Break out your bibs and buckets: It's time for the *Drool* Simon Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!

This is Day 1: ninjas, SimSelves, and one hot, shy spare-spawn!

It was a little house in the middle of Pleasantview. There were trees in the yard, bedrooms, bathrooms, even a small pond--in other words, perfectly normal.

Except for the two masked men dressed in black dragging a third man between them rushing up the walk.

The doors were flung open, and the two masked men who held Simon captive kicked them shut before hurling him to the ground.

"We brought him just like we were supposed to," said the green-skinned ninja. "Because we're ninjas, and that's what ninjas do."

"Please," said Simon. "I haven't done anything. Whatever you think I've done, I haven't. Just let me go. I promise I won't say anything to anyone, I swear I won't." From what he could see, he was in the oddest prison ever--a large, open room with a poker table and a pool table and a banquet table piled high with turkey. The only torture instruments he could see were of the Monty Python Comfy Chair variety. Still, he'd been abducted from his house at Academie Le Tour by a pair of ninjas, and he could only assume that he was not in for poking with Soft Cushions.

"You will speak when spoken to!" shouted the green-skinned ninja, who then giggled, "I always wanted to say that. You can totally talk if you want to. I mean it. A ninja's word is his bond. And I'm a ninja."

The other ninja just sighed and shook his head.

"You're not in trouble, Simon," said the voice attached to the shoes at which Simon was currently staring. "Sorry if my associates were a little rough."

"We're ninjas!" cried the green-skinned ninja.

"Look, I just want to go home," Simon said.

"You can go home," the man replied. "In about a week."

"A week? But that's two semesters at the Academie! I'll end up on academic probation! My psyche will never recover!" protested Simon.

"This is Pleasantview. Time at the Academie will stand still as long as you're here. Trust me, no one wants to see you go out of your gourd," the man said, chuckling.

"I notice you haven't told me why I'm here," said Simon, pushing himself up from the floor.

"Can't get much past a smart guy like you."

"My roommates and I are flat broke, but my parents have money. If this is a ransom thing, I know they'd give you anything you wanted to get me out of here."

"It's nothing like that," the man replied. "In a week, you can walk out that door a free man."

"No strings attached?" Simon asked.

"I didn't say that."

"We should get out of your hair," said the non-green-skinned ninja.

"Sure thing," said the man in jeans. "Just be sure to tell Doc that Simon's here in one piece."

"We wouldn't forget that!" said the green-skinned ninja. "We're ninjas! Ninjas don't forget stuff like that!"

"You should pop in later," the non-green-skinned ninja said. "We're thinking of having a little get-together."

"Ninja party!" the green-skinned ninja said happily. "We're gonna play, like, ninja songs!" He started humming "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting."

"Just let me know when," said the man in the jeans, nodding.

"We'll leave the two of you alone," said the non-green-skinned ninja.

"But we could come back!" said the green-skinned ninja. "You don't know. Because, ninja!"

The pair of ninjas headed for the door. The latch had almost caught when the green-skinned ninja jumped back inside, hissed "Ninja!" while doing jazz-hands, and then slipped outside.

Simon stood, finally coming face-to-face with the man in the jeans, and was immediately struck by his features. "You look like my friend Archie," he said.

"That's going a bit far, I think," the man replied. "I mean, he got my nose, but he got his grandmother's chin and his daddy's eyebrows."

"Who are you?" Simon asked.

"Cormorant. Cory, as it were. Archie and Xander's grandfather."

"But you're dead!"

Cory shrugged. "Like I said, this is Pleasantview. The rules of Riverblossom Hills don't apply here. Matter of fact, my grandfather's walking around here someplace. If you don't get a newspaper one day, he's probably the reason why."

Cory Vetinari's the Gen 4 Uglacy heir.

"Why am I here?" Simon asked.

"That's a bit of an existential question..." Cory started.

"How 'bout giving me the Pleasure Sim answer," Simon replied, recalling Archie's comments about his grandfather.

"Do you know what a Bachelor Challenge is?"

"Should I?" Simon said.

Cory shook his head. "What are they teaching you kids these days? Long story short, tomorrow at 8am, a bunch of SimSelves are gonna show up on the lawn. Next day at noon and each noon after that, the one you have the lowest relationship with goes home."

"So this is like some demented dating game?" Simon was appalled, and his extreme shyness settled in his gut like a stone.

