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Transcript of The Art of War for Dating
The Art Of War For Dating How To Conquer Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere
By Spencer Michaels
©2006, All Rights Reserved
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved
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Table of Contents
Part 1: How Women Work Chapter 1: How Women Think ………….......................................... 07 Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes! …………........................................... 11
Part 2: How To Be The Guy You Need To Be To Attract Women Chapter 3: Confidence …………...................................................... 17 Chapter 4: Be Intriguing ………….................................................... 32 Chapter 5: No More Mr. Nice Guy! ……………………..................... 38 Chapter 6: Cockiness Done Right …………..................................... 58
Part 3: The Approach and The Art Of Conversation Chapter 7: Mentally Preparing For The Approach …………............ 63 Chapter 8: The Actual Approach …………....................................... 68 Chapter 9: The Art Of Conversation ………….................................. 76
Part 4: Unstoppable Techniques For Attracting Women Chapter 10: Specific Techniques To Be Used In Battle ………........ 92 Chapter 11: Mistakes Guys Make With Women ………................ 110
Part 5: Body Language and Voice Chapter 12: Secrets Of Body Language ……………….................. 122 Chapter 13: Voice …………………………………………................ 132
Part 6: Romance and Style Chapter 14: Romance Done Right ………………………................ 138 Chapter 15: Style …….................................................................... 140
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved
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Introduction
In his famous book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu spoke about using
resourcefulness, momentum, cunning, flexibility, integrity, secrecy,
speed, positioning, surprise, deception and manipulation to defeat an
opponent. He used phrases like, “Lure them in with the prospect of
gain, take them by confusion" and "Invincibility is in oneself,
vulnerability is in the opponent." In this book I will teach you to take
on a totally new, almost war-like mindset in order to show you how to
meet and attract any woman, anywhere, at any time. By the time you
finish reading this book you will immediately be able to utilize an
arsenal of proven methods and techniques for “conquering” beautiful
women.
The past does not equal the future. Take this statement and embed it
in your mind. The record of what has been has nothing to do with
what you can accomplish in the future. At this very moment you can
decide to be the person you want to be and design and entirely new
life for yourself. While we need to leave the past in the past, we need
to learn from it so that we don’t keep making the same mistakes.
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Meeting and attracting beautiful women is an art. It’s not random at
all. There are rules and proven methods – which I’ll teach you in this
book. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over
again and expecting different results. That’s right – If you are trying to
meet women the same way you’ve always been and expect that
sooner or later they will start responding to these same methods –
YOU ARE INSANE!
Why Listen To Me?
Here’s a little background on me and some reasons why you should
take my advice. I wasn’t the dorky guy who never got girls and then
all of a sudden read a bunch of stuff and started getting tons of
women. I was always pretty good with women but still made tons of
mistakes that most guys make with them. I got my degree in
Psychology from a major university which taught me a lot about
human desires, but that was nothing compared to the education I got
while promoting and managing nightclubs in New York City for 8
years. For years, I spent at least 5 nights a week at the hottest
nightclubs in New York City surrounded by the hottest and most
attitude infused women in the world. In my early twenties I developed
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an extreme desire to really understand the dynamics between men
and women and became infatuated with learning about what makes
women tick. So for years, I’ve researched and read every book and
studied every program there is about relationships and attracting
women. I’ve read literally thousands of books on the topic. Since
then I’ve spent my years coaching guys around the country on how to
attract and meet women. I’ve taken what I’ve learned from the books
and research and combined it with my first hand experience in the
nightclubs of New York City to bring you the best, no-nonsense
information on the topic.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved
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Part 1: How Women Work
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Chapter 1: How Women Think
Women Don’t Know What They Want
Do you find yourself listening to the advice of female friends about
how to attract women and often find that it doesn’t work? I did for
years. I even made the ultimate mistake of asking girls I was dating
how I should act. Many guys have the mentality that if they want to
learn about what women want, they should ask women. It seems
logical enough but it doesn’t work for one major reason – Women
don’t know what they want! It’s a sad reality that very few women will
actually admit to you. A woman’s emotions are all over the place
because of hormones and thousands of years of genetic coding. She
is constantly battling whether to follow primal urges or to listen to
advice from women’s magazines or friends, or her conscience. One
day she might be in the mood for a sensitive guy, the next a funny
guy, then a week later she’s in the mood for a musician type. One
day she wants a guy who’s domineering and the next a sweet
sensitive guy who gives her all the space in the world.
