SPORTS ZONE FUNERAL BY JARRED HODGDON

INT. CHURCH

CHIP VEDERBUILD (56), wears a brown suit and observes from the back row pew. GUSTO BING (41), in a flashy pea green suit saunters in and sits next to him. Chip greets him.

CHIP VEDERBUILDGusto Bing. Formerly awarded the Heisman Trophy and the man who could be the penultimate fullback of all time. Sit right here on this pew next to me, GET. IN. THE. ZONE!

The men shake hands as Gusto sits down. The two settle in and stare straight ahead.

GUSTO BINGChip Vederbuild, you’re a legend in your own right. You’ve really welcomed me into the Sports Zone family of commentators.

CHIP VEDERBUILDYes, but sadly that family has just lost one of its best and brightest. We speak of course of Mindy Manderbuck, a beloved Producer of our flagship Sports Zone broadcast.

GUSTO BINGChip. She sat across from me just three weeks ago and was in on the meeting where we finalized details of my hiring contract. Now I’m looking at her up there in a pine box.

An ANNOYED MOURNER turns around from his pew and SHUSHES the two.

CHIP VEDERBUILDGusto. It was not just yours but so many lives she touched. She went to college at Notre Dame and was a force both off the field and in her business and management classes.

GUSTO BINGAs a graduate student top recruiters from all the media conglomerates were competing to offer her an unpaid internship.

Nearby MOURNERS are starting to look and act annoyed, we see MINDY’S HUSBAND (50) at the front of the room on a microphone giving the eulogy.

HUSBANDUm. Hey. Excuse me? Yeah, Chip and Gusto?

Chip holds his finger to his ear and puts an arm across Gusto.

CHIP VEDERBUILD Up, oop, ip - hold on. They’re telling me something in my ear.

HUSBANDYeah, Chip. I’m just trying give the eulogy here. You’re kind of distracting.

GUSTO BINGTensions are high, and you can feel it in the air.

CHIP VEDERBUILDI’m getting a whiff of the powerful floral arrangements in the room.

GUSTO BINGFrom the back pew to the casket yard line, there doesn’t appear to be a dry eye or sorrow free heart in the house.

HUSBANDY’know. Just forget it, I was almost done. Everybody, we can do the viewing now if people would like to pay their final respects.

People rise and approach to view the body of MINDY laid out in the casket.

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CHIP VEDERBUILDWe’ll be following the action as this impressive gathering of the bereaved approaches the corpse of our gone too soon friend and colleague.

GUSTO BINGLet’s throw live to Mareetza Velacruz in the heart of the action.

(yells across room)Hey Mareetza! Get in the Zone!

We see MAREETZA standing next to GRANDMA and the casket. Mareetza gets in close to Grandma.

MAREETZAMareetza her in the zone with Mindy’s beloved Grandma who just finished looking at the embalmed corpse of her favorite granddaughter. Grandma Nona, tell me what’s going through your head right now.

GRANDMAWell Mareetza, it’s a terrible thing to lose your granddaughter in this way and I just don’t understand why you are talking like this is a live sportscast right now. It feels distasteful.

MAREETZAEveryone in the Sports Zone family knew how much Mindy loved you. To what do you attribute her tragic death?

GRANDMAShe was in that horrible accident! You know that! She was too young for this... but I guess God. I guess Jesus. It’s in his hands.

MAREETZAHow will you cope?

GRANDMAOne day at a time. We’re taking the grandkids to Disneyland.

(MORE)

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The trip was planned anyway, and we just need to maintain some sense of normalcy for them.

Mareetza smiles as Grandma buries her CRYING face in a hanky. Gusto and Chip are now near the front of the line for viewing Mindy.

MAREETZABack to you Chip, in the Zone.

GUSTO BINGWhat an emotional day.

CHIP VEDERBUILDThis has been a beautiful ceremony that all in attendance will surely remember.

Chip leans in close and looks Mindy right in the eyes.

CHIP VEDERBUILD (CONT’D)Dammit Mindy! How could this happen!?

A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT wheels in a monitor and it flickers on.

GUSTO BINGChip. Traffic cameras caught the grisly scene in full detail. Let’s go into the zone with the Sports Zone replay sponsored by Old Spice.

The TV set plays a clip of Mindy’s car crashing into a brick wall. Gusto touches the screen to rewind and playback.

GUSTO BING (CONT’D)You can see here was the point of impact.

Gusto pauses and draws a circle on the screen where Mindy’s car hit a wall. Grandma faints into Husbands arms and the two crumble to the ground CRYING.

CHIP VEDERBUILDGusto, that had to hurt. Viewers, stay in the zone with us as we head out to the reception, enjoy light snacks and talk to some of today’s grievers. Right after this.

BLACKOUT

GRANDMA (CONT'D)

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