a.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comLibertyCon 2710 a.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market Stlibertycon.org

Blueberry Festival11 a.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St. (423) 648-2496chattanoogamarket.comDocent’s Choice Tour2 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center400 Garden Rd.(423) 821-1160chattanooganaturecenter.org“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”2:30 p.m.Ripple Theater3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 622-2862facebook.com/shakespearechattanoogaPatriotic Concert: “True Religion, True Home”6 p.m.First Presbyterian Church554 McCallie Ave. (423) 648-79121stprebyterian.comBenefit For “Boo” Bob Carlisle7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com

monday6.30 Choo Choo Chorus Rehearsal7 p.m.All Saints Academy310 East Eighth St. (423) 876-7359choochoochorus.org

tuesday7.1 Community Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association

420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144blueridgearts.netChattanooga Music Club Patriotic Organ Concert7 p.m.Memorial Auditorium399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156chattanoogamusicclub.org

wednesday7.2 Community Quilt Exhibit 10 a.m.Blue Ridge Mountains Arts Association420 W. Main St. (423) 632-2144blueridgearts.netLet’s Make Terrariums!1 p.m.Downtown Public Library1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310chattlibrary.orgMain Street Farmers Market 4 p.m.Southside Chattanooga325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.comChattanooga Wednesday Market4 p.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St. (423) 402-9957chattanoogamarket.comRapid Learning Kayak Roll Practice6 p.m. Chester Frost Park2318 Gold Point Circle (423) 842-0177 outdoorchattanooga.com

onGoinG

Dirt Track History Races Museum Center at 5ive Points

200 Inman Street East. (423) 339-5745museumcenter.org “Inside & Out”River Gallery 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033river-gallery.com“The Wizard of Oz” Creative Discovery Museum 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738cdmfun.orgEmerging Artists Exhibit AVA Gallery 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282avarts.org "Abstract & Contemporary"Reflection Gallery5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 892-3072reflectionsgallerytn.com“John McClean: Watercraft in Watercolor”InTown Gallery26 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214intowngallery.com“Peace Posters: From Givatayim to Chattanooga” Downtown Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310chattlibrary.org“Hunter Invitational III”Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968huntermuseum.org “Fire and Steel: The Metal sculpture of Turry Lindstrom”Graffiti505 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 400-9797hillcityart.com

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

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Chattanooga Roller Girls

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Mixology Jake baCoN

A Bitters Ballad

A Manhattan, a Bourbon Old Fash-ioned, the Garden Tonic, the Ninth Ward, or a Sazerac—many different cocktails can be made using bitters.

The different concoctions fit an abun-dance of profiles, anything from a citrus to a carbonated tonic flavor. They are only linked by the bitter-to-bittersweet taste contributed by the bitters them-selves.

TerraMae Appalachian Bistro’s head bartender Justin Stamper describes making bitters as cooking. “It’s a linear progression,” he said. “I will often start with a recipe, but quickly abandon it for smelling and tasting.”

Though bitters have a rich history, many considered them to be all-but-dead before a recent reemergence. What started out as a medicinal beverage cre-ated by the ancient Greeks wasn’t con-sidered a cocktail ingredient until the British passed along the practice of add-ing bitters to canary wine sometime in the 19th century.

Bitters then took a major hit with the 1906 U.S. Food and Drugs Act, which effectively outlawed many bitters due to “lack of proof of health benefits”. They were nearly finished off by Prohi-bition a few years later. Yet since then bitters have experienced a comeback, fueled by connoisseurs of pre-Prohibi-tion cocktail culture.

Bitters come in many different fla-vors, and are usually added in dashes to create cocktails. They usually con-tain anywhere from 35- to 45-percent alcohol, and are made by infusing bo-tanicals with a high-proof alcohol, usu-ally 100-proof or higher, then combining that with numerous aromatic and flavor agents in order to get the exact profile desired.

Angostura is the most common bottle of bitters you’ll find behind a bar. Others include Peychaud’s bitters, the quintes-sential ingredient in the famous Sazerac cocktail, Regan’s Orange Bitters No. 6, found in the cocktails like the Martinez, and Bittercube Bitters, designed for tropical cocktails.

Based on the description given by Jus-tin and other area bartenders, bitters can be quite hard to create. The best way to find that perfect profile requires lots of using the senses and adding a little of this and a little of that to concoct exactly what you’re looking for.

Justin believes that’s why bitters are being revived—the individuality of each batch and therefore, each cocktail. “The trend is to find the obscure, find the craft, find the creative and celebrate it,” he said. “There is so much individu-ality in each bottle, in each profile and each maker, that you have this endless cabaret to alter the same cocktail.”

