TAKE ONE€¦ · TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I S AW YOU INTHE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.” ORANGE PEEL...

November 6, 2019 Volume 14, Issue 4

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

FREETAKE ONE

Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

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OORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTES &

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Who's the Boss? One evening a preschooler,

Kristel, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Kristel asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the

boss of the house." But Kristel added "CauseMommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?"

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Poor Steve It's Black Friday! The mall is packed with shoppers

and Steve can't find his wife. Steve goes up to a veryattractive woman and says 'Excuse me, can you helpme? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is herein the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk tome for a couple of minutes?" The attractive woman replies "Yes, of course, but

why?" Steve replies, "Because every time I talk to a

beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."

Stakeout I'm a police officer and occasionally park my

cruiser in residential areas to watch for speeders. OneSunday morning I was staked out in a driveway when I saw a large dog trot up to my car. He stopped and sat just out of arm's reach. No

matter how much I tried to coax him to come for a paton the head, he refused to budge. After a while, I decided to move to another location.

I pulled out of the driveway, looked back, and learnedthe reason for the dog's stubbornness. He quicklypicked up the newspaper I'd been parked on and dutifully ran back to his master.

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3

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Model Car Kits - Die Cast Cars - Promos11th Annual

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DeKalb Toy ShowSun, Nov. 10 • 10am - 2pm

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You live in the Midwest when... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayorknows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to passa tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on thesame day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's mycoat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place,you say, "It was different!"

You live in Florida when... 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people

Road Closed They've closed a road near where I live in order to

repair a collapsed sewer-pipe. The construction workershave put up a sign saying:

ROAD CLOSED But, since the actual road closure is not apparent until

you go around a bend, a lot of drivers go just to see if theroad is really closed. After they see that the road really is closed, they start

making their way back. Their embarrassment is madeworse by another sign right behind the ROAD CLOSEDsign, but facing them on their return. The new sign reads:

TOLD YOU SO!

Selling Shoes Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store.

When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end ofmy tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of mypredicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror.For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along thefloor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home

with you!"

Two Lawyers Eating Sandwiches In A Diner

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered twodrinks. Then they produced sandwiches from theirbriefcases and started to eat. The owner became quiteconcerned and marched over and told them, "You can'teat your own sandwiches in here!"The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their

shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4


Jumping on Beds Connie told her 4-year-old grandson,

Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that if he fell, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed and he was

back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't

jumping on the beds again, were you?" He stood with his little head dropped

low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hardto quit."

Thought for the Day•Failure is not an option.

It comes bundled with the software.

Pass Out In ShockThe man passed out in a dead faint as he came out

of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911.When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regainconsciousness and asked if he knew what caused himto faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said.

"My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with thelawn mower."

Have A First ChildA man and his wife were making their first doctor

visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.After everything checked out, the doctor took a

small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.The couple was curious about what the stamp was

for, so when they got home, the husband got out hismagnifying glass to try to see what it was.In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can

read this, come back and see me."

Nice Try My husband's uncle thought he had conquered

his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthdayand, also, their anniversary. He opened an account witha florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these datesalong with an appropriate note signed, "Your lovinghusband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of

attention and all went well until one day when he came home he saw a bouquet, kissed his wife and said

offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

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ApronsThe principal use of Grandma’s apron was to

protect the dress underneath because she only had afew and because it was easier to wash aprons thandresses and aprons required less materials. But alongwith that, it served as a potholder for removing hotpans from the oven.It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on

occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatcheggs to be finished in the warming oven.And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped

it around her arms. Those big old aprons wiped manya perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchenin that apron. From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carriedout the hulls.In the autumn, the apron was used to bring in apples

that had fallen from the trees. When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising howmuch furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto

the porch, waved her apron, and the men folk knew itwas time to come in from the fields to dinner.It was be a long time before someone invents some-

thing that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that servedso many purposes.Remember: Grandma used to set her hot baked

apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.The Government would go crazy now trying to

figure out how many germs were on that apron. I don’t think I ever caught anything form an apron - except love....

