The Priest's Husband

The Priest's HusbandAuthor(s): Nancy Van Dyke Platt and David M. Moss IIISource: Journal of Religion and Health, Vol. 49, No. 2 (June 2010), pp. 233-245Published by: SpringerStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/20685266 .

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J Relig Health (2010) 49:233-244 DOI 10.1007/S10943-009-9260-Z

ORIGINAL PAPER

The Priest's Husband

Nancy Van Dyke Platt ? David M. Moss III

Published online: 10 July 2009 ? Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2009

Abstract Clergy self-concepts provide an important resource for research into the psy chosocial pressures that often breed domestic tension and marital discord in ministerial families. More than 30 years ago the Journal of Religion and Health published (15:3,1976) Platt and Moss's initial study of clergy families, research focused on the self-perceptions of the wives of Episcopal priests. That investigation explored some of the intrapsychic ingredients and interpersonal concerns of these women. Oden now concentrates on clergy spouses from a different vantage?the historically recent phenomenon of the Episcopal priest's husband. This article grows out of the first formal study of such a growing parochial reality. Husbands of priests present novel issues because there has never been

anyone like them before. They are men who will inevitably find themselves confronted

by congregational expectations that can modify their self-concepts and retailer their

marriages, "for better or for worse".

Keywords Clergy families ? Ecclesiastical change ? Episcopal Church ?

Sexual equality

Introduction

In "The Rock", T. S. Eliot insists that "the church must be forever building,/and always decaying, and always being restored". Such basic changes are currently evident in every mainline denomination of Christendom, the most elementary being the ordination of women. The Episcopal Church is illustrative of this psychological growth, a fact sym bolised by the gender of its Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori. She represents an

evolutionary shift toward sexual equality within a strong patriarchal tradition fortified by

N. Van Dyke Platt 92 Cross Hill Rd., Augusta, ME 04330-8441, USA e-mail: [email protected]

D. M. Moss III (El) The Coventry Association for Pastoral Psychology, Atlanta, G A 30305, USA e-mail: [email protected]

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234 J Relig Health (2010) 49:233-244

catholic dogma. Dr. Schori knows that the ordination of female priests and bishops has social consequences that could profoundly affect parochial ministers for at least another

generation. This becomes clearer when we consider the family systems of female priests and, in particular, the role expectations of their husbands in parish life and worship. The

priest's husband is a new social reality unprecedented in Christian history. One source of health and satisfaction in the life of the clergy spouse lies in how well he

or she resolves the expectations of their role as the husband or wife of an Episcopal priest or deacon. The etiology of these role expectations is found in The Book of Common Prayer 1979. The ordination vows in the 1928 and the 1979 editions outline an expectation for the entire clergy family. The ordinand, not the spouse, is asked: "Will you pattern (fashion) your life and that of your family in accordance with the teachings of Christ so that you may be a wholesome example to your people?"

The election of Katharine Schori as Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church has

brought her husband Richard into the stain glass spotlight. Numerous interviews have touched on his role as clergy spouse and how he will fulfill the obligations of his personal journey with his wife and her ministry. His responses are reflective of the experience of other clergy husbands who have traveled that road with him. It is their experience that forms the foundation of this study.

Backdrop

In 1976, the Journal of Religion and Health published a study of ours entitled "Self

Perceptive Disposition of Episcopal Clergy Wives". That paper concentrates on the roles and dispositions of Episcopal clergy wives. We concluded:

As persons, these women have many roles that overlap and coincide with their roles as clergy wives. To hold these roles in balance, to be a person despite the demands of the roles, to have a firm identity that permits her to enjoy her fulfillments and satisfactions is a goal that most clergy wives want for themselves. It is a realistic

goal, becoming more possible in the 70s?a period of women's assertion of selfhood, including their positions or roles in the Episcopal Church, (p. 208)

A year later, in 1977, women were admitted to the priesthood of the Episcopal Church.

Forty-five percent of them were married before they attended seminary. However, their

spouses were not the first clergy husbands. In 1971, a married woman, Iris Mayer of

Chicago, was permitted to be "set apart" as a deaconess. Following her, married women were ordained as "transitional" deacons, until 1974 when five married women were among those first ordained to the priesthood at an irregular service in Philadelphia.