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The renaissance of an almost-forgotten ingredient is now officially trendy


Diversions

Consider Thiswith Dr. Rick

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to accept and celebrate those differences.” — Audre lorde

Why is that? Why do we have such a difficult time with the neigh-

bor of a different race, the co-worker of a different sexual identity, the kids’ friend of a different ethnicity? my suggestion to you is that our struggle to accept differences is a learned response. It’s really just fear of the unfamiliar, the unknown. The good news is that what we can learn, we can unlearn, and replace with something healthier.

Take it from a northerner/californian/Floridian who moved to the strong culture of the Deep south. While I still have trouble celebrat-ing grits (although those cheesy ones have a lot going for them), I have opened myself to delight in bluegrass music, to appreciate the easy-going helpfulness of my neighbors, and to befriend folks with deep southern roots that are very different from my own.

In your own life, how might you put aside your fears, and celebrate the differences in others? can you start today?

by Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.


Free Will Astrology rob brezSNY

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you could harness the energy from a typical lightning bolt, you would be able to use it to toast 100,000 slices of bread. That’s an impos-sible scenario, of course. But I see it as an apt metaphor for the chal-lenge you have ahead of you. I sus-pect you will soon get access to a massive influx of vital force that ar-rives in a relatively short time. Can you find a way to gather it in and store it up? Or will most of it, after the initial burst, leak away and be unavailable for long-term use? The secret to success will lie in whether you can figure out how to create the perfect “container.”

lEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Forget the suffering / You caused others. / For-get the suffering / Others caused you.” Czeslaw Milosz wrote these words in his poem “Forget,” and now I’m passing them on to you. According to my reading of the as-trological omens, now would be an excellent time for you to purge the old hurts you are still carrying, both those you dealt out and those you endured. Opportunities like this don’t come along often, Leo. I in-vite you to repay emotional debts, declare amnesty, and engage in an orgy of forgiveness. Any other things you can think of that will help wipe the slate clean?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When a Navajo baby laughs for the first time, everyone in the community celebrates. It’s regarded as the mo-ment when the child completes his or her transition from the spirit realm into the physical world. The person who has provoked the ba-by’s laughter is charged with plan-ning the First Laugh Ceremony, a party to commemorate the magical event. I foresee a comparable de-velopment in your life, Virgo. You won’t be laughing for the first time, of course, but I suspect your sense of humor will reach a new ripeness. How? Maybe you will be able to find amusement in things you have always taken too seriously. Maybe you will suddenly have a deeper appreciation for life’s ongoing cosmic jokes. Or perhaps you will stumble upon reasons to laugh lon-ger and harder and louder than you ever have before.

lIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Would you like to be free from the experi-ence of getting criticized? Do you think it might be nice if no one ever accused you of being wrong or off-track? If so, here’s how you should proceed, says American writer Elbert Hubbard: “Do noth-ing, say nothing, be nothing.” But I’m afraid I can’t recommend that behavior for you, Libra. In the coming weeks, you have a sacred duty to your Future Self to risk be-ing controversial. I urge you to take strong stands, speak raw truths, and show your real feelings. Yes, you may attract flack. You might disturb the peace. But that will be an acceptable price to pay for the rewards you receive. This is one

time when being courageous is more important than seeking har-mony.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any,” said Mark Twain. How do you respond to that impish nudge, Scorpio? Are there any ge-niuses and heroes out there whom you consider to be worthy of your respect? If not, I urge you to go out in search of some. At this phase of your evolution, you are in special need of people who inspire you with their greatness. It’s crucial for you to learn from teachers and role models who are further along than you are in their mastery of the game of life. I also believe it would be healing for you to feel waves of admiration and reverence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Everyone has something to hide,” declared Russian author Anton Chekhov. Is that true? Do even you blunt Sagittarians have something to hide? I’m going to say that for 90 percent of you, the answer is yes. There are secrets you don’t want anyone to find out about: past events you are reluc-tant to disclose or shady deeds you are getting away with now or taboo thoughts you want to keep sealed away from public knowledge. I’m not here to scold you about them or to encourage you to spill them. On the contrary, I say it’s time to bring them fully into your con-scious awareness, to honor their importance to your life story, and to acknowledge their power to cap-tivate your imagination.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A German chemist named Felix Hoffman had a prominent role in synthesizing two very differ-ent drugs: aspirin and heroin. In analyzing your astrological omens for the coming months, I see you as having a similar potential. You could create good stuff that will have the power to help and heal; or you could generate borderline stuff that will lead to a lot of prob-lems; or you could do both. How it all plays out really is up to your free will. For best results, set your intention to go in the direction of things like aspirin and away from things like heroin.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is a good time to risk a small leap of faith, but not a sprawling vault over a yawning abyss. Feel free and easy about exploring the outer borders of familiar territory, but be cautious about the prospect of wandering into the deep, dark unknown. Be willing to entertain stimulating new ideas but not cracked notions that have little evi-dence to back them up. Your task is to shake up the status quo just enough to invigorate everyone’s emotional intelligence, even as you take care not to unleash an up-heaval that makes everyone crazy.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Brit-

