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"All right. Listen to me a minute now . . . I may not word this as memorably as I'd like to,

but I'll write you a letter about it in a day or two. Then you can get it all straight. But

listen now, anyway." He started concentrating again. Then he said, "This fall I think

you're riding forit's a s!ecial kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't !ermitted

to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He ust kee!s falling and falling. The whole

arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their li#es, were lookingfor something their own en#ironment couldn't su!!ly them with. $r they thought their

own en#ironment couldn't su!!ly them with. %o they ga#e u! looking. They ga#e it u!

before they e#er really e#en got started. &ou follow me"

"&es, sir."

"%ure"

"&es."

He got u! and !oured some more boo(e in his glass. Then he sat down again. He didn't

say anything for a long time.

"I don't want to scare you," he said, "but I can #ery clearly see you dying nobly, one way

or another, for some highly unworthy cause." He ga#e me a funny look. "If I write

something down for you, will you read it carefully And kee! it""&es. %ure," I said. I did, too. I still ha#e the !a!er he ga#e me.

He went o#er to this desk on the other side of the room, and without sitting down wrote

something on a !iece of !a!er. Then he came back and sat down with the !a!er in his

hand. "$ddly enough, this wasn't written by a !racticing !oet. It was written by a

!sychoanalyst named )ilhelm %tekel. Here's what heAre you still with me"

"&es, sure I am."

"Here's what he said* 'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a

cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to li#e humbly for one.'"

He leaned o#er and handed it to me. I read it right when he ga#e it to me, and then I

thanked him and all and !ut it in my !ocket. It was nice of him to go to all that trouble. It

really was. The thing was, though, I didn't feel much like concentrating. Boy, I felt so

damn tired all of a sudden.

&ou could tell he wasn't tired at all, though. He was !retty oiled u!, for one thing. "I think

that one of these days," he said, "you're going to ha#e to find out where you want to go.

And then you'#e got to start going there. But immediately. &ou can't afford to lose a

minute. +ot you."

I nodded, because he was looking right at me and all, but I wasn't too sure what he was

talking about. I was !retty sure I knew, but I wasn't too !ositi#e at the time. I was too

damn tired.

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"And I hate to tell you," he said, "but I think that once you ha#e a fair idea where you

want to go, your first mo#e will be to a!!ly yourself in school. &ou'll ha#e to. &ou're a

studentwhether the idea a!!eals to you or not. &ou're in lo#e with knowledge. And I

think you'll find, once you get !ast all the r. -ineses and their $ral om!"

"r. -insons," I said. He meant all the r. -insons, not all the r. -ineses. I shouldn't

ha#e interru!ted him, though."All rightthe r. -insons. $nce you get !ast all the r. -insons, you're going to start

getting closer and closerthat is, if you want to, and if you look for it and wait for itto

the kind of information that will be #ery, #ery dear to your heart. Among other things,

you'll find that you're not the first !erson who was e#er confused and frightened and e#en

sickened by human beha#ior. &ou're by no means alone on that score, you'll be e/cited

and stimulated to know. any, many men ha#e been ust as troubled morally and

s!iritually as you are right now. Ha!!ily, some of them ke!t records of their troubles.

&ou'll learn from themif you want to. 0ust as someday, if you ha#e something to offer,

someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reci!rocal arrangement. And it

isn't education. It's history. It's !oetry." He sto!!ed and took a big drink out of his

highball. Then he started again. Boy, he was really hot. I was glad I didn't try to sto! himor anything. "I'm not trying to tell you," he said, "that only educated and scholarly men

are able to contribute something #aluable to the world. It's not so. But I do say that

educated and scholarly men, if they're brilliant and creati#e to begin withwhich,

unfortunately, is rarely the casetend to lea#e infinitely more #aluable records behind

them than men do who are merely brilliant and creati#e. They tend to e/!ress themsel#es

more clearly, and they usually ha#e a !assion for following their thoughts through to the

end. Andmost im!ortantnine times out of ten they ha#e more humility than the

unscholarly thinker. 1o you follow me at all"

"&es, sir."

He didn't say anything again for 2uite a while. I don't know if you'#e e#er done it, but it's

sort of hard to sit around waiting for somebody to say something when they're thinking

and all. It really is. I ke!t trying not to yawn. It wasn't that I was bored or anythingI

wasn'tbut I was so damn slee!y all of a sudden.

"%omething else an academic education will do for you. If you go along with it any

considerable distance, it'll begin to gi#e you an idea what si(e mind you ha#e. )hat it'll

fit and, maybe, what it won't. After a while, you'll ha#e an idea what kind of thoughts

your !articular si(e mind should be wearing. 3or one thing, it may sa#e you an

e/traordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don't suit you, aren't becoming to you.

&ou'll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly."

Then, all of a sudden, I yawned. )hat a rude bastard, but I couldn't hel! it4