"I wouldn't say that," Cory said. "SimSelves are usually good for a laugh."

"Is it too late to opt out of this?" Simon asked.

"Did you opt into this? Face it, kid, those SimSelves got a good look at that handsome mug of yours and just about fell all over themselves for the chance to be here. No backing out on your part. You wanna be BC-free, you need to be a little lumpier."

"Archie doesn't seem to be having any trouble in that department," Simon said, thinking of Archie's growing list of conquests.

"Archie's Archie," Cory said. "You try doing things like he does, and it'll end up badly, I can promise you that."

Simon was not relishing the thought of spending a week with a bunch of strangers. "So, what, you're here to make sure things go smoothly?"

"No such luck," Cory replied. "I'm outta here as soon as I tell you the score. Seven SimSelves plus you equals eight--no room for me."

"I'm on my own?" Simon yelped. He'd always gotten friends through water balloon fights or the Wishing Well or mutual acquaintances; the thought of having to deal with strangers alone was terrifying.

"It's not as bad as you think," Cory said, remembering that Simon was the son of Chad, the shyest main-household Vetinari.

"I think I'm gonna be in this house for a week with a bunch of SimSelves ogling me," Simon said.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Cory straightened the sleeves of his sport coat. "Here's the deal. At 8am tomorrow, the SimSelves will be dropped off on the lawn. All you have to do is try to get to know them, no pressure. At noon the next day, the one with the lowest relationship goes home. After that, check your e-mail; you'll get one that tells you what to do next."

"Parcheesi?"

"Hardly," Cory said. "I'm out of here. You have until 8am to do whatever remodeling you want to do; after that, amuse yourself any way you see fit. And you might want to be on the lawn to meet the ladies."

Simon waved as Cory got into the taxi, but his heart wasn't in it. For a shy guy like him, being put in a situation like the one he was in was pure torture. He headed for a relaxing game of chess, noticing the weird house next door and wondering what was going on inside it.

"You know what I think?" said Doc.

"Since we're in Pleasantview, please tell me it doesn't involve Mortimer Goth," Di replied, fanning herself.

"No ACR here, thanks very much! Zero hanky-panky with the geriatric population."

"But whatever will you do for fun?"

"Hush, you," Doc said. "What happens on Pirate Island stays on Pirate Island."

"Lucky you."

Doc, on the left, is the SimSelf of DrSupremeNerd (boolprop.com and Exchange), which would be me, writer of the Vetinari Dualegacy.Di, on the right, is the SimSelf of Dicreasy, writer of the Victorian Legacy and the Very Victorian Bachelor Challenge. Which my SimSelf won.

"Back on topic, I'm thinking it's makeover time," Doc said, gesturing towards Di's neck-to-ankles dress.

"I like my bonnet," Di protested.

"Uh-huh. You're sooooo Victorian. You never should have told us what SimDi's getting up to in Regalton these days, with a certain borrowed Sim to whom she isn't married. I don't buy Miss Prim 'n' Proper for one second!"

"To be fair, I am married to him in your game."

Doc sighed, then grinned. "Hey! Di! Think fast!"

"So close, no matter how far," Doc sang--or at least, attempted to sing, "Couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trust in who we are..."

"And nothing else matters!" Di finished.

The two SimSelves threw devil horns and sang the chorus to the Metallica song.

"Point," said Di.

"Yeah. Hey, do you think the guitar at the end of 'The Day that Never Comes' sort of sounds like the guitar at the end of 'One'?"

"Little bit," Di replied. "We have the freebie coat rack here, right?"

"Yup," said Doc, nodding towards the room at the front of the observation post.

Di started to head for the wardrobe when the front door burst open.

"Hey, everybody! I'm a ninja!" Cassidy said, grinning broadly. "I was all, like, stealthy and stuff, right, Gil?"

"Very stealthy," Gil replied with an indulgent smile on his face.

Cassidy Vetinari is one of my half-alien spare-spawn.Gilbert Jacquet is... Gilbert Jacquet.

"Oh, and we dropped that Simon guy off at Spider's old house," Cass said. "He was a little surprised."

"Well, we sort of tasered him, abducted him, took him to an unfamiliar neighborhood, and heaved him through the front door of a house he'd never been in before," Gil said. He scratched his head. "Are you entirely sure we needed to dress like ninjas and kidnap him?"

