The Creative Challenge of Midlife

Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D.

1. What is Midlife?

2. Why Midlife can be dangerous and difficult?

3. How to use Midlife for Self-Growth.

There are lots of us in Midlife…

81 Million Americans between the ages of 35-55.

10,000 Americans turn 50 every day (one every 10 seconds)

Midlife is a specific developmental period of

life.

Life as a Teleological Process

How we get off track…

We are born whole but quickly become shaped by family, religion, culture, gender role, etc. etc. etc.

Midlife Gives Us Wake-Up Calls

Physical

Psychological

Emotional

Relational

Professional

Spiritual

Sometimes Midlife is a Crisis…

“Danger” and “Opportunity”

Sometimes you just hear Peggy Lee singing…

Is that all there is, my

friend? Is that all there is?

Midlife Demands: A Change in

Consciousness

Consciousness is Awareness and Self-knowledge

Major Illusion: Things Don’t Change

Most of us grow when life pushes us to do soYou know what I’m going

to do this weekend, honey? I’m going to grow. What the

hell is he talking

about??!!

Knowing an Underlying Secret

1. Select a number between 1 and 10.

2. Multiply your number by 9.

3. If you now have a two-digit number, add them together.

4. Think of your number and subtract 5 from it.

5. Imagine that your number can be translated into a letter of the alphabet, where 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D, and so on.

6. Think of the name of a country that begins with your letter.

7. Take the last letter of your country’s name and think of the name of an animal that begins with that letter.

8. You should now have the name of both a country and an animal.

There are no Kangaroos or Koalas in Denmark!

Nor are there Cobras or Cats in the Dominican Republic.

There are no Kangaroos or Koalas in Denmark!

Nor are there Cobras or Cats in the Dominican Republic.

The Answer

An Underlying Secret of Mathematics

“The Rules of 9”

Rule #1:

When any number is multiplied by nine, if the individual digits in the resulting product are added together, they will ALWAYS total nine as long as you keep summing the digits produced at each step until you get a one-digit number.

That Number will ALWAYS be 9.

The Underlying Secrets of Midlife

Realization: Life is half-over

We recognize our mortality in a new way.

Life as we have known it is now over.

A major change in consciousness.

Losses and change initiate a path to a new sense of meaning and greater passion.

Ego

The Self

The ego has believed that everything revolves around it. Wrong!

At Midlife, the Self is asking –

“When will you get around to me?”

In the first half of life, we devote our psychological

resources to developing the persona.

The Shadow Knows…

How to know your Shadow…

Make a list of every adjective that describes you, then write down its opposite. This is what is demanding to be acknowledged.

Important hint: Find the Middle Way

Repressed Shadow Material Can Explode Out Like a Dam

Bursting

In our culture we tend to discount the inner life but

that doesn’t make it any less real.

Unconscious versus Conscious Midlife Passages

We don’t like to think about or talk about the losses associated with

Midlife

“We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.”

-- Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

Poised for the Hero’s Journey

The Call

The Separation

The Adventure

The Return (Hero is ALWAYS changed)

Stages of the Hero’s Journey

The Agony of the Chrysalis

The Alchemical Metaphor

“We are born to be awake, not to be

asleep!”

-- Paracelsus, 16th Century Swiss Alchemist

Nigredo: “The Blackening”

Albedo: “The Whitening”

Rubedo: “The Reddening”

Stages in Alchemical Transformation

The Vitality of Transformation

Like the Buddha WAKING UP

Realize the values of the first half of life are not sufficient for the second half

Change in philosophy and worldview

Psychological and spiritual maturity

Coming to our senses

Live differently – with greater joy, meaning, and passion

Rowing & Flowing:

The Sailboat Metaphor

To be Conscious is to be AWAKE!

I’m AWAKE!

Seeing Ourselves Differently

Schopenhauer - Embroidery

Michelangelo – It was already inside you.

What do we do with this new-found insight?

Stay just as we are?

Move to Tahiti as Gaugin did?

Um, are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and

kids?

The Journey is frightening and we have a natural desire to get

over it!

JUST DO IT!!!!!!!

Holding the Tension of the Opposites

Tools for the Journey

Be Aware that “Compassion Fatigue” Affects BodyMindSpirit

Some Symptoms of this “Care-Giving Shutdown” Fatigue

Joylessness

Pessimism

Social Withdrawal

Uninterested in intimacy or sex

Concentration Difficulties

Irritability

Depression

Physical Symptoms and Illness

Feeling like you’re “just going through the motions” – lack of passion or meaning

Negative Coping Behaviors – Substance Abuse, “Soft Addictions”

“Illumined Selfishness” – Healthy Self-Care Nurture BodyMindSpirit

Physical Regimen to Deal with Stress

Quiet Time for Reflection, Prayer, Meditation, Solitude

Creative Activities

Social Support – Talk About It!

Spiritual Support

Optimism

Humor

Approach NOT Avoidance

Cognitive Reframing

Caregivers often think we are the “Energizer Bunny” and can keep going and going and going – This is a dangerous belief!

OrganismStimulus Response

S-O-R Model of StressStress = Demand Exceeds

Capacity

= Stressors

Four-Stage Stress Management Model Identify

(Physical, Cognitive, Behavioral)

Analyze

Develop Plan

Implement

Plan

Dreamwork

Containers

Meditation, Prayer, Silence

Creative Expression

Physical Body

Stay in the Present

“Stay here, quivering with each moment, like a drop of

mercury.”

-- Rumi

On Tigers and Goats

Late Bloomers &

Don’t Die Guessing

Thank You and

Godspeed on Your Journey

Kathleen and Co-author Dorothy

Kelly

www.fullpotentialliving.com252-473-4004