Women in those early years were often questioned about their husband's wishes in

allowing them to go to seminary. The implication was that something was "wrong" with or

lacking in the marital relationship if the wife was seeking a graduate degree in theology. Some men who accompanied their wives to seminary and "allowed" them to study for either the diaconate or priesthood were badgered by male seminarians. Other men tolerated their wives' seminary study and ordination to the diaconate but would seek divorce when the priesthood interfered with their self-concept and family image. A few others met and

married their wives at seminary, becoming "clergy couples". We think it is important that prior to their marriage there was nothing particularly

unusual about these future clergy couples' premarital counseling?even a diocesan retreat of some nature. Very few fianc?s were even interviewed before their marriage to a

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candidate for the priesthood. To be blunt, the Episcopal Church largely ignored the inclusion of a clergy spouse in the journey toward ordination. Of those who were not

ignored, most said their interview was done by different representatives in the diocesan ordination processes and, occasionally, by a bishop.

Research Avenues

The data for this study of priests' husbands were collected in much the same way that they were for a 1976 paper on priests' wives: a random sample of 100 subjects in the Diocese of

Chicago. The new questionnaire?a slightly modified version of the original instrument? was sent directly to clergy spouses. It examined some of the professional, religious, social, and marital data that impinge upon their personal choices, activities, and relationships. Furthermore, we hoped that the questions would provide an opportunity for reflection on the current conditions in the life of the clergy spouse. Like the 1976 study, the results of this project depended upon the clergy spouses' evaluation of roles and relationships in several contexts.

One distinguishing characteristic of the clergy spouse is his or her involvement in the

ministry of their mate. This involvement is defined using Wallace Dent?n's categories from the Role of the Minister's Wife: team worker, background supporter, and aloof

participant. Briefly, a "team worker" understands his or her role as being highly active in their spouse's ministry. A "background supporter" sees himself or herself primarily in the role of spouse and parent. The "aloof participant" married the person but not the priest and is almost never evident in the congregation (Dent?n 1962).

Professionals who seek to assist the spouse on his or her personal journey can gain insight into their stance and potential for personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Those

organizations in the Episcopal Church, such as FOCUS (Families of Clergy United in

Support) and CREDO 2006 (Chaplain's Religious Enrichment Development Operations), gather data for the health and education of the clergy leadership. Currently there are no

books, monographs, or formal research reports about the priest's husband, so these orga nizations had little to offer but vital encouragement.

The current study?like our 1976 article?does not offer definitive answers to the

identity issues posed by clergy spouses; rather it is a tool to help spouses reflect upon their own answers and, in raising such awareness, help them see they are not alone. Personal

identity lies not only in the relationship with their spouses' ministry but also in their own

educational, social, religious, and marital history. For the sake of convenience, we have divided the body of this study into five brief

sections. We have also absorbed our statistical findings into sentences without diagrams, graphs, or tables as we did in 1976. (Sometimes statistical exhibition can weaken

explanatory force.) The first section deals with the priest's husband who may or may not be

employed but has the credentials to enter or be retired from a professional field. The second section concerns itself with the clergy spouse as a social person, reviewing his personal pleasure inside and outside of the parish community, as well as how such activities affect his lifestyle. The third section views the priest's husband as a religious person. It discusses how these men are religious and how that behavior affects them in relation to their wife's

ministry. The fourth section discusses the clergy couple, the development of their marital life and its inherent tension, including resources for resolution that they have found helpful. The final section focuses on the priest's husband's involvement with his partner's ministry

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as they understand it. The conclusion will offer suggestions about what to do with what we have to alter the future.

Role

A "role" can be defined as one or more recurrent or patterned activities that involve the

expectations of others who are related to the person performing the role. The expected behavior relates to the position of the role and not the person in it, be they a clergy wife or husband. Expectations are an essential part of the role concept and are described as "role

pressure". Almost everyone fills several roles at sometime and usually each of those involves the fulfillment of several expectations when reacting to more than one person.

