TABLE OF CONTENTS · Overall structure of the writing is coherent . 2 . Section 4 . 7 . Level 4...

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Paper 2 Part A:

Level 5 exemplar 1 and comments










Paper 2 Part B:











INTRODUCTION

The results of the first HKDSE Examination were released on 20 July 2012. To enhance the understanding of the standards of the HKDSE Examination, authentic samples of candidates’ scripts are selected to form this set of exemplars to illustrate the performance standards at different levels.

There are 4 papers in this subject. This set of exemplars is selected from candidates’ scripts of Paper 2 to illustrate the typical performance standards at different levels.

It is advisable to read this set of exemplars together with the question papers and the marking schemes in order to understand the requirements of the questions and the marking criteria. The question papers and the marking schemes will be published in the Examination Report and Question Papers for 2012 HKDSE which will be available for sale in October / November this year.

1

Paper 2 Part A


2

Comments

Level 5 exemplar 1

• Content entirely fulfills task and is totally relevant; is concise, informative and engages

reader’s interest

• A wide range of accurate sentences with a good grasp of more complex sentences is used

• Good use of vocabulary (travel with my crew)1

• Register, tone and style is entirely appropriate to the genre

• Text is organised effectively with logical development of ideas

• Overall structure is coherent and entirely appropriate for genre and text-type

1 Section 1

4


5

Comments

Level 5 exemplar 2

• Content is relevant and extensive

• Creativity and imagination are shown when appropriate (As a reporter, I wish to hold a series

of seminars to inspire students on how to choose the best articles to read.)2

• Text engages reader’s interest

• A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and appropriately

• Register, tone and style appropriate to the text-type

• Overall structure of the writing is coherent

2 Section 4

7


8

Comments

Level 4 exemplar 1

• Content addresses task requirements adequately with mostly relevant ideas (no mention of one

aspect of the job which s/he likes best)

• Simple sentences are generally accurately constructed with attempts to use more complex

sentences

• Grammatical errors sometimes affect meaning

• Some evidence of register, tone and style appropriate to the text-type (A couple years ago, I

had to report the tropical typhoon news at one night. It was terrifying as the weather was

extremely bad and unstable.)3

• Cohesion in some parts of the text is not clear (Not only can I ask different people any

question, but I can keep in touch about the Hong Kong’s news into the bargain4.)

3 Section 2

4 Section 1

10


11

Comments

Level 4 exemplar 2

• Content fulfills the task requirements and is mostly relevant

• Creativity and imagination is shown (…we also gossiped about every, from classmate to news,

which drive me become curious on everything and lead me to the road of becoming a news

reporter.)5

• Shows some awareness of audience

• A range of sentence structures is used accurately and appropriately (I remember when I just

got into the Hong Kong News, my first job was an interview with a famous singer – Mika –

who came to Hong Kong to have his first concert.)6

• Grammatical errors occur in more complex structures but overall clarity not affected

• Register, tone and style are mostly appropriate to the text-type

• Text is organised effectively with logical development of ideas

• Cohesion in most parts of the text is clear

5 Section 3

6 Section 2

13


14

Comments

Level 3 exemplar 1

• Content addresses task requirements adequately with relevant supporting details

• Simple sentences are generally accurately constructed; occasional attempts to use more

complex sentences (If you have any questions, you can ask the teacher.)

• Some incorrect use of vocabulary (I must tell the true to the inhabitants…ameliorate my

communication skills.)7

• Some simple cohesive ties used in some parts of the text (…I was very scared but I have no

choice because it is my job.)8

• Cohesion between some sentences is successful (Also, teachers were very nice. They usually

asked me to think about what I want to do in the future.)9

7 Section 1

8 Section 2

9 Section 3

16


17

Comments

Level 3 exemplar 2

• Content addresses task requirements adequately

• Relevant ideas although there is some overlapping of theme with Sections 2 and 4 (usually not

appropriate for the text-type)

• Some evidence of creativity and imagination (We will also go out for supper after working a

whole day to link up our relationship more closer.)10

• Simple sentences are generally accurate; grammatical errors sometimes affect meaning (May

someone asked that will the TV broadcast provide me a small TV? I can say they will but the

TV is too many.)11

• Some evidence of incorrect register, tone and style (Hi, Students! I am Chris Wong who has

graduated from your school.)12

• Cohesion in some parts of the text is clear

10 Section 1

11 Section 2

12 Section 1

19


20

Comments

Level 2 exemplar 1

• Content partially satisfies requirements of the question

• Some relevant ideas but shows gaps in the understanding of headings, i.e. Sections 1 and 2

(The best part of my job is in the 2005 years. In this years, I was the best reporter for Hong

Kong News.)13

• Short simple sentences are generally accurate

• Lack of vocabulary impedes communication (The biggest challenge I have ever faced in my

job is I can’t talk with people clearly before two years ago.)14

• Some incorrect spelling: mairr (for married)15

, togethere (for together)16

, sereious (for

serious)17

, reporte (for reporter)18

• Some simple cohesive ties used in some parts of the text but cohesion is sometimes fuzzy

