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The Love Song of a Lost SoulBy Lauren Wilkins

Currency; a fistful of tears I can affordFight of your life is not the costTime will reveal

All along youre the one whos losing

Cause I go insane; Crazy sometimesTrying you to keep you from losing your mindOpen your eyesSee whats in front of your faceSave me my fistful of tears

Let us go then, you and I,To that very meadow you speak ofThe place you call your sanctuaryWhere you thrive in the ecstasy of loveInstead of the depths of your emotional mortuary 5But this meadow has become tainted

With the faade youve paintedWith demons that follow you like omensHoping one day your heart will openBut they cant take what is mine 10

Yet I ask, Was it ever mine?Or was it always beating in their grasp

In your mind they come and goDragging your soul down to below

You are imprisoned by what gives you pain 15Yet you prosper in what gives you painYour past has never been your pastNever letting go; it consumes you nowOutcaste by what youve maskedBut its unclear as to whats forced and allowed 20What is it that keeps you bound to these tiesKnowing it is whats creating your demise?

There is no timeIm losing my hold, your hand is slipping throughAs you fall into your very own darkness 25I tell myself Ill be the one to save you

Yet I know that power I dont possessLook me in my eyes

You have nothing to fear I exclaimYet I question if Im averring lies 30Or if I should tell myself the sameHow did I let it come to this? Im ashamed

In your mind they come and goDragging your soul down to below

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There is no time 35To wonder, ``Do I dare?'' and, ``Do I dare?''No time to run back, to retreatIm in too deep--[You will say: ``Leave while you can. Theres still time.'']I say this mountain, together well climb 40

I promised safety so in me you confine--[You will say: ``These demons control my world.'']So, do I dareDisturb your universe?In a minute there is time 45For decisions and revisions which a minute will curse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:All who smother you with the pain you bear,

Youve measured out your life with nights of terror;I wish those voices would die with a dying fall 50

Trying to save you, I am at war.

So how should I presume?

And I have known these voices, known them all--The voices that keep your soul caged,And when I am done, when the fight is over 55When youve become boundless at last,

Then how should I beginTo destroy these demons?

And how should I presume?

I dont know at all-- 60Im overly courageous with no strength to bear[Well get through all of this. I swear.]It was all hopeless I must confessI cannot save you from your distressAs you cry for help, on the floor your crawl. 65

And should you then presume?And how should I begin?

Youve become the razor that you drag down your skinLike a bow caressing the strings of a violin

And everyday I wake, hoping they went away 70That we could be blessed,But youre joy is replaced by destressStretched on the floor, here beside you is me.Still. Without a word. Practically lifeless.I try to shake life into but its helpless. 75

You swear Im your saviorThat Ive saved you from your soul,I am no saviorand youre not dead;I have seen the light in your heart glisten,

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But youre too weak to pursue it; so to them you listen, 80And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,After all the time and tears,After the the glimpses of bravery and fear,

Would it have been worth while, 85To have never started this fight to begin with,To have never given in to that first kissTo leave you for someone elses troubles,To have never made those promises,To close that door before it opened? 90Should I reconsider my worth and intentions?

Should say: ``That is not what I meant at all.That is not it, at all.''

And would it have been worth it, after all,Would it have been worth while, 95

After me lifting you up on your feet,After the tears on the bathroom floor--And this, and so much more?--

You tell me Im your strengthBut Im barely strong enough for myself 100I tell you to have faithWithout faith theres no help

You say youll die without meI cant take this pressure.

You call me an angel. 105

No! I am not an angel, we all have our sins;I thought I could save youI thought you could break through,And rise up; for the sake of us,And prosper in the meadow, 110But your meadow all along was quicksand;I try to save you, holding on to your hand;But youre dragging me under--I cant hold on to you any longer.

So I let go 115I shall live knowing Ive lost.

I have failedYou are theresAnd out of fear your heart I tear

I cant take this. 120