ish poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) had an unusual fe-tish. He enjoyed eating apples and pears and other fruits while they were still hanging on the tree. Why? Maybe because the taste was as pure and brisk and naked as it could possibly be—an experience that I imagine would be important to a romantic poet like him. In accordance with your astrological omens, I suggest you use Coleridge’s quest for ultimate freshness as a driving metaphor in the coming week. Go to the source to get what you need. Dispense with intermediaries. Be as raw as the law allows.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Ac-cording to an astrologer named As-trolocherry (astrolocherry.tumblr.com), Aries is the sign of the free-dom fighter, the explorer, the dare-devil, and the adventurer. That’s all true; I agree with her. But here’s an important caveat. As you get older, it’s your duty to harness all that hot energy on behalf of the softer, slower, more tender parts of your life. The coming weeks will offer you a great opportunity to work on that challenge. To get started, imagine how you can be a freedom fighter, explorer, daredev-il, and adventurer in service to your home, family, and community.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): After a thorough, detailed, painstaking analysis of the astrological omens, I’m inclined to advise you to be neither thorough nor detailed nor painstaking in the coming days. In-stead, I suspect you will thrive by being spontaneous and improvisa-tory. Wing it, baby! Throw away the script. Trust your gut. Play it by ear. Make it up as you go along. If you find yourself frowning with indecision and beset by lazy pro-crastination, you will know you’re off course. If you are feeling blithe and agile as you get a lot done with creative efficiency, you will know you’re right in the groove.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Japanese word tsundoku describes what happens if you buy a lot of books but never read them, leav-ing them piled up in a neglected heap. I recommend that you avoid indulging in tsundoku any time soon, Gemini. In fact, I urge you not to acquire any resources that you then proceed to ignore. You are in a phase of your astrological cycle when it’s crucial to make conscientious use of your tools and riches. To let them go to waste would be to dishonor them, and make it less likely that you will continue to receive their blessings in the future. Take full advantage of what’s yours.

Homework: What are the five conditions you’d need in your world in order to feel you were living in utopia? Write [email protected]


“You Missed a Spot”--when things don’t come full circle.

Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0681

ACROSS1 City, casually4 Common mixer8 Chin dimples14 A thousand times more than a mil15 Reagan Secretary of State16 “Got that right!”17 It may need a massage18 One wing of the Museum of Poisons?20 “Veil of ignorance” philosopher John22 Tango necessity23 “___ do it”24 Archaeological find26 Oceanic backflows30 Instrument that means “high wood”32 Sinuous swimmer34 Clumsy sort35 The act of keeping a basketball player from leaving the team?40 Extra-spesh attention41 Meas. taken

during a physical42 “That’s interesting!”43 Little battery45 Maximum amount of “aw” you can get from cat pictures?49 Put together50 “___ blu dipinto di blu”51 They may be pale52 Is guaranteed to work56 Two-syllable poetic foot58 Nucky’s brother, on “Boardwalk Empire”59 Grazer’s sound61 Flip side?64 Fleetwood Mac’s John or Christine, without any singing parts?69 Go one better than70 Monopoly purchase, sometimes71 Long time to wait72 Actress Mendes73 E-mail request74 Go after flies

75 “Bang and Blame” bandDOWN1 Taxi app2 Latvia’s capital3 Welding tool4 Big gap5 Crew gear6 Buzzfeed article, often7 Get older with style8 “___: Miami”9 “Funky Cold Medina” rapper Tone ___10 Ordinal number suffix11 “___ not”12 Bridal veil material13 Isn’t buying it?19 San Francisco’s ___ Hill21 MGM co-founder Marcus ___25 Onion variety27 Italian tenor Andrea28 He was Sulu29 “___ were you...”30 Frequent, in poetry31 Leave hastily

33 Redo some passages, maybe36 Grading range37 Shrek, for one38 Sudden-death game, say39 Airport terminal area44 Jerkface46 Dig in47 Intertwines48 Bear with the medium-sized bowl52 Activist Chavez53 Full of spirit54 Brother on “Frasier”55 ThinkPad maker, before Lenovo57 “This is only ___...”60 Acknowledge frankly62 Word before nest or knot63 Folder filler65 Away from WSW66 Creature of habit?67 Movie with a stuffed bear68 Gourmet Garten

Jonesin’ Crossword maTT JoNeS

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When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

From time to time, here at The Pulse, I receive questions from curious readers and I’ve decided to dedicate another column to answering the most frequent of such.

