The Onion - America's Finest News Source
13
4/14/2014 The Onion - America's Finest News Source http://www.theonion.com/ 1/13 Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasn’t Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Transcript of The Onion - America's Finest News Source
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 113
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed
Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 213
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
The Rising Cost Of Weddings
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Woman Barely Jogging
Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity
Progressive Zoo Houses Animals In Natural Destroyed Habitat
RECENT NEWS
What Up This Is Ice Cube And Today After Weeks Of Delays Irsquom Going To Take
You On A Ride Along
Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 313
Physician Shoots Off A Few Adderall Prescriptions To Improve Yelp Rating
SPECIAL COVERAGE
Discovery
SPONSORED BY
Mens Fashion
SPONSORED BY
Marketing
SPONSORED BY
NEWS HIGHLIGHTS
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
Alcohol Unfairly Blamed For Local Manrsquos Impaired Judgment
SPONSORED POST
ldquoI trsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 413
Shoe Scientists Unveil Advanced Double Knot Technology
SPONSORED BY
COMMENTARY
I Wish I Could Get Through To You With A Sports Analogy Young Man
By Arthur Engelhard
If God Exists Why Doesnrsquot He T hrow Us Like A Really Fucking Sweet Party
By Chet Prosser
T hese Are T he Honda Day s T hat Were Foretold In T he Prophecy
By Phillip Of Schenectady
AMERICAN VOICES
Americans Opting For Small Dogs Over Babies
ldquoI prefer having both so they can compete for my affectionrdquo
Scholars lsquoGospel Of Jesusrsquo Wifersquo Authentic
Report Finds Steady Rise In Stay -At-Hom e Mothers
CDC T eens Losing Virginity Prior T o Sex Ed
EDITORIAL CARTOON
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 513
VIDEO
ONION POLL
Do You Believe Felons
Should Have The Right To
Vote
SLIDESHOW
The Week In Pictures ndash
Week Of April 14 2014
SUNDAY MAGAZINE
The Onion 145 Double
Cross On The Docks
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 213
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
The Rising Cost Of Weddings
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Woman Barely Jogging
Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity
Progressive Zoo Houses Animals In Natural Destroyed Habitat
RECENT NEWS
What Up This Is Ice Cube And Today After Weeks Of Delays Irsquom Going To Take
You On A Ride Along
Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 313
Physician Shoots Off A Few Adderall Prescriptions To Improve Yelp Rating
SPECIAL COVERAGE
Discovery
SPONSORED BY
Mens Fashion
SPONSORED BY
Marketing
SPONSORED BY
NEWS HIGHLIGHTS
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
Alcohol Unfairly Blamed For Local Manrsquos Impaired Judgment
SPONSORED POST
ldquoI trsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 413
Shoe Scientists Unveil Advanced Double Knot Technology
SPONSORED BY
COMMENTARY
I Wish I Could Get Through To You With A Sports Analogy Young Man
By Arthur Engelhard
If God Exists Why Doesnrsquot He T hrow Us Like A Really Fucking Sweet Party
By Chet Prosser
T hese Are T he Honda Day s T hat Were Foretold In T he Prophecy
By Phillip Of Schenectady
AMERICAN VOICES
Americans Opting For Small Dogs Over Babies
ldquoI prefer having both so they can compete for my affectionrdquo
Scholars lsquoGospel Of Jesusrsquo Wifersquo Authentic
Report Finds Steady Rise In Stay -At-Hom e Mothers
CDC T eens Losing Virginity Prior T o Sex Ed
EDITORIAL CARTOON
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 513
VIDEO
ONION POLL
Do You Believe Felons
Should Have The Right To
Vote
SLIDESHOW
The Week In Pictures ndash
Week Of April 14 2014
SUNDAY MAGAZINE
The Onion 145 Double
Cross On The Docks
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 313
Physician Shoots Off A Few Adderall Prescriptions To Improve Yelp Rating
SPECIAL COVERAGE
Discovery
SPONSORED BY
Mens Fashion
SPONSORED BY
Marketing
SPONSORED BY
NEWS HIGHLIGHTS
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
Alcohol Unfairly Blamed For Local Manrsquos Impaired Judgment
SPONSORED POST
ldquoI trsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 413
Shoe Scientists Unveil Advanced Double Knot Technology
SPONSORED BY
COMMENTARY
I Wish I Could Get Through To You With A Sports Analogy Young Man
By Arthur Engelhard
If God Exists Why Doesnrsquot He T hrow Us Like A Really Fucking Sweet Party
By Chet Prosser
T hese Are T he Honda Day s T hat Were Foretold In T he Prophecy
By Phillip Of Schenectady
AMERICAN VOICES
Americans Opting For Small Dogs Over Babies
ldquoI prefer having both so they can compete for my affectionrdquo
Scholars lsquoGospel Of Jesusrsquo Wifersquo Authentic
Report Finds Steady Rise In Stay -At-Hom e Mothers
CDC T eens Losing Virginity Prior T o Sex Ed
EDITORIAL CARTOON
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 513
VIDEO
ONION POLL
Do You Believe Felons
Should Have The Right To
Vote
SLIDESHOW