To prove this, all we need to do is look at the book "Blink" written by
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Malcolm Gladwell. In the book he examines what he calls "The power
of thinking without thinking". The concept is that the reasons that we
SAY we do things are often very different than the reasons we
actually do them. Gladwell talks about a study done by two Columbia
University professors who set up speed dating events in New York
City. The men at the events were given 6 minutes to talk to eight
different women to see if there was an attraction there. After meeting
everyone in the room, the men and women were given a secret ballot
to check off which people they were interested in. If both people
checked off each other, they were given each others' email
addresses. The professors asked all of the women to fill out a
questionnaire before each speed dating event, after the event, one
month later and six months later. The questionnaire asked the
women to rate what they were looking for in a mate on a scale of 1 to
10. The categories are: Attractiveness, shared Interests, sense of
humor, sincerity, intelligence and ambition. After each 6 minute date,
they were also asked to rate the person they just dated on the same
scale. After repeating this "experiment" an innumerous amount of
times what the professors found was astounding. The questionnaire
that the women filled out about what they were looking for in a mate
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and the guys that they actually selected had absolutely no correlation.
In fact, what they said they wanted in a man and the men they
choose were often completely opposite. Another amazing observation
made by the professors was that the women's ranking order of what
they were looking for often changed the day after the event. They
found that if a woman met a few guys that she liked who were more
"attractive and funny" than "sincere and intelligent", the next day
when she filled out the same questionnaire, her preference order
would completely change. She'd all of a sudden rank attractive and
funny higher than sincere and intelligent. After doing this experiment
with thousands of women, this pattern held true in almost all cases!
Another thing that happened in almost all of these cases was that
when filling out the same questionnaire one month later they'd go
back to the original answers they had chosen the first day they filled
the questionnaire out.
This doesn't necessarily mean that women have no idea what they
want, it's just incomplete. This is where you step in with your
confidence and technique to "complete" it. The description that she
starts with of her ideal mate is her conscious ideal. But much of this
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goes out the window when subconscious thought, feelings and
genetic programming kick in. This is why you need to take what a
woman says about what she wants in a man with a grain of salt.
Never assume that you're not her type, even if she says it. YOU can
easily become the type of man she wants.
Throw Logic Out the Window
I'm about to tell about a mistake that 99% of guys (who haven't read
this book) make when trying to get a woman to like them. They try to
use logic to appeal to women. They try to reason their way into to her
pants. This will NEVER work. Why? Because women work very
differently then men. The sooner you understand and accept that the
better off you’ll be. Women are not creatures of logic - they are
creatures of FEELING. They don't use their brains to feel attraction
and most men spend the majority of their time trying to appeal to her
brain instead of making her feel. You can never convince a woman to
have feelings for you if she doesn't. Watching a guy try to convince a
girl to like him can be fun to watch. It’ll never work because women
are genetically programmed to use feeling, not logic, as their primary
gauge of attraction.
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Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes!
Genetic Programming
Whether we want to admit it or not, human beings are to a large
degree victims of our genetic programming. No matter what a woman
says or how civilized, cultured or progressive she tries to be, she has
very specific evolutionary characteristics that she’s attracted to. This
is great news for us because all we have to do is embrace those
characteristics and we’ll have women falling all over us. A major
character trait that females of all species are programmed to be
attracted to is status. In the animal kingdom females are told by
Mother Nature to mate with the dominant males of her species. It is
no different for human beings. When female animals go into heat,
they search out the strongest males to mate with in order to preserve
the race and create strong offspring. When a woman feels excited
and wild over a guy she’s feeling the same genetically programmed
response that an animal feels when it goes into heat. She can’t help
these feelings. The female animal in nature goes for the seemingly
unattainable, powerful, untamable male. No matter what she says or
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how much she tries to fight these instincts it’s simply factual that they
exist inside her. All of this information is encoded in her genetic
structure.
