Building ResilienceStress Management and Positive Coping strategiesParent Brochure

Why learn about stress management and positive coping? Challenges are an ongoing part of life; we all experience a range of stresses. When children and young people develop language around coping and stress, they are more likely to be able to understand and deliberately use a range of strategies to moderate the impact of stress on their overall wellbeing and behaviour. Children and young people who cope better with stress are more likely to experience good mental health and wellbeing.

Key issues of counselling concernsIssues raised by children and young people when calling Kids Helpline in 2012, grouped by age and by gender:

Females Males

Age

5-9

1. Family relationships2. Bullying3. Friends/peer groups4. Emotional wellbeing5. Child abuse

1. Family relationships2. Bullying3. Emotional wellbeing4. Child abuse5. Friends/peer relationships

Age

10-

14

1. Mental health concerns2. Family relationships3. Emotional wellbeing4. Suicide-related concerns5. Dating and partner relationships

1. Family relationships2. Bullying3. Emotional wellbeing4. Child abuse5. Friends/peer relationships

Age

15-

19

1. Mental health concerns2. Dating and partner relationships3. Emotional wellbeing4. Suicide-related concerns5. Family relationships

1. Mental health concerns2. Dating and partner relationships3. Emotional wellbeing4. Friends/peer relationships5. Family relationships

What are coping strategies?

Department of Education and Early Childhood Development

Coping strategies are the thoughts, feelings and actions that we use to help deal with the challenges, stresses and demands we all face

They include the things we do to help us to calm down, cheer up, confront fears, deal with challenges, work at a problem, or to continue to work hard at something even when we don’t feel like it

Some coping strategies are more productive than others, so we need to be able to use a range of effective coping strategies to help us deal well with life and its challenges

Children and young people tend to learn how to cope by copying the strategies that they see others use. They can also learn new strategies when provided with activities which assist them to reflect on what works and to try new techniques

Parents can help by modeling healthy coping strategies, and by talking with children and young people about the kinds of strategies they can use in different sorts of situations

Which coping strategies work better than others?Research highlights that while some coping strategies are helpful and effective, others are ineffective or even harmful.

Ineffective coping strategies(encourage children and young people to minimise use of these):

Worry Self-blame Keep things to self Tension reduction (via

alcohol, acting out, displays of anger and distress)

Effective coping strategies(encourage children and young people to maximise use of these):

Work hard Focus on solving the problem Seek relaxing diversions Seek physical recreation

Why learn about self-calming strategies? Self-calming strategies to help people release tension and to regulate their

emotions Relaxation, anger-management and self-calming strategies can be taught to

children and young people Research shows that children and young people appreciate the chance to

learn and practice these strategies and can apply them in their lives

What do we teach?

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The Building Resilience Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) lesson materials provide a broad range of activities to help children and young people:

Identify emotions and feelings related to stress Recognise common stressors Reflect on personal stressors and coping behaviours Identify positive and negative coping strategies Learn about different coping strategies Practise a variety of positive strategies Decide which strategies to apply at different times and in different situations

What is self-talk?Self-talk is the voice inside our heads that tells us how we are going. There are two main types of self-talk:

Negative self-talk includes thinking the worst and blaming oneself, exaggerating and focussing on what is wrong and ignoring what is right. It is pessimistic thinking.

Positive self-talk includes being more realistic in thinking about the circumstances and one’s own effort, being grateful for the positives, recognising personal strengths and being realistic about the level of responsibility. It is optimistic thinking.

Use of positive self-talk is associated with greater persistence in the face of challenge, whereas negative self-talk is associated with higher levels of distress, depression and anxiety. Those who use positive self-talk are more likely to succeed. Positive self-talk can be learnt or strengthened through practice.

Sample Activities for parents and carers:

Positive coping profiles Draw up your own ‘Positive Coping Profile’. Try to identify 20 positive coping strategies you

use, with at least one strategy from each of the following five categories:

1. Energetic activity

2. Self-calming activity

3. Social activity

4. Shifting attention activity

5. Getting organised activity

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Share and compare your favourite coping strategies with your child Share and compare your favourite coping strategies with your child

Identifying self-talk Imagine your child is about to start their first day at secondary school. What might their positive and negative self-talk be? What could they say to themselves to counter the negative self-talk?

Managing stressThinking about our own sources of stress and coping strategies can help us to role model coping for our children and young people:

Make a list of some of the stresses and challenges you face (include stresses or challenges in the physical environment, relationships, events, fears, anxieties or thoughts which affect how you feel either physically or emotionally)

Talk about how might these stressors be affected by time or change over time Ask what positive coping strategies you find help you to deal with one or two of these

stressors Brainstorm some additional coping strategies. Review the list and see if some are worth a try.

Sample activities to complete with your child

Practising self-talkMake up an example of each type of self-talk for the person in the following scenario:

You are about to sit a test, and you are feeling uncertain about how you will manage this challenge. What would your positive self-talk and negative self-talk sound like?

Negative self-talk is when we say negative things to ourselves

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Negative self-talk Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is when we say positive things to ourselves)

A guided relaxationSit comfortably in a chair or lie on the floor with your child or young person. Guide him or her through the following steps:

Shake your whole body for ten seconds Stiffen your body like a board and don’t let it move for ten seconds Let it go and imagine yourself melting into the floor or chair with all your muscles warming and

relaxing and stretching out Take a few slow breaths in and out. Listen to your own heartbeat Now tighten your whole body as if it were a frozen block of ice again. Hold all your muscles

tight Now relax and melt again Take a few slow breaths in and out. Listen to a sound that is very far away Now wiggle your toes and fingers. Open your eyes and slowly sit or stand up

What can parents and carers do?Families can support their children to recognise their stressors and develop positive coping styles through:

Positive role modelling - recognising and naming your own stressors and using positive coping strategies. This will influence your child’s capacity to express and manage their stresses and challenges

Talking with your child about which coping strategies work for you Helping your child to recognise the situations that cause them stress Encouraging your child to try different coping and self-calming strategies and

talk about what worked or did not work for them Helping them to plan ahead to minimise stress Creating opportunities for your child to practise a range of coping strategies Challenging your child’s negative self-talk. E.g. in the face of their assuming

others’ negative views you can use phrases like “that’s your thinking not mine” Praising your child’s efforts at managing their stress

Useful links

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SAFEMinds: http://www.education.vic.gov.au/school/parents/health/Pages/mentalhealth.aspx

Smiling Mind http ://smilingmind.com.au/

Youth beyondblue http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/

headspace http://www.headspace.org.au/

KidsMatter http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/families/about-emotions/fears-and-worries/using-helpful-self-talk-cope

For further information, references and the evidence base, please see the Building Resilience in Children and Young People literature review (hyperlink)

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