• The ABC’s• Defining The ABC’s

• The ABC Process• The ABC’s In Action

• Twelve Common Irrational Ideals• Ten Common Upsetting Beliefs

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A way of coping with one form of personal

unmanageability…

UPSET FEELINGS

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The ABC’sPeople tend to be upset with themselves, others or the

world around them. The upset may take the form of

feelings of depression, anxiety, and guilt. When these

feelings become intense or prolonged they become

unmanageable. The consequences of these intense or

prolonged upset feelings may be resorting to alcohol or

drugs as a way of trying to manage these feelings.

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The ABC’sWhat caused us to become upset? What brings about

our upset feelings? No situation or person can upset us

or make us feel bad. It is our viewpoint or thinking about

something, not the something itself that is upsetting.

Another person or a situation does not make us feel

angry, anxious, depressed or guilty. We upset ourselves

by our view or attitude toward those things.

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The ABC’sWe are responsible for creating our own feelings toward

these things. When we judge or evaluate things in a

negative way, then our feelings will usually be upset

feelings. When we judge or evaluate things in a positive

way, then our feelings will usually be pleasant feelings.

We are not upset by things, but our thinking about those

things. In other words, we feel the way we think.

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The ABC’sOur thinking produces our feelings, but it does not stop

there. When we feel a particular way, we often will act on

those feelings. That is, actions usually follow our

feelings. What we do will often depend upon how we felt

about a particular situation. When we get angry we may

yell, when we get depressed we may withdraw.

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The ABC’sA person having upset feelings may behave in a self

defeating way. The behavioral consequences following

upset feelings may be resorting to mood altering

substances- chemical dependency. (Example: An

acquaintance passes you without saying hello. UPSET

FEELINGS of depression. Behavioral consequences of

withdrawing to your room and drinking…

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The ABC’s…followed by more self-blame and then more upset

feelings of guilt followed by more drinking.) “OUR

LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. Upset

feelings may become part and parcel of our own

chemical dependency. The use of alcohol or drugs

becomes a way of dealing with upset feelings. (We

become dependent on mood-altering substances to

change our mood/feelings.)

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The ABC’sThe ABC process is a new skill that you will he learning.

It is a constructive way of dealing with our upset feelings.

It is a problem solving process for reducing upset feel

and behaving responsibly. It is a skill that can apply as a

part of your A.A. program. What are some of the

advantages of using the ABC process to deal with our

upset feelings?

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The ABC’sIf we are less upset about a situation, there will be less

need for turning to mood altering substances as a way

of dealing with upset feelings. The ABC process provides

some assistance in dealing with the personal

unmanageable of upset feelings.

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The ABC’s – The Serenity PrayerBeing less upset allows us to look at situations

realistically and figure out constructive ways to deal

with situations more clearly.

God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

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The ABC’sRealistic GOALS (E) for an alcoholic are:

1. SOBRIETY - Use the ABC process as a way to deal

with upsetting feelings, so that bad feelings will not lead

to drinking or using other drugs. Goal – Maintain

SOBRIETY!

2. FEELING GOOD - (Serenity) Use the ABC process to

continue to FEEL GOOD, to avoid bad feelings, to

maintain serenity.

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Dealing with unmanageable feelings.

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Defining The ABC’sA. Activating Event - Something happens or is about

to happen. The situation about which you are having

some emotional feelings.

B. Belief System - Your beliefs, thoughts, or attitudes about the situation (A). What you tell yourself. Rational Beliefs are represented by a level of thinking that is

in touch with reality and responsibility.

Irrational Beliefs include automatic thinking that is based on three words; should, must, and demand.

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Defining The ABC’s C. Consequences – Three are two types of

Consequences, Emotional & Behavioral.

Ca. - Emotional Consequences -Your emotional reactions as a result of our beliefs (B). How you feel.

Cb. - Behavioral Consequences - What you do as a result of your feelings (C). How you behave or act.

D. Disputing the Upsetting Beliefs:

Challenging or questioning your thinking (B).

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Defining The ABC’s E. Establishing Realistic Personal Preferences:

Setting goals for yourself regarding the situation (A).

Realistic alternatives to your upsetting beliefs (B).

F. Finding Constructive Actions to take:

Looking for the positive options you have to achieve your personal preferences or goals (E).

G. Goal Achievement:

Choosing a positive option (F) and acting on it.

Behaving responsibly.

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Reframing situations that lead to unmanageable feelings.

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The ABC Process1. Start with your upset feelings (C - Consequences

Emotional and Behavioral) . Identify them.

Your upset feelings are clues or signals that you are

telling yourself upsetting things. You may have to

become a better observer of your feelings. This means

getting in touch with your feelings. “What am I really

feeling?”

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The ABC Process2. Counter-act your upsetting beliefs with a positive

self-message such as; “Slow down, easy does it. Don’t

get so upset.”

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The ABC Process3. Clarify the situation for yourself. Look at the

situation (A - Activating Event ) about which you are

having upset feelings (C – Consequences Emotional

and Behavioral). You may need to become a better

observer of reality. “What is really going on in the

situation about which I became upset?”

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The ABC Process4. Identify your upsetting beliefs (B - Belief System)

about the situation (A - Activating Event ). Look at

your “shoulds” and “awfuls”. Clarify your expectations.

“What am I telling myself?”

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The ABC Process5. Challenge (D - Disputing the Upsetting Beliefs)

your upsetting beliefs (B - Belief System). “Where is

my evidence? Prove it.”

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The ABC Process7. Find (F - Finding Constructive Actions to take)

the constructive actions you could take to achieve your

personal preference (E - Establishing Realistic

Personal Preferences). Make a list of the positive

options that you may have. “What constructive action

can I take to achieve my personal preferences or goals?”