"Ninjas rule!" Cass exclaimed. He turned to his boyfriend. "I made a good ninja, didn't I?"

"Sexiest ninja ever," Gil assured him, pulling Cass into his arms and leaning in for a kiss.

Di and Doc slipped past the canoodling pair. Di changed into something a little less two-centuries-ago, and Doc dug out another geeky shirt and some jeans.

"Much as I love to watch Cassidy and Gilbert joined at the hip, I do regret the loss of Larch," Di said. "I miss Stacie too, of course, but Larch provided a certain amount of eye candy during Spider's BC, even if his attentions were occasionally bothersome."

Doc shrugged. "I don't think Orikes is going to let us have him back. However, it is not to worry."

"I know that look," Di said, laughing. "You've got something planned!"

"You know me," Doc said. "Always with the plots."

"Hey," said Indy. "I'm bored. Anyone wanna pillow fight? Or shoot some pool? Or congratulate me on how hot I am?" He gave a suggestive wink. "I'm pretty sure I saw some hot tubs upstairs."

"Nicely done," Di said, looking her hunky Sim-hubby up and down.

"I'm a giver," Doc grinned.

"I'm still bored," Indy said.

"I'm sure Di can think of a few ways to amuse you," Doc said with a smirk.

"Cheeky monkey!" Di replied, having the decency to blush.

"We can go up to the hot tub and I'll embarrass you some more." Indy gave Di a come-hither look.

"Don't we have a Bachelor Challenge to get to?" Di asked, desperate for an out.

"If you insist," Doc said. "Cass! Gil!" she shouted towards the groping couple. "Get dressed and meet us in the living room!"

"Sexy ninja!" Cassidy called.

"Dammit, Cass, put some real pants on!" Doc retorted, but there was no trace of annoyance in her voice.

"Well, you did tell him to put some pants on," Di said. "I mean, if we're being fair."

"Yeah! We need to be fair!" agreed Indy. "How come I don't have a pair of those?"

"Look, I just thought he'd like them," Doc responded. "I didn't know he was gonna play with them."

"Squeaky!" giggled Cass, rubbing his leather-clad calves together, producing an "eeek" sound.

"I think they want you to stop doing that," Gil said.

"But... squeaky!"

"Yes, but we can't watch the Bachelor Challenge if you're making squeaky noises with your pants. You want to watch the Bachelor Challenge, right?"

"Yes," said Cass, nodding enthusiastically. "Even if Spider's not in this one."

"What do you think Simon's up to?" Di asked. "It's nearly eight."

Doc chuckled. "I'm betting an almost total freak-out, considering how shy he is."

Indy shook his head. "Poor kid. I remember Chad in college with the hot tub... Simon's not gonna know which way is up!"

"I'm sure he'll figure it out," Di said. "After all, I don't see any naked hot-tubbers in that crowd."

Indy waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Yeah, but I am."

"Shush, it's starting!" Doc said.

Simon looked down at the chess board. He liked chess. He could plan several moves ahead, almost like predicting the future. Interpersonal relationships were less certain.

He preferred chess.

It wasn't until he heard voices outside that he realized the time was nigh. Sighing, he cleared the chessboard and steeled himself to make the walk to the lawn. Apprehension twisted his insides in knots, a constant reminder of his own shyness.

He wasn't looking forward to this.

The bachelor. Hot, hot Simon Vetinari, son of Gen 5 Prettacy spare Chad and the SimSelf of MichelleFobbs, writer of the Planetary Apocalypse and the Not Quite a Vacation Asylum. Simon really is one of the very, very rare Shy Vetinaris, being a Sagittarius 6/1/10/7/4. Those four nice points mean he's congenial by Vetinari standards, but not by normal standards, so any contestant who gets too pushy could find herself on Simon's bad side fairly quickly.

Simon's a Knowledge Sim, so while he might not enjoy the experience as much as Archie, at least he'll be able to live with only ending up with ONE SimSelf at the end.

His turnons have been set to makeup (which all the SimSelves have) and hats (which none of the SimSelves have) and his turnoff is cologne.

And the contestants?

Silvain (SilvainTheShadow [boolprop.com] aka Sellan [Exchange] is the writer of the Cooke and Leo Legacies) is a Taurus 4/5/6/8/2 Knowledge Sim.

Some of y'all didn't have 25 Personality Points allotted, so I tacked 'em onto Active, as long as it didn't change the Zodiac.