13 Section 1

14 Section 2

15 Section 1

16 Section 1

17 Section 2

18 Section 4

22


23

Comments

Level 2 exemplar 2

• Content just satisfies task requirements with some relevant information given for each heading

• Engages reader’s interest sporadically and shows occasional awareness of audience

• Some short simple sentences are accurately constructed

• A few words are spelt correctly with basic punctuation being occasionally accurate

• Some use of cohesive devices to link and organise ideas (…at lunch time, I also with my

friends go to OK to buy the lunch, because OK food is more cheap than restaurant, It is easy

to save the money.)19

• Cohesion between some sentences is successful (The best part of my job is I can go to diffent

city to take video-recording and write the news report, It can make me to know more diffent

culture.)20

19 Section 3

20 Section 1

25


26

Comments

Level 1 exemplar 1

• Content shows limited attempts to fulfill the task requirements

• Content for Sections 1 and 3 are relevant (‘writting many potive news, many good report…21

,

teacher tall me how to write22

)

• Content for Sections 2 and 4 are irrelevant/doesn’t make sense (I learn so many…I like my

job23

…I hope many student can go a happy writting way with me!24

)

• Ideas are intermittently relevant, sometimes repetitive (many power to doing my work25

…many

power to my write life26

…can give power in writting27

)

• Some simple phrases accurately constructed (I like my job28

, In my school days29

) Incorrect 31 32

spelling of simple words: intering (for interesting), new (for news) writting (writing), 30

munh33

(for much)

• Some attempts to organise text; very limited use of cohesive devices to link ideas

21 Section 1

22 Section 3

23 Section 2

24 Section 4

25 Section 1

26 Section 3

27 Section 4

28 Section 1

29 Section 3

30 Section 3

31 Section 1

32 Section 1

33 Section 2

28


29

Comments

Level 1 exemplar 2

• Content shows very limited attempts to fulfill task requirements

• Some relevant content points but few developed

• Misunderstands Section 2 heading (I choise to study news reporter in school, I won many

about news reporter things…)34

• Very limited awareness of audience – text-type resembles a speech rather than an article

• ‘Chris Wong’35

at the bottom of the text suggests lack of familiarity with the text-type

• Some short simple sentences with basic punctuation being occasionally accurate

• Some attempt to organise the text but very limited use of cohesive devices to link ideas

34 Section 2

35 Section 4

31

Paper 2 Part B

Level 5 exemplar 1 and comments (Question 4)

32

Comments

Content

• An imaginative and enjoyable account of what happened and how the singer felt at the concert

• Quite an accomplished description, supported with details

• Fulfills the requirements of the question entirely

Language

• Good control of language

• A sprinkle of grammatical errors and some words are not chosen appropriately, but these are

minor flaws

Organization

• Very well-organized and fluent

• Account of the concert is retold effectively with appropriate cohesive ties

34


35

Comments

Content

• Content is rich, with detailed explanation of how the writer found out the truth, but one or two

ideas need more elaboration, e.g. why he/she visits the film centre

• Demonstration of creativity and imagination in the story plot: (Being a stunt, his/her brother

needed to test driving the expensive sports car for the car racing scene).

• to maintain reader’s interest by the use of questions and dialogues

Language

• Shows a strong descriptive ability, with good figurative language, e.g. ‘It was winter and the

breeze touched my face with its chilly fingers, was nonchalant of the fragile body shaking

inside the tightly wrapped coat.’ ‘I half-closed my eyes against the merciless wind and walked

on.’

• Wide range of accurate sentence structures and good grasp of complex sentences, e.g. ‘I caught

a familiar figure at the corner of my eyes and once again the frustrating thoughts flooded my

mind and there I saw ---- my brother walking towards the car racing court.’ ‘How could one

with only secondary school education qualification find a job that might afford an expensive car

as this?’

• A very good and mostly sound usage of lexis, e.g. fragile, hectic, hostile, swirling, flooded,

hilarious, fluttering

Organization

• Cohesion and coherence in most parts of the story, with a lineal, captivating story line

• Ideas are developed logically, but there is a slip in the transition from seeing his brother driving

an expensive sports car to visiting the film centre.

41


42

Comments

Content

• All ideas are relevant

• All requirements of the task are fulfilled, though some ideas can be better developed

• A large part of the article is devoted to how to fight depression, with little coverage on how the

writer’s friend overcame depression problem

Language

• Most simple sentences are accurately constructed and attempts are shown to use some more

complex sentence patterns

• The vocabulary is moderately wide, and the use of which is mostly accurate

• Some common grammatical mistakes are made, e.g. ‘a F.6 student who are preparing for’, ‘his

mother stop’, ‘students are suffered from’

• The tone is not totally appropriate for an article for a school magazine, e.g. ‘I would like to

write this article to you …’

Organization

• Most ideas are logically developed

• Clear signposting is given in the main body and three aspects are clearly defined

• Attempts are demonstrated to use cohesive devices to organise the ideas, e.g. ‘First of all’,

