TheLifeofLazarilloOfTormes,HisFortunesandMisfortunesas

ToldbyHimself

By

Anonymous

Prologue

I think it is good that such remarkable things as these,whichmayneverhave been heard of or seen before, should come to the attention of manypeopleinsteadofbeingburiedawayinthetombofoblivion.Becauseitmightturnoutthatsomeonewhoreadsaboutthemwilllikewhathereads,andevenpeoplewhoonlyglancelightlythroughthisbookmaybeentertained.

Plinysaysalongtheselinesthatthereisnobook—nomatterhowbaditis—thatdoesn'thavesomethinggoodinit.Andthisisallthemoretruesincealltastesarenotthesame:whatonemanwon'teventouch,anotherwillbedyingtoget.Andsotherearethingsthatsomepeopledon'tcarefor,whileothersdo.Thepointisthatnothingshouldbedestroyedorthrownawayunlessitisreallydetestable;instead,itshouldbeshowntoeverybody,especiallyifitwon'tdoanyharmandtheymightgetsomegoodoutofit.

If thisweren't so, therewould be very few peoplewhowouldwrite foronly one reader, because writing is hardly a simple thing to do. But sincewritersgoaheadwithit, theywanttoberewarded,notwithmoneybutwithpeopleseeingandreadingtheirworks,andifthereissomethingworthwhileinthem,theywouldlikesomepraise.Alongtheselinestoo,Cicerosays:"Honorpromotesthearts."

Doesanyonethinkthatthefirstsoldiertostandupandchargetheenemyhates life? Of course not; a craving for glory is what makes him exposehimselftodanger.Andthesameistrueinartsandletters.Theyoungpreachergives a very good sermon and is really interested in the improvement ofpeople'ssouls,butaskhisgraceifhemindswhentheytellhim,"Oh,whatanexcellent sermonyougave today,Reverend!"AndSo-and-sowas terrible injoustingtoday,butwhensomerascalpraisedhimforthewayhehadhandledhisweapons,hegavehimhisarmor.Whatwouldhehavedoneifithadreallybeentrue?

And so everything goes: I confess that I'm no more saintly than myneighbors, but I would not mind it at all if those people who find somepleasure in this little trifle of mine (written in my crude style) would getwrappedupinitandbeentertainedbyit,andiftheycouldseethatamanwhohashadsomuchbadluckandsomanymisfortunesandtroublesdoesexist.

Pleasetakethispooreffortfromapersonwhowouldhavelikedtomakeitricherifonlyhisabilityhadbeenasgreatashisdesire.Andsinceyoutoldmethatyouwantedmetowritedownallthedetailsofthematter,Ihavedecidednottostartoutinthemiddlebutat thebeginning.Thatwayyouwillhaveacomplete picture ofme, and at the same time those peoplewho received a

large inheritance will see how little they had to do with it, since fortunefavored them, and they will also see how much more those peopleaccomplishedwhoseluckwasgoingagainstthem,sincetheyrowedhardandwellandbroughttheirshipsafelyintoport.

I.LazaroTellsaboutHisLifeandHisParents

YoushouldknowfirstofallthatI'mcalledLazaroofTormes,andthatI'mthe son of Tome Gonzales and Antona Perez, who were born in Tejares, avillage near Salamanca. Iwas actually born in the TormesRiver, and that'showIgotmyname.Ithappenedthisway:Myfather(Godresthissoul)wasinchargeofamillonthebankofthatriver,andhewasthemillerthereformorethanfifteenyears.Well,onenightwhilemymotherwasinthemill,carryingmearoundinherbelly,shewentintolaborandgavebirthtomerightthere.SoIcanreallysayIwasbornintheriver.

Thenwhen Iwas eight years old, they accusedmy father of gutting thesacksthatpeoplewerebringingtothemill.Theytookhimtojail,andwithoutaword of protest hewent ahead and confessed everything, and he sufferedpersecutionforrighteousness'sake.ButItrustGodthathe'sinheavenbecausethe Bible calls that kind of man blessed. At that time they were gettingtogetheranexpeditiontogofighttheMoors,andmyfatherwentwiththem.TheyhadexiledhimbecauseofthebadluckthatI'vealreadytoldabout,sohewentalongasamuleteerforoneofthemen,andlikealoyalservant,heendedhislifewithhismaster.

Mywidowedmother,findingherselfwithoutahusbandoranyonetotakecareofher,decidedtolieattheside—Imean,stayontheside—ofgoodmenandbelikethem.Soshecametothecitytolive.Sherentedalittlehouseandbegantocookforsomestudents.Shewashedclothesforsomestableboyswhoserved theCommander of LaMagdalena, too, so a lot of the time shewasaroundthestables.Sheandadarkman—oneofthosemenwhotookcareoftheanimals—gottoknoweachother.Sometimeshewouldcometoourhouseandwouldn't leave till thenextmorning; andother timeshewould come toourdoor in thedaytimepretending thathewanted tobuyeggs, and thenhewouldcomeinside.

WhenhefirstbegantocomeIdidn'tlikehim,hescaredmebecauseofthecolorofhisskinandthewayhelooked.ButwhenIsawthatwithhimaroundthere the foodgotbetter, Ibegan to likehimquitea lot.Healwaysbroughtbread and pieces of meat, and in the winter he brought in firewood so wecouldkeepwarm.

Sowithhisvisitsand therelationshipgoingrightalong, ithappenedthatmymothergavemeaprettylittleblackbaby,andIusedtobounceitonmykneeandhelpkeepitwarm.

Irememberonetimewhenmyblackstepfatherwasplayingwiththelittlefellow, the child noticed that my mother and I were white but that mystepfather wasn't and he got scared. He ran to my mother and pointed hisfinger at him and said, "Mama, it's the bogeyman!" And my stepfatherlaughed:"Youlittleson-of-a-bitch!"

Even though Iwas still a young boy, I thought about thewordmy littlebrotherhadused,andIsaidtomyself:Howmanypeopletheremustbeintheworldwhorunawayfromotherswhentheydon'tseethemselves.

As luckwouldhave it, talk aboutZaide (thatwasmy stepfather's name)reachedtheearsoftheforeman,andwhenasearchwasmadetheyfoundoutthathe'dbeenstealingabouthalfofthebarleythatwassupposedtobegivento the animals.He'dpretended that thebran,wool, currycombs, aprons, andthehorsecoversandblanketshadbeenlost;andwhentherewasnothingelselefttosteal,hetooktheshoesrightoffthehorses'hooves.Andhewasusingall this to buy things for my mother so that she could bring up my littlebrother.

Whyshouldwebesurprisedatpriestswhentheystealfromthepoororatfriars when they take things from their monasteries to give to their ladyfollowers,orforotherthings,whenweseehowlovecanmakeapoorslavedowhathedid?

AndtheyfoundhimguiltyofeverythingI'vesaidandmorebecausetheyaskedmequestionsandthreatenedmetoo,andIansweredthemlikeachild.Iwas so frightened that I told them everything I knew—even about somehorseshoesmymotherhadmademeselltoablacksmith.

Theybeatandtarredmypoorstepfather,andtheygavemymotherastiffsentencebesidestheusualhundredlashes:theysaidthatshecouldn'tgointothehouseoftheCommander(theoneImentioned)andthatshecouldn'ttakepoorZaideintoherownhouse.

So thatmatterswouldn'tgetanyworse, thepoorwomanwentaheadandcarriedoutthesentence.Andtoavoidanydangerandgetawayfromwaggingtongues,shewenttoworkasaservantforthepeoplewhowerelivingattheSolanoInnthen.Andthere,whileputtingupwithallkindsofindignities,shemanagedtoraisemylittlebrotheruntilheknewhowtowalk.Andsheevenraisedme to be a good little boy whowould take wine and candles to theguestsanddowhateverelsetheytoldme.

Aboutthis timeablindmancamebyandstayedat theinn.HethoughtI

wouldbeagoodguideforhim,soheaskedmymotherifIcouldservehim,andshesaidIcould.Shetoldhimwhatagoodmanmyfatherhadbeenandhowhe'ddied in thebattleofGelves for theholyfaith.Shesaidshe trustedGodthatIwouldn'tturnoutanyworseamanthanmyfather,andshebeggedhimtobegoodtomeandlookafterme,sinceIwouldbeanorphannow.HetoldherhewouldandsaidthatIwouldn'tbeaservanttohim,butason.AndsoIbegantoserveandguidemynewoldmaster.

AfterhehadbeeninSalamancaafewdays,mymasterwasn'thappywiththeamountofmoneyhewastakingin,andhedecidedtogosomewhereelse.Sowhenwewerereadytoleave,Iwenttoseemymother.Andwithbothofuscryingshegavemeherblessingandsaid,"Son,IknowthatI'llneverseeyouagain.Trytobegood,andmayGodbeyourguide.I'veraisedyouandgivenyoutoagoodmaster;takegoodcareofyourself."

AndthenIwentbackouttomymasterwhowaswaitingforme.

WeleftSalamancaandwecametoabridge;andattheedgeofthisbridgethere'sastonestatueofananimalthatlookssomethinglikeabull.Theblindman told me to go up next to the animal, and when I was there he said,"Lazaro,putyourearupnexttothisbullandyou'llhearagreatsoundinsideofit."

Iputmyearnexttoitverysimply,thinkinghewastellingthetruth.Andwhenhefeltmyheadnearthestatue,hedoubleduphisfistandknockedmyheadintothatdevilofabullsohardthatIfeltthepainfromitshornsforthreedays.Andhesaidtome,"Youfool,nowlearnthatablindman'sservanthastobeonestepaheadofthedevil."Andhelaughedoutloudathisjoke.

It seemed to me that at that very instant I woke up from my childlikesimplicityandIsaidtomyself,"He'sright.I'vegottoopenmyeyesandbeonmyguard.I'malonenow,andI'vegottothinkabouttakingcareofmyself."

Westartedonourwayagain,andinjustafewdayshetaughtmetheslangthievesuse.WhenhesawwhataquickmindIhadhewasreallyhappy,andhesaid,"Ican'tgiveyouanygoldorsilver,butIcangiveyouplentyofhintsonhowtostayalive."Andthat'sexactlywhathedid;afterGod,itwasthisfellowwhogavemelifeandwho,althoughhewasblind,enlightenedmeandshowedmehowtolive.

Iliketotellyouthesesillythingstoshowwhatvirtuethereisinmenbeingabletoraisethemselvesupfromthedepths,andwhataviceitisforthemtoletthemselvesslipdownfromhighstations.

Well,gettingback tomydearblindmanand tellingabouthisways,youshouldknowthatfromthetimeGodcreatedtheworldthere'snooneHemadesmarterorsharperthanthatman.Athisjobhewasslyasafox.Heknewover

ahundredprayersbyheart.Hewouldusealowtone,calmandverysonorous,thatwouldmake the churchwhere hewas praying echo.Andwhenever heprayed, hewould put on a humble andpious expression—somethinghe didverywell.Andhewouldn'tmakefacesorgrimaceswithhismouthoreyesthewayothersdo.

Besides this he had thousands of other ways of getting money. He toldeveryone that he knew prayers for lots of different things: for womenwhocouldn't have children orwhowere in labor; for thosewomenwhoweren'thappy in theirmarriage—so that their husbandswould love themmore.Hewouldgivepredictionstoexpectantmothersaboutwhethertheywouldhaveaboyoragirl.Andasfarasmedicinewasconcerned,hesaidthatGalenneverknew the half of what he did about toothaches, fainting spells, and femaleillnesses.Infact,therewasnoonewhowouldtellhimtheyweresickthathecouldn'timmediatelysaytothem:"Dothis,andthenis;takethisherb,ortakethatroot."

And so everyone came to him—especially women—and they believedeverythinghe told them.Hegota lotoutof themwith thesewaysI'vebeentellingabout;infact,heearnedmoreinamonththanahundredordinaryblindmenearninayear.

ButIwantyoutoknow,too,thatevenwithallhegotandallthathehad,I'veneverseenamoregreedy,miserlyman.Hewasstarvingmetodeath.Hedidn'tevengivemeenoughtokeepmealive!I'mtellingthetruth:IfIhadn'tknownhowtohelpmyselfwithmywilywaysandsomeprettyclevertricks,Iwould have died of hunger lots of times. But with all his know-how andcarefulnessIoutwittedhim,sothatIalways—orusually—reallygotthebetterofhim.ThewayIdidthiswasIplayedsomedevilishtricksonhim,andI'lltellaboutsomeofthem,eventhoughIdidn'tcomeoutontopeverytime.

Hecarriedthebreadandalltheotherthingsinaclothbag,andhekepttheneckofitclosedwithanironringthathadapadlockandkey.Andwhenheputthingsinortookthemout,hediditsocarefullyandcountedeverythingsowellthatnooneintheworldcouldhavegottenacrumbfromhim.SoI'dtakewhatlittlehegaveme,andinlessthantwomouthfulsitwouldbegone.

After he had closed the lock and forgotten about it, thinking that I wasbusywithotherthings,Iwouldbegintobleedthemiserlybagdry.TherewasalittleseamonthesideofthebagthatI'dripopenandsewupagain.AndIwould takeout bread—not little crumbs, either, but bighunks—and I'd getbacon and sausage too. And so I was always looking for the right time toscore,notonaballfield,butonthefoodinthatblastedbagthatthetyrantofablindmankeptawayfromme.

Andthen,everytimeIhadachanceI'dstealhalfcoppercoins.Andwhen

someonegavehimacopper tosayaprayerfor them—andsincehecouldn'tsee—they'dnosoonerhaveoffereditthanIwouldpopitintomymouthandhaveahalf-copperready.Andassoonashestuckouthishand,therewasmycoinreducedtohalfprice.Thentheoldblindmanwouldstartgrowlingatme.Assoonashefeltitandrealizedthatitwasn'tawholecopperhe'dsay,"Howthedevil is it thatnowthatyou'rewithme theynevergivemeanythingbuthalf coppers,when they almost always used to giveme a copper or a two-copperpiece?I'dswearthatthisisallyourfault."

