TABLE OF CONTENTS · 2 TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 05 Dr.Richard Bandler 07 John La Valle, MBA...
Transcript of TABLE OF CONTENTS · 2 TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 05 Dr.Richard Bandler 07 John La Valle, MBA...
©Copyright2020TheSocietyofNLPTM 1
AstheworldwentintolockdowninabidtobeattheCovid-19pandemic,TheSocietyofNLP’sleadingTrainersandMasterTrainersinNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingmetviatheinternetconferencingappZoom.How,theyaskedoneanother,canwesharethegeniusresilience-buildingtoolsandtechniquesofNLPnow,inthemosteffectivewaypossible?
Theresultoftheirmeetingisthisbook,broughttoyoubyworld-leadinginnovatorsinNLPwhosharestrategieseveryonecanusetobuildresilience,quicklyandeasily,inthefaceofthepandemic.Pleasesharethisbookwitheveryoneyoucan;indoingso,youwillhelptosuperchargetheworldandhelpusallcomebackafterlockdownstronger,smarterandmoreresilientthanever.
Withthisbook,wesendyouourlove,prayersandbestwishestotheworld.Staysafe,stayhealthy,staystrong,andstayproductive!
Compiledanddesignedby:HingdranataNikolayEditor:JanePikett, www.the-editor.pro
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 05 Dr.RichardBandler
07 JohnLaValle,MBA
PROTECTING GOOD FEELINGS 10 KathleenLaValle
HOW TO BUILD AND SELL YOUR ONLINE COURSE
14 Dr.Aleksander Šinigoj
MASTER YOUR OWN MIND 19 AlessandroMora
HOW TO HANDLE YOUR JOB AND YOUR CHILDREN – AT THE SAME TIME
23 AnneHelmerstuen
LEVERAGING YOUR FOCUS 27 CindyGalvin
FROM FACE TO FACE TO VIRTUAL 32 ChrisCummins
DEALING WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY IN CHALLENGING TIMES
37 ChristianeNeumann
STARTING OVER 43 DanielVelascoGarcia
WHO IS CARING FOR YOU? 48 GeoffRolls
CONTROLLING YOUR INNER VOICE 52 GeorgeCunningham
FOCUS ON WHAT’S IMPORTANT 54 HannuPirilä
InSTANT CONTROL 62 HingdranataNikolay
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE 66 JamesSeetoo
WRITE YOUR WAY TO FREEDOM 72 JohnG.Johnson
IS IT YOU OR THE MOUNTAIN 76 Dr.JuanAntonioPerez
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LAUGHING IN THE FAcE OF ANXIETY 80 JuneO’Driscoll
COVID-19: PASS THE PANDEMIC INTO THE PAST BEHIND YOU NOW
85 KalliopeBarlis
THREE FOR THRIVE 88 KayCooke
HOW TO STAY PRODUCTIVE AnD ACCOUNTABLE
96 ManuelaHjelseth
HOW TO STOP UNCONSCIOUSLY HITTING YOUR EMOTIONAL BRAKES AND START LIVING YOUR DREAMS
101 MarcoValerioRicci
GROW BY READING 104 MichelWozniak
TRUST YOURSELF! 108 NathaliedeMarcé
THE INTENTIONAL STRATEGY 112 OwenFitzpatrick
PUT YOUR FOCUS IN THE RIGHT PLACE 117 RobertaLiguori
MENTAL MASK 120 RocíoSuárez
BILATERAL BRAIN STIMULATION: BBS 124 SaulKentRoss,MBAPhD
STAYING PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY HEALTHY
129 TinaTaylor
SELLING FROM HOME 134 TomPhillips
WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING OFF? 138 UweBoehm
BIOHACK YOUR RESILIENCE TO STRESS 140 XavierPirlaLlorens
HOW TO LIGHTEN AND BRIGHTEN YOUR LIFE
147 YurinaShiraishi
©Copyright2020TheSocietyofNLPTM4
INTRODUCTION
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Dr.RichardBandlerCo-creator
ofNLP
For50years,IhaveworkedtocreatewhatisnowcalledNeuro-LinguisticProgramming(NLP).Ihavedevelopedmanytechniquesthatsolveproblems,promotelearningandmakepeoplefunctionbetter.Ihavetrainedmorethan1millionstudents,forperiodsrangingfromthreehoursto35years.
Iamveryproudtodaytointroducethisbook,puttogetherbysomeofmytrainersinlightoftheCoronavirusandtheensuing“GRANDPAUSE”.
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Undertheirownpower,eachisusingthepracticalskillsofNLPtoanswersomeverybigneedsinourworldtoday:
HOWCANWEHANDLESTRESS,FEARANDANXIETY?HOWCANWESTAYPRODUCTIVE?HOWCANWESTAYHEALTHYANDFIT?HOWCANWESELLTHINGSFROMHOME?HOWCANWEPREPARETOMOVEASTHISPASSES?ANDEVENMORE!
Iamlikemanyofyou:house-bound,waitingforanswers.
Iamveryproudtoseemytrainersareprovidingsomeoftheanswersweneednow!
Remembermywords:
“CHANGETHEWAYYOUTHINK…ITWILLCHANGETHEWAYYOUFEEL,ANDTHEREFORECHANGEWHATYOUCANACTUALLYDO”
Readthisbookandlearntocopebetterduringthe“GrandPause”.Youcanusethistoteachothers.Thiswillallgoawayovertime,sogetsmarterandstrongerforitall.
SOHEREITIS...READON!
DR.RICHARDBANDLER
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JohnLaVallePresidentofTheSocietyofNLP™
Itisapleasuretoseesomanyofourtrainersinvolvedinthiswonderfulproject.
SocietyofNLP™TrainersandMasterTrainershavecoordinatedtheireffortsinputtingthisbooktogetherduringtheworldwideCovid-19dilemma.
Theyeachputintoprintsomeoftheirbestideastohelppeoplewhoarequarantinedincountriesworldwide;providingideas,strategiesandsuggestionsforkeepingupbeatandsmiling!
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Theauthorsofthisbookeachhavetheirownareasofexpertise;workingindifferentfieldswhereNLPisusedtohelppeopletoimproveandenjoytheirlives.
I'mproudofallourTrainersandMasterTrainers,andtherearemanymorethanthosewhohavecontributedtothisfinebook.
Tofindotherswhomaybeinyourcountry,pleasecheckthemoutathttps://NLPInstitutes.com
BeSafeandStayWell,
JohnLaVallePresidentofTheSocietyofNeuro-LinguisticProgramming™
©Copyright2020TheSocietyofNLPTM 9
The Tool Box
©Copyright2020 Kathleen La Valle10
01 PROTECTING GOOD FEELINGS
KathleenLaValle,USA
Whenmysonwaslittleand,asaMomcan,Iwouldseehewasgettingsick,I’dexplaintohim:“Youknowyouhavesoldiersthatprotectyouinsideandcanfightthegermsorillnesstryingtomakeyousick.”Helovedthisideaandhewouldtellmeindetailwhattheywerewearingoraboutthenewweaponstheyhad.Sometimes,hehireddragonsorothercreaturestojoinin.Itgottothepointwherehewouldcometomeandsay,“Mom,Ineedtogoliedownandhaveatalkwithmysoldiers.Idon’tfeelwell.”Hewouldgetchildhoodillnesses,buttheywerealwaysoverinhalfthetimeittookforhisfriendstorecoverfromthesamethings.
Pssst!Iwanttoletyouinonalittlesecret.Yourimmunesystemislisteninginoneverythingyousayorthink.Nowisthetimetobedeterminedtochoosewhatyouwantittohear.Limitnewsbroadcaststoonceortwiceaday,justforashorttimetofindoutaboutanyimportantchangestorestrictions.
Playyourimmunesystemmusicthatmakesyoufeelgood.Useyourneurologytorelax.Whenthingsgettobuildingupinside,takeamomenttoSTOP,takeadeepbreathandletitout,makingthesoundof“Ahhhhhhhhhhh…”outloud!Thisgoesdirectlytoyourneurologyandcoolsthingsdown.Repeatasnecessary.
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Thisisnotatimeforwimpingout–sodothisfully.Makeitvibrateandfeelthatreverberationdownyourbody.
Ifyoudon’talreadymeditate,thisistheperfecttimetostart.I’mabouttoshowyousomethingyoucanpracticewhiledoingso.Ifyoualreadymeditate,thenyoucanaddthistoyourrepertoire.
1. Usethe“Ahhhhhhhhh”techniqueaboveforthreetofivedeepbreaths,lettingyoureyescloseduringtheprocess.Whenyoubegintofeelrelaxed,startslowingyourbreathingalittleandmethodicallydoasystemcheckfromyourheadtoyourtoes.Slowlysearchforanystressandmovethatpartofyourbodyslowlyuntilthestressletsgo.
2. Imaginewhatyourcontrolcenterlookslikeinyourbrain;nowit’stimetobewidelycreativeandfindthemonitorforyourimmunesystem!Followthepathtoyourimmunesystemandpicturewhatyourimmunecellsmightlooklike.Youcanstaybiologicaloryoucanmakethemcharacters,animals,sci-fiheroes,superheroesorfantasycreatures.Makesureyouknowtherearedifferenttypes.Somearewarriors,someareguardians,someproducethingstoprotectus.Imaginehowtheydotheirjobs.Dothisfullyingreatdetail!
3. Designwhattheyarewearingorcarryingastoolsandweapons.Maybetheyhavefantasticarmor.Themoredetailthebetter.
4. Thankthemfortheamazingjobtheydoforyoueachandeveryday.Nowit’stimefortheepicspeech-likethebattlecryinthemovieIndependenceDayorthefinalbattleinBraveheart.Ifyouhaven’tseenthosemovies,I’msureyoucancomeupwithsomethingepic!Encouragethemtoprotectyouandpromisetodoyourjobofprovidingthemwiththegoodfeelingstheyneedtodotheirjobbest.Keepthispromise.Laugh,Dance,Sing!
5. Begintobuildagoodfeelingofsomethingyoulovetodo;somethingthatbringsyoujoy.Feelwhatitfeelslikewhenyou’redoingthatactivity.Addsoundsandpicturesandsmellsandtastesthatbuildthefeelingstronglyinsideyou.Andnoticewherethefeelingstartsandwhereitebbsout.Makealoopfromtheebbpointtothebeginningagainandstartspinningthatgoodfeelingsothatasthefeelingbuildsandinsteadofitfadingawayitloopsbackandgetsstronger.
6. Makesureyouarespinningitinthedirectionthatmakesitstronger;youcantestitbyspinningitindifferentdirections
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untilyoufindthedirectionthatwitheachspinmakesitstrongerandstronger.
7. Spinitfasteruntiltherearesparksflyingoffit!Thentakethatspinofenergyandexpanditandmakeithorizontaluntilitislikeahulahooparoundyou.Letitglidearoundyouwhileitisspinningupanddownyourbody.Fromaboveyourheadallthewaydowntobelowyourfeet.Noticewhatevercolorsthereareandmakethemvibrant!Letitclearandcleanyou.
8. Thisgoodfeelingisnowspinningenergyaroundyou.Letitbecomemoreandmorethree-dimensionalsothatitbecomesaglobearoundyou.YoucanusethisGoodFeelingshieldtoprotectyou.Makesureyouprogramittokeepeverythingoutapartfromwhatyouchoosetoletin.Andknowthatanythingyouwanttosendoutgoeseasily.Youchoosethefilter.Takeyourtimeprogrammingitandpracticesendingoutagoodfeelingorasmile.Andwatchitstopnegativefeelingsfromothersorfromsituations.Theybounceoffandyouchooseyourinternalreactiontobemoreresponsiveinusefulways.
9. Begintodrawyourattentionawayfromtheshield.Letitdoitsthing.Payattentiontoyourbreathingandbegintoslowlybecomemoreawareoftheworldaroundyou,whateveryou’resitting,standingorlyingon;anysmellsaround,thetemperatureintheroom,anysoundsaroundyou.Dothisasslowlyasyoucanandmaintainthefeelingofrelaxingnow.Asyoubecomemoreaware,realizethatthefeelingofrelaxingnowbecomesawonderfulflowofenergy.
10. Whenyouareready,openyoureyesandnoticehowbrightthingsarelooking.Takeamomenttotakeonemoredeepbreathandsaythatword“Ahhhhhhhhhh…”again.Letittrailoff,knowingthatyouarefeedinggoodfeelingstoyourimmunesystemandFeelGood!
So,thereyouhaveit!YourownProtectionShieldmadefromgoodfeelingsandpluggedintoyourimmunesystem.So,feelgoodandcontinuetakinggoodcareofyourself.Thisisagreatthingtodorightbeforeyougotosleepatnight;itmayevenhelpyoutoavoidthechatterofallthatisgoingonandallowyoutodriftoffwithsomethingfuntodo.Firstthinginthemorningisanothergoodtimetodothis;startoffthedaybychargingyourimmunesystem!
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Thissituationhasgivenusagreattimetotrynewthingsandlearnnewthings.Justremembertouseallyourskillstokeepyourmindpointedtowardsgoodthings.Thebadthingsexist;beingawaregivesyoutheopportunitytodosomethingaboutthem.ItdoesNOTmeantheyhavetotakeoveryourmindandbody.Noticetheword“your”.Itisyourmind,yourbrain.AimitandarmitwithgoodfeelingsandpracticeyourNLPskills.Thelanguagemodelsaresohelpfulinguidingyourthoughtsandreframingthethingsthatdonotappeartobepositive.Usethemtofindthepathtowhatyouwantandwhatyoudesire.
KathleenLaValleLicensedMasterTrainerofNLPandDHEⓇProgramDirectorofNLPSeminarsGroupInternationalwww.PureNLP.comandwww.NLPEternal.comklavalle@PureNLP.com
©Copyright2020 Dr.Aleksander S� inigoj 14
02 HOW TO BUILD AND SELL YOUR ONLINE COURSE
Dr.AleksanderŠinigoj,Slovenia
AChineseproverbsaysthatthebesttimetoplantatreewas20yearsago,andthesecond-besttimetodoitisnow.Thesameistrueforbuildingyouronlinecourse.
Maybeyou’reanentrepreneurwithabricks-and-mortarcoachingorconsultingbusinesswhichishighly
impactedbytheCoronavirusoutbreak,andyouwanttotransferyourbusinessonline.MaybeyoucomefromanotherindustryandyouareunemployedduetoCovid-19;youhaveknowledgeandexperiencethatyoucouldputintoonlinecourses,butyoudon’treallyknowhowtocreateaprogram.Maybeyoualreadyhaveanonlinecourse,oratleastyouhaveanideaofonethatwouldhelppeopleallaroundtheworld,butyoujustdon’tknowhowtosellit.
©Copyright2020Dr.Aleksander S� inigoj 15
Ifyoudon’thaveyourcoursereadytosellyet,nowisTHERIGHTTIMEtoputyourknowledgeandlifeexperienceintoit.Ifnotnow,when?Ican’timagineabettertime.
Weliveinaninformationage.DuetoCoronavirus,weareforcedtomoveourbusinesses100%online.Peopleareobligedtostayathomeandthey’reonlinemorethaneverbefore,lookingforallsortsofknowledge.Ifyoudon’tseizethisopportunitynow,whenpeoplearereadytolearnandbuyonline,you’llmissthechancetoco-createabetterworldandmaketheimpactyouwanttomake.
Inthischapter,youwilllearnfivecrucialstepstobuildingyouronlineprogram,asfollows:
1. Define your niche
Thereareliterallymillionsofnichesforonlinecourses.There’sahairdresserteachingpeoplehowtotakecareoftheirhairandsellingthemshampoosandconditioners.There’ssomeoneteachingpeopletodivedownto10meters.There’sarestaurantchefteachingpeopletopreparehealthymealsin30minutes.There’ssomeoneteachingschoolkidshowtolearnfromhome.There’ssomeoneteachingpeoplehowtotraintheirpets.Younameit!
Youcanchoosewhateveryoufindpeopleneedandwanttolearn.Buthere’sthecatch;youcanhavethebestonlinecourseever,butifnooneknowsaboutit,theycan’tbuyit.Yourjobistotargetyouraudienceandgivepeoplethechancetobuyyourcourse.
Whateveritisyouhavebeendoinguptonow,re-defineyourniche.Consideratleastthesethreethings:whatisyourpassion,researchwhatpeopleneedandsearchforonline,andwhatkindofknowledgeand/orexperienceyouhavetohelppeoplewithyourcourse.
Whatyougetincrosssectionismostlikelyyourniche.Chunkupanddowntopreciseyourexactniche.Forexample,let’ssayyou’reabeauticianwhosepassionisdoingmanicuresandyouareanexpertinaspecifictechniqueofmanicure.Maybeyoueveninventedanewtechnique.ByusingGoogleKeywords,youfindouttherearemillionsofsearchesabouthowtodoamanicure.Whenyouchunkdown,you
©Copyright2020 Dr.Aleksander S� inigoj 16
gofrom7.7billionpeopleintheworlddowntoagroupofpeoplecalledbeauticians.Frombeauticiansyouchunkdowntobeauticianswhospecializeinmanicures,andthenyouchunkdowntothetechniqueofmanicureinwhichyouareexpert.
Thebiggestmistakethatspeakers,trainersandcoachesmakeinthisareaisthattheyfallinlovewiththeirniche.Ifyoudon’tchoosetherightniche,thenextstepswon’tbringyoutheresultyoudesire.
Iencourageyoutotestthemarketbeforeyoutakefurthersteps;makesureyourcourseissomethingpeoplenotonlyneed,butalsowanttobuy.Therearethreewordsyouneedtoremember-Test,TestandTest!Chunkup,chunkdownandthentestyournicheuntilyoufindtheperfectmatch.
2. Structure the course
Onceyouhavepickedtherightniche,defineyouravatar;thepersonyourprogramwillhelp.Whataretheirproblems,challenges,desires,andgoals?Rememberthatyourcoursemustsolvethespecificproblemstheyhave.
Onceyouareclearaboutthis,itistimeforyoutostartbuildingthestructureofyourcourse.Avoidincludingeverythingyouknowaboutthesubject.Thatislikeowningarestaurantandservingpeoplefoodyouwouldliketoserve,insteadofaskingthemwhattheywanttoeat.
Whenyouarebuildingyourcourse,askyouravatarwhatproblemsheorshehasandusetheprogramtosolvethatproblem.Whenyouaresellingthecourse,youremphasismustbe80%strategyand20%mindset.Manytimes,whenyoudeliveritonlineoroffline,youmaydiscoverthatpeopleneedjusttheopposite,80%mindsetand20%strategy.Themagichappenswhenyouconvertmindsetintostrategyorintosomethingsolid.
©Copyright2020 Dr.Aleksander S� inigoj 17
3. Record and edit the course
Basedonthestructureofthecourse,youneedtocreateaplantorecordandtheneditit.Havingtherightstructureandplanarethekeystobuildingasuccessfulprogramandareimportantinensuringtheflowofthecourse.
Accompanyvideolessonswithworkbooks,PowerPointpresentations,quizzes,gamification,etc.,tomakeyourcourseevenmoreattractiveforyourstudents.Thechallengeisthatonly34%ofpeoplewhobuyanonlineprogramsuccessfullycompleteit.Youneedtocreateaflowandalinkbetweenlessonsormodulessothatpeoplestaymotivatedtocompletetheentirecourse.
4. Sell the course
Ifyouhaveclearlydefinedtherightniche,builtastructurethatsellsandusedyourplantorecordit,sellingthecoursewillbeeasy.
Whenyouarelaunchingtheprogram,therearemorestrategiestoconsider.Ifyourpersonalpresenceisrequiredonlineandyousupportthecoursewithsomeonlinecoaching,youmayhaveafewdifferentlaunches.Youmayalsoconsiderbuildinganevergreensalesprocess,wherepeoplecanjoinandbuyyourprogramanytime.
Regardlessofthesalesprocessyouchooseforsellingyouronlinecourse,youneedto:
#1 ExplainWHYpeopleneedyourhelpandWHYareyoutheonetohelpthem
#2 Definethestepsofthetransformationalprocess;HOWyouwillhelpthem
#3 ExplainindetailWHATtheywillgetfromyou(withallthebonuses)
#4 PresentsocialPROOF#5 CLOSEthesale
©Copyright2020 Dr.Aleksander S� inigoj 18
5. Automate the sales process
Exchangingtimeformoneymeansthatyourimpact-andyourincome- islimited.Ifyouarenotservingpeoplewhenyousleep,ifyouarenothelpingpeoplewhenyouarenotworking,youarenotonlyleavingmoneyonthetable,butalsonotfullyutilizingtheopportunitiesthatarenowavailable.
Yourgoalistoautomatethewholesalesprocess;frompeopleclickingonyouradvert,todownloadingyourleadmagnetorjoininganevergreenwebinar,tobuyingyourcourseonlineandlearningfromit.
Allthisneedstohappenautomatically,whenyousleepandwhenyoudream.Thetechnologyhasbeenavailableforalongtime.Rememberthatyouwillbeservingandhelpingpeoplewhenyouareonholiday,whenyouarewithyourfamily,andmakinganimpactevenwhenyouarenotpresent.
Dr.AleksanderŠinigojNLPMasterTrainerSlovenia
©Copyright2020 Alessandro Mora 19
03 MASTER YOUR OWN MIND SixeasystepstochangenegativethoughtsandgetridofanxietyAlessandroMora,Italy
Manypeoplestrugglewhiletryingtohandletheirthoughts.Thisisespeciallytruebeforeimportantevents(exams,interviews,meetings,exhibitions,sportsmatches,etc.)orsituationsfilledwithuncertainty(likethisparticularperiodoftime),wherethemindrunswildlyandtheinternaldialogue(mindchatter)freaksout,buildingastateofanxiety.
Whatisanxiety?Haveyoueverwonderedwhatthatactuallymeans?
Anxietycomesfromapredictableanddefinedprocesswherewebuildacertaintypeofanticipationaroundafuturesituation.Haveyouevernoticedit?
Someyearsago,duringatrainingcourse,Dr.RichardBandlersaidtous:“Ifyoudonottakecontrolofyourthinkingprocesses,youwillbeattheirmercy.”Amentothat,becauseemotionsdonot‘happen’toyou;theyaresimplyneurochemicalprocessesthatareaconsequenceofwhatweimagineorsaytoourselves(theyareinfluencedalsobyscents,flavors,soundsandmore,butIwillfocusonthefirsttwofornow).
©Copyright2020 Alessandro Mora20
Haveyoueverwonderedwhytherearesomeparticularmomentswhenpeoplefeelanxious?
Well,Ihaveanotherquestionforyou:“Whataretheydoingtocreatethatanxiety?Whataretheyimagining?Whataretheysayingtothemselves?”
Thepointisthis:anxietydoesnothappentoyou,itiscreatedbyyou.How?Itiscreatedinsideyourmindbysimplyanticipatingapossiblefuturethatmayormaynotactuallyhappen.Andinordertocreatethisanxiety,peopleneedtobeimaginingtheirfuturegoingcompletelywrong,e.g.,“I’llmisstheshot”,“theprofessorwillaskaquestionIdonotknowtheanswerto”,“ifthissituationdoesn’tendsoonI’lllosemyjob,mymoney,mycareer…”
Andthisisjustthebeginning,becausetheinternalvoicegetslouderandstronger:
“WhatifI’mnotgoodenough?”
“IfherejectsmeI’llhavethrowneightmonthsofmylifeaway”
“IfIfailtodayIwillnothaveanyotherchanceinthisfield”
“Iwon’tsurvivelikethisforanothermonth”
Peoplecanactlikepsychicswithacrystalballwhentheirmindmoviesgocrazyandtheirinnervoicetellsthemthingslike:“Todaywillbebad”,“Iknowthatclientwillneverbuy”,“Wewillneverwinintheseconditions”.
Nowtheanxietyisfullydeveloped,andsuchfeelingsfillthemindandbody.Iseepeoplewhohavealltheskillstodosomething,orhavetheanswertoaquestion,buttheirbrainissostucktheycan'tdoanything.Ihaveseenalotofsmartandmotivatedpeopleliterallygettinglostandnotbeingabletofindasimple,obvioussolutionthat’sthereinfrontofthem.
Maybeitishappeningrightnow,whenyouthinkabouthowtogetoutofthissituationthatiscreatinguncertainty.
Well,Iamdeeplyconvincedthatpeoplehavealltheresourcestheyneedtocreateachange,buttherearesomeemotionalstatesandstatesofmindwithoutresources.
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Whenyouenterthatstatewhereyourepeatyourself,"Idon'tknow...Ican't...I'museless...Ican'tdoit...It'snotforme...I'veneverbeengoodat..."andyoukeeprepeatingitlikeaspell,wellthat'sjustwhatitbecomes:aspellthatturnsagainstyou.Itreleasessubstancesinyourbrainthatpreventyouthinkingclearlyandforceyoutostayinastatewheretherearenoanswersandnosolutions.
Stopdoingit!Takeresponsibilityforbreakingthisstate.
Sohowtodoit?Hereismyquickformulainsixsimplesteps:
Firstthingtodo:Shutup!Stopthat!Stoooooooop!That'senough!Thereisnopointintellingyourselfthisnonsense!Quotingmyformervolleyballcoach:“Playingfastisdifferentthanplayinginarush!”Indeed,inarushthereisstressandyoudonothavecontrolofyourthoughts.Inthesesituations,youneedtostopandchoosehowtoact.
Ifyouareimaginingascenethatmakesyoufeelanxious,stopit!Shrinkunhelpfulmentalimagesasifyouwerewatchingthemonamobilephonescreen,switchthemtoblackandwhiteandpushtheirvisuallocationawayintothedistancesothatyoustruggletoseethem.
Ifyourinternaldialoguebothersyou,changeit!UsetheveryeffectivemantrafromDr.Bandlerandrepeatitinyourmind:“Shutthefuckup,shutthefuckup,shutthefuckup…”untilyoucannothearthatvoiceanymore.
Second:Move,changeyourposture,danceforawhile.Yourbodyandmindareconnected;whenyoumoveyourbodyyoualsomoveyourmind.
Third:Breathedeeply.Yourbrainneedsoxygen,sogiveittoit!Maybeit'salsotimetodrinkaglassofwater(sometimeswethinkpoorlybecausewearedehydrated).
Fourth:Smile.Onceagain,bodyandmindareconnectedandholdingevenafakesmilereleasessubstancesinyourbrainthathelpyouchangeyourstate.
Fifth:Ausefulthoughtthathasalwayshelpedmeis:"MaybeIwon'tbethefirstorthesmartest,butI'mnotthestupidesteither...andifsomeoneelsesucceeds,Icandoittoo."
©Copyright2020 Alessandro Mora22
Sixth:Afteryouhavestoppedtheunproductivestateofmindandemotion,learntouseyourinternalremotecontrolandswitchthechannel,soyougettochooseamovieyoulikeinsteadofascaryone.
Lookatthesituationfromanewperspectiveforamomentandfocusonpossiblesolutions.
Donotsufferinthesituation;instead,lookatwaystotakeactiontowardsasolution.
Basically,putyourselfinanewandgoodstateandfacethesituationwiththeawarenessthatthesolutionisthereinfrontofyou.
Iknowthatsometimesfearordiscomfortcanholdyoubackforafewmoments.Butrealizethatyoucanalwaysdosomethingtochangeit.Andyourimmunesystemisworkingatitsbestwhenyoucreateafeelingofcertaintyinyourbody.
Remember,thereareemotionalstatesandstatesofmindwithoutresources,butyouhavealltheresourcesyouneedtocreateachange,now.
AlessandroMoraMasterTrainerofNLPandPeakPerformanceCoachEkis-TheCoachingCompanyItaly
©Copyright2020 Anne Helmerstuen 23
04 HOW TO HANDLE YOUR JOB AND YOUR CHILDREN - AT THE SAME TIME StrategiesforworkingfromhomeAnneHelmerstuen,Norway
Manyofuswhoareluckytostillhaveajob,havetoworkfromhomeinthesepandemictimes.Atthesametime,thechildrenhaveto“work”fromhomeaswell.Howisitpossibletobalancethesechallengeswithouteverybodygettingfrustrated?
It’stimetofindeasysuggestionstotakechargeofyourlifeANDkeepyourchildren,yourbossandyourselfhappy(oratleastashappyaspossibleinthissituation).
YoucanusepracticalNLPtipsandcreateaplanforbothyourdayandyourstateofmind.Evenmoreimportant;youcanpickyourselfupwhenyou“fail”tofulfillyourplansandgoalsfortheday,because,ifyouarea“normal”person/parent,thishappens!
Thetipswhichfollowcanbeutilizedindifferentsituations;whenyouneedtoworkfromhomeforotherreasonsorwhenyourdailyroutinegetsdisturbed.
Jane,agoodfriendofmine,wasdeeplyfrustratedtheotherday,becauseshehadanimportantdeadlinecomingupandhadhertwochildrenagedthreeandfiveathomeaswell.Everytimeshetriedtositatherdesktostartworking,herchildrenwouldstartfighting.Eachtime,shewent
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backtothekids,separatedthem,gotthemtoplaywithdifferenttoysandwentbacktoherdesktocontinueherjob.
Thesamethinghappenedseveraltimesandshefeltherirritationandfrustrationrising.Sheimaginedhermanagerbeingannoyedbecauseshecouldnotmeetherdeadline.Inherhead,sheheardhermanagersaying:“Inthesetimes,meetingourclientstandardsisevenmoreimportant,andweareveryluckytostillhaveclients.”EverytimeJanetalkedtoherchildren,hervoicekeptgettinghigherandsharper,andherbodylanguagebecamestiffer.Hereyeshardened,herbreathingwasfastandshort.Thechildrenpickedupherangrysignalsinaheartbeat.Theyreactedwithuncertaintyandevengotabitscared,whichmadethemcry.Thebadsituationwasnowatitspeak,andJanefeltlikeabadmom.Itwasaviciouscircle.
How Jane can avoid or break the vicious circle
1. Controlherownstateofmind2. Planherday
Controllingourstateofmindiseasywhenwearerelaxed,asourbrainisfocusingononethingonly.Thechallengeiswhenourbrainisfullofemotions,chaoticinnerdialogue,imaginingpicturesoffailingsituationsandotherpeoplesayingbadthings.