The role of a clergy wife or husband is shared by the expectations of a denomination,

region of the country, and local church history. It is curious to see a congregation struggle with its role expectations of a clergy husband after generations of experiencing only a

clergy wife. The question arises as "to what degree their role inhibits the clergy spouse from expressing their own individuality" (Douglas 1965, p. 20). A large number of clergy wives in the 1976 study stressed the necessity of "being yourself. Such comments reflect their tacit recognition of a delineation which can lead to a denial of selfhood. Their attitude indicates that these spouses desire to "relate as persons, not as stereotypes" (Oden 1966, p. 73). The current study did not find that concern among the clergy husband's responses. The lack of those expectations is noted by several of these men as an asset, particularly when they say something like: "I guess I am very fortunate that my role as a clergy husband isn't really defined". Or "I don't have expectations put on me and I participate in the life of my church community as I choose".

Although clergy spouse profiles or dispositions are not necessarily determined by role

expectations, they must respond to them in some fashion. Those who depend upon their role to relate to other people can easily lose their sense of identity and personal autonomy. The stereotypical ideal of husband or wife, the image they use to model themselves, creates a situation in which they can lapse into passive acceptance. In their book Setting Your Church Free, Anderson and Mylander 1994 tell us that many pastors falter because of

finding too much of their identity in what they do rather than who they are (1994). It is safe to say that seminary spouses cannot be trained to be clergy spouses. However,

their main concern is often built on the expectations of future parish situations, along with their vulnerability and questions about those expectations. Breadth of social experience will help them in their cultural and community changes. Certainly, their maturity and

experience make a difference in their ability to cope with stress, conflict, and demanding social expectations.

Role Expectations and Conflicts

Role conflict occurs when two or more role expectations contradict or interfere with each other. An example might be the clergy husband who attempts to influence an individual

congregation's policies or finances as he had in the past when he was a single layperson. Of

course, the potential for role conflict is present in any marriage, but the role combination called the "two-person single career", found in the clergy marriage, creates more oppor tunity for tension. This role combination can create phenomena in which institutional demands are placed on both partners in a marriage. However, only the priest or deacon is

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officially employed. The options left to their spouse are an independent career or the

incorporation of the demands of parish ministry into their own work. These options can result in "vicarious achievement" and force a necessary choice on the part of the spouse. Further, this type combination can produce a three-way relationship between the employer and two partners in a marriage.

Our industrial society continues to foster conflict between work and marital roles more than ever. "This role conflict is generally resolved on the basis of time priorities. At certain hours work roles take precedence over marital roles, and the latter are allowed to go unfulfilled" (Scanzoni 1965, p. 346). An example might be a rising amount of social

activity done with parishioners rather than friends or neighbors, as was typical of the

respondents in the 1976 study. Religious institutions have varying ways of dealing with this role conflict. Denomina

tions that are "church oriented" demand unconditional absorption of its clergy into parish activities. The rector or curate is a priest to the exclusion of all other concerns, including that of a husband. Many couples who are involved in rigid ecclesiastical expectations resolve them by allowing their own personal marital norms and agreements to go per manently unfulfilled.

These insights suggest an emotional triangle that is an integral part of America's upper middle class society, marriage, and business world. The institutional church is certainly not

unique?it is a triangle that incorporates priest, spouse, and parish. "The relationship between husband and wife can only be understood in the context of their individual and

joint relationship in a particular local parish" (Douglas 1965, p. 36). This is not to say their

marriage can be made or broken by a parochial situation. Their marital relationship to one another is at the core of their institutional triangle. Moreover, there is an integrity in the

priest's relationship to the parish that is not found in any other business enterprise?God is at the center.

Professional Person

The male clergy spouses sampled in this study include four men under the age of 37 and 13 over the age of 62, the beginning of the clergy retirement age. A number of the older group are spouses of deacons, and they are commonly retired but serve their community on local boards. The men's professions include attorneys and physicians, a number of teachers, and other professionals traditionally thought of as "male". The average male spouse ranges from 45 to 55 years of age.