Heusedtocuthisprayersshort,too;hewouldn'tevengethalfwaythroughthem.He toldme to pull on the end of his cloakwhenever the personwhoaskedfortheprayerhadgone.Sothat'swhatIdid.Thenhe'dbegintocalloutagainwithhiscry,"Whowouldliketohavemesayaprayerforhim?"inhisusualway.

Andhealwaysputa little jugofwinenext tohimwhenweate. Iwouldgrabitquicklyandgive itacoupleofquietkissesbeforeIput itbackin itsplace.Butthatdidn'tgoonforverylong:hecouldtellbythenumberofnipshetookthatsomewasmissing.Sotokeephiswinesafeheneverletthejugoutofreach;he'dalwaysholdontothehandle.Butnotevenamagnetcouldattract theway I couldwith a long rye straw that I hadmade for that verypurpose.And I'd stick it in themouth of the jug and suck until—good-bye,wine!But the old traitorwas sowary that I think hemust have sensedme,becausefromthenonhestopped thatandput the jugbetweenhis legs.Andeventhenhekepthishandoverthetoptomakesure.

ButIgotsousedtodrinkingwinethatIwasdyingforit.AndwhenIsawthatmystrawtrickwouldn'twork,Idecidedtomakeaspoutbycarvingalittlehole in thebottomof the jug and then sealing it off neatlywith a little thinstripofwax.Whenitwasmealtime,I'dpretendIwascoldandgetinbetweenthelegsofthemiserableblindmantowarmupbythelittlefirewehad.Andtheheatofitwouldmeltthewax,sinceitwassuchatinypiece.Thenthewinewouldbegintotricklefromthespoutintomymouth,andIgotintoapositionsothatIwouldn'tmissablasteddrop.Whenthepoorfellowwenttodrinkhewouldn't finda thing.He'ddrawback,astonished, thenhe'dcurseanddamnthejarandthewine,notknowingwhatcouldhavehappened.

"Youcan'tsaythatIdrankit,Sir,"Isaid,"sinceyouneverletitoutofyourhand."

But he kept turning the jug around and feeling it, until he finallydiscoveredtheholeandsawthroughmytrick.Buthepretendedthathehadn'tfoundout.

Then one day Iwas tippling onmy jug as usual,without realizingwhatwasinstoreformeoreventhattheblindmanhadfoundmeout.Iwassitting

thesameasalways,takinginthosesweetsips,myfaceturnedtowardtheskyandmyeyes slightlyclosedso I could really savor thedelicious liquor.Thedirtyblindmansawthatnowwasthetimetotakeouthisrevengeonme,andheraisedthatsweetandbitterjugwithbothhishandsandsmasheditdownonmy mouth with all his might. As I say, he used all his strength, and poorLazaro hadn't been expecting anything like this; in fact, I was drowsy andhappy as always. So it seemed like the sky and everything in it had reallyfallen down on top of me. The little tap sent me reeling and knocked meunconscious,andthatenormousjugwassohugethatpiecesofitstuckinmyface,cuttingme inseveralplacesandknockingoutmy teeth, so that Idon'thavethemtothisveryday.

FromthatminuteIbegantohatethatoldblindman.Because,eventhoughhetookcareofmeandtreatedmeallrightandfixedmeup,Isawthathehadreally enjoyed his dirty trick. He used wine to wash the places where thepieces of the jug had cut me, and he smiled and said, "How about that,Lazaro?Thevery thing that hurt you is helping to cureyou."AndhemadeotherwittyremarksthatIdidn'tparticularlycarefor.

WhenIhadaboutrecoveredfromthebeatingandtheblackandbluemarkswerenearlygone,Irealizedthatwithafewmoreblowslikethattheblindmanwouldhavegottenridofme.SoIdecided toberidofhim.But Ididn't runaway right then; Iwaited until I could do it in a safer and betterway.AndalthoughIwantedtobekindandforgivetheblindmanforhittingmewiththejug, I couldn't because of the harsh treatment he gave me from then on.Withoutanyreasonhewouldhitmeontheheadandyankonmyhair.Andifanyone asked himwhy he beat me somuch, he would tell them about theincidentwith the jug: "Doyou think thisboyofmine is just some innocentlittle fellow?Well, listen and see if you think the devil himself would tryanythinglikethis."

Afterthey'dheardaboutit,theywouldcrossthemselvesandsay,"Well—whowouldeverthinkthatsuchalittleboywoulddoanythinglikethat!"

Thenthey'dlaughattheprankandtellhim,"Goon,beathim.

Godwillgiveyouyourreward."

Andthisadvicehefollowedtotheletter.

So,forrevenge,I'dleadhimdownalltheworstroadsonpurposetoseeifhe wouldn't get hurt somehow. If there were rocks, I'd take him right overthem; if therewasmud, I'd leadhimthrough thedeepestpart.BecauseeventhoughIdidn'tkeepdrymyself,IwouldhavegivenaneyeifIcouldhavehurttwo eyes of that man who didn't even have one. Because of this, he wasalwaysbeatingmewiththeendofhiscanesothatmyheadwasfullofbumps,

andwith him always pulling onmy hair a lot of it was gone. I told him Iwasn't doing it onpurposeand that I just couldn't findanybetter roads,butthat didn't do any good. The old traitor saw through everything andwas sowarythathewouldn'tbelievemeanymore.

So that you can see how smart this shrewd blindmanwas, I'll tell youaboutoneof themany timeswhen Iwaswithhim that he really seemed toshow a lot of perception. When we left Salamanca, his plan was to go toToledobecausethepeopleweresupposedtobericherthere,althoughnotveryfreewiththeirmoney.Buthepinnedhishopesonthissaying:"You'llgetmorewaterfromanarrowflowingstreamthanyouwillfromadeepdrywell."Andwe'dpassthroughthebestplacesaswewentalong.Wherewewerewelcomedand were able to get something, we stayed; where this didn't happen, we'dmoveonafterafewdays.

AndithappenedthataswewerecomingtoaplacecalledAlmoroxwhentheyweregatheringthegrapes,agrapepickergavehimabunchasalms.Andsincethebasketsareusuallyhandledprettyroughlyandthegrapeswereveryripeatthetime,thebunchstartedtofallapartinhishand.Ifwehadthrownitinthesack,itandeverythingittouchedwouldhavespoiled.Hedecidedthatwe'dhaveapicnicsothatitwouldn'tgotowaste—andhedidittopleaseme,too,sincehe'dkickedandbeatmequiteabit thatday.Sowesatdownonalowwall,andhesaid:"NowIwanttobegenerouswithyou:we'llsharethisbunchofgrapes,andyoucaneatasmanyasIdo.We'lldivideitlikethis:youtakeone, thenI'll takeone.Butyouhave topromisemethatyouwon't takemore thanoneata time. I'lldo thesameuntilwe finish,and thatway therewon'tbeanycheating."

Theagreementwasmade,andwebegan.Butonhissecondturn,thetraitorchangedhismind andbegan to take twoat a time, evidently thinking that Iwas doing the same. But when I saw that he had broken our agreement, Iwasn'tsatisfiedwithgoingathisrateofspeed.Instead,Iwentevenfurther:Itook twoata time,or threeata time—infact, Iate themas fastas Icould.Andwhenthereweren'tanygrapesleft,hejustsatthereforawhilewiththestem inhishand,and thenheshookhisheadandsaid, "Lazaro,you trickedme.I'llsweartoGodthatyouatethesegrapesthreeatatime."

"No,Ididn't,"Isaid."Butwhydoyouthinkso?"

Thatwiseoldblindmananswered,"DoyouknowhowIseethatyouatethemthreeatatime?BecauseIwaseatingthemtwoatatime,andyoudidn'tsayaword."

I laughedtomyself,andeventhoughIwasonlyaboy,Iwasverymuchawareofthesharpnessofthatblindman.

But,sothatIwon'ttalktoomuch,Iwon'ttellaboutalotofhumorousandinterestingthingsthathappenedtomewithmyfirstmaster.Ijustwanttotellabouthowweseparated,andbedonewithhim.

WewereinEscalona,a townownedbythedukeof thatname,ataninn,and the blindman gaveme a piece of sausage to roast for him.When thesausagehadbeenbastedandhehadsoppedupandeatenthedrippingswithapieceofbread,hetookacoinoutofhispurseandtoldmetogogethimsomewinefromthetavern.Thenthedevilputanideainmyhead,justliketheysayhedoes to thieves. It sohappened thatnear the fire therewasa little turnip,kindoflongandbeatup;ithadprobablybeenthrowntherebecauseitwasn'tgoodenoughforstew.

At that moment he and I were there all alone, and when I whiffed thedeliciousodorofthesausage,Isuddenlygotahugeappetite—andIknewthatallIwouldgetofitwouldbethesmell.Butthethoughtofeatingthatsausagemademe loseallmyfear: Ididn't think foraminutewhatwouldhappen tome.Sowhiletheblindmanwasgettingthemoneyoutofhispurse,Itookthesausageoffthespitandquicklyputtheturnipon.Thentheblindmangavemethemoneyforthewineandtookholdofthespit,turningitoverthefire,tryingtocooktheverythingthathadn'tbeencookedbeforebecauseitwassobad.

Iwentfor thewine,andonthewayIdownedthesausage.WhenIcamebackIfoundthatsinnerofablindmanholdingtheturnipbetweentwoslicesofbread.Hedidn'tknowwhatitwasyet,becausehehadn'tfeltofit.Butwhenhetookthebreadandbitintoit,thinkinghewouldgetpartofthesausagetoo,hewassuddenlystoppedcoldbythetasteofthecoldturnip.Hegotmadthen,andsaid,"Whatisthis,Lazarillo?"

"Youmean, 'Lacerated,'"Isaid."Areyoutryingtopinsomethingonme?Didn'tIjustcomebackfromgettingthewine?Someonemusthavebeenhereandplayedajokeonyou."

"Oh,no,"hesaid."Ihaven'tletthespitoutofmyhand.Noonecouldhavedonethat."

IkeptswearingthatIhadn'tdoneanyswitchingaround.Butitdidn'tdomeanygood—Icouldn'thideanythingfromthesharpnessofthatmiserableblindman.Hegotupandgrabbedmebytheheadandgotclosesohecouldsmellme.And hemust have smelledmy breath like a good hound. Really beinganxious to find out if hewas right, he held on tight and openedmymouthwiderthanheshouldhave.Then,notverywisely,hestuckinhisnose.Anditwaslongandsharp.Andhisangerhadmadeitswellabit,sothatthepointofithitmeinthethroat.Sowithall thisandmybeingreallyfrightened,alongwith the fact that theblacksausagehadn'thad time tosettle inmystomach,andespeciallywiththesuddenpokinginofhisverylargenose,halfchoking

me—all these thingswent together andmade the crime and the snack showthemselves, and the owner got backwhat belonged to him.What happenedwas that before the blind man could take his beak out of my mouth, mystomachgotsoupsetthatithithisnosewithwhatIhadstolen.Sohisnoseandtheblack,half-chewedsausagebothleftmymouthatthesametime.

Oh,AlmightyGod! Iwaswishing I'd been buried at that verymoment,becauseIwasalreadydead.Theperverseblindmanwassomadthatifpeoplehadn'tcomeatthenoise,Ithinkhewouldhavekilledme.Theypulledmeoutofhishands,andhewas leftwithwhatfewhairshadstillbeen inmyhead.Myfacewasallscratchedup,andmyneckandthroatwereclawed.Butmythroat reallydeserved its rough treatmentbecause itwasonlyonaccountofwhatithaddonethatI'dbeenbeaten.ThenthatrottenblindmantoldeveryonethereaboutthethingsI'ddone,andhetoldthemoverandoveraboutthejugandthegrapesandthislastincident.

Theylaughedsohardthatall thepeoplewhoweregoingbyin thestreetcameintoseethefun.Buttheblindmantoldthemaboutmytrickswithsuchwitandclevernessthat,eventhoughIwashurtandcrying,Ifeltthatitwouldhavebeenwrongformenottolaughtoo.

And while this was going on I suddenly remembered that I'd beennegligentandcowardly,andIbegantoswearatmyself:Ishouldhavebittenoff his nose. I'd had the opportunity to do it; in fact, half of the work hadalreadybeendoneforme. Ifonly I'dclampeddownwithmy teeth, I'dhavehad it trapped. Even though it belonged to that skunk, my stomach wouldprobablyhavehelditbetterthanitheldthesausage;andsincetherewouldn'thavebeenanyevidence,Icouldhavedeniedthecrime.IwishtoGodI'dhavedoneit.Itwouldn'thavebeenabadideaatall!

The lady running the innand theothers theremadeus stopour fighting,andtheywashedmyfaceandthroatwiththewineI'dbroughtforhimtodrink.Thenthedirtyblindmanmadeupjokesaboutit,sayingthingslike:"ThetruthofthematterisIusemorewinewashingthisboyinoneyearthanIdrinkintwo."And:"Atleast,Lazaro,youowemoretowinethanyoudotoyourfather—he only gave you life once, butwine has brought you to life a thousandtimes."

Thenhetoldaboutallthetimeshe'dbeatenmeandscratchedmyfaceandthendoctoredmeupwithwine.

"Itellyou,"hesaid,"ifthere'sonemanintheworldwhowillbeblessedbywine,it'syou."

And the people who were washing me laughed out loud, while I wasswearing.

But the blind man's prophecy wasn't wrong, and since then I've oftenthoughtaboutthatmanwhomusthavehadagiftfortellingthefuture.AndIfeelsorryaboutthebadthingsIdidtohim,althoughIreallypaidhimback,sincewhathe toldmethatdayhappenedjust likehesaid itwould,asyou'llseelateron.

Becauseofthisandthedirtytrickstheblindmanplayedonme,Idecidedto leave him for good.And since I had thought about it and really hadmymindsetonit,thislasttrickofhisonlymadememoredetermined.Sothenextdaywewent intotowntobeg.Ithadrainedquiteabit thenightbefore,andsinceitwasstillrainingthatday,hewentaroundprayingunderthearcadesinthe town sowewouldn't get wet. But with night coming on and there stillbeingnoletup,theblindmansaidtome,"Lazaro,thisrainisn'tgoingtostop,andthelateritgetstheharderit'scomingdown.Let'sgoinsidetheinnbeforethere'sarealdownpour."