While Q&As may be common-place in the periodical world, I consider this is a rare treat for me person-ally, since often when I’m an-swering ques-tions it is done in person, and I have to deal with the incon-venience of replies and retorts. Most cops I know would really just appreciate a little respect-ful silence so we can rush to the next perceived emergency.

But here, not only can I ad-dress a few common queries through a one-way venue, I don’t have to do so while desperately trying to just finish eating a damn sandwich in solitude or feigning profound interest.

“Are you crazy or something?”

Let’s just get this one right out of the way. Quite simply? No. While its frequency in be-ing asked is disconcerting, as a reasonable person I am not shocked by this question, what

with mention of a few weird dreams and my “behavior” from time to time. Not only am I not crazy, I would go so far as to say I can prove unequivocally how sane I am more readily than any ten people you could name, dear Reader.

“How can this be?” you ask? Because I have Papers that prove it. Do you?

Think about it. You just have to take most people at their word that they

are sane; in my case, I have it documented. I have been psy-chologically screened more times than a Catholic priest at a boys summer camp, and I have passed them without fail...more or less.

Each and every time I have participated in an event that would make you want to shred your face into thin strips and grill them with scallions (and perhaps some crushed garlic and Emeril’s Essence...the man is a genius!), I have spoken to degreed pro-fessionals who said I was fine to return to work after batteries of written, individual and group counseling.

As a matter of fact, I carry those papers either just inside my uni-

form shirt or just above my car’s sun visor to provide evidence when confronted, and have gone from throwing up on the side of a road alone after leaving a friend’s body inside twisted wreckage, to actually looking forward to hang-ing out with the guys at the after-action reports. I am absolutely, positively, not crazy. I just see a lot of weird stuff.

Relax.

“How is it a pretty girl can get out of a ticket by crying?”

This is one of the greatest mis-conceptions in patrol work. Not only do I write girls tickets, the prettier they are and the harder they cry, the more of them I write.

Does this make me rude? Absolutely not. In fact, I make a practice of telling them I will wait at the rear of the car until they stop, but I will still need them to sign down here at the bottom (not being an admission of guilt, of course) when they’re done.

I’ve found that the tears in-stantly stop, their faces wrinkle into an angry and disgusted frown, and they call me a bas-tard…indicating they really weren’t as upset as they let on! Treachery, treachery, treachery. One even said, “But I’m cute!”

Apparently, the ploy works for some, but for the life of me, I’m not sure why. Do they presume that by my granting them leni-

ency, later down the road they will seek me out to show me their gratitude by seducing me or at least producing their traffic-violating breasts? That I’ll risk my job and relationship over a traffic ticket?

No. In fact, I consider it my duty to be even less discretion-ary in those situations because these misguided women can’t expect to get by for their whole life on looks that will, in time, inevitably fail them.

Not only am I helping save lives by reducing traffic offenses, I am giving them real-life sur-vival skills prior to the ravages of time and cosmetic surgery, and I have to be honest…it’s that kind of moral resolve that gives me the ability to cite a girl whose clearly displayed breast implants cost more than the resale value of the car I drive.

Besides, any remaining capac-ity for compassion I possess is reserved for children and the el-derly, not the high-maintenance chick in a hurry to get back to making some poor bastard’s life a living hell.

All this and only two questions answered? It hardly seems ad-equate…but it’s a start and there is always next issue.

Keep the Letters to Officer Alex coming folks, and ladies? Save your tears. They won’t get you out of a ticket from Officer Teach, but he will gladly mix them with some chilled vodka and a wedge of lime.

Reader Questions: Vol. 8

“Not only do i write girls tickets, the prettier they are and the harder they cry, the more of them I write.”

Officer Alex devotes some time to cop-style FAQs

On The Beat

ALEX TEACH

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCeparties now!

daily lunCh & drink speCials!

410 market • (423) 757-wingsingitorwingit-chattanooga.com

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1906 Gunbarrel Rd.423-486-1668

(Next to GiGi’s Cupcakes)

5425 Highway 153423-805-4640(Next to CiCi’s Pizza)

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The Pulse 11.26 » June 26, 2014

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Transcript of The Pulse 11.26 » June 26, 2014