Style in Business Writing

Elements of style

1. Be simple and concise2. Proofread3. Show your audience they are important: use

“you” and “your” 4. Sound POSITIVE 5. Eliminate racist or sexist bias

1. Be concise and simple:Redundant

• Have need of • For the purpose of • The amount of $38.50• Period of time• Red in colour• The city of Winnipeg

Clear and Simple

• Need• For• $38.50• time• red• Winnipeg

• Do exercise on page 27 (just the first 6).

1. Use concrete words

(these are words that mean something that exists in the material world – not an abstract thing or

quality that you can’t see)Avoid these words:

• situation• aspect• position• concept• basis• factor

Examples:• POOR• The development of the staffing situation is proceeding quite

well.

• IMPROVED• Three caseworkers have joined our staff.

• POOR• The position will soon be reached where all vacancies will have

been filled.

• IMPROVED • Soon all vacancies will be filled.

2. Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation• A letter with errors will leave a poor impression of the

writer’s competence.

Examples:• My supervisor dismissed the report I had written with a joke.• Never give an Apple to a baby that hasn’t been peeled.

3. Focus on your audience by using a “you-centred” tone.

• What we do at work involves the active cooperation of other people. We want people to become involved.

Examples:• POOR• We are enclosing some information on our new conference facilities.• IMPROVED• You will find enclosed some information describing the new conference

facilities available for your group.• POOR• We are open Thursday and Friday nights until nine.• IMPROVED• You can use the drop-in centre until 9pm on Thursday and Friday nights.

Please complete exercises a-e (starting on page 35) as a group.

4. Create a positive impression

• a) Avoid these words:• deny• reject• impossible• incompetent• ignorant• fault• fail• complaint

Examples:• POOR• Your complaint has been forwarded to the payroll office.• IMPROVED• Your concerns have been forwarded to the payroll office.• POOR• I must refuse your request for a leave of absence.• IMPROVED• A leave of absence cannot be granted.

Please complete the 3 examples on page 39.Then, read a little further and complete examples #3. a-e on

page 40.

5. Eliminate sexist and racist bias in writing and speaking

• Effective communication requires respect between speaker/writer and audience. People cannot work together productively with customers/clients if they do not feel mutually valued as individuals, regardless of age, sex, race, disability, or any other characteristic. If we are thoughtless in our language, we may jeopardize their necessary trust.

(a) Racism

Do not allude to someone’s racial or ethnic origin unless it is relevant to the matter at hand.

• POOR: A Chinese woman came into the store.• IMPROVED: A customer came into the store.Do not give the impression that all or most people from a

similar racial or ethnic background share similar characteristics, even if they are positive ones.

• POOR: As an Asian, Julie has adapted quickly to the new computer system.

• IMPROVED: Julie has adapted quickly to the new computer system.

(b) Sexism

Try to treat men and women equally in writing and speaking. Do not identify women by marital and family status or by appearance unless these are relevant considerations. And avoid saying ‘lady.’

• POOR: Vivian Tam, a mother of two, is head of quality control. Tom Rossi, a systems analyst, is joining our department.

• IMPROVED: Vivian Tam, a graduate engineer, is head of quality control. Tom Rossi, a systems analyst, is joining our department.

Use the correct form of address.• POOR• Tom and Mrs. Tam• IMPROVED• Tom and Vivian or Mr. Rossi and Mrs. Tam*Do not assume a married woman has her husband’s last name

or uses the courtesy title “Mrs.”! If you are unsure, use a woman’s full name if you have used the man’s full name.*

• POOR• Bill Rivers and his wife Laura• IMPROVED• Bill Rivers and his wife Laura Rivers

Watch for words ending in “-man.” • Use words like “firefighter” rather than “fireman”.• Please complete exercises on page 45-46

Do not draw attention to a person’s sex unless it is relevant.• POOR: Jackie Brown, our leading woman sales rep, will be

taking over…• IMPROVED: Jackie Brown, our leading sales rep, will be

taking over…• As a group, complete the following exercises on pages 48-

49: #1. a-d and #2. a-g