Management Blog

The Art of Feedback

May 2016

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The Art of Feedback: 7 Ways to Build Your Feedback Muscle By Laura Borland If you were to give me a gift and I was to tell you what was wrong with it, and why I didn’t like it, it would probably make you feel less enthusiastic about giving me another gift in the future, right? What if it’s exactly the same with feedback? Except feedback doesn’t always feel like a gift does it? It’s something that many of us shy away from - because we often have a point of view that feedback is telling people negative things that they don’t want to hear. But I think that does feedback a real disservice; it’s not the whole story, it’s only part of it. At a logical level feedback is just information. It’s just that our emotions can get in the way of both being able to give and receive feedback. And feedback is not just the ‘bad’ stuff, it’s also the ‘great’ stuff. But most of us are not so good at giving or receiving that either. When was the last time that you acknowledged something a colleague did really well that you appreciated? Or received a compliment from someone without belittling what they are saying? So, feedback is fundamental to the success of a business, and yet it’s the thing that many of us avoid. Interesting conundrum. Except here’s the thing, the impact of no feedback can, and does, have a huge negative impact on an organisation’s success. Without feedback from customers, colleagues and collaborators how can you know that you’re doing a great job, or that your organisation is being the best it can be? What if everything is feedback? If you’re looking to be successful in your career, you have to make feedback your friend. Feedback can prompt us to ask different questions, to create new possibilities and ultimately to create more success for ourselves and, therefore by default, the businesses that we work in. So maybe it hasn’t felt easy or comfortable for you to talk to people about things you think they don’t want to hear, OR maybe you’ve been given feedback by someone who didn’t do such a great job of it OR maybe you just don’t have so much experience of giving feedback. But just because that’s how it has been doesn’t mean that you have to keep creating more of the same moving forwards. Feedback is like anything else, you can learn how to do it. And here’s the other thing to be aware of, we’re all giving each feedback all the time not just with our words, but our actions, our body language, what we do and what we say, and also what we don’t say and don’t do. So there is formal feedback and also informal feedback. So how can you begin to create more ease and confidence with feedback for yourself and those whom you are working with?

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1. Know yourself How do you like to receive feedback? Tell people what works for you - do you even know what works for you? If you’re not clear, get clear. Don’t expect others to read your mind. Some of us find it easier than others to give feedback. However, if this is not you - then that’s ok. Don’t make yourself wrong for that, just create a system that supports you to be able to do what is required of you in your role. Often times when doing something that doesn’t feel so comfortable, it can be helpful to have a framework as guidance - that is, until you begin to cultivate your feedback muscle and build your confidence and ease with it. One simple technique for doing this is to ask the person if you can give them feedback - don’t blind side them, prepare them. Then talk about the facts, give examples, describe the impact and invite the person to share what was going on for them. Ask them to come up with suggestions of what they could do differently next time - when we come up with suggestions we’re more likely to commit to doing them. Other people’s solutions imposed on us rarely work as we do not really own them. And if the feedback creates the desired change, then acknowledge that with the person. 2. Know your colleagues We’re all different and like to communicate differently, so don’t assume that your preferred way of receiving feedback will work for other people. Give it to the person in a way they can hear. If you don’t know what works for them - then ask! e.g. ‘If I was to give you feedback how would you like to me to do it?’ And when you ask them a question. Listen to what they say. I mean really listen, which means not thinking about what you are going to say next. 3. Be courageous Sometimes giving feedback can feel difficult, and it is ok to communicate that - ‘it feels really difficult for me to have this conversation with you, but I value you and feel that I am doing you a disservice by not having this conversation with you’. Being a manager is not about being a robot, it’s about having the courage to do what’s required to create the greatest result, and not shying away from something because it feels uncomfortable. 4. Persist Just because you ask someone once for feedback and they don’t give you it, doesn’t mean they won’t. Keep asking, don’t judge the person. Some people find it really easy to say what they think, others need more space and time. 5. Be clear about your intentions If the purpose of the feedback is to make you feel better, or vent your frustrations then it’s probably not the time to do it. Feedback is a gift for the other person. Be aware of your state and the impact this will have on the interaction. If you’re mad or frustrated at the person then wait until you feel calmer - it will always create a better result! It could be helpful to ask yourself: • ‘Will this conversation help my colleague improve their performance?’ • ‘What will be the impact of me not having this conversation? • ‘Is this a talent they have that they cannot see? If I tell them this will they be able to step in more

of it and use it to create a greater outcome for all of us?

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6. Be curious. Get curious. Look at your team - get curious. What feedback are they giving you with their actions, and their unspoken communication? When someone gives you feedback, no matter what it is receive it. How can you do that? Just say thank you. Nothing else. No defenses, no playing it down. Just receive it. In my experience of working with people over the years, and from my own experience, generally when I feel defensive about what I’m being told there can often be something there that’s true for me that I have not acknowledged, or cannot see about myself. Some of the most uncomfortable feedback I’ve received has turned out to be the greatest gift for me in terms of my growth and development. What if that could be true for you too? And if you need to go back to the person and ask for clarification, do it when you can be genuinely curious - not when you want to defend and justify yourself. Someone I know said that their world transformed by using this very simple, and sometimes challenging technique. 7. Invite feedback Find ways to invite feedback from your colleagues. Ask questions, lots of questions. ‘What worked well for you there? What would make it even better next time? What do you need from me?’ And LISTEN. No defending or justifications - it is such a rare and valuable gift when we really listen to what someone else is saying. What value does feedback have that you’ve not yet discovered? So if you could get clarity on what the value of feedback actually is, and the gift that it could be for you, what else could you choose with it, that you have not yet chosen? Who would you be brave enough to ask for feedback I wonder? What is the conversation you need to have that you’ve been putting off I wonder? Go on, commit to doing something. Take action, just as a curious experiment. What if you could begin to get curious about feedback that you receive? What if you could drop the story about what you think it says about you and view it as information - what possibilities could that open up in your world and performance I wonder? What if you could create a space where, in your team feedback, both giving and receiving is the norm? Mm I am curious about what that would create for you all as an individual, and collectively within your team and ultimately for Hill. Resources for diving deeper So if you are curious to find out more about being great at both giving and receiving feedback, then complete a training request form (HRM60) the Role of Manager 1-day workshop. The next dates are 13th June 2016 and 19th September 2016.