Toget therewehad tocrossoveraditch thatwasfullofwater fromtherain.AndIsaid tohim;"Sir, thewater's toowide tocrosshere,but ifyou'dlike,Iseeaneasierplacetogetacross,andwewon'tgetweteither.It'sverynarrowthere,andifwejumpwe'llkeepourfeetdry."

That seemed like a good idea to him, and he said, "You're pretty clever.That'swhyIlikeyousomuch.Takemetotheplacewheretheditchisnarrow.It'swinternow,andIdon'tcareforwateranytime,andespeciallynotwhenIgetmyfeetwet."

Seeingthatthetimewasripe,Iledhimunderthearcades,toaspotrightinfrontofasortofpillarorstonepostthatwasintheplaza—oneofthosethatholduptheoverhangingarchesofthehouses.AndIsaidtohim,"Sir,thisisthenarrowestplacealongthewholeditch."

Itwas really raininghardand thepoormanwasgettingwet.This,alongwiththefactthatwewereinahurrytogetoutofthewaterthatwaspouringdown on us—and especially because God clouded his mind so I could getrevenge—madehimbelieveme,andhesaid,"Pointmeintherightdirection,andyoujumpoverthewater."

Iputhimrightinfrontofthepillar.ThenIjumpedandgotbehindthepostlikesomeonewaitingforabulltocharge,andIsaidtohim,"Comeon,jumpasfarasyoucansoyou'llmissthewater."

AssoonasI'dsaidthat,thepoorblindmanchargedlikeanoldgoat.Firsthe took one step back to get a running start, and then he hurled himselfforwardwithallhismight.Hisheadhit thepostwithahollowsound likeapumpkin.Thenhefelloverbackward,halfdead,withhisheadsplitopen.

"What?Youmeantosayyousmelledthesausagebutnotthepost?Smell

it,smellit!"Isaid,andIlefthiminthehandsofallthepeoplewhohadruntohelphim.

I reached the village gate on the run, and before night fell Imade it toTorrijos. I didn't knowwhatGodhaddonewithhim, and Inevermadeanyattempttofindout.

II.HowLazaroTookupwithaPriestandtheThingsThatHappenedtoHimwithThatMan

Ididn'tfeelverysafeinthattown,sothenextdayIwenttoaplacenamedMaqueda.ThereImetupwithapriest(itmusthavebeenbecauseofallmysins). I started tobeg fromhim,andheaskedme if Iknewhow toassist atmass.ItoldhimIdid,anditwasthetruth:eventhoughthatsinnerofablindmanbeatme,he'dtaughtmeallkindsofgoodthings,too,andthiswasoneofthem.So thepriest tookme in,and Iwasoutof the fryingpanand into thefire.Becauseeventhoughtheblindmanwastheverypictureofgreed,asI'vesaid,hewasanAlexandertheGreatcomparedtothisfellow.Iwon'tsayanymore,exceptthatallthemiserlinessintheworldwasinthisman.Idon'tknowifhe'dbeenbornthatway,orifitcamealongwithhispriest'sfrock.

Hehad anold chest that hekept locked, andhekept thekey tied to hiscassockwitha leathercord.When theholybreadwasbrought fromchurch,he'dthrowitinthechestandlockitupagain.Andtherewasn'tathingtoeatin thewholeplace, theway there is inmosthouses: abit ofbaconhangingfromthechimney,somecheeselyingonthetableorinthecupboard,abasketwithsomeslicesofbreadleftoverfromdinner.ItseemedtomethatevenifIhadn'teatenanyofit,Iwouldhavefeltalotbetterjustbeingabletolookatit.

Theonlythingaroundwasastringofonions,andthatwaskeptlockedinaroomupstairs. Iwas rationedoutoneonionevery fourdays.And if anyoneelsewas aroundwhen I asked him for the key to get it, he'd reach into hisbreastpocketanduntiethekeywithgreatairs,andhe'dhandittomeandsay,"Here. Take it, but bring it back as soon as you're through, and don't stuffyourself."AndthisasifalltheorangesinValenciawereupthere,whiletherereallywasn'tadamnedthing,asIsaid,besidestheonionshangingfromanail.Andhe had those counted sowell that if I (being the sinner that I am) hadtakenevenoneextraonion,Iwouldreallyhavebeeninforit.

SothereIwas,dyingofhunger.Butifhewasn'tverycharitabletome,hewas to himself. A good five coppers' worth of meat was his usual fare forsupper. Ihave toadmit thathedidgivemesomeof thesoup,butas for the

meat—Ididn'tevengetawhiffofit.AllIgotwasalittlebread:thatblastedman wouldn't give me half of what I really needed! And on Saturdayseveryonearoundhereeatsheadofmutton,andhesentmeforonethatcostsixcoppers.Hecookeditandatetheeyes,thetongue,theneck,thebrainsandthemeatinthejaws.Thenhegavemethechewed-overbones;heputthemonaplateandsaid,"Here,eatthisandbehappy.It'samealfitforaking.Infact,you'relivingbetterthanthePope."

"MayGodgrantyouthiskindoflife,"Isaidundermybreath.

After I hadbeenwithhim for threeweeks, I got so skinny thatmy legswouldn't hold me up out of sheer hunger. I saw that I was heading rightstraightforthegraveifGodandmywitsdidn'tcometomyrescue.ButtherewasnowayIcouldtrickhimbecausetherewasn'tathingIcouldsteal.Andeveniftherehadbeensomething,Icouldn'tblindhimthewayIdidtheotherone(mayherestinpeaceifthatblowontheheadfinishedhimoff).Becauseeven though theother fellowwassmart,without thatvaluable fifth sensehecouldn't tellwhat Iwas doing.But this new guy—there isn't anyonewhosesightwasasgoodashiswas.

Whenwewerepassingaroundtheofferingplate,notapennyfellintothebasket thathedidn't have it spotted.Hekeptoneeyeon thepeople and theother onmyhands.His eyes danced in their sockets like quicksilver.Everycent thatwasput inwas tickedoff inhismind.Andassoonas theofferingwasover,hewouldtaketheplateawayfrommeandputitonthealtar.

Iwasn'tabletogetapennyawayfromhimallthetimeIlivedwithhim—or, tobemoreprecise,all the timeIdiedwithhim.Heneversentmeto thetavernforevenadropofwine:whatlittlehebroughtbackfromtheofferingandputinthechestherationedoutsothatitlastedhimawholeweek.Andtocover uphis terrible stinginess, hewould say tome, "Look, son,wepriestshave to be verymoderate in our eating anddrinking, and that'swhy I don'tindulgethewayotherpeopledo."Butthatoldmiserwasreallylying,becausewhenweprayedatmeetingsoratfuneralsandotherpeoplewerepayingforthefood,heatelikeawolfanddrankmorethananyold,thirstyquackdoctor.

Speaking of funerals, God forgive me but I was never an enemy ofmankindexceptduringthem.ThiswasbecausewereallyatewellandIwasabletogorgemyself.IusedtohopeandpraythatGodwouldkilloffsomeoneeveryday.We'dgivethesacraments to thesickpeople,andthepriestwouldask everyone there to pray. And I was certainly not the last to begin—especiallyatextremeunction.WithallmyheartandsoulIprayed toGod—not thatHiswillbedone,as theysay,but thatHe take theperson from thisworld.

Andwhenoneofthemescaped(Godforgiveme),Idamnedhimtohella

thousandtimes.Butwhenonedied,Iblessedhimjustasmuch.Becauseinallthe time that I was there—which must have been nearly six months—onlytwentypeopledied.AndIreallythinkthatIkilledthem;Imean,theydiedatmyrequest.BecauseIthinkthattheLordmusthaveseenmyownendlessandawfuldying,andHewasgladtokillthemsothatIcouldlive.ButatthattimeIcouldn'tfindanyreliefformymisery.IfIcametolifeonthedaysthatweburied someone, I really felt the pangs of hunger when there wasn't anyfuneral.BecauseIwouldgetusedtofillingmyselfup,andthenIwouldhavetogobacktomyusualhungeragain.SoIcouldn'tthinkofanywayoutexcepttodie:Iwanteddeathformyselfsometimesjustasmuchasfortheothers.ButIneversawit,eventhoughitwasalwaysinsideofme.

Lots of times I thought about running away from that penny- pinchingmaster,butIdidn'tfortworeasons.First,Ididn't trustmylegs:lackoffoodhadmadethemsoskinnythatIwasafraidtheywouldn'tholdmeup.Second,Ithoughtawhile,andIsaid:"I'vehadtwomasters:thefirstonenearlystarvedmetodeath,andwhenIlefthimImetupwiththisone;andhegivesmesolittletoeatthatI'vealreadygotonefootinthegrave.Well,ifIleavethisoneandfindamasterwhoisonesteplower,howcoulditpossiblyendexceptwithmydeath?"So Ididn'tdare tomovean inch. I really thought thateachstepwould just get worse. And if I were to go down one more step, Lazarowouldn'tmakeanotherpeepandnoonewouldeverhearofhimagain.

So there Iwas, in a terrible state (andGod help any trueChristianwhofindshimselfinthosecircumstances),notknowingwhattodoandseeingthatIwasgoingfrombadtoworse.Thenonedaywhenthatmiserable,tightfistedmasterofminehadgoneout,atinkercametomydoor.Ithinkhemusthavebeenanangelindisguise,sentdownbythehandofGod.HeaskedmeiftherewasanythingIwantedfixed."Youcouldfixmeup,andyouwouldn'tbedoinghalfbad,"Isaidsoftlybutnotsohecouldhearme.Buttherewasn'tenoughtime so I couldwaste it onwitty sayings and, inspiredby theHolySpirit, Isaidtohim,"Sir,I'velostthekeytothischest,andI'mafraidmymasterwillbeatme.Pleaselookandseeifoneofthosekeysyouhavewillfit.I'llpayyouforit."

The angelic tinker began to try out the keys on his chain, one after theother, and I was helping him with my feeble prayers. Then, when I leastexpectedit,IsawthefaceofGod,astheysay,formedbytheloavesofbreadinsidethatchest.WhenitwasallthewayopenIsaidtohim,"Idon'thaveanymoneytogiveyouforthekey,buttakeyourpaymentfromwhat'sinthere."

Hetooktheloafofbreadthatlookedbesttohim,andhegavemethekeyandwentawayhappy,leavingmeevenhappier.ButIdidn'ttouchathingrightthensothatthelosswouldn'tbenoticeable.And,too,whenIsawthatIwastheLordofallthat,Ididn'tthinkmyhungerwoulddarecomenearme.Then

my miserly old master came back, and—thank God—he didn't notice themissingloafofbreadthattheangelhadcarriedoff.

Thenextday,whenhe left thehouse, Iopenedmybreadlyparadiseandsankmyhandsandteethintoaloaf,andinaflashImadeitinvisible.And,ofcourse, Ididn't forget to lockup thechestagain.ThenIbegan tosweep thehouseveryhappily,thinkingthatfromnowonmysadlifewouldchange.AndsothatdayandthenextIwashappy.Butitwasn'tmeantforthatpeacetolastverylongbecauseonthethirddayrealtertianfeverstruck.

It happened that I suddenly saw thatmanwhowas starvingme todeathstandingoverourchest,movingtheloavesofbreadfromonesidetotheother,counting and recounting them. I pretended not to notice, and silently Iwaspraying, hoping, and begging, "Saint John, blind him!" After he had stoodtherequiteawhile,countingthedaysandtheloavesonhisfingers,hesaid,"IfIweren't so careful about keeping this chest closed, I'd swear that someonehadtakensomeoftheloavesofbread.Butfromnowon,justtoclosethedooronallsuspicion,I'mgoingtokeepclosetrackofthem.Therearenineandahalfintherenow."

"MayGodsendyouninepiecesofbadnews,too,"Isaidundermybreath.Itseemedtomethatwhathesaidwentintomyheartlikeahunter'sarrow,andmystomachbegantorumblewhenitsawthatitwouldbegoingbacktoitsolddiet.Thenheleftthehouse.ToconsolemyselfIopenedthechest,andwhenIsaw the bread I began to worship it—but I was afraid to "take any inremembranceofHim."ThenIcountedtheloavestoseeif theoldmiserhadmadeamistake,buthehadcountedthemmuchbetterthanI'dhaveliked.ThebestIcoulddowastokissthemoverandover,andasdelicatelyasIcould,Ipeeledalittleoffthehalf-loafonthesidewhereitwasalreadycut.AndsoIgotthroughthatdaybutnotashappilyastheonebefore.

Butmyhungerkeptgrowing,mainlybecausemystomachhadgottenusedtomore bread during those previous two or three days. Iwas dying a slowdeath,andfinallyIgottothepointthatwhenIwasalonetheonlythingIdidwasopenandclose thechest and lookat the faceofGod inside (orat leastthat'showchildrenputit).ButGodHimself—whoaidstheafflicted—seeingme in such straits, put a little thought into my head that would help me.Thinkingtomyself,Isaid:Thischestisbigandold,andit'sgotsomeholesinit,althoughthey'resmall.Buthemightbeledtobelievethatmicearegettinginto itandareeating thebread. Itwouldn'tdo to takeoutawhole loaf:he'dnoticethatitwasmissingrightaway,sincehehardlygivesmeanyfoodatalltoliveon.Buthe'llbelievethisallright.

AndIbegantobreakoffcrumbsoversomecheaptableclothshehadthere.Iwouldpickuponeloafandputanotheronedown,sothatIbrokeafewlittle

piecesoff of threeor fourof them.Then I ate thoseup just as if theywerebonbons,andIfeltalittlebetter.Butwhenhecamehometoeatandopenedthe chest, he saw the mess. And he really thought that mice had done thedamagebecauseI'ddonemyjobtoperfection,anditlookedjustliketheworkofmice.He looked thechestover fromtop tobottom,andhesawtheholeswherehesuspectedthey'dgottenin.Thenhecalledmeoverandsaid,"Lazaro,look!Lookatwhataterriblethinghappenedtoourbreadthisevening!"

And I put on a very astonished face and asked himwhat it could havebeen.

"Whatelse,"hesaid,"butmice?Theygetintoeverything."

