Annie in Sherbet Land. By Malcolm Jeffrey. Copyright © 2004.Synopsis and Market Research.

Annie in Sherbet Land is the first of a series of adventures involving a young girl and her various companions. The story is written in rhyme and should have significant illustration.

Annie is told of the land by her father and sets off alone to try to find it.

“In Sherbet Land I do declareThe sweeties all have wrappers,A penny chew will last all dayAnd they serve liquorish on platters.”………

……Next bright sunny Monday mornShe packed a bag with popping corn,Some plasters and a whirly gigAnd all coins from her money pig………

She quickly gains her main and loyal companion, McSqueek, along the way.

……“Oh little Annie that land is far!Beyond the maps past Zanzibar,Please take along McSqueek as guide,To hold your hand and help you.”

Now, McSqueek is quite the tallest manWith hands the size of plates,His boots they are size Twenty-Ten!And burglars he hates!……..

Together they head off in search of the magical land only to find out from McSqueek's old friend, Helter Skelter, that it has been taken over by the evil Monkey Rat King, who, has nearly destroyed everything good in the land.

……“Sherbet Land has changed you see,‘Tis ruled by the Monkey Rat King.He is as bad as bad can beAnd he kills most everything.”

“He’s cutting down the toffee treesAnd selling them to melting shops.He stole all the police men’s keysAnd ate most of their candy floss.”………

This enrages McSqueek who, along with Annie, races off to do battle with the baddies. When they reach Sherbet Land it is worse than they fear and things look pretty bad.

……When they came to Sherbet LandAnd peered into the gloom,Before them lay a dreadful sightAll grey and full of doom.

The rivers, they were full of goo,The birdies, sang no more,The sky, that once was brilliant blueWas bruised and looked quite sore!.........

They find one of the inhabitants of Sherbet Land, a Sherbeteer, who thinks they are part of an army and lets them know what he thinks of their chances fighting the Monkey Rat hordes on their own.

……“You are as mad as bumble–bees,You’re potty through-and-through.They’ll kill you with the greatest easeAnd have you barbequed.”………

Then the Monkey Rats attack!

……Suddenly from roundaboutThere was an awful GRRRROWL.The Monkey Rats were on the huntAnd Billy he did HOWWWWL.

The little beggar shot awayRunning like the wind.It’s not his fault I have to say,He’s lost his next of kin……….

The battle is bloody and McSqueek is slowly starting to lose from the massive onslaught of the Monkey Rats. Then Annie sees the Monkey Rat King coming towards her hiding place and it all looks pretty bad.

……Then Annie saw behind herThe awful Ratty King.Creeping up towards the rock,On his face a nasty grin……….

……The awful king just laughed at herAnd licked his lips of red,Climbed up a little furtherThen this is what he said.

……“The manzz he cannot help you,His endzz is very near.I will sellzz him to the man zoo,But you are minezz my dear.”………

The Monkey Rats overpower McSqueek and The King is creeping ever further towards Annie, when, just as things are looking pretty desperate;

……But then there came a clamour,A trumpet and a cry.A shout came clearly to them,“The monkey rats must die!”

Annie cried “It is my Daddy!He will save me every time.You are finished nasty Monkey RatBut I will be just fine.”………

The battle is swift and brutal, all of the Monkey Rats being killed except for the King who gets away, (He appears again in the next story “Princess Annie” where he gets his head chopped in two by McSqueek). Annie is saved and McSqueek is taken back to live at Annie’s house by her father, as a reward for his bravery.

……And so they climbed into a truckThat drove throughout the night.Annie in her Daddies lap,Holding her so tight.

Now, Mummy she was anxiousFor every-ones return.Waiting by the open door,Quite upset and concerned………..

The story ends with Annie being tucked up in bed by her Daddy with the reassurance that he will always be there to protect her.

……“McSqueek was sent by me you seeAnd I followed close at hand,Looking out for danger,All the way to Sherbet Land.”

“I would never let you go aloneWhen badness is about,I was always not too far away.You only had to shout.”

“But you must go to sleep nowSnuggled in your room.Night Night little Annie,Sweet dreams will be here soon.”

Annie in Sherbet Land is a story that covers many aspects that are attractive to both children and adults. There is a “fantasy world” feel to the tale similar to that of many stories like “The Folk of the Faraway Tree”, by Enid Blyton and “The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe” by C.S. Lewis. It also contains an epic journey, which is similar to “They Went To Sea In A Sieve” (The Jumblies), Hilda Boswell’s Treasury of Nursery Rhymes.