Lea (tlhs0/Tlhs0 is a mod at boolprop.com and the writer of the Barsoom Legacy) is an Aquarius 5/4/4/6/6 Family Sim.

Once the SimSelves were moved in, their relationships to Simon and his to them were zeroed out with the Sim Modder.

Lark (ladylarkrune, the writer of Lady Lark's Looney Bin for the Morbidly Insane) is an Aries 4/7/5/3/6 Family Sim.

The SimSelves have their turnons set to black hair and facial hair and their turnoff set to something non-Simon-related, like vampirism, cologne, full face makeup, or glasses.

Pen (penguingirl0384 is the writer of the Penguino Legacy) is a Cancer 6/4/5/3/7 Knowledge Sim.

For the first few days of the challenge, the season will be set to Summer due to the relationship boost.

Marina (smoothiequeen87 is the writer of the Villainous Apocalypse and the completed Fitzhugh Legacy) is a Cancer 7/4/3/6/5 Knowledge Sim.

For the first 28 hours, they'll mostly be on free will, except where necessary to make them eat, pee, shower, or sleep. It's up to them whether they want to interact with Simon or with each other.

Jamie (DocGirlP/DocgirlP is the writer of the Bohemian Legacy) is a Libra 3/7/3/7/5 Family Sim.

This particular batch of SimSelves all have Aspirations that are compatible with Simon's Knowledge, no Pleasure Sims in the bunch, and Zodiacs are mainly neutral, so handicapping won't be easy.

Stacie (stacilee/stacierearden is the writer of the Whedonberry Alphabet Legacy) is an Aquarius 4/6/3/6/6 Knowledge Sim.

Stacie here has a crush on Cory left over from Spider Jerusalem's BC, so she has a set gender preference as a consequence. To even the scales, I set the gender preference of the other contestants to male as well. Some of you may start rolling unspeakable Wants for Don Lothario. I'll try not to laugh. Much.

I may have set the gender preferences of the SimSelves, but Simon's isn't set.

And now, on with the show...

Simon made it as far as the porch before his feet refused to take him any further. That was good, right? He was outside, at least, even if he'd spun towards the house so that his guests wouldn't see him panic.

He fought the butterflies in his stomach and slowly made his way down to the yard, one stair at a time, one step at a time. Standing apart from the SimSelves, he wondered what to do next.

"Hug?" Lark asked, reaching out to Lea.

"I'll pass," Lea replied, recoiling.

"There's always one," Silvain said, sighing. "Lark, I know you're a bit new to this, but generally, trying to hug the person with the guy with the chainsaw on her shirt is a bad idea."

Marina had immediately cornered Jamie. "Only one of us will be safe at the end of the week. I hope it's me!"

"Duh!" Jamie said. "I mean, have you seen him?"

"Oooh, that chin..." Marina said.

"And those eyes..."

Stacie was beginning to formulate a more effective strategy.

Stacie strolled past the rest of the SimSelves and approached Simon, who was hovering at the edge of the crowd. She flashed him a bright smile. "Hi," she said. "I'm Stacie."

At least this was one that Simon didn't have to think about. "I'm Simon," he said.

"I know," Stacie replied. "I'm a friend of your mom's, actually."

"I'm not sure if I should be creeped out by that," Simon said honestly.

Stacie laughed. "Most of the SimSelves are friends. It's no big deal."

"It's nice to see the old house again," said Stacie. "I used to live next door with Doc and Di and Larch and Cass and Gil, but I moved out so I could come here. I'm dying to see what you've done with the place."

"I wallpapered?" Simon ventured. "And there are new floors?" Now that the conversation had progressed past the "Hello my name is" phase, the territory was of the uncharted variety. As a teenager, he'd fallen back on "I'm cute," but he suspected that such a salvo would be most unnecessary here, not to mention hopelessly embarrassing, considering the company. He momentarily considered what Archie would say, but dismissed "Wanna see the rest of my tattoos?" as inappropriate for any number of reasons.

The realization finally hit--he was stuck in a house with seven strange women, and his painful shyness meant that every interaction was going to involve a fair amount of anxiety. Simon chewed his thumbnail, an old nervous habit he'd never quite shed. It saved him from having to try to form words.

Oh, I could definitely live with that! Stacie thought, finding Simon's nervousness adorable.