Webegantoeat,and—thankGod—Icameoutallrightinthis, too.Igotmorebreadthanthemiserablelittlebitheusuallygavemebecauseheslicedoff the parts he thought the mice had chewed on, and said, "Eat this. Themouseisaverycleananimal."

Sothatday,withtheextrathatIgotbytheworkofmyhands—orofmyfingernails, to be exact—we finished our meal, although I never really gotstarted.

AndthenIgotanothershock:Isawhimwalkingaroundcarefully,pullingnailsoutofthewallsandlookingforlittlepiecesofwood.Andheusedthesetoboardupalltheholesintheoldchest.

"Oh,Lord!" I said then. "What a life full ofmisery, trials, and bad luckwe'reborninto!Howshort thepleasuresof thishardlifeofoursare!HereIwas, thinking that this pitiful little cure ofminewould getme through thismiserablesituation,andIwashappy, thinkingIwasdoingprettywell.Thenalongcamemybadluckandwokeupthismiserofamasterofmineandmadehim evenmore careful than usual (andmisers are hardly ever not careful).Now, by closing up the holes in the chest, he's closing the door to myhappiness,too,andopeningtheonetomytroubles."

That'swhatIkeptsighingwhilemyconscientiouscarpenterfinisheduphisjobwith nails and little boards, and said, "Now,my dear treacherousmice,you'dbetterthinkaboutchangingyourways.Youwon'tgetanywhereinthishouse."

Assoonasheleft,Iwenttoseehiswork.AndIfoundthathedidn'tleaveaholewhereevenamosquitocouldgetintothesorryoldchest.Iopeneditupwithmyuselesskey,withoutahopeofgettinganything.AndthereIsawthetwoorthreeloavesthatI'dstartedtoeatandthatmymasterthoughtthemicehadchewedon,and I stillgota littlebitoffof themby touching themverylightlylikeanexpertswordsman.

SincenecessityisthefatherofinventionandIalwayshadsomuchofit,dayandnightIkeptthinkingabouthowIwasgoingtokeepmyselfalive.AndIthinkthathungerlitupmypathtotheseblacksolutions:theysaythathungersharpensyourwitsandthatstuffingyourselfdullsthem,andthat'sjustthewayitworkedwithme.

Well,whileIwaslyingawakeonenightthinkingaboutthis—howIcouldmanagetostartusingthechestagain—Isawthatmymasterwasasleep:itwasobviousfromthesnoringandloudwheezinghealwaysmadewhileheslept.Igotupvery,veryquietly,andsinceduring theday Ihadplannedoutwhat IwoulddoandhadleftanoldknifelyingwhereI'dfindit,Iwentovertothesorry-looking chest, and in the place where it looked most defenseless, Iattackeditwiththeknife,usingitlikeaboringtool.

Itwasreallyanoldchest,andithadbeenaroundforsomanyyearsthatitdidn'thaveanystrengthorbackboneleft.Itwassosoftandworm-eatenthatitgaveintomerightawayandletmeputagood-sizedholeinitssidesoIcouldrelievemyownsuffering.WhenIfinishedthis,Iopenedtheslashed-upchestvery quietly, and feeling around and finding the cut-up loaf, I did the usualthing—whatyou'veseenbefore.

Feelingalittlebetterafter that,Icloseditupagainandwentbacktomystrawmat.Irestedthereandevensleptawhile.ButIdidn'tsleepverywell,and I thought itwasbecause I hadn't eaten enough.And that'swhat itmusthavebeenbecauseatthattimeallthetroublesoftheKingofFrancewouldn'thavebeenable tokeepmeawake.ThenextdaymymastersawthedamagethathadbeendonetothebreadalongwiththeholeI'dmade,andhebegantoswearatthemiceandsay,"Howcanthisbe?I'veneverevenseenamouseinthishouseuntilnow!"

And I really think hemust have been telling the truth. If therewas onehouseinthewholecountrythatbyrightsshouldhavebeenfreeofmice,itwasthatone,becausetheydon'tusuallystaywherethere'snothingtoeat.Hebegantolookaroundonthewallsofthehouseagainfornailsandpiecesofwoodtokeepthemout.Thenwhennightcameandhewasasleep,thereIwasonmyfeetwithmyknife inhand,andall theholeshepluggedupduringthedayIunpluggedatnight.

That's how things went, me following him so quickly that this must bewhere the saying comes from: "Where one door is closed, another opens."Well,weseemedtobedoingPenelope'sworkontheclothbecausewhateverhewoveduring theday I tookapart atnight.Andafter just a fewdaysandnightswehadthepoorpantryboxinsuchashapethat,ifyoureallywantedtocallitbyitspropername,you'dhavetocallitanoldpieceofarmorinsteadofachestbecauseofallthenailsandtacksinit.

Whenhesawthathiseffortsweren'tdoinganygood,hesaid,"Thischestissobeatupandthewoodinit issooldandthinthatitwouldn'tbeabletostandupagainstanymouse.Andit'sgettinginsuchbadshapethatifweputupwithitanylongeritwon'tkeepanythingsecure.Theworstpartofitisthateventhoughitdoesn'tkeepthingsverysafe,ifIgotridofitIreallywouldn'tbeabletogetalongwithoutit,andI'djustenduphavingtopaythreeorfourpieces of silver to get another one.The best thing that I can think of, sincewhatI'vetriedsofarhasn'tdoneanygood,istosetatrapinsidethechestforthoseblastedmice."

Thenheaskedsomeonetolendhimamousetrap,andwiththecheeserindsthathebeggedfromtheneighbors,thetrapwaskeptsetandreadyinsidethechest. And that really turned out to be a help to me. Even though I didn'trequireanyfrillsforeating,IwasstillgladtogetthecheeserindsthatItookoutofthemousetrap,andevenatthatIdidn'tstopthemousefromraidingthebread.

Whenhefoundthatmicehadbeenintothebreadandeatenthecheese,butthatnotoneof themhadbeencaught,he sworeablue streakandaskedhisneighbors,"Howcouldamousetakecheeseoutofatrap,eatit,leavethetrapsprung, and still not get caught?"Theneighbors agreed that it couldn't be amousethatwascausingthetroublebecauseitwouldhavehadtohavegottencaught sooner or later. Sooneneighbor said to him, "I remember that thereusedtobeasnakearoundyourhouse—thatmustbewhotheculpritis.Itonlystands to reason: it'sso long itcanget thefood,andeven though the trap issprungonit,it'snotcompletelyinside,soitcangetoutagain."

Everyone agreed with what he'd said, and that really upset my master.From then on he didn't sleep so soundly.Whenever he heard even a wormmovingaroundinthewoodatnight,hethoughtitwasthesnakegnawingonthechest.Thenhewouldbeuponhisfeet,andhe'dgrabaclubthathekeptbytheheadofthebedeversincethey'dmentionedasnaketohim,andhewouldreallylayintothatpooroldchest,hopingtoscarethesnakeaway.Hewokeuptheneighborswithallthenoisehemade,andhewouldn'tletmesleepatall.Hecameuptomystrawmatandturneditoverandmewithit,thinkingthatthe snake had headed for me and gotten into the straw or inside my coat.Becausetheytoldhimthatatnightthesecreatureslookforsomeplacethat'swarm and even get into babies' cribs and bite them. Most of the time Ipretendedtobeasleep,andinthemorninghewouldaskme,"Didn'tyoufeelanythinglastnight,son?Iwasrightbehindthesnake,andI thinkitgot intoyour bed: they're very cold-blooded creatures, and they try to find a placethat'swarm."

"IhopetoGoditdoesn'tbiteme,"Isaid."I'mreallyscaredofit."

Hewentaroundallexcitedandnotabletosleep,sothat—onmywordofhonor—thesnake(amaleone,ofcourse)didn'tdaregooutchewingatnight,or evengonear the chest.But in thedaytime,whilehewas at churchor intown,Ididmylooting.Andwhenhesawthedamageandthathewasn'tableto do anything about it, he wandered around at night—as I've said—like aspook.

Iwas afraid that inhiswanderingshemight stumbleontomykey that Ikeptunderthestraw.Soitseemedtomethatthesafestthingwastoputitinmymouthatnight.BecausesinceI'dbeenwiththeblindmanmymouthhadgottenroundlikeapurse,andIcouldholdtwentyorthirtycoppersinit—allinhalf-coppercoins—andeatatthesametime.IfIhadn'tbeenabletodothatI couldn't have gotten hold of even a copper that the blasted blind manwouldn'thave found:hewasalways searchingeverypatchandseamonmyclothes.Well,asIsay,Iput thekeyinmymoutheverynight,andIwent tosleepwithoutbeingafraidthatthezombiemasterofminewouldstumbleontoit.Butwhentroubleisgoingtostrike,youcan'tdoathingtostopit.

Thefates—or tobemoreexact,mysins—had it instore forme thatonenightwhileIwassleepingmymouthmusthavebeenopen,andthekeyshiftedsothattheairIbreathedoutwhileIwasasleepwentthroughthehollowpartofthekey.Itwastubular,and(unfortunatelyforme)itwhistledsoloudthatmymaster heard it and got excited.Hemust have thought itwas the snakehissing,andIguessitreallysoundedlikeone.

He got up very quietly with his club in hand, and by feeling his waytoward the sound he came up tome very softly so the snakewouldn't hearhim.Andwhenhefoundhimselfsoclose,hethoughtthatithadcomeovertowhereIwaslying, lookingforawarmplace,andhadslippedintothestraw.So,liftingtheclubuphigh,andthinkingthathehadthesnaketrappeddownthereandthathewouldhititsohardthathe'dkillit,heswungdownonmewith suchamightyblow thatheknockedmeunconsciousand leftmyheadbashedin.

Thenhesawthathe'dhitme(Imusthavereallycriedoutwhentheblowleveledme), and—ashe later toldme—he reachedover and shouted atme,callingmynameandtryingtoreviveme.Butwhenhishandstouchedmeandhefeltalltheblood,herealizedwhathe'ddone,andhewentofftogetalightrightaway.Whenhecamebackwithithefoundmemoaningwiththekeystillinmymouth:Ihadneverletlooseofit,anditwasstillstickinghalfout—justlikeitmusthavebeenwhenIwaswhistlingthroughit.

Thesnakekillerwas terrified,wonderingwhat itcouldbe.He took itallthe way out of my mouth and looked at it. Then he realized what it wasbecauseitsridgesmatchedhiskeyexactly.Hewenttotryitout,andhesolved

thecrime.Then thatcruelhuntermusthavesaid:"I've found themouseandthesnakethatwerefightingmeandeatingmeoutofhouseandhome."

I can't say for surewhat happened during the next three days because Ispenttheminsidethebellyofthewhale.ButwhatI'vejusttoldIheardaboutfrommymasterwhenIcameto;hewastellingwhathadhappenedindetailtoeveryone who came by. At the end of three days, when I was back in mysenses, I found myself stretched out on my straw bed with my head allbandagedupandfullofoilsandsalves.AndIgotscaredandsaid,"Whatisthis?"

Thecruelpriestanswered,"ItseemsthatIcaughtthemiceandsnakesthatwereruiningme."

I looked myself over, and when I saw how badly beaten up I was, Iguessedwhathadhappened.

Thenanoldladywhowasahealercamein,alongwiththeneighbors.Andtheybegantotakethewrappingsoffmyheadandtreatthewound.Whentheysaw that Iwas conscious again, theywere very happy, and they said, 'Well,he'sgothissensesback.Godwilling,itwon'tbetooserious."

Then they began to talk again about what had happened to me and tolaugh.WhileI—sinnerthatIam—Iwascrying.Anyway,theyfedme,andIwas famished, but they really didn't give me enough. Yet, little by little, Irecovered,andtwoweekslaterIwasabletogetup,outofanydanger(butnotoutofmystateofhunger)andnearlycured.

ThenextdaywhenI'dgottenup,mymastertookmebythehandandledmeoutthedoor,andwhenIwasinthestreethesaidtome:"Lazaro,fromnowonyou'reonyourown—Idon'twantyou.Gogetyourselfanothermaster,andGodbewithyou.Idon'twantsuchadiligentservantherewithme.Youcouldonlyhavebecomethiswayfrombeingablindman'sguide."

ThenhecrossedhimselfasifIhadthedevilinmeandwentbackintohishouseandclosedthedoor.

III.HowLazaroTookupwithaSquireandWhatHappenedtoHimThen

SoIhadtopushonahead,asweakasIwas.Andlittlebylittle,withthehelpofsomegoodpeople,IendedupinthisgreatcityofToledo.Andhere,bythegraceofGod,mywoundshealedinabouttwoweeks.PeoplewerealwaysgivingmethingswhileIwashurt,butwhenIwaswellagain, they toldme,"You—you'renothingbutalazy,no-goodsponger.Goon—gofindyourselfa

goodmasteryoucanworkfor."

"Andwherewill Imeet upwith one of those," I said tomyself, "unlessGodmakeshimfromscratch,thewayhecreatedtheworld?"

While I was going along begging from door to door (without muchsuccess, since charity seemed to have gone up to heaven),God hadme runintoasquirewhowaswalkingdownthestreet.Hewaswelldressed,hishairwascombed,andhewalkedandlookedlikearealgentleman.Ilookedathim,andhelookedatme,andhesaid,"Boy,areyoulookingforamaster?"

AndIsaid,"Yes,sir."

"Well,comewithme,"hesaid. "Godhasbeengood toyou,makingyourunintome.Youmusthavebeendoingsomegoodprayingtoday."

So I went with him. And I thanked God that he asked me to go alongbecause—withhisnice-lookingclothesandthewayhelooked—IthoughthewasjustwhatIneeded.

ItwasmorningwhenIfoundmythirdmaster.AndIfollowedhimthroughmostofthecity.Wewentthroughsquareswheretheyweresellingbreadanddifferentthings.AndIwashopingandprayingthathewouldloadmeupwithsome of the food they were selling because it was just the right time forshopping.Butveryquickly,withoutstopping,wewentrightpastthoseplaces.Maybehedoesn't likewhatheseeshere, I thought,andhewants tobuyhisgroceriessomewhereelse.

Sowekeptonwalkinguntilitwaseleveno'clock.Thenhewentintothecathedral,andIwasrightbehindhim.Isawhimlistentomassandgothroughtheotherholyceremoniesverydevoutly,untilitwasoverandthepeoplehadgone.Thenwecameoutofthechurch.