Luckily, you can work on getting a pleasant and productive day. this is how:
1. Takecontrolofyourownstateofmind:• Makesureyouarerelaxedandhavetimetotakeafewminutestofocusonyourself
• Decidehowyouwanttofeelduringabusydayathome:Ø Whatdoesthatlooklikeandsoundlike,nowwhenyou
areinthatstate;o Yoursurroundings
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o Yourchildreno AndYOU
Ø Whatdoesthatfeellike,beinginthatstateo Whichtriggers(anchors)supportyourwanted
state;whatlooks,soundsandfeelsgood–tohelpyouenhanceandrememberyourgoal/thisstate.Itcouldbeapicture,musicoraspecifickinesthetictouchsomewhereonyourbody.Anythingthatsupportsyourgoal.
• Whenyou“lose”yourstate(andyouwillsometimesJ):Ø Beawarethatyoutemporarily“lost”it,andacceptitØ Takeadeepbreathandgotoadifferentplace/roomØ Rememberyourtriggers(anchors)see/hear/feelit,and
reinstallyourdesiredstateagainØ ContinuebreathingJØ Repeatasmanytimesasneeded
2. Planyourday:• Aheadoftime,makearealisticplanforwhatyouwanttoachievejob-wise:
Ø Underrateratherthanoverrate• Aheadoftime,makeplansforyourchildren:
Ø Preparemealswherepossibleo Bothmainmealsandsnacks
Ø PreparegamesØ Preparetoys
o Findthetoysthathavebeenfurthestbackintheclosetandbeenforgottenforawhile–theywillseemlikenewtoys
o Hideawaysometoyssoyouhave‘new’oneswhenyouneedthem.AtChristmasorbirthdays,whenachildgetsnumerousgifts,youcanevenhidethemawayforanotherday(thisworksonlywithsmallerchildrenJ).
• Havebreaksoften:Ø Spendthesebreakswithyourchildren
o Eatyourmealstogether
©Copyright2020 Anne Helmerstuen26
o Gooutifpossible-exerciseandmovementaregoodforeverybody
• Setuprealisticdecisionsaheadaboutwhenandhowyourchildrencandisturbyou:
Ø Informyourchildrenabouttherules–thisisyourdecisionandnottobenegotiated.YOUaretheboss(acaringboss)withafirmandsmilingvoice(rememberyourstate).Sticktoyourdecision
Ø Explaintheagendafortheday,includingmany“rewards”,likedoingsomethingtogetherinthebreaks
Ø Encourageandcomplimentthechildren• Makeafilminsideyourheadwhereyouseeyourselfdoingthestrategiesabovewhileworkingathomeandplayingwiththechildren:
Ø Makesureyouseethefilmfromanangle,asa“flyonthewall”whereyouarecalmandhandlingyourownstateandthenthechildren
Ø Runthefilmseveraltimes• Andveryimportant:Benicetoyourself
Janegotbacktomeaftertryingouthernewstrategies.Shetoldmethatherbiggestchallengewaschangingherbeliefthatagoodmotheralwayssaidyesandneverraisedhervoice.However,whenshefocusedontheobviousoutcomeforthechildren,Janefoundanotherandbetterwayofreframingherbelief;acalmmotherwithclearandconsequentdirectionshasextraenergyforfuninthebreaks.Sometimes,therewerestillsomeissuesofcourse,butmostly,shewasabletohandleherself,andthereforedealwithbothherjobandherchildren.
Janerecommendsthesestrategies,butyouaretheonlyonetodecideifthisissomethingforyou.
AnneHelmerstuenNLPTraineratTrainYourBrain.noNorway
©Copyright2020 Cindy Galvin 27
05 LEVERAGING YOUR FOCUSHowsuccessfulleadersfindsolutionsindifficulttimesandyoucantoo
CindyGalvin,UnitedKingdom
How do you view problems?
Allbusinessesfacechallenges,buthowyouassesthemwillmakeabigdifferencebetweenfindingsolutionsmorequicklyandfeelingstuckinfearorworry.
Whenyouhaveanissuethatneedsresolving,doyouinstinctivelyfocusondetailsordoyoustepbackandthinkabouthowitfitsintothebiggerpicture?
Ifyouthinkabouthowtheissuerelatestothecompany’sgoals,you’rechunkingup,inNLPterms,becauseyou’vebroadenedyourperspectivefromspecificstoageneralideaorconcept.
Let’ssayyoursalesteamhasfailedtomeettargetthepasttwoquartersandoperatingprofitshavebeenaffected.Bychunkingup,youmightseesalesrevenuesaspartofthecompany’scashfloworbusinessstrategy.Thinkingthiswayremovesyoufromanyemotionassociatedwiththepoorperformanceandgivesyourmindthefreedomtothinkcreativelyandbrainstorm.
©Copyright2020 Cindy Galvin28
Atthispoint,youcanchunklaterallytolookforsimilaritiesorexamplesofotherthingsyou’veexperiencedorlearned.Thisiswhereyourmindcanfreeassociatebylinkingtogetherthingsthatwouldnormallyhavenorelationtoeachother.
Forexample,youthink‘strategy’andyourmindshootsbacktothesummercampyouattendedasachild.Yourememberreturningoneyeartofindallthesleepingdormsmovedclosertothelake,andhowyou’dheardyearslaterthatthecamphadsignificantlyhikeditsfees.Hmmm…maybemovingthesalesteamtooneofthecompany’slesscostlylocationscouldbeanoption.
Ifyoufocusondetailslikehowproductionschedulescouldbetweakedorwhetheryouneedtoreducethesalesteam,you’rechunkingdown.Thisisparticularlyvaluablewhentheoutcomehasbeendecidedandyouneedtoknowexactlywhatstepsarerequiredtoachieveit.
Here’sanotherwayofunderstandinghowchunkingworks.Thinkaboutasailboat.Youmightseeitasamodeoftransportationormovement(chunkingup)orsimilartoridingabicycleorskateboarding(chunkinglaterally).Thinkingaboutthesail,rudder,engineandmastwouldbechunkingdown.
Allformsofchunkingarevaluable;it’sknowingwhentousetheminthemosteffectivewaytogettheinformationyouneed.
Inmyexperience,managerswhostayfocusedondetailscanlosesightoftheforestforthetrees,toquotetheoldsaying;whilemanagerswhofocusonlyonthebigpicturecangetlostinabstracts.Thosewhoareadeptatusingallformsofchunkingwilltypicallyrisetoseniorleadershippositionsbecausethey’reseenasvisionariesandcreatives,whileequallycomfortableworkingwithdetails.They’reofteneffectivecommunicatorsandnegotiators.
A tool that’s useful anywhere, anytime
I’dbeenworkingwithaseniormanagementteamonimprovingcommunicationsandsolvingsometrustissueswhenoneofthe
©Copyright2020 Cindy Galvin 29
managers,namedDavid,pulledmeasideandaskedifcouldworkwithhimonapersonalissue.That’snotmyusualareaofcoaching,butIwantedtoseeifIcouldhelphim,soIaskedhimwhatwasgoingon.
Davidsaidhe’dbeenhavingadifficulttimetryingtobalancehiscareerandfamilylife.Hisfamilywasn’thappy,andhisworkwassufferingbecausehewasdistractedandwasn’tsleepingwell.
Afteraskinghimafewquestions,twothingsbecameclear:• Davidwasfocusingsolelyonthedetails–abusytravelschedulemeanttimeapartfromhisfamily;he’dmissedmostofhischildren’sschooleventsoverthepastyear,andhewastiredanddistractedmostofthetime.
• Hebelievedhisworkandfamilylifeweremutuallyexclusive;muchofhisunhappinesswasbasedinthefeelingthatheneededtochooseoneovertheother.Hewantedmyhelpwithhowtodecidewhattodo.
InhisbookUsingYourBrainforaChange,Dr.RichardBandlerdescribesabeliefas,“acommandtothenervoussystem”.Bybelievinghecouldn’tkeephiscareerandhisfamily,Davidwassendingsignalstohisbodythatkepthimstressed,whichisnotagoodstatetobeinwhenmakingdecisionsofanykind.
Byfocusingonthedetails,Davidwasstuck.Thiswaswhereaskingtherightquestionscouldshifthisfocusfromdetailstogeneralconcepts.
Iaskedhimtoseparatethetwoissuesandanswerquestionssuchas,“What’simportantinyourlife?Whatareyourultimatedesiresandgoals?Whatdoyougetfromhavingboth?Whatwouldn’tyouhaveifyoudidn’thaveboth?”
Bychunkingup,hefocusedonwhatfamilyandcareermeanttohimandsawtheyweren’tmutuallyexclusive.Infact,bothmatchedvaluesthatwereimportanttohim:satisfaction,asenseofaccomplishmentandofgivingback,andprideinachievements.Helovedhisfamilyandenjoyedwatchinghischildrengrowup;helovedthecompanionshipofhiswifeandthememoriestheyhadtogether.
Hiscareerallowedhimtoprovideahomeforhisfamilyandenablehischildrentoattendgoodschools.Hecouldtakethemonfamilyvacations,whichmadeeveryonehappyandcreatedgoodmemories.
©Copyright2020 Cindy Galvin30
HeaskedhiswifethequestionsI’daskedhim,andtheyeventuallyrealizedtheysharedsimilarlifegoals.Shetoohadfocusedonallthethingsthatweren’tworking,sotheshiftinperspectiveallowedherbrainthefreedomtothinkdifferently.
Atthispoint,theycouldstartchunkingdowntofigureoutexactlyhowtheycouldfindtherightbalance.
Helping with negotiations
Chunkingisalsohelpfulinbusinessnegotiations.
IworkedwithaCOOwho’dspenteightmonthsnegotiatingthebuy-outofasmallcompanythatwouldgivehisbusinessaccesstonewmarketsandanimmediateboosttothebottomline.Iwascalledinafterthedealstalledaftereightmonthsofnegotiating.
Whennegotiationsstall,it’sessentialthatbothpartiesreflectonwhatthedealmeansforthem.What’stheultimateendgoalandobjective?Bothpartiesneedtotalkthisthroughandcontinuechunkingupuntiltheygettothepointwherethey’reinagreement.
Afterthis,thereshouldbearenewedenthusiasmforgettingthecontractsignedbecausebothpartiesclearlyseeandagreewhat’satstakeandwhatthey’llbothgetoutofit.Nowtheycanresumehashingoutthedetails.Andwhentalksstallagain,theprocessrepeats.
TheCOOgotmarketshareandacashinfusion,whiletheownersofthesmallercompanygotsupporttoredesigntheirproducts,anexpansivemarketingcampaign,andtheknowledgethattheycouldcomfortablyretireseveralyearslater.
How you can do thisThefollowingquestionsareguidestohelpyoubeginwithchunking,andI’msureyou’llthinkofothersthatarejustrightforyoursituation.
Chunkingup• Whatareweultimatelytryingtoachieve?
©Copyright2020 Cindy Galvin 31
• Whatpurposedoesthishave?• What’sthegoalorvision?
Chunkingdown• Exactlywhatdoweneedtodotoachievethegoal?• Whatspecificallydoyoudowiththis?• Whatstepsneedtobecompletedeachdaytoachieveourtarget?
Chunkinglaterally• What’ssimilar?• Whatisthisanexampleof?• Whatdoesthisremindmeof?
Nowthatyou’velearnedaboutthechunkingprocess,andhowyoucanuseitinanysituation,noticehowmuchfunyoucanhaveandhowmanymoreideasyou’rethinkingofbyswitchingyourfocus.
CindyGalvinClinicalhypnotherapist,NLPtrainer,authorwww.cindygalvin.com UnitedKingdom
©Copyright2020 Chris Cummins32
06 FROM FACE TO FACE TO VIRTUALSmallthingsthatcanmakeabigdifferencewhenwebegintousemoretechnologytoworkwithourcustomersChrisCummins,UnitedKingdom
Why
IrealizedwhyvirtualtechnologywassoimportantthemomentIarrivedbackfromatriptotheUStofindallourcustomerswerepostponingappointmentsduetoCovid-19.
Toputthingsintocontext,werunaglobalcorporatetrainingorganizationandourcustomersincludesomeofthelargestcorporationsintheworld.Wehavemorethan100businesscoachesandabaseintheUKwherewe’vejustinvestedinanewtrainingsuite.
Facetofacetrainingingroupandonetoonesettingshasbeenourlifefor
thepast13years.Thiscurrentsituation,ifweallowitto,couldmakethingsverydifficultforus.
However,“everyadversity,everyfailure,everyheartachecarrieswithittheseedofanequalorgreaterbenefit”,sosaidNapoleonHill,andoverthepastfouryearswehaveincreasedtheamountofvirtualtrainingwedo.Therearegoodreasonsforthis,whichinclude:
1. Customersdon’tneedtospendmoneyonflights,hotelsandfeedingtheirteams
2. Customerscaninvestthemoneythey’vesavedonevenmoreanddifferenttraining
3. Wecanconductmoreworkshopsinthesameamountoftime
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4. Wecanspendmoretimerunningthebusinessandlesstimetravelling
Thesessionscanberecorded,delegatescanthenreviewthetrainingatanytime.
When/Where
Now,morethanever,isthetimetobegintoknowhowtousevirtualtechnologieslikeZoom,AdobeConnect,MicrosoftTeamsandotherplatforms.Themoreyouembracethetechnologynow,theeasieritwillbetokeepandgrowyourcustomerbaseoncethissituationisover.
Who
Overthepastmonth,90%ofourcustomershavebecomeconvincedthat,ratherthanleavingtheirleadership,salesandmarketingteamsidleathome,theywillbenefitfromhavingvirtualtrainingtoensurethattheirmindsarereadyforwhentheygobacktomeetingcustomersfacetoface.
We’redoingmoretrainingthanusual,becauseourcustomers’customersarealsoathomewonderinghowthey’regoingtokeeptheirbusinessesgoing.So,we’veveryquicklyputVirtualResilienceworkshopstogether,invitingguestspeakerstogivepeopleideasonhowtobestrongandresourcefulatthistime.
How
Therefollowsastep-by-stepguidetoconvertingyourtrainingandcoachingprogramstovirtualsessionsthatareengaging,informativeandwillhaveyourcustomerswantingmore.
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• Decidewhichoftheproducts/programs/interventionsthatyounormallydofacetofacecouldbe,withalittleadjustment,convertedtovirtualsessions.Forexample,weruntwo-daycoachingworkshopsandhavedistilledthemainelementsoftheprogramintotwo90-minuteonlinesessions
• Reviewyourcalendarandtheprogramsyouhadalreadybooked,anddecidewhichofthesecouldbecarriedoutvirtually
• Connectwiththecustomerswhoalreadyhavetimebookedwithyou;offeranalternative“virtualsession”andsellthebenefitsversuspostponement
• Makesureyou’vewrittenthetrainingprogramsyou’replanningtouseoverthecomingmonths
• Advertisethatyou’redoingthisonyourwebsiteandmedialikeLinkedIn,Instagram,Twitter,Facebook-whereveryourcustomerbaseis
• Contactallyourcustomersandletthemknowthatyou’renow,fortheforeseeablefuture,offeringvirtualprograms.Theyareallathome,sonowisthebesttimetocontactthem
• Becomeproficientindifferentvirtualplatforms.Inthreeweeks,ourbusinesshasbecomeexpertinZoom,AdobeConnectandMicrosoftTeams.Thisconvincescustomersthatwecanrunvirtualsessionsfortheirteams.WehaveacustomerwhoonlyusesSkype;weconvincedthemtorunaZoomsessionfor40oftheirsalesmanagersfromacrossEuropeandtheylovedit
• Getthesessionsinyourdiaryandstartrunningthem
Thenext‘how’ishowtomakeyourvirtualtrainingsessionsasclosetothephysicalexperienceaspossible…
Making the Virtual Training/Coaching Experience as Close to The Classroom Environment as Possible
Planyourenvironment- Firstofall,thinkabouttheenvironment.Chooseaquietplacewithoutanybackgroundnoise.Infact,whynothavemusicplayingwhenyourdelegatescomeintoyourtrainingsession?Ithelpstorelaxthemandmakethemfeelwelcome
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- Thinkaboutyourbackgroundandremoveanythingthatmaydistractthepeopleyouaretalkingto.Ifyoucanuseavirtualbackgroundwithsomechangeablepositivequotesitcanbeinspiring(thisfunctionalityisavailableonZoom)
- Makesureyouarelitfromthefronttoavoidbeingashadowonthescreen
- Havewhateveryouneed(trainingmaterialsetc.)withinreach,toavoidmovingoff-screen
- Haveaglassofwaterhandy
Planyourtechnology- Ensureyouhaveplentyoftimetocheckyouhaveagoodinternetconnection,yourwebcamisworking,allyourpresentationmaterialsarereadyandavailabletoshareonthescreen
- Turnoffyourphone,emailandnotifications,andclearyourdesk.Thiswillhelpyoutomaintain100%focusontheinteraction
Planyourself!- Makesureyouhaveplentyoftimetoensureyouaresittingcomfortably.Thinkaboutwhatyouwillwear.Youareoncamera,whichmeansbusinessasusual!
- Getyourselfintotherightframeofmind- Andpractice,practice,practice- Getusedtoyourselfbeingoncameraandspeaking- Trydifferentfacialexpressions
EnergyYouraudiencecansenseyourenergylevelthroughyourtoneofvoice,sotheirenergylevelandinterestwillmirroryours.Speakwithenthusiasmandsmile,justasifyouwereinthesameroom.Gesturingalsohelpstomaintainenergy.
VaryyourvoiceUseavarietyofvolumes,pitchesandrhythmstomaintainengagement.
PauseUseofsilenceismucheasierwhenyouareinthesameroom.Itcanfeelmoreuncomfortableinavirtualenvironment.Resisttheurgetojumpin,givetimetoallowthinkingandtimetorespond.
UseclearlanguageOften,bodylanguageandgestureshelppeoplefillinanygapsinunderstanding.Inthevirtualspace,youneedtopaymoreattentionto
©Copyright2020 Chris Cummins36
theprecisionofyourlanguagetoensurethattheintendedinformationisreceivedbyeachandeverydelegate.
LookintothecameraLookstraightintoyourcamera,notthescreen.Itisamazingthedifferencethismakesinholdingtheirattention.
ChrisCumminsJointManagingDirectorofOTDNLPMasterTrainerforBusinessUnitedKingdom
©Copyright2020 Christiane Neumann 37
07 DEALING WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY IN CHALLENGING TIMESACovid-19storywithpracticaltipstofeelbetterChristianeNeumann,LosAngeles
Lastnight,myfriendLisacalled.Shesoundednoticeablystressedwhileshetalkedabouthernewsituation.Duetotheextremelyreducedworkload,heremployercouldonlypayherfortwodaysperweekandtheremainingthreedayswouldbeunpaidtimeoff.Because shewasinthecountryonaworkvisa,shecouldnotapplyforfinancialassistancelikehercolleagues.Shewasveryfearfulaboutbeingunabletopayherrentandotherongoingexpenses,especiallybecausenobodycouldsayhowlongthesituationwouldlast.ThenLisastartedtotalkaboutallsortsofnegativeeffectsthatitcouldhave.Shebegantopaintaverydarkpictureinherhead,soItoldher“STOP”.
Iacknowledgedthatthesituationwaslookinggrim.Iaskedhertoputthatasideforasecondandtakeadeepbreath.Lisarepeatedthatshefeltafraidandanxiousasshedidnotknowhowthiswouldworkout.Tointerruptherwayofdescribingthesituation,Itoldhertocomplimentherselfforherhonestyandawareness.Itisquitenormaltoexperienceemotionsaboutunfamiliarsituations,especiallywhentheyinvolveuncertaintyandseemtobeoutofourcontrol.Beingawareofwhatisgoingoninsideisimportantbecauseitinfluences
©Copyright2020 Christiane Neumann38
whatwecando.So,acknowledgethefeelingsthatyouareexperiencing,becausewhenyouareawareofthem,youcandosomethingaboutthem.
Myapproachworked.Lisawassilentforamoment,thenaskedcuriously,“Okay,whatdoyousuggest?”Well,letmeexplain.When you are aware, now instead of simply reacting to what is going on inside, you can acknowledge that you might not be able to control what is going on in the world out there, but you can influence how you ‘respond’ in your internal world.Youhaveachoicetoreacttoa situationortorespondwithpurpose.Whichdoyouthinkwillbemore useful?Letmesharesomeinsightsandanexercise.Whenwegothroughchallengingtimes,itishelpfultobepreparedbyknowingsomecopingskillsinadvance.Let’scallthisour‘personalinternalemergencykit’.Especiallywhenpeoplehavebeenthroughbadexperiencesbefore,itiseasytogettriggeredbasedonrememberingthepastinsteadofthinkingclearly.So,whenweexperiencetoughorchallengingtimes–nosloppythinking!Itisimportanttopayattention!Forexample,withallthesensation-seekingnewsmedia,onecaneasilybepulledintoaholeofnegativityandhopelessness.Itiscrucialtobeawareofhowwefeelsothatwecancalibratetowhatmakesusfeelgoodorupset.Andwhenweknowthedifference,wehaveachoice.
Hereisanexample.Picksomethingyouarecurrentlyunsureorfearfulabout.Takeyourphoneoratimerandsetitto1minute.Thenstartthetimerandtalkaboutthetopicstartingwith“whatif”andmentionallthenegativeaspectsthatyoucanimagineaboutituntilthealarmrings,thenstop.OK,go!
Afterthis,moveyourbody-shakeoutyourarmsandwalkafewstepstogetridofthatcreatedenergy.Thensetthetimeragainto1minute.Nowstartagainwith“whatif”,butthistimetalkaboutyourtopiconlyinapositiveway,includingpossibleopportunitiesandgoodoutcomes.OK,go!
Didyounoticethedifference?Whenwespeak,wealsolistentoourspokenwordsandtheyaffecthowwefeel.Thinkingisaformofspeakingtoourselves;thewaywethinkcreatesfeelingsandthosefeelingsthenleadtowhatwedo,whichinturnalsoaffectswhatweachieve.
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Easytoremember:Think Feel DoResults.
TheCovid-19pandemichasremindedusallhowimportantpersonalhygieneandhandwashingare.Somaybewecanconsidergood,clearthinkingasaformofinternalhygiene.Anditshouldbedoneoften,especiallywhenunpleasantstuffisgoingon.
Myfriendfinallylaughed.Thenwespokeaboutideasofwhatwecandoinchallengingtimeslikenow.
• Weallcravecertainty,sointimesofuncertainty,createyourowncertaintyinareaswhereyoucan.Forexample,setadailyroutine(writealist),dothingsyoulikeandcando,whicharefamiliarandgiveasenseof“normality”.
• Focusonwhatyoucandoandwhatisinyourcontrol.Remember,youcancontrolwhatyouthinkaboutandwhatyoufocuson.Payspecialattentiontoyourlanguage,becausewordscreatefeelings/emotions(rememberthe“whatif”exercise).
• Beeasyonyourself.Hey,it’sOKtohavemomentsoffearoranger.Itmattershowlongwestayinthosemoments.Bestnottohangouttheretoolong;theycanbecomesticky!
• Incaseyoufeeldown,askyourself“whatspecificallywouldmakemefeelbetterrightnowinthismoment?”andhavealistathandwith‘healthy’options.
• Acknowledgethesituationandconsidersolutions.HaveaplanAandaplanBforback-up.
• Beproactive,don’twaitforsomeoneelsetodoitorfixitforyou;researchforyourself,andfindoutaboutoptionsandopportunities.
• Connectwithotherpeople.Ifyoudon’tfindwhatyoulike,organizeasupportgrouporafunsocialgroupyourself(allpossibleonline).
• Reachouttootherpeoplewhomightbeabletohelp.Youmightbesurprisedhowmanypeoplearewillingtohelpwhenasked.Forexample,thischapterwaswrittenasaresultofgettingafewpeopletogethertodiscussideas,andsomeonesuggestedwritingthiscollaborativebook.
• Giveanothermeaningtothesituation;somethingwithapositivetone.RegardingCovid-19,Ihaveheardthingslike“atimeforreset”,“theopportunitytodothingsweneverhadtime
©Copyright2020 Christiane Neumann40
for”,“timetorefocusandsetnewgoals”,“timetoseethattheairiscleaner”andmanymorepositivethings.
• Payattentiontowhatyouwatchinthemediaandwhoyoulistento,asthatwillalsohaveaneffectonyourmind.Ifitbringsyoudown,changethechannel!
• Volunteerordosomethingniceforsomeoneelse.Itcanbeassimpleascallingsomeonetosayhelloor,whenyougotothestore,askinganeighboriftheyneedanything.Doingsomethingforothersusuallymakesusfeelgoodaswell!
• Whenwedon’tknowhowlongsomethingmightlast,itoftenhelpstoputamentaltimeframetoit.Thatgivesyouroomtoplananddecidewhatyoucandointhattime.Andthinkaboutit.Ifyousay,“ittakessoandsolong”,incasethesituationendsbeforethatimagineddeadline,youmostlikelywillbehappilysurprised.Ifyouputthedatetooshort,youcanreassessthesituationatthatlatertimewithmoreknowledgeandsetanewtimeframe.
Whiletalkingabouttheseideasandlookingattheoptions,Lisaappearedtorelaxabit;shestartedtojoininwithherownideas,namingpeopleshecouldconnectwithandreachoutto.Sheseemedtobeinterestedtohearmore.So,Iaddedthatnotonlyourthoughtsbutalsoourphysiologyandattitudehaveaninfluenceonhowwefeel.“Howisthat?”Lisawantedtoknow.“Well,let’sdoanotherquickexercisetobetterunderstandthis.”
Foramomentnow,shiftyourbodytoslouchforward,andlookdown.Whileinthisposition,thinkofsomethingsadandnoticehowitisquiteeasyinthatposition.Thendotheopposite,putyourshouldersback,straightenyourbodyandlookup–nowtrytofeelsadinthisposition.Notsoeasy,right?
Itisproventhatwhenwesmileorlaugh,wereleasepositivehormoneslikeDopamine,SerotoninandEndorphins,whichhelpourbraintofunctionbetter.Powerposes,likethevictoryposewithbotharmsliftedtowardthesky,alsohaveapositiveeffectonourmood.Thatisbiologicallyautomated.Calm,deepbreathingaffectsourheartfunctionandoxygenlevelinthebrain.Wecanmakeuseofallofthis.
Whenwecombineusefulthinkingwithpositiveattitudeandpostures,itispowerful.Wecanbuildpowerfulinternalstatesinwhichwethenfindbetterideasandsolutions.Soinsteadofdwellinginthenegative
©Copyright2020 Christiane Neumann 41
aspectsofasituation,wecanfindwaystobetterdealwithwhatisgoingonbytakingcontrolofourinternalworldandgeneratemoreusefulstatesthatmakeusfeelbetter.
“Yes,Igetit,”saidLisa,“it’smucheasiertothinkwhenIamcalmer.ButhowcanIgenerateagoodstatewhenIamfeelingoverwhelmedwithallthat’sgoingon?”That’sagreatquestion.Awarenessisthekey.Noticewhatyouarenoticingandacknowledgewhenyouarestartingtofeeloverwhelmed.Insteadofpositivehormones,inanticipateddangerourbodyreleasesstresshormonestopreparefora‘fight-flight-freeze’reaction.Thosehormonescausethepre-frontalcortexinourbraintoshutdownandwecannotconvertinformationfastenoughtothinkclearly.Therefore,itismucheasiertostopthespiraldownwardrightatthebeginning,insteadoflaterwhenwearealreadyinautomated‘fight-flight-freeze’mode.Itisbesttobepreparedinadvance.Rememberthe‘personalinternalemergencykit’?
Hereisonemoreexercise,soyouhaveahelpfulresourceincasethingsgetemotionallytough:
Forthisexercise,itismostusefultostandupandcloseyoureyes.Tosetanicestartingpoint,withclosedeyesimaginethatyouareinyourmostfavoriteplace,whereyoufeelcalmandsecure.Breathedeeply,andfullyenjoybeinginthatwonderfulplaceforamoment.Thenthinkofsomethingthatyoulove.Itcouldbeaperson,apet-whateveritis,imagineitnowandallowyourselftofeeladeepsenseoflove.Letitwarmyourheartandeverycellinyourbody.Whenyoufeelthelovefullyandstrongly,takeyourthumbandanotherfingerandpressthemlightlytogether.Wecallthatanchoring.Youareanchoringagoodfeeling.Great!Note,themoresenses(seeing,hearing,feeling,smelling,tasting)youinvolve,thebettertheresult.
Thentakeanotherresourcefulfeeling.Forexample,‘accomplishment’.Somethingthatyouareproudof,thatyouworkedhardforandthatyouhaveachieved.Findsuchanexperienceandstepfullyintoit.Bethere.Howwereyoustanding,howwereyouholdingyourshouldersandyourhead,whatdidyousee,hearandfeel?Letyourselffullyexperiencethatmomentagainasifitisnow.Whenyouarefullyinthestate,lightlypressthesametwoanchorfingerstogetheragain.Dothisexercisewithseveralmoreresourcefulstates,e.g.,confidence,curiosity,humor,strength-whateveryouthinkwillbehelpfulforyou.Whenyouhaveanchoredseveralresourcestates,presstheanchor
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fingersandfeelallthoseexperiencesagain,fully,strongly.Letyourbodybatheinthosefeelingsandeverycelltobefilledwiththosegoodmemories.Enjoythisforamoment,thencomebackinthehereandnowandopenyoureyes.
Therewassilence,thenIheardLisasay,“wow,thatwasamazing!”Hervoicesoundedstrongandmuchcalmernow.Shethankedmeforthehelpfulconversationandsaidinaconfidenttonethatshewouldmakegooduseofallofthisnow.Itoldher“youareverywelcome;feelfreetoshareit.”
ChristianeNeumannCoach and Licensed Trainer of NLPMind Wellness Coaching
LosAngeles
©Copyright2020 Daniel Velasco Garcia 43
08 STARTING OVER GenerativechangeDanielVelascoGarcía,México
Lifeiscomposedofelementswhichconnectwitheachotherintime;someoftheseelementsareexternal(context,surroundingsandpeopleweinteractwith)andsomeelementsareinternal(ourexperiences,strategies,beliefsandvalues).
