Steps for Confrontation - Resident Assistant Training

Behind Closed DoorsThe Three C’s of Confrontation

Thursday, January 30, 14

Round table: Why is confrontation important? Why are IRs important? How do they impact our community - our team - our job?

Road Map:• Start with the Steps of Confrontation • Bring out best practices in RA Team

experience• Behind Closed Doors Acting Scenarios• Behind Closed Doors Written Scenario• Debrief


Road Map:• Desired earning outcomes:

• All RAs able to respond to incidents with calmness, clarity and confidence, feeling supported by the policy, team and training

• Student staff to understand whole process of IRs from the incident to the follow up expectations

• For the team to understand consistent response as associated with being a supportive team member and fulfilling RA responsibilities


Calm. Clear & ConfidentWho here likes confrontation? Confronting peers is one of the most challenging aspects to being an RA.But if you know the skills to confront appropriately and with confidence, ‘confrontations’ become an opportunity for becoming a better RA


Being peers offers an extra challenge. ASK: Hands up if you dislike confrontation? What do you dislike about it? Additional follow up question : What kinds of challenges have you had with confrontation? Examples, Residents who are (potentially much) older than you. Residents who are also friends. Residents who push back against your authority or just don’t like you. Dislike of confrontation (stomach in knots) Uncertainty of how a resident will be ‘punished.’ Ethical and Moral grey zones. Etc.

Peer to peer confrontation is particularly difficult because we all want the respect of our peers and RAs are more than one things to the residents.

These steps are for classic situations. Remember each case is different and the steps are great guidelines when used flexibly case by case.

Clear, Calm & Confident

Use steps as guide - trust your gut & remember your attitude sets the tone for the entire encounter. Stay sure about who you are, what you’re doing, what your job is and everyone will respect you for your confidence knowledge and integrity.


Steps for Confrontation

Step 1 - Pre-confrontation -Planning & Scanning Step 2 - Engaging Step 3 - ConfrontingStep 4 - Reporting & follow up


Pre-confrontationBe a boy scout & “always be prepared”Create a mental plan & know what you intend to achieve in any situationHave a pen and paper readyCase Study: You get a noise complaint for a party - what would be good to know going in?


What knowledge would be helpful before you engage? (eg. does that resident have a guest over? Have they been drinking? Do they have any prior incidents, are they underage, what teammates are in the building? )

If you know that confrontation is difficult- what could you do to mentally prepare yourself?Check your postureConsciously breath into your bellyRelax you shoulders

Pre-confrontation

Tricks to keep calm get into the zone

• Check your posture•Breath into your stomach• Scan for body tensions• Mental self affirmations


Engagement Knocking on the door or the “excuse me” from the hallway.

Bad Resident Response - People tend to get defensive when they are confronted in front of their friends. They have something to prove and an audience. Speak privately with the person being documented. This keeps the person from feeling embarrassed or ‘put on the spot.’

How would you do the introduction?


Sets the tone

Have you experienced this residence response? What are some solutions?

Engagement options - Examples. Knock knock. Residence Services. “Hey, hows it going? Can you tell me whats going on?” “Excuse me, Brett, could I have a would with you in the hallway?” “Hey guys, having a party?”

Conversation Remain calm, clear and confident. Tone - neutral, do not be too hostile or too passive. Fake it till you make it with SOLAR

Actions speak louder than words. Golden rule - the person you are speaking to deserves the same respect that you deserve in the situation.


Once you’ve pulled the person aside, the rest of the confrontation will depend on your ability to remain calm, clear and confident. The resident will take their cues from you.

If you’re one of those people who hate confrontation - Fake it til you make it.

How: SOLAR. Why: Actions speak louder than words. Open and relaxed posture, good eye contact.

ConversationClearly express why you are confronting them. Make sure your questions or statements are succinct - Ie. “Are you drinking?”Listen to what they have to sayDon’t apologize for the confrontation - you are doing your job.


ConversationConfront the individual behaviour - not their values. After you have calmly clearly and confidently explained the policy violation to the individual, ask if they have any questions. Remind them that it will be documented. Leave the confrontation with an open invitation to talk about it.


It’s not your job to change the attitudes or behaviours of the residents. You are required to confront policy violations as you see them.

Tricks and tipsPresent optionsUse I statementsUse reflective communicationRemember- you are in a position of authority.Make notes when it is fresh in your mind


Present options - ie you can do this and this may happen, but if you do this, this may happenUse reflective communication after listening to what the resident said (restating back to a person what they are saying.)If encountering pushback - Use I statements,

Reflection:Do’s and Donts

Do- Know the policy.Don’t forget to inform them that they will be documented or that there may be follow up. Don’t take negative attitudes personally. Do call for backup when necessary. Don’t ramble - make your point directly and concretely. Don’t threaten a specific consequence. (Say “may” not “will)Do not swear or behave inappropriately


Never threaten an individual with a specific consequence - state possible consequences of behaviour, but never threaten a specific end result. If it doesn’t happen, you will lose credibility.

Do not swear or behave inappropriately- it will allow the individual who you are confronting to focus in on your inapropriate behaviour, instead of their own.

Review

• Be prepared- note pad & get into the zone

• Engagement - Set the tone • Confront the behaviour • Ask if they have questions• Remind them that it will be documented


Too Timid vs. Too Robocop

• Group discussion: How do you strike that right balance in tone?


Avoiding the danger zone• “If I don’t see it, it’s not happening”• Selective enforcement• Not being consistent as a team• Modelling bad behaviours


Resources

Reslife.net Tips for Successful ConfrontationSteps for confrontation, by Irene KennyHow do we confront? Is it really a skill? by Phil Amoa


Steps for Confrontation - Resident Assistant Training

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Transcript of Steps for Confrontation - Resident Assistant Training