Women need to feel this wild, uncontrollable attraction. They don’t
logically choose it – they feel it or not. You can buy her flowers for the
next ten years and it won’t matter unless you make her FEEL this
attraction to you. Women don’t care how things work; they care how
things make them feel. In all of the romance novels and soap operas
women have been devouring since they were kids, the leading males
are always untamable, strong men who sweep women off their feet.
This is the quality that many “jerks” have. Women don’t like the fact
that the guy is actually a jerk – it’s just that jerks have a tendency to
have more of this primal, uncontrollable dominance that the weaker,
“nice” guys don’t have. They can’t help it fellas. They are simply
responding to Mother Nature. Estrogen is a drug that induces feeling.
It makes women want and need to feel everything. Testosterone is a
hormone of aggression/achievement and dominance. The sooner we
realize and accept these facts, the easier time we’ll have
understanding the dating world.
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So what exactly are some of these traits that she’s genetically
programmed to desire?
Physical Strength
Women are genetically programmed to desire a physically strong
man. Now don’t go running off to buy steroids because this doesn’t
necessarily mean that she wants a guy like the incredible Hulk. In fact
when a guy gets too huge muscularly many women see that as a
compensation for other weaknesses. What they do desire is a fit man,
who walks with his head up high, with his shoulders back, showing
complete confidence. I will teach you many techniques in the book
that will make women see you as a physically strong creature.
Ambition
Ambition is a great attribute to have because it helps women
rationalize why they’d be with a “weaker” man. Major ambition is
usually enough to tell a woman that at some point soon, you’ll be the
dominant male she’s looking for and as long as she has the patience
to wait, she’ll give you a chance. I remember watching Jerry Maguire
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listening to Renee Zellweger say, “I love him for the man he almost
is” and thinking “What a bitch. What’s wrong with the man he is right
now”. Then I realized that she couldn’t help it. It was her genetic
programming that wanted him to be the strongest man he could be.
Yes I know it’s just a movie but it’s a perfect example of how women
think. His ambition to be the strong male was enough to keep her
interested. Another reason that ambition is so attractive is because
women are programmed to look for the instinct in you that wants to
be dominant. Most men assume that they need to have lots of money
and power to get women when in fact; you don’t need to be rich or
“powerful” right now to attract women. Women are equally as
attracted to the trait in you that desires to get rich, powerful and
successful.
Modesty
Never be blatantly boastful. Once you develop a real self-confidence
it will shine through in your actions. Any man that feels the need to
talk about how great he is in bed or what a great athlete he is will
seem weak. Women have a built in radar that let’s them spot the
difference between real and fake confidence. Instead show with your
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actions what an amazing person you are and always be humble
about it. I will teach you in this book how to always appear humble
while secretly sneaking in brags in a way that women can’t detect
them.
These are just a few of the characteristics that women are genetically
programmed to desire. Let me stop the list here and move on the
next chapter where I’ll begin to tell you how to start making these
qualities a part of your very being.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved
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Part 2: How To Be The Guy You Need To Be To Attract Women!
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Chapter 3: Confidence
People feel good about themselves when they are around confident
people. When you exude confidence and feel great about yourself,
people (and most importantly females) will want to be around you.
You create a glow around you that women want to be a part of. They
can tell that you feel good about yourself and they want to feel that
way about themselves. They will draw close to you, hoping it will rub
off on them.
