The Influence Equation
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Transcript of The Influence Equation
The Influence Equation
Stevenson CarlebachSociety of Women EngineersOctober 24, 2013
the art and science of influence
=
the in
fluence
equation
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
definitionin•flu•ence:
verb affecting the actions, behaviors, opinions or feelings of another
nounthe capacity or power to be a compelling force on, or produce effects on the actions, behaviors, etc of others
substance
relationship process
3 targets
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
influence exercise
‣ In pairs
‣ Decide who will be the persuader
‣ Persuader: think of a topic that you have strong opinions about...
‣ You will have two minutes to convince the listener
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Why the gap?
Why do we get caught between what we know we should do and what we feel
compelled to do
Influence =PersuasionResistance(I = IQ ± EQ)
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
the goal
‣ develop methods and capacity to present your ideas, needs and concerns so that they are heard and rationally considered
‣ NOT: talk others into something that either doesn’t make sense to them or runs contrary to their interests
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Influence Continuum
‣ Opposition
‣ Non-opposition
‣ Tacit agreement
‣ Agreement with initial action
‣ Sustained action and change
‣ Action plus influencing others to join the
action
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
reactance
‣ reactance is resistance that is engendered by the persuasion itself
‣ the more you push, the more resistance you encounter
‣ reverse psychology works by triggering reactance to the choice you don’t want them to make
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
Persuasion
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Common Persuasion Advice/Tactics
Make reasons more compelling (for the safety of your loved ones, act now”)
Add incentives (“free gifts”)
Increase source credibility (“I play a doctor on TV”)
Consensus information (“millions of satisfied customers”)
Emphasize scarcity (“limited time offer”)
Use reciprocity (“can I get you a coffee, soft drink”)
Emphasize consistency (“you already have one at home”)
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Persuasion = Reason + Interests + Relationship
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Interests: Skill: Understanding Role: Facilitator
PurposeDemonstrate how their interests will be met if they say “yes”
MindsetThe key to persuading them is meeting their interests
Behaviors‣Interview to understand their interests ‣Ask “why” to understand not what they want but why they want it ‣Suggest options and ask them to criticize them ‣Test your understanding by offering “soft” proposals‣Assume a “no” means you don’t understand their interests
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
Building a Yesable Proposition
• Build a proposal based on their interests (not options)
• “For you to say ‘yes’ to my proposal, you would need ...”
• List what you think their key interests are
• Ask them to clarify and/or prioritize
• When they agree on principle,
– suggest options – link options to their specific interests
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Interests: Sequencing
‣ Prepare: think about what their interests might be (substantive, relationship and process interests)
‣ Interview: learn interests you’re missing and prioritize
‣ Propose: Suggest a “yes-able proposition”
‣ Show: Demonstrate how your proposal will meet their key interests
‣ Acknowledge: Deal with trust issues by being accepting of residual resistance
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Persuasion = Reason + Interests + Relationship
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Reason: Idea Antibodies
When you persuade ineffectively or prematurely, the other person may begin resist. Like an immune response, their mind attacks any like ideas.
Eventually you may get anaphylactic shock
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2012 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Reason: The World is Flat
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Reason: Skill: Interview Role: Reporter
PurposeExpress your perspective in a way that they can hear (which means in a way that fits their system of logic
MindsetCuriosity unlocks certainty
Behaviors‣Interview to understand their ladder (data, inferences, conclusions) ‣Develop arguments that make sense given their perceptions ‣Advocate your view as a theory (not the truth) ‣Invite their disagreement and disconfirming data‣Only advocate when they’re ready to listen (listen and acknowledge first)
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Reason: Sequencing
‣ Prepare: think about what you know about their ladder
‣ Interview: learn their data and inferences
‣ Acknowledge: demonstrate understanding of their logic
‣ Negotiate: offer additional data and/or different inferences;
‣ Clarify: explain your perspective and ask for criticism
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Persuasion = Reason + Interests + Relationship
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Relationship: Audit
Audit the Relationship from their perspective
Interests: Do they see my interests as shared or competing? competing 1 2 3 4 5 shared
Relationship: Do they see me as trustworthy? untrustworthy 1 2 3 4 5 trustworthy
Fear: How comfortable are they with me or this situation? risky 1 2 3 4 5 safe
Status: Do they feel respected by me? demeaned 1 2 3 4 5 respected
Communication: Do they experience our conversation as one or two-way? one-way 1 2 3 4 5 two-way
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
undertow
Resistance
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2012 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Resistance minimizing tricks ‣ Flattery
‣ Redefine the relationship (not a salesman, a consultant)
‣ Futurizing (“buy now, pay later”)
‣ Depersonalize (not “you should” but “one should”
‣ Foot in the door (“just try this sample”)
‣ Diminish by comparison (just for fun let me show you this top of the line...”)
