THE ANTNEWSLETTER

FORANGLESEA SHEDDERS

SEC. Simon Clark52631812

This is my report for the Apriledition of the ANT. It is toinform members who cannotattend the shed of what hashappened over the past fewmonths and also show some of theskills I have acquired at thecomputer class I attended at theCommunity House, with thanks toAnne Wingard.

As coordinator I compile a reportfor the Community House eachmonth as part of our Auspicecommitment.

Brief summary of thehappenings at the shed.

We have installed a reverse cycleair conditioner in the shed thanksto Simon and the Surf CoastShire electricians who wired the

unit.

Seven of our members attend aCAV governance meeting held bythe Surf Coast Shire for thelocal Men’s Sheds. The discussionwas mainly about the differencebetween Auspice andIncorporation of sheds and thelegal obligations required.Laurie Mason is at the present

time revising our memberinformation and all other sheddocumentation and then we willproduce a revised induction,health and safety policydocument.

Members have attended twogreat movies at Rick's movietheatre - "Butch Cassidy and theSundance Kid" & "Cromwell". Thenext movie will be "The GreatEscape" followed by the movie"The Cruel Sea" in June. This isthe one I am waiting for.

Graham Raby has finally receivedthe two new tree stumps for thenext mushroom men for the Lionspark play area.

The new thicknesser has beenused constantly by members. Ifyou wish to learn how to use anyof our machines contact one ofthe trainers. No machine is to beused unless you receive theappropriate training and are

ISSUE NO 16 APRIL 2015

COORDINATORS REPORT

signed off as competent. A list oftrainers for machinery isavailable.

Bob Dwyer and his merry(sanders) men are very busymaking handicrafts and toys forthe River Bank Market on SundayApril the 9th. Many thanks foryour help.

The best part of shed days ismorning tea. Thanks to BruceBodman, Wally and Ilma Dite formorning refreshments and AllanClarke for his joke of the dayread by Simon Clark.

On Thursday 9th April the SurfCoast Shire's new CEO, KeithBaillie, will attend the shed forcoffee and a look at the operationof our shed. It is hoped as manymembers as possible will attendto meet the new CEO.

Shed member and Lion's clubmember Jim Tutt asked if themen’s shed would help assemble aflat pack kitchen for a needyfamily. This has been recentlycompleted and you can readJim's article in this newsletter.

At the committee meeting onThursday 26th March, it wasdecided to trial opening the shedon Tuesday for longer hours -from 9am -3pm April May & June.

So we are up and running foranother year of entertainment,friendship and productivity at theshed for 2015.While the weather has been mildand we are now safe frombushfires for the time being, the

This will enable members to getsome extra work done on theirown projects. However theremust be 2 people present at alltimes.Thanks to David & Anne Pugh for

the publication of the ANTmagazine and club video TheBeginning of our shed. David isretiring as editor of the magazineand this will be taken over by BillSpencer and Steve Harris for thenext edition.

My Final words of wisdom:No-one’s good at everything,everyone’s good at something. Ifyou haven’t’ already, find 'yoursomething' and go do it. Try newthings and devote time tomastering them.

Do something “stupid “justbecause you feel like it – “Wedon’t stop playing because wegrow old; we grow old because westop playing.”

ENJOY LIFESHED COORDINATOR

Alastair Duke

SECRETARY’SREPORT

conditioner in our communityroom for the comfort ofmembers. Many thanks to theshire for paying for the wiring.

We have also applied for a Solarpanel Grant and we are stillwaiting to hear about this.

On Thursday 9th April, the newCEO for the Surf Coast Shire,Keith Baillie, is coming to visit theMen's Shed. We welcome Keithand wish him well; we hope heenjoys his time here on the SurfCoast. I urge all members to tryand make it on the 9th between10 -11am to say hello and showhim our work.

The Department of HumanServices have given us 2 'more upto date' computers as theDepartment update theirhardware systems and it has beendecided by the committee tomake one computer available onlyfor administration - Coordinator,secretary, treasurer and safetyofficer to use. The other will befor general use by members.These will be set up during Apriland will have a new backup systemto ensure all files are secure andsafe in case of computer meltdown.

