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+44 (0) 7976 751 095 dan@danbeverly.com http://danbeverly.com

The Faulty Thinking

Hampering Your Success November 2015

A closer look at our thinking reveals faulty beliefs and irrational thoughts keeping us from our success.

Learn to spot and combat the 6 most common thinking errors and develop a new clarity of thought.

"… for there is nothing either good or bad,

but thinking makes it so."

— Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.

Most of us consider ourselves to be rational, intelligent people.

But take a closer look at our thinking and the reality is often far

from that. In actuality, we spend a great deal of our time

operating under all sorts of beliefs and with all kinds of thoughts

that, objectively, we would otherwise consider irrational and

distorted.

This has a huge consequence for our behaviours - and so the

results we get. Because whilst we commonly talk about external

events causing emotions ("she made me angry"), it's the thoughts

we have and the beliefs we hold about those events that

determine how we feel.

The good news is that shifting the thinking (often just a case of

shifting the language) will create a shift in the feelings. The key is

to become aware of the automatic negative thoughts that are

systematically distorting our reality and getting in our way.

So here are the 6 most common thinking errors that I observe in

my coaching practice. And 6 ways you might untwist your own

faulty thinking and regain some control over the results you're

creating.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

"If I don't do this perfectly, it'll be a complete failure."

Often seen in perfectionists, things are black-or-white, perfect or

failure, with no middle ground. Unrealistic expectations, with no

allowance for the complexities and imperfections of most

situations leads to missed (rejected) opportunities.

What's needed is to explore the "grey" and ask: do I really need

to expect 110% to achieve this objective?

2. Magnification and

Minimisation Thinking

"It was all my fault." and "It was nothing really."

Taking-on a disproportionate degree of blame on oneself

(magnification) or discrediting ones achievements (minimisation)

reduces self-efficacy (self-belief in our ability to succeed in

certain situations). And that then negatively impacts future goal-

setting.

What's needed here is a sense of proportion.

3. Personalisation

"They obviously just had a problem with me,."

Personalisation is not just about feeling personally and overly-

responsible, but also about perceiving events as a direct attack

on us as a person. This limits any future recourse: no matter

what we do, we can't change who we are.

What's needed here is de-personalisation: this is a reaction to

our behaviours, not our person.

4. Labelling

"I'm a failure."

Labelling is when we attach a meaning to a mistake and

transform it into an identity statement. Instead of describing an

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error in its specific context, we make a global judgement - and so

write-off future opportunities.

Here, we need to see our behaviours as fleeting and our person

as enduring.

5. Over-generalisation

"This always happens to me."

Over-generalisation is about drawing a general conclusion based

on an isolated incidents which we've decided is part of a never-

ending pattern of defeat.

Challenge the problem-words like "always" and "never" to

uncover the exceptions to our internal rule.

6. Emotional Reasoning

"I feel worthless, therefore I must be worthless."

This faulty thinking leads us to believe that what we feel must

automatically be true. If we feel worthless, undeserving or stupid,

we must be worthless, undeserving or stupid.

Here, we need to notice and separate the feeling and the

inferred belief.

6 ways to untwist your thinking

My favoured way to untwist the thinking is to come-up a level

and "think about the thinking" - rather than more thinking

directly about the issue. So ask yourself: what do I notice about

my thinking? To help, try these techniques:

1. Talk to yourself as a friend. You would rarely talk to a

friend or co-worker in the same harsh tones you regularly

reserve for yourself. Talk to yourself in the same

compassionate way you would talk to another.

2. Look at the evidence. Contest your assumptions and

examine the hard evidence - if there is any! Look also for

evidence to the contrary (the positive actuals to your

negative imaginings).

3. Identify the distortion. Write-down your problematic

thoughts. This will make it easier to spot the twisted

thinking at work - and help think about the problem in a

more positive and realistic light.

4. Look for the learning. Instead of all-or-nothing extremes,

give yourself a score out of 10 and acknowledge what you

did do. Then think about what you've learnt that will make

that 10/10 for next time.

5. Get outside opinion. Recruit some help in objectifying

your own analysis by asking someone else their opinion. Is

your belief realistic, widespread or commonly-held?

Perhaps not.

6. Soften your language. Substitute any emotionally-

charged language for softer alternatives. "I shouldn't have

…" becomes "It would have been better if …" Also define

your terms: what labels are you giving yourself?

Thinking about the thinking

With practice, we can learn to catch our own faulty thinking and

engineer more constructive perspectives. Do it enough and it

becomes a habit. And with it, you'll find yourself better prepared

to take full advantage of the opportunities that present

themselves at those pivotal moments in our careers.

Dan Beverly is a leadership and performance coach helping high-calibre, high-

performing professional women embrace the pivotal career moments.

His mission is to inspire possibility in others: to help us excel in careers without

compromise; and to leave us feeling energised and uplifted by a new future.

Go online to book your complimentary “Session Zero” with Dan – and start

capitalising on your pivotal career moments today.

http://danbeverly.com/session-0