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The ABC Process6. Change your unrealistic upsetting beliefs (B – Belief

System) to realistic personal preferences. Set

constructive goals for yourself (E – Establishing

Realistic Personal Preferences). “What do I really

want out of the situation?”

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The ABC Process8. Choose (G - Goal Achievement) a constructive

option and act on it! The end result of the ABC process is

positive action on your part. Behaving responsibly has

the consequences of thinking and feeling more positive

about yourself.

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The ABC’s In ActionA. Activating Event - The situation that’s starts the

unmanageable feelings.

That driver cut me off.

B. Belief System: Your beliefs, thoughts, or attitudes

about the situation (A). What you tell yourself.

No driver must ever cut me off; they should never ever

do so. They should be arrested for doing so. I demand that

they be arrested!

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The ABC’s In ActionC. Consequences (Emotional and Behavioral) –

Emotional consequences such as anger, rage, and

discontent that forces unacceptable behavior.

When drivers cut me off I get really angry so I honk,

yell, and tell them to..! Afterwards it takes a while to get

myself calmed down again.

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The ABC’s In ActionD. Dispute irrational beliefs with two questions.

1. Where is the evidence that proves you should, must,

demand?

2. Who are you to demand such consequences in the first

place?

Where’s the evidence that says no driver is going to cut

me off? Who made me king of the DMV that decides how

people should or must drive?

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The ABC’s In Action Create Your Own Example

A. Situation (Activating Event)

B. Irrational Beliefs of Should, Must, or Demand.

C. Emotional Consequencesa. Your Feelings

b. Your Behavior

D. Dispute your Shoulds, Musts and Demands.

“Where is the evidence?” (None)

“Who are you?” (Not God)

E. Emerging New BeliefsReframe situation and beliefs

F. Finding Constructive Action To Take

G. Goal Achievement - Maintains Sobriety & Serenity.

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Twelve Common Irrational Ideals1. It is a dire necessity to be loved and approved of.

2. I SHOULD be THOROUGHLY competent, adequate and achieving in ALL possible respects.

3. Some people ARE bad, wicked or vile and SHOULD(or MUST be) punished.

4. If things do not go (or stay) the way I very much want them to, it would be AWFUL, CATASTROPHIC or TERRIBLE.

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Twelve Common Irrational Ideals5. Unhappiness is externally caused and I CANNOT

control it (unless I control the other person).

6. One SHOULD remain upset or worried if faced with a dangerous or fearsome reality.

7. It is EASIER to avoid responsibility and difficulties than to face them.

8. I have a RIGHT to be dependent and people (or someone) SHOULD be strong enough to rely in (or take care of me).

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Twelve Common Irrational Ideals9. My early childhood experiences MUST continue to

CONTROL me and determine my emotions and behavior.

10. I SHOULD become upset over my and other peoples problems or behavior.

11. There is invariably ONE right, precise, and PERFECTsolution and it would be TERRIBLE or CATASTROPHIC if this perfect solution is not found.

12. The world (and especially other people) SHOULD be air and justice (or mercy) MUST triumph.

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals1. The belief that you must have love or approval from

almost everyone for almost everything you do.

(People must love or approve of me. “I must please

everyone.” “I should be loved.” The demand for

acceptance and approval.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals2. The belief that you should be thoroughly competent,

adequate and achieving in all possible respects to be

worthwhile.

(“I must not make mistakes or do poorly.” “Making

mistakes is terrible. “I must be right.” “I should be

perfect.” The demand for perfection.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals3. The belief that certain behavior is awful and people

who behave that way are no good and should be

punished.

(“People should be punished for their wrong doings.” “I

am a bad person because of what I did.” Self

blame/other-blame.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals4. The belief that it is awful when things do not go the

way you would like them to go.

(“Things should always go the way I want them.” “It’s

terrible when things go wrong.” “I shouldn’t be

frustrated.” “I must have things my way.” Demanding

your way/non-acceptance of reality.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals5. The belief that your emotional upset is caused by

external pressures or other people and you have little

ability to control or change.

(“My upset feelings are caused by the way others act or

what happens to me.” “I can’t control my feelings.”

Avoidance of responsibility to change.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals6. The belief that if something may be dangerous or

fearsome I should be very worried and upset about it.

(“I should worry and be anxious about threatening

things.” “Threatening situations have to keep me terribly

worried.” “I should worry about problems.”)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals7. The belief that it is easier for you to avoid facing

many life difficulties and self—responsibilities than to

face up to them.

(“Self discipline and self responsibility are too hard for

me to do.” I shouldn’t have to do unpleasant things to

change. Avoidance of responsibility/the easy way out.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals8. The belief that your past is all important and that

because something once strongly influenced your life, it

should keep determining your feelings and behavior

today.

(“The effects of my childhood and my past still have to

control my life.” “I can’t change.” Excuse for not

changing.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals9. The belief that people should be different from the

way they are.

(“People should behave differently.” “People should do

things my way.” “I can’t stand the way certain people act.”

“People should be the way I want them to be.” “I should

have my own way.” “I must be right.” Demanding others

change/nonacceptance/avoiding responsibility to

change.)

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Ten Common Irrational Ideals10. The belief that you can achieve human happiness

through inaction or by passively and uncommittedly

enjoying yourself.

(“I can get my way by sitting back and not asserting

myself.” “You shouldn’t look for trouble.’ “‘You shouldn’t

take chances.” “Don’t rock the boat.” Avoidance of

responsibility/fear of failure.)

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