Of this group of men, only 8% listed their high school degrees while 24% had college degrees and 64% had graduate school degrees. The majority were still working full or part time. Only one husband expressed anguish at not being able to find a position when his wife moved into a new congregation. Twenty percent of the male spouses are retired. No male clergy spouse was mentioned working in the wife's congregation. One male spouse, an organist of another congregation, occasionally attends his wife's parish for spiritual nurture and liturgy.

Social Person

The activities of the clergy husband who is employed full or part time permit him to make other contacts and friendships outside the congregation. Like their clergy wives, they join a

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community that does not focus on the fact that their spouse is a priest. The responses of some clergy husbands indicate their adaptability and also their pride in their wife's achievements and position in the church.

When confronted with the expectations of parishioners that they will fit into the role that was formerly held by an earlier priest's wife, some of the husbands take a direct approach. They will, for instance, straight forwardly respond to a parishioner who asks them to

participate in a way that they do not want to in the congregation. The couple's biggest task, whether the priest is male or female, is finding time for

everything and keeping life balanced between parish responsibilities and outside activities. One husband says, "Sometimes my wife's preoccupation with church duties is disturbing". Others note, "Scheduled social activities get preempted by parish events. We seem to have a minimal common social life no matter how far ahead we plan".

As the 1976 study noted, it is becoming harder and harder to find "couple time" in the

contemporary American marriage of the last few decades. Both men and women say that

they entertain parishioners more frequently than in 1976, but their contact with other clergy couples has decreased. It is also noteworthy that 70% of them go to outside social events as a couple only "sometimes", again a decrease from 1976 when 58% went out as a couple "often". One spouse notes the importance of a regularly scheduled breakfast with her husband although it is in a place where others know them and stop by their table but are not invited to sit down. Another says "My wife is very intentional about making time for me but when she is busy at night or on the weekends, I have plenty of hobbies to occupy my time".

When the clergy couple entertains friends or parishioners?and the two are often

equated?they seem to do so in a way that the priest can organize easily. Gone are brunches and frequent cocktail parties that would occur on the weekend when the priest is

busy with services, weddings, and pastoral responsibilities. Single events, cookouts and

potlucks in which the husband or friends can share in the preparation occur more often.

Parish events are no substitute for the time a couple spends together. The spectrum of

parish events provides the clergy with extra contact with the parishioners. The clergy husbands say that they (65%) want to be involved in parish life often or always. Only a few

(12%) say that they feel pressure to be involved in parish events by parishioners. But there are expectations and limitations. These are described as a "loss of voice and ability to

participate in decision making" and "the expectations that he will follow whatever activities his spouse is involved in" or "that his ideas are viewed to be in line with 'official

opinions'". Unlike the clergy wives, most husbands limit their congregational involvement to the choir, prayer and Bible study groups, holiday events, the nursery, and committees such as buildings and grounds. They also participate in diocesan events and serve on such committees. Currently, there are no men's activities that are dictated by parish custom or tradition in these early years of clergy husbands. Cultural differences simply have not been established by the congregations' experience with just one male clergy spouse. Personally, however, when the first author moved to a new congregation, parishioners would some times take parish problems to her husband, so accustomed were they to having a male

presence in the rectory. That lasted a short time because he was able to convince them that he did not have any idea how to cope with their questions.

The comment about loss of opportunities for congregational decision making or

upholding the "party line" of the priest and vestry is the result of unrealistic expectations of a male or female clergy spouse which continue from older stereotypes. Neither the

clergy husband nor wife is "just another lay person". As clergy husbands continue to

participate in congregational life, they too will begin to experience conflict from

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parishioners' role expectations, now usually only found by the clergy wife. The second

author, for example, is a nonparochial priest ordained more than 40 years ago. Once in a while at cocktail parties, members of my wife's new congregation will slip and introduce me as "our minister's wife". It became a joke which serves me a reminder of my projected identity.

Among male clergy spouses, 41% said that parish life causes the most tension with their

personal activities while only 28% of their female counterparts cited issues with personal activities. Tension with the children was about equal with both sexes of clergy spouse. However, in 1976, 36.8% of the clergy wives experienced more tension with their priest husbands than did 16% of the men with their priest wives.