There is also a quality to the story similar to that of Roald Dahl’s “Revolting Rhymes, which is attractive to younger age groups, (words like “poo” and “spew” were received particularly well by 5-6 year olds when read to them).

The moral crusade feel to Annie in Sherbet Land, along with the ever present and protective father, appeals to parents and reassures children, indeed Annie is almost never alone and always with a caring adult. It blurs the line between fantasy and reality in a believable way resonant of “The Phantom Tolbooth” by Norton Juster. The diversity of language encourages enquiry and will help to broaden children’s vocabulary in a fun way for both parties.

I believe the story has a wide market for children across several age ranges. It has been read to many groups of children ranging from 5 to 11 years old. The younger age group (5-6) needed the story to be read to them over 2 to 3 nights, which is why there are natural breaks during the story. Obviously the inclusion of illustrations will significantly enhance the story, indeed they are crucial to its future and success, (I have had several preliminary sketches produced by Andy James (NSPP) which give the story much more depth), although, I do understand that the final illustrations may well need to incorporate a particular publishers “style”. The middle age range (7-9) could have the story read on one night and were demanding on subsequent nights to have it repeated, their enjoyment

growing as they learned and memorized their favourite parts. The older age group (10-11) either read it themselves, or after having had it read for the first time, asked to have their own copy to read alone, again enjoying memorizing their favourite parts.

I have shown the story to a colleague involved in publishing (although not in children’s books), and their reply, copied directly from their e-mail, follows:

Hi Malcolm,

Thanks for your email and huge apologies that it has taken so long toget back to you. It has been a really busy couple of weeks and I justdidn't have the chance to get in touch - although I did read the storysome time ago.

I think Annie in Sherbet Land is wonderful!

As you know, I don't really specialise in children's books, so amperhaps not the best person to go into great detail from an editingperspective. However, as an editor, I think you have written a bookwhich is definitely publishable. You write extremely well. Yourcharacters are well-formed and vivid and the story is a great mixture offantasy and good old-fashioned children's storytelling, which I thinkworks very well. From more of a commercial perspective, I think thestory will be attractive to publishers because there is so much scopefor it to be built upon and developed as a brand - sequels, movie,merchandising etc. I know that sounds very far-fetched at this stage,but if a publisher can envisage this sort of thing early on, a projectof course becomes that much more atttractive to them.

I gave the story to a friend of mine who has a 7 year-old daughter andthey both absolutely loved it. They read it over two nights and afterthe first night, the daughter was chattering about it all day andcouldn't wait to finish it. The mother did raise one point, however. Shefelt some parts of the story were a little violent - and slightlyspooked her daughter. She said that perhaps this was too 'adult' for aseven-year old, but for children a few years older it was perfect. Idon't know whether it might be worth toning down the more scaryepisodes, just a little, because at heart, this is a story which in allother respects definitely does appeal to this age group and it would bea shame to miss them out, as it were.(Having said this, this is a girlwho is frightened of fireworks, so perhaps has more of a nervousdisposition to other 7-year olds.)

Anyway, these are minor details which your editor/agent will deal withmuch further down the line.

So, prattle over, I was extremely impressed with the book and I thinkyou have a very good chance of getting it published.

You sound like you are ready to start sending it out to agents, which isgreat. It will be tricky and I would advise that you just keep at it -calling them up after you've sent the material...pestering them,basically.

I'm sorry that I can't be of more help on the actual editing side ofthings.

Do let me know if there is anything else I can do - and of course, I'dlove to hear how you get on.

Good luck! And thanks so much for sending me the story.

Best wishes,Tatiana

Whilst being similar in certain respects to other successful children’s stories, during quite extensive research, I have not found an illustrated rhyming story book that has the depth and variety of language contained in Annie in Sherbet Land. The many parents I have shown the story to are pleased with the more intelligent use of vocabulary and many have commented on too many children’s books “dumbing down” the English language.

For my own marketing research I used a specific font which appealed to both adults and children. I have also used various fonts to depict various types of speech.

Annie in Sherbet Land is the first of a series of stories which are as follows:

1) Annie in Sherbet Land2) Princess Annie3) Annie & The Ruffian

Other titles to be completed are:

1) Annie’s ABC2) Adventurer Annie3) Annie in Space4) Annie’s Halloween

They are designed to span the age range of 6-11 years either being read to or read by the children over 1-2 nights depending on age and ability. I envisage the series spanning up to twenty episodes with the potential to take Annie through her childhood and into adolescence.