Webegantogodownastreetatagoodclip.AndIwasthehappiestfellowintheworld,sincewehadn'tstoppedtobuyanyfood.Ireallythoughtmynewmasterwasoneofthosepeoplewhodoalltheirshoppingatonce,andthatourmealwouldbethere,readyandwaitingforus,justthewayIwanted—and,infact,thewayIneeded.

Atthatminutetheclockstruckone—anhourpastnoon—andwecametoahousewheremymasterstopped,andsodidI.Andpullinghiscapetotheleft,hetookakeyoutofhissleeveandopenedthedoor,andwebothwentintothehouse. The entrance was dark and gloomy: it looked like it would makeanyonewhowentinafraid.Butinsidetherewasalittlepatioandsomefairlynicerooms.

Once wewere in, he took off his cape: he askedme if my hands wereclean, and then we shook it out and folded it. And blowing the dust very

carefullyoffastonebenchthatwasthere,heputthecapedownontopofit.And when that was done, he sat down next to it and asked me a lot ofquestionsaboutwhereIwasfromandhowI'dhappenedtocometothatcity.

I talked about myself longer than I wanted to because I thought it wasmoreatimetohavethetablesetandthestewdishedupthantotellhimaboutallthat.Still,Isatisfiedhimaboutmyself,lyingaswellasIcould.Itoldhimallmygoodpointsbutkeptquietabouttherest,sinceIdidn't thinkthatwasthetimeforthem.Whenthatwasover,hejustsatthereforawhile.Ibegantorealize that thatwasabadsign,since itwasalmost twoo'clockandIhadn'tseenhimshowanymoredesiretoeatthanadeadman.

ThenIbegantothinkabouthiskeepingthedoorlocked,andthefactthatIhadn'theardanyothersignoflifeinthewholehouse.TheonlythingI'dseenwerewalls: not a chair, not ameat-cuttingboard, a stool, a table, or even achest like the one I'd had before.And I began towonder if that housewasunderaspell.WhileIwasthinkingaboutthis,hesaidtome,"Boy,haveyoueaten?"

"No,sir,"Isaid."Itwasn'teveneighto'clockwhenImetyou."

"Well, even though it was still morning, I'd already had breakfast. AndwhenIeatlikethat,IwantyoutoknowthatI'msatisfieduntilnighttime.Soyou'lljusthavetogetalongaswellasyoucan:we'llhavesupperlater."

Youcanseehow,whenIheardthis,Inearlydroppedinmytracks—notsomuch from hunger but because fate seemed to be going completely againstme.Thenallmytroublespassedbeforemyeyesagain,andIbegantocryovermy hardships oncemore. I rememberedmy reasoningwhen Iwas thinkingaboutleavingthepriest:Ifiguredthateventhoughhewasmeanandstingy,itmight turn out that I would meet up with someone worse. So there I was,mopingover thehard life I'dhadandovermydeath thatwasgettingnearerandnearer.

Andyet,keepingbackmyemotionsaswellasIcould,Isaidtohim,"Sir,Iamonlyaboy,and thankGodI'mnot tooconcernedabouteating. Ican tellyouthatIwasthelightesteaterofallmyfriends,andallthemastersI'veeverhadhavepraisedthataboutmerightuptonow."

"That really is a virtue," he said, "and itmakesme appreciate you evenmore.Becauseonlypigsstuffthemselves:gentlemeneatmoderately.''

Igetthepicture!Ithoughttomyself.Well,damnallthehealthandvirtuethatthesemastersIrunintofindinstayinghungry.

Iwentovernexttothedoorandtookoutofmyshirtsomepiecesofbreadthat Istillhadfrombegging.Whenhesawthis,hesaid tome,"Comehere,

boy.Whatareyoueating?"

Iwentovertohimandshowedhimthebread.Therewerethreepieces,andhe took one—the biggest and best one.Then he said, "Well,well, this doeslooklikegoodbread."

"Itis!"Isaid."Buttellme,sir,doyoureallythinksonow?"

"Yes,Ido,"hesaid."Wheredidyougetit?Iwonderifthebakerhadcleanhands?"

"Ican'ttellyouthat,"Isaid,butitcertainlydoesn'ttastebad."

"Let'sseeifyou'reright,"saidmypoormaster.

AndheputitinhismouthandbegantogobbleitdownasferociouslyasIwasdoingwithmine.

"Blessme,thisbreadisabsolutelydelicious,"hesaid.

WhenIsawwhattreehewasbarkingup,Ibegantoeatfaster.BecauseIrealizedthatifhefinishedbeforeIdid,hewouldbeniceenoughtohelpmewithwhatwasleft.Sowefinishedalmostatthesametime.Andhebegantobrushoffafewcrumbs—verytinyones—thatwereleftonhisshirt.Thenhewent intoa littleroomnearbyandbroughtoutachipped-upjug—notaverynewone—andafterhehaddrunk,heoffered it tome.But, so Iwould looklikeateetotaler,Isaid,"Sir,Idon'tdrinkwine."

"It'swater,"hesaid."Youcandrinkthat."

Then I took the jug, and I drank. But not much, because being thirstywasn'texactlymytrouble.Sothat'showwespentthedayuntilnighttime:himaskingmequestionsandmeansweringasbestIcould.Thenhetookmetotheroomwhere the jug thatwe'ddrunk fromwas,andhesaid tome,"Boy,getoverthere,andI'llshowyouhowthisbedismadeupsothatyou'llbeabletodoitfromnowon."

Iwentdowntooneend,andhewentovertotheother,andwemadeuptheblastedbed.Therereallywasn'tmuchtodo:itjusthadabambooframesittingon some benches, and on top of that there was a filthy mattress with thebedclothes stretched over it. And since it hadn't beenwashed very often, itreallydidn'tlookmuchlikeamattress.Butthat'swhatitwasusedfor,thoughtherewas a lot less stuffing than it needed.We stretched it out and tried tosoften it up. But that was impossible because you can't make a really hardobjectsoft.Andthatblessedpacksaddlehadhardlyadamnedthinginsideofit.When itwasputon the frame,every strut showed through,and it lookedjustliketheribcageofarealskinnypig.Andontopofthatstarvingpadheputacoverof thesamestamp:Inevercoulddecidewhatcolor itwas.Withthebedmadeandnightonus,hesaidtome,"Lazaro,it'slatenow,andit'sa

longwayfromheretothesquare.Andbesides,therearealotofthieveswhogoaroundstealingatnightinthiscity.Let'sgetalongaswellaswecan,andtomorrow,whenit'sdaytime,Godwillbegoodtous.I'vebeenlivingalone,and so Ihaven't stockedupanygroceries: instead, I'vebeeneatingout.Butfromnowonwe'lldothingsdifferently."

"Sir,"Isaid,"don'tworryaboutme.Icanspendonenight—ormore,ifIhaveto—withouteating."

"You'll livelongerandyou'llbehealthier too,"heanswered."Becauseasweweresaying today, there'snothing in theworld likeeatingmoderately tolivealonglife."

Ifthat'sthewaythingsare,Ithoughttomyself,Ineverwilldie.BecauseI'vealwaysbeenforcedtokeepthatrule,andwithmyluckI'llprobablykeepitallmylife.

Andhelaydownonthebed,usinghispantsandjacketasapillow.Hetoldmetostretchoutathisfeet,soIdid.ButIdidn'tgetadamnedbitofsleep!Theframestrutsandmyprotrudingbonesdidn'tstopsquabblingandfightingallnightlong.Withallthepains,hunger,andtroubleI'dbeenthrough,Idon'tthinktherewasapoundoffleshleftonmybody.AndsinceI'dhardlyhadabite to eat that day, Iwas groveling in hunger—and hunger and sleep don'texactlymakegoodbedfellows.SoIcursedmyself(Godforgiveme!)andmybad luckover andover, nearly all night long.Andwhatwasworse, I didn'tdaretoturnoverbecauseImightwakehimup.SoIjustkeptaskingGodfordeath.

Whenmorningcamewegotup,andhebegantoshakeoutandcleanhispants and jacket and his coat and cape (while I stood around like an idleservant!). And he took his own good time about getting dressed. I broughtsomewaterforhimtowashhishands,andthenhecombedhishairandputhissword in the belt, andwhile hewas doing that, he said: "If you only knewwhat a prize this is, boy! Iwouldn't sell it for any amount ofmoney in theworld. And I'll have you know that of all the swords the famous ToledanswordmakerAntoniomade,thereisn'tonethatheputassharpanedgeonasthisonehas."

And he pulled it out of the sheath and felt it with his fingers and said,"Look here. I'll bet I could slice a ball of wool with it." And I thought tomyself:Andwithmyteeth—even though they'renotmadeofsteel—Icouldsliceafour-poundloafofbread.

Heputitbackinthesheathandstrappediton,andthenhehungastringoflarge beads from the sword belt. And he walked slowly, holding his bodystraightandswayinggracefullyashewalked.Andeverysooftenhewouldput

thetailofthecapeoverhisshoulderorunderhisarm.Andwithhisrighthandon his side, hewent out the door, saying, "Lazaro,while I go tomass, youwatchthehouse.Makethebedandfillthepitcherupwithwaterfromtheriverjustdownbelowus.Besure to lockthedoorso thatnothingwillgetstolen,andputthekeyonthehingeheresothatifIcomebackwhileyou'regoneIcangetin."

Thenhewentupthestreetwithsuchastatelyexpressionandmannerthatanyonewhodidn'tknowhimwouldthinkhewasacloserelativetotheCountofArcos,oratleasthisvalet.

Istoodthere, thinking:"BlessYou,Lord—YougiveussicknessandYoucureustoo!Mymasterlookssocontentthatanyonewhosawhimwouldthinkhe'deatenahugesupperlastnightandsleptinanicebed.Andeventhoughit'searlyinthemorning,they'dthinkhe'dhadagoodbreakfast.Yourwaysaremightymysterious,Lord,andpeopledon'tunderstandthem!Withthatrefinedwayheactsand thatnice-lookingcapeandcoathe'd foolanyone.Andwhowouldbelieve that thatgraciousmangotbyall dayyesterdayonapieceofbreadthathisservantLazarohadcarriedalldayandnightinsidehisshirtforsafekeeping—notreallythemostsanitaryplaceintheworld—andthattodaywhenhewashedhishandsandface,hedriedthemonhisshirttailbecausewedidn't have any towels?Nobodywould suspect it, of course.OhLord, howmanyofthesepeopledoYouhavescatteredaroundtheworldwhosufferforthefilththattheycallhonorwhattheywouldneversufferforYou!"

So I stood at the door, thinking about these things and looking untilmymasterhaddisappeareddownthe long,narrowstreet.ThenIwentback intothehouse,andinasecondIwalkedthroughthewholeplace,bothupstairsanddown,withoutstoppingorfindinganythingtostopfor.Imadeupthatblastedhardbedandtookthejugdowntotheriver.AndIsawmymasterinagarden,trying hard to coax two veiled women—they looked like the kind that arealwayshangingaroundthatplace.Infact,alotofthemgothereinthesummertotaketheearlymorningair.Andtheygodowntothosecoolriverbankstoeatbreakfast—withoutevenbringinganyfoodalong;they'resuresomeonewillgive them some, since themen around there have got them in the habit ofdoingthat.

As I say, there hewaswith them just like the troubadorMacias, tellingthemmoresweetwordsthanOvideverwrote.Andwhentheysawthathewasprettywellsoftenedup,theyweren'tashamedtoaskhimforsomebreakfast,promisingtheusualpayment.

Buthispocketbookwasascoldashisstomachwaswarm,andhebegantohavesuchhotchillsthatthecolordrainedfromhisface,andhestartedtotripoverhistongueandmakeupsomelameexcuses.

Theymusthavebeenprettyexperiencedwomenbecausetheycaughtontohisillnessrightawayandlefthimthereforwhathewas.

I'dbeeneatingsomecabbagestalks,andthatwasmybreakfast.AndsinceI was a new servant, I went back home very diligently without mymasterseeingme. I decided I'd sweep out a little there, since that'swhat the placereally needed, but I couldn't find anything to sweep with. Then I began tothinkaboutwhatIshoulddo,andIdecidedtowaituntilnoonformymasterbecauseifhecamehemightbringsomethingtoeat;butthatturnedouttobeawasteoftime.

WhenIsawthatitwasgettingtobetwoo'clockandhestillhadn'tcome,Ibegantobeattackedbyhunger.SoIlockedthedoorandputthekeywherehetoldmeto,andthenIwentbacktomyoldtrade.Withalow,sicklyvoice,myhands crossed over my chest, and with my eyes looking up to heaven andGod'snameonmytongue,IbegantobegforbreadatthedoorsofthebiggesthousesIsaw.ButI'dbeendoingthisalmostfromthecradle—ImeanIlearneditfromthatgreatteacher,theblindman,andIturnedouttobeaprettygoodstudent—soeventhoughthistownhadneverbeenverycharitable,andithadbeenaprettyleanyearbesides,IhandledmyselfsowellthatbeforetheclockstruckfourIhadthatmanypoundsofbreadstoredawayinmystomachandatleasttwomoreinmysleevesandinsidemyshirt.

Iwentbacktothehouse,andonmywaythroughthemeatmarketIbeggedfromoneof thewomen there,andshegavemeapieceofcow'shoofalongwithsomecookedtripe.

WhenIgothomemygoodmasterwasthere,hiscapefoldedandlyingonthestonebench,andhewaswalkingaroundinthepatio.Iwentinside,andhecameovertome.Ithoughthewasgoingtoscoldmeforbeinglate,butGodhad something better in store.He askedmewhere I'd been, and I told him,"Sir,Iwashereuntiltwoo'clock,andwhenIsawthatyouweren'tcoming,Iwenttothecityandputmyselfinthehandsofthegoodpeoplethere,andtheygavemewhatyouseehere."