The Week In Pictures ndash
Week Of April 14 2014
SUNDAY MAGAZINE
The Onion 145 Double
Cross On The Docks
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 413
Shoe Scientists Unveil Advanced Double Knot Technology
SPONSORED BY
COMMENTARY
I Wish I Could Get Through To You With A Sports Analogy Young Man
By Arthur Engelhard
If God Exists Why Doesnrsquot He T hrow Us Like A Really Fucking Sweet Party
By Chet Prosser
T hese Are T he Honda Day s T hat Were Foretold In T he Prophecy
By Phillip Of Schenectady
AMERICAN VOICES
Americans Opting For Small Dogs Over Babies
ldquoI prefer having both so they can compete for my affectionrdquo
Scholars lsquoGospel Of Jesusrsquo Wifersquo Authentic
Report Finds Steady Rise In Stay -At-Hom e Mothers
CDC T eens Losing Virginity Prior T o Sex Ed
EDITORIAL CARTOON
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 513
VIDEO
ONION POLL
Do You Believe Felons
Should Have The Right To
Vote
SLIDESHOW
The Week In Pictures ndash
Week Of April 14 2014
SUNDAY MAGAZINE
The Onion 145 Double
Cross On The Docks
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 513
VIDEO
ONION POLL
Do You Believe Felons
Should Have The Right To
Vote
SLIDESHOW
The Week In Pictures ndash
Week Of April 14 2014
SUNDAY MAGAZINE
The Onion 145 Double
Cross On The Docks
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 613
Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Michelle Obama Introduces Exercise Program To Combat Obesity In Professional BaseballPlayers
The Onion Reviews Noah
Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
IN THE NEWS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 713
Fashion Industry Declares Hottest Spring Look Is Upbeat Attitude
Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags
US Currency Finally Achieves Universal Suffrage
Report 58 Of Worldrsquos Japanese Speakers White 23-Year-Old American Males
Rival PGA Hooligans Clash During Final Round Of Masters
NBA Announces Initiative To Reduce Leaguersquos Garbage Time By 50
Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances
Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck
NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs
ONION SPORTS NEWS
POLITICS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 813
Elite Congressman Trained To Kill Legislation In 24 Different Ways
4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show
G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of lsquoG8 Summer Getawayrsquo T-Shirts
White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott
Crimean Voters Excited To Exercise Democracy For Last Time
Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out
LOCAL
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 913
Parents Surprised Cruel Teen Daughter Hasnrsquot Pushed Classmate To Breaking Point Yet
Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor
Woman Barely Jogging
Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Townrsquos Kroger
Last Living California Raisin Dies Of Prostate Cancer
Top Of Mt Everest Pulling Away Majority Of Hollywood Films With Generous Tax CreditProgram
Netflix Town Criers Announce Arrival Of lsquoMad Menrsquo Season 6 On Streaming
Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industryrsquos Plotholes
The Onion Reviews Noah
ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1013
Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York
Flagship Statue
New Employee Finally Around Long Enough To Be Deemed Incompetent
lsquoForbesrsquo Releases 2014 List Of Most Punchable CEOs
Levirsquos Factory Implicated In Cruel Treatment Of Denim Cows
Bank Of America Introduces New Existential Rewards Credit Card Program
VIDEO ONNCAST
ldquoItrsquos In His Buttrdquo Say Researchers
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1113
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
NEWS IN PHOTOS
Margin Notes Left On Menu From Previous Ruby Tuesday Customer
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1213
HOROSCOPE
Your Horoscopes mdash Week Of April 8 2014
Aries A messenger from the Lord will appear to you in glory this this week and in a voice that shakes
mountains and shivers oceans
Newswire Insane Clown Posse fans now have their own digital currency the JuggaloCoin
Great Job Internet Read This Myspace did an oral history of Nickelodeons All That
Coming Distractions And heres the trailer for that other final Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Gods Pocket
ON SALE Kitten Thinks of Murder Tee
Medical Marijuana Pocket Tin
Book Sht My Vice President Says
Worlds Best Contact Jugglers Converge At Coachella (Brought To You By ATampT)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions Rooms
Jock Scientists Identify Gay Gene In Fellow Researcher Carl
FOLLOW THE ONION
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
4142014 The Onion - Americas Finest News Source
httpwwwtheonioncom 1313
Submit
RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER
Your E-Mail Address
Daily Weekly
PERSONALS
FAQ
CONTACT US
JOBS
MEDIA KIT
PRIVACY POLICY
RSS amp APPS
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age copyCopyright 2014 Onion Inc All rights reserved