Jamie, meanwhile, barely glanced at the pair as she snagged the newspaper from behind Stacie and took it inside.

The rest of the SimSelves were amusing themselves. Lea splatted Silvain with a water balloon, and the two of them tore off to the side yard, giggling madly. Pen and Marina were ill-advisedly pillow-fighting in the middle of the street.

"Does anybody want a hug?" Lark asked sadly.

"Hug?" asked Lark.

"Awww, sure I'll hug you," Stacie said, placing herself between Lark and Simon, thinking, If anyone's gonna hug hunka hunka burnin' Simon around here, it's gonna be me!

Stacie ran out into the street. "Play catch with me!" she shouted.

"Are you sure it's entirely safe to be in the street like that?" Simon asked, making sure to stay on the grass.

"Why not?" Stacie said. "It's not like we get a lot of traffic!" She lobbed the ball Simon's way. "Besides, you'd let me know if I was gonna get hit, right? You know you'd hate to see me splattered!"

Flustered, Simon let the ball slip off the tips of his fingers and used his retrieval of it to hide the sudden redness of his cheeks.

"Hug?" asked Lark.

"Catch, Simon!" Stacie called, distracting him from the redhead behind him.

"Race you to the backyard!" said a dripping Pen.

"You're on!" laughed Marina.

As Marina raced off to the backyard, water balloon in hand, Pen muttered, "Sucker," under her breath and strolled over to Simon.

"Well played, Pen," Stacie murmured just loudly enough for Pen to hear.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Pen."

"Simon," he replied. "But I'm guessing you already knew that."

"I love that shirt on you," she said. "It's a very flattering color."

"Gosh, you think so?" No one had ever complimented him on his fashion sense before. Was this the sort of thing he was supposed to reciprocate? "I like your... uh... hair..." He felt like something more was required. "It's shiny." He inwardly cursed himself. It's shiny? That was the best he could do?

Pen smiled. "Thanks. I do love a good hot-oil treatment."

While Pen and Simon discussed the finer points of deep-conditioning, Silvain, Jamie, Lark, and Marina took advantage of the poker table.

"Should we maybe be worried that none of us has talked to Simon yet?" Silvain asked.

"We could try tag-teaming Stacie to free up a little access," Jamie said.

Lark sighed. "I bet he'd be hard and squishy all at the same time if I hugged him."

"Plenty of time before noon tomorrow," Marina said. "No rush. Besides, have you seen how shy he is? No sense in overwhelming the poor guy."

"I haven't had a bad conversation with Simon yet!" Lea said, sipping a Cosmo, conveniently forgetting that she hadn't had a good conversation with him yet either.

Outside, Pen was still monopolizing Simon's attention. "I'm a bit of a self-admitted Antarctic trivia geek," she said.

"Oh," said Simon. "Do you know much about penguins?"

Pen grinned. "I guess you could say that."

"Psssst! Peeeeeeennnnnnn," Stacie called, hiding the water balloon behind her back.

"So you're a fan of penguins, then?" Simon asked.

"Rockhoppers, Emperors, Kings, Adelaides--ask me anything!" Pen said, glad that she'd managed to drag the conversation around to her favorite subject.

Stacie reached out and tapped Simon on the shoulder. "Hey, Simon!"

"Yes?" said Simon, turning around.

"You are smoking hot. Well done," she said.

"Um... Thanks?" Simon replied.

Not to be outdone, Pen tapped Simon's shoulder.

"You really are quite handsome," Pen said.

"I didn't really have any control over that," Simon said. Who knew that he'd ever regret being attractive?

"I said you were hot before Pen said you were hot!" Stacie said. "Mine counts more!"

"Heads up!" Stacie shouted, thumping Simon with a pillow.

After his initial shock had passed, Simon grabbed a pillow of his own and whapped Stacie back, laughing.

The flying feathers reminded Simon of chicken, which reminded him of the turkey on the buffet table, which reminded him that he hadn't eaten since the night before. Stomach rumbling, he begged off the pillow fight and headed in for lunch.

Grabbing a salad, Simon sat down to eat. A black-haired SimSelf sat down next to him. "I'm Lea," she said.

"I'm Simon and you knew that," he said in between bites.

Mmm-mmm, that Simon is a sexy beast! Jamie thought as she made a grab for a plate of turkey.

"Who's that on your shirt?" Simon asked. He thought he was getting better at small talk.