Makes a Difference My wife was chatting with her brother, a business

executive who had retired last year. While discussingthe joys of his new leisure time, he remarked that hehad been compelled to give up skiing, a sport he hadenjoyed for many years. "Afraid of injuries?" my wife asked. "Now I am," her brother responded. "Before I

could drag a cast into work and still do my job, butnow I'd be messing up my golf game."

Legal Fees A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks how

much the barrister's rates are. The lawyer says fiftydollars for three questions. The man asks, "Isn't that awfully expensive" "Yes," the lawyer replies, "what's your third

question?"

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• Buffet Clarinet B-12 $275• Artley Clarinet $150• Artley Wood Clarinet $395• Bessen Trumpet $275

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• Conn Alto Saxophone $350• Bundy Alto Saxophone $399• Vito Alto Saxophone $425• La Sax Tenor $850• Jupiter Euphonium $850• Bell Kit $100



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AMERICAN LEGION POST 57820 N. LIBERTY STREET • ELGIN, IL 60120

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC10AM - CLOSE

Video Gaming: 10am - Close • Full Bar: Sunday - Saturday

Monday Night: Queen of Hearts Drawing at 8pm & sales during regular hours

Thursday Night Lightning: Starts at 6pmHamburger Night: Thursdays 5:30pm - 7:30pmSpaghetti Night: 2nd Wednesday 5pm - 7pmLunch: Wednesday - Friday 11:30am - 1pmFish Fry Night: Fridays 4pm - 7pmBreakfast: 2nd Sunday 9am - Noon

The American Legion is 100 years strong and looking for another 100 years of service to our veterans, our community and our Nation.

Come and visit our Post home.

(Except Mother’s Day & Easter when Buffets are offered and Father’s Day with Eggs to Order)

Fri^[y Sun^[yBingo Bingo

7 - 10pm 1:30 - 5pm(Card Sales start at 6pm) (Card sales start at 12:30pm)

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How Many Do You Remember??Head lights dimmer switches on the floorIgnition switches on the dashboard

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wallReal ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that]

Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt QuizCount all the ones that you remember- not the ones

you were told about! (Ratings at the bottom)1. Blackjack chewing gum2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water3. Candy cigarettes4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboardstoppers7. Party lines8. Newsreels before the movie9. P.F. Flyers10. Butch wax11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive- 6933)12. Peashooters13. Howdy Doody14. 45 RPM records15. S&H Green Stamps16. Hi-fi's17. Metal ice trays with lever18. Mimeograph paper19. Blue flashbulb20. Packards21. Roller skate keys22. Cork popguns23. Drive-ins24. Studebakers25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still youngIf you remembered 6-10 = You are getting olderIf you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!



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Things Your Mom Would Never Say to You

• How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back? • Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too • Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery

• Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week

• Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day

• Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.

• The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

• I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve • Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve

Computer Repair An office technician got a call from a computer

user. The customer told the tech that her computer wasnot working. She described the problem and the techconcluded that her computer needed to be brought inand serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up

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is distributed to over400 locations

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9

111 N. Main Street

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Rush Hour My brother, a trucker, is often caught in commuter

rush-hour traffic. One morning when everything cameto a standstill, he sat high up in his 18-wheeler singingand whistling. A passenger in a nearby car, frustrated by the delay,

yelled up at my brother, "What are you so happyabout?" "I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.

Tax Tip Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a

red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. As an example, if you have some money left in

your bank account after paying your taxes. That's ared flag.

Reading QuotesWhen we read a story, we inhabit it. The covers ofthe book are like a roof and four walls. What is tohappen next will take place within the four walls ofthe story. And this is possible because the story'svoice makes everything its own. ~ John Berger ~

I read the newspaper avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction. ~ Aneurin Bevan ~

Books, I found, had the power to make time standstill, retreat or fly into the future.~ Jim Bishop ~

The failure to read good books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency--the belief that the here and now is all there is. ~ Allan Bloom ~


Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?