IshowedhimthebreadandthetripethatIwascarryinginmyshirttail,andhisfacelitup,andhesaid:'Well,Iheldupdinnerforyou,butwhenIsawthatyouweren'tgoingtocome,Iwentaheadandate.Butwhatyou'vedonethereisallrightbecauseit'sbettertobeginGod'snamethanitistosteal.That'smyopinion, so helpme. The only thing I ask is that you don't tell anyone thatyou'relivingwithmebecauseitwillhurtmyhonor.ButIthinkitwouldstayasecretanyway, sincehardlyanyone in this townknowsme. Iwish I'dnevercomehere!"

"Don't worry about that, sir," I said. "No onewould give a damn aboutaskingmethat,andIwouldn'ttellthemeveniftheydid."

"Wellthen,eat,youpoorsinner.Ifit'sGod'swill,we'llsoonseeourselvesoutofthesestraits.ButIwantyoutoknowthateversinceIcametothishousenothinghasgone right forme.Theremustbe anevil spellon it.Youknowtherearesomeunluckyhousesthatarecursed,andthebadluckrubsoffonthepeoplewholiveinthem.Idon'tdoubtforaminutethatthisisoneofthem,butItellyouthatafterthismonthisover,Iwouldn't livehereeveniftheygavetheplacetome."

Isatdownattheendofthestonebench,andIkeptquietaboutmysnacksothathewouldn'ttakemeforaglutton.So,forsupperIbegantoeatmytripeandbread,whileIwaswatchingmypoormasteroutofthecornerofmyeye.Andhe kept staring atmy shirttail that Iwas using for a plate. I hopeGodtakesasmuchpityonmeasIfelt forhim.Iknewjustwhathewasfeeling,sincethesamethinghadhappenedtomelotsof times—and, infact, itwasstillhappeningtome.Ithoughtaboutaskinghimtojoinme,butsincehetoldmethathe'dalreadyeatenIwasafraidhewouldn'taccepttheinvitation.Thefactis,IwashopingthatthesinnerwouldhelphimselftothefoodIhadgonetothetroubleofgettingandthathe'deatthewayhedidthedaybeforesohecouldgetoutofhisown troubles.Thiswas really abetter time for it, sincetherewasmorefoodandIwasn'tashungry.

Goddecidedtograntmywish—andhis,too,Iguess.Becausehewasstillwalkingaround,butwhenIbegantoeat,hecameovertomeandsaid,"Itellyou,Lazaro,I'veneverseenanyoneeatwithasmuchgustoasyouputintoit.Anyonewatchingyouwouldget hungryon the spot, even if hehadn't beenbefore."

Themarvelous appetite you have, I thought tomyself,makes you thinkmineisbeautiful.

Still,Idecidedtohelphim,sincehehadopenedupawayformehimself.SoIsaidtohim,"Sir,amancandoagoodjobifhehasgoodtools.Thisbreadisabsolutelydelicious,andthecow'shoofissowellcookedandseasonedthatnoonecouldpossiblyresistitstaste."

"Isitcow'shoof?"

"Yes,sir."

"Itellyou,there'snobetterdishintheworld.Idon'tevenlikepheasantasmuch."

"Well,digin,sir,andyou'llseehowgooditreallyis."

I put the cow's hooves into his, along with three or four of the whiterpiecesofbread.Andhesatdownbesidemeandbegantoeatlikeamanwhowasreallyhungry.Hechewedthemeatoffofeverylittlebonebetterthanany

houndofhiswouldhavedone.

"Withgarlicsauce,"hesaid,"thisisanexceptionaldish."

"Youdon'tneedanysaucewithyourappetite,"Isaidundermybreath.

"ByGod,thattastedsogoodyou'dthinkIhadn'thadabitetoeatallday."

That'strueassureasIwasborn,Isaidtomyself.

Heaskedmeforthewaterjug,andwhenIgaveittohimitwasasfullaswhenI'dfirstbroughtitin.Sincetherewasnowatergonefromit,therewasasuresignthatmymasterhadn'tbeenovereatingthatday.Wedrankandwenttosleep,verycontent,likewe'ddonethenightbefore.

Well,tomakealongstoryshort,that'sthewaywespentthenextnineortendays:thatsinnerwouldgooutinthemorningwithhissatisfied,leisurelypace,todawdlearoundthestreetswhileIwasouthoofingitforhim.

I used to think lots of times aboutmy catastrophe: having escaped fromthoseterriblemastersI'dhadandlookingforsomeonebetter,Iranintoamanwhonotonlycouldn'tsupportmebutwhoIhadtosupport.Still,IreallylikedhimbecauseIsawthathedidn'thaveanythingandhecouldn'tdomorethanhewasalreadydoing.Ifeltmoresorryforhimthanangry.Andlotsoftimes,just so I could bring back something for him to eat, I didn't eat anythingmyself.

I did this because onemorning the pitiful fellow got up in his shirt andwent to the topfloorof thehouse to takecareofacertainnecessity.And tosatisfymycuriosityIunfoldedthejacketandpantshe'dleftattheheadofthebed.AndI foundanold,crumpled-up littlepurseofsatinyvelvet thatdidn'thaveadamnedcent in it,andtherewasn'tanysignthat ithadhadoneforalongtime.

"Thisman,"Isaid,"ispoor.Andnoonecangivewhathedoesn'thave.Butboth the stingy blindman and that blastedmiser of a priest did all right inGod's name—one of them with a quick tongue and the other one with hishand-kissing. And they were starving me to death. So it's only right that Ishouldhatethemandfeelsorryforthisman."

AsGodismywitness,eventodaywhenIrunintosomeonelikehim,withthatpompouswayofwalkingofhis,IfeelsorryforthembecauseIthinkthattheymaybesufferingwhat Isawthisonego through.Butevenwithallhispoverty, I'd still be glad to serve him more than the others because of thethings I've justmentioned. Therewas only one little thing that I didn't likeabouthim:Iwishedthathewouldn'tactsosuperior;ifonlyhe'dlethisvanitycomedownalittletobeinlinewithhisgrowingnecessity.Butitseemstomethat that'sarulehiskindalwayskeeps:evenif theydon'thavearedcent to

theirname,theyhavetokeepupthemasquerade.Godhelpthemorthat'sthewaythey'llgototheirgraves.

Well,whileIwasthere,gettingalongthewayIsaid,mybadluck(whichnever got tired of haunting me) decided that that hard, foul way of lifeshouldn't last. The way it happened was that, since there had been a cropfailuretherethatyear,thetowncouncildecidedtomakeallthebeggarswhocamefromothertownsgetoutofthecity.Andtheyannouncedthatfromthenon if they found one of them there, he'd bewhipped. So the lawwent intoeffect,andfourdaysaftertheannouncementwasgivenIsawaprocessionofbeggarsbeingledthroughthestreetsandwhipped.AndIgotsoscaredthatIdidn'tdaregooutbegginganymore.

It's not hard to imagine the dieting that went on in my house and thesadness and silenceof thepeople living there. Itwas sobad that for twoorthreedaysata timewewouldn'thaveabite toeatorevensayoneword toeachother.Iknewsomeladieswholivednextdoortous;theyspuncottonandmade hats, and they kept me alive. From what little they brought in theyalwaysgavemesomething,andIjustaboutmanagedtogetby.

ButIdidn'tfeelassorryformyselfasIdidformypoormaster:hedidn'thaveadamnedbitetoeatinaweek.Atleast,wedidn'thaveanythingtoeatatthehouse.WhenhewentoutIdon'tknowhowhegotalong,wherehewentorwhatheate.Andifyoucouldonlyhaveseenhimcomingdownthestreetatnoon, holding himself straight, and skinnier than a full-blooded greyhound!And because of his damn what-do-you-call it—honor— he would take atoothpick(andthereweren'tverymanyofthoseinthehouseeither)andgooutthe door, picking at what didn't have anything between them and stillgrumblingabout thecursedplace.He'd say, "Lookhowbad thingsare.Andit's this blasted house that's causing it all. Look how gloomy and dark anddismalitis.Aslongaswestayhere,we'regoingtosuffer.Iwishthemonthwereoversowecouldgetoutofhere."

Well,whilewewereinthisterrible,hungrystate,oneday—Idon'tknowbywhatstrokeofluckorgoodfortune—asilverpiecefounditswayintothepoorhandsofmymaster.Andhebroughtithomewithhim,lookingasproudasifhehadallthemoneyinVenice,andsmilingveryhappily,hegaveittomeandsaid:"Takethis,Lazaro.Godisbeginningtobegoodtous.Godowntothesquareandbuybreadandwineandmeat.Let'sshoottheworks!Andalso—thisshouldmakeyouhappy—Iwantyoutoknowthat I'verentedanotherhouse, so we'll only stay in this unlucky place until the end of the month.Damn the place and damn the person who put the first tile on its roof— Ishouldneverhave rented it. I swear toGod that as longas I've livedhere Ihaven'thadadropofwineorabiteofmeat,andIhaven'tgottenanyrest.Andit'sallbecauseofthewaythisplacelooks—sodarkandgloomy!Goonnow,

andcomebackasquickasyoucan:we'lleatlikekingstoday."

Itookmysilvercoinandmyjug,andhurryingalong,Iwentupthestreet,headingforthesquare,verycontentandhappy.Butwhat'stheuseifmybadluckhasitplannedformethatIcan'tenjoyanythingwithouttroublecomingalongwith it?And that's theway this thingwent. Iwasgoingup the street,thinkingabouthowIwouldspendthemoneyinthebestwaypossibleandgetthemostoutof it.AndIwas thankingGodwithallmyheart for lettingmymasterhavesomemoney,whensuddenlyIcameuponacorpsethatabunchofclergyandotherpeoplewerecarryingdownthestreetonalitter.

Isqueezedupnexttothewalltoletthemby,andafterthebodyhadgonepasttherecamerightbehindthelitterawomanwhomusthavebeenthedeadman'swife,alldressedup inmourning(anda lotofotherwomenwithher).Andshecamealong,cryingloudlyandsaying,"Myhusbandandlord,whereare they takingyou? It's to that poor, unhappyhouse, that dark andgloomyhouse,thathousewheretheynevereatordrink!"

Andwhen I heard that, I felt like I had fallen through theground, and Isaid,"Oh—no!They'retakingthisdeadmantomyhouse."

I turned around and squeezed through the crowdand ranbackdown thestreetasfastasIcouldtowardmyhouse.AndwhenIgotinsideIclosedthedoorrightbehindmeandcalledoutformymastertocomeandhelpme.AndIgrabbedholdofhimandbeggedhimtohelpmeblockthedoor.Hewasalittlestunned, thinking itmight be something else, andhe askedme, "What is it,boy?Whyareyoushouting?What'sthematter?Whydidyouslamthedoorsohard?"

"Oh,sir,"Isaid,"helpme!They'rebringingadeadmanhere."

"Whatdoyoumean?"heasked.

"Istumbledintohimjustupthewayfromhere,andhiswifewascomingalongsaying, 'Myhusbandandlord,whereare theytakingyou?Tothedarkandgloomyhouse,thepoor,unhappyhouse,thehousewheretheynevereatordrink!'Oh,sir,they'rebringinghimhere."

AndItellyouthatwhenmymasterheardthat,eventhoughhedidn'thaveanyreasonforbeingverycheerful,helaughedsohardthatforalongtimehecouldn'teventalk.InthemeantimeIhadtheboltsnappedshutonthedoorandmyshoulderagainstittoholdthemallback.Thepeoplepassedbywiththeircorpse,andIwasstillafraid that theyweregoing tostickhiminourhouse.And when he'd had his bellyful of laughter (more than of food) my goodmastersaidtome:"It'strue,Lazaro,thattakingthewordsofthewidowatfacevalue,youhadeveryreasontothinkwhatyoudid.ButsinceitwasGod'swilltodosomethingelseandthey'vegoneby,goonandopenthedoorandgoget

ussomethingtoeat."

"Sir,waituntilthey'vegonedownthestreet,"Isaid.

Finallymymastercameuptothedoorthatledtothestreetandopenedit,reassuringme—andIreallyneededthatbecauseIwassoupsetandafraid.SoIstartedupthestreetagain.

Buteventhoughweatewellthatday,Ididn'tenjoyitadamnbit.Infact,Ididn'tgetmycolorbackforthreedays.AndmymasterwouldgrineverytimehethoughtaboutwhatI'ddone.

So that's what happened to me during those days with my third poormaster, thissquire,andall the timeIwaswishingIknewhowhe'dcome tothisplaceandwhyhewasstayinghere.BecausefromtheveryfirstdaythatIstartedservinghim,Irealizedhewasastrangerhere:hehardlyknewanyone,andhedidn'tassociatewithverymanyofthepeoplearoundhere.

Finallymywishcametrue,andI foundoutwhatIwanted toknow.Onedayafterwe'deaten fairlywell andhewasprettycontent,he toldmeabouthimself.HesaidhewasfromOldCastile.Andhesaidtheonlyreasonhe'dlefttherewasbecausehedidn'twanttotakehishatofftoaneighborofhiswhowasahigh-classgentleman.

"Sir,"Isaid,"ifhewasthekindofmanyousayhewasandhisstatuswashigherthanyours,itwasonlyrightforyoutotakeyourhatofffirst—afterall,yousaythathetookoffhishat,too."

"Thatisthekindofmanhewas:hisstatuswashigherandhedidtakehishat off tome.But considering all the time I tookmine off first, itwouldn'thavebeenaskingtoomuchforhimtobecivilandmakethefirstmoveonceinawhile."

"Itseemstome,sir,"I toldhim,"thatIwouldn'teventhinkabout that—especiallywithpeoplewhoaremysuperiorsandarebetteroffthanIam."

"You'rejustaboy,"heanswered,"andyoudon'tunderstandhonor.Thatisthemostimportantthingtoanyself-respectinggentlemanthesedays.Well,IwantyoutoknowthatI'masquire—asyoucansee.ButIsweartoGodthatifImeetacountonthestreetandhedoesn'ttakehishatallthewayoffhisheadforme,thenexttimeIseehimcoming,I'llduckrightintoahouseandpretendthatIhavesomebusinessorothertodothere.OrI'llgoupanotherstreet,ifthereisone,beforehegetsuptome—justsoIwon'thavetotakeoffmyhattohim.Becauseagentlemandoesn'toweanythingtoanyoneexceptGodortheKing.Andit isn'tright, ifhe'samanofhonor,forhimtolethisself-respectfallevenforaminute.