‘Moreover’, and ‘Therefore’

44


45

Comments

Content

• Most arguments are effectively developed and supported with appropriate examples

• Counter-arguments are taken into account

• The claim that ‘virtual sports promote addiction’ lacks evidential support

• Conclusion moves beyond summary with some advice given on avoiding falling into the trap of

unscrupulous businessmen

• Awareness of audience is shown

Language

• Vocabulary is wide (e.g. endorphin, fatigue, failure, unscrupulous) though spelling and

confusion of words are at times a problem (e.g. ‘immerge’ for ‘immerse’, ‘metal’ for ‘mental’,

‘wonder’ for ‘wander’)

• Varied sentences structures are often used accurately

• Register, tone and style are mostly appropriate to the text type – a response on an online debate

forum

Organization

• The text is mostly organized effectively, with logical development of ideas

• Adequate signposts and transition sentences effectively guide the reader smoothly from one

idea to the next

47


48

Comments

Content

• Addresses the question adequately by outlining the project (including its general aim, financial

support for businesses and training programmes for the reformed criminals), describing its

benefits and ending with an appeal

Language

• Some errors in grammar but they don’t generally reduce communication

• There aren’t a lot of sophisticated vocabulary and syntax

Organisation

• Overall structure is mostly coherent, but ideas could be more richly developed and organized

more effectively; as it stands, the text reads like a list

• Very basic use of cohesive devices (‘Moreover’, ‘Furthermore’)

50


51

Comments

Content

• Ideas are generally relevant but can only satisfy the requirement of the question

• There are a number of points made but they are partially developed

• Candidate should develop more how the drama class can help students develop the basic

knowledge in 2nd

paragraph

Language

• The candidate generally uses quite basic grammatical structures and there are occasional

mistakes in syntax

• The writing is therefore generally clear

• There are frequent spelling errors like “coperate”, “sence” though they do not tend to affect

understanding

• Vocabulary does not venture out of the commonplace

Organisation

• The essay has a clear paragraphing

• But the paragraph initial adverbials are simple and repeated, e.g. “moreover”, “also”, “besides”

• Pronouns are sometimes used inconsistently and this affects the coherence of the essay

54


55

Comments

Content

• Only partially fulfills requirements of the question: very little on the performance and not

enough on what could be improved

• More detail could be offered

Language

• Grammar (especially tenses and punctuation) is weak, often impeding meaning

• A number of spelling mistakes, even with some quite basic words (e.g. ‘frist’, ‘losser’,

‘unfortunitly’)

• Tone is occasionally awkward (e.g. ‘they are best groupmate. Which one you like it?’)

Organization

• Coherence is sometimes fuzzy – logical relationship between ideas/paragraphs is sometimes

vague and missing (e.g. the initial few paragraphs)

• Clarity of text impeded by weak language and the limited use of cohesive devices

57


58

Comments

Content

• Some ideas are relevant

• The point about the effects of cosmetic surgery is not properly expanded on, and hence there is

an inability to orient the reader to the topic effectively

Language

• The candidate mostly attempts simple sentences and there are quite a number of grammar

mistakes which sometimes interfere with comprehension. For example, in paragraph 2, the

candidate writes ‘Their have successful example, the well-known K-pop girls team “Girl

generation”, their fans at world every where. They had open singing concern at Europe and it

was very successful.’

• Though the candidate tries to use a relative clause, it is used incorrectly and the meaning is not

properly conveyed. For instance, in paragraph 3, the candidate writes ‘Seeing that, they strongly

disagree “Hand make beauty” who had cosmetic surgery.

• Vocabulary used is quite basic. Comma splices and run-on sentences are seen throughout the

writing.

Organization

• The text is not effectively organized.

• Connection between paragraphs is missing.

• No cohesive devices are used to better achieve coherence and cohesion.

60


61

Comments

Content

• Some ideas, but most of them are not well developed

• Very limited awareness of audience, i.e. the candidate does not know who the intended readers

are

Language

• Got very little reference to article, tone and style are inappropriate for a magazine article

• Part of speech problematic but communication not totally impeded

• Even simple sentences have errors

• Ideas still understandable though very frequent errors

Organization

• Some distinguishable paragraphs but limited number of connectives are used, e.g. “Finally”,

“So”

• Link between paragraphs is weak

62


63

Comments

Content

• Displays very little idea of what a debating club is; seems to have misunderstood debating as a

health activity

• One or two valid ideas about possible club activities (e.g. holding talks and discussions, joining

club to meet friends) but they are not developed

• Most of the points raised are off-topic

Language

• Weak language often obscures meaning (e.g. ‘our club will always propose some common to all

of you’, ‘the predition is you have a good result in examination’)

• Limited vocabulary and sentence variety

Organization

• Ideas are disjointed and haphazardly put into paragraphs

• Often packs too many ideas within one paragraph (e.g. the 3rd paragraph)

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TABLE OF CONTENTS · Overall structure of the writing is coherent . 2 . Section 4 . 7 . Level 4...

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