The GeneralKnowledge Quiz 21

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$800,000 Question...What was the Troggs most famous hit?A) Wild Shoes B) Wild ThingC) Wild Night D) Wet and Wild

$801,000 Question...What city has Kogoshima as its airport?A) Dublin B) LondonC) Sidney D) Tokyo

$802,000 Question...What was gangsters George Nelsons nickname?A) Strong arm B) Baby FaceC) Tuna D) Angel

$803,000 Question...Whose first wife was actress Jayne Wyman?A) John Wayne B) JFKC) Ty Cobb D) Ronald Regan

$804,000 Question...What is a baby whale called? A) calf B) gullC) doe D) chick

$805,000 Question...With which organ does a snake hear?A) eye B) skin C) tongue D) fangs

$806,000 Question...On what is the Mona Lisa painted?A) canvas B) marbleC) wood D) paper

$807,000 Question...In which film did the Rolls Royce have the number plate AU1?A) Goldfinger B) 10C) Terminator D) Rocky

Answers: $800 - B; $801 - D; $802 - B; $803 - D; $804 - A; $805 - C; $806 - C; $807 - A.

British Speed Trap Two British traffic patrol officers from North

Berwick were involved in an unusual incident whilechecking for speeding motorists on the A-1 GreatNorth Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radardevice to check the speed of a vehicle approachingover the crest of a hill, and was surprised when thespeed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were notable to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed

that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet, which was engaged in a low-flyingexercise over the Border district, approaching from theNorth Sea. Back at police headquarters, the chief constable

fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style: "Thank you for your message, which allows us to

complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipmentand automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. "Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the

fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked ontoyour equipment. "Fortunately, the pilot flying the Tornado

recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and wasable to override the automated defense system beforethe missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed. Good Day..."

Today's QuickieAn insurance agent's wife was learning to drive

when the brakes gave out. "What should I do?" shecried. "Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap."

The Raise Our boss told us that a salary raise is planned. One

of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?" The boss answered, "As soon as you do."

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Air Miles In the line-up at the store, I overheard the checker

ask the lady in front of me if she had an air miles card."Oh, yes," she said. "I have enough air miles to get toDallas, where my son lives." "That's wonderful," said the cashier. "My son doesn't think so," the lady replied. "I don't

have enough to get back."

Food Chain After discussing the "food chain" with my fifth

grade class, I told them their weekend homework wasto write a sentence showing they understood the meaning of the term. On Monday morning, one student handed this in:

"McDonalds is my favorite food chain."

Magic Show During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple

went to see a popular magic show. After one especiallyamazing feat, a woman from the back of the theateryelled out: "Hey, how'd you do that?" "I could tell you, madam", the magician answered,

"But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, she yelled back, "OK, then ...

Just tell my husband."

Former Co-worker? At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the

anesthesiologist often chatted with patients beforetheir operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a

co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was

correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad asit used to be?" "Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking

there."

Living the MottoA scoutmaster and his wife were driving along a

rural highway when they found the road blocked by aherd of cows that had escaped through a broken fence.The scoutmaster tried beeping his horn to scare the

cattle from the pavement, but to no avail. For somereason, no sound was heard. He got out of the car,lifted the hood, and saw the problem, a loose wire,which he quickly fixed.As he got back into the car, his wife asked him if

he'd had any luck. "Yep," he replied, "beep repaired!"

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10 Office Rules10. Never walk without a document -- People with

documents look like hardworking employees headedto important meetings. People with nothing in theirhands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. Peoplewith a newspaper in their hand look like they'reheaded for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carryloads of stuff home with you at night, thus generatingthe false impression that you work longer hours thanyou really do.9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use

a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat andhave a blast without doing anything remotely relatedto work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits thatthe proponents of the computer revolution would liketo talk about, but they're not bad either. When you getcaught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- yourbest defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to usenew software, thus saving valuable training dollars.8. Messy desk -- only top management can get

away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks likewe're not working hard enough. Build huge piles ofdocuments around your workspace. To the observer,last year's work looks the same as today's work; it'svolume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If youknow somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury thedocument you'll need halfway down in an existingstack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you

have voice mail. People don't call you just becausethey want to give you something for nothing -- theycall because they want YOU to do work for THEM.That's no way to live. Screen all your calls throughvoice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you andit sounds like impending work, respond during lunchhour when you know they're not there -- it looks likeyou're hardworking and conscientious even thoughyou're being a devious weasel.6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to

George Costanza, one should also always try to lookimpatient and annoyed to give off the impression thatyou're always busy.5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office

late, especially when the boss is still around. Youcould read magazines and storybooks that you alwayswanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss'room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and duringpublic holidays.4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when

there are many people around, giving the impressionthat you are under extreme pressure.