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Resistance =Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Status
Key components of Status
Autonomy: sense of autonomy or self agency
Role: characterization relative to another person
Identity: core aspects of one’s character
Resistance is triggered when status is lowered
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Status: Role
Advice
‣Be aware of the Roles you assign
‣Re-cast the other into a Role that appeals to them
‣Remember that Status is not zero-sum
Resistance develops when the other is “cast” in an unappealing role
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Status/Role: Exercise
Dramatis Personae
Describe yourself:
Describe them:
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Resistance =Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Affiliation
Key components of Affiliation
Belonging: feeling included or excluded (in or out)
Loyalty: faithfulness to groups and commitments
Fairness: the perception of being treated equally
Resistance increases when one’s sense of group is threatened
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Resistance =Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Fear
Key components of Fear
Threats: perceived dangers to success, status, position, reputation, relationships, process...
Anxieties: an individual’s triggers or sensitivities based on past experiences or hard wiring
Anxiety, threat and loss of security drive resistance
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Fear: Threats
Advice
‣Think about how you or your actions might be perceived as as endangering:
‣ operations, reputation, status, process, finances, relationships
‣Manage fear with empathy before attempting to problem solve
‣Explore risk assessment and management
Threats to security or status drive resistance
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2010 by Stevenson Carlebach. All rights reserved.
Fear: Anxieties
Advice
‣Make the discussion of triggers a community norm
‣Own your triggers (other people don’t cause your reactions)
‣Deal empathetically and firmly with dysfunctional behaviors
‣Empathize before problem solving
Past experience hard-wires us to be easily triggered towards resistance
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
An Influence Sequence
1.Analyze the Relationship: especially what role they give us
2.Make a list of their Interests (as they would express them)
3.Initiate conversation by clarifying their Interests (goals, objectives)
4.Show them how your proposal will meet their Interests (present information in a way that doesn’t give them the role of student)
5.Try to give them as much Autonomy as possible (Status)
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Going Forward
Your learning edge
What skills do you need to work on?
What will you do to improve them?
What are your external obstacles to following through?
What are your internal obstacles to following through?
What’s your plan to overcome your obstacles?
Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
PersuasionResistance
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© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Suggested ResourcesInfluence =
Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
PersuasionResistance
=
Ariely, Dan. Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions. New York: HarperCollins Publisher, 2009.
Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1984.
Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. 2nd ed. New York: Holt Paperbacks, 2007.
Fisher, Roger, William L. Ury, and Bruce Patton. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. 2nd ed. New York: Penguin Books, 1991 (1st ed., 1981).
© 2013 Stevenson Carlebach and Eque LLC, with Triad Consulting Group ▶ All Rights Reserved.
Suggested ResourcesInfluence =
Reason + Interests + Relationship
Status + Affiliation + Fear
PersuasionResistance
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Fisher, Roger and Daniel Shapiro. Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate. New York: Viking, 2005.
Johnstone, Keith. Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre. New York: Routledge, 1979.
Stone, Douglas, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. Difficult Conversa- tions: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Viking, 1999.
Kegan, Robert and Lisa Laskow Lahey. Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organi- zation. Boston: Harvard Business Press, 2009.
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