Sunday Ramblings in Fiction, Fact and Imagination...Tao of Mind

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    Flowers...CharlieKaufmanTheOrchidThief...SusanOrleansJohnLaRocheSusan:"Therearetoomanyideaswiddlestheworlddowntoamoremasterfulsize,feelingpassionateaboutsomething."Kaufman(streamofconsciousness)

    Idon'tknowhowtodothis!I'mlosingmyhair!I'mfatandrepulsive!Susan:"FindthatonethingyoucarepasionatelyaboutIwanttoknowhowitfeelstocareaboutsomethingpassionately."DonarldKaufman:"InaDonaldsortofway.abattlebetweenmotorsandhorses,technologyandhorse."CharlieKauffmantoValerieThomas"SusanOrleanishere?""Ishouldprobablygo.""Idon'twanttobebeholden."

    "I'malmostdone.""Atafuturedate,assheseesfit."InnerVoiceofCharlieinmyownselffatoldbaldrepulsiveKauffmantryingtogetawritingassignmentValerieThomas

    Ifinishedmyscript.I'mdoneThe3.Thanks.thesnakeit'scalledouroboros,Ivewrittenmyselfintomyownscreenplay...ImfatImpathetic,IcaNTmakeflowersfascinatingBobshavingaseminarinNYthisweekend

    Hey,IthinkIshouldplayme.

    verypowerfulandintoxicatingtobearoundsomeonesoalivewonderfultoimagineandeasytofallinlovewith,butalittlefantasticandfleetingandoutofreachw/oconflictorcrisesnothinghappensintherealworld?areyououtofyourfuckingmind?ifyoucantfindthatstuffinlifethanyoudon'tknowathingaboutlifeidonthaveanyuseforit,idonthaveanybloodyfuckinguseforitrobertmckeewhatyousaidshookmetothefuckingbone

    itsmorethanaboutmyfalsestartsandwronfapproachesandimwaypastmydeadlinewowthemintheendfindanendingbutdontcheatanddontbringinanexdeuxmachinayourcharactersmustchangephillipepsteincasablancatheyweretwinsfinestscreenplayeverwrittencatherinekeener?catherinekeenerisinmyhouse?Donald:yeahwe'replayingboggle.shesreallyinteresting.someglimpseoflifethatexpands,apaperballandaglassofwaterwhatturnedthatpaperballintoaflowercharles?thereissomethingmissingcharles...whatisasubtext?inthesubtext,careto

    comment?bydefinitiion,reporter:subjectdinnerwithonehistoricalfigure,liveordead...einsteinorjesusverygoodinterestinganswer

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    sheslying,heranswersweretoorightCharles,peoplewhoaretoorightareliars,whats"jesusandeinstein?"unitedtomiami1155ammananaIthoughtshewasdonewithlarocheagutwalksinheshandsomemustbeherhusbandshesactingweirdwithhimrightwhatisshehidingfromhim?

    Donttellmyoldlady?Youmeanmom?No.Isaidohyeahbaby,comeherewhatIcametounderstandisthatchangeisnotachoicenotforaspeciesIliedaboutmychangeinmybooktomyhusbandIpretendedeverythingwasthesamebutsomethinghappenedintheswampthatday.Itsjustaflowerabouttheghost,okay?Ithinkitmighthelpya.theywantedtheghostjusttoextractthedrug?helppeoplebefascinated...Icouldextractitforya,IwannadothatforyaSuzie,I'mprobablytheonlywhiteguywhoknowshowImdonewithorchidslarocheauditoryfascination/bathroomtoothbrushing,skinandphonedialtone

    JohnJOHNJohnny?Heyjohn...veryhappynow.wellimgladveryhappy,umjohn,willyougolikethis....hmmmmmmm,Laroche"hruuuuuuuu".Susan-"...no,keepgoing!"(laughs)"no,no,john,youhavetosustain,andIwilljoinyou...tryingtomakeadialtoneandIcantdoitbymyself."Doyouevergetlonelysometimesjohnny?Asakid,wantedsomeonetounderstandme,likemymom,exceptsomeoneelse,shewouldlookatmeandquietlysay"yes",andIwouldn'tbealoneanymore.

    S:WowIwishIwereanant,awwwthey'resoshiny!

    J:yourshinierthananyantdarlingS:thatsthesweetestthinganyonehaseversaidaboutmeJ:wellIlikeyou,iswhy.

    susieyougottacalmdown

    IlikeswampsceneconversationbetweenCharlieandDonaldonwhatloveis...youcanlovesomeonewithoutthemlovingyou,itisinthelovingthatyougainsomethingfromself,notfromtheobjectofaffection.

    affectandeffecteffectmebecauseIdonotusethemeffectivelyandthismayeffectmyaffect,orviceversa.

    obrelosojoimaginemeandyouIdosohappytogetherthemesinmylifeandinmymindareoneinthesame,orspringfromoneintotheother,lifeeffectinglifeaffectinglife,themeisamindgame,aword,madeupofletters,symbolsarbitrary,likecultureisarbitrary,likelettersarepartofthewhollyownedcultureofhumanity,onlychangingandevolvingasdoesall.lifefromdeath

    itreallyisaboutdisappointmentIamsadeverythingshard

    Iwantmylifebackiwannabeababyagain,Iwannabenew,IWANNAbenewwelostDonaldandLaRoche,bothinterestingcharacters,Mom...ch...arles?charl

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    esisthatyou?charlesiscryingintothemouthpieceyouarewhatyoulove,notwhatlovesyou.

    ThereisnoIinme.HowamInotmyself?

    Schizophrenia...voiceinsideheadspeaksoutfrommouthofheadofbrainofvoic

    einsideNonSchizophrenics...voiceinsideheadtalksinsidehead,andisneverheardbyothersoutsidehead...theselforegohearsthevoice(isthevoice)butdoesnotallowvoicetobeheardbyothers.Ifonesaysorspeaksoutloudusingthemind'segovoice'swords,itwillbedoneonaconsciouslevel.

    Consciousandconscience

    ouroboros