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in the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

(815)751-1286



Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable.Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories

and jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any

group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel

Gazette for products or services offered.

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

• 40 Years Experience• Electrical Repair or Replacement• Mechanical Repair• Fabrication and Welding• Custom Wood Working

CLASSIC AUTOMOBILE RESTORATION

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Window Glass - Plastic Sheets - ScreensAluminum Store Fronts & DoorsDefective & Broken Insulated

Glass ReplacementMirrors Made To Order - Table Tops

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10% Offwith this original coupon. Must mentioncoupon before ordering. Not valid with

other offers. No copies or internet reprints. Expires 11/30/19

MaterialOnly

10 Office Rules3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile

lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on thefloor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon andnew products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't haveto understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T let your boss

see this by mistake!

Remote Starters Six of us at the office decided we wanted to install

remote starters on our cars and thought we'd get a better deal if we went to the same garage. We shoppedaround and found a place that would do all our cars atthe same time, and we went on a weekend to have itdone. At the end of the day on the following Monday,

Alan aimed his remote and pressed the button. His carflashed its lights and started - then we noticed Mike'scar had started, then Rob's and Dave's, finally two others. The installers had given all our remotes the same

frequency.

Older Than Dirt PageMy Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house and

he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knewimmediately what it was, but my daughter had noidea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker orsomething. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of theironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with water because wedidn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

Out of Gas The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for

help. Finally two men walked up to her. "I'm out ofgas," she purred. "Could you please push me to the gasstation?" The men readily put their muscles to the car and

rolled it several blocks. After a while, one looked up,exhausted, to see that they had just passed a filling station. "How come you didn't turn in?" he yelled. "I never go there," the girl shouted back. "They

don't have full service."

NuISANCE ANIMAL REMOVAL

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Humane Trapping24 Hr

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Firewood • Brush RemovalStorm Damage

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Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a carfax report and many are

priced in the $3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friendsin the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339

www.hettsautosales.com_______________

CASH PAIDWWII, WWIMilitary uniforms,

photos, swords, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, estate items,older firearms, collector

630-215-3664

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc

Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs, Upholstery, RV’s

Residential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANING

GARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)Licensed • 45 yrs Exp

Just Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed________________

FIREWOOD

ASPHALT

OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$13.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 14

HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039_______________

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

GLASS REPAIR

HELP WANTED

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

St. Charles 206-432-1682

COMMUNITY

Help Support his mission toprovide Crosses for Losseswww.facebook.com/CrossesForLosses/

Greg Zanis, 1230 Church RdAurora, IL 60505

or to receive a cross, call773-999-8888

Painting - Ceramic TileElectrical - PlumbingSOFT DESIGNS847-274-8347

________________

HANDYMAN

DRIVEWAY REPAIRINSTALL & PATCHING

ASPHALT SEAL COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC

Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

TRAVEL AGENTS/ No Exp..Work Home FT/PTEarn As You Learn

Build>Future 888-648-3030______________

FOR SALE

Dealing with issues of bullying, gangs, violence,drugs or school dropouts?Here are real tools and

resources! FREE academicand faith based curricula forschools and churches.