Bynavigatingthrougheachoneoftheseelements,wealignourresourcestofaceeachnewdayandreactbettertochanges,crisisandunexpectedevents.
The unexpected
Ifyouaskedmewhereisthemagicoflife,Iwouldsaythatitliesintheunexpectedandextraordinarythingsthatitofferstous:sometimesverylovelysurprisesandsomeothersnotsolovely.
Theunexpectedissomethingwhichpumpsemotionintoourlives.Otherwise,ifthingswerealwaysthesame,everythingwouldbesofamiliar,predictableandrepeatedthatwewouldgetbored.Thegreatsuccessassociatedtosuspensestoriesandmovies,ortosurpriseparties,isduetotheemotionsthattheyignite.
Ofcourse,wemustadmitthatsometimestheunexpectedcanbeverydifferenttowhatwewouldlike
©Copyright2020 Daniel Velasco Garcia44
orwhatwewouldpreferinamomentofchange.Thatiswhyitturnsouttobeveryimportanttobeabletobereadytostartoverinnewcontexts.
Acceptit!Everythingchanges:people,circumstances,technology,ideas…EVERYTHING!So,oncewehaveaquickwaytolearntoadjusttothosechanges,itwillbemucheasierandrewardingtostartover.
We have… what?
Let’sthinkoftheearlyyearsinschool:ourpeers,ourteachers(goodandbad,niceandnot-sonice)thebuildings,classroomsandcorridorswhichweresomuchapartofthisearlypartoflife.Aplacewelearned,playedandpretendedtobeafireman,adoctor,apoliceofficer;aplacewherewegrewanddevelopedoutsidethehomeenvironment.
Inthatnewenvironment,welearnedtosolveproblemsandfacenewsituations.Thismadeusdevelopnewabilitiesandcreatestrategiestomakedecisionsandachievegoals–thingsaseasyascountingusingourfingers.
Duringsportsactivities,youmustmakeuseofthepersonalexperiencesandstrategiesthatyouhavedevelopedinordertoapplytheminbasketball,volleyballoranyothercontest.Thatishowyougainsecurityandself-confidence.Itisalsohowyousolidifyexperiencesintoideasandbeliefs,whicharestrengthenedwithineverymatchthatiswon,ormodifiedandadjustedwitheverymatchthatislost.
Andonceschoolisover,yougettounderstandthatyouhavelearnedmuchmorethannumbersandthealphabet.Youhavelearnedabouttheresponsibilityofaccomplishingagoal,howtoobtaingoodgradesfromyoureffort,tounderstandandacceptyourpeers’differences,perseverancetoacquirenewknowledge,strengthtoachieveindividualandteamgoals.Youhaveevenlearnedaboutsolidarityandlovingothers,likewhenyouplayedatbeingafireman.
Inotherwords:youbuildandcrystallizeyourvalues.
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And how does he do it?
Oneday,Martin,atopexecutiveandformercoachingclientwithwhomI hadnohadcontactforalmostthreeyears,calledme.Afteradeepbreath,hebegantotalk…
“Idon’tknowwhattodo!Afterworkingforalongtimeinthefinancialworld,Igotbored.IresignedasadirectorofacompanyIdesignedandsetupsomebusinesseswhichdidn’twork.Ilostalotofmoneyandmyex-businesspartner(andnowex-friend)cheatedme.Iamalmostbankrupt.Imessedup!Canyouhelpme?”
SinceIknowMartin,itwascleartomethat:• Hisdecisionwasnotarandomone• Hiscircumstanceshadchanged(sodidhispartner)• Hisoutcomewasnotsatisfactory;hedidnothavetotalcontrol• Hehadafailingbusiness
WhatMartinhaddonewasstartwithanewideawhichhehadbeenponderingabout,andwhichhedidnotfeelsureabout,buthedidnotSEECLEARLYtherightpath.
Therefore,Itoldhim:NOWisthemomenttodosomething;youareinthemiddleofanimportantchangecausedbythiscrisis,soIwillaskyoutouseyourimaginationandmakeamovieinyourheadbeforeyouanswermyquestions.Youmaycloseyoureyesornot;theimportantthingisthatyouconsidertheanswers-donotsharethemwithmeyet,justwatchthemovie.
Iasked:Whereareyouworkinginthisnewproject?Visualizepeopleandplaces.Doyouknowthemall?Maybesomeofthosepeoplearenewclients,newsuppliersormaybenewemployees;considerallthepossibilities.Whenyouthinkaboutthisplace,imagineeverythingintheenvironment;thefacilities,theequipment,thematerialsandresources.
ThenIasked:Basedonyourexperience,whicharethestrategiesyoucanuse?Whatnewlearningwillyouhaveandapply?Howareyougoingtouseyourpersonalhistorytodealwiththisnewsituation?IwantyoutoSEEallpossibilities.
©Copyright2020 Daniel Velasco Garcia46
Wheneveryouconfrontanewchallenge,itisimportanttofeelsecurityandself-confidence.Inthisway,yourattitudetowardsthenewsituationwillallowyoutohavebetteremotionalcontrol,keepfaithinyourself,andkeepthenecessarymotivationtogoon.ThatiswhyItoldMartin:Thinkofallthepositivebeliefsyouhaveaboutyourself,considerallyouknow,allyoucandoandallyoucanachieve.Bringtoyourconsciousnessthereasonsyouhavetobelieveeverythingwillbeokay.
ThenItoldhim:Nowconcentrateevenmoreonthefollowing-theoutcomethatyouwillhaveonceyouhavemadeit.Observethatsatisfactionorfun;everythingyouknowyoucanhaveandwhyallthisisworthy.Andagain,seeallthepossibilities,becauseyouwillmakeit.
Finally,IaskedhimtosharehisanswersasIaskedallthequestionsagaintwoormoretimes,startingatthebeginninganduntiltheendinthesameorder.
Theoutcome?Tohaveadifferentperspectiveofthesituation,sinceyouseealltheelementsinandaroundthis“newlife”,thisnewbusiness.
Believeme,thesequestionsaremagicandtheiranswersvery,verypowerful.Theyillustratethemeansbywhichyoucannavigatethroughthedifferentaspectsthatconfigureyourlife,byaskingquestionsthatexploretheelementsassociatedtothenewcondition.
These are the steps
Youaregoingtoask(orsuggest)thepersonto:• Lookthrough(see,hearandfeel)thewholecontext:place,people
andtimewhenandwherethechangewillhappen.• Considertheactions,knowledgeandstrategieswithwhichthe
personisgoingtodealwiththechange.• Rememberallthepositivebeliefsassociatedtothechange;the
beliefsthatstrengthenself-confidence,securityanddetermination.
• Experience(see,hearandfeel)allthebenefitsthepersonwillobtain,oncetheyachievethechangeinasatisfactoryway.
©Copyright2020 Daniel Velasco Garcia 47
Finally,askthesesamequestionswiththemovietwo,eventhreetimesmore,inordertokeepnavigatingthroughtheelementsofthisnewreasontogetaheadinlife.
But what if I am not in crisis?
Keepinmindthefactthatachangedoesnotneedtobedramatic,painfulandspectacular.Sometimes,itisabigdealforsomepeopletochangetheframeoftheirspectacles.Thisexercisewillhelpyoutoconsiderthemanyelementsassociatedtoanewcondition,coveringveryimportantissuesbecausethatchangewillhaveaneffectonyourself,yourfamilyandyourjob.
Alittlechangewillmakechangesinyourenvironmenttoo;gettingmarried,startinganewbusiness,decidingonamajoratuniversity,howtoinvestyourmoney,aplaceoractivitiesforvacations…Considerthatwhenyouanswerthesequestions,youwillbetakingintoaccountelementsthatcouldbeunobserved,becausetheyareso“obvious”.However,nomatterhowobvioustheymayseem,theycouldhaveabigimpactinthosenewconditions.
Byansweringthesequestions,youwillfindouthoweasyitistoSTARTOVER.
PS.Whenyouareflowinginlifeanditselements,youmayevenfindthatthischangeisnotthemostconvenientactiontotake,becauseyourdecisionnowismoreconsistentandsolid,sinceyouarenowembracingyourwholeself.
DanielVelascoGarcíaTrainerintheNLPInternationalSocietyMasterinOrganizationalDevelopment
©Copyright2020 Geoff Rolls48
09 WHO IS CARING FOR YOU?
GeoffRolls,UnitedKingdom
Probablylikemanyofyou,Ihavebeenfortunatetohavetravelledtomanydifferentplacesaroundthewordbyplane.Theonethingyouknowwillhappenshortlybeforetake-offisademonstrationbythecabincrew(orviavideo)demonstratingemergencyprocedures.
Often,Inotethatregulartravelersdon’talwaysseemtopaycloseattentiontothis.I’vealwaysbeenagoodpassengerandmadesureIpaidattention,andthisensuresI’mready.In
thesedemonstrations,thesewords,orwordslikethem,aresaid:“Shouldthecabinexperiencesuddenpressureloss,staycalmandlistenforinstructionsfromthecabincrew.Oxygenmaskswilldropdownaboveyourseat.Placethemaskoveryourmouthandnose.Pullthestraptotightenit.Ifyouaretravellingwithchildren,makesurethatyourownmaskisonfirstbeforehelpingyourchildren.”
It'saverygoodideathatyouwanttohelpotherpeopleattimesofgreatuncertainty,andensureyoulookafteryourselffirst.So,withthatinmind,haveyounoticedwhathappenstoyouasyoubreathe?Breatheoutonamirrorandyoucanseeabuild-upofcondensationthathasjustleftyourbody.Ifthisisjustoneout-breath,imaginehowmuchwaterwelosedailythroughbreathing,aswellasthroughthenaturalprocessesofperspirationandexcretion.Wealwaystalkonan
©Copyright2020 Geoff Rolls 49
out-breath,too.Ourhydrationismassivelyimportanttoouroverallwellbeing.
Whilstthereiswaterpresentinmanyfoods,thebodyisn’tabletomakeuseofituntilithasmadeitswaythroughthedigestivetract,andthenonlywhenitisfullyseparatedfromthewastematerialre-integratedintothebodyinthelargeintestine.Whenwedrinkwater,receptorsinthemouthrecognizeitandareabletomakeuseofthiswonderfulresourceimmediately.Iwonder,howmuchwaterdoyoudrinkdaily?
Weknowthatscientistsrecognizetheaveragehumanbodyismadeupofanythingbetween50%-65%water,muchofitinbloodplasma(about20%ofthebody’stotal.)Accordingtoastudypublishedin1945andstillwidelyquoted,thepercentageofwaterinthehumanheartandbrainis73%,thelungs83%,musclesandkidneys79%,theskin64%andthebonesaround31%.Weknowthatwateristheprimarybuildingblockofcellswithinthehumanbody.Watercanactasaninsulator,regulatingourbodytemperature.Itisalsoneededtometabolizeproteinsandcarbohydratesusedasfood.Itistheprimarycomponentofsalivausedtoaidinswallowingfood.Italsolubricatesjoints.Itactsasashockabsorberforthebrain,thespinalcordandtheorgans.It’salsousedtoflushwasteandtoxinsfromthebody.Itcarriesoxygenandnutrientsallthewayaroundthebody.Anditistheprincipalsolventwithinthebody,dissolvingminerals,nutrientsandsolublevitamins.Allinall,it’sveryimportant!
Peoplebegintofeelthirstywhentheyhavealreadylost2%-3%oftheirbody’swater.Beingdehydratedbyjust2%impairsourperformanceinmentaltasksandourphysicalcoordination.It’sreallysimpletokeephydrated.Whilstthereissomedifferentadviceoutthere,tokeepyourselfhydratedyouneedtoconsumeabout2liters(approx.68fl.oz.)ofstillwaterdaily.Recognizethatthemorehydratedyouare,themoreyoucanget“intotheflow.”
Whilstinitiallyyoumayvisitthebathroomalittlemoreoften,veryquicklyyourbodywillbecomeaccustomedtoitsnew,morehydratedstatus.
Thereareotherthingsyoucandotobeinabetterpositiontohelpyoutohelpothers.Here’sonewhichcanbedoneatanytimeanywhere;itjustrequiresyoutothinkaboutit.Haveyoueverseen
©Copyright2020 Geoff Rolls50
someonewhoseemstobehavingachallengingtimeholdingtheirheadintheirhands?It’sinteresting,asthey’renotdoingitbyaccident.Thepointstheyholdperformafantasticfunction;whenheldinaparticularway,theyhelptogetresourcetothefrontofthebrain,whichinastateoffight/flight/freezeisseverelylacking.
Theneuro-vascularholdingpoints-knownalsoastheBennettreflexes-arebelievedtoaffectthecirculationofthevascularsystemofvariousorgansandglandstoimprovemanyconditions.Whensomeoneisholdingtheirforeheadinaspecificway,theyareabletoinfluencethebrain’sabilitytocalmdownandgetbacktotheoppositeofthefight/flight/freezeresponse–‘restanddigest’.Inthestateofrestanddigest,wearebestabletouseallourresourcesasahumanbeing.Thewaywedothisisasfollows:
• Findapointhalf-wayacrossyoureyebrow• Measurehalf-waybetweenyoureyebrowandyourhairline
(orforthefolliclychallenged,whereitwouldhavebeen!)• Holdwithtwofingers,withnomorepressurethanyouwould
useoveraclosedeye• Keepholdingthisononeside,thendothesameontheother
side,againwithtwofingers,whilestillholdingthefirstside.• Relax,breatheabdominallyandmaybeyou’llbegintonoticea
lightpulsefromyourfingertips• Sometimes,youwillnoticethanthispulseisslightlydifferent
ononesidetotheother• Lightlyholdthesepointsforabout30seconds,oruntilyou
feelthetwopulsessynchronizing(ifyou’reabletodothat)• Beforeyouletgo,takeadeepbreathin,thenletgovery
gentlyonanout-breath,brushingagainsttheskinasyourelease
Payattentiontohowmuchcalmeryoufeelnow.Usethistechniqueagain,particularlyifthereissomethingyouareconsideringdoing,thatpreviouslyhasbeenstressfulforyoutoconsider.Thistime,asyouholdthepoints,seeyourselfdoingwhateveritisthatyouneedtodoeasilyandsafely.Again,holdingthesepointsuntilthepulsesynchronizes,allowthebrainandthebodytoseehowyou’regoingtodotheactivity.Runthefilminyourmind,faraheadenoughthatyouareabletocompletetheactivityandlearnbyhowyou’vedoneitthisway.Thistechniqueisusefulanytimeyouhaveanactivityto
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complete;it’sjustthatbyusingtheholdingpoints,ifthereisapotentiallystressfulelementtoanyofit,youcanensureyourbrainstaysinthestateofrestanddigest,whileyouperformtheactivityofseeingyourselfdoingit.Byusingthebody’sownabilitiesnowtopracticestayinginastateofrestanddigest,themindismorecapableofthinkingabouthowtodoit.
Thekeythingtorememberaboutanyofthesetechniquesisthatyouaretakingresponsibilityforstayinginamoreproductivestate,whichinturnensuresyouhavethelargestrangeofbehaviorsavailabletoyouatanytime.
Alwaysattachyourownmaskfirst,beforehelpingothers–lookafteryourself!
GeoffRollsLicensedTrainerNLPwww.headintobalance.comSurrey,UnitedKingdom
©Copyright2020 George Cunningham52
10 CONTROLLING YOUR INNER VOICEAsimplewaytochangeyourinnervoiceGeorgeCunningham,UnitedKingdom
Overtheyears,I’vehadsometerribleargumentswithpeople-andsomeofthemreallyhappened!
Howmanytimeshaveyoure-livedanargumentinyourhead?Perhapsyourehearsewhatyou’llsaytosomeonethenexttimeyouseethem.Ormaybeyou’vereadsomethingthat’smadeyouupset,angryoranxious.
Whenwereadtexts,emails,lettersoreventhenews,weuseaninnervoicetocreatemeaning.Whichvoiceweuseoftendependsonwhoiswriting.Sometimes,thatvoiceisniceandfriendly,makingusfeelhappy;sometimesit’sseriousandpanicky,makingusfeelanxious.Atothertimesthevoicemightbeangryorscathing,makingusfeelupset.
Howwoulditbeifyoucouldgetcontrolofthisinnervoiceandchangeit?
Thegreatnewsisthatit’spossibletogaincontrolofthisinnervoice,quicklyandeasily.Whetherit’sreadingthenewsheadlinesoratextfromanex,changingtheinnervoicecanbesimpleandfuntodo.
Manyyearsago,ononeofmyfirstNLPPractitionercourses,aladykeptreceivingtextsthatseemedtoupsether(oneofherchildrenwasillathomethatday).
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Whenwepausedforacoffeebreak,IaskedherifeverythingwasOK.Shetoldmethetextswerefromherex-husband,whoshewaspursuingforchildmaintenancepayments.Sheproducedherphoneandbeganreadingaloud.
NowIunderstoodwhyshewasupset.Itwasn’tthewordsthathaddoneit,shewasreadingthetextinhisangryvoice.IaskedifImayreadthetexttoherinstead.
ImimickedthesilkyaristocraticvoiceofBritishcomedyactorLesliePhillips(youmayknowhimasthevoiceoftheSortingHatintheHarryPotterfilms).Istarted,“Helllloooo,scrounger…Whothef#@*kdoyouthinkyouare…Youwanthowmuch…”
Shestartedlaughingloudly,alongwiththerestofthegroup.Ireturnedherphone,andshechangedherex’snameto‘LesliePhillips’thensetthethemefromthefilmCarryOnLovingashisringtone.IaskedifImayaltersomethingelse,andfortherestofthemorningweweretreatedtoLesliePhillips’catchphrase“Ding!Dong!”everytimeshereceivedatextfromherex.
Ofcourse,wecanusemanyothervoicestosimilareffect.I’msureyou’veheardsomeonespeakingafterinhalinghelium.ImaginehowPeppaPigorMickeyMousewouldsoundsqueakingDarthVader’ssinisterline,“Iamyourfather…”
So,overthecomingdays,simplyexperiment,andifyouarefeelinganxiousorangry,replacethatinnervoicewithyourfavoritecartooncharacterorcomedyactor.
Enjoytheresults,andremember,it’syourinnervoiceandyoucanchangeit.Youcandothiswhenyoureadthenews,rememberanargumentorthinkaboutdifficultpeople.
GeorgeCunninghamNLPLiverpoolLtdUnitedKingdomwww.nlpliverpool.com
©Copyright2020 Hannu Pirilä 54
11 FOCUS ON WHAT’S IMPORTANTHowtogetontherighttrackandliveahappierlifeHannuPirilä,Finland
Instressfultimes,itissoeasytogetcaughtupwithallthenegativenewsaroundusandletittakeholdofourfocus.Butfocusingonnegativenewswillnotbringyoupeaceofmind,norwillithelpyousolveyourproblems.
Whatyouneedtodoinstressfultimesisfocusonthingsthatareimportanttoyou.Thatway,youwillgivebetterinstructionstoyourbrainandtakecontrolofyourownlife.
Severalyearsago,Iwascontactedbyamotheroftwoyoungchildren
whoworkedasaCEOandwasaco-ownerinasmallfamilybusiness.
Shetoldmeinhermessagethatherlifewas"unmanageable”.Thismanifestedasinsomniaanddifficultyinrelaxing.Shewantedhelpinsleepingbetterandgettingridofpanicattacksinsituationswhereshefeltthatthe"houseofcardswilltumble”.Inourmeeting,shetoldmethatshehadn'tsleptwellforseveralyears.
Aftertalkingwithherforawhile,Idecidedtogethertomapoutherhierarchyofvalues.Afterthesurvey,sherealizedthatshedidn'tspendmuchtimeatallonthethingsthatweremostimportanttoher.Thisinsightandacoupleoffurtherexercisesmadeherlookatherlifeinawholenewway.Sheleftthemeetinganevidentlychangedperson.
Anotherclient,awell-knownrockmusician,approachedmewithadifferentkindofdistress.Hefeltthathehadachievedprettymucheverythinghewantedinhislife.Hehadfameandfortune–thethings
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thatpracticallyeveryrockmusicianwanted.Yethehadstartedtofeelmoreandmoredissatisfiedwithhislife.Hewasconfusedanddidn’tknowwhattodo.
Oneofthefirstthingswedidwasdefinehishierarchyofvalues.Hewasblownawaybythefindings.Hesaidthiswasoneofthemostremarkablethingshehadexperiencedinhislife.Hiswordswhenheleftourmeeting:“Whywasn’tIawareofthis?Thesethingsshouldbetaughttoeveryoneatschool!”
The Importance of Goals and Values
Indifficulttimes,insteadoffocusingonlimitations,askyourself:“WhatdoIwantmylifetobewhenallthisisover?”And:“WhatcanIdorightnowthattakesmetowardswhatIwantandwhatisimportanttome?”
Inotherwords,youneedtodefinewhatyouwantandwhatisimportanttoyou.Whatwedefineasimportantareourvalues.Throughourvalues,andespeciallythroughthehierarchyofourvalues,wealsoprioritizeouractionsandbehaviors.
Itisimportanttorealizethatourvalueschange.Iftheychangeveryoften,ourlifewillprobablybeverycomplicated.Yetintimesofmajorchangeorcrisisinourlives,itisgood,sometimesevennecessary,thatwemakechangestoourvaluesystem.Thesearealsothetimesyouneedtobemoreawareofyourvalues,sothatyoucanemergebetterandstrongerthanyouwerebefore.
Goalsandobjectivesguideouractions.Whenyourgoalsandobjectivesarebasedonwhatistrulyimportanttoyou,yousharpenyourfocusandgiveyourbrainbetterinstructionsaboutwhattodo.
TheCoronaviruspandemicwillpass.Therealdifferencecomeswhenyouobserveyourlifeonalongertimeframe.Takingcareofyourselfandyourlovedonesisimportant.Andsoislifeoncethepandemicisover.
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Values and The Hierarchy of Values
Anotherpracticalbenefitofknowingyourvaluesystemisthatwhenyouareawareofwhatisimportanttoyou,itismucheasiertomakedecisionsinyourlife.Often,whenweagonizeoveradecision,justaskingourselves,“whatisimportanttomeinthismatter?”allowsthedecisiontospringupbyitself.
So,let'sgettothebottomofwhat'simportanttoyouinyourlifeandprioritizethosethings!
“Knowingwhatyourvaluesareisexcellent,becausehappinesscomesfromlivingyourvalueseverysingleday,regardlessofhowcloseorfarawayyourgoalsmayseemtobe.”PaulMcKenna(1)
Exercise, Part 1
Askyourself:“Whatisimportanttomeinmylife?”
Sitdownforawhileandthinkaboutit.Writedownthethingsthatareimportanttoyouinyourlife.Thesecouldbethingslikefamily,friends,love,work,money,subsistence,freedom,independence,safety,happiness,success,honesty,sincerity,hobbies,etc.
Theaboveisalistofthingsthatsomepeoplemightfindofvalue.Whatisimportantisthatyouformyourownlistspecificallyofthingsthatareimportanttoyou.
So,spendafewminutesreflectingandwritingdownwhatisimportanttoyou.Trytolistmaybe4-8values.Iftherearemorethan10ofthemattheoutset,thinkagain;ifeverythingisimportant,thennothingisimportant.
Afteryouhavecompletedyourlist,takeafewminutes’break.Goandhaveaglassofwater,forexample.That’salwaysgoodforyou.ThenreturnanddoPart2oftheexercise:
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Exercise, Part 2
Takealookateachvalueyouhavewrittendown.Takingeachinturn,askyourselfwhatisimportanttoyouineach.Searchinsideyourself,andwhenyougetananswerfrominsideyourself,askinturnwhatisimportanttoyouinthat(whateveryouranswerwas).Thenaskwhatisimportanttoyouinthat.Keepaskingthesequestionsuntilyoucan’tfindanymoreanswers,oryougetthesameanswer.
Forexample,ifyouhavelisted“happiness”asoneofyourvalues,askyourself,whatisitthat’simportanttoyouabouthappiness?Ifyouransweris,“feelinggood”,thenaskyourselfwhatisimportanttoyouabout“feelinggood”.Andwhateveryouranswertothatis,askyourselfwhatisimportantaboutthat.
Afteryouhavegonethroughyourwholelist,askyourselfifanyofyouranswersisavaluethatshouldbeonyourlist.Didyouperhapselicitnewvaluesthroughthequestioning?Ifyoudid,andyouthinktheyareimportanttoyou,addthemtoyourlist.
Often,ifourvaluesappeartobebasedonthingslikesecurity,wemightfindsomekindofavoidanceofinsecuritydrivingthatthought.
Whetherourfocusisonwhatwewanttoavoid,orwhatwewanttomovetowards,itisofgreatimportancetoourmentalstate.Soif,behindourvalues,liestheneedtoavoidsomething,weprobablyunconsciouslyexperiencebadfeelingsandareunconsciouslymovingtowardsthingsthatweactuallywanttoavoid.
Thepointisthis:Themorethattherearethingswewanttoavoidbehindourvalues,themoreweexperiencebadfeelings.Bybecomingawareofthesethings,youhavealreadytakenyourfirststeptowardsfixingthem.Itisextremelydifficult,ifnotimpossible,tofixsomethingwedon’tknowneedsfixing.
Therefore,itiscriticalthatyougothroughyourvaluescarefullyandreflectuponwhatisimportanttoyouabouteachvalue-andthatyouareextremelyhonestwithyourself.
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Havingcoachednumerousclients,Icansaythatmostpeoplearenotawareoftheirvalues,particularlytheirhierarchyofvalues.Whenyouknowwhatisimportanttoyou,youconsciouslypaymoreattentiontothoseimportantthings.Andwhenyoustarttoworkmoreandmoreonthethingsthatareimportanttoyou,youbegintonoticethatyourdaysincludemoreandmorethingsthatbringyoupleasure,happiness–andsuccess.
So,let’sdelveintoyourhierarchyofvalues...
Exercise, Part 3
Takealookatyourfinalizedlistofvaluesnowandcomparethetwovaluesatthetopofthelistagainsteachother,asking:“Whichoneismoreimportanttome,this[thefirstvalueonthelist]orthis[thesecondvalueonthelist]?”
Forexample,ifthefirstvalueonyourlistis‘happiness’andthesecondvalueis‘love’,youwouldaskyourself:“Whichismoreimportanttome,happinessorlove?”
Iftheanswertothequestioniscrystalclear,youcanacceptitasitis.If,however,youhaveanydoubt,oryouponderbetweenthem,youcanask:“IfIhadthis[thefirstvalueonthelist]butIwouldnothavethis[thesecondvalueonthelist]wouldthatworkforme?Ontheotherhand,ifIhadthis[thesecondvalueonthelist]butIwouldn’thavethis[thefirstvalueonthelist],wouldthatworkforme?”
Asanexample,ifyouhad‘happiness’asthefirstvalueonyourlistand‘love’asthesecondvalue,youwouldaskyourself:“IfIwashappy,butIwouldnothaveloveinmylife,wouldthatworkforme?Whatwouldmylifefeellike?Ontheotherhand,ifIhadlovebutIwouldnotbehappy,wouldthatworkforme?Wouldmylifeworkforme?”
Anotherwaytomakeadecisionistoask:“CouldIgiveuphappinessforlove?”Or“CouldIgiveuploveforhappiness?”
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Noticethatwhenyouaskthesequestions,itisextremelyimportantthatyouasktheminbothways.
Iunderstandthatchoosingamoreimportantvalueoutoftwoimportantvaluescanbechallenging.Itcanhelptopayattentiontoyourfeelingsratheryourreasoning.Somehow,yourunconsciousmindwillcommunicatetoyou,oftenthroughthesensationsofyourbody.So,trustyourfeelingsandmakeyourchoice.
Whicheverofthetwovaluesfeelsmoreimportanttoyou,chooseitforthenextcomparison.
Next,takethemoreimportantvaluefromthepreviouscomparisonandcompareitwiththenextvalueonyourlistbyaskingagain:“Whichismoreimportanttome,this[the‘winner’ofthepreviousvaluecomparison]orthis[thethirdvalueonyourlist]?”
Let’sassumehere,forthesakeofexample,thatfromthefirstcomparisonyoufelthappinesstobemoreimportantandthethirdvalueonyourlistis“friends.”Thistimeyouwillask:“Whichismoreimportanttome,happinessorfriends?”
Ifneeded,utilizethesamequestioninglayoutagain:“IfIwerehappy,butIwouldnothavefriends,wouldthatworkforme?Ontheotherhand,ifIhadfriendsbutIwouldnotbehappy,wouldthatworkforme?Wouldthatworkinmylife?”Oryoucanalsousethiswording:“CouldIgiveuphappinessforfriends?Or,ontheotherhand,couldIgiveupfriendsforhappiness?”
Whicheverfromthesetwovaluesfeelsmoreimportanttoyou,choosethatagaintothenextcomparison.
Next,comparethemoreimportantvalueofthepreviouspairtothenextvalueonyourlistbyaskingagain:"Whichismoreimportanttome,this[themoreimportantvalueofthepreviousreferencepair]orthis[thefourthvalueinthelist]?"
Inotherwords,youalwayschoosethemoreimportantvaluefromyourcomparisonandcompareittothenextvalueonthelist.Continuethiswayuntilyoureachtheendofthelist.Thevaluethat‘wins’thelastcomparisonisyourmostimportantvalueandthereforenumberonevalueonyourhierarchyofvalues.So,writeit
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downanddrawalineoveritonthelistsothatyouwillnolongerincludeitinthefollowingcomparisons.
Thengobacktothelistandgothroughitinthesamewayfortheremainingvalues.Gothroughtherestofyouroriginallistofvaluesandalwayswritedownthe‘winner’valueoftheroundtoyourhierarchylistanddrawalineoveritonyouroriginallist.Whenthereisonlyonecomparablepairleftonyourlist,thelasttwo‘places’foryourvaluehierarchywillbesolvedforyou.
Itisworthrememberingthatevenifyou'veputyourvaluesinahierarchy,whichmeansthatsomevaluesaremoreimportanttoyouthanothers,allyourvaluesarestillimportanttoyou.Thehierarchyofvaluesisimportant,becauseifwecannotmakeadistinctionbetweenthem,itisdifficulttomakedecisions.Whenyouknowwhatyourmostimportantvaluesare,theywillguideyourlifemoreclearlyinthedirectionyoureallywanttogo.