"Oh, it's Ash from Army of Darkness," said Lea. " 'Gimme some sugar, baby!' "

"What?!" said Simon, choking on a hard-boiled egg. Perhaps he wasn't getting better at small talk after all.

"Sorry. It's a line from the movie. Have you seen it?"

"No, I haven't," said Simon. "But we could maybe watch it sometime?" That was something an unshy person would say, wasn't it?

"Absolutely!" Lea replied, grinning.

Pen sat down on Simon's other side.

Current events were always good to talk about, right? "What do you think about global warming?" Simon asked.

"I'm worried about the ice caps," Pen said. "I mean, think of the penguins!"

"I had not considered the penguins," Simon said gravely. "But I can see where they'd like ice caps."

Lea decided that two could play the "current events" game. "I'll be so glad when all this election hoopla is over," she said. "I'm absolutely sick of all the negative campaign ads. And they wonder why the voters are so cynical!"

"I'm glad I'm well out of all that," said Jamie. "We don't get your American campaign propaganda on the other side of the pond."

"Sure," said Marina. "You have to go look it up on youtube."

"You betcha!" Jamie laughed.

Simon finished his salad and went to the pool table. He'd often played with his sister Fiona, and played a pretty mean game of eight-ball.

Simon lined up the break. For the first time in several hours, he wasn't being pressured into conversation.

The cue clacked satisfyingly into the one ball, and he heard the reassuring thunk of balls settling into pockets.

"Whaddaya say?" Marina asked Stacie. "You and me against Silvain and Simon?"

"I was sort of playing by myself," Simon protested.

"Oh, come on, teams are more fun!" Stacie said. "You know how to play, right?" she whispered to Marina.

Marina looked guilty. "I was hoping you did."

"So, uh..." Simon began.

"Silvain," she said. "What's on your mind, Simon?"

"I'm Simon."

"I know. That's why I called you 'Simon.' "

"Right," he said. "You sort of went off-script." He glanced over at his partner. "So, do you know much about these Bachelor Challenges?"

"I've read a few," Silvain replied. "What do you want to know?"

"Will there be... kissing?" Simon asked. He'd scored a kiss with a wishing well drop, and immediately given her a noogie, which he thought sort of evened it out.

"Not for a few days," Silvain said. "Which is to say that yes, there will be kissing." And I sure hope I'm here for it!

Simon looked down at his shoes. It'd taken a lot for him to be able to kiss Lakshmi--the instant best friends from the wishing well had gone a long way towards that--and he couldn't imagine trying to gather up the courage to kiss any of these SimSelves, let alone more than one of them. He idly kicked the butt of his cue stick.

Silvain noticed his nervous behavior, but chose not to draw attention to it.

Pen gave a relieved sigh. "It's so much more fun being in Doc's game when there are neither pants-fish nor Asylums involved."

"I wouldn't know about that," said Lea. "I'm pants-fish free, thanks."

"That won't last long if you win this," Pen said with a snort. "Those Uglacy boys are pretty irresistible when it comes to the Dazzle, and SimSelves flock to Finn's Fins like moths to a suspiciously-marinated flame."

"That metaphor sort of got away from you a little bit, huh?" Jamie said, sending the cards arcing from one hand to the other.

"I blame the catfish," said Pen.

Lark had abandoned the idea of giving hugs, and settled into one of the hot tubs to relax.

After neatly sinking the eight ball, Simon stowed his cue stick and took the last spot at the poker table.

"I'm Simon," he said to the SimSelf he hadn't met yet.

"Jamie," she replied, flicking the cards on the table over.

"Are you going to deal?" he asked.

Jamie picked the cards up and shuffled. "Nope. I just like playing with the cards."

"Oh. Okay," he said, baffled. "Only I thought the point was to bet and gamble and stuff."

She cut the deck one-handed. "I've been practicing this for ages. Can you tell?"

"You're good at it, I suppose," said Simon.

Jamie sent the cards cascading into her right hand.

Oooh, Simon is HOT when he's not getting annoyed with Jamie! Silvain thought.

Marina and Stacie hovered, waiting for someone to get up from the table.

"So how are you doing so far?" Pen asked, flashing Simon a smile.

"Well, this is certainly nothing I'd ever have chosen to do on my own, but the ninjas didn't give me a lot of choice," he said.

The smile faded from Pen's face.