A number of male respondents mentioned conflict in the congregation over something, usually minimal, as creating concern for them. This seems to stem from their inability to

express their personal feelings and their desire to protect their wife as a husband. This may be the single most profound effect on their self-perception as male and husband. Yet they also seem to derive satisfaction and fulfillment from their involvement in the congregation. Several men say that the fellowship with others gives them the most pleasure as it takes

place in various ways in congregational life and worship. Like the clergy wife, then, the husband of a priest can find fulfillment with some

struggle. His personality conditions the way he responds and experiences his role and the

integration of this role and its expectations into his relationships. These responses include and are founded on his religious outlook, as well as other psychosocial aspects of his

background.

Religious Person

Ninety percent of the clergy husbands indicated that religion was moderately or very important to them before their marriage. They perceive themselves as religious people. To answer "how they are religious", this study also looks into the husband's activities and actions that result from their religious focus.

J. Milton Yinger (1968) describes a three-level definition of religion. It is a combination of an individual character aspect (awareness and interest), a cultural aspect (shared rites and beliefs), and a social structural aspect (worship and groups). When one or more are

lacking, religion is not present in the fullest meaning of the term. A definition of religious behavior described by Lindenthal draws together both the internal and external aspects depicted by Yinger.

Those whose needs are primarily social or external may partake in the institutional

aspects of religious life, largely ignoring or only secondarily appropriating the internal aspects of religious beliefs; those who look to religion for help in main

taining psychological stability may turn to prayer and other private behavior, but not

partake of the organized aspects of the faith. (Lindenthal et al. 1970, p. 144)

The reading habits, religious interests, and denominational bias of the clergy husbands were evaluated for this project. Future studies might use this data to discover how many nonEpiscopal respondents (52%) became Episcopalian when they married or after their wife was ordained. The respondents had the following religious affiliations before mar

riage: 58% were Episcopalian, 8% were Roman Catholic, and 44% were Protestant (with multiple group memberships).

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Although denominational change may have occurred after marriage or during seminary and would have an effect on the clergy marriage, in the Episcopal Church, some 60% of the

clergy belonged to other denominations prior to their seminary years. Paul Pruyser states:

...group norms and group loyalties, even in popular and well-established mainline

churches, foster comfortable feelings in individuals when they find intimacy with members of their faith. Conversely there are automatic signals of discomfort, if not

feelings of impending disaster, when an individual becomes entangled with people who are outside the faith group. Even in a pluralistic society families may become

disrupted through a mixed marriage with its attendant problems of worship atten dance and the choice of faith in which the children are to be raised The specific affiliation establishes an identity for the individual, it affects the super-ego and the

ego ideal, which defines for what transgression one should feel guilty, and for what

disloyalty one should be ashamed. (Pruyser 1968, p. 90)

Those husbands who wish to be involved in parish life "sometimes or seldom"?men who sense that parish life will interfere with their personal activities?may have a

denominational bias about which they feel strongly. Or perhaps the lack of importance of their denominational affiliation also manifests itself in 28% of them choosing to be involved in parish life infrequently.

The husbands characterized themselves (90%) as believing their denomination was

important or very important to them before marriage. However, at that time, only 58% were Episcopalian. These men read religious material occasionally (74%). Their other

reading seems divided between (56%) fiction and (58%) nonfiction or professional liter ature (history, biographies, and science). Most, or 85%, were interested in sermons that focused on the lessons for the particular Sunday or on spiritual life?yet only 20% of them attended Bible studies and prayer groups. A number of them mentioned worship and music in their comments; choir seemed to be mentioned more often than not.

An open-ended question on satisfaction in parish life gives a great deal of information about the men's religious activities. Many seemed to favor the social aspects of religious life in the congregation, but these also included worship and music suggesting a balanced

approach to religious behavior, including theological postures.

Marital Relationships

The couple and their bond in marriage are most important and primary to the role of any clergy spouse in the interaction with the congregation. The image of a blended family seems relevant. There is the couple and then there are her children?"God's children", the

parishioners?and there are their children from the marital relationship. Whenever conflict

occurs, in or out of the church, the couple must first and foremost maintain their bond to avoid the division inherent in the dual vows of ordination and marriage. It does not matter which came first; what matters is which is primary to the clergy and to the spouse.