When I was younger, I wasn’t always confident around women. I
sometimes felt inadequate and unsure of myself. Instead of letting
this lack of confidence eat me alive, I went out and learned all I could
about how to increase my confidence. I went to the library and bought
every book imaginable about confidence. I started applying
everything I learned in my real life and eventually I became the
strong, confident guy I always dreamed of being. I’m about to share
with you the most important things I learned and the confidence
building techniques that made me who I am today.
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Why you are actually just as good looking as Brad Pitt
Before I get into specific techniques about how to become confident
let me break down the myth that you must be the quintessential “good
looking” guy to get women.
What if I was to tell you that you are equally as good looking as Brad
Pitt? I bet you’d think I’m crazy. Well actually it’s true. The
expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is 100% accurate.
What is it about slight variations in facial and body structure that
make one person better than the next? It’s the way the viewer
perceives them. In fact, modern science is beginning to show us that
we don’t actually see anything with our eyes. What actually happens
is that we gather information from our eyes and create an image in
our brain based on millions of variables stemming from social
conditioning and pre-conceived notions. I want you to picture
someone who you’ve known for several years. How do you look at
them? Would you say they are attractive overall? Now think about the
first day you met them. Really try to picture how you viewed them the
first day you saw them. I bet it’s at least somewhat different than how
you view them now.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved
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More proof that you are really no different than Brad Pitt comes when
we examine the historical perception of beauty. In Ancient Egypt, fat
men were considered extremely attractive, as it indicated that the
person was rich enough to afford a lot of food and avoid physical
labor. While we spend time on the beach working on our tan, in the
early Mediterranean societies women were seeking out pale men.
This was an indication that a man was wealthy and didn’t have to
work outside. In fact, people used to cover their entire bodies when
going outside to avoid getting tan.
If a woman of today sees you having yellow teeth she’ll assume you
have bad breath and you don’t take care of yourself. In Japan and
Europe there was a time when men would dye their teeth black
because women found it attractive. Sugar at the time was very
expensive. Once they became aware of sugar's ability to rot teeth,
many rich, fashion-conscious people blackened their teeth to prove
how much sugar they could afford.
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For centuries men used to purposely scar their face because it
showed that they were brave and didn’t back down from battle.
Women found grotesque and numerous scars on a man attractive.
Fast forwarding to modern times - I remember seeing a special on TV
about the supermodel Giselle and Leonardo DiCaprio recently. They
were doing some kind of missionary work on an island in the middle
of nowhere. Based on our American standards, the people on the
island were hideously ugly. An interviewer asked one of the natives if
they’d like Leonardo and Giselle to stay on the island with them. Not
knowing that Giselle and Leo were dating, the guy answered that he’d
love them to stay but they’d probably never find mates because they
are so ugly. This guy actually thought that these two American icons
of beauty were the ugly ones! So back to my original point and the
really good news; YES - you are as good looking as Brad Pitt. That’s
the good news. The bad news is that women of our time and culture
are socially conditioned by everything around them to find him more
attractive than “us mere mortals”. While it’s certainly an uphill battle
to try to convince a woman that you are better looking than Brad Pitt
off the bat, with proper technique you can shift her perception of
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beauty. Think about it this way. For every feature on him, there is
some specific socially or genetically programmed reason why she
finds it attractive. Let’s examine a couple of Brad’s features and show
how eventually she can find your features equally as attractive.
Let’s look at his prominent cheek bones and strong jaw line and chin.
In Western societies, men and women of all races often agree that a
face with pronounced cheekbones and often a heavily-set jaw is
physically attractive. These are currently viewed as indicative of a
masculine, confident personality. Now, let’s say you have no
cheekbone structure and an extremely tiny chin but you are incredible
confident and masculine. In fact, you are the most confident man
she’s ever met. You have just set a new precedent for what confident
means to her. I agree that for the first meeting or two she’ll probably
still say that Brad is more attractive than you, but after a while those
old cultural views that she had associated with a strong chin can be
replaced by even more powerful associations about having hardly
any chin at all. A “chinless” guy will actually become her new symbol
of confidence and masculinity. If you were to break up with her, she’d
actually go out and search for a guy with a tiny chin because she now
assumes that it’s somehow associated with confidence.