"But I'm sort of having fun," he hurried to explain. "I mean, pillow fights and pool and almost-poker..."

The smile popped back. "I'm glad it's not too torturous."

"So far, only moderately torturous," he said. "Like whacking your shin on the coffee table in the dark."

Lea could finally stand it no longer, and left the table to pee. Marina was right there to take her place.

Simon looked over at her. "I don't think I've met you yet."

"Marina," she said. "And we did play pool together."

"Right." He tried to think of a compliment. "The way you made the cue ball jump off the table and land in the leftover gelatin was very amusing."

Marina thought of Stacie's look of irritation as she'd pulled wobbly chunks of gelatin out of her hair. "I'm glad someone thinks so!"

Pen and Jamie hurried off to the bathrooms as well, and Lea snagged one of the free chairs. Lark chose to try to lure Simon back to the pool table instead.

Stacie grabbed the last chair.

"I hadn't realized how late it was," Simon said, looking up to see that it had gotten dark. "Anyone up for a midnight snack?"

"I'm stuffed," said Stacie, who was immediately proven a liar by the grumbling of her stomach.

Simon refilled the buffet, and all seven of his guests joined him for a quick bite.

"Ugh, I'm almost ready for a plate-nap," said Silvain.

"I hate to admit it, but me too," Jamie said.

"I could use a bit of shut-eye myself," Simon said. "I hope you all sleep well, and I guess I'll see you in the morning." He headed up to his room, grateful for some alone-time at last. As he fell asleep, he heard the SimSelves come up the stairs, and then the house went quiet.

Simon rose early, showered, and headed downstairs, intending to play a game of chess or two before the SimSelves awoke. To his surprise, Lea was shooting darts, and coaxed him into a water balloon fight at dawn.

"Better watch out!" she cried. "My aim is impeccable!"

Simon ducked under a flying missile. "Impeccable, eh?" He lobbed one back at her, but she twisted sideways. The balloon splatted harmlessly against the brick wall of the house.

Stacie was the next to awaken, and followed the sounds of fun to the yard. "Simon, I just wanted to remind you that you're a stone fox!" she said.

"Stacie, Doc just posted some new Whedonari teasers!" Lea said.

"What? Ghost town?" Stacie asked, following Lea's pointing finger.

The water balloon drenched Stacie. "Oh, that was a dirty trick," she said, wringing out her hair.

Pen and Marina were the next two to find their way out to the yard.

"Seriously, Lea, you had to go with 'Whedonari teasers?' Now I'm all disappointed!" Stacie said.

"Wait, there's Whedonari teasers?" Pen asked.

"No. Because Lea's a big old tease," Stacie replied.

"I think I'm out of the loop," Simon said.

"Here's a loop for you!" Pen said, breaking out a pillow.

"I don't think that actually made sense," Simon said, but he grabbed a pillow of his own just the same.

"Pssst! Simon!" Stacie hissed, sneaking around the tree.

"Copycat," Lea said.

"Look, we can't all peg him with a water balloon," Marina said. "It only makes sense for you three to try a different tactic."

Simon was totally oblivious to the tremendous potential for dampness all around him, and thumped Pen on the hip.

"OH EM GEE NINJA!" Silvain shouted.

"WHERE?!" Simon yelped, spinning around.

Silvain scored a solid hit. The others looked on with a fair amount of curiosity: how would shy-but-reasonably-cranky Simon deal with a soaking?

"That was a good one," Simon laughed. "Because of that time I was kidnapped by those ninjas."

"Trauma is funny!" Silvain said.

"They weren't even really ninjas," Stacie muttered. "Just Cass and Gil in costumes."

"Shush," said Pen. "I don't think he needs to know he was abducted by the goofball and the baker." She paused. "On second thought, tell him. I think he should hear it from you."

In the midst of all the fun, Simon's watch beeped. It was noon. Time for one of the SimSelves to go home. The decision was easy to make, but how to hand down the verdict was a more complicated matter. He immediately dismissed the idea of pulling all seven of them into a room and eliminating one--the thought of seven pairs of eyes on him made him feel as though his stomach was trying to play Hide and Seek behind his pancreas. For his own peace of mind, he chose a one-on-one approach, and headed inside to find his target.