Itisalsoworthrecognizingthatourvaluescanchangeveryquicklyandquiteradically.Ifyouexperiencearadicaleventinyourlife,orevenachieveasignificantgoal,yourvaluescanbetransformedintoadifferentsetofvaluesinaflash.Forexample,peoplewhohavesurvivedaseriousaccidentoftenrecreatetheirvaluesandlivesinaverydifferentform.Similarly,oncewehaveachievedamajorgoal,anewgoalanditsassociatedvaluemaythenfillourfocus.
“Themostimportantchoiceyoumakeiswhatyouchoosetomakeimportant.”MichaelNeill(2)
Whenyoukeepyourfocusonthethingsyouwant,andyouwanttomovetowards,fourgoodthingshappeninyourmind:1. Youbegintogetideasthatwillenableyoutogetwhat
youwant.2. Youbegintodiscoveravarietyofresourcesthatwillhelpyou
getwhatyouwant.3. Yourmotivationforwhatyouwantismaintainedand
evenincreased.4. Youbegintounconsciouslydevelopfeaturesinyourselfthat
enableyoutogetwhatyouwant.
Unfortunately,approximatelythesameappliestothereverseifourattentionisonthingswedonotwant,orwewanttoavoid.Inthis
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case,wewillonlygetmoreofwhatwedonotwantand,inaddition,feelbadfeelings.
So,yourfocusisofgreatimportance.Whenyoukeepyourthoughtsonwhatisimportanttoyou,youareonyourwaytofulfillthem.
Theyoungentrepreneur-motherthatItoldyouaboutatthebeginningofthischaptersentmeamessagethedayafterourmeeting,saying:“Thankyouverymuchforyesterday!IhadareallypeacefulfeelingandIsleptincrediblywelllastnight.Wow,whatafeeling!”So,forthefirsttimeinseveralyearsshehadsleptwell.
Ifounditpivotalthat,bybecomingawareofherownhierarchyofvalues,shewasabletorealizenewthingsinherlifeandnoticenewalternativesthathelpedhertomakenewandbetterchoices.
Aboutsixmonthsafterwemet,shesentmeanemailtosaythatherlifehadnowawholenewdesign,andthatshewasenjoyingherlifeinawholenewway.
Asformymusicianclient,hestartedtocontemplatehislifeinanewway.Afteraboutayear,heheldapressconference:hewasgoingtoquithisbandafter16yearsandgoforasyetunknownadventures.
Ihadseveralmeetingswithhimalongtheway,inwhichweexploredseveralNLPtechniquesandexercises.Althoughallwereveryhelpfulandinsightful,onlyafewhadthesameimpactasbecomingawareofhishierarchyofvalues.
1)PaulMcKenna:ChangeYourLifeinSevenDays,page126-127,BantamPress,20042)MichaelNeill:YouCanHaveWhatYouWant,page211,HayHouse,2009
Hannu Pirilä Coach, Trainer & Consultant Flow Mentaalivalmennus https://mentaalivalmennus.fi http://hannupirila.com
©Copyright2020 Hingdranata Nikolay62
12 INSTANT CONTROLTellyourbrainwhattodo,oritwilldoyou!HingdranataNikolay,Indonesia
Who is in charge?
Inmostsituations,whenyouletyourbraintakechargeautomatically,itwillrunonautopilot;justasyoudothingseveryday.Youwakeup,gotoworkorstayhome,doyourjobs,sleep,etc.What’swrongwiththat?Nothing!
Nothing,exceptwhenthingsarenotthewaytheyusedtobe.Likerightnow!Youarenotabletodothingsasyouusuallydo-well,exceptifyouusuallydonothing!
Youcannotdoyourjobthewayyouusuallydoit,youcannotsellthewayyouusuallysell,youcannotdobusinessasyouusuallydoit.Attheendoftheday,youcannotseetheresult,asyouusually(inmostcases)seeiteasily!So,youareeitherbusycomplaining,frustrating,runningbackandforthlikeachickenwho’slostitshead,ormaybe–maybe-thinkingofideashowtosolveit.
But,here’sabut…Whatyouseeandhearonthenews,onsocialmedia,messagesonyourphoneallcrippleyou!Youlostit!Theworldhasgonemad!Youcannothelpit!Everysecond,youwanttocheckalltheupdates!Youneedtosurvive!
MyGod!Youcannotdowhatyouusuallydo,youcannotdowhatyouwanttodo,youcannotenjoywhatyouwanttoenjoy!And,yes,there’s
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anand:theysayit’sgoingtotakesometime,andtheydon’tevenknowwhenitwillbeover.And,yes,there’smore:theybringyoumorebadnewseverysecond!
Rightnow,youareincharge!Evenifyouwanttothinkofanidea,yourbrainhacksyourday.Itdrivesyourhandtowardsthatbuttontoupdateeveryminuteoftheday,itfloodsyourbodywithinsecuritiesandblocksyourthinkingability!
It’s time to take back control!
Youknowyouneedtostopandthink!Youknowyouneedtotakecontrolofyourselfandproducesomething!Anything!Youknowyoudon’tliketobefrustratedorstressed!Buthow?
Goodquestion.Ifyoudon’ttakecontrolinanysituation,directyourthinkingandactonpurpose,yourbrainalreadyhasitsownautomaticsystem.Andinasituationlikethis,fear,angerandsadnessaremostlywelcomeinyourbrain.It’snormalbrainbehavior,becauseitwantstotakecareofyourwellbeing.Andifitdoesn’thaveanynewinstructions,itknowswhattodo–let’sbestressful!
So,if(that’sabigIF)youreallywanttothinkandfindideas,youneedtotakecontrol!Tellyourbraintostopit!Andthink!Youcannotexpectyourbraintothinkofideaswhenitrunsonemotionmode!How,yousay?
Even Theresia can do it!
Iputtogetherthisstrategy,whichistriedandtestedonmyclients,especiallyforwhenthevirussituationbecameincreasinglyfrustrating.Oneofthemajorbanksinmycountryhasappliedthisstrategytoitsstaffmembersandreportedhowithelpsthemtostartthedaywell,keepsthemproductive,andassistsindealingwithanxieties.
Myeldestdaughter,Theresia,washavingproblemsconcentratingwhenIintroducedthisstrategytoher.Youknowteenagers,howfloods
©Copyright2020 Hingdranata Nikolay64
ofinformationfromsocialmediagetintotheirbrainswithnostopbutton.Sheexperiencedinstantfocusafterpracticingthistechnique.Now,everytimesheisanxiousorfeelsanykindofdisturbanceinthemind,shejustdoestheexerciseandtakescontrolback!
Let’s Do it!
Readytotakecontrol?Herearethesteps!
1. TakethreedeepbreathsTakethelongestin-breathyoucan,holdyourbreathfor3-5seconds,thentakethelongestout-breathyoucan.Repeatthreetimesminimum(upto4-5timesisokay).Thiswillnotjusthelpyourelax;itwillalsoincreaseyourheartratevariability(HRV),whichwillincreaseyourcognitivefunction.
2. Takea‘SuperHero’poseStandstraight,pushyourchestforward,standakimbo(handsonwaist),chinup,andholdfor2-3minutes.Thisinstantlyrearrangesthechemicalsinyourbodyandreducestheamountofcortisolfloodingyourbodyinastressfulsituation.
3. ClosethefirsttwostepsabovewithamantraThismantraisasentenceyoucanuseasananchor.Youcanusewisewords,afavoritequote,afavoritephraserelevanttowhatyouwanttodo.Makeitshort,sayfourorfivewords.Sayitasyoumeanit.Sayitasyougiveyourselfadvice.
4. Giveyourselfaspecificinstruction.Saythreethingsyouwilldoafterthis.Yourinstructionmustbespecific,e.g.,1.Turnonthelaptop,2.Dothereport,3.Calltheboss.Yourbrainneedsspecificinstructions,otherwiseitwillgetbacktoitsautomaticmodeagain!
©Copyright2020 Hingdranata Nikolay 65
Use It Anywhere, Anytime!
Youcanusethisatthestartofyourday,thebeginningofyourshift,orwhenyoufeeluneasy.Notjustduringthisvirussituation,butanytimeafterthishasallpassed!
Someofmyclientsreportthatthistakeseffectforthelengthoftimetheyneedtofinishatask,from90-120minutes.
Ifyourbrainsomehowtriestoremindyouagain(withagoodintention,ofcourse!)ofallthedangeranduncertaintiesoutside,dotheexerciseagain.Rememberthattheinformationwillalwaysbefloodingyoureyesandears.So,doitwheneveryouneedit.
HingdranataNikolayCEOofNLPIndonesia®.LicensedMasterTrainerofNeuro-LinguisticProgrammingwww.nlpindonesia.com
©Copyright2020 James Seetoo66
13 KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE MovingforwardthroughtimesoftroubleJamesSeetoo,USA
Intimesofturmoil,there’sinevitablyalotofuncertainty,andtheresultinganxietycanbeoverwhelming.Theconstantdrumbeatofbadnewscanbeoverwhelming,andthesirencallofdisastercanfixaperson’sattentioninawaythatcrowdsoutanythingelse,creatingafeedbackloopofbadimages,badmessagesandbadfeelingswhichspiralsoutofcontrol.
There’sanoldsayinginjournalism,“ifitbleeds,itleads”,whichreferstothefactthatpeopleareinevitablydrawntosensationalismandbadnews-farmoresothanfromgoodnews.Howmanyofyouhavebeendrivingalongahighwaywhenallofasudden,everycarslowsdown,brakelightsflashing,andtrafficgrindstoacrawl?Yourfirstthoughtisverylikelytobethatthere’sanaccidentahead,whichnaturallymakesalotofsense.
Forthosewhohavebeendrivingforawhile,yoursecondthoughtisverylikelytobetheaccidentisontheothersideofthehighwayandeveryoneisslowingdowntohavealookatthecrash.ThisphenomenoncanbeseeninoneoftheNLPMetaProgramsknownasmovingtowardspleasureandawayfrompain.
Andsincethemajorityofpeoplewilldomoretoavoidpainthantogainpleasure,thismechanismaccountsforthatcravingtoseeandhear
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badnewsinordertobeabletoavoidpain,evenifyou’renotinanareawhereyouarepersonallyinjeopardy.
Afterall,forewarnedisforearmed,isn’tit?
Ofcourse,concentratingonwhatyouwanttoavoidtakesupthebandwidththatyouwereprobablyusingtomovetowardsyourgoal,andknowingaproblemexistsisthefirststeptotakingcontrolofit.Ifyou’removingawayfromsomething,it’smuchbettertoalsobemovingtowardssomethingelse–somethingbetter.
Ratherthanfeedingintoadestructivefeedbackloopofwatchingnewsthatmakesyoufeelbad,listeningtonewsthatdrivesaless-thanoptimalinternaldialogueandamplifyinganxietyandotherbadfeelingswhichmovethroughyourbody,takingonalifeofitsown,thefirstthingtodois-Stop!
Beforeyoubegintoreset,re-evaluateandbuildnewstrategies,thefirstthingtodoisstopfeedingthebeastoftheoldonethatisn’tworkingforyou.So,stopanddissociatefromwhat’sgoingonandevaluateyourcurrentsituation.Ifyou’resick,orcaringforsomeonewhoissick,yourstrategywillbedifferenttoifyou’reworkingfromhomeoroutofajobduetothecurrentsituation.
So,asyoubegintodissociatefromthesituationandturndownthevolumeonthedrumbeatofbadnews,youcanbegintochangeyourperspectiveandreallydeterminewhatthesituationisforyouandyourfamily.
Therearethingsthatareunderyourcontrol,suchaswhatyoulookat,whatyoulistento,andhowyoufeel.Andtherearethingsthatyoucan’tcontrol,suchasthespreadofanepidemicoryouremployershuttingdown.It’sintheconflationofthetwocategories(thingsyoucontrolandthingsyoudon’t)thatcanleadtofeelingsofhelplessness,despair,pessimismandanxiety.
Asafirststep,startlistingthethingsthatyouhavecontrolover,suchaswhatyou’rewatchingandwhatyou’relisteningto.Thenyoucandetermine-isittrue,isitrelevantand,mostimportantly,isitrelevantforyou,becausethisisthebeginningofanewstrategy.Afterall,strategieshavetoadaptassituationschange,butchangingshort-termstrategiesdoesn’tmeanlong-termstrategiesandtheirgoalshavetobethrownout;adversityisanopportunitytore-thinkwhat
©Copyright2020 James Seetoo68
we’vebeendoingandgenerateingeniousnewsolutionstodealwithchangingconditions.
Thenmakealistofthingsthataren’tinyourcontrol,suchasworkconditions.Youmightbeexperiencinganxietyoverworksituations,andwhileit’snatural,it’sjustan“awayfrom”strategy.Sonowisthetimetotakeaninventoryofyourskillsandseehowtheycanserveyouinthecurrentconditions.Youcantaketheopportunitytoaddtoyourskillsetandtakeyourselfwhereyouwanttogo.
Remember,themapisnottheterritory;sowecantaketheopportunitytoexplorewhatelsewecanputonourmapinordernotonlytonavigatethetroubledwaterswefindourselvesin,butalsofindnewwaystoworktowardsourultimatedestination.
Thisisnottosaythatyoushouldignorewhatisgoingon,andofcoursetakeallnecessaryprecautionstopreserveyourselfthroughthecurrentsituation.Yetorientingyourselftowardswhatwillhappenafterwardswillgiveyouapathwayforward.
Becausewhenyoumaketheimportantdecisiontotaketheopportunitytoaskyourself“whatcomesnext?”youcanbegintocreatesomethingtomoveforwardtowards,ratherthanjustwaitingforsomethingtohappentoyou.Let’stryalittlethoughtexperiment…
Imagineyou’restandingonapaththroughabeautifulfieldwiththesunshiningdown,warmagainstyourskin.Andnoticethatwhat’sinfrontofyouonthispathisyourfuture,andbehindyou,withthepathcurvingslightly,isyourpast.
Noticethattherearethingsinthepastthatyouremember–thingsthatheldyouback,andwhenyouhavethatfeelingofbeingheldback,thatfeelingyounoticeisjustamemory;it’sjustathought–somethingthathappenedinthepast.Andyoucanseethosethingsbehindyouandthat’swheretheybelong,inthepast,somethingthathappened,andthebestthingaboutthepastisthatit’soverandnowyouhavetheopportunitytodosomethingelse,somethingdifferent,somethingfun,somethinggreat.
Becausethosefeelingsarejustsomethingyouwerethinkingwithoutrememberingthatyouwerethinking.They’reoldmemoriesthataretheretoteachyoualessonthatyou’velearnedandarenolonger
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appropriate.Afterall,whenyouwerethreeyearsoldyouweren’tallowedtocrossthestreetbyyourselfbecauseitwasn’tappropriate,butifyouwerestilldoingthesamethingnow,youwouldrealizethatit’sjustsomethingthatyouusedtodoandnowknowbetter.
Justrealizingthatwhenthesememoriescomeupinasituation,that’salltheyare–justamemory.Andifthey’reappropriateyoucanusethemappropriately,andwhenthey’renottheycanfadebacktowheretheybelong–inthepast.
Likethosememories,thecurrentsituationwillalsobethereonedaysoon,andfeelingsofhelplessnessandofpowerlessnessarealsojustthoughtsthatcanbemovedandputintherightplace.Taketheopportunitytotrythatonforsize;thinkaboutthecurrentsituationandmakeapictureofitbehindyou,inthepast.Andonceyou’vedonethat,thinkaboutthosethingsthatyouhavecontroloverandnoticewheretheysitonyourtimeline.
Whenyoulookinfrontofyoutothefuture,youcanseeyourselfconcentratingonwhatyouhavecontrolover-especiallyhowyou’remakingyourselffeelinthecurrentsituation.Whenyoushiftyourfocustowhatyoucontrol,noticethat-nomatterhowfarforwardyoulook-howeasilyyoucanreachoutandbringthatpictureofyouhavingwhatyouwantclosertowhereitiswithinreach.
Whenyou’recomfortablewithyournewfocus,imagineyourselfinthefuturelookingbackatyourselfinthepresent.Noticehowitfeelstohavegonepastyoursituationnowandlookattheworldthroughtheeyesoftheyouwhohastakencontrolofyourlife.
Lookbackatyourselfinthepresentandnoticethestepsthatyoutooktogettowhereyouarenow–inthefuturewhereyouhavenotonlytakencontrol,buthavealsotakenactiontocontinuetomoveforward,despiteobstaclesintheway.Eachoneofthesestepshasledtowhereyouareinthisfuture,andnowthatyouknowhowtogettowhereyouwanttogoasyoutakebackcontroloveryourlife.
Asyoulookatthesesteps,isthereanythingmissingthatwouldmakeiteasierforyoutogettowhereyouarenow?Openyourselftoallthewaysofgettingwhatyouwant.Andbyallowingyourselftobuildnewstrategies,putthosestepsinplaceandonceyou’resatisfiedthatthestepsmakesensetoyou,imagineyourselfpullingoutapenandapieceofpaperfromyourpocketandwritedownthestepsyoutook
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togettowhereyouarenow.Includealltheencouragementyouwanttogiveyourpastselftomoveforwardwithconfidenceandassurancethatyou’removingtowhereyouaremeanttobe.
Onceyou’vewrittenthesteps,imagineyourselfinthepresentlookingatyourfutureselfandreachintoyourpocket.Noticethatthenoteyourfutureselfwrotetoyouisinyourhandandreadit,knowingthiscomesfromyourfutureselfwhohasalreadyachievedwhatyouwantandmatchthemessagetothestepsyouseeinfrontofyou.
Becauseyou’venowmappedoutagreatfutureforyourself,youcanseethefirststepyoucantakeandthenthenextandthenext–allthewhilebeingconfidentthatyou’vealreadydoneitinthefuturesoallyouhavetodoistakethestepstogetthere.
Now,walkforwardtojoinyourselfinthefuture,takingthestepslaidoutbeforeyou,walkingthepathtowardsyourfutureandnoticehoweasyitistobeconfidentinjusttakingthestepsthatyoualreadyknowarelaidoutforyou.
Andonceyou’vejoinedyourselfinthefuture,noticethefeelingofconfidenceandassurancethatyou’vedevelopedjustbymovingforward,buildingmomentumintakingthestepstoyourfuturetoknowthatyoucanusethesestepstoachievewhateveryouwantwithconfidenceandsurety.
Andbecauseofthis,suddenlytheshort-termobstaclesbecomelessimportant,knowingthatanythingintheshorttermisonlyanotherstepinyourprocessofgettingtoyourfuturestepsallbysimplytakingthefirststepforward.
Now,lockinthatfeelingofconfidenceandnotice,justlikebefore,thefeelingspinninginyourbody,thecolorofthatfeelingand,whenyousaythatcolortoyourself,makeitbrighterandmorevividtothepointwhereyoucanseetheworldthroughthatcolor’sfilter.Noticehowyoucanmovethroughtheworldwithconfidence,knowingthatinanysituationandthatyouaremeetingitwithconfidenceandassurance.
Youcanusethisinanysituation,especiallynowtofocusyourselfonthosethingsyoucontrol,becauseafter,ifyou’rereadingthis,itmeansthatyoubelievethereisafutureandbypreparingforitnow
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you’llhaveawayforwardwithsomethingmuchbetterthan‘normal’tosomethinggreat.Whenanobstaclepresentsitself,itcanseeminsurmountable.Yet,ashistorytellsus,thistooshallpass,andwhenitdoes,havingastrategyforwhathappensafterit’soverwillkeepyoumovingforward,regardlessofwhatcomesyourway.
Forafreeself-hypnosisrecordingtokeepyoumovingforward,gotowww.jc2consulting.com.
JamesSeetooTrainer,Consultant,Coach,BestSellingAuthorJC2Consulting,www.jc2consulting.com
©Copyright2020 John G. Johnson72
14 WRITE YOUR WAY TO FREEDOM HowtouseexpressivewritingtoclearyourmindoffearsandanxietiesJohnG.Johnson,USA
"Itwasthebestoftimes;itwastheworstoftimes!"(theopeningphraseinCharlesDickens’ATaleofTwoCities) .Thepresentworldwidepandemicmakesthelatterhalfofthatphraseseemappropriate–certainlyforsome.Wearetold,orordered,to"shelterinplace. It's for our safety."Forhowlong?That'sunspecified;tobedeterminedatalatertime.So,wenowhave'free-time'onourhands.But,asthesayinggoes,nothingisfree.There'salwaysapricetopay."Andsomeofusaredoingjustthat.Theroutinelyfocusedmindhasnowbecome
unfocused,everydaypatternshavebeeninterrupted.Thishasallowedthereal virusofthemind-fearsandanxieties-totakeholdandspread,infectingourwellbeing.
Feelingsandemotions,whenunexpressed,stressesthebodyandthemind.Itmakesusunproductiveandsusceptibletoevenmoreunwantedweaknesses.For example,acompromisedimmunesystem,irritability,lackofself-control,unclearthoughts,andmore.Those who are restrained, trapped by their angst, might feel that there's either no hope, a limited solution, or none at all. Butrestassured,creativeoutletsdoexist...literallyinyourhands.
OneofthepillarsofNLPisthis:"Humans already have all the resources to affect change."Adheringtothisbeliefallowscreativeideasandstrategiestoflow.Ifyouareabletowrite(a pen and paper)
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thenyouliterallyhavethesolutiontoyourproblem/challenges.Writinghaslongbeenusedtofindsolutionstoproblems,ignitethecreativespark,clarifythinkingandcrystallizegoals.Psychologistsarenowconfirmingwhatwritershavelongknown,whichisthatthesimpleactofwritingisnotonlycathartic-meaningonehasanoutlettorelease,expressandstoretheirfearsandfrustrations-it'salsotherapeutic,asitassistsinboostingphysicalandpsychologicalhealth.
Varioustypesofstrategicwritingmethodsexist,somesimple,otherselaborate.ExpressiveWritingisonesuchmethod;whencombinedwithaspectsofNLP,it'spowerfulandeasytoputtouse.Thistypeofwritingisbestdonethetime-tested,old-fashionedway...(withapenandpaperinsteadofthecomputer).
Part One
Toolsandskillsneeded:Stopwatch/timer,penandpaper,positiveattitude.
STEPONE:
A. Findalocation.Makeitaregularplacethatyouwilldedicatetowriting.
B. Setthetimerto5minutes.
STEPTWO:
Identifyandassociateintoadisturbingemotionalexperience,orfrustration.
STEPTHREE:
A. Startthetimer.B. Then write about this deep emotional experience, or frustration.
It's important you write - non-stop- for five minutes. DO NOT liftthe pen, self-censor or edit as you write. There is no need to beconcerned with the logic of what you are writing. In fact themore illogical your writing seems the better; this means you areaccessing the deeper parts of your mind. This is good.
©Copyright2020 John G. Johnson74
STEPFOUR:
A. Stop writing when the five-minute timer rings.B. Breathe IN for a count of four; HOLD the breath for a count of
four; then EXHALE on a count of six (four, four six). Do this forthree rounds.
C. Notice the sensations in your body and thoughts in relationto what you wrote about.
Part Two
Gothroughthepreviousstepsinthesameway-except- for steps three and four
STEPTHREE:A. Startthetimer.B. This time write about the same experience, but from the third
person perspective; this simply means using pronouns (I, you,he, she, it, they). This helps to you to put distance between you andthe issue in question, and allows you to see the same situationfrom a different point of view- a new perspective, which cratesoptions and choices. As the saying goes, "I need some space, somebreathing room to think - differently..."
C. Writeaboutthisdeepemotionalexperience,orfrustration.It'simportantyouwrite-non-stop-for5minutes.DONOTliftthepen,self-censororeditasyouwrite.Thereisnoneedtobeconcernedwiththelogicofwhatyouarewriting.
STEPFOUR:A. Stopwritingwhenthe5-minutetimerrings.B. Breathe IN for a count of four; HOLD the breath for a count of four;
then EXHALE on a count of six (four, four six). Do this for threerounds.
C. Noticethesensationsinyourbodyandthoughtsinrelationto whatyouwroteabout.
D. Ask yourself this question, reflect and write down your answers:What insights, meaning or benefits did I discover that can assistme in living the life I deserve?
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The steps outlined are a great way to re-center yourself; it clears away the metaphorical; debris in the mind that consumes unnecessary energy, a resource that can be useful elsewhere, such as building the life you deserve.
Anotetoseasonedandaspiringwritersharboringunhealthybeliefsaboutcreativity;themethodpresentedisonewaytotapintoit.Theworkyou'vegeneratedcanbeusedasastartingpointforcraftingastorybornfromyouruncertainties.Allyouneedtodois,asscreenwritingguruRobertMcKeesays,"storyfy"itbyapplyingtheprinciplesofstorytelling.Youalsohaveotheroptionsforuncoveringstoryprompts.Searchyourworkforaword,phrase,sentence,orparagraphthatlightsasparkofintrigueorinspiration.
Somelife-alteringeventswecan'tcontrol.Butwhatwecancontrolishowresilientandcreativeweareandthepositivemeaningswecanminefromthemomentinordertobereadyforopportunitiesawaitingus,beggingtobeseized.So"theworstoftimes"canbethe"bestoftimes".Theresourcestoinfluencechangearealreadywithinyou!
JohnG.JohnsonLicensedNLPTrainerwww.NLPSuccessByDesign.com"DiscoverYourStrengths.Transformyour-Self"
©Copyright2020 Dr.Juan Antonio Perez76
15 IS IT YOU OR THE MOUNTAIN?
Dr.JuanAntonioPerez,Venezuela
BeforeIwas15yearsold,Ihadlivedin13cities.Myfatherwasanofficerinthemilitary,somovingandstartingoverandoverwasnormalforme.Helpingtopackeverythinginboxes,markingthemout,watchingpeopleenteringmyhousetotakeeverythingaway,longridesinthecaroronairplanes–itwasallnormal.Newhouse,newbedroom,newschool,makenewfriendsinandoutoftheclassroom,newteammatesinthebasketballandsoccerteam…Iwasveryfortunatethatthesethingswereeasyforme.Iwasn’tshy-quitetheopposite!
Istartedconversationswithoutoverthinking,mysportsskillswerefairlygoodsocoachesandteammatesopeneduptomeeasily.Sincerely,Ididn’tknowwhatfear,self-doubtorlowself-esteemwere.UntilImovedtoacitycalledCaracas.Ihadbeenbornthere,movingawaybeforemyfirstbirthday.It’sabeautifulcity!Majestic!30Calmostallyearinthemiddleofahugevalley.Infrontofmyhousewasthemountain,namedbytheIndiansbeforeChristopherColumbusarrivedGuarairaRepano.ItsnamereflectsthefactthatitislikeagiantwavebetweenCaracasandtheCaribbean.Peoplelovetoclimbthis2,200-metermountain,soonedayIaskedmymothertotakemethereandpickmeupagainfourhourslater(that’sthetimepeopleusuallyneedtoclimbit).Iarrived,lookedatthismassivewaveofgrassandtreesandheardthewindblow.Istartedontheroute,walkingalongthepathofazig-zaggingsandyroad.
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Then,Idiscoveredthatafterwalkingfor45minutes,Ilookedupandstartedtofeelasensationofhopelessnessbuilding.Theairgetsthinner,yourthighsandcalvesbegintoburn,andyourealizethewindhasstopped.Youaredrenchedinsweat.Yourbodyandyourmindaresendingyouamessage:STOP!YOUCANNOTGOON!
Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifeltsomanybadfeelingsatthesametime;sadness,fear,loneliness.So,yougoback,andonthewayyourmindisacompletenightmareofcatastrophicscenarios,eachoneworsethanthelast.WhenIcamedown,theoldwomanwhosoldwateratthefootofthemountaingazedatmeand-believemewhenyoureadthis-sheknewIhadfailed!Iaskedherforthreebottlesofwater,andwhenshegavethemtome,itseemedshewasreadingmymind.“Whyareyoumadatthemountain?”shesaid.
- Isaid:“Thisf***ingmountainbeatmeup.”- Shesaid:“Themountaindidnothing;shehasnotchangedsincethe
beginningoftime.Whenyoudecidetoreturn,shewillbethesame,Idon’tknowifyouwillbe.”
Atthatmoment,thosewordsdidn’tmakemuchsense;Iwastrappedinsidemymind,theonlythingIcouldthinkofwashowbadthatmountainmademefeel.Ifeltmiserable,re-livingthepointatwhichIrealizedIwashelpless,lonelyandbeatenbyagiantstillwave…Astillwave?ASTILLWAVE?Waitaminute,let’sbackuptothewordstheoldladysaid:“Whenyoudecidetoreturn,shewillbethesame,Idon’tknowifyouwillbe.”
Wowwwww,that’swhenithitmelikeyourgrandmother’sslapwhenyouuseacurseword!Isaid,waitaminute,itistruethemountainwillnotchange,soIhaveto!
Youdon’talwayshavethecompetencetocompleteanewtask.Maybeyouhavetheconfidencetostartthough,andbybuildingtheskillsrequiredforthistask,yourconfidenceandcompetencebegintoblossom.Asthishappens,youbegintofeelempoweredandreadyforthechallenge.
So,youaskyourself-whatdoIneedtodosothatIcanclimbthismountain?Iwenttospeaktosomepeopleinmybuildingwhoregularlyclimbedtothetop,andtheyexplainedtheirstrategiestome.Ididn’tstoptherethough,becausethatwouldhavebeenliketakingaparachute
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classonline.Instead,rememberedateacherwho,afterexplainingsomething,alwayssetanexercisetoensureyoulearneditforreal.
So,Ibegantoexercisemore,eatdifferently,sleepmoreandgotothemountainthreetimesaweek.Andsuddenlyithappened!IreachedtheTOP.Theviewwasincredible,thepeaceandthesensationofaccomplishingthisgoalwassomagnificentthatIstillgetgoosebumps.WhenIcamedown,theoldladyknewfromthelookonmyfacethatIhaddoneit!Iboughtmorewater,andshetoldme:
- “Doyourememberhowyoufeltthefirsttimebecauseofthemountain?”