For 56% of the men, the first test of the marriage occurred at seminary. Diocesan

policies no longer discourage marriage before seminary. With the aging of clergy, that became inappropriate. The traditional 3 years spent living in a community is often replaced with new alternatives for both men and women. Those seeking ordination, and the semi naries themselves, are finding creative ways to help these students get their theological degrees, maintain their families' economic stability, and fulfill the requirements of the dioceses for education at an Episcopal institution.

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Fears of joblessness after graduation coupled with the lack of privacy and diverse

religious ideologies along with cultural expectations may reflect issues that a seminary couple will encounter later in the parish, although that is rarely seen or understood. There is little guidance for the marital relationship, and unlike those of the clergy wives, there are but a few expectations for the priest's husband. Now women are more accepted in the

priesthood. In most seminaries, 50% of the student body are women at least half of whom are married or in relationships of some kind.

Seminary itself has changed in response to the needs of the future clergy family. Clergy are older now, and their children are adolescents. The women students may not move to the

seminary if their husbands already have good positions in another community. Some will commute to their homes on weekends or have their families visit them. They may attend a

seminary of another denomination closer to home for 2 years spending the third at an

Episcopal school.

Obviously, those husbands who married after seminary knew that their spouse was a

priest. In fact, she was probably already settled in her first or second parish. They would have encountered difficulty dating, as ethical shifts of the 1980 s and 1990 s place a priest and a parishioner in yet another role that affected sexual misconduct issues. A hangover from the problematic behavior of some male clergy, the traditional counselor/counselee

relationship was cited as a standard of appropriate behavior. As for the children, being a PK (preacher's kid) has a special status attached to it. The

behavior of the parents and children is often public domain in the parish. Clergy families deal with their children in different ways. Most recent approaches of parents require cooperation in the family and understanding over disappointments. Today the clergy husband picks up a greater share of the parenting, and only 12% of the men mentioned that their children caused significant tension in parish life.

It will come as no surprise that financial tensions are a major point of stress in clergy marriages. In fact, over 50% of the husbands went to a professional for financial advice.

They, like the clergy wives of the 1976 study, were not enamored with having a rectory provided for them but preferred (40%) to have a housing allowance or a salary equal to that of a master's degree in the secular world. They seemed less concerned and anxious about

the fragility of their wife's contract and what would happen to them if they lived in the

rectory and she was unable to work or died suddenly. The latter is undoubtedly due to the fact that at least 65% of the men were already employed and accustomed to earning their own living.

Time is the major issue for the clergy couple as it is for most couples of the twenty-first century. Men say that either the couple intentionally makes time for one another or that the

congregation interferes with the personal plans again and again. Weekends that would

normally be leisure time are often periods during which the priest is the busiest and the husband free from his job. As one couple puts it, "We rarely have a free weekend, I work

Saturdays, she works Sundays". These issues create stress that the clergy couple must resolve, stress that affects the

entire family system. Forty-one percent of the men find that tension interferes with their

personal activities, even though they generally have a balanced sense of self and parochial persona. However, these men are trailblazers. Many congregations do not know what to

expect of a clergy husband, and, most assuredly, the clergy husband does not know what to

expect of the congregation as the spouse of the priest. Since over 50% of them were raised in the Episcopal Church, they have some idea of how a congregation functions, but are uncertain as to their current role. It is also difficult to characterize the effect these tensions have on the wife's ministry until more time has passed.

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Many of these men say they go to their spouses for problem solving (50%). Others go to close friends (20%) and still others to a psychotherapist (32%). Church medical insurance

policies make seeking this psychological help easier than in the past. The problem with

seeking help regarding parishioners is that it causes more tension for the priest. She is

caught between wanting to help and please her husband and needing to remain a caregiver to the parishioners who are "difficult persons".

Other options listed in the questionnaire were to develop new resources where the

clergy spouse might find help. All of these topics evoked only modest interest from the husband. Clearly, friendships outside the congregation provided support for 30% of them: in fact, members of the general community may well know the husband better than the

priest.