"Hi, uh..." Simon began, before realizing that he didn't even know her name."Lark," she supplied."Lark," he said. "Only it's noon, and I'm supposed to send someone home, and since I've barely seen you, uh... Sorry." It hadn't been a hard choice, and dismissing someone who was almost a complete stranger was easier than he'd thought it would be, although he suspected it'd be much harder by the end of the week.Larch scratched her head. "I'm kinda new at this. I guess I could have used some pointers. Stalky good. Avoidance bad." She headed off to the computer room to arrange for a cab.

Day 1 scores:Pen with a commanding lead of 99, and friends with SimonStacie in solid second with 62, and friends with SimonLea in the hunt with 51

Silvain bringing up the middle with 31Marina still in the game with 26Jamie hanging in with 13And Lark with a monster score of 0There's always one.

Tummy rubs? Loki twined around the newcomer's ankles and flopped down on his back, meowing pitifully. When no tummy rubs were forthcoming, he rolled to his feet and walked away, stopping to scratch his claws on Cassidy's knee on his trip to the kitty dish.

"Well, Lark?" said Doc. "Any last words?"

"Oh, they're hardly last words," said Di.

Doc shrugged. "You get my drift."

Lark managed to look sheepish. "So I guess the secret to staying in a Bachelor Challenge is trying to hug the bachelor. Who knew?"

"Aawww, it's okay," said Cass. "Happens in every Bachelor Challenge. Happened in my brother's! What was her name, Gil?"

"Before my time, sweetie," Gil reminded him.

"No, she married my uncle. We were at the wedding, remember? Orikes. That was her name. Had zero relationship with Spider Jerusalem. But she hooked up with Larch, so that was cool, right?" Cass snuggled against Gil. "Nice wedding. They had cake."

"I remember we did our best to make it a Roof Raiser," Gil replied.

Cass grinned. "Yeah..."

"Don't take it too hard," Indy said. "You had some tough competition. I mean, there were times even the frontrunners couldn't get a word in edgewise. That's some dedication to the cause right there." He gave a short burst of laughter. "And I'm dying to see what happens when he realizes he's gotta get into a hot tub and do some flirting tomorrow!"

"Time for you to go placehold for me," said Doc. "Any last requests? I can fulfill that Don Lothario-related Want in your panel if you'd like."

"I'll pass, thanks." Lark headed for the door, disappointed that she hadn't done better in her first Bachelor Challenge.

Theodore Harrison sidestepped the pretty redhead who was on her way out. "Hello?" he called in his cultured voice. He heard voices ahead and traced them to their source.

Theo is courtesy of Di's Victorian Legacy, and was the subject of a BC, which my SimSelf won. I grabbed the wrong suit for him. Uh... I generally don't spend time looking at what he's WEARING, all right? Anyway, I have the right one now, and will fix it.

"Theo?" Di asked. "And here I thought we were going to just be staring at Indy for the next few days."

"You get your eye candy, I get mine," Doc replied. "Nummy Theo and his nummy tattoos and his nummy... nummy."

"I do believe words have failed you," said an amused Di.

"Oh, like you didn't come over all incoherent when you saw Indy all grown up," Doc said. "Face it, we've both got some yummy treats in our 'hoods right about now."

Theo was shocked by what he saw. "Miss Di? You--you're wearing trousers! And what happened to your corset? You're positively indecent!" He noticed that the oddly-dressed woman next to Miss Di was, in fact, the woman he'd been courting. "Doc? I can see your navel! This really is scandalous!"

"I think his brain's about ready to vapor-lock," said Indy. "Duck and cover, he's gonna blow!"

Theo's gaze traveled one more sofa over.

"Oh... Oh my," Theo said, at a loss for words.

"What sort of madhouse is this? An explanation would be most welcome!" Theo was on the verge of walking out, but the only people he knew were sitting in front of him, inappropriately garbed though they may have been.

"Er... Maybe this wasn't the best idea I ever had," said Doc.

"Oh, he's only a hundred and some odd years out of place," Di pointed out. "I'm sure he'll fit in in no time."

Doc cast a glance over at her thoroughly annoyed Regalton boyfriend. "Yeah, um... You know, or not."

How will Theo deal with life in the 21st century? Will Indy ever make it into a hot tub? Will Cassidy stop making his pants squeak? Who will be the next SimSelf to be eliminated from Simon's Bachelor Challenge? At least one of those questions will be answered on Day 2!

Bonus shot of hot Simon!

Bonus shot of Cassidy and Gilbert being adorable. Cassbert FTW.