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So what’s the lesson to be learned about all this? If you don’t look like
Brad Pitt, don’t worry about it. With extreme confidence and the right
techniques you will actually become her new standard for beauty and
masculinity. Keep this in mind when you are out meeting women. You
need to know that her view of beauty is so paper-thin and penetrable
that you have no reason to ever feel insecure. Be confident that with
the right attitude you can actually become the vision for what beauty
is in her eyes.
The Soprano Factor
Here’s an example that proves that a strong, confident personality
can blind a woman to the fact that you aren’t classically handsome. I
was hanging out with a group of girls I know watching Sopranos a few
of years ago. To my complete shock one of the girls bursted out
almost as if she couldn’t help but say it ,“Mmmmmmmm… he is
sooooo hot!”. On the screen all I see are Tony and Carmela Soprano.
I immediately think she couldn’t be talking about anyone on the
screen because obviously Tony Soprano is a fat, balding guy. So I
start looking around the room and see some photos on a table next to
the TV. In one of the photos I see a picture of one of the girls with her
arm around some guy. I assumed that must have been who she was
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saying mmmmmmm about. I didn’t really give it much thought and
kept watching the show. A little while later, one of the other girls says,
“Yeah, he really is hot”. I finally realize that they are talking about
Tony Soprano. How could this possibly be? I was so confused. These
girls were drooling over Tony Soprano like he was a piece of steak. I
asked the other three girls in the room if they thought he was
attractive as well. To my astonishment, all but one of them thought he
was hot. They said, “There’s just something about him. I don’t know
what it is”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This was the ultimate proof to
me that with the right attitude, ANY man can be considered attractive
to women. Now after years of studying the psychology of attraction, I
understand what it is they were talking about. Tony Soprano displays
a huge amount of confidence and strength. He speaks in a
commanding, authoritative tone. He’s the kind of guy that will put a
woman in her place if she gets out of line with him. He will call her out
on any silly games she plays. He is always in control of the situation.
So no matter how ugly you are, if you can get women to think that
you are strong, in control and confident – they will find you attractive!
This is great news for all of us that look more like Tony Soprano than
Brad Pitt.
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Become The “Cool”, Confident Guy
Okay, so know that we realize the importance of confidence, let’s look
at some ways we can begin to develop it. I often have guys ask me
how to how to become a “cool”, confident guy. The first step to
becoming the guy you’ve always wanted to be is to close your eyes
and imagine every aspect of his character. Don’t rush through this.
Without a very vivid picture of who you want to become, you’ll never
become him. I want you to take a moment to ponder each one of
these questions: How does he walk? How does he move? What does
his voice sound like? Does he hold his head high? How does he
dress? I want you to go through every aspect of his character. Get an
extremely clear vision in your head of this fictional character. Now I
want you to say to yourself, “If I can see him, I can be him”. Now take
your face and put it on this character. I want you to brand this image
into your subconscious. In your mind, get used to walking around like
this guy. Get used to talking like him. Just as you wouldn’t expect to
be the best piano player in the world without practicing, you shouldn’t
expect to be a “cool”, confident guy without practicing. Become
comfortable with the new guy you’ve created. I want you to really
embrace the concept that you can be anyone you want. No guy was
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born a “ladies’ man”. Practice this visualization for at least 5 minutes
a day and you’ll become more and more comfortable being this
“character”.
Another similar drill I want you to try is called “Acting as if”. Right now
I want you to stand up and try something. Come on, get up and really
do this! I want you to stand how you’d stand if you had 100 times
more confidence. Imagine that you were unstoppable. Stand how you
would if you were the most powerful, confident guy on the planet.
