SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Icebreaker: Tongue Twisters

“Whether the weather is cold, or

whether the weather is hot. We’ll be

together whatever the weather,

whether you like it or not.”

Speak the Truth in Love

Read Ephesians 4:15

but speaking the truth in love, we

are to grow up in all aspects into

Him who is the head, even Christ.

When We have Conflict in a

Relationship

Conflict is inevitable and necessary in establishing

deep and meaningful relationships.

How you respond then is crucial. Jesus commands us

to respond by speaking the truth in love. “But

speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all

aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.”

(Ephesians 4:15)

What Comes Out of the Mouth Came

from the Heart

Matthew 12:34-35

The words you speak reflect the real condition of your heart.

Matthew 15:11

An angry person speaks hateful words; a hurting person speaks hurting words. In the same way, the tongue also impacts the heart.

We have to Control Our Tongue

Both cursing and blessing can come out of

the same mouth (James 3:8-10).

For we all stumble in many ways. If

anyone does not stumble in what he says,

he is a perfect man, able to bridle the

whole body as well (James 3:2).

Let’s be Careful with Our Words

Matthew 12:36-37

“…for every careless word that people speak, they

shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment,

for by your words you will be justified, and by your

words you will be condemned.

Proverbs 18:21

Our words are bound to impact the lives of others

either negatively or positively. They play an important

role in our relationships so let us choose our words

wisely. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Let’s Speak the Truth in Love

Speaking the truth in love means

you are willing to humble yourself

and to address the issue at hand.

Nathan and David

Read 2 Samuel 12: 1-14

Who is your Nathan?

Nathan the prophet

Nathan means "He gave", or "gift of

God."

How to Speak the Truth in Love

1. Mind

Do not be quick to react. Process

the situation first.

How to Speak the Truth in Love

2. Heart

Check your motive

If you want to correct the person out of anger, envy or selfishness, don’t speak at all

Your heart must be motivated by love in restoring the person

How to Speak the Truth in Love

Timing

Make sure the timing and the

environment are appropriate.

Do it when both of you are relaxed

and are not pre-occupied with other

agendas.

How to Speak the Truth in Love

Tone of voice. Choose your words

carefully and deliver them in a gentle

and loving manner. Do not be on the

defensive; do not raise your voice. “A

gentle answer turns away wrath, but a

harsh word stirs up anger.”

The foundation of love is TRUST.

Therefore say what you mean and mean what you say.

Prov. 20:19; 29:5

Avoid flattery, gossip and slander

Ephesians 4:29

Show love by speaking words that are true and that

build others up in Christ-likeness. “Let no unwholesome

word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as

is good for edification according to the need of the

moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love

1. Check your motives

• What is the right motive? to help not to hurt

• 2nd Corinthians 12:19 “We tell you this as Christ’s

servants...Everything we do, dear friends, is for

your benefit.”

2. Think Before You Speak and

should be out of Love

• Proverbs 16:23 “intelligent people think before they

speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”

• 2nd Corinthians 2:4 “For I wrote you out of great

distress and anguish of heart and with many tears,

not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of

my love for you.”

3. Plan the Right Timing

• Don’t say it when the person is:

• Tired

• Under Pressure

• In a hurry

The best Time is When….

• Plan when to say it

• Say it when...

• it is the best timing for the person

• the person is rested and ready to hear it

• you both are at your best

• you have privacy

4. Plan What You Will Say

• Proverbs 25:11 “the right word at the right time is

like precious gold set in silver.”

Start with Humility and Gentleness

• Introduction: how you introduce a touchy subject

will determine whether it’s going to be received well

or rejected.

• Don’t start with sarcasm and anger

• Do start with humility and gentleness

Choose Illustrations that will make

the Person Understands

Illustrations: help the person picture what you want

to say

• choose illustrations the person understands

• don’t choose illustrations you like

5. Plan How You will Say it

• Plan how you are going to say it

• Proverbs 12:18 “ thoughtless words can wound as

deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can

heal.”

• Proverbs 15:1 “a soft answer turns away wrath”

Don’t Say it in this Manner

• say it thoughtlessly, or it will hurt the person

• say it offensively or it will be received defensively

Do Say it in this Manner

• lower your voice

• say it in a gentle and a humble way

Your Word Can Transform

Truth +Tact + timing = Transformation

6. Give Affirmation • Proverbs 12:25 “a word of encouragement does

wonders!”

• Affirm that:

• you deeply love and care for the person

• you will pray for them and help them

• you believe they can change

• the relationship can be better and that you can be even

closer as a result of this confrontation

7. Risk Rejection

• 2nd Corinthians 7:8-9,12

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I

did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little

while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but

because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became

sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by

us. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the

one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather

that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you

are.

Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love

1. Check your motives

2. Think before you speak and should be out of love

3. Plan The right timing

4. Plan what you will say

5. Plan how you will say

6. Give Affirmation

7. Risk Rejection

Speak the Truth in Love

Ephesians 4:15

but speaking the truth in love, we

are to grow up in all aspects into

Him who is the head, even Christ.

Discussion Questions:

Tongue Temperature. How are you in the area of your tongue? How can you control your tongue? (Read

Prov. 18:20)

1. True Lies. How does one lie? By exaggeration, silence, or dishonesty. What is the worst lie you said that affected your relationship/s negatively? What did you learn from your experience?

2. Fight or Flight. Is God calling your attention to correct someone? Do not attack nor withdraw, but speak the truth in love. How will you apply what you are learning about speaking the truth in love in this situation? What would you do differently?