Involvement With Wife's Ministry

Examination of the husband's involvement with his wife's ministry completes this profile of the Episcopal clergy husband. His involvement and his relationships in the parish are all affected by other factors, including his profession, religious faith, and social inclinations which can overlap to a great degree.

The team workers are active in their wives' ministry. Yet <10% of the priests' husbands wished to be involved in this way. One who mentioned the role of team worker belonged to several diocesan committees as a way of being involved with his wife's ministry. Involvement in the choir was mentioned frequently. The men enjoy congregational special events and the fellowship of a buildings and grounds committee. They know a wide range of people and are interested in fellowship. But they also have secular jobs and 46% of them

say they attend nothing regularly. Unlike the clergy wife, they do not take on leadership roles?this may have been

predetermined for them by their own and the congregation's expectations or perhaps by their personal backgrounds. They also want to be involved in parish life. In fact, they enjoy study groups and activities that involve clergy and lay working together in mission and social action.

Seventy-three percent of the husbands saw themselves as background supporters. The

majority of them often want to be involved (40%) in parish life, mostly in a loosely structured way. They have almost the same role as a background supporter as do the clergy wives (63%) in the 1976 study. The men say, "I participate in the life of my church

community as I want", "I enjoy services and relationships with parishioners and staff, and "I enjoy the companionship and friendship of others [and] a chance to meditate on the

Gospel". The priest and her husband avoid confusion by defining his role as being in the back

ground. One spouse notes, however, that "I am seen as the priest's husband and my ideas are viewed as 'in line' with Official opinions'". Since there have been no other studies done on Episcopal clergy husbands, it would be hard to say why being a background supporter is so important to the men. Although the approach they take would indeed avoid conflict and difficulties, the tenor of their personal comments is a certain contentment with the way they are involved in their wife's congregation.

Sixteen percent are aloof participants. They do not, for whatever reason, seek involvement in the congregation. Although 28% of the respondents sometimes feel pres sure to be involved in the congregation and 45% of them have no problem saying so. They only occasionally allude to involvement as a parishioner being a problem. There is a tone

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of complaint to their general comments: "Loss of voice and ability to participate in

decision-making"; "hearing of people who are resentful of our housing or vacations"; and an "unwillingness of the parish to keep financial commitments".

Conclusion

The Presiding Bishop's husband, Richard Schori, has a new role that sparks the interest of

many in the Episcopal Church. In an interview with Episcopal Life (September, 2006), a few comments from him aptly address many of the observations in this study on priests' husbands. He makes several points worthy of reflection:

- "I have a long background in the Episcopal Church?a lot of my experiences have been more in the community aspect of the [local] churches.... I have a significant spiritual life."

- Traveling as the Presiding Bishop's spouse, he can see some potential sociological issues in traveling to countries where the tradition is women being subservient.

- He can imagine men in such cultures looking down on him "because my spouse was the leader".... "I have enough personal confidence in myself that I am not afraid of

dealing with that". - "Male clergy spouses can pretty much write our own ticket in terms of expectations.

We can do either nothing or a lot and it's okay. I've taken the active role. I am very supportive of all her activities."

The equation of role and function is being worked out in the lives of these clergy husbands. Like their priest wives, they do not yet have a traditional and established role. But the congregation will develop role expectations of them during the coming years. There has never been anyone like them before in the Episcopal Church. During the next

decade, these men will find themselves confronted with the expectations that will shape their role concepts and their personal lives. Currently, they can and do choose how this will

happen by their involvement in the parish. The things they enjoy and those activities that give them personal satisfaction influence

the way they respond to their role as clergy husbands. The men seem to have a firm

identity: they are mature, flexible, and willing to participate in their marriages. The con flicts that are a normal part of the priest's ministry distress them because they feel proud and are also protective of their wife and her ministry. For the most part, however, they appear to be content with their choices.

The most important data that emerged from this study is the lack of "couple time" which affects so many people in our society. Researchers presently at work on the prob lematic issues of clergy families are acutely aware of this. All of us agree that the next

generation of priests' husbands will be different than today's. We also believe that only a continued and concerted effort with all the levels of the Episcopal Church can bring about

options that help the clergy spouse and family make healthy changes for the future. For

instance, the Family Chaplain for the Diocese of Maine, Nancy Duncan, proposes finding more clarity around the role of the clergy family. That clarity must be congruent in the

congregation, the priest and the family. The congregation must accept that the clergy family's involvement may vary from priest to priest as new ministers come into the

community. Clearly, the clergy husband and his priest wife may have difficulty with this

agreement because they are so new in the church's experience.