How does it feel? Get your chin up and your shoulders back. Now
step away from this book for a minute and walk how you’d walk if you
were 100 times more confident. Walk like you’re a lion marking his
territory. Walk with long deliberate strides. Take each step with total
self assuredness. Now I have to ask you – Why don’t you walk
around like this all the time? What are you afraid of? I’m sure you’re
thinking things like, “People might think I’m arrogant” or “It’s just not
me”. It’s these thoughts of fear that women can smell on you. You
need to erase these concepts immediately. Women respect a man
who’s not afraid to let the world know he’s confident. You have
nothing to be afraid of. Let everyone around you know that you’re
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someone important. What you’ll find is that they’ll start to treat you
differently. By “Acting as if” you’re someone confident and important;
you’ll start to actually become that way! For the next few weeks I
want you to take 5 minutes a day to practice standing and walking as
if you had 100 times more confident. After a while you’ll notice that it
will begin to reflect in your own natural stance and walk.
She’s Already Bought You
Companies across the country teach sales teams a very key rule that
helps them sell. They are taught to assume that the buyer already
wants what they are selling. In the same way, in order to be
successful with women you need to assume that she wants you.
Assume that she is interested in you and your body language will
follow along.
In the documentary “Pumping Iron” Arnold Swarzenneger says that
he called his mother before the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest
took place to tell her that he already won. It’s no coincidence that he
was the 7 time champion. By the way, go out and buy “Pumping Iron”
as soon as you can even if you’re not into bodybuilding. The
confidence that Arnold exhibits in that documentary is incredible and
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inspirational. You can see that Arnold would have been irresistible to
women because he not only displays an amazing amount of
confidence but he’s really enjoying life. People just flock to him.
Everyone wants to be around him. Watch Pumping Iron once and
you’ll see why he has become so successful today.
Become The Ultimate Movie Character
Pick 3 movie characters that you feel exude confidence. Go rent or
buy the movies they are in and carefully observe every move the
characters make. Take notes on the characters. Listen to the lines
they say and the way they say them. Skip to scenes where they are
speaking to a woman and pause the movie after they say lines that
you find well delivered. Rewind and listen to the line several times.
Then practice saying the line out loud in the exact way they said it
and model their posture and stance. Get out a pen and write down all
of the details you possibly can. Where are his eyes looking? How
much distance is there between him and her? Is he using touch at
all? Do this drill with a least 3 movie characters and try to find
similarities between them. What is it that makes them seem
confident? If you can pin point EXACTLY what it is they are doing,
you can do these exact same things and seem confident as well.
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Be A Master Of Your Domain
When you’re out with a woman, use deliberate, powerful movements
any chance you get. When reaching for a beer at the bar, grab it
tightly and pull it in to you. When you put seasonings on your food
use a couple of good hard shakes and then put the shaker down 20%
harder than you normally would. This shows you are in control of the
situation and that you’re decisive. You may not realize it, but she
processes all of this information. 99% of guys don’t realize that
something that seems as trivial as slow, wimpy, indecisive seasoning
shaking can turn a woman off. On a date you are being judged on the
hundreds of little, seemingly insignificant things you do.
Strong animals in nature make every move with power and authority.
You also need to learn mark your territory. An easy way to start doing
this is to take up more space. When you’re on a date, spread out and
enjoy being a man. Be the master of your domain. Literally tell
yourself, “I am the master of my domain and I enjoy it”. This thought
process will reflect in all of your actions from the way you open a door
to the way you sit in your chair and she’ll notice.
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Another way to establish and maintain dominance is to walk 2 steps
ahead of her (on the side closest to the street is you are walking near
one). This creates the illusion of leadership and protection. She
probably won’t realize what you’re doing consciously but she will feel
safe following your lead.
Thank you for reading this free preview of The Art Of War For
Dating System by Spencer Michaels. What you just read is just
the beginning of The Art Of War For Dating ebook course. The
rest of the ebook course offers specific techniques and the
exact dialogue you need to know to attract women. To order the
complete course which includes the full ebook, the Confidence
Builder audio program and free bonuses, go to:
http://www.datingwar.com