"IrememberonedaywhenIputacraftsmanfrommytowninhisplace,

andIfeltlikestranglinghim,too,becauseeverytimeIranintohimhewouldsay, 'Godkeepyou,friend.' 'Youlittlepeasant,' Isaidtohim, 'Howdareyouaddressmewith"Godkeepyou"asifIwerejustanybody?Wherewereyoubroughtup?'Andfromthatdayon,wheneverhesawme,hetookoffhishatandspoketomethewayhewassupposedto."

"Butisn'tthatagoodwayforonemantogreetanother:tosay

'Godkeepyou'?"

"Damn it!" he said. "That's what they say to the lower classes. But topeoplewhoarehigherup, likeme, they'reonlysupposedtosay, 'Ihopeyouare well today, sir.' Or, at least, 'I hope you feel well today' if the persontalkingtomeisagentleman.SoIdidn'twanttoputupwiththatmanfrommytownwhowasfillingmeuptoherewithhis 'Godkeepyou.'AndIwouldn'tputupwithhimeither.Infact,Iwon'tstandforanyone—includingtheKinghimself—tosaytome'Godkeepyou,friend.'"

"Well,I'llbe...,"Isaid."That'swhyGoddoesn'thelpyouout.Youwon'tletanyoneaskHimto."

"Especially,"hesaid,"becauseI'mnotsopoor. In fact,whereI'mfromIhave a huge estate (it's fifty miles from where I was born, right alongCostanilla, themain street ofValladolid).And if the houses on itwere stillstanding and kept up, it would be worth more than six thousand pieces ofsilver—justtogiveyouanideaofhowbigandgranditwouldbe.AndIhaveapigeonhousethatwouldproducemorethantwohundredpigeonsayearifithadn'tfallendown.AndtherearesomeotherthingsIwon'tmention,butIleftthemallbecauseofmyhonor.

"And I came to this city, thinking I'd find a good position. But it hasn'tturnedoutthewayIthoughtitwould.Imeetlotsofcanonsandotherofficialsofthechurch,butthosepeoplearesotightwiththeirmoneythatnoonecouldpossiblygetthemtochangetheirways.Lessermenwantme,too,butworkingforthemisalotoftrouble.Theywantyoutochangefromamanintoajack-of-all-trades, and if you won't, they give you the sack. And, generally, thepaydays are few and far between; most of the time your only sure way ofbeing paid is when they feed you. And when they want to have a clearconscienceandreallypayyouforthesweatofyourbrow,yourpayoffcomesfrom their clothes closetwith a sweaty old jacket or a ragged cape or coat.Andevenwhenamanhasapositionwithsomeoneofthenobility,hestillhashistroubles.

"I ask you: aren't I clever enough to serve one of them and make himhappy?Lord,ifIranintoone,IreallythinkI'dbehisfavorite—andIcoulddolots of things for him.Why, I could lie to him just as well as anyone else

could. And I could flatter him like nothing he'd ever seen before. And I'dlaughathisstoriesandjokeseveniftheyweren'texactlythefunniestthingsintheworld.I'dnevertellhimanythingdisturbingevenifhewouldbebetteroffknowing it. Iwould be very conscientious in everything about him, both inword and in deed.And Iwouldn't killmyself to do things hewouldn't see.Wheneverhewasaroundtohearme,Iwouldalwaysscoldtheservantssohe'dthink I was very concerned about him.And if hewere scolding one of hisservants, I'd step inwith somepointed remarks about the culprit thatwouldmakethenoblemanevenmadder,whileIwasappearingtotaketheservant'sside.Iwouldpraisethethingsheliked,butI'dmockandslanderthepeopleofthehouseandeventheoneswhodidn'tlivethere.Iwouldgopryingandtrytofindoutaboutotherpeople'slivessoIcouldtellhimaboutthem.

"And I'd do all sorts of other things like this that goon inpalaces thesedaysandthatpeopleinthatsortofapositionlike.Theydon'twanttoseegoodmenintheirhomes.Infact,theythinkthey'reuseless,andactually,theyhatethem.Theysaythey'restupidpeopleyoucan'tdealwithandthatanoblemancan'tconfideinthem.Andsmartpeoplethesedaysactwiththenobility,asIsay,justthewayIwould.Butwithmybadluck,Ihaven'tmetoneofthem."

Andsomymastercomplainedabouthisunhappylife,too,tellingmehowadmirablehewas.

Well,aboutthistime,amanandanoldwomancameinthedoor.Themanwantedtherentmoneyforthehouse,andtheoldladyhadrentedhimthebedand wanted the money for that. They figured up the amount, and for twomonths'renttheywantedwhathecouldn'thavemadeinayear.Ithinkitwasabout twelve or thirteen pieces of silver. And he answered them verycourteously:hesaidthathewouldgoouttothesquaretochangeadoubloonand that they should come back that afternoon. But when he left, he nevercameback.

So theyreturned in theafternoon,but itwas too late. I told themthathestillhadn'tcomeback.Andwhennightcameandhedidn't,Iwasafraidtostayinthehousealone.SoIwenttothewomennextdoorandtoldthemwhathadhappened,andIsleptattheirplace.

Thenextmorning, the creditors returned.Butnoonewashome, so theycame to the door of the place I was staying at now and asked about theirneighbor.Andthewomentoldthem,"Hereishisservantandthedoorkey."

Thentheyaskedmeabouthim,andItoldthemIdidn'tknowwherehewasandthathehadn'tcomebackhomeaftergoingtogetthechange.AndIsaidthatIthoughthe'dgivenboththemandmetheslip.

Whentheyheardthat,theywenttogetaconstableandanotary.Andthen

theycamebackwiththemandtookthekeyandcalledmeandsomewitnessesover.Andtheyopenedthedoorandwentinsidetotakemymaster'spropertyuntilhepaidwhatheowedthem.Theywalkedthroughtheentirehouseandfounditempty,justasI'vesaid.Andtheyaskedme,"What'sbecomeofyourmaster'sthings—hischestsanddrapesandfurniture?"

"Idon'tknowanythingaboutthat,"Ianswered.

"It'sobvious,"theysaid,"thatlastnighttheymusthavehaditalltakenoutandcartedsomewhereelse.Constable,arrestthisboy.Heknowswhereitis."

Thentheconstablecameoverandgrabbedmebythecollarofmyjacket,andhe said, "Boy, you'reunder arrest unless you tell uswhat's happened toyourmaster'sthings."

I'dneverseenmyselfinsuchafix(Ihad,ofcourse,beenheldbythecollarlotsof timesbefore,but thatwasdonegentlyso that Icouldguide thatmanwhocouldn'tseedowntheroad),andsoIwasreallyscared.Andwhilecrying,Ipromisedtoanswertheirquestions.

"Allright,"theysaid."Thentelluswhatyouknow.Don'tbeafraid."

Thenotarysatdownonastonebenchsohecouldwriteouttheinventory,andheaskedmewhatthingsmymasterhad.

"Sir," I said, "according towhatmymaster toldme,hehasaniceestatewithhousesonitandapigeonhousethatisn'tstandinganymore."

"Allright,"theysaid."Eventhoughitprobablyisn'tworthmuch,itwillbeenough to pay off his bill.Andwhat part of the city is it located in?" theyaskedme.

"Inhistown,"Ianswered.

"ForGod'ssake,we'rereallygettingfar,"theysaid."Andjustwhereishistown?"

"HetoldmethathecamefromOldCastile,"Ireplied.

And the constable and notary laughed out loud, and said, "This sort ofinformationwouldbegoodenoughtopayoffyourdebtevenifitwasbigger."

Theneighborladieswerethere,andtheysaid:"Gentlemen,thisisjustaninnocentboy,andhe'sonlybeenwiththatsquireafewdays.Hedoesn'tknowany more about him than you do. Besides, the poor little fellow has beencomingtoourhouse,andwe'vegivenhimwhatwecouldtoeatoutofcharity,andatnighthe'sgonetohismaster'splacetosleep."

WhentheysawthatIwasinnocent,theyletmelooseandsaidIwasfreetogo.Andtheconstableandnotarywantedthemanandthewomantopaythem

fortheirservices.Andtherewasalotofshoutingandarguingaboutthat.Theysaid they weren't obligated to pay: there was no reason for them to, sincenothinghadbeenattached.Butthemensaidthattheyhadmissedoutonsomeothermoreprofitablebusinessjustsotheycouldcomehere.

Finally,afteralotofshouting,theyloadedtheoldlady'soldmattressontoa deputy—even though itwasn't verymuch of a load.And all five of themwentoff,shoutingateachother.Idon'tknowhowitallturnedout.Ithinkthatsinnerofamattressmusthavepaideveryone'sexpenses.Andthatwasagoodusefor itbecausethe timeitshouldhavespentrelaxingandrestingfromitspaststrain,ithadstillbeengoingaroundbeingrentedout.

So,as I'vesaid,mypoor thirdmaster leftme,andI saw thehandofmybadluckinthis,too.Itshowedhowmuchitwasgoingagainstme,becauseitarrangedmyaffairssobackwardthatinsteadofmeleavingmymaster—whichiswhatnormallyhappens—mymasterleftandranawayfromme.

IV.HowLazaroWenttoWorkforaFriaroftheOrderofMercyandWhatHappenedtoHim

I had to get a fourthmaster, and this one turned out to be a friar of theOrderofMercy.ThewomenI'vementioned recommendedme tohim.Theysaidhewas a relative.Hedidn't thinkmuchof choir dutiesor eating in themonastery;hewasalways runningaroundon theoutside; andhewas reallydevoted to secularbusinessandvisiting. In fact,hewas sodedicated to thisthatIthinkheworeoutmoreshoesthanthewholemonasteryputtogether.HegavemethefirstpairofshoesIeverwore,buttheydidn'tlastmeaweek.AndI wouldn't have lastedmuch longer myself trying to keep up with him. SobecauseofthisandsomeotherlittlethingsthatIdon'twanttomention,Ilefthim.

V.HowLazaroWenttoWorkforaPardonerandtheThingsThatHappenedtoHimThen

As luck would have it, the fifth one I ran into was a seller of papalindulgences. He was arrogant, without principles, the biggest hawker ofindulgencesthatI'veeverseeninmylifeoreverhopetosee—andprobablythebiggestoneofall time.Hehadallsortsofrusesandunderhandedtricks,andhewasalwaysthinkingupnewones.

Whenhe'dcometoaplacewherehewasgoingtosellthesepardons,firsthe'dgivethepriestsandtheotherclergysomepresents—justlittlethingsthatreally weren't worth much: some lettuce from Murcia; a couple limes ororangesiftheywereinseason;maybeapeach;somepears—thekindthatstaygreenevenafterthey'reripe.Thatwayhetriedtowinthemoversothey'dlookkindly on his business and call out their congregation to buy up theindulgences.

Whentheythankedhim,he'dfindouthowwelleducatedtheywere.IftheysaidtheyunderstoodLatin,hewouldn'tspeakawordofitsotheycouldn'ttriphimup; insteadhe'dusesomerefined,polished-soundingwordsandfloweryphrases.Andifhesawthattheseclericswere"appointedreverends"—Imeanthat they bought their way into the priesthood instead of by going throughschool- -he turned intoaSaintThomas,and for twohourshe'd speakLatin.Or,atleast,somethingthatsoundedlikeLatinevenifitwasn't.

When they wouldn't take his pardons willingly, he'd try to find someunderhandedwaytogetthemtotakethem.Todothat,he'dsometimesmakeanuisanceofhimself,andothertimeshe'dusehisbagoftricks.ItwouldtaketoolongtotalkaboutallthethingsIsawhimdo,soI'lljusttellaboutonethatwasreallyslyandclever,andIthinkthatwillshowhowgoodhewasatit.

InaplacecalledSagra,intheprovinceofToledo,he'dbeenpreachingfortwoorthreedays,tryinghisusualgimmicks,andnotonepersonhadboughtanindulgence,andIcouldn'tseethattheyhadanyintentionofbuyingany.Hesworeupanddown,andtryingtothinkofwhattodo,hedecidedtocallthetowntogetherthenextmorningsohecouldtrytosellallthepardons.

Andthatnight,aftersupper,heandtheconstablebegantogambletoseewhowouldpayforthemeal.Theygottoquarrelingoverthegame,andtherewereheatedwords.Hecalled the constable a thief, and the constable calledhimaswindler.Atthatpointmymaster,thepardoner,pickedupaspearthatwaslyingagainstthedooroftheroomwheretheywereplaying.Theconstablereachedforhissword,thathekeptathisside.

Theguests andneighbors came runningat thenoise and shoutingweallbegantomake,andtheygotinbetweenthetwoofthemtobreakitup.Bothmenwere reallymad,and they tried togetaway from thepeoplewhowereholding thembackso theycouldkill eachother.But since thosepeoplehadcomeswarminginatall thenoise,thehousewasfullofthem,andwhenthetwomensawthattheycouldn'tusetheirweaponstheybegantocalleachothernames.Andatonepointtheconstablesaidmymasterwasaswindlerandthatallthepardonshewassellingwerecounterfeit.

Finally, the townspeople saw that they couldn'tmake them stop, so theydecidedtogettheconstableoutoftheinnandtakehimsomewhereelse.And

thatmademymasterevenmadder.Butaftertheguestsandneighborspleadedwith him to forget about it and go home to bed he left, and then so dideveryoneelse.

Thenextmorningmymasterwenttothechurchandtoldthemtoringformasssohecouldpreachandselltheindulgences.Andthetownspeoplecame,muttering about the pardons, saying that they were forgeries and that theconstablehimselfhadletitoutwhiletheywerequarreling.So,iftheyhadn'twantedtotakeanypardonsbefore,theyweredeadsetagainstitnow.

Thepardonerwentuptothepulpitandbeganhissermon,tryingtostirupthepeople, telling them that they shouldn't bewithout theblessings and theforgivenessthatwouldcometothembybuyingtheindulgences.