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244 J Relig Health (2010) 49:233-244

From what we have seen in this study, there are two practical realities that should be addressed immediately: selectivity and self-awareness. The first concerns the selection of a

priest as a parish's curate or rector. As a congregation reviews candidates for those posts,

the search committee must remember that this is a new era. They would do well to avoid outdated expectations that really do not consider the clergy spouse or family to be a major ingredient of their call. A workshop focused on family dynamics should be taught once a

year at every cathedral in the United States. Search committees would be the student

population. The second suggestion is that every diocese in the Episcopal Church form a symposium

for the husbands of clergy to reflect on their experiences at least quarterly. Germaine topics of interest might be the psychodynamics of transference, domestic time management, and other priorities of marriage vis-?-vis demands of the congregation. Naturally, such meet

ings would be guided by some mutual agreement as to privacy or confidentiality. These

symposiums would be supportive?indeed therapeutic?as well as informative and

entertaining. We recommend the descriptive title for such a partnership as "Reference Point" because that is its essential purpose: to bring together husbands who are in the

process of articulating what it means to be the spouse of an Episcopal priest or deacon. As

forerunners, these men will have a great deal to offer clergy families of the future, as well as the congregations who will affect the well-being of their life and unity.

Again, we would like to underscore the pastoral nature of this study and the one

published in 1976. They are reference points for those who seek to gain insight into the

psychology of clergy families. Yet our conclusions are not intended to be definitive, for the actual outcome of this research can be found only in the growth and integrity of those whose lives, tensions, and conflicts stimulated the project decades ago. Providentially, these men and women represent the imminent future of the Episcopal Church?"forever

building, and always decaying, and always being restored".

References

Anderson, . T., & Mylander, C. (Eds.). (1994). Setting your church free (p. 49). Ventura, CA: Regal books.

Book of common prayer. (1979). (p. 532). New York: Oxford University Press.

CREDO. (2006). A report to the church on the state of clergy Wellness. Memphis, TN.

Dent?n, W. (1962). The role of the minister's wife (p. 33). Philadelphia: Westminster Press.

Douglas, W. (1965). Minister's wives (pp. 61-168). New York: Harper and Row.

Lindenthal, J., et al. (1970). Mental status and religious behavior. Journal for the Scientific Study of

Religion, 9.2, 144.

Oden, M. (Ed.). (1966). The minister's wife, person or position (pp. 11-73). Nashville: Abingdon Press.

Platt, ., & Moss, D. (1976). Self-perceptive disposition of Episcopal clergy wives. Journal of Religion and

Health, 15, 208.

Pruyser, P. H. (1968). A dynamic psychology of religion (pp. 90-220). New York: Harper and& Row.

Scanzoni, J. (1965). Resolution of occupational conjugal role conflict in clergy marriages. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 7, 346.

Yinger, J. M. (1968). A structural examination of religion. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 8, 88.

doi:10.2307/1385257.

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J Relig Health (2010) 49:245 DOI 10.1007/s 10943-009-9276-4

ERRATUM

The Priest's Husband

Nancy Van Dyke Platt ? David M. Moss III

Published online: 6 August 2009 ? Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2009

Erratum to: J Relig Health DOI 10.1007/S10943-009-9260-Z

In the abstract there is an incorrect sentence. The sentence should read as follows:

Platt and Moss now concentrate on clergy spouses from a different vantage point?the

historically recent phenomenon of the Episcopal priest's husband.

The online version of the original article can be found under doi:10.1007/sl0943-009-9260-z.

N. Van Dyke Platt 92 Cross Hill Rd., Augusta, ME 04330-8441, USA e-mail: [email protected]

D. M. Moss III (El) The Coventry Association for Pastoral Psychology, Atlanta, GA 30305, USA e-mail: [email protected]

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