A Spirit Of GentlenessSpirit Of Gentleness is About...

Our non-violence

Our sense of social justice

Our expression of unconditional love

Our warmth toward those who are cold

Our teaching others to feel safe, loved, loving and engaged

Our teaching a feeling of companionship with the most marginalized

Our forming community

Our sense of human interdependance and solidarity

Our option to be side by side with the most devalued

Basic Assumptions...

Each human being is made up of a mind-body-spirit

Personal change comes from within the heart

Each of us hungers for a feeling of being-with-others

The care giving relationship is based on unconditional love

Personal and community change occurs from the bottom up

Care giving is an act of justice

Hunger for LoveLove Fear of LossLoss

To be connected

To be responded to

To respond to others

To care about others

To love and be loved

To be disconnected

To be ignored

To withdraw

To ignore others

To be scorned

Culture of LifeLife Culture of DeathDeath

Based on companionship

Leading to community

Centered on the person

Involving mutual change that starts with us

Focused on control

Leading to compliance

Centered on behavior

Imposed change under the guise of choice

Feel FearfullFearfull… Feels SafeSafe...Runs away

Cries a lot

Expressionless

Sad appearance

Slovenly

Hits self/others

Sleeps poorly

Complains

Eats poorly

Self-stimulates

Curses

Hordes

Flinches

Stays with others

Expresses joy

Relaxed

Contented appearance

Well-cared for

Respects own body/others

Sleeps well

Expresses love

Enjoys participating

Eats well

Enjoys hobbies

Uplifts others

Shares

PSYCHOLOGY OF

THE SELF PSYCOLOGY OF

INTERDEPENDANCE

Earned reward

External change

Imposed change

Emphasizing compliance

Learning self-reliance

Authoritarian

Unconditional love

Inner change

Mutual change

Companionship

leading to community

Authoritative

Authoritarian Authoritative

Inconsistent

Moral direction based on a “lift yourself up by the bootstraps” attitude

Focused on the self, independence and self-determination

Consistent

Moral direction based on feeling safe and loved, first with us, then others

Focused on others, companionship and community

CompanionshipCompanionship Is Built On Teaching To Feel...

SAFE

LOVED

LOVING

ENGAGED

Feels UnlovedUnloved… Feels LovedLoved...Complaining

Addicted to drugs or alcohol

Poor grooming and dress

Withdrawl

Self-stimulation

Hurting self

Hurting others

Irritability

Running from caregivers/peers

Screaming

Hoarding objects

Hurtfull sexual expression

Sense of worthlessness

Asking for help

Finding joy in others

Pride in self

Socializing

Pride in hobbies

Caring for bodily needs

Helping others

Contentment

Finding joy in caregivers/peers

Sweetly communicating

Loving sexual expression

Sense of self-esteem

Loving Others... Despising Others…

Smiles

Touches warmly

Communicates joyfully

Approaches other

Stays with others

Seeks out others

Shares personal objects

Frowns, cries, clings, curses

Grabs, hurts, disrespects

Communicates harshly

Withdraws

Self-stimulates

Prefers solitude

Hordes

EngagementEngagement is Learning that it is Good...

To be together

To do things together

To do things for one another

To do things for others

Disengagement EngagementIgnores others

Rebels against care givers/ friends/ family

Refuses to share

Sees no joy others & little joy in self

Withdraws

Self-stimulates

Has little pride in self

Prefers to be alone

Dislikes school or work

Seeks others out

Enjoys care givers/ friends/ family

Offers to help

Finds joy in others

Find joy in self

Participates

Has Hobbies

Takes pride in self

Seeks to socialize

Likes school or work

Becoming Engaged Evoking Peace

Rebellious

Passive participation

Doing things together

Ebb and flow of rebellion

Doing things by self

Mutual enjoyment

Pride in being together and doing things together

Be soft, slow and gentle

Do things for the person

Draw the person into activities with you

Always be ready to help or even back off

Give gradual responsibility

Focus on the relationship

Honor the person for being with you and doing things with you