FROM THE BARRIO TOTHE BOARD ROOM

www.fromthebarrio.comDr. Robert Renteria312-933-5619

_______________

$115 for mixed face cord$125 Oak face cord

$130 Fruitwood face cordFree delivery/stacked

630-313-9201

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance_______________

Now Hiring Medium/HeavyDuty Diesel Technician Hodges Westside Truck Center; Call 630-365-0003

________________

Cash for 1960s-70sSchwinn Stingray Bicycles

in good conditionCall 847-401-1332_______________

BUYING

Vinyl production/file setupcutting/weeding/applying

computer/illustrator/photoshop FT/benefit 847-888-3150

HOUSE CLEANINGVeronica & Audelia’s

House Cleaning Services630-506-2895630-935-5287

$50 wheelchair w/handbreak; $25ea toilet safetyrails, shower chair, bed railing; $100- 2part woodwheelchair ramp for 2-stepentrance; $400 Set of 4

Blizzak Studless snow tiresw/rims 225/50R17; 2-seatmetal 15’ deer tree stand $50

Call 312-735-4411

Goodly Creatures TheatreElevate your performanceand audition success ratewith advanced lessons. Weteach a variety of establishedmethods of performance.Elgin, IL. Contact

Katrina (224) 465-0451, [email protected]

ACTING LESSONS

Collectors & Dealers--Bears and Bulls items,

Beam bottles, toy tractors,Dept. 56 Snow Village,trench art--100s of items--call for list--847-529-4767_________________

WANTED

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, TrumpetsDouble French Horns,

Saxophones (847)951-7098_______________

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

_______________

Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking

Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031

MOVING

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulching fertilizing & weed control,

pruning, planting, residential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502_______________


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155_______________

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

LAWN CARE

ROOM FOR RENT

_______________

Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified ArboristJoe (224) 789 - 8773

Northern Kane & Dupage Cowww.ArborJoe.com_______________

PAINTING

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, BlocksTuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)273-2010

WINDOW CLEANING

Above & Beyond Paintingby Stuart; Interior - ExteriorPainting and Remodeling;Professional Insured Clean;Over 35 years experience;No job too big or small....Call today for free estimate;Mary 331-251-5766 or Brian 630-709-8470

Look for us on Facebook andtwitter @Above & Beyond

Painting by Stuart_______________

LAWN CARE

STEVE’S TREE & STUMP REMOVAL630-943-6350

Are you open-minded? Areyou interested in makingsome extra money? Makethe cracks in your schedulework for you! Text “FREE”to: 630-675-7102 along withyour name and contact info.

_______________

_______________

TREE SERVICES &BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,Stump Grinding, Chipping,

Haul AwayCall the office or text cell forestimate. Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

Blown in Attic Insulationand removal + other servicesInsured; 25 years Exp.Floyd (331)228-0191

INSULATION

AERATOR MANAeration: $150/acreAnd Fertilize $299

Call me 630-585-0221_______________

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Guns and Military for Upcoming Auctions;Single Item or Entire Collection. Call Randy Donley for No-ObligationChat. Donley Auctions

815.790.9435_______________

REMODELINGHave 401(k) questions?

Let’s talk.Don Oblazney, Financial AdvisorEdward Jones(630) 551-0625______________

INVESTING

OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$13.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 15

Next Issue Ad DeadlineNovember 20 November 8

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesClean Outs/Buy & Sell

Reasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big KenCall Mon - Fri after 5 or anytime weekends

TREE SERVICE

Room for rent for matureadult in Montgomery

Call Victor 224-209-7866

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VINNY’S PLUMBINGNo job too small!

Call us for all your plumbingneeds. Main lines, powerrodding, hot water heater,bathroom remodeling, newconstruction, frozen pipes,faucets, garbage disposals Licensed &Bonded 058-176546Call 630-392-0429_______________

PLUMBING

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON NOVEMBER 20, 2019


630-262-8484 • servicenowhomeservices.com815-758-8484 • servicenowhomeservices.com

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What did Dad Say?• Worrying about things you can't change is like a rocking chair... it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

• Hurt much? I didn't feel a thing. • I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here. • If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough. • Didn't your teacher learn you anything?! • You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.

• It's hard to be good, and easy to be bad.• I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't see what I was saying.

• Men are like buses. Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.

• Don't tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first. Hey, did you hear me talking to you?

• You know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl.

• I'm not watching television. I'm resting my eyes.

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