- Isaid:“Yes!”- Shethensaid:“Doyounowunderstandthatthe
mountainisstillthesame?”- Me:“Yes,themountainisandwillbethesame,yetIgrewintothe
personwhowasabletoreachthetop.”
Duringthecourseofyourlife,youwillencounterdifferentkindsofmountains;theywillbehidingunderaboss,say,orhealthissues,economicproblems,yourkids,yourpartner,almostanything.
Ibetyoucandothissimpleandpowerfulexercise,whichwillallowyoutoalwaysjumpwithaparachute:
1. Thinkofasituationthatmakesyoufeelbadoruncertain
2. Nowrememberthenameofthefirstpersonyoukissedonthelips…
3. Closeyoureyesandtakeadeeeeeeepbreaththroughyournoseandgentlyletitoutthroughyourmouth.Imagineyouareatahugecinema,inthebackrow.Smileandrememberthesituationthatmadeyoufeelbadoruncertain.Sinceit’samovie,travelthreemonthsafterithasendedand,lookingatyourself,askthis:“WhatdidIlearnfromthis?”
4. Repeatthisthreetimes,takingallthetimeintheworlduntilyoufeelwonderfulabouttheansweryouhaveandtrulyunderstandit.
5. RememberthemovieBacktotheFuture?Ifyoudon’t,goandseeit,enjoyit,andthencomeback…
6. Nowimagineyouhavetheopportunitytogotothepast,beforeabadsituationhappenedtoyou!It’slikegoingbackandtalkingtoayoungerversionofyourself,showingyoutheskillsyoulackedsoyoucannowovercomethatobstacle.Nowyouhavethe
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opportunity,becauseyournervoussystemdoesn’tknowthedifferencebetweenthepastofthefuturewhenyouvisualize.So,thinkofthreeskillsthatyouneedtolearnaboutthesituationyouthoughtofatnumber1.
7. Nowcloseyoureyes(afterreadingtheinstructionbelow!),takeadeepbreathandgobackintime,onedaybeforethissituation;seeyourselfinthemovie,noticethatitispaused,andputinsideyourmindthethreeskillsthatyouwillneedtoencounterthesituationasyouwouldwish.Feelthethreeskillsandpushtheplaybutton!Seeyourselfinthissituation,hearyourselfwiththesethreeskills,noticeyourbodyposture,thetoneofyourvoice,andsmileasyouenjoywhatyouexperience.
8. Repeatnumber7threetimes-andenjoyyourself
Duringyourlife,youwillfaceobstacles.Ifyourememberareallydifficultgoalthatyouaccomplished,youknowyoufacedchallenges,yetyouovercamethem.Thinkaboutothergoalsthatyousetforyourselfandabandoned,forwhateverreason.Youalsoencounteredobstaclesthen,sowhatwasthedifference?
Whenyouabandonedthosegoals,youmadethoseobstaclesintoexcuses.
Yetallthegoalsthatyouhaveaccomplishedalsohadobstacles–ormountains-andyoulearnedwhatyouneededtolearn,andyouCLIMBEDTHEM!
Dr.JuanAntonioPerezwww.vivirpnl.com
©Copyright2020 June O’Driscoll 80
16 LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF ANXIETY EasywaystochangeunwantedfeelingsJuneO’Driscoll,UnitedKingdom
Whenweexperienceachangeinthewaywenormallyliveourlives,forsomethismaycauseanxietyorstress.Otherscarryonregardless,adaptingtothenew,ever-changingworld.Neitherbehavioriswrong,itillustratesthatashumanbeingsweareunique.
So,whatisanxiety?Itisafeelingofunease,suchasaworryorafear,thatcanbemildorsevere.Themainpointhereisthatitisafeeling,whichmeansitcanbechanged.Weallexperiencemanyothertypesoffeeling,suchas:
• Hesitation• Determination• Curiosity• Excitement• Fun• Laughter
Therefore,aneasysolutionistoexchangetheoldnegativefeelingof‘anxiety’tooneofourmoreuseful,positivefeelings.
Wearegoingtolookatafewsmallchangesyoucanmakewhichchangeyourperceptioninorderforyoutofeeldifferently.Thiswillnotonlybeusefulnow,itwillalsobeusefulwhenwegobacktoournewnormalwayoflife.Thinkingfurthertothefuture,theseusefulstrategiescanbeusedwithfamilymembers,inbusiness,inschoolsorwithanyonewhowantstofeelinabetterstate.
©Copyright2020 June O’Driscoll 81
Foranumberofyears,I'veworkedasavolunteerforacharitableorganizationcalledAnxietyUK.Anunfortunatename,butawell-meaningcharity.Ihaveseenmanyclientsfromallwalksoflifewithfeelingsofanxietyandstress.Afteroursessions,thosesameclientsleavewithasmileontheirfaceandanewwayofthinking.Theoldprogramstheyusedtorunhavebeenchangedandtheynowthinkdifferently.
Ayoungladycametoseemeandtoldmeshehad‘anxiety’.Asshesaidtheword‘anxiety’shestartedtobreathedifferently,sweatandrubherhandstogethernervously.Theactualword‘anxiety’hadtriggeredoffallthesesymptoms.Wehadn'tevengottothepointoffindingoutwhatspecificallyshewasanxiousabout.
So,Iaskedhertothinkofthefunniestwordthatsheknew,onethatwouldmakeherlaugh.Shethoughtforawhile,andthenshesaid‘discombobulated’andasshesaidtheword,shestartedlaughing.Itoldherfromnowontheword‘anxiety’,oranyformoftheword,nolongerexistedinhervocabulary.Thenewwordwasnow‘discombobulated’,anditwastobeusedalsowhentalkingaboutanypastevents.Shelaughedagain.Toheightenherlaughingstate,Ikeptaskingherquestionslike:
“Whenwasthelasttimeyoudiscombobulated?”
“Whatwasyourbiggestdiscombobulation?”
“Howoftendoyoudiscombobulate?”
Witheveryanswer,theyoungladykeptlaughingandgiggling,herbodylanguagegotmorerelaxedandshestartedswingingherfeet.Eachtimeshelaughed,Ilightlytouchedheronthearmtoanchorthegoodfeeling.ThiswassothatIcouldbringbackthegoodfeeling(firetheanchor),atanytimetogetherbacktothatgoodfeeling.Shewasnowinthepleasantstateof‘discombobulation’,whichwasmuchbetterthantheoldstateofanxiousness.
Thiswasthestartofoursessionandagreatplacetostart.Shethentoldmethatshefelt‘discombobulated’whenthinkingaboutgettingonatrain.Irepeatedbacktoherinahumorousvoice,“soyoufeltdiscombobulatedwhenthinkingaboutgettingonatrain?”Asshestartedtolaughagain,Ilightlytouchedherarmtobringbackthegoodfeelings(firedtheanchor).Iaskedhertonoticewhichwaythefeelings
©Copyright2020 June O’Driscoll 82
werespinningwhentheyweregettingbetter.Thentospinthosefeelingsevenfastertoheightenthegoodfeelingsallthroughherbody.WhenIthenaskedhertotrytothinkaboutgettingonatrainagain,Ilightlytouchedherarm(firedtheanchor).Shepaused,thenlaughedasshewasnowunabletobringbacktheoldwayofthinking.Thethoughtpatternhadbeeninterruptedandtheold‘discombobulated’feelingshadbeenexchangedwithnewfeelingsoflaughter.
Shethentoldmethatshehadmanyothernegativethoughtsthatcouldtrigger‘discombobulation’.Iaskedherwhatwouldhappeniftheycouldn’t?Shethoughtforawhileandsaidthatwouldbegood.Igaveherapieceofpaperandaskedhertodrawalinedownthecenter.Iaskedhertotitletheleft-handcolumn‘negativethoughts’andtheright-handcolumn‘positivethoughts’.Ithenaskedhertowritedownanegativethoughtontheleftcolumn,reframethemeaningtothreepositivethoughtsandwritethemintheright-handcolumn,likethis:
NegativethoughtsPeoplealwayslookatme
PositivethoughtsTheymightthinkIlookfriendlyIt’snicetobenoticedTheymaybestaringintospace
Shehadnowstartedtoreframehernegativethoughts.Shenowhadthetoolstocontinuetogeneratepositivethoughtsandtomakegoodfeelings.
So,nowovertoyou,herearetwoeasyexercisesyoucandotochangethewayyouthink,whichwillchangethewayyoufeel…
Exercise 1 – Change the Word
1. Thinkofawordthatmakesyoulaugh[theclient’swordwas‘discombobulated’]
2. Deletetheword‘anxiety’fromyourvocabularyandreplaceitwithyournewword.
3. Nowanswerthefollowingquestionsoutloudandonlyuseyournewwordtoanswer.Eachtimeyouanswerthequestionandlaugh,pressyourmiddlefingerandthumbtogetherlightly[thiswillanchorthegoodfeelings]:
©Copyright2020 June O’Driscoll 83
o Whenwasthelasttimeyouwere[‘discombobulated’]?o Whatwasthefirstthingyounoticedwhenyouwere
[‘discombobulating’]?o Whatwereyousayingtoyourselfwhenyouwere[‘discombobulating’]?o Does[‘discombobulating’]giveyouatasteinyourmouth?o Whatdoyousmellwhenyouare[‘discombobulating’]?o Whendidyouhaveyourbiggest[‘discombobulation’]?
4. Asyouaregettingthesegoodfeelings,noticewhichwaytheyaremoving–clockwise/anticlockwiseorforward/backwards.
5. Whicheverwaythefeelingsaremovingwhichmakesitevenbetter,spinthefeelingsallthroughyourbodyandpressyourmiddlefingerandthumbtogetherlightly.Thiswillheightenthegoodfeelingsevenmore.
6. Nowreleaseyourmiddlefingerandthumbandstopspeakingoutloud.7. Thinkaboutsomethingentirelydifferent,likeapinkelephantwitha
bluetutu!8. Nowtestthegoodfeelingsbypressingyourmiddlefingerandthumb
togetheragain.9. Youcangothroughthisexerciseandanchorgoodfeelingsonthethumb
andfingerasmanytimesasyouwant.
Congratulations,youhavestartedtheprocessofchangingyourself!Letyourfamilyandfriendsknowaboutyournewword.Whenyourlovedonesalsousethenewword,itspreadsthefun!
Exercise 2 – Reframe Negative Words
Changingthemeaningofthethoughtfromnegativetopositivechangesthewayyoufeelforthebetter.
NegativethoughtsPeoplearelaughingatme
PositivethoughtsTheymaybelaughingwiththeirfriendsTheymaynotevenseemeIt’snicethatImakepeoplehappy
©Copyright2020 June O’Driscoll 84
NegativethoughtsI’vebeenlaidoffworkfortwomonths
PositivethoughtsIcanstartanewhobbyI’llbeabletoseemoreofmyfamilyIcandomoregardening,whichIenjoy
1. Getapieceofpaperoranotepadanddrawalinedownthecentersothatyouhavetwocolumns.
2. Headtheleftcolumn‘Negativethoughts’andtherightcolumn‘Positivethoughts’
3. Writedownanegativethoughtyouhaveintheleftcolumn.4. Writedownanothermeaningforthatthoughtthatispositive.5. Dothisthreetimes.6. Readthenegativethoughtoutloudinafunnyvoice(e.g.,MickeyMouse)
7. Readthepositivethoughtsoutinaconfidentvoice(e.g.,yourfavoritesuperhero)
8. Repeatsteps3-6withanynegativethoughts9. Themoreyoupracticethis,theeasieritwillbeforyoutogeneratepositivethoughts.
Asmentionedearlier,thesestrategiescanalsobeusedwith:
Schools Examnerves,presentationskills,motivation
Business Attendinginterviews,motivatingstaff,returningtowork
Family Relatebetterassiblings,parents,step-parentsetc.
Iwonderwhereelseyouwillusethestrategies?Havesomefunwiththem!
JuneO’DriscollLicensedMasterTrainerofNLPThoughtitudewww.thoughtitude.co.ukUnitedKingdom
©Copyright2020 Kalliope Barlis 85
17 COVID-19: PASS THE PANDEMIC INTO THE PAST BEHIND YOU NOW
KalliopeBarlis,USA
Thereisnotimelikethistimeinthehistoryofhumankind.Andnobettertimethannowtostartplanningforyourfuture.
Thetruthis,youcanplaywithtimeinsideyourmind.Youcanorganizetimewheneverandhoweveryouwant,givingyoumorecontrolofhowyoufeelemotionally,becauseduringthispresentmoment,thefuturemovesintothepastateverymomentnow.Youcanmoveanythingintothepastbehindyou,toopenyourfutureandseewhatyouwanttohavehappeninstead.
Sometimeago,Iansweredaphonecall,andmyfriendopenedtheconversationbysaying,“Mymotherdied”.Suddenly,Ispiraledintodeepsadnessforthelossofafriend’slife,knowinghowmuchI’dmissher.ButwhenIasked,“When?”myfriendresponded,“Threemonthsago”.Andjustasquicklyasthesadnesshadsettledin,itwasinstantlythrustouttobereplacedbyrelieffortheendofhersuffering-andmine,too.
Becausemyfriendhadsaid,“threemonthsago”,mybrainautomaticallyplacedtheeventandallthefeelingsconnectedtoitinthepast.Mythoughts,mymemoryofhismother,wentfromfeelingbadtofeelingbetter.Threemonthshadgonebyintheinstanthesaid,“threemonthsago”.ItwasthenIfullyunderstoodhowthefuturemovesintothepresentmomentandthepresentmomentmovesintothepast,constantly.
©Copyright2020 Kalliope Barlis86
Withthis‘Aha’moment,Irealizedthatyoucanmaketimepassintothepastjustbystrategicallythinkingabouttimemethodically.Inoneskillset,there’sawaytochangehowyoufeelinthepresentmomentaboutwhatyouthinkmayhappeninthefuture,eventhoughithasn’thappened.Thisiscalled‘worry’.It’sallaboutchangingyourperceptionofeventsintimetofeelbetternow.
Weareallinthemidstofthisglobalpandemic,butyoudonothavetotakeitonandjustdowhatyouneedtodo.Instead,youcanfeelbettersothatyoucanbemoreproductiveandthinkmoresuccessfully,becausethereisnobettertimethannowtoplanforyourfuture-withallthetimeyouhave.
Let’stakeamomenttothinkstrategicallyabouttimetofeelbetter:
1. Gobacktoapastmomentjustbeforeachallengingeventwhereyoufeltcalmand/orfocusedand/orclear.
2. Whilefeelingcalmand/orfocusedand/orclear,lookatthechallengingevent.Howdoyoufeelwhilelookingatthechallengingeventnow?[peopleoftenrespondtothisquestionbysayingtheyfeelthesamecalm,focusandclaritywhentheyfaceitwiththesefeelings].
3. Now,gotomomentsafterthispandemicisoverandlifereturnstonormal,whereyoumaintainthiscalmand/orfocusedand/orclearfeeling.Howdoyoufeelwhilefacingtheeventafterit’sallover?
4. Bringyourattentiontothepresentmomentnow,feelcalmand/orfocusedand/orclearaboutplanningforyourfuture.
AlthoughthisskillisofferedforcontrollinghowyoufeelduringtheCovid-19pandemic,itistimelessandcanbeusedforanychallengingevent.
Everyoneintheworldisexperiencingtheeffectsofthepandemic.HereinNewYorkCity,peoplearewaitingonlonglinestobuyfood,soap,masksandbleach,andstoresaresoldoutoftoiletpaper.Yes,peopleallaroundtheworldaremakingsuretheirassesareclean,asifthat’swherethevirusenters—someoneforgottotellthemitcomesinthroughtheotherend!Theworldwassoldoutoftoiletpaperbeforemasks!
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Atsomepointintime,youknowthisisgoingtobeover.We’llbeabletolookbackatthistimeandsay:“Rememberwhenweusedtojokethatsomepeopleshouldbecagedbecausetheyweren’tkeepingtheirdistancefromotherstopreventthevirusfromspreading?”“Rememberwhenwecouldn’tholdhandsorkiss?”“Rememberwhenwecouldn’tcleanourassesbecausesomeonetookthetoiletpaper?!”
Nowisthetimetocleanupyourmindandstartplanningforthefuture,becausethisislikenoothertimeinhistory-tovalueyourlifemorethanever.Thereareopportunitieseverywhere,showingupinnewanddifferentwayscomparedtothetimebeforethisbegan.
Thistooshallpassintothepast.Thinksmart.Feelbetterandplanforyourfuturesoyou’rereadyforitwhenitcomes,now.
KalliopeLicensedMasterTrainerofNLP®InternationalBest-sellingAuthorofPhobiaReliefandPlayGolfBetterSeriesNLP.NYC—BuildingYourBestTrainingInternationalwww.NLP.nycwww.Kalliope.nycInstagram:#Kalliope.nycYouTube&Twitter:KalliopeNYC
CopyrightKalliopeBarlis
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke88
18 THREE FOR THRIVE
KayCooke,UnitedKingdom
Intheseturbulenttimes,it’svitalthatweallrememberthatweareinchargeofcreating,drivingandmaintainingourmindsandbodies.So,let’stakecareofourneu rologicalwellbeingwitharenewedsenseofimportanceandsomesimpleskillsthatboostourabilitytoThrive-onpurpose,withpurposeandforapurpose!
Newandnovel!Whenthebrainwantstostayin(predictable)statesofstress,abio-hackisrequiredtoboostwellbeing.SometimesyouhavetoBREAKTHROUGHstressandteachyourbrainnewpatternsforThrive.Youcaninfluenceyourbody-mind–here’show…
We’regoingtoexplorefunwaystoboostTHREEneurochemicalsthatareessentialforwellbeing:Endorphins,Oxytocin,Serotonin.
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke 89
Thrive Tip #1
BoostyournaturalstateofwellbeingwithafocusonEndorphins.
Endorphinsarechemicalsproducedbythebodytorelievestressandpain.Theyworksimilarlytoaclassofdrugscalledopioids,whichrelievepainandcanproduceafeelingofeuphoria.Endorphinsareoftenreferredtoas‘nature’shigh’.Ifyouareanathlete,youmayhaveexperiencedwhatisknownasthe‘runners’high’.Importantly,endorphinshelpyoufeelgood,andweallneedsomeofthatrightnow!Promoteyourbrain’spharmaceuticalcapabilitiesthroughwalking,dancing,exerciseandlaughter.
Musicmakesmoods!Enhancetheenvironmentalinfluenceinyourhomebychoosingbackgroundmusicthatsoothesorstimulates.Youchoose!
Getcreative!1. Foottaporwalkindanceormusicalrhythm.2. Walkupanddownthestairstodifferentgenresofmusic(takecare
andholdthehandrailwiththefast-pacedbeats!).3. Takeawalk(orrun)usingdifferentfootpatterns,forexample,the
Fibonaccisequence(1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34).
Whetheryouhavechildrenathomeornot,checkoutthemind-expandinglearningopportunitiesoffoottappingorwalkingtotheFibonaccibeat;estimatetheanglesoffootprintpatternsandexplorethelowerbodybiomechanicsofchangingfootprintangles.AndgoogletheimagesofFibonacci’samazingnaturalpowerandbeauty.
Laughterisagifttoothers!1. Takeadailydoseofaudio-visual(e.g.,amovieorTVseries)that
leavesyoulaughing.Orlistentohumorouspodcastsduringlunch.2. Findanddustoffthatoldjokebookanddiveintoshare
somehumor.
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke90
3. Deliberatelymismatch/mis-wearyourclothes,especiallyforthoseZoomteammeetings!
Thrive Tip #2
BoostyournaturalstateofwellbeingwithafocusontheneuropeptidecalledOxytocin.
Oxytocinisoftenreferredtoasthe‘hughormone’thatisinabundancefromthemomentwe’reborn,whenmothersandnewbornbabiesarefloodedwiththis‘trust’and‘safety’feelingthatoxytocinprovides(natureisverysmart).
UntilCovid-19lockdown,abio-hackforboostingoxytocinwouldhaveincludedskintouche.g.,handholding,hugs,massage,butrightnow,there’slittlechanceofthistypeofintimacy.
Actually,theplanetisinadesperatehug-deficitrightnow.We’reunderstrictinstructionstoavoidphysicalcontactwithallotherhumans.Thesearetimesofseparation,evenwithinfamilyhomeswe’reallkeepingourdistance.
So,whatcanwedotoboostthisneurochemicalthatissoessentialforsocialbonding,helpingustofeelconnected,trustingandsafe?
Whole-bodylisteningWhetheryou’retalkingtosomeonefacetoface,overthegardenfenceorthroughsocialmedia,givingyourfull,undividedattentionisagiftforbothparties.Thisboostsamind-bodysensationwhereyoufeelapowerfulenergeticplug-intootherhumans.YouneedtotuneupALLyoursensesto
bepresentwithandfortheotherperson,withyourownwholebeing.Itmaytakeabitofpracticetoletgoofthoughtsthattrytoconvinceyouthatyourinsideworldismorevalidthanwhat’soccurringontheoutside,buttryit.Andfeelthedifference.Whateveryoupracticeyougetgoodat!
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke 91
ComefindmeCheckouttheworkofneuroscientistJillBolteTaylorwho,uponregainingconsciousnessafterastroke,observedthatthewords,actionsandbehaviorsofthosearoundherappearedsomewhatsuperficial.Everyonewasfunctional,butdetached.Shedescribesfeelingtrappedinsidehermindandwantedtoplead:‘I’minhere,comefindme…’Youcandothatforsomeone(gofindthem…)bytakingoffyourcriticallens,youranalyticalthoughtsandjudgementsandsimplybeingpresentwiththewonderfulspecimenofahumanbeingwhoisstayingaliverightinfrontofyou.
One-waytoThriveWhenyougivesomethingunconditionally,withoutanyneedforaresponse,youboostoxytocin.Callitlove.Itwon’tworkifyouneedaresponseofanykindfromtheotherperson.Thegiftcanbe:
• Physicale.g.,abloomfromthegarden,aspecialmeal,aheartfeltgesture.
• Verbale.g.,acompliment,agiggle,asmile.• Practicale.g.,householdchores,runningafragrantbath
forsomeone.
Boostyourneurochemistryofconnectiontoandwithotherswhenyoudothingswithouttheneedforrecognition.Makecooperationandgivingyournewbestfriend!
PettingallowedPettingpetsisawonderfulwaytohelpyourmind-bodyrelaxintocalmness.Yourrelationshipwithyourpetisagoodbarometerofyourownstressaswellasprovidingyouwitharesetopportunity.Petsmirrorourmoodsandpettingthemsoothesstresslevelsinbothpartiesbyloweringcortisolandbloodpressurewhileboostingoxytocin.
Getcreative!1. Drawanddisplayacolorfulposterthatsaysthankyoutoessential
front-lineworkersduringthispandemic;includethebinmenanddeliveryguys.
2. Makeanddisplayamontage(orPowerPoint)ofphotosthatbringbackhappymemoriesoftimessharedwithlovedones.Celebratethesefeelings.
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke92
3. Useyourphonetosendshortvideooraudioclipstopeopleyoumissbecauseyou’redistancedatthemoment.Letthemknow-unexpectedly-they’reinyourmindandheart.
4. Makelavendercookiesandpotpourrioratomizelavenderessentialoilbecausephytochemicalsinlavenderinhibitstress.
Heartsforart’ssake1. Draw,paintorcolorheartshapesonstones,onpaper,on
anything!Youaresettingyoursub-consciousmindtorememberfeelinglove.Kidsdothisnaturally–whendidyoustop?!
2. Visualizeyourheartasahomeforyourlovedoneswhereyoukeepthemcozy,warmandwrappedupinyourlove.
3. Makeupagamewithyourkidswhereyourolladiceanddescribethesensationsoffeelingloveinthatnumberofwords.Forexample,rollingthenumber3wouldleadtodescribingsomesensationsofloveinthreewords,suchaswarm,rising,pink.
4. Drawabodyoutlineandcolorthebodypartswherethesensationsoflovearefeltandhowtheymovearound.
ThriveTip#3
BoostyournaturalstateofwellbeingwithafocusonSerotonin,whichisoftenreferredtoasthe‘happinessmolecule’.
Serotoninisessentialforself-esteemandfeelingcalm;itisalsoamoodstabilizerthathelpsusfeelincontrolofself-regulatingmood.Doyouknowthat90%ofthebody’sserotoninisstoredinthegut?Takingcareofyourguthealthisanimportantpartoffeelinggood.
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke 93
Simplewaystoboostserotoninincluderelaxation,deepbreathing,meditation,exerciseanddiet(tryptophan-richfoods)andcacao(orchocolatewith85%+cacao).
LockdownlightenupAsyoureyesperceivelightitboostsmoodasserotoninlevelsnaturallyrise;whenyougettotuneinandtuneup,onpurpose,yougettoenhancethiscircuitry.Weknowthebenefitstowellbeingofbeingimmersedinnature;nowtakeyourattentiontolookingatsunlightreflectionsbouncingfromrivers,lakes,theocean,waxyleavesorotherreflective
surfaces.Can’tgetoutside?Takeaglassofwaterandplaceitnearawindoworanyreflectivesurface(manypeoplesuspend‘lightcatchers’intheirwindowsandwatchthemesmerizing‘fairies’danceacrosstheroom).Pleasebecarefulandwiseaboutplacinganythingthatmagnifiesthesun’spowerasasourceoffirestarting!Thisisanactivityforyoutodo,withclearintentionandpreciseattention.
FireupMovementfiresupserotoninneurons.Anymovement-itdoesn’thavetobeclassedasexercise.Routinehouseworkchoresmovethesesignalsthroughyourbodyandnovelchores,e.g.,clearingoutacupboard,willboostdopaminerewardcircuitstoo.
YoulittlestarIimagineserotoninasatrilliongoldenstars,bottledandreadyforzoomingaroundthebody.Visualizethisifyouwill-atrilliongoldenstarsfillingyourwholebeing.Eachandeverycellandfiberofyourwholeanatomyglistening,shimmeringandshiningwithgoldenstars.
StarbreatheAsyourmind’seyeallowsyoutoimagineyourselffilledwiththisgoldendelight,allowasingledeepbreath(sodeepitfeelslikeyourbellyisexpanding)tosuckinALLthegoldenstarsfromthroughoutyourwholebeing.Holdtheminthatspacejustbelowyourdiaphragmandlistenforthemsingingindelightastheyaremomentarilyreunited.Thenwithaslowandfulloutbreath,returnthestarstowheretheywerestationed.Repeatthisbreathingexerciseuntilitbecomes
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke94
effortlessandyoufeelthesensationsofchange.Whenyoucandothis,youarereadytozingoutthestarsbeyondyourphysicalbodyintothespacearoundyou.Whatatreatforyouandforthosearoundyou!
SuperstarsHavethefamilyformacirclearoundoneperson.ThatpersoniscalledtheSuperStar.OnceSuperStarisreadytowhooshouttheirstarbreathintothespacearoundthem(usingalongsustainedout-breath),theothersclosetheireyes,opentheirhandsandwaituntiltheyfeelthetinglingsensationthatletsthemknowthey’vereceivedthe‘sharedstars’.Kidsloveto‘feel’thereachoftheirsiblings’starbreath.
KidsgetcreativeIfyourkidsarestuckindoors,whynotmakeanindoorgarden?Allyouneedis:• Alargeplatetocontainthe‘garden’• Asmallmirrorortinfoiltorepresentreflectionsfromwater• Somesoil,stonesorsandtorepresenttheterrain(oruse
somethingoutofdatefromthepantry,likelentils,coffeeetc.)• Eitherrealplantcuttings,orartificialvegetation-PlayDoh,
plasticine,cardboard,pipecleanersarestartingpoints,butyouareonlylimitedbyyourimagination!
PS.Measuringtheshadowandlightwouldbeacoolmath/physicsexperiment.
©Copyright2020 Kay Cooke 95
Forart’ssakeDraw,paintorcolorgoldensunshinepatternsonstones,onpaper,onanything!Youaresettingyoursub-consciousmindtorememberthepowerofthesun.Nowondertheancientsworshippedit!
PS…
• FACT!Yourbodyandmindisoneprettyamazingsystemthatcommunicateswithinitselfandalsowiththeoutsideworld.
• FACT!Sensoryexperiencestimulateselectro-chemicalsignalsthatcascadethroughoutyournervoussystem.
• FACT!YourbodyandmindinStressisdepletedandrevertstoknown(safe)patternsoffamiliarity.
• FACT!YourbodyandmindinTHRIVEisfilledwithamazingcapabilitiesandpotentials.
DotakecareofyourneurologicalwellbeingwitharenewedsenseofimportanceandpracticethesesimpleskillstoboostyourThriveDrives,onpurpose,withpurposeandforapurpose!MakeyourpurposetoThrive!
KayCookeCoach,Trainer&Authorwww.the-me-group.com
©Copyright2020 Manuela Hjelseth96
19 HOW TO STAY PRODUCTIVE AND ACCOUNTABLE EasyexercisestomanageandkeepyourselfactivementallyandreadyforchangeManuelaHjelseth,Norway
Inthisbooktherearemanyusefulexercisesshowingyouhowyoucanmanageyourstate,changenegativethoughtsandreleaseanxiety.Whenyouareinagoodstate,youcanmoreeasilytakeactionandmaintainactivityinareasofyourlifethatareimportant.
Forexample,maybeyouarethinkingaboutyourjobsituationrightnow.
Asanemployee,perhapsyoufeelthatyouhavenocontroloveryoursituation;andtosomedegree,you
don’t.Noonecancontrolnaturaldisastersthataffecttheeconomy,diseasesthatarespreadingworldwide,orfinancialcrisesduetobadmanagementbyworldleaders.STOPfocusingonwhatyoucannotcontrolandCHOOSEtofocusonwhatyouCANDO.
Thinkaboutthreeyearsfromnow;whenyoulookbackatthismomentinyourlife,youwanttobehappywiththedecisionsyoumadenow.Youwanttofeelproudthatyoutookchargeofyouractionstobuildmomentumand,ultimately,results.
