THE ADDAM’S FAMILY VALUES

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Content I'm going to have a baby... right now.

Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?

They had sex

Would you like anesthesia

It's an Addams!

He has my father's eyes

Children, why do you hate the baby?

And join their hellish crusade

Where is that baby?

Isn't he a lady-killer

I'll show you all my references

We went through all the usual baby names

Be afraid. Be very afraid

Oh, Fester, I'm such a lucky man

Summer camp

Fresh air...

Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Wednesday's at that very special age

Who is that man over by the punch bowl

I'll be the victim

I can't swim

I just can't tell - does he like me at all?

That ring

We're not shy. We're contagious

I just wanted to read

More important than summer fun?

I have allergies

What?

And now for the piece de resistanc

You know what happens ?

Do you believe in the existence of evil?

I, Fester Addams, do hereby declare…

You're going to have a wonderful life together

Would you die for me?

But aren't they extinct?

Your hearse. - Where's the body?

I'd do anything for him

Of course - the gates of hell

All that I could forgive. But, Debbie...

Traveling alone?

You lack any sense of structure, character

We're going to make an example

But... it's Disney

Isn't she pretty?

20 grand for summer camp

He needs friends...

I want you dead, and I want your money

We'll always have today and Chippewa

I live in shame… and the suburbs

Don't I deserve love… and jewelry? …

Dementia. What a beautiful name

To the glorious mysteries of life …

If I wanted to kill my husband…

Wife and psycho Let’s go!

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-- Gomez. Marvelous news.

-I'm going to have a baby... right now.

- Are you in unbearable pain?

Is it inhuman?

My darling, is it torture?

- Oui.

- And then mommy kissed daddy, and the angel told the stork. The stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the

cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby.

- Our parents are having a baby, too. They had sex.

- Would you like anesthesia?

- No, thank you. But ask the children.

- It's a boy.

- It's a girl.

- Father, what is it?

- It's an Addams!

- He has my father's eyes.

- Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

- Children, why do you hate the baby?

- We just want to play with him.

- Especially his head.

- I'm just like any modern woman, trying to have it all - loving husband, a family.It's just I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade, that's all.

- You can! You shall! So it must be!Yes, we can!

- All right, children, I've had it up to here.Now you just answer one simple question.Where is that baby?

- Which part?

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- Isn't he a lady-killer?

- Acquitted.

- I'll show you all my references. so you'll know I'm not a homicidal maniac.

- Of course you're not.

- You're too young.

- We went through all the usual baby names…- Lucifer…- Benito…- Mao.- Then we came to our senses - something a child could live with...

- Pubert.

- Children, this is Miss Jellinsky, our new nanny.What do we say?

- Be afraid. Be very afraid.

- Oh, Fester, I'm such a lucky man. I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children

and of paying someone else to raise them.

- Summer camp.

- Fresh air...

the scent of pine.

– Why are you dressed like that?

– Like what?

– Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

– Wait.

- Wednesday's at that very special age, when a girl has only one thing on her mind.

- Boys?

- Homicide.

- who is that man over by the punch bowl, that fascinating man,that oddly sensual man,that man who makes me quiver under my bodice,

that baldman?

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- I'll be the victim.

- All your life.

- Help me! Help me! I'm drowning! Help me!

I'm dying!

- I can't swim.

- I just can't tell - does he like me at all?

- Of course he does. He vomited.

-Does he always do that with women he likes?

- Oh, no. Just you.

Look at him.

So peaceful.

- That ring...

- It was our mother's.

- She was buried with it.

- Wednesday. Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?

- We don't hug.

- Oh, they're just shy.

- We're not shy. We're contagious.

- What are you in for?- I wouldn't go horseback riding.- That's all?- And I wouldn't make a bird house.- Why not?- I just wanted to read.- Not on my time, four-eyes.

Несколько часов

в избушке гармонии

(и Стивен Хокинг

не поможет!)

A-A-A!

- We have to see our family. It's important.