When he was into the sermon in full swing, the constable came in thechurchdoor,andafterprayinghegotup,andwithaloudandsteadyvoicehebegantospeakverysolemnly:"Myfellowmen,letmesayaword;afterward,you can listen to whoever you like. I came here with this swindler who'spreaching.Buthetrickedme:hesaidthatifIhelpedhiminhisbusiness,we'dsplittheprofits.Andnow,seeinghowitwouldhurtmyconscienceandyourpocketbooks, I've repentedofwhat I'vedone.And Iwant to tellyouopenlythattheindulgenceshe'ssellingareforgeries.Don'tbelievehimanddon'tbuythem.I'mnot involvedwith themany longer—either inanopenorahiddenway—andfromnowonI'mgivingupmystaff,thesymbolofmyoffice,andIthrow it on the ground so that you'll see Imean it.And if sometime in thefuture thisman ispunished forhis cheating, Iwantyou tobemywitnessesthatI'mnotinwithhimandI'mnothelpinghim,butthatItoldyouthetruth—thathe'sadouble-dealingliar."

Andhefinishedhisspeech.

Whenhe'dstarted,someoftherespectablementherewantedtogetupandthrow theconstableoutofchurch so therewouldn'tbeanyscandal.Butmymaster stopped them and told them all not to bother him under penalty ofexcommunication. He told them to let him say anything he wanted to. Sowhiletheconstablewassayingallthat,mymasterkeptquiet,too.

When he stopped speaking, my master told him if he wanted to sayanythingmoreheshouldgoahead.Andtheconstablesaid,"Icouldsayplentymoreaboutyouandyourdirtytricks,butI'vesaidenoughfornow."

Thenthepardonerkneltdowninthepulpit,andwithhishandsfolded,andlookingup toward heaven, he said: "LordGod, toWhomnothing is hiddenandeverythingismanifest,forWhomnothingisimpossibleandeverythingispossible,Thouknowest the truthofhowunjustlyIhavebeenaccused. InsofarasIamconcerned,IforgivehimsothatThou,OhLord,mayforgiveme.

Pay no attention to thismanwho knows notwhat he says or does.But theharm that has been done to Thee, I beg and beseech Thee in the name ofrighteousnessthatThouwiltnotdisregardit.

"Because someone here may have been thinking of taking this holyindulgence,andnow,believingthatthefalsewordsofthatmanaretrue,theywillnottakeit.Andsincethatwouldbesoharmfultoourfellowmen,IbegThee,Lord,donotdisregardit;instead,grantusamiraclehere.Letithappenin this way: if what that man says is true—that I am full of malice andfalseness—let thispulpitcollapsewithme in itandplungeonehundredfeetintotheground,whereneitheritnorIshalleverbeseenagain.ButifwhatIsayistrue—andhe,wonoverbythedeviltodistrainanddeprivethosewhoareherepresent from such agreat blessing—ifhe is saying false things, lethimbepunishedandlethismalicebeknowntoall."

My reverent master had hardly finished his prayer when the crookedconstablefellflatonhisface,hittingthefloorsohardthatitmadethewholechurchecho.Thenhebegantoroarandfrothatthemouthandtotwistitandhiswholeface,too,kickingandhittingandrollingaroundalloverthefloor.

Thepeople'sshoutsandcriesweresoloudthatnoonecouldhearanyoneelse.Somewere really terrified.Otherpeoplewere saying, "Godhelphim."Andotherssaid,"Hegotwhatwascoming tohim.Anyonewho lies likehediddeservesit."

Finally, some of the people there (even though I think they were reallyafraid)wentuptohimandgrabbedholdofhisarms,whilehewasswingingwildlyateveryonearoundhim.Otherpeoplegrabbedhislegs,andtheyreallyhadtoholdhimtightbecausehewaskickingharder thanamule.Theyheldhimdownforquiteawhile.Thereweremorethanfifteenmenontopofhim,andhewasstilltryingtohitthem;andiftheyweren'tcarefulhewouldpunchtheminthenose.

Allthetimethatmasterofminewasonhiskneesupinthepulpitwithhishands and eyes fixed on heaven, caught up by theHoly Spirit. And all thenoiseinthechurch—thecryingandshouting—couldn'tbringhimoutofthatmysticaltrance.

Thosegoodmenwentup tohim,andby shouting theyarousedhimandbegged him to help that poormanwhowas dying. They told him to forgetabout the things that had happened before and the otherman's awfulwordsbecause he had been paid back for them. But if he could somehow dosomethingthatwouldtakethatmanoutofhismiseryandsuffering,todoit—forGod'ssake—becauseitwasobviousthattheothermanwasguiltyandthatthepardonerwasinnocentandhadbeentellingthetruth,sincetheLordhadshownHispunishmentrighttherewhenhe'daskedforrevenge.

Thepardoner,asifwakingfromasweetdream,lookedatthemandlookedat theguiltymanandall thepeople there, andvery slowlyhe said to them:"Goodmen,youdonotneedtoprayforamaninwhomGodhasgivensuchaclearsignofHimself.ButsinceHecommandsusnottoreturnevilforevilandto forgive thosewho harm us,wemay confidently askHim to dowhatHecommands us to do. We may ask His Majesty to forgive this man whooffendedHimbyputtingsuchanobstacleinthewayoftheholyfaith.LetusallpraytoHim."

AndsohegotdownfromthepulpitandurgedthemtoprayverydevoutlytoOurLord,askingHimtoforgivethatsinnerandbringbackhishealthandsanityandtocastthedeviloutofhimif,becauseofhisgreatsins,HisMajestyhadpermittedonetogoin.

Theyallgotdownontheirkneesinfrontofthealtar,andwiththeclergytheretheybegantosoftlychantalitany.Mymasterbroughtthecrossandtheholywater,andafterhehadchantedoverhim,heheldhishandsuptoheavenandtiltedhiseyesupwardsothattheonlythingyoucouldseewasalittleoftheirwhites.Thenhebeganaprayerthatwasaslongasitwaspious.Anditmade all the people cry (just like the sermons at Holy Week, when thepreacherandtheaudiencearebothfervent).AndheprayedtoGod,sayingthatitwasnottheLord'swilltogivethatsinnerdeathbuttobringhimbacktolifeandmakehimrepent.Andsincethemanhadbeenledastraybythedevilbutwas now filledwith the thought of death and his sins, he prayed toGod toforgivehimandgivehimbackhislifeandhishealthsohecouldrepentandconfesshissins.

Andwhenthiswasfinished,hetoldthemtobringovertheindulgence,andhe put it on theman's head. And right away that sinner of a constable gotbetter,and littleby littlehebegan tocometo.Andwhenhewascompletelybackinhissenses,hethrewhimselfdownatthepardoner'sfeetandaskedhisforgiveness.Heconfessedthat thedevilhadcommandedhimtosaywhathedid and had put the very words in his mouth. First, to hurt him and getrevenge. Secondly—andmainly—because the devil himselfwould really behurtbyallthegoodthatcouldbedonehereifthepardonswereboughtup.

Mymasterforgavehim,andtheyshookhands.Andtherewassucharushto buy up the pardons that there was hardly a soul in the whole place thatdidn'tgetone:husbandsandwives,sonsanddaughters,boysandgirls.

Thenewsofwhathadhappenedspreadaroundtotheneighboringtowns,andwhenwegot to them,hedidn'thave togiveasermonorevengoto thechurch.Peoplecamerightuptotheinntogetthemasiftheyweregoingoutof style.So in the tenor twelveplaceswewent to around there,mymastersold a good thousand indulgences in each place without even preaching a

sermon.

Whilethe"miracle"washappening,IhavetoadmitthatIwasastonished,too,andIgottakeninjustliketheothers.ButwhenIsawthewaymymasterandtheconstablelaughedandjokedaboutthebusinesslater,Irealizedthatithadallbeencookedupbymysharpandclevermaster.

And even though I was only a boy, it really amused me, and I said tomyself:I'llbettheseshystersdothisallthetimetoinnocentpeople.

Well, tobebrief, I stayedwithmyfifthmasterabout fourmonths,and Ihadsomehardtimeswithhim,too.

VI.HowLazaroWenttoWorkforaChaplainandWhatHappenedtoHimThen

AfterthisItookupwithamanwhopaintedtambourines.Hewantedmetogrindthecolorsforhim,andIhadmytrialswithhim,too.

Bynow Iwas prettywell grownup.Andone daywhen Iwent into thecathedral,achaplain theregavemea job.Heputme inchargeofadonkey,fourjugs,andawhip,andIbegantosellwateraroundthecity.ThiswasthefirststepItookuptheladdertosuccess:mydreamswerefinallycomingtrue.OnweekdaysIgavemymastersixtycoppersoutofwhatIearned,whileIwasable to keep everything I got above that. And on Saturdays I got to keepeverythingImade.

I did sowell at the job that after four years of it,watchingmy earningsvery carefully, I saved enough to buy myself a good secondhand suit ofclothes.Iboughtajacketmadeoutofoldcotton,afrayedcoatwithbraidonthesleevesandanopencollar,acapethathadoncebeenvelvety,andanoldsword—oneof the firstonesevermade inCuellar.When I sawhowgood Ilookedinmygentleman'sclothes,Itoldmymastertotakebackhisdonkey:Iwasn'tabouttodothatkindofworkanymore.

VII.HowLazaroWenttoWorkforaConstableandThenWhatHappenedtoHim

AfterIleftthechaplainIwastakenonasbailiffbyaconstable.ButIdidn'tstay with him very long: the job as too dangerous for me. That's what Idecidedaftersomeescapedcriminalschasedmeandmymasterwithclubsand

rocks.Mymasterstoodthereandfacedthem,andtheybeathimup,buttheyneverdidcatchme.SoIquitthatjob.

AndwhileIwastryingtothinkofwhatsortofalifeIcouldleadsothatIcouldhavealittlepeaceandquietandsaveupsomethingformyoldage,Godlit up my path and put me on the road to success.With the help of somefriendsandotherpeople,allthetrialsandtroublesI'dgonethroughuptillthenwere finally compensated for, seeing as how I got what I wanted: agovernmentjob.Andnooneevergetsaheadwithoutajoblikethat.

Andthat'swhatI'vebeendoingrightuptonow:IworkinGod'sservice—andyours,too.WhatIdoisannouncethewinesthatarebeingsoldaroundthecity. Then, too, I call out at auctions andwhenever anything lost.And I goalongwith thepeoplewhoare suffering for righteousness' sake and call outtheircrimes:I'matowncrier,toputitplainly.

It'sbeenagoodjob,andI'vedonesowellatitthatalmostallofthissortofworkcomestome.Infact,it'sgottentothepointwhereifsomeoneinthecityhas wine or anything else to put up for sale, they know it won't come toanythingunlessLazarilloofTormesisinonit.

About this time that gentleman, the Archpriest of San Salvador (yourfriendandservant),begantonoticemyabilitiesandhowIwasmakingagoodliving.HeknewwhoIwasbecauseI'dbeenannouncinghiswines,andhesaidhewantedme tomarry amaidof his.And I saw that only good, profitablethingscouldcomefromamanlikehim,soIagreedtogoalongwithit.

SoImarriedher,andI'veneverregrettedit.Becausebesidesthefactthatshe'sagoodwomanandshe'shardworkingandhelpful,throughmylord,thearchpriest, I have all the help and favors I need.During the year he alwaysgives her a fewgood- sized sacks ofwheat,meat on the holidays, a coupleloavesofbreadsometimes,andhissocksafterhe'sthroughwiththem.Hehadus rent a little house right next to his, and on Sundays and almost everyholidayweeatathisplace.

Buttherehavealwaysbeenscandalmongers,andIguesstherealwayswillbe,andtheywon'tleaveusinpeace.TheytalkaboutIdon'tknowwhatall—theysaythatthey'veseenmywifegoandmakeuphisbedanddohiscookingforhim.AndGodblessthem,butthey'reabunchofliars.

Because,besidesthefactthatshe'sthekindofwomanwho'shardlyhappyaboutthesegibes,mymastermademeapromise,andIthinkhe'llkeepit.Onedayhetalkedtomeforalongtimeinfrontofher,andhesaidtome:"Lazaroof Tormes, anyone who pays attention to what gossips say will never getahead.I'mtellingyouthisbecauseIwouldn'tbeatallsurprisedifsomeonedidseeyourwifegoinginandoutofmyhouse.Infact,thereasonshegoesinis

very much to your honor and to hers: and that's the truth. So forget whatpeoplesay.Justthinkofhowitconcernsyou—Imean,howitbenefitsyou."

"Sir," I said, "I've decided to be on the side of goodmen. It is true thatsomeofmyfriendshavetoldmesomethingofthat.Thetruthis,they'veswornfor a fact thatmywife had three children before shemarriedme, speakingwithreverencetoyourgracesinceshe'sherewithus."

Thenmywife began to scream and carry on somuch that I thought thehouse with us in it was going to fall in. Then she took to crying, and shecursedthemanwhohadmarriedus.ItgotsobadthatI'dratherI'ddiedthanhaveletthosewordsofmineslipout.Butwithmeononesideandmymasterontheother,wetalkedtoherandbeggedhersomuchthatshefinallyquithercrying.And I swore toher that as longas I lived I'dnevermentionanotherwordaboutthebusiness.AndItoldherIthoughtitwasperfectlyallright—infact,thatitmademehappy—forhertogoinandoutofhishousebothdayandnightbecauseIwassosureofhervirtue.Andsowewereallthreeincompleteagreement.

So, right up to todaywe've never said anotherword about the affair. Infact,when I see that someonewants toevenstart talkingabout it, Icuthimshort,andItellhim:"Look,ifyou'remyfriend,don'ttellmesomethingthatwill make me mad because anyone who does that isn't my friend at all.Especiallyifthey'retryingtocausetroublebetweenmeandmywife.There'snothingandnobodyintheworldthatIlovemorethanher.Andbecauseofher,Godgivesmeallsortsoffavors—manymorethanIdeserve.SoI'llsweartoGodthatshe'sasgoodawomanasanyhereinToledo,andifanyonetellsmeotherwise,I'mhisenemyuntilIdie."

Sonooneeversaysanythingtome,andIkeeppeaceinmyhouse.

ThatwasthesameyearthatourvictoriousemperorcametothisillustriouscityofToledoandheldhiscourthere,andtherewereallsortsofcelebrationsandfestivities,asyoumusthaveheard.

Well,atthistimeIwasprosperousandattheheightofallgoodfortune.