©Copyright2020 Manuela Hjelseth 97
Implementsomeeasyspecifictasksinthischapterandyouwillbeableto:
- Beclearaboutwhatyourcontributionsreallyaretoateam(andcompany)
- Beabletocommunicatethevalueyouareaddingtoateam(andcompany)
- Highlightthespecificabilitiesyoubringtoateam- Communicateyourspecificstrengthsthatareofvalueinyourjob
Thisstrategysetsthedirectionofyourthoughtsandfeelings;inturnsupportingyourproductivebehavior.ToquoteDr.RichardBandler:“Whenyouchangethewayyouthink,itchangesthewayyoufeelandthereforeitchangeswhatyoucando.”
Bykeepingyourselfaccountableandproductiverightnow,inascenariowhereyoumightneedtoapplyforajobagain,youwon’tbeunprepared,unclearofyourvalueorcompetence,uncertainofwhattosayorfeelingstressedoutfrombeingcaughtoff-guard.Youcertainlydonotwanttobeperceivedassomeonewhoisuninterested,disengagedorwithoutinitiativebecauseyoudidn’tdoanythingwhileyouwereathome.
Thequestionsthatfollowcanbeusedinanycontextwhereyouwanttocommunicateyourvalueorrelevanceinapreciseway.Theymayworkwellforsomeonewhoislaidofftemporarily,aswellasforthosewhoareunemployed,inwhateverroleorsector.
Forthepastyear,Ihavegiventhesequestionstomorethan350job-seekers.Irememberonepersoninparticularwho,whenImether,wasfeelingpowerless,stressedout,unsureofhervalue,worriedaboutherfinancialsituationandwithnocleargoal.Hercommunicationwasvagueandherapproachtopotentialemployerssignaledlackofconfidence.Shefeltunabletoact,whichagainledhertodonothing,untilshestartedtoanswersomespecificquestionsthatmadehertakeactionandfinallygettheresultshewasaimingat.
Thesesimpleyetpowerfulquestionswillhelpyoutostayproductiveandcontrolyourownbehavior,makingsureyouarereadytodowhatYOUCANDONOW.
©Copyright2020 Manuela Hjelseth98
First, start by asking yourself empowering questions that lead to action
• Whatdoyoudowhilewaitingathome?Whatelsecanyoudo?• Whatcanyoudowiththeresourcesyouhaveavailablerightnow?• Whatareyougoingtodoassoonasyoucan?• Wheredoyoufocusandwheredoyounot?(Onwhatyoucan’t
controlandinfluence-oronwhatyoucan?)• Whatcanyouimprovewhilebeing“onhold”?(Howcanyou
improveyourcompetence?Whatonlinecoursescanyouattend?Whatnewskillscanyoulearn?)
• Howdoyouthinkaboutyoursituation?Couldtherebeotherperspectivestoyoursituationthatyouhaven’tdiscoveredyet?
• Whatskillsdoyouhavethataretransferableintootherindustries?Identifyandmakeaspecificlist.
• Whoinyournetworkcanprovideknowledgeorinformationabouttheskillswhichwillbeneededinyourindustryinfuture?Whenyouknowthis,whichonewillyoustartstudying/learningfirst,whichoneisthesecond,third…?
• Whichofyourstrengthsarevaluableinyourposition/company?Makealistofwhattheyare,howtheyarevaluableandinwhatwaytheycontributetotheendresults.
• Howareyoualreadyusingyourskillstosupportyourself?• Whatvaluedoyouaddtoyourteamandcompany?Bespecific.• Whereandwhatdoyoucontribute,specifically?• Whatabilities/competencedoyouhavethataddvaluetotheteam?• Whatmotivatesyouinyourjob?Whatmotivatesyoutoworkfora
particularcompany?(Whatistherelationshipbetweenyouandthecompanythatmotivatesyou?)
• Contactyourboss,askyourcolleagues,spouse,familyandfriends-inwhichareacanyouimprove?Beopentofeedback-theymaypointoutthingsyoudon’tlike!Ifthereisaconsistencyinthefeedback,changethewayyoucommunicateand/orbehavior.Remember,“thequalityofyourcommunicationisintheresponseyouget.”So,ifyoucommunicateand/orbehaveinawaythatisn’tproductive-dosomethingelse.Ifunsure,askpeoplearoundyouforsuggestions.
©Copyright2020 Manuela Hjelseth 99
• Ifyourcompanyhastochoosebetweenkeepingyouoracolleague,whyshouldtheykeepyou(ratherthantheotherperson)?Bespecificinyouanswer.
Writedowntheanswersasyougodownthelist.Bespecific.Ifyouranswertothelastquestionwas,“becauseIhavemoreseniority”,itistoovagueand,frankly,ofnoimportance.Senioritydoesn’talwaysequalcompetence(evenifweliketobelieveitdoes).IinviteyoutoreallyreflectonWHYthecompanyshouldchoosetokeepyou.Writedownyouruniquecontributions,specifically.
Example:“Iamcuriousandapeopleperson,whichmeansthatIkeepmyselfuptodatewithinmyfieldandIcontributetoapositiveandhealthyworkingenvironmentbysharingmycompetencewithmycolleagues.”
“Iamgoal-oriented,whichmeansthatIfocusonthetarget;Iamsolution-orientedandproactive.”
“Ihave10yearsofexperiencewithinprogramminginmypresentcompany.ThisbringsvaluetoourcustomersbecauseIhaveabroadknowledgeofwhatworksandwhatdoesn’t,whichmakesprojectscost-effective.”
Onceyouaredone,writedownthreeareasinwhichyoucanstarttoimproveyourcommunicationskills.Definespecificelementsyouwanttolearnmoreabout.
Forexample:- Non-verbalcommunication(only7%ofyourcommunicationis
basedonwords)- Howtoaskopenandclosedquestions(what,how,which,when,
who,where,whomaresomeexamplesofopenquestionsandyes/noareclosedquestions)
- Practicevaryingyourvoice,rhythm,andpace,makingpausesandspeakingclearly
NowitistimetoupdateyourCV.Makesuretolistyourprofile/keyqualificationswithbothcompetenceandpersonalskillsandexperiencesfirst.Thenlistyouremploymenthistory,followedbyyoureducation,computerskillsandthelanguagesyouspeak.Therearesomegreattemplatesonline.ReviseyourLinkedInprofileifyouhave
©Copyright2020 Manuela Hjelseth100
one.Updateanydocumentthatisneeded–prepareyourself.Ifyouneedtoseekanotherjob,youareready!
Finally,weareallhumanbeings.Reachingouttocolleagues,customersandemployeesshowsthatyoucareaboutthem.Beproactiveinmaintainingyourrelationships;thiswillpayoffinthelongrunanditmakesyoufeelgoodinside.
Seeyourselfthreeyearsfromnow,lookingbacktothismoment.Whatdoyouwanttosee,hearandfeelaboutyourselfandyouractionsnow?Howdoyouwanttorememberwhatyoudonow,thatinthefuturewillmakeyouproud,knowingthatasyouareproductivenow,youwillbeinthefuturetoo?
Askingyourselfgoodquestionsisusefulinallareasandsituations.Athletes,teachers,parents,leaders,peopleinsalesandserviceprofessionsallaskquestionstomakesuretheykeepenhancingtheirperformance,thuskeepingthemselvesproductive.
Theonlyquestionnowis,whendoyoustarttakingaction–rightnowortomorrowmorning?ACTIONisthekeywordtoproductivity!
ManuelaHjelsethNLPTrainerandLeadershipTrainerTrainYourBrain.noNorway
©Copyright2020 Marco Valerio Ricci 101
20 HOW TO STOP UNCONSCIOUSLY HITTING YOUR EMOTIONAL BRAKES AND START LIVING YOUR DREAMS
MarcoValerioRicci,Italy
Inthesetimesoffearforourhealthandtheeconomy,wehaveanunprecedentedopportunity:tostoplivingothers’livesandstartbuildingandlivingourown.
Weneedtomakethischangeinourthinkingandapproachtolifebecauseofthesensationswhicharisefromalackofcontroloverourlives.
Manyofmyclientsaskmehowthisispossible,howcanIbesopositiveallthetime?Myansweris,actuallyI’mnotthatpositiveasaperson,that’swhyIhadtocreateaPositiveLifeStylesothatIcouldbecomeabletoconstantlyandconsistentlymanagemyownstate.
IntermsofLifeStyle,Imeanarealstyleoflifebasedontheunderstandingsthatcomefrom23yearsofstudyingNLP,18ofthemwithDr.RichardBandler.Thisstyleoflifeisfoundedoncongruenceandeffectivethinking.
Weareonapathofchangeinwhichwecanchoosethedirectionwewanttogo.ThisiswhyIfindithardtounderstandwhysomanypeoplearecomplaining.Beforelockdown,mostofthecomplaintswereaboutnotlivingthelifetheywanted,nothavingthetimetodowhattheywantedandsoon.Well,nowtheyhaveplentyofslowtime…yet
©Copyright2020 Marco Valerio Ricci102
theyarecomplainingbecausetheycan’tdowhattheyusedtodo,asifthatwasthelifetheywanted.Thisisanabsurdstrategy!
Health,wellbeingandwealthallaretheconsequencesofourabilitiestoeffectivelyrespondtointernalandexternalinputs.Theinternalonescomefromexperiences,beliefs,personalandcollectivehypnosis,culture,self-talk,habitsandsoon.Inotherwords,theyaretheendresultsofourinternalprocessesandrepresentations.
Theexternalonesareeasiertospot;theyaretheeventsandtheinputswereceivefromtheoutsideworld.Thenagain,alltheinputsthatcomefromtheoutsideareprocessedontheinside.So,Iwilloftentellaclient:“Focusontheinnerworld,becauseit’stherethatyoucanwinthegame!”
TohelpyoucreatepossibilitiesforaPositiveLifeStyleinyourownlife,I’vecreatedaprocessthatIusewhenImentorpeopleincreatingthepersontheywanttobecomethroughNLP.It’sarealNLPCoachingSessionthatyoucanfollownow,writingdowneachanswerasyougoalong.Thisprocessistheresultofworkingempiricallywiththousandsofpeoplefacetoface;helpingtoovercomeunconsciousobstaclesontheroadtowardslivingyourfulfillinglife.
Thepurposeoftheexerciseistohelpyoubetterdefineyourlifegoal.Todothis,Iwillguideyouthroughamentalpaththatwillmakeyouworkontheinformationthatisunconsciouslyembeddedinyourmind-bodysystem;thevalues,emotionsandbeliefsresultingfromancestralconditioningthatnoothersystemknowntodayallowsyoutoeradicate.
Icallthiskindthe"quantumpropulsiontarget".
Iaskyoutodefinethegoalyouwanttoworkoninadvance,andthen,whileansweringthequestions,focusonwhatyouhavesetyourself.
Youcanusethissessiontoreachyourgoalsineveryareaofyourlife:inSport,inBusiness,inRelationships.Foreachgoalorarea,completethespacefollowingthecolon:- Iam:- Imust:- Imustnot:- Idonotwant:
©Copyright2020 Marco Valerio Ricci 103
- Iwant:- Icannot:- Ican:- Onegoalis:- Havinggoalsmeans:- Iamavictimof:- Iamanexecutionerof:
Nowanswereachofthesequestionswithreferencetowhatyouwroteabove.Pleaseapplyquestion1toalltheanswersbeforemovingontothesecondanddothesamebeforestartingwiththethirdandsoon.
Questions
1. Whosaysthat?2. Isthistrue?3. WhatwouldIlikeinsteadofthis?4. WhatdoIhavetodotogenerateit?5. WhatamImissing?6. WhatresourcesdoIhave?
Nowenterastateofdeeprelaxationorself-hypnosis;askyourinnermentorstoplanthepathtopaveyourwaytowardsrealizingyouraim.
Bringwithyoutheresourcesandawarenessthathaveemergedduringtheexerciseandstartwiththerighttoolstoachieveyourgoal.
MarcoValerioRicciLicensedNLPMasterTrainer&CoachAccademiadeiCoachwww.AccademiaDeiCoach.com
©Copyright2020 Michel Wozniak104
21 GROW BY READINGUsingyourfreetimecleverlyandcreatively
MichelWozniak,Switzerland
WHY
Areyourshelvesfilledwithunreadbooksthatyoubought,thinking:“Thisbooklooksgreat,I’llbuyitandI’lldefinitelyreaditSOMETIME…”
Familiar,right?Howmanyyearsagodidyoubuythem?Oursocietyproducesmorewrittentextsthanatanyothertimeinhistory.Yetpollsshowthatpeoplereadlesseveryyear.Thereasonsgivenbypeopleare,amongothers:1.It’stoolongandinefficient,2.Idon’thavetime,3.Theprocessofreadingisunpleasant.
Well,apandemickillsargumentnumber2.Whatif,withtwosimpletricks,youcouldalsokillarguments1and3?
Booksareknowledge,andknowledgeisnecessaryforanykindofsuccess.Booksarealsoanamazingsourceofpleasureandoneofthebestnaturalde-stressors.
©Copyright2020 Michel Wozniak 105
WHEN/WHERE
OnceyouhavethetwolittletricksI’mabouttogiveyou,you’llnoticethatyoucanusethemwheneverandwhereveryouareexposedtoanythingtoread.Simpletricks-sonomoreexcuses!
WHO
Speedreadingtendstointereststudentswhoareoverwhelmedwithinformation,projectmanagersandbusinessowners.Butmoreandmoreemployeesseemtobeattractedbyreading,whichdenotesachangeinthinking,achangeinsociety.
HOW
Trick1:Rememberingwhatyoujustread
WhenIwasinprimaryschoolandIhadtoreadatext,veryoften,attheendofthetext,IwouldtellmyteacherthatIcouldn’trememberwhatIhadjustread.Hewouldtellme:“Soreaditagainmoreslowly,inordertoconcentratebetter.”
Ikeptapplyinghisadvice,eventhoughIfeltitbecamemorecounter-productiveeverytime.Then,agedabout35,IdecidedtoanalyzethestrategyusingthetoolsofNLP.Fourmonthslater,IwontheBronzemedalattheWorldSpeedReadingChampionshipsinSingapore!IguessitlookslikeNLPstrategiesactuallywork,evenfortheverybadreaderthatIwas.
Youdon’trememberstuffbecauseyourminddriftedawayintootherthoughts,right?Youreyesgothroughthetext,butyourmindiswanderingtoyournextholiday.
Doesyourminddriftawaywhenit’soverwhelmedbytheamountofinformation,orwhenit’sdeeplybored?You’reright,itwanderswhen
©Copyright2020 Michel Wozniak106
it’sdeeplybored.Youreadtooslow!Andit’sreallyannoyingforthebrainto…receive…information…too…slow…
Sotricknumber1isthis:Sincenotrememberingisoneofthebiggestreasonsgivenfornotreading,wheneveryouseethatyourmindiswanderingandisnotconcentrating,readagain,butalittlebitfaster.Ifforwhateverreasonyoufeeloverwhelmed,thenslowdownalittlebit.Letyourbrainandyourfeelingsbecomethe“cruisecontrol”ofyourreading.Yourbrainknowsbestthespeedtochoose.Ifyou’resick,you’llreadmuchslower.Ifyoujustlistenedtoarapidmusic,you’llveryprobablyreadfasterforawhile.
Trick2:Delegatethingsyou’renotgoodat
Thislookslikeabusinesstrick.Butit’snot(only).Experienceitforyourself.
Findapartner.Standfacetoface,at3ft.distance.
Firsttest:Askyourpartnertoimaginea2ft.widecircleinfrontofthem,rightbetweenthetwoofyou,andaskthemtooutlinethecirclewiththeireyes;sotheireyesdoacircularmove,veryslowly–takingatleast10secondstocompleteonecircle.Observetheireyes.Dotheyreallydrawaperfectcircle?Isthemovesmoothorisitjerky?You’llprobablynoticethatalthoughtheyfeeltheyaredoingaperfectcircle,themoveisactuallyjerky,andtheeyesdeviatealotfromthedesiredtrajectory.
Secondtest:Now,intheairwithyourfinger,drawa2ft.widecirclebetweenthetwoofyouandyouaskyourpartnertofollowyourfinger.Lookattheireyesfollowingyourfingerinthecircle.Moveslowly.Whatdoyousee?Yes,theireyemovementsarePERFECT!100%smooth,cleanandneat.
Whyisthis?Thehumanbrainisnotwiredtogenerateaneyemovement.It’swiredtofolloweitherprayorpredator.Yeah,we’restillgeneticallythere…That’swhychildrenautomaticallyusetheirfingerwhentheylearnreading.Andwhatdothecleveradultstellthem?“Don’tdothat,onlybabiesdothat!”Butit’sthesameforusasadults.WhenyougothroughacomplexExcelspreadsheet,youuseyourfingertomakesureyouareintherightplace.Imaginetheeffortrequiredbythebraintoafixacleanimagewheneyemovementsarecompletelyjerky.It’sliketryingtotakeaphotowhenyou’reshivering.It’svery
©Copyright2020 Michel Wozniak 107
hard.Andyourbrainneedstofixacleanimagefourtosixtimesperline!You’reexhaustingyourbrainjustwiththoseeyemovements.
Sotricknumber2:Delegatethemotiontoapartofyourbodythatwillmasterit-yourhand.Useyourfingeroraguide(apen,apencil,achopstick…)andgothrougheachlinewithyourguideinasmooth,linearmovement.Yourbrainwillbeabletofixtheimagewheneveritneedsbecausethere’snojerkiness.Haveyoureyesfollowtheguide.
Thistakesabitofatraining,becausewehavebeentaughttodoitdifferently.Doitconsistently,andyou’llstopthecommonawkwardfeelinginreadingthatisactuallyduetothediscomfortfeltbythebrainandtheeyeswhenyourequirethemtodosomethingtheyarenotwiredto.You’llreleasealargespanofbrainresourcefortheactualtaskofreading,aresourcethatwon’tbewastedanymoreintheun-usefultaskofmovingtheeyes.That’sastrategy,that’sNLP!Keepthemovementoftheguidesmoothandlinear!
WHAT/WHEN/WHERE ELSE
Youmaygeneralizethatideaofdelegatingwhatyou’renotgoodat.That’sclearlyaskillusefulforeachandeveryfieldofyourlife.Youcanapplythattosomanythingsotherthanreading.Theonlylimitisthesky!Bewiseandthinkonpurposeinsteadofjustrememberinghowyou’vebeentaughttodothingssinceyouwereachild.Besmartandreadmore!
MichelWozniakTrainerinEfficientMindStrategiesSwitzerland
©Copyright2020 Nathalie de Marcé 108
22 TRUST YOURSELF!ConnectingwithyourgreaterSelfNathaliedeMarcé,Mexico
Why
Withoutdoubt,theonlypersonwhowillbethereforyoufortherestofyourlifeisyou.Rightnow,youarefacedwithasituationwhereyouhavetospendmuchmoretimewithyourselfthaneverbefore.It’sthebestpossibleopportunitytofinallydevelopwhatwecommonlycall‘self-esteem’.Ifyoulearnhowtoreallytrustyourselfbeforelisteningtoalltheinformationaboutwhatisgoingon,ifyoutrulygettoreconnectwithyourownself,youcanbecomemuchmorepowerful,andwhenallofthisisover,you’llfeelrenewed,readytofacewhateverisnext!
When/Where
What’sthefirstthingyoudowhenyouwakeup?Mostpeoplepickuptheirphone,tablet,etc.andcheckthenewstheymissedwhiletheywereasleep.Nowadays,everythingisCoronathis,Coronathat,sothefirstthingthey’redoingisreconnectingwiththeenergyofthepandemic!Wehavetokeepinformed,butweareexposedalldaytoendlessinformation,ormis-information,sowhyrush?Whydon’tyoutaketimetoconnectwithyourself,makesureyouhaveallyourshieldsup,feelstrong,confidentandpositivebeforeyoudiveintowhateveryouhavetofacethatday?
©Copyright2020 Nathalie de Marcé 109
WhoIstartedtestingthisstrategywithmyself.IhadthegoodfortuneofbeingataseminarinOrlandowithDr.RichardBandlerandKathleenandJohnLaVallewhentheCoronavirusexplosionstarted.Ibenefitedfromtheirexampleofkeepingpositiveandfocusedonhavinggoodfeelings.Iwasinabubble,protectedfromthecrazinessthatwasgoingonintheworld.Wewerekeepingourselvessafe,takingalltheprecautionsnecessary,butnotfallingintothetemptationofover-exposingourselvestothenews.
WhenIarrivedbackhomeinMexico,IfoundmykidsfeelinganxiousbecausetheywerehearingallsortsofthingsaboutthepandemicwhileIwasaway.Inaddition,theirschoolhadcancelledclasses.Kidsfollowexampleonhowtoactinanynewsituation:Iexplainedtothemtheimportanceofstayingpositive,offirstconnectingwiththemselves,tolistentothatsmallvoiceontheinsidethatissometimescalled‘intuition’.Themostimportantthingwasthatweweretogetherandwell.Wejusthadtokeepourselvessafe.
Thenextday,whilewalkingthedogwithmykids,aneighboryelledfromthedistance:“It’stheendoftheworld!”Istoppedherrightthereandtoldherthatsheshouldn’tsaysuchthings,especiallynotinfrontofkids!Peoplesaystupidthingswithoutthinking.Obviously,thissituationwillpass,butwhatyoudotoyourselfisgoingtolast!Howyoutrainyourselftothinkabout,andreactto,whatishappeningisgoingtodeterminehowyouaregoingtothinkfromnowon.
Thisisthefirsttimeinmylifethatacircumstanceofthisnaturewithglobalreachhashappened.AsIseeit,it’sanevolution.Revolutionmeanstheopportunitytore-evolve.Weareevolvingasaspecies.Weeithervibrateatahigherfrequencyofthoughtorletourselvesgetdrainedbynegativity.
Iwasverysurprisedtobecontactedbymanyclientswhowereexperiencinganxietyandevenpanicattacks.ThishadNOTHINGtodowiththevirus;thesepeoplewereharmingthemselveswithoutrageousthoughtsandimagesthatwereonlyintheirimagination.So,Idecidedtosharethisantidote.Soon,mykids’friendswereusingthis,asweretheirparents,theirteachersandmystudentswithamazingresults.AndnowI’mhappytosharethisverysimpleyetpowerfultechniquewithyou.
©Copyright2020 Nathalie de Marcé 110
How
• Thefirstthingyoudowhenyouwakeup(perhapsaftergoingtothebathroom),isconnectwithyourself.
• Youcanstayinbedwithyoureyesclosed,orifyouprefer,lookatyourselfinthemirrorandsay‘hello’.
• Takethetimetothankyourselfforbeingthereforyou.• Recognizethreedifferentqualitiesyouareproudtohave.Youcan
saysomethinglike:“Hello[sayyourname]Thankyousomuchforbeinghereforme!Ilovethatyouarebright,positiveandhealthy”.
• Tellyourselfthatyoutrustyou!• ConnectwithyourHigherSelf.Regardlessofyourbeliefs,thereisa
partinyouthatknowshowtokeepyousafe,physicallyandmentally.Imaginethatthispartofyouliveswithinandismadeofgoldenlight.
• Imaginethatthelightinsideyougrowsstrongerfromtheinsideout.Youcanpictureyourselfbecomingashinysun,burningwiththeeternalenergyofLove.
• IfyouneedhelptoconnectwiththeenergyofLove,youcanthinkofanythingthatproducesloveinyourheart;yourlovedones,agoodmemory,yourpet.Itcanbeanything!Loveisthemostpowerfulfeeling.AsIunderstandit,thereareonlytwokindsoffeelings:LoveandFear.Theycannotco-existatthesametimeinsideyou.Youareeitherconnectedtooneortheother.MAKESUREYOUARECONNECTEDTOLOVEFIRST!
• Nowthatyouarefeelingstrong,youcanreallytrustyourself!It’snotaneasythingtomaintain,somakeapactwithyourself:Youaregoingtobethebestpossibleversionofyourself.Nomatterwhathappensthroughouttheday,youaregoingtobethereforyou!
• Nowtherearethingsyoucancontrol,andthingsthatarecompletelyoutofyourcontrol.Whatyoucancontrolatalltimesisyourinternalstate.Remember,firstchooseLove-ineverysituation!
• Whenyouareinanaircraftandthesafetybriefingistakingplace,youaretoldthatthatintheunlikelycaseofade-pressurizationofthecabin,breathingmaskswilldropfromaboveyourseat.Youareinstructedtoputamaskonyourselffirst,andthenhelpothers.Thisisbecauseyouhavetobewellandstrongtobeabletocopewithwhatevercomesnext.
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• Perhapsthroughouttheday,youloseyourpositivity,dependingonthenewsthatcomesyourway.Thisisnormal.Themostimportantthingishowlongitwilltakebeforeyoureconnectwithyourself,yourhigherSelf!
• Habitsarelikemuscles:Ifyoutrainthemdaily,theybecomestrong.Imaginewhatyourlifeisgoingtobelikenowthatyouhavetakentheopportunitytohaveabetter,stronger,lovingrelationshipwithyourself!Imaginehowthisisgoingtoimproveallyourrelationshipswithyourlovedones.Howeasyit’sgoingtobeforyoutotakebetter,brighterdecisions,focusingonwhatisreallyimportantinsteadoffallingintothetrapsomanypeoplehave,ofgivingmoreenergywhereitdoesn’tbelong.
Onelast,butveryimportantthing:Detoxyourselfasoftenasyoucanfromtheoverloadofinformation!Staypositiveandsafe.
What/When/Where else
ConnectingwithyourhigherSelfandreallytrustingyourselfisgoingtobringmanybenefitsforyouinotherareasofyourlifeaswell.Youareinfactboostingyourimmunesystem!Everycellinyourbodyislisteningtowhatyousayandthink.Ifyougivethe“instructions”tokeephealthyandtrusteverycell,youaregoingtokeepmentallyandphysicallystrong!Notonlythat,youaregoingtobeanexampleforthepeoplearoundyou,especiallykids.Youarealsogoingtoconnectwithyourcreativity,becauseyouarecreatingabetterworldthatisgoingtolastwhenallthisisover!
NathaliedeMarcéNLPTrainerandNLPCoachingTrainerNathaliedeMarcéTrainings
©Copyright2020 Owen Fitzpatrick112
23 THE INTENTIONAL STRATEGY SevenIntentionalPracticestostaysaneandbeproductiveOwenFitzpatrick,Ireland
OneofthethingsImostenjoywatchingRichardBandlerdowhenheisonstage,iswhenhedemonstratesthepowerofintentionalsuggestion.Heoftengivestheexampleofwakingupeachmorningataparticulartime.Eventhoughwehavealarmclocks,mostofusdon’tneedthembecausewetendtowakeupatexactlythetimewewant.Suchisthepowerofyourunconscious.Itoffersyoutheabilitytoprogramyourbraininmagical,wonderfulways.
Atpresent,therearemanydistractionsthatdotheirbesttostealourattention.Withtheambiguitywefaceindealingwithawholenewworld,wefindourselvestryingtounderstandhowbesttofocusandhowbesttothinkbetter.WhenRichardtalksaboutThinkingonPurposeinourrecentbooktogether,hearguesthatwespendtoomuchtimelivinginautomatedpatternsofrememberingorvisualizingthingsthataren’thelpful.Tome,thiscriticalinsighthasneverbeenmoreimportantthanitistoday.Wemustbecomefarmoreintentionalabouteverythingwedo.Ifwefailtodothis,ourbrainswillrunus,insteadofusrunningourbrains.
TheIntentionalStrategyisasetofactionsthatIhavefoundtobeimmenselyusefulinnotonlythinkingmoreonpurpose,butdoingmanythingsmoreonpurpose,andthusgettingsomuchmoreoutofthemomentsthatweexperience.Thereare7actionsinall,whichIhighlyrecommendpracticinginyourdailylife.Ifyouwanttouseyourbrainbetterandsmarterandmore,thiswillhelp.Havingreceived
©Copyright2020 Owen Fitzpatrick 113
feedbackfromclientsandstudentswhohavecompletedthem,therealpowerappearstobeinthesimplicityofapplicationaswellasthemagnitudeofimpactintheireverydayrealities.
The7Intentionalactionsinclude:IntentionalTaskingIntentionalPracticeIntentionalReadingIntentionalWritingIntentionalFocusingIntentionalSpeakingIntentionalPlanning
Intentional Tasking
Intentionaltaskingistheprocessofengaginginaneverydayactionthatyoudo,butwithanintention.So,forexample,whenyoucookfood,youcanimagineyouaremakingthefoodhealthierandtastierwithyourenergy.Whenyoutakeashower,youcanimaginethewaterwashinganynegativefeelingsaway.Thesehabitualtasksthatyouengageincreatetheirownhypnoticexperience.Youcanthereforeutilizethatexperienceanddeliverself-hypnoticsuggestionswhileyoudothem.Thishelpsyoutotrainyourbraintopracticethinkingthetypeofthoughtsthatyouwanttothink,nevermindalsohelpingyouasthesuggestionsaredesignedto.
Quicktip:AskyourselfWhateverydaytasksdoyoudo?Whatpositivesuggestioncanyougiveyourselfasyoudothem?
Intentional Practice
Manypeopleunderstandthe10,000-hourruleasthediscoverythatyoucanbecomegreatatanythingifyouspend10,000hourspracticingit.ThisisoftenassociatedwithauthorMalcomGladwellandhisbookOutliers.Thetruth,however,isthatitisnotsimplypracticethatisrequired,butdeliberateorintentionalpractice.Intentionalpractice
©Copyright2020 Owen Fitzpatrick114
meansdeliberatelypracticingdifferentaspectsofaskillsothatyoucanbecomegoodatit.TakeNLP-thereisabigdifferencebetweentalkingaboutanddoingsomeNLP;practicinglanguagepatternsoranchoringoroneofthetechniquesoverandoveragaintoimprove.Whenyoupracticewiththefocusandintentiontogetbetter,youarefarmorelikelytoachieveit.Ofcourse,thisworksmoreeffectivelyforskillsthatdon’trequireluckortherightcircumstancestooccurtoperformsuccessfully.
Quicktip:AskyourselfWhatspecificaspectofthisskilldoyouwanttoimprove?Howmuchtimecanyouspendjustpracticingthat?