- More important than summer fun?More important than making new friends?More important than sharing?

- Joel Glicker, I'm surprised at you.

- I have to get out of here. I have allergies.

- Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine, archery, and crafts?

- Yes.

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- we were blessed with our own little bundle of joy. What?

- Oh, I didn't say anything.

- That's the baby's nickname - What? From the obstetrician.

- And now for the piece de resistance.Ta-da!Ta-da!

That poor girl.Lurch, was she in there before you baked?

- You know what happens if my mom uses a fabric softener?

- What?

- I die.

- Do you believe in the existence of evil?

- Well, did you meet my mom?

- I, Fester Addams, do hereby declare my unending love. I will worship you forever.I will devote... my every waking moment to your happiness alone.Henceforth, I am your eternal and helpless slave.

- Nice.

- You're going to have a wonderful life together.

- Yes, I am.

- Oh, Fester, how much do you love me?- With all my soul.- Would you do anything for me?- Anything.- Would you die for me?- Yes.- Promise?

- It's an American bald eagle!

- But aren't they extinct?

- They are now.

- Mrs. Addams?

- Yes?

- Your hearse. Where's the body?

- Right there.

- But he's alive.

- Tell me about it!

- I'd do anything for him.At his request, I would rip out my eyes.At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.

- Why wait?

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- where are we?

- It looks familiar.

- Of course - the gates of hell.

- Welcome to my home.

- You have enslaved him. You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. You have married Fester. You have destroyed his spirit. You have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But, Debbie...

- What?

- Pastels?

- Yes, I'd like to renew my passport, please. I'll be leaving the country very shortly.

- Traveling alone?

- Yes. I'll be a widow.

- You won't help me realize my vision?

- Your work is puerile and under-dramatized.You lack any sense of structure, character, or the Aristotelian unities.

- We're going to make an example. We are going to show that anyone,no matter how odd or pale or chubby, can still have a darn good time.

Whether they like it or not.

- But... it's Disney.

- Isn't she pretty?

- She's scaring me!

- 20 grand for summer camp,

he's Mr. Woo-Woo.

- He's not a team player. He needs friends.

- He needs friends like this?

- I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity, but, oh, no, not you.

- What are you saying?

- I want you dead, and I want your money.

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- We'll always have today and Chippewa.

- And this.

- What is it?

- Amanda's retainer.

- I've tried to be someone I'm not.

I live in shame...

and the suburbs!

- Don't I deserve love...

and jewelry?

- Dementia. What a beautiful name.

- It means insanity.

- My name's Fester. It means to rot.

- A toast.

- To the glorious mysteries of life.

- To all that binds a family as one.

- To mirth, to merriment, to manslaughter.

- Poor Debbie. She was sick.

- She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.

- What do you mean?

- If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.

- How?

- I'd scare him to death.

The End

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Ну и не в тему…

На дорожку ;)

Лондон, Трафальгарская площадь, всюду голуби. Благообразного вида старушка разбрасывает

пшено. Молодого человека, сидящего на скамейке, птицы уже изрядно достали, и он с криками "Fuck

off!" пытается отогнать голубей.

Старушка:

- Young man, do not use such words! Just say "shoo, birds, shoo!" - and they will fuck off....

Идет pепетиция госудаpственного симфонического оpкестpа, дирижер по сотому разу заставляет

переигрывать одно и то же место:

- Вторая скрипка, опять вы сбиваетесь с темпа! Еще раз с семнадцатой цифры!

Играют снова. Дирижер опять недоволен:

- Стоп, стоп, стоп! Флейта, здесь не ля, а ля-бемоль! Еще раз.

Ударник не выдерживает и в знак протеста остервенело колотит по всем своим барабанам

и литаврам. Дикий грохот, все замирают в оцепенении…

Дирижер обводит тяжелым взглядом оркестр, долго молчит, потом спрашивает:

- Hу, и кто это сделал?...

- Тут все прощаются, прощаются…

Кончили прощаться!

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