Liz & I will be away all of May,heading off to SA with our van toexplore the Eyre Peninsula.I hope you all keep well and

continue shedding!Simon Clark.

holidays were very busy withgrandchildren on visitation.

Liz and I went to Bundaberg for10 days at Christmas to visit ourdaughter Nikki, her husbandTracey and her twin boys, Jackand Sam, who at aged 11 are hardto keep up with now as I getolder; they want me to drive theiroff road buggy as well as mebeing their passenger whilet hey drive 'flat knacker' aroundtheir 2 acre block dodging trees,a dam and lots of bumps. It was awhite knuckle ride!Keeping up with them at rugby,cricket and in the pool demandedstamina that was hard to find andleft me ready for a beer early inthe afternoon.

A group visit to Mon Repos, aturtle conservation area nearBargara, to see the femaleturtles coming up to lay theireggs in the sand at night was ahighlight. We all had a good timeand it was great to haveChristmas with Nikki's family andanother daughter, Suzi, fromMelbourne who drove up with herfamily for a holiday.

The shed has had lots of jobssince we started back. Thecommittee has attended agovernance meeting at the Shireoffices and thanks to LaurieMason we are updating all ourshed rules and procedures. Assoon as they are ready we willdistribute them to members.

We have had many jokescollected over the past year and Ihave compiled a "Joke Book" of92 pages. This will be availabletowards the end of April at theprice of $10. Let me know if youwant one.

The Anglesea Men's Shed hasinstalled a reverse cycle air

Venus is the only planet thatrotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally as-sociated with women, whatdoes that tell you?)

(That women are going in the‘right’ direction.....?)

TREASURER’S REPORT

VALUED SUPPORTERS OF OUR SHED AND THE COMMUNITY

Highlights from Treasurer as at 31st March, 2015

Current Balance is: $12,137.32

Significant Income since 3rd December, 2014 included:

$518.00 – Community Bank – Sale of Manufactured Goods$1,000.00 – Surfcoast Grant for Thicknesser Machine$150.00 – Restore to new Camel Riding Machine$2,000.00 – Petty Cash paid into Bank$685.00 – Anglesea Tip Shed Distribution$100.00 – Anglesea Motor Yacht Club Roo Run Appreciation of Assistance

Significant Expense since 3RD December, 2014 included:

$2,391.00 – Purchase of Air Conditioner and Installation for Recreation Room

GOOD WORK

NEW AGAINThe Boys renovated thistreasure for the Anglesea

Toy Library

STOP PRESS.To All Shedders: There will be an edition of our firstJOKE BOOK available for people to buy towards themiddle-end of April. It is to be 92 pages full of laughs,contributed mainly by members Alan Clarke andGraeme Pleasance. It will cost $10 as a fund raiser forthe shed. If you need to have a joke up your sleevefor any special occasion, this is the book for you. Or-ders to be placed with the Secretary 5263 1812 oremail: sgc133@bigpond.com

When I was young I

decided I wanted to be adoctor so I took the

entrance exam to go to

Medical School.

One of the questions askedus to rearrange the lettersPNEIS into the name ofan important humanbody part which is most

useful when erect.

Those who answered spineare doctors today.The rest of us are sendingjokes via email.

A Must read forGrandparents

(Those who aren't will love it,too.)At one point during a game, the

coach called one of his9-year-old baseball players asideand asked, 'Do youunderstand what cooperation is?What a team is?' Thelittle boy nodded in the affirma-tive.'Do you understand that whatmatters is whether we winor lose together as a team?'

The little boy nodded 'yes'.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'msure you know, when anout is called, you shouldn't ar-gue, curse, attack the umpire,or call him a pecker-head, dick-head or asshole. Do youunderstand all that? 'The little boy nodded 'yes'again.He continued, 'And when I takeyou out of the game soanother boy gets a chance toplay too, it's not goodsportsmanship to call your coach"a dumb ass orshithead" is it?'The little boy shook his head'NO'.'GOOD', said the coach . . .'Now go over there and explainall that to your grandmother!'

Australia Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadbandin the bush!!

LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotterLOG OFF: Taking one piece of wood off the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any coldtinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..BYTE: What mozzies do

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.CHIP: A pub snack.

MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten thechips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at RedRooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter

lunch.MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the

counter lunch.USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishingnet.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in

the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren'tstrong enough.

MEMBER PROFILEJAMES MAFFETT

I was born in the early 30’sat Camperdown Hospital in

Western Victoria. Myparents were farmers. Myfather came to Australia inthe early 20’s under the

federal governments closersettlement scheme, having

been a British officer in theIndian Army.

After finishing boardingschool in Geelong, I did my 3

months National Service,Jackerooed in WesternVictoria, worked on the

family farm until it was soldin 1957, my parents retired.In 1957 I travelled overseaswith 3 friends, in a VW minibus— Africa, Europe, GreatBritain and

backthrough

America. Awonderful 9month trip.

My countrylife

continuedwith the

managementof a

thoroughbred horse

stud at Diggers Rest for 8years. During this time I gotmarried. Wanting to haveour own property, we leftand purchased a farm atGlenrowan West—Kelly

Country.

We experienced the 1967-8drought, so returned to large

propertymanagement in

Hamilton,Skipton and

Beaufort, duringthis time we hadour own propertyat Learmonth.

Returning toHamilton,

working for a business whichspecialised in sheepA1, quitenew at the time and very

interesting. In1997retirement looked a good

option and we moved to 10acres near Wonthaggi.

During our time there we dida lot of travel, outback

Australia, Europe, Nepal,South America, Africa,Mongolia, Vietnam and

Cambodia.

As half our family (3 sons, 1daughter) live here wedecided to downsize and

moved to Anglesea early thisyear, We are really enjoying

living here with friendlypeople and a relaxed

lifestyle.

My interests include (oldercars) which I have 4, golfand woodworking. I am

finding the Men’s Shed avery friendly place, a

wonderful source of ideasand information along with agreat selection of tools and

equipment

Why did the mechanicsleep under the car?

He wanted to get up oilyin the morning.

Thanks to Laurie Adamson

A man and his wife were cele-brating 50 years together.

Their three kids, all very success-ful, all agreed to a Sunday dinnerin their honour.

"Happy Anniversary Mum & Dad"gushed son number one, a sur-geon, "Sorry I'm running late. Ihad an emergency at the hospitalwith a patient, you know how it is,and didn't have time to get you agift."

"Not to worry" said the father,the important thing is that we'reall together today."

Son number two, a lawyer, arrivedand announced "You and Mom lookgreat Dad". I just flew in fromLos Angeles between cases anddidn't have time to shop for you".

"It's nothing," said the father."We're glad you were able tocome."

Just then the daughter, a mar-keting executive, arrived. "Helloand Happy Anniversary! I'msorry but my boss is sending meout of town and I was really busypacking so I didn't have time toget you anything."

After they finished dessert, thefather said, "There's somethingyour mother and I have wanted totell you for a long time. You see,we were very poor. Despite this,we were able to send each of youto university. Throughout theyears your mother and I knew weloved each other very much, butwe just never found the time toget married."The three children gasped and all

said, "You mean we're bastards?"

"Yes," said the father, "and mis-erable ones at that.”

FOR SALEFULL SET OF

ENCYCLOPEDIA

NO LONGER

NEEDED

AS WIFE KNOWS

EVERYTHING

BEER TEST RESULTS

Sad news about beer. Youhave to hope that thisstudy is flawed but the

evidence seemsirrefutable,

Yesterday, scientists forHealth Canada, suggested

that the results of arecent analysis revealedthe presence of femalehormones in beer, and

suggested that menshould take a look at

their beer consumption.The theory is that

drinking beer makes menturn into women. To testthe theory, 100 men wereeach fed 6 pints of beerwithin a one hour period.

It was then observedthat 100% of the mengained weight, talkedexcessively without

making sense, becameoverly emotional, couldn’t

drive, failed to thinkrationally, argued overnothing, had to sit downwhile urinating,, couldn’tperform sexually, and

refused to apologise whenwrong.

No further testing splanned

GOLF AND WHATIT ALL MEANS

Golf can best be defined asan endless series of trage-dies obscured by the occa-sional miracle, followed by a

good bottle of beer

Golf ! You hit down to makethe ball go up. You swing

left and the ball goesright. The lowest scorewins, on top of that, thewinner buys the drinks.