The Long Haul

download The Long Haul

of 2

description

Triathlete Magazine monthly humor column

Transcript of The Long Haul

  • 40 triathlete may 2013

    check inh

    un

    te

    r k

    ing

    by holly bennett

    confessionso f a n ag e- g ro u per

    Lessons learned from a globetrotting triathlete

    ive had plenty of opportunities to travel over the past few years, covering races in New Zealand, thailand, australia, Germany and Chile, not to mention hawaii and the continental U.S. in fact, id go so far as to call myself a wayfaring expert. and after several long-haul flights to distant lands, i feel compelled to share the top tips gleaned from my mile-high experience (no, not that kind). hopefully i can provide a few valuable lessons for any globetrotting triathlete. at the least, ill provide reading material for your next flight. So take em or leave em, here are three key lessons for dealing with whatever life on the road throws your way.

    THe LonG HAUL

  • SkechersTHIRD_TriMag_0413.indd 1 2/6/13 4:14 PM

    42 triathlete may 2013

    lesson 1: baggy is the new black.Think the Im so fat feeling of a taper week is tough? Try a long-haul flight. Travel fashion is tricky, especially when your trip involves more than a few hours up in the air and the asso-ciated body bloat, yet you still strive to look somewhat put together upon arrival. Find your cutest comfortable outfit. Now imagine yourself in that same outfit after adding 15 pounds. If you still look reasonably good and feel relatively comfy, thats the one to wear. Otherwise youd best invest in some-thing newand size up. Allow for your bodys inevitable plumping, elastic-waist pants and all. Because you will balloon up like Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after overnighting on board, causing you to question whether your body con-tains any muscle tone at all. But dont worryafter a day or so back on earth the swelling will subside, and youll revert to the triathletes typical won-dering whether youre more or less fit than everyone else.

    While were talking fashion, lets touch on footwear. Be sure to choose a shoe you can easily slip out ofas well as back into. Then promise meprom-ise me, peopleyoull never wander the aisles without those shoes. The temp-tation to visit the toilet while already up and about will prove too great (remem-ber, youve been hyper-hydrating), and before you know it your beloved com-pression socks will be damp with bath-room floor drippings. Yuck.

    lesson 2: coffee keeps you on the straight and narrow. Im not kidding: Without good, strong, fully caffeinated coffee, you could actually land in jail. Filling out those port-of-entry immi-gration documents pending arrival into a foreign country is nearly impossible without a clear, caffeine-lubricated head. Sure, more often than not youll fly unhindered through customs faster than you can traverse a transition zone. But guaranteed, the one time you make a mistake on the form or forget the food youve packedinadvertently import-ing a stash of potentially contraband nuts, energy bars and fresh fruita gun-toting, dog-wielding agriculture inspector will call your bluff. Imagine trying to explain what Gu is, or why youve hidden your hemp seeds, in a language other than your ownespe-cially before youve had your morning joe. But heres the rub: Airline coffee is on par with cheap hotel sludge and will do nothing to help your travel hang-over. You need a stronger solution.

    Enter a handy invention known as Starbucks Viamorning manna from the gods of mental stimulation. Love or hate the store-on-every-corner brand, these individual perk-me-up pack-ets may as well be sticks of solid gold. Theyre that good, and theyve saved me from accidentally becoming an exhaustion-induced outlaw on more than one occasion.

    lesson 3: Deodorant can deepen a friendship. Lets face itnormal standards of hygiene can be hard to keep up while traveling. You get pretty gritty, and the quest for clean-liness becomes a scrappy scramble for stink-free survival. But let me tell you, friendships can be formedor forever deepenedover the most basic bath and body products. On my return trip from South America, after covering Ironman 70.3 Pucn, I didnt bat an eyelash when an athlete friend asked to borrow my deodorant. And when her husband looked longingly at my Lady Speedstick, I promptly handed it over to him, too. Who could blame them? I knew what theyd been through. Together we spent our last morning in town combing the local markets for take-home trinkets. Together we made a mad dash to meet our shuttle. Together we hauled hot and sweaty bags and bikes through the swelter-ing airport. And together we now sat side-by-side-by-side, stinking up a storm. So what the heck? We were practically family anyway after shar-ing the race weekend, a lot of laughs and liter upon liter of Chilean wine. Theres simply something about time away from home spent with travel-ing companions that brings out the raw and raunchy in people and makes it all right. And a little pay-it-forward kindness goes a long way. You never know when youll forget to pack your own personal toiletries in your carry-on bagor when your luggage will be delayed and your new BFF will save your ass, so to speak, with a fresh pair of her own underwear. Eeww! you say? Try going 24 hours in a tropical climate with the same set of drawers and youll be open-minded, too. (For the record, thats a humiliation Ive not yet endured.)

    Really, no obstacle is too daunt-ing (or dirty) once youve mastered these few basic tips for travel and opened your mind to the amazing (if at times awkward) experiences avail-able around the world. Dont be afraid to get out there and explore. Just dont forget to pack your deodorant.