Intentional Reading
Manypeoplestruggletostayfocusedwhenreading.Inpreparationforepisodesofmypodcast,ChangingMindswithOwenFitzpatrick,Igetthroughalotofbooksquickly.Ihavebeenasked‘how?’quiteafewtimes.MymainsecretisIntentionalReading.BeforeIreadabook,IamveryclearaboutexactlywhatIwanttolearnorgetfromit.Ispendtimethinkingthisthroughandgettingabsoluteclarityfirstandforemost.Questionsdeterminewhereyourattentiongoes.So,whenIhaveacleargoalforthebookthatIamreading,IfindmyselfgettinglessdistractedandIgetsomuchmoreoutofit.
Quicktip:AskyourselfWhatdoyouwanttolearninthisbook/article?
Intentional Writing
Oneofthebiggestmistakeswemakewhenweemailsomeone,orwriteablogorsocialmediapost,isthatwecommunicatewhatisinourheadratherthanthinkingaboutwhatwewanttheotherpersontoread.Intentionalwritingmeansgettingsuper-clearaboutexactlywhatyouwanttosayandthemessageyouwanttocommunicate.Withwriting,it
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isalsoreallyimportantthatweconsidernotjusttheinformationthatwewanttheotherpersontoknow,butalsohowwewantthemtofeelandwhatwewantthemtodo.Whenyouwritewithintention,youconsider:
Whatdoyouwantthemtoknow?Whatemotionsdoyouwantthemtofeel?Whatdoyouwantthemtodo?
Quicktip:Asyouwrite,askyourselfHaveyouclearlyarticulatedwhatyouneedtoinordertosatisfythosethreequestions?
Intentional Focusing
Ourattentionisapreciouscommoditywhichisoftenstolenbythenewsmedia,socialmedia,otherpeopleandthemanydistractionsinourlife.Intentionalfocusingmeansdecidingwhereyouaregoingtoputyourattention.Irecommendcreatinganattentionbudget,whereyoudecidehowmuchattentioneachdayyouaregoingtogivetothenewsmediaorsocialmedia,forinstance.Youaretakingbackcontrolofwhereyourattentiongoes.Thisissoimportantandvaluablebecauseithelpsmassivelywithanxietyandstress.Whenyouaredecidingwheretoputyourattention,youarealsodecidingwhatkindofinputyouaretakingintoyourbrain.
Quicktip:AskyourselfWhereareyougoingtospendyourattentiontoday?
Intentional Speaking
JohnLaValletaughtmethevalueandpowerofWell-TargetedQuestions.I’llneverforgethimdoingaQ&Awithanaudience,whenheaskedpeoplewhatquestiontheywouldask.Thenhewouldaskthem‘Whatdoyouwanttoknow?’Therewasalwaysadisparity.Sooften,likeourwriting,ourspeakingisnotintentionalenough.Wespeakourthoughtsbeforewegetthemtogether.Intentionalspeakingmeans
©Copyright2020 Owen Fitzpatrick116
gettingclearaboutexactlywhatyouwanttosayandhowtobestsayittootherstogetthedesiredresult.
Quicktip:Whenyouspeak,askyourselfWhatareyoutryingtosay?Whatresultdoyouwanttoget?
Intentional Planning
Althoughplanning,byitsverynature,hasanintention,IntentionalPlanningishowIdescribeplanningfromthepresenttothefutureandfromthefuturetothepast.Mostpeopletendtoplanbythinkingaboutwheretheywanttogetto,thentheyfigureoutwhat’sthefirststep,thesecondstepandsoon.ThoughIbelievethat’suseful,whatmostpeoplemissisworkingbackwardsaswellasforwards.BythisImeanthatwereverse-engineersuccessforourselves.Weimaginehavingsucceededinourgoalandthenweaskwhatneedstobethereinorderforustohavesucceeded.Wekeepdoingthatfurtherandfurtherbackuntilwearriveatthispointintimeagain.Thereareplentyofextrabitsofinformationwegetwhenweintentionallycombinebothapproaches.
Quicktip:AskyourselfWhatarethestepstoachieveyourgoal?Onceyouwillhavesucceeded,whatwillhavetohavehappenedforyoutosucceed?
Thisstrategyhasbeenagamechangerforme.Asyouhandlethecrisis,dealwithchallengesinworkandathomeandbuildthekindoflifeyoudesire,Iamverysureyouwillfindthese7actionsextremelypowerfulandtransformational.
OwenFitzpatrickwww.owenfitzpatrick.comwww.changingmindspodcast.com
©Copyright2020 Roberta Liguori 117
24 PUT YOUR FOCUS IN THE RIGHT PLACEThepowerofquestionstochangeyourmood
RobertaLiguori,Italy
Oneofthemostdifficultconceptstounderstandformostfirst-timeattendantsataNeuroLinguisticProgrammingseminaristhatexternalcircumstanceshaveaminimalimpactonourmood.Weareusedtothinkingthata“sad”occurrencemakesussadanda“happy”occurrencemakesushappy,asthougheithercontainsafixedemotionalpotentialinitself.
Theconsequenceofthiswayofthinkingisthatwecanbehappyonlyintheabsenceofproblems,becausea“problem”,byitsverydefinition,isahassle;somethingthatwedon'tnecessarilylike,butthatwemustface.Inthisway,weattributethecauseofourunhappinesstotheunfavorablecircumstancesthatwefacealongtheway–acomplicatedfamilysituation,adifficultrelationship,adisease,ajobwedon'tlike,ashortageofmoney,ourweight,etc.
Butthetruthis,responsibilityforhowwefeelisoursalone;ourmooddoesnotdependonwhathappenstous,butratheritdependsonthemeaningwegivetowhathappenstous.
Iknowitisdifficulttoacceptatfirst,butitistrue;andtheCalifornianpsychologistSonjaLyubomirskyprovedit.Lyubomirskyconductedastudyoverseveralyearsontwoverylargegroupsofold-agedpeople.Thefirstgroupstatedtheyhad,thusfar,livedahappylife,whilethesecondgroupreportedtheyhadbeenlivingamiserableandunhappyone.Theextraordinarydisclosureofthepsychologistwasthatthetwogroupshadlivedexactlythesameexperiencesduringthecourseof
©Copyright2020 Roberta Liguori118
theirlives–thesamenumberofgriefs,births,diseases,successes,defeats,andjoys.Theonlydifferencebetweenthemwasthat,whiletheunhappypeoplewastedalmosttwiceasmuchtimemullingoverthenegativeexperiencestheyhadbeenliving,thehappyoneskepttheirfocusoneverythingpositivetheyhad,processingthenegativeexperiencesbydrawinglessonsinwhichtolivetheirfutureinabetterway.
MeNTAL FOCUS
Mentalfocusisexactlythis–theplacewherewegivefocustoourthoughts.
Sometimesitseemstousthateverythingisgoingwrong,thatnothingisworkingwellandeverythingisagainstus.Insuchcases,wehaveactivatedourRAS(ReticularActivatingSystem)regardingtheunluckyaspectsofourlife,sothatourmindremovesthepositiveaspects.
TheRASisamechanismofourbrainthatallowsustogiveprioritytowhatwefocuson:whenwefocusononethinginparticular,itbecomesoursubjectiverealityandnothingelseexists.ThisiswhyitissoimportanttohavefullcontrolofourRAS,inordertoalwaysdirectandkeepourMentalFocusonthemostpositiveandusefulaspectsofeachsituation,preventingourmindfromerasingimportantaspectsofourexperience.
ButhowdowetargetourRAS?
Thatisveryeasy:byaskingourselves.
IfwewanttohaveourMentalFocusasourbestallyandnotasourenemy,wemustdevelopandtrainourabilitytoaskourselvesusefulquestionsineverysituation.
Forexample,let’slookatsomeUN-usefulquestionstoaskwhentryingtosolveaproblemwearefacing:
• Whydoeseverythinghappentome?• WhyamIsounlucky?• Whycan'tIeverdothis?
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Noticehowwrongthesequestionsare,fortworeasons:
1. Theycontaintheassumptionthateverythingbadhappenstoyou,thatyouareunlucky,andthatyouareincapable–allthesefactsarecertainlynotobjective,butsubjectiveinterpretationsofyoursadmind,influencedbyyournegativemood
2. Theyforceyoutofocusonthecauseoftheproblem,notonthesolution
So,thesequestionspointyourMentalFocustosomedefinitelyun-usefuldirections,dotheynot?
Instead,someusefulquestionstoovercomeanobstacleare:
• HowcanIturnthischallengeintoanopportunity?• Whatisgoodinthissituation?• HowcanIgetoutofthissituationinthebestway?• HowcanIlearnsomethingfromthissituation?• WhatistheadvantageofthissituationIcannotyetsee?
NotehowthesequestionsdirectyourMentalFocustowardssolvingtheproblem,towardsyourpersonalimprovementandgratitude!
Ifyouwanttoimprovethequalityofyourlife,improvethequalityofyourquestions.Becausethequestionisnotwhetheryouaregoingtohaveproblems–thequestionishowyouaregoingtodealwiththemwhentheyarise.Butwiththeabilitytoaskyourselftherightquestions,problemswillnolongerfrightenyou.
RobertaLiguoriLicensed Master Trainer of NLPMental Coach, Author, Ironman Triathletewww.robertaliguori.it
©Copyright2020 Rocıo Suárez 120
25 MENTAL MASKStrengtheningyouforaworldincrisis
RocíoSuárez,Colombia
Todayweareexperiencingoneofthemostseriousproblemswehavefacedasahumanrace,theCovid-19pandemic.Iwoulddaretosaythatthisgenerates,inallpeopleoftheworld,uncertainty,fear,anguish,depression,angerandmanymorenegativeemotions.Mostpeopleknowthatthesenegativeemotionsarethecauseofpeoplemakingbaddecisions.Andeventhoughweareatthebeginningofthepandemic,feartakesoverandpeopleendupbuyingtonsoftoiletpaper-somethingwhichisobviouslynotnecessary!
Andthisiswhatalwayshappens,ifyou'veheardthephrase"gettingstuckintheproblem…”
Whathappensinyourbrainwhenyouareafraid?Yourbrainproducesnumerousnegativeneurotransmitters,andtheyformanaxisthatgoestothehypothalamus,thentothepituitarygland,andfromtheretotheadrenalglands,wherecortisolisproduced.
Doyouknowwhatcortisolis?It'sthestresshormone.Andwhenthere'salotofcortisolinthebody,whathappens?Theimmunesystembecomesdepressed,makingyourbodysick.FearismakingyouevenmoresickthanCovid-19!Andthisbecomesaviciouscycle;cortisolcausesmorefear,andfearcausesmorecortisol.ThisiswhatIcall“thepaniccircle”.
©Copyright2020 Rocıo Suárez 121
“Thepaniccircle”andcortisolproducetunnelvision.Nowpeopleonlyfocusontheproblem;theycannotseeanyotherinformationoroptionsforasolutionaroundthem.Weknowpeoplecreaterealitythroughthoughtsandlanguage,butIaskyou:whenapersonisfacingaproblemliketheonewearefacingtoday,whatishisorherthinkingandlanguagelike?Itisverynegative,andinaddition,theinternaldialoguebecomesrepetitive,turningandgoingaroundthesameproblem,triggeringallkindsofcomplaints,criticisms,guilts,regrets,negativewordsandnegativeemotions.
Wehavetostopthatpaniccircleasfastaswecan,andstarttocreateacircleoflove,producingoxytocin,thehormoneoflove.Howdowedothat?WithFocusEffect.FocusEffectisaseriesofstepsyoucantaketokeepyouresponsibleforyourlifeandthecircumstancesinwhichyou'reliving.Byconsciouslyandvoluntarilydecidingwhatyoufocuson,whatitmeans,andwhatyou’regoingtodowhenyoufacethepandemic.Applyingthisyourselfcanchangeyourperceptionofrealityandhelpyougetwonderfulresults.
Focuseffect-firststep:Understandingthatinlifewealwayshaveproblems.Today,it’sCovid-19,yesterdayitwasinfluence,economiccrisis,lossofwork,death,divorce,andsoon.Tomorrowitcouldbeanothervirus,morelossofworkordeathsorseparations.Whatcomesafterthepandemiciscomplex-negativecircumstancesareinherentinthedevelopmentofmankind.
Thethingisnotthatproblemsarise.Problemshavealwaysexistedandwillalwaysexist.Theproblemisthatyouarenotprepared,thatyoudonothavethementalandemotionalresourcestolivethroughandovercomeproblems.Lookatthequarantine-manyweretakenbysurprise;wedidn’timaginethatsomethinglikethiscouldhappen.Anguishandfearinvadedpeople’slives,makingthemmakebadchoices.Iwonder,ifyouhadbeenpreparedforthiscrisis,thestorywouldhavebeendifferent,right?
Rememberthatgreatleadersaretheoneswhoanticipatethings.Thatdoesn’tmeanwewillpredictthefuture,becauseimaginingsomethinglikethiswasverydifficult,butyoucanprepareyourinnerstatetobestrongandfulloflove.
©Copyright2020 Rocıo Suárez 122
Focuseffect–secondstep:Beawarethattheplanetistellingusthatwemusthaltalmostallareasoflife;putonamask,useantibacterialwash,takecareoverhygiene,especiallyourhands,andstrengthenourimmunesystem.I’mthinkingthatnotonlyshouldweuseaphysicalmask,butalsoamentalmaskofcomplaints,guilt,resentmentandnegativethoughts.Anantibacterialthatcleansesourheartofvictimhoodandpessimisticthoughts.Acleansingofourintentionaboutwhatwearegoingtogivewithourhands,sothatwhatwegiveisgenerous,fulloflove.Andtostrengthennotonlyourphysicalimmunesystem,butourspiritualimmunesystem,whichistheonethatwillleadustotranscendence.
Focuseffect–thirdstep:Focusontheactionsyoudotocreatepositiveemotionsthatkeepyouhopefulonadailybasis.Thesearesuper-simpleactions,becauseallofuscantakeafewminutesadaytopauseinsidethisquarantinepause,peekoutthewindowandseethesky,receivethesunlight,breathedeeplyandconsciously.
Ifyou'regoingtohavelunch,taketimetobethankfulforwhatyouhaveonyourplate,tasteandenjoyitslowly,andprayifyouhavethatdisposition.Youcanalsotakeafewminutesaday,amongsteverything,tosmileatyourchild,talktoyourpartner,thinkaboutwhatyouwantyourdaytobe,inhaleandexhaledeeply,exercise,stretch,meditate,greetyourparentsorfriends.Simpleactionsliketheserechargeyouwithenergyandbuildpositiveemotions.
Youaregoingtobecomeawareoftheimportanceofspendingatleastfiveminutesadayonyourwellbeing,ensuringyoufocusonwhatmattersmost:You.Ibelieveallofushavefiveminutesadaytostopalongthewayandgenerateanemotionalstatethatworksbetter.Sometimes,wespendalldaycaringforourchildrenandeverydayjobs,anddon’tleavespaceforourselves.Wecantakeafewminutesatnight,inbed,tobethankfulordoashortmeditation.
Thetruthis,therearenoexcuses.Iassureyouthatthetimeisnow,butmaybeyou’reusingthistimetocomplainorengageinthoughtsoractionsthatdon’tsupportwellbeing.Takeadvantageofyourtime,investitbetter,becauseyoumaymissyearsandnotevenrealizeit.
Focuseffect–fourthstep:Theinvitationistobesimple.Wehaveniceclothes,butwehavenowheretoshowthemoff.Thesamegoesforthecaryouhaveorthemoneyinyourwallet.You'reenjoyingyour
©Copyright2020 Rocıo Suárez 123
home,withoutmake-upifyouareagirl,withoutshavingifyou’reaguy.I’msureyoudressupinsportswear,foodisalsobecominghealthyandsimple.It'simportantthatyourenergystaysthatway-simple.
Focuseffect–fifthstep:Focusonhowfundamentalitistobuildyourfuturefromhopeandlove.Whenyoubuildyourfuture,youaregoingtoanswerthesetwoimportantquestions:Whatareyougoingtohaveachievedineverycontextofyourlifewhenthishasfinished?Howstrongandlovingdoyouwanttobewhenallthishasfinished?
Focuseffect-sixthstep:Gratitude.Infinitegratitudeforwhoyouare,whatyoudoandwhatyouhave.Gratefulnessfromtheheartandcommittingyourselftoliveyourlifefrombiginnerstrengthandfromlove.Canyouimaginelivingthisexperiencefromgratitude?Don'tletlifeandcircumstanceliveyourlife,don'tbeafollowerofwhateveryonesays,itistimeforyoutoassumethepersonalpowerwithinyouandbecometheleaderofyourownlife.
Focuseffect-seventhstep:Theplanetispaused,butdon'tletyourlife,yourplans,yourgoalsbepaused.Loveyourlife,laughandenjoy.Thispandemicwillalsobeinthepastand,astheMasterofmasters,thegreatRichardBandlersays,“Thebestthingaboutthepastisthatithasalreadyhappened,andthebestofthefuturearetheinfinitepossibilitiesthatyoucancreatefromyourmindandfromyourheart.Justrememberthatthechangeisautomatic,butEvolutionisnot.Toevolveisnecessary,awareness,willandalotoflove”.
RocíoSuárezRocioSuarez.comFBandIG:RocioSuarezOficialMasterTrainerofNLP-MasterCoachMasterinCognitiveNeuroscienceColombia-SouthAmerica
©Copyright2020 Saul Kent Ross, MBA PhD124
26 BILATERAL BRAIN STIMULATION: BBSAsimpleandfasttechniquetoreduceoreveneliminatefeelingsofanxietyandoverwhelmSaulKentRossMBAPhD,Australia
READERNOTE–Asyoureadthis,someofthelanguageusedispurposefullynotintendedtobegrammaticalinthecommonsense
Let’sbegin...
Wouldn’titbegreattoquicklylearnasimplestrategythatcanbehighlyeffectiveatreducingoreliminatingfeelingsofstressfulanxietyoroverwhelminjustacoupleofminutes?
Thestrategyworksattheneurologicalleveldirectly,anditcouldn’tbeeasier,changinghowyoufeelinafewmoments.Thistechniqueisessentiallyabrainhack–andthedetailsoftheproblemdonotneedtoberesolvedtofeeldifferently.
Beforegettingintothegoodstuff,alittleunderstandingofwhatishappeningwhenweexperiencefeelingsofanxietyandoverwhelmwouldbeausefulplacetostart.Inordertofeelanemotion,weneedtothinkaboutsomethingthatstimulatestheemotionalcircuitinyourbrain.Thiscreatesaphysiologicalresponseinyourbodyfromtheneurochemicalrelease.Fromthisinitialtrigger,theneurochemicalssurgingaroundyourbodywillhaveaneffectthatlastsonlyaround90secondsbeforeitdissipates,accordingtoresearchfromneurologistDr.JBolteTaylor.
©Copyright2020 Saul Kent Ross, MBA PhD 125
Tokeepthefeelingsgoingformorethanthistime,thethoughts,thementalstorythatinitiallytriggeredtheemotion,needtobere-stimulated,replayed,looping,keepingtheemotionandfeelingsgoing.Evenfightingtheemotiondirectlycankeepitgoing.Interruptingthisloopedthinking,theinternaldialoguethat’skeepingthispresentneedstostop,allowingyoutofeelandthinkdifferently.
Thistechniquethatyouwillexperienceandlearntakesadvantageandutilizesanotheraspectofwhathappenswhenwefeelastrongemotion.Onehalfofourbrainbecomesover-stimulated;usuallytherighthemisphere,itbeingmoretheemotionalcenter,amongotherthings.
Additionally,thistechniquehelpstore-balanceandactivatebothhemispheres,increasingbloodflow,communicationandsynchronization.TheBBStechnique,throughutilizingphysicalmotion,stimulatesbothhemispheres;theleftsideofthebraincontrolsmotionintherightsideofthebody,andconverselytherighthemispheretheleft.
Let’sgettoit!!
Alittleset-upisrequired–andthenontotheevenbetterstuff.
Iwouldlikeyoustandupandtakeholdofasmallobjectthatcanbeheldeasilyinonehandandpassedtoyourotherhand.Iwouldsuggestsomethinglikeasmallwaterbottle,apen,maybeaball–fromnowonIwillrefertotheobjectasBOB,becausethissoundsfriendlyandbecauseIdon’tknowwhattheobjectis.
IwillaskyoutocontinuemovingBOB(theobject)fromyourlefthandtoyourighthandinfrontofyourbody,essentiallyatyourmidline–aroundtheheightofyourbellybutton/navel.
STARTING POSITION
• Holdingtheobjectinyourlefthand,handstogetheroutinfrontofyouataroundnavelheightorslightlyhigher,elbowsrelaxedandbentifyouwish.
©Copyright2020 Saul Kent Ross, MBA PhD126
THE MOTION
1. Thelefthandwillmovecomfortablytotheleft,leavingtherighthandinthestartingposition.
2. ThenyourlefthandreturnstothemidlineandyouexchangeBOB(theobject)toyourrighthand.
3. Leavingthelefthandinplace,therighthandmovestotheright.4. ThenrightbacktothecenterandexchangingBOB.5. Thismovementpatterncontinuesfordurationofthetechnique
(1-2minutes)
THE PACE
• Thewholemovementpatternisabout4seconds-essentiallywalkingorslowandeasybreathingpace.Thenrepeatedcontinuallyforthedurationofthetechnique.
• Ifyouaremusicallyinclined,around60beatsaminute,startinginthemiddle,movelefthandtotheleftoncountof1,backtocenterandexchangeon2,3righthandtoright,on4backcenterandexchangeandrepeat(1234=4seconds)
Nowthatyouhavetakenthetimetolearnalittleabouthowwethinkandfeel,alittlebitofknowledgeandunderstandinggoesalongwaytoenableyoutogetthebestfromthistechnique.Asyounowunderstandthemotionpattern,itreallyiseasytofeeldifferentlyveryquickly.
Nowforthefunpart!
Let’sbegin!
Forthepurposeoflearningthistechnique,Iwantyoutochoosesomethingthatmakesyoufeelanxiousonascaleof1-10;1beingsomethingthathaslittletonoeffectandgettingmoreintensewitheachhighernumber(choosesomethingnohigherthana5).Asyouthinkaboutthisnowyoustarttohaveaphysiologicalreaction,maybeyoucanstarttonoticeashiftinyourbreathing,yourheartstartstopoundalittle,sensationsinyourbody.
Iwantyoutosaythenumber.
©Copyright2020 Saul Kent Ross, MBA PhD 127
Canyounowfocusinonthatfeelingandincreaseitonemorenumber(forinstance,froma5toa6)
NowasyoubeginwithBOB(theobject)inthestartingposition,youcanstartthemotionpattern.Firsttotheleft.Thentothecenter,andexchangetoyourrighthand.Movingyourrighthandouttotheright,andbackagain.NoticingthesensationofholdingBOB(theobject)inyourhand.Left–CentreExchange–right–CentreExchange.Noticingyourbreathing...slowingasyoucontinue.Left,Centre,Right,Centre,Left…Continuingthismotion.Knowingthatyouareactivatingbothhemispheresofyourbrain.Synchronizing.Rebalancing.Feelingdifferently.AsyoucontinuetobreatheandpassBOBbackandforth.Continuingtofocusonthesensationsinyourhands,Andfocusingonjustbreathingrhythmically.Left234Left234Left234LeavingthosethoughtsbehindFeelingdifferentlyFeelingbetter,betterthanbeforeEachandeveryrepetition…
(continuefor90seconds-2minutesintotalforthewholetechnique)
Fantastic–andhowareyoufeeling?
Nowyouhaveexperiencedthistechnique,itcanbeusedanytimethatanxiousandoverwhelmingthoughtsandfeelingsariseandrebalanceyourself,takingcontrolandfeelingbetter.
Whenyoudothisforyourself,youalreadyhavetheknowledge,andyouhavetheskillofthemotionpattern–sotheactualtechniquethatyoucanuseisasfollows:
©Copyright2020 Saul Kent Ross, MBA PhD128
Bilateral Brain Stimulation (BBS)
1. Theanxietythatarises–whatlevelisitonascaleof1to10–numberit.
2. Takeanobjectinyourhands.3. Takeacalmingbreath.4. Startthemotionpattern.5. Countingtoyourself1,2,3,4-Movingataroundonemovement
persecond.6. Focusingonthesensationoftheobjectinyourhands.7. Slowingyourbreathtothepaceofyourhands.8. Dothisfor1-2minutes.9. Noticinghowmuchbetteryoufeel.
Thistechniqueisgreattoknowandcanbeeasilylearnedandtaught.
Oncemastered,neverforgotten,itcanbedonevirtuallyanywhere;youdon’thavetobestanding,youcanalsosit.
Howaboutteachingyourfamilymembersandfriends;thisevenworksgreatwithchildren.Theydon’tnecessarilyneedtoknowhowthemindworks(butevenwhenIwasyoungIwouldhavelikedtoknowthatstuff).Leadthemthroughtheprocesssotheycanexperienceit,learnit,anduseit.
Practicethisstrategywhenyouarenotatyourmostanxious–soyouknowexactlywhattodowhenyouenterasituationwhereyouwanttofeeldifferentlyquickly.
Thereisaspeciallyrecordedvideoleadingyouthroughthistechniqueonwww.saulkentross.comCopyright©2020SaulRossAllRightsReserved.Thisworkoranyportionthereofmaynotbereproduced,modifiedorusedinanymannerwhatsoeverwithouttheexpresswrittenpermissionoftheAuthorexceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.
SaulKentRossMBAPhDBusinessConsultant,CoachandTrainerwww.saulkentross.com
©Copyright2020 Tina Taylor 129
27 STAYING PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY HEALTHY UsingyourbrainpositivelyTinaTaylor,UnitedKingdom
AstheworldisbeingchallengedwithCovid-19;ourlivesareturnedupsidedown;whatwas“normal”forusjustacoupleofmonthsagoisnowanimpossibility.Itisimperativethatyouremaininapositiveframeofmindforyourphysicalandmentalwellbeing.Wefeelbetterwhenwehavecontrolandit’stimetofocusonyourhealthandwellbeing.
Icanimaginesomeofyoumaywanttoquestionthis;especiallywhenthemediaisfullofhowmanypeoplearedyingatthistime.Someofyoumaythink,‘howcanstayingpositivehelpmyphysicalhealth?’
Foryears,physicianshaveacceptedtheideaofpsychosomaticillnesses;believingthatstressisafactorinmanydiseasesincludingmigraine,ulcers,irritablebowelsyndrome,lowerbackpain,tensionheadaches,allergicreactionsandauto-immunedisorders.Infact,centuriesago,wheneverpeoplegotsickitwassaidthattheyhada‘dis-easeofthemind’,becauseourancestorsbelievedthatallillnessstartedinthemind.
Today,thehumanbrainisdescribedbysomepeopleasacomplexcomputersystem;weknowthatthebraincontrolsfunctionswithinthebodyand,muchlikeacomputer,itscansthebody,checkingforviruses.Whenithasdetectedsomethingthatneedsadjustment,therelevantadjustmentsaremade.Ifwecutourselves,forexample,our
©Copyright2020 Tina Taylor130
mindtakesovertheprocess;redbloodcellshelpcreatecollagen,whitefibersformthefoundationfornewtissue.Thewoundstartstofillinwithnewtissue.Newskinbeginstoformoverthistissueasthewoundheals.
Allthishappensunconsciously,withoutanythoughtoreffortonourpart.Sinceweknowthatthemindhasaprofoundphysiologicalandpsychologicaleffect,howcanweusethistostrengthentheimmunesystem?
Medicalpractitionersnowbelievethatstresssuppressestheimmunesystem.So,ifstresssuppressestheimmunesystem,canstateslikejoy,happiness,peaceofmindandrelaxationstrengthenit?Canthinkinghappythoughtsheal?
Aseverydrugonthemarkethasbeentestedagainstaplacebo,thereisahugeamountofclinicalevidencetosupporttheireffectiveness.Thisdataincludessomestartlingfactsabouttheplaceboeffect.Somestudiesshowthatplaceboswillworkaseffectivelyasdrugsaround40%ofthetime.
Theplaceboeffectdemonstratesthepowerthatcognitiveprocessessuchasbeliefandresponseexpectancyhaveinmobilizingyournaturalself-healingabilities.
Therearemanyexamplesofpeopleusingvisualizationandsimilarmethodstochangeamedicaldiagnosisandheal.Italldependsonthestoriesthatwetellourselvesandthebeliefsthatwehold.
Neurosciencerevealsthattheconsciousmindcontrolscognitivefunctionsforonly1%-5%ofthetime.Consequently,95%–99%ofourbehaviorsarederivedfromsubconsciousprograms.Hypnosistriggersarelaxationresponsethatisquantifiableandenablestherecipienttoaccesstheirunconsciousmindtoreprogramtheirbeliefsandbehaviors.
AsillustratedinthefilmTheMatrix,wehaveallbeenprogrammed!Whatwouldlifebelikeifwealltookthemovie’sredpillandgotoutoftheprogram?Justimaginewhatanempoweredlifewecouldlivewithoutthenegativemisperceptionsthatwehaveacquiredthroughoutourlives.Replacingourlimitingunconsciousprogramswithbehaviorsthatbetterreflectourwishesanddesireswouldleadtowardsamuchmorefulfillingandhappierlife.
©Copyright2020 Tina Taylor 131
So,thegoodnewsisthatthosedisempoweringsubconsciousprogramscaneasilybere-writtenandchangedusingNLP.TherefollowthreetechniquesthatIhavefoundbeneficialwhenworkingwithhealthandwellbeing.
Visual squash
1. Holdyourarmsoutfrontofyou,withspaceinbetweenandpalmsfacingupwards.
2. Ontheonehand,createavividrepresentationofyourselfthewayyouarenow,withallthebeliefs,thoughtsandfeelingsthatyouhave
3. Ontheotherhand,createavividrepresentationofhowyouwillbeonceyouhavegotthroughtheproblemsyouthoughtyouhad.Beveryclearabouthowyoubehave,whatyousayandhowyoufeel.Makethisextremelyclearanddesirable.
4. Lookatbothhands-thespacein-betweenrepresentsthestepsthatliebetweenthetworepresentations.
5. Asyoulookattheseimages,begintomakeaseriesofimages/moviesofthestepsthattakeyoufromhowyouarecurrentlytohowyouwillbe.Adjusteachpictureormovie,framebyframe,makingthenecessarychangesuntileachstepclearlyshowstheprocessyouaremaking.
6. Nowforthisnextstep,closeyoureyeswhilststilllookingattheimagesandstepsinfrontofyou.Asyourunconsciousbeginstomaketheadjustments,yourhandsbegintomoveslowlytowardseachotheruntiltheyoverlap.
7. Nowbringyourhandstowardsyourbodyandbringthenewstateintoyourbody;asyoudothisbegintocreateanewfeelinginsidethatrepresentspositivity,goodhealthandsuccess.
8. Andspinthatgoodfeelingfasterandfaster,intensifyingitasyoudo.Nowtakethatfeelingandallowittospreadthroughoutyourwholebody.Asitspreads,itmergeswitheachandeverycell,eachandeverymuscle,everysinglepartofyouabsorbsthishealingfeeling.Healingmentallyandphysicallyasitmovesthroughyourentirebody.
©Copyright2020 Tina Taylor132
9. Nowisthetimeforyoutolookintothefutureanddecidewhatneedstohappenfirst,thensecond,thenthirduntilyoucompletethestepsneeded.
10. Andallthetimeyourunconsciousislisteningtoyou,andyourimmunesystemknowswhatneedstobedoneasyoucontinuespinningandintensifyingthisfeeling.
Self-Hypnosis Stress Buster
First,findacomfortableplacewhereyoucanrelaxundisturbed.Tellpeoplearoundyoutoleaveyoualonewhilstyoufocusthisway.Foryears,peoplehaveusedbreathingtechniquestoinducetrance;thisquickandeasyhypnosistechniqueisjustsuchabreathingtechnique:
1. Beginbysittingorlyingdownandfocusonyourbreathing.2. Breathedeeplyandslowly.3. Imaginefillingyourlungscompletely,theairreachingthebottom
ofyourlungs.4. Imaginebreathingoxygenintoallpartsofyourbody;
a. beginwithyourfeet,yourlegs,yourstomach,yourchest
b. yourhands,yourarmsc. yourshoulders,yourneckyourhead
5. Ifyouhaveanareaofyourbodythatissoreoraches,imaginebreathingintothatspotandrevitalizetheareawiththecleansingfreshoxygen.
6. Dothisforafewminuteseachday.Startbysettingthetimeronyourphoneforjust5minutesasareminderwhenyouhavecompletedtheexercise.Afterawhileyouwon’tneedthereminder.Thisisagreatstress-busteranditonlytakesafewminutes.
Energizing Relaxation
Asbefore,findacomfortableplacewhereyoucanrelaxundisturbed.Tellpeoplearoundyoutoleaveyoualonewhilstyoufocusthisway.
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1. Sitorliedownandbeginwiththedeepslowbreathingfromthepreviousexercise.
2. Imaginearelaxingwaterfallofenergyeitherinfrontofyouorbehindyou(whicheverfeelsbesttoyou).
3. Thiswaterfallisflowingwithhealing,relaxingenergy.Itiscoolorwarmwater,orastreamofsoftrelaxingenergy.
4. Imaginehowitfeelsasyoustepintothisbeautifulflowingwaterfallofenergy.
5. Itflowsfromthetopofyourheadallthewaydownyourbody,flowingoveryourshoulders,yourback,yourstomach,yourlegs,allthewaydowntothebottomofyourfeetanddowntothecenteroftheearth.
6. Asitflowsoveryouithealsandenergizes.Itwashesawaynegativity,clearingyourmindandchangingyourfocus.
7. Yourunconsciousmindiscloseenoughtohear,nowimaginelettinggoofeverythingthatgotinyourway,makingwayforthathealingenergyandrenewedfocus.
Asbefore,youcansetatimer10minutesbeforeyoubeginyourexercise.Afterawhile,youwon’tneedthetimer.
Andtheretheyare.Threesimple,easytolearntechniquesthatyoucandoalmostanywhereandanytime.Useeachtechniqueasneededduringthistimeandbeyond.
TinaTaylorLicensedMasterTrainerofNLP,Author,CoachandMasterClinicalHypnotherapistICCHandNLPMasterClass
©Copyright2020 Tom Phillips134
28 SELLING FROM HOME
TomPhillips,UnitedKingdom
Unlessyouarelivinginoneofthefewcountriesthathasn’tgoneintolockdown,youmaybethinkingaboutgeneratingextraincomewhilstworkingfromhome.Ifyou’vebeenunfortunateenoughtoloseyourjob,thenyouwilldefinitelybethinkingabouthowyoucangenerateincome.
Therearepeoplesellingeverythingyoucanthinkof(andmanythingsyouneverrealizedexisted)rightnowontheinternet.Evenifyouthinkyoudon’thavethetechnicalknowledgetosetupawebsiteor
onlinestore,worrynot.Thereareplentyofpeopleouttheretohelpyouandthousandsofwebsitestohelpyoutogaintheknowledgeyouneed,notleastYouTube,whichhasmillionsofhoursofvideosdedicatedtothisonetopic.
Here are my top tips for selling from home.
1. Don’tdoitforthemoney.Thismayseemcounterintuitive,butifallyouwanttodoismakemoney,thentraintobeadoctor,lawyerorinvestmentbanker.Thoseareallwell-paidjobs.Focusinsteadonsomethingyouarepassionateabout.Yourpassionwillbeinfectiousforyourcustomersandhelpyouthoughsomeofthetoughertimesthatinevitablyarisewhenyouare
©Copyright2020 Tom Phillips 135
settingupabusiness,regardlessofwhetheritwillbeyourmainformofincomeorjustasidehustle.Thatsaid,yourpassiondoesneedtobesomethingyoucansell.Ifyourpassionisstayinginbed,youmightbeabletogetamattressmanufacturertosponsoryouforsleepingontheirmattresses.Thiswouldbeahighlyspecialized,verynicheproductareatomoveinto.
2. Becomeapainmanager.Onceyouhaveidentifiedwhatyouwanttosell,thinkabouttheproblemorchallengethatyourofferingfixesforyourcustomers.Which“pain”pointorpointsdoesiteaseforthem?Howdoesithelpthem?ThesequestionswillhelpyoutoidentifyyourUniqueSellingProposition(USP).Ifyoucan’tidentifyapainpoint(orpoints)thatyourproductorservicefixes,theninventsome!WhenJamesDysonlaunchedthefirstDysonvacuumcleaner,noonehadeventhoughtabouttheneedforabag-lessvacuum,yethereweareyearslaterandnearlyeveryonehatesthethoughtofhavingtochangetheirvacuumcleanerbag!
3. Fishwhereyourtypeoffishswims.Onceyouhaveidentifiedyourproductorserviceandthepainthesetakeawayfromyourcustomersorclients,youneedtoselltoamarketplacewhereyouridealtypeofcustomerhangsout.ObviousplaceswouldbeAmazonoreBay.Youneedtothinkaboutotherplaceswhereyouridealcustomergoes.Whichwebsitesdotheyvisit?IfyouwanttoselldesignerdogcollarsforFrenchpoodles,wheredopeoplewhobuyFrenchpoodlesgo?Whatotherservicesdotheyneed(e.g.,veterinaryservices?)Whichforumgroupsaretheyin?DotheybelongtoparticulartypesofFacebookorLinkedIngroups?Canyouadvertiseintheseplaces?Ifsuchplacesdon’texist,createthemandstartinvitingyouridealtypeofcustomertothem.
4. Alittlegenerositygoesalongway,butnottoofar.Atthestartofyourjourneyintoentrepreneurship,youmaybetemptedtogivestuffawayforfree.DONOTDOTHIS.Attheveryleast,youshouldbegettingemailaddressessothatyoucanstarttobuildadatabaseofclients.Ifyou’reofferingapromotionalitemsuchasaproductsampleoreBook,useittogaincontactdetailsforthepeoplewhosignup.Ifyoucanofferyourproductorserviceatadiscountedrate,thendothisinstead.Thetypesofpeoplewhowillinglysignupfor“freestuff”arethetypesofpeoplewho
©Copyright2020 Tom Phillips136
ultimatelydon’twanttopayforanything.Ifyoucanenticethetypeofcustomerwhoiswillingtoinvestsomeoftheirhard-earnedcashtobeginwith,thentheyarefarmorelikelytospendmorecashfurtherdownthelineandkeepcomingbackasyouproducenewproductsorservices.
5. Network,network,networkandnetworksomemore.Networksareacriticalpartofanybusiness’ssuccess.Telleveryoneyouknowaboutwhatyouareselling,wheretheycanbuyitandwhytheyshouldbuyit.Tellthesepeopletotelleveryonetheyknow.Ifyoutellyour50closestfamilyandfriendsaboutwhatyou’redoingandeachofthemtells10morepeople,youhaveapotentialaudienceof500peoplestraightaway.Ifthose500tell10each,youhave5,000andsoon.Socialmediaisgreatfornetworking.BuildapresenceonFacebook,LinkedIn,Instagram,YouTube,TikTok,Pinterestandmore.Ifyou’renotsurehowtodothis,asksomeone.Thereareplentyofexpertsoutthere.Somewillcharge,somewilloffertheiradviceforfreeviatheirownwebsites,forumsandgroups.
6. Itdoesn’thavetobeperfecttostart,butifitneverstartsitwillneverbeperfect.Onceyouhavebasicsinplace,getoutthereandstartmakingnoise!Youdon’tneedaperfectwebsiteormarketingcampaign.Theywillneverbeperfect.Nomatterhowgoodyouthinktheyare,therewillalwaysbesomeonewhodoesn’tlikeyourwebsiteorthinksyourmarketingcampaignsucks.Youcanrefinethingsasyouprogress,butifnooneknowswhatyouareselling,youwon’tgetanyfeedbackatall,goodorbad.MicrosoftandAmazonbothstartedingarages!
7. Getsupport.Nomanisanisland,sogethelpwhereveryoucan.Thiscouldbeyourpartner,afamilymemberorfriend,aprofessionalbusinesscoachifyoucanaffordone.Youwillneedsomeonetobounceideasoff.Someonetosharethesuccessandthefailureswith.Again,therearethousandsofgroupsonsocialmediathatyoucanjoinforsupport.
8. Makemistakes.Makethemquickly.Learnfastandmoveon.Itisinevitablethatyouwillmakemistakes.Everysuccessfulentrepreneurhasandcontinuestodoso.Whenyoumakea
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mistake,lookforthelessoninit.Betteryet,learnfromthemistakesofothers.Youhaven’tgottimetomakeallthemistakesothershavemade,solearnfromtheirmistakesandavoidthemwherepossible.Remember,thereisnofailure,onlyfeedback.
9. Yesterday,yousaidtomorrow.Youridea,whateveritis,couldlaunchthenextAmazon,Microsoft,VirginorEasyJet.Itwon’t,however,doanyofthisunlessyougetitupandrunning.Thereareamillionpotentialentrepreneursouttherewithideasthatcouldchangetheworld.Theirideasstaylockedintheirheadsandtheworldneverchangesasaresult.Theworldwon’tchangeuntilitknowswhatyourideais,so,asanotherfairlysuccessfulbrandsays;“Justdoit!”
Goodluck!
TomPhillipsManagingDirectorwww.tlpdelivers.com
©Copyright2020 Uwe Boehm138
29 WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING OFF? Shiftinggears-someofthemanythingsIhavelearnedfromDr.RichardBandlerandKathleenandJohnLaValleUweBoehm,Germany
Atthistime,manypeopleareasking:“Oh,whatcanwedo?Themediaisbombardinguswithallkindsofthesamestuffoverandoveragain,andit’smostlyeitherscaryorworrisome.It’ssimplytoomuch.Whenisitgoingtobeover?”
Well,maybethat’snotthemostusefulquestion.Whatwouldhappenifyouaskedyourself:“WhatcanIdowiththetimethatIhavenow?”Yes,thingscanhappen,butathomeIamgenerallysafe.Icandothings.So,whatcanIdothat’suseful?
IfIcan’tdowhatInormallydo,whatcanIdonowthat’sdifferent?Forsomepeople,it’srelaxingforthefirsttimeinalongwhile.Forsomepeopleit’sgettinggoingandstartingaprojectthey’vethoughtaboutforyears.Whathaveyouputofffortoolongalready?Whatisstillonyourlist?Nowyoucanchoose!
WhenViktorFranklwasheldinaconcentrationcamp,whatkepthimgoingwasthethoughtofwhathewoulddoafteritwasover.Andifhewasabletoplanhisfuture,thereisnoexcuseforusnottodoit.Yes,therearethingstowatchoutfor,therearethingsweneedtobecautiousabout.Butwhenyouaredrivinginyourcar,youdon’tworryorscreamthewholetimebecauseofaslightriskthatsomebodymightcrashintoyou.Youwatchout,youarecalm,andyouknowwhereyouaregoing.
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Justthinkofacouplemonthsfromnow,whenyoulookbackatthiscrazytime.Insteadofspendingyourtimefocusedonthemedia,maybeyoustartedsomething.Lookatallthestepsyouwillhavehaddonebythennow.Someofthemmightbecomeclearalready.Someyouneedtotakeacloserlookat.Maybeyouneedtolearnathingortwo.Tryoutstuff,soyougetexperience.Maybeyoudecidedtoreadabook.Andmaybeanotherone.Maybeyousignedupforanonlinecourseortalkedtofriendsorcolleaguestoshareandtakeonideas.Seeyourselfholdingthisbookinyourhands,listeningtoaninspiringpodcastorwatchingawebinarthatteachesyousomethingnew.Youlearnedthemissingpieces.Youthrewoutthegarbage,youtidiedthehouse,rearrangedsomestuff.Lookatthenewthingsyouputin,theaccomplishmentsyouhaveachieved,puttheworryinginthepast.Holdyourbreathforamoment,letthisinvisiblewavepassandthenremembertotakeinthefreshairandsolvewhatneedstobesolved,soyoustayontherighttrack.Doesn’tthatmakeyoumorerelaxed?
Whenyoucomebacktothehereandnow,lookatallthestepsyouaccomplishedtowardsyourgoalinthefuture.Andasyoucanseeyourselfdoingthisvividlyandwithfun,youbecomesoconvincedthatyoucanfeelthatsensationofexcitementstartinginyourbody.Getgoing!Shiftgearsandhitthegaspedal.
ViktorFranklcreatedawholenewwaytohelppeople;hewasdoingthatfordecadesafterhewasfreedfromthecamp.Henotonlyreadbooks,hewrotethem-lotsofthem.
Think.Thinkaboutyourgoalandthenactaccordingly.
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30 BIOHACK YOUR RESILIENCE TO STRESS BalanceyournervoussystemandincreaseyourwellnesswithbiohackingtechniquesXavierPirlaLlorens,Spain
Keep your body and mind in good shape
NLPisanincredibletoolthatallowsustomanageourbraininanamazingway.ThankstothegeniusofDr.RichardBandler,wehavewaystochoosewhatwethink,feelanddo.
Butisitalwaystrue?Sciencetellsusthatthereisalimitwherewecan’tcontrolourmindorouremotionsanymore-ourphysiology.
ThefatherofNLPoftensaysthatourmindislikeabusthatneedstobedriven;ifyoudon’tlearnhowtomanageyourbrain,itislikesittinginthelastrowofthebuswhilesomeoneelseisdrivingitforyou.
Butabusneedsawell-maintainedengine,properbrakesandsuitablefuel.Withoutproperservicing,ourbrainsimplycan’tcopewithsituations,nomatterhowmuchyouknowaboutNLP.
BiohackingandheartcoherencetechniqueshelpustomakethemostofourbrainsothatwecanusethemightypowerofNLP.Theyhelptoserviceourwholebodyand,especially,ourbrain.
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Ifyoufeelwithoutenergy,sufferanxietyorarenotabletosleepwell,focusorcontrolyourthoughts,youwillfindthisinformationveryhelpful.
Now, more than ever, your health counts!
Inmomentswhereuncertaintyiseverywhere,oryourlifesimplydemandsyougoanextramile,it’simportantnottoburnthemidnightoil,buttooptimizeyourbodysothatitcanthriveinanysituationandyoucangetthebestfromit.
Whetheryou’refacingtoughtimesnow,oryou’reoftenoverloadedwithwork,oryouwanttomakethemostofNLPtomanageyouremotionsandthoughts,youwillfindwhatyouareabouttolearnwillbehelpful.
the best do it, so why not you?
Nowadays,everyathletecontrolsthehealthoftheirnervoussystembecausetheyknowthatwithoutperfectbalance,itisimpossibletoachieveahigh-performancestate.
Airtrafficcontrollers,police,militarypersonnel,commercialpilotsandbiohackers(thosethatusetechnologytooptimizetheirlife)measuretheirHRV(HeartRateVariability),becauseitisoneofthebestwaystocontrolyourhealth.
AnexperimentwithhundredsofpoliceintheUSAshowedtheirheartrateroseafterinterveninginanepisodeofdomesticviolenceandremainedabnormallyhighforhoursafterwards.
Whentheylearnedsomeofthetoolsyouareabouttoexploreinthischapter,theymanagedtolowertheirheartrateandkeepitlow,increasingtheirperformanceandwellbeingwithoutmeditationsormindfulness.Thisisjustscience.
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Understanding the mechanics of stress
Whyisitsoimportanttokeeptheheartratedown?Welcometothefascinatingworldofyournervoussystem!Onceyouunderstandhowitworks,youwillbereadytobalanceitand,therefore,tobalanceyourmind.
OnepartofyournervoussystemiscalledtheANS(AutonomicNervousSystem).Itisinchargeofcontrollingyourinternalorgans,especiallytheheartandlungs.Let’sreturntoouranalogyofthebus;theANShastwoparts-thebrakepedal(calledParasympatheticANS)andthegaspedal(calledSympatheticANS).
Inanidealworld,everytimeyoupressthebrake,youreleasethegaspedal,soyourdriveissmooth.Butimagineasituationwhereyoukeeppressingthegaswhilebraking.Whatkindofjourneywillyouexperience?It’sprobablygoingtobebumpyanduncomfortable.
Whenweareverystressed,theSNSkicksinandourheartraterisessowearereadytofaceadangeroussituation.Thousandsofyearsago,thatmadeperfectsense-youwerefacedbylion,soyouneededalotofenergytoescape.Oncetheliondisappeared,thePSNSsloweddowntheheartandyoucouldrest
NLPhelpsustounderstandthatwhenwekeepcreatingimageswithsoundsinourbrains,thedangernevercompletelydisappears.It’slikehavingthatlioninourheadalldaylong.Ourbrainreactstothosementalimagesasiftheyarereal,soourSympatheticpartneverdisengages,andthegaspedalisalwayson-evenwhenourbodytriestobrake.
HRV (Heart Rate Variability): the Key to inner peace
Manypeoplethinkthattheheartisasregularasametronome,buttherealityisverydifferent.IfourANSisproperlybalanced,thentheheartchangespaceeverytimeyouinhaleorexhale.
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Why?BecauseinhalingcreatesaSympatheticresponsethatmakestheheartgofaster,andexhalingcreatestheoppositeeffect.So,thedeeperwebreathe,themoreourheartslowsdownorspeedsupwitheachbreath.ThisheartratedifferenceiscalledHeartRateVariabilityandisthekeytoourwellbeing.
Asmentionedearlier,whenwedon’thaveabalancednervoussystem,everythinggoeswrong.Insteadofhavingbigandsmoothspeedvariations(deepbreathing),theheartratechangeswithshortspeedvariations.Thegraphresemblesanearthquakepattern:
So,agoodwaytoknowhowwell-restedyouareistomeasureyourheart.AthletesmeasuretheirHRVeverymorning,sothattheycandecidehowmuchmoretheycanstresstheirbodywhentraining.Nowadays,almostanysmartwatch,smartbandorcellphonemeasuresHRV,makingiteasytounderstandyourlevelofstress.
Mind-Heart connection
Onlyafewpeopleknowthat80%ofallthecommunicationbetweenthebrainandtheheartisupwards.Thisdiscoverymadebyscientistschangesourperceptionoftheheartfrombeingjustapumptobeingabletodramaticallyaffectourbrainperformance.AlowHRVaffectsourbrainintwodifferentways:
1. Itaffectsourcortex(whereourhigherfunctionsare).
Low HRV High HRV
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2. Itaffectsourthalamus(whereweorganizeourthoughts).
So,alowHRVcancreateanxiety,lackofcoherentthoughts,problemsmakingdecisionsandconfusion,amongotherthings.Italsoaffectsourabilitytogotosleepandrestdeeplyatnight.Thelessyourest,thelessyournervoussystemcanrecover,anditbecomesarecursiveloop.Ourheartissoimportantthat,withoutagoodHRV,itisverydifficultforustouseNLPeffectively,ordomeditationoranyrelaxingtechnique.
Biohack your resilience
Resilienceisthecapacitytoprepare,recoverandadaptinthefaceofstress,challengeoradversity.So,howtodoit?
Theclueisthateverysysteminthebodyneedsresttorecoverfromstress.Thisiswhatyoudoifyougotothegym;youstressyourmusclesuntiltheycan’tcopeanymoreandthenyouletthemrest.Butmusclesdon’tjustrest,theyadapttothelaststressingsession,sotheycancopebetterinthefuture.Youaremakingyourmusclesmoreresilient!
Thesamehappenswithournervoussystem.Ifyouletyourbodyrecoverfromastressfulsituation,itwillcopebetternexttime.Butinsteadofdoingthis,wekeepthinkingandthinkingabouttheproblemthatcreatesstressinus.
Then,nomatterhowstrongyouare,soonerorlateryouwillfaceawall:exhaustion.Youwillburnoutyourbody.
Thekeypointistoletyourbodyrecoverfromstress.Youcandothisinthreesimpleways:
1. Takeashortperiodofrestevery50minutes(ifyoucan,liedown;ithelpsthePSNS).
2. Haverestfulsleep(veryimportantforaproperrecovery).3. Takeperiodsof“holidaythinking”toletyourbrainandbodyrelax
fromstressors(1to15days).
It’scriticaltoreduceyourstresslevelsasfastaspossibleaftereverypeakofstress,asweareabouttodiscover.
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10 Tips to biohack your inner balance
Usethesetoolstobalanceyournervoussystem:1. Breathingtechnique:Thethree5s.Breatheindeeplyfor
5secondsandoutfor5secondsfor5minutes.YouwillincreaseyourHRVautomatically.It’sveryimportanttodothisaftereverystresspeakandtodoitbeforebed.
2. Shifttoappreciation.FeelingsofloveandappreciationcreateaSympatheticresponse.So,now’sthemomenttouseyourNLPskillstocreateamentalimagewhereyoucanfeelalotofloveorbeappreciativeaboutsomething.Themorereal,thestrongerthefeeling!
3. Restdeeply.Avoidscreenexposurefor1hourbeforebed.Turnoffanylightorsoundinthebedroom,don’tdointenseexerciseatnightandpracticeyourHRVbreathingbeforefallingsleep.
4. Giveyourbrainabreak.Distractyourbrainbydeliberatelythinkingnice,relaxingthoughts.Yourbrainneedstorest!
5. Coldtherapy.Exposuretocoldtriggersavagalresponse(parasympathetic).Immerseyourfaceinreallycoldwaterordaretohaveacoldshower.Youwillnoticetherelaxationafterthefirstshock.
6. Apneas.Ifyouholdyourbreathforfewseconds(alwaysfeelingcomfortableandnotchoking!)youtriggeraparasympatheticresponse.
7. Immersion.SubmergingyourbodyinwaterautomaticallytriggersaPNSresponse,sohaveanicebath,Jacuzzioradipintheseaorswimmingpool.
8. Giveyourbrainhope.Oneofthemostpowerfulmentaltoolsistohopeforabetterfuture.ThatcoolsdowntheSNSandgivesyouasenseofinnerease.
9. Purpose.Oneofthemostbalancingexperiencescomeswhenyouunderstandyourpurposeinlife.Thinkhowyoucanserveothers,helptomakeabetterworld,etc.
10. Easyonthecaffeine.Caffeinecanhavebeneficialeffects,butitcanalsohidealackofproperrestandtriggertheSNSinexcess.Also,itcanaffectyoursleepquality.Ifyoufeeltiredinthemorning,lookathowyoucanrestbetterandreduceyourstressratherthanusingtoomuchcaffeine.
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So,rememberthatifyouwantyourbustobedrivenlongdistancesortheslopegetstoosteep,youneedtohaveyourvehicleservicedandkeepyourengineingreatcondition.
Nowadays,it’smoreimportantthanevertobeabletoperformatyourpeaklevelandthesetoolswillhelpyoutodoit.Youjustneedtopractice!
XavierPirlaLlorensLicensedMasterTrainerofNLP&BiohackerSpain
©Copyright2020 Yurina Shiraishi 147
31 HOW TO LIGHTEN AND BRIGHTEN YOUR LIFEFivestepstomakeyousmileandfeelhappierYurinaShiraishi,Japan
2020hasbroughtwithitanunexpectedandunprecedentedworldwidecrisis.Thissituationcausesnotonlyphysicalandeconomicproblems,butalsoemotionalissueslikefear,anxiety,panic,depression,violenceandsuicide.
Andifwetrytoignoreorsuppressthoseemotionalsymptoms,thingscouldgetevenworse.
Coronavirusisnotvisibleortangible.Thatisoneofthereasonswhywearethreatened.Andourinnerstate,emotions,feelingsandthoughtsarealso
invisibleandintangible.Infact,themostimportantwayinwhichwecanchangeourlifeisbyapproachingourinnerstatesinsuchawaythatwecanstarttocreatemuchabetterandbrighterpresentandfuture.
I’mgoingtointroduceyoutofivestepstolightenandbrightenyourlifeandmakeithappier,healthierandmoresuccessfulthanevenbeforethissituationarose.
Thinkaboutthetimeswhenyoutravelsomewhereforaholiday.Youdecidewhereyouwanttogo,checkwhatyouneedtoprepare,andbooktransportandhotels.Andthemoreyouthinkaboutandimagine
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yourholidayspecifically,withyourfivesenses,themoreyouwillbeexcited,won'tyou?Andthatmakesyourjourneymoreenjoyableandevensmoother.
ThisisasimilarprocesstothestepsIamabouttointroduce.Youstarttoknowwhatyoureallywant,checktheresourcesyouhaveandwhatyouneedtoprepare,makeincreasinglyvividimagesandthentakeactiontowardsyourgoal.
OneofmyNLPstudents,Ken,isacompanyexecutiveinhis50s.HeexperiencedthedisastrousearthquakeinJapanin2011,inwhichwelostmorethan15,000lives.Fortunately,Kenandhisfamilysurvived,buttheirbeautifulhousewassweptawaybyahugetsunami.Sincethen,theyhavestruggledandworkedsohardtorebuildtheirlifetogether.
Afewyearslater,theyhadtofaceanotherchallenge.Kenwasdiagnosedwithstage-4cancerandwastoldthatheonlyhadthreemonthstolive.Thefamilyweredevastatedandfelthelpless.Butthen,Ken’swifesuggestedhefindoutaboutNLP,becauseshethoughtitmighthelphiscondition.
IntheprocessoflearningandapplyingNLP,herememberedhischildhooddream.Hewantedtodosomethingtohelpotherstosolvetheirproblemsandhaveabetterlife.Actually,hehadalwaysbeensupportive,andmanypeopleaskedhimforhisadvice.Hesaidinanexcitedvoice,"Ihaveforgottenaboutmydreamforsolong,becauseIhavebeensobusywithmanythings,butnowIremembermydreamandIreallywanttodosomethingaboutit,ifIcanlive.IfIhadn’tdevelopedcancer,Iwouldn’thaverememberedthis.So,nowIamevengratefulthatthishappenedtome."
Fivemonthsafterthediagnosis,hewasstillalive.Infact,hiscancerhaddisappeared.
Nowheishealthyandmakinghisdreamcometrue.
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5 STEPS TO LIGHTEN AND BRIGHTEN YOUR LIFE 1. Becomemoreawareofyourself.
Juststarttobreathedeeply.Severalthoughtsmightoccur,justacceptandrelease.Focusonyourbreathingforawhileandnoticehowyoufeel.
2. Setyourgoalanddirection.Likeplanningaholiday,it’simportanttodecidewhereyou’regoing.Todothat,answerthequestionsbelow.Youranswersshouldbepositive.(e.g.,notbecomesick=>stayhealthy)- Whatdoyouwant?- Whatkindofpersondoyouwanttobe?- Whatwouldyouliketodo?- Whatisthebestandidealoutcomefromthissituation?
3. Listyourresources.Therearetwotypesofresources-internalandexternal.Listasmanyasyoucan.- Internal(e.g.strength,skill,technique,knowledge,experience,
physicalcondition)- External(e.g.friends,family,pets,supporters,money,
property,environment,country)
4. Makeanimageofyourbestoutcome.Applyingallyourresources,makeanimageofyourbestfuture.Whatwillyousee,hear,feel,smell,taste?Andthenmaketheimageevenbetter(e.g.,bigger,brighter,lighterandnicerfeelings,sounds,voices,smells,tastes)
5. TakeactionWhatcanyoudotogetclosertoyourgoalormovetowardsyourdesireddirection?EvenasmallstepisOK.Juststartdoingitandcelebratewhatyouhaveaccomplished.Keeppracticingthisprocessanditwilltakeyoutofarbetterplacesthanyoumightexpect.
Youcansharethesestepswithyourfamily,friendsandcolleagues,andexploreoneanother’sresources,goalsanddirections.
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AsKen’sstoryshows,adifficulttimeisactuallyagreatopportunitytoknowyourselfbetter,realizewhatyoureallywantandtheresourcesyouhaveavailabletoyou,internallyandexternally.Thatcouldmakeyourdirectionclearerandhelpyoutomovetowardsyourgoalwithfaithandresolution.
Dr.RichardBandlersays:“Thereareallkindsofthingswecandointhisworldtomakeitabetterplace,butwemuststartwithourselves.”
Justimaginewhattheworldwillbelikewheneverybodystartsdoingthis!
Ihopethatwhenallthisisover,wecansay:“Itwasanunprecedentedchallenge,andwecreatedanunprecedented,beautifulworld!”
Andyoucangetstartednow!
Thankyou.
YurinaShiraishiTheSocietyofNLPTMcertifiedNLPMasterTrainerJapanInstagram:yurinash21Facebook:yurina.shiraishi.7
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